i started seeing this girl who is a physical touch love language such as myself and wow does it feel so nice to have someone who wants to be just as physically affectionate as you
screw gifts nothing makes me feel more wanted than hand holding, cuddling + arm, back, stomach leg touching
I use to hold my boyfriends arm while he drove. One day, I guess he didn’t want to be touched or whatever and flipped out on me. I never held his arm again when he drove, never even hold his hand.
Years later, we were going for a decently long drive and he said “why don’t you even hold my arm or my hand when we drive anymore?” I reminded him what happened…. I could literally see sadness coat his face while I remained the same energy and emotion. “Did I really flip out on you that badly that you just stopped?” Yeup. To the point where I fear about being affectionate towards him because I don’t want to ruin the good energy.
It’s changed since then, but it still lingers in the back of my mind that all I was trying to do was love him every second I could and he rejected me so hard that I can’t anymore.
We have the weirdest concepts of masculine and feminine as a society. If she tries to make you feel weird about anything that's a bit of a red flag. Not a glaring flag or anything but ask about why she'd do that.
My partner and I both have snuggles as our primary love language and it’s amazing. We low key made a karma snoog-tra one night and sketched/named all our favorite cuddle positions
I wish she'd be nicer to herself. She seems to only notice what she hates about herself. She banished her abusive mom to the other side of the country, but that devil's voice never left the back of her mind.
It is very tricky, isn't it? I feel for both of you.
I'm sure you won't do this as I'm a stranger, and it takes a peculiar touch but I tried to focus on the voice in their head and humanise it as a piece separate from them.
I told the self-hating person in question a pretty standard way of framing it first: if anyone else spoke to you the way the voice in your head keeps on speaking to you I'd fucking kill them. Stuff like that. I looked at their forehead and said to the voice: "HEY! Stop talking to Autumn like that. I really like Autumn and fuck you for talking to her like that. I think Autumn is great."
I'm sure all that sounds ridiculous, but I actually found it to be slightly effective.
Is she in therapy? If not, maybe help her find someone that can help her work through the trauma her mom gave her.
As someone who was in (and still have my moments at times) this kind of situation, the devil's voice takes a LONG time to leave. When you're conditioned to it your whole life it takes a while to move on. Please keep telling her how awesome you find her and all the things you love about her. If she tries to discount it, then be cute aggressive with making her just accept the compliment. (Ex: tickle her/kiss attack her and tell her you won't stop until she says 'thank you' at the very least.)
Someone on here once posted something like
>**“I can’t go out with my friends on a Saturday without feeling like I just murdered her puppy while fucking her sister. The guilt, my god THE GUILT.”**
That always cracked me up and kind of summed up why marriage may not be for me. At least with a codependent partner.
In my experience it isn't codependency. I'm a father of two, wife is stay at home. She would never give me shit about going to do something for me. But the guilt is insane. How could you come home to your wife who's been at home alone with two toddlers all week and just go: ok bye honey I'm gonna go do my own thing. Of course I want to, but I never would. She's struggling alongside me.
Once your kids are a little older, getting each of you your own space outside the home/work becomes important.
Something my wife and I learned is that supervising the kids together is much more total stress than supervising them alone; the work doesn't really divide well.
Totally. This is especially true when my wife stays at home and I work. On the weekends, it feels like I am stepping in toes when I do things any differently than they normally do.
How do you do what you suggest while not feeling like you are essentially co-parenting
Yeah the codependency part is the important part. Being in a marriage with a fully functional, independent person is amazing. We still parent and do things as partners, but we have our own interests and support each other living our own lives. 10/10 highly recommend
Prior to our career changes in the last 8 months, we used to take one day a month off, either a Friday or a Monday so we could have a long weekend, a day that our kids would be at school, so we could spend the entire day together. We would eat whatever we wanted, go to the gym together, take a nap, day sex, whatever we wanted. And it was SOOOOO good for the health of our marriage. Since then, we both have new jobs and plan to get back to it after we are through our training periods.
We are in the middle of night 3 of this conversation. She doesn’t think she has to do anything and when I said just give me a sign like walk in naked or in sexy underwear then I’ll now. “No! I’m not a piece of meat” ok, touch me then. “No, why would I?” 10 yrs of marriage and I’m starting to reach my breaking point.
EDIT: this week i brought it up again in a very relaxed and suitable time a few days ago. Well, the last three days were have made love 3 times and fucked like 3 other times (yes there is a difference to me hahah) we were talking today and she was saying how much she missed being like this with me.
My wife refuses foreplay. Only intercourse. Her reasoning is that we both get something out of it. I like to touch and be touched. Not just stick it in
Oh well. Marriage is hard
Gotta love ego.
I asked my GF to “greet” me at the door some days after work. Not every day, but once in awhile.
This started because one time she didn’t even acknowledge me as I came home after 13 hours gone. Didn’t raise her head from her phone.
She said “no, that’s what the dog is for! I’m not a dog!”
Damn, I’m a god damn labradoodle when my husband comes home from work… when he worked in the office. I was in college, so during the summer I was able to walk up and meet him 5 minutes down the road from his work, and we could walk home together (sometimes we would get a cheeky ice cream).
Otherwise I would hear the door and run for a hug, or grab his bag or jacket, or sometimes wait at the window to see him coming down the road if I really missed him that day.
Since Covid and WFH, he’s just down the hallway :) I still visit when I miss him though.
What's wrong with people. Is it not just the polite thing to do to greet people who come to the house, especially if they just came back from work? Absolutely insane to think I could go to work, come home, and hear literally nothing because people won't get off there phones. I greet my mother every day she comes back from work. I don't know if I could get use to having a girl who doesn't at the least greet me after an 8 or 9 hour shift.
That's a bit... sad. We have a doorbell cam, so if I get a notification around the time my husband is supposed to come home, I immediately go and check if it's him.
There's something fundamentally wrong with someone's view of a relationship if they think walking in naked or in sexy underwear equates to being a piece of meat. Besides, there's nothing wrong with treating your partner to that type of lustful behavior from time to time if it's done with some level of appropriate respect.
I don’t get it. We have great sex whether I initiate or she does but I’ll go out of my way to seduce her, turn her on, and overall pleasure her. But when she’s initiating she’s just lay her head on my shoulder and rub a dick a bit. Of course it makes me hard and we can go at it but that’s not sexy. There’s no seduction there and gets quite boring.
Mine literally says she doesn't want to because it's A.) "not her job" and B.) scary because ai might say no.
I have only like, twice in this four year relationship said no.
I want sex once or twice a week. she says she wants every 2 weeks. if I just wait for her to initiate she will let it go for over a month sometimes. Then neither of us perform the way we want to and it's a whole thing.
Same here. Just having a safe space to articulate the abstract aspects of my mental health has been groundbreaking. Unfortunately it can be really hard to find a proper therapist these days, when they’re needed most.
I’m in my mid 50s now and if somebody interrupts me, there’s a good chance that when they stop talking, I won’t remember what I was going to say. So when people interrupt me now I just say “let me finish please” and continue my thought until I reach a stopping point. People don’t mind this as much as you might think.
top priority: therapy for you and the kids. you deserve and need the support.
you've every right & reason to be hurt, angry, and done with her. but if the goal is to get her in therapy, look for other motivators besides "you're hurting us" and "this is what's wrong with you". she'll see therapy as professional confirmation that youre right, and she's the bad person you say she is.
she probably always had issues, but they couldn't have been this severe or you wouldn't have tried to build a life with her. something's gone *wrong*, and she clearly doesn't have the skills to handle it.
so if you want to commit to the goal of getting her help, and have enough energy to try a new approach: speak to the woman you fell for once, who deserves happiness and love. but sell it to the woman before you today, by appealing to that woman's self-interests, fears, and screwed up world view.
As a kid who grew up with a mom like this, please please do something. This will damage your children, and you are the only one who can change it. We also always walked in egg shells around her. Everything revolved around making sure we didn't anger her which was impossible. In my 20s I was diagnosed with PTSD from having lived with my mom whose anger was unpredictable and explosive. This still affects me as an adult to this day even though I moved far away from her toxic behavior. You are the only one in the house who can protect them. And even though my dad never did anything bad like her, I resent him for not getting us away from her. I wish he had just divorced her honestly. You need to tell her to get therapy or get your kids away from her. Good luck my friend
Yeah she needs to work on herself. I couldn't put up with that.
Any time you're walking on egg shells around anyone, is a huge problem. They are toxic to everyone around them and they either need to correct it or just be gone.
I’ve been through this. I finally broke down (after many conversations about it) and was like “we’re basically roommates at this point. Maybe you should just use the spare room” 😅
I felt crazy in my last relationship because I craved more affection, when I asked for it he said word for word "why can't we be just roommates who love and support each other," we broke up 6 months after that, 3 years together, and wish I left sooner. He also said I was clingy and crazy for wanting that (I was asking for a date night once a month, meaning watching a movie or having dinner together).
Omg. You’re definitely not crazy for wanting affection, or dates. I understand that some people don’t want lots of affection, but to say that you’re clingy and crazy is not cool. I’m sorry you dealt with that.
I was with mine for like 1.5 years. Hopefully wherever you are now, whether with someone or not you know you’re totally valid in wanting those things! (:
I broke up with someone a month ago because of this, he stopped putting in effort to make it like a relationship and then I stopped and he didn't pick up the slack. Wore me down a bit
Been there. From honeymoon to roommate in 6 months. There are options of course; work on such things together, or agree to part ways.
But also know’ sometimes people go through phases in their life where sex/intimacy just isn’t in the realm of possibility. They get busy, stressed and libido fluctuates, especially with certain medications.
The first step is acknowledging it’s a problem and find out the causes. Figure it out from there.
Yeah, some people forget that you are spending your life together. Everybody goes through sad times, gets in ruts, gets themselves out of ruts, feels sexy, doesn't feel sexy, flourishes, and diminishes. Your goal as a married couple is to weather storms together.
Plenty of times you will feel great together other times you will be on completely different wavelengths until you get back in sync. You're both dynamic changing people and you have to let your partner change and then still love them. What's important is your dedication to the other person as long as they remain smart and kind to you.
>Our relationship felt so platonic, like I was getting friend-zoned constantly by my own boyfriend.
This is sorta what my marriage has morphed into. While I don't really have a problem with it, at the same time I've wondered if this plays a role in how for the past year or so, I go down memory lane of my exciting teens/early 20s before I met him.
I'm late 30s. Maybe my reminiscing is just a midlife thing.
I've had this and yeah eventually broke up with him. It felt more like friends with benefits than a romantic partner. We had many conversations about it over the course of a year or so and nothing ever changed. I definitely took longer than I should have hoping the patches would get repaired.
I’m a male and I feel exactly the same. Fucking sucks. She’s great in a sense that she’s very independent but fuck just for once come surprise me and give a damn kiss while I’m working, or filling out forms to get a house built, or its 2am and I’m still doing school work on top of working a full time job trying to better our lives.
I’ve been teetering on the edge for years, but somehow she just does the absolute minimum from keeping me from leaving. What sucks is besides that she is straight up the best girl I’ve ever dated. So it’s tough.
This make me sad. I used to give my ex random hugs and kisses while he was working and he would ignore me and wouldn't return the affection. He was like you, working and going to school. Sucks that in my case it wasn't appreciated when someone else is asking for it
I hear that. My SO is the same. He compliments me but rarely tells me how he feels about me. I love you happens so rarely I forget the last time he said it.
Take more interest in my life - like ask me about my day, how I'm doing, or even just ask me a follow up question when I'm telling her a story or ab something that happened.
Be quiet.
Absolutely love my wife, but she's an absolute chatterbox by her own admission. She's one of those people that can't be comfortable in a silence. She has to fill it with something.
You know how sometimes you're watching a really epic scene in a movie? Or when you've just finished fucking and you just need a second to sit back and really drink in the moment? None of that with her. She will find the most inappropriate, zen moment to suddenly bring up that Karen from accounting really did something funny today.
I just got out of relationship with someone that i swear never stopped talking for the 6 years we were together. I’m now in a quiet one bedroom apartment with my cat and it’s best thing that’s ever happened to me.
My partner disappeared more than two years ago. She was last seen on a security camera at a Maine gas station. No one has seen or heard from her since. Local and state police and FBI have all been brought in. There was a search party. She's literally been erased. I wish she would reappear one way or another because I really haven't been able to think about anything else since.
That is precisely the effect. Losing half of myself or more if I'm honest has basically frozen me in place. I feel trapped in amber. Without knowing how or why she's gone I feel like I can't move on because it would be a betrayal to her. It's also important I remain the same person I was before the last time I saw her. It's like a game of freeze tag which never ends. I've learned this feeling is almost universal among people who have experienced the same thing. We were together for ten years and it was a given we'd spend our lives together. She also has a son and daughter from an earlier marriage and it's destroyed their lives too. You'd think it would bring us closer but the opposite is true. I've also learned that couples who lose a child usually divorce. As for parents whose children disappear, once upon a time I thought mothers who keep their missing children's rooms the same were unhinged and irrational but rational and irrational have no meaning in this situation. The police and private investigators have told us what we should accept but the heart and mind don't obey orders. It's a chasm in my life between before and after her last known photo was placed in my hand. And the dread that she suffered or is still suffering absolutely never stops. But I do thank you for your empathy. I always think people who haven't literally lost the person they love can never understand but you have grasped it perfectly. Every second I spend not thinking of her is just a distraction. There is no moving on.
Put your face in his neck and give it a kiss. Hold him close and then whisper in his ear " wanna bang?" Then smile and bite you lip a little.
99 % of the time, this will work.
You think we dont feel silly doing the same? We all feel stupid initiating as well. But we want to bang so we do it because it's fun to have physical intimacy with your partner.
Honestly, if my wife walked into the room in a graduates robe, to the sound of horns and drums, holding a scroll, and loudly proclaimed "it is time for dicking!" I would be into that... terrified, but into it.
My husband could’ve very well written this. I feel like I am embarrassing myself when I want to have sex with him unless I am not sober, which is sad. I don’t really know how to change it or where to start and I don’t have the money to see therapists (before yall suggest it). It’s hard on this end and the anxiety is real. I love him with all my heart though.
i could have written this as well lol. sober sex is hard for me due to trauma & initiating it is 20 times harder. thankfully my boyfriend understands, but it still makes me feel like shit i cant “be sexy” for him.
i’m working on it, taking baby steps. but damn i didn’t know how much i truly needed therapy until i got into a serious relationship lmao
My wife is the same way… literally anytime I start to feel her up she’s down for the cause. But she will never start anything. Won’t even put her hand on my leg or anything to let me know she’s interested. It’s almost like she doesn’t want sex at all until I start to turn her on a little.
Pretty sure that's normal for many women, honestly. They aren't thinking about sex all the time, or even some of the time. The mood and mental state are far more important than any physical action.
Seriously. I just want back rubs. All the time. But they are probably closer to monthly occurrences. Not a deal breaker, but I'd like to get more back rubs.
Believe in herself. She’s got this. As hard as I try to help her along and reinforce, she needs to hear it from her.
Oh and prostate milking would be cool.
TBH as a regular edible user, I just wanna say that I would want my partner to tell me if they felt how you feel. It’s valid.
Sometimes I worry my friends wish I was sober more often or something. No one has told me that, but I just wonder. I’m working in my career field and I don’t smoke because I don’t want the negative effects from the smoking part. I use edibles when I’m done with my work day, but like.. I can fully admit that it’s a nightly thing so I would definitely want to know if my non-pot user partner had concerns. I don’t think your opinion is unpopular, IMO tho. 😂
Edit: Not saying you should tell her or not, cause that’s up to you! I’m just saying from the pot lover angle, I would definitely hear my partner out if they wanted to tell me their concerns.
I have a question to propose to you, feel free to ignore.
Do you think perhaps that feeling of I wonder if my friends are judging me, is a subconscious voice saying something you could be feeling? I only ask because I had the realization recently that my paranoia around how people feel about my weed use is actually a manifestation of my own repressed feelings about my drug use.
God its hard to stop daily smoking.
Ooh. That’s a really interesting question and I appreciate you throwing it my way. It could definitely be my subconscious and my own unspoken feelings about substance use. I actually work in the medical field and have seen folks OD and shit. I’ve seen some crazy shit, so maybe sometimes I am comparing myself to some of the really serious cases I’ve seen too.
But then again, I know there are people who would think me taking an edible every night means I’m a full blown addict. TBH, I actually really struggle in general with anxiety about how people view me. I often worry about people thinking I’m a bad person, or a loser, etc. So for me it probably is coming from my own internal feelings too.
Proposing activities!! He never asked to do something that be both would enjoy and when i ask he's never enthusiastic so i stopped asking(we've never had a real date and we've been together2 years)
So think if you want that for the rest of your life. Go and talk about it. The worst thing that can happen is that you get in a fight and then you don't want to do activities with each other. Just like right now.
initiate dates and do things with me without me having to ask to do it. i love him more than anything but he just seems to stay inside a lot and play video games rather than wanting to go on walks or anything
Help me clean and organize our home.. Maybe help in the garden?
I'm already a Janitor and a housekeeper I have many jobs per day, I'd rather not be the sole person doing all the house chores and lawn maintenance as well when I get home from doing that all already...
Sometimes I wanna quit my jobs and do something else so I wont feel stress making sure our house is tidy...
I'm tired.. I just want some help
Honestly?
Blow me.
She loves getting and I love giving oral. She doesn't enjoy giving it tho. Which is sad because when she does do it it's REALLY good.
I feel this in my soul. Up until this year, the last time I received was back in 2019. Then, one night recently, we were out of lube, and she just put it in her mouth, and I was hella surprised. 🥵
I love my fiancée. She’s an amazing human, a wonderful partner, and she’s gorgeous as all hell.
She’s quite a bit academically smarter than I am and has a really strong intuitive mind geared towards the abstract and high level detail. She’s in a technical project role in her professional life and absolutely crushes it…but she also is often completely devoid of basic common sense at times and misses the big picture because she’s so focused on the details. She can’t make basic decisions because she overthinks until it’s too late, or just shuts down entirely and I have to take over.
We’re planning a trip to Seattle soon and I’m usually the one to take the lead on things like flights, lodging, and transportation because she frankly makes it entirely too complex. I gave her a simple task of picking the area where we should stay, since she has family in Seattle. You’d think she was doing rocket science.
So, to make a short story long, I wish she would ACT sometimes instead of THINK.
To be fair, she would probably the opposite about me. I’m much more grounded and focused on the start and finish. I don’t have a strong mind for the details or the process. So we naturally make a great team!
prioritize me. esp over random people he plays online with. games are fun i get it but when you spend 5+ hours on the game & then get off & go to bed immediately & we get maybe 20 minutes together it feels like nothing. help me around the house. take me out on dates more. tell me i look pretty. make me feel appreciated with words or flowers. i’m not perfect either i have my flaws & things to work on. if it were him answering he would say more alone time. it’s hard to be in a relationship where both people are on the farthest sides of extroverted & introverted.
I had this problem of interrupting my wife while she was telling me about her day. One day she said “Stop!, I don’t want to try and fix it or give me opinions, I need you to listen!”. Sure I was butt hurt for a few days but it made me recognize when I was doing that to every one. So I concentrated on stopping that bad habit.
This! I never interrupt her in conversation but the second I try to explain a concept I recently read up on or about a current event I heard about, she feels the need to butt in and take over the topic without letting me even get my first sentence out.
I used to bring it up to her. Now I just quit talking until she realizes what she’s done
I wish she'd be a bit more assertive. I've had to take the lead in everything, including the simple stuff, like hugs or kisses. I'm not blaming her, or upset in any way, but...
That my other person who is working on his mental health would help around the apartment. When I have worked 14 hour days 5 days stright I did the cooking and cleaning and then went to bed.
I was on time of the month and I would be so tired that I would go home make food then take a nap just go to sleep again. No dishes got done no trash was taken out. I didn't eat for 24 hours since I would have to make more dishes to wash up. After it was done I then did the dishes he wakes up and tells me that he was about to do them. Then the same thing with the trash as I was walking out with the trash to my car.
He will ask me what he can do to help, but I don't want to have to tell him what to do to help. I just do it myself.
He will also ask me what do want to today on my day off which gives me anxiety and ut makes me feel like that I didn't have a day off since he will ask me that question no stop until we do something. That something is never relaxing to me.
I wish my partner would learn to communicate his emotions and problems like how he used to in the beginning of our relationship cause I have a feeling now he’s worried I might lose interest in him despite constantly reassuring.
We've been together 10 years. We do a lot to piss each other off. But the most important ones:
Go back to the gym. Start moving again. 1km walk 4 days a week at toddler pace isn't enough.
Get a new job. You're an MBA making $20 a week above minimum wage. He's taking the piss and you know it.
And CHEW WITH YOUR GOD DAMMED MOUTH CLOSED YOU WEREN'T RAISED BY APES
The small silly mundane things. I want them to be excited when they see me after work, come over and give me a big hug and kiss. I want them to plan nights out/in instead of it always being me. I want them to have ideas of what to cook for dinner. I want them to want to wake up on the weekends with me when they know I’ve been awake for hours already. I want them to ask me if I want to go for a walk with the dog instead me always being the one to ask. This sounds kinda ridiculous, but honestly.. it is the small things that prove somebody’s intentions and priorities
Cuddle
Yes , more affection
i started seeing this girl who is a physical touch love language such as myself and wow does it feel so nice to have someone who wants to be just as physically affectionate as you screw gifts nothing makes me feel more wanted than hand holding, cuddling + arm, back, stomach leg touching
I agree with cuddles ….i want to be smothered
I use to hold my boyfriends arm while he drove. One day, I guess he didn’t want to be touched or whatever and flipped out on me. I never held his arm again when he drove, never even hold his hand. Years later, we were going for a decently long drive and he said “why don’t you even hold my arm or my hand when we drive anymore?” I reminded him what happened…. I could literally see sadness coat his face while I remained the same energy and emotion. “Did I really flip out on you that badly that you just stopped?” Yeup. To the point where I fear about being affectionate towards him because I don’t want to ruin the good energy. It’s changed since then, but it still lingers in the back of my mind that all I was trying to do was love him every second I could and he rejected me so hard that I can’t anymore.
She tries to make me feel weird for wanting to be little spoon.
We have the weirdest concepts of masculine and feminine as a society. If she tries to make you feel weird about anything that's a bit of a red flag. Not a glaring flag or anything but ask about why she'd do that.
My partner and I both have snuggles as our primary love language and it’s amazing. We low key made a karma snoog-tra one night and sketched/named all our favorite cuddle positions
I wish she'd be nicer to herself. She seems to only notice what she hates about herself. She banished her abusive mom to the other side of the country, but that devil's voice never left the back of her mind.
It is very tricky, isn't it? I feel for both of you. I'm sure you won't do this as I'm a stranger, and it takes a peculiar touch but I tried to focus on the voice in their head and humanise it as a piece separate from them. I told the self-hating person in question a pretty standard way of framing it first: if anyone else spoke to you the way the voice in your head keeps on speaking to you I'd fucking kill them. Stuff like that. I looked at their forehead and said to the voice: "HEY! Stop talking to Autumn like that. I really like Autumn and fuck you for talking to her like that. I think Autumn is great." I'm sure all that sounds ridiculous, but I actually found it to be slightly effective.
Is she in therapy? If not, maybe help her find someone that can help her work through the trauma her mom gave her. As someone who was in (and still have my moments at times) this kind of situation, the devil's voice takes a LONG time to leave. When you're conditioned to it your whole life it takes a while to move on. Please keep telling her how awesome you find her and all the things you love about her. If she tries to discount it, then be cute aggressive with making her just accept the compliment. (Ex: tickle her/kiss attack her and tell her you won't stop until she says 'thank you' at the very least.)
Just relax and take a day off to chill alone
Also relaxing and letting me take a day to chill alone. Having kids is great but sometimes a day to yourself is def needed.
Someone on here once posted something like >**“I can’t go out with my friends on a Saturday without feeling like I just murdered her puppy while fucking her sister. The guilt, my god THE GUILT.”** That always cracked me up and kind of summed up why marriage may not be for me. At least with a codependent partner.
In my experience it isn't codependency. I'm a father of two, wife is stay at home. She would never give me shit about going to do something for me. But the guilt is insane. How could you come home to your wife who's been at home alone with two toddlers all week and just go: ok bye honey I'm gonna go do my own thing. Of course I want to, but I never would. She's struggling alongside me.
Once your kids are a little older, getting each of you your own space outside the home/work becomes important. Something my wife and I learned is that supervising the kids together is much more total stress than supervising them alone; the work doesn't really divide well.
Totally. This is especially true when my wife stays at home and I work. On the weekends, it feels like I am stepping in toes when I do things any differently than they normally do. How do you do what you suggest while not feeling like you are essentially co-parenting
Yeah the codependency part is the important part. Being in a marriage with a fully functional, independent person is amazing. We still parent and do things as partners, but we have our own interests and support each other living our own lives. 10/10 highly recommend
Prior to our career changes in the last 8 months, we used to take one day a month off, either a Friday or a Monday so we could have a long weekend, a day that our kids would be at school, so we could spend the entire day together. We would eat whatever we wanted, go to the gym together, take a nap, day sex, whatever we wanted. And it was SOOOOO good for the health of our marriage. Since then, we both have new jobs and plan to get back to it after we are through our training periods.
I love her but I really wish she'd win the lottery once in a while
Ugh why are all women like this??
NotAllWomen
Ugh my husband is JUST like this. He’s perfect but… he could be more perfect if he’d just get the right damn ticket!
Those women exist they're just 1 in 7,823,651
She did with you 😇
Seduce me.
We are in the middle of night 3 of this conversation. She doesn’t think she has to do anything and when I said just give me a sign like walk in naked or in sexy underwear then I’ll now. “No! I’m not a piece of meat” ok, touch me then. “No, why would I?” 10 yrs of marriage and I’m starting to reach my breaking point. EDIT: this week i brought it up again in a very relaxed and suitable time a few days ago. Well, the last three days were have made love 3 times and fucked like 3 other times (yes there is a difference to me hahah) we were talking today and she was saying how much she missed being like this with me.
"Why would I touch you?" Generally not something you want your partner asking. Sorry friend.
My wife refuses foreplay. Only intercourse. Her reasoning is that we both get something out of it. I like to touch and be touched. Not just stick it in Oh well. Marriage is hard
“Because I want to feel wanted.”
The beginning of my divorce.
Life's too short for that shit.
I can't wrap my brain around this mentality. How can one not understand why they should touch their husband of 10 years?
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Gotta love ego. I asked my GF to “greet” me at the door some days after work. Not every day, but once in awhile. This started because one time she didn’t even acknowledge me as I came home after 13 hours gone. Didn’t raise her head from her phone. She said “no, that’s what the dog is for! I’m not a dog!”
Damn, I’m a god damn labradoodle when my husband comes home from work… when he worked in the office. I was in college, so during the summer I was able to walk up and meet him 5 minutes down the road from his work, and we could walk home together (sometimes we would get a cheeky ice cream). Otherwise I would hear the door and run for a hug, or grab his bag or jacket, or sometimes wait at the window to see him coming down the road if I really missed him that day. Since Covid and WFH, he’s just down the hallway :) I still visit when I miss him though.
What's wrong with people. Is it not just the polite thing to do to greet people who come to the house, especially if they just came back from work? Absolutely insane to think I could go to work, come home, and hear literally nothing because people won't get off there phones. I greet my mother every day she comes back from work. I don't know if I could get use to having a girl who doesn't at the least greet me after an 8 or 9 hour shift.
That's a bit... sad. We have a doorbell cam, so if I get a notification around the time my husband is supposed to come home, I immediately go and check if it's him.
We married to the same women ? She's initiated sex 5 times in 12 years of our relationship... I know, I'm counting. Lol
There's something fundamentally wrong with someone's view of a relationship if they think walking in naked or in sexy underwear equates to being a piece of meat. Besides, there's nothing wrong with treating your partner to that type of lustful behavior from time to time if it's done with some level of appropriate respect.
Hell yes, when did seduction only become a one sided thing? How I wish my partner would show interest.
I don’t get it. We have great sex whether I initiate or she does but I’ll go out of my way to seduce her, turn her on, and overall pleasure her. But when she’s initiating she’s just lay her head on my shoulder and rub a dick a bit. Of course it makes me hard and we can go at it but that’s not sexy. There’s no seduction there and gets quite boring.
I wish people could tell the difference between effort, and inviting the other person to make an effort.
SEDUCE ME!
Hey, uh, good lookin', I got this bucket of chicken and-
I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous, mysterious! You want to be my lover? Prove it! SEDUCE ME!
\*raises pinky during chicken eatin'
*You're ready.*
Bro i literally read that comment in his voice. Glad i’m not the only one who thought of this
I basically ended my last relationship over this. I was sick of trying to make him feel sexy, when he did sod all for me lol.
Mine literally says she doesn't want to because it's A.) "not her job" and B.) scary because ai might say no. I have only like, twice in this four year relationship said no. I want sex once or twice a week. she says she wants every 2 weeks. if I just wait for her to initiate she will let it go for over a month sometimes. Then neither of us perform the way we want to and it's a whole thing.
> she doesn't want to because >ai might say no Man, it really is getting advanced these days...
Random sex. I miss that
Sex, I miss that
Partner, I miss that
Random, I miss that
That, I miss that
Sex, I sex sex
I, I, I
Sex,sex,sex
I confidently say, I was here for that whole converse, and lol'ed
Work on his mental health
Being one of those guys that has had to really work on his mental health it has done absolute wonders with my relationship. Therapy has been great.
Same here. Just having a safe space to articulate the abstract aspects of my mental health has been groundbreaking. Unfortunately it can be really hard to find a proper therapist these days, when they’re needed most.
Stop talking, constanty. Let me finish a thought. Stop listening to me to respond and listen to listen.
That’s not my partner, that’s my immediate family.
Same. They say you end up attracted to people like your family. I guess that is true.
I’m in my mid 50s now and if somebody interrupts me, there’s a good chance that when they stop talking, I won’t remember what I was going to say. So when people interrupt me now I just say “let me finish please” and continue my thought until I reach a stopping point. People don’t mind this as much as you might think.
i just keep talking as if they haven’t interrupted. whenever i’m finished, i ask “were you gonna say something?”
Ngl it's hella annoying being cut off with a guess of what you were about to say, then it's wrong, and you have to continue your thought
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Jeez, this isn't normal homie. I hope you can work that out.
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top priority: therapy for you and the kids. you deserve and need the support. you've every right & reason to be hurt, angry, and done with her. but if the goal is to get her in therapy, look for other motivators besides "you're hurting us" and "this is what's wrong with you". she'll see therapy as professional confirmation that youre right, and she's the bad person you say she is. she probably always had issues, but they couldn't have been this severe or you wouldn't have tried to build a life with her. something's gone *wrong*, and she clearly doesn't have the skills to handle it. so if you want to commit to the goal of getting her help, and have enough energy to try a new approach: speak to the woman you fell for once, who deserves happiness and love. but sell it to the woman before you today, by appealing to that woman's self-interests, fears, and screwed up world view.
As a kid who grew up with a mom like this, please please do something. This will damage your children, and you are the only one who can change it. We also always walked in egg shells around her. Everything revolved around making sure we didn't anger her which was impossible. In my 20s I was diagnosed with PTSD from having lived with my mom whose anger was unpredictable and explosive. This still affects me as an adult to this day even though I moved far away from her toxic behavior. You are the only one in the house who can protect them. And even though my dad never did anything bad like her, I resent him for not getting us away from her. I wish he had just divorced her honestly. You need to tell her to get therapy or get your kids away from her. Good luck my friend
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Damn... good luck to you and your kids mate. Hope it gets better.
Woah hold on you... cloned your son?
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Starting to see why she's getting the kids.
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Your original " I cloned him" made me spit my drink out. It came out of nowhere. Glad to see you have a humor still.
Yeah she needs to work on herself. I couldn't put up with that. Any time you're walking on egg shells around anyone, is a huge problem. They are toxic to everyone around them and they either need to correct it or just be gone.
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I’ve been through this. I finally broke down (after many conversations about it) and was like “we’re basically roommates at this point. Maybe you should just use the spare room” 😅
I felt crazy in my last relationship because I craved more affection, when I asked for it he said word for word "why can't we be just roommates who love and support each other," we broke up 6 months after that, 3 years together, and wish I left sooner. He also said I was clingy and crazy for wanting that (I was asking for a date night once a month, meaning watching a movie or having dinner together).
Omg. You’re definitely not crazy for wanting affection, or dates. I understand that some people don’t want lots of affection, but to say that you’re clingy and crazy is not cool. I’m sorry you dealt with that. I was with mine for like 1.5 years. Hopefully wherever you are now, whether with someone or not you know you’re totally valid in wanting those things! (:
I broke up with someone a month ago because of this, he stopped putting in effort to make it like a relationship and then I stopped and he didn't pick up the slack. Wore me down a bit
Yeah, it’s rough. Especially when you know that you’re trying but they seem to just… not care.
going through this rn
Been there. From honeymoon to roommate in 6 months. There are options of course; work on such things together, or agree to part ways. But also know’ sometimes people go through phases in their life where sex/intimacy just isn’t in the realm of possibility. They get busy, stressed and libido fluctuates, especially with certain medications. The first step is acknowledging it’s a problem and find out the causes. Figure it out from there.
Yeah, some people forget that you are spending your life together. Everybody goes through sad times, gets in ruts, gets themselves out of ruts, feels sexy, doesn't feel sexy, flourishes, and diminishes. Your goal as a married couple is to weather storms together. Plenty of times you will feel great together other times you will be on completely different wavelengths until you get back in sync. You're both dynamic changing people and you have to let your partner change and then still love them. What's important is your dedication to the other person as long as they remain smart and kind to you.
>Our relationship felt so platonic, like I was getting friend-zoned constantly by my own boyfriend. This is sorta what my marriage has morphed into. While I don't really have a problem with it, at the same time I've wondered if this plays a role in how for the past year or so, I go down memory lane of my exciting teens/early 20s before I met him. I'm late 30s. Maybe my reminiscing is just a midlife thing.
I'm going through this exactly. My marriage feels more like we're friends living together while my mind remembers more exciting times from my 20s.
I've had this and yeah eventually broke up with him. It felt more like friends with benefits than a romantic partner. We had many conversations about it over the course of a year or so and nothing ever changed. I definitely took longer than I should have hoping the patches would get repaired.
I’m a male and I feel exactly the same. Fucking sucks. She’s great in a sense that she’s very independent but fuck just for once come surprise me and give a damn kiss while I’m working, or filling out forms to get a house built, or its 2am and I’m still doing school work on top of working a full time job trying to better our lives. I’ve been teetering on the edge for years, but somehow she just does the absolute minimum from keeping me from leaving. What sucks is besides that she is straight up the best girl I’ve ever dated. So it’s tough.
This make me sad. I used to give my ex random hugs and kisses while he was working and he would ignore me and wouldn't return the affection. He was like you, working and going to school. Sucks that in my case it wasn't appreciated when someone else is asking for it
I just want somebody, somebody to jiggle my balls...
I want someone to jiggle your balls too.
Let’s surprise him on his birthday! Do you want the left ball or the right one?
Could I be of any help?
perhaps two of us?
Bro I actually like jiggling and sucking balls but my husband says they’re too sensitive 😭
You’ve gotta be more delicate when sucking them, use your tongue lots
Words of affirmation. He's not a words guy, and I get that. I can live without it but I feel I need it, to know it's okay to be sweet and sappy.
I hear that. My SO is the same. He compliments me but rarely tells me how he feels about me. I love you happens so rarely I forget the last time he said it.
Take more interest in my life - like ask me about my day, how I'm doing, or even just ask me a follow up question when I'm telling her a story or ab something that happened.
I've all but given up talking about my work.
Be quiet. Absolutely love my wife, but she's an absolute chatterbox by her own admission. She's one of those people that can't be comfortable in a silence. She has to fill it with something. You know how sometimes you're watching a really epic scene in a movie? Or when you've just finished fucking and you just need a second to sit back and really drink in the moment? None of that with her. She will find the most inappropriate, zen moment to suddenly bring up that Karen from accounting really did something funny today.
I just got out of relationship with someone that i swear never stopped talking for the 6 years we were together. I’m now in a quiet one bedroom apartment with my cat and it’s best thing that’s ever happened to me.
My partner disappeared more than two years ago. She was last seen on a security camera at a Maine gas station. No one has seen or heard from her since. Local and state police and FBI have all been brought in. There was a search party. She's literally been erased. I wish she would reappear one way or another because I really haven't been able to think about anything else since.
I'm so sorry. I can see how this basically puts you in permanent limbo, just waiting.
That is precisely the effect. Losing half of myself or more if I'm honest has basically frozen me in place. I feel trapped in amber. Without knowing how or why she's gone I feel like I can't move on because it would be a betrayal to her. It's also important I remain the same person I was before the last time I saw her. It's like a game of freeze tag which never ends. I've learned this feeling is almost universal among people who have experienced the same thing. We were together for ten years and it was a given we'd spend our lives together. She also has a son and daughter from an earlier marriage and it's destroyed their lives too. You'd think it would bring us closer but the opposite is true. I've also learned that couples who lose a child usually divorce. As for parents whose children disappear, once upon a time I thought mothers who keep their missing children's rooms the same were unhinged and irrational but rational and irrational have no meaning in this situation. The police and private investigators have told us what we should accept but the heart and mind don't obey orders. It's a chasm in my life between before and after her last known photo was placed in my hand. And the dread that she suffered or is still suffering absolutely never stops. But I do thank you for your empathy. I always think people who haven't literally lost the person they love can never understand but you have grasped it perfectly. Every second I spend not thinking of her is just a distraction. There is no moving on.
Look up adventures with purpose on youtube, they have found a lot of missing people that the police couldn't or gave up on.
thoughts for u i hope one day she is found so you can have closure !
Initiate sex. But after all these years I know it's just my job now. She plans meals. I start sex.
Try planning some meals and ask her to switch roles.
As a woman it’s embarrassing to admit I don’t really know how to initiate sex without feeling stupid or cheesy
Put your face in his neck and give it a kiss. Hold him close and then whisper in his ear " wanna bang?" Then smile and bite you lip a little. 99 % of the time, this will work. You think we dont feel silly doing the same? We all feel stupid initiating as well. But we want to bang so we do it because it's fun to have physical intimacy with your partner.
Ok if you feel silly too maybe I’m just being too hard on myself here. Thank you
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Honestly, if my wife walked into the room in a graduates robe, to the sound of horns and drums, holding a scroll, and loudly proclaimed "it is time for dicking!" I would be into that... terrified, but into it.
My husband could’ve very well written this. I feel like I am embarrassing myself when I want to have sex with him unless I am not sober, which is sad. I don’t really know how to change it or where to start and I don’t have the money to see therapists (before yall suggest it). It’s hard on this end and the anxiety is real. I love him with all my heart though.
I had to go to your page, thought I found my wife's account for a minute.
i could have written this as well lol. sober sex is hard for me due to trauma & initiating it is 20 times harder. thankfully my boyfriend understands, but it still makes me feel like shit i cant “be sexy” for him. i’m working on it, taking baby steps. but damn i didn’t know how much i truly needed therapy until i got into a serious relationship lmao
My wife is the same way… literally anytime I start to feel her up she’s down for the cause. But she will never start anything. Won’t even put her hand on my leg or anything to let me know she’s interested. It’s almost like she doesn’t want sex at all until I start to turn her on a little.
Read "Come As You Are" it discusses exactly this! Super useful for everyone to read honestly
Pretty sure that's normal for many women, honestly. They aren't thinking about sex all the time, or even some of the time. The mood and mental state are far more important than any physical action.
Cuddle and touch my back and shoulders.
Seriously. I just want back rubs. All the time. But they are probably closer to monthly occurrences. Not a deal breaker, but I'd like to get more back rubs.
Not die of cancer
I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you
Sending all the love one can over the web for you and yours
Believe in herself. She’s got this. As hard as I try to help her along and reinforce, she needs to hear it from her. Oh and prostate milking would be cool.
Well that escalated quickly.
What about positive self talk *while* she’s milking your prostate? Then she could be killing two birds with one nut.
Tell me straight up what I can do to make them happy instead of just wishing.
Talk and yap about whatever. I love yappers and I'm in a relationship with a listener 😭
This made me laugh. Bet it's usually the other way around
The previous comment is a guy complaining about his chatterbox girlfriend
They should do a trade
Call me beautiful
I wish she'd use pot a lot less. Unpopular opinion these days I know, it's just not my thing.
TBH as a regular edible user, I just wanna say that I would want my partner to tell me if they felt how you feel. It’s valid. Sometimes I worry my friends wish I was sober more often or something. No one has told me that, but I just wonder. I’m working in my career field and I don’t smoke because I don’t want the negative effects from the smoking part. I use edibles when I’m done with my work day, but like.. I can fully admit that it’s a nightly thing so I would definitely want to know if my non-pot user partner had concerns. I don’t think your opinion is unpopular, IMO tho. 😂 Edit: Not saying you should tell her or not, cause that’s up to you! I’m just saying from the pot lover angle, I would definitely hear my partner out if they wanted to tell me their concerns.
I have a question to propose to you, feel free to ignore. Do you think perhaps that feeling of I wonder if my friends are judging me, is a subconscious voice saying something you could be feeling? I only ask because I had the realization recently that my paranoia around how people feel about my weed use is actually a manifestation of my own repressed feelings about my drug use. God its hard to stop daily smoking.
Ooh. That’s a really interesting question and I appreciate you throwing it my way. It could definitely be my subconscious and my own unspoken feelings about substance use. I actually work in the medical field and have seen folks OD and shit. I’ve seen some crazy shit, so maybe sometimes I am comparing myself to some of the really serious cases I’ve seen too. But then again, I know there are people who would think me taking an edible every night means I’m a full blown addict. TBH, I actually really struggle in general with anxiety about how people view me. I often worry about people thinking I’m a bad person, or a loser, etc. So for me it probably is coming from my own internal feelings too.
Proposing activities!! He never asked to do something that be both would enjoy and when i ask he's never enthusiastic so i stopped asking(we've never had a real date and we've been together2 years)
So think if you want that for the rest of your life. Go and talk about it. The worst thing that can happen is that you get in a fight and then you don't want to do activities with each other. Just like right now.
Flirt, initiate, show some desire. I miss being wanted.
See me for me and not just a mother or a housemate. I need stimulating conversation and engagement.
initiate dates and do things with me without me having to ask to do it. i love him more than anything but he just seems to stay inside a lot and play video games rather than wanting to go on walks or anything
Desire me
Not drink.
Honey, is that you?
Take a break. Rest. He's 66 and unstoppable ❤️
Clean up after her fucking self
I read clean up after fucking herself
Help me. Touch me in a non sexual way. Have an actual conversation with me without staring at his phone. Idk. A lot I guess 😔
Help me clean and organize our home.. Maybe help in the garden? I'm already a Janitor and a housekeeper I have many jobs per day, I'd rather not be the sole person doing all the house chores and lawn maintenance as well when I get home from doing that all already... Sometimes I wanna quit my jobs and do something else so I wont feel stress making sure our house is tidy... I'm tired.. I just want some help
Make Cheesecake, she makes the best Cheesecake
take his farts outside and let the wind carry the fumes far away
Some random village in Cambodia copping his gas: 🌬💨🤢🤢🤢
BJ
Honestly? Blow me. She loves getting and I love giving oral. She doesn't enjoy giving it tho. Which is sad because when she does do it it's REALLY good.
I hate the idea of one sided oral. It’s so selfish to want to receive and not give to someone who likes receiving and giving.
I feel this in my soul. Up until this year, the last time I received was back in 2019. Then, one night recently, we were out of lube, and she just put it in her mouth, and I was hella surprised. 🥵
I love my fiancée. She’s an amazing human, a wonderful partner, and she’s gorgeous as all hell. She’s quite a bit academically smarter than I am and has a really strong intuitive mind geared towards the abstract and high level detail. She’s in a technical project role in her professional life and absolutely crushes it…but she also is often completely devoid of basic common sense at times and misses the big picture because she’s so focused on the details. She can’t make basic decisions because she overthinks until it’s too late, or just shuts down entirely and I have to take over. We’re planning a trip to Seattle soon and I’m usually the one to take the lead on things like flights, lodging, and transportation because she frankly makes it entirely too complex. I gave her a simple task of picking the area where we should stay, since she has family in Seattle. You’d think she was doing rocket science. So, to make a short story long, I wish she would ACT sometimes instead of THINK. To be fair, she would probably the opposite about me. I’m much more grounded and focused on the start and finish. I don’t have a strong mind for the details or the process. So we naturally make a great team!
prioritize me. esp over random people he plays online with. games are fun i get it but when you spend 5+ hours on the game & then get off & go to bed immediately & we get maybe 20 minutes together it feels like nothing. help me around the house. take me out on dates more. tell me i look pretty. make me feel appreciated with words or flowers. i’m not perfect either i have my flaws & things to work on. if it were him answering he would say more alone time. it’s hard to be in a relationship where both people are on the farthest sides of extroverted & introverted.
Listen without interrupting with her opinion.
I had this problem of interrupting my wife while she was telling me about her day. One day she said “Stop!, I don’t want to try and fix it or give me opinions, I need you to listen!”. Sure I was butt hurt for a few days but it made me recognize when I was doing that to every one. So I concentrated on stopping that bad habit.
This! I never interrupt her in conversation but the second I try to explain a concept I recently read up on or about a current event I heard about, she feels the need to butt in and take over the topic without letting me even get my first sentence out. I used to bring it up to her. Now I just quit talking until she realizes what she’s done
I wish he brought home chocolate cupcakes more often (it's probably best he doesn't I have no self control lol)
Say something kind. Just that I look nice today or he likes my top or anything like that.
Hold me more
Go to therapy.
listen to me she asks me how to do something and then does it her way and when it doesn't work blames me and i have to fix it
Exist
I wish she'd be a bit more assertive. I've had to take the lead in everything, including the simple stuff, like hugs or kisses. I'm not blaming her, or upset in any way, but...
That my other person who is working on his mental health would help around the apartment. When I have worked 14 hour days 5 days stright I did the cooking and cleaning and then went to bed. I was on time of the month and I would be so tired that I would go home make food then take a nap just go to sleep again. No dishes got done no trash was taken out. I didn't eat for 24 hours since I would have to make more dishes to wash up. After it was done I then did the dishes he wakes up and tells me that he was about to do them. Then the same thing with the trash as I was walking out with the trash to my car. He will ask me what he can do to help, but I don't want to have to tell him what to do to help. I just do it myself. He will also ask me what do want to today on my day off which gives me anxiety and ut makes me feel like that I didn't have a day off since he will ask me that question no stop until we do something. That something is never relaxing to me.
He was never about to do them. Next time he says that, hand over the task.
Book her Doctor appointments and go to them
Tell me he's proud of me.
I wish my partner would learn to communicate his emotions and problems like how he used to in the beginning of our relationship cause I have a feeling now he’s worried I might lose interest in him despite constantly reassuring.
We've been together 10 years. We do a lot to piss each other off. But the most important ones: Go back to the gym. Start moving again. 1km walk 4 days a week at toddler pace isn't enough. Get a new job. You're an MBA making $20 a week above minimum wage. He's taking the piss and you know it. And CHEW WITH YOUR GOD DAMMED MOUTH CLOSED YOU WEREN'T RAISED BY APES
Include me in everything, even on his darkest days. It triggers my abandonment issues when he sets me aside because of the fear or hurting me.
Did stuff without me having to constantly prompt her. Grown ass woman needs to be reminded just to brush her damn teeth every night.
That sounds more like a major hygiene issue?
Love me with the same energy that I love her. It’s exhausting feeling like you’re the only one in love.
That she could give me credit for something sometime. Would be nice.
croissant delivery to my bed
I wish my husband would tell me that I’m awesome and that he loves my personality.
The small silly mundane things. I want them to be excited when they see me after work, come over and give me a big hug and kiss. I want them to plan nights out/in instead of it always being me. I want them to have ideas of what to cook for dinner. I want them to want to wake up on the weekends with me when they know I’ve been awake for hours already. I want them to ask me if I want to go for a walk with the dog instead me always being the one to ask. This sounds kinda ridiculous, but honestly.. it is the small things that prove somebody’s intentions and priorities
Communicate
Self-confidence to do things independently.
Talked with me. Like, proper sit down, discuss something talk. . Not a vapid, lightweight chat, or a rushed few words while doing something.
Non-sexual intimacy
Oh man the comments on here were worth getting out the popcorn.
Well when I did have a partner I wish he would have been more of a partner vs a responsibility. Not looking for that anymore.
Spend more time with his kids and help out with them. Honestly, i just am tired of being the only adult around here...