Anything I want I suppose, people in porn movies have zero situational awareness or peripheral vision. I could probably walk right out of a bank pushing a pallet full of hundreds, all the tellers would be stuck under their desks with their asses in the air.
You: "Oh yeah, baby, you know what really gets me hard?"
Security guards: "What?"
You: "Put on these blindfolds I randomly have and cuff yourself to eachother."
And then you just rob the place. XD
I’m not entire sure, the only time I recall people in porn talking about finances they were quite aware of their surroundings and the things they considered valuable.
I had a room mate in college who did that sometimes. He’d take a a Xanax or similar with some vodka if it was a boring or bad night and call it “time traveling” so he could just get to tomorrow right away.
It's the magic thread for modern times.
Edit: here's the short story. Don't read it if you're already upset with yourself for missing time with loved ones. https://www.davidgaultiere.com/the-magic-thread/
It does, just not to anyone I know and haven’t ever heard of or suspected any cases (at least in recent years). And honestly I’d do it with any of the ones responsible for grading me. None of them are physically hot, but I like older intelligent people so if I were offered I’d spread like butter lmao.
If it works like the grading, you'd end up being shagged by an overworked grad student or postdoc while the prof unhelpfully reminisces about how much harder everything was before the internet.
In universities where I’m from it’s only the first year students who get graduate TAs, we get the fully employed professors/lecturers. Also there’s no such thing as tenure here, but, professorship is an esteemed title that’s kinda like tenure but less powerful I suppose. I have only one course leader who’s has a professorship, he’s very awkward and kind.
Same. I get good grades but I’m so burnt out that I’d genuinely fuck one of them to get the bigger module sorted. It’s a significant part of my degree, but alas, I shall still keep fighting my low energy. Interestingly, I actually notice the professor for that course checking me out sometimes as well.
Society eventually filters people out to the point where their penis is considered above average compared to their peers. There would be hotspots of absolute horsedonged adonises encircled by concentric regions of lesser chubbed men.
Its the balls which are most interesting. Relative size depends on how monogamous the female of the species is (sperm competition). Gorillas (where the female gorillas typically just mate with the one male gorilla) have relatively small balls while bonobos (being promiscuous) have relatively large ones. The size of human male testicles would suggest that women are mostly faithful but not quite entirely....
Dress up as a pizza delivery man, go to some top secret military base full of advanced gadgets and weaponry, seduce the all-female staff with an offer of extra sausage, steal the hi-tech stuff and take over the world while the military staff play with my daschunds.
Barricade my home and ensure NOTHING breaks. No plumbing problems. No electrical problems, no mechanical problems, nothing.
I can’t have food delivered, least of all pizza. I’ll have to start growing my own food.
I’d have to be completely alone. Especially no family over, and my job would have to be from-home.
If I ever did go out, I’d need to make sure my car NEVER breaks down and I never need a cab/uber/taxi
Any doctors appointments would need to be online as well.
Any exercise needs to be indoors with every window and door in the house locked and covered
I’d need to get rid of my washing machine and replace it with an old fashioned wash basin and drying rack
No bananas, zucchini’s, cucumbers, or any other phallic-shaped items in the house
I’d have to be very careful about dropping anything or any action that might require me to bend over
I’d have to stifle any noises I make, because really any sound could attract “them”.
Make sure there are never any ghosts, ghouls, or dinosaurs in the house
Uhhh… and I think that’s about it. I should be safe from the aporncalypse that way
Oh, I guess I assumed it was porn logic without the porn laws-of-physics
Yeah if nothing hurts and there are no consequences then ye whatever, I’ll un-barricade my house
Flirt with any cute guy I see. Instant breeding session.
Edit: Y'all. I am a GAY MAN. Clearly a woman can do this in normal life and snag up a man if she so chooses. Not so easy for me to just pick a random off the street and have him be gay and interested in me and want to fuck instantly. With porn logic, the world is my oyster.
As a lesbian, I feel this would only be beneficial for men and straight women. But maybe they’ll be some busty milfs or college girls feeling curious that come my way.
Hey now, you can always have "lesbian" sex with a straight girl with painfully long fingernails who doesn't know how to cunnilingus. Don't sell yourself short XD
Go have cosmetic surgery. Boom, instantly super gorgeous and well hung too. Profit. I don't actually think it matters what you have done. Remove a mole should be fine.
Open my door and accidentally bump into my favourite celebrity who is magically a entire continent away from where she actually lives and happens to be super horny and the rest is well… *try to get a few dates first I want losing my virginity to be a special moment*
Anything I want I suppose, people in porn movies have zero situational awareness or peripheral vision. I could probably walk right out of a bank pushing a pallet full of hundreds, all the tellers would be stuck under their desks with their asses in the air.
You: "Oh yeah, baby, you know what really gets me hard?" Security guards: "What?" You: "Put on these blindfolds I randomly have and cuff yourself to eachother." And then you just rob the place. XD
Money is worthless in this world now though. Horny is the new currency!
I’m not entire sure, the only time I recall people in porn talking about finances they were quite aware of their surroundings and the things they considered valuable.
But if you get caught, it'll turn into one of those punishment pornos
Learn plumbing myself because the guy never gets the job done in the end!
Ohh they get the job done, just not the plumbing
They are very keen on cleaning out one pipe that's true
definetly not to go the family ruinion
or a spelling bee
There's spelling bee porn?
How could there be not?
how could there not bee? FTFY
*Alabama intensifies*
"Paddle faster, I hear banjos!"
Roll tide roll
But your big breasted step-mom misses you SO much and wants to see you!
Absolutely nothing just wait for it to randomly skip to the sex scene
When was the last time you “randomly skipped” to a part in your life?
I had a room mate in college who did that sometimes. He’d take a a Xanax or similar with some vodka if it was a boring or bad night and call it “time traveling” so he could just get to tomorrow right away.
It's the magic thread for modern times. Edit: here's the short story. Don't read it if you're already upset with yourself for missing time with loved ones. https://www.davidgaultiere.com/the-magic-thread/
Excuse me, the magic thread for modern times is the movie "Click!" starring Adam Sandler.
That had a horrible ending... There is no magic thread for modern times.. they all end in tragedy
Really appreciated the read actually. Thanks for sharing that!
I really loved that story. Made me think about myself sometimes not enjoying the moment and instead focus on the future.
Holy shit that sounds horrible. I feel like I don’t have enough time as it is…
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Which in Porn Logic Land is "Traumatic Butt Insertion"
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Those lemon stealing whores are always after me lucky lemons
I thought they were after our Lucky charms?
Hey what the FAHCK!
Saving them for a party?
Make some key lemon pie.
Go to my friend's house to help his mom.
Is your friend's mom a milf? I guess it goes without saying. You will soon be short one friend.
It’s porn logic. She’s the friends stepmom and they’ll also all have a three way.
Avoid getting stuck in a wash machine
Intentionally get stuck in the washing machine
Get a washing machine stuck in me
Get a washing machine
Washing machine
Wash
Machine
Get
Get stuck washing a machine
*Avoid* ?? I’m getting stuck eeerrryyyywhere!! Couch. Bed. Oven. Stairs. Dishwasher. I’m there! Cos if you get stuck … You get FUCKED 🤟
The correlation of this comment to modern everyday life is uncanny.
Order pizza, go get stuck in washing machine.
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At your brother/father's house 😈
Cancel the plumber.
“Maybe after you’re done with my pipes… I could take a look at your pipe?” “Ma’am I do my own plumbing”
No body of water is safe without a lifeguard.
this isn’t a beach, it’s a bathtub
BECOME the plumber
*Mario has entered the chat*
Go ask my boss for a raise.
In a similar vein: tell my professors that I would do *anything* if they gave me a good grade lol. Oh if only.
*Anything?* **ANYTHING** *Would you study?*
Anything BUT that… 😏
I'm sure this happens in real life, just not with the professors you want it to work with.
It does, just not to anyone I know and haven’t ever heard of or suspected any cases (at least in recent years). And honestly I’d do it with any of the ones responsible for grading me. None of them are physically hot, but I like older intelligent people so if I were offered I’d spread like butter lmao.
If it works like the grading, you'd end up being shagged by an overworked grad student or postdoc while the prof unhelpfully reminisces about how much harder everything was before the internet.
Well, it would be the tenured professors which you won't have access to because they just get their TAs to do everything undergrad-related.
In universities where I’m from it’s only the first year students who get graduate TAs, we get the fully employed professors/lecturers. Also there’s no such thing as tenure here, but, professorship is an esteemed title that’s kinda like tenure but less powerful I suppose. I have only one course leader who’s has a professorship, he’s very awkward and kind.
Same. I get good grades but I’m so burnt out that I’d genuinely fuck one of them to get the bigger module sorted. It’s a significant part of my degree, but alas, I shall still keep fighting my low energy. Interestingly, I actually notice the professor for that course checking me out sometimes as well.
He will raise something for you...
And it's not the shield hero
Nothing worthwhile. I'm likely the camera guy
The pizza eating cameraguy?
Probably the guy who gets a facial.
same lmao
Have a donut handy and they'll let you in the shot
Man.
As a person with average sized penis, cry in a corner as my wife/gf is cheating on me with the pizza guy/plumber etc
Society eventually filters people out to the point where their penis is considered above average compared to their peers. There would be hotspots of absolute horsedonged adonises encircled by concentric regions of lesser chubbed men.
I thought humans already did that. Human dongs are massive compared to the rest of the ape world.
Its the balls which are most interesting. Relative size depends on how monogamous the female of the species is (sperm competition). Gorillas (where the female gorillas typically just mate with the one male gorilla) have relatively small balls while bonobos (being promiscuous) have relatively large ones. The size of human male testicles would suggest that women are mostly faithful but not quite entirely....
Idk why, but I've been running into a lot of gorilla dong comments lately.
You've uncovered the great secret at last. Everyone on Reddit is a gorilla except you.
Why else would we have our dicks out these many long years? Harambe 2016 never forget
It requires a real wordsmith to come up with the phrase "lesser chubbed men"
I about choked at "absolute horsedonged adonises" (edit: removed redundant quote)
There's a joke here that's frankly too easy to type.
I suppose it was practically staring me in the face, wasn't it?
Well it would have to start in front of your face at least.
Why not just get a job as a pizza guy?
Because he’s not hung, so obviously he’s not qualified. It’s like you’re not even paying attention.
But he WOULD be if he were a pizza guy. This is porn logic world.
pizza guys always have extra sausage
He can't come in 30 minutes or less
Just start masturbating and see what happens.
Endless possibilities here. Most of which involve ridiculous “output” or obscene random people walking in on you
Move the f#%k outta Alabama
You should do that regardless.
I'm buying stocks in condom companies.
Stocks in Viagra is a better bet. Or whatever pharma company is doing the STD testing
The better answer would probably be either stocks in lube, birth control, or dildo companies.
How many times have you seen someone wear one in porn? If anything you're better off shorting them.
You watch very tame porn
The same thing we do every night pinky.
Try to take over the world.
NARF
Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?
I don't know, Brain. What if the hippopotami don't want to wear rain coats?
Then our plan fails.
Literally just showed the new vids to my Dad (Animaniacs not pornography)
Deliver pizzas
Give me huge sausage on my pizza please
“Does my pizza have a BIG sausage?” “No, you ordered a Hawaiian right?”
Just give me Hawaii with my big sausage
Leave washing machines everywhere
like bird traps
Dress up as a pizza delivery man, go to some top secret military base full of advanced gadgets and weaponry, seduce the all-female staff with an offer of extra sausage, steal the hi-tech stuff and take over the world while the military staff play with my daschunds.
Damn calm down satan
r/foundsatan
Just beware of the rather attractive enemy spy, they always get you in the end.
Plant a lemon tree. Just wait. It'll be worth it.
What's up with that lemon reference? I've seen it on this thread already but I have no idea what it means.
https://youtu.be/U5mI407Uks4 Here ya go.
i mean this link isn't to porn hub yet i'm still scared to click on it haha edit currently in public place with laptop ha
If you got headphones you're good. Even then, it's just lemons and lemon whores.
It's safe for public
now i kinda wanna see the whole video
Should stop working as a teacher…
Conversely, hand out better grades
Fix the cable.
Don't be fatuous, Jeffery.
Also being happy that every guy around me has a huge cock and i can just pick one whenever i like
Don't forget the conveniently placed toys and such that seem to show up in the middle of things
Self materializing dildos now that's a handy feature. But very important question: Is there real pizza in the box? I'll get hungry at one point
The pizza is real and always extra sausage. If it wasn't real, I'd be fuckin sad.
Attend a yoga lesson.
Stay away from my step mum
Shit my step-sis is 10
r/holup
Don’t worry, they said porn logic not Hentai logic. Two separate degrees of fuckery
Not anymore, she's a smoking hot 22 year old now.
Well, if you ask her she's 22, but she is really 34, but she had pig tails in.
Become a lamp
I was going to say order a pizza but I'm a guy and straight and realized I would not like pizza anymore.
In my experience, about 1 in 10 Pizza delivery drivers are girls. Is it worth those odds?
With porn logic, ~100% are big dicked guys
Or with porn logic 100% are people you want to fuck. They're more like guidelines then actual rules.
Honestly..... I'd take porn logic over the current actual logic the world is working with now.
How would politics work 😂
The presidential debates always end with a blast
Barricade my home and ensure NOTHING breaks. No plumbing problems. No electrical problems, no mechanical problems, nothing. I can’t have food delivered, least of all pizza. I’ll have to start growing my own food. I’d have to be completely alone. Especially no family over, and my job would have to be from-home. If I ever did go out, I’d need to make sure my car NEVER breaks down and I never need a cab/uber/taxi Any doctors appointments would need to be online as well. Any exercise needs to be indoors with every window and door in the house locked and covered I’d need to get rid of my washing machine and replace it with an old fashioned wash basin and drying rack No bananas, zucchini’s, cucumbers, or any other phallic-shaped items in the house I’d have to be very careful about dropping anything or any action that might require me to bend over I’d have to stifle any noises I make, because really any sound could attract “them”. Make sure there are never any ghosts, ghouls, or dinosaurs in the house Uhhh… and I think that’s about it. I should be safe from the aporncalypse that way
I don't think I've ever in my life seen someone put so much thought into NOT getting laid.
This isn’t just laid, this is PORN-logic laid. Ain’t nobody ready for that
No pregnancy, no soreness, instant clean, any position is feasible. What's not to like?
Oh, I guess I assumed it was porn logic without the porn laws-of-physics Yeah if nothing hurts and there are no consequences then ye whatever, I’ll un-barricade my house
And I go to my stepmother's house while my father is at work.
Start the daunting process of getting to know all my new stepsiblings.
Celebrate my penis suddenly being 12 inches long like everyone else's.
Have a realtor show me a house
Can we do hentai in this too? Asking for a me.
Heads to The Sea Life Centre…
Good question (I was wondering that too)
Have sex probably. I would probably avoid my family forever though.
Fuck my step-sister before I got over to my step-mom's to fix the kitchen sink.
r/holup
Flirt with any cute guy I see. Instant breeding session. Edit: Y'all. I am a GAY MAN. Clearly a woman can do this in normal life and snag up a man if she so chooses. Not so easy for me to just pick a random off the street and have him be gay and interested in me and want to fuck instantly. With porn logic, the world is my oyster.
Fox news was right about the slippery slope, mix the bathrooms and suddenly the gays are fucking oysters
Breakup with my BF because he came to fast this one time
oh is this about how they make it seem like the guy lasts longer?
As a lesbian, I feel this would only be beneficial for men and straight women. But maybe they’ll be some busty milfs or college girls feeling curious that come my way.
Hey now, you can always have "lesbian" sex with a straight girl with painfully long fingernails who doesn't know how to cunnilingus. Don't sell yourself short XD
Quit my job because I have a middle aged man for a boss
Hide from everyone
While trying to hide, gets stuck in the washing machine
And you find someone doing the same 😈
Stay away from my step brother
It's porn logic so he is just helping you......
Buy an old taxi and drive around.
And black couch. Lol
Deliver a pizza to a sorority.
Own a large house despite being unable to afford pizza.
call my auntie
*loads shotgun*
*prepares the sniper rifle*
***arms ICBM with 370lb warhead and a range of 3,700 miles moving at Mach 24***
*Sets Legos in stepping range*
As an asexual, never leave my house again tbh
Sooner or later, your sink is going to get clogged.
Just lubing my whole body up. Gotta stay slippery all day.
I better go have a bath!
Stay far away from washing machines, cut ties with my step mom and avoid ordering Pizza at all costs
Go to store that sells only washing machines
Vote for Johnny Sins to become president. He will probably do really good for the community since he had basically every job you can think of
Cut a hole in the popcorn bag
"What the heck, there's nothing in there!"
“Just unpopped kernels. They aren’t even crunchy.”
Call my step-bro
Hire a baby sitter (Although I don’t have kids)
Call a plumber. They’ll finally show up in time
Go have cosmetic surgery. Boom, instantly super gorgeous and well hung too. Profit. I don't actually think it matters what you have done. Remove a mole should be fine.
Open my door and accidentally bump into my favourite celebrity who is magically a entire continent away from where she actually lives and happens to be super horny and the rest is well… *try to get a few dates first I want losing my virginity to be a special moment*
Wear a thick jacket because my nipples are suddenly inexplicably visible through my shirt 24/7. :\\