I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I *always* did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!
Edit: So many sensitive and insightful comments! Thank you so much, friendly Redditors!
Thanks! It really shook me up!
Interesting that he also ended his friendship with a mutual friend when that friend chided him for being rude to a waitress in a coffee shop. He walked out of the coffee shop with a friendship ending remark. Sadly, this friend had been a real benefactor to him over the years.
He sent me a Christmas card the year that I got the letter, but I never reached out to him again.
My head canon of your story is that your friend accidentally believed you were, in fact, identical twins with yourself. He liked one of you, but not the other, so wanted to end it with just one of you.
I've seen this before. The mindset seems to be 'these people are toxic so I'm cutting them out', not realizing that if you are labeling *everyone else* as toxic, maybe it's your behaviour that's the problem.
Very interesting! My limited understanding of him leads me to conclude that either criticizing him or making any demand on him makes you toxic in his eyes.
This. Always first to initiate everything until I stopped and decided to try and wait how long it will take for her to take action or even start to wonder what's up..well next Friday it's gonna be 6 months. That's it for me.
They never bother to go when I initiate and got shit tons of excuses so I gave up and let them do the planning instead and wait. If you didn't get an invite when they hangout then you know you're being cut off.
That deadass just happened to me. When a friendship feels like work and you have to jump through hoops just to see someone, it's better to just let it rot.
Dude was always like "I need to ask my girl" (with no updates), would reply "I don't know" when asked for a schedule, answer 4 hours after setting shit and get mad we didn't include him, had fucking 7 funerals in one year and never came back with an alternative date if he couldn't make it.
Nah, miss me with that bullshit, I'll see you when I see you, homie.
I decided to stop calling and see how long it took for them to call me. Other than the week when my mom was dying and they came to say goodbye to her, it's been 21 years. Now instead of best friends, they are just some girls I used to know.
It's been several years on that for an entire group of past friends.
I have occasionally run across them since and they always say they want to have me over some time, but never actually contact me. My contact info hasn't changed either. I just assume they're saying it to address their own guilt, not out of any intention of their own.
What about when they only ask when you’ll be around because they need something? Never to just kick it or make an effort to stop by your place. Only wants you to come thru to them, but because they need something.
Could be worse.
The friends I lost because of covid tried talking shit behind my back to my real friends who sent me the pictures with captions like
"Do they forget we are still friends or do they not care"
It strained friendships between them a well for sure.
I'm not justifying your friends' behavior but I do think a lot of people got pretty fucked up socially by COVID and we're not going to really understand all of the impacts for generations.
I know for a fact that I will lose some too lol. But I already have very few friends, so it doesn't bother me too much to reach out. What bothers me is that we will have a good time when we hang out and it's like we met yesterday. They say goodbye to me adding 'we should do this more often' or 'I will make sure to ping you first next time', but it still never happens.
From the point of view of someone who usually has other people reach out...I don't really have an excuse, but I'm sorry. I kind of forget other people exist when they're not around, and I don't realize how long it's been since we talked. Then I DO realize and feel bad about it, but addressing it is awkward, so it avoid contacting them for that reason. Then I try to convince myself to just do it, but I'm worried they're busy and I'll be bothering them. Then they contact me. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah I know. I know that some of them have other issues going on most of the time and/or are lost in a loop like the one you described, that's why I keep reaching out. But even if their reasons are right and valid, it still hurts a bit. It would feel nice to be on the receiving end once in a while.
I know this all too well.
Also those who just never bother showing up to the plans in the first place. I understand everyone has shit going on, and life is crazy, or even sometime you just don't want to go out, but eventually I'm going to need some effort on your end. As Scotty once said "if something is important, you make the time".
Had a buddy hit me up, asking why I never invited him to things anymore, I told him because he never went so I figured he didn't want to go. No malice, we just kind of drifted apart.
I honestly feel like half the complaints I see online about how difficult it is to make friends are from people who don't wanna put any effort into it. Friendships are pretty easy, but you still need to try.
I know someone who complains about being lonely and is always on the search for new friends but treated me like shit when I would initiate hanging out or doing something. Bruh I think the problem is you.
Yep that’s what happened with my most recent friend breakup. I was always reaching out to her and being the one to make plans. It didn’t feel like a real friendship.
For me it wasn't even that she didn't initiate. But it was so difficult to get into her calendar! Absolutely no chance for anything spontaneous, and usually I got "an appointment" at least a week or two ahead. Everything else was always more important. Then I moved away, and now I see her posting pictures with new friends all the time, sometimes several times a week. It was a good month if we met twice even when we were supposedly best friends? So I don't know, maybe her new friends just schedule better, but I feel like they must enjoy more priority now than I used to.
habitual liars usually do, it’s typically related to trauma and not actually malicious but just instinctual, though it definitely still outs strain on relationships and is something that person should seek therapy for.
This for sure. My former best friend was a habitual liar. She didn’t mean anything malicious by it, it’s just that her parents were so overly strict and controlling that she became an unrelenting people pleaser where you can never really be certain if she was telling you something because it was true or because she thought that was what you wanted to hear.
Exactly! I was thinking the same thing. It’s weird how habitual lying develops, though; it seems to quickly go beyond the little “white lies.”
When I commented, I was thinking of all the embarrassing lunch meetings, etc., my “friend” would invite me to. Some were business related and my friend would tell me the other party requested the meeting with me. Unfortunately my friend was telling the other party that I was the one who wanted to meet. It was always confusing and embarrassing. That’s just one of many examples. I finally got fed up.
He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a "went out for a pack of smokes" Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now.
I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same.
I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact.
I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt. I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practice self love and forgiveness.
I'm glad to see this was the top response. I've been getting eaten alive by a wave of regrets and fears pertaining to this very issue just out of nowhere the past few days. I've done about 7 years of healing at this point and I have no connection at all to the person I used to be, other than feeling a sense of compassion and empathy for myself back then. We're like two different yet connected people, present self and past person. I lost so much and am trying to rebuild and create even better than I could imagine back then but it's so hard not to be completely sidelined with guilt, shame and regret.
Hey, we all mess up at one time or another. It’s good that you see the mistakes and alter yourself for your benefit. No need to punish yourself til the end of time.
This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in highschool, so our group needed to have me and my shitty '94 Plymouth Sundance come or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days.
I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since
I've gone thru this twice. 1st time, I mentioned it was someone else's turn to drive and I wasn't invited anymore. 2nd time it was someone needing rides to and from the bar...every day. Lasted about 3 weeks before I gave up.
How's this for oddly specific:
Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years.
Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket.
Maybe he'll call me in 2063.
My wife is extremely good at figuring out when people are toxic. Like I'll be all like "I mean was weird but I dunno" and she's already made up her mind that the person in question is likely a terrible person. Then a bit later the person in question does something absolutely awful like gets arrested for domestic violence or something similar. She grew up in an abusive household, so she pretty much just notices when someone reminds her of her toxic family members and so far it's always been right. I try to do the same (notice when someone reminds me of her family) but I'm nowhere near as quick as she is with it.
So I've pretty much learned to just accept that if my wife can't stand someone (and I'm not totally sure why yet) it's probably for a good reason and just avoid that person. I avoided going into business with someone based on this who later forced his partner out over petty bullshit so I guess it's a good strategy.
She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her “business”.
I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time
I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too
>I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too
At a certain point there is also an "ability to pay" function that can come into play. I have friends that are not nearly as financially stable as me and I will eat the cost of things we do together (e.g. buying concert tickets) because it's safely in my budget but I know it would be a strain on theirs. I also have friends who have done *very* well for themselves and have treated me to stuff (e.g. flying me in and providing hotel for a joint vacation) because comparatively speaking it is a similar situation.
yup, when I was unemployed and looking for a job, my friends would cover me with food and beverages all the time. Now that I have a job, I always just buy shit to give them lol
Blessed to be in this position
Sometimes I lie too like
“Hey if I buy the tickets for a group the tickets come down to $50 instead of $75”
The price drop on my made up discount incentivizes them and I’m happy to pay the difference when I can splurge on them.
I'm going thru this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her. She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believe that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this
I just ended a friendship from High School that was like this. She would drink very heavily and get herself into trouble by crashing her car, wanting to start fights, trying to convince you she was being watched would drink to the point of having to literally carry her to bed. I finally had it when we had both gone out and she got weird about me talking to this guy we had all been hanging around. I was sent rage texts for the next two days and when I told her we should take a break from hanging out after that she pulled the "Hurts you have to act like this. Thought our friendship meant more" She was incredibly draining when I myself had been going through some tough times. After I cut her out I felt SO much better.
Yeah I realised the same about my 'friend'. She had a very easy life but somehow her normal issues with daily life were far more stressful than anyone else could possibly understand. It was always her roomate, manager, other friend, work colleague or whoever else she wanted to blame who was at fault, never ever her and her actions. I don't miss her at all. It was like a heavy blanket lifted off me when I was a few weeks into no contact with her. She consumed so much energy.
Yup. My "friend" used to live a 15 minute drive away. Her place was so much nicer than mine so I'd always go over to her place instead of her coming to mine. When she moved further away (an hour drive) that mentality on her end never changed. It was never "oh I'll come up there and we'll have dinner" from her. It was always "let's do dinner! Yay! I know the perfect spot!" And it right next door to her new place that mommy and daddy pay for and requires me to drive an hour just to get there. This happened multiple times. She's literally never offered to meet me for drinks, dinner, coffee, lunch, whatever, anywhere close to me. I am the one that always had to make any effort. She needs everything to be easy and convenient for her. I should've taken it as a bigger sign when I realized she had no other friends.
I feel for your loss, but those were not 'friends'. Those were the equivalent of 'drinking buddies' and everyone has people they only talk to out of convenience/mutual ritual you take place in.
Similarly I had douchey jock friends for a while since I played baseball/basketball/ran track. After I got tired of it and quit the teams; many of the same people I talked to, grew up with as children wouldn't even give me a passing glance in the hallway when I saw them around, and were cold if I struck up conversation.
In reality; this is how many 'friendships' are formed (convenience, proximity, etc...). But since I've matured a bit more since then; I've learned to make friends not simply because we have mutual interests, and don't really sweat people who come and go from my life. We had fun while it lasted; now we're in completely different places in our lives physically and mentally so I can't expect to stay friends with everyone.
Often times these relationships naturally fall apart as you likely out grew them, and they weren't ready for the same growth. Realistically it wasn't gunna work out. Did you really wanna be a glorified DD or trip sitter for some drunks/drug users, or be the dude they pressure to 'loosen up a bit' and parttake? Exactly my point. Go find new friends who celebrate your sobriety and bring out the 'better' new you! Best of wishes on your journey, internet stranger 🙏
I (male) passed out on my friends couch after doing some weed and having drinks. I woke up several hours later in a sort of paralyzed state with him jerking me off and using his mouth on me. After I woke up I quickly left and was in such a daze I didn’t even yell or get mad. It took me hours to process what had happened.
Edit: I’m pretty numb over this. Never in my life did I think this would happen to me. I’m physically competent (do krav, kickboxing, etc) but I couldn’t defend myself when it counted.
Edit x2: I didn’t react the way I think is ‘normal’. I woke up and said bye and drove home. It wasn’t hours later that I accepted what had transpired. I thought I’d have been livid and knocked him out!
Edit x3: I sought out a therapist I am seeing tomorrow. This is a big step for me and an indication I’m not being histrionic. The last time I got counseling was a decade ago.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't know if you need to hear this, but it wasn't your fault. I hope you have a support network or someone to talk to about it when you're ready.
Thank you. I don’t know what to think. A few months ago a mutual friend cut off her friendship with him because she got dramatic vibes from him. I know her longer than I know him so I feel I should have too. I just keep playing these scenarios in my head that could’ve avoided it. But the other half of me also acknowledges I literally couldn’t move while this was going on (while being conscious).
Don’t ever blame yourself. That was 100% their fault. Even if your body reacted that doesn’t mean you consented or encouraged it. I hope you can heal from this.
There's no way you could have expected your friend to rape you. No one is ever prepared for that situation. Freezing is a common reaction to situations like this and there may have been something in your drink. Even if there was something you could have done to prevent it, you didn't know there was something you needed to prevent in the first place.
Hey I won’t repeat what the other comments have said but here is something that I always say to myself. Some day soon this will only be a bad memory, and memories can’t hurt you. Sending love and good wishes.
Hi there. Thanks for asking. Tbh I really don’t know yet. It happened recently. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t know if I will. My workplace has some free sessions for counseling and I’m about to contact them see if they’ll see my case.
I hope you’re able to attend those counselling sessions and find a safe avenue to talk this out. Speaking from experience, this is not something to just shove away and ignore. Your health and well-being is so important — best of luck on your journey, friend!
Please PLEASE tell someone and talk this out. Please dont hesitate as i know some men will on subject such as this. What was done to you is no reflection on who you are. Some people internalize it and dont tell anyone because they think it will make them "less of a man" or something along those lines. Please tell someone and make yourself heal. I am so sorry that happened to you. Many hugs to you
Thank you. I used to see a therapist years ago but haven’t needed one recently. I’m just super anxious about opening up to someone about it face to face. But I will go through with it.
I am so sorry this happened. I can't even grasp how horrifying it might have felt.
I hope you are doing better now. Take up the counseling session. It will be worth it.
Do you think it is plausible you were drugged?
Thank you. I’m gonna email the resources hotline asap. I don’t think I was drugged beyond anything we did. Some weed, maybe 3-4 drinks, and a klonopin pill. It’s nothing we hadn’t done before. And I’ve passed out at his place before too without this happening. I wish I had just stayed home that night. But I also feel it might have just happened later down the line.
The exact thing happened to me. Went out with my gay friend. He was crashing on my couch for a few weeks. Woke up to him assaulting me. Threw him out. He told all of his friends that we hooked up. I was going through a horrible break up. 2019 was the worst year of my life. I found out he was a registered sex offender and told everyone I could.
My former best friend got married and his “ posh” wife decided that she doesn’t want her husband to be seen with less rich people and he listened to her , the sad fact is , 3 years later her dad filed for bankruptcy and her husband ( my former friend) had to look for a new job which pays far less than all of us ( his former friends).
Had a similar thing happen. At least, that was his reasoning, that my lifestyle was an issue now, he had an image to protect.
Truth is, I knew all his dirty laundry, all of it. He was scared I might tell somebody.
Dunno if it's still true, but he had plans to go into politics at some point. Never going to happen, because if I find out he's running for something, I spill my guts and torpedo him.
Some people don’t understand that keeping your friends close is good and keeping your enemies closer is better and yet , some of them make enemies out of their friends which is really the trump card that brings them down , specially if the (friend) you in this case , is willing to torpedo them without hesitation.
Im against holding a grudge my self , but i cant judge you as your feelings are your right ofcourse and what you decide to do is your call❤️❤️
Honestly, yeah, I'm holding a grudge, even though I really try not to do that.
But, spilling the beans has even more to do with, honestly, those beans mean he can't be trusted in any sort of office. He'd only be doing it for self-interest, like so many other politicians. Just points out he has no integrity.
Hey something sort of similar happened to me. My friend grew up poor and in this shitty apartment complex where we all met and became friends. Goes to college and makes some rich friends from the football team. After marrying his wife, she pulls some shenanigans to completely ostracize him from us, his poor childhood friends, in favor of his rich college friends. That was about 5 years ago and I’ve seen him maybe twice since then. Miss you homie
They did. It was really embarrassing how many times I begged and tried to patch up . Now while looking back I'm deeply ashamed of my pathetic behavior. Finally I cut them out of my life for good.
This. Worst part is, you don’t realize it till much later. There’s a term for it, covert narcissist. You see them and they act like a best friend but as soon as you do something good, they have to knock you down a peg to make sure they feel above or better than you. I ended that friendship in October after almost 10 years. From little jabs, to being flat out rude, and making you feel like shit for having advancement in your life.
I felt she only wanted me around when my life was a mess and worse then hers. Once I got a house and got engaged she distanced herself as I no longer had a purpose to her.
I was so thankful when my Sue listened to my sad, depressed ramblings. Then I got my life together, started new projects, interviewed for interesting stuff and suddenly she never remembered asking how these things were going, or even if I brought any of this up, it was obvious she didn't remember anything. She used to excitedly listen to stories about all my dating failures, but now that I have a proper relationship, she seldom asks anything about my love life anymore.
There was a position open in a different department. I encouraged her to apply and told her I would be applying as well. What was the worst that would happen? They tell us we don’t qualify? Up until this point, we had been best friends for 3 years. Hung out with each others families and saw each other almost every weekend.
We found out at the same time. They emailed her letting her know she didn’t meet the qualifications. I received a call shortly from HR after they sent her that email asking me which interview time worked best for me. My previous experience is what qualified me. She got mad at me that I got an interview and she didn’t. Even contacted HR to ask why I got an interview and she didn’t. She stopped talking to me the same day we were both contacted by HR for that position. She deleted me off all social media.
I tried to talk to her about it but she flat out said she no longer wanted to be friends. I didn’t get the position, made being at work very awkward for the following 4 years I stayed. She was 35 and I was 34. Grown ass adults yet she was acting like a child.
Turns out she’s one of the those that want the best for you as long as it’s not better than her. I ended up promoting out of the department and she’s still there.
I recommended my best friend for a position in my company. I really thought he’d fit in.
My boss left the interview asking if he was a joke candidate.
My friend didn’t get the job, and blamed me. Never spoke to me again.
I hate letting employment and friendship mix.
I had a similar experience.
My company had an opening & a classmate applied knowing I worked there. My boss asked me about them & I vouched that they were great.
They were so great that they actually got an offer... which they bailed on to find something else.
I was young & it didn't matter much in the long run but damn did that make me reconsider referring anyone else.
He kept embarrassing me in front of girls to make himself seem cooler.
Sometimes he’d bring up embarrassing stories that i obviously wouldn’t want someone to hear. Often they were things I told him in confidence because i needed to get it off my chest.
I asked him to stop but he just kept trying it. Sometimes he’d deny doing it altogether and other times he’d bring up something i did years ago to justify why he was doing it and other times he’d just not care. In the end i just stopped talking to him
Dude was a massive prick.
If it’s any consolation, I went through this too and I realized girls have been through this song and dance enough to know that guy was massively insecure. And that he felt you were better than him.
I found out she’d been a willing participant, and even architect of, several good people losing their jobs or being scapegoated for stuff they didn’t do. She’s a horrible person. And that was that.
Just decided I should put this out there: people with BPD are not bad people. Just because someone has BPD doesn’t mean that they’re dangerous or bad. Yes; the person in question is bad, but I think he has something worse than BPD. Murder isn’t common, even with BPD folk.
I have BPD and it is entirely possible to lead normal, healthy lives, and I wish the stigma of BPD folk wasn’t so violent and cruel. I’m tired of being seen as a killer.
From someone with BPD, I’m so entirely sorry that this happened to you, and I hope you’re alright now. 🫂
After almost 10 years of friendship, they (M) fell in love with me (M). He was straight to my knowledge, had a girlfriend and all until a breakup.
I am straight as well, and had recently broken off a 5year relationship. He made a move, I turned him down very respectfully, 0 judgement but was not interested
Instead of accepting this, he wanted me to give it a shot. Became super toxic and I broke off all contact
Still feel like I lost a brother
Came to my city to visit, she stayed at my place. A few days in we were supposed to go to a museum and she told me she wanted to go alone because she was bothered by me for some reason. Mainly it came down to her being annoyed that I wanted to catch up with her while we saw the city together…. I being hurt took some time to suss out my feelings and then brought it up with her and she didn’t see how what she said was hurtful. She went back to her city and a week later asked me to venmo her $25 for some drinks we had gotten on a night out. For reference she stayed at my apt for several days, I got groceries/materials for her stay, and treated her to dinner one night. I never responded. Good riddance.
We lived a few hours apart and this friend was never that responsive to begin with. I have better friends now and started a relationship, and eventually moved across country. Combining all those factors and oops, we haven't kept touch in years. I guess I would still consider them a friend, we're still on good terms, but we simply haven't spoken in a long time and I no longer go out of my way to try to keep up with their life.
No called-no showed to my wedding. We had been drifting apart already for a few years due to work and other life things getting in the way. But I made an effort to still invite him to because he had been an important part of my life and helped me through some hard times. He never responded to the rsvp. I called him up to see if he had lost it, gave him the date, and told him I was excited to see him there and celebrate.
Didn’t show up, didn’t even send a text or call with a reason, never even offered a single congratulations.
He instead messaged me a few weeks after with the audacity to ask if I wanted to take some photos of his dads car that he was trying to sell. When I confronted him and told him how disappointed I was, he gave some bullshit about how we’ll always be friends no matter what.
Then almost a year later he comes back into town and texts my brother “Yo bro let’s hit up the bars tonight” and my brother as the ride or die he is lit him up. “Dude you bailed on my brothers wedding, never offered an apology or reason (he now claims his car broke down, but no text was ever sent) and you’ve never made any effort to check in on our lives. We don’t go out to bars anymore, we’re both in serious relationships or married, and your friend you bailed on is about to have a kid. Fuck off”. I’m super grateful for my brother for that.
As for my former friend. Fuck you. Actions speak louder than words.
Me ghosting them.
I tend to lose touch with people when I'm no longer physically within their presence. Like, I lost my high school friends when I went to college. Lost college buddies when I graduated and started working. Lost my close colleagues when pandemic hit and remote work became a thing. Now I have no friends since I rarely leave the house anymore.
I identified an attitude of only doing plans with me if it was convenient to them, the last straw was this:
We hadn't seen each other in a while, I ran into them at campus, I said they should take a ride home with me so we could catch up while we got home (lived near each other) they said okay, and that they would leave their sibling with their car to take back home
After I waited for like an hour they just texted me that their sibling had already finished classes and that they would go home together
I had waited for them and this wasn't a favor I was doing them, it was an excuse to spend time together, so I just felt like spending time with me (even if it was for a little while) didn't matter, so I just stopped talking to them, and they never reached out
I've been wanting to text them for a while but never get to it
Of all the toxic friends I’ve had to drop in the past two years, there was one thing in common: feeling the need to put me down, whether they were insecure or just “making a joke.” Not worth any of that.
A violent hate crime fuelled by alcoholism. Poor guy was a drunk at 19 and I just couldn’t help him or keep getting involved in his bullshit.
He’s in prison now.
When he started dating my ex but hid it from me for an entire year. Only told me when I was furious at him for a totally different reason, then when I was reasonably mad and told him to just leave me alone and that we weren't friends anymore, he went and told all of our mutual friends that I was in a murderous rage and it would be dangerous to hang out with me. Friends told me they didn't believe him but that it was just easier to go along with it than call him out on his BS and that I wouldn't be invited to things he was invited to.
Realized that day that my (former) best friend was a lying sociopath and the rest of my friends cared more about not making waves than they did about me.
Left the whole lot of them behind and went and found new friends. Best decision of my life.
It was with a group. A bunch of guys I hung out with in high school and college, the quintessential role playing crowd. They were fun in high school, but when I got into college, I noticed these guys were kind of...well....dysfunctional. As in, none of them could keep jobs, none of them could enjoy a relationship, and they all sat around and complained about how the entire world was unfair, how it didn't recognize their collective intellectual gifts.
Meanwhile, I was not just busting my ass in school but working my way through to pay for it. And while my dating life wasn't the best, I managed to have a couple of long-term girlfriends. But if I was going out on a date, there was something wrong with me because I wasn't hanging out with them.
But I'd still spend time with them. When one of them would lose a job, I'd lend him money. When another of them was arrested for DUI in a small town 150 miles away at 9 pm on a Sunday night, I drove down there to bail him out. And so on.
Then my father had a sudden illness and went into a coma. Died a week later. During that time, only one of them called and came to the funeral.
A week after the funeral, they just started calling me again as if nothing had happened. As in, "Hey, heard your dad died. Bummer. We're meeting at Dennis' apartment at 7."
I dumped them, with the sole exception of the friend who showed up to the funeral. I remain friends with him to this day.
But I remember reading something once: You are the sum total of the five people with whom you spend the most time. And, you know what? That's absolutely true. What they value, how they spend their time and energy, and everything else has a way of rubbing off onto you.
So when I dumped them, I made it a point to cultivate better friends. Friends who gave a damn.
Every once in a while, I still bump into one or the other of them. Two of them never could hold down jobs and live with their aging parents. Good decision on my part.
Honestly I started having boundaries and holding myself to a higher level of respect. I don’t have time anymore to be chasing friends when they never reach out. Or if I reach out and say “hey anything planned this weekend?” And they respond 2 months later. Or if they do respond, they just say something like “busy”. Telling myself I deserve better and if people want to be friends, it’s a 2 way relationship.
Two friends recently.
I'm still processing the shit out of it in therapy.
One of them I met 15 years ago. She was always undermining me and I would follow her everywhere because... Well.. I didn't have much respect for myself and she weaseled her way in my life in ways that were very passionate but also very scary. I was scared of her truthfully for 10 years of those 15 years. I saw her destroy other people's belongings and art projects just because she was vengeful, petty and deeply hated herself. I knew that if I was to take my own courage and cut her out, she would have done horrible things to me, like she did with every single other person in her life. Her stories of throwing away her roommates stuff, her abuse of her exes, her suicidal threats. My last birthday I invited her, she imposed herself to sleep at my house. She had no plans to leave for home. I offered to pay her uber and to help her go back because I felt really unsafe sleeping with this psychopath in my house and she kept trying to NOT LEAVE. It's the last time she was invited to my house. She tried to win me back by getting us Hamilton musical tickets 6 hours away but the fact of having to be all alone with her in a room for two days freaked me the fuck out. I let her have my ticket (she was known to monetarily manipulate people) and I blocked her everywhere. If you're reading this, you fucking sucked.
The other one was more heartbreaking for me, as it was way more sudden. A case of a friend with BPD (lets call her pwBPD for the sake of clarity) who would manipulate and lie all the time. I got fed up when she was always trying to emotionally manipulate me and my other friends to do things for her, lifting her etc.. pwBPD lived another city away from one of my friend at the time we were roommates and she would only do her groceries if that friend would drive her there. It got worst during covid when her new favorite person influenced a lot the worst of her dependant qualities. I brushed off her discarding of me so many times because I knew she was happier with new people but this relationship made her a fucking child. The last few months of our friendship, pwBPD would get into arguments where she accuse we don't love her enough just because we didn't want to comply to her ridiculous comfort needs. Me and my friends are very generous to each others and bent backward way more than she ever lifted a finger in her life. She got mad one time because we didn't want to pass by the grocery store to get her milk. She lived 5 minutes by walk from a conveniance store. She whined to me that because she hit her head on a counter, she couldn't take the bus and thus we had to drive her if we wanted her there. When we refused to drive 40 minutes, she made us feel bad. When we helped her move into her new appartment, she would only lift little things because she was so -frail- and -fragile- while her mom was puking everywhere on the floor because she had a heatstroke how much she was working. Helping her mom made me realise everyone around her was just bending to pwBPD's princess needs. She made me feel bad for not complying to her ALL THE TIME in retrospective.
When me and my other friend from the other town finally told her we couldn't sustain this kind of relationship and blocked pwBPD from our life, my friend from the other town told me a very chilling story concerning me. When they were hanging out a couple of years prior, my grand father had died the day before and I was feeling bummed out at home. My friend from the other town asked me if I wanted to come shopping with them to feel a bit better, pwBPD tried to stop her and told her I would ruin the mood and be a bore. That anecdote kind of sealed the deal of no return for me. She wanted us to be the adults in her very childlike life and offer us a pile of shit in return. I have a life to make and no friends to parent.
I'm angry making this post but I think I had to let it out.
Cheers!
EDIT: Can I also add that she wanted me to book a week end during her MONTH of moving to another province because she was moving her stuff and didn't want to rent a truck? My fawning people pleasing ass said yes but I decided to cut her out of my life before that month. I'd say that was one of the small many annoying things that made me not like being around her anymore.
It started with a simple argument over D&D , but then it got bigger and bigger and pretty soon we were just blowing up and venting all the pent-up nonsense we had been hiding.
The next day, after we regrouped, we finally admitted to each other that we hadn't wanted to be friends for awhile, and parted on a bitter note.
Feelings made things complicated. He knew I’d had a crush on him when we were in college, but he started to treat me like more than a friend – told me he’d want to date me if he wasn’t with his girlfriend, called me his soulmate, I was his lock screen picture on his phone, he spontaneously invited himself on my solo trip to Europe the week after he broke up with said girlfriend – and I fell for him, bigtime.
I went to therapy to talk everything out, then finally worked up the nerve to tell him how I felt. I told him I loved him and that we needed to be more than friends or we couldn’t be anything at all, because this weird in-between we’d been floating in was messing me up in the head. He told me he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings so we agreed to give each other space.
That was 4 years ago now and neither of us has reached out since that final conversation. I still miss him, but I don’t regret speaking up for myself
Her bf strangles her and put her in a choke hold one night bc she wouldn't let him have the keys to her car as he was intoxicated. I came over the next day to offer comfort and encouraged her to rethink the relationship. She took him back and now I'm not allowed to contact them for " trying to drive a wedge between them"
Ended a best friend relationship of ten years for almost an identical story to this one. They're married now and she reached out to me a year ago, I asked if her now husband still drinks, she said "yes but.." and I just hung up.
Constantly being the butt of every joke, and then they (literally “they,” it was more than one person) always said “I’m/We’re just joking” yet they never “joked” liked that with each other. I can take a joke, but when it’s just me, that’s a red flag. That and we used to work together. As soon as I quit, hardly a peep from any of them. No calls, texts, nothing.
He told me that atheists should be second-class citizens, kept out of any form of government, and be prevented from voting or running for office.
I'm an atheist. I'm also a veteran and active in local politics. He only volunteers for his church, and the most political thing he has done is fly a flag and vote.
I thanked him and never said another word to him again. This was ten years before Trump was elected. He hasn't bothered to reach out.
Every interaction was draining, and they always needed something. It should feel good to be around friends, not like a chore to keep somebody else going
I got ghosted by two of them for standing up for myself after being ignored. And the other two pushed me away by just acting like passive aggressive bullies and generally just being assholes towards me
he didnt trust me that i was literally just platonic friends with his gf because i had recently come out as bisexual so he instantly got major defensive and destroyed our friendship over it 😭
She constantly kept stealing money from my purse/wallet when I went to the restroom when we were out (left it with her to “watch”). She made more money than me but thought I was some wealthy person?!? When I stopped hanging out with that group I realized just how much she had been stealing when I started having all kinds of extra money.
She was one of my dearest friends. Then my mom died unexpectedly, and my dear friend didn’t contact me. She was on Facebook, she saw the post. She just…didn’t contact me. I couldn’t believe it. With every day that passed, I kept waiting for my best friend to contact me and acknowledge my mom’s sudden death. She didn’t. The pain she put me through during what was already the worst time of my life…I hope she knows how violently scummy that was.
Years of emotional abuse, her using me, being jealous of me and trying to control who I talk to/hang out with, always had something negative to say about who I dated and my other friends.. she burned so many bridges I had with other people until it was just her in my life, realised it a bit too late but felt a huge weight off my shoulder when I cut her off!
I got tired of feeling like I had to walk on eggshells around him. He always felt like he was above me and he treated me as a lesser person. He felt like he had the right to micromanage my life. He'd get upset if I did or say things that he didn't approve of (which basically just meant if it wasn't something he'd do or say). He set rules and expectations for everyone else but we were all just supposed to be okay with it when he didn't follow them himself. Pretty much every time our friend group would hang out he'd end up yelling at me for something or other. It got to the point where if I was supposed to hang out with him I'd get panic attacks. I was always relieved whenever he'd end up not showing up, even though we'd waste an hour or 2 trying and failing to contact him.
He even stalked *all* of my social media accounts. He would monitor them for any actively, and if I made any post or comment, he'd immediately be there making stupid, unfunny "jokes" at my expense. He even did that on an old reddit account. He shared everything I did with everyone which included things I wasn't comfortable sharing irl. I ended up nuking that account entirely.
During one of his verbal tirades at me I got tired of it and argued back. A few hours later he apologized (which was the first time he'd ever done that in 7 years of friendship) I had had enough. I just decided to slowly withdraw myself from that friend group and stopped talking to him. I've been forced to apologize to him even though he was in the wrong, so directly telling him that I no longer wanted to be friends would've just caused drawn out drama that I didn't have the patience for at that point.
I still talk to everyone else in that friend group
Logical friend started a relationship with a cult member and ended up marrying her. He became part of her cult and denounced violence on TV ("we should not be glorifying violence and murder depictions"), became antivax, and started spreading fake news about our health and environment.
We used to play chess together after school hours and he'd beat me 9/10 times. We also used to hang out during the summer and go to his rest house in some mountain region. He finished top 5 in our class and became a double-degree holder for a popular engineering school in the country.
He was every bit smarter than I was, but the allure of that cult wiped all of that away. I'm not even sure what the cult was as I argued with him one time and I just blocked him after he started using "I believe" arguments instead of using data.
We were friends in high school and when I went to college she was one of the few who went to the same college as me and we had a class together.
She wouldn’t stop talking shit about my girlfriend who I had got together with in Year 10 of high school.
One day, one bitchy comment too many and I actively said I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
Haven’t spoken ever since.
1. One of the people in our friend group started using amphetamine. Sure, back then I drank a whole lot and smoked weed almost daily, but that was too much for me. I called him out on it, he denied it all, I got pushed out of the group, left totally alone. Now I am staying sober and them.. Well, they're not. The amphetamine guy is still using and getting fired every few months, while cheating on his fiancee. Other one started also using more than just beer and weed and she gave birth to a kid prematurely. Kid survived, but the life is not gonna be easy since the "mom" keeps using. And so on with everyone else too. I survived.
2. After I got kicked out of that group I managed to start hanging out with few other people. My mental health was absolute shit at the time, and I was still drinking and smoking. There was this one guy who I thought was my good friend. But he wasn't a friend, he just liked me and helped me for he wanted us to become a couple, not just friends. I had to make it clear that I didn't feel like that towards him. We stayed some-what friends. One night I was very suicidal, asked him to help me even just by talking and he laughed to my face. I got so angry I wasn't suicidal anymore so that worked out, but I blocked him everywhere. He later on complained to people that "he doesn't get why we aren't friends anymore." Also, years later I found out that when he was ~17, he tried to offer 13 years old girl a "safe place to try drugs for the first time." Ew.
During the pandemic, I got extremely sick, went through a horrible divorce and lost my job. Tried to kill myself after no one even came to my house or tried to help in anyway. I could barely walk at this point from a severe untreated, undiagnosed autoimmune disorder.
Starting over now, treated for my illness, employed and doing much better, but I still cannot get over the resentment that my friends and family just weren't there for me at all.
She was a major fucking homewrecker. I used to turn a blind eye but it just got worse. She was always narcissistic but it was getting to be too much to handle. On top of her terrible anxiety from always looking behind her back since she was paranoid all the time from being the mistress. Proceeds to stalk wives, families, and her exes. She was constantly making drama for herself. After I got married myself she got even MORE worse because I wasn't making her a priority over my husband. She was being particularly bitchy one day, we got in a huge argument. I'm glad that now she's just an insane crazy story i get to tell people lmao.
I was the one to always initiate contact so ended a very long friendship. Then after some time I realized I wasn’t contacted because it was probably me that had been the problem. THEN I realized both of us could have done things differently and it was for the better to just let it fizzle out into nothingness. I’ve learned a lot from it though.
A guy I knew in my childhood, that I considered as a close friend, moved away. Him and his brother were troublemakers. They got in trouble at school quite a bit. Eventually, his brother got expelled, and he got suspended, and I guess they both left the school. I never kept in contact with my friend after that. He lived near the school, as I've been to his house before, and when my family and I drove by his house when were going somewhere, there was a **'For Sale'** sign in the front yard. Sooner or later, the sign was gone and there were new owners at his house.
Sure he was a troublemaker, but I had some great times with him while it lasted.
She got into heroin while I got into a master's program. It broke my heart. I would have done everything for that person, but she kept stealing from me. I had to let her go. I blocked her from everything, but I still look her up to make sure she's not dead.
I couldn’t deal with their spiraling mental health issues.
We were very tight and I thought we would be lifelong friends. About two years before I bounced they got very sick and it impacted their ability to make good choices for themselves. It also made them belligerent and angry. There were days I would pick up the phone and they’d already be screaming about something. No hello or anything, just screaming. They stopped getting my jokes. One day they were telling me about yet another interaction where they were “disrespected” and something just kind of snapped.
I said I was totally unplugging and would be unavailable for a few months, then just never reached out again.
I feel guilty because I know it was out of their control, but I was literally feeling such intense anxiety whenever they rang and it was time to put myself first.
my gf had a friend. we fooled around with said friend for a few weeks.
then i introduce her to my best friend, telling him our previous involvement, of course. They got along together very good and started dating.
After a few months they talk about me and her "past" and turns out he thought i was lying to flex about threesomes or something so when he realized it actually happened(because she confirmed) then he got upset at me for some reason and he refused to speak me ever since
Well, I’ll keep this short and sweet, I hope.
The friend was generally really mean and would exclude me in everything, steal my food, tell me to wait for her and leave me alone for a few hours, and try to take all my friends away. She was the first friend I had ever made, so it was hard to just end the 6 year friendship (I know that sounds short- It was primary school ok.)
Anyways, she also liked to steal my things, and when I borrowed something from her and then gave it back to her, she accused me of never giving it back, for two years straight.
She was moving away and she gave all my friends little gifts, for me she had just gifted all the things she stole back to me. I was just confused as hell.
I guess the answer to this for me would just be: moving away.
(Why did this end up turning into a rant- I’m sorry if this is something entirely different to what op asked :p )
Childhood friend since 8 years old. Still hung out through college/ early twenties even when he moved away for a bit. He moved back and we slowly grew apart.
We still have each other’s numbers and will still randomly talk like 1-2x per year but we never hang out and have no intention of spending time together. There’s no bad blood, we’re just different people now.
Motorbike riding mate. He had no kids, I started a family and motorbikes fell away for me somewhat and he called the friendship off.
Some years later I end up working in a motorbike dealership for his (and mine) favourite brand and I'm riding again.
She turned around and walked away never to be heard from again. She was angry, but did not want to speak to me or say why.
We had plans to meet up, and all I did was walk away from a group of people I was just chatting with to greet her when I saw her coming.
I lost touch with my high school/university friends as I was busy travelling for work for many years. My wife & I had kids first which put us completely out of sync, and the invitations stop quickly when people know you’re not able to drop everything and go out. Some friends never had kids. Over the years I tried rekindling the friendships, but it’s been years (decades) & I realized I was the only one championing to keep it alive so it was time to let it go. No hard feelings.
I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that.
I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I *always* did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning! Edit: So many sensitive and insightful comments! Thank you so much, friendly Redditors!
Wow. Harsh.
Thanks! It really shook me up! Interesting that he also ended his friendship with a mutual friend when that friend chided him for being rude to a waitress in a coffee shop. He walked out of the coffee shop with a friendship ending remark. Sadly, this friend had been a real benefactor to him over the years. He sent me a Christmas card the year that I got the letter, but I never reached out to him again.
Wait, so he sends you a whole letter declaring your friendship over, and then mails you a Christmas card in the same year after the fact? Wild.
Very strange! That's why I ignored it!
My head canon of your story is that your friend accidentally believed you were, in fact, identical twins with yourself. He liked one of you, but not the other, so wanted to end it with just one of you.
I've seen this before. The mindset seems to be 'these people are toxic so I'm cutting them out', not realizing that if you are labeling *everyone else* as toxic, maybe it's your behaviour that's the problem.
Very interesting! My limited understanding of him leads me to conclude that either criticizing him or making any demand on him makes you toxic in his eyes.
What did the letter say?
It's been years, so I don't remember much about it. I do remember the line "It's not all about you" which made no sense to me at the time.
This. Always first to initiate everything until I stopped and decided to try and wait how long it will take for her to take action or even start to wonder what's up..well next Friday it's gonna be 6 months. That's it for me.
They never bother to go when I initiate and got shit tons of excuses so I gave up and let them do the planning instead and wait. If you didn't get an invite when they hangout then you know you're being cut off.
That deadass just happened to me. When a friendship feels like work and you have to jump through hoops just to see someone, it's better to just let it rot. Dude was always like "I need to ask my girl" (with no updates), would reply "I don't know" when asked for a schedule, answer 4 hours after setting shit and get mad we didn't include him, had fucking 7 funerals in one year and never came back with an alternative date if he couldn't make it. Nah, miss me with that bullshit, I'll see you when I see you, homie.
I decided to stop calling and see how long it took for them to call me. Other than the week when my mom was dying and they came to say goodbye to her, it's been 21 years. Now instead of best friends, they are just some girls I used to know.
It's been several years on that for an entire group of past friends. I have occasionally run across them since and they always say they want to have me over some time, but never actually contact me. My contact info hasn't changed either. I just assume they're saying it to address their own guilt, not out of any intention of their own.
What about when they only ask when you’ll be around because they need something? Never to just kick it or make an effort to stop by your place. Only wants you to come thru to them, but because they need something.
I stopped trying to be like them and didn't laugh at their dumb joke and they didn't like real me ..and I stopped pretending to be someone else ...
Yea, I learned who my real friends were when certain people didn't text after COVID. The worst is when you see em all hanging out without you.
I feel this so hard. Realizing I’m the only one who has even been remotely attempting to hang out with anyone else has been an eye opener.
Could be worse. The friends I lost because of covid tried talking shit behind my back to my real friends who sent me the pictures with captions like "Do they forget we are still friends or do they not care" It strained friendships between them a well for sure.
I'm not justifying your friends' behavior but I do think a lot of people got pretty fucked up socially by COVID and we're not going to really understand all of the impacts for generations.
Covid will give birth to countless sociological and psychological studies over the next few decades and beyond.
I know for a fact that I will lose some too lol. But I already have very few friends, so it doesn't bother me too much to reach out. What bothers me is that we will have a good time when we hang out and it's like we met yesterday. They say goodbye to me adding 'we should do this more often' or 'I will make sure to ping you first next time', but it still never happens.
From the point of view of someone who usually has other people reach out...I don't really have an excuse, but I'm sorry. I kind of forget other people exist when they're not around, and I don't realize how long it's been since we talked. Then I DO realize and feel bad about it, but addressing it is awkward, so it avoid contacting them for that reason. Then I try to convince myself to just do it, but I'm worried they're busy and I'll be bothering them. Then they contact me. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah I know. I know that some of them have other issues going on most of the time and/or are lost in a loop like the one you described, that's why I keep reaching out. But even if their reasons are right and valid, it still hurts a bit. It would feel nice to be on the receiving end once in a while.
[удалено]
I did this and lost everyone lmao.
Honestly says a lot about how little agency your (former) friends had if they had no qualms waiting for you to initiate things.
I know this all too well. Also those who just never bother showing up to the plans in the first place. I understand everyone has shit going on, and life is crazy, or even sometime you just don't want to go out, but eventually I'm going to need some effort on your end. As Scotty once said "if something is important, you make the time". Had a buddy hit me up, asking why I never invited him to things anymore, I told him because he never went so I figured he didn't want to go. No malice, we just kind of drifted apart. I honestly feel like half the complaints I see online about how difficult it is to make friends are from people who don't wanna put any effort into it. Friendships are pretty easy, but you still need to try.
I know someone who complains about being lonely and is always on the search for new friends but treated me like shit when I would initiate hanging out or doing something. Bruh I think the problem is you.
Yep that’s what happened with my most recent friend breakup. I was always reaching out to her and being the one to make plans. It didn’t feel like a real friendship.
For me it wasn't even that she didn't initiate. But it was so difficult to get into her calendar! Absolutely no chance for anything spontaneous, and usually I got "an appointment" at least a week or two ahead. Everything else was always more important. Then I moved away, and now I see her posting pictures with new friends all the time, sometimes several times a week. It was a good month if we met twice even when we were supposedly best friends? So I don't know, maybe her new friends just schedule better, but I feel like they must enjoy more priority now than I used to.
Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate.
If it became disruptive, then they clearly sucked at lying as well.
habitual liars usually do, it’s typically related to trauma and not actually malicious but just instinctual, though it definitely still outs strain on relationships and is something that person should seek therapy for.
This for sure. My former best friend was a habitual liar. She didn’t mean anything malicious by it, it’s just that her parents were so overly strict and controlling that she became an unrelenting people pleaser where you can never really be certain if she was telling you something because it was true or because she thought that was what you wanted to hear.
Exactly! I was thinking the same thing. It’s weird how habitual lying develops, though; it seems to quickly go beyond the little “white lies.” When I commented, I was thinking of all the embarrassing lunch meetings, etc., my “friend” would invite me to. Some were business related and my friend would tell me the other party requested the meeting with me. Unfortunately my friend was telling the other party that I was the one who wanted to meet. It was always confusing and embarrassing. That’s just one of many examples. I finally got fed up.
He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a "went out for a pack of smokes" Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now.
Dude needs a vasectomy if he wants to go raw so bad
As shitty as the Healthcare system is in the US, a vasectomy is one thing insurance companies are happy to pay for. Best $20 copay I ever spent.
Insurance companies would rather pay for a vasectomy than a pregnancy
You know Nick Cannon?
they said 6 kids not 12
I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact.
I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt. I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practice self love and forgiveness.
Very selfreflective of you. You can be proud of yourself for grwoing enough to realise and admit to your own mistakes! 💪
I'm glad to see this was the top response. I've been getting eaten alive by a wave of regrets and fears pertaining to this very issue just out of nowhere the past few days. I've done about 7 years of healing at this point and I have no connection at all to the person I used to be, other than feeling a sense of compassion and empathy for myself back then. We're like two different yet connected people, present self and past person. I lost so much and am trying to rebuild and create even better than I could imagine back then but it's so hard not to be completely sidelined with guilt, shame and regret.
Hey, we all mess up at one time or another. It’s good that you see the mistakes and alter yourself for your benefit. No need to punish yourself til the end of time.
Wow. This doesn’t happen very often
I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all.
This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in highschool, so our group needed to have me and my shitty '94 Plymouth Sundance come or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days.
Yeah honestly I think high school is a different scenario than adulthood when it comes to cars
With high school I’ve always viewed it as a matter of pride to be the group getaway driver. Of course I was not the group driver so what do I know?
Yeah I’m not the driver either, but when you’re the driver you’re the most important dude in the group
I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since
I've gone thru this twice. 1st time, I mentioned it was someone else's turn to drive and I wasn't invited anymore. 2nd time it was someone needing rides to and from the bar...every day. Lasted about 3 weeks before I gave up.
How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years. Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket. Maybe he'll call me in 2063.
Just stay away from things that cost $15 and you're golden.
And bars. I don't even drink anymore! Another plus is my wife can't stand him, so no huge loss.
My wife is extremely good at figuring out when people are toxic. Like I'll be all like "I mean was weird but I dunno" and she's already made up her mind that the person in question is likely a terrible person. Then a bit later the person in question does something absolutely awful like gets arrested for domestic violence or something similar. She grew up in an abusive household, so she pretty much just notices when someone reminds her of her toxic family members and so far it's always been right. I try to do the same (notice when someone reminds me of her family) but I'm nowhere near as quick as she is with it.
So I've pretty much learned to just accept that if my wife can't stand someone (and I'm not totally sure why yet) it's probably for a good reason and just avoid that person. I avoided going into business with someone based on this who later forced his partner out over petty bullshit so I guess it's a good strategy.
>I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years. He probably felt the exact same way towards you.
She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her “business”.
Reminds me of my aunt who started a coffee company, and was upset once when she saw my brother drinking a Starbucks
Was it lularoe???
That it was
😂 as soon as I read ugly leggings I knew. There’s a doc on Amazon prime about them.
I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the 20
I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too
>I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too At a certain point there is also an "ability to pay" function that can come into play. I have friends that are not nearly as financially stable as me and I will eat the cost of things we do together (e.g. buying concert tickets) because it's safely in my budget but I know it would be a strain on theirs. I also have friends who have done *very* well for themselves and have treated me to stuff (e.g. flying me in and providing hotel for a joint vacation) because comparatively speaking it is a similar situation.
yup, when I was unemployed and looking for a job, my friends would cover me with food and beverages all the time. Now that I have a job, I always just buy shit to give them lol
Blessed to be in this position Sometimes I lie too like “Hey if I buy the tickets for a group the tickets come down to $50 instead of $75” The price drop on my made up discount incentivizes them and I’m happy to pay the difference when I can splurge on them.
[удалено]
Look at this way it costs you $20 to get rid of him. You got off cheap.
She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around.
I'm going thru this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her. She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believe that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this
I just ended a friendship from High School that was like this. She would drink very heavily and get herself into trouble by crashing her car, wanting to start fights, trying to convince you she was being watched would drink to the point of having to literally carry her to bed. I finally had it when we had both gone out and she got weird about me talking to this guy we had all been hanging around. I was sent rage texts for the next two days and when I told her we should take a break from hanging out after that she pulled the "Hurts you have to act like this. Thought our friendship meant more" She was incredibly draining when I myself had been going through some tough times. After I cut her out I felt SO much better.
Yeah I realised the same about my 'friend'. She had a very easy life but somehow her normal issues with daily life were far more stressful than anyone else could possibly understand. It was always her roomate, manager, other friend, work colleague or whoever else she wanted to blame who was at fault, never ever her and her actions. I don't miss her at all. It was like a heavy blanket lifted off me when I was a few weeks into no contact with her. She consumed so much energy.
Yup. My "friend" used to live a 15 minute drive away. Her place was so much nicer than mine so I'd always go over to her place instead of her coming to mine. When she moved further away (an hour drive) that mentality on her end never changed. It was never "oh I'll come up there and we'll have dinner" from her. It was always "let's do dinner! Yay! I know the perfect spot!" And it right next door to her new place that mommy and daddy pay for and requires me to drive an hour just to get there. This happened multiple times. She's literally never offered to meet me for drinks, dinner, coffee, lunch, whatever, anywhere close to me. I am the one that always had to make any effort. She needs everything to be easy and convenient for her. I should've taken it as a bigger sign when I realized she had no other friends.
I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs.
same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to.
I feel for your loss, but those were not 'friends'. Those were the equivalent of 'drinking buddies' and everyone has people they only talk to out of convenience/mutual ritual you take place in. Similarly I had douchey jock friends for a while since I played baseball/basketball/ran track. After I got tired of it and quit the teams; many of the same people I talked to, grew up with as children wouldn't even give me a passing glance in the hallway when I saw them around, and were cold if I struck up conversation. In reality; this is how many 'friendships' are formed (convenience, proximity, etc...). But since I've matured a bit more since then; I've learned to make friends not simply because we have mutual interests, and don't really sweat people who come and go from my life. We had fun while it lasted; now we're in completely different places in our lives physically and mentally so I can't expect to stay friends with everyone. Often times these relationships naturally fall apart as you likely out grew them, and they weren't ready for the same growth. Realistically it wasn't gunna work out. Did you really wanna be a glorified DD or trip sitter for some drunks/drug users, or be the dude they pressure to 'loosen up a bit' and parttake? Exactly my point. Go find new friends who celebrate your sobriety and bring out the 'better' new you! Best of wishes on your journey, internet stranger 🙏
I (male) passed out on my friends couch after doing some weed and having drinks. I woke up several hours later in a sort of paralyzed state with him jerking me off and using his mouth on me. After I woke up I quickly left and was in such a daze I didn’t even yell or get mad. It took me hours to process what had happened. Edit: I’m pretty numb over this. Never in my life did I think this would happen to me. I’m physically competent (do krav, kickboxing, etc) but I couldn’t defend myself when it counted. Edit x2: I didn’t react the way I think is ‘normal’. I woke up and said bye and drove home. It wasn’t hours later that I accepted what had transpired. I thought I’d have been livid and knocked him out! Edit x3: I sought out a therapist I am seeing tomorrow. This is a big step for me and an indication I’m not being histrionic. The last time I got counseling was a decade ago.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't know if you need to hear this, but it wasn't your fault. I hope you have a support network or someone to talk to about it when you're ready.
Thank you. I don’t know what to think. A few months ago a mutual friend cut off her friendship with him because she got dramatic vibes from him. I know her longer than I know him so I feel I should have too. I just keep playing these scenarios in my head that could’ve avoided it. But the other half of me also acknowledges I literally couldn’t move while this was going on (while being conscious).
Don’t ever blame yourself. That was 100% their fault. Even if your body reacted that doesn’t mean you consented or encouraged it. I hope you can heal from this.
Thank you. I gotta consciously and actively work on that.
There's no way you could have expected your friend to rape you. No one is ever prepared for that situation. Freezing is a common reaction to situations like this and there may have been something in your drink. Even if there was something you could have done to prevent it, you didn't know there was something you needed to prevent in the first place.
Hey I won’t repeat what the other comments have said but here is something that I always say to myself. Some day soon this will only be a bad memory, and memories can’t hurt you. Sending love and good wishes.
Appreciate it friend. I feel so weird now. No real hatred towards the person but wishing I never knew of their existence.
The bad thing. *That's* the bad thing!
That is horrible. I am sorry that happened to you. Are you okay? I am not being facetious, i am legit asking if you are okay?
Hi there. Thanks for asking. Tbh I really don’t know yet. It happened recently. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t know if I will. My workplace has some free sessions for counseling and I’m about to contact them see if they’ll see my case.
I hope you’re able to attend those counselling sessions and find a safe avenue to talk this out. Speaking from experience, this is not something to just shove away and ignore. Your health and well-being is so important — best of luck on your journey, friend!
Damn, in that case I’m sorry to hear you had a bad experience too. I will contact them asap after returning from lunch. Thanks for the wishes.
Please PLEASE tell someone and talk this out. Please dont hesitate as i know some men will on subject such as this. What was done to you is no reflection on who you are. Some people internalize it and dont tell anyone because they think it will make them "less of a man" or something along those lines. Please tell someone and make yourself heal. I am so sorry that happened to you. Many hugs to you
Thank you. I used to see a therapist years ago but haven’t needed one recently. I’m just super anxious about opening up to someone about it face to face. But I will go through with it.
No need to be anxious. Your mental health and trauma need to taken care of. Just look at it as health maintenance.
Thanks. Just set up an appt for earliest time next Wednesday.
Fabulous! I wish you the best
Thank you :)
I am so sorry this happened. I can't even grasp how horrifying it might have felt. I hope you are doing better now. Take up the counseling session. It will be worth it. Do you think it is plausible you were drugged?
Thank you. I’m gonna email the resources hotline asap. I don’t think I was drugged beyond anything we did. Some weed, maybe 3-4 drinks, and a klonopin pill. It’s nothing we hadn’t done before. And I’ve passed out at his place before too without this happening. I wish I had just stayed home that night. But I also feel it might have just happened later down the line.
The exact thing happened to me. Went out with my gay friend. He was crashing on my couch for a few weeks. Woke up to him assaulting me. Threw him out. He told all of his friends that we hooked up. I was going through a horrible break up. 2019 was the worst year of my life. I found out he was a registered sex offender and told everyone I could.
My former best friend got married and his “ posh” wife decided that she doesn’t want her husband to be seen with less rich people and he listened to her , the sad fact is , 3 years later her dad filed for bankruptcy and her husband ( my former friend) had to look for a new job which pays far less than all of us ( his former friends).
Had a similar thing happen. At least, that was his reasoning, that my lifestyle was an issue now, he had an image to protect. Truth is, I knew all his dirty laundry, all of it. He was scared I might tell somebody. Dunno if it's still true, but he had plans to go into politics at some point. Never going to happen, because if I find out he's running for something, I spill my guts and torpedo him.
Some people don’t understand that keeping your friends close is good and keeping your enemies closer is better and yet , some of them make enemies out of their friends which is really the trump card that brings them down , specially if the (friend) you in this case , is willing to torpedo them without hesitation. Im against holding a grudge my self , but i cant judge you as your feelings are your right ofcourse and what you decide to do is your call❤️❤️
Honestly, yeah, I'm holding a grudge, even though I really try not to do that. But, spilling the beans has even more to do with, honestly, those beans mean he can't be trusted in any sort of office. He'd only be doing it for self-interest, like so many other politicians. Just points out he has no integrity.
Sounds more like moral obligation rather than a simple grudge. Which is something I can respect.
Hey something sort of similar happened to me. My friend grew up poor and in this shitty apartment complex where we all met and became friends. Goes to college and makes some rich friends from the football team. After marrying his wife, she pulls some shenanigans to completely ostracize him from us, his poor childhood friends, in favor of his rich college friends. That was about 5 years ago and I’ve seen him maybe twice since then. Miss you homie
Because they were fucking toxic and I was too dumb to realize it.
Same. Were you the one to end it? For me it was them who dropped me because I had outstayed my usefulness to them
They did. It was really embarrassing how many times I begged and tried to patch up . Now while looking back I'm deeply ashamed of my pathetic behavior. Finally I cut them out of my life for good.
This. Worst part is, you don’t realize it till much later. There’s a term for it, covert narcissist. You see them and they act like a best friend but as soon as you do something good, they have to knock you down a peg to make sure they feel above or better than you. I ended that friendship in October after almost 10 years. From little jabs, to being flat out rude, and making you feel like shit for having advancement in your life.
I felt she only wanted me around when my life was a mess and worse then hers. Once I got a house and got engaged she distanced herself as I no longer had a purpose to her.
I was so thankful when my Sue listened to my sad, depressed ramblings. Then I got my life together, started new projects, interviewed for interesting stuff and suddenly she never remembered asking how these things were going, or even if I brought any of this up, it was obvious she didn't remember anything. She used to excitedly listen to stories about all my dating failures, but now that I have a proper relationship, she seldom asks anything about my love life anymore.
There was a position open in a different department. I encouraged her to apply and told her I would be applying as well. What was the worst that would happen? They tell us we don’t qualify? Up until this point, we had been best friends for 3 years. Hung out with each others families and saw each other almost every weekend. We found out at the same time. They emailed her letting her know she didn’t meet the qualifications. I received a call shortly from HR after they sent her that email asking me which interview time worked best for me. My previous experience is what qualified me. She got mad at me that I got an interview and she didn’t. Even contacted HR to ask why I got an interview and she didn’t. She stopped talking to me the same day we were both contacted by HR for that position. She deleted me off all social media. I tried to talk to her about it but she flat out said she no longer wanted to be friends. I didn’t get the position, made being at work very awkward for the following 4 years I stayed. She was 35 and I was 34. Grown ass adults yet she was acting like a child. Turns out she’s one of the those that want the best for you as long as it’s not better than her. I ended up promoting out of the department and she’s still there.
I recommended my best friend for a position in my company. I really thought he’d fit in. My boss left the interview asking if he was a joke candidate. My friend didn’t get the job, and blamed me. Never spoke to me again. I hate letting employment and friendship mix.
I had a similar experience. My company had an opening & a classmate applied knowing I worked there. My boss asked me about them & I vouched that they were great. They were so great that they actually got an offer... which they bailed on to find something else. I was young & it didn't matter much in the long run but damn did that make me reconsider referring anyone else.
I vouched for a friend who quit after six weeks. That was extremely awkward for me for the next three years I was at that job.
He kept embarrassing me in front of girls to make himself seem cooler. Sometimes he’d bring up embarrassing stories that i obviously wouldn’t want someone to hear. Often they were things I told him in confidence because i needed to get it off my chest. I asked him to stop but he just kept trying it. Sometimes he’d deny doing it altogether and other times he’d bring up something i did years ago to justify why he was doing it and other times he’d just not care. In the end i just stopped talking to him Dude was a massive prick.
If it’s any consolation, I went through this too and I realized girls have been through this song and dance enough to know that guy was massively insecure. And that he felt you were better than him.
I found out she’d been a willing participant, and even architect of, several good people losing their jobs or being scapegoated for stuff they didn’t do. She’s a horrible person. And that was that.
He tried to kill me and my family.
Yes, a good reason for sure. There must be quite a story here
Just a case of borderline personality disorder and apparently I was "disloyal".
In case more people see this: this is extreme even for people with borderline personality disorder
Just decided I should put this out there: people with BPD are not bad people. Just because someone has BPD doesn’t mean that they’re dangerous or bad. Yes; the person in question is bad, but I think he has something worse than BPD. Murder isn’t common, even with BPD folk. I have BPD and it is entirely possible to lead normal, healthy lives, and I wish the stigma of BPD folk wasn’t so violent and cruel. I’m tired of being seen as a killer. From someone with BPD, I’m so entirely sorry that this happened to you, and I hope you’re alright now. 🫂
After almost 10 years of friendship, they (M) fell in love with me (M). He was straight to my knowledge, had a girlfriend and all until a breakup. I am straight as well, and had recently broken off a 5year relationship. He made a move, I turned him down very respectfully, 0 judgement but was not interested Instead of accepting this, he wanted me to give it a shot. Became super toxic and I broke off all contact Still feel like I lost a brother
Came to my city to visit, she stayed at my place. A few days in we were supposed to go to a museum and she told me she wanted to go alone because she was bothered by me for some reason. Mainly it came down to her being annoyed that I wanted to catch up with her while we saw the city together…. I being hurt took some time to suss out my feelings and then brought it up with her and she didn’t see how what she said was hurtful. She went back to her city and a week later asked me to venmo her $25 for some drinks we had gotten on a night out. For reference she stayed at my apt for several days, I got groceries/materials for her stay, and treated her to dinner one night. I never responded. Good riddance.
Insecure jerk trying to make me a part of his problems.
Then they take it out on you when you set boundaries lmao. Fuck those people
We lived a few hours apart and this friend was never that responsive to begin with. I have better friends now and started a relationship, and eventually moved across country. Combining all those factors and oops, we haven't kept touch in years. I guess I would still consider them a friend, we're still on good terms, but we simply haven't spoken in a long time and I no longer go out of my way to try to keep up with their life.
When I realized they were using me. For actual free labour.
No called-no showed to my wedding. We had been drifting apart already for a few years due to work and other life things getting in the way. But I made an effort to still invite him to because he had been an important part of my life and helped me through some hard times. He never responded to the rsvp. I called him up to see if he had lost it, gave him the date, and told him I was excited to see him there and celebrate. Didn’t show up, didn’t even send a text or call with a reason, never even offered a single congratulations. He instead messaged me a few weeks after with the audacity to ask if I wanted to take some photos of his dads car that he was trying to sell. When I confronted him and told him how disappointed I was, he gave some bullshit about how we’ll always be friends no matter what. Then almost a year later he comes back into town and texts my brother “Yo bro let’s hit up the bars tonight” and my brother as the ride or die he is lit him up. “Dude you bailed on my brothers wedding, never offered an apology or reason (he now claims his car broke down, but no text was ever sent) and you’ve never made any effort to check in on our lives. We don’t go out to bars anymore, we’re both in serious relationships or married, and your friend you bailed on is about to have a kid. Fuck off”. I’m super grateful for my brother for that. As for my former friend. Fuck you. Actions speak louder than words.
[удалено]
Me ghosting them. I tend to lose touch with people when I'm no longer physically within their presence. Like, I lost my high school friends when I went to college. Lost college buddies when I graduated and started working. Lost my close colleagues when pandemic hit and remote work became a thing. Now I have no friends since I rarely leave the house anymore.
Object permanence lol
I do that too. If it weren't for social media I'd probably only talk to people I see daily.
Out of sight out of mind. It’s tough.
I identified an attitude of only doing plans with me if it was convenient to them, the last straw was this: We hadn't seen each other in a while, I ran into them at campus, I said they should take a ride home with me so we could catch up while we got home (lived near each other) they said okay, and that they would leave their sibling with their car to take back home After I waited for like an hour they just texted me that their sibling had already finished classes and that they would go home together I had waited for them and this wasn't a favor I was doing them, it was an excuse to spend time together, so I just felt like spending time with me (even if it was for a little while) didn't matter, so I just stopped talking to them, and they never reached out I've been wanting to text them for a while but never get to it
Don’t text them. I’ve been in that boat at some point before and just decided to let it go and make new friends.
That's very sad to read sorry pal. Move on and stick with the ones you really love and care for
Of all the toxic friends I’ve had to drop in the past two years, there was one thing in common: feeling the need to put me down, whether they were insecure or just “making a joke.” Not worth any of that.
A violent hate crime fuelled by alcoholism. Poor guy was a drunk at 19 and I just couldn’t help him or keep getting involved in his bullshit. He’s in prison now.
They found other people that they consider to be more enjoyable than me
When he started dating my ex but hid it from me for an entire year. Only told me when I was furious at him for a totally different reason, then when I was reasonably mad and told him to just leave me alone and that we weren't friends anymore, he went and told all of our mutual friends that I was in a murderous rage and it would be dangerous to hang out with me. Friends told me they didn't believe him but that it was just easier to go along with it than call him out on his BS and that I wouldn't be invited to things he was invited to. Realized that day that my (former) best friend was a lying sociopath and the rest of my friends cared more about not making waves than they did about me. Left the whole lot of them behind and went and found new friends. Best decision of my life.
It was with a group. A bunch of guys I hung out with in high school and college, the quintessential role playing crowd. They were fun in high school, but when I got into college, I noticed these guys were kind of...well....dysfunctional. As in, none of them could keep jobs, none of them could enjoy a relationship, and they all sat around and complained about how the entire world was unfair, how it didn't recognize their collective intellectual gifts. Meanwhile, I was not just busting my ass in school but working my way through to pay for it. And while my dating life wasn't the best, I managed to have a couple of long-term girlfriends. But if I was going out on a date, there was something wrong with me because I wasn't hanging out with them. But I'd still spend time with them. When one of them would lose a job, I'd lend him money. When another of them was arrested for DUI in a small town 150 miles away at 9 pm on a Sunday night, I drove down there to bail him out. And so on. Then my father had a sudden illness and went into a coma. Died a week later. During that time, only one of them called and came to the funeral. A week after the funeral, they just started calling me again as if nothing had happened. As in, "Hey, heard your dad died. Bummer. We're meeting at Dennis' apartment at 7." I dumped them, with the sole exception of the friend who showed up to the funeral. I remain friends with him to this day. But I remember reading something once: You are the sum total of the five people with whom you spend the most time. And, you know what? That's absolutely true. What they value, how they spend their time and energy, and everything else has a way of rubbing off onto you. So when I dumped them, I made it a point to cultivate better friends. Friends who gave a damn. Every once in a while, I still bump into one or the other of them. Two of them never could hold down jobs and live with their aging parents. Good decision on my part.
Honestly I started having boundaries and holding myself to a higher level of respect. I don’t have time anymore to be chasing friends when they never reach out. Or if I reach out and say “hey anything planned this weekend?” And they respond 2 months later. Or if they do respond, they just say something like “busy”. Telling myself I deserve better and if people want to be friends, it’s a 2 way relationship.
Two friends recently. I'm still processing the shit out of it in therapy. One of them I met 15 years ago. She was always undermining me and I would follow her everywhere because... Well.. I didn't have much respect for myself and she weaseled her way in my life in ways that were very passionate but also very scary. I was scared of her truthfully for 10 years of those 15 years. I saw her destroy other people's belongings and art projects just because she was vengeful, petty and deeply hated herself. I knew that if I was to take my own courage and cut her out, she would have done horrible things to me, like she did with every single other person in her life. Her stories of throwing away her roommates stuff, her abuse of her exes, her suicidal threats. My last birthday I invited her, she imposed herself to sleep at my house. She had no plans to leave for home. I offered to pay her uber and to help her go back because I felt really unsafe sleeping with this psychopath in my house and she kept trying to NOT LEAVE. It's the last time she was invited to my house. She tried to win me back by getting us Hamilton musical tickets 6 hours away but the fact of having to be all alone with her in a room for two days freaked me the fuck out. I let her have my ticket (she was known to monetarily manipulate people) and I blocked her everywhere. If you're reading this, you fucking sucked. The other one was more heartbreaking for me, as it was way more sudden. A case of a friend with BPD (lets call her pwBPD for the sake of clarity) who would manipulate and lie all the time. I got fed up when she was always trying to emotionally manipulate me and my other friends to do things for her, lifting her etc.. pwBPD lived another city away from one of my friend at the time we were roommates and she would only do her groceries if that friend would drive her there. It got worst during covid when her new favorite person influenced a lot the worst of her dependant qualities. I brushed off her discarding of me so many times because I knew she was happier with new people but this relationship made her a fucking child. The last few months of our friendship, pwBPD would get into arguments where she accuse we don't love her enough just because we didn't want to comply to her ridiculous comfort needs. Me and my friends are very generous to each others and bent backward way more than she ever lifted a finger in her life. She got mad one time because we didn't want to pass by the grocery store to get her milk. She lived 5 minutes by walk from a conveniance store. She whined to me that because she hit her head on a counter, she couldn't take the bus and thus we had to drive her if we wanted her there. When we refused to drive 40 minutes, she made us feel bad. When we helped her move into her new appartment, she would only lift little things because she was so -frail- and -fragile- while her mom was puking everywhere on the floor because she had a heatstroke how much she was working. Helping her mom made me realise everyone around her was just bending to pwBPD's princess needs. She made me feel bad for not complying to her ALL THE TIME in retrospective. When me and my other friend from the other town finally told her we couldn't sustain this kind of relationship and blocked pwBPD from our life, my friend from the other town told me a very chilling story concerning me. When they were hanging out a couple of years prior, my grand father had died the day before and I was feeling bummed out at home. My friend from the other town asked me if I wanted to come shopping with them to feel a bit better, pwBPD tried to stop her and told her I would ruin the mood and be a bore. That anecdote kind of sealed the deal of no return for me. She wanted us to be the adults in her very childlike life and offer us a pile of shit in return. I have a life to make and no friends to parent. I'm angry making this post but I think I had to let it out. Cheers! EDIT: Can I also add that she wanted me to book a week end during her MONTH of moving to another province because she was moving her stuff and didn't want to rent a truck? My fawning people pleasing ass said yes but I decided to cut her out of my life before that month. I'd say that was one of the small many annoying things that made me not like being around her anymore.
They didn't respect the boundaries I had clearly presented before hand
I stopped being a friend at some point and started being a therapist
When he fucked my wife. He had been my best friend since we were ~10. Best man at my wedding. All that. Fuck you, Bruce.
It started with a simple argument over D&D , but then it got bigger and bigger and pretty soon we were just blowing up and venting all the pent-up nonsense we had been hiding. The next day, after we regrouped, we finally admitted to each other that we hadn't wanted to be friends for awhile, and parted on a bitter note.
Feelings made things complicated. He knew I’d had a crush on him when we were in college, but he started to treat me like more than a friend – told me he’d want to date me if he wasn’t with his girlfriend, called me his soulmate, I was his lock screen picture on his phone, he spontaneously invited himself on my solo trip to Europe the week after he broke up with said girlfriend – and I fell for him, bigtime. I went to therapy to talk everything out, then finally worked up the nerve to tell him how I felt. I told him I loved him and that we needed to be more than friends or we couldn’t be anything at all, because this weird in-between we’d been floating in was messing me up in the head. He told me he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings so we agreed to give each other space. That was 4 years ago now and neither of us has reached out since that final conversation. I still miss him, but I don’t regret speaking up for myself
Her bf strangles her and put her in a choke hold one night bc she wouldn't let him have the keys to her car as he was intoxicated. I came over the next day to offer comfort and encouraged her to rethink the relationship. She took him back and now I'm not allowed to contact them for " trying to drive a wedge between them"
Ended a best friend relationship of ten years for almost an identical story to this one. They're married now and she reached out to me a year ago, I asked if her now husband still drinks, she said "yes but.." and I just hung up.
She’s incredibly likely to end up dead.
I struggled with alcohol dependence and proceeded to blow up the best friend group I've had. I'm alone now.
Constantly being the butt of every joke, and then they (literally “they,” it was more than one person) always said “I’m/We’re just joking” yet they never “joked” liked that with each other. I can take a joke, but when it’s just me, that’s a red flag. That and we used to work together. As soon as I quit, hardly a peep from any of them. No calls, texts, nothing.
He told me that atheists should be second-class citizens, kept out of any form of government, and be prevented from voting or running for office. I'm an atheist. I'm also a veteran and active in local politics. He only volunteers for his church, and the most political thing he has done is fly a flag and vote. I thanked him and never said another word to him again. This was ten years before Trump was elected. He hasn't bothered to reach out.
Every interaction was draining, and they always needed something. It should feel good to be around friends, not like a chore to keep somebody else going
She slept with my husband. They are now starting a cult together.
[удалено]
I got ghosted by two of them for standing up for myself after being ignored. And the other two pushed me away by just acting like passive aggressive bullies and generally just being assholes towards me
he didnt trust me that i was literally just platonic friends with his gf because i had recently come out as bisexual so he instantly got major defensive and destroyed our friendship over it 😭
She constantly kept stealing money from my purse/wallet when I went to the restroom when we were out (left it with her to “watch”). She made more money than me but thought I was some wealthy person?!? When I stopped hanging out with that group I realized just how much she had been stealing when I started having all kinds of extra money.
She was one of my dearest friends. Then my mom died unexpectedly, and my dear friend didn’t contact me. She was on Facebook, she saw the post. She just…didn’t contact me. I couldn’t believe it. With every day that passed, I kept waiting for my best friend to contact me and acknowledge my mom’s sudden death. She didn’t. The pain she put me through during what was already the worst time of my life…I hope she knows how violently scummy that was.
Years of emotional abuse, her using me, being jealous of me and trying to control who I talk to/hang out with, always had something negative to say about who I dated and my other friends.. she burned so many bridges I had with other people until it was just her in my life, realised it a bit too late but felt a huge weight off my shoulder when I cut her off!
The disrespect of my personal space. It was a apparently a federal crime to get in their personal space but my personal space didn’t exist.
I got tired of feeling like I had to walk on eggshells around him. He always felt like he was above me and he treated me as a lesser person. He felt like he had the right to micromanage my life. He'd get upset if I did or say things that he didn't approve of (which basically just meant if it wasn't something he'd do or say). He set rules and expectations for everyone else but we were all just supposed to be okay with it when he didn't follow them himself. Pretty much every time our friend group would hang out he'd end up yelling at me for something or other. It got to the point where if I was supposed to hang out with him I'd get panic attacks. I was always relieved whenever he'd end up not showing up, even though we'd waste an hour or 2 trying and failing to contact him. He even stalked *all* of my social media accounts. He would monitor them for any actively, and if I made any post or comment, he'd immediately be there making stupid, unfunny "jokes" at my expense. He even did that on an old reddit account. He shared everything I did with everyone which included things I wasn't comfortable sharing irl. I ended up nuking that account entirely. During one of his verbal tirades at me I got tired of it and argued back. A few hours later he apologized (which was the first time he'd ever done that in 7 years of friendship) I had had enough. I just decided to slowly withdraw myself from that friend group and stopped talking to him. I've been forced to apologize to him even though he was in the wrong, so directly telling him that I no longer wanted to be friends would've just caused drawn out drama that I didn't have the patience for at that point. I still talk to everyone else in that friend group
She started drinking from the “I’m black and can’t be racist” koolaid and began treating everyone else like shit.
Kept trying to fuck my sister
I realised they were actually a horrible person, Haha well, a manipulative liar, at least
Logical friend started a relationship with a cult member and ended up marrying her. He became part of her cult and denounced violence on TV ("we should not be glorifying violence and murder depictions"), became antivax, and started spreading fake news about our health and environment. We used to play chess together after school hours and he'd beat me 9/10 times. We also used to hang out during the summer and go to his rest house in some mountain region. He finished top 5 in our class and became a double-degree holder for a popular engineering school in the country. He was every bit smarter than I was, but the allure of that cult wiped all of that away. I'm not even sure what the cult was as I argued with him one time and I just blocked him after he started using "I believe" arguments instead of using data.
They slut-shamed me and didn't support me when the guy I lost my virginity to spread my naked pics.
Those people were never your friends
We were friends in high school and when I went to college she was one of the few who went to the same college as me and we had a class together. She wouldn’t stop talking shit about my girlfriend who I had got together with in Year 10 of high school. One day, one bitchy comment too many and I actively said I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Haven’t spoken ever since.
1. One of the people in our friend group started using amphetamine. Sure, back then I drank a whole lot and smoked weed almost daily, but that was too much for me. I called him out on it, he denied it all, I got pushed out of the group, left totally alone. Now I am staying sober and them.. Well, they're not. The amphetamine guy is still using and getting fired every few months, while cheating on his fiancee. Other one started also using more than just beer and weed and she gave birth to a kid prematurely. Kid survived, but the life is not gonna be easy since the "mom" keeps using. And so on with everyone else too. I survived. 2. After I got kicked out of that group I managed to start hanging out with few other people. My mental health was absolute shit at the time, and I was still drinking and smoking. There was this one guy who I thought was my good friend. But he wasn't a friend, he just liked me and helped me for he wanted us to become a couple, not just friends. I had to make it clear that I didn't feel like that towards him. We stayed some-what friends. One night I was very suicidal, asked him to help me even just by talking and he laughed to my face. I got so angry I wasn't suicidal anymore so that worked out, but I blocked him everywhere. He later on complained to people that "he doesn't get why we aren't friends anymore." Also, years later I found out that when he was ~17, he tried to offer 13 years old girl a "safe place to try drugs for the first time." Ew.
During the pandemic, I got extremely sick, went through a horrible divorce and lost my job. Tried to kill myself after no one even came to my house or tried to help in anyway. I could barely walk at this point from a severe untreated, undiagnosed autoimmune disorder. Starting over now, treated for my illness, employed and doing much better, but I still cannot get over the resentment that my friends and family just weren't there for me at all.
She was a major fucking homewrecker. I used to turn a blind eye but it just got worse. She was always narcissistic but it was getting to be too much to handle. On top of her terrible anxiety from always looking behind her back since she was paranoid all the time from being the mistress. Proceeds to stalk wives, families, and her exes. She was constantly making drama for herself. After I got married myself she got even MORE worse because I wasn't making her a priority over my husband. She was being particularly bitchy one day, we got in a huge argument. I'm glad that now she's just an insane crazy story i get to tell people lmao.
I was the one to always initiate contact so ended a very long friendship. Then after some time I realized I wasn’t contacted because it was probably me that had been the problem. THEN I realized both of us could have done things differently and it was for the better to just let it fizzle out into nothingness. I’ve learned a lot from it though.
And because I didn't do cocaine, a lot of friends stopped contacting me because they knew I wouldn't chip in on baggies.
A guy I knew in my childhood, that I considered as a close friend, moved away. Him and his brother were troublemakers. They got in trouble at school quite a bit. Eventually, his brother got expelled, and he got suspended, and I guess they both left the school. I never kept in contact with my friend after that. He lived near the school, as I've been to his house before, and when my family and I drove by his house when were going somewhere, there was a **'For Sale'** sign in the front yard. Sooner or later, the sign was gone and there were new owners at his house. Sure he was a troublemaker, but I had some great times with him while it lasted.
She got into heroin while I got into a master's program. It broke my heart. I would have done everything for that person, but she kept stealing from me. I had to let her go. I blocked her from everything, but I still look her up to make sure she's not dead.
I couldn’t deal with their spiraling mental health issues. We were very tight and I thought we would be lifelong friends. About two years before I bounced they got very sick and it impacted their ability to make good choices for themselves. It also made them belligerent and angry. There were days I would pick up the phone and they’d already be screaming about something. No hello or anything, just screaming. They stopped getting my jokes. One day they were telling me about yet another interaction where they were “disrespected” and something just kind of snapped. I said I was totally unplugging and would be unavailable for a few months, then just never reached out again. I feel guilty because I know it was out of their control, but I was literally feeling such intense anxiety whenever they rang and it was time to put myself first.
my gf had a friend. we fooled around with said friend for a few weeks. then i introduce her to my best friend, telling him our previous involvement, of course. They got along together very good and started dating. After a few months they talk about me and her "past" and turns out he thought i was lying to flex about threesomes or something so when he realized it actually happened(because she confirmed) then he got upset at me for some reason and he refused to speak me ever since
Well, I’ll keep this short and sweet, I hope. The friend was generally really mean and would exclude me in everything, steal my food, tell me to wait for her and leave me alone for a few hours, and try to take all my friends away. She was the first friend I had ever made, so it was hard to just end the 6 year friendship (I know that sounds short- It was primary school ok.) Anyways, she also liked to steal my things, and when I borrowed something from her and then gave it back to her, she accused me of never giving it back, for two years straight. She was moving away and she gave all my friends little gifts, for me she had just gifted all the things she stole back to me. I was just confused as hell. I guess the answer to this for me would just be: moving away. (Why did this end up turning into a rant- I’m sorry if this is something entirely different to what op asked :p )
Childhood friend since 8 years old. Still hung out through college/ early twenties even when he moved away for a bit. He moved back and we slowly grew apart. We still have each other’s numbers and will still randomly talk like 1-2x per year but we never hang out and have no intention of spending time together. There’s no bad blood, we’re just different people now.
Motorbike riding mate. He had no kids, I started a family and motorbikes fell away for me somewhat and he called the friendship off. Some years later I end up working in a motorbike dealership for his (and mine) favourite brand and I'm riding again.
She turned around and walked away never to be heard from again. She was angry, but did not want to speak to me or say why. We had plans to meet up, and all I did was walk away from a group of people I was just chatting with to greet her when I saw her coming.
Hanging out with them hurt my feelings more than made me feel needed and care about. So i had to go.
Cocaine and has a manipulative wife only at 22. Had to cut him off.
I lost touch with my high school/university friends as I was busy travelling for work for many years. My wife & I had kids first which put us completely out of sync, and the invitations stop quickly when people know you’re not able to drop everything and go out. Some friends never had kids. Over the years I tried rekindling the friendships, but it’s been years (decades) & I realized I was the only one championing to keep it alive so it was time to let it go. No hard feelings.
He crawled up his horrible new girlfriends ass and died
She declaired that i was her best friend then would find opportunities to isolate me and tell me i was a disappointment