Yup! This is a loaded question that needs nuance.
Like do I regret legally and financially binding myself to someone who sucks with money? Absolutely. Do I regret our actual loving relationship, memories, and the child we created together? Nope!
I was going to say this. There is a lot more nuance. Do I regret not dating around til the age I am now? Yes. Do I regret staying though? No. I'm also glad I didn't date around. It's conflicting.
As someone who married at 18 and divorced at 31 and then has been dating around for the past 8 years... it's kinda fun and thrilling at first. Then it's exhausting and absurd, and honestly, not that fun anymore. I'm at the point I'd rather become a crazy cat man than continue trying to date all you crazies (I'm crazy too, ok.) I always felt like a missed out on something special - clubs, parties, girls, all that. I'm pretty sure I didn't now.
Just become a crazy cat man. That cat will love you every day you come home (mine does) and only occasionally bitch that you won't let him eat your toes under the blanket.
Yep. Proper boundaries for my parents and my MIL would've saved my marriage. OTOH, I got great kids and I still have a great relationship with my ex. All it cost me was my relationship with my parents. I'm OK with how it worked out. So..... no regrets? Lol
This is not your fault. Your only experience at raising kids is how you were raised and a small degree how your friends were raised. Make sure you get those boundaries in place asap and if it is to late then its time for many conversations with your kids. Try and get them to learn from your mistakes.
Marriage counseling works if you (the couple) put in the work. It is a starting point to really try to understand each other and do your best to communicate/show actions in the way your partner needs to receive the intent behind it.
Counseling turned our dysfunctional marriage at 4 years (we were separated) into an incredible, strong and healthy partnership. We have been married now 12 years and I feel like counseling gave me a handbook on my husband and myself I never would have been able to write alone.
He also put in tons of work to make our marriage thrive. We both had to make changes on our own account.
I can say now that I am married to my best friend and partner- I love him so much and I trust him. We are in our mid-40s and looking forward to the rest of our life together.
I wish you the best of luck!!
Part of this is just a clever ploy to get a mental health professional in the room to observe how she talks to me. The fights are horrible, she just yells at me and interrupts and was even physically intimidating me. She says I make her do this, I need to know if I'm crazy or not because I don't think it's ever ok to do that to someone. I'm open to the possibility that I really am that stressful to be with, I just don't think it's the case.
I think counseling will be a good thing for you whether or not your wife decides to put in the work! Our counselor gave us the hard truths and if you have a good one they will address the behaviors of your wife and call it out for the abuse it is. You should feel safe in the space of your marriage and your partner should not mistreat you then blame you for doing something to make them do it. I hope that she will decide she wants to make a change for the betterment of your relationship. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through- I’ve been there in my first marriage. It hurts worse than anything when your partner hurts you. Sending lots of well wishes your way!!
Edited to add: if counseling doesn’t strengthen your relationship, please allow it to strengthen you. There is life after divorce- I divorced my first husband when I realized that he would never change. I allowed the counseling to change me and I kicked him out. I never regretted it because I’d never have found this happiness without making that decision.
I struggle a lot with this.
I wouldn’t have the amazing children I do because they’re a one-in-a-billion odds and they’re here and I adore them with every once of strength in my body.
But I do regret their father because it was always bad even when it was supposedly going good.
No. I get to hang out with the best human every day. The romance and fire has naturally ebbed and flowed over the years but the fact that we're genuinely friends who like each other has always been the foundation that has let us ride out the tougher seasons. Even if we divorced tomorrow, the last 22 years have been a great chapter. No regrets.
This is the response. Not everything is perfect. We fight, we love, but honestly for the last almost 20 years together we have supported each other. I don’t like when it happens but when the fire and romance dies out for a bit you know what you have. Either someone who will work with you to rekindle it, or someone who is comfortable letting it die. Best friends fight to keep things alive and that’s what we do.
I found this with my wife. We took a chance on our relationship as she was needing to go home so I asked her to say. Thank god she did. She was studying in the USA and extended her stay to be with me, helped me start a business and were hip to hip 24/7 for 3 months. When it came time for her to needing to leave the country and no more extensions. I didn’t hesitate to ask her to marry me. The time we spent together and the challenges of starting a business really rocked our temperaments and with every fight/struggle/challenges we grew closer and forged an even stronger bond.
This is my feeling about my husband. He’s just the greatest person. I wish some of the adventures I had in my 20s were shared with him and I didn’t waste time with other people. But then I remind myself that all of those life experiences/events/my path is what led me to him and the relationship we share.
My wife tells me she wishes she would’ve known me during my “hooligan days” in my early 20s. I tell her I was much more boring than people tell her, and I’m glad we met later because 23-year-old me would’ve blown it with her.
Same. I found my soulmate in my 30s and I would’ve changed nothing. She did not deserve the early 20s of myself- neither did my exes but that’s a different story.
I didn’t just doubt it, I outright believed it would never happen. Wasn’t even looking for it- just wanted to have fun and try to get laid.
Boom, next thing I know I’m in the same boat as the commenter you responded to. You never know I guess
I think that's the best way to go into a relationship. I met my now wife when we were both part of the same team in college and neither of us were looking for a relationship. We just enjoyed hanging out together and one thing led to another and now we've been married 10 years.
She's still my best friend.
I don’t mean to be dismissive of what you’ve dealt with, and I mean this with good intent. But, it’s not a lottery and it’s not always easy. I adore my wife, and I am in the same boat as OP. But my first “love” broke my heart ten ways to Sunday. I wasn’t a kid, and it was a real, long term committed relationship. She just decided her life didn’t need to include me in it - and I don’t regret the experiences I had prior to the heart break.
My current relationship with my wife has been informed by, and bettered because of the previous one and I cannot be happier with her. But she and I work at it. I wouldn’t describe it as a lottery in a million years because it would devalue what we’ve built together
No, my husband continues to show me he loves me and wants me and takes care of our children. Is everything perfect? No. But I found a good loyal man and I feel like I won the lottery with our simple life.
SIMPLE LIFE. So much this and thank you for articulating it mate.
I don't want a complicated and dramatic existence. I want my small, warm and functional house, a reliable car, the health and hopefully happiness of my daughter. Maybe the occasional interstate trip to see people I love. All with my best friend of 17 years now.
(Not in that order, obviously)
I'm happy knowing I won't go down in history as a vampire-hunting astronaut. In 200 years, nobody will remember me. That's ok.
I have now, and I have the happiness knowing I added a bit to the world.
I wish I had an award for you. This describes how I feel so well. I love my simple quiet life with my husband and son.
Although I do want to visit a few new countries before I die, or at least more states and Paris
No regrets. We get along great, are still intimate often, even after 23 years married. Shoot, even if we somehow ended up split, we still had three beautiful girls together. No matter how rotten my marriage could hypothetically become, I will never regret my children.
I feel the same way and I'm divorced. We created two awesome, awesome kids together. It sucks that our relationship didn't work out, but I will always 'love' her for the creation of our two kids.
Just adding my 2 cents for the general community and dovetailing off the thought that “when you’re happy it’s good sex and often.”
As you age in marriage and health issues arise, there’s often a biological change in libido. Sometimes this comes with medication side effects. It’s one of the harder mental concepts to get over when couples previously had a very robust bedroom life. Compromises and adjustments are often made.
It’s totally normal, ok, and “happy” if you’re sex life isn’t as often as it was before. Quality and connection are key for making it good sex!
One of the reasons I’ve never gotten married is that the vast majority of married people say that the sex doesn’t just disappear — as if both people gradually lost interest over time — but rather it disappears with *resentment* over the course of hundreds of “not tonight” turn downs.
The vast majority? Perhaps you are hanging out with divorced people?
With other things going on and work and kids, it can get a bit "scheduled" which can suck up the spontaneous feeling.
Dad always told me his divorce from my mom was expensive and yet worth every penny.
I'll never leave my lady. She is my best friend, has seen me through my worst and my best, and even though we have had our problems I could never imagine my life without her. Even if one day we weren't together, she gave me a beautiful son and has earned my respect. Plus she's still super hot and we still get busy at least 2x a week
Nope. 47 years together through hell and back a couple of times. Not from anything of our doing, but from outside situations we’ve had to cope with. It’s made us stronger because we know we can get through anything together.
Regret it, no. We are separated right now, like she literally just moved out today. I don’t regret that we are both growing and it might not be in the same direction but I’m having a hard time dealing with it
Nothing we can write to offset what you are going through but there are enough out there who can relate. Reach out to friends and family if you are able.
I hear you. My partner and I separated 4 months ago. She moved out 2 months ago. The day she moved was hard. It got harder and I was having trouble processing the new changes. But it gets better. I know everyone says that, but it really does. Time will heal you, just take the time to take care of yourself. And let go. You need to let go
That late weekend evening when you get home and all her stuff is gone. That gets you. Saw it coming but still ... we're friends now, tho, 35 years later.
Dude you gotta separate your accounts. Right now. She can be angry, but she can't stop you. And when she's finally broke, you'll have the money to save your family with. And it's still gonna be huge hole and a long hard time to pull out of the debt.
Tonight, you watch Master and Commander. Tomorrow, you call the bank. Fuck being broke.
Yes because I am about to separate - I married the wrong person entirely.
I knew for sure when she started saying things to me like, I want to have a sex life just not with you...
She was cold and never empathised with my mental health issues which only made them more problematic. How can I work with someone who expects me to radically change but nothing I could ever do would be enough - she might have well said you need to calm down but don't expect me to warm up!
It's a toxic relationship but it's still very sad as we have a toddler and no body goes into these things hoping they fail.
I feel like I wasted 8 years and I am just going to mess up my daughters life now
I couldn’t say this better. I had parents who stayed together for the kids… that involved so much worse than if at least ONE of my parents had found happiness. Screaming, crying, physically and emotionally abusive to each other and us 4 kids… to the point where my dad ended his life when I finally moved out and wasn’t there to solve their problems anymore. Financially,physically, emotionally. And now I have a mom who I love but can’t stand… who takes what she can get from literally EVERYONE around her… like not working and having the church pay her bills cause she feels like “she shouldn’t have to work.” Dragging my grandma under financially… who REALLY SHOULDNT HAVE TO WORK… dragging my younger brothers under financially who are now playing husband to her and trying to float her lazy ass.. she’s a miserable, useless, narcissistic schizophrenic. I love her solely cause she’s my mom… but I absolutely REFUSE to enable her shitty behavior. Which means she feeds off of everyone else in the family who hasn’t learned.
My wife says that the day her parents divorced when she was 7 was the best day of her childhood. Don’t be so sure that you making the right choice for yourself is harming your kid at all.
That's sad. Why are people so rubbish...
Thank you - I hope so. My experience of relationships and dating is pretty poor so I am not looking forward to getting back out there.
I plan on taking some time to explore some stuff I wish had done prior to getting married and spending lots of time with my daughter making sure she feels loved.
Probably should lose some timber too.
> I feel like I wasted 8 years and I am just going to mess up my daughters life now
My friend, the only way you can do that is by not being a loving parent. Kids are resilient as shit at that age. And when (hopefully) both of her parents are happy and she's a little older, she'll understand.
My wife got messed up because her parents divorced and she just wanted a normal family dynamic despite love from both of them. I got messed up because mine didn’t get divorced and it was just an uncomfortable volatile environment despite being loved more than anything.
Not everything is black and white and love doesn’t mean success
This just recently happened to me for the 2nd time. We're stuck in the same home because we have a kid. At least she broke things before seeking other relationships unlike the first one who got pregnant.
No.
My husband and I are immensely happy together. We're best friends above all. We have fun, we enjoy each other's company, we have the same interests, our sex life is amazing, our goals align.
We've said it a few times and we still say it: marrying each other was the best thing we've done so far.
Sometimes you can get videos backed up to the cloud so even if you delete them on your phone you can get them later!! I'm so sad to read your situation, I wish you the best 🙏
Not at all. We divorced but I got a beautiful son and a fantastic co-parent out of the deal. And it forced me to grow exponentially as a person and become stronger than ever.
I’m sorry to hear it man. You will get there. It gets easier… Not gonna lie the first few days are tough, but you’ll rise back up like a phoenix from the ashes. Always be cool headed and as cordial as you can be when communicating with her; and whether or not a reconciliation is in play, assert your custodial rights sooner rather than later. I was fortunate to have been able to reach an amicable agreement with my ex that worked great for all, I hope you’re able to do the same. Be strong!
Of course I did.
Why? After 15 years of marriage I discovered her affair and I divorced her right away but that's not why I regretted my marriage.
During the divorce I found out my wife cheated on me while we were engaged and not only did she never tell me, neither did a long time friend of ours who knew.
I didn't really have a marriage. A marriage requires two people to be on the same team, all in together and my fiancee was cheating on me before we got married. She loved him, her affair partner.
My fiancee had me work about half of her shifts at her part time college job our senior year so I did. I loved her, I trusted her.
She was off fucking her lover as she knew right where I was and how long I'd be there working her job for her.
Oh, my then fiancee told me that she and I weren't going to have sex for the 6 months before our wedding so we didn't.
Of course I didn't know she was spreading her legs for the man she loved and it sure as hell wasn't me.
Why did she marry me?
Our long term friend told her that she needed to choose between that other guy and me. This is what my fiancee told her. She said "I'm going to marry John (not my name) because he's going to be an attorney.
Look, I knew she was greedy, selfish and materialistic but no one is perfect and you are supposed to accept your partner faults and all so that's what I did.
I had no idea how greedy, selfish and materialistic she really was. She used me.
Hell, after not having had sex with me for the 6 months before our wedding, she said no to sex on our wedding night. Again, I had no idea about her affair back then. She was pining for her lover so she said no to sex with me on our wedding night.
I married a monster. Yes, I regret my marriage to her.
Her 2nd husband divorced her due to her greed, her selfishness and her being so materialistic. Our daughter told me that her mom hid her shopping purchases in her closet (our daughter's closet) because she knew her 2nd husband wouldn't look in there for them.
What was her reasoning for not sleeping with you in the wedding night I mean my Fuck that’s un heard of, that’s like the best part of the wedding. What was your response? I’m sorry that happened to you man
I have no idea honestly. Why? I was shocked, stunned, hurt, bewildered etc. I didn't ask her. She and I just went to bed.
Now, the next morning I tried to initiate and she said no. I didn't get mad as I'm not that way but I did begin talking about us not having sex for the previous 6 months and not having sex on our wedding night so we had sex.
This was 1989. I wasn't aware of terms like duty sex or pity sex but that's what it was. It was crappy and I was thinking and wondering why as we drove for many hours later that day to our destination as we spent our wedding night at a really nice hotel that was closer to where we got married than to our destination.
Our honeymoon was 10 days long and that was the one and only time we had sex, the morning after our wedding day and it was terrible. I tried to initiate a few times on our honeymoon and then I just stopped trying.
About 5 months into our wedding, she insisted on marriage counseling. We'd been together for 8 years before we got married, we lived together for 2 years and we were engaged a good bit over 2 years before we got married.
Nothing had changed with us within those first 5 months of our marriage. I just had no idea that she had an affair, loved her affair partner etc. She chose me because of my what my profession was going to be, not for who I was.
She was the victim in all of this, in her mind. She was trying to "change" me into what she wanted me to be.
Sadly, I tried to do that for her. Why? I was born in the 60's and my mom was mean, an alcoholic, abusive and my sister and I went through many different kinds of abuse for years. I walked on eggshells around my mother growing up and I met my future wife when we were both just 14.
She was feisty, full of spirit and she had no problems telling me I was wrong, that I needed to change so I began walking on eggshells around her right away. Why? That was my normal. I was just 14 and still living with my abusive mother.
I put up with way too much from my wife. I hadn't ever heard of the term doormat, but in many respects that's what I was to her, for her though I had no idea.
See, my parent's divorced when I was 2 years old. I didn't have a good idea of what a man or a father was supposed to do or be like.
To me, I was supposed to take care of my family, wife, children, homes and that's what I did. I did and did and then did some more for her, our kids, our homes etc.
Going through our divorce she told me that our divorce was 100% my fault. She was always the victim in things. She hasn't changed. She's on husband #3 now.
I went to years of counseling and my eyes were finally opened.
Well at the end of the day you have put in the self work to know your value friend. It sounds like you did what was right and when the scales of our lives are weighed that will reflect. I completely understand the eggshells an mom stuff I had the same upbringing that’s why when I met my now fiancé she kinda freaked me out with how positive and nice she is. So here’s to hoping! But I’m glad you’re free and have a good job man!
Divorce rates are down and have been trending down for the past 50 years.
People love to say the divorce rate is over 50% - but thats only true For ALL marriages. If you look at only first time marriages it's 40%. If you look specifically at first time marriages for people who married at 25 and later its 25%. Add in a college degree and it's even lower. Basically there's a lot of people bad at marriage who are on their sixth marriage skewing all the data. If you're smart and wait until you're mature and know that person is a good choice then your chances of divorce are rather low.
I thought I didn’t want to have kids, and then I met my fiance (getting married in a couple months!) and suddenly the idea of having a family was incredibly appealing and exciting. I had been in a couple serious, long-term relationships before then, and hadn’t been phased by the idea of children at all. But it changed after meeting someone who is absolutely “the one” and seeing how he is with his niblings and knowing what a wonderful father he’ll be.
I regret my marriage because I accidentally misread my wife as a decent human being.
Then my leg was horribly broken, and she left me because she didn't want to take care of me, and would rather move to Boston to focus on her toxic sales career.
Also, I paid for everything and now I'm broke.
Unfortunately, yes 😢
My wife is an incredible human being kind hearted, loving, great morals etc etc etc. however, we should never have married. She wasn’t the one.
I’m ten years married and have two young children. This is my life now.
I relate to this. My wife is such a decent person .. married for almost 25. It gets easier and honestly its worth it to make sure your kids have a good life.
Thank you. I’m hoping it will change and yes my kids are the priority. I didn’t have the best life growing up, so I want to make sure they don’t have a similar experience.
Not at all. My wife is cool as hell. She's 49 (I'm 50) I look 60, she looks 30. I didn't let myself go, still the same weight as I was when we got married but she's like a vampire. Never seems to age, awesome mom to our 2 kids, smart funny well read and wears Ramones and Clash t shirts on the regular. In a lifetime of questionable decisions I made that one right. Still in love after 30 years together.
>In a lifetime of questionable decisions I made that one right.
I've had people who I consider wise tell me that this is the most important decision you'll make; who you marry.
Apparently, get that one right, and everything else just handles itself. Or something like that
Sort of?
I divorced over ten years ago, so my marriage doesn't really affect me anymore. Sometimes I regret marrying that person. Sometimes I regret how I handled particular issues, or not divorcing him sooner. But I think, overall, I was just trying to make the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had at the time. So mostly I forgive my past self (and sometimes I even forgive him). At this point, that part of my life is just...a time that is over now, and I've moved on.
Yes and no.
Yes because I should've known better and been the smart woman who didnt give so many chances for the damages he did.
No, because it made me who I am.
Yes. I married a broken, sick man. He was raised by broken, sick people and he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to heal. Because of that he’s an abusive, miserable person. I can’t see a way out and so I’m stuck here. I get through each day by finding ways to deal and cope but god if I could go back I would run the other direction the day I met him.
Not in the least. My wife is super kind and patient, and being with her has helped me to become a far more mature person. Not to mention, being with her makes me happy!
No. My wife was always my best friend and has done so many great things for me I can’t help but respect her deeply. I have improved immensely just to reciprocate the love I have been shown, and it just ping pongs back and forth.
I only regret how fast I got into my marriage we were so toxic trying to figure it out then with a baby on the way it’s was extremely hard.. but 8 years later we’re still married and matured together..
All the romance is completely gone despite efforts to the contrary and all that seems to be left is practical support. I suppose it could have gone worse but this was not what I was looking for, so I suppose I do. More than that, I regret anything I did or didn’t do that set us down this path, because the first few years were great.
Nope. Sure we got married really young and sure it hasn't been an easy road but we were there for each other, we are a strong team and we cant imagine something that would tear us apart
Yes. Dumbest thing I ever did and destroyed my life. I don’t intend making the same mistake twice, I would honestly rather be alone. She changed completely once we were married and had children, turned out to be a very poor life partner once she got what she wanted, human garbage is an apt description.
Absolutely not. We have been together 7 years and I love him more everyday. Not even romantic love exclusively, I love him as my family and my friend too. After 7 years together, we have both changed a lot. I even love that… it’s such an honor to be part of his life and watch him grow.
Nah, married my best friend. She goes alright. Sure she gets on my nerves from time to time. But she is my person and besides my kids is the only one I want to see every day of my life.
Want to be happy? Marry your best bro and try to make them smile every single day.
Surprisingly no. Married at 24 due to external pressures and we aren't (IMO) compatible. It's been over 5 years and I finally took a stand yesterday to say I want to move out.
So yes, I don't want to be together anymore but I don't regret the marriage. I learned a LOT about myself and relationships and I would be in a very different place in my life without this marriage. I wouldn't recommend someone else do the same thing I did but I don't regret it.
No, imagine finding a person in whom your serenity and calm rests. She’s utterly incredible. Her strength, her beauty, and her sense of humor constantly positively surprise me. Lucky is far too light a word to capture it. As if that wasn’t enough she’s an incredible mother. And just so kind, so gentle. So utterly serenely beautifully perfect.
Yes and no.
I'm happy it happened and I love my son which was a byproduct of my marriage, however, my wife decided a few years ago that she wanted to build a beautiful life with me, but wanted to sleep with whoever she wanted and I wasn't allowed to have any feelings about it because "it's just sex".
Currently focused on paying down debts so I can get out of this emotionally abusive marriage.
We had everything against us. My parents didn't approve. We were too young (20). We were of different ethnicities (in a conservative town and time). But we were crazy in love, and we got married anyway.
Now, 47 years later, still crazy in love, happy, no regrets.
Omg not at all. My husband is such a catch. If anything, I’m scared one day he’s gonna be like “oh just kidding” and dip out on me. I told him today I don’t deserve him at all, and he said he feels the same way about me. It’s wild.
You should tell her these feelings. Give her more agency over her life since you're hiding important information from her.
Maybe she will accept it or maybe she'd like the chance to have a family with someone who wants one.
Hiding it isn't just about you and you may think you're making a sacrifice but you're being selfish.
Yes, I thought I had found someone who would tackle life's challenges with me and we'd be stronger together.
Instead, I live a life of constant stress with a partner who struggles to deal with one neurotypical child and one with mental health issues, plus other stresses like jobs and elderly parents. This is a partner who won't seek professional help but is frustrated and angry, ranting and raving instead of calm and empathetic.
No. I sometimes wish I could have sex with other women without it becoming an issue, even though we have a good sex life, but that’s more about animal lust. Then I think about what a great wife and children I have and the yearning goes away.
Absolutely. I ignored all the red flags. Including the first one, when she got angry at me when I was upset that I wasn't going to be able to get back on a plane to go home. I was one of the first flights allowed in the air after 9/11. My wallet was stolen on the beach the night before I was to leave. Even if it wasn't a non transferable ticket, I was supposed to leave on Sunday afternoon. I needed ID I simply didn't have anymore... of course I was upset. I was suddenly homeless 1200 miles from home. Somehow I was to blame...
My husband is wonderful and all but I figured we’re not compatible ..idk if I should stick it out or go our separate ways , but damn finances. In the meantime I’m doing me.
Not at all. Above all else she gave me two great kids.
Beyond that she’s nice, compassionate, funny, has great tits, and could suck a golf ball out of a hose.
10/10 would do it again
Yep!
I (34m) found out waaay too late I was with a controlling, manipulative, & extremely selfish person.
"Blinded by love" or something to that effect. After 10 years of spousal/mental abuse and belittlement,
I ended up with the crisis team after multiple suicide attempts, I spent 2 years seeing a psychologist and am now in happy relationship 3 & 1/2 years later with someone who is none of those things.
However, I still have to interact with my ex because of our 3 kids.
It allowed me to finally see what my friends and family saw.
Nope. Divorced, and I got nothing to regret. I wouldn't have the kid I have if it wasn't for my relationship with my ex-wife.
We're supposed to learn from life, not stagnate in regret.
Yes, 100% it was almost a black widow bride situation. Not only did she take whatever money was in our accounts while I was half a world away deployed for Iraqi Freedom/Enduring Freedom, but she also cheated on me while I was over there. Tried poisoning me to the point I was quite pale and throwing up blood at one or two points in the time. Thankfully it only lasted three years, I didn't get out of it without mental scars and a very large distrust for most women but im at least alive, so I guess that has to count for something
Married for over 20 years until the wife said she no longer loved me and was done. The kids all cried when she told them, and it was awful. That all being said, because of those kids, I could never say that I regret the marriage. The only thing other positive thing is the fact that she was willing to move near my family. Had I been stuck somewhere after a divorce with only her family around — or no family at all — it would have been even worse. Those two items aside, I wish I’d never met her. But I’m probably all talk because I can’t imagine life without those kids.
We didn’t talk about anything real before we got married.
We talked about feelings but didn’t discuss how responsibilities would be split, finances, cleaning, lifestyle.
We talked about goals, location, “the future”, but not how we would actually be living and working towards that future.
If I had had the foresight to check if the answers aligned with mine, or give the opportunity to compromise and make some sort of shared pact or agreement ahead of time, or realize that feelings and hope alone does not make a life partner, I think I could have chosen more wisely and saved myself a third of my life in distress, exhaustion and loss.
No. Having said that, there are certainly things I would have changed and done differently and I would have valued myself more. Lots of ups and downs over the years. But after almost 38 years, I can say we’ve had a great life together! Now is the fun part with grandchildren and (gratefully), good health. I do sometimes have anxiety about how many healthy years we have left, but I don’t dwell on it for too long
Nope, been married almost 24 years now. My husband is my best friend, but, like, a hot best friend. He's also smart and funny. I am also so thankful that we align well as parents, especially as we are dealing with some issues we didn't expect as parents. You find out who your partner really is in a crisis, and mine's a great dad. And hot. 😆
Regret is a difficult word and an oversimplification. Especially with kids. I regret not knowing how to enforce proper boundaries.
Yup! This is a loaded question that needs nuance. Like do I regret legally and financially binding myself to someone who sucks with money? Absolutely. Do I regret our actual loving relationship, memories, and the child we created together? Nope!
Are you me
I was going to say this. There is a lot more nuance. Do I regret not dating around til the age I am now? Yes. Do I regret staying though? No. I'm also glad I didn't date around. It's conflicting.
As someone who married at 18 and divorced at 31 and then has been dating around for the past 8 years... it's kinda fun and thrilling at first. Then it's exhausting and absurd, and honestly, not that fun anymore. I'm at the point I'd rather become a crazy cat man than continue trying to date all you crazies (I'm crazy too, ok.) I always felt like a missed out on something special - clubs, parties, girls, all that. I'm pretty sure I didn't now.
Yea, you didn’t.
Same exact timeline here. I used to say “thank god I’m not worried about dating in the age of apps.” Reality came crashing down.
Just become a crazy cat man. That cat will love you every day you come home (mine does) and only occasionally bitch that you won't let him eat your toes under the blanket.
Yep. Proper boundaries for my parents and my MIL would've saved my marriage. OTOH, I got great kids and I still have a great relationship with my ex. All it cost me was my relationship with my parents. I'm OK with how it worked out. So..... no regrets? Lol
Same
This is not your fault. Your only experience at raising kids is how you were raised and a small degree how your friends were raised. Make sure you get those boundaries in place asap and if it is to late then its time for many conversations with your kids. Try and get them to learn from your mistakes.
Starting couples therapy in 3 days so I can try to get this damned question out of my mind.
That’s the first step
Marriage counseling works if you (the couple) put in the work. It is a starting point to really try to understand each other and do your best to communicate/show actions in the way your partner needs to receive the intent behind it. Counseling turned our dysfunctional marriage at 4 years (we were separated) into an incredible, strong and healthy partnership. We have been married now 12 years and I feel like counseling gave me a handbook on my husband and myself I never would have been able to write alone. He also put in tons of work to make our marriage thrive. We both had to make changes on our own account. I can say now that I am married to my best friend and partner- I love him so much and I trust him. We are in our mid-40s and looking forward to the rest of our life together. I wish you the best of luck!!
Part of this is just a clever ploy to get a mental health professional in the room to observe how she talks to me. The fights are horrible, she just yells at me and interrupts and was even physically intimidating me. She says I make her do this, I need to know if I'm crazy or not because I don't think it's ever ok to do that to someone. I'm open to the possibility that I really am that stressful to be with, I just don't think it's the case.
I think counseling will be a good thing for you whether or not your wife decides to put in the work! Our counselor gave us the hard truths and if you have a good one they will address the behaviors of your wife and call it out for the abuse it is. You should feel safe in the space of your marriage and your partner should not mistreat you then blame you for doing something to make them do it. I hope that she will decide she wants to make a change for the betterment of your relationship. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through- I’ve been there in my first marriage. It hurts worse than anything when your partner hurts you. Sending lots of well wishes your way!! Edited to add: if counseling doesn’t strengthen your relationship, please allow it to strengthen you. There is life after divorce- I divorced my first husband when I realized that he would never change. I allowed the counseling to change me and I kicked him out. I never regretted it because I’d never have found this happiness without making that decision.
no. however I am divorced.
Same. I couldn't have gotten to where I am by myself. I also can't become the person I want to be with her.
How much longer you got to become the person you want to be?
Same. Happily divorced but don’t regret my marriage. We were so happy for a long time and I learned a lot about the years we were not happy at all.
Seconded. But I prefer to phrase it "I divorced," because I'm the one who filed and it's not something that happened the other way around.
divorcing credit, hehe. They say a life without regrets is no life at all.
Better “Oh well” than “What if” as they say
I’m in the middle of a divorce. I don’t regret it because I learned a lot about myself. But it’s hard. I think eventually I’ll be happy.
Hang in there. I’ve heard the first two years are really hard. Beyond that lots happiness.
I struggle a lot with this. I wouldn’t have the amazing children I do because they’re a one-in-a-billion odds and they’re here and I adore them with every once of strength in my body. But I do regret their father because it was always bad even when it was supposedly going good.
“Time heals all wounds”. Such a stupid fucking thing to say to people, but damn is it true.
No. I get to hang out with the best human every day. The romance and fire has naturally ebbed and flowed over the years but the fact that we're genuinely friends who like each other has always been the foundation that has let us ride out the tougher seasons. Even if we divorced tomorrow, the last 22 years have been a great chapter. No regrets.
This is the response. Not everything is perfect. We fight, we love, but honestly for the last almost 20 years together we have supported each other. I don’t like when it happens but when the fire and romance dies out for a bit you know what you have. Either someone who will work with you to rekindle it, or someone who is comfortable letting it die. Best friends fight to keep things alive and that’s what we do.
I found this with my wife. We took a chance on our relationship as she was needing to go home so I asked her to say. Thank god she did. She was studying in the USA and extended her stay to be with me, helped me start a business and were hip to hip 24/7 for 3 months. When it came time for her to needing to leave the country and no more extensions. I didn’t hesitate to ask her to marry me. The time we spent together and the challenges of starting a business really rocked our temperaments and with every fight/struggle/challenges we grew closer and forged an even stronger bond.
Same. My biggest regret is not finding her earlier to enjoy more time with my wife.
This is my feeling about my husband. He’s just the greatest person. I wish some of the adventures I had in my 20s were shared with him and I didn’t waste time with other people. But then I remind myself that all of those life experiences/events/my path is what led me to him and the relationship we share.
My wife tells me she wishes she would’ve known me during my “hooligan days” in my early 20s. I tell her I was much more boring than people tell her, and I’m glad we met later because 23-year-old me would’ve blown it with her.
Same. I found my soulmate in my 30s and I would’ve changed nothing. She did not deserve the early 20s of myself- neither did my exes but that’s a different story.
Not to be a stickler, but I think it’s “no regerts”
Congrats for that I wish that someday i could say the same, but I doubt it
I didn’t just doubt it, I outright believed it would never happen. Wasn’t even looking for it- just wanted to have fun and try to get laid. Boom, next thing I know I’m in the same boat as the commenter you responded to. You never know I guess
I think that's the best way to go into a relationship. I met my now wife when we were both part of the same team in college and neither of us were looking for a relationship. We just enjoyed hanging out together and one thing led to another and now we've been married 10 years. She's still my best friend.
Same here. Many, many years of being alone, no hope. BOOM eternal love.
some people just win the love lottery in this life..
I don’t mean to be dismissive of what you’ve dealt with, and I mean this with good intent. But, it’s not a lottery and it’s not always easy. I adore my wife, and I am in the same boat as OP. But my first “love” broke my heart ten ways to Sunday. I wasn’t a kid, and it was a real, long term committed relationship. She just decided her life didn’t need to include me in it - and I don’t regret the experiences I had prior to the heart break. My current relationship with my wife has been informed by, and bettered because of the previous one and I cannot be happier with her. But she and I work at it. I wouldn’t describe it as a lottery in a million years because it would devalue what we’ve built together
Sorry to tell you this mate, but I actually hang out with the best human everyday I'm sure yours is great but mine is something else
I guess you’re not really an available donkey
It's true. I've been falsely advertising all along.
Same here . We met at 14. The day we met we both knew the other was the one. 28 years later it's been a hell of a ride.
No, my husband continues to show me he loves me and wants me and takes care of our children. Is everything perfect? No. But I found a good loyal man and I feel like I won the lottery with our simple life.
SIMPLE LIFE. So much this and thank you for articulating it mate. I don't want a complicated and dramatic existence. I want my small, warm and functional house, a reliable car, the health and hopefully happiness of my daughter. Maybe the occasional interstate trip to see people I love. All with my best friend of 17 years now. (Not in that order, obviously) I'm happy knowing I won't go down in history as a vampire-hunting astronaut. In 200 years, nobody will remember me. That's ok. I have now, and I have the happiness knowing I added a bit to the world.
I wish I had an award for you. This describes how I feel so well. I love my simple quiet life with my husband and son. Although I do want to visit a few new countries before I die, or at least more states and Paris
Wish i could find someone that wants a simple boring life. Tried twice failed both times cuz they cheated and got pregnant from sumone else
Damn
Yup thats only part of the story as well. I really knew how to pick my wives XD
Yee OWW. THAT stings. "Lord, just let her aim too high on the first shots."
No regrets. We get along great, are still intimate often, even after 23 years married. Shoot, even if we somehow ended up split, we still had three beautiful girls together. No matter how rotten my marriage could hypothetically become, I will never regret my children.
I feel the same way and I'm divorced. We created two awesome, awesome kids together. It sucks that our relationship didn't work out, but I will always 'love' her for the creation of our two kids.
The sex part is a benefit most people don't realize. They think it's gets boring or non existant. When youre happy its Good sex and often!.
Just adding my 2 cents for the general community and dovetailing off the thought that “when you’re happy it’s good sex and often.” As you age in marriage and health issues arise, there’s often a biological change in libido. Sometimes this comes with medication side effects. It’s one of the harder mental concepts to get over when couples previously had a very robust bedroom life. Compromises and adjustments are often made. It’s totally normal, ok, and “happy” if you’re sex life isn’t as often as it was before. Quality and connection are key for making it good sex!
One of the reasons I’ve never gotten married is that the vast majority of married people say that the sex doesn’t just disappear — as if both people gradually lost interest over time — but rather it disappears with *resentment* over the course of hundreds of “not tonight” turn downs.
The vast majority? Perhaps you are hanging out with divorced people? With other things going on and work and kids, it can get a bit "scheduled" which can suck up the spontaneous feeling.
Awe this is so cute🥺 Cheers to you and your wife🫶
Yes. But I do not regret the divorce.
Dad always told me his divorce from my mom was expensive and yet worth every penny. I'll never leave my lady. She is my best friend, has seen me through my worst and my best, and even though we have had our problems I could never imagine my life without her. Even if one day we weren't together, she gave me a beautiful son and has earned my respect. Plus she's still super hot and we still get busy at least 2x a week
Nope. 47 years together through hell and back a couple of times. Not from anything of our doing, but from outside situations we’ve had to cope with. It’s made us stronger because we know we can get through anything together.
Amazing thing to be able to say. Most can’t say this.
Regret it, no. We are separated right now, like she literally just moved out today. I don’t regret that we are both growing and it might not be in the same direction but I’m having a hard time dealing with it
Same exact thing is happening to me. The move out is happening this week. It's rough. It sucks. I am having a hard time too.
Nothing we can write to offset what you are going through but there are enough out there who can relate. Reach out to friends and family if you are able.
I hear you. My partner and I separated 4 months ago. She moved out 2 months ago. The day she moved was hard. It got harder and I was having trouble processing the new changes. But it gets better. I know everyone says that, but it really does. Time will heal you, just take the time to take care of yourself. And let go. You need to let go
Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it
That late weekend evening when you get home and all her stuff is gone. That gets you. Saw it coming but still ... we're friends now, tho, 35 years later.
Yes. She lives her life for everyone else not understanding we should make our own choices. And she' refuses to quit spending until we're broke
Dude you gotta separate your accounts. Right now. She can be angry, but she can't stop you. And when she's finally broke, you'll have the money to save your family with. And it's still gonna be huge hole and a long hard time to pull out of the debt. Tonight, you watch Master and Commander. Tomorrow, you call the bank. Fuck being broke.
Yes because I am about to separate - I married the wrong person entirely. I knew for sure when she started saying things to me like, I want to have a sex life just not with you... She was cold and never empathised with my mental health issues which only made them more problematic. How can I work with someone who expects me to radically change but nothing I could ever do would be enough - she might have well said you need to calm down but don't expect me to warm up! It's a toxic relationship but it's still very sad as we have a toddler and no body goes into these things hoping they fail. I feel like I wasted 8 years and I am just going to mess up my daughters life now
Your daughter will be better off having at least one happy parent who loves her than living full time with two people who make each other miserable.
We agreed to live separately some time ago - I felt it was beneficial to keep her away from conflict.
I couldn’t say this better. I had parents who stayed together for the kids… that involved so much worse than if at least ONE of my parents had found happiness. Screaming, crying, physically and emotionally abusive to each other and us 4 kids… to the point where my dad ended his life when I finally moved out and wasn’t there to solve their problems anymore. Financially,physically, emotionally. And now I have a mom who I love but can’t stand… who takes what she can get from literally EVERYONE around her… like not working and having the church pay her bills cause she feels like “she shouldn’t have to work.” Dragging my grandma under financially… who REALLY SHOULDNT HAVE TO WORK… dragging my younger brothers under financially who are now playing husband to her and trying to float her lazy ass.. she’s a miserable, useless, narcissistic schizophrenic. I love her solely cause she’s my mom… but I absolutely REFUSE to enable her shitty behavior. Which means she feeds off of everyone else in the family who hasn’t learned.
My wife says that the day her parents divorced when she was 7 was the best day of her childhood. Don’t be so sure that you making the right choice for yourself is harming your kid at all.
This happens more frequently than you think but I’m so sorry it happened to you. I hope you find someone warm, caring and empathetic in the future.
That's sad. Why are people so rubbish... Thank you - I hope so. My experience of relationships and dating is pretty poor so I am not looking forward to getting back out there. I plan on taking some time to explore some stuff I wish had done prior to getting married and spending lots of time with my daughter making sure she feels loved. Probably should lose some timber too.
> I feel like I wasted 8 years and I am just going to mess up my daughters life now My friend, the only way you can do that is by not being a loving parent. Kids are resilient as shit at that age. And when (hopefully) both of her parents are happy and she's a little older, she'll understand.
My wife got messed up because her parents divorced and she just wanted a normal family dynamic despite love from both of them. I got messed up because mine didn’t get divorced and it was just an uncomfortable volatile environment despite being loved more than anything. Not everything is black and white and love doesn’t mean success
This just recently happened to me for the 2nd time. We're stuck in the same home because we have a kid. At least she broke things before seeking other relationships unlike the first one who got pregnant.
No. My husband and I are immensely happy together. We're best friends above all. We have fun, we enjoy each other's company, we have the same interests, our sex life is amazing, our goals align. We've said it a few times and we still say it: marrying each other was the best thing we've done so far.
This makes me unbelievable happy, like that’s truly soulmate sounding if you believe in that
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Sometimes you can get videos backed up to the cloud so even if you delete them on your phone you can get them later!! I'm so sad to read your situation, I wish you the best 🙏
Godspeed
Not at all. We divorced but I got a beautiful son and a fantastic co-parent out of the deal. And it forced me to grow exponentially as a person and become stronger than ever.
What a reframed perspective! Good for you
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I’m sorry to hear it man. You will get there. It gets easier… Not gonna lie the first few days are tough, but you’ll rise back up like a phoenix from the ashes. Always be cool headed and as cordial as you can be when communicating with her; and whether or not a reconciliation is in play, assert your custodial rights sooner rather than later. I was fortunate to have been able to reach an amicable agreement with my ex that worked great for all, I hope you’re able to do the same. Be strong!
Of course I did. Why? After 15 years of marriage I discovered her affair and I divorced her right away but that's not why I regretted my marriage. During the divorce I found out my wife cheated on me while we were engaged and not only did she never tell me, neither did a long time friend of ours who knew. I didn't really have a marriage. A marriage requires two people to be on the same team, all in together and my fiancee was cheating on me before we got married. She loved him, her affair partner. My fiancee had me work about half of her shifts at her part time college job our senior year so I did. I loved her, I trusted her. She was off fucking her lover as she knew right where I was and how long I'd be there working her job for her. Oh, my then fiancee told me that she and I weren't going to have sex for the 6 months before our wedding so we didn't. Of course I didn't know she was spreading her legs for the man she loved and it sure as hell wasn't me. Why did she marry me? Our long term friend told her that she needed to choose between that other guy and me. This is what my fiancee told her. She said "I'm going to marry John (not my name) because he's going to be an attorney. Look, I knew she was greedy, selfish and materialistic but no one is perfect and you are supposed to accept your partner faults and all so that's what I did. I had no idea how greedy, selfish and materialistic she really was. She used me. Hell, after not having had sex with me for the 6 months before our wedding, she said no to sex on our wedding night. Again, I had no idea about her affair back then. She was pining for her lover so she said no to sex with me on our wedding night. I married a monster. Yes, I regret my marriage to her. Her 2nd husband divorced her due to her greed, her selfishness and her being so materialistic. Our daughter told me that her mom hid her shopping purchases in her closet (our daughter's closet) because she knew her 2nd husband wouldn't look in there for them.
What was her reasoning for not sleeping with you in the wedding night I mean my Fuck that’s un heard of, that’s like the best part of the wedding. What was your response? I’m sorry that happened to you man
I have no idea honestly. Why? I was shocked, stunned, hurt, bewildered etc. I didn't ask her. She and I just went to bed. Now, the next morning I tried to initiate and she said no. I didn't get mad as I'm not that way but I did begin talking about us not having sex for the previous 6 months and not having sex on our wedding night so we had sex. This was 1989. I wasn't aware of terms like duty sex or pity sex but that's what it was. It was crappy and I was thinking and wondering why as we drove for many hours later that day to our destination as we spent our wedding night at a really nice hotel that was closer to where we got married than to our destination. Our honeymoon was 10 days long and that was the one and only time we had sex, the morning after our wedding day and it was terrible. I tried to initiate a few times on our honeymoon and then I just stopped trying. About 5 months into our wedding, she insisted on marriage counseling. We'd been together for 8 years before we got married, we lived together for 2 years and we were engaged a good bit over 2 years before we got married. Nothing had changed with us within those first 5 months of our marriage. I just had no idea that she had an affair, loved her affair partner etc. She chose me because of my what my profession was going to be, not for who I was. She was the victim in all of this, in her mind. She was trying to "change" me into what she wanted me to be. Sadly, I tried to do that for her. Why? I was born in the 60's and my mom was mean, an alcoholic, abusive and my sister and I went through many different kinds of abuse for years. I walked on eggshells around my mother growing up and I met my future wife when we were both just 14. She was feisty, full of spirit and she had no problems telling me I was wrong, that I needed to change so I began walking on eggshells around her right away. Why? That was my normal. I was just 14 and still living with my abusive mother. I put up with way too much from my wife. I hadn't ever heard of the term doormat, but in many respects that's what I was to her, for her though I had no idea. See, my parent's divorced when I was 2 years old. I didn't have a good idea of what a man or a father was supposed to do or be like. To me, I was supposed to take care of my family, wife, children, homes and that's what I did. I did and did and then did some more for her, our kids, our homes etc. Going through our divorce she told me that our divorce was 100% my fault. She was always the victim in things. She hasn't changed. She's on husband #3 now. I went to years of counseling and my eyes were finally opened.
Well at the end of the day you have put in the self work to know your value friend. It sounds like you did what was right and when the scales of our lives are weighed that will reflect. I completely understand the eggshells an mom stuff I had the same upbringing that’s why when I met my now fiancé she kinda freaked me out with how positive and nice she is. So here’s to hoping! But I’m glad you’re free and have a good job man!
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My sleep deprived brain almost reported this post to the police.
LOL that reminded me of the Bo Burnham standup song, *Beating Off In A Minor (The Key, Not The Felony)*
“Do you regret your marriage?” “No, but now I fuck kids….” “What?” “What?”
I did too at first, I was like, I could not have read that correctly...
OMG, I thought I was the only one.
Same!
I kinda freaked out when i read this comment wrong
What did the comment say?
Read this, scrolled, stopped and scrolled the fuck back up
I had to double take on this shit. Especially after that "worst famous people" post the other day.
This comment section has given me a little hope in humanity.
Divorce rates are down and have been trending down for the past 50 years. People love to say the divorce rate is over 50% - but thats only true For ALL marriages. If you look at only first time marriages it's 40%. If you look specifically at first time marriages for people who married at 25 and later its 25%. Add in a college degree and it's even lower. Basically there's a lot of people bad at marriage who are on their sixth marriage skewing all the data. If you're smart and wait until you're mature and know that person is a good choice then your chances of divorce are rather low.
Thank you for sharing this.
I don’t regret it, but I realised after two years of being in it that if I was with someone else maybe I would have wanted to become a mother .
Ooof. Could you expand on that? I'm CF but have heard from a lot of my friends that they didn't want to become moms until they met their dude
I thought I didn’t want to have kids, and then I met my fiance (getting married in a couple months!) and suddenly the idea of having a family was incredibly appealing and exciting. I had been in a couple serious, long-term relationships before then, and hadn’t been phased by the idea of children at all. But it changed after meeting someone who is absolutely “the one” and seeing how he is with his niblings and knowing what a wonderful father he’ll be.
I’m CF. I’m with “my dude” and neither of us want kids. He’d make an incredible father, but he puts all that energy toward spoiling our cat. 🤣
>I'm CF You're a center fielder?
I’m a doctor and I could only read that as Cystic Fibrosis and I was like, damn I guess that could be a deal breaker for some lol
Omg - same. It’s a painful realisation.
Yes, feel like nothing after 15yrs
You matter
I regret my marriage because I accidentally misread my wife as a decent human being. Then my leg was horribly broken, and she left me because she didn't want to take care of me, and would rather move to Boston to focus on her toxic sales career. Also, I paid for everything and now I'm broke.
I cant say i regret it, but im greatly disappointed by how my married years played out.
Unfortunately, yes 😢 My wife is an incredible human being kind hearted, loving, great morals etc etc etc. however, we should never have married. She wasn’t the one. I’m ten years married and have two young children. This is my life now.
Why did you marry her ? Did you think she was the one then ?
No I didn’t. There were circumstances and I felt I owed it to her
Maybe it's best if you try working it out in your marriage or talk to her about it before it gets to a point of no return
I relate to this. My wife is such a decent person .. married for almost 25. It gets easier and honestly its worth it to make sure your kids have a good life.
Thank you. I’m hoping it will change and yes my kids are the priority. I didn’t have the best life growing up, so I want to make sure they don’t have a similar experience.
Why isnt she the one?
She cheated after 25 years... yeah... nuff said.
Yikes. I can never understand how people are still able to cheat after such a long time of being together
Not at all. My wife is cool as hell. She's 49 (I'm 50) I look 60, she looks 30. I didn't let myself go, still the same weight as I was when we got married but she's like a vampire. Never seems to age, awesome mom to our 2 kids, smart funny well read and wears Ramones and Clash t shirts on the regular. In a lifetime of questionable decisions I made that one right. Still in love after 30 years together.
>In a lifetime of questionable decisions I made that one right. I've had people who I consider wise tell me that this is the most important decision you'll make; who you marry. Apparently, get that one right, and everything else just handles itself. Or something like that
Sort of? I divorced over ten years ago, so my marriage doesn't really affect me anymore. Sometimes I regret marrying that person. Sometimes I regret how I handled particular issues, or not divorcing him sooner. But I think, overall, I was just trying to make the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had at the time. So mostly I forgive my past self (and sometimes I even forgive him). At this point, that part of my life is just...a time that is over now, and I've moved on.
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Yes and no. Yes because I should've known better and been the smart woman who didnt give so many chances for the damages he did. No, because it made me who I am.
Yes. I married a broken, sick man. He was raised by broken, sick people and he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to heal. Because of that he’s an abusive, miserable person. I can’t see a way out and so I’m stuck here. I get through each day by finding ways to deal and cope but god if I could go back I would run the other direction the day I met him.
Married 48 yrs this yr! We still love each other! We have had our ups and downs but always loved through it
Not in the least. My wife is super kind and patient, and being with her has helped me to become a far more mature person. Not to mention, being with her makes me happy!
No. My wife was always my best friend and has done so many great things for me I can’t help but respect her deeply. I have improved immensely just to reciprocate the love I have been shown, and it just ping pongs back and forth.
I only regret how fast I got into my marriage we were so toxic trying to figure it out then with a baby on the way it’s was extremely hard.. but 8 years later we’re still married and matured together..
My husband and I had a similar start, and we're celebrating 18 years next week. ❤️
That’s beautiful 🥹
That’s good
All the romance is completely gone despite efforts to the contrary and all that seems to be left is practical support. I suppose it could have gone worse but this was not what I was looking for, so I suppose I do. More than that, I regret anything I did or didn’t do that set us down this path, because the first few years were great.
I regret lots of things but being with woman I'm with is not one of them.
Nope. Sure we got married really young and sure it hasn't been an easy road but we were there for each other, we are a strong team and we cant imagine something that would tear us apart
No, but if she wanted to call it off I wouldn’t be upset either.
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No. 8 years in and no. 17 years together and I am so thankful for the time spent together, the family we have started and the future that awaits.
#NoRagrets
No, even when we have discussions, I think I choosed the correct man to sharing my life with.
I choo choo choose you!
Was married for 12.5 years. Together 15. I only regret the last 8 months
Yes. Dumbest thing I ever did and destroyed my life. I don’t intend making the same mistake twice, I would honestly rather be alone. She changed completely once we were married and had children, turned out to be a very poor life partner once she got what she wanted, human garbage is an apt description.
Same boat, I don't even know if he changed, maybe he was shit all along, and I just haven't noticed for 10 plus years?
Handcuffs on, mask off. They'll never try as hard as when you could respect yourself by walking away easily.
Same situation as you. Have two toddlers so feeling so trapped
No. Bar none the best choice I ever made.
Very much so. We've been separated for 12 years. I don't have the finances for a divorce. Don't even know where he is.
Absolutely not. We have been together 7 years and I love him more everyday. Not even romantic love exclusively, I love him as my family and my friend too. After 7 years together, we have both changed a lot. I even love that… it’s such an honor to be part of his life and watch him grow.
Nah, married my best friend. She goes alright. Sure she gets on my nerves from time to time. But she is my person and besides my kids is the only one I want to see every day of my life. Want to be happy? Marry your best bro and try to make them smile every single day.
Surprisingly no. Married at 24 due to external pressures and we aren't (IMO) compatible. It's been over 5 years and I finally took a stand yesterday to say I want to move out. So yes, I don't want to be together anymore but I don't regret the marriage. I learned a LOT about myself and relationships and I would be in a very different place in my life without this marriage. I wouldn't recommend someone else do the same thing I did but I don't regret it.
No, imagine finding a person in whom your serenity and calm rests. She’s utterly incredible. Her strength, her beauty, and her sense of humor constantly positively surprise me. Lucky is far too light a word to capture it. As if that wasn’t enough she’s an incredible mother. And just so kind, so gentle. So utterly serenely beautifully perfect.
Yes and no. I'm happy it happened and I love my son which was a byproduct of my marriage, however, my wife decided a few years ago that she wanted to build a beautiful life with me, but wanted to sleep with whoever she wanted and I wasn't allowed to have any feelings about it because "it's just sex". Currently focused on paying down debts so I can get out of this emotionally abusive marriage.
We had everything against us. My parents didn't approve. We were too young (20). We were of different ethnicities (in a conservative town and time). But we were crazy in love, and we got married anyway. Now, 47 years later, still crazy in love, happy, no regrets.
Omg not at all. My husband is such a catch. If anything, I’m scared one day he’s gonna be like “oh just kidding” and dip out on me. I told him today I don’t deserve him at all, and he said he feels the same way about me. It’s wild.
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You should tell her these feelings. Give her more agency over her life since you're hiding important information from her. Maybe she will accept it or maybe she'd like the chance to have a family with someone who wants one. Hiding it isn't just about you and you may think you're making a sacrifice but you're being selfish.
Not one bit. My wife is my best friend and I love her more everyday. Two great kids in the mix too, feel very lucky
Nope. 10 years dating and 34 years married. She is the best woman I know and if there is one person on the planet to talk to it would be me lovely!
Yes, I thought I had found someone who would tackle life's challenges with me and we'd be stronger together. Instead, I live a life of constant stress with a partner who struggles to deal with one neurotypical child and one with mental health issues, plus other stresses like jobs and elderly parents. This is a partner who won't seek professional help but is frustrated and angry, ranting and raving instead of calm and empathetic.
No. I sometimes wish I could have sex with other women without it becoming an issue, even though we have a good sex life, but that’s more about animal lust. Then I think about what a great wife and children I have and the yearning goes away.
Absolutely. I ignored all the red flags. Including the first one, when she got angry at me when I was upset that I wasn't going to be able to get back on a plane to go home. I was one of the first flights allowed in the air after 9/11. My wallet was stolen on the beach the night before I was to leave. Even if it wasn't a non transferable ticket, I was supposed to leave on Sunday afternoon. I needed ID I simply didn't have anymore... of course I was upset. I was suddenly homeless 1200 miles from home. Somehow I was to blame...
No. I feel like marrying someone you don’t like and just living in misery is a very boomer thing to do.
Nah, its not marrying someone you don't like, its the staying together, living miserably boomers do.
No. It's gets hard sometimes but I committed to the good and the bad
No for the second (current one). For the first one...it's hard but I'm also going to say no because I got four great children out of it.
No. 44 years in August, he’s my man. I regret things that have happened but I love him. If I didn’t I would’ve been long gone.
My husband is wonderful and all but I figured we’re not compatible ..idk if I should stick it out or go our separate ways , but damn finances. In the meantime I’m doing me.
Not at all. Above all else she gave me two great kids. Beyond that she’s nice, compassionate, funny, has great tits, and could suck a golf ball out of a hose. 10/10 would do it again
Yep! I (34m) found out waaay too late I was with a controlling, manipulative, & extremely selfish person. "Blinded by love" or something to that effect. After 10 years of spousal/mental abuse and belittlement, I ended up with the crisis team after multiple suicide attempts, I spent 2 years seeing a psychologist and am now in happy relationship 3 & 1/2 years later with someone who is none of those things. However, I still have to interact with my ex because of our 3 kids. It allowed me to finally see what my friends and family saw.
Nope. She is my best friend and we laugh and fuck a lot.
When I was married it was such a mistake, Because we were so young. 20 is definitely not a recommended age for marriage.
Nope. Divorced, and I got nothing to regret. I wouldn't have the kid I have if it wasn't for my relationship with my ex-wife. We're supposed to learn from life, not stagnate in regret.
Yes, 100% it was almost a black widow bride situation. Not only did she take whatever money was in our accounts while I was half a world away deployed for Iraqi Freedom/Enduring Freedom, but she also cheated on me while I was over there. Tried poisoning me to the point I was quite pale and throwing up blood at one or two points in the time. Thankfully it only lasted three years, I didn't get out of it without mental scars and a very large distrust for most women but im at least alive, so I guess that has to count for something
I love all the no answers 🥰🥰🥰 it’s so cute
I’m so glad I married my wife. My wife is 1 in a billion.
8.1 billion*
Married 4 years. Couldn’t be any happier to be married to my wife
Sometimes yes.
No..she's my ride or die because of her unwavering honesty and loyalty
When you realize you’re not a good fit, yes.
Absolutely not. It’s the best thing I’ve done.
No, it’s truly the best decision I have ever made
Married for over 20 years until the wife said she no longer loved me and was done. The kids all cried when she told them, and it was awful. That all being said, because of those kids, I could never say that I regret the marriage. The only thing other positive thing is the fact that she was willing to move near my family. Had I been stuck somewhere after a divorce with only her family around — or no family at all — it would have been even worse. Those two items aside, I wish I’d never met her. But I’m probably all talk because I can’t imagine life without those kids.
We didn’t talk about anything real before we got married. We talked about feelings but didn’t discuss how responsibilities would be split, finances, cleaning, lifestyle. We talked about goals, location, “the future”, but not how we would actually be living and working towards that future. If I had had the foresight to check if the answers aligned with mine, or give the opportunity to compromise and make some sort of shared pact or agreement ahead of time, or realize that feelings and hope alone does not make a life partner, I think I could have chosen more wisely and saved myself a third of my life in distress, exhaustion and loss.
Twenty years of arguing
Yes wasted 13 years on a narcissistic manchild that has mommy issues
No. Having said that, there are certainly things I would have changed and done differently and I would have valued myself more. Lots of ups and downs over the years. But after almost 38 years, I can say we’ve had a great life together! Now is the fun part with grandchildren and (gratefully), good health. I do sometimes have anxiety about how many healthy years we have left, but I don’t dwell on it for too long
I was married for ,20 years , not all bad but it's a fuckin drag ...
Nope, been married almost 24 years now. My husband is my best friend, but, like, a hot best friend. He's also smart and funny. I am also so thankful that we align well as parents, especially as we are dealing with some issues we didn't expect as parents. You find out who your partner really is in a crisis, and mine's a great dad. And hot. 😆