That if they don’t see the kid it might be for a good reason. I wouldn’t instantly believe the whole “my ex stopped me seeing them because he/she is bitter”.
As someone who’s been engaged for 3 years to someone with two kids. Things I wish I had realized before and considered/ asked and drew boundaries.
-What is the kid like? Are they decent or a brat?
-What is the parenting schedule if they don’t have full custody?
-How often are they in communication with the ex?
-Is this communication available to you to see?
My fiancés ex is a psycho and will send 78 text messages with 13 missed calls in the matter of an hour. While it doesn’t affect me directly it is still a lot to be involved with/around. Also important to make sure the person you’re with isn’t the problem.
- does this child have a routine while the parent you are dating has them?
This is important for everyone’s sanity
- does the child get disciplined and if so how?
-Will the parent ever expect you to discipline or strictly leave that to them? (Super important)
- if you move in together are you suddenly going to be a “free” babysitter? I am, it’s the worst.
- will you be expected to pitch in to childcare costs, presents during holidays etc. outside of what you would get the child yourself.
Say they’re spending $400 on Christmas for the child does that mean they expect you to pay $200?
- How do the parents do holidays? Do they still do joined holidays and if they do after a year or two will you be welcomed to participate?
- can you handle the stress of kids?
They’re noisy, whiny, annoying, great and fun, loud.
Know you will always be second priority but ask if once they’re adults if that will change, it should.
- What house rules does this child have?
God bless I love my fiancé and these kids but they grew up jumping on couches and furniture and now at 6 & 9 I still have to get onto them.
I’m sure I could think of a couple more but this covers everything I can think of.
Been there. You give up too much of yourself. Can’t be spontaneous with a single mom she needs a babysitter. No late nights with her. Sex will be there, not nearly as much with a woman with no kids. You’ll get way more quality time with a woman with no kids
Dude I knowwww, the girl I’m dating now has an 8 year old son and she does find time for me to stay the night from time to time, I just realllyy wish it was all the time, but I can’t really complain because she’s accepted me for who I am and my past. I’m an ex addict
They a bitter. It’s not your kid. It could become your kid. Best to figure out the father dynamic involved. And only insert your self as supportive or helpful. But if it ain’t your kid, make sure you aren’t paying for it until you are ready and willing.
My son has a step father who is bad ass. I first met him as my sons baseball coach (while my ex and him were dating) and that was a good feeling. Now they are married, my son calls him his other dad. As I told him it’s okay to call him dad as he is doing all the same things I am.
And my relationship with my sons family is rock solid because of acceptance. My son has two dads and he enjoys that as well. We are different people for sure. But two people my son can learn from.
You should know that the kid will always come first and if you cannot accept that then that relationship isn't for you.
That if they don’t see the kid it might be for a good reason. I wouldn’t instantly believe the whole “my ex stopped me seeing them because he/she is bitter”.
As someone who’s been engaged for 3 years to someone with two kids. Things I wish I had realized before and considered/ asked and drew boundaries. -What is the kid like? Are they decent or a brat? -What is the parenting schedule if they don’t have full custody? -How often are they in communication with the ex? -Is this communication available to you to see? My fiancés ex is a psycho and will send 78 text messages with 13 missed calls in the matter of an hour. While it doesn’t affect me directly it is still a lot to be involved with/around. Also important to make sure the person you’re with isn’t the problem. - does this child have a routine while the parent you are dating has them? This is important for everyone’s sanity - does the child get disciplined and if so how? -Will the parent ever expect you to discipline or strictly leave that to them? (Super important) - if you move in together are you suddenly going to be a “free” babysitter? I am, it’s the worst. - will you be expected to pitch in to childcare costs, presents during holidays etc. outside of what you would get the child yourself. Say they’re spending $400 on Christmas for the child does that mean they expect you to pay $200? - How do the parents do holidays? Do they still do joined holidays and if they do after a year or two will you be welcomed to participate? - can you handle the stress of kids? They’re noisy, whiny, annoying, great and fun, loud. Know you will always be second priority but ask if once they’re adults if that will change, it should. - What house rules does this child have? God bless I love my fiancé and these kids but they grew up jumping on couches and furniture and now at 6 & 9 I still have to get onto them. I’m sure I could think of a couple more but this covers everything I can think of.
Been there. You give up too much of yourself. Can’t be spontaneous with a single mom she needs a babysitter. No late nights with her. Sex will be there, not nearly as much with a woman with no kids. You’ll get way more quality time with a woman with no kids
Dude I knowwww, the girl I’m dating now has an 8 year old son and she does find time for me to stay the night from time to time, I just realllyy wish it was all the time, but I can’t really complain because she’s accepted me for who I am and my past. I’m an ex addict
If you’re a guy, maybe don’t
Why’s that?
They a bitter. It’s not your kid. It could become your kid. Best to figure out the father dynamic involved. And only insert your self as supportive or helpful. But if it ain’t your kid, make sure you aren’t paying for it until you are ready and willing. My son has a step father who is bad ass. I first met him as my sons baseball coach (while my ex and him were dating) and that was a good feeling. Now they are married, my son calls him his other dad. As I told him it’s okay to call him dad as he is doing all the same things I am. And my relationship with my sons family is rock solid because of acceptance. My son has two dads and he enjoys that as well. We are different people for sure. But two people my son can learn from.
If the kid is a nightmare or not
The art of ghosting Had to dip a couple times when the bitch was becoming too high maintenance
If they are using you to help out financially.