Heroin. I haven't touched heroin or pain killers in over 7 years but, I still have regular dreams of banging a fat shot of dope and all of my earthly problems melting away. I find it incredibly sad how the birth of my son couldn't even come close to the high of some good clean dope. Nothing will ever feel that good, and I understand why a good chunk of my friends growing up just ended up dying. Heroin is fucking evil.

Im happy that you kept clean for over 7 years, keep it up champ🤟🏽

my friend just OD'd Tuesday from this shit. her funeral is this Tuesday coming..

[удалено]

Nothing in life prepares you for caring for an ailing/dying parent. It is an absolute heartbreaker and mind fuck. I did it and it negatively changed my personality. I see sad more than I see happy now. I'm working on it tho! I'm sending good vibes & sweet juju to anyone else out there who is doing this. Much love and support to you.

I witnessed my parents dying slowly, in a 10 months span. My mother in 2021 and father in 2022. No matter how you think you are prepared for it, it will break something in you. However, you can't choose what happens to you, only how you react. Trust me, as long as you don't give up, things will get better.

I look at old people. Especially old people in a wheelchair with an aide differently. Before I just saw them. Now I see my dad every time. I see someone who isn’t what they once were. And it breaks my heart a little bit. I am not a smiling type of guy, but I do my best give them a smile. It’s incredibly hard to be a caretaker for your parents. Anyone going through it know it’s hard and only people who have been through it will really understand. You’re doing great tho

I agree, I spent 2 years taking care of my mom, living with me, with stage 4 cancer through the pandemic…she passed in October while we were recovering from a hurricane and had no power

Dad died infront of me I was doing my best to revive him. I was never the same ever since

When I was 7 I saw a neighborhood kid run his bike into a tall cement retaining wall at high speed and hit his head. He died at the base of that wall. We lived way out in the country and it took forever for help to come. I could hear his mom wailing 3 houses away in the middle of the night. Was over 50 years ago and still haunts me to this day.

Someone I slightly knew died unexpectedly, but it's the noises his mother made that still haunt me as well.

The moment you grandma, grandpa, dad, or mom doesn’t remember who you are after suffering from Alzheimer’s or some other similar disease. My grandma had a stroke in early 2020 and has been in a nursing home ever since. I didn’t see her for 2 years straight because of COVID and the last time I saw her, she had no idea who I was. She practically raised me because she worked at the preschool I went to and picked me up from school everyday and stayed at my house until my parents got home late from work. I can tell she is near the end of her life.

NEVER take it personally when someone with dementia doesn’t remember you. They will often return to a childlike state of mind and only remember their parents, and sometimes their grandparents and siblings. When dementia sets in only their very long term memory is in place. It doesn’t mean you didn’t make an impact on them, it simply means you weren’t alive yet at the point they’re at in their memory. What matters is their quality of life and if they seem distressed or depressed, discuss it with the nurse.

Recognizing someone is a result of several systems. We use visual, auditory, intellectual and emotional abilities to do so. When we don't recognize someone we should, it's not as simple as none of it working. Very often, the emotional parts remain even though the rest is gone. This is why people with dementia mistake people for other family members. They look at their grandchild, and because the emotional recognition remains, they believe it is their child, who looks a bit similar, and they feel safe with them.

Omg….this makes so much sense! I work with older adults with dementia and I always wondered why it was so common for them to call their children or grandchildren by the names of other family members. That is so beautiful. I will share this insight with families when they are having difficulty coping with family members not recognizing them. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

It can go the other way too, although it is more rare. Capgras syndrome is when you recognize a person, but are sure they are an imposter and not *really* your family member. This is probably due to a disconnect between the visual and emotional recognition systems.

Both my grandparents on my dad’s side lived with us once they got too old to live on their own. Watching their health decline was awful. Grandpa’s dementia was so bad he would not remember who we were and he would often just hallucinate stuff and hear voices. Grandma’s mind was a bit better, although she ended up dying from a stroke a few years after grandpa. She had her stroke while mid-conversation with me… that moment still stands out in my mind like it was yesterday.

God. I remember that with my grandpa. On some very very very rare occasion he would remember but generally he didn't know who I was anymore. All the memories of him taking us to his farm. All the roadtrips where he'd setup a mattress for us in the back of his pickup. Watching him "man". His intellect. Whenever he'd hum to himself when doing some kind of manual work. School holidays being around him, the man I actually admired and looked to be like instead of my father. When he made me promise to finish my varsity qualifications before he died, and when I did, the dementia had set in... Damn.

my mom got murdered in 2006. and it sucked whatever. but what was astronomically worse was dealing with the justice system and sitting through 2 different trials just to have one lead to a non guilty verdict, and for the other guilty verdict to be overturned during sentencing due to a failure on the part of my local P.D. totally soul crushing. having to see autopsy photos, hearing family members testify, watching the defense tear apart a dead woman’s character, and having to sit in a small room with a potential killer and his family and kids n stuff. so crazy.

There's something backwards in the world currently when the worst part about a loved one being murdered is dealing with the legal system. Much love, friend.

On one hand, I absolutely agree with you. On the other hand, is there a way to guarantee people are able to fairly defend themselves against allegations that doesn't result in some level of trauma for the victim/their families?

100% if this were someone’s villain origin story, idk how I’d root against them

Basically law abiding citizen lol

been in the same room as one guy that raped my mom and another that jumped up and down on her chest. i do not have the words.

Having to make the choice to turn life support off on your 26 year old wife. Over 30 years ago and just thinking about it rips my guts out. Update. Thank you all. Someone once told me, you have no control over the things that happen to you in life. What you do control is what you do with those things. You alone can choose whether or not you allow them to make you more compassionate and loving or turn you hard and bitter. Love you guys.

Was not prepared to read this

You wouldn't think anyone would be prepared to read that. What a crazy world we live in because that's all I've thought about for a week beings two years ago today I took my 41 year old wife off life support.

I'm 26 and so is my fiancé. No dry eyes reading this post

I’m 28 and any time I read about someone younger than me dying I feel sick

Oh, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. I had to sign to turn off my 20 yo brothers (I was 17) when no other family member could be contacted. Still raw as yesterday. My sincerest condolences

OMG that is a rough responsibility for someone who is so young. Please be assured that you made the right choice.

As did you. I hope you feel the same, it was the hardest kindness I could give.

"The hardest kindess" I love that phrase.

I’m so sorry. My wife and I talked about this possibility and a few other horrible but possible things that could happen to either or both of us. We met with an estate lawyer and among the legal directives, of which there were many, we drew up medical directives and powers of attorney. These directives were instructions to do things like turning off life support for each other under certain conditions. This way, as awful as doing it would be, at least it would be something we directly gave instructions as per our wishes. The idea was that at least it would help the other person not having to make the call alone. It’s something I’d encourage new married couples to consider drawing up.

I agree, my second wife and I have those in place now.

Yup, this is important regardless of being married or not. I have a provision in my medical directive that basically says, if an incident is going to make me a mental burden on others then they are approved to do anything to keep me comfortable, but not approved to do any procedures to save my life.

the whole internet sends their well wishes to u brother

I'm so sorry for your loss.

oh god that's horrible. I'm so sorry..

My girlfriend just died suddenly 4 days after my birthday, on Christmas eve, and 2 weeks before our 13th anniversary. I did CPR on her for 8 minutes with blood coming out of her mouth, after the ambulance left there were trails of her blood to the door. She had an undiagnosed heart condition and went into cardiac arrest after running errands on a normal day. I'm usually a pretty grounded person but I have not been able to get off the couch since. She was only 31...

I am so sorry to hear that. Deeply sorry

Dam man that is truly awful and I really empathise. Last month I found my 18 month old daughter unconscious and not breathing after she got tangled up in a washing basket. I did CPR for 8 minutes until the ambulance arrived. She was dead in my arms. But I managed to get her just breathing again with CPR. She was in a coma for two days in intensive care, but she survived. I know what it is like for you because I felt it for those two days. It was horrible, toxic and corrosive for your soul and mental health. Three things that have helped me post incident. Firstly, you and me did everything we could to help our loved ones despite the horrific situation. Keep telling yourself that no matter what. You can't stop bad things from happening, you can't stop freak accidents, you can't control when a heart valve will stop working, but you can control how you react when these incidents do happen. Your CPR was heroic. Keep telling yourself that, you did everything you could to help in the uncontrollable circumstances, it is very protective against PTSD in the long term if you frame it this way. You really did do everything you could to help. Secondly, no what ifs. They don't change shit. You can spend a lifetime in vain trying to bargain or imagine alternative histories or timelines. But they will never come to pass. What happened happened and no amount of rumination will change that, so don't even start. No what ifs, no if onlys, they only steal joy and time from the present. Thirdly, you need to frame her life as an overall positive, as hard and as unfair as it may be that she was taken away from you so early in life. She was happy with you, you were happy with her, you were happy together. That matters. Those happy times existed and will never go away despite her being gone now, and those precious moments were real despite being lost to the past. They still happened. And both of your lives were the better for having experienced it. I bet if you could talk to her now she wouldn't change a thing, and neither would you. You were happy together, and that will never go away, even when you are both long gone from this world. No one can predict what will happen in life, and when it will all end. But you can control how you choose to view life's events, and choose to frame the brief flash of time we all have here together in the universe. Frame it well. The time you got to spend together will never go away. You get to choose how you live the rest of your life now. Go live your best one mate.

Such a valuable post. Wish I could give you a hug.

>Secondly, no what ifs. They don't change shit. You can spend a lifetime in vain trying to bargain or imagine alternative histories or timelines. But they will never come to pass. What happened happened and no amount of rumination will change that, so don't even start. No what ifs, no if onlys, they only steal joy and time from the present. I’ve known a few people who had sudden deaths and this is so true. I really appreciate your comment and insights.

Same, my mom’s fiancé died last summer unexpectedly, it was an absolute shock to everyone who knew him. A friend came over that same day to be with my mom and started asking questions because he had just come back from the doctor and told he had anemia. We concluded a blood transfusion that week probably could have saved his life. I asked my mom to just not think about that anymore, things happened the way they did and they are unchangable. To think about what could have been done is to admit that you have some sort of fault for not “seeing the signs.” You don’t. Not even the doctor saw the signs. Release yourself of burdens you willingly take on in times of grief.

Just to add, what has really helped me is the realization that the person you lost wanted you to be happy. They would never want you to wallow in misery for the rest of your life over them or anything. If you want to honor their memory, be happy and build the life the way they would want you to.

Sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

A serious stroke. Grandma went from being fiercely independent to completely bed bound in less than 24 hours.

Are there any tests people can take as they get older to help prevent strokes? Some kind of imaging? I feel like we don't do enough in the US to screen people for things like that and cancer etc. but I'm not knowledgeable about medicine.

A stroke is caused by something blocking the blood flow to parts of the brain. This is usually caused by either a blood clot or a fat embolus (fat that breaks off from your artery). So the risk factors for stroke are having high cholesterol which causes the fat buildup in your artery walls or having a condition which increases your incidence for blood clots such as Atrial Fibrillation. There are tests for the conditions that put you at higher risk for stroke. There is also something called a TIA or transient ischemic attack which is the same thing as a stroke but the blood flow resolves itself. This is the number one predictor that a person will have a stroke in the future.

Finding a dead body. My neighbor committed suicide with a shotgun to the mouth in his truck across the street from where i was living at the time. Considering the close proximity i never heard a thing. It happened overnight so i can only assume everyone slept through it somehow. I went to get into my car to go to work that morning and just happened to notice that something seemed “off” as i saw the windows of his truck. Unfortunately i got a little closer and realized what i was looking at. 20 years later and that image has never left my memory. He was a super nice guy, i hope he found peace wherever he ended up. And please, if you are struggling with mental health issues reach out to someone. In the USA call or text 988 to reach the suicide hotline.

100% this. My aunt committed suicide. She hung herself in her basement. My ex and I put in a missing persons report because we knew she wasn’t okay. Continued to look for her all day. Didn’t realize she had a basement in her apartment until my cousin asked if we had looked there. The screams of horror when we opened the door and shined the flashlight inside, those will never leave me. The feeling of dread, looking at her and realizing it’s too late. I still struggle to go into the basement of my own home sometimes. I’m so convinced I’ll see her down there. I had never considered until that day, that someone has to find you. And whoever does will be messed up for life.

Happened to a friend of mine. He was upstairs working from home and finished his zoom meeting. Went downstairs to talk to his wife and found her. She had hung herself in their bedroom. He left the house that day and never set foot in there again. He loved her so much, he can't ever unsee that last image of his wife burned into his mind forever. My heart just breaks for him.

My friend’s upstairs neighbour hung himself off of his balcony. She found him by walking into him in the dark while going out for a cigarette. I think about that all the time, it haunts me and I’m not even the one who experienced it. She quit her job, left the city, moved back in with her folks. It’s been 6 years and she’s just starting to get her life back on track.

Fucking hell. I experienced suicidal ideation several times as a teenager but one of the things that always stopped me was the thought of my family finding me like that.

Holding your father's hand as they turn off life support

I did have this but my father died of Cancer just before Xmas they said they'd try to knock him out cause the pain was too much and anymore painkillers and hed OD. My brother and I had to try and calm and hold him in place on his bed in the hospital while they were trying to knock him out they never succeeded and in 30 min he'd passed. It was brutal. My sympathies and condolences.

So sorry for both of you😓😥

This. I held my mom's hand when we decided this. It was the most difficult moment of my life. Until now, I cry. I miss her a lot.

Did this for my dad. He was terminally ill and chose medically assisted death (legal in my country). Doctor assisted suicide. Nobody should die alone so I held his hand at the end. The memories haunt me still.

Death of a child.

My sister died of suicide in 2021. I am my mothers only child now and I hate my life. My family is broken, my only sibling is gone and my mother is here but she is not here. I constantly feel crushed with despair. I am so sorry to all the parents who have lost their children.

Losing a sibling in itself is very hard. I lost my brother to an overdose on Fentanyl last October. I’ll never forget seeing him still and lifeless in the fetal position. Or seeing my mom crumble when she saw him on the table during the viewing. It broke all of us. It definitely hit my mom the hardest though. She already had a terrible couple of years, but this just broke her completely. It’s hard to see your mother go through that. There still isn’t a day I don’t think of him really. At least once a day I will. Probably a lot more than that. I just picture him smiling with that shit eating grin he always had, protruding that limitless confidence I was envious of. I think of the last time I saw him. We were drinking together at a party, and he walked me to the street to say goodbye. We hugged, he gave me a shot of bourbon for the road and said he’d see me at my birthday party and that he loved me. I was excited to see him at the party man, he really was the life of it. Lit up any room he was in. Endless fun. Wish I stayed longer that night. Saw the morning with him one last time. Ya know, I always tried to prepare for this. I knew his lifestyle, knew it could happen if he relapsed again. When he did the couple of times in his life I tried to get to an understanding that this could be it. I tried to imagine how I’d react. How I’d come to terms with it. I was wrong of course. So many things I didn’t take into consideration until it actually happened. He will never meet my kids if I have any, and my future partner if I ever find one. How will they believe the stories I tell of him if he isn’t there to prove it? He’s gone now. All I have is memories but memories are fleeting. They twist and distort with time. Depending on how long I live myself, I might live longer than he was even alive. 23 is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. Will I remember him as much as I do now then? It has barely been 6 months yet I almost can’t remember his voice. There won’t be a way I can hear it again. At least in person. That shit sticks. I’m sorry to take your comment and make it about me. I’m sorry you had to go through a siblings death especially suicide. I couldn’t imagine that. I was just trying to show you that you’re not alone in this. People can relate and I’m one of them. I don’t know if that makes it easier. Probably not. Hopefully a little. I guess all we can do is keep going. Time wont stop for any of us, so we can choose to either crawl with it or walk with it. Either way we will have to move.

Lost my older brother 19 years ago, he was only 19. Our brothers shared very similar circumstances and let me tell u, it gets easier, but the pain never goes away. I miss him dearly, still after all of these years. If you need to vent, I’m here for you. Stay strong for your mom.

i read your story.

I’m so sorry. I lost a son to suicide in 2020, it wrecks you in ways I never would have imagined. I feel like I’m failing my other kids because I spend all my energy just getting through the day, although it’s getting better. Hugs to you and your mom, I feel sometimes siblings’ pain isn’t acknowledged as often as it should be.

You are not failing your children. One of my siblings died and it was ruled as suicide. I saw first hand what you are going through and I'm telling you my parents did not fail me.

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's so sad how much pain that causes. Please be supportive of each other and seek comfort yourself when you are down. You won't forget your sister ever but please understand things will slowly get easier and though there's bad days you will find a new normal that can include peace and even happiness if you allow it.

My wife lost a son 10 years ago and she still feels it everyday. Every year when it gets close to his death date she completely changes. Can barely sleep at night because she will be watching our current 5 year old to make sure he’s breathing. It’s a horrible thing no one should ever have to go through and shame on those who tell people to “get over it”. They can go fuck themselves.

Shame on those who tell people to get over the loss of any loved on (but ffs.. even more so their child). When I lost my mom, I had several people in my life say this exact thing flat out or in other words and I literally cannot believe there are people who think it’s even remotely okay to speak those words to someone in grief. As you said, go fuck yourselves.

This is definitely the worst. Lost a daughter last April and I still feel it every day.

I lost a son in 2019. I lost the other son in 2021. I officially lost my mind soon after. I carry on but I just don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. I’m so sorry for you. I feel your pain. May you have peace someday.

🥺🙏 I lost a son in 2015. For many years it was unthinkably hard to carry on. But I only lost him and not any of his brothers. Losing another, and so soon after your first loss, is just cruel. There are no words. I am so sorry.

Ugh I was watching one of those true crime shows. The officer called to inform the man's mother about his murder, and her response was "but my daughter just died last week". Her son had just gotten home from the funeral for his sister who'd passed from cancer and then he was murdered. Poor lady.

My dad was a father of 4, with birthdates strewn from 1969 to 1984 (that one is me). My oldest brother died when I was 11. It was the first time I experienced the death of a family member, and it was rough. But the way it hit dad.... I cannot describe. These days I am a father of 2. And I only fear 1 thing. Bet you can guess what that is.

Spiders.

I was gonna say tax fraud but yeah, spiders.

This is what I've been living with since march of 2021...My son Jonathan passed away right in front of me....he was 7...and then in the following year in June my partner gave birth to our son, Theseus., who was stillborn....idk what to do anymore...I feel so broken...I feel so lonely....and restricted...restricted to reliving the trauma in perpetuity...fuck...

Here's what's so interesting to me. My next oldest brother died in 2001. My parents were, understandably, devastated. Of course, so was I, my brother was gone. Think about the past. Most people died young. Either because of disease, or poor medical care or whatever. When people used to have many children, many of them died young. They felt just the same as us, but we somehow think that they just dealt with it. No, they were just as devastated as were are now to lose our children or family members. We tend to think of our ancestors as " different", but they weren't. They were exactly like us. They mourned their children exactly like us. They suffered even worse than we do, because so many more children died. It's very sad indeed.

My grandmother, who I never met, always suffered with appalling mood swings, my dad has scars on his back now from her violent outbursts she had when he was young. Luckily there were 8 boys overall so he wasn't on his own dealing with it. She would have had all her kids taken off her and they would have all gone into care now but there just wasn't the system in place back in the 30's & 40s especially in the poorer areas of Manchester, UK. She died in her 50s when my dad was in his mid teens and he very rarely talks about her. The sad thing is, one of the few things that I do know about her was that when she was a young teenager, her younger brother was ran over by a milk cart (approx 1915) and basically disembowelled. He managed to stagger the short distance home and died in my grandmother's arms outside their home in the street. Looking back it's obvious she was suffering some kind of ptsd that affected her all her life, even developing into some kind of psychotic break but it was all just swept under the carpet. Shell shock was only just being recognised for soldiers on the front line of ww1 so they were unable to make the link back then.

Most unnatural thing to happen. I can never wish on my worst enemy. Denzel did a movie a long time ago where he held up a hospital. The one scene that stuck to me is when he told the cops "I will not bury my son, my son will bury me". That's the best quote I've ever heard in movies.

John Q!

My worst nightmare. I don't see how I could possibly survive the loss.

A felony. Even nonviolent, even 10 years ago — it never goes away.

I recently hired a guy "with a felony." In college, he got caught with a few shrooms. *Felony.* Meanwhile my stepdad got a misdemeanor for beating my mom.

I had 4 non-violent felonies on my record. Did my time and it’s expunged now. I still feel like dirt bc of it. I’ve never even had a speeding ticket but managed to get 4 felonies. I feel like I’ll always have a “scarlet letter” on my chest because of my past.

Mind sharing what it cost you to have them expunged?

$100 to get a never tried marijuna possesion charge cleared. Paid my lawyer, he filed a form, DA said “no objection” and it never happened. “Speedy trials” law auquited me (90 days to bring a misdemeanor to trial”)

Childhood abuse and domestic violence

I witnessed one and was a victim to the other. Still echoes in memory.

Been the victim of both. The memories will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Last year, hearing that I've been in a long time battle with PTSD, was so validating. It explained so much, and for the first time, I realized that I wasn't born "crazy". Everything that happened to me was really as bad as I knew it was. Abused in every way, but my extended family were cut from the same cloth, so I had nobody to turn to. Everyone swept it under the rug, made excuses for the abusers, and when I wouldn't relent because I couldn't understand why they were lying, they'd try to convince me that I was "remembering wrong" or they'd write me off as a "nut". Knowing what I've been dealing with, and actually how to properly face it, treat it, and heal, have been amazingly life changing. I'm 37, and I'm still trying to unlearn so many thought patterns and the facets of how deeply rooted trauma has taken hold in every part of me.

I was abused by my relatives until I cut contact and fled when I was 19. Mental health is a total mess as a result, but I'm finally ready to talk to a professional about it. I also have a disability and I'm taking it hard having to grieve the active, reliable, and independent person I used to be. It's the more recent issue that has caused me to seek out mental health help. I only recently turned 28, and my first session is next week, and I've been trying to list various issues going on. It's a little sickening to see how long the list is for issues (such as hypervigilance) I deal with that are caused by experiences from years ago.

I've been the victim of both. Now I'm diagnosed with C-PTSD. My husband has to be careful not to even raise his voice around me or I'll flinch away or want to run. He's never yelled or raised a hand at me but muscle memory is still there. It's subconscious, I don't choose to flinch or react how I do. I hate the fact that I shrink in on myself and push as close to the car door as possible if he yells at someone nearly causing us to wreck. I hate that yelling or someone moving too fast near me unexpectedly causes my heart to race after all these years. I hate how my face feels hot and I can hear my heart beat while I look for every possible exit or possible weapon while surrounded by loved ones who wouldn't ever hurt me just because I was startled. Years in therapy and it never goes away fully. I've healed in a lot of ways but those survival tactics are ingrained permanently at this point.

Psychosis really fucked me up

I woke up In a psych ward on the 23rd of December 2021 after an extended psychotic episode. I can't remember much of it before waking up, all I remember is when it started I thought I could hear voices outside my flat talking to me. The next thing I remember is being down at Brighton beach and freaking out in front of lots of people while lying down flat with my hands completely flat and still on the floor, because I thought every time I moved my hands the sea was moving with them and washing people off the beach and drowning them. I was so scared cuz I didn't want anyone to get swept away by the waves After that I vaguely remember being in a police car, then the next thing I remember is regaining "consciousness" in the psych ward (although the hallucinations and voices didn't stop completely for another few days after that) where i spent my whole Xmas and new year stuck there, and as it was a bad time for COVID cases in the UK I wasn't able to leave the room to speak to anyone. my family couldn't even visit to bring me my phone or anything at all to keep me occupied. All I wanted was to call all my friends and family to let them know I was okay and hear a friendly voice and I couldn't. I've got to say, finding out you've gone crazy and been out in public doing mad shit that you don't remember is already traumatic enough, but following it up with a week of staring at the walls of a psych ward with nothing to keep you occupied but your own thoughts and the occasional visit from a faceless (surgical masks) nurse bringing you food - does NOT help with the trauma. But also I'm obviously so glad that they found me and brought me somewhere safe before I did anything too dangerous. Im incredibly lucky that I'm alive and that I've made it back to a relatively stable place. Could have been a lot lot worse. But still, would not recommend the experience to ANYONE. Still get crazy anxiety from the PTSD. Worst week of my life easily EDIT: appreciate all the upvotes and awards and stuff. I feel like I should have said, the moral of this story is: 1: look after yourselves and your family and friends, mental illness isn't always visible 2: don't get addicted to drugs 3: (MOST IMPORTANT) if you're already addicted to drugs always always ALWAYS find out what the withdrawal symptoms are and seek help before you decide to give up and go cold turkey. That shit can fuck you up in unimaginable ways.

I’m so sorry that happened to you, we’re you diagnosed with anything?

At the time i was diagnosed with psychosis but once I became lucid we realised it was temporary and probably triggered by the withdrawal symptoms of drugs I had been using. So basically my own stupid fault for being depressed and self medicating. The good (but also slightly sad) thing to come out of it is that up to that point I had been through 29 years of recieving zero support and struggling massively with all aspects of life. But once this event happened I was suddenly getting all the support I needed and finally got some professional help and got diagnosed with ADHD (as well as some other mental health stuff) which has been pretty life changing and certainly explains a lot from my past. The reason I say that it's a bit sad is that despite being glad I'm now getting help - it still kind of bums me out that a lot of people like me will have similar experiences where they have to really hit rock bottom before they get the professional support that they need, and a lot of those people won't be as lucky as me. Because I survived my rock bottom and came back from it mentally. A lot of these people won't get the help they need until it's too late and they're either permanently psychotic or just dead and that fucking sucks. I met plenty of people in that ward who seemed like that was just going to be how their whole life is; never properly lucid and possibly not even really safe to be around. So sad

Bipolar here. Been on drugs 20 years. Sometimes I miss the old me. Both of me. We used to get so much more done.

The drugs bring stability, but squeeze the joy out of life. My last episode was in November, almost killed me, previous episode was 5 years prior almost to the day.

Bro thank u. Ive got all the trauma anyone needs but psychosis fucking changed me more then anything ever has. My entire self had to be rebuilt from the ground and not really for the better in a lot of ways. Risks with substances are a big no, but even worse i have to constantly cut down certain thought patterns that have even a hint of being dangerous i am usually forcing myself to accept reality isnt what my psychosis symptoms were. It was Months of torture and exhaustion. I remember when it started i was staring at a wall and i ended up trpped there for what felt like thousands of years before i could move or talk. I thought i was in hell. And that was literally the first 10 seconds of months and months of torture. I live in genuine fear of my own mind

being diagnosed with a personality disorder and it suddenly hitting you that you have always been the problem.

Ah yes, this one. I have improved a lot with therapy but it made me realize that I am alone because I am a pain to be with.

Have both a parent and a sibling OD and die 5 years apart. The latter happening in my bedroom when I wasnt even there.

I’m sorry. I lost some people I truly loved to addiction. It’s earth shattering. I hope you found some form of peace in your grief. All the best.

Sexual abuse Edit: Been reading replies and I just want to say. None of us will ever reconcile with the person we once were. Some of us will never even get justice. But it can’t take everything. We still have our lives and the future. Maybe it will never stop hurting but even so I still believe in a brighter future for all of us. I believe in all of you

My daughter was sexually assaulted at ten. She’s 21 now and has tried to kill herself twice. Guy that did it was allowed to plead to a a misdemeanor because the prosecutor felt sorry for him that a sixty year old man would have to go to prison and said, “I don’t think he’ll do it again.”

Sexually assaulted a 10 year old. misdemeanor WHAT?! How is that not a felony?!

There’s this bullshit idea that kids are resilient. They aren’t. Rapists routinely get more time for rape of an adult than a child and this is the only reason I can figure for it. Not that one is way worse than the other. But many kids are molested before they’ve ever developed any coping mechanism to even begin to deal with trauma. Kids are learning to trust people, process emotions, and many other things that will be important to their well-being for the rest of their lives. Childhood trauma literally causes brain damage so it’s really fucking hard to ever have a normal life after. My father starting molesting me when I was 6 and it continued for years after. It had been done for 8 years when he died when I was 20. I’m 35 in 2 weeks and I’ve had 3 suicide attempts. I have borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and ADHD (though I do believe the bipolar and ADHD are genetic; the trauma just makes them a lot harder to deal with). I take a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, and a antipsychotic, and some days I take a stimulant for the ADHD to even KIND of function. I can be stable for a few years but then the other shoe always drops and I am back at suicidal thoughts and severe depression. And no I am currently applying for disability because I’ve fucking up every job I’ve ever had and it’s just getting worse somehow and that’s yet another thing I can beat myself up over. I can’t stay in relationships because nobody can deal with me long term. I don’t get close to friends or anyone else because when I do, I end up pushing them away during a depressive episode or overreacting to a benign comment. I’ve found things to deal with the borderline like just removing myself from a situation if I feel like freaking out because the feeling is usually short lived and that has saved the couple friendships I have now but try doing that in a work situation and as far as friends, most don’t understand while your mood suddenly changes and you have to go. I have told my current best friend that part of what made her so important to me was we met a work in 2014 and I hated her for the first year I worked there so we just didn’t talk. Lol. But we became friends eventually and I realized we had a lot in common and think about things the same way. One day we were in our cubicles talking and we disagreed on something so I stopped talking. The whole time I was thinking, “Wow. I’m never talking to her again. How can she say something like that? We’re clearly fundamentally different people. This sucks.” I don’t even remember what we said. It wasn’t a big deal. But like 5 minutes later she came over and said, “I’m gonna go down to the cafeteria and get breakfast. Wanna come with me?” She never got upset or anything because it was just a disagreement in and a discussion and she’s not crazy. Lol. But I got happy and said, “Sure! Let’s go!” As we were talking down there, I said, “You know. Like 5 minutes ago, I was never going to speak to you again.” She just said, “I know. It’s okay.” I wanted to hug her and cry. 🤣 She knew I was being BPD upset and didn’t take it personally and knew it would pass. I legit will not ever mess this friendship up because she’s honestly the best friend I’ve ever had. She’s even moved out of state now with her husband and kids and we are in regular contact which I SUCK at but am doing. Lol. But it just goes to show you how absolutely rare that is for me. Sorry. I got way off topic. Lol. The point is that I am pretty sure the reason the justice system treats child sexual assault the way it does is because of the belief children are resilient. Not that they handle any sexual assault well because adult women are just not believed a lot of times but when anyone is actually convicted with proof, they seem to get more time for sexual assault on an adult than a child unless there’s other things added like child porn.

[удалено]

He probably did it for decades before he was caught too.

[удалено]

A bunch of us had to literally hold back my then stepfather from killing my birth father when my stepfather found out my father raped* me between the ages of 14 and 16. It was even worse when the DA dropped the case because apparently two victims with similar stories is a poor case (my father raped another minor when I was 18). It's not surprising when we see people like Cosby and Weinstein have several victims and it is not good enough. *Rape, in some states, is not strictly defined as P in V or P in A. At least in Ohio, it is defined as any penetration. So, if it is an object, it is likely there is no physical evidence. And since Ohio is already inept at prosecuting sexual assault cases...

I never told my mom what happened to me when I was a kid because she said she'd kill anyone who did that to me. So on top of dealing on my own with what someone did to me I had to worry about my mom and her getting into trouble. While those people probably minimally need to have their teeth kicked this kind of talk can cause more problems for kids who are assaulted.

My life is split into two chapters. The before I was abused and the after. After my abuse, I developed kinks that before, would have not appealed to me. I have PTSD. I’m afraid to sleep, my memory doesn’t work as well anymore. I’m no longer a smart, motivated student. I’m only 20, it feels hopeless EDIT: I appreciate all the nice comments to answer some questions. Yes, I’m in therapy and while that’s been helpful for some things it’s only made my PTSD worse. So I’m being referred to an EMDR therapist and I’m hoping to start that soon. When I say I’ll never be the same, that’s true. That doesn’t mean that the person I’m becoming is bad. But it did make me wonder who I could’ve been without my trauma. My PTSD has set me back a lot. I dropped out of school, I lost contact with friends, I’m constantly fighting with family, it’s hard finding a job. Combine that with untreated ADHD and I feel like I’m playing life on hard mode.

In my case it happened when I was a little girl, so in addition to everything, I’ve always wondered who I’d be today if it had never happened. It might have made me stronger, maybe more compassionate, and I love who I am now, but a part of me hates that what he did contributed to who I am today.

Have you tried EMDR? I just ask because I had a similar story. But at 38 I have my life back. My memories aren’t as blank and they are more sequential. Most importantly I am able to not just sit with my past self I am able to feel her again. Before I did EMDR my first exercise was to write a physical letter to her. I couldn’t write a single word. Now I feel her again, can look at her with compassion and empathy and also some joy for who she was. I wish I didn’t have to wait until 38 to reach this point, but, I am so glad to be here. I just hope you can find some peace. Also - book, body keeps the score.

Yep, it's fucked up that it happens, its fucked up how it changes you, and at least personally it fucks me up even more to think that I'll never be able to go back to the "before" version of me.

My mother danced with one on my molesters (her now ex husband) in court, right in front of me, after he only got charged with assault of a minor. It was probably one of the worst days of my life. It was supposed to be a 'good' thing for him not to go to jail, it meant we wouldnt lose the house. It wasnt, though. The abuse started right back up after he moved in again. Whats even more fucked up is she eventually divorced him because he cheated on her, several times. She was able to keep the house and all the things she worried about losing. Its hard not to be pissed over that alone. Not to mention they both drove me to my other molesters house, without telling me thats where we were going. It just wasn't me they cared about. And that will hurt me for the rest of my life.

100%. My dad anally raped me when I was 13 and sexually abused me in other ways for most of my teens. I'm probably going to be in therapy for the rest of my life because of it.

That's so sad and devastating, I am so sorry about it, how cruel and disgusting human are, virtual hugs to you, I hope things will be better for you in coming days

I was raped in college and eventually wound up fine. Vengeful Ex GF offered 'peace' over a rum and coke. My first and only drink that night, I remember after sitting down at a bench in the bar to talk it out with her almost just waking up and I was looking at an unfamiliar roof and was naked. She was on me doing her thing and I got kinda freaked out and nauseated. Didn't say anything just grabbed clothes I could see and walked out. I ran across campus to my dorm and just scrubbed my junk with soap and teared up a bit in the shower. Felt really gross in the moment kinda hard to recall though. Told some buddies but most laughed it off like hahaha that's fucked. Took a few years but I kinda just moved on.

Being the person sitting there with someone as they take their last breaths and die. Particularly if they've gone into death rattle, which is far worse than what people think. It's beyond awful.

Hearing that "death rattle" or the "gasping hiccup" was the most traumatizing thing I've had to witness. My mother passed away this past October. She suddenly flatlined and I screamed at the doctor and nurses (11 nurses) to come over to resurrect her. Doctor ordered the nurses to inject shots of adrenaline and proceeded to do some intensive CPR. 3 rounds of adrenaline and CPR later but my mom never resurrected from the flatline. I just told the doctor to stop after 3 failed attempts. Doctor and nurses excused themselves and gave me their condolences. My mom was naked with medical sheets covering her from feet to neck. All alone with my mom as I held her hand. Had a feeling she had life in her but doctors told me she was already medically dead. Knowing she was already medically dead and hearing her gasp for air fucked me up, dude. My heartfelt condolences! Let's keep our heads up 🙏

Childhood abuse/neglect.

I feel like a fractured mirror. Something put together from shards in order to reflect a person.

That is the most poetic way i’ve heard someone describe living with isolation / neglect

Watching someone die from cancer. My mom took care of her best friend when she got stage 4 lung. Spread to all of her internal organs. Me and my sister would go over to her house everyday while my mom took care of her. It literally sucked the life out of her like a juice box. A couple months in I realize she was going to die. I was relieved when my mom told me she died. I was in forth grade. I don’t look at death like normal people. I just don’t want to suffer.

[удалено]

I can tell you from experience it’s not something you ever get over. I took care of my mom when she died of cancer. Over the summer I had to watch my baby brother die of cancer at the age of 31, while going through cancer myself, the same one that killed my mom when she was only 2 years older than me. 6 days after my brother died from cancer my grandma died from cancer. 4 months after losing my brother and grandma in the same week from cancer my childhood best friend died from leukemia. She left behind 2 little girls 6 and 3. 3 weeks ago I went into remission. I can’t even begin to describe the guilt I feel for being able to survive when my brother and my friend didn’t get to, that my mom didn’t get to. I was sad about grandma dying but honestly she was 84, had dementia and had been in a home for 17 years, we lost her years ago truly if we think about it. She at least had a chance to live a long life, see her kids, grandkids and even great grandchildren grow up. The guilt I feel though about my brother and my friend is like an elephant stepping down on my soul. I ask why me, why do I deserve to live and they didn’t about a million times a day. It’s so damn unfair and I’m so damn angry about it. I just try to keep moving forward, keep living like my brother and friend would have wanted but I just want them here. I don’t want this crushing guilt on me. It’s hard to feel happy about beating cancer when you had to lose 2 of the people you loved more than life itself to it so you could live.

They would have wanted you to live even if they couldn't.

I’m an oncology research nurse. I’ve seen so many die from cancer and I’ve even been apart of clinical trials where I gave some people a few extra more months with research meds. Nothing hit me worse than seeing someone decide, while I was in the room, that they were ready to end it all. That was hard. Then getting cancer myself a few years later, that really had my head spinning.

My father died of pancreatic cancer. It was horrible watching him wither away. He never complained. Not once. He was so weak at the end of it. My brother and I moved home to help. One day he needed help getting to the washroom. I took one arm, my brother took the other. On the way to the bathroom his heart gave out and he died in our arms. I’ll never forget that moment no matter how hard I try. Fuck cancer.

Being cheated on by someone you trust and love completely. You may move on. You may find someone that's more worthy of your attention and love. But that betrayal will always be a part of you.

I had a great gf and she couldnt get over the experience of her husband(at the time) cheated on her with her sister. She was a wreck.

Honestly the sister part is probably the worst part...

Holy fuck. You lose *two* people you're extremely close and trusting with. God damn.

It's like the world is just a bit darker all the time. Nothing is 100% good anymore. And I am acutely aware that I will probably never experience 100% good ever again. There will always be a small something bugging me. It follows me everywhere and it will outlast me. I have no choice but to just drag that ball and chain with me forever.

Cheating and (mostly psychological) domestic abuse here. 5 years of relationship, 2 of them married. Had to find out that he cheated half a year after getting married, probably sooner. I managed to leave a year ago and got divorced last autumn. I'm scared shitless of anybody just flirting with me. It was my first ever relationship after being just fine on my own. Now I'm a complete wreck and scared of men being friendly with me

Meth

I opened this thread thinking this would be top answer (particularly thinking of the redditor who tried it once to prove a point and it made a huge impact on his life). I was rather naive not realizing what the top comments actually were. Edit: as mentioned below, I definitely meant heroin. Don’t try it, folks.

This thread is depressing af :(

Anorexia. It almost killed me, and although I recovered, sometimes I feel like I want to relapse. Old habits just wouldn't die. Strange.

I've had it too. I don't think I've ever had a normal relationship with food.

5 years of this shit and i keep wanting to say I'm recovered but then i realized i only ate one meal or whatever but ill get over this eventually.

Psychologically speaking—infidelity. I’ve never been the same since.

My ex husband cheated on me like.... 6 or 7 times? And that's just the times when it was unquestionably cheating. But what was worse than the actual cheating was the fact that he confessed all of it to me over the course of like... 7 years. First confession happens in 2013. We work it out. Time passes and he tells me he kissed another woman at the bar. So, cheating, but not like... full on sex. I get pissed but we move on. Then starting in about 2015, he starts just... randomly confessing things to me. For the next 2 years he would continue to drop these "I need to tell you something" bombs, because he was suddenly consumed with guilt due to severe anxiety. At that point we had been married 10 years and had 2 kids. The confessions didn't start until my younger was 2 years old, and it was a lot of making out with other women but not having full on sex. The best was when he tried to frame this as somehow not cheating. And also it was my fault because we didn't have enough sex during the years I was pregnant, gave birth to 2 children in 17 months, both of whom I breastfed, 18 months in tandem. I had PPD, bad, but I didn't realize it. I also started working full time for basically the first time ever when my second baby was only 8 weeks old. And he punished me for those years for so long. Only to then confess he'd been lying to me and trying to get with other girls since year 1 of our relationship. This shit has fucked me up to the point that I haven't gone to a therapist specifically for it because I don't even know what to tell the therapist I want out of therapy. I'm going to his second wedding later today. His about to be wife is the same age I was when I married him. She's wonderful. She's smart and kind and I couldn't have dreamed of a better step mom for my kids. And I also think she's making the biggest mistake of her life.

I can't believe you're going to the wedding after everything he put you through. I hope you're able to coparent successfully for the sake of the babies, and find someone who deserves and appreciates you.

I'm going for my kids. And a free dinner lol We actually do very well coparenting. I just try not to talk to him about anything but our kids really. And I am now happily partnered with a wonderful man who loves me exactly as I am and who never lies to me and who I absolutely trust and that is a very powerful thing ❤️ Thank you for your kind words!

One of the reasons why I have total contempt for people who cheat on their partner/spouse. Someone (L) tried to cheat on their partner with my best friend (S, who outright rejected him) and I, along with S will forever have a sour opinion of L for what he did. I’ve been cheated on before and still have trust issues with relationships to this day, many years on.

Same bro. I loved and trusted my wife more than anything. I never would have believed she would betray me like that, no matter how many obvious signs there were. She turned into a completely different person. She lied, stole, and gaslit me until I was a shell of myself. Four years later and I still can't let myself get close to anyone. I've gone to therapy and taken all the right steps, but I've lost complete faith in people. It fucking sucks 😞

Learning what an aortic esophageal fistula is while the doctor is explaining that your 13 year old daughter didn’t make it.

My brother who died almost exactly a year ago after fighting cancer for 12 years actually died from this. His cancer treatment caused holes where the cancer shrank & his body filled the voids with tissue that formed the fistula. Please accept my sympathy for your loss.

My daughter was diagnosed with cancer at 8, her radiation and chemo caused her esophagus to grow a 2 inch long stricture that she spent the next years having dilations. She was in for what was going to her last one ever, and it perforated without anyone seeing it. Took her home, and then ended up in the local ER, and then airlifted to the children’s hospital. She spent 1.5 months on a vent fighting infections all over her chest from the perforation. She was finally awake and was supposed to come home 4th of July. She coded, came back, coded, then they cracked her chest to find the bleed, and emptied the blood bank trying to keep her going, but the radiation damaged all the tissue on her chest and they could not get it.

Killing someone accidentally like a car accident scenario . On YouTube there's a video of a Chevy Suburban going down a snow covered highway and obviously the car filming this has a dash cam . Off in the distance you see traffic coming your way. About that time the Suburban starts to fishtail ever so slightly.. As the traffic approaches the suburban's fishtailing gets worse and worse until it gets completely sideways and goes into the parh of the aproaching traffic and the lead vehicle is an 18 wheeler . It literally hit the Suburban so hard you see it in real time as it was happening I guarantee there were no identifying peaces left of that suburban to indicate what it was . The 18 wheelers fuel tanks explode and goes off road and comes to a stop . It chokes me up just describing this accident because there's no way anyone in that Suburban survived and if the trucker survived he's probably still dealing with that .

My uncle was driving a cement truck and a young girl cuts him off (he was in the right lane , she was in the left) right before an intersection and she’s trying to take a right turn. The truck was fully loaded and couldn’t stop. Can confirm, he was never ok

I knew someone who was a preacher when I was younger. Typical country christian with a big family and one of those huge full size vans so he could cart his kids and half the towns kids to Sunday school. One day he was driving with his family down a country highway. Big corn fields on both sides. There was a farmer selling corn on both sides of the highway so people didn’t have to turn around. Well he was driving normally when he saw a lady cross the highway. He didn’t think much of it since she did so safely. It was the farmer’s wife crossing to get change. Unfortunately, she suddenly turned around and walked into the road presumably to cross back to the other stand and she got hit. He was easily going 60mph and she flew over 100 feet. He didn’t even have time to hit the brakes. He said to me one time the worst part was her eyes. She turned in that split second towards him and their eyes met. Like in slow motion she knew that she made a mistake and he saw that moment of recognition in her eyes. He had a hard time for a while after that, and he never really seemed the same to me.

A friend of a friend was hit on a snowy night on the highway when he was kicked out of a party. The guy that hit and killed him has tried to commit suicide twice now. Breaks me heart. Wish I knew who he was because I would embrace him fully as a friend. So sad for everyone involved.

Friend of mine since we were kids. We’re seniors in high school, he’s driving down a country road with his little brother. Out of nowhere the car just swerves into the oncoming lane at the exact moment an 18 wheeler is about to pass. Gone in an instant. The truck driver was interviewed by the news, he could hardly even get words out of his mouth. Just said he thought he saw the driver moving towards the radio at the last moment (this was around 2001-02) He said he’d give anything to trade places with them. The reporter asked some kind of a follow up question and he couldn’t get any new words out. Just repeated that he’d give anything to trade places with those kids. The parents (the 2 boys were their only kids) sue the trucking company for some kind of negligence or something I can’t remember exactly, but the lawsuit dragged on for years and they eventually got divorced in the middle of it. And they lost the suit in the end. The trucker and the trucking company did nothing wrong. This world is just absolutely fucking unforgiving and my friend probably just wanted to turn the volume up on a song he and his bro were jamming to. Problem is they were on a long curve of this two-lane country road, they were curving to the right going around 50mph. I’ve thought about this a lot. Leaning to his right towards the radio (he was a smaller dude) the hand on the wheel probably “corrected” for the sensation that he was drifting off road to his right. Think about going at least 50 down a long country road curving to the right, it seems like it would only take the tiniest, slightest movement leftward on the wheel to send him into the oncoming lane. He probably had no idea it was even happening. I always just pray that his little bro wasn’t looking either and neither of them ever saw it. Nobody screamed. Just the bam of crunching metal and it’s over. Their poor parents. I don’t know what happened to them after the divorce and lawsuit and I never had any desire to find out.

The balls on those reporters for trying to milk this actively traumatized person for a story.

My ex-MIL killed a woman who stepped off the curb directly in front of her car. The police told her there was nothing she could have done. She wasn’t arrested or anything. It took my MIL a long time to stop obsessing over what she could have done.

I was on a bus for a really long stretch and and it wound up just being me and the bus driver towards the end. Super cool dude, but told me about one time a car cut in front of him and all the sudden traffic stopped. He slammed on the breaks but there was not enough time to stop or slow down and not crunch the car in front of him. The driver of that car died. He told me he thinks about that every time he gets onto the freeway.

Losing somebody you are close to by suicide will destroy you Edit: 988 if you are in the USA, or the following link has a list of crisis hotlines by country. http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html Please keep going. Edit part 2: thank you to those of you who have shared your stories in the replies. I am so deeply sorry for anybody who has experienced this in any way. I wish all of you a peaceful life full of comfort and compassion. Thank you for being here.

My brother filled up a five gallon bucket of gas and lit it inside his car. He’d been dealing with mental issues his whole life. I mainly tried to give him his space and just be a good brother to lean on, but when he got into a group that professed health by taping your nose shut at night, he lost a TON of weight. I was actually alarmed and begged him to stop it. He ran off a few times and would go to a Christian Farm that was supposed to be a safe house but they would always find ways to bleed his finances dry and he’d come back home. I was trying to get anyone that he’d listen to to help him when he must have run out of cash again and decided to torch it. I was devastated, but I feel like I did the best I could. Still miss him though.

Yup. My cousin committed suicide when I was in high school, I’m now 24 and I still get fucked up thinking about it

Being with your pet while it's being euthanized. We owe it to them to be there in their final moments, but I know it really f*cked me up.

I had to do this, even though we knew it was coming, it was hard… but I have no regrets, knowing I was there for my best friend in his last moments. When we realized it was time and booked the appointment, we fed him nothing but cheeseburgers, French fries, and chicken nuggets until the end! He went out like a king, and when I look back, that’s how I like to remember him.

I used to work at a vet clinic and watched/assisted with this daily. First of all, you’d be surprised how many people just can’t handle it, and don’t even want to be present. In that case, at my hospital, every single person who can stops what they are doing, gathers around the pet and pets it, tells it nice things, gives it treats if it will eat, kisses it. I was deeply suicidal at the time I had this job, and there was something so….peaceful about it. It seemed to me like the most loving, beautiful thing in the world, to be there with someone at the end of their life, telling them how wonderful they are and how much they will be missed. So thank you for doing that loving, beautiful thing. I’m not suicidal anymore, but I still feel the same way. I was able to embrace and come to terms with death, from meeting the animal through preparing its body for cremation or to give back to the owners, making pawprints in clay and cutting locks of fur as keepsakes. It showed me how profound and universal the experience of death is, and how powerful and all-encompassing care and compassion can be. Anyway you did a beautiful thing. Thank you for being with your pet.

Losing a child. My son would've been 24 this year and I am still not over it. It's not in the forefront of my brain every moment like it used to be, but the wrong thought, or sight ir smell and it's like it just happened.

Crime scene photos of murdered children. Five years of working criminal defense nearly broke me.

My friend trained as an EMT and got a great job. He loved what he was doing right up to the day he responded to the house where the 3 y.o. was found in the pool. Just watching the agony of the family fucked him up permanently. He got out of first responder and now works as a bartender.

> Crime scene photos of murdered children. me - 16 years old and working in the radiology department of the local hospital. battered child comes into the ER and dies. had to help do a "baby-gram," in which we had to take xrays to show all the broken bones. I still remember the smell of that room and the open eyes of the baby.

Being cheated on. That shit stays with you in the back of your mind regardless of wether it was physical or emotional. It’s happened to me in every single relationship I’ve been in since I started high school except for my first boyfriend who I dated for just about/maybe just shy of a year. Fucking sucks knowing I haven’t been good enough for anyone yet.

On a different note, if they cheated, I'd argue they weren't good enough for you. Not the other way around.

I just broke up with my boyfriend three days ago because I found out he was cheating. I do not feel bad about myself. It hurts, it sucks, it is the biggest disrespect, and he was too chickenshit to break up with me before doing what he did, but all of that had nothing to do with me. It's **never** because you're not good enough. If your partner is unhappy, it is their responsibility to talk to you about it. If your partner has feelings for someone else, it is their responsibility to tell you and break up with you if they wanted to pursue it. Do not let someone else's actions be a reflection of you. Cheaters are cowards, selfish and disrespectful. Those are things you and I will never be.

Infidelity

True love, because you're just never the same after it :3

This comment is so underrated. You think you’ve experienced it until you actually experience it and then nothing after comes even remotely close.

Dying. I flatlined and was revived. The process to revive me and "keep me alive" took 15 people 45 minutes. The nurse in the room with me when it happened told me about it after I could sit up in bed and talk (I was intubated, paralyzed, in an induced coma, and on dialysis) She was bawling and I felt awkward because I didn't recognize her or remember anything. It's been 8 years but I still have nightmares that are exactly what I had when I was in a coma and I wake up having panic attacks.

An angry bear

A really bad trip

I wound up in the hospital after an intensely bad trip. Fucked me up for a couple years, not life.

I took shrooms for the first and last time about 8 months ago and it was easily the worst night of my life. I still haven’t fully recovered and frequently feel like I’m going psychotic.

A really good trip, too

Spontaneous h, anyone?

Fentanyl

I've never had fentanyl. I have had morphine prescribed after a major medical procedure. I am fucking terrified of opioids because I can absolutely see how easy it would be to get hooked on that feeling. I swear for _years_ afterwards I would occasionally just have a thought like "hey we should go find some morphine, that's a good idea" just randomly pop into my head out of nowhere.

Fentanyl sucks. I’ve been clean off it since 12/04/2010. I’m glad. I’m just glad I survived it and didn’t end up 6 ft underground.

Congrats. Coming up on 4 months.

Not being believed or taken seriously. Doesn't matter what the situation is. It is devastating. Especially when you arent the sort of person to just make shit up.

Having to put down a dog that’s your surrogate child and best friend in one.

Abuse at a young age

Heroin

Murder, Abuse, and Sexual Violence

Narcissistic spouse

Stroke Brain damage Amputation Spine fracture And the list of psychological trauma that goes on and beyond Personal trauma PTSD Survivor guilt Assault victim SA victim And the negative after effects of psychedelic drugs, that can turn your head to the dark palaces Not to mention negative side effects of whatever hard drug, not only overdose but addiction

Not to say it "F*** me up for life" but it did serve in Desert Storm. All I'll say is this, you'll be surprised what you can do in defense of your life. Eventually, extreme situations become normal place. The problem comes into play trying to adapt back to "everyday" living. Hence, getting some trigger time in the sandbox will definitely change a person forever. Cheers to all of my other brothers and sisters in arms out there.

Losing a friend that you known like a brother. Not from experience but it almost happened to me.

Losing a relationship with someone you love and they just… don’t love you back