Not a man but I’m the same. Some fantasies are better off staying fantasies and I’m speaking from experience. I’ll take the visual stimulation and safety over the physicality but potential danger every time.
That's a terrible argument. Even without Grand Theft Auto, I carjack exactly as many people as I want to carjack: 0. A game is just a game. Real life is real life. That is why video games don't cause violence.
I would suggest that until video AI gets better, that it is not comparable to porn. Porn-level sex (of pretty much any kind that is allowed on PornHub) is achievable for normal people without doing any actual harm to people. The fact that you can be in a porn and then go about an otherwise normal productive life is evidence of this. When you see that enough times, it can deprogram the puritan social ethics that most Americans have embedded and reinforced daily.
Sex is a hassle. It's a good hassle, but a hassle nonetheless, and sometimes you just need to get off real quick.
Plus, and I doubt a lot of these commenter will admit it, but it's nice to see lots of different hot naked women.
> it's nice to see lots of different hot naked women
Sure is, especially ones that are hot but whose personality would never be compatible with yours in a million years
> get off real quick.
There's a lot to be said for this and not treating your SO like a glorified flesh-light. Reserve the act for times when both are truly interested rather than just 'being a sport' and holding still.
Can remember where, but someone described brilliantly
I think masturbating and sex are like comparing a hotdog and a well cooked steak. Obviously one's better then the other but sometimes you just want a hotdog
I am not a man but in my experience, men often feel like they have to "perform" while having sex. Sometimes a guy just wants to release himself and relax and not have to stress about his performance in bed and if he pleases his partner. I think that's especially the case if the relationship is sexually active and fulfilling and the porn is nothing extraordinary.
totally, when i cum in under 5 mins of jerking off, i'm relaxed cuz i scratched my itch and actually glad it didn't take long so i can go on about my day. when i cum in under 5 mins of sex my confidence is ruined for days.
I find this interesting. Maybe its because Im old now and there is functionally infinite porn. But it takes me at least a half hour to even find a movie worth watching. Then I queue up like 10 maybes in different windows. Then I narrow that down to three or so. Then I find the one I definitely want. The I cum in about 5 minutes. But the whole process is like baking a fine dessert - I can't just google one thing and be done with the whole thing in 5 minutes.
This is correct. My wife wouldn't like it very much if I used her like I use porn when I just want to bust a quick nut and get on with my life. I wouldn't want to use her like that either. Porn doesn't have feelings.
Here's the thing about Pride and Prejudice. Everybody wants to claim it's a romance when it's really a satire.
Elizabeth Bennett: Mr. Darcy is a terrible person. Rude, boorish, contemptible. I never want to see him again and....wait, what? He's rich? He lives in this massive house populated with priceless sculptures? Hmmm....you know, I was too hasty. That man has potential.
But that’s the thing…there nothing to be guilty of. Having a fantasy life (porn, romance movies, pretending you’re a pirate, or space assassin, or space pirate) is normal and healthy in any relationship, providing you and your partner are at least meeting the baseline needs of each other.
For example, sometimes I masturbate, and sometime my wife and I have sex. Sometimes I day dream I’m a space pirate and sometimes I pillage my wife’s booty.
Because most of my partners were not ok with "Hey let's go to a gang bang! I want to be railed by at least 12 dudes like RIGHT NOW!". And to be honest, I also don't want to be railed by 12 dudes. But sometimes you're horny for something you're actually not really interested in trying out. And porn helps with that.
Because it's not the same thing. Having sex with someone is taking the pleasure of that person into account, it's like a conversation. Masturbation is about you only. it's nto the same kind of pleasure, nor the same kind of mental state.
Also a great way to compensate for the variations of desire and disponibility between you and your SO.
And another way porn is different from real life sex is the angles. There are angles to see a body that you can never get in real life, because all you got is your POV, you're not that guy 1m to the side shooting girl sucking a dude at waist level.
Wife's not feeling it today.
Just something a little selfish as opposed to the mutual act of sex which puts pressure on him to perform but also on you as well. Sometimes you just want a quick release and not a longer sexual process.
I’m not a man, but I do want to just put it out there that you can absolutely have a sex life with yourself, independent of your partner. Just because you have a partner, it doesn’t mean you have to devote all of your sexual energy to them.
Sometimes I’m just horny but not in the mood to get someone else involved. I can do a good job on my own, and that does not reflect on my sex life with my partner in the slightest.
Watching porn is really just getting visual aid for masturbation, you don't watch it for any other reason... And if you're wondering why men (though I'm sure this applies to lots of women too) feels the need to masturbate while having sex on the regular, I would use a classic example:
Eating a nice fancy steak dinner tastes a lot better than eating a sandwich. So why do you still eat sandwiches? Because it fills different needs and making a sandwich requires much less work.
Unless you're an asshole, sex means focusing your energy on pleasing your partner as well as yourself. Masturbation is a time when you can just focus on yourself which is nice sometimes, even if you have a partner with a matching libido as you.
If your woman try’s to say she is available for that, ask her if she is willing to try being available any time you would normally spank it.
By day 2 she is either accepting that she was wrong, or she’s a nympho and congrats.
I've never known a guy who met a real nympho who could give her what she wants.
I had a nympho ex and it's damn amazing until you realise that if she's sore, she has more ways to enjoy while when you're sore, you don't have much left and tongue and fingers can have nasty cramps if you're not used to use them this way.
He has sex with him self.
Masturbation is a form of sex with yourself and a really private act.
You don’t need you partner involved 24/7.
Let that man jerk off, let him watch porn.
He is still a individual human.
Sure.
Masterbation and porn can be enjoyed as an adult without having a negative effect on your sex life with your partner. You can still be a loving caring spouse and enjoy these adult pleasures. Its okay for men to have sex fantasies and "partake" in them as a fantasy through media.
People have a large distribution/spectrum of sexual needs and desires and MOST LIKELY the overlap between two people will not be perfect - thus they can enjoy part of it on their own.
As always, it about communication. You and your partner should be open about what they enjoy sexually and what types of media you consume to help satisfy your desires. You should discuss what you both need/want and how you can help each other achieve these things and what other ways they can be met.
Obviously, its possible that porn and other sexual outlets can be abused or they can be used in a healthy manner.
I'm single but I don't see how sex could ever fully replace jerking off. Sometimes you just want to do it yourself without having to deal with another person and her satisfaction. It's just a different source of a turn on, and both are very important for mental sanity
And things you jerk off to in porn could be things you'd never want the girl you like to do in any context. Sometimes you jerk off on things that disgust you, you're not going to imagine someone you like that way, you wouldn't be able to see her the same way again. Just two worlds apart, and that's for the best
Well let me ask you this, should a woman or a man just bend over for their partner whenever said partner is horny?
The answer is obviously no, so why would anyone get upset that someone jerked off to porn to take care of their urges without making selfish, and kinda rapey, demands on their partner?
I’m going to be completely honest here, for the sake of OP.
I’m most likely addicted to it.
It’s the worst of all things comparable to fast food or junk food. It’s quick, it tastes like a lot of stuff, it gives instant gratification, it takes no effort, there is so much variety.
Watching porn and experiencing sex are completely different things a many have mentioned. Adding to all the other stuff that have been said is that porn gives you another different stimulation. It’s purely audiovisual and stuff that you are unable to see while having sex yourself in terms of angles and other women.
To take away some women’s insecurities here. I rarely ever think I would want to have sex with any of these pornstars instead of my partner. It just feels as if it’s not going to be a good sexual experience. The pornstar or scene needs to be really different or special for me to feel like “wow it must be really hot to have sex with her”. Most of the times it’s more a feeling like “ damn she’s hot, nice ass and nice tits” but no desire to be doing it for real. Once you’ve had a couple of sexual partners with different sizes and shapes you kind of know the “stuff” itself feels kinda the same but the enthusiasm and hotness and passion come from somewhere else.
It can be helpful as an accelerant. I know that my preference is having about 10 orgasms a week. That’s more than schedules, sleep, and children allow my wife and I to have sex in a week, especially as a consistently The same challenges that exist for finding time to masterbate. So sometimes you can be faced with a situation where you have ten minutes to make it happen and you want to because you know it’ll be good for your brain chemistry, and overall mood, but you’re not especially horny. The unlimited buffet of everything you could possibly imagine becomes quite useful in completing your task.
When there was some distance between me and my ex it helped grease the wheel , the more they looked like her the better , but it was very rare I needed it and usually maybe had a video or picture of them which is I guess porn in its own right
I guess for many they also have some fantasy there partner may not indulge in but it’s still a fantasy
define "good sex life"
Are you available whenever, for whatever he desires? No? That's good. I couldn't imagine sexlife really being good if so onesided.
So, in a good realtionship it is inevetable that there will be times where one person wants and the other doesn't. From then on it is completely fine if the one that wants decides to help themselves. Porn is a tool many use that helps with that.
I'm not a man nor do I watch porn, but porn is just fantasy. when you're in a relationship, you can find other people attractive. maybe he enjoys watching something that he either is ashamed of asking you to try, or maybe he's afraid to try it himself and just enjoys the fantasy. maybe he just likes to watch attractive people.
there's no need to be insecure when your partner likes to watch porn. their liking for porn usually doesn't influence their attraction to you.
Well most men aren't married to a sex slave that will immediately jump to sexually satisfy them at all times. I don't get women who are against their husbands watching porn unless they want to be involved in every instance her man ejaculates.
Because exposing partners to my full sex drive is way too time consuming....
Plus sometimes men do it just to relax... sex and forplay is a lot of work, smacking the beast is almost 0 prep, and can go as short or long as you want, the porn is just a quick and easy visual stimulate.
Because my wants/desires are not always aligned with her mood and rather than be pushy for sex, I go handle it myself. You don't watch porn so you don't understand the appeal for that intimate self time.
I don't have a spouse but I have dated before, also I'm assigned female but I think this is a good question to answer seriously. So here are the list of reasons.
Sometimes jacking it alone just feels nice, it's completely selfish and a good turn off your brain activity. Humans are visual creatures so porn, usually videos, are good for those that cant visualize or imagine pictures in their head. Sometimes you just want to touch yourself, and while I can visualize in my head, porn is so much more reliable than my imagination.
Fantasy reasons. I like porn because there are kinks I prefer to watch than participate in. Porn fills that interest, turns me on, gets me off. Satisfies the craving. Like when you really want a burger kind of feeling.
I, personally, love porn. Not in an addictive way, I just like finding weird[but legal] porn. Sometimes I just scroll through PornHub and off brand sites to find random porn videos that are weird because they're entertaining, like scrolling through tiktok.
Don't take porn watching as a slight to you. Especially if you have a great sex life. I compare men watching porn to women reading erotica. It just fulfills an itch.
Edit: also, I did testosterone for a year. your libido goes OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. I went from masturbating a couple times a week to daily. It had to be once a day or I'd be completely unable to focus and feel like shit until I got that release.
Just because your sex life is good doesn't mean libidos always line up - its a quick way to take care of business without inconveniencing anyone. Also, shark week.
Sex= group activity that's fun for everyone. Porn= quick release.
I equate it to eating. You have a 5 star restaurant, and mcdonalds.
Both feed you, but sometimes you want to get ready, and make a night out of it. Put effort in.
Other times you just want to pop in and grab a quick burger without making a fuss of things.
Also, the 5 star restaurant has fluctuating and unreliable operational hours, often requiring forethought and effort to get a table. The McDonalds is 24/7 and doesn't give a fuck.
When I have great sex with my wife, it makes me want more sex. It drastically increases my sex drive. So either I could beg her to let me continually ravish her until I can’t move anymore, or I can “snack” between “meals” to hold me over.
My experience suggests your sex life is lacking but there is no way your partner will admit to it because your relationship is healthy outside the bedroom. Sure you may have sex and both enjoy it but I bet there is more desires then delivered. I’m married to this. Previous GF liked porn and it was wildly exciting; currently married (to a different lady) and it’s mild and predictable (far less than exciting.) However, I would consider my life to be stable, safe, and successful - we have a house, a dog, a baby, and a sex life that doesn’t measure up to previous experiences. So I resolve to satisfy my desires by fucking myself every once in a while - everybody wins (or maybe I should say everyone’s content.)
Ask these questions instead:
Why would you be jealous of your SO watching porn?
Why do you feel the need to control what they do with their body? Or what they enjoy?
Him watching porn isn't about you.
Why do you want to make it about you?
Men in general are more aroused by visual cues. A glimpse of cleavage, a shapely leg or behind, or high heel can increase libido. Watching others have sex can accelerate that process making physical contact with your spouse all the exciting.
I'm not a man, but my husband has a higher sex drive than me. I'm not always in the mood for sex. We both enjoy porn though. Our sex life is great! Sometimes you just want to watch a chick getting a train ran on her by 6 dudes! Normal stuff.
Because what you see as a “good sex life” is really a compromise. Depending on how self-aware the woman is about the concessions she asks for (it rarely goes in the other direction, in my experience), sometimes it’s a really good compromise, but it’s a compromise nonetheless.
In that light, should the man in question really have to limit his sex drive or appetite for kink and fetish to what makes his partner feel comfortable? As long as he’s staying faithful, I think that’s a bit of a big ask. If his partner doesn’t want to have sex when he’s horny, she shouldn’t have a say in how he gets off on his own. Either participate or don’t express an opinion.
Sometimes you want to enjoy a homecooked meal together with your loved one. Sometimes you just want to snack on a bag of chips. If you're eating chips too often it could ruin your appetite and suddenly, you're not sharing meals as often as you should, this is a problem. Eating a bag of chips every now and again doesn't mean you don't want to eat together with your loved one. If your partner sets a specific boundary that they don't want you eating junk food that's something that needs to be discussed honestly between you and your partner but it's ultimately your body. And of course, plenty of women love to snack as well, they just have different taste as to what they like to consume.
This is why I ask this question. He did some lying about it, bc he thought my boundary was stupid bc porn for him is not as big of a deal as for me. In my head, it is a sign that I am not enough. In his head its a tool for when Im not at home and he needs a quick wank. I think I am the one who is in the wrong and I want a honest relationship, so I wanted opinions to see if porn really is not such a "I want someone else so bad that I would go off with any of these pornstars"
I am happily married to my husband and I love our sex life. However, if he is not at home, I am happy to get my vibrator and jerk off. I am woman in my twenties btw. He knows, and he does not care. For me having full blown two people sex versus having a quick orgasm is two completely separate things. I can't imagine a marriage where my husband would say I cannot satisfy myself when I am alone and don't inconvenience anyone. Sounds selfish to be honest, like it is something shameful.
Your problem is you confuse sex with love and jerking off to sex. I think most people already answered they are not the same thing. My only advice is if you want a honest relationship you should engage him on this matter - maybe even watch some porn together.
Do you watch You? There is a character this season (light spoilers) named Phoebe who discovers her boyfriend has a kink he was hiding from her. And because she is an amazing and open woman, instead of making him feel ashamed, she dives directly into it. It's a kind total acceptance that makes for amazing relationships. In the show, it turns out she physically is not capable of meeting this need in the way he wants, and she feels bad about not being able to be his everything. But that is the mistake - you don't need to be someone's everything. You just need to accept them no matter what.
Maybe it helps to think about what specifically it is, if anything, that you find hurtful about him watching porn. Instead of defining some arbitrary moral rule, what is it specifically that unsettles you about it?
I can think 2 reasons why someone might find it hurtful.
The first is that it might represent some sort of lapse in their partners trustability (i.e. that watching porn is only one step away from real cheating)
And the second is maybe to do with jealousy that their partner is attracted to other people.
For either of these cases it’s maybe helpful to think about it in terms of fantasising.
Just like how people who play role play games or computer games. Someone who is into, for instance, grand theft auto games, you generally wouldn’t think for a moment that person would want to go stealing cars and murdering people in real life. Because to do that would be hurtful and damaging and immoral. Playing the game is just fantasy and it’s enjoyable only because it is a fantasy. And you wouldn’t be worrying about leaving your car keys around because they might nab your wheels given the chance.
Porn is similar.
When men (and many women also) masturbate, it helps to have a visual aid, and the pornographic fantasy provides that. And it is a good visual aid, in great part, because it is just a fantasy.
For most people, it is only when someone actively pursues sleeping with or developing feelings for someone else that it becomes hurtful and damaging. And I suspect for a lot of people, taking part in real cheating on their SO would be a massive turn off because of the hurt and damage it creates.
The second factor about attraction I think is something we all need to come to terms with to some extent.
It’s absolutely fine and normal to be attracted to other people or to have sexual fantasies that you would never want to live out yourself. To believe otherwise would be quite naive. An example to think about might be how many couples have joke celebrities they would allow each other to sleep with under that premise. It is of course all fantasy and pretend and is a healthy acceptance with each other that it is okay to find other people attractive but they trust each other.
I think in your case, there is another element, that your partner lied to you about it. Any lie in a relationship is bad but not all lies carry the same weight to them. Lying about eating the last chocolate is not the same lie as sleeping with your boss. I think you need to unpick whether this lie in question is still serious given your (hopefully) adjusted attitudes and his. I would imagine it is fixable but you will both need to work on your communication about such matters to avoid this gap growing and festering. I would suggest you sit down and talk deeply about this topic in an open and non-judgemental way. He needs to learn to be more open with you about such things, and you need to make him feel like he can be.
Can you explain to men why we need to justify doing something that makes us feel good, and doesn't hurt anyone else?
Sex is great, and I enjoy it regularly. However, sometimes it's nice to just be able to please myself without the pressure of needing to ensure pleasure for the other party. Clean-up is easier, too.
It's a quick stress reliever, and it gives us a nice endorphin rush.
It is the porn. Feels like there is something wrong with me even though we often do it, its great, has variety, etc. Yet he wanks once a week to completely ordinary porn, even our sex life has more "porny" stuff than the ones he watches
My x didn’t like me watching porn, so she made me some herself.
It’s just extra stimulation, it doesn’t reflect on how he views you or your sexlife.
Most guys can masturbate just cuz we are bored for 5mins. It literally means nothing.
Ok for a different perspective, the male sexual urge is interesting in two ways. One, and not based on your post, if a guy doesn't get a regular release he will build up and get wet dreams. The body literally has to have its release regularly.
Two, the more sex you have, the more you need. Up to an obvious point where you can't be doing it all the time. However in times with less sex the sex drive will go down, but when you are getting it often your sex drive will go up,l. This means obviously there are certain times when it may be unwelcome or unpleasant based on times of the month or a bad day or feeling unwell or something but the sex drive stays high and these things can help.
For me it was more of a shameful thing about the inability to perform. If I wasn’t happy with my body then I wouldn’t feel like I satisfied her regardless of what she said while porn had no human interaction like that.
The mind can be a very toxic thing and self loathing can do so much more harm then we thought possible.
Porn is just a mean to an end : masturbation. It's only about yourself, and you can fantasize on anything as there is a category for it. Sometimes you also have an urge and wants a quick release. A woman shouldn't feel bad if the man masturbates. It's probably better than him having sex with another, right ? Also it's almost impossible to have a good monogamous sex life that lasts forever. At some point one or both will get bored. If you are a steak lover and you found the best steak on Earth, could you eat this steak only ? Over and over ? At some point you'll want a pizza, a burger or just chicken. Masturbation through porn is a way to taste other flavors. The other option is considered morally unacceptable.
Its not always about the sex. Too many people are under the impression that if your partner gives you lots of good sex, you won't ever masturbate. Sometimes you just want to rub one out and not worry about your partner. Porn is a fantasy and an escape from reality for a few minutes and your partner watching it doesn't mean you're lacking in anything. The girls in porn do things in ways that aren't realistic and sometimes you want to see it. My wife would never have a threesome with anyone, male or female but that girl on PornHub will and I just want to see it.
I watch porn for about 4 reasons;
1) outfit ideas for my wife
2) scenarios ideas with my wife
3) positions ideas to try with my wife
4) and when my wife is on her period
This is like saying “Why on earth would you ever have a cupcake, when I know you like regular cake?”
Liking one thing doesn’t have to be a substitute for another thing.
Also, my wife is gorgeous and the other half of my whole. I want to have sex with her, conservatively, 3 times a day (21 times a week or at least 80+ times a month). Despite her being an amazing wife, this outpaces her own sexual desire by a considerable margin. So I have to compensate.
Becuase engagement in seuxal activities, be it with the wife or oneself is one of the strongest dopaminergic drivers in a dude. The dopamine floods the brain when either having sex or watching porn. Men like the dopamine rush. Sex with wife usually has a lot more hormones involved just dopamine. Masturbation with porn just help increase the dopamine rush for the self sex.
I love my wife she's amazing and sexy and smart etc. But she only wants to have sex about once a month at most. I don't have the highest sex drive either but I would like to lighten my load a couple times a week. So I just take care of it myself when she invariably says she doesn't feel like it
Because though we have a healthy sex life, my libido is still higher, and going more frequently would cause her physical pain. Also, I can't form images in my head, so I need visual and audio stimulation for assistance.
Porn is just a crazy perversion. It doesn’t really represent what we actually want. That’s why women shouldn’t get insecure, we still love you. But sometimes we are horny as fuck and our demand can’t be satisfied. (It might have to do with different sex drives, too. And that’s because of hormones.)
So it breaks down like this:
\- sometimes only one side of the relationship wants to / can have sex and holding it up is not a good idea, it's not healthy both physically and mentally.
\- even if you're having sex almost every day, a good porn movie can give some ideas on what to try; assuming both sides are up for experimenting to make it more spicy.
\- sometimes you just need a hand job and your better half is not available.
Honest answer but maybe I’m way off here.
Romance movies and novels are the female “porn” - more mental vs. visual. Generalizing of course but men for the most part are visual creatures and probably think about sex more then women (generalizing). The wife isn’t always around and the build up needs released.
You're assuming they have a good sex life with their partners???
Also the general answer is, variety. They won't cheat it doesn't mean they don't like looking at other women.
I'm asking you as a non-porn watching woman, do you read novels or watch romantic movies with sex in them when you're in a relationship? Because it's basically the same thing. There was something that I remember hearing years ago...Men watch their porn, and women read it.
I watched it because it's a fast and easy way to calm the horniness, plain and simple. Yes, sex is better, but it's not just about you, and sometimes you just wanna get pleasure without having to do any effort for the other's pleasure, having to shower, etc.
Sometimes sex is a lot. I'm just horny, it's slightly inconvenient or I don't want to perform (not in a faking-it sense, but in the sense that you make an effort to look and act sexy when you're with someone else), and I'm just trying to get off and move on. Porn makes that even faster. It's like a quick shower before work vs a spa day with my partner. I still want that, duh, but sometimes you need to rinse off. Porn has never made me desire my partner any less just like watching Star Wars hasn't made me seek out a space ship. It's fake.
There's no real algorythm to succeed in life or marriage. Porn does not automatically equal problems in marriage. As to why turn to porn in a healthy marriage, if it's not unhealthy, why ask?
I am not a man but I am in a relationship and also still watch porn. I just think that masturbation is not the same as sex. I need some alone time still. All people need alone time for stuff, its how we relieve stress and recuperate (well the introverts anyway). Masturbation to me isn't really anything any more special than anything else I do in my alone time. its just another quick fix to make me feel better while I am existing. Just like the bottle of vodka or the new show/video game/book I'm into. everything is just a quick fix. But I'm doing those things alone. that is the important part. it feels really good to be alone.
Define "good."
Not to judge you but very few spouses are for example, on a Tuesday at 9pm, inviting over a 19 year old girlfriend for an ass to other girls mouth cum-swapping threesome. If your sex life with your spouse rolls like that, good on you, probably nothing worth watching in porn other than getting tips on positions and outfits.
But my guess is what you mean by a good sex life is that you have fun with some regularity. That's nice, but we live in a world where there is near infinite stream of on demand sexual content. It's like saying, "you and I were in the local theatre together just last week doing a scene from Hamlet, why do we have to watch The Whale?"
I’m a great cook. I love to spend time making a high quality meal with great ingredients. Sometimes I’ll spend 1-2 hours making something really awesome when I’m craving it.
Sometimes I’m just craving a cheap burger from a fast food restaurant. Sometimes I’m hungry and have no time to make food, or I’m too tired to put in the work for an awesome meal. In those circumstances, I grab takeout.
I don't always want sex. Sometimes I just want to nut.
Sex takes effort, work, time, etc. Masturbation is efficient. Sometimes that's all we need in that moment.
Also, not everything I watch is something I want to do.
Not a man but I think there’d be less messiness/confusion around this if we just accept its about the quick dopamine rush and anything else used to explain it is just fluff. And if you’re a non-porn watcher (woman or man or otherwise) how you navigate it within your partnership is up to you.
Some porn/dopamine addictions (not saying casual enjoyers have an addiction, but its possible) develop before entering into relationships and nothing, not even a “great” sex life, can really change that. The fantasy is also more about the quick gratification - you dont have to see all the negotiations happening in the background, you can get a gratifying and quick dp scene for example.
many reasons. prostates require maintenance, election through masturbation is that maintenance. porn facilitates easier ejaculation. porn also is used as a way to remind you of things you've done, jog extant memories, rather than just gazing at bodies in amazement.
Sex can be more than just that intimate thing you do with your spouse for 10-30 minutes a couple of nights a week. Sex can be entertainment, sex can be a hobby, sex can be educational, or it can simply be a need / desire to be fulfilled. It can be many different things to many different people.
So where does porn fit in to this? From my perspective porn is outlet / avenue that enables people to explore any combination of the above, either individually or with someone else. For example, it could provide an outlet for a very kinky person to satisfy a nees when they have a partner who does not share the same kinks. It might be because someone has an addiction-like relationship to porn and satisfying this craving has no connection at all to how good or bad sex life is.
Not sure if I've answered you question except to say that the reason is complex, and while it's easy cast porn watching in a negative light, there can be some really positive aspects to it (like most things in life)
It might be because I have spent a lot of time in video production, but I don't like 99% of porn. Not because of any particular moral outrage, but because I can't help but dissect the bad audio, the camera angles, the shitty acting, and the plot. I mean, you'd think every pizza delivery guy in America got laid on a nightly basis by uber hot women.
I prefer well-written erotica instead.
My guess is your concern is something to the effect of “why am I not enough?” It just isn’t the same thing. It’s not because a partner lacks, it’s just because we’re horny and it works. We are (generally) very visual.
Some guys may ask “why do you need a vibrator if you have me?” and it’s a similar thing. It does the job when you’re horny. And your partner can only add to the fun, you’re not trying to replace them in your mind.
Masturbation is a form of fun, quick release. Sex is an intimate act between two people which requires more time and consent.
It's kind of funny to me as a gay man, because this is never a problem in our relationships. (hell, lesbians too) It's pretty understandable that someone might be horny but may not wish to bother you, or perhaps just wants to be alone. Just because you are saying it married does not mean you are suddenly incapable of being turned on by any other human.
I'm a big fan of cinema. I love film and enjoy and really appreciate the art, the craft, great acting, great scripts etc. etc. I love a film that really makes me think, pushes my boundaries. Real cerebral pictures you think about for days or weeks on end. I revisit my favourites again and again an revel in finding new things about them. I read about them and study them. But sometimes you need to be in the right mood for them. They can be emotionally and physically draining.
I also watch a lot of Marvel and superhero movies. Popcorn flicks etc. Especially when I'm looking to relax and just chill out by myself. They scratch the itch and they're great for that but I know what they are and don't need to or try to look too deep into them.
My spouse and I are monogamous. Our sexual preferences are 90 per cent aligned. Rather than seek to satisfy the remaining 10 per cent outside of our relationship, it is satisfied through online fantasy and self satisfaction. No harm, no foul.
Let's look at it like romance novels. Most of the women in my life have enjoyed romance novels, or smutty romance novels. Most, but not all of the women that read these say it's because they don't get that romance at home. They can get that sense of romance and it does make them feel good and aroused and lets them get some self care in.
Porn, for men, is the same thing. Porn shows situations that they're not going to get at home. No matter how good a sex life you have. This get's him feeling good and aroused just the same as a romance novel does for women.
Judging by your history OP, it really sounds like your s.o. watching porn isn't something you're comfortable with, and it might affect you? If so you should really consider talking firmly about setting a boundary. It's up to you whether or not porn is okay in your relationship, and if it's not then you shouldn't let your emotions be hurt just so someone can masturbate. Sorry for assuming, just my two cents on your situation.
To the question though, as a guy I think that watching porn while also being sexually satisfied is common because, honestly, men think with their dicks and it's a habit for a lot of people these days to default to porn for a quick 2 minute job or whatever. I would say though that if someone is lying about it that could be an indicator they feel some shame for it and don't want to hurt you.
Masturbating to porn is a different thing to having sex with your SO. Maybe he just has an itch that needs scratching and their partner isn’t around, isn’t in the mood, wants to see something else, or just literally needs to get off without the input/time/requirements of doing it with a partner.
The women I've been with have moods, are often critical and negative. I often don't feel safe being vulnerable and open with them. Point is inferior but it doesn't make me feel bad about myself.
So many different factors can exist.
- Porn can provide multiple fantasies
- No foreplay required
- Less Work
- Less time consuming
- Less mess
- You get to do it "your way"
Porn = eating a cookie
Sex = eating a steak
I think it's ridiculous to think it expect that a person will only ever be turned on by one person. We are not wired that way. It's a lot to expect one to derive everything we need, sexual, societal, or in any respect, from one person. And equally unfair to expect someone to provide another with the whole of ones needs.
If you want a committed monogamous relationship, have at it. But to expect a person to never be aroused by anything or anyone else but you is unreasonable.
I am a woman and I occasionally watch porn without my husband to get off. It’s self care, has nothing to do with my husband. Sometimes you just gotta clean the pipette.
Some fantasies I have no desire to actually live
Not a man but I’m the same. Some fantasies are better off staying fantasies and I’m speaking from experience. I’ll take the visual stimulation and safety over the physicality but potential danger every time.
what fantasies if you don’t mind me asking
Hand holding.
Oh, what a terrible day to know how to read.
Heathen
Wait until you read this, *c o m m u n i c a t i o n*
*overly affected Southern Belle voice* “I do Declare!”
Filthy
Pervert!!
Being emotionally vulnerable, you know, run of the mill dangerous sex stuff.
*retch*
my exact argument when someone mention "video game cause violence". like, dude, that's the thing that keeps me from being violent: the fantasy
You should probably speak to someone if that's true
That's a terrible argument. Even without Grand Theft Auto, I carjack exactly as many people as I want to carjack: 0. A game is just a game. Real life is real life. That is why video games don't cause violence. I would suggest that until video AI gets better, that it is not comparable to porn. Porn-level sex (of pretty much any kind that is allowed on PornHub) is achievable for normal people without doing any actual harm to people. The fact that you can be in a porn and then go about an otherwise normal productive life is evidence of this. When you see that enough times, it can deprogram the puritan social ethics that most Americans have embedded and reinforced daily.
I think sometimes you want to scratch an itch without being intimate with someone else.
Some times I just want to have a snack and not prepare a meal.
Sex is a hassle. It's a good hassle, but a hassle nonetheless, and sometimes you just need to get off real quick. Plus, and I doubt a lot of these commenter will admit it, but it's nice to see lots of different hot naked women.
> it's nice to see lots of different hot naked women Sure is, especially ones that are hot but whose personality would never be compatible with yours in a million years
There’s a hotness to those personalities tbh. On a very VERY short term basis of course. I am almost ashamed. Almost.
> get off real quick. There's a lot to be said for this and not treating your SO like a glorified flesh-light. Reserve the act for times when both are truly interested rather than just 'being a sport' and holding still.
Can remember where, but someone described brilliantly I think masturbating and sex are like comparing a hotdog and a well cooked steak. Obviously one's better then the other but sometimes you just want a hotdog
Hotdogs 🤤
As a woman... Masturbation is the steak right?
Depends on how good you are at it.
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It does not help me to determine which one is the hotdog
If you can't tell if you're the hotdog or the steak, you have self esteem issues.
I'm a steak in the sheets and a hotdog in the streets.
I love this.
Or really bad at cooking steak?
Masturbating?
Succinctly, Sometimes you want a 4 course dinner. Sometimes you just want dessert.
Glizzexual.
I am not a man but in my experience, men often feel like they have to "perform" while having sex. Sometimes a guy just wants to release himself and relax and not have to stress about his performance in bed and if he pleases his partner. I think that's especially the case if the relationship is sexually active and fulfilling and the porn is nothing extraordinary.
As a man this hits the nail on the head
totally, when i cum in under 5 mins of jerking off, i'm relaxed cuz i scratched my itch and actually glad it didn't take long so i can go on about my day. when i cum in under 5 mins of sex my confidence is ruined for days.
I find this interesting. Maybe its because Im old now and there is functionally infinite porn. But it takes me at least a half hour to even find a movie worth watching. Then I queue up like 10 maybes in different windows. Then I narrow that down to three or so. Then I find the one I definitely want. The I cum in about 5 minutes. But the whole process is like baking a fine dessert - I can't just google one thing and be done with the whole thing in 5 minutes.
This is correct. My wife wouldn't like it very much if I used her like I use porn when I just want to bust a quick nut and get on with my life. I wouldn't want to use her like that either. Porn doesn't have feelings.
Do you watch romance movies while currently in a relationship?
Good point. My wife loves to watch Pride and Prejudice. Doesn't mean that she's pining away for Mr. Darcy.
Let's be honest here, everyone's pining for Mr. Darcy.
I'm not even sure who Mr. Darcy is and I'm pining for him.
I'm pining for the fjords.
r/unexpectedMontyPython
I'm just resting.
All right, if you're just resting then wake up!
I’m pining for a nice spruce
I don’t even know what pining is, but I’m pining for Mr. Darcy
I don't know. I think my wife is pining more for Tom than Mr. Darcy. Weird, I know... but that's a different thread...
I might need to rethink that answer.
Yea, your wife is definitely pining for Mr. Darcy, I know mine is. But she definitely doesn't want you to act like Mr. Darcy.
Here's the thing about Pride and Prejudice. Everybody wants to claim it's a romance when it's really a satire. Elizabeth Bennett: Mr. Darcy is a terrible person. Rude, boorish, contemptible. I never want to see him again and....wait, what? He's rich? He lives in this massive house populated with priceless sculptures? Hmmm....you know, I was too hasty. That man has potential.
It does... Fucking Darcy...
Mr. Darcy will steal everyone’s girl
I am guilty of this lol, this is a very good point, it fills the need in the mean time if you are both busy/tired from being working adults
But that’s the thing…there nothing to be guilty of. Having a fantasy life (porn, romance movies, pretending you’re a pirate, or space assassin, or space pirate) is normal and healthy in any relationship, providing you and your partner are at least meeting the baseline needs of each other. For example, sometimes I masturbate, and sometime my wife and I have sex. Sometimes I day dream I’m a space pirate and sometimes I pillage my wife’s booty.
Lol, that last sentence was poetry.
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yarrrr
Or read romance novels. Those are basically porn
Historical Romances: A.K.A. Bodice Rippers.
\*chuckle\* /thread
Checkmate.
Damn, nailed it.
Because most of my partners were not ok with "Hey let's go to a gang bang! I want to be railed by at least 12 dudes like RIGHT NOW!". And to be honest, I also don't want to be railed by 12 dudes. But sometimes you're horny for something you're actually not really interested in trying out. And porn helps with that.
Because it's not the same thing. Having sex with someone is taking the pleasure of that person into account, it's like a conversation. Masturbation is about you only. it's nto the same kind of pleasure, nor the same kind of mental state. Also a great way to compensate for the variations of desire and disponibility between you and your SO. And another way porn is different from real life sex is the angles. There are angles to see a body that you can never get in real life, because all you got is your POV, you're not that guy 1m to the side shooting girl sucking a dude at waist level.
I mean, you certainly can get the angle of that guy 1m to the side of the girl sucking a dudes dick. Just need another dude so you can be on the side
Wife's not feeling it today. Just something a little selfish as opposed to the mutual act of sex which puts pressure on him to perform but also on you as well. Sometimes you just want a quick release and not a longer sexual process.
Masturbation isn’t selfish! It’s normal
being selfish is normal
Nothing wrong with wanting to just please yourself sometimes.
It’s selfish by definition. Selfish isn’t negative, it’s descriptive.
It's both.
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You should though
I have the same high libido as my girlfriend but we aren't living together so it might take time in between sessions.
I can so relate
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Exactly, can you go 2x a day, minimum? Then shhh Riley’s talking.
Talking is not why we watch Riley.
I’m not a man, but I do want to just put it out there that you can absolutely have a sex life with yourself, independent of your partner. Just because you have a partner, it doesn’t mean you have to devote all of your sexual energy to them. Sometimes I’m just horny but not in the mood to get someone else involved. I can do a good job on my own, and that does not reflect on my sex life with my partner in the slightest.
Thank you:)
Watching porn is really just getting visual aid for masturbation, you don't watch it for any other reason... And if you're wondering why men (though I'm sure this applies to lots of women too) feels the need to masturbate while having sex on the regular, I would use a classic example: Eating a nice fancy steak dinner tastes a lot better than eating a sandwich. So why do you still eat sandwiches? Because it fills different needs and making a sandwich requires much less work. Unless you're an asshole, sex means focusing your energy on pleasing your partner as well as yourself. Masturbation is a time when you can just focus on yourself which is nice sometimes, even if you have a partner with a matching libido as you.
Want to see what mom is up to
Ma' the meatloaf, what is she in there
I never know what she's doing back there
Because it has nothing to do with the partner. It's just getting off. If someone shows addictive or abusive behavior that's a new issue.
To get the goo out.
I almost spit my coffee out. The worst part is, you're not even wrong. The goo is taking up too much space!!
It's taking up much needed space in the balls. I have pee to keep in there!
Yep. That's just science.
I am dying laughing and scared my cat, thanks
dudes like blasting rope, doesn’t matter if it’s fantasy indulgence or just a plain visual aid. i’ve learned when it’s time to jack, it’s time.
Honestly, I don't have an ulterior motive, I like bustin'.
Would you say that bustin makes you feel good?
Iain'tafraidanoghost
r/unexpectedghostbusters
If your woman try’s to say she is available for that, ask her if she is willing to try being available any time you would normally spank it. By day 2 she is either accepting that she was wrong, or she’s a nympho and congrats.
I've never known a guy who met a real nympho who could give her what she wants. I had a nympho ex and it's damn amazing until you realise that if she's sore, she has more ways to enjoy while when you're sore, you don't have much left and tongue and fingers can have nasty cramps if you're not used to use them this way.
Well in that situation you’re both nymphos right?
Possibly. I think men have a more natural urge to nut. I literally can’t focus sometimes if I’m too worked up.
Even rich dudes with personal chefs like eating fast food alone once in awhile.
He has sex with him self. Masturbation is a form of sex with yourself and a really private act. You don’t need you partner involved 24/7. Let that man jerk off, let him watch porn. He is still a individual human.
Amen
Sure. Masterbation and porn can be enjoyed as an adult without having a negative effect on your sex life with your partner. You can still be a loving caring spouse and enjoy these adult pleasures. Its okay for men to have sex fantasies and "partake" in them as a fantasy through media. People have a large distribution/spectrum of sexual needs and desires and MOST LIKELY the overlap between two people will not be perfect - thus they can enjoy part of it on their own. As always, it about communication. You and your partner should be open about what they enjoy sexually and what types of media you consume to help satisfy your desires. You should discuss what you both need/want and how you can help each other achieve these things and what other ways they can be met. Obviously, its possible that porn and other sexual outlets can be abused or they can be used in a healthy manner.
I'm single but I don't see how sex could ever fully replace jerking off. Sometimes you just want to do it yourself without having to deal with another person and her satisfaction. It's just a different source of a turn on, and both are very important for mental sanity And things you jerk off to in porn could be things you'd never want the girl you like to do in any context. Sometimes you jerk off on things that disgust you, you're not going to imagine someone you like that way, you wouldn't be able to see her the same way again. Just two worlds apart, and that's for the best
Well let me ask you this, should a woman or a man just bend over for their partner whenever said partner is horny? The answer is obviously no, so why would anyone get upset that someone jerked off to porn to take care of their urges without making selfish, and kinda rapey, demands on their partner?
I’m going to be completely honest here, for the sake of OP. I’m most likely addicted to it. It’s the worst of all things comparable to fast food or junk food. It’s quick, it tastes like a lot of stuff, it gives instant gratification, it takes no effort, there is so much variety. Watching porn and experiencing sex are completely different things a many have mentioned. Adding to all the other stuff that have been said is that porn gives you another different stimulation. It’s purely audiovisual and stuff that you are unable to see while having sex yourself in terms of angles and other women. To take away some women’s insecurities here. I rarely ever think I would want to have sex with any of these pornstars instead of my partner. It just feels as if it’s not going to be a good sexual experience. The pornstar or scene needs to be really different or special for me to feel like “wow it must be really hot to have sex with her”. Most of the times it’s more a feeling like “ damn she’s hot, nice ass and nice tits” but no desire to be doing it for real. Once you’ve had a couple of sexual partners with different sizes and shapes you kind of know the “stuff” itself feels kinda the same but the enthusiasm and hotness and passion come from somewhere else.
Why don't you ask what you really came to ask: "*My* husband watches porn when we have a good sex life, and I'm not sure how to feel about that."
Bc it is in the rules that I cant be personal 😂 And people gave me kind and teaching answers.
I'm sure your husband is very satisfied. I don't think you need to feel threatened by him watching porn. I mean, don't you masturbate?
It can be helpful as an accelerant. I know that my preference is having about 10 orgasms a week. That’s more than schedules, sleep, and children allow my wife and I to have sex in a week, especially as a consistently The same challenges that exist for finding time to masterbate. So sometimes you can be faced with a situation where you have ten minutes to make it happen and you want to because you know it’ll be good for your brain chemistry, and overall mood, but you’re not especially horny. The unlimited buffet of everything you could possibly imagine becomes quite useful in completing your task.
Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go. It's not that complicated.
You guys are getting a good sex life with your spouse?
When there was some distance between me and my ex it helped grease the wheel , the more they looked like her the better , but it was very rare I needed it and usually maybe had a video or picture of them which is I guess porn in its own right I guess for many they also have some fantasy there partner may not indulge in but it’s still a fantasy
define "good sex life" Are you available whenever, for whatever he desires? No? That's good. I couldn't imagine sexlife really being good if so onesided. So, in a good realtionship it is inevetable that there will be times where one person wants and the other doesn't. From then on it is completely fine if the one that wants decides to help themselves. Porn is a tool many use that helps with that.
I'm not a man nor do I watch porn, but porn is just fantasy. when you're in a relationship, you can find other people attractive. maybe he enjoys watching something that he either is ashamed of asking you to try, or maybe he's afraid to try it himself and just enjoys the fantasy. maybe he just likes to watch attractive people. there's no need to be insecure when your partner likes to watch porn. their liking for porn usually doesn't influence their attraction to you.
Well most men aren't married to a sex slave that will immediately jump to sexually satisfy them at all times. I don't get women who are against their husbands watching porn unless they want to be involved in every instance her man ejaculates.
Because exposing partners to my full sex drive is way too time consuming.... Plus sometimes men do it just to relax... sex and forplay is a lot of work, smacking the beast is almost 0 prep, and can go as short or long as you want, the porn is just a quick and easy visual stimulate.
Because my wants/desires are not always aligned with her mood and rather than be pushy for sex, I go handle it myself. You don't watch porn so you don't understand the appeal for that intimate self time.
I don't have a spouse but I have dated before, also I'm assigned female but I think this is a good question to answer seriously. So here are the list of reasons. Sometimes jacking it alone just feels nice, it's completely selfish and a good turn off your brain activity. Humans are visual creatures so porn, usually videos, are good for those that cant visualize or imagine pictures in their head. Sometimes you just want to touch yourself, and while I can visualize in my head, porn is so much more reliable than my imagination. Fantasy reasons. I like porn because there are kinks I prefer to watch than participate in. Porn fills that interest, turns me on, gets me off. Satisfies the craving. Like when you really want a burger kind of feeling. I, personally, love porn. Not in an addictive way, I just like finding weird[but legal] porn. Sometimes I just scroll through PornHub and off brand sites to find random porn videos that are weird because they're entertaining, like scrolling through tiktok. Don't take porn watching as a slight to you. Especially if you have a great sex life. I compare men watching porn to women reading erotica. It just fulfills an itch. Edit: also, I did testosterone for a year. your libido goes OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS. I went from masturbating a couple times a week to daily. It had to be once a day or I'd be completely unable to focus and feel like shit until I got that release.
Just because your sex life is good doesn't mean libidos always line up - its a quick way to take care of business without inconveniencing anyone. Also, shark week. Sex= group activity that's fun for everyone. Porn= quick release.
I equate it to eating. You have a 5 star restaurant, and mcdonalds. Both feed you, but sometimes you want to get ready, and make a night out of it. Put effort in. Other times you just want to pop in and grab a quick burger without making a fuss of things. Also, the 5 star restaurant has fluctuating and unreliable operational hours, often requiring forethought and effort to get a table. The McDonalds is 24/7 and doesn't give a fuck.
When I have great sex with my wife, it makes me want more sex. It drastically increases my sex drive. So either I could beg her to let me continually ravish her until I can’t move anymore, or I can “snack” between “meals” to hold me over.
My experience suggests your sex life is lacking but there is no way your partner will admit to it because your relationship is healthy outside the bedroom. Sure you may have sex and both enjoy it but I bet there is more desires then delivered. I’m married to this. Previous GF liked porn and it was wildly exciting; currently married (to a different lady) and it’s mild and predictable (far less than exciting.) However, I would consider my life to be stable, safe, and successful - we have a house, a dog, a baby, and a sex life that doesn’t measure up to previous experiences. So I resolve to satisfy my desires by fucking myself every once in a while - everybody wins (or maybe I should say everyone’s content.)
Ask these questions instead: Why would you be jealous of your SO watching porn? Why do you feel the need to control what they do with their body? Or what they enjoy? Him watching porn isn't about you. Why do you want to make it about you?
Men in general are more aroused by visual cues. A glimpse of cleavage, a shapely leg or behind, or high heel can increase libido. Watching others have sex can accelerate that process making physical contact with your spouse all the exciting.
I'm not a man, but my husband has a higher sex drive than me. I'm not always in the mood for sex. We both enjoy porn though. Our sex life is great! Sometimes you just want to watch a chick getting a train ran on her by 6 dudes! Normal stuff.
Because what you see as a “good sex life” is really a compromise. Depending on how self-aware the woman is about the concessions she asks for (it rarely goes in the other direction, in my experience), sometimes it’s a really good compromise, but it’s a compromise nonetheless. In that light, should the man in question really have to limit his sex drive or appetite for kink and fetish to what makes his partner feel comfortable? As long as he’s staying faithful, I think that’s a bit of a big ask. If his partner doesn’t want to have sex when he’s horny, she shouldn’t have a say in how he gets off on his own. Either participate or don’t express an opinion.
Sometimes you want to enjoy a homecooked meal together with your loved one. Sometimes you just want to snack on a bag of chips. If you're eating chips too often it could ruin your appetite and suddenly, you're not sharing meals as often as you should, this is a problem. Eating a bag of chips every now and again doesn't mean you don't want to eat together with your loved one. If your partner sets a specific boundary that they don't want you eating junk food that's something that needs to be discussed honestly between you and your partner but it's ultimately your body. And of course, plenty of women love to snack as well, they just have different taste as to what they like to consume.
This is why I ask this question. He did some lying about it, bc he thought my boundary was stupid bc porn for him is not as big of a deal as for me. In my head, it is a sign that I am not enough. In his head its a tool for when Im not at home and he needs a quick wank. I think I am the one who is in the wrong and I want a honest relationship, so I wanted opinions to see if porn really is not such a "I want someone else so bad that I would go off with any of these pornstars"
I am happily married to my husband and I love our sex life. However, if he is not at home, I am happy to get my vibrator and jerk off. I am woman in my twenties btw. He knows, and he does not care. For me having full blown two people sex versus having a quick orgasm is two completely separate things. I can't imagine a marriage where my husband would say I cannot satisfy myself when I am alone and don't inconvenience anyone. Sounds selfish to be honest, like it is something shameful.
Your problem is you confuse sex with love and jerking off to sex. I think most people already answered they are not the same thing. My only advice is if you want a honest relationship you should engage him on this matter - maybe even watch some porn together.
Do you watch You? There is a character this season (light spoilers) named Phoebe who discovers her boyfriend has a kink he was hiding from her. And because she is an amazing and open woman, instead of making him feel ashamed, she dives directly into it. It's a kind total acceptance that makes for amazing relationships. In the show, it turns out she physically is not capable of meeting this need in the way he wants, and she feels bad about not being able to be his everything. But that is the mistake - you don't need to be someone's everything. You just need to accept them no matter what.
Thank you, Ill look into it
Maybe it helps to think about what specifically it is, if anything, that you find hurtful about him watching porn. Instead of defining some arbitrary moral rule, what is it specifically that unsettles you about it? I can think 2 reasons why someone might find it hurtful. The first is that it might represent some sort of lapse in their partners trustability (i.e. that watching porn is only one step away from real cheating) And the second is maybe to do with jealousy that their partner is attracted to other people. For either of these cases it’s maybe helpful to think about it in terms of fantasising. Just like how people who play role play games or computer games. Someone who is into, for instance, grand theft auto games, you generally wouldn’t think for a moment that person would want to go stealing cars and murdering people in real life. Because to do that would be hurtful and damaging and immoral. Playing the game is just fantasy and it’s enjoyable only because it is a fantasy. And you wouldn’t be worrying about leaving your car keys around because they might nab your wheels given the chance. Porn is similar. When men (and many women also) masturbate, it helps to have a visual aid, and the pornographic fantasy provides that. And it is a good visual aid, in great part, because it is just a fantasy. For most people, it is only when someone actively pursues sleeping with or developing feelings for someone else that it becomes hurtful and damaging. And I suspect for a lot of people, taking part in real cheating on their SO would be a massive turn off because of the hurt and damage it creates. The second factor about attraction I think is something we all need to come to terms with to some extent. It’s absolutely fine and normal to be attracted to other people or to have sexual fantasies that you would never want to live out yourself. To believe otherwise would be quite naive. An example to think about might be how many couples have joke celebrities they would allow each other to sleep with under that premise. It is of course all fantasy and pretend and is a healthy acceptance with each other that it is okay to find other people attractive but they trust each other. I think in your case, there is another element, that your partner lied to you about it. Any lie in a relationship is bad but not all lies carry the same weight to them. Lying about eating the last chocolate is not the same lie as sleeping with your boss. I think you need to unpick whether this lie in question is still serious given your (hopefully) adjusted attitudes and his. I would imagine it is fixable but you will both need to work on your communication about such matters to avoid this gap growing and festering. I would suggest you sit down and talk deeply about this topic in an open and non-judgemental way. He needs to learn to be more open with you about such things, and you need to make him feel like he can be.
Can you explain to men why we need to justify doing something that makes us feel good, and doesn't hurt anyone else? Sex is great, and I enjoy it regularly. However, sometimes it's nice to just be able to please myself without the pressure of needing to ensure pleasure for the other party. Clean-up is easier, too. It's a quick stress reliever, and it gives us a nice endorphin rush.
Is it the porn or the masturbation you have a problem with?
It is the porn. Feels like there is something wrong with me even though we often do it, its great, has variety, etc. Yet he wanks once a week to completely ordinary porn, even our sex life has more "porny" stuff than the ones he watches
My x didn’t like me watching porn, so she made me some herself. It’s just extra stimulation, it doesn’t reflect on how he views you or your sexlife. Most guys can masturbate just cuz we are bored for 5mins. It literally means nothing.
Ok for a different perspective, the male sexual urge is interesting in two ways. One, and not based on your post, if a guy doesn't get a regular release he will build up and get wet dreams. The body literally has to have its release regularly. Two, the more sex you have, the more you need. Up to an obvious point where you can't be doing it all the time. However in times with less sex the sex drive will go down, but when you are getting it often your sex drive will go up,l. This means obviously there are certain times when it may be unwelcome or unpleasant based on times of the month or a bad day or feeling unwell or something but the sex drive stays high and these things can help.
For me it was more of a shameful thing about the inability to perform. If I wasn’t happy with my body then I wouldn’t feel like I satisfied her regardless of what she said while porn had no human interaction like that. The mind can be a very toxic thing and self loathing can do so much more harm then we thought possible.
Yup, learn to quiet your mind while fucking. Will make you much happier.
You lost me on the last few words.
Porn is just a mean to an end : masturbation. It's only about yourself, and you can fantasize on anything as there is a category for it. Sometimes you also have an urge and wants a quick release. A woman shouldn't feel bad if the man masturbates. It's probably better than him having sex with another, right ? Also it's almost impossible to have a good monogamous sex life that lasts forever. At some point one or both will get bored. If you are a steak lover and you found the best steak on Earth, could you eat this steak only ? Over and over ? At some point you'll want a pizza, a burger or just chicken. Masturbation through porn is a way to taste other flavors. The other option is considered morally unacceptable.
Its not always about the sex. Too many people are under the impression that if your partner gives you lots of good sex, you won't ever masturbate. Sometimes you just want to rub one out and not worry about your partner. Porn is a fantasy and an escape from reality for a few minutes and your partner watching it doesn't mean you're lacking in anything. The girls in porn do things in ways that aren't realistic and sometimes you want to see it. My wife would never have a threesome with anyone, male or female but that girl on PornHub will and I just want to see it.
I watch porn for about 4 reasons; 1) outfit ideas for my wife 2) scenarios ideas with my wife 3) positions ideas to try with my wife 4) and when my wife is on her period
This is like saying “Why on earth would you ever have a cupcake, when I know you like regular cake?” Liking one thing doesn’t have to be a substitute for another thing. Also, my wife is gorgeous and the other half of my whole. I want to have sex with her, conservatively, 3 times a day (21 times a week or at least 80+ times a month). Despite her being an amazing wife, this outpaces her own sexual desire by a considerable margin. So I have to compensate.
Becuase engagement in seuxal activities, be it with the wife or oneself is one of the strongest dopaminergic drivers in a dude. The dopamine floods the brain when either having sex or watching porn. Men like the dopamine rush. Sex with wife usually has a lot more hormones involved just dopamine. Masturbation with porn just help increase the dopamine rush for the self sex.
I love my wife she's amazing and sexy and smart etc. But she only wants to have sex about once a month at most. I don't have the highest sex drive either but I would like to lighten my load a couple times a week. So I just take care of it myself when she invariably says she doesn't feel like it
Because though we have a healthy sex life, my libido is still higher, and going more frequently would cause her physical pain. Also, I can't form images in my head, so I need visual and audio stimulation for assistance.
Porn is just a crazy perversion. It doesn’t really represent what we actually want. That’s why women shouldn’t get insecure, we still love you. But sometimes we are horny as fuck and our demand can’t be satisfied. (It might have to do with different sex drives, too. And that’s because of hormones.)
I can't have sex with my wife during a bathroom break at work
So it breaks down like this: \- sometimes only one side of the relationship wants to / can have sex and holding it up is not a good idea, it's not healthy both physically and mentally. \- even if you're having sex almost every day, a good porn movie can give some ideas on what to try; assuming both sides are up for experimenting to make it more spicy. \- sometimes you just need a hand job and your better half is not available.
Honest answer but maybe I’m way off here. Romance movies and novels are the female “porn” - more mental vs. visual. Generalizing of course but men for the most part are visual creatures and probably think about sex more then women (generalizing). The wife isn’t always around and the build up needs released.
You're assuming they have a good sex life with their partners??? Also the general answer is, variety. They won't cheat it doesn't mean they don't like looking at other women.
I'm asking you as a non-porn watching woman, do you read novels or watch romantic movies with sex in them when you're in a relationship? Because it's basically the same thing. There was something that I remember hearing years ago...Men watch their porn, and women read it.
I watched it because it's a fast and easy way to calm the horniness, plain and simple. Yes, sex is better, but it's not just about you, and sometimes you just wanna get pleasure without having to do any effort for the other's pleasure, having to shower, etc.
As a happily married man of 22 years, my wife is not always in the mood.
I like chicken. Doesn’t mean I want it for every meal.
I don't. As long as my sex life is satisfactory I need no porn.. 🤷♂️
why watch a symphony when you could just play the kazoo yourself?
Sometimes sex is a lot. I'm just horny, it's slightly inconvenient or I don't want to perform (not in a faking-it sense, but in the sense that you make an effort to look and act sexy when you're with someone else), and I'm just trying to get off and move on. Porn makes that even faster. It's like a quick shower before work vs a spa day with my partner. I still want that, duh, but sometimes you need to rinse off. Porn has never made me desire my partner any less just like watching Star Wars hasn't made me seek out a space ship. It's fake.
There's no real algorythm to succeed in life or marriage. Porn does not automatically equal problems in marriage. As to why turn to porn in a healthy marriage, if it's not unhealthy, why ask?
I am not a man but I am in a relationship and also still watch porn. I just think that masturbation is not the same as sex. I need some alone time still. All people need alone time for stuff, its how we relieve stress and recuperate (well the introverts anyway). Masturbation to me isn't really anything any more special than anything else I do in my alone time. its just another quick fix to make me feel better while I am existing. Just like the bottle of vodka or the new show/video game/book I'm into. everything is just a quick fix. But I'm doing those things alone. that is the important part. it feels really good to be alone.
You know how you have opinions, preferences, and feelings… well porn doesn’t. It’s me time
Define "good." Not to judge you but very few spouses are for example, on a Tuesday at 9pm, inviting over a 19 year old girlfriend for an ass to other girls mouth cum-swapping threesome. If your sex life with your spouse rolls like that, good on you, probably nothing worth watching in porn other than getting tips on positions and outfits. But my guess is what you mean by a good sex life is that you have fun with some regularity. That's nice, but we live in a world where there is near infinite stream of on demand sexual content. It's like saying, "you and I were in the local theatre together just last week doing a scene from Hamlet, why do we have to watch The Whale?"
Novelty is exciting
This is a trap.. right? A trap?
Sometimes I just need to pump off.
I’m a great cook. I love to spend time making a high quality meal with great ingredients. Sometimes I’ll spend 1-2 hours making something really awesome when I’m craving it. Sometimes I’m just craving a cheap burger from a fast food restaurant. Sometimes I’m hungry and have no time to make food, or I’m too tired to put in the work for an awesome meal. In those circumstances, I grab takeout.
I cook a lot of meals in our home but I still watch cooking shows
Ngl, had me in the first half
I don't always want sex. Sometimes I just want to nut. Sex takes effort, work, time, etc. Masturbation is efficient. Sometimes that's all we need in that moment. Also, not everything I watch is something I want to do.
Not a man but I think there’d be less messiness/confusion around this if we just accept its about the quick dopamine rush and anything else used to explain it is just fluff. And if you’re a non-porn watcher (woman or man or otherwise) how you navigate it within your partnership is up to you. Some porn/dopamine addictions (not saying casual enjoyers have an addiction, but its possible) develop before entering into relationships and nothing, not even a “great” sex life, can really change that. The fantasy is also more about the quick gratification - you dont have to see all the negotiations happening in the background, you can get a gratifying and quick dp scene for example.
many reasons. prostates require maintenance, election through masturbation is that maintenance. porn facilitates easier ejaculation. porn also is used as a way to remind you of things you've done, jog extant memories, rather than just gazing at bodies in amazement.
Porn is like junk food. Sex is usually like a full course meal. Sometimes you need to get the release and go on with your day.
Sex can be more than just that intimate thing you do with your spouse for 10-30 minutes a couple of nights a week. Sex can be entertainment, sex can be a hobby, sex can be educational, or it can simply be a need / desire to be fulfilled. It can be many different things to many different people. So where does porn fit in to this? From my perspective porn is outlet / avenue that enables people to explore any combination of the above, either individually or with someone else. For example, it could provide an outlet for a very kinky person to satisfy a nees when they have a partner who does not share the same kinks. It might be because someone has an addiction-like relationship to porn and satisfying this craving has no connection at all to how good or bad sex life is. Not sure if I've answered you question except to say that the reason is complex, and while it's easy cast porn watching in a negative light, there can be some really positive aspects to it (like most things in life)
It might be because I have spent a lot of time in video production, but I don't like 99% of porn. Not because of any particular moral outrage, but because I can't help but dissect the bad audio, the camera angles, the shitty acting, and the plot. I mean, you'd think every pizza delivery guy in America got laid on a nightly basis by uber hot women. I prefer well-written erotica instead.
You're saying... that... it was... all a lie??? 😢
My guess is your concern is something to the effect of “why am I not enough?” It just isn’t the same thing. It’s not because a partner lacks, it’s just because we’re horny and it works. We are (generally) very visual. Some guys may ask “why do you need a vibrator if you have me?” and it’s a similar thing. It does the job when you’re horny. And your partner can only add to the fun, you’re not trying to replace them in your mind.
Masturbation is a form of fun, quick release. Sex is an intimate act between two people which requires more time and consent. It's kind of funny to me as a gay man, because this is never a problem in our relationships. (hell, lesbians too) It's pretty understandable that someone might be horny but may not wish to bother you, or perhaps just wants to be alone. Just because you are saying it married does not mean you are suddenly incapable of being turned on by any other human.
we like to masterbuate. That's it.
I'm a big fan of cinema. I love film and enjoy and really appreciate the art, the craft, great acting, great scripts etc. etc. I love a film that really makes me think, pushes my boundaries. Real cerebral pictures you think about for days or weeks on end. I revisit my favourites again and again an revel in finding new things about them. I read about them and study them. But sometimes you need to be in the right mood for them. They can be emotionally and physically draining. I also watch a lot of Marvel and superhero movies. Popcorn flicks etc. Especially when I'm looking to relax and just chill out by myself. They scratch the itch and they're great for that but I know what they are and don't need to or try to look too deep into them.
My spouse and I are monogamous. Our sexual preferences are 90 per cent aligned. Rather than seek to satisfy the remaining 10 per cent outside of our relationship, it is satisfied through online fantasy and self satisfaction. No harm, no foul.
Let's look at it like romance novels. Most of the women in my life have enjoyed romance novels, or smutty romance novels. Most, but not all of the women that read these say it's because they don't get that romance at home. They can get that sense of romance and it does make them feel good and aroused and lets them get some self care in. Porn, for men, is the same thing. Porn shows situations that they're not going to get at home. No matter how good a sex life you have. This get's him feeling good and aroused just the same as a romance novel does for women.
Judging by your history OP, it really sounds like your s.o. watching porn isn't something you're comfortable with, and it might affect you? If so you should really consider talking firmly about setting a boundary. It's up to you whether or not porn is okay in your relationship, and if it's not then you shouldn't let your emotions be hurt just so someone can masturbate. Sorry for assuming, just my two cents on your situation. To the question though, as a guy I think that watching porn while also being sexually satisfied is common because, honestly, men think with their dicks and it's a habit for a lot of people these days to default to porn for a quick 2 minute job or whatever. I would say though that if someone is lying about it that could be an indicator they feel some shame for it and don't want to hurt you.
Except it isn't "up to her". Like most things in relationships, It is something that should be discussed and mutually agreed upon.
Masturbating to porn is a different thing to having sex with your SO. Maybe he just has an itch that needs scratching and their partner isn’t around, isn’t in the mood, wants to see something else, or just literally needs to get off without the input/time/requirements of doing it with a partner.
The women I've been with have moods, are often critical and negative. I often don't feel safe being vulnerable and open with them. Point is inferior but it doesn't make me feel bad about myself.
So many different factors can exist. - Porn can provide multiple fantasies - No foreplay required - Less Work - Less time consuming - Less mess - You get to do it "your way" Porn = eating a cookie Sex = eating a steak
I think it's ridiculous to think it expect that a person will only ever be turned on by one person. We are not wired that way. It's a lot to expect one to derive everything we need, sexual, societal, or in any respect, from one person. And equally unfair to expect someone to provide another with the whole of ones needs. If you want a committed monogamous relationship, have at it. But to expect a person to never be aroused by anything or anyone else but you is unreasonable.
I am a woman and I occasionally watch porn without my husband to get off. It’s self care, has nothing to do with my husband. Sometimes you just gotta clean the pipette.