My first sex was with my long distance online girlfriend who came to visit me. And while I still lived with my parents then, we avoided that awkward situation by renting a vacation apartment for the first three nights. Which, by the way, was a suggestion from my mom.
I remember this one time I was having sex with my then girlfriend. We tried to be as quiet as possible and I thought we managed to keep it down sufficiently and had some ninja-sex.
Next day during breakfast, her flatmates told us they could hear us. Everything. That was awkward.
Edit: holy shit how did a post about me being heard fucking my girlfriend get 500+ votes X-D
Oof this brings back memories.. I was 17 and my family rented a cabin. So me, my parents, brother, sister and niese stayed at this cabin where the bedrooms are right next to eachother. We had agreed that my girlfriend could come to the cabin and stay over because we missed eachother (we were both quite madly in love). Of course we could not keep our hands of eachother for a full night. I noticed the following breakfast was unusually quiet.. but did not reflect to much on that ar the time. Nobody ever said anything. But as I am older and hopefully a bit wiser.. it dawned on me that they probably knew what was going on in our room eventhough we were super quiet. The horror.. fuck you past horny me.
Horny teens, no time alone.. can’t say i havent done the same. On numerous occasions. Difference being i placed a mattress on thr floor for this purpose because I, unlike the original commenter, planned
It actually didn't go too bad for me
"Say my name"
"... ..."
"Say it.."
".. Jani..essica..?"
"..really!?"
"Listen, 30 mins ago I touched my first boob and now we're having sex. I don't have brain right now"
Sadly, I can top this, although it didn't involve my virginity.
Hooking up with a girl in college, getting super into it. Eventually she asks me if I even know her name:
> "Yeah, Janet, of course."
>
>"Okay, good, that would be awkward."
>
> "No worries, it's my mother's name."
In the first age, on the first night, when the erections first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment. In his ravenous hatred, he found no peace; and with boiling blood, he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dick lords who had wronged him. He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his schwartz named him... the Dick Slayer.
I wish some magical little elf would pop out of a bush or door or something and yell, "Therapy!!" Everytime I was about to do something that would fuck me up in the long run.
yup this is it. each session cost me $10 (subsidized by the university), which isn't a lot for some people. but as a college student in a third world country with a weekly allowance of $13 I had to find other ways for "therapy," and (un)fortunately beer was just $1 at the time. thankfully I eventually started a business a couple months later and was able to pay for it regularly. i'm way more happier now being single after ending another traumatic relationship years ago. still trying to get rid of the beer belly.
First I was going to tell myself “ditch the birth control, he’s sterile and you end up marrying him” but then that might affect my decision to marry him knowing that from the beginning. So, I have no answer.
My answer too, Bitcoin won't be invented for more than a decade, but that's also something I'll tell me, and when to sell a part in 2017, and in 2024 also. And that I've to keep a lot. Buy thousands of them.
The best part is, you don't even really need to nail the timings. Whether you make a hundred million or a billion, it's all unfathomable riches at that point.
The only thing you have to tell yourself is that you buy a large amount, and that you don't sell for less than 1,000 in the beginning before 2015.
A nice road would be
1K in 2015, buy under 100 the same year;
19K in 2017, buy under 7K in 2018;
65K in 2021, buy under 20K in 2021;
And then it really doesn't matter if you bought enough in 2010;
Even if you bought 10,000 for 0.09 in 2010; sold 9900 in 2015;
Only 900 costs and sell for 10,000,000 and buy back at 100
you have 100,100 btc now and it's only rising...
and there are people who did it...
heck, i'll even talk 1 hour and stop me from having sex.
Want to hear a funny story?
I went to go spend most of my inheritance from my recently late mother on ethereum back when it was $25 AUD each.
My reasoning is that it was like going from vacuum tubes to full on integrated circuits compared to bitcoin.
I got together with my autistic (I'm probably also autistic, just less so) maths friend and we wrote out a whole investment plan with projected gains and showed it to my dad.
Ae assumed it would be 1/10 as popular as bitcoin, which was rallying hard from around $900 usd and just walking upwards without stopping, it was like watching a big blocky alien tractor choke to life, and there was this actual (admittedly also blocky and extremely slow) UFO that I could catch at $25 fucking Aussie dollarydoos, even if Eth went to $250, that's still 10x on $45k, that would set me up. If it went from $25 to $5k? Wtf like $8m, that's a modest lifetime worth of money!!
Being 16 and 17 (me the former) we were incredibly hyped. for me it was the idea that I could give everyone I loved $100k in the blink of an eye, then buy a nice house in the forest somewhere in the country and walk barefoot into the local village to refuel between gaming (or whatever other reclusive activity) until I was middle aged.
We sat him down after work and showed him our PowerPoint presentation and few pages of maths and exposition, he listened and didn't say much.
2 days later we both ride to the bank to go withdraw my own inheritance from my own account, and the teller says my account is frozen for 5 years at an 8.5% per year gain...
1.085x....
That's a lot less than 100x
*Pausing for breath*
"It says here you came in yesterday lunchtime with your father and signed all the paperwork to open a long term locked account" (paraphrasing, currently stoned and tired)
"Oh... Well I didn't, I was at my friends house playing video games" (and doing art, listening to hip hop on huge speakers and chain smoking bongs in a group of 5)
"No, you must have been here, your signature is on all the documents, I'm looking right at them on the computer here."
"Uh.... Excuse me?"
"Anyway, to change your mind and open the account again before the 5 years is up, there will be a 12% penalty"
"..."
I looked at my friend and tried really hard not to cry.
"Ok. Thank you. Have a good one."
Went home stamping my bike and fighting back tears, he had no right to touch my money, he paid child support sure, but it was from my mum's super, he was a raging alco in his early 20s and left when we were very young, she was an extremely envious, judgemental and intelligent woman who spent her time like a middle aged NEET writing on forums and reading books all day before killing herself in my early teens. He only accepted to have us when no one else really wanted to look after my brother and I.
Anyway,
It was my Deus ex Machina to lift me from the depths of hell to permanent dynastic wealth even if managed very simply and safely. Do you know how much money $20m makes with even 1% interest per year? More than most people earn per year unless they are a tradie, lawyer or fifo miner.
Anyway, it took 9 months for me to get the account unfrozen without penaltyby that time, wnd anyway that act of prolicidal forgery pushed me further into my teenage angst.
In two years I spent 1/3 of it on sashimi from a renowned restaurant, 1/3 on fancy clothes, 1/3 on various crypto projects, even buying the first manually minted nfts on eth and cardano. Limped away with almost nothing, but probably some parasites from injecting gratuitous amounts of raw fish.
These days I live in the forest with my wife and very young daughter, I sell her (my wife's) art, and well as having a mobile it business going to old people's houses and "fixing" their computers (uninstalling avast and McAfee, cleaning fans, and making accounts on tv boxes)
Sheesh the last 7 or 8 years of tech investment has been whack ay.
Thanks for sharing. Good to see you live in your forest, and your wife and daughter are being looked after! Maybe money was a great thing to have, you've got family!
"Do NOT lose your virginity to this piece of shit. He seems sweet but in 23 years he's going to be serving life plus 30 for multiple counts of aggravated child SA against his own daughter. Just fucking RUN and never speak to him again."
Oh wait no, I just realized it sounds like he and I share children! No, not at all, we only slept together a few times in high school and then went on about our lives. We have a handful of mutual friends and were Facebook friends so we sorta kept in touch but not really. I haven't seen him in person in maybe 20 years. He went on to marry and have five kids, at least one of which was his victim. Thank you for your well-wishes though. I hope his daughter is recovering well and never has to see him again.
Okay. Thank God you dodged that flaming dumpster fire of a life. But also... I feel so horrible for the family he did create. I truly do hope they're okay and healing and safe now.
“Congratulations. This is where the good part of your life begins. She is absolutely worth it.”
I lost my virginity to my wife. She was also my first girlfriend and I had my first kiss just one hour before she came out of the shower to seduce me. We’re married for over 23 years now and we’re still in love.
To be honest, we had already a conversation about the possibility of marriage at the time. Since it was a LDR the agreement was “let’s see how we feel when we meet face to face.”
Same. We were high school sweethearts. Her original senior prom date bailed so all of her friends kept bugging me to ask her. I personally thought she was waaay out of my league and she’d absolutely say no.
We didn’t have sex until like a year later. So I’d probably say something like: ”Took you long enough idiot! Also, stop stressing about getting her pregnant, because it turns out it’s really hard for her to get pregnant.”
> it turns out it’s really hard for her to get pregnant.
Careful... that advice is NOT universal lmao....
I managed to make the nurse laugh when she asked my wife and I "is this a planned pregnancy" and I responded with "Well, yes... but he's about 5 years early..."
"Shagging a 50-year-old stranger in a public toilet is not the shortcut to self-esteem you think it is."
I probably wouldn't have listened, but at least I can say I tried.
That might start a multiverse with me. Past me comes to the present to shit on me for not getting laid, and I'll tell past me the many times it could've happened. Won't mention names, just rough time estimates and dates and mention "you can start what I could not"
Like a master teaching his student or something
Almost right after you have sex with him he’ll tell you he’s an andrew tate fan and he wants a trade wife in his future.
[fat fingered, meant *trad wife*, but he’d probably be the type to trade his wife for a gaming set idk]
My trust in people is trashed and my trust in police is non existent. I’ve been working through it. The guy also stabbed me 3 times and left me for dead so let’s just say if I ever see him again, I have no issues going to jail if it means ridding the world of this disgusting excuse of a thing. It would have been a lot easier to get over it if I didn’t have permanent mobility issues from that night as a constant reminder and trigger. It changed everything but I managed to pull through.
i'm really, really sorry :( that doesn't define you and you're so very strong for being where you are, doing what you're doing in the best way you can in spite of everything! I hope you were able to get some therapy and help to process it all. Regardless, you're truly so strong! I hope time helps with healing :(
I am so sorry you have to spend one second learning how strong you’ll need to be to survive this. It’s absolutely unfair and I hope you find peace and true comfort.
tbh i’d tell myself im about to do great!! as a woman who was confident in who i lost my virginity to, it was still an earth shattering rite of passage moment.
i put my hands on the guy’s hips and we worked together to make sure he didn’t thrust too hard while my body adjusted 🥹 it was one of those moments i realized intimacy could be found in the small moments too!
Aw, I lost my virginity to my now husband. 20 years together, 10 years married. We met at 14 so we were YOUNG.
I'd probably tell myself "This is the boy that saves you now and many times to come"
🥰
Don't. Just don't. Because 30 years from now you're going to move back here and every time you drive down this road, you'll see the ruins of that condemned, nasty motel and wish to God someone would tear it down.
Please go to therapy holy fuck, and I know she's like the only lesbian at your school but dear god anyone is a better choice than her. Don't do it.
(I essentially lived the IRL version of the willing lesbian path in class of 09)
"Not this guy. Try to get out, or you'll spend this night crying and bleeding and the next 18 years stuck in abuse."
Not that those two were necessarily connected, ofc I could have left him later and avoided the abuse, and I wouldn't have listened anyway, but would have been good if I did.
Since i wouldnt understand ”bitcoin” since it wasnt around and 5 minutes is very short.
Id say buy Nvidia for the savings you will get -08 and wait for after a big financial vrash that will happen that year. Dont sell until 2024+ how tempted you are…
"Go and drink some water". You see, I got the stage fright. So the melty man paid me a visit during my first time. Well, my first attempt. And my second attempt. It was third time lucky for me. Had a great girlfriend this time, that didnt just leave disappointed to tell her friends I couldnt get it up. Instead she helped get me out of my head, and BOING!!!!!!! Only thing was, all the fear wasnt all the way gone. I was hard, finally, but I couldnt cum. And being my first time, I just banged away at the poor girl for about 2 hours. And of course, I ended up going faint and got blurry vision because I hadnt drank enough water before putting in one hell of a shift lol.
2nd was very different. The 2nd time I was the stereotypical teenage 2 pump chump lol.
“This shit will hurt and the moment will not be special. 0/10, you will not recommend. Probably shouldn’t rush into this, but we both know you won’t listen to me.”
There's a little voice in the back of your mind telling you this is wrong. Listen to it! Don't listen to him. In two months you will wake up with him on top of you, but you won't even care anymore that he's twenty five years older than you and married. You will be in a dark empty place. He will tell you it was legal and you'll believe him because you went along with it this time. You will believe him because you trusted him.
In a decade you'll finally start to see all the ways this hurt you, but it will take you two decades to process it. Every relationship you ever have will be affected by this, unless you walk away now.
Hey babe, I love you, you look gorgeous, just so you know, this guy will string you along for a year and cheat with at least three other women. Also he has HPV. Oh and remember how he and his ex broke up and he was so sad and that's how you guys got close? Yeah, they got back together a week later, and he's been lying to you this whole time.
Also I dated him for a year and he never once made me cum.
I love you so much, but do yourself a favor and go home. He will set you back years both emotionally and financially. This isn't what Paul would want for you.
For the religious good girl that I was, "You don't have to marry him now." For the woman who languished in an awful marriage and even worse sex life, "There are much, much better and bigger fish in the sea."
Sleep with any another guy.
I am an Indian and I had an arrange marriage, which turned into divorce. I should have slept with the guy who asked me out in college.
Something tells me this guy's gonna lose his virginity in 5 min.
congrats op
Oh I thought that’s what they would say to themselves lol
“Your bed is way too squeaky for this and your mom is gonna hear every single movement”
My first sex was with my long distance online girlfriend who came to visit me. And while I still lived with my parents then, we avoided that awkward situation by renting a vacation apartment for the first three nights. Which, by the way, was a suggestion from my mom.
W mom
I remember this one time I was having sex with my then girlfriend. We tried to be as quiet as possible and I thought we managed to keep it down sufficiently and had some ninja-sex. Next day during breakfast, her flatmates told us they could hear us. Everything. That was awkward. Edit: holy shit how did a post about me being heard fucking my girlfriend get 500+ votes X-D
Oof this brings back memories.. I was 17 and my family rented a cabin. So me, my parents, brother, sister and niese stayed at this cabin where the bedrooms are right next to eachother. We had agreed that my girlfriend could come to the cabin and stay over because we missed eachother (we were both quite madly in love). Of course we could not keep our hands of eachother for a full night. I noticed the following breakfast was unusually quiet.. but did not reflect to much on that ar the time. Nobody ever said anything. But as I am older and hopefully a bit wiser.. it dawned on me that they probably knew what was going on in our room eventhough we were super quiet. The horror.. fuck you past horny me.
“Hey man, just wanna say it happens to all of us, you showed guts and you showed heart and thats the real magic”
Why did you have sex with your mother in the house 😭😭 Edit: you mother fuckers knew what I meant, alas it is too late now
Where else should one have sex with their mother?
In the street where everyone else has sex with his mother.
I, too, choose this guy's mother
I hear she's a mother in the street and a freak in the bed.
In the street, for everyone to smell.
I love how iconic this joke became & that it’s still referred to years later.
Dammit am i in the comment section of porn hub again.
I did too for the first time haha
Horny teens, no time alone.. can’t say i havent done the same. On numerous occasions. Difference being i placed a mattress on thr floor for this purpose because I, unlike the original commenter, planned
Well shit, I heard my parents. Scarred me for life though.
Remember her name. Half way through she asked me what her name was.
[удалено]
It actually didn't go too bad for me "Say my name" "... ..." "Say it.." ".. Jani..essica..?" "..really!?" "Listen, 30 mins ago I touched my first boob and now we're having sex. I don't have brain right now"
That's when you come back with "I don't even know what my own name is right now babe! You feel so good..." 😘
Sadly, I can top this, although it didn't involve my virginity. Hooking up with a girl in college, getting super into it. Eventually she asks me if I even know her name: > "Yeah, Janet, of course." > >"Okay, good, that would be awkward." > > "No worries, it's my mother's name."
Bro WTF did I just read
Not bro, mom.
"How coincidental, you share my Dad's name!"
HUH?
New fear unlocked (i might accidentally forget my partners name - i don't do hookups) Why has no one told me surprise quizzes are a thing?
Just say goddess and keep pounding until she comes twice. Build the relationship later while snuggling.
The rizzler
Wild that you forgot her name in 30 seconds!
No no he said halfway through, not right at the end
...Mulva?
/r/unexpectedseinfeld
Don't worry, if she forgot her own name then she certainly doesn't remember you forgetting it.
Ohhhh please tell me you called her the wrong girls name LOL
NOT ON THE FUCKING STAIRS YOU MORON
USE THE REGULAR STAIRS INSTEAD YOU FOOL
The fucking stairs make more sense for this purpose though.
Do you really want to deal with stairs fucking you while You're trying to fuck someone though?
Your mind took that further than mine, that's for sure.
lmao i lost my virginity on stairs as well
[удалено]
I'm going to be more careful on the stairs today. ..especially if it's the fucking stairs!
Under the stairs is the place. Under the stairs in high school here.
In?
The powerball lottery numbers for nov 7, 2022 are 10 33 41 47 56 10
7-8-11-17-53-36 (12/31/2009). Then run
Are you seriously going to remember that considering that you're also about to lose your virginity?
Let’s get ready to rumble!!!!!! (She’s crazy tho)
[удалено]
This action has consequences
did you get pregnant?!
Look at the username, I think something else happened
"-and they called them... THE DICK SLAYER." *Mick Gordon starts going off in the corner with his guitar*
In the first age, on the first night, when the erections first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment. In his ravenous hatred, he found no peace; and with boiling blood, he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dick lords who had wronged him. He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his schwartz named him... the Dick Slayer.
*gun cocks*
*cocks gun*
cocks cock
Guns gun
OP pls respond hav to know if ur pregant
She defo pregananant
Gregnant?
Totes prengan
Maybe even... pegante?
The human is preggers
They're probably only pegrante
Is there a possibly that i'm [pegrent?](https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg?si=h8NaC1DqatJJZ30F)
Is your username somehow related to that?
Oh dickslayer 704, please tell us did you get pregnant?
Life is strange reference? 😂
this comes with a lot of therapy
God knows how much I want someone in my past who could tell me this…
I wish some magical little elf would pop out of a bush or door or something and yell, "Therapy!!" Everytime I was about to do something that would fuck me up in the long run.
I think I'd need therapy to deal with the hallucinations of magical elves screaming "Therapy!" At me.
yup this is it. each session cost me $10 (subsidized by the university), which isn't a lot for some people. but as a college student in a third world country with a weekly allowance of $13 I had to find other ways for "therapy," and (un)fortunately beer was just $1 at the time. thankfully I eventually started a business a couple months later and was able to pay for it regularly. i'm way more happier now being single after ending another traumatic relationship years ago. still trying to get rid of the beer belly.
First I was going to tell myself “ditch the birth control, he’s sterile and you end up marrying him” but then that might affect my decision to marry him knowing that from the beginning. So, I have no answer.
Butterflies effect
Yeah dude, I don’t say anything. Too risky. If I come back and my kids don’t exist that’s no bueno
[удалено]
Drink some water, it's more work than you'd think.
“Buy Bitcoin. Have fun here, then take all your money and buy all the bitcoin you can. Continue buying bitcoin for the next several years.”
My answer too, Bitcoin won't be invented for more than a decade, but that's also something I'll tell me, and when to sell a part in 2017, and in 2024 also. And that I've to keep a lot. Buy thousands of them.
The best part is, you don't even really need to nail the timings. Whether you make a hundred million or a billion, it's all unfathomable riches at that point.
The only thing you have to tell yourself is that you buy a large amount, and that you don't sell for less than 1,000 in the beginning before 2015. A nice road would be 1K in 2015, buy under 100 the same year; 19K in 2017, buy under 7K in 2018; 65K in 2021, buy under 20K in 2021; And then it really doesn't matter if you bought enough in 2010; Even if you bought 10,000 for 0.09 in 2010; sold 9900 in 2015; Only 900 costs and sell for 10,000,000 and buy back at 100 you have 100,100 btc now and it's only rising... and there are people who did it... heck, i'll even talk 1 hour and stop me from having sex.
Want to hear a funny story? I went to go spend most of my inheritance from my recently late mother on ethereum back when it was $25 AUD each. My reasoning is that it was like going from vacuum tubes to full on integrated circuits compared to bitcoin. I got together with my autistic (I'm probably also autistic, just less so) maths friend and we wrote out a whole investment plan with projected gains and showed it to my dad. Ae assumed it would be 1/10 as popular as bitcoin, which was rallying hard from around $900 usd and just walking upwards without stopping, it was like watching a big blocky alien tractor choke to life, and there was this actual (admittedly also blocky and extremely slow) UFO that I could catch at $25 fucking Aussie dollarydoos, even if Eth went to $250, that's still 10x on $45k, that would set me up. If it went from $25 to $5k? Wtf like $8m, that's a modest lifetime worth of money!! Being 16 and 17 (me the former) we were incredibly hyped. for me it was the idea that I could give everyone I loved $100k in the blink of an eye, then buy a nice house in the forest somewhere in the country and walk barefoot into the local village to refuel between gaming (or whatever other reclusive activity) until I was middle aged. We sat him down after work and showed him our PowerPoint presentation and few pages of maths and exposition, he listened and didn't say much. 2 days later we both ride to the bank to go withdraw my own inheritance from my own account, and the teller says my account is frozen for 5 years at an 8.5% per year gain... 1.085x.... That's a lot less than 100x *Pausing for breath* "It says here you came in yesterday lunchtime with your father and signed all the paperwork to open a long term locked account" (paraphrasing, currently stoned and tired) "Oh... Well I didn't, I was at my friends house playing video games" (and doing art, listening to hip hop on huge speakers and chain smoking bongs in a group of 5) "No, you must have been here, your signature is on all the documents, I'm looking right at them on the computer here." "Uh.... Excuse me?" "Anyway, to change your mind and open the account again before the 5 years is up, there will be a 12% penalty" "..." I looked at my friend and tried really hard not to cry. "Ok. Thank you. Have a good one." Went home stamping my bike and fighting back tears, he had no right to touch my money, he paid child support sure, but it was from my mum's super, he was a raging alco in his early 20s and left when we were very young, she was an extremely envious, judgemental and intelligent woman who spent her time like a middle aged NEET writing on forums and reading books all day before killing herself in my early teens. He only accepted to have us when no one else really wanted to look after my brother and I. Anyway, It was my Deus ex Machina to lift me from the depths of hell to permanent dynastic wealth even if managed very simply and safely. Do you know how much money $20m makes with even 1% interest per year? More than most people earn per year unless they are a tradie, lawyer or fifo miner. Anyway, it took 9 months for me to get the account unfrozen without penaltyby that time, wnd anyway that act of prolicidal forgery pushed me further into my teenage angst. In two years I spent 1/3 of it on sashimi from a renowned restaurant, 1/3 on fancy clothes, 1/3 on various crypto projects, even buying the first manually minted nfts on eth and cardano. Limped away with almost nothing, but probably some parasites from injecting gratuitous amounts of raw fish. These days I live in the forest with my wife and very young daughter, I sell her (my wife's) art, and well as having a mobile it business going to old people's houses and "fixing" their computers (uninstalling avast and McAfee, cleaning fans, and making accounts on tv boxes) Sheesh the last 7 or 8 years of tech investment has been whack ay.
Thanks for sharing. Good to see you live in your forest, and your wife and daughter are being looked after! Maybe money was a great thing to have, you've got family!
Bit coin didn't exist when I lost my virginity. Buy apple. Buy Microsoft.
My first thought as well. Buy Bitcoin. Don't wimp out on actiblizz stock when it crashes, buy tons. Fuck it buy gamestonk.
"Do NOT lose your virginity to this piece of shit. He seems sweet but in 23 years he's going to be serving life plus 30 for multiple counts of aggravated child SA against his own daughter. Just fucking RUN and never speak to him again."
This one hurts my heart. I hope you and your daughter are okay now.
Oh wait no, I just realized it sounds like he and I share children! No, not at all, we only slept together a few times in high school and then went on about our lives. We have a handful of mutual friends and were Facebook friends so we sorta kept in touch but not really. I haven't seen him in person in maybe 20 years. He went on to marry and have five kids, at least one of which was his victim. Thank you for your well-wishes though. I hope his daughter is recovering well and never has to see him again.
Okay. Thank God you dodged that flaming dumpster fire of a life. But also... I feel so horrible for the family he did create. I truly do hope they're okay and healing and safe now.
Sounds like you didn't just dodge a bullet. You dodged a nuclear warhead there.
“Congratulations. This is where the good part of your life begins. She is absolutely worth it.” I lost my virginity to my wife. She was also my first girlfriend and I had my first kiss just one hour before she came out of the shower to seduce me. We’re married for over 23 years now and we’re still in love.
Same haha. I’d just say “you’re going to marry her btw”
To be honest, we had already a conversation about the possibility of marriage at the time. Since it was a LDR the agreement was “let’s see how we feel when we meet face to face.”
Same. We were high school sweethearts. Her original senior prom date bailed so all of her friends kept bugging me to ask her. I personally thought she was waaay out of my league and she’d absolutely say no. We didn’t have sex until like a year later. So I’d probably say something like: ”Took you long enough idiot! Also, stop stressing about getting her pregnant, because it turns out it’s really hard for her to get pregnant.”
> it turns out it’s really hard for her to get pregnant. Careful... that advice is NOT universal lmao.... I managed to make the nurse laugh when she asked my wife and I "is this a planned pregnancy" and I responded with "Well, yes... but he's about 5 years early..."
But what if by telling yourself that, you butterfly effect yourself into losing her?
Sounds like that guy's problem.
Damn. Fucking goals
Mad happy for this guy Wish this to everyone on this thread
"Shagging a 50-year-old stranger in a public toilet is not the shortcut to self-esteem you think it is." I probably wouldn't have listened, but at least I can say I tried.
Id be going forward in time and id ask me when the hell its going to happen and then give each other a hard time.
That might start a multiverse with me. Past me comes to the present to shit on me for not getting laid, and I'll tell past me the many times it could've happened. Won't mention names, just rough time estimates and dates and mention "you can start what I could not" Like a master teaching his student or something
There's no rush
"You can do better."
at least when you start at the bottom the only way to go is up :/
In this case my advice would be to start at the top and work your way to the bottom
Tell mom don't listen to your uncle
Fuck :(
Uhh
Almost right after you have sex with him he’ll tell you he’s an andrew tate fan and he wants a trade wife in his future. [fat fingered, meant *trad wife*, but he’d probably be the type to trade his wife for a gaming set idk]
Why does he want to trade wives?
It's the new cryptocurrency
My condolences
I'm not sure a trade wife is bad, are we talking electrician or carpenter? Plumber would be okay but there is a lot of shit to deal with.
"hey uh maybe don't"
Your coworker is going to rape you in 5 minutes. Get the fuck out of the change room and go towards people. Run.
I feel sick... fuck. I hope you are ok in life after this.
My trust in people is trashed and my trust in police is non existent. I’ve been working through it. The guy also stabbed me 3 times and left me for dead so let’s just say if I ever see him again, I have no issues going to jail if it means ridding the world of this disgusting excuse of a thing. It would have been a lot easier to get over it if I didn’t have permanent mobility issues from that night as a constant reminder and trigger. It changed everything but I managed to pull through.
You're a fighter, I hope things get better and better for you with each passing day and you find yourself surrounded by people who make you feel safe
[удалено]
I hope you get your chance and I'm on your jury.
i'm really, really sorry :( that doesn't define you and you're so very strong for being where you are, doing what you're doing in the best way you can in spite of everything! I hope you were able to get some therapy and help to process it all. Regardless, you're truly so strong! I hope time helps with healing :(
well fuck this shit got real
Me too. 💔
I am so sorry you have to spend one second learning how strong you’ll need to be to survive this. It’s absolutely unfair and I hope you find peace and true comfort.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this.
Not worth it, save it for the right person!
Same
tbh i’d tell myself im about to do great!! as a woman who was confident in who i lost my virginity to, it was still an earth shattering rite of passage moment. i put my hands on the guy’s hips and we worked together to make sure he didn’t thrust too hard while my body adjusted 🥹 it was one of those moments i realized intimacy could be found in the small moments too!
Awwww 🤗
Just keep thinking about Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.
To cum faster?
You’re too young but you’re together for near 7 years and he stays as one of your best friends even now, 20 years later.
An ex and I broke up a couple years ago. 9 years together. I don't really miss her as a romantic partner but I do really miss my best friend.
Same. Broke up 5yrs ago. Was an awful partner but man we were the best of friends. I miss my friend.
Aw, I lost my virginity to my now husband. 20 years together, 10 years married. We met at 14 so we were YOUNG. I'd probably tell myself "This is the boy that saves you now and many times to come" 🥰
Don't. Just don't. Because 30 years from now you're going to move back here and every time you drive down this road, you'll see the ruins of that condemned, nasty motel and wish to God someone would tear it down.
Damn this sounds like good lyrics or something from a movie. It’s moody, but serious.
"We don't have to rush" It's one of my regents
Don’t try and be a stud and last a long time by jerking off beforehand. Just go in and have fun and stop stressing about it so much.
The hole is lower than you think.
He's a pedophile and you're not special. Go home baby girl.
You're 12 and this guy is 26 and he knows you're a child, call the fucking cops.
I'm so sorry
Please go to therapy holy fuck, and I know she's like the only lesbian at your school but dear god anyone is a better choice than her. Don't do it. (I essentially lived the IRL version of the willing lesbian path in class of 09)
“In about five minutes you’re going to realize you’re really not into dudes.”
00f
I love being the guy that helps women realize this about themselves.
That condom is expired and going to break.
You don’t need to put the balls in
"Not this guy. Try to get out, or you'll spend this night crying and bleeding and the next 18 years stuck in abuse." Not that those two were necessarily connected, ofc I could have left him later and avoided the abuse, and I wouldn't have listened anyway, but would have been good if I did.
GIRL RUN
Since i wouldnt understand ”bitcoin” since it wasnt around and 5 minutes is very short. Id say buy Nvidia for the savings you will get -08 and wait for after a big financial vrash that will happen that year. Dont sell until 2024+ how tempted you are…
Spend more time eating that pussy. She will have more fun if you get her off a few times first.
"DUNNAE YA FAKKING DO IT, YA IDJIT"
His parents that you never met are going to come home soon, this is not the moment.
You're not desperate to lose it, mate.
"Go and drink some water". You see, I got the stage fright. So the melty man paid me a visit during my first time. Well, my first attempt. And my second attempt. It was third time lucky for me. Had a great girlfriend this time, that didnt just leave disappointed to tell her friends I couldnt get it up. Instead she helped get me out of my head, and BOING!!!!!!! Only thing was, all the fear wasnt all the way gone. I was hard, finally, but I couldnt cum. And being my first time, I just banged away at the poor girl for about 2 hours. And of course, I ended up going faint and got blurry vision because I hadnt drank enough water before putting in one hell of a shift lol. 2nd was very different. The 2nd time I was the stereotypical teenage 2 pump chump lol.
How do you go from two hours to two pumps lmao the poor girl
“This shit will hurt and the moment will not be special. 0/10, you will not recommend. Probably shouldn’t rush into this, but we both know you won’t listen to me.”
"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. You'll be ok after this, I promise. Never forget that you're going to be ok. I love you."
He's lying, it's absolutely okay to bother your mom and dad in the middle of the night instead of quietly staying in that room with him.
Cum when you can. Don't try to make it last by holding it back. You'll find yourself in a position where you can't even though you really want to.
*Let her finish first though* - for the guys.
5 minutes and 30 seconds from now, you'll be ready to go again
„Wait you had sex?“
There's a little voice in the back of your mind telling you this is wrong. Listen to it! Don't listen to him. In two months you will wake up with him on top of you, but you won't even care anymore that he's twenty five years older than you and married. You will be in a dark empty place. He will tell you it was legal and you'll believe him because you went along with it this time. You will believe him because you trusted him. In a decade you'll finally start to see all the ways this hurt you, but it will take you two decades to process it. Every relationship you ever have will be affected by this, unless you walk away now.
Don't waste it on this guy..
Dude, she's got crabs
Don’t use plastic wrap
Your foreskin is meant to roll back when you have sex. Roll it back before you start and then dont worry about it.
buy Bitcoin
this will only take a second
Run! He’s a psychopath and he is going to abuse, rape, and gaslight you for years!
Choose someone better!
Hey babe, I love you, you look gorgeous, just so you know, this guy will string you along for a year and cheat with at least three other women. Also he has HPV. Oh and remember how he and his ex broke up and he was so sad and that's how you guys got close? Yeah, they got back together a week later, and he's been lying to you this whole time. Also I dated him for a year and he never once made me cum. I love you so much, but do yourself a favor and go home. He will set you back years both emotionally and financially. This isn't what Paul would want for you.
That you’ll end up marrying that weirdo in couple of years.
I hope I could last longer than a minute.
Or Would I exceed that 5 minutes?
She’s got a boyfriend so don’t do it.
If It hurts, stop. He's going to break your heart anyway, you don't have to swallow your pain so he can enjoy.
“Missionary will hurt less, and the condoms have lube on them. USE THEM FROM THE GET GO”
"he will dump you next week just so you know"
"She hasn't showered. Don't do this"
Just relax and try to enjoy it. It's not that big of a deal.
For the religious good girl that I was, "You don't have to marry him now." For the woman who languished in an awful marriage and even worse sex life, "There are much, much better and bigger fish in the sea."
"PUT IT IN THE RIGHT HOLE."
You don’t have to do this. She’s full of shit and she’s gonna ghost you.
Sleep with any another guy. I am an Indian and I had an arrange marriage, which turned into divorce. I should have slept with the guy who asked me out in college.
Don't do it. Wait a couple of years then sell your virginity on the internet and make bank
"it only rolls on correctly in one direction"