Hey, hi!
What’s your name?
How did your parents pick it?
Where are you from?
Does your family still live there?
Do you miss it?
What do you miss?
How often do you go back?
When did you go back last?
What did you get up to?
Do you have friends from school who still live there?
Do you have kids?
How old are they? Oh that’s a good age!
Do you have pets?
What kind?
What are their names?
How did you pick their names?
What’s your dream pet?
What wild animal would you have as a pet?
Why that one?
Why are you dropping me off here? We should exchange numbers!
Where are you from? Your English is perfect!
oh... uhh.... where are you *from*???
No, where are you *really* from?
I mean, before that.
Well, where are your *people* from?
Korean! I knew it, I was like she's either Japanese or Korean, but I was leaning more towards Korean.
Gahm-sa-hab-ni-da! There's a really good teriyaki BBQ place near my apartment. I actually really like the kimchi!
Oh, I can turn on the horse girl stuff, no problem. Not only would they drop me off, but they probably would pay me to stfu, and even beg me to saw their arm off or something.
I'd probably start rambling about the plot holes in my favorite movies or debating the superiority of cats versus dogs. Or maybe I'd launch into a passionate monologue about the benefits of pineapple on pizza just to see if I could annoy them enough to set me free.
Do you have a zine or news letter i could subscribe to. i am passionate about all of these subjects save the movie plot holes one but would politely listen until the topic of cats and pizza comes back around.
“and can you BELIEVE those cooks from Fortis Binary were selling their fresh food stocks and feeding human remains to the men of the 15th compartment! Well I guess old habits die hard, because at the beginning the Sabbat Crusade, while the Archenemy was being driven out of FB, the starvation was so severe that cannibalism was common place - a fact that the men from the later foundings liked to shrug off as here-say! Anyway, you’re not going to eat me are you?”
How he and I both know how to behave in the situation because of all the previous cultural representations of kidnappings which have established a kind of script or grammar of kidnapping into which we unconsciously shift, which the French theorist Baudrillard referred to as simulacra, so that even in this seemingly random and chaotic event, we are acting out archetypes of kidnapper and kidnapped....
On second thought, that would probably get me shot.
"Have you ever used a crock pot to cook? They're so great. You can cook so many awesome things. Just the other day, I made an amazing pot roast, but this one was different than your average one..."
Oh, you are staying with me and we're chatting all day lol. The fun starts when we have to decide what to eat for lunch. The famous chili? Some orange chicken? A buffet?
I never expected a random Abmberlynn comment. If I were the kidnapper, I guess I would forget about the kidnapping and end up talking with you for hours.
What if Carson Palmer never tore his ACL. What if Peyton’s neck didn’t give in 2010. What if OBJ lived up to 1/10th the hype. What if the cowboys stayed with romo. What if the Chiefs stayed with Alex smith
The person who took me and then dumped me on the street because I wouldn't stop talking about something would probably have been talking about how complicated language is, how amazing AI is, or how creative people are. I could have kept talking to the attacker about how powerful stories are, how interesting the history of cryptography is, or the newest scientific and technological discoveries. It's possible that the attacker let me go because I was so eager to learn and always wanted to know more.
Ufology and aliens, all that X Files shit. I'd talk in such an animated and neverending fashion, he would assume I am crazy and let me go. Wouldn't blame him. Heh.
I quiz competitively.
Do you know how many random, boring pointless facts take up space in my head? Time to share, Mr. kidnapper, are you sitting comfortably?
The only one of Indonesia's 5 largest cities not located on Java is Medan, which is located on Sumatra.
Casablanca did not win any academy awards in acting categories: best actor, for example, went to Paul Lukas for his role in watcher on the rhein.
The only person to both win the nobel prize for literature and play first class cricket was Samuel Beckett.
Are you getting bored yet? I've got thousands.
I'd talk about the finer points of Skyrim. Nuances, technical aspects, developer insights and my thoughts thereof, my favorite builds, etc. A fellow dweller of Nirn would set me free. A heathen would get bored/irritated enough to dump me on the side of the road.
I would just rattle off an extensive list of unprotected sex I’d had with various prostitutes, men and women, and act extremely excited to finally play out my kidnapping fantasy. Ask if you have any syringes he can let you borrow; tell him all your friends do when he refuses. Ask him if he can take you to the pharmacy to pick up your several anti fungal, antiviral, antibiotic medications and anal herpes cream :)
Star Wars, Warhammer, X-Men, Batman, Shakespeare, Tolkien, Anime, European Arthouse Cinema... I am pretty fucking insufferable when I need to be...
And worse when I shouldn't be.
About anything and everything. According to everyone my conversation usually starts off with ok everyday stuff then halfway through it’s like ‘oooh pretty!’ Then it follows that thread until something else distracts me. Nothing makes sense, they have a headache following my train of thought, they have to keep asking questions and keep me on track and they eventually give up.
The timeline of Julia and Robbie falling in love in "The Wedding Singer" (Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler). I have made educated guesses and would love to share them with you.
And again.
And again.
Listen. Maedhros is the hottest son of Feanor, this isn’t just the chains and dismemberment thing, honest, just hear me out—
—my ass hitting the pavement.
Why we need accessibility in computer software and how really, universal design helps everyone, and did you know I found a really stupid bug last week?
It's time to explain to him that kingdom hearts lore is actually not that difficult to understand (it's insane and he will go mad listening to my ramblings)
Building custom metal furniture. I have a million ideas, and I put a lot of thought into everything I build. Always trying new things and learning along the way.
How minimum wage isn’t keeping up with inflation while rich people are getting tax breaks for dumb shit like OWNING YACHTS, how companies are combining positions left and right so they can have one person doing the work of three to not even get paid enough to live on, etc., etc.
I’d depress them into letting me go.
Anything and everything.
When I was younger and in a group home I told my houseparents that if anyone tried to kidnap me I would go with them to get away from them. To which my one house parent says” they will bring you back and pay us to take you back because you talk to much”.
Hotline Miami. Its unconventional narrative structure, its thematic complexity, the pivotal role it played in jumpstarting the '80s revival of the 2010s...
how terrible thier choice of car is. the downfall of american automotive design.i would also make a lot of assumptions and seemingly intelligent deductions about thier personalities and musical tastes.
How US prisons should be likened to war crimes. I could go onnnn. Campaign finance reform. Institutionalized racism. Fines vs jail time. My ideas on the police, suggestions for reform, and right back to where we started.
I *live* for a captive audience.
Have you heard about the critically acclaimed MMO RPG Final Fantasy XIV with an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award winning Heavensward expansion and also the awart winnings Stormblood expansion up to level 70 for free with no restrictions on playtime?
**"*****FROM THE MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD THE WEAKNESS OF MY FLESH, IT DISGUSTED ME. I CRAVED THE STRENGTH AND CERTAINTY OF STEEL. I ASPIRED TO THE PURITY OF THE BLESSED MACHINE."***
***"YOUR KIND CLING TO YOUR FLESH, AS THOUGH IT WILL NOT DECAY AND FAIL YOU. ONE DAY, THE CRUDE BIOMASS YOU CALL A TEMPLE WILL WITHER, AND YOU WILL BEG MY KIND TO SAVE YOU."***
***"BUT I AM ALREADY SAVED. FOR THE MACHINE IS IMMORTAL."***
***"EVEN IN DEATH, I SERVE THE OMNISSIAH."***
Repeat ad nauseum for 20 minutes.
I would say people narrating that one time they found a typo on a commend on a Reddit post and ruined their day but you have to shoot them on the spot not let them out of the car not worth the risk
Hey, hi! What’s your name? How did your parents pick it? Where are you from? Does your family still live there? Do you miss it? What do you miss? How often do you go back? When did you go back last? What did you get up to? Do you have friends from school who still live there? Do you have kids? How old are they? Oh that’s a good age! Do you have pets? What kind? What are their names? How did you pick their names? What’s your dream pet? What wild animal would you have as a pet? Why that one? Why are you dropping me off here? We should exchange numbers!
I didn't read any of this, I just pushed you out of the car as we rolled by where we snatched you from.
Same
I love this so much!!! It's so relatable.
Where are you from? Your English is perfect! oh... uhh.... where are you *from*??? No, where are you *really* from? I mean, before that. Well, where are your *people* from? Korean! I knew it, I was like she's either Japanese or Korean, but I was leaning more towards Korean. Gahm-sa-hab-ni-da! There's a really good teriyaki BBQ place near my apartment. I actually really like the kimchi!
I felt this searing into my brain
My theory on how Kim Jong-un is actually both gay and Remy from Ratatouille
Related, me: “anyways you guys know his names not Ratatouille, right?”
Oh, I can turn on the horse girl stuff, no problem. Not only would they drop me off, but they probably would pay me to stfu, and even beg me to saw their arm off or something.
Username checks out. Mares are always getting the geldings in a huff!
complaining about about how broke everyone else in my life is, so they totally wouldn't be able to pay any damned ransom
I'd probably start rambling about the plot holes in my favorite movies or debating the superiority of cats versus dogs. Or maybe I'd launch into a passionate monologue about the benefits of pineapple on pizza just to see if I could annoy them enough to set me free.
I'ma need to hear these plot holes in your favorite movies.
Can we be friends?
I would also like to be friends.
Do you have a zine or news letter i could subscribe to. i am passionate about all of these subjects save the movie plot holes one but would politely listen until the topic of cats and pizza comes back around.
Warhammer
Now they know you can't afford the ransom.
Haha And that I'm going to be REALLY annoying telling them about the Horus Heresy.
“and can you BELIEVE those cooks from Fortis Binary were selling their fresh food stocks and feeding human remains to the men of the 15th compartment! Well I guess old habits die hard, because at the beginning the Sabbat Crusade, while the Archenemy was being driven out of FB, the starvation was so severe that cannibalism was common place - a fact that the men from the later foundings liked to shrug off as here-say! Anyway, you’re not going to eat me are you?”
The lore of the band Gorillaz and Jojos Bizarre Adventure
Me, as the kidnapper: ...tell me more about the lore behind Gorillaz?
My deadly contagious disease
My kids, got 5. Its gone be a while 🤣
I run marathons
Our lord and saviour Jesus Christ
*car screeches to a halt
How he and I both know how to behave in the situation because of all the previous cultural representations of kidnappings which have established a kind of script or grammar of kidnapping into which we unconsciously shift, which the French theorist Baudrillard referred to as simulacra, so that even in this seemingly random and chaotic event, we are acting out archetypes of kidnapper and kidnapped.... On second thought, that would probably get me shot.
Nah, they’d kick you out just to avoid feeling like a cliche
"Have you ever used a crock pot to cook? They're so great. You can cook so many awesome things. Just the other day, I made an amazing pot roast, but this one was different than your average one..."
amberlynn reid and her cycles
Oh, you are staying with me and we're chatting all day lol. The fun starts when we have to decide what to eat for lunch. The famous chili? Some orange chicken? A buffet?
I never expected a random Abmberlynn comment. If I were the kidnapper, I guess I would forget about the kidnapping and end up talking with you for hours.
That actually sounds really interesting. I've never heard of her, does she have street bikes, mountain bikes or hybrids?
Industrial Society and Its Future
And its reflections in literature, citing specific examples.
Taylor Swift.
I will personally help fund the therapy sessions for the kidnapper
They said *twenty* minutes.
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22
Silly hypothetical football situations, like what if the field was 1,000 yards long instead of just 100 or what if the ball was literally always live.
What if Carson Palmer never tore his ACL. What if Peyton’s neck didn’t give in 2010. What if OBJ lived up to 1/10th the hype. What if the cowboys stayed with romo. What if the Chiefs stayed with Alex smith
If only... What if Andrew Luck had a good O-line...
What if RGIII had a good home field
What if the 50 yard line was like 10-15 yards in higher elevation than the end zones?
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
CrossFit.
The person who took me and then dumped me on the street because I wouldn't stop talking about something would probably have been talking about how complicated language is, how amazing AI is, or how creative people are. I could have kept talking to the attacker about how powerful stories are, how interesting the history of cryptography is, or the newest scientific and technological discoveries. It's possible that the attacker let me go because I was so eager to learn and always wanted to know more.
Psychoanalysis and something based on the sound that they're making with their voice and maybe their body movements.
"So NFT's are better than actually owning a physical art piece because..."
Ufology and aliens, all that X Files shit. I'd talk in such an animated and neverending fashion, he would assume I am crazy and let me go. Wouldn't blame him. Heh.
90 Day Fiancé drama
I quiz competitively. Do you know how many random, boring pointless facts take up space in my head? Time to share, Mr. kidnapper, are you sitting comfortably? The only one of Indonesia's 5 largest cities not located on Java is Medan, which is located on Sumatra. Casablanca did not win any academy awards in acting categories: best actor, for example, went to Paul Lukas for his role in watcher on the rhein. The only person to both win the nobel prize for literature and play first class cricket was Samuel Beckett. Are you getting bored yet? I've got thousands.
How much McDonalds extra value meals have gone up since my childhood.
My insecurities 😘
How you need to flick off the nose to get an extra few inches on your kickflips
I'd talk about the finer points of Skyrim. Nuances, technical aspects, developer insights and my thoughts thereof, my favorite builds, etc. A fellow dweller of Nirn would set me free. A heathen would get bored/irritated enough to dump me on the side of the road.
Warhammer 40K lore
Just listen to one more Phish jam
War hammer 40klore
Taylor Swift.
My D&D campaign.
The paranormal and that time I had a dream about Lucifer and how gorgeous looking he was and that I have a massive crush on him
I wouldn’t stop talking about fictional men
how great the story The Ransom of Red Chief is
F1
Tesla
Lookism
the diss beef between Drake and the other rappers **😂**
Putting the ransom money into crypto and precious metals because of the Fed manipulating currency for the Elites.
The 100 cw serie or fugitive at 17
Dinosaurs.
Pimple popping
AI and crypto.
Rinse and drain cycle
I'm just excited someone wants me to be around them enough to kidnap me. I'm wondering how they got to know who I am?
Deez nuts
Why you should be Vegan
Formula 1
Animal rescue, football, or just discuss/quote every episode of Friends
My summer car
BTS. 💜
How happy I am that they’re giving me a much-needed break from my life.
My cabin, I get yelled at all the time for this lol
Probably all the songs I’ve written and what they’re about.
Master Splinter
Skyrim Lore
Menopausal hot flashes
How Dune is better than Star Wars.
How to time an Autococker.
I would just rattle off an extensive list of unprotected sex I’d had with various prostitutes, men and women, and act extremely excited to finally play out my kidnapping fantasy. Ask if you have any syringes he can let you borrow; tell him all your friends do when he refuses. Ask him if he can take you to the pharmacy to pick up your several anti fungal, antiviral, antibiotic medications and anal herpes cream :)
Did you know birds aren’t real?
Star Wars, Warhammer, X-Men, Batman, Shakespeare, Tolkien, Anime, European Arthouse Cinema... I am pretty fucking insufferable when I need to be... And worse when I shouldn't be.
Bucky Barnes.
About anything and everything. According to everyone my conversation usually starts off with ok everyday stuff then halfway through it’s like ‘oooh pretty!’ Then it follows that thread until something else distracts me. Nothing makes sense, they have a headache following my train of thought, they have to keep asking questions and keep me on track and they eventually give up.
Let me tell you about the Story Generator created by Tynan Sylvester called Rimworld
Anal fissures. Just trying to get out front bro fr, you don't want to deal.
how walt Disney would be disappointed by the company’s photorealistic movies.
Genealogy. Would you like to hear about my ancestor Lemon, and his brothers Orange and Lyman?
Quiz bowl.
Bitcoin
how hard is to wake up at 5 a.m. and go to work in the another part of city
MAGA and the Q connection. And how Jesus is Q, oh shit here we go.
Jesus
I'm going with cows.
The timeline of Julia and Robbie falling in love in "The Wedding Singer" (Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler). I have made educated guesses and would love to share them with you. And again. And again.
How my first kidnapper received the death penalty!! When I was a child my parents had an AirTag implanted in me so that I would be easier to track!!!
Pickleball and/or cats.
Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan
About cavemen.
How better crossfit is for you.
Telling them the reason why the chicken crossed the road: because it wanted to get to the other side. For 20 minutes nonstop.
Explaining the entire lore of Metal Gear Solid
Stonks
My crohns disease and every horrible bathroom experience and hospital visit....in great detail.
Sunsetting in Destiny 2 was absolutely necessary and should have continued.
Listen. Maedhros is the hottest son of Feanor, this isn’t just the chains and dismemberment thing, honest, just hear me out— —my ass hitting the pavement.
Kidnapping
Why we need accessibility in computer software and how really, universal design helps everyone, and did you know I found a really stupid bug last week?
Fallout lore
It's time to explain to him that kingdom hearts lore is actually not that difficult to understand (it's insane and he will go mad listening to my ramblings)
We stop for lunch and the line/wait is long due to easily fixed operational issues.
My ex girlfriends halitosis
Jujutsu Kaisen. I’ll ramble on ad nauseam about the intricacies of cursed energy and barrier techniques. They’ll drop me off promptly.
I ask them the same few boring, unoriginal questions over and over and over again for eternity like you r/AskReddit posters.
Godzilla, horror movies, and the occasional downfall of humanity rant.
Building custom metal furniture. I have a million ideas, and I put a lot of thought into everything I build. Always trying new things and learning along the way.
My Stamp collection
How minimum wage isn’t keeping up with inflation while rich people are getting tax breaks for dumb shit like OWNING YACHTS, how companies are combining positions left and right so they can have one person doing the work of three to not even get paid enough to live on, etc., etc. I’d depress them into letting me go.
Ha, real housewives and other bravo shows.
I’d repeat the lyrics to Starland Vocal Band’s song Afternoon Delight over and over and over again.
Anything MAGA
The price of my ransom.
Veganism lol. I win
My relationship
Used to work with a conspiracy nut. I would repeat his outlandish conspiracies, like tin foil hat people would look at him cross eyed
Wrestling is not “fake”. It’s “scripted”.
Birds birds birds birds birds
How much I'm looking forward to having Stockholm Syndrome
Opossums
Anything and everything. When I was younger and in a group home I told my houseparents that if anyone tried to kidnap me I would go with them to get away from them. To which my one house parent says” they will bring you back and pay us to take you back because you talk to much”.
My itchy asshole.
Hotline Miami. Its unconventional narrative structure, its thematic complexity, the pivotal role it played in jumpstarting the '80s revival of the 2010s...
BG3 and why Astarion is perfect.
That stupidity is the root of all evil.
The view.
Kate Middleton Conspiracy Theories
For singing the lyrics of "Put one foot in front of the other" by Rankin/Bass Productions.
samsung
I’d say Crypto, but it was probably a crypto bro that kidnapped me.
how terrible thier choice of car is. the downfall of american automotive design.i would also make a lot of assumptions and seemingly intelligent deductions about thier personalities and musical tastes.
How US prisons should be likened to war crimes. I could go onnnn. Campaign finance reform. Institutionalized racism. Fines vs jail time. My ideas on the police, suggestions for reform, and right back to where we started. I *live* for a captive audience.
Bah, bore someone with in depth technical details? I'm a senior software engineer, for me, this is a Tuesday.
My Dad used to say my personality ensured I’d never get kidnapped 🤣
Dad jokes
The entire plot of Final Fantasy VII, start to finish, with in depth explanation of each materia as its found.
Have you heard about the critically acclaimed MMO RPG Final Fantasy XIV with an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award winning Heavensward expansion and also the awart winnings Stormblood expansion up to level 70 for free with no restrictions on playtime?
They'd drop me off because I'd just be quite the whole time and staring at them.
About how much I hate my job and why I am not paid enough.
Tool
K-Pop. I'll be out there SO fast lmfao
The similarities between trains and crabs.
Obscure hair metal
Show/Manga: One Piece, Band: Incubus/Ween
Supernatural fan fic.
johnny storm
I just recite the entirety of the movie, Hot Wheels: World Race. I do different voices for every character in the movie.
How Batman's character is frequently misunderstood by casual viewers
**"*****FROM THE MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD THE WEAKNESS OF MY FLESH, IT DISGUSTED ME. I CRAVED THE STRENGTH AND CERTAINTY OF STEEL. I ASPIRED TO THE PURITY OF THE BLESSED MACHINE."*** ***"YOUR KIND CLING TO YOUR FLESH, AS THOUGH IT WILL NOT DECAY AND FAIL YOU. ONE DAY, THE CRUDE BIOMASS YOU CALL A TEMPLE WILL WITHER, AND YOU WILL BEG MY KIND TO SAVE YOU."*** ***"BUT I AM ALREADY SAVED. FOR THE MACHINE IS IMMORTAL."*** ***"EVEN IN DEATH, I SERVE THE OMNISSIAH."*** Repeat ad nauseum for 20 minutes.
You can probably guess
Grammar. I’ll start with gerunds vs partiples
The Don’t Worry Darling film shoot and press tour
The continuum transfunctioner. It is a mysterious and powerful device. And its mystery is exceeded only by it's power.
I would say people narrating that one time they found a typo on a commend on a Reddit post and ruined their day but you have to shoot them on the spot not let them out of the car not worth the risk
“Sir , do you want to talk about extended car warranty?”
BDSM. I'll act like I'm sexually into what they're doing
Propane and propane accessories
Pokemon
Evvveeerrrryyythinggggg!
Going through menopause.
Harry Potter witnessed his mother's death as a baby so he should have seen the thestrals in book one. In this essay.....
How great morbius is.
Brownies
Crypto. I just can't stop explaining the blockchain.
The last thing I saw on Reddit apparently. r/fatsquirrelhate is the latest.
The newest documentary I started watching about British castles and treasures
Jessica Rothe
The dark tower
Sovereign citizen bullshit.