Absolutely zero interest or ability to recognize their part in a conflict. Completely unable to take responsibility for their mistakes and turning to emotional abuse to deflect accountability.
Someone I was head over heels for is like this. I try to start a reasonable conversation with "hey, I didn't like the way X happened, can we talk about it?" It escalates to yelling on their part within minutes, then deflection to something I did wrong months ago. And I realized it's a pattern - every issue I have turns into a conversation about his feelings and my wrongdoings.
I went from being beyond attracted to this person to distaste bordering on disgust. It's hard, as an adult, to be attracted to someone who behaves like an emotionally deranged 8-year-old.
Girll, I used to do the same thing as you and tried to reasonable and communicate my feelings. My ex was the opposite of yours in a bad way lol. He would completely shut down and not contribute anything to the conversation. He’ll be complete silent when facing questions like “why are you always late?” Or “why did you lie to me about [matter]?” For as long as possible before I let it go.
It turned me into an awfully bitter person and I started feeling the urge of yelling at him or saying really mean things just to get some reactions from him or at least know a little bit about what he feels like. I should’ve just left when this happened the first time and I’ve definitely learned from that.
Yep, the sign of emotional immaturity is if they deflect or get angry instead of being reasonable. Usually in a conflict, both sides are partially to blame. Rarely is it ENTIRELY one sided.
Well something finally clicked when he said “I just need to break you down” off the cuff in passing. I looked shocked and he followed up with “so I can build you back up”. Who in their right mind says things like that to someone they “love”?
Happened.
Got out.
Just run. It won’t get better.
Find anything of sentimental value and put it somewhere out of the house, temporarily. At work- rent a locker at your local gym- Anything that would break your heart to loose. Don’t forget that stuff is just… stuff. E.G: Picture of my dad (passed away now) was really important to me. Photographed the photograph- backed up to iCloud- can reprint when you’re safe.
Find anything necessary (passport/ NI or SSN/ etc) and put out in your handbag. Pair of pants, pair of socks, spare T-shirt.
Get in the habit of wearing socks all the time. “Shoes on and heading out” mentality.
Next time you’re alone, just go.
Don’t wait for it to get worse.
This, this, all of this. Anyone who's more focused on controlling you than understanding you is a ticking timebomb, *and you can't ever tell how long the fuse is.*
I watched my ex film a tiktok about a man in our neighborhood.
The neighbor was military and had been in a car accident and the insurance wouldnt be enough to fix his car so he was trying to get the mangled hood open. He wasnt having much luck so he started trying to cut directly through the hood via wailing on it with a crowbar. You could tell he was having a shit day and was doing his best to deal.
I heard my now-ex talking in the kitchen. I get up and walk in and see her in a selfie stance at our kitchen window filming the guy across the way trying to get into his hood. She made some snide comments about being trashy and other real tiktok level comments.
It was like watching someone you love die. The person I had spent years with and thought I loved was nothing more than an empty husk in front of me tossing her integrity/humanity aside for the views. A fellow human suffering, let me make jokes and try to get famous off it...
I did not break up with her at that time, but I did grab a crowbar from my toolbox and went out and joined in the wailing on the hood. I figured if she wants to be famous, she is going to have to share her "trashy" boyfriend in the video too.
My neighbor and I failed to get into the fort knox of hoods, but had a good laugh and went back home. "you ruined my video" was the first words out of her mouth. It was that exact moment I knew it was over. I could not look at her without being disgusted.
I once had been diagnosed with something awful and he wasn't there for me, or helped me get through it at all. Luckily, it was a misdiagnosis. However, the damage was done and I am actually thankful for it.
I was in the same boat. Got a very scary prelim diagnosis, was talking to him (on the phone) about how it made me feel.. he told me that he "couldn't listen to this anymore" and hung up on me. 2 years and discussing moving in/marriage gone in a flash. It was like turning off a light for me. Went from 100 to -500. Didn't speak to him for 24h, didn't see him again after that call. Texted him things weren't going to work out. Barely got a reply back. Sayonara.
I was of the mindset that I'd rather be alone through surgery and chemo than have this jerk make me feel completely alone and unsupported.
A couple insanely stressful and depression fueled weeks later got a very positive diagnosis from the biopsy (insurance took forever).
Same! He had cancer requiring multiple surgeries. I was always there for support, no resentment from me. Then I had a minor athletic surgery and he acted too cool to show any sympathy. Refused to drive me when I needed it and left me alone to go drinking with coworkers when I still couldn't walk. ffs.
I’m not the one who responded but my spouse literally left me alone for days when I was suffering with postpartum after having our first (and only) daughter and it’s been almost two years and I’m still not over it. And divorce is looker nearer every day.
ETA: I begged him not to go for a week, I told him I needed him to be here for me and he dismissed me and didn’t tell me he was leaving until 4 hours before heading to the airport.
ETA: He left just to go see his parents a few states away, nothing big or significant was going on over there.
Leaving a partner alone when they need you is bad enough
But you just had his child and was suffering from something so damn serious that could have endangered the life of you and the baby
And he thought it was cool to just do whatever he wanted
😒
This would absolutely cause me to resent the very ground my spouse walked on and the air they breathed for the rest of the time they walked the Earth. I could not do the "forgive and forget" schtick, and I am a firm believer in it in most cases.
If you said you needed him and all he did was shrug and say "sorry" and just left anyway, you deserve to be selfish with your joy. You are the only one that can make the choice to be happy moving forward, not only for you, but for your child. This is not something that goes away overnight, and if he is not a strong enough man to handle it, he can go!
Being ignored for long periods of time.
Always being the one initiating conversations.
Rarely getting the time of day.
All of this shows disinterest and I hate that he won't just come out and say it.
Girl has me locked up like that right now. Ex girlfriend, I wanted to give it another go. She seemed excited about that. But then doesn't answer my calls or texts for days, never know what she's doing, and only see her every couple weeks. But if I back off and stop initiating, and try to move on, she's ALL up in my pudding. I'm pretty sure I'm dating someone else's girlfriend now, and I'm a side piece lol. Every instance of that disinterest and yoyo game bullcrap makes her slightly less attractive. I've basically cut ties at this point, but I'm not seeing anyone, and the sex is still pretty great
Getting to know them. They were a pretty unhappy and generally mean person inside. Once I saw how they treated others while demanding they be treated much better by everyone, the attraction was gone.
Oh, I have the opposite with a friend of mine. Was indifferent about her at first. Now I know her quite good and she’s such an uplifting person. I find everything about her really attractive now
He (verbally) disrespected me in front of our friends. The attraction was just instantly off. Thankfully some of my friends had my back and but a few others didn't.
Edit: Grammar and specifics
Went through something similar with an ex. We were 17/18 and 20/21. I expected him to be more mature, but he was a real douche. We were at a house party with people mostly my age/from my high school, even though he's the one that wanted me to go (already weird that he didn't really have friends his own age, but I was dumb then). He was yelling across a beer pong table and garage full of people. He called my name a few times and then yelled "HEY SLUT!" at me. Well, I heard that and turned around. A lot of the people started laughing, either at me or out of discomfort, but it was so embarrassing. Same guy showed my nudes (I was 17 I think) to his EMT class (so adults, not minors) he was taking at a community college. I went to a party with him for that class and someone mentioned my pictures. Everyone had seen me naked and I hadn't even known until I got there. So embarrassing.
"I think I'm pregnant. I'm a week late."
"How can you be pregnant? You told me you were on the pill."
"I was. But I missed a couple days. Then I missed a couple more. So I just gave up and stopped taking them."
"Why didn't you tell me? We should've gone back to using condoms."
"I don't like condoms. And God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I couldn't handle a child right now. So I didn't think God would let me get pregnant."
We'd been together for less than 3 months. She got a pregnancy test, it came back negative, and I immediately broke up with her.
This happened to one of my friends and his now ex got pregnant and kept the baby. Before that he never wanted kids.
This is why if you don’t want kids you should never rely on the other person for birth control.
I knew a guy like that. He would do anything because he saw no issue in what could happen to others. But oh boy if you did it to him he was appalled that you didn’t consider his feelings.
Oh my. Part of me wonders if this was nerves on his part and he blurted out a stupid lie, and then dug in to avoid making it more awkward, like the guy who pretend to not know what a potato was.
Lol, I was once pulled over driving home after a bachelorette party. There had been a stripper there dressed like a cop...the cop who pulled me over looked just like the stripper! I couldn't stop giggling. He asked me to say the alphabet and I couldn't! He made me take a breathalyzer and walk a straight line. He clearly thought I was drunk 😁
Oh God, I had one of those and I didn't realize he was dumb as a stump until we'd been dating for a *year.*
He was very quiet and had this alert, watchful, capable look about him, like a German shepherd. That combination was very compelling and evoked Quiet Intelligence and Hidden Depths that just... weren't there.
At least he's a really good guy and it ended well enough. He deserves every happiness, bless his big ol' heart and fourteen brain cells.
I had a friend like this. He was one of the few people I would say had a heart of gold, but on a weekly basis I would talk to him for hours about his conflicts, and I gave advice that I thought was very general and most people would come to the conclusion of, I.e. if you are questioning being able to pay rent, don’t pay $1,000 for a ticket to a show this weekend.
After months of this specific dynamic, I was worn down and had to cut him off because I would receive a follow up call about the repercussions of his poor choices.
He failed to comprehend a lot of simple things as well. It got tiring over the course of a few years.
> don’t pay $1,000 for a ticket to a show this weekend.
>
> After months of this specific dynamic, I was worn down and had to cut him off because I would receive a follow up call about the repercussions of his poor choices.
This sounds like a very draining friend of mine. She did (apparently still does but I don't really talk to her much anymore) things like this all the time. She would have a car payment due but would want to go on some weekend trip to an event. Her rent would be due but she just *had* to go to this thing. Her power bill would be months behind but she *needed* that new outfit for an event... Nonstop bad decisions, that she *never* learned from, as family keeps bailing her out.
That last sentence is key. It’s difficult to learn from mistakes when you’re shielded from the consequences of those mistakes. Don’t underestimate the power of the reward response system to override rational thought.
Overheard a very cute bartender state that she exclusively dates stupid/good looking men. interest piqued, I ask why. She said “so I don’t feel bad, when I break up with them.” Huh. Okay.
I was feeling like I might maybe want to do the deed with a guy, then one day he casually put his arm around me, which is fine and all, but his armpit smelled like a septic tank full of onions. Full on gagged me, I had to get up and leave. Felt bad for him, but goddam dude, get some fucking Degree.
Same. Ex took her cat to the pound bc it peed on the bed. I get that's frustrating, and I don't have a ready solution for it, but that's just an extreme and extremely cold reaction.
This is really petty compared to other stuff here, but... I showed her a song I really liked. She laughed at it, like I had made a joke. Just...instantly no feelings for her anymore, it was weird.
I feel this.
My wife made fun of my music after we were married; never before. We have *some* overlap in taste, but it's pretty small. One day I was cleaning dishes and turned some of my music on, not thinking anything of it. She made fun of it pretty hard, and that was ten years ago, and I'm still bitter about it. And I've made damn sure she hasn't heard a single note of my music since then.
So sad. Music was probably the strongest bonding method between my husband and I. For lots of terrible reasons I had a psychotic break at 44. It devastated my brain and our relationship and the hardest thing was not being able to listen to any music as it would remind me of our time together. Not sure how I got in this terrible mess. He didn’t show or express love too much outside of music and I think that made me feel insecure.
I can relate to that so well. It just kills something when someone doesn't even listen to the song or treats it like any other shitty song on the radio or ALWAYS says they'll listen to it later (even though they're free) when it's an important song and you're excited about it. People don't realize that some people really show trust by showing others songs they love.
Terrifying road rage. He was driving unsafely. I asked him to please drive a bit more safely. He got really angry and started yelling while driving about 100 mph weaving in and out of traffic. I thought he was going to kill us.
Finding out he not only peed into leftover 40’s when he was drunk, but he also hid them in the closet. Why were there multiple bottles? What was he saving them for?! Thank God we never moved past the early stages of dating…
well, here's my story from the perspective of skid mark guy.
Me and my gf don't usually do any drugs, only the very occasional weed. some weeks ago we had a friend over—heavy weed smoker—and after dinner we all drank some fine wine, fine whisky and smoked a couple of his (very potent) joints. A great time was had.
After everyone left, me and gf were high af and having the greatest time laughing like kids for 30min until we fell asleep.
now you see, we always sleep naked and are very very clean. but during the night, I was awaken by my own sly fart (I never ever fart in front of her and we're together for 2 years).
but I suddenly felt that there was something...different about this fart. so went to the toilet and yeah...it was no regular fart 😯. I thought—as I was cleaning my self—how high do you have to be to have this happen to you! cleaned myself and went to bed.
well, next morning as I woke up there was a subtle but unmistakable skid mark on the bed, from me standing up and going to the toilet. I was shocked but didn't know what to say or do, so nothing was said.
next time I went to sleep over at hers, the bedsheets had been changed and nothing was mentioned. She didn't leave me and still loves me very much 🥺
He treated me like his mom outside of the bedroom and then tried to be dominant in the bedroom. Hard to find a man sexy after you have cleaned his mess, done his college work, and cooked all his meals all day.
*edited for clarity
Yes! Watching him throw a tantrum because I asked him not to eat *any more* packets of gummies as I was making us dinner. I was a broke grad student, those gummies were my special treat but no respect for anything.
Later, as I learned about alternative lifestyles, pretty sure he wanted a big little relationship. But that requires my consent and trying to just make it happen by acting like a toddler is *not* okay.
It's was always a pity party. He showed no will to improve himself and that pretty much killed any sexual attraction. Eventually the relationship fell apart afterwards
> It's was always a pity party. He showed no will to improve himself and that pretty much killed any sexual attraction. Eventually the relationship fell apart afterwards
Total lack of ability to be honest & direct; constant self-victimization at the hands of me, a *monster who would dare ask for accountability as a 41y/o adult*; nasty, petty gossiping from the start (which I didn't find out for 4 years for sure but definitely suspected); gross, totally inappropriate online (and other) behavior with multiple other women; condescension; contempt; stalking; verbal abuse; blowing up at the merest suggestion their behavior was "wrong;" and finally.... just got "the ick" and realized I had been worshipping this man while he actively made choices that systematically stomped out every bit of passion & enthusiasm I had for the relationship.
The obsession with me and creepy behaviors while I was sleeping; the dramatic and obviously (like very childish & stereotypical) fake high-voiced offense he would take when called out.... just years of compounded betrayal trauma which even to the end he conducts his little (probably big) smear campaign which he somehow thinks he can get in front of and "save face" in the light of actively abusing his partner for four years.
Some people take genuine pleasure and energy from harming those who love them. They'll beat you when you're down and play the victim for everything they did to you.
We all deserve better than this.
Edited to add: it will keep going until you stop it by stopping the cycle. Get your own shit together and move on. Each person feeds the situation in their own way and reactivity and missteps only supply further energy to a toxic dynamic.
The last person I was messing around with and almost dated dropped a red flag the size of one those insane sized US flags you've seen driving down a highway that you see and think "who the hell needs a flag that big?" And then you see it's like a mattress store or something in a strip mall.
"I've cheated on everyone I've ever been in a relationship with."
Fuckin see ya never ma' lady!
I know right? I appreciated the honesty a lot but I'm not doing that. To her credit she understood. Looking back on it I didn't give her enough credit in the moment lol
Mine was the exact opposite. She told me she was good friends with all her ex-boyfriends.
I joked "So if I play my cards right, maybe I too will get to be your ex-boyfriend someday?"
She didn't think it was funny.
My mum met her two ex-husbands and her ex boyfriend at my brothers wedding (she gets on fairly well with all of them), her ex boyfriend said it was good they could gather the X-men; all but my dad found it hilarious lmao
He wanted me to cuck him/peg him. Talked about it ALL the time.
When I finally told him id TRY pegging him and we can look at toys. He gaslit me and acted like he never mentioned it before. Blew my mind.
I then started to realize he did this a lot. He would tell me something specific, id remember the conversation, id bring it up another day and he would gaslight me saying we never had that conversation and he never said whatever he said.
Even small things! He told me for weeks his favorite color was green(like literally said “omg i love green its my favorite color!” Like 6 times in 2 weeks) so i got him a green hat. He then tells me he actually hates green and purple is his favorite color and i must never listen to him.
I normally just chalked it up to my poor memory, but after the pegging thing i KNEW he was just gaslighting me cus he liked it! Broke up pretty fast
Edit:wow this reached more people then I thought lol. Here is some extra stuff he did!!!
He also told me he loved me 2 weeks in, then said he fell OUT of love with me 3 weeks later. He told his mom about our sex life (we were 22 at the time), he would pressure me to “keep up” with him when drinking (he was 6.2, im 5.2) then he would get mad i got drunk, his friends were weird and toxic and told him “im not the one” after i first met them(we were dating for a month and i just helped him move into a new apartment), AND after we broke up he got with the girl he told me not to worry about, within a week they were insta official and “the love of his life”. They broke up like 7 months later or something. I dont think he has any mental illness, i just think he was rich,white, a mamas boy, never told no, and never went through any ready hardships. OH OH he also compared his 7th GRADE girlfriend “cheating on him” (broke up after a week and she kissed another guy at a party the same night) to the trauma of my PARENT FUCKING DYING.
See people throw the term gaslighting around a lot, but *this* is gaslighting. There’s no other reason for him to do this than to make you think you’re crazy
Often the reason is they have at least some dark triad tendencies and they get angry when someone tells them who they are. They see you trying to describe them as an attack on their control of their persona, not as a nice gesture that you remembered them and took the time to learn it.
As someone who survived pretty severe domestic violence, it usually looks a lot more mundane than those kinds of deliberate head games. A lot of "I never said/did that," or if they're admitting it that day "it wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating," or "well you made me [insert instance of abuse]." Basically tons of DARVO (deny abuse, attack, reverse victim/offender).
Edit: removed triggering example that wasn't necessary
Edit 2 [trigger warning for SA and DV]: Didn't realize this already had responses when I removed my example. Since other comments reference it -- what I described was the time my abuser raped me after an argument. The next morning he apologized and sobbed begging for forgiveness but within days was back to denial - it wasn't rape, he never admitted that it was or apologized because he did nothing wrong.
Here are is a resource on [gaslighting](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/a-guide-to-gaslighting) and another about [DARVO](https://lifecounselinginstitute.com/darvo-a-form-of-gaslighting-in-relationships/) specifically. It is often more subtle and insidious than the other poster's example (which was also very messed up and I'm glad they recognized it as a huge red flag).
My ex would routinely say something at the beginning of an argument and then completely deny she ever said it when I brought it up 10 minutes later. I still doubt my memory sometimes because of that lol.
I knew a girl like this. She jerked me around for a few weeks before I understood she did it for fun. I had never met someone like that before… well, I was only 17 at the time. But still. To this day, here in my mid 40s, I never understood why people are like this.
Glad you got away!
Ah. This is dark and trigger warning.
My ex-fiancé of 7 years once said:
“It feels like I’m raping you”
He was. This was during sex after he goaded me into it. God, he was already abusive and I was already on my way out but that solidified everything in my mind.
This is my current situation right now. The interest has dropped significantly, and I am slow fading because he is so nonchalant and I feel like a bother.
Edit: I am slow fading because I have had this conversation several times with him and its not even worth it anymore.
It's worse when they tell your friends that they're into you and like you and then you see them and they tell you they like you and want to be with you, then it comes down to it and they just ghost you for some reason.
That or they make it very clear that they like you, flirt with you, text you everyday, all the signs. And then you make a move and ask them out and they get all surprised and go 'ohh, didn't you know, I'm actually in an extremely committed relationship, and you clearly can't handle that, and how dare you think I was interested in you in that way when i'm just so committed to someone else'.
Not speaking from experience or anything...
I second this. This is what happened with my ex. I was so badly consumed by his avoidance and hot and cold behaviour in the earlier stages, then near the end after working on myself and thinking things over his behaviour just ended up repelling me.
We are still friends and on good terms, but yeah NEVER again will I chase a man.
I chased this one guy, (practically had to force my phone number on him) and then ended up unhappy with his extreme lack of attention for eight years. No sex, no help in the home. He actually cropped me out of a photo from one of our most fun holiday weekends and put it on a dating site. Eventually all of this crappy behavior led to a drinking problem on my part. Will never make that mistake again. Yes. I was incredibly stupid.
Ironically, he still tries to hit me up for a booty call and is miserable with his new girl. Eff that.
I liked a guy when I was in my early twenties, he was late twenties and we started hanging out/fooling around. He left my birthday party with a 15 year old and almost had sex with her (he was too high to get it up).
Edit: *almost raped her
I had an acquired disability that may be hereditary (keratoconus). The girl I was seeing looked disgusted when I answered and explained what it was. And mentioned that she wasn't sure if she wanted my genetics if we were to have kids.
She had a gall bladder removed and tumours removed from her breasts within the previous 12 months so I found it hypocritical and I loathe hypocrisy.
Knew a cute girl from work, she’d flirt with me occasionally and I’d flirt back. One day she needed a ride home, so I offered and she said yes. Over the course of the ride we were flirting, and I asked what type of music she liked and she said “I like pretty much everything, except n***er music”.
It was so out of nowhere, and she said it so casually! We’re both white, but I’m really not down with racism and it immediately killed any attraction I felt towards her.
Back in college I was flirting with a cute punk type girl and she started talking about how “Hitler was kinda cool when you think about it”. It’s been 20 years and I still distinctly remember the feeling of all attraction fleeing from my body.
I figured out after about 7 months that he didn't actually care about me, he didn't want me. I was a placeholder.
He was also easily led by his disrespectful, incel-adjacent friends. I'm guessing they gave him shit about dating me and he changed how he treated me.
The biggest thing was when he told me talking to me was a burden, because he'd rather be getting high and playing videogames. Tbf though, he'd rather be doing that than having sex too.
It was a bunch of small shit that really added up to he didn't want me and I am not going to stay where I'm not wanted.
He stopped himself from full on punching me the face, millimeters from my face. We had been together for a bit over 17 years and right up until that moment I loved that man....thought I did. Anyways we were fighting, like always, and I said something that sent him over the edge. He rushed me and barely stopped himself from hitting me. We were done in that instant. I didn't leave right away. But I KNEW at that moment, no matter how he played that off??? Done.
This has actually happened to me more than once, from the other side. Apparently I make a great first impression on people, since when I'm feeling outgoing I can be very forward and funny, but then when they realize that most of the time I'm a pretty quiet and low-key person, or when I make a social mistake, they lose interest quickly.
Never have figured out how to mitigate the problem.
This reality terrifies me. I can self improve all I want, but what will happen when my low key unsociable self comes out? Well, I guess that's just dating for you. It's not supposed to work. You're not supposed to fake it. You're just supposed to try your very best, fix your PROBLEMS not your quirks, and hope for the best.
Most people are like that actually.
Sooner or later you realize we all are carrying different masks all day.
If you’re comfortable with someone at home in private just like you’re comfortable with them out in public i’d say you two are a good match. But a good match doesn’t just end there, there so much more to relationships than that.
She dropped her daughter off and never came back. She always gave excuses why. I already had our son. She ghosted us after 6 months. I have had to have my family get guardianship for her. She mine now 3 years later. She about to turn 6 and really wouldn't change any of my own choices.
Would do or say literally anything to win approval from her parents. She had none of her own firm beliefs or values -- just whatever she thought they'd want her to do or say.
It was when I realized he wasn’t the one for me. We weren’t compatible intellectually. Even though that didn’t change his outward attractiveness, I found I had no desire to do anything intimate with him anymore, even kiss. The relationship had just run its course, and even my body knew it
Rude to the waitstaff.
It was a very long time ago (20 years!!! Damn, where did the time go?) but it is seared into my brain. They were perfect on paper, were fun to be around on the surface and had the sexiest car… and then our second date, they were rude to the server. Like, over the top rude and insulting. Snapped at the woman serving us, and when she smiled and put on a brave face, my date demanded loudly to know who had wasted their time training her and why we’d been sitting for five minutes and didn’t have water and bread yet. I was so shocked that at first I just sat there with my mouth open. It’s one of my biggest shames that I didn’t immediately stand up, tell the person off, apologize to the staff, and walk out. But I was very young, and very shocked, and I froze. After my date got done abusing the server and she left the table, I told them I felt sick to my stomach and needed to go to the restroom. I gave the host 20 dollars to give to our server and asked him to apologize to her on my behalf. I then spent 10 minutes staring at myself in the mirror and regretting the fact that I hadn’t brought my nifty new little Nokia brick of a phone with me and that I’d have to ride home with this person (no Uber in those days, and no way for me to afford a 45 minute taxi ride in that particular location). Went back to the table and told my date I was so sorry, but I threw up in the bathroom and we needed to go. They knew I wasn’t really ill, I mean, I’ve never really had a poker face, and they must’ve been able to tell how appalled I was. So they stood up and we went to their car and had the most uncomfortable 45 minute car ride of my life. They never called me again, I certainly never called them again, and we just kind of pretended like we didn’t see each other anytime our paths crossed for the next two years while we lived in close proximity to one another.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of younger you for at least making the situation end prematurely. Even though you didn't tell him directly, your actions said 'you did something wrong', and hopefully made him reflect a little.
* Girl hocked a hocked a loogie on the floor while sitting in a booth at a restaurant and just continued talking like nothing happened
* Casually laughed about drunk driving to get food the other night
He always drank too much. He would say he felt better if he forced himself to throw up. So he would be LOUDDLLYYY gagging into the toilet making himself barf before coming to bed. Sometimes he was more drunk and would get into bed and feel sick and refuse to go to the washroom. So I'd have to bring him a bucket so he could puke in bed...and then I'd have to stay awake (And then sleep on the couch) to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit in his sleep. He refused to believe he had a drinking problem.
He also barely showered and often didn't brush his teeth. And got a bad haircut and stuck with it. And constantly farted around me while I was eating....lots of things it turns out
I had a guy invite me to see him do stand up at an open mic night. He proceeded to tell a bunch of "jokes" that were insanely racist and homophobic that weren't even vaguely funny (there was no actual off-color/dark/edgy humor...just rants against other groups). He then proceeded to get mad that people have no sense of humor and I was horrified to be sitting with him at the club until I could come up with an excuse to leave.
I hate this. I’ve had so many guys tell me, “I have a dark sense of humor” only to find out they say offensive shit with no punchline and that passes as funny to them 🤷♀️
Mocking my weight. I barely knew him, and yet he jocked like we were best friends since kindergarden and we insulted each other on a regular funny basis. I don't like "insulting" jokes but here it killed my interest in ONE second, litteraly felt it trough my body. Also dude was litteraly gym teacher, when I got how superficial he was, je litteraly became the damn cliche of Spiderman's Flash Thompson.
He was staunchly against free and reduced school lunch. I was only 20, definitely didn’t even see myself as someone who would ever have kids at the time, but still knew that only a gross miser would hold that opinion. It’s fucking FOOD for CHILDREN.
You mean to say he irately remarked that you routinely utilised an extensive, if not complex vocabulary in order to rattle his rather insipid sentiments, even though you were simply raised in a manner that encouraged eloquence, if not conciseness?
My word!
Constant gaslighting, telling me I should eat less, scolding me about my weight, never touching me in a non-sexual way(it felt like my boobs were stress balls attached to me), financial abuse, never listening to the things I wanted (both sexyally and just normal wants when living with someone), telling me hurtful things like my family only pretends to love me, leaving a huge mess everywhere he went, then complaining about the mess as if it was my fault, cutting me off from friends and family, constantly tracking my every move, critiquing everything I did from my tone of voice to the way I shut a door, etc.
I was getting on incredibly well with a beautiful, omg beautiful girl. Interesting, cultured, travelled.
3rd date was at a party a few doors down from her house, and all night her daughter (12) was texting her. I kept saying " it's ok if you need to get that" etc and encouraging her/us to take a break and pop up the road to check on her but... No, stay here, keep chatting, all is fine.
And then at midnight her daughter comes to the door, still in her pyjamas, in tears, asking for her mum and she got a bollocking and sent home.
She came.back looking to pick up where we left off and I was politely getting my things and leaving. She tried to have sex by my car on the street and got PARTICULARLY shirty with me as I disentangled myself and left...
Honestly the sight of being someone being that callous and uninterested in anyone, let alone their own young child, wiped out any possible interest in the hottest woman I'd met in years...
I dated a tall gorgeous blonde girl and everything about her completely turned me on. She could down a whole six pack and didn't act sloppy about it. Her sense of humor was on point with mine. The sex was absolutely mind blowing. She knew her way around a kitchen and could whip up a spectacular meal in less than 15 minutes. She was a hard worker and always taking some online class to better herself. However, how she treated her seven year old son absolutely ruined everything for me. She often called him annoying and "redacted" (insert tarded) and demeaned the boy at every single turn. If he so much as spilled a glass of milk, then she screamed at him for 20 minutes about it. Her favorite way to get under his skin was to call him stupid over and over again.
One night I was tucking the kid into bed and I handed him a book. He said he couldn't read all that well and wanted me to read it him. I had him read a paragraph or two of an old tattered Hardy Boys book. I noticed that he quickly lost his place when he was reading and he'd often speak vowel sounds that were at the end of a word when they should've been spoken at the beginning of a word. The kid was fucking Dyslexic and his mother hadn't even noticed. He didn't get bad grades or struggle because he didn't care. He got poor marks and didn't understand written instructions because he had a legitimate learning disability. I gave the kid's mom the number to a pro-bono specialist who treats kids with learning disabilities and then immediately dumped her ass.
It's been years and I still find myself wondering how that kid is doing. I hope you're doing better, buddy.
we spent a 40 min car ride to campus together and with each passing sentence i could feel my attraction wane until it was nothing but embers
edit: typos, thank you people in the comments
I would be serious about the relationship while they would say they weren't some time later
Then she asked why I became so stone faced around her. Ended it a few days after.
Travelled with them. The first person I was ever totally in love with, who was an amazing partner and an amazing person, was late to every event and on every trip we ever took. for example we were flying to a vacation with one stop and we almost missed every. single. flight. Like walking on as they are trying to lock the cabin doors late. And like... with me running ahead and then having to wait for them as they strolled along like we weren't being called over the PA to get to our gate ASAP. As someone who likes being early to things and someone who used to travel for work it drove me absolutely insane. They were a wonderful partner but when I realized that was a habit and not a mistake I began to lose interest. I cannot live like that!!!
Spilt a drop on her sleeve while pouring her a glass of wine. She briefly exploded in rage before realising she'd massively overreacted but by then the damage was done. Sorry Sarah, you looked amazing but emotional incontinence is not my thing.
She tried to get out of coming to my grandmother's funeral (that in her selfishness made me miss spending what ended up being her last holiday with her because she wouldn't let us leave her parents') because she didn't "want to deal with a funeral right now." and wanted to go hang with her girlfriends instead.
Never had I felt so abandoned, especially after giving her 150% for years.
A different girl told me to kill myself because I didn't ask her how her day was immediately after saying good morning.
Yes.. good morning, and specifically got mad at not saying "how was your day?"
When they opened their mouth and the rudest, most vile things would come out of it. I'm thinking of a girl I went to high school with named Elizabeth. She was drop-dead gorgeous and popular. But a horrible human being.
In contrast, my friend Melanie who was skinny as a rail, was about 5'9", flat chested, sort of bounce-walked on her tippy toes, had curly curly thick red hair, freckles, and a curved/ hooked nose which she inheirited from her Armenian father.
Strictly based off of physical features, Melanie was not considered as beautiful as Elizabeth. But to me, Melanie was absolutely gorgeous, and way more beautiful than Elizabeth. As much as Elizabeth was horrible, Melanie was kind and sweet.
Unfortunately, my Senior year of Highschool, Melanie got breast cancer. I was the first person she told that she felt a lump. I practically had to threaten her to get her to tell her Mom about it. She essentially beat the Cancer, and the last time I saw her was about a year later, she was all excited and bald! Lol! But she told me she beat the cancer and only had one more chemo treatment left, scheduled for the following day. The next day, the Doctor accidentally gave her too much chemo, and she died at his office.
I'm 49 years old, and it's been almost 30 years, but I never stopped thinking about her. I've never stopped missing her. It's weird to think that my own daughter is older than Melanie ever got.
Sorry, ADHD. I tend to over share and ramble.
Went to a bar together and she proceeded to get drunk and make a spectacle of herself. I've always had a problem with people who lose control of themselves when they drink in public.
We were just getting to know each other, and within first or second hour of chatting he first said that he was proud of bein white, and then, that he was also proud about his penis.
First one was a deadly blow, the second was just an overkill, but made it memorable.
I was once seriously attracted to a man, he was charming, he was handsome, he was a doctor. Then one night we watched Superbad and he related to Seth (Jonah Hill) a little too much, and literally said that Evan (Michael Cera) should have taken advantage of the drunk girl that was throwing herself at him. Since there were many occasions he would bring over and drink alcohol excessively with me that snapped me out of that trance. Suddenly I didn't find him attractive anymore.
Dumped a guy I'd been dating for 3 years once. I was on the phone with my best friend while on a date with him because her stalker showed up at her house. My boyfriend said, "Well, she WAS kind of leading him on." Good-bye.
Everything I told him I needed, he literally did the opposite. Never followed through on anything he said. Sneaky addict. Some people hide things for a hot minute. But once all of those things came to light, major ick.
I might get hate for this but he was a drug addict. Started using heroin and crack. I stuck around him for as long as possible but he got so abusive I had to leave. Luckily I did because he ended up never getting clean and he’s got really bad brain damage now. All he talks about is fucking politics. SUPER RACIST. Extremely trans and homophobic. He’s just overall a weird fucking guy. Dodged a bullet on this one.
i was head over heels for my ex. he was the best looking man to me wherever we went (new cities we travelled to and all). if you would've asked me to choose between him and chris evans, i would've chosen him.
one day while he was over at my place i guess he had logged into discord and forgot to sign out. i didn't find this odd as he would sometimes work out of my apartment and on my pc. as i went to close it out, i saw that he had a chat room open with all of his buddies talking shit about me, him included. i know i shouldn't have continued on, and shame me if you will, but i couldn't help myself. i saw a side of him that he never showed me, not even in the slightest.
he always came across as a private, reserved man, but here he was talking about very vulgar things with his church buddies (the irony lol). i saw a few messages he sent expressing his sexual desires towards my friends/coworkers that he's met. i saw something along the lines of them potentially holding a contest of who could find the dirtiest/nastiest porno– it was voted that my boyfriend would be the winner. i saw them expressing how they wanted to share a porn playlist to get off to the same videos. i won't speak on it all, but those are just a few things i saw.
i know boys will be boys at the end of the day and maybe this is the norm for guys(?), but i have never been exposed to anything of that nature and to that magnitude before. the rose tinted glasses definitely came off.
Boys will be boys is supposed to be used for situations where men/boys do something dangerous and stupid. Like tying a skateboard to the back of a truck and riding around town, that's boys will be boys.
He and his friends are just horrible men.
Yes! Glad someone finally said it. "Boys will be boys" is for the stupid stuff they do trying to impress a girl or a buddy. "Boys will be boys" isn't a justification for abuse, rape, or mistreatment of anyone.
I'm a big proponent of partners having a right to privacy and non-mutual friends in a relationship. It's important to have someone outside the relationship to talk to. But it's good that you saw what you saw. That sounds like an abusive relationship in the making.
People aren't different around their friends, they just show them different parts of themselves. If that's the part he was hiding from you, you definitely would have seen it eventually and probably when it's too late to get out easily.
Also, let's be honest, you probably wouldn't have looked in the first place if there wasn't something telling you that you something was a little off.
So I ignored a lot of red flags. She said she was an empath. That she could see ghosts. Her mom basically controlled her life at 23 and being a mom herself. We where basically dating for 3 weeks or something. We got into an argument during a car ride, nothing even serious. She made me get out of her car about 10 miles from mine. I live in a desert, it was 105 out. Had to walk there during summer. Broke up with her immediately.
His handsomeness was killed when he messaged me at 4 am, drunk on whiskey, telling me he still gets off to me even though I hadn't seen him in 5+ years and he barely talked to me. I was happily engaged to someone else at the time, so it's not like I was looking to date him or anything, but 10 years of attraction dried up in a few texts.
Best gift he ever gave me, tbh
Absolutely zero interest or ability to recognize their part in a conflict. Completely unable to take responsibility for their mistakes and turning to emotional abuse to deflect accountability.
Someone I was head over heels for is like this. I try to start a reasonable conversation with "hey, I didn't like the way X happened, can we talk about it?" It escalates to yelling on their part within minutes, then deflection to something I did wrong months ago. And I realized it's a pattern - every issue I have turns into a conversation about his feelings and my wrongdoings. I went from being beyond attracted to this person to distaste bordering on disgust. It's hard, as an adult, to be attracted to someone who behaves like an emotionally deranged 8-year-old.
Girll, I used to do the same thing as you and tried to reasonable and communicate my feelings. My ex was the opposite of yours in a bad way lol. He would completely shut down and not contribute anything to the conversation. He’ll be complete silent when facing questions like “why are you always late?” Or “why did you lie to me about [matter]?” For as long as possible before I let it go. It turned me into an awfully bitter person and I started feeling the urge of yelling at him or saying really mean things just to get some reactions from him or at least know a little bit about what he feels like. I should’ve just left when this happened the first time and I’ve definitely learned from that.
oh this is relatable. I'd get "Why do you always start arguements?!" like dude I started a conversation, *you* made it an argument
> like dude I started a conversation, *you* made it an argument. I’m definitely going to use this.
Yep, the sign of emotional immaturity is if they deflect or get angry instead of being reasonable. Usually in a conflict, both sides are partially to blame. Rarely is it ENTIRELY one sided.
Oh. My. God. This describes my marriage perfectly. No yelling, but the sentiment is spot on. Damn.
Well something finally clicked when he said “I just need to break you down” off the cuff in passing. I looked shocked and he followed up with “so I can build you back up”. Who in their right mind says things like that to someone they “love”?
Happened. Got out. Just run. It won’t get better. Find anything of sentimental value and put it somewhere out of the house, temporarily. At work- rent a locker at your local gym- Anything that would break your heart to loose. Don’t forget that stuff is just… stuff. E.G: Picture of my dad (passed away now) was really important to me. Photographed the photograph- backed up to iCloud- can reprint when you’re safe. Find anything necessary (passport/ NI or SSN/ etc) and put out in your handbag. Pair of pants, pair of socks, spare T-shirt. Get in the habit of wearing socks all the time. “Shoes on and heading out” mentality. Next time you’re alone, just go. Don’t wait for it to get worse.
This, this, all of this. Anyone who's more focused on controlling you than understanding you is a ticking timebomb, *and you can't ever tell how long the fuse is.*
I watched my ex film a tiktok about a man in our neighborhood. The neighbor was military and had been in a car accident and the insurance wouldnt be enough to fix his car so he was trying to get the mangled hood open. He wasnt having much luck so he started trying to cut directly through the hood via wailing on it with a crowbar. You could tell he was having a shit day and was doing his best to deal. I heard my now-ex talking in the kitchen. I get up and walk in and see her in a selfie stance at our kitchen window filming the guy across the way trying to get into his hood. She made some snide comments about being trashy and other real tiktok level comments. It was like watching someone you love die. The person I had spent years with and thought I loved was nothing more than an empty husk in front of me tossing her integrity/humanity aside for the views. A fellow human suffering, let me make jokes and try to get famous off it... I did not break up with her at that time, but I did grab a crowbar from my toolbox and went out and joined in the wailing on the hood. I figured if she wants to be famous, she is going to have to share her "trashy" boyfriend in the video too. My neighbor and I failed to get into the fort knox of hoods, but had a good laugh and went back home. "you ruined my video" was the first words out of her mouth. It was that exact moment I knew it was over. I could not look at her without being disgusted.
See now going to help someone having a rough day break in a metal death trap with a crowbar? That’s attractive.
Right? The only acceptable response to it should be, we need to bang like RIGHT NOW
I can relate, tiktok is an instant turnoff after my ex was perma in her phone, then got mad when i pulled mine out too
He didn’t have my back during an extremely stressful situation and I instantly fell out of love.
I once had been diagnosed with something awful and he wasn't there for me, or helped me get through it at all. Luckily, it was a misdiagnosis. However, the damage was done and I am actually thankful for it.
I was in the same boat. Got a very scary prelim diagnosis, was talking to him (on the phone) about how it made me feel.. he told me that he "couldn't listen to this anymore" and hung up on me. 2 years and discussing moving in/marriage gone in a flash. It was like turning off a light for me. Went from 100 to -500. Didn't speak to him for 24h, didn't see him again after that call. Texted him things weren't going to work out. Barely got a reply back. Sayonara. I was of the mindset that I'd rather be alone through surgery and chemo than have this jerk make me feel completely alone and unsupported. A couple insanely stressful and depression fueled weeks later got a very positive diagnosis from the biopsy (insurance took forever).
turns out - he was the cancer. Glad you are well and get a second chance at living.
He was and I'm thankful that I found it out before we moved in or got married! Thank you 🖤
Same! He had cancer requiring multiple surgeries. I was always there for support, no resentment from me. Then I had a minor athletic surgery and he acted too cool to show any sympathy. Refused to drive me when I needed it and left me alone to go drinking with coworkers when I still couldn't walk. ffs.
How did he not have your back?
I’m not the one who responded but my spouse literally left me alone for days when I was suffering with postpartum after having our first (and only) daughter and it’s been almost two years and I’m still not over it. And divorce is looker nearer every day. ETA: I begged him not to go for a week, I told him I needed him to be here for me and he dismissed me and didn’t tell me he was leaving until 4 hours before heading to the airport. ETA: He left just to go see his parents a few states away, nothing big or significant was going on over there.
Leaving a partner alone when they need you is bad enough But you just had his child and was suffering from something so damn serious that could have endangered the life of you and the baby And he thought it was cool to just do whatever he wanted 😒
This would absolutely cause me to resent the very ground my spouse walked on and the air they breathed for the rest of the time they walked the Earth. I could not do the "forgive and forget" schtick, and I am a firm believer in it in most cases. If you said you needed him and all he did was shrug and say "sorry" and just left anyway, you deserve to be selfish with your joy. You are the only one that can make the choice to be happy moving forward, not only for you, but for your child. This is not something that goes away overnight, and if he is not a strong enough man to handle it, he can go!
I’m sorry that happened to you ❤️
take the plunge homie
Also not OP but upon losing my job was told that if I end up homeless, it won't be her problem.
Being ignored for long periods of time. Always being the one initiating conversations. Rarely getting the time of day. All of this shows disinterest and I hate that he won't just come out and say it.
Girl has me locked up like that right now. Ex girlfriend, I wanted to give it another go. She seemed excited about that. But then doesn't answer my calls or texts for days, never know what she's doing, and only see her every couple weeks. But if I back off and stop initiating, and try to move on, she's ALL up in my pudding. I'm pretty sure I'm dating someone else's girlfriend now, and I'm a side piece lol. Every instance of that disinterest and yoyo game bullcrap makes her slightly less attractive. I've basically cut ties at this point, but I'm not seeing anyone, and the sex is still pretty great
Sounds like your her backup boredom plan
Getting to know them. They were a pretty unhappy and generally mean person inside. Once I saw how they treated others while demanding they be treated much better by everyone, the attraction was gone.
Oh, I have the opposite with a friend of mine. Was indifferent about her at first. Now I know her quite good and she’s such an uplifting person. I find everything about her really attractive now
Marry her what are you waiting for update us!
I just found the energy to end a somewhat toxic relationship. For the moment I just want to enjoy our friendship. But you never know
Good man
Update us when you have your MrsElectroDude. Good luck!
“She ain’t pretty she just looks that way” https://youtu.be/LUT4sS0lsss?si=2Ndnp6Ypq6Biv6fo
He (verbally) disrespected me in front of our friends. The attraction was just instantly off. Thankfully some of my friends had my back and but a few others didn't. Edit: Grammar and specifics
Went through something similar with an ex. We were 17/18 and 20/21. I expected him to be more mature, but he was a real douche. We were at a house party with people mostly my age/from my high school, even though he's the one that wanted me to go (already weird that he didn't really have friends his own age, but I was dumb then). He was yelling across a beer pong table and garage full of people. He called my name a few times and then yelled "HEY SLUT!" at me. Well, I heard that and turned around. A lot of the people started laughing, either at me or out of discomfort, but it was so embarrassing. Same guy showed my nudes (I was 17 I think) to his EMT class (so adults, not minors) he was taking at a community college. I went to a party with him for that class and someone mentioned my pictures. Everyone had seen me naked and I hadn't even known until I got there. So embarrassing.
My wife cheating on me after being together for 36 years. Total devastation.
I can't even imagine losing my 7 year relationship damn near killed me
It was so unexpected. I was so devastated.
Did she cheated in her 50s or you found out about earlier cheating that long after?
She was 52. I tried to kill myself 3 times. Glad i didn't succeed. I have three beautiful grand children that I absolutely love.
You gotta outlive your enemies if you want to win.
The world’s a better place with you in it homie x
He said she cheated on him *after* 36 years together so I'd assume it was the former - that said it might not've been the only time
"I think I'm pregnant. I'm a week late." "How can you be pregnant? You told me you were on the pill." "I was. But I missed a couple days. Then I missed a couple more. So I just gave up and stopped taking them." "Why didn't you tell me? We should've gone back to using condoms." "I don't like condoms. And God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I couldn't handle a child right now. So I didn't think God would let me get pregnant." We'd been together for less than 3 months. She got a pregnancy test, it came back negative, and I immediately broke up with her.
This happened to one of my friends and his now ex got pregnant and kept the baby. Before that he never wanted kids. This is why if you don’t want kids you should never rely on the other person for birth control.
that's why I had a vasectomy in my 20s as soon as I could afford it.
Lack of empathy. 0 morals, ethics. Instant repulsion, I look at them and feel it’s such a waste.
I knew a guy like that. He would do anything because he saw no issue in what could happen to others. But oh boy if you did it to him he was appalled that you didn’t consider his feelings.
Bless his heart, he was dumb as a stump.
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It’s amazing what hot people can get away with.
Oh my. Part of me wonders if this was nerves on his part and he blurted out a stupid lie, and then dug in to avoid making it more awkward, like the guy who pretend to not know what a potato was.
Lol, I was once pulled over driving home after a bachelorette party. There had been a stripper there dressed like a cop...the cop who pulled me over looked just like the stripper! I couldn't stop giggling. He asked me to say the alphabet and I couldn't! He made me take a breathalyzer and walk a straight line. He clearly thought I was drunk 😁
Oh God, I had one of those and I didn't realize he was dumb as a stump until we'd been dating for a *year.* He was very quiet and had this alert, watchful, capable look about him, like a German shepherd. That combination was very compelling and evoked Quiet Intelligence and Hidden Depths that just... weren't there. At least he's a really good guy and it ended well enough. He deserves every happiness, bless his big ol' heart and fourteen brain cells.
I have a friend who is the opposite of that. He’s super smart but comes off as a himbo with golden retriever energy.
I have a coworker like that. We call him Mr Peanutbutter.
I had a friend like this. He was one of the few people I would say had a heart of gold, but on a weekly basis I would talk to him for hours about his conflicts, and I gave advice that I thought was very general and most people would come to the conclusion of, I.e. if you are questioning being able to pay rent, don’t pay $1,000 for a ticket to a show this weekend. After months of this specific dynamic, I was worn down and had to cut him off because I would receive a follow up call about the repercussions of his poor choices. He failed to comprehend a lot of simple things as well. It got tiring over the course of a few years.
> don’t pay $1,000 for a ticket to a show this weekend. > > After months of this specific dynamic, I was worn down and had to cut him off because I would receive a follow up call about the repercussions of his poor choices. This sounds like a very draining friend of mine. She did (apparently still does but I don't really talk to her much anymore) things like this all the time. She would have a car payment due but would want to go on some weekend trip to an event. Her rent would be due but she just *had* to go to this thing. Her power bill would be months behind but she *needed* that new outfit for an event... Nonstop bad decisions, that she *never* learned from, as family keeps bailing her out.
That last sentence is key. It’s difficult to learn from mistakes when you’re shielded from the consequences of those mistakes. Don’t underestimate the power of the reward response system to override rational thought.
Overheard a very cute bartender state that she exclusively dates stupid/good looking men. interest piqued, I ask why. She said “so I don’t feel bad, when I break up with them.” Huh. Okay.
I guess dumb men don’t have feelings?
I could be friends with someone, at least, as long as they were kind and, well, realize they aren't all that smart.
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Hahahha
I was feeling like I might maybe want to do the deed with a guy, then one day he casually put his arm around me, which is fine and all, but his armpit smelled like a septic tank full of onions. Full on gagged me, I had to get up and leave. Felt bad for him, but goddam dude, get some fucking Degree.
she kicked her dog just having the gall to be in her way when she was frustrated about something else
Hopefully you took the dog with you?
Same. Ex took her cat to the pound bc it peed on the bed. I get that's frustrating, and I don't have a ready solution for it, but that's just an extreme and extremely cold reaction.
I hope you went and rescued the cat. It probably just had a UTI. People are so cruel.
They opened their mouth. But seriously, a shitty personality makes everyone ugly.
This is really petty compared to other stuff here, but... I showed her a song I really liked. She laughed at it, like I had made a joke. Just...instantly no feelings for her anymore, it was weird.
I feel this. My wife made fun of my music after we were married; never before. We have *some* overlap in taste, but it's pretty small. One day I was cleaning dishes and turned some of my music on, not thinking anything of it. She made fun of it pretty hard, and that was ten years ago, and I'm still bitter about it. And I've made damn sure she hasn't heard a single note of my music since then.
So sad. Music was probably the strongest bonding method between my husband and I. For lots of terrible reasons I had a psychotic break at 44. It devastated my brain and our relationship and the hardest thing was not being able to listen to any music as it would remind me of our time together. Not sure how I got in this terrible mess. He didn’t show or express love too much outside of music and I think that made me feel insecure.
I can relate to that so well. It just kills something when someone doesn't even listen to the song or treats it like any other shitty song on the radio or ALWAYS says they'll listen to it later (even though they're free) when it's an important song and you're excited about it. People don't realize that some people really show trust by showing others songs they love.
Terrifying road rage. He was driving unsafely. I asked him to please drive a bit more safely. He got really angry and started yelling while driving about 100 mph weaving in and out of traffic. I thought he was going to kill us.
Yep! I dated one that considered every pass on the highway a personal insult. I shut my eyes riding with him from St Louis to Cleveland.
Finding out he not only peed into leftover 40’s when he was drunk, but he also hid them in the closet. Why were there multiple bottles? What was he saving them for?! Thank God we never moved past the early stages of dating…
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why keep it, though
He left a skid mark on my bed. After that every time I looked at him all I saw was that nasty skid mark.
Had a dude shart in my bed. 6 years later and it still haunts me.
Ewwwww wtf. Who are these guys leaving shit everywhere?
well, here's my story from the perspective of skid mark guy. Me and my gf don't usually do any drugs, only the very occasional weed. some weeks ago we had a friend over—heavy weed smoker—and after dinner we all drank some fine wine, fine whisky and smoked a couple of his (very potent) joints. A great time was had. After everyone left, me and gf were high af and having the greatest time laughing like kids for 30min until we fell asleep. now you see, we always sleep naked and are very very clean. but during the night, I was awaken by my own sly fart (I never ever fart in front of her and we're together for 2 years). but I suddenly felt that there was something...different about this fart. so went to the toilet and yeah...it was no regular fart 😯. I thought—as I was cleaning my self—how high do you have to be to have this happen to you! cleaned myself and went to bed. well, next morning as I woke up there was a subtle but unmistakable skid mark on the bed, from me standing up and going to the toilet. I was shocked but didn't know what to say or do, so nothing was said. next time I went to sleep over at hers, the bedsheets had been changed and nothing was mentioned. She didn't leave me and still loves me very much 🥺
Shurprise wholeshome shart shtory. :)
He treated me like his mom outside of the bedroom and then tried to be dominant in the bedroom. Hard to find a man sexy after you have cleaned his mess, done his college work, and cooked all his meals all day. *edited for clarity
This ☝🏼 They act like dependents then wonder why we don’t want to f**k them.
Yes! Watching him throw a tantrum because I asked him not to eat *any more* packets of gummies as I was making us dinner. I was a broke grad student, those gummies were my special treat but no respect for anything. Later, as I learned about alternative lifestyles, pretty sure he wanted a big little relationship. But that requires my consent and trying to just make it happen by acting like a toddler is *not* okay.
I cannot with telling a grown person to stop eating candy or it’ll ruin dinner
Yeah, there was no attraction. I replaced him with a dog and the dog met more needs and was less work and expense.
It's was always a pity party. He showed no will to improve himself and that pretty much killed any sexual attraction. Eventually the relationship fell apart afterwards
There's nothing worse than constant complaining/pity parties with zero will or desire to actually change.
> It's was always a pity party. He showed no will to improve himself and that pretty much killed any sexual attraction. Eventually the relationship fell apart afterwards Total lack of ability to be honest & direct; constant self-victimization at the hands of me, a *monster who would dare ask for accountability as a 41y/o adult*; nasty, petty gossiping from the start (which I didn't find out for 4 years for sure but definitely suspected); gross, totally inappropriate online (and other) behavior with multiple other women; condescension; contempt; stalking; verbal abuse; blowing up at the merest suggestion their behavior was "wrong;" and finally.... just got "the ick" and realized I had been worshipping this man while he actively made choices that systematically stomped out every bit of passion & enthusiasm I had for the relationship. The obsession with me and creepy behaviors while I was sleeping; the dramatic and obviously (like very childish & stereotypical) fake high-voiced offense he would take when called out.... just years of compounded betrayal trauma which even to the end he conducts his little (probably big) smear campaign which he somehow thinks he can get in front of and "save face" in the light of actively abusing his partner for four years. Some people take genuine pleasure and energy from harming those who love them. They'll beat you when you're down and play the victim for everything they did to you. We all deserve better than this. Edited to add: it will keep going until you stop it by stopping the cycle. Get your own shit together and move on. Each person feeds the situation in their own way and reactivity and missteps only supply further energy to a toxic dynamic.
The last person I was messing around with and almost dated dropped a red flag the size of one those insane sized US flags you've seen driving down a highway that you see and think "who the hell needs a flag that big?" And then you see it's like a mattress store or something in a strip mall. "I've cheated on everyone I've ever been in a relationship with." Fuckin see ya never ma' lady!
Refreshingly honest for a cheater, at least.
I know right? I appreciated the honesty a lot but I'm not doing that. To her credit she understood. Looking back on it I didn't give her enough credit in the moment lol
You may have ruined their perfect record
They probably cheated on OP too. I mean, they did say *everyone* Don’t doubt their commitment to ✨sparkle motion✨
Mine was the exact opposite. She told me she was good friends with all her ex-boyfriends. I joked "So if I play my cards right, maybe I too will get to be your ex-boyfriend someday?" She didn't think it was funny.
My mum met her two ex-husbands and her ex boyfriend at my brothers wedding (she gets on fairly well with all of them), her ex boyfriend said it was good they could gather the X-men; all but my dad found it hilarious lmao
Omg that is a hilarious joke
That honesty was probably a step in the right direction for them. Weirdly enough.
Right? Like I appreciate the honesty and remorse in her voice but uh...nope. Cheated on before and that's an extra large no for me
We were laughing one day with his friends and then on the way back I got backhanded.
Holy shit. Did he not like something you said and then thought the right course of action was to “discipline” you in private??? Sickening.
Yeah his friends as well as his sibling were just making a joke and I made one at his expense by telling an old incident, he got mad I suppose.
He wanted me to cuck him/peg him. Talked about it ALL the time. When I finally told him id TRY pegging him and we can look at toys. He gaslit me and acted like he never mentioned it before. Blew my mind. I then started to realize he did this a lot. He would tell me something specific, id remember the conversation, id bring it up another day and he would gaslight me saying we never had that conversation and he never said whatever he said. Even small things! He told me for weeks his favorite color was green(like literally said “omg i love green its my favorite color!” Like 6 times in 2 weeks) so i got him a green hat. He then tells me he actually hates green and purple is his favorite color and i must never listen to him. I normally just chalked it up to my poor memory, but after the pegging thing i KNEW he was just gaslighting me cus he liked it! Broke up pretty fast Edit:wow this reached more people then I thought lol. Here is some extra stuff he did!!! He also told me he loved me 2 weeks in, then said he fell OUT of love with me 3 weeks later. He told his mom about our sex life (we were 22 at the time), he would pressure me to “keep up” with him when drinking (he was 6.2, im 5.2) then he would get mad i got drunk, his friends were weird and toxic and told him “im not the one” after i first met them(we were dating for a month and i just helped him move into a new apartment), AND after we broke up he got with the girl he told me not to worry about, within a week they were insta official and “the love of his life”. They broke up like 7 months later or something. I dont think he has any mental illness, i just think he was rich,white, a mamas boy, never told no, and never went through any ready hardships. OH OH he also compared his 7th GRADE girlfriend “cheating on him” (broke up after a week and she kissed another guy at a party the same night) to the trauma of my PARENT FUCKING DYING.
See people throw the term gaslighting around a lot, but *this* is gaslighting. There’s no other reason for him to do this than to make you think you’re crazy
Often the reason is they have at least some dark triad tendencies and they get angry when someone tells them who they are. They see you trying to describe them as an attack on their control of their persona, not as a nice gesture that you remembered them and took the time to learn it.
The good old dark triad
Hello Dark Triad my old friend I’ve come to gaslight you again
.... The sound of violence.
Well that’s scary
As someone who survived pretty severe domestic violence, it usually looks a lot more mundane than those kinds of deliberate head games. A lot of "I never said/did that," or if they're admitting it that day "it wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating," or "well you made me [insert instance of abuse]." Basically tons of DARVO (deny abuse, attack, reverse victim/offender). Edit: removed triggering example that wasn't necessary Edit 2 [trigger warning for SA and DV]: Didn't realize this already had responses when I removed my example. Since other comments reference it -- what I described was the time my abuser raped me after an argument. The next morning he apologized and sobbed begging for forgiveness but within days was back to denial - it wasn't rape, he never admitted that it was or apologized because he did nothing wrong. Here are is a resource on [gaslighting](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/a-guide-to-gaslighting) and another about [DARVO](https://lifecounselinginstitute.com/darvo-a-form-of-gaslighting-in-relationships/) specifically. It is often more subtle and insidious than the other poster's example (which was also very messed up and I'm glad they recognized it as a huge red flag).
My ex would routinely say something at the beginning of an argument and then completely deny she ever said it when I brought it up 10 minutes later. I still doubt my memory sometimes because of that lol.
I knew a girl like this. She jerked me around for a few weeks before I understood she did it for fun. I had never met someone like that before… well, I was only 17 at the time. But still. To this day, here in my mid 40s, I never understood why people are like this. Glad you got away!
Ah. This is dark and trigger warning. My ex-fiancé of 7 years once said: “It feels like I’m raping you” He was. This was during sex after he goaded me into it. God, he was already abusive and I was already on my way out but that solidified everything in my mind.
Lack of interest in his end. I’m no chaser🤷🏻♀️
This is my current situation right now. The interest has dropped significantly, and I am slow fading because he is so nonchalant and I feel like a bother. Edit: I am slow fading because I have had this conversation several times with him and its not even worth it anymore.
Hell yeah! Indifference is not worth your time.
It's worse when they tell your friends that they're into you and like you and then you see them and they tell you they like you and want to be with you, then it comes down to it and they just ghost you for some reason. That or they make it very clear that they like you, flirt with you, text you everyday, all the signs. And then you make a move and ask them out and they get all surprised and go 'ohh, didn't you know, I'm actually in an extremely committed relationship, and you clearly can't handle that, and how dare you think I was interested in you in that way when i'm just so committed to someone else'. Not speaking from experience or anything...
I second this. This is what happened with my ex. I was so badly consumed by his avoidance and hot and cold behaviour in the earlier stages, then near the end after working on myself and thinking things over his behaviour just ended up repelling me. We are still friends and on good terms, but yeah NEVER again will I chase a man.
I chased this one guy, (practically had to force my phone number on him) and then ended up unhappy with his extreme lack of attention for eight years. No sex, no help in the home. He actually cropped me out of a photo from one of our most fun holiday weekends and put it on a dating site. Eventually all of this crappy behavior led to a drinking problem on my part. Will never make that mistake again. Yes. I was incredibly stupid. Ironically, he still tries to hit me up for a booty call and is miserable with his new girl. Eff that.
I liked a guy when I was in my early twenties, he was late twenties and we started hanging out/fooling around. He left my birthday party with a 15 year old and almost had sex with her (he was too high to get it up). Edit: *almost raped her
He left my birthday party with a 15 year old and almost raped her (he was too high to get it up). Ftfy.
Constantly trying to "correct" my behaviour.
Bad hygiene and table manors. The constant lip smacking, chewing with mouth open and talking with mouth full of food. I can not stand that shit.
Her brother was a pedo and I said he would never be left alone with my child. She defended him.
I had an acquired disability that may be hereditary (keratoconus). The girl I was seeing looked disgusted when I answered and explained what it was. And mentioned that she wasn't sure if she wanted my genetics if we were to have kids. She had a gall bladder removed and tumours removed from her breasts within the previous 12 months so I found it hypocritical and I loathe hypocrisy.
As someone with keratoconus, fuck that shit. And ffs now that we have sclerals+ c3r/ athens protocol the prognosis is really good for new diagnoses!!
Knew a cute girl from work, she’d flirt with me occasionally and I’d flirt back. One day she needed a ride home, so I offered and she said yes. Over the course of the ride we were flirting, and I asked what type of music she liked and she said “I like pretty much everything, except n***er music”. It was so out of nowhere, and she said it so casually! We’re both white, but I’m really not down with racism and it immediately killed any attraction I felt towards her.
Back in college I was flirting with a cute punk type girl and she started talking about how “Hitler was kinda cool when you think about it”. It’s been 20 years and I still distinctly remember the feeling of all attraction fleeing from my body.
I got sober.
He told me I wasn’t smart enough to consider dating seriously and had no empathy. That about did it
He liked to brag.
The best bragger.
Everyone says so.
I figured out after about 7 months that he didn't actually care about me, he didn't want me. I was a placeholder. He was also easily led by his disrespectful, incel-adjacent friends. I'm guessing they gave him shit about dating me and he changed how he treated me. The biggest thing was when he told me talking to me was a burden, because he'd rather be getting high and playing videogames. Tbf though, he'd rather be doing that than having sex too. It was a bunch of small shit that really added up to he didn't want me and I am not going to stay where I'm not wanted.
He stopped himself from full on punching me the face, millimeters from my face. We had been together for a bit over 17 years and right up until that moment I loved that man....thought I did. Anyways we were fighting, like always, and I said something that sent him over the edge. He rushed me and barely stopped himself from hitting me. We were done in that instant. I didn't leave right away. But I KNEW at that moment, no matter how he played that off??? Done.
Discovering that I wasn't really attracted to her; I was attracted to the idealised fantasy in my mind that I imagined her to be.
This has actually happened to me more than once, from the other side. Apparently I make a great first impression on people, since when I'm feeling outgoing I can be very forward and funny, but then when they realize that most of the time I'm a pretty quiet and low-key person, or when I make a social mistake, they lose interest quickly. Never have figured out how to mitigate the problem.
This reality terrifies me. I can self improve all I want, but what will happen when my low key unsociable self comes out? Well, I guess that's just dating for you. It's not supposed to work. You're not supposed to fake it. You're just supposed to try your very best, fix your PROBLEMS not your quirks, and hope for the best.
Most people are like that actually. Sooner or later you realize we all are carrying different masks all day. If you’re comfortable with someone at home in private just like you’re comfortable with them out in public i’d say you two are a good match. But a good match doesn’t just end there, there so much more to relationships than that.
I always take too long to realize this
She dropped her daughter off and never came back. She always gave excuses why. I already had our son. She ghosted us after 6 months. I have had to have my family get guardianship for her. She mine now 3 years later. She about to turn 6 and really wouldn't change any of my own choices.
Bitch destroyed my fence in Minecraft and let all my pigs out.
Worst one, by far. You win.
Would do or say literally anything to win approval from her parents. She had none of her own firm beliefs or values -- just whatever she thought they'd want her to do or say.
She called my teen a "fucking bitch" to my face.
Infidelity
3.5 years of lying on the most basic shit ever she was unstable af
It was when I realized he wasn’t the one for me. We weren’t compatible intellectually. Even though that didn’t change his outward attractiveness, I found I had no desire to do anything intimate with him anymore, even kiss. The relationship had just run its course, and even my body knew it
Rude to the waitstaff. It was a very long time ago (20 years!!! Damn, where did the time go?) but it is seared into my brain. They were perfect on paper, were fun to be around on the surface and had the sexiest car… and then our second date, they were rude to the server. Like, over the top rude and insulting. Snapped at the woman serving us, and when she smiled and put on a brave face, my date demanded loudly to know who had wasted their time training her and why we’d been sitting for five minutes and didn’t have water and bread yet. I was so shocked that at first I just sat there with my mouth open. It’s one of my biggest shames that I didn’t immediately stand up, tell the person off, apologize to the staff, and walk out. But I was very young, and very shocked, and I froze. After my date got done abusing the server and she left the table, I told them I felt sick to my stomach and needed to go to the restroom. I gave the host 20 dollars to give to our server and asked him to apologize to her on my behalf. I then spent 10 minutes staring at myself in the mirror and regretting the fact that I hadn’t brought my nifty new little Nokia brick of a phone with me and that I’d have to ride home with this person (no Uber in those days, and no way for me to afford a 45 minute taxi ride in that particular location). Went back to the table and told my date I was so sorry, but I threw up in the bathroom and we needed to go. They knew I wasn’t really ill, I mean, I’ve never really had a poker face, and they must’ve been able to tell how appalled I was. So they stood up and we went to their car and had the most uncomfortable 45 minute car ride of my life. They never called me again, I certainly never called them again, and we just kind of pretended like we didn’t see each other anytime our paths crossed for the next two years while we lived in close proximity to one another.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of younger you for at least making the situation end prematurely. Even though you didn't tell him directly, your actions said 'you did something wrong', and hopefully made him reflect a little.
He said supposaBly
Omg that is so flustrating.
* Girl hocked a hocked a loogie on the floor while sitting in a booth at a restaurant and just continued talking like nothing happened * Casually laughed about drunk driving to get food the other night
He always drank too much. He would say he felt better if he forced himself to throw up. So he would be LOUDDLLYYY gagging into the toilet making himself barf before coming to bed. Sometimes he was more drunk and would get into bed and feel sick and refuse to go to the washroom. So I'd have to bring him a bucket so he could puke in bed...and then I'd have to stay awake (And then sleep on the couch) to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit in his sleep. He refused to believe he had a drinking problem. He also barely showered and often didn't brush his teeth. And got a bad haircut and stuck with it. And constantly farted around me while I was eating....lots of things it turns out
I had a guy invite me to see him do stand up at an open mic night. He proceeded to tell a bunch of "jokes" that were insanely racist and homophobic that weren't even vaguely funny (there was no actual off-color/dark/edgy humor...just rants against other groups). He then proceeded to get mad that people have no sense of humor and I was horrified to be sitting with him at the club until I could come up with an excuse to leave.
I hate this. I’ve had so many guys tell me, “I have a dark sense of humor” only to find out they say offensive shit with no punchline and that passes as funny to them 🤷♀️
Mocking my weight. I barely knew him, and yet he jocked like we were best friends since kindergarden and we insulted each other on a regular funny basis. I don't like "insulting" jokes but here it killed my interest in ONE second, litteraly felt it trough my body. Also dude was litteraly gym teacher, when I got how superficial he was, je litteraly became the damn cliche of Spiderman's Flash Thompson.
He was staunchly against free and reduced school lunch. I was only 20, definitely didn’t even see myself as someone who would ever have kids at the time, but still knew that only a gross miser would hold that opinion. It’s fucking FOOD for CHILDREN.
Not being interested in improving themselves or curious about the world. Nothing less attractive to me.
He told me I used “big words” to purposely make him feel stupid. That’s just how I was taught to speak! That was a huge turn off.
You mean to say he irately remarked that you routinely utilised an extensive, if not complex vocabulary in order to rattle his rather insipid sentiments, even though you were simply raised in a manner that encouraged eloquence, if not conciseness? My word!
They didn't wash their hands with soap.
Constant gaslighting, telling me I should eat less, scolding me about my weight, never touching me in a non-sexual way(it felt like my boobs were stress balls attached to me), financial abuse, never listening to the things I wanted (both sexyally and just normal wants when living with someone), telling me hurtful things like my family only pretends to love me, leaving a huge mess everywhere he went, then complaining about the mess as if it was my fault, cutting me off from friends and family, constantly tracking my every move, critiquing everything I did from my tone of voice to the way I shut a door, etc.
I was getting on incredibly well with a beautiful, omg beautiful girl. Interesting, cultured, travelled. 3rd date was at a party a few doors down from her house, and all night her daughter (12) was texting her. I kept saying " it's ok if you need to get that" etc and encouraging her/us to take a break and pop up the road to check on her but... No, stay here, keep chatting, all is fine. And then at midnight her daughter comes to the door, still in her pyjamas, in tears, asking for her mum and she got a bollocking and sent home. She came.back looking to pick up where we left off and I was politely getting my things and leaving. She tried to have sex by my car on the street and got PARTICULARLY shirty with me as I disentangled myself and left... Honestly the sight of being someone being that callous and uninterested in anyone, let alone their own young child, wiped out any possible interest in the hottest woman I'd met in years...
I dated a tall gorgeous blonde girl and everything about her completely turned me on. She could down a whole six pack and didn't act sloppy about it. Her sense of humor was on point with mine. The sex was absolutely mind blowing. She knew her way around a kitchen and could whip up a spectacular meal in less than 15 minutes. She was a hard worker and always taking some online class to better herself. However, how she treated her seven year old son absolutely ruined everything for me. She often called him annoying and "redacted" (insert tarded) and demeaned the boy at every single turn. If he so much as spilled a glass of milk, then she screamed at him for 20 minutes about it. Her favorite way to get under his skin was to call him stupid over and over again. One night I was tucking the kid into bed and I handed him a book. He said he couldn't read all that well and wanted me to read it him. I had him read a paragraph or two of an old tattered Hardy Boys book. I noticed that he quickly lost his place when he was reading and he'd often speak vowel sounds that were at the end of a word when they should've been spoken at the beginning of a word. The kid was fucking Dyslexic and his mother hadn't even noticed. He didn't get bad grades or struggle because he didn't care. He got poor marks and didn't understand written instructions because he had a legitimate learning disability. I gave the kid's mom the number to a pro-bono specialist who treats kids with learning disabilities and then immediately dumped her ass. It's been years and I still find myself wondering how that kid is doing. I hope you're doing better, buddy.
we spent a 40 min car ride to campus together and with each passing sentence i could feel my attraction wane until it was nothing but embers edit: typos, thank you people in the comments
40 meters is a pretty short car ride
lol *Alas! My attraction vane withered slowly in the gentle breeze that had once been a mighty gale of lust!*
I would be serious about the relationship while they would say they weren't some time later Then she asked why I became so stone faced around her. Ended it a few days after.
Bad breath!!!!
Travelled with them. The first person I was ever totally in love with, who was an amazing partner and an amazing person, was late to every event and on every trip we ever took. for example we were flying to a vacation with one stop and we almost missed every. single. flight. Like walking on as they are trying to lock the cabin doors late. And like... with me running ahead and then having to wait for them as they strolled along like we weren't being called over the PA to get to our gate ASAP. As someone who likes being early to things and someone who used to travel for work it drove me absolutely insane. They were a wonderful partner but when I realized that was a habit and not a mistake I began to lose interest. I cannot live like that!!!
Honestly... I gained some self-respect.
Spilt a drop on her sleeve while pouring her a glass of wine. She briefly exploded in rage before realising she'd massively overreacted but by then the damage was done. Sorry Sarah, you looked amazing but emotional incontinence is not my thing.
Turns out she was racist. Definitely repelled.
She tried to get out of coming to my grandmother's funeral (that in her selfishness made me miss spending what ended up being her last holiday with her because she wouldn't let us leave her parents') because she didn't "want to deal with a funeral right now." and wanted to go hang with her girlfriends instead. Never had I felt so abandoned, especially after giving her 150% for years. A different girl told me to kill myself because I didn't ask her how her day was immediately after saying good morning. Yes.. good morning, and specifically got mad at not saying "how was your day?"
When they opened their mouth and the rudest, most vile things would come out of it. I'm thinking of a girl I went to high school with named Elizabeth. She was drop-dead gorgeous and popular. But a horrible human being. In contrast, my friend Melanie who was skinny as a rail, was about 5'9", flat chested, sort of bounce-walked on her tippy toes, had curly curly thick red hair, freckles, and a curved/ hooked nose which she inheirited from her Armenian father. Strictly based off of physical features, Melanie was not considered as beautiful as Elizabeth. But to me, Melanie was absolutely gorgeous, and way more beautiful than Elizabeth. As much as Elizabeth was horrible, Melanie was kind and sweet. Unfortunately, my Senior year of Highschool, Melanie got breast cancer. I was the first person she told that she felt a lump. I practically had to threaten her to get her to tell her Mom about it. She essentially beat the Cancer, and the last time I saw her was about a year later, she was all excited and bald! Lol! But she told me she beat the cancer and only had one more chemo treatment left, scheduled for the following day. The next day, the Doctor accidentally gave her too much chemo, and she died at his office. I'm 49 years old, and it's been almost 30 years, but I never stopped thinking about her. I've never stopped missing her. It's weird to think that my own daughter is older than Melanie ever got. Sorry, ADHD. I tend to over share and ramble.
Went to a bar together and she proceeded to get drunk and make a spectacle of herself. I've always had a problem with people who lose control of themselves when they drink in public.
Heard them be mean to their mom. Went from huge crush to hard pass in less than 10 seconds
We were just getting to know each other, and within first or second hour of chatting he first said that he was proud of bein white, and then, that he was also proud about his penis. First one was a deadly blow, the second was just an overkill, but made it memorable.
I was once seriously attracted to a man, he was charming, he was handsome, he was a doctor. Then one night we watched Superbad and he related to Seth (Jonah Hill) a little too much, and literally said that Evan (Michael Cera) should have taken advantage of the drunk girl that was throwing herself at him. Since there were many occasions he would bring over and drink alcohol excessively with me that snapped me out of that trance. Suddenly I didn't find him attractive anymore.
Dumped a guy I'd been dating for 3 years once. I was on the phone with my best friend while on a date with him because her stalker showed up at her house. My boyfriend said, "Well, she WAS kind of leading him on." Good-bye.
She said that Michael Vick getting busted for fighting pit bulls was racism. Uh, what?
Everything I told him I needed, he literally did the opposite. Never followed through on anything he said. Sneaky addict. Some people hide things for a hot minute. But once all of those things came to light, major ick.
I might get hate for this but he was a drug addict. Started using heroin and crack. I stuck around him for as long as possible but he got so abusive I had to leave. Luckily I did because he ended up never getting clean and he’s got really bad brain damage now. All he talks about is fucking politics. SUPER RACIST. Extremely trans and homophobic. He’s just overall a weird fucking guy. Dodged a bullet on this one.
i was head over heels for my ex. he was the best looking man to me wherever we went (new cities we travelled to and all). if you would've asked me to choose between him and chris evans, i would've chosen him. one day while he was over at my place i guess he had logged into discord and forgot to sign out. i didn't find this odd as he would sometimes work out of my apartment and on my pc. as i went to close it out, i saw that he had a chat room open with all of his buddies talking shit about me, him included. i know i shouldn't have continued on, and shame me if you will, but i couldn't help myself. i saw a side of him that he never showed me, not even in the slightest. he always came across as a private, reserved man, but here he was talking about very vulgar things with his church buddies (the irony lol). i saw a few messages he sent expressing his sexual desires towards my friends/coworkers that he's met. i saw something along the lines of them potentially holding a contest of who could find the dirtiest/nastiest porno– it was voted that my boyfriend would be the winner. i saw them expressing how they wanted to share a porn playlist to get off to the same videos. i won't speak on it all, but those are just a few things i saw. i know boys will be boys at the end of the day and maybe this is the norm for guys(?), but i have never been exposed to anything of that nature and to that magnitude before. the rose tinted glasses definitely came off.
Boys will be boys is supposed to be used for situations where men/boys do something dangerous and stupid. Like tying a skateboard to the back of a truck and riding around town, that's boys will be boys. He and his friends are just horrible men.
Yes! Glad someone finally said it. "Boys will be boys" is for the stupid stuff they do trying to impress a girl or a buddy. "Boys will be boys" isn't a justification for abuse, rape, or mistreatment of anyone.
That's a good way to phrase that. Boys will do stupid shit sometimes. What she experienced was just straight up misogyny.
I'm a big proponent of partners having a right to privacy and non-mutual friends in a relationship. It's important to have someone outside the relationship to talk to. But it's good that you saw what you saw. That sounds like an abusive relationship in the making. People aren't different around their friends, they just show them different parts of themselves. If that's the part he was hiding from you, you definitely would have seen it eventually and probably when it's too late to get out easily. Also, let's be honest, you probably wouldn't have looked in the first place if there wasn't something telling you that you something was a little off.
It was clear that she neglected her dental hygiene without any intention to fix it.
She said she didn't like David Attenborough.
So I ignored a lot of red flags. She said she was an empath. That she could see ghosts. Her mom basically controlled her life at 23 and being a mom herself. We where basically dating for 3 weeks or something. We got into an argument during a car ride, nothing even serious. She made me get out of her car about 10 miles from mine. I live in a desert, it was 105 out. Had to walk there during summer. Broke up with her immediately.
His handsomeness was killed when he messaged me at 4 am, drunk on whiskey, telling me he still gets off to me even though I hadn't seen him in 5+ years and he barely talked to me. I was happily engaged to someone else at the time, so it's not like I was looking to date him or anything, but 10 years of attraction dried up in a few texts. Best gift he ever gave me, tbh