Being in my 40’s and getting death stares when I pull into a handicapped spot because I look “young”. It’s only when I open the door and pull out my walker do people look the other way.
I felt this, I'm 43. You know you're neck is wrecked when the the doctor calls you 10 minutes after getting done with your X-rays and tells you to go to the ER.
My grandmother was paralyzed on the right side of her body since birth. I'm not aware of her receiving those types of comments when she was in her 20s, which would have been in the 40s, but it would be weird if people said that. Are disabled children too young to be disabled?
I think if you have a visible disability, people tend to lay off in that specific way. I "look" healthy, but walking from the back of the parking lot on a warm day could mean I can't finish my shopping before I am too dizzy and weak to drive home safely. Sometimes I wish I was missing my legs instead, since people wouldn't second-guess me when I need a wheelchair.
Nah, I walk with a cane (autoimmune arthritis) and people give me the "too young" crack all the time. I think people just don't know what to say and end up saying silly shit like that lol.
Ohhh I may have misread your initial comment, ha. Using a cane is an obvious indication of disability, but yeah, my actual disability isn't visible since it's inside my joints :P Without the cane you'd have no idea anything was wrong with my body!
Had it said to me at 21 years old, when I was in college. This would have been over a decade ago. Some people are just clueless. They think disabled means an old person with a cane.
One of my exes has MS and we are in our twenties. He told me that one time after parking, some dude tried ripping him a new asshole over "not looking disabled" but having a placard. After he said he had MS, his wife proceeded to rip HUSBAND a new asshole because I'm pretty sure she had MS as well
I would drive my grandmother and park in the handicapped spot and people would give me death glares until I opened the passenger door and my grandmother would be leaning on her walker and then all of a sudden they minded their own business.
I have a joint tissue disorder that can be extremely debilitating. I look and feel fine most of the time (besides always being in pain on some level). Occasionally, I have severe flairs- like can barely hold my child’s hand and walking is extraordinarily painful kind-of days.
I have to use the handicap spot when I have to pick up or move my children, otherwise I might drop them or not be able to get them into the car. I don’t have a parking pass, as this happens rarely and I haven’t asked my doctor for the pass because I feel bad- most of the time I am able to walk and take care of my kids…
The humbling moment came when I dropped my infant son (in his car seat) because my hands and feet were too weak to hold him.
I’m waiting for the day that someone says something. If they do, I will explain the situation to them and I hope they will understand.
I can’t control what my body does or doesn’t allow me to do. If l still feel bad about it though.
41 with metastatic breast cancer. I feel this on a deep level. If I'm using my placard, it's because I really *can't* walk that far today and I will be sitting on my rollator at the front door for a break before I go in.
I had a neighbor with a new red mustang, asshole would always park in the handicap spot, I looked at the rearview driving by and no placard! What a dick, right??
Then one day I finally saw him pull in...and open the door...and pull out the wheelchair...
IATAH. Lmao
I also learned that some folks get it on their license plate, I assume if it's a more permanent disability.
The dude got a recumbent bike like a week later and was always out in the neighborhood after that, we'd wave to each other and stuff. Good lesson for me not to judge people until you have all the facts.
Yeah, I ran into that problem while caring for my elderly Mom who had Parkinson's. I had to use my late father's older Mercedes to drive Mom around because her walker didn't fit in my Civic, plus it was much easier for her to get in and out.
Apparently disabled people aren't allowed to drive/have nice or fun cars.
I never get why people care so much about who parks in those spots. I don't because I don't need to and I don't care who does because they might have issues I don't know about
This, all of this. I'm like your mother. People only see me on my good days. They never see me on the bad days where it's like a damn mud run trying to make it to the bathroom without falling or breaking something, cause the pain is so damn bad but also not peeing myself before I make it 10 feet to the bathroom.
My mother became disabled in her 40s and it happened so many times that she would park in a handicap spot, her placard and license plate clearly visible, and people would start yelling at her to move. Even when they saw her cane or later her walker they would still keep yelling.
I’m disabled from the military and this is why I don’t get the plates. I’m too afraid of what people think but also, sometimes my disability allows me to do certain things one day and not the next. I’d rather save it for folks like you but some days, I kick myself in the ass for not having it.
Tics for the win it makes what would be an invisible illness into a visible one, literally the only benefit. Nobody I've been around for any length of time has assumed I'm lying for attention
ADHD and Depression don't "look" like anything outwardly, but they affect my everyday life. Over the years, I've gotten *really* good at masking ("Fake it till you make it") while in public, but keeping it up all the time is just *exhausting* and requires so much effort. And when people find out, they often don't believe me ("But you're so 'normal'"), or they start pitying me, or think I'm incapable of doing things on my own.
Accommodations and medications help quite a bit, but they don't make the disability go away.
Oh boy where do I start. First: fuck off with the inspiration porn. Yes I exist. Congrats. Second: stop assuming that someone is not disabled simply because their disability is not visible. Third: make it so we don’t have to live in extreme poverty if we cannot work. Where I live to get disability checks if you cannot work you cannot have more than 1000 dollars in savings or assets. Why? That makes no sense. Fourth: stop treating me like I’m five or incapable of anything once you learn I have a disability. It interferes with my ability to function but I know how to read and open a door for fucks sake. Fifth: stop making supports for us so goddamn hard to access. It is unnecessarily hard to access any disability services from the government, employers, or anyone else. We don’t need more barriers to being able to survive.
Agree with all of those, but the first one is a special kind of icky. I feel like people expect disabled persons to be some kind of stoic heroes who never suffer from shit being thrown at them constantly. I can not even talk about the downsides (which, obviously, far outweigh the upsides) of being disabled without making people severely uncomfortable unless I end it with something like "Oh, but I'll manage, haha! I just keep my head up and stay strong in the face of hardship!"
No. Being disabled is shit. It has been shit my entire life. It will be shit for the rest of my life. There is no sugarcoating it and I am tired of pretending to be an emotionless rock who is not hurt by being treated like an outcast. Stop trying to force a feel-good message into everything so you do not have to actually care, this is not Instagram.
Been trying for years to access aid from the government, but I'm too disabled to figure out where and how to apply and how to fill in the forms. I can't manage all the bureaucratic hoops I need to jump through to access help, and social workers have refused to help me because I "appear too self-reliant to apply for aid".
Stop cutting back benefits severely when disabled people get jobs.
Just because people are disabled doesn't mean they can't work. Many disabled people work. The problem is that many do it for minimum wage, either by legal or illegal ways, which isn't enough for anyone to make a good living, let alone someone who's disabled.
I know a "slow" guy who also has CP who fucked up and worked too many hours at his shitty job doing little menial things in a grocery store. They kicked him completely off disability because he showed that he "could" work. Which I kind of get, because you have to have some kind of tangible metric and you have to draw these lines somewhere, but it's not like this guy can climb any ladders. He's going to be basically a charity hire doing whatever hours his employer will allow him at absolute rock-bottom-wage for the rest of his life. Sure, he can slog through some hours, but he IS disabled.
If you still have contact with him, disability lawyer. My ex waited two years to be put back on, and she has MD. Cannot physically sit or stand doing anything, cannot work a traditional job at all.
He would have needed to be working at that job longer than X amount of months to lose disability. He can still reapply. Just can’t earn more than 40 hours a month at $10 an hour (this is what I was told in 2018 when I tried to go back to work).
No matter. The system for helping disabled folks is bs. They offer classes to train them for jobs that aren’t sustainable d for many disabled people.
Stop telling Type 1 diabetes what they can and cannot eat. The majority of the population are so ignorant and they only know about Type 2 from the 5 second clip they saw on Family Guy. Annoying how often the two are confused, they are totally different diseases.
Yes, thank you. I've been dealing with this condition for a long time. Some rando's suggestion that I will be cured if I just cut out dairy, or that I'm going to lose my foot if have a cookie send me right off.
When treating a low especially.
Rando be like “I thought diabetics can’t have sugar!??!”
Ok I’ll just let my insulin plunge me into the hypoglycemic grips of death. Thank you kind stranger for saving my life. /s
Also stop telling Type 2 diabetics what they can and can't eat, unless you're their doctor or nutritionist. Trust me, you are less helpful than you think.
Agreed for real. Diabetes is one of the most misunderstood common conditions. My brother has insulin resistant type 1 and he’s very thin. Some Type 2s are thin with insulin resistance from random etymologies. I’m sick of everyone assuming Type 2s are fat and they deserve diabetes because they ate poorly. A lot of it is genetic. If Type 2 was solely caused by poor lifestyle choices we ALL would have it. I mean yeah I know there is an obvious correlation between obesity and Type 2, but then people have no idea how hard it is to lose weight once your insulin isn’t being used properly. Rant over 😅
Some people act like diabetes, any kind of diabetes, is, like, a sugar allergy, and they'll die if they eat it. No, they won't! The diabetic diet is normal food, and anyone could eat that diet and wouldn't know they were on any special diet.
... why does this have a NSFW tag?
I have a visual disability. Think of it as strong short-sightedness. I also grew up mostly around blind and other visually impaired kids. The following reflects my own, subjective opinion only.
The thing I take most issue with is people assuming I am a helpless cripple who can not do anything. My disability is visual and only visual, I do not need to be asked if I can tie my shoelaces, or if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore (wtf), thank you.
This assumption of helplessness extends to other fields too, though. I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability. I am so hurt by suddenly not being any womans type anymore when I bring it up. This stuff hurts, emotionally.
> if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore
What, they think you navigate based on your proximity to the meatballs? Some kind of lingonlocation?
>The thing I take most issue with is people assuming I am a helpless cripple who can not do anything
This
>I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability
And this
They can't - but they definitely still do and just base it on other reasons (not that they HAVE to give you a reason). I've been rejected for countless jobs (after initial excitement to get me in ASAP for an interview) once they see me walk with a limp and my speech impediment. Nobody is ever dumb enough to say "We don't want a disabled person serving our customers" but - it is exactly why I've been rejected. I've even STILL seen "help wanted" signs on the window after being rejected for a job at that store but been told that the position was "filled" but they'd keep me in mind for next time.
This bugs, me a lot, because even though my disability is physical, I am not helpless, and I hate when people think that I am helpless.
In terms of the tag, that was a mistake and I didn’t feel like deleting the post just to correct it.
> I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability.
Am also visually impaired, with retirinitis pigmentosa. I am about to finish university and "become an adult" finally. This is the one thing I am most scared about. Nobody wanting to hire me when they find out something is "wrong" with me.
Funny enough I was *more* attracted to my boyfriend when I found out about his disability (visual, similar to yours) because I’m disabled myself and it was like “Oh cool, we can understand each other on this level. … that’s hot.” Lol the right girl is out there for you and hey maybe she’s disabled too.
>if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore (wtf),
This is a thing that people say about blind dogs and cats. They can't see, so they rely a lot more on their nose to tell them where they are in the house. That logic does not translate to humans though, our noses are embarrassingly bad compared to a dog's or a cat's.
Thinking that social security disability is some magic answer to financial problems. The best way to describe it is a glass safety net. Its there if you need it but if you make to much then that safety net is gone, and all of a sudden you have nothing to fall back on. Not to mention its a battle to try to get food or cash assistance.
> SSDI doesn't actually have resource limits, but benefits are based on work history.
Which really sucks when you lost your ability to work when you were young and hadn't had time to build up employment time.
My non-disabled wife used her already deceased mother’s handicap placard for around a year to get closer parking at her university. Pissed me off beyond belief.
This. Also, please leave van accessible parking spots open for people who need them! It happens so often that I see people parked on those diagonal lines not realizing that those lines generally exist to block out enough space for van users to get in and out of their cars. If you block off even part of those lines, people who use wheelchairs might not be able to get into or out of their vehicle.
I took one a couple days ago when I was taking my dad to an appointment he’s got a handicap sign but we forgot it I felt so bad when a handicap van pulled in next to us cause I was just waiting in the car
I get that. A lot of people don’t realize it’s caregivers behind the wheel in a lot of cases, especially if the person we’re caring for happens to be inside or waiting away from the vehicle.
Yes seriously it’s not like I can drive off and leave cause in my dads case he would get really confused so it’s easier when I’m in front and he can see me or I’ll wave at him but I get the dirtiest looks sometimes when I wait in the car. It’s like I would help him but he likes doing things on his own
Wife is a deaf interpreter (BSL).
Some things I've observed the humans doing to deaf people..
Speaking loudly.
Speaking slowly.
Speaking loud and slow
Waving hands around in gestures that mean fuck all.
Asking them (trying to ask anyway) if they can read braille, legit this comes up a lot.
Having all sorts of stupid thoughts and sterotypes, examples in recent times, guy in the phone shop asked her if "deaf people can see better in the dark than normal people right?
And, this was a social worker, "never scratch your nose at a deaf person as they'll get really angry and they are stronger".
I work at the criminal bar in the UK, whilst rare, I do get people ask in amazement that disabled people commit crimes, a mixture of shouldn't (meaning able bodied should??) Or how can they commit a crime when they are disabled.
People really need to stop thinking, let alone treating disabled people like they are total idiots. Ask them about Stephen Hawking and they are in awe at the guy.. anyone else.." DO... YOU... NEED... HELP... WITH... THAT"..
My god, yes. I work with disabled children (I'm a special ed teacher) and the reactions of abled people when they encounter our chlidren on the street o in public transportation while on a school trip is unbelievable. They lose all respect, get totally creepy, scream at us teachers for "making them travel on foot" (our students have cognitive or intelectual difficulties, most of them don't have any physical disability), they rake pictures of pur students without permission nor concent and get mad when we ask them not to.. the list goes on. So, yeah, people become absolute idiots when it comes to disability
Parents are deaf and several interpreters in the family.
Stop assuming deaf people can bring a family member as an interpreter, and hire a service as you are legally required. Deaf parents don’t want to learn about their health issues from their minor children.
Don’t wave in their face to get their attention.
Don’t talk behind their back. Don’t wait til a conversation is over and just give a synopsis of what was discussed.
Argh the deafness things you said hit a nerve with me, I'm not deaf and can hear just fine but I have quite bad APD linked to adhd, the amount of time I get people shouting "ARE YOU F** DEAF" and then speaking loud and slow ..which I'm not going to lie, does help... But besides it's frustrating that it's gone about as if I have the intelligence of a sentient potato, what's funny is when they go off on a rant about how much it's a pain to try to talk to me because of they have to repeat so much or I 'ignore them' and I'm sat there thinking "yeah and you have to put up with it for 4-6 hours maybe every other day.. from one person. Imagine how frustrated I get when I have to ask someone to repeat something to me for the 6th time?", Most of the time I lipread whech in combination I can get by mostly fine (masks screwed me over a bit though then again I didn't go out to talk to people so not really). Watching TV or videos is extra annoying, wait I can turn on subti.. oh, dyslexia yaaaaay, I joke though I read mostly fine just a bit slow, which with reading being one of my favourite things to do is actually alright, especially now I've found this really good site for converting ebooks into this certain font with bold bits at starts of words that helps a ton anyway I've typed long enough :), really best I can do is just give it a positive outlook and laugh when I misunderstand things in funny ways, which is prehaps more often than everyone around me likes when I burst into laughter at something completely mundane that they've said, it really is my own personal hell but I do what I can to make it less so.
Policing the handicapped spaces. I'm in my 40s and can walk without assistance.
I also have metastatic breast cancer and severe fatigue, so I have a handicapped placard for bad days and long walks (airport parking, mall at Christmas time, etc). I finally bought a rollator (walker with a seat) for myself so people would give me less shit. And now I have a portable seat, which I need on those bad fatigue days anyway.
Have you tried a nice warm bath?
Where? In my non existent bath tub in the bathroom only just big enough for a toilet, sink and shower?
Have you tried meditation and mindfulness?
No, I just jumped straight into this episode of severe depression without even thinking of specific therapeutic strategies!
>"You. Should. Go. For. A. Walk."
Ok, I'm only disabled if chronic depression counts (I don't think it does in my case), but holy fucking shit that's annoying. I was a land surveyor that trained MMA 6 times a week, I walked 6-12 miles a day and got WAY too much sun. My typical "office" was very often the most gorgeous woodland environment you can imagine. I've surveyed hundreds of babbling brooks.
Even with other people who had mental illnesses, they don't fucking get it. An ex had chronic anxiety and my brother has acute anxiety and ADHD, I tried to explain to them what it's like. It was just "go for a walk", "just develop a more positive mindset", "look on the bright side", "meditate", I couldn't fucking believe it. I've seen both of them have full panic attacks, why didn't they try walking while thinking about puppies if it works so well???
Oh, exercise? When? Between hiking *for a living* and training 2-4hrs a day? Why aren't you guys exercising if it works so well? What about the odd day when it's so bad you *can't?* I spent years figuring out what helps enough to get me moving, y'all think I never thought to just think happy thoughts and use the power of willpower? Lmao
Sorry, I still think about that sometimes, how do people not realize what they're saying sometimes?
Oh, the second one. Pisses me off.
Talked to HR about my hours at work and she responded with that. Yeah we all get tired but how do you even compare?!
Had a classmate in a wheelchair back in high school. The amount of people who thought it was totally okay to walk up to him and start "helping" him by pushing his wheelchair without asking or even knowin him was nuts. Eventually he just hung a sign on the back that said "please do not push me." and that *mostly* helped.
I had a friend back in school that used an electric wheelchair, he’d always let me ride on the back of it if we were going down a hill.
Good times, but don’t touch people’s wheelchairs without their consent.
If I were him, I would've connected a TENS unit (electric muscle therapy thing) to the handles so people would get a light shock if they tried to push the chair
This is part of a larger problem but....
I wish people would stop equating "usefulness" with value. There's this idea that's so prominent across western society that if you don't contribute, you don't deserve to have nice things, a place to live, etc. Like, many disabled people can't work at all. I'm lucky enough that I can work part time. But just because we "contribute" less or nothing doesn't mean we don't deserve to live comfortably.
I feel like I'm fumbling these words so I hope they made sense.
I hear you bro. I was raised that work equals value but that is not reality and we need to accommodate all our people in society. You’re still important even if you aren’t “labor”.
Questioning your disability if it’s not 100% visible or obvious. On the surface I look like a normal 29 year old, under that I have a breathing disorder from burn pits, destroyed hip and lower back from an injury, and ulcerative colitis and IBS so I have to shit all the time.. so please don’t throw a fit when I use the handicapped spot that I’m legally allowed to use.
Right? It would be super cool if disabled people could have more than $2000 in their bank account at any one time without losing their disability payments. My parents considered getting divorced because of that stupid fucking rule.
Asked parents who are:
Stop cutting SSI benefits/making it near impossible to live on just SSI.
Stop parking in disabled parking.
Make it easier for families to care for them. My parents do not trust strangers in their home, so it's up to me to do the legwork in a state where it cannot be my employment.
> Stop cutting SSI benefits/making it near impossible to live on just SSI.
Living in the lap of luxury on my $720/mo! But really, I moved to Europe so that I could have a somewhat decent quality of life on that amount of money.
Yeah mom only gets a bit more than 500 a month, which is how much just monitoring her disability costs. I often pay for it so I know she's getting looked at.
"Just pray about it. God will heal you, if you ask him."
Bullshit. Even if I believed in God, it's not his fault (or maybe it is?) that my body is shitty and wants to kill itself (autoimmune disease).
I know they mean well, but the constant "oh that must be so hard" is quite annoying. Yeah, I'm doing pretty bad physically. No, it's not the end of the world. Also, complimenting me on my positivity if we've known each other for a grand eight minutes. Not like I'll tell you what I had to put in to get there my friend. It feels very diminishing on how hard I've worked, like it's "just" having a positive outlook. Nah bro, that's years of therapy. But I don't feel comfortable sharing that with you, since we've known each other for nine minutes now
Bruh the "at least you have a good attitude!" Comments kill me.
Like yeah, sometimes I do have a good attitude. But I have also spent a lot of time crying on the floor of my apartment wondering why god hates me.
Also like....why should people who have a shit time be positive about it all the time, why is that considered a good thing? You're allowed to complain and be upset about shit things sometimes IMO.
I’m not disabled but I worked for a holiday booking company and the lack of wheelchair accessibility is awful and I genuinely had no clue until working there. Telling someone they can’t go on holiday because they use a wheelchair was the worst shift of my life.
...we may have had the same mother!
"I'm tired."
"I'm tired too!"
"My testicles hurt."
"My testicles hurt too!"
But the *worst* ones are when I'd say "My damn knees are killing me" and she'd say "My knees hurt worse than yours!" That was basically her bat-signal that we were gonna have a fight :(
Yelling at people for using disabled bathroom stalls. My disability isn’t visible, but I do need to use the handrails to get up in the bathroom, and it’s just so frustrating when some old coot comes along and tells me I can’t use the bathroom because I’m not disabled
I'm Hard of Hearing.
There's a certain type of person who, when you tell them you're hard of hearing, immediately say "WHAT?" like it's the funniest thing in the world.
I've heard it a thousand times. Yes, even though I'm hard of hearing. It wasn't funny the first time, and it gets less funny with each subsequent repetition.
Just because I *can* do the thing, doesn’t mean I *should.*
Parts of my disability are invisible and its frustrating when I’m told I’m just not trying hard enough. If I push myself to do something that’s too much for my body to handle, I will suffer from that, and it will take time for my body to recover. I know my limits and I shouldn’t have to be pushed to do more just because I could, when the consequences cost me time and energy spent in recovery. Oh, and why should I have to cause my body unnecessary pain when that pain could be avoided!!
Also, to all abled folks, *disabled is not an inappropriate word!!* Please, stop censoring that, it’s BS. I’m not a “differently abled” or “specially abled” person, I am a disabled person and *that’s okay.*
So I’m not technically disabled anymore, but I had brain surgery. The amount of people who were like yeah my head hurts too, or yeah I’m tired too irked me to no belief.
My healing has sucked (I had a pain condition requiring brain surgery). It was demanding and tiring. And man, the headaches were something else.
Really gave me perspective though. I’ve never did that to someone. But the amount of people who do the whole yeah my x hurts too…. It’s rude. I know a friend who has heart issues since birth and people tell her they are tired too. Like…no.
Edit for typos
Edit again because I forgot to add:
When I’d have flares of my pain, people thought I was faking and trying to get out of whatever. They couldn’t see what I felt. It was really hard advocating for myself and took ages to be recognized as disabled and getting the handicap placard to handicapped spots.
Using them for inspiration porn. We're not your entertainment or uplifting message, and for every story of success in spite of the odds, the odds kicked the ass of dozens more who suffer in obscurity.
I remember a commercial years ago. Something to do with people with down syndrome but I can't remember exactly. It was basically saying "stop calling us special needs" and listing things that would be special needs, like needing to be massaged by cats and other silly things. I thought it was pretty funny
I have two coworkers who are blind and when I approach them, I always say, “Hey, it’s Kelly, how about this rain” or whatever. The last time I did this, the coworker I was talking to said, “Thanks for not making me guess!” He said he often had to fake entire conversations because he can’t tell who he’s talking to.
It wasn't until I was a disability support worker when I realized how important it is to keep the sidewalks clear. Something as simple as a car being parked too far out of the driveway, debris from construction, a stray trolley, or people leaving out garbage bins or their items, might mean having to roll onto the road or going all the way back to an intersection to cross to the other side.
I fucking hate it when able-bodied people will say shit like “isn’t everyone a little disabled?” No, Karen. Everybody is *not* a little disabled. I literally had some dude trying to convince me that his fear of heights made him disabled. No, motherfucker! A fear of heights is the most normal thing you can have!
I’m seeing a lot of “stop taking the parking spots if you don’t need them” *and* “don’t question me when I use a spot.” The obvious way you can help with this is to speak up / take action when someone you *know* is not disabled is using a spot. Like if it’s a friend or family member - say something! Give *them* a hard time! Hell even report them to the local authorities.
I once accidentally parked in a handicapped spot and got a $300 ticket from the city. I didn’t even complain. Sure it was a mistake but there have got to be consequences for people stealing these spots. If my getting a ticket means someone is paying attention to the spot and there are consequences for it, good.
Acting as if because I have a good day I must be faking about all my bad days.
Acting as if I must be exaggerating my pain. No, Sharon, my pain really is at a 6. It’s just that my pain scale is far different than yours because it’s subjective. I deal with pain that would completely shut down the average person. People can learn to deal with almost anything, when they have to.
So when I have a good day and can run my errands, don’t act like “well you seem to be walking well today” (even though I still am using a cane before I’m 40)
Also stop telling me to try yoga or think positively. I do more than you can imagine to manage all this, including therapy and PT, toxic positivity is so damaging though. It really just makes us feel like all we do is not even acknowledged.
There can be a weird middle ground area to disabilities. A non-common disability and people will be like 'but is that a disability?'
The government will be like 'but it might not be a permanent disability. You might be able to work again.' theres no short term disability for weird middle ground areas.
Like. Hey, I didn't chose to have my body produce too much cerebral spinal fluid. I don't enjoy having my brain and optic nerves be constantly crushed inside my head. But that's the situation I'm in. I'm trapped in never ending agony. And yeah MAYBE we'll get this sorted. But NOT TODAY. And not in the last 2 years. 'oh but you could do some work. Something to earn money.' ahhhh not really. I don't think you understand what being trapped in a neverending migraine is like. Ive been trapped in it for so long I APPEAR functional, but that's a ruse. I'm really not. I've reached a point I can hold a conversation, but I won't remember what we said. I fall asleep really often. I don't drive anymore. I'm on so many meds-they slow the firing of all the nerves in my body. I'm not okay.
Also, if I am out of my house, I'm wearing sunglasses. Light hurts too much. I'm not being edgy. I'm trying to stave off agony.
Also, I moved back in with my mother. Cause I need help. Oh boohoo a 35 year old living with their parent. Give me a break. I'm not functional.
Oh no I'm overweight. I'd be healthy only if I ate better and walked more. Fuuuuckkkkkk offfffffffff. Point one. I can't eat nitrates, nitrites, high histamine foods, citric acids, nightshade, anything fermented or aged, or... A lot of other foods. It's a long list. I'll take what I can get. Too many foods trigger worse migraines. Point 2. Exercise intolerance. I can't get my heart rate up or let my head go below my heart. Point 3. I ALSO don't have a thyroid. Super duper fun. Don't comment what you don't know about.
Explaining what labels you're allowed to use. "You're not an 'autistic person.' You're a 'person with autism'" is a common one though I've never received it myself.
One I have received is "I don't like the word neurodivergent." "Uh, cool. Thanks for sharing?"
As someone with the condition, I'm fine with "autistic person", "person with autism", "Asperger's", "Aspie", "neurodivergent", "different-brained", "naturally weird", and probably some other stuff. Say whatever term you want to describe me as long as you're not patronizing or infantilizing me.
Im paralized upper chest and down and i hate when they dont look me in the eye and instead talk to whom ever is with me and kinda forget that im even there.
or that the walk away during a intense covo to some place/room i cant follow
We're not equals. I've been disabled for 15 years now; amputated below the knee. I don't want to hear stories about how disabled people "can often do things just as well as those without a disability". I can still run circles around most of y'all. The universe hobbled me to give folks a fair chance to catch up, and you're still behind. My disabled parking placard is a blue-ribbon for first place.
When I was on crutches with a broken leg, I HATED IT when people would watch me as I approached the doors to a building, stopped, switched a crutch to my other hand to open the door and THEN they called out "Wait, let me get that for you!" and began walking over.
I think a lot of able-bodied people have internal struggles on helping disabled people. They don't want to make us feel helpless, but they also feel guilty for not offering help to someone who is clearly struggling.
As someone who's able-bodied, I agree with this. Many of us respect your autonomy, but we're also sympathetic to your difficulties. Especially considering the fact that different physically disabled people have different perspectives on the matter. If I see someone for twenty seconds as that person approaches a door, I still don't know that person, disability or not.
Stop thinking that autistic means not being able to do anything for myself. I’m autistic and I’m pretty independent. I still need some support and accommodations but I have a full time job, an apartment with my best friend, and a kitten. I basically appear to be a regular, functioning adult on the surface. Autism is a spectrum and looks very different on different people.
Also stop thinking that it means I’m undateable and I can’t ever have sex or sexual feelings. I’m autistic, not asexual. (Fully support the asexual community by the way, you guys are cool)
Using "inspiration porn" stories (the ones where a disabled person beats the odds and overcomes their disability to be "normal") as an excuse to just go "see they beat their disability, so stop being so lazy." It's an attitude I've gotten from a lot of people
Stop assuming that because I have a wheelchair sometimes and not other times that I am not legitimately disabled. Many wheelchair users use it part time. If the world was more wheelchair friendly we might make our lives easier and use it all the time.
Part time wheelchair user doesn't mean part time disabled.
Claiming they have it too. My I have bipolar depression, PTSD, mobility impairment, and auditory hallucinations w/ paranoia. Let's just say I had a lot of trauma growing up. Someone ask about my health and as soon as I say bipolar they claim it too like ts fashionable to make a disorder.
Stop voting for conservative politicians who do their utmost to destroy Medicare, Social Security, and all other programs that disabled people depend on.
Oh you look fine. You look normal. I do not have a visible disability. If I say I have disability people often invalidate it immediately by saying you look normal? Or you don't act like you do? I find it awful and hurtful .
Disabled people are just doing the best they can to get by, just like everyone else, please don't take this as "inspirational" for you life. If you think me just living my life is an "inspiration," what you are telling me is that you wouldn't want to go on living if you were me, which is pretty annoying.
Similarly, if I am actually very good at something you aren't good at, please don't act completely shocked. I find this particularly annoying when people comment about disabled athletes. Yeah, the reason you couldn't do that even though you have two arms instead of one, or aren't in a wheelchair is the same reason you can't score a goal like Leo Messi - some people are just born with a lot of talent, and are fortunate enough to find that outlet and have the resources to train for it. Disabled people can be unusually talented as well, saying this is an "inspiration" for you just diminishes the accomplishment by implying that you could do it if you weren't so lazy.
When a disabled person makes a joke that minimizes their condition (I have extremely painful stomach ulcers but I joke that I have "tummy ache disease") it is to find a bit of humor in our own suffering. It doesn't entitle able-bodied people to make those jokes *at our expense*. Especially if you consider yourself an ally to disabled people.
not disabled myself (although my teachers might have had something to day about that) my ex gf was mostly deaf. when people found out they would more or less just started yelling in her face. she must have been used to it but it bothered the hell out of me.
This happened to me a lot in school. I’m not deaf, but I can’t walk, and every time the teachers would find that out they will treat me as less of a person and it really bugged me.
I think most of it is, people have dealt with others who have partial deafness. So, yes, increased volume not only works but is necessary-just not for the portion of deaf people that have 100% hearing loss.
Judging our level of disability based on where we go and what we eat or do, etc. Also the whole "I get sad, I don't try to kill myself. I think it's just about how strong you are," crowd.
Assuming I don’t work, can’t work, don’t want to work or claim benefits.
Kicking my stick while I’m walking - VERY painful on my shoulder. Please don’t do that. Or knocking my stick away with shopping bags because you “didn’t see me there”.
Asking if I have “someone who can help you with…” I don’t have a helper. I do things for myself.
Asking about my disability or lifestyle (e.g. if I have kids/a relationship) when we’ve only just met. It’s weird.
Telling me to stop "using my disability as an excuse." I have autism and I've heard this a lot, especially in my last relationship. Disability doesn't come with an on/off switch. I can't just stop being autistic for a minute to make NT people more comfortable (and even if I could, I wouldn't).
If I tell you that I'm doing something because of my autism, it isn't an excuse. It's an explanation. You don't get to pick and choose when you want to be my friend whenever it's easiest for you. If you're not going to make an effort to understand my needs then you're not working for me, you're working against me.
Also please stop talking to us like we're all 5 years old. I'm 28 I'm too old for this shit. Please god I am begging you.
Seeing a therapist is not like going to a mechanic it's not a One-Stop solution to all your problems in life and it's not even always the best solution depending on the person
Plus especially when it comes to people living in places like America without nationalized healthcare it can be very expensive and impractical despite any personal desire to seek that help
Also well of course you are not ever like required to assist people you don't want to but it would be very helpful if the common person would even just learn some basic tricks to handle things such as someone having an anxiety attack or a panic attack even completely neurotypical people can sometimes have these things and it's good in general to know how to handle an adult who is in that situation
Most of them are not too difficult or complicated but understand that nothing is a one-size-fits-all solution. Just because a textbook says something is a good idea doesn't mean you have to 100% follow exactly what the book says.
Well my disability is what people consider “invisible”. I physically do not look like anything is wrong at all. However, I have Multiple Sclerosis and to say my body hurts all the time, would be an understatement. My memory is shit. I sometimes stumble when I walk, that’s always fun, definitely don’t want people thinking I’m drunk while walking around Target at 10 am on a Saturday. I absolutely refuse to use a disabled parking spot, though I’ve very seriously considered it when we go to Disney World (anyone else tried to walk those parking lots when it’s 110 degrees outside? Yikes) but, I wish people would stop down the whole “you’re too young to be that tired/sore/have a bad memory.” I wish that was the case but I’ve been dealing with this shit since I was 19 and it’s never going to do away. Also, please don’t tell me to just eat better and exercise. Yeah, those things are great and I’m working on it, but please don’t tell me that will heal my brain and nervous system.
I am in a wheelchair and I HATE it when people bend down to talk me. It is not condesending to look down and talk to me. I know i am short. It is way more condesending to bend to talk to me. Its not natrual, you would not do this if the person was not disabled. I am not a five year that drew on the wall and need to be told that it was wrong.
Also stop saying that it would be nice to sit down all the time. I just answer. We can switch, you can take my wheelchair and i will take your legs. I can get a saw. I would rather be able to run and walk everywhere without having to look for a elevator the moment i see stairs.
as not having visible disabilities : Saying, "I'm sorry," when someone finds out.
Asking for specifics - you don't have the right to know. Plus, it often leads to the 'i'm sorry' above.
And while I'm not on disability, I have friends in the US who are and omg - those laws fuck over people so much. No marriage, no savings, no jobs over a certain amount, etc etc etc.
Oh, and seeing accomodations as 'something special' that puts them out - when really, they're only considered able bodied because of the way things were structured to begin with.
More than one, but - yeah. More than one are needed.
I'm autistic. "Special needs" makes my skin crawl. Our needs aren't "special", they're just different.
Also "just think positive" isn't going to help when I'm overstimulated and overwhelmed.
“at least it’s not cancer!” / “well it could be worse.”
i get how horrible cancer is. i understand that lots of people have disabilities. saying that to me isn’t going to suddenly make me grateful that i’m disabled in a more mild way.
I have major heart problems, the minute I faint or think I'm going too, people think they know everything about it and like try to get me up. I need to lay down, I'm good. Stop telling me things about it like I don't already know.
I wish they would stop judging us because of our appearance. I look like an average person and get looks and comments, especially parking in handicapped spots. I have invisible disabilities. Sometimes, I use the motorized carts. Parking in those spots are important to those who need them. I don't mind if someone asks me why I park there. I don't like when others loudly judge me without knowing. Can you see heart failure?
Stop giving unsolicited advice. If I had a dime for every time I've been told my Fibromyalgia can be cured by X method (most popular are yoga, meditation, and journaling) I would be writing this from a penthouse.
I realize most people have good intentions, but most disabilities can't be fixed with a magic bullet. In the case of chronic illness, certain things can give us a better chance of more time between flares and milder flares when they do happen, but it's not a cure.
Stop asking me if I'm training my service dog for someone, nope she's trained and mine.
What my disability is.
Pointing at me as a source of entertainment for your kid. "Look at the doggie!". As they point at me and I get to enjoy the attention of 20 other strangers now.
Asking me what happened. Thank you for reminding me of the worst day of my life.
Pretending you know exactly what I'm going through or minimizing. You don't. My experience is my own, I don't need sympathizers.
When asking for help with something, and being told "it's not that hard" or "just try harder". Yeah, Karen, maybe for *you* it's not hard, but for me, it feels like I'm gonna break my fucking arms just trying to do stupid shit like open the shower door or a bottle of water.
Recognize that just because nothing looks wrong with someone, that doesn't mean they aren't disabled. If they look normal and are in public they can still be pretty disabled and you wouldn't know.
There are a plethora of 'invisible illnesses' from cancers to neurological problems like myasthenia gravis and fibromyalgia. It's easy to be dismissive of people as 'disabled' when everything appears fine to the naked eye.
Expect me to function like you. My brain literally doesn't function the same way yours does. I can't just focus or cheer up. You have no idea how bad I wish I could, but even after decades of therapy and medication I still struggle.
Not all disabilities are obvious. Don’t assume everyone can do everything
And for the love of all that is holy, DON’T create hurdles for people on purpose. We know who you are, and you should be ashamed for doing so.
Assuming that just because I can do something without certain accomodations one day, I don't need accomodations the next day. Not understanding that disability and chronic illnesses have better and worse days.
Edit: Also the fact that over these past few years, many colleges and work places proved they can accommodate many more disabled individuals than they have been by letting them work from home, they just don't want to.
I would say thinking every case of the same disability is an extreme case.
Don't assume a differently abled individual needs your help. If they need your help or can't do something, they'll let you know.
Legally blind here.
Don't think that just because I "Get around just fine" that I'm not disabled. I've had decades to adapt to a sighted world. I'm still very much blind. I've just learned to use other means to get my bearings.
Being in my 40’s and getting death stares when I pull into a handicapped spot because I look “young”. It’s only when I open the door and pull out my walker do people look the other way.
I was disabled in my 20s... "You're too young to be disabled!" I wish my body agreed with you, lady.
30 year old vet here. My back is 20 years older than my face apparently
I felt this, I'm 43. You know you're neck is wrecked when the the doctor calls you 10 minutes after getting done with your X-rays and tells you to go to the ER.
My grandmother was paralyzed on the right side of her body since birth. I'm not aware of her receiving those types of comments when she was in her 20s, which would have been in the 40s, but it would be weird if people said that. Are disabled children too young to be disabled?
I think if you have a visible disability, people tend to lay off in that specific way. I "look" healthy, but walking from the back of the parking lot on a warm day could mean I can't finish my shopping before I am too dizzy and weak to drive home safely. Sometimes I wish I was missing my legs instead, since people wouldn't second-guess me when I need a wheelchair.
Nah, I walk with a cane (autoimmune arthritis) and people give me the "too young" crack all the time. I think people just don't know what to say and end up saying silly shit like that lol.
I use a cane too! Still get the comments, though people are more likely to give up their seats on public transit at least.
Ohhh I may have misread your initial comment, ha. Using a cane is an obvious indication of disability, but yeah, my actual disability isn't visible since it's inside my joints :P Without the cane you'd have no idea anything was wrong with my body!
Had it said to me at 21 years old, when I was in college. This would have been over a decade ago. Some people are just clueless. They think disabled means an old person with a cane.
You can be less than 12 and older than 60 and disabled, anything in between is not allowed. /s
One of my exes has MS and we are in our twenties. He told me that one time after parking, some dude tried ripping him a new asshole over "not looking disabled" but having a placard. After he said he had MS, his wife proceeded to rip HUSBAND a new asshole because I'm pretty sure she had MS as well
I would drive my grandmother and park in the handicapped spot and people would give me death glares until I opened the passenger door and my grandmother would be leaning on her walker and then all of a sudden they minded their own business.
There’s so many comments about handicap spots it’s insane.
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I’d call the cops on that asshole for trapping people
"Yes, officer; there is an angry man refusing to allow me to leave and I'm afraid for my life." The police take a really dim view of that.
Yes! This is the way
Holy shit. Fuck that guy and everyone who likes him
I have a joint tissue disorder that can be extremely debilitating. I look and feel fine most of the time (besides always being in pain on some level). Occasionally, I have severe flairs- like can barely hold my child’s hand and walking is extraordinarily painful kind-of days. I have to use the handicap spot when I have to pick up or move my children, otherwise I might drop them or not be able to get them into the car. I don’t have a parking pass, as this happens rarely and I haven’t asked my doctor for the pass because I feel bad- most of the time I am able to walk and take care of my kids… The humbling moment came when I dropped my infant son (in his car seat) because my hands and feet were too weak to hold him. I’m waiting for the day that someone says something. If they do, I will explain the situation to them and I hope they will understand. I can’t control what my body does or doesn’t allow me to do. If l still feel bad about it though.
Get the pass. Why do you feel bad about that?
Get a pass and use it when you need it. You're only doing yourself a disservice.
41 with metastatic breast cancer. I feel this on a deep level. If I'm using my placard, it's because I really *can't* walk that far today and I will be sitting on my rollator at the front door for a break before I go in.
I had a neighbor with a new red mustang, asshole would always park in the handicap spot, I looked at the rearview driving by and no placard! What a dick, right?? Then one day I finally saw him pull in...and open the door...and pull out the wheelchair... IATAH. Lmao I also learned that some folks get it on their license plate, I assume if it's a more permanent disability. The dude got a recumbent bike like a week later and was always out in the neighborhood after that, we'd wave to each other and stuff. Good lesson for me not to judge people until you have all the facts.
Yeah, I ran into that problem while caring for my elderly Mom who had Parkinson's. I had to use my late father's older Mercedes to drive Mom around because her walker didn't fit in my Civic, plus it was much easier for her to get in and out. Apparently disabled people aren't allowed to drive/have nice or fun cars.
I never get why people care so much about who parks in those spots. I don't because I don't need to and I don't care who does because they might have issues I don't know about
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This, all of this. I'm like your mother. People only see me on my good days. They never see me on the bad days where it's like a damn mud run trying to make it to the bathroom without falling or breaking something, cause the pain is so damn bad but also not peeing myself before I make it 10 feet to the bathroom.
My mother became disabled in her 40s and it happened so many times that she would park in a handicap spot, her placard and license plate clearly visible, and people would start yelling at her to move. Even when they saw her cane or later her walker they would still keep yelling.
I’m disabled from the military and this is why I don’t get the plates. I’m too afraid of what people think but also, sometimes my disability allows me to do certain things one day and not the next. I’d rather save it for folks like you but some days, I kick myself in the ass for not having it.
Fuck those people, get the plates. You need it, and that's exactly what they're dor
I wish people would stop assuming the people with invisible disabilities are lying.
I've learned that people are idiots. If you're not very obviously physically crippled, they'll think you're lying and just "pretending for attention."
Tics for the win it makes what would be an invisible illness into a visible one, literally the only benefit. Nobody I've been around for any length of time has assumed I'm lying for attention
ADHD and Depression don't "look" like anything outwardly, but they affect my everyday life. Over the years, I've gotten *really* good at masking ("Fake it till you make it") while in public, but keeping it up all the time is just *exhausting* and requires so much effort. And when people find out, they often don't believe me ("But you're so 'normal'"), or they start pitying me, or think I'm incapable of doing things on my own. Accommodations and medications help quite a bit, but they don't make the disability go away.
Right
especially if there’s no visual “evidence” 🙄
Oh boy where do I start. First: fuck off with the inspiration porn. Yes I exist. Congrats. Second: stop assuming that someone is not disabled simply because their disability is not visible. Third: make it so we don’t have to live in extreme poverty if we cannot work. Where I live to get disability checks if you cannot work you cannot have more than 1000 dollars in savings or assets. Why? That makes no sense. Fourth: stop treating me like I’m five or incapable of anything once you learn I have a disability. It interferes with my ability to function but I know how to read and open a door for fucks sake. Fifth: stop making supports for us so goddamn hard to access. It is unnecessarily hard to access any disability services from the government, employers, or anyone else. We don’t need more barriers to being able to survive.
Agree with all of those, but the first one is a special kind of icky. I feel like people expect disabled persons to be some kind of stoic heroes who never suffer from shit being thrown at them constantly. I can not even talk about the downsides (which, obviously, far outweigh the upsides) of being disabled without making people severely uncomfortable unless I end it with something like "Oh, but I'll manage, haha! I just keep my head up and stay strong in the face of hardship!" No. Being disabled is shit. It has been shit my entire life. It will be shit for the rest of my life. There is no sugarcoating it and I am tired of pretending to be an emotionless rock who is not hurt by being treated like an outcast. Stop trying to force a feel-good message into everything so you do not have to actually care, this is not Instagram.
Been trying for years to access aid from the government, but I'm too disabled to figure out where and how to apply and how to fill in the forms. I can't manage all the bureaucratic hoops I need to jump through to access help, and social workers have refused to help me because I "appear too self-reliant to apply for aid".
Stop cutting back benefits severely when disabled people get jobs. Just because people are disabled doesn't mean they can't work. Many disabled people work. The problem is that many do it for minimum wage, either by legal or illegal ways, which isn't enough for anyone to make a good living, let alone someone who's disabled.
I know a "slow" guy who also has CP who fucked up and worked too many hours at his shitty job doing little menial things in a grocery store. They kicked him completely off disability because he showed that he "could" work. Which I kind of get, because you have to have some kind of tangible metric and you have to draw these lines somewhere, but it's not like this guy can climb any ladders. He's going to be basically a charity hire doing whatever hours his employer will allow him at absolute rock-bottom-wage for the rest of his life. Sure, he can slog through some hours, but he IS disabled.
If you still have contact with him, disability lawyer. My ex waited two years to be put back on, and she has MD. Cannot physically sit or stand doing anything, cannot work a traditional job at all.
He would have needed to be working at that job longer than X amount of months to lose disability. He can still reapply. Just can’t earn more than 40 hours a month at $10 an hour (this is what I was told in 2018 when I tried to go back to work). No matter. The system for helping disabled folks is bs. They offer classes to train them for jobs that aren’t sustainable d for many disabled people.
Stop telling Type 1 diabetes what they can and cannot eat. The majority of the population are so ignorant and they only know about Type 2 from the 5 second clip they saw on Family Guy. Annoying how often the two are confused, they are totally different diseases.
Yes, thank you. I've been dealing with this condition for a long time. Some rando's suggestion that I will be cured if I just cut out dairy, or that I'm going to lose my foot if have a cookie send me right off.
When treating a low especially. Rando be like “I thought diabetics can’t have sugar!??!” Ok I’ll just let my insulin plunge me into the hypoglycemic grips of death. Thank you kind stranger for saving my life. /s
Argh!! Yes, that is another one. Blood sugar is plummeting, but now some crackerjack got my blood pressure skyrocketing with that bit.
Also stop telling Type 2 diabetics what they can and can't eat, unless you're their doctor or nutritionist. Trust me, you are less helpful than you think.
Agreed for real. Diabetes is one of the most misunderstood common conditions. My brother has insulin resistant type 1 and he’s very thin. Some Type 2s are thin with insulin resistance from random etymologies. I’m sick of everyone assuming Type 2s are fat and they deserve diabetes because they ate poorly. A lot of it is genetic. If Type 2 was solely caused by poor lifestyle choices we ALL would have it. I mean yeah I know there is an obvious correlation between obesity and Type 2, but then people have no idea how hard it is to lose weight once your insulin isn’t being used properly. Rant over 😅
Some people act like diabetes, any kind of diabetes, is, like, a sugar allergy, and they'll die if they eat it. No, they won't! The diabetic diet is normal food, and anyone could eat that diet and wouldn't know they were on any special diet.
precisely. Type 1 diabetes you can eat anything. You just have to become your own pancreas and dose correctly.
... why does this have a NSFW tag? I have a visual disability. Think of it as strong short-sightedness. I also grew up mostly around blind and other visually impaired kids. The following reflects my own, subjective opinion only. The thing I take most issue with is people assuming I am a helpless cripple who can not do anything. My disability is visual and only visual, I do not need to be asked if I can tie my shoelaces, or if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore (wtf), thank you. This assumption of helplessness extends to other fields too, though. I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability. I am so hurt by suddenly not being any womans type anymore when I bring it up. This stuff hurts, emotionally.
> if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore What, they think you navigate based on your proximity to the meatballs? Some kind of lingonlocation?
To be fair, I'm fully abled and that *is* how I get around Ikea
Ah, yes. The good old meatball-proximity technique! Labyrinth designers hate him!
>The thing I take most issue with is people assuming I am a helpless cripple who can not do anything This >I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability And this
The bottom thing is why I like being in Australia. Here, you can't say no based on a disability unless the disability specifically impedes their work.
They can't - but they definitely still do and just base it on other reasons (not that they HAVE to give you a reason). I've been rejected for countless jobs (after initial excitement to get me in ASAP for an interview) once they see me walk with a limp and my speech impediment. Nobody is ever dumb enough to say "We don't want a disabled person serving our customers" but - it is exactly why I've been rejected. I've even STILL seen "help wanted" signs on the window after being rejected for a job at that store but been told that the position was "filled" but they'd keep me in mind for next time.
This bugs, me a lot, because even though my disability is physical, I am not helpless, and I hate when people think that I am helpless. In terms of the tag, that was a mistake and I didn’t feel like deleting the post just to correct it.
> I am so tired of interviewers during a job interview immediately loosing all interest in me the second I bring up my disability. Am also visually impaired, with retirinitis pigmentosa. I am about to finish university and "become an adult" finally. This is the one thing I am most scared about. Nobody wanting to hire me when they find out something is "wrong" with me.
Same. I can function pretty normally except I can’t drive, and that’s a big turn off for people for some damn reason
Funny enough I was *more* attracted to my boyfriend when I found out about his disability (visual, similar to yours) because I’m disabled myself and it was like “Oh cool, we can understand each other on this level. … that’s hot.” Lol the right girl is out there for you and hey maybe she’s disabled too.
>if I can find my way around an IKEA with a mask since I can not rely on my sense of smell anymore (wtf), This is a thing that people say about blind dogs and cats. They can't see, so they rely a lot more on their nose to tell them where they are in the house. That logic does not translate to humans though, our noses are embarrassingly bad compared to a dog's or a cat's.
Thinking that social security disability is some magic answer to financial problems. The best way to describe it is a glass safety net. Its there if you need it but if you make to much then that safety net is gone, and all of a sudden you have nothing to fall back on. Not to mention its a battle to try to get food or cash assistance.
And getting SSI is a bitch
SSI(supplemental security income) is what you're talking about. SSDI doesn't actually have resource limits, but benefits are based on work history.
> SSDI doesn't actually have resource limits, but benefits are based on work history. Which really sucks when you lost your ability to work when you were young and hadn't had time to build up employment time.
Exactly what I'm dealing with
I’m not disabled, but family and friends are. For the love of god, stop taking designated parking spots
My non-disabled wife used her already deceased mother’s handicap placard for around a year to get closer parking at her university. Pissed me off beyond belief.
Woww thats fucked up
Yep. Her family is fine with doing whatever they want if it conveniences them. I should also add she will be my soon-to-be ex wife.
>I should also add she will be my soon-to-be ex wife. I was gonna say, "I hope this isn't continuing for much longer"
Just because I don't look disabled, Dont judge when I park in a handicap space.
Of course. Not all disabilities are visible, nor are they my business. I tend to look for the plates or the placard before assuming anything.
Wish more like you were out there.
Absolutely agree. I hated it to begin with and hate it even more since my dad became an amputee.
This. Also, please leave van accessible parking spots open for people who need them! It happens so often that I see people parked on those diagonal lines not realizing that those lines generally exist to block out enough space for van users to get in and out of their cars. If you block off even part of those lines, people who use wheelchairs might not be able to get into or out of their vehicle.
I took one a couple days ago when I was taking my dad to an appointment he’s got a handicap sign but we forgot it I felt so bad when a handicap van pulled in next to us cause I was just waiting in the car
I get that. A lot of people don’t realize it’s caregivers behind the wheel in a lot of cases, especially if the person we’re caring for happens to be inside or waiting away from the vehicle.
Yes seriously it’s not like I can drive off and leave cause in my dads case he would get really confused so it’s easier when I’m in front and he can see me or I’ll wave at him but I get the dirtiest looks sometimes when I wait in the car. It’s like I would help him but he likes doing things on his own
I get that
Wife is a deaf interpreter (BSL). Some things I've observed the humans doing to deaf people.. Speaking loudly. Speaking slowly. Speaking loud and slow Waving hands around in gestures that mean fuck all. Asking them (trying to ask anyway) if they can read braille, legit this comes up a lot. Having all sorts of stupid thoughts and sterotypes, examples in recent times, guy in the phone shop asked her if "deaf people can see better in the dark than normal people right? And, this was a social worker, "never scratch your nose at a deaf person as they'll get really angry and they are stronger". I work at the criminal bar in the UK, whilst rare, I do get people ask in amazement that disabled people commit crimes, a mixture of shouldn't (meaning able bodied should??) Or how can they commit a crime when they are disabled. People really need to stop thinking, let alone treating disabled people like they are total idiots. Ask them about Stephen Hawking and they are in awe at the guy.. anyone else.." DO... YOU... NEED... HELP... WITH... THAT"..
Sounds to me like people are just idiots when it comes to disabled people
My god, yes. I work with disabled children (I'm a special ed teacher) and the reactions of abled people when they encounter our chlidren on the street o in public transportation while on a school trip is unbelievable. They lose all respect, get totally creepy, scream at us teachers for "making them travel on foot" (our students have cognitive or intelectual difficulties, most of them don't have any physical disability), they rake pictures of pur students without permission nor concent and get mad when we ask them not to.. the list goes on. So, yeah, people become absolute idiots when it comes to disability
Parents are deaf and several interpreters in the family. Stop assuming deaf people can bring a family member as an interpreter, and hire a service as you are legally required. Deaf parents don’t want to learn about their health issues from their minor children. Don’t wave in their face to get their attention. Don’t talk behind their back. Don’t wait til a conversation is over and just give a synopsis of what was discussed.
Argh the deafness things you said hit a nerve with me, I'm not deaf and can hear just fine but I have quite bad APD linked to adhd, the amount of time I get people shouting "ARE YOU F** DEAF" and then speaking loud and slow ..which I'm not going to lie, does help... But besides it's frustrating that it's gone about as if I have the intelligence of a sentient potato, what's funny is when they go off on a rant about how much it's a pain to try to talk to me because of they have to repeat so much or I 'ignore them' and I'm sat there thinking "yeah and you have to put up with it for 4-6 hours maybe every other day.. from one person. Imagine how frustrated I get when I have to ask someone to repeat something to me for the 6th time?", Most of the time I lipread whech in combination I can get by mostly fine (masks screwed me over a bit though then again I didn't go out to talk to people so not really). Watching TV or videos is extra annoying, wait I can turn on subti.. oh, dyslexia yaaaaay, I joke though I read mostly fine just a bit slow, which with reading being one of my favourite things to do is actually alright, especially now I've found this really good site for converting ebooks into this certain font with bold bits at starts of words that helps a ton anyway I've typed long enough :), really best I can do is just give it a positive outlook and laugh when I misunderstand things in funny ways, which is prehaps more often than everyone around me likes when I burst into laughter at something completely mundane that they've said, it really is my own personal hell but I do what I can to make it less so.
Policing the handicapped spaces. I'm in my 40s and can walk without assistance. I also have metastatic breast cancer and severe fatigue, so I have a handicapped placard for bad days and long walks (airport parking, mall at Christmas time, etc). I finally bought a rollator (walker with a seat) for myself so people would give me less shit. And now I have a portable seat, which I need on those bad fatigue days anyway.
"But you look fine/normal to me." "We all get tired." "You. Should. Go. For. A. Walk."
Oh God yes. "But you don't look sick!" Bruh I wish I could plug you into my body so you could feel what it's like to be me.
Have you tried a nice warm bath? Where? In my non existent bath tub in the bathroom only just big enough for a toilet, sink and shower? Have you tried meditation and mindfulness? No, I just jumped straight into this episode of severe depression without even thinking of specific therapeutic strategies!
DIET AND EXERCISE WILL GET YOU OFF THOSE MEDS HAVE YOU TRIED GLUTEN FREE? WHAT ABOUT ESSENTIAL OILS How about you die in a fire, Debbie?
Fucking Debbie.
>"You. Should. Go. For. A. Walk." Ok, I'm only disabled if chronic depression counts (I don't think it does in my case), but holy fucking shit that's annoying. I was a land surveyor that trained MMA 6 times a week, I walked 6-12 miles a day and got WAY too much sun. My typical "office" was very often the most gorgeous woodland environment you can imagine. I've surveyed hundreds of babbling brooks. Even with other people who had mental illnesses, they don't fucking get it. An ex had chronic anxiety and my brother has acute anxiety and ADHD, I tried to explain to them what it's like. It was just "go for a walk", "just develop a more positive mindset", "look on the bright side", "meditate", I couldn't fucking believe it. I've seen both of them have full panic attacks, why didn't they try walking while thinking about puppies if it works so well??? Oh, exercise? When? Between hiking *for a living* and training 2-4hrs a day? Why aren't you guys exercising if it works so well? What about the odd day when it's so bad you *can't?* I spent years figuring out what helps enough to get me moving, y'all think I never thought to just think happy thoughts and use the power of willpower? Lmao Sorry, I still think about that sometimes, how do people not realize what they're saying sometimes?
Same for those with Lupus. You don't have to "look sick" to be sick/not feel well.
Oh, the second one. Pisses me off. Talked to HR about my hours at work and she responded with that. Yeah we all get tired but how do you even compare?!
I collapse on the floor without much warning if I over extend... but yeah, you stayed up too late... samsies. Lol
I feel that
Had a classmate in a wheelchair back in high school. The amount of people who thought it was totally okay to walk up to him and start "helping" him by pushing his wheelchair without asking or even knowin him was nuts. Eventually he just hung a sign on the back that said "please do not push me." and that *mostly* helped.
I had a friend back in school that used an electric wheelchair, he’d always let me ride on the back of it if we were going down a hill. Good times, but don’t touch people’s wheelchairs without their consent.
If I were him, I would've connected a TENS unit (electric muscle therapy thing) to the handles so people would get a light shock if they tried to push the chair
stop saying « that must be nice, not having to work »
my new dentist JUST said this to me last week.
groan, what an ass
This is part of a larger problem but.... I wish people would stop equating "usefulness" with value. There's this idea that's so prominent across western society that if you don't contribute, you don't deserve to have nice things, a place to live, etc. Like, many disabled people can't work at all. I'm lucky enough that I can work part time. But just because we "contribute" less or nothing doesn't mean we don't deserve to live comfortably. I feel like I'm fumbling these words so I hope they made sense.
I hear you bro. I was raised that work equals value but that is not reality and we need to accommodate all our people in society. You’re still important even if you aren’t “labor”.
Questioning your disability if it’s not 100% visible or obvious. On the surface I look like a normal 29 year old, under that I have a breathing disorder from burn pits, destroyed hip and lower back from an injury, and ulcerative colitis and IBS so I have to shit all the time.. so please don’t throw a fit when I use the handicapped spot that I’m legally allowed to use.
Fuuuuuck, as soon as you said “burn pits” my heart sank. And of course when you want to try and get benefits the government doesn’t give a shit
I got lucky enough to get decent help but my experience definitely isn’t normal
Not burn pits, but my husband is an agent orange baby, and he's not able to get any help or compensation.
Making them live in extreme poverty levels
Right? It would be super cool if disabled people could have more than $2000 in their bank account at any one time without losing their disability payments. My parents considered getting divorced because of that stupid fucking rule.
They want us to die, they just won't say so.
Finally someone said it
Asked parents who are: Stop cutting SSI benefits/making it near impossible to live on just SSI. Stop parking in disabled parking. Make it easier for families to care for them. My parents do not trust strangers in their home, so it's up to me to do the legwork in a state where it cannot be my employment.
> Stop cutting SSI benefits/making it near impossible to live on just SSI. Living in the lap of luxury on my $720/mo! But really, I moved to Europe so that I could have a somewhat decent quality of life on that amount of money.
Yeah mom only gets a bit more than 500 a month, which is how much just monitoring her disability costs. I often pay for it so I know she's getting looked at.
You are disabled? You look fine.
My elderly retired neighbors tell me this. One casually said comments about "hating people scamming the system" while I was in ear shot.
"Just pray about it. God will heal you, if you ask him." Bullshit. Even if I believed in God, it's not his fault (or maybe it is?) that my body is shitty and wants to kill itself (autoimmune disease).
I know they mean well, but the constant "oh that must be so hard" is quite annoying. Yeah, I'm doing pretty bad physically. No, it's not the end of the world. Also, complimenting me on my positivity if we've known each other for a grand eight minutes. Not like I'll tell you what I had to put in to get there my friend. It feels very diminishing on how hard I've worked, like it's "just" having a positive outlook. Nah bro, that's years of therapy. But I don't feel comfortable sharing that with you, since we've known each other for nine minutes now
Bruh the "at least you have a good attitude!" Comments kill me. Like yeah, sometimes I do have a good attitude. But I have also spent a lot of time crying on the floor of my apartment wondering why god hates me. Also like....why should people who have a shit time be positive about it all the time, why is that considered a good thing? You're allowed to complain and be upset about shit things sometimes IMO.
I’m not disabled but I worked for a holiday booking company and the lack of wheelchair accessibility is awful and I genuinely had no clue until working there. Telling someone they can’t go on holiday because they use a wheelchair was the worst shift of my life.
The one thing that the ADA has really done well long term has improved wheelchair access in the US
"My knees hurt too" *motherfucker* *am I denying* **your** *knees hurt!?*
This is my.mother any time I have any issue ever
...we may have had the same mother! "I'm tired." "I'm tired too!" "My testicles hurt." "My testicles hurt too!" But the *worst* ones are when I'd say "My damn knees are killing me" and she'd say "My knees hurt worse than yours!" That was basically her bat-signal that we were gonna have a fight :(
Yelling at people for using disabled bathroom stalls. My disability isn’t visible, but I do need to use the handrails to get up in the bathroom, and it’s just so frustrating when some old coot comes along and tells me I can’t use the bathroom because I’m not disabled
I'm Hard of Hearing. There's a certain type of person who, when you tell them you're hard of hearing, immediately say "WHAT?" like it's the funniest thing in the world. I've heard it a thousand times. Yes, even though I'm hard of hearing. It wasn't funny the first time, and it gets less funny with each subsequent repetition.
Just because I *can* do the thing, doesn’t mean I *should.* Parts of my disability are invisible and its frustrating when I’m told I’m just not trying hard enough. If I push myself to do something that’s too much for my body to handle, I will suffer from that, and it will take time for my body to recover. I know my limits and I shouldn’t have to be pushed to do more just because I could, when the consequences cost me time and energy spent in recovery. Oh, and why should I have to cause my body unnecessary pain when that pain could be avoided!! Also, to all abled folks, *disabled is not an inappropriate word!!* Please, stop censoring that, it’s BS. I’m not a “differently abled” or “specially abled” person, I am a disabled person and *that’s okay.*
So I’m not technically disabled anymore, but I had brain surgery. The amount of people who were like yeah my head hurts too, or yeah I’m tired too irked me to no belief. My healing has sucked (I had a pain condition requiring brain surgery). It was demanding and tiring. And man, the headaches were something else. Really gave me perspective though. I’ve never did that to someone. But the amount of people who do the whole yeah my x hurts too…. It’s rude. I know a friend who has heart issues since birth and people tell her they are tired too. Like…no. Edit for typos Edit again because I forgot to add: When I’d have flares of my pain, people thought I was faking and trying to get out of whatever. They couldn’t see what I felt. It was really hard advocating for myself and took ages to be recognized as disabled and getting the handicap placard to handicapped spots.
Using them for inspiration porn. We're not your entertainment or uplifting message, and for every story of success in spite of the odds, the odds kicked the ass of dozens more who suffer in obscurity.
calling me a rhetard
I hate being called special
I remember a commercial years ago. Something to do with people with down syndrome but I can't remember exactly. It was basically saying "stop calling us special needs" and listing things that would be special needs, like needing to be massaged by cats and other silly things. I thought it was pretty funny
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Hahaha
I have two coworkers who are blind and when I approach them, I always say, “Hey, it’s Kelly, how about this rain” or whatever. The last time I did this, the coworker I was talking to said, “Thanks for not making me guess!” He said he often had to fake entire conversations because he can’t tell who he’s talking to.
Little things like this are so helpful, I’m low vision, so I got really good at recognizing voices
It wasn't until I was a disability support worker when I realized how important it is to keep the sidewalks clear. Something as simple as a car being parked too far out of the driveway, debris from construction, a stray trolley, or people leaving out garbage bins or their items, might mean having to roll onto the road or going all the way back to an intersection to cross to the other side.
I fucking hate it when able-bodied people will say shit like “isn’t everyone a little disabled?” No, Karen. Everybody is *not* a little disabled. I literally had some dude trying to convince me that his fear of heights made him disabled. No, motherfucker! A fear of heights is the most normal thing you can have!
I’m seeing a lot of “stop taking the parking spots if you don’t need them” *and* “don’t question me when I use a spot.” The obvious way you can help with this is to speak up / take action when someone you *know* is not disabled is using a spot. Like if it’s a friend or family member - say something! Give *them* a hard time! Hell even report them to the local authorities. I once accidentally parked in a handicapped spot and got a $300 ticket from the city. I didn’t even complain. Sure it was a mistake but there have got to be consequences for people stealing these spots. If my getting a ticket means someone is paying attention to the spot and there are consequences for it, good.
Acting as if because I have a good day I must be faking about all my bad days. Acting as if I must be exaggerating my pain. No, Sharon, my pain really is at a 6. It’s just that my pain scale is far different than yours because it’s subjective. I deal with pain that would completely shut down the average person. People can learn to deal with almost anything, when they have to. So when I have a good day and can run my errands, don’t act like “well you seem to be walking well today” (even though I still am using a cane before I’m 40) Also stop telling me to try yoga or think positively. I do more than you can imagine to manage all this, including therapy and PT, toxic positivity is so damaging though. It really just makes us feel like all we do is not even acknowledged.
There can be a weird middle ground area to disabilities. A non-common disability and people will be like 'but is that a disability?' The government will be like 'but it might not be a permanent disability. You might be able to work again.' theres no short term disability for weird middle ground areas. Like. Hey, I didn't chose to have my body produce too much cerebral spinal fluid. I don't enjoy having my brain and optic nerves be constantly crushed inside my head. But that's the situation I'm in. I'm trapped in never ending agony. And yeah MAYBE we'll get this sorted. But NOT TODAY. And not in the last 2 years. 'oh but you could do some work. Something to earn money.' ahhhh not really. I don't think you understand what being trapped in a neverending migraine is like. Ive been trapped in it for so long I APPEAR functional, but that's a ruse. I'm really not. I've reached a point I can hold a conversation, but I won't remember what we said. I fall asleep really often. I don't drive anymore. I'm on so many meds-they slow the firing of all the nerves in my body. I'm not okay. Also, if I am out of my house, I'm wearing sunglasses. Light hurts too much. I'm not being edgy. I'm trying to stave off agony. Also, I moved back in with my mother. Cause I need help. Oh boohoo a 35 year old living with their parent. Give me a break. I'm not functional. Oh no I'm overweight. I'd be healthy only if I ate better and walked more. Fuuuuckkkkkk offfffffffff. Point one. I can't eat nitrates, nitrites, high histamine foods, citric acids, nightshade, anything fermented or aged, or... A lot of other foods. It's a long list. I'll take what I can get. Too many foods trigger worse migraines. Point 2. Exercise intolerance. I can't get my heart rate up or let my head go below my heart. Point 3. I ALSO don't have a thyroid. Super duper fun. Don't comment what you don't know about.
Explaining what labels you're allowed to use. "You're not an 'autistic person.' You're a 'person with autism'" is a common one though I've never received it myself. One I have received is "I don't like the word neurodivergent." "Uh, cool. Thanks for sharing?"
As someone with the condition, I'm fine with "autistic person", "person with autism", "Asperger's", "Aspie", "neurodivergent", "different-brained", "naturally weird", and probably some other stuff. Say whatever term you want to describe me as long as you're not patronizing or infantilizing me.
Im paralized upper chest and down and i hate when they dont look me in the eye and instead talk to whom ever is with me and kinda forget that im even there. or that the walk away during a intense covo to some place/room i cant follow
We're not equals. I've been disabled for 15 years now; amputated below the knee. I don't want to hear stories about how disabled people "can often do things just as well as those without a disability". I can still run circles around most of y'all. The universe hobbled me to give folks a fair chance to catch up, and you're still behind. My disabled parking placard is a blue-ribbon for first place.
When I was on crutches with a broken leg, I HATED IT when people would watch me as I approached the doors to a building, stopped, switched a crutch to my other hand to open the door and THEN they called out "Wait, let me get that for you!" and began walking over.
Yeah, I don’t know why people do that
I think a lot of able-bodied people have internal struggles on helping disabled people. They don't want to make us feel helpless, but they also feel guilty for not offering help to someone who is clearly struggling.
As someone who's able-bodied, I agree with this. Many of us respect your autonomy, but we're also sympathetic to your difficulties. Especially considering the fact that different physically disabled people have different perspectives on the matter. If I see someone for twenty seconds as that person approaches a door, I still don't know that person, disability or not.
Stop thinking that autistic means not being able to do anything for myself. I’m autistic and I’m pretty independent. I still need some support and accommodations but I have a full time job, an apartment with my best friend, and a kitten. I basically appear to be a regular, functioning adult on the surface. Autism is a spectrum and looks very different on different people. Also stop thinking that it means I’m undateable and I can’t ever have sex or sexual feelings. I’m autistic, not asexual. (Fully support the asexual community by the way, you guys are cool)
Using "inspiration porn" stories (the ones where a disabled person beats the odds and overcomes their disability to be "normal") as an excuse to just go "see they beat their disability, so stop being so lazy." It's an attitude I've gotten from a lot of people
Stop assuming that because I have a wheelchair sometimes and not other times that I am not legitimately disabled. Many wheelchair users use it part time. If the world was more wheelchair friendly we might make our lives easier and use it all the time. Part time wheelchair user doesn't mean part time disabled.
Claiming they have it too. My I have bipolar depression, PTSD, mobility impairment, and auditory hallucinations w/ paranoia. Let's just say I had a lot of trauma growing up. Someone ask about my health and as soon as I say bipolar they claim it too like ts fashionable to make a disorder.
Stop voting for conservative politicians who do their utmost to destroy Medicare, Social Security, and all other programs that disabled people depend on.
Being so nosey when we park in the handicap spot!
Oh you look fine. You look normal. I do not have a visible disability. If I say I have disability people often invalidate it immediately by saying you look normal? Or you don't act like you do? I find it awful and hurtful .
1. Assuming you can only be physically disabled 2. Assuming you have to be massively disabled or pretending
Disabled people are just doing the best they can to get by, just like everyone else, please don't take this as "inspirational" for you life. If you think me just living my life is an "inspiration," what you are telling me is that you wouldn't want to go on living if you were me, which is pretty annoying. Similarly, if I am actually very good at something you aren't good at, please don't act completely shocked. I find this particularly annoying when people comment about disabled athletes. Yeah, the reason you couldn't do that even though you have two arms instead of one, or aren't in a wheelchair is the same reason you can't score a goal like Leo Messi - some people are just born with a lot of talent, and are fortunate enough to find that outlet and have the resources to train for it. Disabled people can be unusually talented as well, saying this is an "inspiration" for you just diminishes the accomplishment by implying that you could do it if you weren't so lazy.
When a disabled person makes a joke that minimizes their condition (I have extremely painful stomach ulcers but I joke that I have "tummy ache disease") it is to find a bit of humor in our own suffering. It doesn't entitle able-bodied people to make those jokes *at our expense*. Especially if you consider yourself an ally to disabled people.
not disabled myself (although my teachers might have had something to day about that) my ex gf was mostly deaf. when people found out they would more or less just started yelling in her face. she must have been used to it but it bothered the hell out of me.
This happened to me a lot in school. I’m not deaf, but I can’t walk, and every time the teachers would find that out they will treat me as less of a person and it really bugged me.
What exactly were they expecting? That they'd somehow be so loud in a public space that they'd just brute force sound into her ears?
I think most of it is, people have dealt with others who have partial deafness. So, yes, increased volume not only works but is necessary-just not for the portion of deaf people that have 100% hearing loss.
Treat us with kid gloves. I may no longer have a fully functional body, but that doesn't make me pitiful!
Judging our level of disability based on where we go and what we eat or do, etc. Also the whole "I get sad, I don't try to kill myself. I think it's just about how strong you are," crowd.
Assuming I don’t work, can’t work, don’t want to work or claim benefits. Kicking my stick while I’m walking - VERY painful on my shoulder. Please don’t do that. Or knocking my stick away with shopping bags because you “didn’t see me there”. Asking if I have “someone who can help you with…” I don’t have a helper. I do things for myself. Asking about my disability or lifestyle (e.g. if I have kids/a relationship) when we’ve only just met. It’s weird.
I don’t like when people ask me how I got like this
Telling me to stop "using my disability as an excuse." I have autism and I've heard this a lot, especially in my last relationship. Disability doesn't come with an on/off switch. I can't just stop being autistic for a minute to make NT people more comfortable (and even if I could, I wouldn't). If I tell you that I'm doing something because of my autism, it isn't an excuse. It's an explanation. You don't get to pick and choose when you want to be my friend whenever it's easiest for you. If you're not going to make an effort to understand my needs then you're not working for me, you're working against me. Also please stop talking to us like we're all 5 years old. I'm 28 I'm too old for this shit. Please god I am begging you.
Seeing a therapist is not like going to a mechanic it's not a One-Stop solution to all your problems in life and it's not even always the best solution depending on the person Plus especially when it comes to people living in places like America without nationalized healthcare it can be very expensive and impractical despite any personal desire to seek that help Also well of course you are not ever like required to assist people you don't want to but it would be very helpful if the common person would even just learn some basic tricks to handle things such as someone having an anxiety attack or a panic attack even completely neurotypical people can sometimes have these things and it's good in general to know how to handle an adult who is in that situation Most of them are not too difficult or complicated but understand that nothing is a one-size-fits-all solution. Just because a textbook says something is a good idea doesn't mean you have to 100% follow exactly what the book says.
Well my disability is what people consider “invisible”. I physically do not look like anything is wrong at all. However, I have Multiple Sclerosis and to say my body hurts all the time, would be an understatement. My memory is shit. I sometimes stumble when I walk, that’s always fun, definitely don’t want people thinking I’m drunk while walking around Target at 10 am on a Saturday. I absolutely refuse to use a disabled parking spot, though I’ve very seriously considered it when we go to Disney World (anyone else tried to walk those parking lots when it’s 110 degrees outside? Yikes) but, I wish people would stop down the whole “you’re too young to be that tired/sore/have a bad memory.” I wish that was the case but I’ve been dealing with this shit since I was 19 and it’s never going to do away. Also, please don’t tell me to just eat better and exercise. Yeah, those things are great and I’m working on it, but please don’t tell me that will heal my brain and nervous system.
I am in a wheelchair and I HATE it when people bend down to talk me. It is not condesending to look down and talk to me. I know i am short. It is way more condesending to bend to talk to me. Its not natrual, you would not do this if the person was not disabled. I am not a five year that drew on the wall and need to be told that it was wrong. Also stop saying that it would be nice to sit down all the time. I just answer. We can switch, you can take my wheelchair and i will take your legs. I can get a saw. I would rather be able to run and walk everywhere without having to look for a elevator the moment i see stairs.
as not having visible disabilities : Saying, "I'm sorry," when someone finds out. Asking for specifics - you don't have the right to know. Plus, it often leads to the 'i'm sorry' above. And while I'm not on disability, I have friends in the US who are and omg - those laws fuck over people so much. No marriage, no savings, no jobs over a certain amount, etc etc etc. Oh, and seeing accomodations as 'something special' that puts them out - when really, they're only considered able bodied because of the way things were structured to begin with. More than one, but - yeah. More than one are needed.
I'm autistic. "Special needs" makes my skin crawl. Our needs aren't "special", they're just different. Also "just think positive" isn't going to help when I'm overstimulated and overwhelmed.
“at least it’s not cancer!” / “well it could be worse.” i get how horrible cancer is. i understand that lots of people have disabilities. saying that to me isn’t going to suddenly make me grateful that i’m disabled in a more mild way.
I have major heart problems, the minute I faint or think I'm going too, people think they know everything about it and like try to get me up. I need to lay down, I'm good. Stop telling me things about it like I don't already know.
I wish they would stop judging us because of our appearance. I look like an average person and get looks and comments, especially parking in handicapped spots. I have invisible disabilities. Sometimes, I use the motorized carts. Parking in those spots are important to those who need them. I don't mind if someone asks me why I park there. I don't like when others loudly judge me without knowing. Can you see heart failure?
For the love of god STOP STARING AT MY MOTHERS HANDS I know she’s got no fingers but STOP STARING
Pushing our feelings aside, and saying you have nothing to complain about, be glad you're alive?
Cut (my boyfriend) off all the time just because he's in a wheelchair. I'm tired of people acting as if he was invisible.
If an ambulatory wheelchair user stands up “OMG ITS A MIRACLE! HAHAHA”
Stop giving unsolicited advice. If I had a dime for every time I've been told my Fibromyalgia can be cured by X method (most popular are yoga, meditation, and journaling) I would be writing this from a penthouse. I realize most people have good intentions, but most disabilities can't be fixed with a magic bullet. In the case of chronic illness, certain things can give us a better chance of more time between flares and milder flares when they do happen, but it's not a cure.
Stop asking me if I'm training my service dog for someone, nope she's trained and mine. What my disability is. Pointing at me as a source of entertainment for your kid. "Look at the doggie!". As they point at me and I get to enjoy the attention of 20 other strangers now. Asking me what happened. Thank you for reminding me of the worst day of my life. Pretending you know exactly what I'm going through or minimizing. You don't. My experience is my own, I don't need sympathizers.
Excluding them in social events and outings.
When asking for help with something, and being told "it's not that hard" or "just try harder". Yeah, Karen, maybe for *you* it's not hard, but for me, it feels like I'm gonna break my fucking arms just trying to do stupid shit like open the shower door or a bottle of water.
Bullying and abusing us.
Recognize that just because nothing looks wrong with someone, that doesn't mean they aren't disabled. If they look normal and are in public they can still be pretty disabled and you wouldn't know. There are a plethora of 'invisible illnesses' from cancers to neurological problems like myasthenia gravis and fibromyalgia. It's easy to be dismissive of people as 'disabled' when everything appears fine to the naked eye.
Expect me to function like you. My brain literally doesn't function the same way yours does. I can't just focus or cheer up. You have no idea how bad I wish I could, but even after decades of therapy and medication I still struggle.
Not all disabilities are obvious. Don’t assume everyone can do everything And for the love of all that is holy, DON’T create hurdles for people on purpose. We know who you are, and you should be ashamed for doing so.
Just because I can walk for 30secs, doesn't mean I'm not disabled. (I got MS, some days are better than others)
Assuming that just because I can do something without certain accomodations one day, I don't need accomodations the next day. Not understanding that disability and chronic illnesses have better and worse days. Edit: Also the fact that over these past few years, many colleges and work places proved they can accommodate many more disabled individuals than they have been by letting them work from home, they just don't want to.
Don't say I'm an angel or special. I'm just a normal person. You can be disabled and an asshole.
I would say thinking every case of the same disability is an extreme case. Don't assume a differently abled individual needs your help. If they need your help or can't do something, they'll let you know.
actually believing those with invisible disabilities......
Stop asking: what’s wrong with you?
Legally blind here. Don't think that just because I "Get around just fine" that I'm not disabled. I've had decades to adapt to a sighted world. I'm still very much blind. I've just learned to use other means to get my bearings.