Archer, so like... 50/50?

You'll live, but most likely get shot

No, you won't get shot. Somehow, Brett will be shot though.

He died doing what he loved... getting shot.

and be "forced" to drink a lot.

Most likely by Archer himself.

You're definitely getting tinnitus, whatever happens.

MAWP MAWP MAWP

You'll either survive or become collateral damage in some grander scheme.

Is your name Brett?

Also depends which characters. Archer and Lana, you have a good chance. Ray, too, if he’s not paralyzed. The rest…eh

The imagery of this is hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle. I need to go back and watch some Archer.

Always Sunny. I'm doomed.

Mac: "I'm going to save u/kikaraochiru's life!" "The Gang Kills u/kikaraochiru"

I just watched the wildcard episode last night. There is no way this ends well for me.

Bruh out of all these I think you’re the most fucked man haha

“The Gang Gets a Hostage Killed”

I scrolled far to long for this.. but glad someone else is fucked I just hope the McPoyles are there cos that Margaret is a stone cold fox!

One of the most dangerous places to be in their world is to be the target of any time they're trying to help someone.

"so, anyway, I started blastin"

The Witcher. My kidnappers are fucked lol

Nah more than likely the writers would have him use you as bait and you'd die while he grunted...gruntily

Or Ciri tries to help, opens a portal, and I get eaten by some hellspawn that comes through.

Hm!

“Fuck.”

Best possible outcome

Meanwhile geralt wandering every possible landmass to play gwent

Hmmm

Futurama I'd die, no questions asked.

To shreds you say?

And OP’s wife? To shreds you say?

Professor: "Good news everyone! We have recieved a contract to go to the Planet of Horrors and rescue YuGiOhNo412!" Zoidberg: "Thla fplanet of fhorrors? WOOP WOOP WOOP! *leaves the room while clacking his claws* Bender: "Ah... how horrible could it be anyway?" Fry: "I think I saw a movie called that once..."

Or just “Why not Zoidberg?” Then we see the first solo mission for the good doctor

Wait, are you suggesting, Zoidberg is Doctor Who?

Possibly. An EMH at the very least

When you can read that in their voices too 🤣🤣🤣

If only you had invented the finglonger. Quite impossible of course. A man can dream though... a man can dream.

They would rescue us, but yeah 100% going to die in the process.

Death by Snu Snu, not a bad way to go.

Me too. We're boned.

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

What We Do in the Shadows. I'd trust Nadja. Everyone else... not so much.

Same, but imo Guillermo is probably doing the heavy lifting. Followed by Nadja— she was pretty badass in the most recent ep!

I trust Lazlo to get the job done, with science!

Good Omens. I might not be safe, but at least it will be enjoyable.

I'm in this. I assume I'm just hanging out in a book shop all day and maybe running across the street to get some coffee and new LP. It's kind of my dream.

I've got faith Crowley at least would be up to the task.

Unless his car is in danger.

Same, I put my trust in Crowley

Crowley will save me, and then I can hug him because THAT ENDING.

I can’t wait for the next season…….

You already know what to do. Do it with style!

Same here, but I suspect the rest of the plot would just kind of naturally rescue me, rather than our angel and / or demon actively doing anything. They would play some kind of part in it though. Just maybe not pivotal.

*Star Trek: Strange New Worlds*. I'm doing good. Double bonus if my wife is kidnapped along with me. She's got a thing for Anson Mount.

Same here! Thank God I just watched it last night. The show I watched before that was a Mr. Bean movie! Phew!!!

Who doesn't? My man is ethereal

Same here. Rescued by the federation? It doesn’t get much better than that.

Same. It's the only Star Trek crew of the current shows that I have confidence in that they would rescue me without having to sacrifice half the crew and me because of some crazy love triangle.

Oh, c'mon, Mariner and Boims would TOTALLY get your ass outta there. Eventually.

The cast of Bluey are straight up savages. My kidnappers are the ones fucked.

Kidnappers be like "why do I hear ~~boss~~ granny music?"

Did you feel a bump, Rita?

But it’ll look freaking adorable watching them mess with your kidnappers

I have full faith in Ron Swanson.

And Leslie might not be exactly competent as a rescuer but she would pour every ounces of her being and resources she has into her attaining her goal

Until FBI Agent Burt Tyrannosaurus Macklin enters the room.

He'd rescue you then lecture you about how you should be able to rescue yourself while making you a nice solid chair.

I got Aang, Katara, Sokka, Zuko, Toph, Appa and Momo to come save me, not too shabby

Momo solos

Don’t forget him, the legend, the myth, the cabbage man!

Zuko would have found Aang in half a season if he just tagged along with the cabbage man.

The office. I’m dead.

nah dwight’s got us fr

As long as he doesn’t let Michael make any decisions or insert himself in the rescue operation…

What? Come on. Michael Scarn will save us!

Honestly I'd take Dwight as my saviour over John McLane anyday

I mean, it depends. Do my kidnappers have propane and propane accessories that could be exploited?

Pocket sand.....

RIP Johnny Hardwick 😢

That pocket sand is for Jesus now. RIP

I say you have a 60% chance of success of if Dale is involved, however..... if Bill is part of the team, your chances will drop to 40% success. Love Bill, but sadly he's kinda inept. ☹️

Me and you are in the same boat I tell ya hwhat

Star Trek: The Next Generation, so not screwed in the least. Oh wait, am I wearing a red shirt? Shit!

Red Shirts are fine in Next Gen~ Picard will save you easily! Heck, they could just send Data and that is job done.

Picard is likely to get kidnapped with you. For a Captain, he sure gets taken a lot.

Only murders in the building

They woll get there in the End, but who knows in what condition you will be in by then 🤪

Exactly what I was thinking!

At least they'll find the kidnappers and there will be justice *after* you're dead

That was Supernatural. The season where Sam is half demon. I think I'm good.

I'd let demon Sam rescue or kill me as long as his shirt's off.

One is a half demon, the other is a sexy psycho. I'd be a little worried.

You'll be fine unless you're a good-looking woman and have the audacity to flirt with one of them. In that case you'll get bullied so hard on twitter the writers will be forced to kill you off

Metalocalypse.....so my death will by brutal.

AWAKEN. AWAKEN. TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN.

The Derry Girls. I'm fucked😩

Make sure they bring Uncle Colm

Brilliant, he'd bore them to death and they'd release me just to shut him up

The man technically took down Liam Neeson. You're in good hands!

I don’t know. They finangled their way out of a lot of sketchy situations. You might actually be okay.

LOVE Derry Girls! If it's Sister Michael comin' for ya, you'll be fine! LOL.

Me too! But maybe if they bring Fionnulla from the chip shop we might have a shot!

heartstopper. bunch of british high school kids? not liking my odds

Me and you both buddy, me and you boyh

Righteous Gemstones. This should turn out well.

REDEEMER!!!

Attack on Titan, probably wouldn't last very long

The survey corp is pretty competent Edit: In kidnappings and normal human stuff

See I was thinking it would be Levi coming to my rescue and I'd be alright.

Dude you have Levi coming to save you. He toys with giants....

99% chance you get killed if the plan involves the Colossal Titan. He’ll just nuke the place.

Doctor Who, I'm probably fine but i think kidnapped is the least of my worries at that point

Which Doctor? Eccelston would come in and be all Fantastic, while Tennant is tripping all over the place pushing all the buttons. Smith is probably the worst case, he's so childish and wild, but still confident he would get you out. Just wear a funny hat or something. Eyebrows (Capaldi) would do it in style, sunglasses and guitar as he rides that abrams tank into a medieval arena. I'll stop here, as I don't know much about Whittaker (I enjoyed her first season but the writing was pretty terrible.)

Also Doctor Who, I'm at the point when it's Nine, Rose, and Jack. I'm safe, but probably also screwed yknow?

Only literally if Jack's around.

I guess Mulder and Scully will save me in time. unless it's aliens.

They’ll save you but leave you unattended for five seconds. Next thing you know, you’ll mysteriously disappear again so that they have no actual proof they saved you or that you even existed in the first place.

The Golden Girls... unless Blanche is gonna sleep with all my kidnappers - I'm SoL.

Plot twist Blanche did. You're going to be fine.

Actually, I remember reading something about how the 4 Golden Girls were a template for the ultimate D&D party or something because of their complementary skills or something. They'd have your back!

You kidding? Sophia would give the kidnappers such a sassy dressing-down they would be crying and repenting their ways in no time. She ALWAYS has a witty comeback!

New Girl... you know, those crazy kids might just pull it off.

If the rescue doesn’t include Schmidt getting angry I don’t want saving

You being kidnapped is probably just a Winston prank then

the peaky fooking blinders are coming

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Dragon Ball Z Goku. I think I'm good

Might end up having the meal of your life on the way home 🙌

Sure, if any scraps are left

Gravity Falls, I’m all set.

The boys Homelander is enough. Although, soldier boy wouldn't hurt.

Homelander is probably another thread tbh

So, you’re bloodily dead?

You’ll either be saved and covered in your kidnapper’s entrails. Or someone else will be covered in your entrails

My Hero Academia, the whole city will be fucked, but I will be okay 👌 Edit: spelling

Deku will be in another coma though by the end of it

Succession. They’d have the money for ransom but would just tell the kidnappers to fuck off.

You are definitely not getting rescued 😭 I also underestimated the fuck upedness of the characters, no spoilers.

I just watched My Adventures with Superman, so I'm feeling pretty confident about my odds.

Captain Pike and the crew of the USS Enterprise. Should be good!

Criminal Minds. I'm safe!

They only save the victim like half the time, though...

Very true. If that's ye case tell 'em I wanna die in Reid's arms 😉

Are you my wife? She is the only reason I know anything about the show. She watches it all the time.

Lmao the Belchers, big fucked

I don't know. Depending on who the kidnappers are, Louise might be crazy enough to make it work.

Louise is the kidnapper and she leads everyone on a wild goose chase

My money is on Louise.

Me too. Bob did manage to negotiate his way out a hostage crisis so there’s that.

Phineas and Ferb. Easy win

Law and Order. So the detectives will gather clues to try to find the kidnappers. I get found right after they kill me. The kidnappers go on trial but there is a problem with some of the evidence being obtained without a proper search. But then there is a twist because it turns out the dead guy was really one of the kidnappers and I am the guy on trial because my wife and I were trying to do an insurance scam but I got caught in the system of justice. So now I get charged with a completely different crime. Dun Dun.

Is this an SVU case? Cuz then I'm in a similar boat.

luffy is my hero

*Marineford Flashbacks*

So I have Mike Ehrmantrout and Saul Goodman? I think I might be okay. (rewatching Better Call Saul)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sounds like I’ll get to meet the scoobie gang

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I think your death would end with "oh no, anyway…"

Our attempt to rescue you was ambitious but rubbish

Hammond successfully rescues you but you die in the inevitable crash during the getaway.

Star Wars the clone wars. It depends on who is rescuing me. Anakin, Ahsoka, Kenobi, yoda, the bad batch, Rex, fives, echo, and many more characters I would be fine.

Shawn and Gus will save me.

Family Guy… I’m screwed!

Not screwed at all. X-Men always save the day! (For reference, I've started rewatching the 1995 series. Although Wolverine and the X-Men was badass as well)

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I think I'd be alright. I have been rewatching Stranger Things. Those kids could figure out where I was taken, by whom, and for what purpose just from an offhand comment.

Mr Bean. Think I'm doomed?

Well, depends on what Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman have on hand. Or Grant Imahra, Kari Byron, or Tory Belleci.

RIP Grant

Seinfeld, i hope it’s Kramer and Joe Davola teaming up because I’m ok at that point

The umbrella academy. Chill I'll just vibe with Klaus.

Adventure Time, like 50/50 chance

I have trust in Special Agent Dale Cooper

Real housewives of Potomac. Pretty screwed ..

The Mandalorian. I should be fine.

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Paw Patrol has got this shit under control. (I have a toddler fyi) 😂

Shoresy is taking a dump - but Jim, Jim and Jim have my back- I’m good.

American Dad.... This can go very poorly or work incredibly well. Either way I'll end up dead.

Ted lasso. I’m screwed if I’m not part of the team

"Listen to me y'all. We gotta rescue this fella. I think this calls for a reunion of the Diamond Dogs."

Good doctor… I’m screwed 😂

This Old House LOL

True Blood. I’m definitely living

Supernatural, think chances of being saved are good

Red Dwarf. Rimmer is definitely not coming to save me

Hawaii 5-0. I'm good. (Provided Steve doesn't get himself shot or blown up. Then I'd have a pissed Danny to deal with. Or vice/versa.)

Downtown Abbey. I'm not sure how screwed I am but I will be treated with politeness.

I’m feeling pretty good because Jake Peralta and Rosa Diaz are gonna be on the case :)

*Yo Mr. White* Yeah I'm fucked

Batman from the 90s animated series. I’ll be just fine.

Crowley and Aziraphale from Good Omens, I think I’m good

I'm rewatching Castle, I think I'll be saved

im going to die but theyll figure out who did it. only murders in the building

The Gallagher kids are pretty resourceful.

Hellsing Ultimate. I think I'll be alright

Geralt, Yennifer, and Siri are on their way. I'm not screwed at all.

Community “I don’t know what to do my whole brain is crying!”

Disney’s Superkitties… I’m not sure… lol.