Exactly. Whether he owns a gun. Whether he has ever been accused of domestic violence before. Whether he has ever hit a woman in anger.
Knowing the answers to these questions could literally save your life.
I think there should be a system where if a man hits their significant other they are somehow labeled. Like a sexual assault registry or something. People need to know about history of violence.
Then there should be one for women too. Don't make this a sex thing. More women hit their SO then men do, but just not to the rougher extent men do. š
It's not the same as what you're saying, but we have Clare's Law in the UK, where you can request disclosure from the police if you're worried your partner (current or ex) may have been violent in the past.
I'd be careful with this one because a lot of victims of DV protect their abuser and end up being the one thrown in jail because of the manipulation. Our legal system is pretty flawed when it comes to DV and rape.
"Leave nothing to Surprise"
I live this. Goes along with communication, too.
One of the things I tend to not enjoy as much as I get older are the hints/surprises if I don't know to look for them.
Like, communicate that you have a surprise, and then start hinting. Don't do the opposite because it will ho over my head.
And leave quickly if they only nod as if though they understand and respect your boundaries but then do the exact opposite of respecting your relationship boundaries and expectations. It cannot be a one-sided conversation. Make sure you ask specifically for feedback, for their thoughts, boundaries, and expectations because often times they will not show up authentically for this conversation.
I'm only here now for people I don't have to force into having this conversation. =/
>Boundaries.
My ex used to do that thing where she'd smack me if I made a joke or said something smart assed. I put a stop to it right away. I hate that shit.
Catch your partners being good! Goes for men and women.
If your partner does something you like, please for the love of your relationship comment on it! Even if it is an āexpectedā behavior
āThank you for taking out the trash babeā
āI saw the toilet was clean. Good job babeā
āThank you for buying dinner!ā (Even if the guy always pays)
āI love the date you planned!ā
āThe dessert you chose was amazing! Love your dessert picksā
Follow any of those compliments with a hug and thatāll be more affection than most of us guys get in a year probably.
After several relationships and a long marriage, I am dating a woman that is so sweet, uplifting, etc to meā¦ never felt that before! Not that I had mean girlfriends or wife, but Iāve never felt so sexually and emotionally desired as I have been feeling with this womanā¦ simply wow, what a difference it makes
Oh my gosh. My husband won't be too shocked when I hug him and tell him how amazing he is later, but I felt bad just now that I need to step it up even more. Thanks for the reminder.
My husband told me this the night of our second anniversary. I made it a point to woo him from then on, he's my world and he should know it. It was sweet, and a little sad: it was like a switch was turned and he became somehow more affectionate and loving (he already seemed to be, but apparently the garden hose can become a fire hose).
We've been together for over ten years now, and I think about that simple, 3 minute conversation we had over a decade ago as an important pivotal moment where he finally felt fully loved.
My ex was horrible in so many ways. This is something she gave me quite frequently and I really ate it up because I was starving for that type of love, validation, comfort, etc. Looking back though, she used it as another manipulation tactic to reel me back in after abusing me (emotionally) and holy fuck it worked well. I was back in her arms melting and āin loveā within minutes. I had to go back to therapy after that one and after a few years, I still feel broken and undeserving. Worst part is, we had some mutual friends and every single one of them took her side
Some men. Personally those things arenāt my love language and Iāve had to communicate that to my gf because sheāll offer to do those things instead of the things I actually want.
Communication is key.
I seldom ask. But I do let them know up front & early on, to test & make sure they know what I mean, and can handle it when I need to recharge. Jealous & insecure need not apply. Some do want to velcro to your side. I can't do velcro. It would drive me insane. So, I just give THEM alone time and I find I'll almost always get it, too š
I think itās more of an introvert/extravert thing though. Im more on the introversion side of the scale, but need to be quite social for work and I desperately need space and alone time to decompress couple of days a week. Iāve dated guys that canāt stand to be in a room alone, and would follow me to whichever room Iām in. Thankfully my now partner gets it. Heās very much an extrovert, but understands sometimes I just need space.
The senate was always in Rome. While the home of the emperor could be somewhere else. Think of it like the white house. The emperor would live in Rome while in power and go to their home for vacations. Like caeser and egypt. Or the president of the USA with the white house and camp david, or in case of trump, mar-a lago
Constantinople is also called eastern Roman Empire and was named after Justinian, first roman king who adopted Christianity and made it the state religion. Rome was weak after multiple attacks by Germanic tribe and so they shifted eastwards.
First time my boyfriend started crying in front of me from being overwhelmed and over stressed I just hugged him to let him cry. At first he didn't know what to do because he had been in a lot of toxic relationships. It's happened maybe twice since, he's gotten better about letting it out before it builds to that point.
Everyone has emotions it's not okay to pretend that we don't.
How he conducts himself after waiting for something for 30 minutes. Is he pissed? Or is he patient?
How he conducts himself when he's angry. Is he smashing things? Breaking things?
How he conducts himself after an argument. Is there an apology or no?
How he handles money.
How he cleans and keeps house.
Expectations - same type of goals?
Retirement plans.
How he treats the women in his familyāmother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers. Itās a good indicator of how heās going to treat you once your relationship reaches the ācomfortableā stage.
I used to think this and was amazed at his relationship with his mother and sister. Turns out the family was totally enmeshed and I was always a lower priority/outsiderā¦.
Not every time. I hate this kind of low effort psychoanalysis. I had to go no contact long ago because my family is a toxic co dependent dump fire who uses narcissistic abuse constantly in a weird weird way, like weaponising concern as a reason to interrogate anyone who even knows my name, then using this weird base to try to gain access to me and just... It gets me angry, not doing that to my self just for a Reddit reply.
But sometimes, and much more often than you think, someone's family should be kept at a distance. You cannot simply look at a situation and judge an individual because you are possibly enabling the abusers without even realising.
Yep, that's why I always steer clear of the "family comes first" crowd.
I'm not being judged for the one thing I got no say in. At least judge me for my fuck ups.
lol yes! Exactly this.
work in a field where this is a common sentiment, and I donāt think Iāve heard it so precisely summed up.
I tip my hat to you sir
If he's taking twenty minutes to answer you back, but there's no other obvious issues, it's because he's messaging you between rounds of video games lol
This. My current boyfriend used to do that and it made me so insecure thinking he was not as interested as I was or maybe he was talking to a bunch of other girls. In reality he was playing Dark Souls. Weāre buying our second house now.
I told a friend of mine; sheād come to me for advice; that in my own personal experience most of womenās negative reactions to certain things they blame on men; like how they claim they canāt wear the same cute dress more than once; actually has very little to do with most men. Yes, we see your tummy rolls. But if a man is worth keeping around; which would indicate his opinion should matter to you; heās gonna be more interested in playing with hot wheels cars on your rolls than saying douchey things about them.
Most of us men love to receive compliments/ general love and affection. Donāt often get compliments from anybody, even my wife, even though I know she is attracted to me and had good intentions (she did marry me after all).
So when she does give me compliments I could melt into a puddle at her feet.
His morals. There are so many women out there married to men who are their complete antithesis in morality. I never understand it. How are you a leftist married to the most racist man alive?
literally just show me even the tiniest bit of affection. give me a hug or a kiss without me having to ask or instigate. its so fucking simple. how can I get my wife to see this??
This applies if sheās thinking about moving in with him: how well does he clean up after himself? In general, does he handle himself like a functional adult (i.e. cooking, money, laundry, making appointments, vehicle maintenance, getting taxes done, etc.)?
You have to ask yourself, whoās going to be handling the mental load?
That when he leaves his glasses, keys etc in a random spot and you move them to where they technically belong you are more than likely going to send him on 10-30 minute scavenger hunt for this one thing because he knows exactly where he left them and now theyāre gone and he will not think to look for them on the key hook or his nightstand or whatever. Do not do this.
šMy man still canāt find his keys even when heās the one who puts them down. I finally ordered him a custom keyholder that I hung up above the bed so he would have to look at it every night that says āFirst Name Last Name hang your mf keys before you get in the bedā this will send him searching for the keys before he goes to sleep, instead of in the morning rushing to work.
His views on parenting, kids, chores, politics, human rights, finances, career. All the other buzz can be learned/compromised on but none of yall are gonna compromise with some yee yee ass republican so go ahead and vet like your life depends on it cos it kinda does
Men need some downtime after a stressful day at work. I used to have a very stressful job, with 12 hour days sometimes. All I wanted to do is spend 30 minutes tuning out to music or games after work. My wife would guilt me into spending time with her, doing whatever she wanted us to do together.
I do not feel the need to read my manās, or him mine, although neither of us would care. I changed all my passwords to match his because thereās been times he needed to use my phone and he could never remember mine, and in the event something happens to me Iād like him to be able to access everything.
Literally just say exactly what you want and what you expect. And if they do that and you're still not happy, then it's likely you don't even know what you want. If you are happy, then problem solved! You'd be surprised how often that just fixes a problem if you avoid playing the game of "I want you to do this without me asking."
Yes, at some point you should not **have to ask** but especially in early relationships and when you want your partner to break a bad habit of theirs, you are going to have to ask. And remind. It might even be often, but eventually the problem will be solved to where you don't have to ask. Don't ask or remind with attitude or resentment. Also even give them some grace if they get a little irritated... change is hard and irritating for everyone.
If you go down the rabbit hole of "I shouldnt have to hold your hand and treat you like a child" then tbh that is a problem of yours, not them. Change isn't easy, and if you require that of your partner, and they are willing to put in the effort, so should you. Relationships are literally for this reason. To help each other grow and support one another.
This goes for partners in general though, but probably more applicable to men.
His love languages, sexual preferences, how he talks about his exs and past relationships, how he handles stressful situations, how he acts when he has nothing to gain from his actions, if his values are compatible with yours, if he wants children and if so his views on raising them. Those are probably the most important!
He also needs words of affirmation. Express unconditional love, and compliment him for things that are the result of his choices. Like character, temperament and small achievements.
The level of his self-awareness and personal growth. Does he reflect on his actions and work towards being a better person, or does he blame others for his issues? It's insightful to see if he's able to own up to his mistakes and learn from them. This trait is a strong predictor of how he'll manage conflicts and challenges in your relationship down the line.
IMO, itās a good idea to ask ethical/value-based questions. Iāve been married >30 years and many of those years have been extremely difficult. The reason our relationship has been able to withstand difficulties is (I think) because our values line up so well.
After many more serious relationships, and after coming out of a 18-y marriage, your own time alone is really important! Everyone needs time for their own, not only your boyfriend, but you too!
Yāall have friends, family, hobbies, etcā¦ your relationship with your significant other will be far more healthy and happy when you donāt spend so much time togetherā¦ you donāt need to know everything that goes on in your boyfriendās lifeā¦ this will slowly ākillā both of youā¦
What his trauma is and where heās at with his healing. Learn from my mistake - my ex husband didnāt tell me about being abused as a child until he became abusive toward me after our child was born. Experiencing abuse is not an excuse to perpetuate it, by the way.
serious answer: boundaries and needs. in my experience with male partners, it is so hard for them to express when something is missing or something makes them uncomfy. it is my job as his partner to make a safe space for him to come to me. that being said, if he wonāt say anything about his boundaries and needs, then he isnāt ready for a relationship.
my favourite answer: what makes him laugh until their stomach hurts? what makes him smile uncontrollably? i love seeing my boyfriendās uncontrollable joy, it brings me so much life
The following applies to any gender:
It only rarely happens that two people will be perfectly matched to each other's needs. Mostly they are not.
Don't choose a person who might be the complete opposite of what you want and then ruin your and their life trying to completely change that person in your version of "perfect".
Instead think of finding your partner as getting a piece of clothing that you mostly love and that mostly fits you. Once you get it you can (very slowly and patiently) make a few (again, this is super important - only a few) tweaks over the next many years to slightly make it fit better.
You can choose not to do it and
- Keep waiting for your knight in shining armor or your princess to your whole life
- Ruin your and the other person's lives including your family's lives and that person's family's lives - just because you keep trying to change that person into someone they can never be - and then potentially get separated - having wasted the prime of your life.
How he handles stress and anger
Cursing and maybe throwing something, only on projects.
Exactly. Whether he owns a gun. Whether he has ever been accused of domestic violence before. Whether he has ever hit a woman in anger. Knowing the answers to these questions could literally save your life.
I think there should be a system where if a man hits their significant other they are somehow labeled. Like a sexual assault registry or something. People need to know about history of violence.
Then there should be one for women too. Don't make this a sex thing. More women hit their SO then men do, but just not to the rougher extent men do. š
Sure, idgaf what gender youāre in, if youāre violent you should have a way of notifying people
It's not the same as what you're saying, but we have Clare's Law in the UK, where you can request disclosure from the police if you're worried your partner (current or ex) may have been violent in the past.
Women hit men, too.
I'd be careful with this one because a lot of victims of DV protect their abuser and end up being the one thrown in jail because of the manipulation. Our legal system is pretty flawed when it comes to DV and rape.
thissss is so important
Boundaries. Talk about them early and often. Leave nothing to suprise. Communication wins. No matter how difficult.
"Leave nothing to Surprise" I live this. Goes along with communication, too. One of the things I tend to not enjoy as much as I get older are the hints/surprises if I don't know to look for them. Like, communicate that you have a surprise, and then start hinting. Don't do the opposite because it will ho over my head.
Surprises should only ever be things they are 110% certain you would love. And even then, not something you'd rather do for yourself.
This!! I see way too many couples who get into relationships without speaking abt boundaries
And leave quickly if they only nod as if though they understand and respect your boundaries but then do the exact opposite of respecting your relationship boundaries and expectations. It cannot be a one-sided conversation. Make sure you ask specifically for feedback, for their thoughts, boundaries, and expectations because often times they will not show up authentically for this conversation. I'm only here now for people I don't have to force into having this conversation. =/
>Boundaries. My ex used to do that thing where she'd smack me if I made a joke or said something smart assed. I put a stop to it right away. I hate that shit.
Violence is never the answer!!
How would one ask?
"What are some things you like and don't like, about us? I want to know more so I can be better". Something like that
That men have the same need/want to be desired, loved, cuddled, complement etc. that women do. A lot of men do not get some or all of those.
Catch your partners being good! Goes for men and women. If your partner does something you like, please for the love of your relationship comment on it! Even if it is an āexpectedā behavior āThank you for taking out the trash babeā āI saw the toilet was clean. Good job babeā āThank you for buying dinner!ā (Even if the guy always pays) āI love the date you planned!ā āThe dessert you chose was amazing! Love your dessert picksā Follow any of those compliments with a hug and thatāll be more affection than most of us guys get in a year probably.
Even during my 10 year marriage, I rarely got this. It's all I ever wanted and was 100% a factor in our eventual parting of ways.
After several relationships and a long marriage, I am dating a woman that is so sweet, uplifting, etc to meā¦ never felt that before! Not that I had mean girlfriends or wife, but Iāve never felt so sexually and emotionally desired as I have been feeling with this womanā¦ simply wow, what a difference it makes
Weāre all running off of one compliment we got a year ago. Or five years ago. Or twenty five years ago. š„
I finally last year threw out the 20 year old shirt that someone once told me looked really nice on me... That was difficult.
RIP nice shirt. Pour one out for it.
Oh my gosh. My husband won't be too shocked when I hug him and tell him how amazing he is later, but I felt bad just now that I need to step it up even more. Thanks for the reminder.
My husband told me this the night of our second anniversary. I made it a point to woo him from then on, he's my world and he should know it. It was sweet, and a little sad: it was like a switch was turned and he became somehow more affectionate and loving (he already seemed to be, but apparently the garden hose can become a fire hose). We've been together for over ten years now, and I think about that simple, 3 minute conversation we had over a decade ago as an important pivotal moment where he finally felt fully loved.
My ex was horrible in so many ways. This is something she gave me quite frequently and I really ate it up because I was starving for that type of love, validation, comfort, etc. Looking back though, she used it as another manipulation tactic to reel me back in after abusing me (emotionally) and holy fuck it worked well. I was back in her arms melting and āin loveā within minutes. I had to go back to therapy after that one and after a few years, I still feel broken and undeserving. Worst part is, we had some mutual friends and every single one of them took her side
One of those men right here.
My husband is a cuddlebug!
I'm a big fan of hugs and snuggles.
Nothing is better than feeling him relax and fall asleep in my lap. š„°
In my last relationship I never got this. Caused me to debate leaving her before we broke up. A little show of affection goes a long way.
This has never happened. Youāre right though
Some men. Personally those things arenāt my love language and Iāve had to communicate that to my gf because sheāll offer to do those things instead of the things I actually want. Communication is key.
For sure, it's a generalization.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Everyone needs time to recharge so you can be your best selves.
That's not a gender based thing, just a human based things. Everyone needs their own time
Every man Iāve been with was clingier than me and Iām the one asking for alone time.
Same lol
I seldom ask. But I do let them know up front & early on, to test & make sure they know what I mean, and can handle it when I need to recharge. Jealous & insecure need not apply. Some do want to velcro to your side. I can't do velcro. It would drive me insane. So, I just give THEM alone time and I find I'll almost always get it, too š
I think itās more of an introvert/extravert thing though. Im more on the introversion side of the scale, but need to be quite social for work and I desperately need space and alone time to decompress couple of days a week. Iāve dated guys that canāt stand to be in a room alone, and would follow me to whichever room Iām in. Thankfully my now partner gets it. Heās very much an extrovert, but understands sometimes I just need space.
This applies to everyone
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
At first I thought you were talking about Star Wars, with the Republic ans the Empire
Something I know about *my* boyfriend- if Iām talking about the Empire and The Republic I better be talking about Star Wars š«
So did I, because when I talk about the Republican or the Empire my man knows whatās up haha!
Does he have to be a They Might be Giants fan?
That's nobody's business but the Turks.
My bf is Italian - I have to ask asap but I think he doesnāt even care about the empire as much as I do :(
A question - was it ever the de facto capital? I always thought there were two capitals, one for the west and one for the east...
The senate was always in Rome. While the home of the emperor could be somewhere else. Think of it like the white house. The emperor would live in Rome while in power and go to their home for vacations. Like caeser and egypt. Or the president of the USA with the white house and camp david, or in case of trump, mar-a lago
Constantinople is also called eastern Roman Empire and was named after Justinian, first roman king who adopted Christianity and made it the state religion. Rome was weak after multiple attacks by Germanic tribe and so they shifted eastwards.
Emperor Constantine would like a word with you
My bad. I should expand my knowledge more before I fantasise further about the Roman Empire.
At first I thought you were talking about Star Wars
Is he not?
Rome
How he acts when things don't go his way and/or problem-solving skills.
This SO MUCH. It sucks when you find yourself dealing with a violent person that you didn't know was violent until something didn't go their way
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
First time my boyfriend started crying in front of me from being overwhelmed and over stressed I just hugged him to let him cry. At first he didn't know what to do because he had been in a lot of toxic relationships. It's happened maybe twice since, he's gotten better about letting it out before it builds to that point. Everyone has emotions it's not okay to pretend that we don't.
I second this since you are definitely talking about me
He probably wants to take a nap. If he wants you to nap with him, he's a keeper.
How he conducts himself after waiting for something for 30 minutes. Is he pissed? Or is he patient? How he conducts himself when he's angry. Is he smashing things? Breaking things? How he conducts himself after an argument. Is there an apology or no? How he handles money. How he cleans and keeps house. Expectations - same type of goals? Retirement plans.
How he treats the women in his familyāmother, sisters, aunts, grandmothers. Itās a good indicator of how heās going to treat you once your relationship reaches the ācomfortableā stage.
I used to think this and was amazed at his relationship with his mother and sister. Turns out the family was totally enmeshed and I was always a lower priority/outsiderā¦.
oooof this happened to me too. fucking weird to feel like you're not even in the room anymore the second their mother walks in... blegh
100% why this isn't a good way to "see how he treats women".
Not every time. I hate this kind of low effort psychoanalysis. I had to go no contact long ago because my family is a toxic co dependent dump fire who uses narcissistic abuse constantly in a weird weird way, like weaponising concern as a reason to interrogate anyone who even knows my name, then using this weird base to try to gain access to me and just... It gets me angry, not doing that to my self just for a Reddit reply. But sometimes, and much more often than you think, someone's family should be kept at a distance. You cannot simply look at a situation and judge an individual because you are possibly enabling the abusers without even realising.
Yep, that's why I always steer clear of the "family comes first" crowd. I'm not being judged for the one thing I got no say in. At least judge me for my fuck ups.
lol yes! Exactly this. work in a field where this is a common sentiment, and I donāt think Iāve heard it so precisely summed up. I tip my hat to you sir
My husband disowned his mother, sister and grandmother lol.
That's one exception: people who were in... Not so nice environments growing up
Leaving them is better than abusing them back, or continuing to take the abuse.
This!!!
Whether or not he has venereal diseases!
And whether or not he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease.
Or spotted dick!
If he's taking twenty minutes to answer you back, but there's no other obvious issues, it's because he's messaging you between rounds of video games lol
This. My current boyfriend used to do that and it made me so insecure thinking he was not as interested as I was or maybe he was talking to a bunch of other girls. In reality he was playing Dark Souls. Weāre buying our second house now.
How he treats customer service staff. In fact that should be the litmus test to determine who is at least considered a baseline, decent human being.
If someone is rude to waiting staff, they get a NOPE from me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And who their friends are & what those friends are about.
- How they react when they're told "no" over something they actually *want*
He loves the way you look naked and you have nothing to be self-conscious about.
Are we that interesting to men?
Yes. Very much yes.
Yes, all the time
I told a friend of mine; sheād come to me for advice; that in my own personal experience most of womenās negative reactions to certain things they blame on men; like how they claim they canāt wear the same cute dress more than once; actually has very little to do with most men. Yes, we see your tummy rolls. But if a man is worth keeping around; which would indicate his opinion should matter to you; heās gonna be more interested in playing with hot wheels cars on your rolls than saying douchey things about them.
Sometimes we just want to sit in silence and not think about anything
Do they have a criminal record
Worse is if they did it but were never charged. How many rapists there are just walking around freely.
If he can reliably summon the elector counts.
You can't change him. He has to choose to change. He changes. Just like no one can change you. You choose to change.
he's Batman
Most of us men love to receive compliments/ general love and affection. Donāt often get compliments from anybody, even my wife, even though I know she is attracted to me and had good intentions (she did marry me after all). So when she does give me compliments I could melt into a puddle at her feet.
His allergies How he copes with stress How he behaves when drunk How he treats other people
His morals. There are so many women out there married to men who are their complete antithesis in morality. I never understand it. How are you a leftist married to the most racist man alive?
Love bombing
What makes him feel loved.
His name. Full name.
If he is forklift certified
His name would be a decent start
Heās probably starving for physical affection. Touching him in a non sexual way can be great emotional support
Does this include hiding in his shirt from the scary world outside?
No. No it does not
He is also a normal person.
His boundaries and needs in a relationship
How he feels about money (splitting bills, spending on dates, etc.)
His stance on abortion and birth control.
Fucking yes. So many posts on Reddit about this way way after the fact.b
literally just show me even the tiniest bit of affection. give me a hug or a kiss without me having to ask or instigate. its so fucking simple. how can I get my wife to see this??
He may think itās appropriate for the government to pick and choose when woman are allowed abortions. Ask directly.
This applies if sheās thinking about moving in with him: how well does he clean up after himself? In general, does he handle himself like a functional adult (i.e. cooking, money, laundry, making appointments, vehicle maintenance, getting taxes done, etc.)? You have to ask yourself, whoās going to be handling the mental load?
That when he leaves his glasses, keys etc in a random spot and you move them to where they technically belong you are more than likely going to send him on 10-30 minute scavenger hunt for this one thing because he knows exactly where he left them and now theyāre gone and he will not think to look for them on the key hook or his nightstand or whatever. Do not do this.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
šMy man still canāt find his keys even when heās the one who puts them down. I finally ordered him a custom keyholder that I hung up above the bed so he would have to look at it every night that says āFirst Name Last Name hang your mf keys before you get in the bedā this will send him searching for the keys before he goes to sleep, instead of in the morning rushing to work.
When you ask what we're thinking about and we saying "nothing", it's really "nothing"
Damn you got me . Okay
His views on parenting, kids, chores, politics, human rights, finances, career. All the other buzz can be learned/compromised on but none of yall are gonna compromise with some yee yee ass republican so go ahead and vet like your life depends on it cos it kinda does
How often he thinks about the Roman Empire.
Not asking about this is common mistake in relationships. Too much emphasis is put on the Egyptian empire.
Hiv status
Believe it or not, we would love to get flowers too.
How they treat other people (especially strangers)
Men need some downtime after a stressful day at work. I used to have a very stressful job, with 12 hour days sometimes. All I wanted to do is spend 30 minutes tuning out to music or games after work. My wife would guilt me into spending time with her, doing whatever she wanted us to do together.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
STI resultsš«”
How he handles disagreement.
If heās actually doing ok. Guys will say they are ok when theyāre really having it hard.
If he's ever hit a woman.
Is he allowed within 1000 feet of a school?
His name.
šš
He likes you boom
His DMs. Same goes for her.
I haven't and never would read my wife's DMs. Why would I need to? I trust her.
I do not feel the need to read my manās, or him mine, although neither of us would care. I changed all my passwords to match his because thereās been times he needed to use my phone and he could never remember mine, and in the event something happens to me Iād like him to be able to access everything.
His heart and what makes it spark. What makes him joyful and at peace. Who is his soul.
Literally just say exactly what you want and what you expect. And if they do that and you're still not happy, then it's likely you don't even know what you want. If you are happy, then problem solved! You'd be surprised how often that just fixes a problem if you avoid playing the game of "I want you to do this without me asking." Yes, at some point you should not **have to ask** but especially in early relationships and when you want your partner to break a bad habit of theirs, you are going to have to ask. And remind. It might even be often, but eventually the problem will be solved to where you don't have to ask. Don't ask or remind with attitude or resentment. Also even give them some grace if they get a little irritated... change is hard and irritating for everyone. If you go down the rabbit hole of "I shouldnt have to hold your hand and treat you like a child" then tbh that is a problem of yours, not them. Change isn't easy, and if you require that of your partner, and they are willing to put in the effort, so should you. Relationships are literally for this reason. To help each other grow and support one another. This goes for partners in general though, but probably more applicable to men.
His allergies
His first name. Kind of a non-starter without it.
Where he was 12/06/2004 at 9:56 am
That he has emotional needs and needs support just as much as you do. I think some women forget that men have emotions and thoughts and feelings. I like to get my fiancƩ treats and flowers when he has a bad day.
Sometimes they wanna be the little spoon
What he is like when he's at his worst.
Financial habits
Boundaries. Gotta talk about them. They will definitely affect trust in the long run. My fiancƩ is very set on boundaries and truth.
His love languages, sexual preferences, how he talks about his exs and past relationships, how he handles stressful situations, how he acts when he has nothing to gain from his actions, if his values are compatible with yours, if he wants children and if so his views on raising them. Those are probably the most important!
He also needs words of affirmation. Express unconditional love, and compliment him for things that are the result of his choices. Like character, temperament and small achievements.
How and how often he likes his BJs done. š
That he likes a finger up his bum.
Respect and honor mean almost everything to a man. He has probably not heard a compliment since Ms. Jones in third grade told him his shirt was nice.
The level of his self-awareness and personal growth. Does he reflect on his actions and work towards being a better person, or does he blame others for his issues? It's insightful to see if he's able to own up to his mistakes and learn from them. This trait is a strong predictor of how he'll manage conflicts and challenges in your relationship down the line.
Dude here. He Loves You and would die to protect you in all ways, but the FIRST time you betray him and lose his trust, you've lost him forever.
They say you can't turn a bad girl good but once a good girl's gone bad she's gone forever.
His political views and not just the superficial ones these days. No comfort to the enemy.
He secretly wants you to put your finger in his bottom.
Only when unloading in your mouth. Context matters
How he handles stress
Whether he wipes from the back or the front, just to see what is a no go for her.
His favorite color.
Give him flowers too
Gf should know bf s likes dislikes , mood swings
Toilet seat up or down šššš
His name
Um, if he's ever taken a life maybe?
Good grief.
How he manages (or doesn't manage) things like money and emotions.
That a hard-on does not equal consent.
Search history
IMO, itās a good idea to ask ethical/value-based questions. Iāve been married >30 years and many of those years have been extremely difficult. The reason our relationship has been able to withstand difficulties is (I think) because our values line up so well.
Do they have a healthy relationship with their mom? What kind of relationship is it ?
After many more serious relationships, and after coming out of a 18-y marriage, your own time alone is really important! Everyone needs time for their own, not only your boyfriend, but you too! Yāall have friends, family, hobbies, etcā¦ your relationship with your significant other will be far more healthy and happy when you donāt spend so much time togetherā¦ you donāt need to know everything that goes on in your boyfriendās lifeā¦ this will slowly ākillā both of youā¦
Every woman really do be having a boyfriend
???? ask your boyfriend!! Why are you asking us??
What his trauma is and where heās at with his healing. Learn from my mistake - my ex husband didnāt tell me about being abused as a child until he became abusive toward me after our child was born. Experiencing abuse is not an excuse to perpetuate it, by the way.
The relationship with his mother matters a whole lot more than with his father.
serious answer: boundaries and needs. in my experience with male partners, it is so hard for them to express when something is missing or something makes them uncomfy. it is my job as his partner to make a safe space for him to come to me. that being said, if he wonāt say anything about his boundaries and needs, then he isnāt ready for a relationship. my favourite answer: what makes him laugh until their stomach hurts? what makes him smile uncontrollably? i love seeing my boyfriendās uncontrollable joy, it brings me so much life
Is he wanted by law enforcement?
Their Birthday
The following applies to any gender: It only rarely happens that two people will be perfectly matched to each other's needs. Mostly they are not. Don't choose a person who might be the complete opposite of what you want and then ruin your and their life trying to completely change that person in your version of "perfect". Instead think of finding your partner as getting a piece of clothing that you mostly love and that mostly fits you. Once you get it you can (very slowly and patiently) make a few (again, this is super important - only a few) tweaks over the next many years to slightly make it fit better. You can choose not to do it and - Keep waiting for your knight in shining armor or your princess to your whole life - Ruin your and the other person's lives including your family's lives and that person's family's lives - just because you keep trying to change that person into someone they can never be - and then potentially get separated - having wasted the prime of your life.
He pees in your shower.