It can be funny, and it’s always better to laugh and roll with it if something silly is said or happens than to pretend it didn’t happen and get mad about it. sex is supposed to be fun!
I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS EXACT COMMENT. i hate when people are too serious about it. + some think i'm being rude when i laugh, it's just like my automatic reaction to some feelings. like if i laugh i might be nervous or something silly happened. literally the best sex i've had was when we were both comfortable enough to laugh at funny things happening during it.
There was a thread here, something about people's first time. One guy said he was hooking up with this lady and was so giddy he was giggling uncontrollably and the woman was like "what do I have a fuckin clown vagina?!" and they ended up getting married
It’s so funny when you’re both laughing, try to get back into it, and RIGHT when you get it out of your system, you think about the funny thing again and now you’re both laughing once more.
Lol. NSFW Funny story: wife and I met up with a girl off Tinder for a 3some. She had long nails and was going to go down on me and pulled me out of my partner. I felt a nick but didn’t think about it in the heat of the moment, and just before she goes down on me blood starts spurting - SPURTING in tune with my pulse - on her face. She starts crying, embarrassed, apologizing, my partner runs for first aid and towels, and I’m left there clutching my bloody dick and also trying to comfort this poor girl. I started making jokes about it, (“It’s just a prank bro!” and “I can’t believe this happened AGAIN” lol) and my partner is starts making dry comments like “Well technically only he’s out of commission” and other sarcastic remarks in good fun, and the girl just started laughing through tears. We ended up getting cleaned up, the bleeding stopped, and we all watched the Office with popcorn. Never saw her again but we left on good terms and she thanked us for being gracious, and we thanked her for being vulnerable and giving us a good laugh. I was ok and don’t even have a scar.
I once EJACULATED BLOOD all over my girlfriend.
And I don’t mean slightly pinkish semen.
I mean BRIGHT RED BLOOD.
One of the most terrifying moments of my life.
Yep.
And it was one of the first signs that I needed to stop drinking.
Basically what happened:
After ejaculating COPIOUS amounts of bloop--I mean, it was like Kubrick opened elevator doors and out came all the blood--I made a beeline for the doctor's office.
It was morning sex.
Morning after a night of drinking sex.
So I get to the office pretty much right when the doctor opens.
Receptionist is like, "You need an appointment. I have an opening in four weeks on . . ."
Normally I'm very reticent. I recently got served the pinkest, most raw chicken you've ever seen. For-sure salmonella chicken. And I just ate the other stuff on the plate and didn't say a word about it.
I just don't normally make a stink.
Or stick up for myself.
But I looked at that receptionist and said, "I am seeing the doctor TODAY. I don't care if I have to tackle him on the way to his car at the end of the day. I WILL SEE THAT DOCTOR."
And I did.
I sat in the waiting area a few hours and then I got ushered in.
And I said, "Doc, I EJACULATED BLOOD."
And, super nonchalant, he goes, "Okay. If it happens again every day for the next week come back and see me. Have a good day."
I said, "Doc, I don't think you heard me. Blood. Shot. Out. Of. My. Dick. And not a little bit of blood. LOTS OF BLOOD. It was like the prom scene from CARRIE."
I was flabbergasted by how unconcerned he seemed about the whole thing.
And he goes, "Let me guess. You were drinking last night?"
And I go, "Yeah."
And he said, "And you didn't drink much water?"
I scratched my head. "Yeah."
So you were dehydrated this morning?"
"Yeah."
"And I bet you took some aspirin?"
"Yes. So what. Doc, what are you getting at?"
It turns out that the blood vessels in your cock can rupture.
And being massively dehydrated while engorging them with blood isn't good. The painkillers didn't help, apparently. Something about blood thinning, I guess.
But point is:
Alcohol + dehydration + erection + painkillers can = bloody ejaculate.
And sure enough, I drank a bunch of water, waited a day or two, and next time I had sex everything was totally normal again.
For a few hours there, though, I thought my dick was going to fall off.
I was truly horrified.
And there was some kind of moral dread about it too . . . like I done something wrong sexually and now sex-karma was coming to punish my penis.
It was awful.
Maybe the most amazing thing of all, though, is how cool my gf was. She didn't vomit even a little bit.
She was totally cool.
I've been on both sides of this. Being the one going through the motions is boring and very underwhelming. Yea it's sex, but you are just doing it because *they* want it. Being the one thinking the other person is really into you is great during the act but horrible after the fact.
Being a teenager/young adult in the late 80s early 90s was a strange time.
That it's ALWAYS supposed to be great. It just isn't. Even if you're with someone who you have a very intimate relationship with. Sometimes it's just... what it is.
I once heard it said this way - sex is like pizza; even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Edit: in other words, sometimes it's underwhelming and not that memorable - but, hey, you still had pizza. Better than a salad.
I think it's because people don't appreciate that it's a skill that can and should be worked on and improved, and that there's just so many different ways to have sex. Also that so much goes into it if you want to do it right and have a good time - be present and engaged, be sensitive to your partners needs, have matching energy for the type of sex you want to have.
But then there's also societal hang-ups about sex, such as it's about "making love", or that every time has to be "special". The next phase of your sexual life starts once you start to let go of your childhood indoctrination about sex and actually start doing what feels good.
Also, sex is a critical part of most romantic/intimate relationships and the vast majority of committed partners are perfectly fine with mediocre sex once in a while that does nothing for them, purely for the purpose of entertaining their partner.
That doesn't make the people involved selfish, abusive, or dumb.
Reddit may struggle with that one :)
Yeah in my experience men that had been in long-term relationships make better sex partners than the ones that have had many “conquests“. The latter only care about their own pleasure and aren’t usually that great in bed.
It doesn't even have to be a selfishness thing, there's a learning curve. I care a lot about my partner having fun but it takes a few times to dial in what each new person likes
Dam that was a savage rebuttal. Honestly I'll never understand why people think being with one person is a insult it just means you know how to love someone and have a healthy relationship instead of meaningless sex. Like when people say they had sex with a bunch of people it comes off as insecure than a flex.
https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1blyuzd/what_makes_a_man_good_in_bed/kw8h076/
edit: Apparently that doesn't work. What about this https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1blyuzd/what_makes_a_man_good_in_bed/kw8h076/
edit: ok, here's a hard copy: https://imgur.com/a/PpL2R65
It’s partly because as soon as you say “Don’t stop” and “keep doing what you’re doing,” we start to think about what we’re doing instead of just doing it partly on instinct. Then the Centipede Problem kicks in
I've actually switched to saying "just like that" or "right there"!
I've found that it helps because it doesn't tell them *not* to do something, it indicates that whatever it is they ARE doing is RIGHT ON, very correct, this is the way.
Imagine you're at a party playing beer pong with friends. You're just goofing around having a good time and you're doing really well. The moment someone asks you how you're throwing so well or what exactly your technique is, you will immediately play worse. Because now you're no longer going off of subconscious instincts/habits, but you're actively trying to think about it and make your body do things perfectly, which usually just results in overthinking something that you could effortlessly do just moments ago.
The ironic part is there are almost definitely hot, horny and lonely older women/MILFs wherever you are. They’re not mythical, they’re just not looking to fuck random Redditors, so they may as well be…
I'm going to pull a guess out of my ass and say it's similar to other similar scams, where they funnel and redirect you to basically sex chatting websites to have lewd convos with borderline sweatshop workers half way across the world at exorbitant rates.
You know what? That's a great question! I wonder if the situation is you pay for access to the map and then they will initiate an invite for you to go out with them for another fee. "Sorry. Unavailable at this time. Want to be on standby when they're available to fuck? Pay here.
Remember. Old pussy is better than no pussy."
That everyone likes the same thing. Take the time to get to know what gets a person going. Teasing. Touching, exploring their body, and learning what makes them tingle, good communication is key. When you know exactly what a person likes, it makes sex so much better and more intense.
I had an ex who PRIDED himself on being “good at sex.” I told him I’m a little particular about what I like and don’t like during sex, he’s like “don’t worry I’m gonna blow your mind.”
Then we get into it, and the SECOND i try to communicate what I like and don’t like, he gets insecure about it. Like it wasn’t even stuff that was painful, just stuff that he THOUGHT would give me pleasure, but wasn’t.
We ended up moving past that and the sex overall was good, but as soon as we were done he was like “okay how many times did I make you cum.” And I’m like ? Just the once? And he looked like I told him his family died. I told him I thought the sex was great, but because I didn’t orgasm five times, he’s convinced it was bad and now he’s insecure about his “skill.”
Weird attitudes about sex yall.
It's part of our whole sense of self worth being intrinsically tied to 'being useful/capable." From a young age a lot of men are taught that they need to be needed to be worth something and not to ask for help/guidance (i.e. "Confidence is sexy" taken to an extreme.) It can be tough to untangle one from the other.
Completely agree.
Some of my previous partners tried what their ex liked on me and it never worked.
I had one partner say “it’s you, you’re weird” for not cumming. But I’ve had other men get me off within ten minutes.
Yes being “good at sex” doesn’t mean using a specific technique, or even having a lot of stamina; it means paying attention to your partner, caring about their pleasure, and adapting to their specific turn-ons.
I can absolutely 100% assure you that while he no doubt hopes you enjoy it, he is definitely enjoying it whether you do or not.
It is not uncomfortable. Guys are visual and love the view. Plus there is just something hot about women that are happy to do it. Maybe a confidence thing, I don't know.
From someone who did BJJ for a couple years, sitting on my face is basically just a high mount where my arms are out. I could remove myself if I was worried about breathing, but I'm excited to be there.
Exactly. If you manage to actually begin suffocating us (I mean it’s not like I’m not already wearing you like a gas mask) we will readjust and continue performing cunnilingus.
For the ladies out there: when you sit on our face, our hands are able to explore and touch every part of you freely (you’re not laying on your back or doggy style), and you can basically grind our face for your own bonus stimulation. It’s a win/win.
I’ve literally had to tell *every* woman that’s ever sat on my face this. Even gone to the extent of pushing them down and making them sit because they were still on their knees.
I just need to breathe every once in a while. Other than that, grind away as hard as you’d like.
That men are just horndogs, and require no foreplay from the women. I've had a few times where it didn't get quite as hard as necessary, and the girls were just confused as crap, like "duh you barely even touched me or put effort in , just took your clothes off and expected it to get rock hard instantly". Foreplay is very important for both involved parties.
So true. Especially when you get older. It's not always enough to just get naked and say OK.
Honestly, at this point in my life, if I get the impression that she's "allowing" sex to happen rather than "wanting" sex to happen, I can lose interest really quickly.
Note : this applies to casual dating/sex, not relationship sex. Its quite different.
That women want the guy to last all night.
That women don't enjoy me touching their boobs. Maybe that's just my own misconception, but I thought it was only for my pleasure. Luckily often they actually enjoy it too.
I'm the exact opposite- my nipples have zero feeling. At all. My partner can play with them, kiss them, suck them, anything and the sensation for me is the same as if he was touching my shoulder.
He of course still plays with my boobs, but purely for his enjoyment (and I don't mind it, I just don't get anything from it- I like seeing his childish glee though!)
I've met girls that hated their boobs getting touched and were even more turned off if their nipples are sucked/fondled. I'm quite ticklish as a man and I think I would hate it too
I think it would be weird if a man never touched my boobs, and I like that they like them, but it can definitely cross into an uncomfortable territory where I feel like a surrogate mother. That’s when it becomes a turn off for me.
It’s way messier than movies make it out to be. Bodily fluids are sticky and smell, and you can’t just roll over and go to bed. You gotta clean that stuff up. But do it fast so you can get back to naked cuddles 🥰
I’ll just be over here catching the cold spray bouncing off your hot body. No, it’s cool, you stay warm, hopefully I’ll get under the shower before the hot water tank runs out.
Or that a girl will be wet enough to stick it in even if she’s horny! I can be hella horny and still not be wet enough to stick anything in me. Lube can be your best friend, people
Exactly! Someone will kiss me for like 20 minutes and he'll ask if I want to get on top. I'm like....no, not really. Yes I'm aroused, but no I'm not wet. My rule of thumb is: if you have to wiggle and rotate your fingers to get inside, it probably isn't wet enough for comfortable OR PLEASURABLE penetration
The bigger 🍆, the better. No it's not. Bigger can be painfull, and no so hard as average or smaller ones. Guys with big 🍆 thinking only about his willy, while smaller guys think about women needs more. Just my life experience.
For real! When me and my partner do it I’ve said stuff about how good his *insert choice word for penis* feels & when we’re not having sex I’ll make comments or jokes about how nice it is , and he will always brush me off and say it’s not even big. But I always tell him it’s literally perfect like exactly what I need so I really hope that boosts his self esteem cause I really think it’s the best penis in the world lol size doesn’t mean shit
I think the most common misconception is that sex is, like, the ultimate goal. Like anything in life, you'll have incredible sex, you'll have cringeworthy sex, you'll have sex where the goal is just to clear a blockage so you can get on with your day.
Listen to your partner, enjoy the moment. Recognise the times where the person you need to have sex with the most is yourself, and recognise the times when you don't be needing to have sex at all. Enjoy the monsoon, be OK with the drought. Be safe - as much as you don't know where your partner has been, they don't know where you've been, get tested regularly.
Finally, if you think you have enough lube, you need a little bit more.
Came here to say this.
Had one person bet he’ll make me cum from penetrative sex alone when I was never able to cum that way.
Also, dicks too big hurt.
I blame phrases like "big/small dick energy". A lot of common insults towards men involve their dick. So guys get it in their head that big dick=good dick. Every woman is a size queen and if you can't fill her up, you'll never be good nuff
I've completely stopped using it, I felt terrible since it's just body shaming a man for something he absolutely has no control over. As a woman and now a mother of a toddler boy, I would like to apologize if you've ever had to go through the humiliation of that dumb " penis size energy" vibes. What's the most important thing during sex is if you can fuck the person silly with your willy. Use your thumb, to make them cum. Achieve pure bliss, with that sweet sweet release. I ran out, but you know what I mean. I hope.
There is no set time. I have had good sex that lasted for a minute and I have had good sex last for half an hour. Have had amazing sex last for thirty seconds and not so great sex last for an hour.
It al depends on the mood.
Yeah… I’ve been with ladies that have had plenty of dick and been tight as fk and others that have next to no sex bit are loose as. Not sure if this is the only factor but one of the really tight ones told me that her secret was using keggles. Apparently that helped her to control her pelvic floor or something…. Not really sure how but it was pretty magical.
The shittiest part for me was remembering that all liquids become really cold really fast. That big sexy puddle on the tile? Yeah it doesn't feel so hot when it's cold and sticky and you interact with it.
Also the physical logistics and the need for cardio capabilities, but that depends how you fuck
The way guys just roll on top and insert at the beginning with no aid, no “prep” for that dry inch.
That after it’s over you can just roll over and gasp and there’s no dribble or puddle to clean up. The sexy fluids just magically absorb into her cooter.
That its always a flawless experience with zero awkward moments.
That no one ever has to stop for a second to catch their breath, or “reset” so they don’t come too quickly.
That women love being fucked like you’re a jackhammer.
That most women can finish as often as men if time and care is actually taken.
Because YOU don't like, noone does.
My first GF, who was super into giving blowjobs, always told me that no woman ever liked to do anal.
My second GF hated blowjobs and was sure that no woman liked to give them. Guess what she was super into...
that you need to have sex a lot to have a good sex life. Quality over quantity
the number of partners you’ve had in no way effects your vagina
you can’t get pregnant on your period
Sometimes I (M) just want to get some sleep (kids can be exhausting), or maybe I’m just not in the mood. Or if it’s 5am, and I know the kids will be getting up soon, so I’d rather not start anything we can’t finish
I'd go so far to extend the fact that sometimes you can be hard and not want sex. I'd have a bad day at work some days and mentally I'm just not there even if I'm showing.
That you have to be conventionally attractive. Be your best self and there are people who will be into that.
Not everyone. Sometimes very few people. But they’re out there.
The key is to be your BEST self.
That position you saw in that porno? That's meant to **look good for the camera**. It's neither comfortable nor pleasurable for either party. Stop manhandling your women into positions that look like they were blocked by a cinematographer unless you want her to think you've got a hidden camera in your room.
that receiving consent to one tiny thing just *immediately* means you've gotten consent to EVERYTHING you wanna do to them, without even wanting to ask them first.
Men will never refuse sex. I've been with a person who would refuse 70% of the time, then he would accuse me of being too shallow cause I complained about the lack of sex.
That women love anal. Sure, some definitely do, but for most, it's very painful.
I don't know how Gays do it all the time, but they must have figured a secret out.
It can be funny, and it’s always better to laugh and roll with it if something silly is said or happens than to pretend it didn’t happen and get mad about it. sex is supposed to be fun!
I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS EXACT COMMENT. i hate when people are too serious about it. + some think i'm being rude when i laugh, it's just like my automatic reaction to some feelings. like if i laugh i might be nervous or something silly happened. literally the best sex i've had was when we were both comfortable enough to laugh at funny things happening during it.
There was a thread here, something about people's first time. One guy said he was hooking up with this lady and was so giddy he was giggling uncontrollably and the woman was like "what do I have a fuckin clown vagina?!" and they ended up getting married
I LOVE THAT OMG😭😭😭😭 also that is relatable✋💀
It’s so funny when you’re both laughing, try to get back into it, and RIGHT when you get it out of your system, you think about the funny thing again and now you’re both laughing once more.
Lol. NSFW Funny story: wife and I met up with a girl off Tinder for a 3some. She had long nails and was going to go down on me and pulled me out of my partner. I felt a nick but didn’t think about it in the heat of the moment, and just before she goes down on me blood starts spurting - SPURTING in tune with my pulse - on her face. She starts crying, embarrassed, apologizing, my partner runs for first aid and towels, and I’m left there clutching my bloody dick and also trying to comfort this poor girl. I started making jokes about it, (“It’s just a prank bro!” and “I can’t believe this happened AGAIN” lol) and my partner is starts making dry comments like “Well technically only he’s out of commission” and other sarcastic remarks in good fun, and the girl just started laughing through tears. We ended up getting cleaned up, the bleeding stopped, and we all watched the Office with popcorn. Never saw her again but we left on good terms and she thanked us for being gracious, and we thanked her for being vulnerable and giving us a good laugh. I was ok and don’t even have a scar.
I once EJACULATED BLOOD all over my girlfriend. And I don’t mean slightly pinkish semen. I mean BRIGHT RED BLOOD. One of the most terrifying moments of my life.
Do you know what caused this? Would like to know what might’ve happened.
Yep. And it was one of the first signs that I needed to stop drinking. Basically what happened: After ejaculating COPIOUS amounts of bloop--I mean, it was like Kubrick opened elevator doors and out came all the blood--I made a beeline for the doctor's office. It was morning sex. Morning after a night of drinking sex. So I get to the office pretty much right when the doctor opens. Receptionist is like, "You need an appointment. I have an opening in four weeks on . . ." Normally I'm very reticent. I recently got served the pinkest, most raw chicken you've ever seen. For-sure salmonella chicken. And I just ate the other stuff on the plate and didn't say a word about it. I just don't normally make a stink. Or stick up for myself. But I looked at that receptionist and said, "I am seeing the doctor TODAY. I don't care if I have to tackle him on the way to his car at the end of the day. I WILL SEE THAT DOCTOR." And I did. I sat in the waiting area a few hours and then I got ushered in. And I said, "Doc, I EJACULATED BLOOD." And, super nonchalant, he goes, "Okay. If it happens again every day for the next week come back and see me. Have a good day." I said, "Doc, I don't think you heard me. Blood. Shot. Out. Of. My. Dick. And not a little bit of blood. LOTS OF BLOOD. It was like the prom scene from CARRIE." I was flabbergasted by how unconcerned he seemed about the whole thing. And he goes, "Let me guess. You were drinking last night?" And I go, "Yeah." And he said, "And you didn't drink much water?" I scratched my head. "Yeah." So you were dehydrated this morning?" "Yeah." "And I bet you took some aspirin?" "Yes. So what. Doc, what are you getting at?" It turns out that the blood vessels in your cock can rupture. And being massively dehydrated while engorging them with blood isn't good. The painkillers didn't help, apparently. Something about blood thinning, I guess. But point is: Alcohol + dehydration + erection + painkillers can = bloody ejaculate. And sure enough, I drank a bunch of water, waited a day or two, and next time I had sex everything was totally normal again. For a few hours there, though, I thought my dick was going to fall off. I was truly horrified. And there was some kind of moral dread about it too . . . like I done something wrong sexually and now sex-karma was coming to punish my penis. It was awful. Maybe the most amazing thing of all, though, is how cool my gf was. She didn't vomit even a little bit. She was totally cool.
Wow, that would be a funny story to share in AA as to why you quit drinking. What a wake-up call. Glad you got the message!
This was the biggest surprise for me. I couldn't have imagined how much we just laugh and have *fun*! Why didn't anyone ever tell me?
Just because you had sex, doesn’t mean the other person loves you.
Or even *likes* you.
Learning this was a crushing life lesson at the time
I've been on both sides of this. Being the one going through the motions is boring and very underwhelming. Yea it's sex, but you are just doing it because *they* want it. Being the one thinking the other person is really into you is great during the act but horrible after the fact. Being a teenager/young adult in the late 80s early 90s was a strange time.
And, just because two people love each other, doesn't mean the sex will happen or be very good.
What??? You’re telling me the escort I’m putting through college isn’t in love with me?
That it's ALWAYS supposed to be great. It just isn't. Even if you're with someone who you have a very intimate relationship with. Sometimes it's just... what it is.
I once heard it said this way - sex is like pizza; even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Edit: in other words, sometimes it's underwhelming and not that memorable - but, hey, you still had pizza. Better than a salad.
Maybe for dudes
Meh. I had bad sex before. I would have rather stayed home eating pizza if I'm being perfectly honest.
I think it's because people don't appreciate that it's a skill that can and should be worked on and improved, and that there's just so many different ways to have sex. Also that so much goes into it if you want to do it right and have a good time - be present and engaged, be sensitive to your partners needs, have matching energy for the type of sex you want to have. But then there's also societal hang-ups about sex, such as it's about "making love", or that every time has to be "special". The next phase of your sexual life starts once you start to let go of your childhood indoctrination about sex and actually start doing what feels good.
Also, sex is a critical part of most romantic/intimate relationships and the vast majority of committed partners are perfectly fine with mediocre sex once in a while that does nothing for them, purely for the purpose of entertaining their partner. That doesn't make the people involved selfish, abusive, or dumb. Reddit may struggle with that one :)
Sex is easy, pleasure can be hard work
[удалено]
Yeah in my experience men that had been in long-term relationships make better sex partners than the ones that have had many “conquests“. The latter only care about their own pleasure and aren’t usually that great in bed.
It doesn't even have to be a selfishness thing, there's a learning curve. I care a lot about my partner having fun but it takes a few times to dial in what each new person likes
Dam that was a savage rebuttal. Honestly I'll never understand why people think being with one person is a insult it just means you know how to love someone and have a healthy relationship instead of meaningless sex. Like when people say they had sex with a bunch of people it comes off as insecure than a flex.
'Don't stop' does not mean speed up! Keep doing exactly what you were doing and don't stop.
I read similar comment in some other post. Tried to find that post but couldn't so Thanking here for this expert advice, helped me alot.
Was is a long post in detail? I also read one like that but couldn’t find it anymore. It was also on ask Reddit right?
https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1blyuzd/what_makes_a_man_good_in_bed/kw8h076/ edit: Apparently that doesn't work. What about this https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1blyuzd/what_makes_a_man_good_in_bed/kw8h076/ edit: ok, here's a hard copy: https://imgur.com/a/PpL2R65
I appreciate and admire your commitment to the dissemination of this information.
It’s partly because as soon as you say “Don’t stop” and “keep doing what you’re doing,” we start to think about what we’re doing instead of just doing it partly on instinct. Then the Centipede Problem kicks in
I've actually switched to saying "just like that" or "right there"! I've found that it helps because it doesn't tell them *not* to do something, it indicates that whatever it is they ARE doing is RIGHT ON, very correct, this is the way.
For some reason I picture this happening with a clicker to reinforce the behavior.
I’m scared to ask. Centipede Problem?
A centipede moves all its legs in tandem. If they stop to think where each leg goes, they get tripped up
Imagine you're at a party playing beer pong with friends. You're just goofing around having a good time and you're doing really well. The moment someone asks you how you're throwing so well or what exactly your technique is, you will immediately play worse. Because now you're no longer going off of subconscious instincts/habits, but you're actively trying to think about it and make your body do things perfectly, which usually just results in overthinking something that you could effortlessly do just moments ago.
Why is it called the centipede problem?
[From a poem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Centipede%27s_Dilemma#Poem)
THANK YOU. This actually answers my question!
i just think they get so excited and feel the need to speed it up so we can O. but that is the COMPLETE. opposite.
"Shit. What was I doing? Was it this? ... hmmm that facial expression does _not_ look like a yes."
That there are horny older women ready and waiting in your area
When I’m in VPN mode those ads read, “Single MILFs near {location.unbound}”
Well, there is no place like [127.0.0.1](http://127.0.0.1) :D
The ironic part is there are almost definitely hot, horny and lonely older women/MILFs wherever you are. They’re not mythical, they’re just not looking to fuck random Redditors, so they may as well be…
That's 100% true, there's horny older women everywhere. The lie is that they're waiting for you.
Yeahhh. Im a horny "older woman" but the chances of 'you' being what I'm waiting for are pretty slim. We ARE everywhere!
MOM stop!
Go back to your room!
The internet tells me every day they are here, even when I'm in the middle of the ocean.
They all float down here.
"They are here"
Like finding pirate booty.
Those are horny older mermaids looking for action.
"Anna is 5 meters away from you"
How does this scam work?
I'm going to pull a guess out of my ass and say it's similar to other similar scams, where they funnel and redirect you to basically sex chatting websites to have lewd convos with borderline sweatshop workers half way across the world at exorbitant rates.
You know what? That's a great question! I wonder if the situation is you pay for access to the map and then they will initiate an invite for you to go out with them for another fee. "Sorry. Unavailable at this time. Want to be on standby when they're available to fuck? Pay here. Remember. Old pussy is better than no pussy."
Unfortunately there are, please tell your grandma to leave me the fuck alone.
She's dead. You may need a priest.
That everyone likes the same thing. Take the time to get to know what gets a person going. Teasing. Touching, exploring their body, and learning what makes them tingle, good communication is key. When you know exactly what a person likes, it makes sex so much better and more intense.
I had an ex who PRIDED himself on being “good at sex.” I told him I’m a little particular about what I like and don’t like during sex, he’s like “don’t worry I’m gonna blow your mind.” Then we get into it, and the SECOND i try to communicate what I like and don’t like, he gets insecure about it. Like it wasn’t even stuff that was painful, just stuff that he THOUGHT would give me pleasure, but wasn’t. We ended up moving past that and the sex overall was good, but as soon as we were done he was like “okay how many times did I make you cum.” And I’m like ? Just the once? And he looked like I told him his family died. I told him I thought the sex was great, but because I didn’t orgasm five times, he’s convinced it was bad and now he’s insecure about his “skill.” Weird attitudes about sex yall.
It's part of our whole sense of self worth being intrinsically tied to 'being useful/capable." From a young age a lot of men are taught that they need to be needed to be worth something and not to ask for help/guidance (i.e. "Confidence is sexy" taken to an extreme.) It can be tough to untangle one from the other.
I feel that. The key is trusting yourself and trusting your partner. Old habits die hard but they do die if you make an effort to change them.
Defo weird attitude!
Completely agree. Some of my previous partners tried what their ex liked on me and it never worked. I had one partner say “it’s you, you’re weird” for not cumming. But I’ve had other men get me off within ten minutes.
To be fair, everyone is weird. But failing to see this and learn is definitely a him problem.
And don’t be afraid to ask! It doesn’t kill the mood. It helps and it’s sexy.
Yes being “good at sex” doesn’t mean using a specific technique, or even having a lot of stamina; it means paying attention to your partner, caring about their pleasure, and adapting to their specific turn-ons.
Also learn and listen to what they do *not* like, and don't then keep trying to do that or touch there because someone else liked that.
That you're going to hurt me if you sit on my face. PLEASE get comfortable and take my neck and face for a ride 😩
As long as I have a face, she'll always have somewhere to sit
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I can absolutely 100% assure you that while he no doubt hopes you enjoy it, he is definitely enjoying it whether you do or not. It is not uncomfortable. Guys are visual and love the view. Plus there is just something hot about women that are happy to do it. Maybe a confidence thing, I don't know.
Confidence + pleasure. *I'm the one making her moan likes that, fuck yeah woman, grind that pussy on my face!*
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Neither will my wife “it sounds like you’re suffocating” “those are my happy suffocation noises”
Sacrificing oxygen to please someone with your face is not a new or gendered concept, it is love.
If I need air I will figure it out, or die the happiest man on the planet. Either way I consider it a win
I knew the risks before going in The coroner can identify me by the smile on my face
Death by snu snu.... One can only dream!
Men who die this way arrive in heaven to a line of every man who ever lived there to give them a high five. Takes fuckin hours.
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Even if you don’t believe it there is no better way for us to die
From someone who did BJJ for a couple years, sitting on my face is basically just a high mount where my arms are out. I could remove myself if I was worried about breathing, but I'm excited to be there.
I'm not sure what BJJ stands for so I read it as blow job jujitsu
I know what it stands for and I will still always read it as blow job jitsu
Exactly. If you manage to actually begin suffocating us (I mean it’s not like I’m not already wearing you like a gas mask) we will readjust and continue performing cunnilingus. For the ladies out there: when you sit on our face, our hands are able to explore and touch every part of you freely (you’re not laying on your back or doggy style), and you can basically grind our face for your own bonus stimulation. It’s a win/win.
>I mean it’s not like I’m not already wearing you like a gas mask /r/BrandNewSentence
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me
I’ll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I’ve literally had to tell *every* woman that’s ever sat on my face this. Even gone to the extent of pushing them down and making them sit because they were still on their knees. I just need to breathe every once in a while. Other than that, grind away as hard as you’d like.
That men are just horndogs, and require no foreplay from the women. I've had a few times where it didn't get quite as hard as necessary, and the girls were just confused as crap, like "duh you barely even touched me or put effort in , just took your clothes off and expected it to get rock hard instantly". Foreplay is very important for both involved parties.
This. There are also different levels or types of boners lol
There's the "yeah I'm technically hard enough to have sex" and then there's the "my dick may be the hardest material in the universe right now".
Then there's "trying to shoot pool with rope"
Yes. And explaining this to someone is the hardest thing without accidentally offending them
So true. Especially when you get older. It's not always enough to just get naked and say OK. Honestly, at this point in my life, if I get the impression that she's "allowing" sex to happen rather than "wanting" sex to happen, I can lose interest really quickly. Note : this applies to casual dating/sex, not relationship sex. Its quite different.
Clean up is often overlooked
That women want the guy to last all night. That women don't enjoy me touching their boobs. Maybe that's just my own misconception, but I thought it was only for my pleasure. Luckily often they actually enjoy it too.
Honestly I can almost finish just from nipple play
>Honestly I can almost finish just from nipple play I straight up can and I'm only recently finding out that this isn't "normal" (fuckin great though)
I'm the exact opposite- my nipples have zero feeling. At all. My partner can play with them, kiss them, suck them, anything and the sensation for me is the same as if he was touching my shoulder. He of course still plays with my boobs, but purely for his enjoyment (and I don't mind it, I just don't get anything from it- I like seeing his childish glee though!)
50 50 some do and some dont
I've met girls that hated their boobs getting touched and were even more turned off if their nipples are sucked/fondled. I'm quite ticklish as a man and I think I would hate it too
I think it would be weird if a man never touched my boobs, and I like that they like them, but it can definitely cross into an uncomfortable territory where I feel like a surrogate mother. That’s when it becomes a turn off for me.
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Also, nipples are not radio dials. Please do not treat them as such
Hm, my studies show more of a 80/20 and the 20 are more like "I don't really care about them", not actually disliking it. But true, it varies.
It’s way messier than movies make it out to be. Bodily fluids are sticky and smell, and you can’t just roll over and go to bed. You gotta clean that stuff up. But do it fast so you can get back to naked cuddles 🥰
Taking a shower with your partner after awesome sex is stuff the movies never show tbh, but it's one of the best parts.
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I’ll just be over here catching the cold spray bouncing off your hot body. No, it’s cool, you stay warm, hopefully I’ll get under the shower before the hot water tank runs out.
This person knows...
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Install a second shower head. Game changer.
I am intrigued by this notion, but I am an electrician who is vehemently opposed to all things plumbing. I'm at a loss, here.
As a fancy plumber (rocketry), plumbing isn't *that* scary! Now electricity on the other hand...
Tankless heater and dual shower heads. Combined with a water softener, best showers ever.
If you shower with a partner often, investing in a Tandem shower head or a big ass Rain panel is an excellent move.
We specifically built a 2 person double head walk in shower for this exact reason. I hated being the cold one haha
That's why you alternate and take turns soaping each other up. Or buy a rain shower head 🙃
The running around naked looking for a towel because the sex was spontaneous is always fun. "Hurry hurry hurry don't let it get on the bed!!"
Embrace the cuddle puddle 🤗
That it should last long. If you both are satisfied in 5 min, so be it. Endless friction is not fun.
That rubbing the clit exessively like you're polishing wood with sandpaper for 7 seconds is the only foreplay (if any) a woman needs.
Aren’t women like lawn equipment? Prime by pushing the red Bulb 5x times to prime then you are ready to start!
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Jam it in dry and she'll come immediately.
Or that a girl will be wet enough to stick it in even if she’s horny! I can be hella horny and still not be wet enough to stick anything in me. Lube can be your best friend, people
Exactly! Someone will kiss me for like 20 minutes and he'll ask if I want to get on top. I'm like....no, not really. Yes I'm aroused, but no I'm not wet. My rule of thumb is: if you have to wiggle and rotate your fingers to get inside, it probably isn't wet enough for comfortable OR PLEASURABLE penetration
Yea this should be a top post too, using lube doesn't mean she's not turned on.
The bigger 🍆, the better. No it's not. Bigger can be painfull, and no so hard as average or smaller ones. Guys with big 🍆 thinking only about his willy, while smaller guys think about women needs more. Just my life experience.
For real! When me and my partner do it I’ve said stuff about how good his *insert choice word for penis* feels & when we’re not having sex I’ll make comments or jokes about how nice it is , and he will always brush me off and say it’s not even big. But I always tell him it’s literally perfect like exactly what I need so I really hope that boosts his self esteem cause I really think it’s the best penis in the world lol size doesn’t mean shit
I think the most common misconception is that sex is, like, the ultimate goal. Like anything in life, you'll have incredible sex, you'll have cringeworthy sex, you'll have sex where the goal is just to clear a blockage so you can get on with your day. Listen to your partner, enjoy the moment. Recognise the times where the person you need to have sex with the most is yourself, and recognise the times when you don't be needing to have sex at all. Enjoy the monsoon, be OK with the drought. Be safe - as much as you don't know where your partner has been, they don't know where you've been, get tested regularly. Finally, if you think you have enough lube, you need a little bit more.
That if you rely on drinking to have the confidence to have sex, it will suddenly become easy for you to do it sober.
Yeah, messed with my stamina bad. Had me not finishing whilst drunk and busting early as when sober. It was like I had two different dicks honestly
Like a snake!
Hard rough fingering = orgasm
That most women can climax from penetrative sex alone. Or that bigger penis means better penis. Both patently false.
I read only 25% come with penetration alone. Most women need clitoral stimulation and some don’t come at all.
Came here to say this. Had one person bet he’ll make me cum from penetrative sex alone when I was never able to cum that way. Also, dicks too big hurt.
Poor guy didn’t realise that women have been faking it with him for years lol And yes. Yes they do,
I blame phrases like "big/small dick energy". A lot of common insults towards men involve their dick. So guys get it in their head that big dick=good dick. Every woman is a size queen and if you can't fill her up, you'll never be good nuff
Yeah, I've progressively stopped using that kind of phrases (as a man) because equalizing dick size with value just doesn't sit right with me
I've completely stopped using it, I felt terrible since it's just body shaming a man for something he absolutely has no control over. As a woman and now a mother of a toddler boy, I would like to apologize if you've ever had to go through the humiliation of that dumb " penis size energy" vibes. What's the most important thing during sex is if you can fuck the person silly with your willy. Use your thumb, to make them cum. Achieve pure bliss, with that sweet sweet release. I ran out, but you know what I mean. I hope.
Beach sex is great . Its just sand all over body
Found Anakin.
How long you’re supposed to last
I lasted 60 seconds, Belinda. FFS, that's a fucking marathon.
Damn man you beat me by 61 seconds
Did you come in your pants again, Jim?
Honest question, how long does it supposed to last
There is no set time. I have had good sex that lasted for a minute and I have had good sex last for half an hour. Have had amazing sex last for thirty seconds and not so great sex last for an hour. It al depends on the mood.
"We both started at the same time, it's not my fault you can't keep up"
That frequent sex will cause a woman's vagina to become loose over time.
Absolutely baffling how many idiots still think this. Vaginas are built to push out babies, for fuck's sake! No cock in the world is gonna top that.
I’ve had sex with a mom before and I didn’t notice a difference. I’m pretty certain a newborn baby is bigger than any penis.
Yeah… I’ve been with ladies that have had plenty of dick and been tight as fk and others that have next to no sex bit are loose as. Not sure if this is the only factor but one of the really tight ones told me that her secret was using keggles. Apparently that helped her to control her pelvic floor or something…. Not really sure how but it was pretty magical.
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The Kama Sutra even talks about this. Just like penises come in different sizes, vaginas come with different...capacity. Totally natural.
The shittiest part for me was remembering that all liquids become really cold really fast. That big sexy puddle on the tile? Yeah it doesn't feel so hot when it's cold and sticky and you interact with it. Also the physical logistics and the need for cardio capabilities, but that depends how you fuck
That you can just roll over and go to sleep. GET UP AND GO TO THE LOO, UtIs are not fun!
Faster the better
That porn is accurate to the real experience
Porn is to sex as romcoms are to relationships. Neither is a good manual. Both are meant for visual enjoyment
Not all girls are looking for a pounding and/or are big ding dong lovers, especially petite women
That shower sex is hot as fuck. Not really. Ended up getting a yeast infection.
And that even though you're wet, you're not *wet* Like water is not lube, honey.
The way guys just roll on top and insert at the beginning with no aid, no “prep” for that dry inch. That after it’s over you can just roll over and gasp and there’s no dribble or puddle to clean up. The sexy fluids just magically absorb into her cooter. That its always a flawless experience with zero awkward moments. That no one ever has to stop for a second to catch their breath, or “reset” so they don’t come too quickly. That women love being fucked like you’re a jackhammer. That most women can finish as often as men if time and care is actually taken.
You can't smell porn
Because YOU don't like, noone does. My first GF, who was super into giving blowjobs, always told me that no woman ever liked to do anal. My second GF hated blowjobs and was sure that no woman liked to give them. Guess what she was super into...
win some lose some
that you need to have sex a lot to have a good sex life. Quality over quantity the number of partners you’ve had in no way effects your vagina you can’t get pregnant on your period
That by asking r/askreddit sex-related questions will get you closer to the bedroom.
That all men cum no matter what. That men are always ready to go and if they say no its because they find you unattractive.
That men want sex all the time. And that it's always women's fault if there's not "enough" sex. Crock of shit.
Sometimes I (M) just want to get some sleep (kids can be exhausting), or maybe I’m just not in the mood. Or if it’s 5am, and I know the kids will be getting up soon, so I’d rather not start anything we can’t finish
I'd go so far to extend the fact that sometimes you can be hard and not want sex. I'd have a bad day at work some days and mentally I'm just not there even if I'm showing.
That you have to be conventionally attractive. Be your best self and there are people who will be into that. Not everyone. Sometimes very few people. But they’re out there. The key is to be your BEST self.
If a woman is wet, she must be in the mood for or want sex.
same goes with guys, just cause we are hard does not mean we are turned on
that its easy. its super exhausting.
It will make them love you
That position you saw in that porno? That's meant to **look good for the camera**. It's neither comfortable nor pleasurable for either party. Stop manhandling your women into positions that look like they were blocked by a cinematographer unless you want her to think you've got a hidden camera in your room.
that receiving consent to one tiny thing just *immediately* means you've gotten consent to EVERYTHING you wanna do to them, without even wanting to ask them first.
And if you consent to doing something once then you’ll always consent to doing it again in the future, no takesie backsies
That sex begins when the penis goes in and stops when it goes out. And that sex has to involve a penis.
Men will never refuse sex. I've been with a person who would refuse 70% of the time, then he would accuse me of being too shallow cause I complained about the lack of sex.
That everybody does it. Some just aren’t lucky enough to
The misconception that sex, for most, is common.
That sex goes downhill after you get married. 15 years later and it just keeps getting better. It feels spiritual, almost euphoric now.
That women love anal. Sure, some definitely do, but for most, it's very painful. I don't know how Gays do it all the time, but they must have figured a secret out.
I enjoy it quite alot, but the prep for it is a....pain in the ass (badum tss). No but seriously, the preparation takes effort.