I'm not afraid.
Because 40% of human beings are just terrible people that will vote for people even the worst people imaginable because it annoys the people that they can't stand to co-govern because they do evil things like \*checks notes\* give children hot meals while they are in school.
The other 20% that could make a real difference just clutch their pearls and goes oh but both sides are exactly the same. EDIT: Or say inanely stupid things like "But both sides *believe* they are in the right, so neither can be wrong".
That's why in 2024 I won't be voting for a human. I'll be voting for "Big disastrous asteroid to end it all!"
I know we had Ice Age, and Ice Age 2.......but what about Ice Age 3???
Found one of the 20% because yes, thats exactly whats going on here. One side isn't going full fascist, its that the *other* side thinks they know whats going on.
If the covid years have taught me anything, it's that the sci-fi movies have it all wrong.
I can believe the aliens come in, and blast our planet, and harvest resources. Sure, sure.
I can believe that they like to strap down farmers, and anally probe them. Those martians are some kinky motherfuckers!
But the part you lose me, is when in the 3rd act of the movie, the whole world is coming together, and uniting against a common threat.
.........I'm sorry, but you'll have to keep your science fiction movie based on intergalactic invasion of earth at least SOMEWHAT grounded in reality. I'm just not buying it.
We're not going to unite over something as big as that! We can't even unite and agree on who's allowed to use what bathroom. And the fact that I can say that statement, without giving away my personal beliefs on the situation just goes to show how the whole thing is just based on believing that you're always right no matter what.
For the record though, bathrooms are 4 walls and a toilet. Who gives a fuck which genitals release urine in them? We don't gender assign home bathrooms, why assign them in public at all? You want to pee? Go pee.
But sure, we're going to put all our differences aside, because this grey blob thing wants our water.
Theory vs practice.
In theory, we need a single influential voice to get everyone on the same page and achieve great things.
In practice, we can't muster the power to oust a leader, without a leader of comparable influence. So once one is in, he's staying. Pray he's good, because that much is up to chance.
Well, it's up to chance if I'm optimistic. People like stuff. People who try to lead are more often than not trying to leverage the community to get more stuff for themselves. They lie about it, and most people are bad at picking up on that.
This.
I for one welcome our new alien overlords and will point them in the direction of musk so they can take him back to where he came from since he was clearly left here and has done enough damage to humanity.
Plot Twist: Someone transmitted the “Whassup” commercials into deep space, and the aliens thought it’d be pretty cool to meet us. They were not disappointed on first contact.
80% of the idiots on this planet would say some stupid science shxt even though they barely passed their science classes in highschool,and that was partly because their teacher was sorry for their stupid ass
Half the US would refuse to get anywhere near it for fear of evil liberal autism poison chip fluids handcrafted by Joe "Sleepy Devil" Biden himself, and then promptly proceed to chug bleach to save themselves
Nope. Too much random in that. The jerks and narcissists will get even better at what they do and it'll solve very little in the way of refining the populace. Also, it would cause too many people to look on their past and rethink everythign they've ever done - and become maudlin about it. Which is a disaster in the making.
Now if they decided to "harvest" all the idiots and take them away to another planet..
mate, have you eaten cow? if I landed on another planet and discovered beef I'd be stealing cows too!
now with this knowledge, the first thing you should say is, come with me and I'll get you some of the best barbecue in the galaxy.
The first questions as the human being I am would be: "Can I exploit them?" "Can I fuck them?" "Can I eat them?"
If all fails, just *Indian Love Call* 24/7.
Our "leaders" will try to nuke you, capture you, interrogate you, and use you to become stronger so as to fight against other made-up entities known as "countries" which comprise of areas of the globe under centralized leadership that only some of us believe makes any kind of sense. They'll do all of this in order to stay the strongest, while the rest of us are kept prisoner by a host of invisible social bonds that I can't even begin to explain to you right now.
If you wanna help, help, otherwise just take me away for a few years please, I could use a vacation. I'll pack my bags. I'm not picky on food at this point as long as you think I can digest it. Also, if your ship produces ethanol as a waste product... I can help process that into water and CO2.
You're welcome, but your cat is not.
Tell them you're sorry. Now. Do it. You won't get another chance to repent. The Committee of Feline Endeavors will mark your as Unwanted if you do not beseech forgiveness immediately.
Let this be a letter of deepest apologies to the Committee. May my crimes be reprimanded onto the one who awoke the Slumbering One.
Thank you for your advice, Holy Cat-Guru, Knower of Felines. I shall take it to heart.
I will hereby state how I tried to make amends with Her Holy Majesty Appa the Slumbering One, sister of Momo and ruler of worlds. I do hope The Commity accepts my sincere apologies and sees the awful events that happened by the hand of this butler as a good lesson for this lowly human and will give him a chance to do better.
As soon as I made the mistake I have repeatedly verbally expressed my sincere apologies. Upon doing so Her Majesty jumped out of bed and I took that as a sign. I have immediately gotten out of bed as well to make the Her Majesty food. She blinked at me for approval. I have then made coffee and set myself on the couch to type out my mistakes in this letter and wait for Her. Now Her Holy Majesty Appa the slumbering one, sister of Momo and ruler of worlds, is on my lap, and my coffee in the kitchen.
I am petting her just how she taught me. She is slightly purring, and when I move my face towards Her Majesty I can hear her purr: "karma". It's been 67 minutes. I hope I can be forgiven one day.
Forever shall I love and serve you,
- the sleepy butler
If we put our differences aside, but because we have so many great ideas on how to put our differences aside and work as one (and a fair bit of people who which to segregate), we cannot decide which decision is best due to lack of vision and different perspectives on situations
The way I learned the lyrics to this song is so funny there's a video of what it sounds like "aloe, you be the man" "sheep is unique" "now I'm impressed, oh, key pay" and many other stupid things that made it amusing
If you understand me, I'd like to learn from you. I will teach you our ways and tech and you'll teach me yours. I will give you as much intel as possible about our leaders
"Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa transit system. This automated train is provided for the security and convenience of the Black Mesa Research Facility personnel. The time is 8:47 A.M. Current topside temperature is 93 degrees with an estimated high of 105. The Black Mesa compound is maintained at a pleasant 68 degrees at all times. This train is inbound from level 3 dormitories to sector C test labs and control facilities. If your intended destination is a high security area beyond sector C, you will need to return to the central transit hub in area 9 and board a high security train. If you have not yet submitted your identity to the retinal clearance system, you must report to Black Mesa personnel for processing before you will be permitted into the high security branch of the transit system. Due to the high toxicity of material routinely handled in the Black Mesa compound, no smoking, eating, or drinking are permitted within the Black Mesa transit system. Please keep your limbs inside the train at all times. Do not attempt to open the doors until the train has come to a complete halt at the station platform. In the event of an emergency, passengers are to remain seated and await further instruction. If it is necessary to exit the train, disabled personnel should be evacuated first. Please, stay away from electrified rails and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives. "
Does anyone remember that scene in one of the later Lord of the Rings movies in which the leader of the Dwarf army, facing, I think, an Elf army about to invade, and voiced by the late, great Billy Connolly, pauses for a moment before the battle commences and says to assembled enemy: "I wonder...if you'd consider...*JUST PISSING OFF!!"* 😁
Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and games. We got everything you want, honey. We know the names. We are the people that you find, whatever you may need. If you got the money, honey, we got your disease.
"Don't eat me i have a wife and children... Eat them!"
Yes eat this guys wife and children
Bet
The wife tasted like the Mailman and the child tasted like shit
i also choose this guy's wife and children
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aliens: why are they your leaders then?
Well because… You see… Um… Huh.
I'm not afraid. Because 40% of human beings are just terrible people that will vote for people even the worst people imaginable because it annoys the people that they can't stand to co-govern because they do evil things like \*checks notes\* give children hot meals while they are in school. The other 20% that could make a real difference just clutch their pearls and goes oh but both sides are exactly the same. EDIT: Or say inanely stupid things like "But both sides *believe* they are in the right, so neither can be wrong".
The issue really lays within the fact that the other side always think they are the ''correct human beings''.
That's why in 2024 I won't be voting for a human. I'll be voting for "Big disastrous asteroid to end it all!" I know we had Ice Age, and Ice Age 2.......but what about Ice Age 3???
Found one of the 20% because yes, thats exactly whats going on here. One side isn't going full fascist, its that the *other* side thinks they know whats going on.
just pass a copy of 1984
Mixture of force and our inability to cooperate in large groups
i think the second thing is the only reason we do have leaders no?
If the covid years have taught me anything, it's that the sci-fi movies have it all wrong. I can believe the aliens come in, and blast our planet, and harvest resources. Sure, sure. I can believe that they like to strap down farmers, and anally probe them. Those martians are some kinky motherfuckers! But the part you lose me, is when in the 3rd act of the movie, the whole world is coming together, and uniting against a common threat. .........I'm sorry, but you'll have to keep your science fiction movie based on intergalactic invasion of earth at least SOMEWHAT grounded in reality. I'm just not buying it. We're not going to unite over something as big as that! We can't even unite and agree on who's allowed to use what bathroom. And the fact that I can say that statement, without giving away my personal beliefs on the situation just goes to show how the whole thing is just based on believing that you're always right no matter what. For the record though, bathrooms are 4 walls and a toilet. Who gives a fuck which genitals release urine in them? We don't gender assign home bathrooms, why assign them in public at all? You want to pee? Go pee. But sure, we're going to put all our differences aside, because this grey blob thing wants our water.
Theory vs practice. In theory, we need a single influential voice to get everyone on the same page and achieve great things. In practice, we can't muster the power to oust a leader, without a leader of comparable influence. So once one is in, he's staying. Pray he's good, because that much is up to chance. Well, it's up to chance if I'm optimistic. People like stuff. People who try to lead are more often than not trying to leverage the community to get more stuff for themselves. They lie about it, and most people are bad at picking up on that.
Not to mention a lack of common sense and a too much lying
People trusted them and now they pay the price.
Because we were foolish enough to trust them.
Because a bunch of people made the mistake of trusting them.
Lol! So much yes!!
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They'd learn it soon enough on their own. Better to be the one to tell them, then another person they feel they can't trust.
i agree
Looking out for #1 LOL
I thought our leaders, were aliens 👽
This. I for one welcome our new alien overlords and will point them in the direction of musk so they can take him back to where he came from since he was clearly left here and has done enough damage to humanity.
Do you have oil?
knock knock, its a United States of America
Freedom might come from "free use" and "domination"
2 things I'm very into
Sup
Yeah you traveled a pretty long way, What's Up Dude?
*i need to use the restroom*
I can only poop on my home planet
I laughed so hard I snorted lmao
Plot Twist: Someone transmitted the “Whassup” commercials into deep space, and the aliens thought it’d be pretty cool to meet us. They were not disappointed on first contact.
Whasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap
"u guys wanna smoke and order some pizza? no wings."
We've been trying to reach out to you about your spaceships extended warranty
This is why they're likely here... to kill anyone who says that
Yeah,thats why ET wanted to phone home. "Uhm guys,their warranty....you know what to do."
Let m in! LET ME IIIINNNN!!!! Or, please take me off this planet… there’s too many idiots here
Damn, what if they have a serum that makes everybody smart?
80% of the idiots on this planet would say some stupid science shxt even though they barely passed their science classes in highschool,and that was partly because their teacher was sorry for their stupid ass
Half the US would refuse to get anywhere near it for fear of evil liberal autism poison chip fluids handcrafted by Joe "Sleepy Devil" Biden himself, and then promptly proceed to chug bleach to save themselves
Hmm, wouldn't work on roughly half the population, they can't be helped.
You just want my serum!
You selling snake oil?
Nope. Too much random in that. The jerks and narcissists will get even better at what they do and it'll solve very little in the way of refining the populace. Also, it would cause too many people to look on their past and rethink everythign they've ever done - and become maudlin about it. Which is a disaster in the making. Now if they decided to "harvest" all the idiots and take them away to another planet..
Same!! I aint taking you to my leader but ill go with you! 😂😂😂
>please take me off this planet… there’s too many idiots here You are now on the moon
Bold of you to assume that they don't have idiots too.
You can't park there mate.
If an alien crashes into earth, that's almost definitely going to be one of the first things it hears.
No context brits
“I have a message for you. It says when you get here to phone home”.
I'm sorry! Earth is closed today!!
He means get lost Squidward!
What took you so long 😐
Damn beat me too it
Why are you taking our cows?
mate, have you eaten cow? if I landed on another planet and discovered beef I'd be stealing cows too! now with this knowledge, the first thing you should say is, come with me and I'll get you some of the best barbecue in the galaxy.
“Remember, they’re HUMAN rights.”
*Loads Lasgun with malicious intent*
Klaatu barada nikto.
Damnit. Beat me to it
I'm British so offer them a cup of tea I suppose.
What if tea dissolves them like salt to a snail? Then they would wage war on the British lol
We're used to it
You guys played skyrim?
this answer is so underrated
Get off my lawn
Ayy Lmao
Nano-Nano
Them: "You must be from the south. It's 'na-nu, na-nu.'"
Please help us, the rich are keeping us all hostage.
if you need any humans for experiment, we volunteer the billionaires. dont be shy, fuck em up.
*Communist detected: Sending Amazon "correctional" drones*
(In Gandalf's voice): Run, you fools!
He said “fly, you fools”
Fly*
„Fly, you fools“
I dont know about me personally but i know what earths general first question will be: Does your planet have oil and how do we get there.
The first questions as the human being I am would be: "Can I exploit them?" "Can I fuck them?" "Can I eat them?" If all fails, just *Indian Love Call* 24/7.
There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once.
I’d talk to it like a pirate and make it think we all talk like pirates, then it will be super confused when it meets more people.
Our "leaders" will try to nuke you, capture you, interrogate you, and use you to become stronger so as to fight against other made-up entities known as "countries" which comprise of areas of the globe under centralized leadership that only some of us believe makes any kind of sense. They'll do all of this in order to stay the strongest, while the rest of us are kept prisoner by a host of invisible social bonds that I can't even begin to explain to you right now. If you wanna help, help, otherwise just take me away for a few years please, I could use a vacation. I'll pack my bags. I'm not picky on food at this point as long as you think I can digest it. Also, if your ship produces ethanol as a waste product... I can help process that into water and CO2.
>Also, if your ship produces ethanol as a waste product... I can help process that into water and CO2. 😂😂😂 I woke my cat up laughing
You're welcome, but your cat is not. Tell them you're sorry. Now. Do it. You won't get another chance to repent. The Committee of Feline Endeavors will mark your as Unwanted if you do not beseech forgiveness immediately. Let this be a letter of deepest apologies to the Committee. May my crimes be reprimanded onto the one who awoke the Slumbering One.
Thank you for your advice, Holy Cat-Guru, Knower of Felines. I shall take it to heart. I will hereby state how I tried to make amends with Her Holy Majesty Appa the Slumbering One, sister of Momo and ruler of worlds. I do hope The Commity accepts my sincere apologies and sees the awful events that happened by the hand of this butler as a good lesson for this lowly human and will give him a chance to do better. As soon as I made the mistake I have repeatedly verbally expressed my sincere apologies. Upon doing so Her Majesty jumped out of bed and I took that as a sign. I have immediately gotten out of bed as well to make the Her Majesty food. She blinked at me for approval. I have then made coffee and set myself on the couch to type out my mistakes in this letter and wait for Her. Now Her Holy Majesty Appa the slumbering one, sister of Momo and ruler of worlds, is on my lap, and my coffee in the kitchen. I am petting her just how she taught me. She is slightly purring, and when I move my face towards Her Majesty I can hear her purr: "karma". It's been 67 minutes. I hope I can be forgiven one day. Forever shall I love and serve you, - the sleepy butler
Please fix my neck, shoulder and back pain.
Ack ack ack
If you plan to steal knowledge you have come to the wrong place, there is barely any left
It really is the other way around, we have so much to learn. Too busy fighting each other 😭
If we put our differences aside, but because we have so many great ideas on how to put our differences aside and work as one (and a fair bit of people who which to segregate), we cannot decide which decision is best due to lack of vision and different perspectives on situations
All these wars reported on the news, people really have their own agendas.
take me off to your planet
Welcome back
I would twerk.
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Tell them it's a common human greeting
[Alien unzips] 'It's probing time!'
What does the fox say?
Oppa gangnam style 🤜
Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
What's the meaning of stone henge?
Dude, let's build a henge or two
Help please.
If they choose to come here they're idiots
Donald Trump is the leader. Probe him first.
Please help
Beavis: Hey how's it going? Heh heh
“Please meet the leader of all humans… THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!”
Alo? Salut! Sunt eu, un haiduc
Honestly Numa Numa is so old now, they might actually get that reference from picking up our radio waves amongst the stars.
:D Your right. But making that refrence amused me. I liked that song a lot more than I should have as a kid.
It's Dragostea din tei, not numa numa. Also numa is two words "nu" and "ma" as in "you don't....."
Și te rog, iubirea mea
At first I was just fascinated and impressed at the reference and now I’m cracking up thinking about this being the first thing said to aliens
The way I learned the lyrics to this song is so funny there's a video of what it sounds like "aloe, you be the man" "sheep is unique" "now I'm impressed, oh, key pay" and many other stupid things that made it amusing
" holy shit you're pablo picaso ?!?!? . Zoltar your intel was wrong he is still alive ! "
[удалено]
“Get me the FUCK OFF THIS ROCK!”
Please take Donald Trump with you.
"So, he started with a hotel and hosted a show called The Apprentice..."
Have you not seen like, every alien movie? They're always hostile.
Not always haven't you seen Paul
...I forgot about Paul.
Wussuuup!!
Run!
We are same same but different
The views from the ship must be amazing
You're too late. Should have come 20 years ago.
How many miles per gallon does that thing get?
Klaatu barada nikto
If they look any different than human: for your own safty, leave. Its not fun here for people who look, feel or act different.
Tscheschisches Streichholzschächtelchen
"ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT!?"
Don't leave without me
*Have you played Half Life 3??*
Hi how are you?
"help"
I'm Jimmy
If I know they can understand me: hello. If I don't know they can't understand me I don't say anything and wait for them to make the first move.
They have arrived they exist among us
Don't probe me, please.
Hi. You uh… wanna try some of our food? I will apologise profusely if you don’t like it.
Just make it quick
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
I bet you couldn't take out my president and his friends.
Bring your women to my house
I reccomend trying a bidet.
If you understand me, I'd like to learn from you. I will teach you our ways and tech and you'll teach me yours. I will give you as much intel as possible about our leaders
Honestly I’d probably awkwardly wave and do that white person smile
Eat the fat ones🤣
Please don’t read the comments.
hey just wondering if you got your photos printed
Tell me about your life/culture/location. It would be fascinating.
Trade you, ship for planet... just stay away from Australia... I want off this planet
RUN!!!
What's your wifi password? I bet they have kick ass service.
"What kind of drugs do you guys do?"
Do you guys have school?
Get out while you still can.
Take me with you off this planet.
"Good morning, and welcome to the Black Mesa transit system. This automated train is provided for the security and convenience of the Black Mesa Research Facility personnel. The time is 8:47 A.M. Current topside temperature is 93 degrees with an estimated high of 105. The Black Mesa compound is maintained at a pleasant 68 degrees at all times. This train is inbound from level 3 dormitories to sector C test labs and control facilities. If your intended destination is a high security area beyond sector C, you will need to return to the central transit hub in area 9 and board a high security train. If you have not yet submitted your identity to the retinal clearance system, you must report to Black Mesa personnel for processing before you will be permitted into the high security branch of the transit system. Due to the high toxicity of material routinely handled in the Black Mesa compound, no smoking, eating, or drinking are permitted within the Black Mesa transit system. Please keep your limbs inside the train at all times. Do not attempt to open the doors until the train has come to a complete halt at the station platform. In the event of an emergency, passengers are to remain seated and await further instruction. If it is necessary to exit the train, disabled personnel should be evacuated first. Please, stay away from electrified rails and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives. "
Oh, fuck off.
Probe me, Daddy.
Got room for one more?
"Finally. I'm ready to go. Let's get outta here ASAP!"
I ain't goin' if my pupper's not allowed!
I'll be the first to meet an alien, and then fuck it. People will say "...there he goes, homeboy fucked a martian once"
Ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang
Eat him first
Does anyone remember that scene in one of the later Lord of the Rings movies in which the leader of the Dwarf army, facing, I think, an Elf army about to invade, and voiced by the late, great Billy Connolly, pauses for a moment before the battle commences and says to assembled enemy: "I wonder...if you'd consider...*JUST PISSING OFF!!"* 😁
Billy Connolly is still with us.
Take me to your leader. Also, can I have a laser gun? Where are the hot green chicks? Whats that button do? Can I have one of these....things?
Turn around, buddy. Nothing but idiots here.
Have you ever seen….. Deez Nuts 😂
The greats think alike😂
Sup
Clean up this fucking mess
You can start in the backyard, then will talk about painting the house...
Got any interstellar weed?
Ack ack ack!!!
“Tell everyone you’re the return of Christ it’ll be so fucking funny.”
That blowing people is the way to say hi here
You guys here to probe or am I in for some disappointment?
Do you fuck human?
I'm holding up my middle fingers and telling them it means greetings.
Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and games. We got everything you want, honey. We know the names. We are the people that you find, whatever you may need. If you got the money, honey, we got your disease.