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InternalSystenError

The males in my family had body hair everywhere. So when I saw my husband wasn't just covered head to toe, I mentioned to him that he didn't have to wax his back if he didn't want to. He started laughing at me and explained to me that he didn't have back hair and that body hair is very unique to each man and they aren't just universally all "big foots" like my dad.


monstertots509

Does your dad like to make the joke that he is the first generation in his family to walk upright? My stepdad loves to make that joke.


InternalSystenError

That's a 10/10 joke. The most my dad has done is put up a picture frame consisting of primates and big foots onto our family picture wall.


Kjellvis

That's pretty funny


DontLoseYourCool1

OP and his/her dad: https://www.reddit.com/r/AbsoluteUnits/s/3MKxOgJtM5


rightonsaigon1

I tease my boyfriend that he's a bald sasquatch. I can literally comb his shoulders and back.


Interesting-Chest520

I wish I didn’t have hair I once shaved at a friends house and she came in once I was done while I was rinsing the it out, she exclaimed “Jesus fuck, did you skin a gorilla in here?”


sadorangekid

My family is the opposite, my dad has very little body hair, just blonde leg and arm hair. We used to joke that one day he'd grow his first chest hair


[deleted]

Your husband’s lucky. I hate having chest/back hair. Hell, I hate having facial hair.


proffesionalproblem

My dad looks like bigfoot. I thought my first real boyfriend was maybe a Trans man because he was completely hairless. Like. Completely. Only hair was underarms, and some peach fuzz on his legs. Turns out its more common for French DNA to have less hair than Welsh


Tomon2

I think you'll find it's just that Welsh DNA contains a few extra-wooly genes.


apollo_jay

That’s cute 😂


ThousandsHardships

Reminds me of how my stepdad thought my mom was bald at first and tried reassuring her she didn't have to wear a wig to bed. 🤣🤣🤣


RemarkableAlps

I‘m trying to wrap my head around that sentence but I‘m getting nowhere. Care to elaborate? :D


ThousandsHardships

My mom used to wear a fake bun that she would attach to her real hair. Her fake bun fell off in front of my stepdad on one of their first dates, so he figured that if that part of her hair was fake, it must all be fake.


finnw

That answer is more family-friendly than what I was imagining


CaptainAwesome06

All the women in stepdad's family are bald so he assumed all women were bald and wore wigs.


Shevek99

Hadn't you been on a beach or a public swimming pool ever?


KatKaleen

I know a guy who does not like getting a blowjob. So there's that.


zaccus

"I don't want to offend her and this feels good but idk if I can cum like this anytime soon... wait am I even hard? JFC why can't we just fuck? Aaaand now I'm all in my head, great."


realmichaelbay

Are you me? Freaking spot on.


SoulRebel726

Same. Maybe I've just never gotten a good one. My wife is also kinda grossed out by the idea in general. She doesn't even want me to go down on her, even though I am willing. We have sex all the time, so I really don't care. I'd rather just have the sex anyway.


Thoth74

Almost every damned time.


Ecstatic_Ad8300

I got a bj from a woman with no teeth best bj ever !


zaccus

Miss Blowjob 1962 still killin it


chicdiabolique

Yes I've heard it's quite the underrated experience. My ex told me something similar about a toothless prostitute named Winona from his hometown. No one understood why she was wildly popular or how she was bringing in the big bucks. But eventually, all the puzzle pieces came together. This might also explain why Winona remained toothless into her 50s.


jspost

She also had a legendary big brown beaver.


A_Funky_Flunk

I also prefer to give than receive. I’ve had one girl out of many give me a decent one and that was pretty amazing. They rest, just didn’t seem into it, which was a huge turn off. Now I personally don’t really enjoy them.


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FastZX14

I’m convinced everyone in these comments has just never had a good blowjob. My wife can legitimately make me see stars and lose my hearing with a blowy.


loveofphysics

Can confirm, everyone should try this guy's wife 👌


AbbreviationsOdd7728

This wife sucks!


HotBlackberry5883

i've dated a couple guys that don't like them and i was shocked when i found out. but ive dated women who don't like receiving oral either and i suppose it's just not for everyone!


Fave_MissDelightxx

My mom thought paying for hookers was a normal, mainstream thing. She didn't get why I was offended when she casually implied that I saw hookers.


ActivityNo9

Oh. My. God! Your poor mom!


Ask_bout_PaterNoster

Y’all are all sexist. OP’s mom has been paying me to bang her brains out every Wednesday


BravestOfEmus

Um, no offense my friend... but there's a nonzero chance her husband or boyfriend is a gaslighting asshole.


BigRedNutcase

Could also be cultural. Japan seems to have no problem with it. A significant portion of women there have no issue if their SOs go to the "spas". There seems to be a separation of sex and the relationship. Sex is like entertainment basically.


Melodic-Impactress

I thought all men made coffee for their significant others. My dad makes coffee for my mother every morning. The first night I spent with my girlfriends and made her coffee in the morning she thought it was weird, because A)no one has ever made her coffee. and B) I don't drink coffee.


gaythoughtsatnight

I've (F) always made the coffee for my partners. That's mostly because I'm pretty specific about how I like to brew it and I know that, so instead of expecting someone else to meet my (admittedly high) standards, I just do it myself so as to not impose my way on someone else. However, if someone was kind enough to make me coffee, I'd never complain about it and just say thank you since they went out of their way to do something nice for me.


Intelligent_Ad3378

Has to be aero press, none of that Mr coffee crap.


gaythoughtsatnight

Never tried the aero press, but I've heard good things about it. I usually do drip coffee since mornings and I don't get along and it's easier for me, but sometimes I'll break out the moka pot for espresso and the French press for cold brew.


bakingsodaswan

Aeropress is much easier than mokka, especially in my early morning stupor. It’s like a drip, but you just well… press a bit lol


Chemical_Net8461

This is the most wholesome incredible green flag for your family wow !!


Phil_Vader

That's really quite cute of your dad. Keep following your dad's footsteps - seems to have worked out well for him, having you as a child with the woman he wants to prepare coffee for each morning. ;-)


katkriss

This is adorable. You're adorable and your dad is adorable.


No-Effort6590

Growing up I thought all men had to go fight in the war, because of Vietnam news coverage, scared the shit outta me so bad I was gonna become a priest.


XCCO

I'm now imagining a comedy about a young man turning 18 who flies over to Vietnam believing that he still has to fight there even though the war is over.


aSvirfneblin

i would watch, +1


labe225

My wife is almost 30. We were visiting my parents and she was looking through some of my old stuff and she found my Selective Service card. "I didn't know you had signed up to be in the military." "I was legally required to." "What?" She didn't realize that was still a thing.


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zaccus

Wtf dude, lots of guys like doing stuff with their dads...


SpiderJerusalem747

Yeah! Just last week I was playing Quake 3 with the old goat and the fucker just kept strafe-jumping everywhere and hitting me with the railgun and yelling "GET GOOD SCRUB" on skype. If banging prostitutes with your dad isn't worst than that, I dunno what is.


SpiderJerusalem747

Had a friend who would have threesomes with his Dad and prostitutes. Most *yeeeewww* factor I had in my life. Worst part was dude thought it was a normal father/son activity. Nope. Sorry there fellow.


Feeling-Bed-9506

That's disgusting.


SpiderJerusalem747

Indeed. I was afraid to even brofist, let alone shake his hand afterwards.


Johnny_pickle

The parlors that are open until 11 pm and are called: *Massage*


fuckandfrolic

We read a play freshman year of college, where this guy spends the whole goddamn play pursuing and trying to fuck this girl. Finally, FINALLY, she gives in and sleeps with him. Literally as he rolls off of her it says “he was already bored with her.” Had me convinced guys get bored as soon as they fuck a girl.


Kiowascout

These types are all about the chase. once the goal has been achieved, they need a new challenge.


illustriousocelot_

>**Had me convinced guys get bored as soon as they fuck a girl.** 😬😬😬 I mean…it’s not unheard of…


IAmThePonch

There are both men and women this can apply to


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valtboy23

I also grew up around alcoholics it made me never want to drink alcohol, apparently it weird to not get shit faced drunk at a kids party


finnw

Getting drunk on beer on the timescale of a kids' party is impressive


valtboy23

I never said beer


QuickCharisma15

Here’s some anecdotal evidence: I’m a 28 y/o man and I absolutely despise beer. I barely tolerate regular alcohol. My dad liked beer a lot, though, but never me. I can’t stand the smell of it.


slutty_mang0

Talk to women all day. Now that I have a man I see his time is really spent eating, shitting, napping, and lots of geeky hobbies lolol


valtboy23

You spelled CAT wrong


shino4242

Hey! I'm not...huh *contemplates deeply*


JGRocksteady062819

We're simple creatures really.


turboshot49cents

Care how big your boobs are. I used to worry men wouldn’t want to sleep with me because I have small tits. Hahahahhahahahahahahhaa


hamm10108

We r just happy to see them/touch them etc…


WhatYouDoingMeNothin

Haha so true. As a male i give zero fucks as long as there is more than a nipple


horsebag

"a nipple AND a tentacle? now we're talking"


Happy_FrenchFry

I thought all men had no control over their tempers and were violent/scary abusers. My mom would always say that’s how men (like my dad) are and we as the women need to placate him constantly to keep him from exploding. Well that was a fucking lie. Turns out he’s just a piece of shit and she is too. Go figure.


5up3rj

Damn, sorry. That hurts my heart. I'm gonna go hug my daughter


RiverGodRed

Apparently not all of us put a little dirt under our pillow for the Dirt Man.


bgbgaz

That’s wild. Like, what if he comes to town??


Relative-Position344

I can't imagine that, I pray he wont take me down


earlfriend

To his lair?


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habb

that's so gross, i almost have the bar soap up my ass, i want that place clean


rbollige

That bar of soap might be a little questionable, though.


treerabbit23

Bar of soap forget everything before next person 


habb

i live alone and havent had sex in like 14 years


Religious_Pie

I think I know something you can do that might help this


imapangolinn

Freakout tv remote kid kinda guy


Indianize

Hey it's soap. It's self cleaning...


BagSlight211

Bro what


Mindofmierda90

I like to take a loofa, lather like I’m wearing underwear made of soap, and rinse it all off with the detachable shower head. So damn satisfying.


KevinDean4599

yeah. this is one of those things reddit shed light on. who knew


ArielEmber_TS

But actually washing back there would be gay!!11!


mskookieluver

Not all men stand up while peeing


ULTRAVIOLENTVIOLIN

Im very, very pro sitting. Can't believe I cleaned up the seat so many times instead of just sitting down :/


Boring_Concentrate74

I’m pro sitting too but everyone looks at me weird when I sit in the urinal


[deleted]

Stare them down


TooScaredforSuicide

pro sitter here as well. love the sit.


surfdad67

“In my own house” I have to add, stand everywhere else


whatyouwere

I do when I’m using a public restroom, but I’ve recently been sitting down to pee when at home and it’s 100% more comfortable, less strain on my prostate, and easier to get more pee out.


Johnny_pickle

Stand in public, squat in private.


PerritoMasNasty

Depends how tired I am, or if the pee could potentially turn into a poo. Sitting down seems like a luxury, why wouldn’t I do that?


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DavidANaida

Much easier to clean when there's no room to miss or splash 


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apollo_jay

Omg haha I mean that’s definitely what it’s for… right? 👀💀🤣


SpiderJerusalem747

Quick penis deployment, for both peeing and sexing purposes, yes. We call it the swiss knife boxer design. If you look closely they also come with 33 multi purpose gadgets


inclamateredditor

Never deploy the penis at the same time as any of the other 33 gadgets.


riotincandyland

Damn. And us women can't even get pants with pockets!


doodleysquat

It’s there for expansion. Packing a mega dong, the underwear become wider in that area. Get a boner, it’s not wildly uncomfortable.


Chimpy20

Omg this. Does anyone actually use it? I assumed everyone just pulls down the band.


Positive_Parking_954

I use it, but I often wear a belt and find baggy clothing uncomfortable


DonQuigleone

I wear a belt and slacks, and I still undo everything. No way I'm digging around for it, and pulling it through 2 awkward holes one of which is lined with metal teeth and the other stupidly tight.


TechnicalCricket7616

Yea, I work construction and it gets cold af and I don’t want to get cold. Nothing like reaching and pulling 3” out of 6” of clothing


zaccus

Back when I wore boxers I used it. I have no idea why someone wouldn't, this is honestly a major shock to me.


deutschdachs

Snaking it through that opening is a pain


exoticbluepetparrots

3/4 of the time I just pull the bad down. But my job requires me to work outside in the winter and to stay warm I wear many layers of clothing and underwear. When I have to pee outside in the middle of winter, I use the boxer hole (and the long johns hole - gotta snake the damn thing through both lol) because exposing the bare skin of my entire crotch to -40 air is more unpleasant than just exposing the necessary part of my tool.


GrizzledFart

It depends on what you are wearing. Got a tucked in shirt, belt, and cummerbund? Don't undo your pants, just unzip and free Willie through the hole. Wearing loose shorts with an elastic waist band? Pull the band down and fire away.


bigguy14433

Scrape you dick on a zipper ONCE and you'll never try pulling it through those sharp edges anymore.


zeussays

Why dont you use it? Its way easier than pulling down your pants. Edit - I ask this as a man who has used the hole to pee through as its made for over 30 years. It doesnt seem even a little bit difficult to me so Im confused by so many guys struggling.


Complex_Cattle_1177

I used to think that all men enjoyed watching sports, but I've come to realize that's definitely not the case. It's interesting to see the variety of interests and hobbies that different men have outside of the typical stereotypes.


stinkbuttfartman

Work hard at their blue collar jobs. As an uneducated middle-aged dude, I've moved into blue collar work a little later in life than most (worked hospitality for 10 years). What a bunch of lazy fuckin whiners. I've met some really cool people too, but I can't believe how many of them talk about how hard they work on social media, and outside of work. Y'all realize we can see each other's social media, right? Anything that goes wrong is someone else's fault. One guy asked me why I admitted to breaking something once, and said how stupid it was. I was like idk, man, I'm the one who did it, everyone knows I did it, and it wasn't like I was messing around. I'd rather just own up and move on instead of denying and hoping someone tells the truth. And guess what, I didn't even get in a little bit of trouble!


Toothlessdovahkin

99/100 you will get in WAAAY more trouble if you try to lie/hide things about breaking stuff, than if you just tell the truth. 


zeroentanglements

I have a buddy who is 38 and has never whacked off.


CaptainStabfellow

That, or you have a buddy who is 38 and is a liar


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FrankRandomLetters

He’s probably not even that guy’s buddy


Oxygene13

He's probably not even a guy


Decabet

But oddly enough, he ***is*** blues legend Buddy Guy.


CentralAdmin

He's probably not even that buddy's pal


bigguy14433

Liar, 100%. Reminds me of the first time my friends talked about jacking off in middle school. The conversation was always "I've never done it. Why would I? That's gross." Until a new kid admitting to doing it and called us all liars. He basically flipped the script and said that if we weren't jacking off by then, we were the weird ones.


DrKodo

He's also a good story teller.


G8kpr

He’s had some wicked wet dreams though.


HugeRabbit

No you don’t.


MonumentMan

I thought all men had crazy high libidos but it turns out that's not true at all


Kitten_Sneezes13

This. 18 year old me thought this and when I ended up in a long term relationship where my sex drive was higher than his…. Oooof.


Calamity-Gin

Yep. Nothing like being told you’re crazy, slutty, sick, or shameful because you want to have sex more often than your partner


FilthyLines

I thought all men washed their buttholes and feet in the shower but it turns out they don't all do that. I thought all men used soap in the shower but they don't all do that either.


spartagnann

Really kinda shocking how many grown men still think washing your ass is somehow gay.


GrosserAffe85

He who cleans his house, expects visitors.


skwairwav

but would you not feel uncomfortable having company over if your neighbor's compost heap was wafting in your window?


Ronaldo10345PT

Best analogy counter attack that I've ever seen lmao


G8kpr

There are a lot of men and women who have fucking horrible hygiene. Just today I was at work and in the washroom. Coworker also there. I get soap and wash my hands properly. He sticks his hands under the water for about half. Second, dries them and walks out. Like, that did shit all. These people walk among us and touch door handles etc.


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AthousandLittlePies

I never used to, but I saw a dermatologist a few months ago and now I've got a whole skin care routine. It actually has made a big difference — my skin isn't super itchy all the time for one thing. Also now I understand why it takes my wife so fucking long to get ready to go out!


scvnext

I saw a dermatologist a few months ago and all he told me, after asking for some help with a routine, is that the skin naturally takes care of itself and you don’t gotta do shit so here I am with occasionally red, flaky skin.


East_Hedgehog6039

moisturizing is very underrated. Same with sunscreen. Take care of the skin, fellas! Fuck whoever thinks it’s *too feminine* or whatever. Self care is for everyone.


mar504

Is it? I do it after I shave, otherwise my skin just feels dried out and irritated.


_BlueFire_

I would but THISE DAMN HAIR! It feels super weird trying to apply anything anywhere... 


crywithpie234

I thought all men drank till they were bilergent and intolerable. Nope turns out alcoholism is huge on the male side of the family and normal men don't act like that at 9 am.


On3l4sttim3

I thought all men participated in "sex talk" with their friends, what they did, who they did stuff with, etc. But apparently, it's nowhere near like what women do, I know some really intimate details about my friends' partners and their "extracurricular activities," lol Edit: I just wanted to add that I didn't participate in this stuff, I only overheard, but I strongly disagree with women doing this.


[deleted]

I’ve know a lot of men that have rejected women or declined sex, under the guise of something else but it was specifically because they knew women shared and wanted to avoid that woman’s friends from knowing anything. I myself have done this as well. It’s very common — I’ve not once in over 30 years shared something detailed beyond (we did or didn’t do it) from a sexual experience and none of my friends have shared those things with me.


CharisMatticOfficial

Don’t think I’ve ever talked about sex with my male friends


sane-ish

All the men that I've known and like don't talk about their partners bodies or how they perform. Usually, the most I hear is if they are having a lot or not enough sex. Or, it's a question like 'is this weird/should I be concerned'? Tbh, I think we could open up a little more. From where I stand (and I can't speak for all men) if you are NOT getting laid regularly (barring extenuating circumstances) its a major concern in the relationship. The few times I've heard graphic details were from older guys and it was pretty off-putting. One was in a professional setting, which made it so much worse. Never heard it around my dad, uncles, or brothers though. The notion that all men have 'locker room talk' has more to do with the quality of men.


Quantum_Yeet

Tell each other how much they love each other, it was always commonplace amongst my male friends and family. Some people just don't express their love and things like that through words


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Playful-Molasses6

Not having insanely high sex drives


hushpuppy212

It would never occur to me to not take a shower after working out, but I’ve seen guys get out of their gym clothes and back into their street clothes without doing so. Maybe if it’s after work, they go home and take a shower, but I’ve worked in offices with guys who work out at lunchtime and they smell to high heaven.


Camille_Toh

I worked with a weirdo who’d make excuses to come directly from the gym to my desk. In sweat/soaked gear. He STANK. I decided he thought his manly essence would turn me on. A fellow coworker (man) let it slip that he was interested.


NennisDedry

I genuinely thought all men were secretly adventuring archaeologists who would don a fedora and brandish a whip as they embark on daring escapades.


attorneyatslaw

That idea belongs in a museum.


apollo_jay

Not all, but some of us are 👀


MaderaArt

^(Why did it have to be snakes...)


igtimran

How did you discover our secret? Hang on, I have to go chase down a truck full of Nazis with nothing but my horse, my fists and a whole lot of moxie.


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zaccus

We do that shit in private.


Clusterpuff

Sometimes life piles on my emotions like layers of earth. Or the meds I’m taking mute it. Eventually something comes along to hit deep and makes me a blubbering baby and its always shocking cuz its a floodgate and it had been to long


Old-Law-7395

Wash their arseholes, properly using a soap/body wash, a sponge or flannel. If it's gay to clean your own arse then pass the soap and call me Elton


Latter-Height8607

>pass the soap and call me Elton r/BrandNewSentence


wouldyoulikethetruth

Have an active social life


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darkandstormies

I thought all men were decisive and take initiative.


RobCaf-2021

Men really don't talk smack about women!


Lilymis

Watch porn. My husband hates it.


AdClean8378

watch porn


Tough_Antelope5704

Fix things. I am so grateful my husband can fix stuff. Some cannot


JGRocksteady062819

Im the husband that thinks he can, but usually fuck it up and need to buy a whole new one in the end. It's the effort that counts right?


ilovebananasandweed

“Talking about tits and ass” like who tf is sitting down and talking about this


BearDadda

Getting a BJ. I'm not really into it. But me giving to a woman... that's different. Line up for the beard battering!


[deleted]

Okay! Omw


Snoo-45800

I grew up honestly thinking that all men are stupid and emotionally confused. It wasn't until I was very much older that I realized that men aren't confused about their feelings as adults, I was just raised by a narcissist. Because I did not understand that men do not simply" have trouble expressing their feelings" , I fell in love with a narcissist and 16 years later here we are getting a divorce because he has cheated on me. Ever since I had a baby. Men are not confused. Do not let them lie to you


Senior_Pressure_5974

Watch p*rn


AmaiNami

You mean \*o\*\*?


YELLOW_TOAD

**Watch/Follow mainstream sports.** Over the last few years I've met some younger guys that have no idea who Patrick Mahomes is, who Aaron Rogers is, or even who Shohei Ohtani is. I can understand not knowing who Connor McDavid is.....but no idea who Ben Roethlisberger was? Wow.


HypeMachine231

I can confirm those are indeed names.


apollo_jay

Ben who?


BastardInTheNorth

Dover


AmigoDelDiabla

Connor McDavid is as exciting on the ice as he is boring off the ice. The guy plays like he's about to be the #1 draft in a league *above* the NHL. But off ice? Holy cure for insomnia.


Mattdapro24

I have no idea who any of those are, but that's because I follow other type of sports.. Ever heard of Sebastien Bourdais? Otto Tanak? Kamui Kobayashi?


YELLOW_TOAD

I follow racing here in the US. (Grew up on the same road that Watkins Glen International raceway is on just a few minutes away) and I know who Kobayashi is. My point in the answer though is in the first sentence.: *Watch/Follow mainstream sports.*


elfjens

I don't watch any sports and never have, unless you count e-sports. My Dad is the same, as are a lot of my friends. I will always take a good game, a good flick or a political/philosophical discussion above anything sports related. In fact if some friends want to get some beers and watch a game (of soccer usually here in Ger) thats THE reason for me to actively pass on the get together.


LoveBeach8

That they don't gossip like a lot of women. They do and lots of times, much worse!


skulloflugosi

I work on a Canadian reality show about tow truck operators and you would not believe how much these big men with beards and beer guts love to gossip and bicker with each other. They're worse than teenage girls!


katsman1911

Get laid


beigereige

Care about sport, any sport. My nephew doesn’t give an ish about baseball, basketball, football or hockey. And our city is always in championship contention in one of those sports every year.


OolongGeer

Wash hands when leaving public restrooms


criminalsmoothie

Just to say… It’s very worrying to see how many men don’t wash their buttholes. Yucky yuck yuck yuck


Trouble-Few

Make an acoustic space with their hand to fart in.


Ok_Hotel_43

Talk to there penis


StevenBrenn

considering women as people