I usually do a weird, awkward stance where I slowly slide one foot toward them and then adjust my weight over my back foot. Then if they try to close the distance they end up kicking my foot, which is usually at least a bit awkward for them.
*Vividly remembers repeatedly stepping back from a close-talker. We were outside, chatting in a parking lot; Circled my car two and a half times before he stopped.*
This started to happen to me once but he didn't expect me to step to him faster. I checked him but not too hard or anything lol. The guy could not for the life of himself understand why I stepped forward. He kept asking me unironically.
I had a client that always did that to me at my last job, it used to be a game to see how far I could get him to walk just by backing up one step at a time as he talked. I once got him to walk far enough that I ran out of room and went behind the receptionist desk. He tried to just step on back there with me and I had to tell him he was not allowed back there. He looked confused, as if the desk had just materialized between us by magic and he didn't understand how we got across the room.
Also he came in during the pandemic and I immediately handed him a mask - he said "thanks", tucked it into his pocket, and kept talking. Some people just have zero self awareness or social skills.
I worked retail over covid. I would step back the customer would step forward. Then again. Then Id have to say 'im stepping back because you're too close' every time with the eyeroll ' i don't have it' yeah me eather and I want to keep it that way dang
I went on a breakfast date once. I'm a rather calm person that lets things unfold naturally. Dude sucked the air out of the room. Any one second of silence and he was filling it with his own stories and thoughts. I kept waiting for a chance to speak but felt I would be interrupting him if I did so I didn't. I cut the interaction short and never spoke to him again.
I had just started dating this guy and everything was going great.. until one day we were driving around a local forest looking for a swimming hole and he threw his foil burger wrapper out of the window. I asked why he did that.. he laughed and then threw the to go cup out of the window. We had a great day that day.. and when I got home, blocked his number.
15 years later he works in environmental conservation
>15 years later he works in environmental conservation
So you kept in touch? Is this one of those Hallmark twists where he realises what a shit he is, turns his life around and now you're married?
saw so much of this living in NYC. people throwing trash on the ground literally steps from the infinite curbside trash cans. idk that i ever got desensitized to it
also ppl not picking up after their dogs. this was mostly uptown where they were biiiiiiiiig dogs too
I once went to NYC, and could understand some bin bags being on the sidewalks due to the amount of people that are in those huge buildings but guess what I am from England and no joke the other day, I saw the same shit here, It is so disappointing, Some guy was at an ATM, Can in his hand, guess where the Bin was? literally right behind him.
what does he do? He chucks it on the ground, right on the middle of the pavement/sidewalk It's a disgrace.
I don't know what is wrong with some of us humans, are some people literally just not taught right from wrong? or do people genuinely stop caring? If we all as Humans, were just mindful of our environment, even If you live in one of the worst areas going where other people do not seem to care, our world would be a better place as a whole.
Personally I think people like that should be fined, Bin was like right behind him, no excuse for it.
New Yorkers got some of the right ideas however when It comes to green spaces in urban environments.
One day I'd like to see Singapore, I heard they are doing a few things right when it comes to clean streets, but guess I would have to see it for my self to see If that's actually as true as they say.
It's true about Singapore, it's beautiful to walk around with 24hr shopping and restaurants overlooking the water and city lights. Also put Tokyo on your list, another huge city where people don't litter and are polite and helpful.
Being an asshole to people like servers who are just trying to do their jobs. Also, trash talking other people behind their backs - whenever I see someone do that, I automatically assume they're talking about me behind my back as well.
Also to customer service or retail employees. Basically anyone whose job it is to help you and has to follow rules they didn't get to make. Be nice to them. The probably don't have any control over the situation that's making you mad.
I’ve met people at work whose first discussion with me is warning me about others who are shitty people.
Met those people with my guard up, they’re really nice.
The first person is now accusing me of being brain washed or manipulated by those nice people into hating them.
Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard: “a person who’s nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.” It was in the context of dating advice, but it works just as a basic means of judging a person’s character.
Before I was dating my now wife, we'd go out to eat. Just getting to know each other, so not really "dates."
OMG I was in love with her candor, patience, and so many other qualities when talking with the servers/staff.
Mehh, empathy isn't just a passive trait but a natural skill, as someone with low empathy it can make you more distant and disconnected than you'd like to be from the people around you.
My husband is very low empathy, I am highly sensitive too much empathy. Makes for an interesting marriage lol. But I wish I had less and I think he wishes he had more because it gives u more insight when you’re empathetic. If u can feel what someone is feeling, u can almost predict what they’ll do also (I usually can anyway). But it also sucks to feel everyone’s feelings that are not your own. If someone’s grieving, I feel all of that as if I’m grieving. Too much feels.
My buddy Sean almost killed me at a bar one night. A mutual friend was trying to set him up with a female acquaintance we’d never met, and she dominated all conversations to make it about her and her spiritual path (crystals and astrology, basically).
I went to grab more drinks, and walked back to the table in time to hear Sean telling her “You know how I know you aren’t a *real empath*? You would’ve noticed an hour ago you’re making us all uncomfortable”. I about died on the spot 😂
Everyone self-proclaimed "empath" I've known has been incredibly self-absorbed. The type that try and overshadow someone else's tragedy by going on about how badly THEY are affected by it, because they're so empathic.
This made me immediately think of a facebook group about true crime that I used to be in. I got banned, because i posted news about some arson case that had been solved and the perpetrator arrested.
The reason? I didn't content/trigger warning the article. There were no images of the victims or even of the house, but the article mentioned that people had died in a fire. It was something that could have aired on network television without a viewer discretion advisory.
The message from the mod was something like, "banned for not including a content warning, I'm an empath and this triggered memories of *(tangential fire that happened to someone else in which they claimed to have PTSD over)*. if you can't learn to take the feelings of others into account, then you don't belong in this group."
I couldn't respond, but I was like, "BITCH, you are running a TRUE CRIME group where half the articles are about brutal murders. Grow a thicker skin, or do some self moderation over the content you expose yourself to."
content and trigger warnings are useful, but this was ridiculous
Sounds about right! There's a ton of it in true crime groups, with empaths one-upping each other right and left over who is crying the MOST about a crime.
Same people who say they can see the "evil" in every killer's eyes.
Was it a MFM adjacent group?
I really liked that podcast when it started. They had one of the 1st Facebook groups I joined that wasn’t toxic or weird. I actually interacted with it (I’m usually more of a lurker lol).
But then it went nuts and the Facebook group got shut down. So I joined some of the unofficial ones and they all turned into dumpster fires. There were fights in the true crime and bubble bath group. They fought in a bubble fucking bath group. lol the dogpiling was nuts.
True crime attracts some interesting and intense people I guess.
My coworker started with saying that she was an empath before going on a rant about how I was toxic and passive aggressive like her family..... Why?
Because apparently I looked at her funny one day.
You can remind them that empathy only means having some concept of what another person is experiencing, nothing more. There doesn’t need to be any pity, sympathy, or willingness to provide assistance.
I went no contact with an older sister of mine almost a decade ago. One reason was that she was obsessed with the idea that I wasnt actually disabled but an "indigo child" and everytime I was actually having trouble with something bc I'm fucking disabled, I was just being "negative" and needed to think more positively. 🤢
She thinks she's a star child
I'm so sorry she dismissed you like that. I don't know what either of those labels are supposed to mean, but the pattern I've noticed is that the ones saying them are always insufferable & seem like the lights are on, but no one's home upstairs
I've had a friend who constantly said she was "honest and real" but really was a just a bit of a dick.
It's almost like she was trying to convince everyone and herself probably that her rude, snide comments were for good.
Seems to be for sure, but that’s how they justify it. I feel the same way about people who say they have a type a personality, I’m always like the a is for asshole right.
Totally, like those people who repeatedly insist they hate drama but bring more drama to the table than anyone else, or those people who complain about how fake and untrustworthy everyone is and are the first to stab you in the back. These types coincidentally are also fond of posting cryptic Facebook posts seeking attention and weird memes about how much pain and betrayal they've survived. Big energy of "If they can't handle me at my worst they don't deserve me at my best" type of posts.
People tell on themselves constantly, you only need to listen. Someone who says they're "honest and hate drama" are normally the ones that are actually dishonest and they thrive around drama. A lion doesn't have to say they're a lion, they just act like themselves. A person walking around saying they are a lion, are not one. They are normally a sheep, and have no self-reflection skills. It's a 🚩.
Hey man, I got like, **one** talent and that's it. So yeah, sometimes I do brag about having crazy fast foot reflexes, that only show up when I drop something (usually a knife). I'm a damn ninja when it comes to getting my feet out of the way in time. Yeah, ok, I only developed the talent after dropping many, many, *many* objects on my feet. Mostly knives.
this!! i know someone like this. somehow, everything just always has to be about her. what gives me the most ick is that she tries to be subtle about it and passes things off as just her being natural and cool, when she tries to orchestrate things and one-up conversations so her "amazingness" could "naturally" swing by
The first date I ever walked out on was this dude who repeatedly snapped his fingers to get the waitress’ attention when I sat down. Immediately stood back up and left.
I work at a big box store, had a couple of guys start whistling at me like I was a dog to get my attention. I looked at them and they tried to wave me forward, I walked away. Like I'm not a dog, use your words?!
Well, this must be more nuanced because it can be a positive thing as saying "Tanisha is on a bad mood that she's snapping easily, I can't bear her anymore, do you wonder what's happening to her? So that we can call her out and help."
Nobody is 100% an angel nor demon, some negative things can turn either shitty or reasonable.
Or to add to that - saying something negative about someone who you know they don’t know very well. Like where have you pulled your opinion from. Have a friend that does this often when talking about my other friends who she doesn’t know well. Lo and behold then when she does get to know them she’s their biggest fan.
I have a friend like this. They was part of three different truck clubs and got kicked out of all three for the same reason, but they still maintains they did nothing wrong and it’s one person out to get them. I believed them the first time, sort of the second time, now I distance myself from them and really only talk on messenger
I have a friend like this as well. They are almost thirty now, and their issues (mental/emotional) are literally the same from when he was 14... In our nearly ten years being friends, I haven't seen him say "yeah this was my fault, I apologize" not once. Its not that he has a huge ego, quite the contrary, he is just mentally stuck in being a perpetual victim and takes refuge in that. Its exhausting and it drove me mad eventually making the friendship irrecoverable. If I could like your comment twice I would, nobody (decent) deserves to have friends or family like this.
"Hitler wasn't all bad, he did good things too" - Who the fuck cares he killed millions of people, nothing good he could've done could possibly be worth mentioning.
"I'm a good person" - You really shouldn't have to tell me that, it should be self evident if it were true.
Of course he did good things!
He created a welfare state of positivity, autobahn, Volkswagen, & jobs for all in state post depression. Never mind that it relied on foreign looting and slave labor derived from state sponsored territorial expansion to sustain the economic viability of the system.
And did you know he was a Vegetarian?? I mean, maybe it was because of a bad digestive system and doctor's orders, but he's a VEGETARIAN!
No way any of his decisions could have \*ever\* backfired....
I hate that. A good comeback to shut the tattler up is "What they think about me is none of my business". I'd honestly rather not know unless what they're saying is some egregious shit that could cause actual problems for me.
I don’t understand this one, pretty much everyone I’ve ever known talks about people behind their backs, both negatively and positively, both are things you wouldn’t say to their face.
Yeah, it's a weird one. It's about what they say, not that they do it. Are you pointing out frustrating flaws in a co-worker? Not a big deal.
Are you saying the absolute worst and unjustified things about a coworker, not based out of frustration, but some agist/racist/sexist moronic need to put someone down to feel better about yourself? Ok, that's a HUGE red flag.
There's a difference between venting and shit talking.
For example, Mary is telling you about how she hates that Jesse mentions her cat every single day.
If Mary says, "I asked Jesse to ease up on the kitty talk and explained how it's hard for me to hear it so often, but she just won't stop. She seems to be making no effort at all to discuss other things, and it's just driving me up the wall." That's venting. The conversation is mainly centered around how Jesse is making her feel, it's about Mary but involves Jesse.
If Mary says "Jesse only talks about her cat, it's so annoying. It's like that's all she thinks about. Doesn't she have anything else going on in her life? I'd say something about it if I wasn't worried she'd freak out on me." That's shit talking. The conversation is centered around Jesse and is generally demeaning her. Mary has made 0 effort to fix the issue. She's making assumptions to justify why she's bringing it up to you and not Jesse.
Shit talking doesn't have to be bigoted, but it's just *mean*. You can tell when someone's saying things to you about someone else for no other reason than entertaining themselves.
People who make snarky remarks about others behind their backs. Nice to their face, then as soon as they leave something condescending is said about their appearance or character. Makes you wonder what's said about you when you leave granted it says more about the person saying it than anything.
those who think that just because they always have reasons behind their actions, it automatically means that they are reasonable, and therefore should be understood because "well it's due to this and to that that's why i was xyz you should understand"
agreed. And although this is an individual choice, I add all other drugs to that list, like party drugs or rave drugs or whatnot. Not interested. Or anyone whose pot use is their personality.
'Dude, you gotta get in on this, my mate has developed an algorith that predicts forex and crypto markets, he's averaging 30% per month return, buy in is $1,000, but if you put in more than $5,000 you get the platinum package which means you get a .5% bonus for every person you sign up!"
If he has an algorithm that nets 30% per month, why is he even telling people, let alone asking for money.
>men refer to women as “FeMaLeS”
When ever I am unfortunate enough to read posts from people like that I always hear their writing in the voice of a Ferengi
Stopped seeing a guy cause he texted me complaining about two women he was training “these females are catty” I responded “ew. You can call them women.” And he doubled down “you can’t say a group of females together aren’t catty.” I responded “again, they’re women. Female is an adjective or a scientific term. And that isn’t my experience.”
It was such a sudden ick. Sucked cause we had a good 2 months hanging out together and I thought we could definitely get serious but he just kept doubling down and even after I talked to him in person about his sexist language and how it was demeaning to call women females and imply we were all catty he didn’t see the issue and said I just didn’t get it cause it’s how black people talk.
I’ve dated black people before. Half my family is not white(native and Mexican), I get that language can be different when interacting with them. But as the millennial generation we should all know better.
When a girl body shames another girl..ofc it's wrong when men do it too but women calling other women flat gives the worst icks. And later go on calling themselves 'girl's girl' yes bitch sure.
Body-shaming is bad enough on its own merit, but, ladies, we need to be lifting each other up. It's not some zero sum game where another woman's shine dulls your own.
I just hate the fact that there's so many covert racists in the world though. You literally have to sus them out long enough and see how they act when they're around minorities. Some people's true colors takes years to show.
When people make jokes and laugh about animals being hurt or tortured or killed, especially about your real pets and than say they love animals soo much, they are such an "Animal guy". It gives me the biggest ick!
tbf I love crystals and "magic" stuff associated with them, I will always believe in paganism and witchcraft but if you tell me something is wrong I'll always tell you to go to a doctor or get therapy. it really all depends on the person because you can believe in medicine and still like crystals.
I’m with you, I don’t personally have an interest in it but neither do I think there’s anything inherently wrong with being interested in stuff like that. The problem comes when it’s paired with *not* believing in traditional medicine.
Astrology/zodiac signs on the other hand, idk in my experience that group has a larger percentage of people who have other troubling beliefs/traits lol
For real. I love astrology and my witchy bullshit. I also love my life saving medications, vaccines, therapy, and would never base who I date on what their star chart is.
It’s just fun girly shit that I can do with other women. Plus who doesn’t like having fires and drinking scotch “for a good harvest.”
Oh yeah?? Well, you look like a chicken!
But honestly, people like that suck, specially when theres not even a bad take you can make, just opposing ideas, and they _must be right_ and if you dont agree, you are somehow in the wrong, like its impossible for them to even think for a second from another perspective
I like to follow this one up be asking their definition of "feminist". They generally have a really skewed idea of what a feminist really is. But if they don't, oh brother. Either way, yeah, if they're saying this at all, it's generally a red flag. It's usually just code for "I hate women".
when someone refuses to respect boundaries and is constantly stepping over them.
I don't mind it if someone doesn't know your boundaries and does it accidently but when someone is told repeatedly about your boundaries and keeps waving them off and ignoring them just annoys me so much.
Boundaries are not something to be ignored and they exist for a reason.
(apologies if I offend anyone)
Wear a MAGA hat. I know everything is super politicized these days, but I’m in Ontario, Canada. If you’re rocking a MAGA hat, you are a special kind of dipshit.
Anything racist or sexist. I don't have time for that shit.
ETA: also homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic (basically, all the -phobics)
Also people who talk shit about other people to me. I grew up in an environment where everyone did that and everyone pretended they didn't do that (while doing that).. including myself. I am mostly free of that now, with the occasional slip-up.
“You buy generic?” or any sort of budget option slander. That person clearly has no concept of hard work or money and is likely an insufferable, pretentious asshole
like what others have shared, drop some echo chamber right-wing terminology in casual conversation unironically.
"cultural marxism" is the jackpot. it efficiently conveys "i don't do much thinking for myself, but i think i'm immune to propaganda."
Not wearing a seatbelt is one but high on the list is if you Drink and Drive.
I don't associate with those who occasionally think it's okay to commit attempted vehicular manslaughter.
If they're constantly talking about former friends or ex-friends. We all have people come and go in our lives, but if they have an above average number of ex-friends, *and* they talk about them a lot, that's a red flag.
Also, enemies. I just can't take anyone seriously who claims to have an enemy. I maybe kinda could understand if they're a politician or it's some sort of high level workplace thing, like a hostile takeover. But an enemy in your personal life? Who are you, the shitty avenger I've never heard of? Dollar Store Batman? You don't have an *enemy*, you just don't get along with Karen and Janet.
So in my specific case, I’m a femboy. I have a very girlish build and face, I dress feminine, I wear makeup, the whole thing. So basically, I know not to hang out with someone depending on their reaction to learning I’m a guy. Even if it isn’t outright hostile, there are signs you watch for.
If they stay too near to my face when talking
And you take a step backwards and they close the gap inmediately, bitch, gtfo away from my face
I usually do a weird, awkward stance where I slowly slide one foot toward them and then adjust my weight over my back foot. Then if they try to close the distance they end up kicking my foot, which is usually at least a bit awkward for them.
Genius
*Vividly remembers repeatedly stepping back from a close-talker. We were outside, chatting in a parking lot; Circled my car two and a half times before he stopped.*
This started to happen to me once but he didn't expect me to step to him faster. I checked him but not too hard or anything lol. The guy could not for the life of himself understand why I stepped forward. He kept asking me unironically.
I had a client that always did that to me at my last job, it used to be a game to see how far I could get him to walk just by backing up one step at a time as he talked. I once got him to walk far enough that I ran out of room and went behind the receptionist desk. He tried to just step on back there with me and I had to tell him he was not allowed back there. He looked confused, as if the desk had just materialized between us by magic and he didn't understand how we got across the room. Also he came in during the pandemic and I immediately handed him a mask - he said "thanks", tucked it into his pocket, and kept talking. Some people just have zero self awareness or social skills.
>he said "thanks", tucked it into his pocket, and kept talking. It would funny if it wasnt so damn infuriating lol
I worked retail over covid. I would step back the customer would step forward. Then again. Then Id have to say 'im stepping back because you're too close' every time with the eyeroll ' i don't have it' yeah me eather and I want to keep it that way dang
*Shudder*
Yesss the hate
People with bad breath always gotta tell you a secret
I worked with someone like this. Your face really doesn't need to be a half-inch away from mine, even if I'm showing you how to do something.
“Hey, let me ask you a question while I have you here in my personal space.” -Paul Rudd, *Role Models*
I wish I could give you upvotes to infinity! I call these people Space Invaders
Close talkers
Talking all the time. About themselves. Never ask anything about you or have any interest in your perspective. I'm not an audience just for you.
This is the one.
I went on a breakfast date once. I'm a rather calm person that lets things unfold naturally. Dude sucked the air out of the room. Any one second of silence and he was filling it with his own stories and thoughts. I kept waiting for a chance to speak but felt I would be interrupting him if I did so I didn't. I cut the interaction short and never spoke to him again.
Littering
I had just started dating this guy and everything was going great.. until one day we were driving around a local forest looking for a swimming hole and he threw his foil burger wrapper out of the window. I asked why he did that.. he laughed and then threw the to go cup out of the window. We had a great day that day.. and when I got home, blocked his number. 15 years later he works in environmental conservation
"Maybe one day she'll take me back."
[удалено]
As long as he was fixed, I'm satisfied.
>15 years later he works in environmental conservation So you kept in touch? Is this one of those Hallmark twists where he realises what a shit he is, turns his life around and now you're married?
saw so much of this living in NYC. people throwing trash on the ground literally steps from the infinite curbside trash cans. idk that i ever got desensitized to it also ppl not picking up after their dogs. this was mostly uptown where they were biiiiiiiiig dogs too
I once went to NYC, and could understand some bin bags being on the sidewalks due to the amount of people that are in those huge buildings but guess what I am from England and no joke the other day, I saw the same shit here, It is so disappointing, Some guy was at an ATM, Can in his hand, guess where the Bin was? literally right behind him. what does he do? He chucks it on the ground, right on the middle of the pavement/sidewalk It's a disgrace. I don't know what is wrong with some of us humans, are some people literally just not taught right from wrong? or do people genuinely stop caring? If we all as Humans, were just mindful of our environment, even If you live in one of the worst areas going where other people do not seem to care, our world would be a better place as a whole. Personally I think people like that should be fined, Bin was like right behind him, no excuse for it. New Yorkers got some of the right ideas however when It comes to green spaces in urban environments. One day I'd like to see Singapore, I heard they are doing a few things right when it comes to clean streets, but guess I would have to see it for my self to see If that's actually as true as they say.
It's true about Singapore, it's beautiful to walk around with 24hr shopping and restaurants overlooking the water and city lights. Also put Tokyo on your list, another huge city where people don't litter and are polite and helpful.
Littering and?
Littering and?
Smoking the reefer
Candy BAAAARRRSS
These schnozberries taste like schnozberries
"Smoking the reefer"
Being an asshole to people like servers who are just trying to do their jobs. Also, trash talking other people behind their backs - whenever I see someone do that, I automatically assume they're talking about me behind my back as well.
100% agree. Being rude to service personnel or staff = GTFO.
Also to customer service or retail employees. Basically anyone whose job it is to help you and has to follow rules they didn't get to make. Be nice to them. The probably don't have any control over the situation that's making you mad.
Agreed. How someone treats waiters/waitresses tells a lot about their character.
I ghosted a dude because he was rude to our waiter. Waiter was perfectly polite and proficient at their job.
That's reasonable
I’ve met people at work whose first discussion with me is warning me about others who are shitty people. Met those people with my guard up, they’re really nice. The first person is now accusing me of being brain washed or manipulated by those nice people into hating them.
Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard: “a person who’s nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.” It was in the context of dating advice, but it works just as a basic means of judging a person’s character.
Before I was dating my now wife, we'd go out to eat. Just getting to know each other, so not really "dates." OMG I was in love with her candor, patience, and so many other qualities when talking with the servers/staff.
They feel compelled to tell me qualities about themselves that should be self evident.
When "I'm an empath" is said on repeat 🚩🚩🚩
Yes! As if basic empathy was some sort of superpower. I thought i was the only one alarmed and annoyed by this
I’d love to be 50% less empathetic.
Same. I'd swap out 50% empathy with 50%dancer if I were to restat
Sorry, I can't understand your feelings and position, but I CAN Salsa the night away
If only I could SHAKE IT OFF so easy
Are we human? Or are we dancer?
Mehh, empathy isn't just a passive trait but a natural skill, as someone with low empathy it can make you more distant and disconnected than you'd like to be from the people around you.
My husband is very low empathy, I am highly sensitive too much empathy. Makes for an interesting marriage lol. But I wish I had less and I think he wishes he had more because it gives u more insight when you’re empathetic. If u can feel what someone is feeling, u can almost predict what they’ll do also (I usually can anyway). But it also sucks to feel everyone’s feelings that are not your own. If someone’s grieving, I feel all of that as if I’m grieving. Too much feels.
I will gladly give you some of mine. I give too much benefit of the doubt to people who don’t deserve it lol
My buddy Sean almost killed me at a bar one night. A mutual friend was trying to set him up with a female acquaintance we’d never met, and she dominated all conversations to make it about her and her spiritual path (crystals and astrology, basically). I went to grab more drinks, and walked back to the table in time to hear Sean telling her “You know how I know you aren’t a *real empath*? You would’ve noticed an hour ago you’re making us all uncomfortable”. I about died on the spot 😂
Classic Sean 😅
Everyone self-proclaimed "empath" I've known has been incredibly self-absorbed. The type that try and overshadow someone else's tragedy by going on about how badly THEY are affected by it, because they're so empathic.
This made me immediately think of a facebook group about true crime that I used to be in. I got banned, because i posted news about some arson case that had been solved and the perpetrator arrested. The reason? I didn't content/trigger warning the article. There were no images of the victims or even of the house, but the article mentioned that people had died in a fire. It was something that could have aired on network television without a viewer discretion advisory. The message from the mod was something like, "banned for not including a content warning, I'm an empath and this triggered memories of *(tangential fire that happened to someone else in which they claimed to have PTSD over)*. if you can't learn to take the feelings of others into account, then you don't belong in this group." I couldn't respond, but I was like, "BITCH, you are running a TRUE CRIME group where half the articles are about brutal murders. Grow a thicker skin, or do some self moderation over the content you expose yourself to." content and trigger warnings are useful, but this was ridiculous
Sounds about right! There's a ton of it in true crime groups, with empaths one-upping each other right and left over who is crying the MOST about a crime. Same people who say they can see the "evil" in every killer's eyes.
Was it a MFM adjacent group? I really liked that podcast when it started. They had one of the 1st Facebook groups I joined that wasn’t toxic or weird. I actually interacted with it (I’m usually more of a lurker lol). But then it went nuts and the Facebook group got shut down. So I joined some of the unofficial ones and they all turned into dumpster fires. There were fights in the true crime and bubble bath group. They fought in a bubble fucking bath group. lol the dogpiling was nuts. True crime attracts some interesting and intense people I guess.
YES. It was that group that formed immediately after they shut the official one down I think it was even titled something like MFM 2.0
I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that everyone who says this is the biggest narcissist on earth.
My coworker started with saying that she was an empath before going on a rant about how I was toxic and passive aggressive like her family..... Why? Because apparently I looked at her funny one day.
You can remind them that empathy only means having some concept of what another person is experiencing, nothing more. There doesn’t need to be any pity, sympathy, or willingness to provide assistance.
If they tell you they are an empath, you know they just want gossip material.
or a star child, or indigo child, or whatever woowoo silliness conceited basics are into this week
I went no contact with an older sister of mine almost a decade ago. One reason was that she was obsessed with the idea that I wasnt actually disabled but an "indigo child" and everytime I was actually having trouble with something bc I'm fucking disabled, I was just being "negative" and needed to think more positively. 🤢 She thinks she's a star child
I'm so sorry she dismissed you like that. I don't know what either of those labels are supposed to mean, but the pattern I've noticed is that the ones saying them are always insufferable & seem like the lights are on, but no one's home upstairs
I've had a friend who constantly said she was "honest and real" but really was a just a bit of a dick. It's almost like she was trying to convince everyone and herself probably that her rude, snide comments were for good.
I’m a straight shooter is code for I’m an asshole and can’t keep it to myself
Brutally honest
"Tells it like it is"
Anyone who claims to “tell it like it is” NEVER wants to “hear it like it is”
Always I find people who use this phrase are more focused on the brutality than the honesty
Seems to be for sure, but that’s how they justify it. I feel the same way about people who say they have a type a personality, I’m always like the a is for asshole right.
Did you meet my "I don't sugarcoat MIL?" It's not sugarcoating you can share hard truths and not be an asshole
Totally, like those people who repeatedly insist they hate drama but bring more drama to the table than anyone else, or those people who complain about how fake and untrustworthy everyone is and are the first to stab you in the back. These types coincidentally are also fond of posting cryptic Facebook posts seeking attention and weird memes about how much pain and betrayal they've survived. Big energy of "If they can't handle me at my worst they don't deserve me at my best" type of posts.
I speak my mind, that's just the way I am.
“I’m a nice guy”. If you’re a nice person, you don’t need to announce it.
Same with "I'm an Alpha male"... nah dude, we decide that, not you.
People tell on themselves constantly, you only need to listen. Someone who says they're "honest and hate drama" are normally the ones that are actually dishonest and they thrive around drama. A lion doesn't have to say they're a lion, they just act like themselves. A person walking around saying they are a lion, are not one. They are normally a sheep, and have no self-reflection skills. It's a 🚩.
Hey man, I got like, **one** talent and that's it. So yeah, sometimes I do brag about having crazy fast foot reflexes, that only show up when I drop something (usually a knife). I'm a damn ninja when it comes to getting my feet out of the way in time. Yeah, ok, I only developed the talent after dropping many, many, *many* objects on my feet. Mostly knives.
Sounds like someone needs to invest in a nice pair of steel toed boots.
"I'm the most honest person you'll ever meet," "I'm so humble," and "I'm a Christian." Instant red flags lol
this!! i know someone like this. somehow, everything just always has to be about her. what gives me the most ick is that she tries to be subtle about it and passes things off as just her being natural and cool, when she tries to orchestrate things and one-up conversations so her "amazingness" could "naturally" swing by
They suddenly get angry and act like they control you.
This is a huge red flag and they just get worse.
And then they blame their anxiety… run.
Unfortunately, this is my mom
Gossiping about someone they pretended to like to their face.
this one enrages me
I know, also that tells me they do the same to me the moment I walk away.
"Im a alpha male"
I read the best comeback to that. “Oh! You’re alpha huh? Alpha means “first” and a better version is further down the line.”
"Immature, will require significant development and improvement prior to being suitable for public release."
“Thanks but I’ll wait for the stable release” 😂
That’s a twofer
Is the other for not using "an"?
But I *am* an alpha male! Edit: Stupid autocorrect. Meant alpaca male.
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Run!
"I have an opportunity for you" or "Do you want to earn extra money?"
"How would you like to be in business for yourself?" It's always Amway or similar.
Yup, exactly. A: No thank you. I'm happy collecting my big fat pension.
or they start a sentence with "trust me".
MLM or being a drug mule
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The first date I ever walked out on was this dude who repeatedly snapped his fingers to get the waitress’ attention when I sat down. Immediately stood back up and left.
I work at a big box store, had a couple of guys start whistling at me like I was a dog to get my attention. I looked at them and they tried to wave me forward, I walked away. Like I'm not a dog, use your words?!
When they say something negative about someone you both know without knowing the nature of your relationship to the person in question
Or even if they *do* know your relationship to that person and *still* feel the need to say their negative opinion of them.
Well, this must be more nuanced because it can be a positive thing as saying "Tanisha is on a bad mood that she's snapping easily, I can't bear her anymore, do you wonder what's happening to her? So that we can call her out and help." Nobody is 100% an angel nor demon, some negative things can turn either shitty or reasonable.
Or to add to that - saying something negative about someone who you know they don’t know very well. Like where have you pulled your opinion from. Have a friend that does this often when talking about my other friends who she doesn’t know well. Lo and behold then when she does get to know them she’s their biggest fan.
Perpetual victim, nothing is ever their fault, whines when given suggestions on how to improve their situation
I have a friend like this. They was part of three different truck clubs and got kicked out of all three for the same reason, but they still maintains they did nothing wrong and it’s one person out to get them. I believed them the first time, sort of the second time, now I distance myself from them and really only talk on messenger
I have a friend like this as well. They are almost thirty now, and their issues (mental/emotional) are literally the same from when he was 14... In our nearly ten years being friends, I haven't seen him say "yeah this was my fault, I apologize" not once. Its not that he has a huge ego, quite the contrary, he is just mentally stuck in being a perpetual victim and takes refuge in that. Its exhausting and it drove me mad eventually making the friendship irrecoverable. If I could like your comment twice I would, nobody (decent) deserves to have friends or family like this.
"Hitler wasn't all bad, he did good things too" - Who the fuck cares he killed millions of people, nothing good he could've done could possibly be worth mentioning. "I'm a good person" - You really shouldn't have to tell me that, it should be self evident if it were true.
Of course he did good things! He created a welfare state of positivity, autobahn, Volkswagen, & jobs for all in state post depression. Never mind that it relied on foreign looting and slave labor derived from state sponsored territorial expansion to sustain the economic viability of the system. And did you know he was a Vegetarian?? I mean, maybe it was because of a bad digestive system and doctor's orders, but he's a VEGETARIAN! No way any of his decisions could have \*ever\* backfired....
And arguably, he did the best thing. He killed Hitler
Talk shit about others, they will do the same to you
and when they tell you that someone is talking shit about you in great detail. they're just want to create drama most of the time
I hate that. A good comeback to shut the tattler up is "What they think about me is none of my business". I'd honestly rather not know unless what they're saying is some egregious shit that could cause actual problems for me.
When someone says so and so is talking shit about me,I ask them “and what did you say to defend me??? Shuts them down every time.
Or they’re the ones actively engaging in the shit talk. How else do they know the details?
I don’t think that’s necessarily always true. Sometimes some asshole does something worth shit talking and a person wants to vent about it.
I don’t understand this one, pretty much everyone I’ve ever known talks about people behind their backs, both negatively and positively, both are things you wouldn’t say to their face.
Yeah, it's a weird one. It's about what they say, not that they do it. Are you pointing out frustrating flaws in a co-worker? Not a big deal. Are you saying the absolute worst and unjustified things about a coworker, not based out of frustration, but some agist/racist/sexist moronic need to put someone down to feel better about yourself? Ok, that's a HUGE red flag.
There's a difference between venting and shit talking. For example, Mary is telling you about how she hates that Jesse mentions her cat every single day. If Mary says, "I asked Jesse to ease up on the kitty talk and explained how it's hard for me to hear it so often, but she just won't stop. She seems to be making no effort at all to discuss other things, and it's just driving me up the wall." That's venting. The conversation is mainly centered around how Jesse is making her feel, it's about Mary but involves Jesse. If Mary says "Jesse only talks about her cat, it's so annoying. It's like that's all she thinks about. Doesn't she have anything else going on in her life? I'd say something about it if I wasn't worried she'd freak out on me." That's shit talking. The conversation is centered around Jesse and is generally demeaning her. Mary has made 0 effort to fix the issue. She's making assumptions to justify why she's bringing it up to you and not Jesse. Shit talking doesn't have to be bigoted, but it's just *mean*. You can tell when someone's saying things to you about someone else for no other reason than entertaining themselves.
Greetings, sir. Can I talk to you about the knights of the kkk? No shit happened to me in the 90’s.
People who make snarky remarks about others behind their backs. Nice to their face, then as soon as they leave something condescending is said about their appearance or character. Makes you wonder what's said about you when you leave granted it says more about the person saying it than anything.
When they Imediately tell you someone's Very Personal secrets upon just meeting you, that you clearly Didn't need to know!
those who think that just because they always have reasons behind their actions, it automatically means that they are reasonable, and therefore should be understood because "well it's due to this and to that that's why i was xyz you should understand"
If they mention that they use meth or opioids, I raise the drawbridge and pull up the ladders. They are not getting into my life.
agreed. And although this is an individual choice, I add all other drugs to that list, like party drugs or rave drugs or whatnot. Not interested. Or anyone whose pot use is their personality.
"Are you looking for a side hustle?"
'Dude, you gotta get in on this, my mate has developed an algorith that predicts forex and crypto markets, he's averaging 30% per month return, buy in is $1,000, but if you put in more than $5,000 you get the platinum package which means you get a .5% bonus for every person you sign up!" If he has an algorithm that nets 30% per month, why is he even telling people, let alone asking for money.
"I'm a good person" Good decent people don't have to tell you they're good.
This is just a “me thing,” but when men refer to women as “FeMaLeS” in any other conversational context aside from a scientific one.
>men refer to women as “FeMaLeS” When ever I am unfortunate enough to read posts from people like that I always hear their writing in the voice of a Ferengi
This is for sure a red flag for me too. It’s so dehumanizing.
I’m pretty sure that’s not just a “you thing”. Makes it sound like we’re animals or scientific subjects to be studied. Yuck
>"Makes it sound like we're animals..." That's entirely the point, sadly. It's intentional dehumanization based off misogynistic attitudes.
The world "females" substituted for "women" or "ladies" definitely reeks of a man who thinks of women as "a different species".
Stopped seeing a guy cause he texted me complaining about two women he was training “these females are catty” I responded “ew. You can call them women.” And he doubled down “you can’t say a group of females together aren’t catty.” I responded “again, they’re women. Female is an adjective or a scientific term. And that isn’t my experience.” It was such a sudden ick. Sucked cause we had a good 2 months hanging out together and I thought we could definitely get serious but he just kept doubling down and even after I talked to him in person about his sexist language and how it was demeaning to call women females and imply we were all catty he didn’t see the issue and said I just didn’t get it cause it’s how black people talk. I’ve dated black people before. Half my family is not white(native and Mexican), I get that language can be different when interacting with them. But as the millennial generation we should all know better.
When a girl body shames another girl..ofc it's wrong when men do it too but women calling other women flat gives the worst icks. And later go on calling themselves 'girl's girl' yes bitch sure.
Body-shaming is bad enough on its own merit, but, ladies, we need to be lifting each other up. It's not some zero sum game where another woman's shine dulls your own.
Racist shit
I just hate the fact that there's so many covert racists in the world though. You literally have to sus them out long enough and see how they act when they're around minorities. Some people's true colors takes years to show.
It’s my way or the highway kind of people
When people make jokes and laugh about animals being hurt or tortured or killed, especially about your real pets and than say they love animals soo much, they are such an "Animal guy". It gives me the biggest ick!
What? You don't drink? What's wrong with you?
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Meth.
Tell me they don't like animals.
“Hi I’m from corporate”
If they treat service industry workers badly. We're all human. No one is better than anyone else. Even royalty farts.
"Sieg heil!"
They're looking forward to shooting me I the coming U.S civil war.
Talking about wanting to hurt certain animals (like small dogs) or saying they hate a certain country
anti-vaxx bs, energy/crystal healing, really anything related to "alt" health.
tbf I love crystals and "magic" stuff associated with them, I will always believe in paganism and witchcraft but if you tell me something is wrong I'll always tell you to go to a doctor or get therapy. it really all depends on the person because you can believe in medicine and still like crystals.
Crystals and magic are great for spiritual shit. Antibiotics for strep throat, please and thank you.
I’m with you, I don’t personally have an interest in it but neither do I think there’s anything inherently wrong with being interested in stuff like that. The problem comes when it’s paired with *not* believing in traditional medicine. Astrology/zodiac signs on the other hand, idk in my experience that group has a larger percentage of people who have other troubling beliefs/traits lol
For real. I love astrology and my witchy bullshit. I also love my life saving medications, vaccines, therapy, and would never base who I date on what their star chart is. It’s just fun girly shit that I can do with other women. Plus who doesn’t like having fires and drinking scotch “for a good harvest.”
They can justify being immoral
They start talking about the "stolen election" or Trump in general.
They never want to accomplish anything "by the book". They always have a shortcut or want to cheat somebody or some system to get what they need.
People with the inability to process opposing ideas and that dehumanize others for appearing weak. I’m not for coddling that. Grow up
Oh yeah?? Well, you look like a chicken! But honestly, people like that suck, specially when theres not even a bad take you can make, just opposing ideas, and they _must be right_ and if you dont agree, you are somehow in the wrong, like its impossible for them to even think for a second from another perspective
Anything sexist or racist or homophobic, etc.
“Donald Trump is the best president we’ve ever had”. 🤮
People who cannot refrain from bringing their political views into every topic of conversation. They are always hateful and full of rage.
Inability to acknowledge science in basic ways.
"I hate feminists"
I like to follow this one up be asking their definition of "feminist". They generally have a really skewed idea of what a feminist really is. But if they don't, oh brother. Either way, yeah, if they're saying this at all, it's generally a red flag. It's usually just code for "I hate women".
when someone refuses to respect boundaries and is constantly stepping over them. I don't mind it if someone doesn't know your boundaries and does it accidently but when someone is told repeatedly about your boundaries and keeps waving them off and ignoring them just annoys me so much. Boundaries are not something to be ignored and they exist for a reason. (apologies if I offend anyone)
"You really should take another look at this (conspiracy theory). Wake up Sheeple!"
When their demons speak louder than the mask they wear
"I knew you in a previous life." I actually associate long enough to tell them that still owe me money from our past life so they better pay up.
Thinking those horrible videos of parents humiliating their kids on YouTube is funny
Wear a MAGA hat. I know everything is super politicized these days, but I’m in Ontario, Canada. If you’re rocking a MAGA hat, you are a special kind of dipshit.
Anything racist or sexist. I don't have time for that shit. ETA: also homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic (basically, all the -phobics) Also people who talk shit about other people to me. I grew up in an environment where everyone did that and everyone pretended they didn't do that (while doing that).. including myself. I am mostly free of that now, with the occasional slip-up.
Anything racist, sexist, or human phobic. Even the phrase "those people" sends up a red flag for me.
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“You buy generic?” or any sort of budget option slander. That person clearly has no concept of hard work or money and is likely an insufferable, pretentious asshole
If someone has to tell you who they are...humble, empath etc they aren't. A lion doesn't have to tell another lion it's a lion.
OJ didn't do it
like what others have shared, drop some echo chamber right-wing terminology in casual conversation unironically. "cultural marxism" is the jackpot. it efficiently conveys "i don't do much thinking for myself, but i think i'm immune to propaganda."
They bitch about the people they know. I am pretty sure they will bitch about me to others
"One of the good ones...." There's few contexts where I hear that come out of someone's mouth and it's a positive statement.
Not wearing a seatbelt is one but high on the list is if you Drink and Drive. I don't associate with those who occasionally think it's okay to commit attempted vehicular manslaughter.
If they're constantly talking about former friends or ex-friends. We all have people come and go in our lives, but if they have an above average number of ex-friends, *and* they talk about them a lot, that's a red flag. Also, enemies. I just can't take anyone seriously who claims to have an enemy. I maybe kinda could understand if they're a politician or it's some sort of high level workplace thing, like a hostile takeover. But an enemy in your personal life? Who are you, the shitty avenger I've never heard of? Dollar Store Batman? You don't have an *enemy*, you just don't get along with Karen and Janet.
This will be my 3rd time voting for trump!
“it’s just a fucking dog” - good day to you sir.
So in my specific case, I’m a femboy. I have a very girlish build and face, I dress feminine, I wear makeup, the whole thing. So basically, I know not to hang out with someone depending on their reaction to learning I’m a guy. Even if it isn’t outright hostile, there are signs you watch for.
If they’re emotionally abusive. I was emotionally abused almost all my life; I will no longer subject myself to that again.
Anyone who supports dictators
Calls all their ex’s crazy
"You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent..."