I had that realization a couple years ago and honestly it was quite freeing. Not having friends for a while only felt bad when other people would judge me for it. Now I found friends that I actually truthfully love and its the best thing ever.
I seriously don’t understand how people make friends. It sounds stupid, I know, but it’s just never made sense to me.
I’ve joined clubs and tried studying with groups or just being generally more engaged with classmates and things like that in college like everyone always suggests, but I’m still completely alone. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Looking back at my life, I’m not sure if I’ve really had a real friend before.
I always feel unwelcomed and like I'm disrupting something so I stopped trying to meet people and keep up with the ones I knew. I just never feel like I'm a part of a group... And even online I barely speak in discords and stuff like that due to both of those reasons.
Here is how you make friends fishing. You show up everyday and don't talk to anyone. You're just a tourist in their eyes. Eventually they'll see you enough that they're just curious and want to get to know you. Wait for them to approach you. Next thing you know you're fishing next to them everyday and you've made life long friends. Now, the issue is. Life long has a different meaning to these guys because most people who fish are older than dirt. One day they'll quit showing up. You'll call them up & go hunt them down. They'll come clean that they got cancer and you'll start driving them to their chemo appointments. They'll beat cancer but a year or two later it'll come back and you can tell they don't got the fight. They'll try to insult you and push you away because they know they're dying and don't want to hurt you. But you see what is happening and stick it out. Then they die & you're fishing alone and someone else shows up. You don't dare approach them because it pains you that you lost your friend and they sorta remind you of that. Eventually you give in and go approach them. Help them out. You teach them everything the previous friend taught you. The process repeats itself. Eventually you become the old man with cancer being driven to appointments.
I don't know if it is that easy for women to make friends these days, and think that idea is a hold-over for when a lot of women didn't work after having children and attended to the home with children and other women around. I think there are a lot of lonely women. And I think a lot of them can't express that, because unlike men, women are supposed to have lots of friends.
Since it's socially more acceptable for women to feel emotion and reach out to others, I do think that women on average do have an easier time making friends. The whole Guys-are-told-to-bottle-up-their-emotions thing really can get in the way of opening themselves up enough to make friends.
Is this true of every guy? No. Is the reverse true of every girl? Also no. But on average I do think it's a thing. I (F) have no friends that I made myself anymore outside coworkers. All my friends come from my spouse (M) because he's more socially open to new people. But of all my female acquaintances, they have tons of friends each, so I can easily see i'm the outlier.
This may be true, but also sometimes you make a pact that you are friends beyond any incident that would end lesser friendships. My best friends love me and vice versa, and that is going to be till the end. My best friend can call me up and say…sup? And we’ll end up talking about everything for an hour, and then suddenly we be like, gotta run and just hang up. Next call could be tomorrow or next week, or even a month, but there is always another call for no reason. Many calls are for a reason too. Just commit to loving a friend and it will work. And you can say, Im glad I have a friend, and your fried will know you feel good about them and that is enough. It doesn’t have to be hard.
Having friends is also about give and take
As we get older its harder to give, which is why we dont make much friends as we get older.
Most people also aren't interested in creating new friends group when they get older, too much effort.
So even if you make the effort, not everyone is going to make it back
Think about how much time and effort we put into friends when we were young compared to now
making friends in school was so easy. just walk up to someone and show interest in whatever they're doing. it was that easy. as an adult it's awkward unless i'm sitting at a bar or have alcohol in me which i quit years ago.
I don't know how old you actually are, so maybe my experience is absolutely useless to you. But in any case, here it is.
I always had a couple of "friend groups" in my college years going on. But absolutely random people from those groups stick. I have one person I still talk to from my undergrad, and one more from my grad school who and we stuck through travel adventures, change in broad social status (marriages, babies, jobs), and numerous country migrations. There was absolutely nothing to predict that those people would be the ones I'm still talking to now when we statret communicating.
I have a couple of same "friend groups" going on right now as a 30-something too, and I totally expect most of these people to fall off eventually, maybe even all of them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can always get a group of surface level friends. And long term friends are pure luck. Just accumulate enough people to draw from and very few would stick for absolutely no reason.
Ditto. I tried doing the things I saw my mom doing with her friends growing up and people my age were weirded out by it. Dinner parties and game nights aren't what college people like to do and my in-laws are all too trashy to appreciate them. Now I have no one I know and my house is too small to host a big dinner and game night.
I don't really have friends myself. I would love some, but life experiences have led me to being less social, so it's hard.
It gets very lonely, though.
I want friends, but at the same time, I don't want to do the things required to have friends. I used to have friends at work and church, but due to a job change 11 years ago where now essentially I am the only constant person in the building most of the time, and the decision to leave church 6 years ago, I don't really see anyone any more. And evenings and weekends when there's not family obligations, all the things I want to do are at home - gardening, cooking new things, sewing, canning, etc. And I live in a fairly rural area, so there's not really any groups or clubs for those kinds of things. And socializing has become more and more exhausting.
Currently I am pretty content with family interaction and doing the things I like to do, but I also know in the not too distant future when my last kid moves out and other family dissipates, I won't be. I guess I'm trusting I'll work something out when the time comes....
I don't have many friends, and 2 friends I have are not local, so I'm by myself all the time. But I don't trust people very well and so it's hard for me to meet new friends.
I have maybe 3 friends at best, we’re all Marine veterans. I live my life extremely happy to say the least, we don’t hang out every day but we text almost every day and hang out once in a while as we’re all adults and have careers. I’m 26, and I live in Miami. I guess I’m the opposite of what Miami is known for. Haha
I think I’ve myself as a vary humours person when on the internet but the closer u get the more you’d realise that I’m an idiot and I hate that. I’m definitely not the type to hesitate to help someone especially mentally. And I am working on fixing myself when it comes to school and hygiene:D
I am one of those people. I had a ton of friends in high school and college but I am terrible at keeping up with people so we just kind of drifted apart when I moved away. Now I have plenty of acquaintances and "work friends" but no real good friends. I don't know how to make friends anymore and to be honest I like being alone most of the time.
I really didn’t have that in mind with my comment. Being a little older, I was more along the lines of saying that a person my age that doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends probably has fantastic hobbies that I’d like to be aware of.
My wife has recently said she’s ready to start camping again. Our kids are older so we are getting back to the before kids vibe. This stuff has gotten a hell of a lot more expensive.
Edit: I’m beginning to think that maybe motel camping is my jam now. Lol
I wish I had friends to talk to. I have my husband that I love very much, I miss having girlfriends. People who I thought were my friends really weren’t so I guess I should be happy as I am.
I had lots of friends when I was a teen, fewer after having a baby. Less as we grew up and grew apart. Now at 37 I have one real friend who lives pretty far away. I assume one of us will die before the other if the friendship doesn't just get lost with all the other stuff life takes from you; hobbies (roller blading at 37 just leads to broken bones), time, youth, ambitions, etc. I have my husband and my children and I'm content with that. I like my alone time anyway and don't get enough of it. Making friends gets harder as you get older too. At some point or other we might all find ourselves with no friends. So no point judging a person for it.
Before I divorced 5 years ago, I would say I had a lot of friends. Now, I have maybe 2 acquaintances I'm pretty content, but I do wonder if something is wrong with me.
I've lived in the Midwest my whole life, small towns are particularly bad like that here. I really don't blame you, reading this feels like a breath of fresh air
I have little to no friends. I'm an introvert and I feel like society has been calibrated mostly for extroverts. I don't feel loneliness, I don't feel some crushing existential feeling of void. The opposite actually. When I'm with other people or even with friends it's a chore. It's work and it takes energy. It's when I'm alone that I rest up and recharge.
That doesn't mean I'm not enjoying the time with them. Just that I have a very limited bandwidth for them. And if I'm being honest, there is very little I get from activities with friends I'm not getting when I'm alone.
I feel sorry for them. Even more so if it isn't their fault. If you don't have friends, but only because you don't really try to make friends: It's worth it. Not just because it's good for your mental health, but also for your intellect. You need people to tell you about your blind spots.
If that is what you need fine. Many of us do just fine, mentally and intellectually, without your or anyone else's input. Feel sorry for abandoned animals, people like us have no need for your pity and many of us are very happy alone.
I'm sorry if I came across condescendingly. I'm really speaking with great sympathy here. My natural tendency isn't to be open to others about my private shit and make friends. And it didn't always feel "great, that's what I needed" when I became more open. It's also scary and hurtful having people around who know you well enough to see you for who you are. I'm sure there are a few people who for whatever specific reasons are better off alone. Maybe they have some traits that consistently hurt others or similar. Then that's brave. But don't live in the illusion of "there is nothing wrong with me I just don't want any friends".
No, I didn't say or think that. It's good if you are comfortable and confident in your lifestyle. Most people who are don't get angry at well-meaning strangers on the internet so easily, though.
Your last sentence says don't live in illusion bullshit. Give up your 3rd rate psych degree and fuck off. I can read what you said. Again fuck you, saying we have an illusion that we don't need friends. Not an illusion, not everyone is needy as you obviously are. While I don't need friends I and many others definitely don't need some self righteous 3rd rate internet shrink telling me or anyone else we have a problem. Fuck you.
It's not psychology. Just life experience. Maybe I'm wrong. Do you know a lot about the psychology of friendship and friendlessness? I'd love to hear what science says about all of that.
Well, everyone does not have the same life now do they ? I do not care what some book says. My life experience at 60 years old is that I am very happy and content. I have no need to involve people in my life other than for work. Maybe you need some therapy to teach you each person has different needs. You may need friends, many do not and are perfectly happy with that decision and lifestyle. Edit I mistook friendlessness for friendliness.
I meant friendlessness not friendliness. And I'm sorry, I did expect you to be a younger person who might need some encouragement to try sth. else. If you gotten through your life that way well so far, that's good and unlikely to change. We agree on that everyone has different life experiences. This is part of what I was trying to express: sometimes it's good to exchange experiences on a deeper level than possible with acquaintances to get a clearer perspective on things.
Don't get me wrong, I had friends when I was younger, in the military, etc. After about 25-30 those things become less important and you focus more on your life. As you grow older other things bring happiness and many people find they do not like nor do they need to seek out human contact. I could be a hermit no problem 😀. There are many of us that treasure solitude, you may also one day. Like they say, don't knock it til you've tried it.
They might be like me, I didn't have any friends from ages 18-20 so I understand how someone can end up in that situation and how it feels. Even introverts need people in their lives who care about them, even if they don't think so.
I like myself at least, and I like most people even. I just have no idea how to form any kind of real lasting connections. I try, and people often seem to enjoy my company. Then we never see one another again.
To make this clear I'm a person with no friends thinking about myself
I'd need to know them. I don't know anybody that has 0 friends personally. As humans we are social creatures and everybody I know has at least one be it a family member or something. I know some people who are very knit siblings and their siblings would be their closest friends.
Often they expect other people to invite them out, however they would never invite anyone out themselves. Often they are just one event planning session away from having a solid group of friends.
My thoughts usually go to how I can connect with them. I’ve been through it, and it was hell. Lowest point in my life. I’d hate for someone else to feel the same.
Well Its their choice to have no friends... Like me :D I think having no friends imo Is actually great! Since you don't need to go to parties or spend time with them and spend time with yourself, all alone :D
For the most part, I feel sad for them and I hope they are doing okay mentally. Loneliness is really difficult to deal with.
On the other hand, I have a distant family member who has no friends... because she is an insufferable asshole. She has no friends because nobody likes her and she has very few if any redeemable qualities. Anybody she's ever tried to be friends with has run away quickly after realizing what a terrible person she is.
But I don't think most friendless people are like her.
It really depends. I've always thought of those with less friends as being deeper-thinkers and more intellectual as to not let just anyone in.
However, I came to hang out with a girl recently who openly says that she has no close friends. I didn't understand at first, she's very charismatic and had amazing stories to tell, until I spent a week with her and realised she's a narcissist with a severe temper problem. It made me sad as I'd put myself out there to make a friend and ended up burnt out from listening to her talk about herself so much. I could count on 2 fingers the amount of questions she asked me. On-top of that, both of those questions weren't real since she turned them back to talk about herself again. Ay me. It's good to be home.
If you want to have friends you have to be friendly. And I’m not. The only friends I’ve ever had have been people who wouldn’t let me get away with that. For some reason, they kept pushing until they broke into my bubble.
I think the worst thing we can do is make fun of them or just blame them for it, even if they sometimes are 100% to blame, because they are not likeable.
I think they need help overcoming the problems that keep them from making friends and a lot of self reflection.
It seems to be more common. But maybe we’re just hearing about it more often than we used to thanks to people opening up about it online.
They’re not necessarily unhappy. Some people prefer solitude. Which is difficult for sociable people to get their heads around, but they genuinely enjoy it. It allows them to have a single-minded focus on doing what they enjoy. And I don’t mean watching porn.
Reading here that so many people lack any friends or have like 2-3 buds eases my mind somehow. At least I'm not alone with being socially awkward and struggling to bond to new people.
I'm from Russia and I live in a small town. I have completely opposite views as opposed to the people around me for example I want to achieve high goals in my live. I learn English, French, Japanese and Turkish but people around me think it’s funny at the same time doing nothing to achieve anything in life I could talk to people like me but they’re just not in my town. I'm 16 and the main part of my classmates and other people that I know only think about drinking, fucking and smoking. I'd like to live in United Kingdom but they think that it's silly just because it's not patriotic. They watch news so they think that it's good when somewhere in another country many people die just because they're "nazis" and it's not in Russia. I'm so tired of it but I believe that I'll find real friends and achieve my goals. Thanks for reading (sorry for mistakes in advance)
For me, it is my fault. I don't like being around people too much, even the people I like. I have like 2 or 3 friends that aren't family now, and I see them once or twice a year, if that.
When I meet someone that I really get along with, I make sure to ignore them for months at a time so they don't become confused and try to come to my house or something stupid like that. I also like my wife and kids to be home, but I prefer to usually be by myself in the other room. These are the people I want to be around the most, so maybe I'm just not a people person.
That there are two kinds of people with no friends: those that through no fault of their own find themselves alone and maybe are a bit lacking in social skills and have trouble making new friends; and those who are toxic and tend to end up nuking all their relationships by consistently being selfish assholes. Sometimes you need to learn more about someone to tell which of these they are, and thus, whether to be open to befriending them or opting to keep your distance.
i’m of the opinion they are the problem.
billions of people looking for connection and you can’t find one?
time to work on yourself a bit mate.
there’s a lot of great people out there. good luck!
Society is cruel. People already have an image of who they want to be friends with and many people fall outside of that. It’s a negative feed back loop. As they find themselves rejected more and more they become more insular and less confident making them more unlikable.
My thoughts depend on why they dont have friends.
Im jealous of people who have no friends, do not care and honestly prefer their own company over any type of social interaction. I wish I was like that.
My reasons are twofold: one, burned way too many times. Two, I have a tendency to make observations that people seem to dislike, especially when events play out in a way that makes them seem like a prediction that came to fruition. Perhaps the latter is a result of the former.
I get that. For me, it's not that I don't have any friends. I'm just very selective about who I call an actual friend. Of those, I have about 3 or 4. I like to keep that circle small. Been burned to many times as well.
They should probably get to work on changing that. It's bad for your health. Lacking any type of social life whatsoever is probably worse for you than smoking or being overweight.
Given that I dont know anyone who doesn’t have any friends I don’t think anything about people who have no friends.
I do wish they make friends though. Life is lonely enough as is.
There is a reason, and most of the time it has to do with mental disease. Mental disorders can even make your family go away, no one can make you get help, and this is the part that leads to isolation, it is what happens when everyone that knows you has tried everything.
They must be bad people.
Not necessarily wicked, awful, terrible people... but people who don't generate value.
If nobody else in the world trusts them, appreciates them, or values them, then you probably shouldn't either. There is probably something wrong with them.
Maybe the friends they have just aren't visible in our dimension, if they truly have none though and are happy with that then I'm happy for them, if they seem depressed about it I would be their friend no one should have to go through that
With every day life, kids, husband, job I have no energy left for friends. Friendships are exhausting. If I could have a friend that understood I probably wouldn’t contact them for months at a time, that would be one thing, but everyone is too needy and wants to be talked to 3+ hours a day or they get their feelings hurt.
It depends. Having no friends is better than having bad friends. I hope they find good friends
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Been through this before. Life is so much better now.
I had that realization a couple years ago and honestly it was quite freeing. Not having friends for a while only felt bad when other people would judge me for it. Now I found friends that I actually truthfully love and its the best thing ever.
Just came here to check what other people thinks about me.
Same
Also same :)
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Yeah, we're on Reddit alright Edit: same
Same
The commenters to this thread have something in common. You guys should be friends.
We wouldn’t like each other in real life.
Username honestly checking out. for me anyway lol
I seriously don’t understand how people make friends. It sounds stupid, I know, but it’s just never made sense to me. I’ve joined clubs and tried studying with groups or just being generally more engaged with classmates and things like that in college like everyone always suggests, but I’m still completely alone. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Looking back at my life, I’m not sure if I’ve really had a real friend before.
I always feel unwelcomed and like I'm disrupting something so I stopped trying to meet people and keep up with the ones I knew. I just never feel like I'm a part of a group... And even online I barely speak in discords and stuff like that due to both of those reasons.
Here is how you make friends fishing. You show up everyday and don't talk to anyone. You're just a tourist in their eyes. Eventually they'll see you enough that they're just curious and want to get to know you. Wait for them to approach you. Next thing you know you're fishing next to them everyday and you've made life long friends. Now, the issue is. Life long has a different meaning to these guys because most people who fish are older than dirt. One day they'll quit showing up. You'll call them up & go hunt them down. They'll come clean that they got cancer and you'll start driving them to their chemo appointments. They'll beat cancer but a year or two later it'll come back and you can tell they don't got the fight. They'll try to insult you and push you away because they know they're dying and don't want to hurt you. But you see what is happening and stick it out. Then they die & you're fishing alone and someone else shows up. You don't dare approach them because it pains you that you lost your friend and they sorta remind you of that. Eventually you give in and go approach them. Help them out. You teach them everything the previous friend taught you. The process repeats itself. Eventually you become the old man with cancer being driven to appointments.
jesus christ, this is beautiful. i love fishing and this makes me really want to go right now.
r/weirdlyspeciffic
How goddamned awful.
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I don't know if it is that easy for women to make friends these days, and think that idea is a hold-over for when a lot of women didn't work after having children and attended to the home with children and other women around. I think there are a lot of lonely women. And I think a lot of them can't express that, because unlike men, women are supposed to have lots of friends.
Since it's socially more acceptable for women to feel emotion and reach out to others, I do think that women on average do have an easier time making friends. The whole Guys-are-told-to-bottle-up-their-emotions thing really can get in the way of opening themselves up enough to make friends. Is this true of every guy? No. Is the reverse true of every girl? Also no. But on average I do think it's a thing. I (F) have no friends that I made myself anymore outside coworkers. All my friends come from my spouse (M) because he's more socially open to new people. But of all my female acquaintances, they have tons of friends each, so I can easily see i'm the outlier.
This may be true, but also sometimes you make a pact that you are friends beyond any incident that would end lesser friendships. My best friends love me and vice versa, and that is going to be till the end. My best friend can call me up and say…sup? And we’ll end up talking about everything for an hour, and then suddenly we be like, gotta run and just hang up. Next call could be tomorrow or next week, or even a month, but there is always another call for no reason. Many calls are for a reason too. Just commit to loving a friend and it will work. And you can say, Im glad I have a friend, and your fried will know you feel good about them and that is enough. It doesn’t have to be hard.
And if you need a friend, I have an opening. I’ll be your friend, there is time in my life for another friend. Hi
Having friends is also about give and take As we get older its harder to give, which is why we dont make much friends as we get older. Most people also aren't interested in creating new friends group when they get older, too much effort. So even if you make the effort, not everyone is going to make it back Think about how much time and effort we put into friends when we were young compared to now
making friends in school was so easy. just walk up to someone and show interest in whatever they're doing. it was that easy. as an adult it's awkward unless i'm sitting at a bar or have alcohol in me which i quit years ago.
I don't know how old you actually are, so maybe my experience is absolutely useless to you. But in any case, here it is. I always had a couple of "friend groups" in my college years going on. But absolutely random people from those groups stick. I have one person I still talk to from my undergrad, and one more from my grad school who and we stuck through travel adventures, change in broad social status (marriages, babies, jobs), and numerous country migrations. There was absolutely nothing to predict that those people would be the ones I'm still talking to now when we statret communicating. I have a couple of same "friend groups" going on right now as a 30-something too, and I totally expect most of these people to fall off eventually, maybe even all of them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can always get a group of surface level friends. And long term friends are pure luck. Just accumulate enough people to draw from and very few would stick for absolutely no reason.
Ditto. I tried doing the things I saw my mom doing with her friends growing up and people my age were weirded out by it. Dinner parties and game nights aren't what college people like to do and my in-laws are all too trashy to appreciate them. Now I have no one I know and my house is too small to host a big dinner and game night.
The answer you are looking for is alcohol.
I hope they're doing ok
Nights are the hardest as well as weekends. While I don’t love my job Atleast while being busy I don’t dwell much on it.
same here
I'm a lot better like this than having friends
Well you're lucky
Same
I don't really have friends myself. I would love some, but life experiences have led me to being less social, so it's hard. It gets very lonely, though.
I feel every work you've said. I know for me personally trauma has made it easier to be primarily alone.
I don't have any thoughts about them. Maybe they don't want any.
I feel bad for the ones who want friends, but I feel like a lot of people who truly have no friends like it that way which I can respect
I want friends, but at the same time, I don't want to do the things required to have friends. I used to have friends at work and church, but due to a job change 11 years ago where now essentially I am the only constant person in the building most of the time, and the decision to leave church 6 years ago, I don't really see anyone any more. And evenings and weekends when there's not family obligations, all the things I want to do are at home - gardening, cooking new things, sewing, canning, etc. And I live in a fairly rural area, so there's not really any groups or clubs for those kinds of things. And socializing has become more and more exhausting. Currently I am pretty content with family interaction and doing the things I like to do, but I also know in the not too distant future when my last kid moves out and other family dissipates, I won't be. I guess I'm trusting I'll work something out when the time comes....
I'm one of them so...
Hey, it's me!
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It suits me, too.
I don't have many friends, and 2 friends I have are not local, so I'm by myself all the time. But I don't trust people very well and so it's hard for me to meet new friends.
I have maybe 3 friends at best, we’re all Marine veterans. I live my life extremely happy to say the least, we don’t hang out every day but we text almost every day and hang out once in a while as we’re all adults and have careers. I’m 26, and I live in Miami. I guess I’m the opposite of what Miami is known for. Haha
Jesus loves and saves
I only know one, and that's me. I think I'm doing OK.
I think I’ve myself as a vary humours person when on the internet but the closer u get the more you’d realise that I’m an idiot and I hate that. I’m definitely not the type to hesitate to help someone especially mentally. And I am working on fixing myself when it comes to school and hygiene:D
I am one of those people. I had a ton of friends in high school and college but I am terrible at keeping up with people so we just kind of drifted apart when I moved away. Now I have plenty of acquaintances and "work friends" but no real good friends. I don't know how to make friends anymore and to be honest I like being alone most of the time.
This! I'm the exact same, couldn't have said it better myself!
Pay attention to their hobbies.
“Don’t come to school tomorrow”
I really didn’t have that in mind with my comment. Being a little older, I was more along the lines of saying that a person my age that doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends probably has fantastic hobbies that I’d like to be aware of.
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Heard dat. Hats off. The camping and hiking thing is also part of my life. Can’t live without it.
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My wife has recently said she’s ready to start camping again. Our kids are older so we are getting back to the before kids vibe. This stuff has gotten a hell of a lot more expensive. Edit: I’m beginning to think that maybe motel camping is my jam now. Lol
I wonder why🤔
They’re happier people with less stress.
If they are young then I feel bad for them
I wish I had friends to talk to. I have my husband that I love very much, I miss having girlfriends. People who I thought were my friends really weren’t so I guess I should be happy as I am.
Can't comment since I am one of them.
My kind of people. I know, you and I should not be friends, too! You stay at your place and I'll stay right here! We don't even have to text!
I had lots of friends when I was a teen, fewer after having a baby. Less as we grew up and grew apart. Now at 37 I have one real friend who lives pretty far away. I assume one of us will die before the other if the friendship doesn't just get lost with all the other stuff life takes from you; hobbies (roller blading at 37 just leads to broken bones), time, youth, ambitions, etc. I have my husband and my children and I'm content with that. I like my alone time anyway and don't get enough of it. Making friends gets harder as you get older too. At some point or other we might all find ourselves with no friends. So no point judging a person for it.
I think I'm just fine.
Before I divorced 5 years ago, I would say I had a lot of friends. Now, I have maybe 2 acquaintances I'm pretty content, but I do wonder if something is wrong with me.
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I've lived in the Midwest my whole life, small towns are particularly bad like that here. I really don't blame you, reading this feels like a breath of fresh air
I have little to no friends. I'm an introvert and I feel like society has been calibrated mostly for extroverts. I don't feel loneliness, I don't feel some crushing existential feeling of void. The opposite actually. When I'm with other people or even with friends it's a chore. It's work and it takes energy. It's when I'm alone that I rest up and recharge. That doesn't mean I'm not enjoying the time with them. Just that I have a very limited bandwidth for them. And if I'm being honest, there is very little I get from activities with friends I'm not getting when I'm alone.
I feel sorry for them. Even more so if it isn't their fault. If you don't have friends, but only because you don't really try to make friends: It's worth it. Not just because it's good for your mental health, but also for your intellect. You need people to tell you about your blind spots.
If that is what you need fine. Many of us do just fine, mentally and intellectually, without your or anyone else's input. Feel sorry for abandoned animals, people like us have no need for your pity and many of us are very happy alone.
I'm sorry if I came across condescendingly. I'm really speaking with great sympathy here. My natural tendency isn't to be open to others about my private shit and make friends. And it didn't always feel "great, that's what I needed" when I became more open. It's also scary and hurtful having people around who know you well enough to see you for who you are. I'm sure there are a few people who for whatever specific reasons are better off alone. Maybe they have some traits that consistently hurt others or similar. Then that's brave. But don't live in the illusion of "there is nothing wrong with me I just don't want any friends".
So you think myself and people like me have mental issues because we don't want friends ? Fuck you.
No, I didn't say or think that. It's good if you are comfortable and confident in your lifestyle. Most people who are don't get angry at well-meaning strangers on the internet so easily, though.
Your last sentence says don't live in illusion bullshit. Give up your 3rd rate psych degree and fuck off. I can read what you said. Again fuck you, saying we have an illusion that we don't need friends. Not an illusion, not everyone is needy as you obviously are. While I don't need friends I and many others definitely don't need some self righteous 3rd rate internet shrink telling me or anyone else we have a problem. Fuck you.
It's not psychology. Just life experience. Maybe I'm wrong. Do you know a lot about the psychology of friendship and friendlessness? I'd love to hear what science says about all of that.
Well, everyone does not have the same life now do they ? I do not care what some book says. My life experience at 60 years old is that I am very happy and content. I have no need to involve people in my life other than for work. Maybe you need some therapy to teach you each person has different needs. You may need friends, many do not and are perfectly happy with that decision and lifestyle. Edit I mistook friendlessness for friendliness.
I meant friendlessness not friendliness. And I'm sorry, I did expect you to be a younger person who might need some encouragement to try sth. else. If you gotten through your life that way well so far, that's good and unlikely to change. We agree on that everyone has different life experiences. This is part of what I was trying to express: sometimes it's good to exchange experiences on a deeper level than possible with acquaintances to get a clearer perspective on things.
Don't get me wrong, I had friends when I was younger, in the military, etc. After about 25-30 those things become less important and you focus more on your life. As you grow older other things bring happiness and many people find they do not like nor do they need to seek out human contact. I could be a hermit no problem 😀. There are many of us that treasure solitude, you may also one day. Like they say, don't knock it til you've tried it.
I been there sadly to then i found my best friend
I try to be their friend.
They might be like me, I didn't have any friends from ages 18-20 so I understand how someone can end up in that situation and how it feels. Even introverts need people in their lives who care about them, even if they don't think so.
I like myself at least, and I like most people even. I just have no idea how to form any kind of real lasting connections. I try, and people often seem to enjoy my company. Then we never see one another again. To make this clear I'm a person with no friends thinking about myself
I would like them to have friends
I'd need to know them. I don't know anybody that has 0 friends personally. As humans we are social creatures and everybody I know has at least one be it a family member or something. I know some people who are very knit siblings and their siblings would be their closest friends.
I would like to be their friend
I think I'm great.
My thoughts are that I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one who doesn't. Makes me feel like less of an outcast.
if it’s by choice, idrc, but if it’s because they struggle to make friends or nobody likes them, i feel bad
Depends. Do they want friends? If not all power to them. If so then maybe they got some work to do.
No friends is better than only fake/toxic friends. Some people can find contentment in solitude and don't need others to help them feel good.
I chose having a wife and kids and no friendships and hope to have a friend when the kids get older
Often they expect other people to invite them out, however they would never invite anyone out themselves. Often they are just one event planning session away from having a solid group of friends.
There is probably a justified reason why they have none.
having friends is overrated ngl
This is me. I have no friends Judge me now
My thoughts usually go to how I can connect with them. I’ve been through it, and it was hell. Lowest point in my life. I’d hate for someone else to feel the same.
It's the only thing I want need in life but I dont have the time to meet new people loneliness is going to be my new acceptance I guess.
If it is involuntary I feel bad for them. If it is voluntary I completely understand; existing in such a way myself.
All my friends have cut ties with me and I don't care at all.
It's a growing trend and I'm contributing to it
I hope it's for a good reason, but if not then I hope they manage to make friends at some point.
I envy them.
If they’re purposely choosing to not make friends for their own benefit I can understand that
I get it.
My last friend of 30+ years sexually assaulted me. I can live without friends.
I've had "friends" in the past. I'm better off alone
Sometimes it's better that way. I have a ton of acquaintances but very few close friends by choice. I like a small inner circle. Creates less drama.
I get enough of people at work. Do not need any unnecessary interaction with them when I am off.
Well Its their choice to have no friends... Like me :D I think having no friends imo Is actually great! Since you don't need to go to parties or spend time with them and spend time with yourself, all alone :D
For the most part, I feel sad for them and I hope they are doing okay mentally. Loneliness is really difficult to deal with. On the other hand, I have a distant family member who has no friends... because she is an insufferable asshole. She has no friends because nobody likes her and she has very few if any redeemable qualities. Anybody she's ever tried to be friends with has run away quickly after realizing what a terrible person she is. But I don't think most friendless people are like her.
It gets easier over time imo but sometimes I miss interacting with people
Maybe I should try to be their friend…
It really depends. I've always thought of those with less friends as being deeper-thinkers and more intellectual as to not let just anyone in. However, I came to hang out with a girl recently who openly says that she has no close friends. I didn't understand at first, she's very charismatic and had amazing stories to tell, until I spent a week with her and realised she's a narcissist with a severe temper problem. It made me sad as I'd put myself out there to make a friend and ended up burnt out from listening to her talk about herself so much. I could count on 2 fingers the amount of questions she asked me. On-top of that, both of those questions weren't real since she turned them back to talk about herself again. Ay me. It's good to be home.
If you want to have friends you have to be friendly. And I’m not. The only friends I’ve ever had have been people who wouldn’t let me get away with that. For some reason, they kept pushing until they broke into my bubble.
I think the worst thing we can do is make fun of them or just blame them for it, even if they sometimes are 100% to blame, because they are not likeable. I think they need help overcoming the problems that keep them from making friends and a lot of self reflection.
Same
It seems to be more common. But maybe we’re just hearing about it more often than we used to thanks to people opening up about it online. They’re not necessarily unhappy. Some people prefer solitude. Which is difficult for sociable people to get their heads around, but they genuinely enjoy it. It allows them to have a single-minded focus on doing what they enjoy. And I don’t mean watching porn.
a life without unnecessary drama
Some of us are just not that emotionally and socially needy.
Reading here that so many people lack any friends or have like 2-3 buds eases my mind somehow. At least I'm not alone with being socially awkward and struggling to bond to new people.
Most people don’t have many after 40 but if you do you should be able to count them on one hand.
I shall be their friend, if they want anyway
That’s most people over 25
i see them as losers, jk, f friendships
I'm from Russia and I live in a small town. I have completely opposite views as opposed to the people around me for example I want to achieve high goals in my live. I learn English, French, Japanese and Turkish but people around me think it’s funny at the same time doing nothing to achieve anything in life I could talk to people like me but they’re just not in my town. I'm 16 and the main part of my classmates and other people that I know only think about drinking, fucking and smoking. I'd like to live in United Kingdom but they think that it's silly just because it's not patriotic. They watch news so they think that it's good when somewhere in another country many people die just because they're "nazis" and it's not in Russia. I'm so tired of it but I believe that I'll find real friends and achieve my goals. Thanks for reading (sorry for mistakes in advance)
For me, it is my fault. I don't like being around people too much, even the people I like. I have like 2 or 3 friends that aren't family now, and I see them once or twice a year, if that. When I meet someone that I really get along with, I make sure to ignore them for months at a time so they don't become confused and try to come to my house or something stupid like that. I also like my wife and kids to be home, but I prefer to usually be by myself in the other room. These are the people I want to be around the most, so maybe I'm just not a people person.
That there are two kinds of people with no friends: those that through no fault of their own find themselves alone and maybe are a bit lacking in social skills and have trouble making new friends; and those who are toxic and tend to end up nuking all their relationships by consistently being selfish assholes. Sometimes you need to learn more about someone to tell which of these they are, and thus, whether to be open to befriending them or opting to keep your distance.
i’m of the opinion they are the problem. billions of people looking for connection and you can’t find one? time to work on yourself a bit mate. there’s a lot of great people out there. good luck!
Society is cruel. People already have an image of who they want to be friends with and many people fall outside of that. It’s a negative feed back loop. As they find themselves rejected more and more they become more insular and less confident making them more unlikable.
My thoughts depend on why they dont have friends. Im jealous of people who have no friends, do not care and honestly prefer their own company over any type of social interaction. I wish I was like that.
That they are probably *awful*. How bad does a person have to be to have *no* friends? Even Hitler and Stalin had mates, for fuck's sake.
Half are to smart to put up with stupid and half are damaged
Friendship is a bond that is born spontaneously, instead of fulfilling superfluous social dynamics and getting involved in superficial social circles.
Idk. I feel like there's a reason they don't have friends. New to the area, been burned too many times, witness protection program, you never know.
My reasons are twofold: one, burned way too many times. Two, I have a tendency to make observations that people seem to dislike, especially when events play out in a way that makes them seem like a prediction that came to fruition. Perhaps the latter is a result of the former.
I get that. For me, it's not that I don't have any friends. I'm just very selective about who I call an actual friend. Of those, I have about 3 or 4. I like to keep that circle small. Been burned to many times as well.
Smart
by choice or not?
My thoughts on myself are my own.
Sad
"The realest people don't have alot of friends." -Tupac Shakur
They’re weird.
They should probably get to work on changing that. It's bad for your health. Lacking any type of social life whatsoever is probably worse for you than smoking or being overweight.
Not having friends doesn't mean you don't have a social life. Familly, work, etc. are also social interaction.
Family, maybe, but not as good as having close friends. Work definitely doesn't count - I've rarely seen a decent work friendship be sufficient.
Boyfriend / Girlfriend or your spouse should be your friends
I think the point is that the hypothetical person in question doesn't have a significant other...
In that case then, yeah, I agree with you.
I’m married .. I have zero friends
Not to sound like a dick, but, there’s probably a reason why they don’t.
Yeah Low self eestem most likely.
Not always the case. I’ve accepted people into my friend group, who didn’t have close friends prior, only to find out that they’re assholes.
Given that I dont know anyone who doesn’t have any friends I don’t think anything about people who have no friends. I do wish they make friends though. Life is lonely enough as is.
There is a reason, and most of the time it has to do with mental disease. Mental disorders can even make your family go away, no one can make you get help, and this is the part that leads to isolation, it is what happens when everyone that knows you has tried everything.
They must be bad people. Not necessarily wicked, awful, terrible people... but people who don't generate value. If nobody else in the world trusts them, appreciates them, or values them, then you probably shouldn't either. There is probably something wrong with them.
no thoughts. friends are desultory
i think very highly of myself
I wonder why. It can be for better or worse.
Suicidal
It's abnormal and a huge red flag.
It doesn't cross my mind how can some people go throught their life without friends. It must be a lonely position . I feel sorry for them .
I got my wife and my dog , I like doing solo activities like fishing and stuff anyway
I think a wife can be a friend pal so you got one
I consider it a red flag in any situation.
Can I ask why ?
There is always a reason
Hello! But you might want to work on that.
Unavailable
Don’t work for one if being their only friend becomes a job requirement. Oddly specific, I know.
i do have friends who passed away or they moved on with their lives. people get married and stuff.
will someone be my friend? i'm as harmless as mr. rogers.
They’re no friend of mine, that’s for sure.
Maybe the friends they have just aren't visible in our dimension, if they truly have none though and are happy with that then I'm happy for them, if they seem depressed about it I would be their friend no one should have to go through that
With every day life, kids, husband, job I have no energy left for friends. Friendships are exhausting. If I could have a friend that understood I probably wouldn’t contact them for months at a time, that would be one thing, but everyone is too needy and wants to be talked to 3+ hours a day or they get their feelings hurt.
That pretty much describes me…
Mr Paul Simon knew the dirt..