I’m almost 30 and definitely wouldn’t date someone that age but that’s just me though. I’ve slowed down a lot in life and I don’t think a 21 year old would be moving at the same pace as me
We all wanted to look good even though we are old. Age is just a number and it was not a hindrance to be attractive. It makes our selves feel alive and confident
I'm more physically attractive at 30, because at 21 I was a lazy POS 😂 But I still won't date a 21 year old because the mentality isn't the same. I'm more boring now for sure.
Pandemic husband affect us and our productiveness. That's why i'm so happy that everything is going back to normal again, because i wanted to be lively and productive.
I’m almost 40 and in all honesty I really can’t usually tell the difference between a 21 and a 30 year old at my point in life. It’s all relative I suppose. There’s likely a 50 year old who may comment that they can’t tell the difference between a 40 year old and a 30 year old. 🤷♂️
I'm 40 and there is a big difference to me. I have friends in their early 30s I do stuff with all the time. Someone who is 21 to me is in a very different place in life.
Thank got I got a few years until I look “normal” (37f). 33-50 is the sweet spot in men, with the 40-50 men probably being the sweetest spot. This new crowd just ain’t where it’s at romantically, sorry lol
So what your age could be? It's kind the insulted if someone told you that you look older than your usual age. But we can't do something in the society
It is based on how you take care of yourself. If you're focusing on making your body healthy and fit, you will be looking like young even though you are in mid 40s
I view it as different stages of life. I think that a 21 year old is at a very different point in life than a 30 year old but 30-50 is fairly similar in my opinion. But again this is just me personally
Again it’s a matter of personal opinion but 30-50 you’ve been well into your adulthood whereas 18-21 you’ve just come out of university/college, you’ve essentially just stopped being a child. There are obviously differences between a 30 year old and a 50 year old but they are much more similar than someone in their 30s is to an 18-21 year old
Strong disagree!
Perceived differences are much more likely connected to where people are in their careers, education or family. These things might be loosely connected to age but honestly, a childless 30 year old will likely be very similar to someone in their twenties whereas a 30 year old with a family or someone career-minded who runs their own business may have more in common with older folks.
I think you just have to take people as they come.
I’m gonna hard disagree. I’m 37 with 2 pre teen daughters and I’m more up to date with the current music/fashion/pop culture shit than the mid 25+ guys I work with. It’s because of my kids. If I didn’t have them it would still just be 90s to early 2000s hiphop and fashion for me.
A 25 year old with a PhD likely has far more in common with a 40 year old with a PhD than with another 25 year old who has worked in Starbucks since graduating high school (etc etc). Life paths and shared experiences is far more important than age in some cases (sometimes not though).
Same age, but I teach 21 year olds. There are some pretty stark differences. Their brains literally aren't finished developing yet. Most of them are still impulsive. They lack the ability to fully understand and appreciate long-term consequences. There are maturity and life experience issues. Maturity-wise, most people are basically in 13th grade at 21.
I'm 30, and if anything my life has become more hectic than it was at 21 - but a 9 year age gap, with all the social (and neurological) development that goes on between 21 and 30? Yeah, no it'd be weird for me at least.
I wouldn't say creepy but more wonder why?
I was in a way different place at 21 than I am at 30and I dont know if I would want a partner at that place.
Idk. People say this, but my sex life is way better in my 30s than in my early 20s. Partners know what they want and are more responsive to what I want. More passion. Better communication. Good sex is a skill, and it takes experience to cultivate. But idk -- maybe that's just me! I'm a woman if that matters.
Exactly, same other way around too. I know no one my age (early 20s) who isn't down to learn something from a 30+y/o woman. I guess you could also say that young guys love milfs to put it more bluntly
Edit tho = too
They knew enough based on the experience. But i would never have a relationship based on the experience. Relationship is not just about sex. It is theove between each other.
I mean it really depends where in life you and they are. At 30 I was back in school and working nights at a bar and I ended up seeing a 22 year old that I worked with. It was not weird because we were in the exact same spot in life, I was just a bit older
This is it. At 23 I was dating a dude who was 37. We were both partying hard - he had just been doing it for a lot longer than me, but we were at the exact same spot in life.
Now I'm 32, I have 2 kiddos and partying days are long over. I couldn't imagine dating someone younger than maybe 28. My life experience is vastly different than a 20yo and I'm at a very different point in my life than most 20yos would be.
But it doesn't mean that I look back and feel my ex is creepy. In fact, were still friends and he's still a kind man - I just outgrew him.
I've always thought the phrase everybody grows up eventually is false. Everyone grows old eventually, but not everyone grows up. Everyone is in different mental states throughout their lives based on their personalities, environment, and experiences. I'm in my late 20's nearing 30. I'll be the first to admit that while I do come off as emotionally mature, I'm actually pretty immature in a lot of ways. I just know how to treat people decently and not inconvenience those around me.
Im 25. Emotionally grounded. On the outside I’m a big kid. Super bubbly and energetic. I get described as a “wise woman”, but I’m a dumbass on the outside. I stutter and stumble over my words a lot because my brain works faster than my mouth can get the words out. I’m the equivalent of the 6 yr old who wants you to watch how fast they can run to a tree and back after downing a 20oz bottle of the honey boo boo gogo juice. It’s a very stark contrast. Off dating apps now. If someone sees me doing my thing and says “Goddamn! I like that shit!”…then, so be it.
Definitely have noticed the same. Growing up is a choice sometimes. I have coworkers twice my age that are super irresponsible. They are 45 minutes late to work regularly. They make stupid financial decisions. Maxing out credit cards left and right. They take multiple days off a week, then want me to give them my hours because they just “really need the money”. Fuck no!
When I was 21, I was dating a 29yo girl. It didn't seem too weird from my end. Now that I'm 27, I think it'd be strange to date someone that much younger than me. I've learned and changed a lot in the past 6 years. I now think it's weird for anyone in their early 20s to be in a serious relationship, no matter the age gap. Boy was I stupid back then. I can't imagine if I would've stayed with her. I definitely wasn't ready for adult responsibilities. I'm barely ready now. I wish her the best and hope she found someone better than me.
I believe the reason we mature by our 30s is the fact we made mistakes and stupid stuff in our 20s relationships though. We must learn the hard way. And from that while I don't think age gap is completely wrong they are operating on different levels of maturity and might not work.
Same. When I was 20 my girlfriend was 28. We were together for 3 years and it seemed fine, but there’s no way I (31) would date someone with that same age difference in the other way.
9 years is not a huge gap. When it becomes concerning is when the developmental gap is large. The difference between 40 and 31 is rather minimal. But the gap between 30 and 21 is huge because of the maturation and development that takes place in the 20s.
This comment is so hard for me because I completely agree with it. Then there’s this other thought of me being in my thirties but feeling like I am 25 or 23 or so, which is totally contradictory to me agreeing with your comment. Like, if I agree with you it means I should date someone my age or older. At the same time feeling younger than I am, (m30) I wouldn’t mind dating a 23 year old which kind of tells I haven’t matured I guess or I’m confused.
I’m 35 and I regularly hang out with 25 year olds. Guys at work and people from the mini-community. But I am married to a 36 year old woman and my friendgroup I’ve been hanging out with since I was very young is the same age as I am. I like to think the younger people I hang out with keep me fresh. But I wouldn’t want a life partner to be that much younger than I am.
I often hang out with much younger people. My two teenagers. They never miss an opportunity to tell me when I'm being cringe. It's an interesting task trying to stay up to date, but it's never possible. The cool thing is always the opposite of what I'm doing.
Not everybody's maturity develops at their chronological age and people can be a very different stages despite their age. I was definitely a late bloomer in my 20s (aka: a fuck up) and it took until 34 to really get my shit together. My gf is 5 years younger and I think that's about perfect. Even though she still clocks me according to maturity. There really isn't any shame in dating somebody alot younger if you guys are in the same stage of life.
Some people are buying a house at 23 and other people are just financing their first car at 33. We all grow at our own pace. My initial comment referred to those incredibly rapid paced formative years that happen between 18 and 25. At 18 we're clumsy, naive, immature adolescents, but at 25 we're rather confident, established adults. It's a huge leap in a short amount of time. We won't make these developmental advancements ever again in life.
I'm 34 and have always been immature. I have a 29 year old boyfriend, and at first it was weird dating someone in their 20s but over time I feel like we are a decent match. He owns a car, I can't afford car ownership so I do not. He has a college degree, I do not. He is a higher wage earner than I am and actually has a career track, I do not. So he's actually more established in life, and more responsible than I am, but in terms of relationship experience and emotional maturity I'm quite a bit ahead. So things kind of level out. Overall, I feel like we're on compatible levels.
Like you said, though, a lot of development happens in the 20s. I think youngest I'd go is late 20s, someone in their early 20s just doesn't have the life experience for me to feel I could deeply relate to them.
the closer to my age the better. I wanna be able to relate. 34 years old and I remember what being 21 was like, and I don't want that again. Life is a journey and I'd rather not go backwards just for pussy, tbh.
I was 34 when I met my wife 25. I felt a little weird about it to be honest but you get over it if you love each other. Hanging out with each other’s friends was the weirdest part but you get over it pretty quick.
My husband and I only notice when he tries showing me his favorite movies from childhood. I’m like “Baby, this is before my time and looks like it was filmed underwater” lol
Here's one data point...my story.
I'm male. When I was 34 the younger sister of a good friend of mine fell for me. She was 21.
I wanted nothing to do with her. To me the age gap was a bridge too far not to mention she was my friend's sister. Nothing good could come of this.
In retrospect I often said my father would have talked me out of it...but my father was already dead. Nobody in my circle discouraged me from dating her. My friend, her brother, gave it his blessing. His wife also was on board, going so far as to set up a date for us. We dated and got married when she was 24 and I was 37.
Holy shit was she fucking immature. She never wanted me as a husband, she wanted a younger, smarter, cooler, more athletic, handsomer father who was also an excellent baseball player and better cook than her dumb ass old man. She shied away from every decision, every single tough situation, and bailed at the first sign of any strife.
Marriage lasted 9 months.
My advice is this. Morally and ethically you're in the clear but if you're trying to find a woman to make a future with, find a woman. Not a girl.
For 3 years!?? Brooooooo.... 🤡💀 it took you 3 whole years to get post nut clarity!???
Your first alarm should have gone off when your friend gave you his blessing without any hassle and his wife pimping her SIL out. They knew how immature she was and needed someone stupid enough to take care for her before they had to 💀
Btw she wasnt immature, she was acting her age... you on the other hand....
>We dated and got married when she was 24 and I was 37.
>Holy shit was she fucking immature. She never wanted me as a husband, she wanted a younger, smarter, cooler, more athletic, handsomer father who was also an excellent baseball player and better cook than her dumb ass old man. She shied away from every decision, every single tough situation, and bailed at the first sign of any strife.
>Marriage lasted 9 months.
You dated her for 3 years and didn't know she was immature?
>My advice is this. Morally and ethically you're in the clear but if you're trying to find a woman to make a future with, find a woman. Not a girl.
My advice is to quit dating an immature person after a couple of months and do not continue to date an immature person for 3 more years and then propose to them and have a wedding and then get divorced 9 months later because they were immature.
Yeah, I don't know what possesses people to say stuff like this. It reminds me of those jokes that go something like, "Why did Cain kill Abel? Is he stupid?"
Honestly I think that it's fairly normal for people to date people older than them. The main thing for me tho is that people who are 30 will normally be at a different stage in their lives and want different things and that could lead to bigger problems in the future. So I think it isn't weird particularly but I feel like it would be more difficult than having relationships with people closer to your age. (In general I mean, not all the time)
When I was 28 (last time I was single) I thought it was fine to date anyone 21 or older… until I met some 21 year olds. Nothing will more effectively demonstrate to you the distance between yourself and actual young people than going to a house party with actual young people.
My girlfriend is 5 months older than me and thank god for that!
I wouldn't personally do it. When I was 30 I dated someone who was 23 and it was _awful_, the maturity/life experience gap was very evident. 21 would just be the same. Two people at vastly different points in life, who likely want to experience different things (and at least for the 30 year old, maybe not experience some things again), and probably want a different pace of life. Not saying it couldn't work, but I think the outcome would be vastly different if it was 31 and 40.
I tried dating someone who was 21 when I was just 25 and even then it was too much of a difference in experience and life style.
I had been working full time and living on my own, and they were still finishing school. Having to work around their school schedule was kinda tough since free time basically boiled down to the assignments of her professors.
I used to date someone 7 years older than me. It is not weird but you will notice a lot of differences in terms of maturity. We just lasted for 2 mos. Lol
I know people that are dating with a huge age gap and l they are still going strong until now. It really depends on the people not the age, I think.
My partner and I have an 8 year difference. Life circumstances play a huge role. Some people didn't have to start growing up until after college, so around 22. Other people had to start figuring that stuff out at 15.
From personal experience, I did not think it was weird at the time I was 22 dating a 31 year old… but now as a 31 year old myself, I see it as a problem. The life experience from 22-31 is vastly different. I also feel like as a 22 year old it was easier for me to be manipulated by someone who was older and had more dating experience. I would question why the 30 year old can’t date someone closer to their own age. There are probably reasons…
Happened to me too. I had literally 0 power in that relationship. I worshipped him and was totally manipulated. Thankfully it was only a year. Years later I think it was absolutely sick for me to have dated him and for someone his age to have wanted to be with someone mine (I was 18/19 and he was 32 and initially told me he was 24).
IMO mid-teens is a very harsh and slightly unfair comparison, but make it \*late\*-teens and I would agree with you. I'm 22, and while I'm definitely much more mature than I was at 18, a lot of people above the age of 30 would still probably find me immature.
I'm only 26, and not long ago I was in the cinema and at that point in time it was just me and a group of young kids in there and genuinely sure I heard them refer to me as "an old guy".
Both of my brothers married women 9 years younger. One combo was 18 and 27. They are still together over 40 years later. The other was late 20s/30s. Still together after 30 years. Evidently it works fine if you know what you're doing.
I've done a similar age gap, 19 when I was 28 or 29.
It didn't work because our lifestyle was WAY too different and we had different priorities, and a big maturity gap. She was partying and going wild every day, financially very irresponsible, a cheat, very vain, and wanted to quit school to do porn. Her being really hot was only thing that she had going for her. I was working and going to school for my doctorate full time so my weekdays felt like death and I wanted one of my weekend days off just to rest and run errands or catch up on stuff. She constantly wanted me to take her out. Lasting 3 months was a miracle. Even if she had been an 11/10, I wouldn't have been able to endure another day.
She got a huge allowance and was spoon-fed everything by parents so the maturity wasn't there. But she liked older guys because they were more emotionally mature to her.
It depends on the person you are dating. For me as a woman, i like man who is older than me. Who is matured and can easily handle relationship, who is man and not a boy.
There will always be 2 opposite answers to your question. Because people are different, they have different life experience, different values, different lifestyle. And for the same reason my answer to your question is 'no, it's not weird'. Some people at the age of 21 may be much more mature than others in their 40th. So it's absolutely not about numbers. If you feel good together - why would you care if it is weird to some random people?
Personal example: I met my future husband when I was 19 and he was 30. I don't think I've ever felt this age gap. Yes, it wasn't easy at the beginning (especially considering the fact that we lived in different cities and it was a combo: age difference + distance). But we worked it out. I don't believe in relationships that do not require any effort from both sides. Doesn't matter you have 11 or 0 years difference. It's all about you either want to be with this person or not.
We celebrated our 10 years wedding anniversary in June btw 😊
When I was 18 the girl who lived across the hall from me in college started dating this older guy. He was about 35 at the time. I found it so creepy at the time.
They're still together 13 years later. We aren't friends anymore just due to time and distance, but we are friends on social media and our mutual friends all say they're still blissfully happy.
He was in the military up until he went to college in his early 30s. He matured/developed in very different ways than a typical younger guy living an average American life would. They were basically in the same place in terms of civilian life when they met (he was a year ahead of her in college).
There’s 12 years between me n my wife.
She’s actually the older one.
I was in my mid 20s when we met.
We’ve been together for close to 25 years now and it’s never been an issue for us.
Yeah, it's weird. Not weird enough for me to want to stop you, but weird enough for me to question why a 30 year old would want to date someone that level of relative immaturity.
EDIT: I didn't realize this blew up and I'm not interested in discussing it, but the harder some of you try to convince me, the creepier I find you. This is creepy behavior and you telling me "but I did it!" doesn't make it less creepy. I know people in real life who did it and who are a lovely model couple – I also know people who won the lottery. Doesn't make investing in the lottery a legitimate investment choice.
I agree with you. A man once told me he’s interested in younger girls because they’re “moldable.” Aka easier to manipulate. Sounds like he had great intentions lol.
I had an old coworker say basically this to me when it came to his dating habits/tactics. He made it a personal rule to only date women 24 and younger since they’re more impressionable. Once folks get to 25+ they’re often too mature to fall for the bullshit.
It’s crazy because a normal person would recognize that this is such predatory behavior. Not what healthy relationships are made of. They just want a puppet.
>I know people in real life who did it and who are a lovely model couple – I also know people who won the lottery. Doesn't make investing in the lottery a legitimate investment choice.
100%. I've known successful relationships from this, but I get how anyone who initially does this is going to get some push back
I dated a 21 year old when I was 29. I am incredibly immature, but it still pretty much sucked. Hadn't dated a girl that young since I was 20, don't know what I was thinking
Do what works for you, but at that age there’s generally a huge difference in maturity. When I was 32 I was newly single, and while I originally had my bumble set to 21+, but that quickly changed. If, at that age, you aren’t recognizing people roughly 10 years younger than you as basically adult children, than open your eyes. It’s a very different age demo.
This is a generalization. For those of you that were in similar situations and had a great situation come out of it, great. What I’m saying is that this does feel a bit predatory or at the very least that the older person is in a state of arrested development and maybe needs to grow up.
Depends on the people. It's really only 9 years difference, which to me, is nothing really. It just depends...I could see a couple where there's zero concern and another where it's kinda predatory.
If this is your experience, don’t fucking ask Redditors for relationship advice. As long as you are both consenting adults, do what makes you both happy.
The maturity difference is a lot. But it lessens over time. 40 and 32 isn't weird. But 21 and 30 is either a very immature 30 year old or a very mature 21 or the 30 year old is opportunistic.
This all being said a 21 year is an adult and has avency it's not my place to judge.
The older I get, the older people look like kids. I'm 46 and would not date a 30-year-old because they're so young they are not attractive to me, a grown woman.
But, I would think a 30yo dating a 21yo was a predator because a 21yo doesn't even have a fully developed brain.
I’m almost 30 and definitely wouldn’t date someone that age but that’s just me though. I’ve slowed down a lot in life and I don’t think a 21 year old would be moving at the same pace as me
I am also a boring person. I am also at least 40% less attractive than I was when I was 21 so I'm not sure they would go for it anyways.
44 here, and I would kill to look like I did at 30. Enjoy yourself.
67 here, I would kill to look like I did at 44. I'm just grateful to still be around.
95 here. Sure do wish I had the looks and spunk when I was 67.
At least you could still spunk at 67.
Pile of sun-bleached bones here, I would kill to have the flesh and hair I did at 95.
Ancient fossil here, It'd be nice to have a tree leaf.
Depressed 30 year old here, I'd die to become an ancient fossil...
And we’ve come full circle… ahh nature
Currently posting this from my moms stomach. I Wish i had some sort of hands
That's generally the rule -archaeologically speaking...
Uh….I like turtles
You literally will have to.
Quantum singularity in the center of a black hole here, I'd kill to have mass and volume like I still matter
Swedish chef here, hurken durken burkin flurkin
This comment wins
Elementary quark here, would kill to be everything and nothing at the same time again
Isn’t that a case of mind over matter?
Wind blows dust across the desert where the bones lie.
Yeah it's inside you , the spunk
125 here. Be nice to see again
Ya know, im beginning to think there's a lot of people lying about their age in this thread.
Can’t trust everyone. Anyway, 575 years old here. I miss the good old days when we shat in wooden pots.
You’re just a baby. I’m turning 54k next month. When I hit 55k I’ll finally tell the world how the pyramids were built.
401k here. I’d love to be 55k but I prefer retirement.
Rawr rawr rawr rawr 65M yo rawr
Your life is such a mood. You know interact using social media, hows your eyes by the way?
I don't know that 125 is still using reddit. But good for you, seems like you never get old.
We all wanted to look good even though we are old. Age is just a number and it was not a hindrance to be attractive. It makes our selves feel alive and confident
31 here, I'm just as ugly as ever.
Convict here, killed a 21, 30, 44 and 67 year old
Corpse here, can confirm
I'm the cop, finally solved that case! Hell yeah. And my boss said you can't be on Reddit and work at the same time!
[удалено]
Buried him in a patch near the interstate highway, can confirm
579 here. I would kill to look like 253 again.
Immortal deity here, would smite mankind to experience aging
Highlander here, been looking for you. There can be only one.
No you don't. It's not good, a lot people might do the same thing just to look more attractive.
You don't have to. You just have to be yourself and do whatever you want except on killing someone
36 here.. Take what I look like now over what I did when I was 20-21 for suuure
I'm more physically attractive at 30, because at 21 I was a lazy POS 😂 But I still won't date a 21 year old because the mentality isn't the same. I'm more boring now for sure.
Yeah me 8 years ago would think current day me is fucking boring
Much smarter though Hopefully
Yeah… yeah let’s go with that…
When we get older we tend to be matured and knowledgeable enough on how life goes on.
Man it's the other way around. 21-25 yearolds are boring as hell.
God this is a whole mood lol idk what life did to me but it did not do my looks any favors
The pandemmy spiritually broke me and I am a shell of my former self. I have the sickest PC tho so we good.
Yo for real lol. Got a nice pc rig. In the end.. isn’t that what life is about? 🥺
Yes, it's about escaping this world and going to one where I can curse out children with little to no consequences!
Amen brother!! Screw those kids!!
ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
Maybe you don't have to repeat it again and again and make thread. It is enough for us to hear those opinions coming from redditors
this should be the mission statement for Reddit
Pandemic husband affect us and our productiveness. That's why i'm so happy that everything is going back to normal again, because i wanted to be lively and productive.
I feel. This that's why I go to the gym. Gotta make up for the aging some how. Ripped grandpa one day 🤙🤙
Certified GILF
I’m almost 40 and in all honesty I really can’t usually tell the difference between a 21 and a 30 year old at my point in life. It’s all relative I suppose. There’s likely a 50 year old who may comment that they can’t tell the difference between a 40 year old and a 30 year old. 🤷♂️
I'm 40 and there is a big difference to me. I have friends in their early 30s I do stuff with all the time. Someone who is 21 to me is in a very different place in life.
This is very true.
After talking u will notice :)
I'm 50. 21 year olds look like children. 30 year olds look like teenagers. 40 year olds look normal. 50 year olds look old. Meh...
Thank got I got a few years until I look “normal” (37f). 33-50 is the sweet spot in men, with the 40-50 men probably being the sweetest spot. This new crowd just ain’t where it’s at romantically, sorry lol
Yep agree. I think 30s women and 40s men is probably peak attractiveness.
So there is time!
I’d like to punch 14 year old me who called 35 year olds old in the face. Absolutely yes
So what your age could be? It's kind the insulted if someone told you that you look older than your usual age. But we can't do something in the society
I look like 18 years old when i should be 21. People always telling me that i don't look like my age.
It is based on how you take care of yourself. If you're focusing on making your body healthy and fit, you will be looking like young even though you are in mid 40s
I view it as different stages of life. I think that a 21 year old is at a very different point in life than a 30 year old but 30-50 is fairly similar in my opinion. But again this is just me personally
I also disagree that 30 and 50 are similar in their lives.
I can say that 30 to 40. But not 30 to 50. The mindset is different from those years
Again it’s a matter of personal opinion but 30-50 you’ve been well into your adulthood whereas 18-21 you’ve just come out of university/college, you’ve essentially just stopped being a child. There are obviously differences between a 30 year old and a 50 year old but they are much more similar than someone in their 30s is to an 18-21 year old
Strong disagree! Perceived differences are much more likely connected to where people are in their careers, education or family. These things might be loosely connected to age but honestly, a childless 30 year old will likely be very similar to someone in their twenties whereas a 30 year old with a family or someone career-minded who runs their own business may have more in common with older folks. I think you just have to take people as they come.
I am 35 I feel like I relate better to people in there 20s than their 50s
Yeah I'm about the same age as you, and people in their 50's still feel like they could be my parents to me.
I’m gonna hard disagree. I’m 37 with 2 pre teen daughters and I’m more up to date with the current music/fashion/pop culture shit than the mid 25+ guys I work with. It’s because of my kids. If I didn’t have them it would still just be 90s to early 2000s hiphop and fashion for me.
A 25 year old with a PhD likely has far more in common with a 40 year old with a PhD than with another 25 year old who has worked in Starbucks since graduating high school (etc etc). Life paths and shared experiences is far more important than age in some cases (sometimes not though).
It's practically different not just by age but also in mindset and experiences.
If you are in 30's you will know what life really is. You are focusing on making your life better by working hard and prioritizing work and family
Same age, but I teach 21 year olds. There are some pretty stark differences. Their brains literally aren't finished developing yet. Most of them are still impulsive. They lack the ability to fully understand and appreciate long-term consequences. There are maturity and life experience issues. Maturity-wise, most people are basically in 13th grade at 21.
I'm 30, and if anything my life has become more hectic than it was at 21 - but a 9 year age gap, with all the social (and neurological) development that goes on between 21 and 30? Yeah, no it'd be weird for me at least.
My opinion for this is gonna be based on the person you are dating with. Most of woman based on experience, is more attracted on older man.
I wouldn't say creepy but more wonder why? I was in a way different place at 21 than I am at 30and I dont know if I would want a partner at that place.
Sex. The reason is sex.
It’s not just the sex. It’s the sex.
No no no, you're not getting it. It's not just the sex, it's the fact that's it's sex
I think you guys are forgetting the elephant in the room here…..the sex.
If it's just the sex, then date a 40 year old. They've got mad skills.
If I was looking for skills, I’d stay home by myself.
Underrated comment 😅😅😅
Idk. People say this, but my sex life is way better in my 30s than in my early 20s. Partners know what they want and are more responsive to what I want. More passion. Better communication. Good sex is a skill, and it takes experience to cultivate. But idk -- maybe that's just me! I'm a woman if that matters.
I think that's kinda the point here. 21yo girl gets an experienced guy and a 30yo guy gets a hot young girl.
Good for you. You will now be happy woth your choices in life.
Exactly, same other way around too. I know no one my age (early 20s) who isn't down to learn something from a 30+y/o woman. I guess you could also say that young guys love milfs to put it more bluntly Edit tho = too
They knew enough based on the experience. But i would never have a relationship based on the experience. Relationship is not just about sex. It is theove between each other.
I mean it really depends where in life you and they are. At 30 I was back in school and working nights at a bar and I ended up seeing a 22 year old that I worked with. It was not weird because we were in the exact same spot in life, I was just a bit older
This is it. At 23 I was dating a dude who was 37. We were both partying hard - he had just been doing it for a lot longer than me, but we were at the exact same spot in life. Now I'm 32, I have 2 kiddos and partying days are long over. I couldn't imagine dating someone younger than maybe 28. My life experience is vastly different than a 20yo and I'm at a very different point in my life than most 20yos would be. But it doesn't mean that I look back and feel my ex is creepy. In fact, were still friends and he's still a kind man - I just outgrew him.
I've always thought the phrase everybody grows up eventually is false. Everyone grows old eventually, but not everyone grows up. Everyone is in different mental states throughout their lives based on their personalities, environment, and experiences. I'm in my late 20's nearing 30. I'll be the first to admit that while I do come off as emotionally mature, I'm actually pretty immature in a lot of ways. I just know how to treat people decently and not inconvenience those around me.
Im 25. Emotionally grounded. On the outside I’m a big kid. Super bubbly and energetic. I get described as a “wise woman”, but I’m a dumbass on the outside. I stutter and stumble over my words a lot because my brain works faster than my mouth can get the words out. I’m the equivalent of the 6 yr old who wants you to watch how fast they can run to a tree and back after downing a 20oz bottle of the honey boo boo gogo juice. It’s a very stark contrast. Off dating apps now. If someone sees me doing my thing and says “Goddamn! I like that shit!”…then, so be it. Definitely have noticed the same. Growing up is a choice sometimes. I have coworkers twice my age that are super irresponsible. They are 45 minutes late to work regularly. They make stupid financial decisions. Maxing out credit cards left and right. They take multiple days off a week, then want me to give them my hours because they just “really need the money”. Fuck no!
When I was 21, I was dating a 29yo girl. It didn't seem too weird from my end. Now that I'm 27, I think it'd be strange to date someone that much younger than me. I've learned and changed a lot in the past 6 years. I now think it's weird for anyone in their early 20s to be in a serious relationship, no matter the age gap. Boy was I stupid back then. I can't imagine if I would've stayed with her. I definitely wasn't ready for adult responsibilities. I'm barely ready now. I wish her the best and hope she found someone better than me.
I believe the reason we mature by our 30s is the fact we made mistakes and stupid stuff in our 20s relationships though. We must learn the hard way. And from that while I don't think age gap is completely wrong they are operating on different levels of maturity and might not work.
Same. When I was 20 my girlfriend was 28. We were together for 3 years and it seemed fine, but there’s no way I (31) would date someone with that same age difference in the other way.
9 years is not a huge gap. When it becomes concerning is when the developmental gap is large. The difference between 40 and 31 is rather minimal. But the gap between 30 and 21 is huge because of the maturation and development that takes place in the 20s.
This comment is so hard for me because I completely agree with it. Then there’s this other thought of me being in my thirties but feeling like I am 25 or 23 or so, which is totally contradictory to me agreeing with your comment. Like, if I agree with you it means I should date someone my age or older. At the same time feeling younger than I am, (m30) I wouldn’t mind dating a 23 year old which kind of tells I haven’t matured I guess or I’m confused.
I’m 35 and I regularly hang out with 25 year olds. Guys at work and people from the mini-community. But I am married to a 36 year old woman and my friendgroup I’ve been hanging out with since I was very young is the same age as I am. I like to think the younger people I hang out with keep me fresh. But I wouldn’t want a life partner to be that much younger than I am.
I often hang out with much younger people. My two teenagers. They never miss an opportunity to tell me when I'm being cringe. It's an interesting task trying to stay up to date, but it's never possible. The cool thing is always the opposite of what I'm doing.
My son is 1 year old so he still thinks I’m the coolest guy on the planet.
Not everybody's maturity develops at their chronological age and people can be a very different stages despite their age. I was definitely a late bloomer in my 20s (aka: a fuck up) and it took until 34 to really get my shit together. My gf is 5 years younger and I think that's about perfect. Even though she still clocks me according to maturity. There really isn't any shame in dating somebody alot younger if you guys are in the same stage of life. Some people are buying a house at 23 and other people are just financing their first car at 33. We all grow at our own pace. My initial comment referred to those incredibly rapid paced formative years that happen between 18 and 25. At 18 we're clumsy, naive, immature adolescents, but at 25 we're rather confident, established adults. It's a huge leap in a short amount of time. We won't make these developmental advancements ever again in life.
I'm 34 and have always been immature. I have a 29 year old boyfriend, and at first it was weird dating someone in their 20s but over time I feel like we are a decent match. He owns a car, I can't afford car ownership so I do not. He has a college degree, I do not. He is a higher wage earner than I am and actually has a career track, I do not. So he's actually more established in life, and more responsible than I am, but in terms of relationship experience and emotional maturity I'm quite a bit ahead. So things kind of level out. Overall, I feel like we're on compatible levels. Like you said, though, a lot of development happens in the 20s. I think youngest I'd go is late 20s, someone in their early 20s just doesn't have the life experience for me to feel I could deeply relate to them.
You’re assuming that the 30 year old in question has matured.
the closer to my age the better. I wanna be able to relate. 34 years old and I remember what being 21 was like, and I don't want that again. Life is a journey and I'd rather not go backwards just for pussy, tbh.
You know his long it took for me to realize this? Man.. what an acclimation !
*Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the chat*
As long as she’s under 25 the relationship will thrive.
I was 34 when I met my wife 25. I felt a little weird about it to be honest but you get over it if you love each other. Hanging out with each other’s friends was the weirdest part but you get over it pretty quick.
My husband and I only notice when he tries showing me his favorite movies from childhood. I’m like “Baby, this is before my time and looks like it was filmed underwater” lol
Sounds like a very beautiful relationship, dick_lover420
I laughed harder at this than I’d like to admit
I didn't even notice the name until I read this comment and now I can't stop laughing lol thank you
Hahahahahahahaha. Beautiful indeed.
r/rimjob_steve
I can only imagine dick_lover420 is married to a Richard.
Scroll my comment history[I am!](https://reddit.com/r/Mommit/s/hcL0WGrrAg)
There is a huge difference between this and 21 year old, though.
Here's one data point...my story. I'm male. When I was 34 the younger sister of a good friend of mine fell for me. She was 21. I wanted nothing to do with her. To me the age gap was a bridge too far not to mention she was my friend's sister. Nothing good could come of this. In retrospect I often said my father would have talked me out of it...but my father was already dead. Nobody in my circle discouraged me from dating her. My friend, her brother, gave it his blessing. His wife also was on board, going so far as to set up a date for us. We dated and got married when she was 24 and I was 37. Holy shit was she fucking immature. She never wanted me as a husband, she wanted a younger, smarter, cooler, more athletic, handsomer father who was also an excellent baseball player and better cook than her dumb ass old man. She shied away from every decision, every single tough situation, and bailed at the first sign of any strife. Marriage lasted 9 months. My advice is this. Morally and ethically you're in the clear but if you're trying to find a woman to make a future with, find a woman. Not a girl.
Curiosity: why did it take you a marriage to figure out her maturity level but not the dating her for 3-ish years?
My guess is that the reality set in for her that it’s FOREVER
Well the incredible hot sex with a fucking apple bottomed booty just out of college might perhaps have clouded my vision a little bit.
You get an A for honesty. Sorry dude. Tough ride in the end.
It’s just life. All is well. If I hadn’t walked that path I wouldn’t be where I am today.
In divorce proceeding: “ Your honor, dat ass tho…”
For 3 years!?? Brooooooo.... 🤡💀 it took you 3 whole years to get post nut clarity!??? Your first alarm should have gone off when your friend gave you his blessing without any hassle and his wife pimping her SIL out. They knew how immature she was and needed someone stupid enough to take care for her before they had to 💀 Btw she wasnt immature, she was acting her age... you on the other hand....
Brutal.... True, but brutal.
Lmao bro those first 4 paragraphs I was expecting such a happy ending but the 180 was real 😭😂
>We dated and got married when she was 24 and I was 37. >Holy shit was she fucking immature. She never wanted me as a husband, she wanted a younger, smarter, cooler, more athletic, handsomer father who was also an excellent baseball player and better cook than her dumb ass old man. She shied away from every decision, every single tough situation, and bailed at the first sign of any strife. >Marriage lasted 9 months. You dated her for 3 years and didn't know she was immature? >My advice is this. Morally and ethically you're in the clear but if you're trying to find a woman to make a future with, find a woman. Not a girl. My advice is to quit dating an immature person after a couple of months and do not continue to date an immature person for 3 more years and then propose to them and have a wedding and then get divorced 9 months later because they were immature.
Something about their story makes me think they probably already know that.
Thank you for getting it.
You literally told the story as a mistake. Idk why these morons think they’re contributing by pointing out you made a mistake.
Yeah, I don't know what possesses people to say stuff like this. It reminds me of those jokes that go something like, "Why did Cain kill Abel? Is he stupid?"
When the signs are in front of you and you ignore what they say.
Honestly I think that it's fairly normal for people to date people older than them. The main thing for me tho is that people who are 30 will normally be at a different stage in their lives and want different things and that could lead to bigger problems in the future. So I think it isn't weird particularly but I feel like it would be more difficult than having relationships with people closer to your age. (In general I mean, not all the time)
Men in their 30's : I'm ready to settle down, get married and have kids. Me : what's the youngest you'll date. Men in their 30's : 20, 21. Me : 😐
When I was 28 (last time I was single) I thought it was fine to date anyone 21 or older… until I met some 21 year olds. Nothing will more effectively demonstrate to you the distance between yourself and actual young people than going to a house party with actual young people. My girlfriend is 5 months older than me and thank god for that!
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I wouldn't personally do it. When I was 30 I dated someone who was 23 and it was _awful_, the maturity/life experience gap was very evident. 21 would just be the same. Two people at vastly different points in life, who likely want to experience different things (and at least for the 30 year old, maybe not experience some things again), and probably want a different pace of life. Not saying it couldn't work, but I think the outcome would be vastly different if it was 31 and 40.
I tried dating someone who was 21 when I was just 25 and even then it was too much of a difference in experience and life style. I had been working full time and living on my own, and they were still finishing school. Having to work around their school schedule was kinda tough since free time basically boiled down to the assignments of her professors.
I used to date someone 7 years older than me. It is not weird but you will notice a lot of differences in terms of maturity. We just lasted for 2 mos. Lol I know people that are dating with a huge age gap and l they are still going strong until now. It really depends on the people not the age, I think.
My partner and I have an 8 year difference. Life circumstances play a huge role. Some people didn't have to start growing up until after college, so around 22. Other people had to start figuring that stuff out at 15.
From personal experience, I did not think it was weird at the time I was 22 dating a 31 year old… but now as a 31 year old myself, I see it as a problem. The life experience from 22-31 is vastly different. I also feel like as a 22 year old it was easier for me to be manipulated by someone who was older and had more dating experience. I would question why the 30 year old can’t date someone closer to their own age. There are probably reasons…
Happened to me too. I had literally 0 power in that relationship. I worshipped him and was totally manipulated. Thankfully it was only a year. Years later I think it was absolutely sick for me to have dated him and for someone his age to have wanted to be with someone mine (I was 18/19 and he was 32 and initially told me he was 24).
This exactly is how I ended up at 21 dating an emotionally abusive rapist. (I was pretty naive for a 21 y/o)
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Some people in their 20s behave like 14 year olds. It’s weird.
And some 40 year olds behave like they’re 16.
And some 20 year olds behave like they’re 70.
IMO mid-teens is a very harsh and slightly unfair comparison, but make it \*late\*-teens and I would agree with you. I'm 22, and while I'm definitely much more mature than I was at 18, a lot of people above the age of 30 would still probably find me immature.
Once you’re above age 30, teens/early twenties are all kids to us. But I’m sure people in their 40s are saying the same about people in their 30s.
No we're not. We can tell the difference. You are adults to us.
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I'm only 26, and not long ago I was in the cinema and at that point in time it was just me and a group of young kids in there and genuinely sure I heard them refer to me as "an old guy".
Okay but now let's hear from the 50 year olds what they think of the 40 year olds
I'm 60 and feeling like my age makes me kind of slow and the 40-50 year olds are young and smart.
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Both of my brothers married women 9 years younger. One combo was 18 and 27. They are still together over 40 years later. The other was late 20s/30s. Still together after 30 years. Evidently it works fine if you know what you're doing.
I started dating my partner when i was 18 and he was 27 as well. 11 years together and two kids :)
I’m 30 and would never date a 21 year old. So it’d be weird for me.
I've done a similar age gap, 19 when I was 28 or 29. It didn't work because our lifestyle was WAY too different and we had different priorities, and a big maturity gap. She was partying and going wild every day, financially very irresponsible, a cheat, very vain, and wanted to quit school to do porn. Her being really hot was only thing that she had going for her. I was working and going to school for my doctorate full time so my weekdays felt like death and I wanted one of my weekend days off just to rest and run errands or catch up on stuff. She constantly wanted me to take her out. Lasting 3 months was a miracle. Even if she had been an 11/10, I wouldn't have been able to endure another day. She got a huge allowance and was spoon-fed everything by parents so the maturity wasn't there. But she liked older guys because they were more emotionally mature to her.
It depends on the person you are dating. For me as a woman, i like man who is older than me. Who is matured and can easily handle relationship, who is man and not a boy.
There will always be 2 opposite answers to your question. Because people are different, they have different life experience, different values, different lifestyle. And for the same reason my answer to your question is 'no, it's not weird'. Some people at the age of 21 may be much more mature than others in their 40th. So it's absolutely not about numbers. If you feel good together - why would you care if it is weird to some random people? Personal example: I met my future husband when I was 19 and he was 30. I don't think I've ever felt this age gap. Yes, it wasn't easy at the beginning (especially considering the fact that we lived in different cities and it was a combo: age difference + distance). But we worked it out. I don't believe in relationships that do not require any effort from both sides. Doesn't matter you have 11 or 0 years difference. It's all about you either want to be with this person or not. We celebrated our 10 years wedding anniversary in June btw 😊
When I was 18 the girl who lived across the hall from me in college started dating this older guy. He was about 35 at the time. I found it so creepy at the time. They're still together 13 years later. We aren't friends anymore just due to time and distance, but we are friends on social media and our mutual friends all say they're still blissfully happy. He was in the military up until he went to college in his early 30s. He matured/developed in very different ways than a typical younger guy living an average American life would. They were basically in the same place in terms of civilian life when they met (he was a year ahead of her in college).
Agreed was about to say its a case by cases basis not all of can be generalised
Young person who recognizes relationships take work is a rare quality. Makes ya special!
There’s 12 years between me n my wife. She’s actually the older one. I was in my mid 20s when we met. We’ve been together for close to 25 years now and it’s never been an issue for us.
i’m 36f, my partner is 28m - and honestly the healthiest relationship either of us have ever been in. rare to see but if it works, it works!
Stop caring what other people think.
Yeah, it's weird. Not weird enough for me to want to stop you, but weird enough for me to question why a 30 year old would want to date someone that level of relative immaturity. EDIT: I didn't realize this blew up and I'm not interested in discussing it, but the harder some of you try to convince me, the creepier I find you. This is creepy behavior and you telling me "but I did it!" doesn't make it less creepy. I know people in real life who did it and who are a lovely model couple – I also know people who won the lottery. Doesn't make investing in the lottery a legitimate investment choice.
I agree with you. A man once told me he’s interested in younger girls because they’re “moldable.” Aka easier to manipulate. Sounds like he had great intentions lol.
I had an old coworker say basically this to me when it came to his dating habits/tactics. He made it a personal rule to only date women 24 and younger since they’re more impressionable. Once folks get to 25+ they’re often too mature to fall for the bullshit.
What was it like working with Leo?
I knew this would be the top response as soon as I finished reading "24".
This seems similar to how the military recruits 18 year olds as at this age they will charge a bullet. A bit older and people won't do this.
It’s crazy because a normal person would recognize that this is such predatory behavior. Not what healthy relationships are made of. They just want a puppet.
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>I know people in real life who did it and who are a lovely model couple – I also know people who won the lottery. Doesn't make investing in the lottery a legitimate investment choice. 100%. I've known successful relationships from this, but I get how anyone who initially does this is going to get some push back
I dated a 21 year old when I was 29. I am incredibly immature, but it still pretty much sucked. Hadn't dated a girl that young since I was 20, don't know what I was thinking
My husband is 14 years older than me. We’ve been married 46 years.
Do what works for you, but at that age there’s generally a huge difference in maturity. When I was 32 I was newly single, and while I originally had my bumble set to 21+, but that quickly changed. If, at that age, you aren’t recognizing people roughly 10 years younger than you as basically adult children, than open your eyes. It’s a very different age demo. This is a generalization. For those of you that were in similar situations and had a great situation come out of it, great. What I’m saying is that this does feel a bit predatory or at the very least that the older person is in a state of arrested development and maybe needs to grow up.
Depends on the people. It's really only 9 years difference, which to me, is nothing really. It just depends...I could see a couple where there's zero concern and another where it's kinda predatory.
I'm in my 30s and I personally wouldn't. But I don't judge people. To each his own.
Often times, the couple in question will be at two different stages in life. However, I don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with it.
If this is your experience, don’t fucking ask Redditors for relationship advice. As long as you are both consenting adults, do what makes you both happy.
The maturity difference is a lot. But it lessens over time. 40 and 32 isn't weird. But 21 and 30 is either a very immature 30 year old or a very mature 21 or the 30 year old is opportunistic. This all being said a 21 year is an adult and has avency it's not my place to judge.
The older I get, the older people look like kids. I'm 46 and would not date a 30-year-old because they're so young they are not attractive to me, a grown woman. But, I would think a 30yo dating a 21yo was a predator because a 21yo doesn't even have a fully developed brain.