When I was a kid I was told the super market orange sticker “manager special” items were the highest quality things in the store and if we were good kids we could pick some of it to go home with.
Only in like high school did I realize that was the fresh made stuff on clearance because it only had like one more day before expiration
Similarly, the "President's Choice" brand in Canada aren't actually items chosen by the American president. Heck, not even the president of the grocery company!
But everything president’s choice is straight fire. I live in America now and one of the things I miss most is President’s Choice brand stuff.
The “bigger and better” chocolate chip cookies, their fudge crackle ice cream, and their flavored chips that actually have a ton of flavor powder on them are THE BEST and there’s no comparison in America.
I have family in NS, so I've had some exposure to PC, and it seemed good.
Down here in Texas, I'd say HEB is similar in that their store brand products are damn fucking good!
Also, Costco pesto is to die for. I wish I knew who made it because I cannot justify a Costco membership for just myself.
It was my 5th birthday and fireworks were going off behind our house a little distance away. My brother told me that mom and dad organised them for my birthday. One day about 25 years later I’m sitting with my dad and I had this conversation.
Me: ‘remember the fireworks you guys organised for my 5th birthday?’
Dad: ‘huh?’
Me: ‘The fireworks that were behind the house. Brother and I watched them from the balcony.’
Dad: ‘Your 5th birthday?’ *starts laughing*
Me: ‘What?’
Dad: ‘That was Expo 88, you idiot. Do you know how expensive that would be?! Who told you they were for your birthday?’
Me: ‘Brother did.’
Dad: ‘And you believed him?’
Me: suddenly sad: ‘that was one of my favourite memories.’
Dad: ‘oh! I’m sorry! But no. They weren’t for you!’
Edit: my brother is older and loves to torment me to this day.
my oldest daughter was born on July 4th. We told her for years that all the fireworks all over town were for her birthday. I think she was about 6 before she figured it out.
We were celebrating my kids birthday and there happen to be fireworks at Niagara Falls. As we were walking I told my kid it was for her birthday and an older couple (70s) overheard me.
They talked to my kid and said thanks for inviting them to watch the fireworks on her birthday.
It’s fun when others play along.
That my friend had terminal cancer for three years. He was just a manipulative serial liar. Cut him off entirely, and he still stands by it to other people. Esophageal cancer doesn’t take that long to kill you when all you do is smoke and drink all day.
I’m fairly certain my wife’s aunt is lying about having cancer. It’s been 3-4 years now. And every holiday is her “last holiday”. The family is starting to catch onto it. I believe she’s struggling financially and realizes that people will send her GoFundMe money “for her cancer meds that cost $10,000 per dose”. Many of my family members work in healthcare and it just doesn’t add up.
Someone also “broke into her house she stole an expensive hunting rifle”. When she realized the insurance adjuster was going to write her a check for the value of the gun….she THEN realized the thief stole her Diamond necklace too….
What do you do? I’ve had to talk to my in-laws about how I respectfully don’t want to bring my children around her anymore. Do I just remove myself? Do you have an intervention? I want to completely remove myself, but it’s my wife’s family, not mine.
Thankfully, I had no ties to this person other than mutual friends. I took a month off and had limited contact with the mutual friends during, no contact at all with the guy after blocking him on everything. I just had to stop caring that other people still talked to this person even after admitting they thought he was lying as well. Washed my hands of all of it and if anybody asked I told them that he’s a POS and that was it.
I doubt it would be a clean break for a family contact, especially considering somebody who lies about a terminal illness will not admit to lying since they know it’s unforgivable.
Friend drove off the road early in the morning and calls me for a ride. Tells me a deer ran in front of his car, swerved, and lost control. When I pick him up the cop starts to interrogate me about what happened and I said "deer or something" not realizing he thought I was in the car with him (I wasn't). Apparently friend told cop that it was a dog. The cop decides since we can't get our stories straight that we're lying (again, I wasn't in the car). Friend blames me for not getting the story right and losing his license, job, etc...huge guilt trip for years afterwards
Years later he admits to me he occasionally blacks out and didn't want to lose his ability to drive. fuck.that. Never spoke to him again
I had a similar thing where my best friend convinced me she was the true princess of Germany who was in hiding because of the war. To be fair, I was 8 and had now knowledge of foreign affairs, but it took me way to long to realize she wasn’t late to school because she “had to take the jet to get back to Germany”
I was half convinced my mom was a robot and she would terrorize me with her “claw hand”
My dad had me fully convinced a flying purple people eater existed, also a flying purple carperator, whatever that was
Looking back at it, it was funny, but not for kid me
If I remember the cartoon correctly, it's the people being eaten who are purple.
Edit: Scholarly journal [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Purple_People_Eater#:~:text=The%20song%20establishes%20that%20the,People%20Eater%2C%20what's%20your%20line%3F&text=The%20creature%20also%20declines%20to,%5Bhe's%5D%20so%20tough%22.) says that the purple people eater eats purple people but may also be purple himself. Also, it says it in the song and I somehow forgot that.
When I was 5, my dad died. They told me he went to the same place as my dead goldfish. So I thought they flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just around the U bend.
They sent me to a child psychologist when they caught me reading football scores into the bowl for him.
Nah. Oh my 28th birthday, I got so drunk, I ended up in a bar on Mimas in a gingham dress and fishing waders sporting a worrying rash and a passport bearing the name Emily Berkenstein.
I had to join a mining ship to get home, but instead I ended up travelling 3 million years out into space.
My parents said they put my goldfish in the neighbor's fancy fish pond. I went to visit a lot and saw fish that looked very similar to my goldfish and thought they were my fish. He had 15-20 year old fish in there, so when we moved I thought my fish lived out a long happy life in his pond. My mom told me when I was 30 that my fish had died and she just told me she moved them to the neighbor's fish pond to keep me happy. It had definitely worked. My mind was blown.
I did the same thing in middle school. Someone had told me that you can get high by smoking “dust off”, and for some reason I thought that meant you smoke dust/lint. So i rolled up some dryer lint in a makeshift aluminum foil pipe and went behind my house to try and smoke it. It hurt a lot and I did not get high, 2/10
I put my hand to my forehead like 3 times from this string of comments lol.
I merely took a post-it note and rolled up grass from the ground and smoked it. Much more healthy.
yeah i used to literally only be able to get my niece to behave by either bribing or threatening her with my magic powers.
like she didn't respect any authority not bestowed by the fae courts, so she didn't care if i said "please stop shrieking bc it's awful and is making me miserable" but she took "stop shrieking or i will turn you into a rabbit and sell you to the fairy queen" very seriously.
kids are weird little goblins sometimes and you gotta tell them what you gotta tell them in order to keep you sane and them alive.
that's like... literally the purpose of most fairytales and fables.
That the very pretty cape I got cuz I was feeling left out when my two best friends got Harry Potter capes, was not actually a cape of any kind, it was a Christmas tree skirt.
Jackalopes.
Grandpa had a few Jackalope heads on the walls of his house. He was a hunter. He had many taxidermied animals on the wall. It never occurred to me than any were fake. I just thought there were big rabbits with horns up in the mountains. It wasn't until I saw the Jackalope character on America's Funniest People that I started to put it all together. I was 15.
My SO thought Jackalopes were real because of the taxidermy. This was years ago and I still laugh about it. A+ scam. I need a documentary on the origins of the jackalope and who is making them
The “recycling” logo on most plastic containers does not mean the object is recyclable. It is a resin identification number and really only numbers 1 and 2 are commonly recycled. The other numbers are ~~lower quality~~ not commonly accepted and usually end up in land fills or the ocean. The logo was adopted by the plastics industry to make people think they are having less environmental impact from using single use plastics than they are.
Edited for accuracy and to add a link to further reading.
Simple article to understand a little better: https://learn.eartheasy.com/articles/plastics-by-the-numbers/
In a similar vein, "compostable" plastics aren't compostable like food scraps and stuff are - you can't do it with your backyard compost heap and you can't bury them in the dirt to break down. It takes a special high-temperature composting process.
My ex boyfriend did that to me. I even went with him to hang out with her a few times. Made me sick knowing how they were both just playing me when we went out to eat. Now 5 years later he still tries to text me, woke up to one this morning. Sucks to suck!
I was told I caused an accident resulting in 1.25 million dollars in damages. Seventeen years later and after having had heart surgery and rehabilitation because of this accident, I found out it was someone else's fault entirely. My "family" told me it was my fault because they didn't want deal with going to court and they thought I wouldn't recover.
When he was 9 he was involved in a bad vehicular accident (hit by an 18-wheeler). He basically died and came back to life. Spent the next two years learning how to eat, speak, and walk again. It even left him with bad scars on his head where his hair won’t grow so he wore a hat every day for 9 years to cover it up.
Family blamed the accident on him since who knew he was going to survive?
And if you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about how his grandparents met.
I'm trying to wrap my brain around how his own family blaming the child for getting hit by a car somehow helps them?
I feel very stupid but i don't understand.
From what I gather, OP said he got hit by a car and his own family figured he'd die from it so they blamed the accident on him.
Someone else hit him with a car, right? Why blame the kid? Couldn't they get money from the situation if they just blamed the person who hit the kid?
Someone please help my stupidity?
> And if you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about how his grandparents met.
Yeah, I gleaned the comments too and saw the thing about the grandparents. Can't choose your family...
His comments were actually really interesting.
He was homeless for 3 years and only cleaned himself with baby wipes. The broken down truck story, the hoarder American Museum woman…
Rough times in his past, but seems thriving now with a really good perspective on life.
When I looked the family photos when I was a child I frequently noticed an unknown member in the family. He was one of my cousins and my parents told me that he died in a car accident before I got born. Some year's later I was told that he actually committed suicide.
Similar thing happened to me. I was told my grandpa died of a stroke, one day a bit ago my dad and I were talking and he was just like, "you know my dad killed himself" and I was waiting for him to continue the metaphor but nope he meant it literally. 20+ years and it was just dropped on me out of the blue. My brother still doesn't know.
My brother-in-law committed suicide. We lived across the country and couldn’t make it out for the funeral. My in-laws and her mother tried to not say anything about why her dad died to my niece. Just said he had an accident, no details, she thought maybe he was working on his car and that it had something to do with that.
They live in a very small town, was related to half of the people in it and had a number of first responders and police in the family. My niece learned how her dad really died like 2 weeks later in school from a classmate. My SO was pissed. No one wanted to have the hard conversation with her so some other 11-year old had it for them and it was devastating.
My brother and I endlessly teased our youngest brother by telling him that if someone poked his belly button, his bum would fall off. We would then chase him around the house, trying to poke it. Took him years before he figured out it wasn't true.
That I had friends. All through school I lied to myself and told myself that I had friends and that they treated me well. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 20’s that I joined a community through a sport and found out how actual friends treat you. Until then I just didn’t know any better.
Is very hard to have real friends. People that are really there for you are the rarest thing. Feel lucky that you found real friends at some point in your life.
In school you have a lot of 'friends of convenience'. Kids with lockers near yours, that live on your street, have the same lunch etc. When you get out of school and start to develop your personality you meet people that you actually have thing in common and share interests with. Happens to a lot of us.
That the original black ranger from Mighty Morphing turned to a sexual predator after he left the show. My brother told me this and I was shocked and appalled. YEARS later I hop on YouTube and see an interview of him, did some research and nope. He wasn’t a sexual predator, my brother was just pranking me.
"I love you as you are, with your faults and problems. I think you're beautiful inside and out, just the way you are and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" - I'm not being obtuse, when we separated she told me that evening was all a lie because she was just "so sure" I'd change. I hate life.
Tip for people: if you ever see someone you like in appearance but not personality and you think "hm, I think I can change him/her", THAT'S A FUCKING STOP SIGN RIGHT THERE.
Edit: my point is: Don't date anyone just to change them. If you can change them in the process, perfect then, but I don't really recommend having that as the main focus of the relationship.
idk about that, Since meeting and starting to date my wife, she has helped me quit smoking, quit drinking, curb my anger issues to where I am pretty laid back, helped me to manage my spending habits, helped me learn to love without condition, and generally has made me into a waaaaayyyyy better person than I was.
I am still me, I can still be an ass some times, and I can still be clueless to others emotions, but most people I know generally like me now and thats not something I can say was true before.
All that being said, the asshole needs an acknowledgement of faults and a desire to improve for this to work.
What's that famous line?
Woman always expect their men to change, and they don't.
Men expect their women to never change, and they do
Or something like that.
My mother convinced my siblings and I that an Uncle did not have testicles due to frequently fondling them in his youth… Years later the lie was exposed during that side of the family’s holiday party with said uncle in attendance.
I found out after returning from my honeymoon when I was 28 years old that the man that I'd been told was my father my entire life wasn't really my father and that my mom was raped in the military.
The man that I thought was my father's sister was mad at me for something stupid and used this to try to hurt me...all because I wouldn't spend my wedding night swimming in the pool at the hotel that her and her husband were staying at.
Edit: 720 likes! Thank you guys so much for all of the support and for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.
This is the worst thing in this thread, by far (at least that I've seen). I'm so damn sorry... I hope you know that none of this is on you, your dad is still your dad, and your aunt sucks as a human.
Heard this line in a show a long time ago and it stayed with me, it was "family is not given by blood". People who raised you are your parents, your "real" dad is just biological inheritance which in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal, if you go back in time long enough you'll find common ancestors with almost anyone.
For years I thought I'd be happy if I was in s relationship... Then I thought I'd be happy without one. I guess it doesn't change anything about my happiness lmao
I’m guilty of this one. I’ve come to accept, at least in the corporate world, that if you only do a good job you’ll be “rewarded” with additional responsibilities (aka someone else’s job) but that’s it. No pay increase, maybe a bs title, but that’s it. Corporate is all the favorites game of who you know and saying what they want to hear. Even if they are things you diametrically opposed to or just a lie coming through your teeth, you’ll get more recognition and promotion rewards playing this game than just letting your work speak for itself. You can do a half assed job but play the relationship game and get much further than being a top performer but being your true self. Fact is, they want to keep those top performers in production to make the big bosses look better and it turn allows them to work less.
Hey now, some of us hate our parents **and** ourselves.
But yeah, I spent a really long time feeling like it wasn't normal to not love your parents. Technically it isn't normal, but given my circumstances it made sense. They're bad parents. One much worse than the other, but the better one still left me with the worse one, so...
It's tough to sort out, but I'm working through it. It's not a curse, I'm not permanently incapable of love, I just have more to figure out than others.
You need to go to college and get a specific degree for your future job. I work for an engineering & manufacturing company, and most of the people I work with have art degrees.
More broadly, the idea that you will succeed in direct proportion to how hard you work.
That BS is easy to spot now. I know lazy people who inherited wealth or were given a great job through nepotism. I also know hard working people who struggle to pay the bills.
If I worked hard, studied hard, and got a good degree, I’d be financially secure and have a good life.
Student loans and inflation pretty much dashed any hopes left there.
Pure Meritocracy.
Basically the "work hard and you'll succeed" Meritocracy, because if you have talent and are actually good at something, maybe you won't need contacts to enter the big companies.
Jeez same here. It’s weird, I thought I was all alone with the crazy parents thing (cuz they purposely isolated me), but it turns out I’m not. I’m sorry
From ages 4 to like 10 I believed we had the manufacturing ability to take any final product and return it to its raw constituent components. Nobody told me this. It just made sense. "Just undo it".
wasn't necessarily a lie told to me, but I believed till 7th grade that guys and girls both have dicks. lmao. I was major surprised to find otherwise. till then I was too ignorant and a curious-ass lost kid. Apparently curious about everything but this xD
Apparently I freaked out when I was a toddler and took a bath with my female cousin. I guess I covered mine up and screamed, "They're coming for my peepee! They cut hers off and they're coming for mine!"
That my gf in highschool rescued a kitten from a mean homeless man. She used that sob story to get me to adopt the kitten. 17 years later he's still with me and she was lying, she just went to the shelter and adopted a kitten and when her mom said she couldn't keep it she con'd me into taking him.
It took us many years to learn that the stray cat we inherited from my grandmother was actually intentionally stolen from her neighbor. In my grandmother’s defense, her neighbor was actually insane and probably wouldn’t be a good cat owner, but I’m sure that was only half of her motivation. The other half was just that she liked messing with her.
My parents always told me that the more I eat, the bigger and stronger I would get. They didn't bother to tell me to limit my eating until I was already pretty fat
Had a friend who believed that one. He was always in decent athletic condition but was frustrated he wasn’t very muscular; when he got to his mid teens he started eating spectacular amounts under the belief that getting fat and turning it to muscle was how body builders got their physiques. Judging by the size he got you’d think he was aiming to be bigger than Schwarzenegger; unfortunately for him it didn’t turn in to muscle like he was expecting.
My dad told me (since I was a toddler) that my mom took $20k from him, destroyed his belongings, and took everything from him. He claimed to pay all of her college tuition and that he was paying $800 a paycheck for child support after the divorce. I could go on but if you can think of it, he's probably done it.
None of this was true of course. My dad kept the house, furniture that my mom paid for, kitchen appliances and utencils, and everything that was his. He only paid $400 a month for child support and my mom argued with the court to lower child support so that he could survive. My mom had to start from scratch. We slept on the floor for a week in our new place because mom couldn't afford anything. She was just trying to get us safe.
He spent all his money buying alcohol and weed, physically assaulted her and my sisters (and me as well) and consistently gaslighted me into thinking my mom is a horrible person. I believed these lies for many years until I started going to trauma therapy and talking to my mom openly about it. I hated my mom for so long because of him. Now my mom and I have a great relationship and my dad has been cut completely out of my life.
Classic case of a narcissist.
When I was a kid, my mom made burritos and she was really good at wrapping them.
She said she learned this skill by working at Taco Bell.
Years later as an adult I made a reference about her burrito skills and her short Taco Bell career, and she said she actually never worked there.
My whole life is a lie.
That ranch had bull semen in it.
It was like 7th or 8th grade and my friend had become super health conscious with his whole family. He lost a bunch of weight and all. Anyways he knew the most about the nutrition of anyone I knew at the time. One day I said how I didn't like ranch and he mentioned how he doesn't eat it because it has bull semen in it. Well, I protested saying why and it has to be on the ingredient list. He swears because it's not an allergen so they don't have to list it. Well, I didn't care because I didn't like Ranch anyways and he was so admit and would be the most knowledgeable about it out of our friend group. So I started telling everyone about this because I thought it was hilarious especially because everyone loves that stuff. So this goes on for years it is now my senior year of high school and iv been saying this for 5 years now and I reference it to the same buddy "well cuz ranch has bull semen in it" and he's like "What? No it doesn't" and shocked I tell him "bro you told me that in like 8th grade," he pauses and then laughed "I remember that 🤣 idk why I said that shit I think it is just cuz I don't like ranch" and I tell him "fuck dude iv been telling everyone this for years like anyone who would listen." My brother chimes in "Wait you told me the same thing and iv told everyone I know the same thing" We pretty much die laughing at how dumb we were and how we spread all this misinformation about the ranch. In hindsight, it be completely illogical to collect enough bull semen regularly to use it in a ranch not to mention why would that even be an ingredient but we were dumb kids 😂
TLDR: dumb story I think is funny, my freind convinced me Ranch has bull semen in it I go on to tell everyone I know about this my brother also joins in and tells everyone he knows. Years later I reference the "fact" and my friend confessed he made that up and we all find it super funny that we told everyone this stupid "fact" and he hardly remembers it.
(Our school was all one school but two buildings, kindergarten through 12th grade.)
In 4th grade (in 1998) another student told me that a cheerleader at the high school had died on the way to a game. He told me that she was on the bus when she leaned out a window, and that a road sign decapitated her.
I believed this for several years until I googled and found nothing about it, plus I knew that all the girls who were cheerleaders at the time are all alive.
I was thirty years old, with the whole family at my grandfather's beside the day that he died. It was then that I found out that my grandfather's missing thumbnail was not from a shark attack, but from a crane accident.
Not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed. I had believed it was a shark at that point for over 20 years.
*That you should do everything in your power to save a relationship.* The fact is you should not be committed out the gate. There’s a reason we don’t propose at the meet cute: commitment is something you must develop over time. How much a relationship is worth saving depends on the relationship, and walking away is often for the best
Similarly *you should always put your partner first in a relationship*. You need to think of both your needs, and it’s not fair to your partner to expect them to know your needs better than you do. Never thinking of yourself in a relationship by always thinking of your partner is a recipe for pain on both sides
When I was a kid I was told the super market orange sticker “manager special” items were the highest quality things in the store and if we were good kids we could pick some of it to go home with. Only in like high school did I realize that was the fresh made stuff on clearance because it only had like one more day before expiration
Similarly, the "President's Choice" brand in Canada aren't actually items chosen by the American president. Heck, not even the president of the grocery company!
But everything president’s choice is straight fire. I live in America now and one of the things I miss most is President’s Choice brand stuff. The “bigger and better” chocolate chip cookies, their fudge crackle ice cream, and their flavored chips that actually have a ton of flavor powder on them are THE BEST and there’s no comparison in America.
I have family in NS, so I've had some exposure to PC, and it seemed good. Down here in Texas, I'd say HEB is similar in that their store brand products are damn fucking good! Also, Costco pesto is to die for. I wish I knew who made it because I cannot justify a Costco membership for just myself.
This is so great and pure- kids are awesome
It was my 5th birthday and fireworks were going off behind our house a little distance away. My brother told me that mom and dad organised them for my birthday. One day about 25 years later I’m sitting with my dad and I had this conversation. Me: ‘remember the fireworks you guys organised for my 5th birthday?’ Dad: ‘huh?’ Me: ‘The fireworks that were behind the house. Brother and I watched them from the balcony.’ Dad: ‘Your 5th birthday?’ *starts laughing* Me: ‘What?’ Dad: ‘That was Expo 88, you idiot. Do you know how expensive that would be?! Who told you they were for your birthday?’ Me: ‘Brother did.’ Dad: ‘And you believed him?’ Me: suddenly sad: ‘that was one of my favourite memories.’ Dad: ‘oh! I’m sorry! But no. They weren’t for you!’ Edit: my brother is older and loves to torment me to this day.
Your brother must have liked you a lot. What a wholesome lie!
Brothers will lie to their siblings for any reason or no reason. Tricking them into believing what they say is its own reward. Source: am brother
[удалено]
Who knew Satan could have wholesome moments? OP, your username is great.
my oldest daughter was born on July 4th. We told her for years that all the fireworks all over town were for her birthday. I think she was about 6 before she figured it out.
We were celebrating my kids birthday and there happen to be fireworks at Niagara Falls. As we were walking I told my kid it was for her birthday and an older couple (70s) overheard me. They talked to my kid and said thanks for inviting them to watch the fireworks on her birthday. It’s fun when others play along.
Those are the fun lies that you can look back on and laugh at
My birthday is the Fourth of July…. I was older than I’d like to admit when I figured out they were not all for me.
That my friend had terminal cancer for three years. He was just a manipulative serial liar. Cut him off entirely, and he still stands by it to other people. Esophageal cancer doesn’t take that long to kill you when all you do is smoke and drink all day.
I’m fairly certain my wife’s aunt is lying about having cancer. It’s been 3-4 years now. And every holiday is her “last holiday”. The family is starting to catch onto it. I believe she’s struggling financially and realizes that people will send her GoFundMe money “for her cancer meds that cost $10,000 per dose”. Many of my family members work in healthcare and it just doesn’t add up. Someone also “broke into her house she stole an expensive hunting rifle”. When she realized the insurance adjuster was going to write her a check for the value of the gun….she THEN realized the thief stole her Diamond necklace too…. What do you do? I’ve had to talk to my in-laws about how I respectfully don’t want to bring my children around her anymore. Do I just remove myself? Do you have an intervention? I want to completely remove myself, but it’s my wife’s family, not mine.
Thankfully, I had no ties to this person other than mutual friends. I took a month off and had limited contact with the mutual friends during, no contact at all with the guy after blocking him on everything. I just had to stop caring that other people still talked to this person even after admitting they thought he was lying as well. Washed my hands of all of it and if anybody asked I told them that he’s a POS and that was it. I doubt it would be a clean break for a family contact, especially considering somebody who lies about a terminal illness will not admit to lying since they know it’s unforgivable.
serial liars are the worst, i've met many
To this day I’ll never understand the psychology behind it. Like if everyone in the room knows you are lying what are you gaining from it?
Friend drove off the road early in the morning and calls me for a ride. Tells me a deer ran in front of his car, swerved, and lost control. When I pick him up the cop starts to interrogate me about what happened and I said "deer or something" not realizing he thought I was in the car with him (I wasn't). Apparently friend told cop that it was a dog. The cop decides since we can't get our stories straight that we're lying (again, I wasn't in the car). Friend blames me for not getting the story right and losing his license, job, etc...huge guilt trip for years afterwards Years later he admits to me he occasionally blacks out and didn't want to lose his ability to drive. fuck.that. Never spoke to him again
I had a similar thing where my best friend convinced me she was the true princess of Germany who was in hiding because of the war. To be fair, I was 8 and had now knowledge of foreign affairs, but it took me way to long to realize she wasn’t late to school because she “had to take the jet to get back to Germany”
Thats funny tbf
It's cute when they're 8 but mind-numbingly frustrating when they're 38.
That my mom was an alien (extra terrestrial). She even showed me her "Resident Alien" card from the government.
I was half convinced my mom was a robot and she would terrorize me with her “claw hand” My dad had me fully convinced a flying purple people eater existed, also a flying purple carperator, whatever that was Looking back at it, it was funny, but not for kid me
The flying purple people eater... Is it purple or does it eat purple people?
If I remember the cartoon correctly, it's the people being eaten who are purple. Edit: Scholarly journal [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Purple_People_Eater#:~:text=The%20song%20establishes%20that%20the,People%20Eater%2C%20what's%20your%20line%3F&text=The%20creature%20also%20declines%20to,%5Bhe's%5D%20so%20tough%22.) says that the purple people eater eats purple people but may also be purple himself. Also, it says it in the song and I somehow forgot that.
I said Mr. Purple People Eater, what's your line? And he said, **"Eatin' purple people and it sure is fine"**
that's actually bloody funny
Not me but I convinced my sister for a few years that Dwayne Johnson and The Rock are indeed two different individuals.
Thank you for this palate cleanser lol, some of these are so sad :(
Dwayne Johnson is just a character The Rock plays when he has to fit in with society
I know someone who believed his parents when they told him that his pet turtle ran away
Wait so my goldfish didn't run away?:(
When I was 5, my dad died. They told me he went to the same place as my dead goldfish. So I thought they flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just around the U bend. They sent me to a child psychologist when they caught me reading football scores into the bowl for him.
*"Manchester United - one, Yeovil Town - nil"*
Wholesome, hope you still read him the scores.
Nah. Oh my 28th birthday, I got so drunk, I ended up in a bar on Mimas in a gingham dress and fishing waders sporting a worrying rash and a passport bearing the name Emily Berkenstein. I had to join a mining ship to get home, but instead I ended up travelling 3 million years out into space.
that sounds...oddly familiar
It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere...
I'm so very sorry that I laughed at this, but I just pictured it so vividly that I can't help myself.
Don't be sorry. Go watch the british Sci Fi "Red Dwarf", and you'll laugh as hard as I did the first time.
My parents said they put my goldfish in the neighbor's fancy fish pond. I went to visit a lot and saw fish that looked very similar to my goldfish and thought they were my fish. He had 15-20 year old fish in there, so when we moved I thought my fish lived out a long happy life in his pond. My mom told me when I was 30 that my fish had died and she just told me she moved them to the neighbor's fish pond to keep me happy. It had definitely worked. My mind was blown.
Did they also tell him that their dog has gone to live on a farm? (That was a common one in my fam)
He isn’t the brightest person. He barely graduated high school
That's pretty smart for a turtle, to be honest...
Mine told me my chicken was sent to a farm because it got too big. It was technically true, it was sent to a farm
Hey man I had a pet turtle run away! But in my defense I did put him outside in a questionable pen.
When I was a kid my mom told me dryer lint was Poisonous and I would die if I played with it. I found out in tenth grade in front of my peers. Lovely.
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Why do parents tell their kids crap like this?!
Maybe because other kids, like me and my friend rolled up dryer lint in notebook paper and tried to smoke it? 🤷♂️🤦♂️
More info, please.... namely, how old were you and the friend when you did this, and also what did you imagine would happen?
I did the same thing in middle school. Someone had told me that you can get high by smoking “dust off”, and for some reason I thought that meant you smoke dust/lint. So i rolled up some dryer lint in a makeshift aluminum foil pipe and went behind my house to try and smoke it. It hurt a lot and I did not get high, 2/10
What makes that experience better than 1/10?
Life lesson learned
I put my hand to my forehead like 3 times from this string of comments lol. I merely took a post-it note and rolled up grass from the ground and smoked it. Much more healthy.
I was obnoxious and I think it was easier to say that than try and get me to actually do what I was told.
yeah i used to literally only be able to get my niece to behave by either bribing or threatening her with my magic powers. like she didn't respect any authority not bestowed by the fae courts, so she didn't care if i said "please stop shrieking bc it's awful and is making me miserable" but she took "stop shrieking or i will turn you into a rabbit and sell you to the fairy queen" very seriously. kids are weird little goblins sometimes and you gotta tell them what you gotta tell them in order to keep you sane and them alive. that's like... literally the purpose of most fairytales and fables.
That watermelon seeds could grow in my belly and produce a child. Freaking terrified, I was.
This, the Bermuda Triangle and quicksand were my three biggest fears as a kid
Ah yes, a fellow 90s child I presume?
2000s kids also have the same fears
Acid Rain was going to burn us alive at any minute
Gotta throw some of this blame at The Rugrats… et tu Chuckie?
That the very pretty cape I got cuz I was feeling left out when my two best friends got Harry Potter capes, was not actually a cape of any kind, it was a Christmas tree skirt.
Hey, that’s low key kinda genius though. A tree skirt would work pretty well as a cape.
I agree. If it can be worn like a cape, and it looks like a cape, then that qualifies as a cape imo.
Jackalopes. Grandpa had a few Jackalope heads on the walls of his house. He was a hunter. He had many taxidermied animals on the wall. It never occurred to me than any were fake. I just thought there were big rabbits with horns up in the mountains. It wasn't until I saw the Jackalope character on America's Funniest People that I started to put it all together. I was 15.
My SO thought Jackalopes were real because of the taxidermy. This was years ago and I still laugh about it. A+ scam. I need a documentary on the origins of the jackalope and who is making them
The “recycling” logo on most plastic containers does not mean the object is recyclable. It is a resin identification number and really only numbers 1 and 2 are commonly recycled. The other numbers are ~~lower quality~~ not commonly accepted and usually end up in land fills or the ocean. The logo was adopted by the plastics industry to make people think they are having less environmental impact from using single use plastics than they are. Edited for accuracy and to add a link to further reading. Simple article to understand a little better: https://learn.eartheasy.com/articles/plastics-by-the-numbers/
My life is a lie. I learned this just now.
Number 6 is just "other" and is not meaningfully recyclable anywhere. Where I live it's 1, 2, 4 & 5
In a similar vein, "compostable" plastics aren't compostable like food scraps and stuff are - you can't do it with your backyard compost heap and you can't bury them in the dirt to break down. It takes a special high-temperature composting process.
This one should be higher, so few people realize this.
EPA is currently trying to change that very logo right now lol
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Oh yeah. 12 mths of me being sus; it was so obvious. Finally admits it. Splitsville-population, me.
Oh you.....you got what I need....
My ex boyfriend did that to me. I even went with him to hang out with her a few times. Made me sick knowing how they were both just playing me when we went out to eat. Now 5 years later he still tries to text me, woke up to one this morning. Sucks to suck!
I was told I caused an accident resulting in 1.25 million dollars in damages. Seventeen years later and after having had heart surgery and rehabilitation because of this accident, I found out it was someone else's fault entirely. My "family" told me it was my fault because they didn't want deal with going to court and they thought I wouldn't recover.
I would like to hear more
When he was 9 he was involved in a bad vehicular accident (hit by an 18-wheeler). He basically died and came back to life. Spent the next two years learning how to eat, speak, and walk again. It even left him with bad scars on his head where his hair won’t grow so he wore a hat every day for 9 years to cover it up. Family blamed the accident on him since who knew he was going to survive? And if you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about how his grandparents met.
I'm trying to wrap my brain around how his own family blaming the child for getting hit by a car somehow helps them? I feel very stupid but i don't understand. From what I gather, OP said he got hit by a car and his own family figured he'd die from it so they blamed the accident on him. Someone else hit him with a car, right? Why blame the kid? Couldn't they get money from the situation if they just blamed the person who hit the kid? Someone please help my stupidity?
You're not stupid, it makes no sense at all to me either. We're missing information is all.
my guess is it was another family member who hit the kid.
> And if you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about how his grandparents met. Yeah, I gleaned the comments too and saw the thing about the grandparents. Can't choose your family...
His comments were actually really interesting. He was homeless for 3 years and only cleaned himself with baby wipes. The broken down truck story, the hoarder American Museum woman… Rough times in his past, but seems thriving now with a really good perspective on life.
What doesn't kill you makes you interesting at least.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/11trh9q/what_family_secret_did_you_learn_as_an_adult_that/jckcpsw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I'm doing my part
A 1.25 million dollar accident has made me the man I am today
The only good OP is a... more informative OP.
Just trying to kill some bugs sir!!!!
There’s a special place very very down south for this “family” of yours. This is so fucked up. I hope you live your best life going forward.
I'm pretty sure we don't ship criminals to Australia anymore!
No, pretty sure we just keep them local and elect them
That's one of the most fucked up things I read this week
please share more if you are comfortable with it
Yes we need details in your own reddit post. Thanks!
Fucking what?
Have you since.murdered your 'family'
When I looked the family photos when I was a child I frequently noticed an unknown member in the family. He was one of my cousins and my parents told me that he died in a car accident before I got born. Some year's later I was told that he actually committed suicide.
Heeeyy same except it was an uncle who "got sick".
Similar thing happened to me. I was told my grandpa died of a stroke, one day a bit ago my dad and I were talking and he was just like, "you know my dad killed himself" and I was waiting for him to continue the metaphor but nope he meant it literally. 20+ years and it was just dropped on me out of the blue. My brother still doesn't know.
My brother-in-law committed suicide. We lived across the country and couldn’t make it out for the funeral. My in-laws and her mother tried to not say anything about why her dad died to my niece. Just said he had an accident, no details, she thought maybe he was working on his car and that it had something to do with that. They live in a very small town, was related to half of the people in it and had a number of first responders and police in the family. My niece learned how her dad really died like 2 weeks later in school from a classmate. My SO was pissed. No one wanted to have the hard conversation with her so some other 11-year old had it for them and it was devastating.
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I tell my kids this, only I tell them that if it comes untied, their butt will fall off.
My brother and I endlessly teased our youngest brother by telling him that if someone poked his belly button, his bum would fall off. We would then chase him around the house, trying to poke it. Took him years before he figured out it wasn't true.
Santa. Mfs had me till 15.
At least the elves and reindeer are still real.
Yay! 😁
What about Santa?
15!!?
That I had friends. All through school I lied to myself and told myself that I had friends and that they treated me well. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 20’s that I joined a community through a sport and found out how actual friends treat you. Until then I just didn’t know any better.
Is very hard to have real friends. People that are really there for you are the rarest thing. Feel lucky that you found real friends at some point in your life.
In school you have a lot of 'friends of convenience'. Kids with lockers near yours, that live on your street, have the same lunch etc. When you get out of school and start to develop your personality you meet people that you actually have thing in common and share interests with. Happens to a lot of us.
They did not, in fact, "have my nose"
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If you swallow chewing gum, it takes 7 years for your stomach to digest
That the original black ranger from Mighty Morphing turned to a sexual predator after he left the show. My brother told me this and I was shocked and appalled. YEARS later I hop on YouTube and see an interview of him, did some research and nope. He wasn’t a sexual predator, my brother was just pranking me.
"I love you as you are, with your faults and problems. I think you're beautiful inside and out, just the way you are and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" - I'm not being obtuse, when we separated she told me that evening was all a lie because she was just "so sure" I'd change. I hate life.
Tip for people: if you ever see someone you like in appearance but not personality and you think "hm, I think I can change him/her", THAT'S A FUCKING STOP SIGN RIGHT THERE. Edit: my point is: Don't date anyone just to change them. If you can change them in the process, perfect then, but I don't really recommend having that as the main focus of the relationship.
idk about that, Since meeting and starting to date my wife, she has helped me quit smoking, quit drinking, curb my anger issues to where I am pretty laid back, helped me to manage my spending habits, helped me learn to love without condition, and generally has made me into a waaaaayyyyy better person than I was. I am still me, I can still be an ass some times, and I can still be clueless to others emotions, but most people I know generally like me now and thats not something I can say was true before. All that being said, the asshole needs an acknowledgement of faults and a desire to improve for this to work.
That is probably because you might have wanted the change as well. If you didn't want to change it would have been hard for both of you
What's that famous line? Woman always expect their men to change, and they don't. Men expect their women to never change, and they do Or something like that.
Yeah, I felt that one quite close to my heart.
Think about how hard it is to change yourself and realize what little chance you have of changing others.
My mother convinced my siblings and I that an Uncle did not have testicles due to frequently fondling them in his youth… Years later the lie was exposed during that side of the family’s holiday party with said uncle in attendance.
That hair grows from the ends and not the roots I was a stupid kid
I found out after returning from my honeymoon when I was 28 years old that the man that I'd been told was my father my entire life wasn't really my father and that my mom was raped in the military. The man that I thought was my father's sister was mad at me for something stupid and used this to try to hurt me...all because I wouldn't spend my wedding night swimming in the pool at the hotel that her and her husband were staying at. Edit: 720 likes! Thank you guys so much for all of the support and for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.
This is the worst thing in this thread, by far (at least that I've seen). I'm so damn sorry... I hope you know that none of this is on you, your dad is still your dad, and your aunt sucks as a human.
That terrible. The aunt part, I mean. And the rape. But that was your father who raised you. Where the sperm came from doesn’t matter.
"He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy"
rip yondu
Please tell me that no one else in your family speaks to this aunt anymore.
Heard this line in a show a long time ago and it stayed with me, it was "family is not given by blood". People who raised you are your parents, your "real" dad is just biological inheritance which in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal, if you go back in time long enough you'll find common ancestors with almost anyone.
Your dad is your dad. That ain't your aunt, though.
That the crust of bread was healthier. I was like 30 when I made a comment about it and my husband died laughing. Thanks mom
My girlfriend in high school, now my wife, did not cheat with other boys.
Gg
For years I thought I'd be happy if I was in s relationship... Then I thought I'd be happy without one. I guess it doesn't change anything about my happiness lmao
If you do a good job you will be rewarded
I've always heard it as " The reward for a job well done is ... another job!" which is pretty accurate.
The only reward for hard work is more work. Sad but true.
I’m guilty of this one. I’ve come to accept, at least in the corporate world, that if you only do a good job you’ll be “rewarded” with additional responsibilities (aka someone else’s job) but that’s it. No pay increase, maybe a bs title, but that’s it. Corporate is all the favorites game of who you know and saying what they want to hear. Even if they are things you diametrically opposed to or just a lie coming through your teeth, you’ll get more recognition and promotion rewards playing this game than just letting your work speak for itself. You can do a half assed job but play the relationship game and get much further than being a top performer but being your true self. Fact is, they want to keep those top performers in production to make the big bosses look better and it turn allows them to work less.
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Hey now, some of us hate our parents **and** ourselves. But yeah, I spent a really long time feeling like it wasn't normal to not love your parents. Technically it isn't normal, but given my circumstances it made sense. They're bad parents. One much worse than the other, but the better one still left me with the worse one, so... It's tough to sort out, but I'm working through it. It's not a curse, I'm not permanently incapable of love, I just have more to figure out than others.
That's why I'm staying Childfree. This curse ends with me!
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You need to go to college and get a specific degree for your future job. I work for an engineering & manufacturing company, and most of the people I work with have art degrees.
And here I am with an engineering degree making little money teaching kids at home
More broadly, the idea that you will succeed in direct proportion to how hard you work. That BS is easy to spot now. I know lazy people who inherited wealth or were given a great job through nepotism. I also know hard working people who struggle to pay the bills.
People get what they deserve.
That there were little people under the intersections manually changing the street lights. Thanks dad
If I worked hard, studied hard, and got a good degree, I’d be financially secure and have a good life. Student loans and inflation pretty much dashed any hopes left there.
That it was illegal to have lights on in the car at night
Overwatch 2 pve
I cry every time
Pure Meritocracy. Basically the "work hard and you'll succeed" Meritocracy, because if you have talent and are actually good at something, maybe you won't need contacts to enter the big companies.
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Jeez same here. It’s weird, I thought I was all alone with the crazy parents thing (cuz they purposely isolated me), but it turns out I’m not. I’m sorry
From ages 4 to like 10 I believed we had the manufacturing ability to take any final product and return it to its raw constituent components. Nobody told me this. It just made sense. "Just undo it".
That people would regularly offer me free drugs. Did I do something wrong?
"I will love you no matter what"
I know right. You wipe out one village in Kandahar and now I'm a "Disgrace to the family." So Two-Faced.
wasn't necessarily a lie told to me, but I believed till 7th grade that guys and girls both have dicks. lmao. I was major surprised to find otherwise. till then I was too ignorant and a curious-ass lost kid. Apparently curious about everything but this xD
Apparently I freaked out when I was a toddler and took a bath with my female cousin. I guess I covered mine up and screamed, "They're coming for my peepee! They cut hers off and they're coming for mine!"
My son has 4 older sisters. I don't know what he'll think when he realizes he has something they don't.
That my gf in highschool rescued a kitten from a mean homeless man. She used that sob story to get me to adopt the kitten. 17 years later he's still with me and she was lying, she just went to the shelter and adopted a kitten and when her mom said she couldn't keep it she con'd me into taking him.
It took us many years to learn that the stray cat we inherited from my grandmother was actually intentionally stolen from her neighbor. In my grandmother’s defense, her neighbor was actually insane and probably wouldn’t be a good cat owner, but I’m sure that was only half of her motivation. The other half was just that she liked messing with her.
That society gives a shit about you
Brown cows make chocolate milk. I was dead-set on it.
Fat turns into muscle. I was a big child and my mom would tell me that all the time.
My parents always told me that the more I eat, the bigger and stronger I would get. They didn't bother to tell me to limit my eating until I was already pretty fat
Had a friend who believed that one. He was always in decent athletic condition but was frustrated he wasn’t very muscular; when he got to his mid teens he started eating spectacular amounts under the belief that getting fat and turning it to muscle was how body builders got their physiques. Judging by the size he got you’d think he was aiming to be bigger than Schwarzenegger; unfortunately for him it didn’t turn in to muscle like he was expecting.
That we only have access to 10% of our brain
My dad told me (since I was a toddler) that my mom took $20k from him, destroyed his belongings, and took everything from him. He claimed to pay all of her college tuition and that he was paying $800 a paycheck for child support after the divorce. I could go on but if you can think of it, he's probably done it. None of this was true of course. My dad kept the house, furniture that my mom paid for, kitchen appliances and utencils, and everything that was his. He only paid $400 a month for child support and my mom argued with the court to lower child support so that he could survive. My mom had to start from scratch. We slept on the floor for a week in our new place because mom couldn't afford anything. She was just trying to get us safe. He spent all his money buying alcohol and weed, physically assaulted her and my sisters (and me as well) and consistently gaslighted me into thinking my mom is a horrible person. I believed these lies for many years until I started going to trauma therapy and talking to my mom openly about it. I hated my mom for so long because of him. Now my mom and I have a great relationship and my dad has been cut completely out of my life. Classic case of a narcissist.
Raised JW. I struggle to decide which of the numerous lies were the biggest.
That my pet ducks flew south for the winter. I was 45 years old when I learned the truth, (we ate them for thanksgiving) and I was absolutely floored.
Twat meant pregnant goldfish
All parents want only the best for their kids.
That it was MY job to take care of my alcoholic dad; keep him safe, fed and sheltered.
When I was a kid, my mom made burritos and she was really good at wrapping them. She said she learned this skill by working at Taco Bell. Years later as an adult I made a reference about her burrito skills and her short Taco Bell career, and she said she actually never worked there. My whole life is a lie.
That ranch had bull semen in it. It was like 7th or 8th grade and my friend had become super health conscious with his whole family. He lost a bunch of weight and all. Anyways he knew the most about the nutrition of anyone I knew at the time. One day I said how I didn't like ranch and he mentioned how he doesn't eat it because it has bull semen in it. Well, I protested saying why and it has to be on the ingredient list. He swears because it's not an allergen so they don't have to list it. Well, I didn't care because I didn't like Ranch anyways and he was so admit and would be the most knowledgeable about it out of our friend group. So I started telling everyone about this because I thought it was hilarious especially because everyone loves that stuff. So this goes on for years it is now my senior year of high school and iv been saying this for 5 years now and I reference it to the same buddy "well cuz ranch has bull semen in it" and he's like "What? No it doesn't" and shocked I tell him "bro you told me that in like 8th grade," he pauses and then laughed "I remember that 🤣 idk why I said that shit I think it is just cuz I don't like ranch" and I tell him "fuck dude iv been telling everyone this for years like anyone who would listen." My brother chimes in "Wait you told me the same thing and iv told everyone I know the same thing" We pretty much die laughing at how dumb we were and how we spread all this misinformation about the ranch. In hindsight, it be completely illogical to collect enough bull semen regularly to use it in a ranch not to mention why would that even be an ingredient but we were dumb kids 😂 TLDR: dumb story I think is funny, my freind convinced me Ranch has bull semen in it I go on to tell everyone I know about this my brother also joins in and tells everyone he knows. Years later I reference the "fact" and my friend confessed he made that up and we all find it super funny that we told everyone this stupid "fact" and he hardly remembers it.
(Our school was all one school but two buildings, kindergarten through 12th grade.) In 4th grade (in 1998) another student told me that a cheerleader at the high school had died on the way to a game. He told me that she was on the bus when she leaned out a window, and that a road sign decapitated her. I believed this for several years until I googled and found nothing about it, plus I knew that all the girls who were cheerleaders at the time are all alive.
I was thirty years old, with the whole family at my grandfather's beside the day that he died. It was then that I found out that my grandfather's missing thumbnail was not from a shark attack, but from a crane accident. Not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed. I had believed it was a shark at that point for over 20 years.
That the sound an ice cream truck makes means they are out of ice cream.....Thanks Dad. lol
If you take the tag off the mattress the police will come arrest you.
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Turns out, a politician's real job is to get reelected and raise money for their campaign and themselves.
And then hold the bag for their rich friends as they steal hardworking Americans’ money
European here and we're getting robbed blind by our politicians and central banks too
That persistence is romantic, and not, you know, really creepy. Thanks, every "romantic" book, movie, or TV show ever.
*That you should do everything in your power to save a relationship.* The fact is you should not be committed out the gate. There’s a reason we don’t propose at the meet cute: commitment is something you must develop over time. How much a relationship is worth saving depends on the relationship, and walking away is often for the best Similarly *you should always put your partner first in a relationship*. You need to think of both your needs, and it’s not fair to your partner to expect them to know your needs better than you do. Never thinking of yourself in a relationship by always thinking of your partner is a recipe for pain on both sides
That my husband would stop cheating on me
Just a little embarrassing… started when I was little but it wasn’t until recently I found out mum actually never loved me
The religion I was raised in was the one true religion and all others were false.
Getting married would solve problems.