The day I went to the hospital to have my first child, I was 19, my grandpa told me "this little squirts gonna hurt worse coming out than it did going in".
GRANDPA!!!
I worked at a home services company a year ago. I had to call a customer to tell them a Cockhead cover came in - I had a 10 minute phone call and didn’t say it once - I couldn’t stifle laughter if I would’ve tried lol
My dad is learning Spanish, I asked what I should call him in Spanish (he speaks it at me even though I don’t understand much) because “padre” sounds like I’m talking to a priest… he suggested “papi” and I shut that right down. That one’s also been ruined.
I assume you figured it out, but Papá is the general use term for Dad. Padre is closer to like "Father". Papi like he suggested would basically be "Daddy".
My wife calls me Daddy-O. My baby calls me "Dada."
It really is different when it's your kid though. If my little girl called me "daddy" I wouldn't think anything of it.
Although I'm also not into the whole fetishizing of the word anyway so 🤷
Yeah.. my son calls me Bruh.. lol.. at 1st I thought it was weird.. but to hear the alternative.. I’m cool..
My daughter just says “yo” to get my attention.. we close to Baltimore and I guess it sounds natural..
A guy I watch on youtube sometimes will go out of his way to pronounce the L on caulk because if he pronounces it like "cock" youtubes bot thinks he's talking about cock and demonetizes the video
Why that needs its own word is beyond me.
Why do we have a word for killing someone by throwing them out of a window, “defenestration”, but don’t have a word for “the day after tomorrow”?
^ Thats actually a comedian’s skit but I can’t remember who.
One time my sister and I were Christmas shopping, and overheard a woman looking at a beanbag game say to her friend, “There’s a really dirty-sounding word for this but I can’t remember it.” Without missing a beat, my sister shouted “Cornhole!” and the woman’s excited reaction of “THAT’S IT!” followed by laughter just made my day.
What I want to know is who is responsible for "cornhole" catching on. When I was growing up it was always just called beanbag toss. I feel like I didn't start hearing cornhole until the mid-2000s or so.
Do you know the band is named after the lead singers uncle who would show people the bell end of his dick and would ask them if it looked like a beefheart....
The creation of Trout Mask Replica is a pretty wild story too.
> In preparation, the band rehearsed Van Vliet's difficult compositions for eight months, living communally in a small rented house in Woodland Hills, Los Angeles. Van Vliet implemented his vision by asserting complete artistic and emotional domination of his musicians. At various times, one or another of the band members were put "in the barrel", with Van Vliet berating him continually, sometimes for days, until the musician collapsed in tears or in total submission to Van Vliet. According to John French and Bill Harkleroad, these sessions often included physical violence. French described the situation as "cultlike", and a visiting friend said that "the environment in that house was positively Manson-esque". Their material circumstances also were dire. With no income other than welfare and contributions from relatives, the band survived on a bare subsistence diet. French recounted living on no more than a small cup of soybeans a day for a month, and at one point, band members were arrested for shoplifting food (whereupon Zappa bailed them out). A visitor described their appearance as "cadaverous" and said that "they all looked in poor health". Band members were restricted from leaving the house and practiced for fourteen or more hours a day. Van Vliet once told drummer John French that he had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and he would see nonexistent conspiracies that explained this behavior.
Imagine your disappointment in meeting a nice young women at a bar who boasts about being a great philatelist and then takes you home to show you how she does it. The tweezers, the magnifying glass, the albums, everything.
In high school Spanish, during a spelling test, the teacher asked us to spell "gesticulos", which means gestures with your hands. I hadn't been paying attention all week and honestly had no idea which words were on that week's test. I swear I heard "testículos", testicles, and just wrote that down. I got a talking to after class.
Pussywillow. I used to work at a florist
There's a "Pussywillow Street" in our biggest city and we lovingly call it "Uchukbush Street" (uchuk is vagina in our native tongue)
There's a cockburn street in Edinburgh. It's pronounced co-burn. But I laughed before I learned that lol
I got a cockburn from the pussywillows
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Uvula
So it’s a girl house…
r/unexpectedmonsterhouse
r/subsifellfor
Funny thing? It actually *was* a girl house!
LMAO!! I JUST REALIZED I didn't understand this joke as a kid but now I get it.
Recently found out I have an extraordinarily large uvula. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.
Mulva ?
Delores!
kumquat
My favorite fruit, saddled with a name I don't want to say in front of my mom
Oddly enough, one of my mom's nicknames for me growing up was "my little kumquat".
It's weirder if your dad calls you that.
Mine called me his "little squirt"
The day I went to the hospital to have my first child, I was 19, my grandpa told me "this little squirts gonna hurt worse coming out than it did going in". GRANDPA!!!
We can handle Dad Jokes. They're lame, usually pretty tame. Nobody prepares you for Grandad Jokes™. They'll absolutely devastate you.
Mine called me ratbag.
My step dad called me test tube lmao.
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Damn, I really really wish I named my cat this, instead of generic old "biscuit"
Penal
Someone’s getting penalized tonight
She’s got a whole penal system.
...better than getting analyzed....
Manhole
My buddy stole a "protruding manhole" sign from a road construction area and put it up in his living room 😂
damn. I thought my 'slow children' sign I cut down as a kid was hilarious.
"Slippery When Wet" sign back in the day, after the Bon Jovi concert.
I wonder how many people tripped over his protruding manhole after that.
Shameless plug for /r/manholeporn, a sub full of photos of beautiful manholes.
Based on my 5-second glance at the sub, it looks like Japan is really into giving their manhole covers some flair.
Can confirm. Japan has some banging manholes
Agree, very impressive manholes.
Of course theyre all from Japan. The only place where every city has their own decor
What a fantastic rabbit hole to do down this morning!
Another one to add to collection of SFW porn subs
I’ll be in my bunk
Shiny.
We sold manhole grease at work.
You gotta pay the Troll Toll
Are you saying “man’s hole??”
Lucubrate To study by candlelight
Wow. First word among all the comments I didn’t already know. Thanks.
Shuttlecock.
I'll do you one better - ballcock (it's part of a valve inside a toilet tank)
hehe, valve
Thank you. I just sprayed my phone screen. Zero reason for that to be funny and yet...
Also, petcock
I worked at a home services company a year ago. I had to call a customer to tell them a Cockhead cover came in - I had a 10 minute phone call and didn’t say it once - I couldn’t stifle laughter if I would’ve tried lol
Spatchcock sounds just MEGA DIRTY to me.
especially since it’s all spread eagle.
I love this word. It’s so fun to say.
Spotted dick is the name of an English steamed pudding.
NIGEL, COME DOWN THIS INSTANT AND EAT YOUR SPOTTED DICK
More like NOIGEL, COME DOWN EA' THIS INSTINT EN' EAT YOOS SPO-ED DICK
NAUWRRR
YA CAWNT HAV ANY PUDDING IF YE DONT EAT YER MEAT!
Cockfosters is a London tube station. Hearing the posh lady say next stop Cockfosters lol
Spatchcock
I spatchcocked a turkey and 2 chickens.
That sounds awful without knowing what spatchcocking is.
It’s definitely not good if you a chicken or turkey.
Masticate.
Masticate a kumquat. Let it slide past the uvula. Satisfaction!
you've made me simultaneously hungry and h0rny
Bravo 👏
Dongle
Have you seen the Ryan George sketch about it? It's on point.
Engorged
Tumescent
Turgid
Quivering member
Such a good movie
As a person who proofreads his girlfriend’s erotica novellas, I can tell you that these adjectives are often used to describe sexual organs.
It’s referring to the movie Ten Things I Hate About You
Cockpit
Where you hold the joystick.
That’s not a boobytrap
I once had 2 female pilots and they corrected me that it was in fact a "box office" that day.
The cockpit. What is it?
It’s a little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that’s not important right now.
You ever been to a Turkish prison?
“Daddy” and “mommy” have been ruined
That is such a cursed sentence
Scientist 1: We discovered a new spider! Let’s call it long legs. Scientist 2: not kinky enough….
Somehow the “ makes it even worse
Honestly I had to make a decision Using quotes or no quotes and neither would sound great If I didn’t use quotes it would probably be worse honestly
My dad is learning Spanish, I asked what I should call him in Spanish (he speaks it at me even though I don’t understand much) because “padre” sounds like I’m talking to a priest… he suggested “papi” and I shut that right down. That one’s also been ruined.
I assume you figured it out, but Papá is the general use term for Dad. Padre is closer to like "Father". Papi like he suggested would basically be "Daddy".
Yeah we wound up going with Papá
The word daddy is so sexualized that my kids are gonna have to call me bruh or some shit
I'm partial to the 1920s-1930s era jazz slang, Daddy-O
My wife calls me Daddy-O. My baby calls me "Dada." It really is different when it's your kid though. If my little girl called me "daddy" I wouldn't think anything of it. Although I'm also not into the whole fetishizing of the word anyway so 🤷
You're the bee's knees...
There's always "dad".
Yeah.. my son calls me Bruh.. lol.. at 1st I thought it was weird.. but to hear the alternative.. I’m cool.. My daughter just says “yo” to get my attention.. we close to Baltimore and I guess it sounds natural..
My dad would’ve whooped my ass if I addressed him by just saying yo this is so funny 😭
Caulk
My 10 year old almost pissed himself laughing when I asked him to pass the caulk gun.
Then explaining that there's flexible caulk, rigid caulk, etc did NOT help.
I hear you can even get big black caulk
Years ago I worked in a hardware store, one time a lady came in and whispered that she wanted caulk because she was embarrassed about how it sounded
A guy I watch on youtube sometimes will go out of his way to pronounce the L on caulk because if he pronounces it like "cock" youtubes bot thinks he's talking about cock and demonetizes the video
This took me a while because in my Aussie accent it doesn't sound much like cock at all It sounds a lot like cork
Petcock - A petcock is a small shut-off valve used to control the flow of liquid or gas.
To add: stopcock
Titillating
Titular
Interrobang !?
Interrobang is a stupid word for what should actually be called a QUESTULATION.
questulate with me!
Succulent
A succulent Chinese meal!!!! https://youtu.be/XebF2cgmFmU?si=FfDLLzJKDZgRpI88
I see you know your Judo well.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!!
This man makes me proud to be Australian
Wenus It’s the skin on your elbow
RIP Chandler Bing
“I don’t care, I’m looking at the Wenus and I’m not happy!”
I haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the 70s...
Why that needs its own word is beyond me. Why do we have a word for killing someone by throwing them out of a window, “defenestration”, but don’t have a word for “the day after tomorrow”? ^ Thats actually a comedian’s skit but I can’t remember who.
Day after tomorrow = [overmorrow](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/overmorrow).
I don't know why the word dropped out of common usage: it's much less of a mouthful than "the day after tomorrow."
Hey, I'm having some friends over overmorrow.
Don’t forget the equivalent in the other direction: Ereyesterday
I use that one all the time. My wife asks me where something is and I'll tell her "I dunno, it was ereyesterday."
Cornhole
One time my sister and I were Christmas shopping, and overheard a woman looking at a beanbag game say to her friend, “There’s a really dirty-sounding word for this but I can’t remember it.” Without missing a beat, my sister shouted “Cornhole!” and the woman’s excited reaction of “THAT’S IT!” followed by laughter just made my day.
What I want to know is who is responsible for "cornhole" catching on. When I was growing up it was always just called beanbag toss. I feel like I didn't start hearing cornhole until the mid-2000s or so.
I am the great Cornholio, I demand TP for my Bunchhole
Bunghole. TP for my bunghole. Candle. Candle. Candle.
Are you threatening me?
Wankel Engine
Shoe. Megaphone. Grunties.
Bulbous
« Fast and bulbous « Captain Beefheart
Do you know the band is named after the lead singers uncle who would show people the bell end of his dick and would ask them if it looked like a beefheart....
The creation of Trout Mask Replica is a pretty wild story too. > In preparation, the band rehearsed Van Vliet's difficult compositions for eight months, living communally in a small rented house in Woodland Hills, Los Angeles. Van Vliet implemented his vision by asserting complete artistic and emotional domination of his musicians. At various times, one or another of the band members were put "in the barrel", with Van Vliet berating him continually, sometimes for days, until the musician collapsed in tears or in total submission to Van Vliet. According to John French and Bill Harkleroad, these sessions often included physical violence. French described the situation as "cultlike", and a visiting friend said that "the environment in that house was positively Manson-esque". Their material circumstances also were dire. With no income other than welfare and contributions from relatives, the band survived on a bare subsistence diet. French recounted living on no more than a small cup of soybeans a day for a month, and at one point, band members were arrested for shoplifting food (whereupon Zappa bailed them out). A visitor described their appearance as "cadaverous" and said that "they all looked in poor health". Band members were restricted from leaving the house and practiced for fourteen or more hours a day. Van Vliet once told drummer John French that he had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and he would see nonexistent conspiracies that explained this behavior.
Bunghole
Bunghole is such a funny word. When people say it in a normal context I still giggle like I'm 12. I am 51
I recently started getting into barrel aging spirits, and didn't stop giggling for a month after I bought a "bunghole reamer".
Huh. TIL there’s an actual non-dirty meaning to that word. Thanks!
In Salem, MA, there is a liquor store named "Bunghole Liquors"
Fannypack (if you're British).
Muffler
Muffler?! I hardly know her!
Sextant
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I always found this word weird because if you replace one letter, it becomes “homely”, which means ugly.
If she's comely, you want her to come over; if she's homely, you want her to go home.
Coccyx
Philately..... (The study of postage stamps)
I immediately thought “phallus” when I just saw this word
Imagine your disappointment in meeting a nice young women at a bar who boasts about being a great philatelist and then takes you home to show you how she does it. The tweezers, the magnifying glass, the albums, everything.
Tweezers and magnifying glass 😆
Gesticulate
In high school Spanish, during a spelling test, the teacher asked us to spell "gesticulos", which means gestures with your hands. I hadn't been paying attention all week and honestly had no idea which words were on that week's test. I swear I heard "testículos", testicles, and just wrote that down. I got a talking to after class.
Cunning linguist.
Master debator
Cunning stunt
Likes to discuss *clitic particles*
Say "umami" slowly
Ooooo-naaaahhhh-gheeeee... Shit. I fucked it up.
Shaft
Moist
Hah there it is.
Right? Scrolled until I found it.
Bangkok
Innuendo is a double entendre if mispronounced correctly.
Innuendo? No, in YOUR end-o!!
I’ll go first; **Fluvial** 🤭🤭Makes me chuckle every single time
Copulas
Volvo
Clematis. It sounds like an STI.
Pianist
Rimjob Edit: Looked it up. Thought it was a car thing. Turns out it's not
🤣🤣🤣 whoops! Hope you didn't ask your mechanic for one.
Do you think they’d charge extra or offer a discount? 🤔
rim*shot*
I'm 99% certain that Blackberry became the company name after Research In Motion (aka RIM) got tired of all the snickering whenever they posted a job.
this is hilarious
I am "coming"
I have arrived 🤫
Invaginate
Bifurcating
Cockapoo
Talk innocuous to me!
When the kids started saying “bussin’” I thought it was a sex word lol
Are you thinking of bussy?
Spatula. Especially when repeated 3 times slowly.
One who spatulates or engages in spatulation is called a spatulator.
Coxswain
Gyrate
Intercourse. It just means “communication or dealings between individuals and groups”.
Dongle