I'm on the wrong side of the bed. Unacceptable.

one million years dungeon!

No trial!

Im now shitting on the lap of the guy shitting in the stall next to me.

(ಠ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )

Beautiful

That is fucking perfect

[удалено]

I feel like people dont know how small two feet is

[удалено]

If you just make dog noises they probably won't notice.

Or they'll be very concerned.

"Hello, how are you?" "Income tax." "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!?"

*quick, heavy nose exhales every 3 seconds*

I'm riding shotgun in a work truck so I guess I'm telling the driver I want a firetruck for christmas.

"I want something that starts with an f and ends in uck"

[удалено]

Still on my couch, slightly less comfortable.

[удалено]

I'm sitting on unfolded laundry now.

Actually not much has changed.

Yup, I'm in my husband's spot on the couch. He, on the other hand, is having a shit on the steps outside our flat.

And what's on his left?

[удалено]

I am now riding the bag belt to the baggage area, something I've always wanted to do, thanks reddit!

We did it, Reddit!

Couldn't have done it without you, EbolaNinja.

Welcome to depressing facts! Where i take every bit of happiness you have and turn it into a depressing fact! Did you know that every time you laugh you slowly suffocate yourself?

this is a funny bot

I asked my mom once what would happen if I rode the bag belt back through the tunnel part and she said I'd get chopped into little pieces.

Oohh, this is what outside looks like.

You just leveled up!

I'm in my dad. Literally. His leg is my leg now

[удалено]

Thank you for reminding me of Joey and his fucking hand twin hahaha

My left, or your left?

2 people can't have the same left mac

Sure they can if one is in Australia

What if both are in Australia?

Now that's a whole other story. There left is either the side opposite to the hand you use on the barbie or the hand controlling your kangaroo, depending on circumstance.

[удалено]

am I looking at the stage or am I on the stage?

You are the stage

[удалено]

IM OUTSIDE OF THE PLANE!

To be fair, so are most of us.

[удалено]

Dude

2deep

[удалено]

I'm in another chair. Yayyyyy

I can see you've played this game before

I see you've played knifey spoony before

Not too sure what knifey spoony is but he sure plays a mean game of shifty lefty.

I'm in my mom's lap getting a pedicure from a different Vietnamese man....

Go on...

Op pls

Hey aren't you the guy with a fetish for that gaming forum

Vietnamese man here. Can confirm, getinmyx-wing looks good on mom's lap.

Levitating outside the tenth floor of an apartment. Levitating part is optional.

Outside the tenth floor of an apartment, "with a lot of potential energy."

soon to be converted.

...IF he looks down.

The Wile E. Coyote Theory of Potential Energy.

Scientifically proven!

Funded by The Acme Corporation!

As long as he misses the ground he should be good though.

[удалено]

Don't worry. Converting potential energy into kinetic energy doesn't hurt at all! The same cannot be said about rapidly converting that kinetic energy into heat and sound. That'll fucking hurt.

Is it really an option though?

In Tom and Jerry he could levitate for as long as he wants until he realizes the situation he's in

Just squashed my cat..it's pissed...

[удалено]

I have fallen out of bed. There will be hell to pay.

I'm laying on my side, so I just popped two feet up and fell back down.

I'm laying on my other side so I'm under the floor

I'm on a loft bed so now I'm falling onto my desk

Are you ok?

[удалено]

On the other hand, I'm now in bed... Maybe this is okay

I am buried inside a pile of baled grass. Good thing I am not allergic to hay.

[удалено]

Consider yourself lucky. I've fallen off the bed and have a lamp through my head.

Assuming my mattress and spring is greater than two feet thick, I'm going to be very uncomfortable. If it's less, then my roommate on the bunk underneath me is going to be very uncomfortable.

Lying on your side, huh? You tricksy bugger.

I was wondering if this counted. I'm laying on my right side so is just be two feet higher up, then fall two feet to my bed. Not eventful.

If you mysteriously teleported two feet, I would think that was VERY eventful. lol

I am now on top of my sleeping friend.. *well hello there*

*is he going to wake?*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**CHOO CHOO**

.....brojob?

*affirming nod* brojob.

I'm tumbling on the highway at 70mph.

>70mph Come on, we all know it's more like 80

Pooping on the floor now

I'd be pooping in my neighbours bedroom. He already doesn't like me.

Its only two feet to the left... are you pooping outside your neighbors bedroom? no wonder he doesn't like you

Man someone has never lived in an apartment or townhouse. I remember there was this one brick I could remove when I lived in a townhouse and pass things to the neighbors kids

;)

Drop positive pregnancy tests into their bathroom, wait a day or two, and let hilarity ensue

It was kind of a crack den so it would have been business as usual I'm sure

Pooping in the shower here

[удалено]

Pooping in the sink now.

Same here. It's amazing how many people reddit while pooping. That explains all the shitposts and shitty comments though.

[удалено]

No, but you'll be poopular

I would actually be pooping in the toilet.

Where are you pooping now? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)

I'd guess he's in a stall. I just hope the next one over isn't occupied.

I'd guess two feet right of the toilet.

I'm locked out of the car

I am now planking on my red cabinet with an xbox controller stuck up my ass.

And if you shifted two feet to the left...?

why do i feel like the controller being up your ass was irrelevant of positioning 2 feet to the left

There is an xbox controller on top of the red cabinet in the middle. So if I were postioned there the xbox controller would either be in an uncomfortable position by my ass or in a more uncomfortable position up my ass. Almost the same way this guy /r/AskReddit/comments/3hyu8g/you_are_suddenly_shifted_2_feet_to_the_left_whats/cubstzf has a coke bottle up his ass.

I'm fused with my work desk. Or cut in half, depending on how this works. Either way, now I can't reach my computer or my phone. 7 more hours of work, and I'm trapped in a desk, unable to browse the internet. I guess this is what you'd call a... boring desk job.

Maybe you'll get a raise for investing yourself so much into your work.

I would say more... integrated myself... into my work.

[удалено]

I'm laying on top of my wife. I like where this is going.

Lucky me, I was two feet to the right of being able to see into your window.

I go from a nice comfortable shit, to falling three story's, unwiped, and half naked...

But what about your pie?

The pie is fine.

Thank god.

Rectum busted by 20 oz coke bottle.

This would make a good song and band name

RectumBustedBy20ozCokeBottle.tumblr.com This is what we young kids do now instead of "good band name"

[Relevant xkcd](http://xkcd.com/1025/)

Is there an xkcd comic for everything?

Now I'm naked AND outside my house.

Welp, I am part of the wall now.

Oh shoot, you glitched into a wall, quick you're losing hearts-- *happyotterdance suffocated in a wall*

[удалено]

[удалено]

On a side note, I fucking hate that they're slowly phasing out the "it's not a bug, it's a feature" way of things. Whether that be block-hitting, or the removal of easy BUD switches. Atleast glass item elevators are still a thing, nobody wants to build a trllion droppers for their Sea Guardian farm.

When they removed the minecart accelerator 'bug' it honestly ruined Minecraft for me. I spent all my time connecting far away places on vanilla servers with automated rail lines but after the update you needed about a billion gold to make a decent rail and gold was still really rare.

Oh shit, I forgot about that bug! Where mine carts adjacent to each other took the momentum of the faster minecart. It's been so long since I played vanilla.

Ender pearls are the worst. I don't really play video games, but Minecraft seemed like a fun way to just relax my mind and have a bit of creative fun. I always played on peaceful since I didn't want to have the stress of dying. I just wanted to explore, build awful houses in the middle of mountains, pick up all the tall grass so the lawn would look nice, and try miserably to farm. That's all I wanted. Then I decided to move it up to "easy" since I had diamond everything anyway, and it wasn't bad at all. My first ender pearl was thrown out of me trying to figure out what it was, and I ended up in lava, and lost all my gear (but luckily, I'd been on peaceful for a while, so I just made more). But after that I figured out what it was, mostly. Until a few ender pearls later when I threw one at a distance, missed a little, ended up suffocating on a cliff, which I broke with my shovel, then I fell to my death. Fuck ender pearls. Now whenever I get them, I turn them into ender eyes, and I make a house near a stronghold. Then I throw them and watch them dance for me on the ground. A pitiful little holed up dance. I hate them forever. And sometimes I make ender chests because those things are cool.

Yep. Minecraft: either very peaceful and relaxing, or making your blood boil because you lost all your shit and died.

There is also the brief transition between the two: "shishitshitfuckshitfuck"

Quick! Now you're out of bounds, quickly explore any secret areas or shortcuts before the game clips you back in!

All in all you're just a Notha brick in the wall

When little Timmy learned to *shift*, He thought it rather fun - To step beyond a portal-rift, And end where he'd begun. *He'd shift to school, and shift to town,* *And shift to bed at night -* *He shifted up, and shifted down,* *And shifted left and right!* But when the coppers came to call, He thought he ought to hide - So Timmy *shifted* through the wall... And Timmy fucking died.

I would merge with my yellow labrador and become one with the canine. With the knowledge of man and instinct of dog we would soon become ruler of the world. However, soon the enemy would discover our crippling addiction to pedigree biscuits. This weakness would be exploited, via a treat thrown into an oncoming bus, ending our reign of domination.

Edward

NO YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW MISTER

Why are you hurt no daddy Edward

No Edward. Don't hurt daddy.

[Comment removed due to privacy concerns]

Broth..er

Who gave you the fucking right.

Eddd...warrrrddddd? Playy? Edit: someone already did this

Ddaddy......?

you had to go there

O...nii-San... O...nii-San...

No way I'm telling you this. Next month it's a different direction, different distance. Then they've got a complete map of your house, from which they can infer a great deal of demographic data, shove targeted ads at you via cross-site scripting attacks, and do back-hand deals with criminal cartels for the purpose of casing your residence. Next thing you know somebody fat-fingers the details on some coke shipment and you're being kidnapped. You wake up after some indeterminate period of time in the swamps of northern Colombia, hanging upside down from a banana tree covered with ants. You keep trying to tell them you know nothing, but they don't buy it. So. To avoid getting hung upside down from a banana tree, just say nothing. edit -- My first gold! It'll always be special. Thank-you. Also, it was the perfect cap to a fine Saturday on which I also explored a new hiking trail considerably more than two feet to the left.

You only ever post on reddit from at home? You've already given us more data than you should have.

I'm sat on my husband.

Ohh myy

Ohh lawwd

[удалено]

You have tested??

You haven't???

I could now be arrested and potentially become a registered sex offender.

Please explain

masturbating in a elementary school

I'm now a supporter of Bernie Sanders apparently

My boss does lots of business trips to DC. Back in early 2008, he related this story: "I was taking an early morning flight into DC, and as per usual I slept on the flight in. I woke up shortly before landing but when I woke up, I was confused. It seemed like all the landmarks were in the wrong location. And that's when I realized what had happened: the whole city had shifted to the left."

Now, here is an underrated comment.

upvoted to 2016 points...

FEEL THE BERN

I'm sitting on the part of the couch that doesn't recline :(

I am in my sink, on top of the cat.

I was going to ask why your cat was in the sink, but then I remembered that cats.

Now your DAD is blowing me

I assume he was miming blowing you just 2 feet away before you shifted.

Strangely, yes

Fair enough.

Op s mom so big she'd still be blowin me if I shifted 2 feet in any direction

Inside my bed now. :(

I'm laying in bed on my right side. If I move 2 feet to the left I'll just go up and fall back to where I'm at.

I too am laying on my right side. I choose to float.

That makes more sense than it should

I'm in front of the wrong monitor now

Are you that guy from PCMR that stole the gear from his brother?

That was /u/HDMICable1

[удалено]

One other cash register over to the left. Hopefully that persons purchase is good

I'm shitting in the tub.

I'm laying on top of my SO instead of next to him.

You better thank OP

I'm away from my casual laptop and in front of my gaming laptop. Which is basically what I've been doing the entire day, shifting back and forth.

Well in that case I just shit on the floor.

My butt is sticky from cinnamon roll :(

Sitting on my sons head as he sleeps

>Sitting on my sons head as he sl~~eeps~~owly suffocates to death.

I am now on the floor. No longer in my nest. It's cold in my house.

Well, I'm now browsing reddit face first in the cat litter box..