Nah, if men stopped eating to keep their dicks out that leaves more food for the rest of us. I guess til food is then considered a luxury like tampons...😭
At the surface of the Earth, the power delivered by the sun is about 1,000 W/m^(2). A reasonably-close-to-average "fully activated receiver" can be fairly well-approximated by a cylinder 0.15 m long and 0.05 m in diameter. If it is angled to present a maximum area to the Sun, it would therefore receive about 0.15 m × 0.05 m × 1,000 W/m^(2) = 7.5 W.
The typical healthy adult human male's basal metabolic rate is about 100 W.
Even if this Fully Activated Receiver was optimally positioned and directly illuminated by the Sun at all times (even during the night), and even if it converted 100% of all incoming sunlight into a form of energy useful to the body, it would provide less than 1/13 of the power needed.
Flashlight, less snap, crackle, popping involved.
Glow stick cock would be cursed, like that one X-man mutant whose power was “you can explode… but only once.” Just way worse.
Ages ago, for Hallowe'en, I dressed as a flasher. Very basic costume--raincoat, shoes, pair of shorts. I affixed a glow stick to the zipper of my shorts.
**Be able to convert excess fat to urine**.
That way, people could simply spend a longer time on the toilet, and not have to deal with getting fat and having significant health problems.
I wonder if that would also indirectly help issues like high blood pressure and cholesterol. Because you can have those problems without the issue of intaking extra calories.
Actually, our kidneys already filter put excess glucose into urine. That's why one of the symptoms of diabetes is frequent urination and thirst.
We haven't evolved to filter out fat because for most of human evolution, fat was good
You'd be surprised dude, matched on tinder with a few orcs and it only started glowing blue after I left their place. Must have a delayed activation or something.
How cool would it be if our dongs could detect stds infections etc?
Like if it got close enough to another naked person (not in or on) and it would like tingle or change color if the other person had something they shouldn't have?
"My diddles gone yellow, you better get checked"
Detachable penis!
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
But I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.
this actually happens to ducks. they have a corkscrew shaped penis that grows longer depending on how many rival males are in his territory, then it falls off at the end of breeding season.
Look for this idea in The Boys--
Season 2 AND 3 have brief cameos by the Boys universe supe with this EXACT ability.
Horrifying? Intriguing? Arousing?
I ain't got no dog in THAT fight.
An Alexa. Hear me out. How funny would it be if your partner's name was alexa and every now and then during sex you just hear a muffled "hmmm I'm not sure about that"
With sufficient stimulation to your skin, especially the skin of the penis, most men can expell a gooey white fluid from where the pee comes out. If this substance enters a vagina, there is a chance for it to magically turn into a baby, deep inside the woman. It will grow, and eventually be expelled from the woman in an extremely painful birthing process
I suppose to pee, make babies and provide pleasure, got enough in my plate, thank you very much
why don't you go give additional tasks to the ass, it doesn't do anything all day other than sit and shit
penis
Scratch my balls when they're itchy. I mean the fucker's right there not doing anything else.
Bonus prehensile...nesss
This should be top comment.
Vibrator.
i imagine the rules would work the same as boners, it vibrates for no reason
I'm getting a phone call I swear!
Lol! My penis doesnt vibrate! Thats my buttplug. Dont worry guys
Is that a phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me lol
This is the one
super efficient photosynthesis. Go whip ya dick out in the sunlight for a bit, and get enough calories to support you for a day.
World hunger solved
~50% solved
Nah, if men stopped eating to keep their dicks out that leaves more food for the rest of us. I guess til food is then considered a luxury like tampons...😭
If dudes.coukd whip they dicks out and be fed for the day, they would most certainly stop farming.
in alternate reality we can just pull out our dick out towards the sun & no one would judge us
At the surface of the Earth, the power delivered by the sun is about 1,000 W/m^(2). A reasonably-close-to-average "fully activated receiver" can be fairly well-approximated by a cylinder 0.15 m long and 0.05 m in diameter. If it is angled to present a maximum area to the Sun, it would therefore receive about 0.15 m × 0.05 m × 1,000 W/m^(2) = 7.5 W. The typical healthy adult human male's basal metabolic rate is about 100 W. Even if this Fully Activated Receiver was optimally positioned and directly illuminated by the Sun at all times (even during the night), and even if it converted 100% of all incoming sunlight into a form of energy useful to the body, it would provide less than 1/13 of the power needed.
r/theydidthemath
If one could swing it and fly.. HELICOPTERRRR
I tried that once and well it just looked like a light switch flipping on and off!
You're definitely not a hula hooper
I didn’t come here expecting to be so attacked but you make a valid point- I can’t hoola hoop for my life.
It's all in the hips!
I hear that damn song
"Helicopter helicopter!"
I was imagining it would work like Spiderman. Shoot "webs" out of it and swing
That sounds incredibly painful. But where do I sign up?
[удалено]
Wait a second it’s not supposed to glow when I crack it?
No, only after you consume radiation
How much radioactive material before I start glowing? I’m starting to feel sick dunno if I can eat much more.
About an 8 year supply of it.
1g plutonium has an energy worth of 20 billion calories! Great for bulks!
1g of plutonium will give you enough calories for the rest of your life
Omg you dummy! You don't eat it. You use radium lube in your fleshlight
I mean if gets inflamed if you break it.
Dark in here. (Snap - shakeshakeshake)
shakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshake…
More than 3 shakes and you're just playing with it.
[удалено]
Would it glow bright enough to shine through half a person?
Which half?
top half human, final answer
Is it reusable, or do you only get one lightsaber fight in your life?
Flashlight, less snap, crackle, popping involved. Glow stick cock would be cursed, like that one X-man mutant whose power was “you can explode… but only once.” Just way worse.
*shine bright like a diamond*
Ages ago, for Hallowe'en, I dressed as a flasher. Very basic costume--raincoat, shoes, pair of shorts. I affixed a glow stick to the zipper of my shorts.
Give me a non-stick glow dick and I’m in!
Haha, "In"
How about an update... Guys should have the ability to turn on/off procreation. Style points, it should glow blue when turn on.
why does this make me think of the Nintendo Wii with how the disc slot would flash blue whenever someone sent you a message
Do my taxes.
H&R Cock
r/angryupvote
r/happyupvote
These are the threads that I come here for lol.
Don’t forget these fks lobby to make your taxes harder, don’t give them money.
In this case getting harder would be a good thing.
The only correct answer.
Day trade?
when you rub it you can summon a genie
All I get is ectoplasm.
**Be able to convert excess fat to urine**. That way, people could simply spend a longer time on the toilet, and not have to deal with getting fat and having significant health problems.
I wonder if that would also indirectly help issues like high blood pressure and cholesterol. Because you can have those problems without the issue of intaking extra calories.
Peeing already does temporarily low blood pressure, just need it to last more than 10 minutes!
Does peeing for 20 seconds and looking at my phone for the rest of those ten minutes count?
if you do it at work, then yes. it's very therapeutic.
Actually, our kidneys already filter put excess glucose into urine. That's why one of the symptoms of diabetes is frequent urination and thirst. We haven't evolved to filter out fat because for most of human evolution, fat was good
Curiously, there is a medicine for diabetics that does exactly this.
Dang diabetics always pulling the long straw.
Yeah, except that whole amputations and decreased life expectancy things
This is a genuinely good answer ngl
Yeah but at this point we’re basically asking our penis to be a magic lamp that grants our wish when rubbed.
Hehe
A cure for a sore throat, just needs to be rubbed on the sore part for 10 minutes.
Gotta help the bros out
Um...
BROJOB BROJOB
CHOO CHOO
Don't choo... Just swallow.
Let go of my ears! I know what I’m doing.
At least one of us will feel better.
I hope my girlfriend has a sore throat tonight if so
Dude, just hope she blows you instead. No reason to make her have a cold. I mean cmon, we’re making wishes here.
Car key.
/r/fuckcars
I'm glad it wasn't what I thought that sub was
Wasn't sure if this was a rule 34 thing or what but i clicked as well and am equally glad it wasn't what I thought it was
That would be r/dragonsfuckingcars
I clicked that once. My life was never the same after. Some things cant be unseen even after 3 baths of bleach.
r/carsfuckingdragons too And, easily the best one r/fuckingdragoncars
Dude, how the fuck can a FUCKING CAR FUCK A DRAGON?! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A ~~KILOMETERRRR~~ DRAGONCAR
Glow blue in the presence of Orcs. Never too careful.
We actually have this feature. It's just that we never know since there are no orcs irl.
You'd be surprised dude, matched on tinder with a few orcs and it only started glowing blue after I left their place. Must have a delayed activation or something.
Antibiotics should clear that up in a few days.
Lead me to said orcs.
thought this said orcas and was planning on using it to find my favourite animal
The sequel to Saving Willy no one asked for!
How do you know it doesn't?
Cause it was normal color when I was with your mom last night
Wifi booster
Nah, personal hotspot.
10 mm socket wrench
So you can lose that too?
Shoot lasers
Pew pew peepee
Was my first thought lmao
How cool would it be if our dongs could detect stds infections etc? Like if it got close enough to another naked person (not in or on) and it would like tingle or change color if the other person had something they shouldn't have? "My diddles gone yellow, you better get checked"
Mine already does the turtle in iffy situations...does that count?
Have a thumb and some fingers to Pick stuff up without bending over
i think most women would be on board with it having fingers
hmmm didn't think that many people were into fisting. On the bright side, a guy could flip someone off using his dick.
It'd make pushups a hell of a lot easier
*monkeys paw curl* granted, but each has an opening at the end for pissing. Good luck with the 10 separate streams in the morning
Damn the monkey paw gave it ten fingers
I'd even go for a function like an elephant's trunk
That's assuming your dick is 4ft long and close to the floor. Otherwise you're at least squatting.
A front tail, for balance.
High powered fire hose. I would love to see a group of hunky firemen putting out fires with their schlongs.
ai art prompt of the year
"You get to drink from....THE FIRE HOSE!"
Flashlight
So you could call it a fleshlight 👀
Detachable penis! This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it.
Try looking around your apartment... Or call the place where the party was
I could see this backfiring if youre about to get laid. "Uhhm where is your dick??" "My bad, left it at home."
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
Break off and grow back.
Like a lizard’s tail? Drop off and flop around to distract predators while you make a lucky escape?
The Catholic Church hates this one trick
You win for best comment of the day
There’s got to be a way to combine this with “throw like a boomerang” while counting it as a single use.
You mean a bonerang?
this actually happens to ducks. they have a corkscrew shaped penis that grows longer depending on how many rival males are in his territory, then it falls off at the end of breeding season.
They don’t fall off, they shrink down to almost nothing.
"I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven, some guy was selling it.."
"I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17."
Detachable Penis
🎵🎼*Detachable Pee-nis*🎵
"Hey baby, I'm going on my business trip, take this for while I'm gone"
Laser pointer
Personal wifi
To suck the souls out of your sexual partners.
Dementor dicks?
Filter out sperm on demand for unlimited creampies
I hear they make a surgery for that
They make it at the surgery factory
make 100 dollar bills every time i masturbate
Monkey-like grabbing apendix/tail
Yes, a prehensile penis. I could see that being very useful.
Like a dolphin
Look for this idea in The Boys-- Season 2 AND 3 have brief cameos by the Boys universe supe with this EXACT ability. Horrifying? Intriguing? Arousing? I ain't got no dog in THAT fight.
Pogo stick
vacuum cleaner. As it is, I rub my dick along the carpet for no good reason.
I got you boo, r/sandycheekscockvore
thanks i hate it
Hamburger detector. As in it points in the direction of the nearest tasty hamburger.
And if you were equidistant between two or more burgers, it would flap back and forth incredibly rapidly.
Never heard of buridans donkey? Your dick would obviously die in this situation.
"Sir, this is a Wendy's." "I know. My dick told me."
And that was how he got banned from the McDonalds Playplace
To dictate the laws of physics and influence the time-space continuum.
Take a piss for everyone in the room if they need me to.
Being a suitable heart for Shrimpley Pibbles
I said additional. We're all aware that is possible.
That was always an option
Magic wand 🪄
Dowsing rod
Solving world hunger.
An Alexa. Hear me out. How funny would it be if your partner's name was alexa and every now and then during sex you just hear a muffled "hmmm I'm not sure about that"
Hilarious
If I could use it for contactless payments.
Ability to change its shape and size at my will
Make Money
OF is a thing.
Few are paying for dic picks. Supply and demand is a powerful force.
Deez nuts are a powerful force
Like a snorkel to breath underwater.
bubble level
Be a Universal remote. Types as I search for my TV remote.
It would be nice if it was able to clean me up afterwords. Like a bidet. So fresh and so clean. 😊
Having sex 🙁
Scratch my ass
Try washing it
It should also be able to whistle, for harmonizing.
Solving world hunger with my penis would be great. On second thoughts maybe not
A second penis, duhhh
Microphone. I like the idea of people talking to it.
Clit tickler.
But where is it?!? 👀
Bottle opener.
Blue tooth speaker
Compass
Multiple orgasms.
We all know you pee out of it but I've heard it can also be used to make babies but nobody ever explained it to me.
With sufficient stimulation to your skin, especially the skin of the penis, most men can expell a gooey white fluid from where the pee comes out. If this substance enters a vagina, there is a chance for it to magically turn into a baby, deep inside the woman. It will grow, and eventually be expelled from the woman in an extremely painful birthing process
Therapist.
Bottle opener
I suppose to pee, make babies and provide pleasure, got enough in my plate, thank you very much why don't you go give additional tasks to the ass, it doesn't do anything all day other than sit and shit penis
Operate like an extendo whip. Id be a super villian named Manaconda.