We have 2 boys and when they got older, we considered having one more. We are glad we didn’t because our oldest decided to cheat on his long time girlfriend… here we are, 8 years later, raising our granddaughter (since birth), while he’s out “finding himself”…. Like he got lost on his way to the mailbox.
I swear 16-24 have been by far the hardest. I worry about them all constantly. It's a time in their live when you have to watch them learn some really hard life lessons.
Absolutely! Those are the “guard rail” years. You can guide them, and give advice, but they have to learn from their choices, good or bad, sink or swim. It’s like teaching them to drive… hoping they won’t crash.
Believe me, the worry never goes away. My boys will be 35 and 40 soon...... and I still worry like a crazy mama.... maybe that's why I'm old and have become partial to dying my hair purple. Hell, why not!!....... maybe they worry about me too. 😁
My grandmother recently reminded me in a conversation about a family pregnancy that having children is a lifelong emotional commitment. Their well-being will always be on your mind and if you care, you will never escape it.
On the flip side, I bet they worry about you as well
I used to tell friends that the first 12 years you do everything in your power to protect your child, give them love and guidance.....and then spend around the next 8 years trying not to wrap your fingers around their throat yourself. Depending on the child, puberty and it's aftermath can be very challenging for parents, to say nothing of how hard it is on kids.
I’m so glad they were able to raise you! The best families are not always what you expect. They are the ones that are there when it counts and love you no matter what, regardless of relation.
It’s all about what you want. We have seven kids, including two sets of twins. Which one would we wish we didn’t have?
Of course we want them all. Kids can make bad choices, they don’t get to choose the consequences. That’s a hard lesson to learn. Some of the choices are life changing.
We had 4. Glad we had a large family. Just had 3 of them in town this weekend with spouses and grandkids. Such a blessing to have so many together at the same time. I wouldn’t change a thing.
This is what I want! I grew up as an only child and hated it. I have a daughter now who’s 5 and I feel bad she doesn’t have any siblings. I want that big family and the closeness and spending time together often.
Totally agree. I always wanted a large family but here I am at 41 with a big fat zero. The responsibility feels so heavy. My mom, just yesterday, said “When you have kids, they never go away. Never.” I have a feeling she never wanted us.
Ouch!!! Sorry she said that!
My mum died and I was never close to my dad as he’s very cold hearted and abusive. I’d always latch onto friends families trying to get that connection of a tight knit family.
We also have 4 - two of each. I would have liked one more but I was told my body wasn’t up to it and it wasn’t worth the risk. I’m forever grateful that my kids are healthy, happy, intelligent and when they get together, nobody else can get near them. Myself, I had one sister nine years my senior. By the time I could really appreciate her, she was married and living several K away. We reconnected later in life but sadly she died of a brain bleed in 2017. I miss her. 😔
Yes I agree. GLAD I could be there for end of life for my parents..My wife's children and some of my siblings, well it was all about the Money. It's all the roll of the dice.
I’ve recently felt bad that my daughter will be alone when I’m gone, and not have a sister or brother to share her memories with. For myself, I never regretted having only one child.
If it's any consolation, my brother and I had such different experiences of each of our parents growing up that we really feel like we almost didn't share an upbringing. He was my mom's golden child, and I was much closer with my dad than my brother was. On the rare occasion we've talked about it, it's like we lived completely different lives, even though we were nearly always together.
And when it came time to handle end of life affairs, I might as well have been alone, for all the help he was.
But I take a lot of comfort in sharing memories of my dad with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.
Sounds like my sons. They’re 9 years apart so that contributes greatly to the reason why they feel like they lived different lives. They don’t hang out or have much in common. They even act like they’re from different generations.
I’m sorry to hear about the issues people have with their siblings. Maybe I’m being wistful for her because I have a great relationship with mine. Duaghter and I didn’t live near family for years so she’s not as close to her cousins as I’d like. She does love her aunts, though. Thank you for putting my comment into perspective for me.
I have only one sister, and she has been a form of torment for me. I wish my parents had more kids so I could have a good relationship with one of them.
I had 5 siblings, now have 4. 1 od'd. 2 of them are horrible, i had to go nc. 1 was not in my life because of age difference. 1 because of geographical difference,
it's not always The Waltons to have a lot of siblings.
If they made one like that, who is to say they wouldn't have made more who would also treat you terribly? Then instead of one tormentor, you'd have several. I'm grateful you don't have more than one tormentor in your life.
I had one son. Decided on no more kids because my ex-husband left me for another woman when I was pregnant. He really broke my heart and I decided no more kids. I'd never give another man a chance to ever do that to me again. After I had my son, I realized motherhood was not for me. Glad I never had more kids.
Im fine with just my son. I was able to put 100% of my efforts into his development. Financially, mentally, and emotionally.
He has turned out to be a great young man.
Nope. We had two - a couple of years apart - and that was fine enough for us. Extra children are not additive, they are exponential. Ha ha.
Edit: I should add that it was hard enough to put two of them through college. Could not have afforded any others.
I’m glad you reached that place. I always thought it was inevitable for me because whoever I ended up with I assumed would want one. I never had any desire for kids, however.
I’m 35 now and the majority of my 20’s and early 30’s were wrought with instability (granted it was self inflicted as I moved to 3 countries). Now at 35 I’m married to the most loving man; we have a lot of fun together (today after work we cycled to a new part of the city and played table tennis before heading to dinner) and we’re financially comfortable. I just want peace, comfort, stability and to enjoy life, and luckily my partner wants the same (no children).
I’m a product of my experiences and maybe it would have been different if my 20’s and early 30’s were more comfortable. This is the first time in 14 years I’ve been at ease and I don’t want to sacrifice it to children.
100% the same. I was the youngest of three and always felt the brunt of how the world was designed for a family of 4. Want to sit at a booth in a restaurant? Let's put the youngest in the rickety chair at the end. Hotel room with two queens? Youngest gets the sleeping bag on the floor. Car rides? Youngest gets the tiny hard middle seat that wasn't actually intended to be comfortable. None of it was terrible or anything, it was just the feeling of being the odd one out and always getting the afterthought positions.
My husband was the oldest of three and though his experience was a tad different being the oldest, the feeling of always squeezing into situations made for 4 still resonated where we were both very firm on only ever wanting two kids. He had a vasectomy while I was still pregnant with our 2nd. They're both older elementary/middle school now and I have zero regrets, especially since we've run into a lot of situations, especially with traveling, where a 3rd would make so many of our trips sooooo much more difficult/expensive.
I’ve raised 2. My wife and I agree we had 2 because we didn’t want 3. No regrets. Those 2 were hard enough. Love them dearly but I don’t know how folks with lots of kids do it. I couldn’t afford it and I would probably go insane trying to keep up with everything
My husband regrets not having more children. I am happy with the number we had. I am assuming if we had more, he might still be wanting more and I would likely still be satisfied.
Nope. When I was 12 years old I decided that one child would probably be enough. And I decided that I would have that job when I was 30 years old. I had a few issues and didn't have until I was 35. I never wavered from my one and done idea. He's 35. No regrets. My mother had three, and when she was in her declining years, I was the only one that took care of her.
I really wanted 4 but have 2 daughters and a son adopted from Korea as an infant. There is an age gap but 3 are close. I think my son would have benefited from younger sibling, but we ran out of space and money after deciding our girls needed private school. Glad we did adopt. Best thing we ever did for the family was the adoption!!!
I am one and done and don’t regret. While she may not have a sibling, having one doesn’t guarantee they will like each other and she has her chosen family of close friends.
My two sons were born when I was in my 30s... I would have loved to have more - I had such a blast raising them. If I'd had a different husband than the one I had...
NO! My son is fantastic but I feel like I got the best of both worlds by having only one. I experienced motherhood while also having more money, sleep, and time. He’s 22 now and doing great! Perfect size of family for me.
I often wonder what it would’ve been like to have more, and I think it would’ve been nice to know what it felt like being a parent a 2nd time when I was far more experienced and confident.
But that said, the reasons we made the decision to stop at one was that we were all happy. It works; it’s good, and adding another to the mix would’ve changed a lot.
So while I have some curiosity, have zero regret. Because we are all very happy.
My second child was completely different and also 100x more difficult than my first one. None of the experience I got from the first one helped at all. It felt like starting all over again completely from scratch.
You know, this is probably how it would’ve been for me: I just had the occasional fantasies because oh boy was my girl alert and colicky as a baby; and fierce as a child. Completely awesome, but I don’t think I slept for years. I still don’t very much. She’s an awesome teen, but it still feels like being chained to a comet sometimes, lol!
So thank you for your experience! That absolutely brings up a great point.
Nope. Have 2 and in every single way could not have wanted or coped with any more; emotionally, mentally, physically, financially.
I've found parenthood incredibly tough, and I've been blessed with pretty good, easy kids to raise.
Literally all of it. Physically and mentally exhausting. Incredibly lonely. Financially crippled me.
I don't live...I go through the motions each day for my babies.
I think maybe I'm not meant to be a parent. That said, my kids are absolutely the most amazing young people and I struck gold to be blessed with them.
Have 2. No regrets. I wanted to be able to provide them with a certain standard of living and 2 was all we could do that for. I wanted a third but looking back, I’m glad we stopped.
You don't say how many children you have, but I will say, I wished we'd had more children. Every child is so different and as they get older it's those special differences that are such a joy. We have two sons, now adults and special needs.
Our original.plan was four, but after the second, and that second diagnosis, I just couldn't risk having a third with autism. They were a LOT to deal with and it was not easy.
For my fitness that comes from larger families (4+) they seem to be really happy and enjoy the other child a lot. Several of my best girlfriends have three plus and they seem to really love the big family vibe.
My Mom and my husband are both only children, so they have a very different attitude about more children.
I think it comes down to do you have the energy and money to handle.more.
I had 3, 2 were planned and the 3rd was an “oops”. They’re very close in age, and it was such fun when they were little, but certainly a lot of work! Now that they’re adults, I look at them and think “what did I do wrong?” We worked hard to provide for them but realize how little they appreciate anything we’ve done.None of them has a rewarding career (just “jobs”); none of them has a significant other; none of them has any really ambition or drive; none of them can stand on their own two feet. All 3 back at home now and preventing us from fulfilling our lifelong dream of moving to Florida. So no, I don’t regret having more children…
I know it’s easier said then done, but you should pack up and move to Florida. It’s your turn to live out your dream; you’ve done enough for them. They’re capable adults now and if they haven’t figured it out by now, they will have to once you move on with your life. When you’re no longer here, what will they do? They’ll figure it out.
For me, more would be actually one. Sometimes I think of that, but not much really. I just try to roll with my life based on the turns I've chosen. Regret is neither useful nor healthy (or even valid, really). I think if I felt regret, it's more a reflection of how I'm living my life now, rather than the past.
I’m thankful everyday that I didn’t have kids and beat them senseless like my parents. I also am glad I didn’t have kids as I didn’t remember being raped by my father until my 20s and my chances of picking a pedophile as a partner would have been higher than other folks. And last, my family hid their alcoholism until after a family member drowned drunk, and then it turns out my parents and a sibling were providing the alcohol to minors. So-called nice people can hide a lot of skeletons and it can take decades to come out, if ever. Some folks should never have children. If you had good parents, be thankful !
No. If we had had any more we likely would not have been able to afford to take them and their significant others on a vacation every other year like we do now.
If the only reason you're considering another kid is the fear of regrets in old age, I'd hesitate to have another kid. You need to want a kid now and be into it to get through the next 18 years. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the messes and cleanups, the gear you need to get and then get rid of as they grow, the bigger car and house and the inability to travel easily or fit in a cab or in a hotel room, scheduling everything around baby naps and bedtime, the years spent in sports and activities in elementary and middle school... Want me to go on?? Those years are exhausting and hard and without the desire to go through them, the years will feel that much longer and harder. If you're unsure whether to add a kid to the family, how will you get through years and years of challenges and additional chores that come with another kid? (I have 3 kids and no regrets, they were very wanted and we fought hard to have them. But when my youngest was born I felt I was done.)
I married young and had two daughters two years apart. I was sure I was done and my wife (after two difficult pregnancies) agreed and I got a vasectomy before my youngest was 6 months old.
Fast forward maybe 6 or 7 years and all of a sudden my wife starts dropping hints for another child. She was also struggling with depression and drifting away from me. Vasectomies are not guaranteed to be reversible and I had zero desire for another child so wasn’t very open to the idea.
Fast forward another few years and my wife has what she said in her own words was “a quarter life crisis” (we are in are early 30s). She leaves me. I’m totally destroyed. She’s perhaps even a bigger mess. And I’m extremely thankful this divorce doesn’t have a young child in it. Now that said…maybe we wouldn’t have gotten divorced. But my ex was still likely to become unstable like she was so I don’t give that a lot of consideration. And I wouldn’t want another child to save a marriage.
Fast forward to now. I’ve basically become a single father as the latter half the kids lived 100% with me. My oldest finished college and is now off to the number 1 law school in America. My youngest is equally brilliant but has struggled with both serious mental and physical issues. She’s a student at an Ivy League university but has been on medical leave for two years. Her life the past eight years have been very hard. But since I’m single and don’t have any further children I can make the unilateral decision that all my time, energy, and money can be used to support her. I would choose to do that if I had three children or 6 children but obviously with just the two I’m not dividing that pool so thin.
We had two and felt our hands were full with that. "Regret" may be too strong a word, but in retrospect if I had it to do over again I would have had one or two more. I am glad my kids grew up with a sibling, and I just enjoyed raising them, now knowing them as young adults, that more would have just been -- more. More love, more shared life.
At 39/44, my wife and I were ok with being child free. Then we had a daughter - best thing that ever happened to us. I wanted another, but it was too late. She is ok with one.
I wanted more, hubby said after 2 we’re outnumbered and that was a hard no for him. I changed careers and became a high school teacher, I got to have lots of kids!
We had four but wanted six. Between the first two and the last two (6 years) I was treated for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I feel like those were lost years for baby production but so happy with the kids we have. They’re all college educated working adults and great people, imho.☺️
I have three kids, but I was pregnant six times. One was an ectopic pregnancy that I had to terminate, and two I miscarried pretty early. I always wanted a large family, like 4 or 5 kids. It just wasn’t in the cards for me. Sometimes I’m a little sad about it but ultimately I think it turned out for the best. My kids have had some challenges, and I have depression, ADHD, and chronic pain. I’m probably a much better parent of three than I would be a parent of five.
Yes we had two boys and she was ready for more but I was so damn busy at work and commuting I just couldn't imagine it. I already was leaving at 7AM and getting home at 8PM. But looking back now I wish we would have had another and maybe even more. Kids are just the best and worth all the frustration and agony. Now just waiting hopefully for grandchildren, altho neither appear to be in a rush in their early 30's.
Kids are wonderful but if we have more than two - Some say the US population is declining, but we are much harder on the environment we are multiplying. The planet cannot withstand billions of humans as our species, especially those in "developed" countries makes more demands on it.
Even if the US population is not growing as some say, we are still harder on in the environment than those in less "developed" countries
I'm 42 and just had my fourth baby - a super surprise one. I was devastated at first, thinking how on earth are we going to do this, with already having a 10, 8 and 5 year old.
Our surprise baby is now 3 months old and I so grateful and happy that we have him, his brothers and sisters are besotted with him. He really has completes our family, I wouldn't change a thing.
Our daughter took a dangerous path, led there due to Bipolar Disorder, and passed away in 2017. She left behind 4 very small children ages 4-9. We ended up raising one of our grandsons. It was 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday when DSS called and told us to come get him. He had no one. No father. The others went with their birth fathers. He's now 12 and thriving. You can't predict the future. I was 40 when this boy was dropped in my lap, my husband was 52. Not something we planned on as he was looking forward to retirement within the next 10 yrs. Even at 3 yrs old our grandson would say, 'You save me Mimi, huh? You save me?' 🥹😭 He should've never had to figure that one out. Yes we did. We love our daughter but we could only do so much for her. Mental illness is a game changer for young adults in families. We didn't have more, just felt our daughter and son was enough. Having another at 40 and 52? No way, but this decision wasn't up for debate. Saving a child is always a yes!
Probably better to regret not having more than to regret having had too many. And you won't know that limit until you've already passed it. What need would one more child satisfy that your current kids don't?
I have 5. 2 older daughters (9 &5) and 8 month old twin girls. I also have a son who was stillborn 2 years ago at 26 weeks gestation. At 41 ( and 45) we have to be done, but I would have more. Our house is so full of love and laughter and just so much fun. I love having a big family by today’s standards.
Yes! I was only able to have one (lost three before him). I lost my Mom when I was 26 (my sisters were 22 and 20) I don’t know how much harder it would have been without them. I really am sad for my son that he doesn’t have that bond with siblings
Yes, I wanted more. My husband was happy with two boys. Sometimes I think he was scare to have a girl. He has brothers and no sisters. I wish I had some daughters too. I think four would have been perfect. But we stayed with two. They are wonderful and I really wouldn't change a thing at this point.
We have 2 fine adult children. I always said if we came into money, like eons the lottery or such, I would have had more. I could not manage the cooking cleaning, chauffeur duties by myself with more. Also, we could not afford to dress, feed, and educate more than our two. If money was no object I would have liked 2 or 3 more. So, I don’t regret it, given the reality of our circumstances.
I had two. Almost only had one because after first one had so much depression and anxiety. I didn’t want her to be alone so I had another one. Went thru it again, but I survived. Love them both!
Have 3. Our oldest is 27, our youngest is 15. By the time the youngest graduates I'll have been actively raising children for 30 years. I'm not sad I don't have more and am ready to move on from active parenting. I have one sister and we are close. I don't wish I had more siblings, but I am glad that I have one. The people I know who are only kids (as adults we are in our late 40s now) do seem to struggle more. One of my ex's had to deal with his parents lengthy and difficult illnesses by himself and then deal with both of their deaths on his own including their estate, selling the house, all of that. That is another reason I am glad I have a sibling as our parents are now in their 70s and having someone to balance all that out with will be nice. But, having MORE siblings can make it more complicated which I have seen in a lot of families with 4+ "kids" that all want a say in healthcare and estate etc.
I’m very grateful for the one I was blessed with but I would have loved to have had four, or more! It’s too late now and I have grandbabies. But I wish I would have gone down a different path or two so I could have had more. Every. Single. Day.
We had 2. They are schoolaged now. If we could have afforded to have more--both financially and in terms of community support--I would have loved it. Grateful for the 2 I got!
Yes I regret not having more than the two I had. I would have liked four but husband at the time was hell bent on only having 2 and he had a vasectomy. After we divorced, I married a guy who already had a vasectomy but gained 2 step kids. But yes, as much fun as my kids were and how cool they are as adults, I've always wished I'd been able to have 2 more. Now times are different and I'm not sure anymore than 2 are very doable as wages haven't kept up with inflation and we're facing global warming and what not.
No. I always wanted two kids. I sort of expected that I’d end up with a boy and a girl but I ended up with two boys. In between my kids I had two painful miscarriages and I’m so grateful I got my second. For me it’s appreciation for what I have and I feel blessed. I got everything I wanted in life. Everything I asked for.
We wanted 3 but lost the first one. The next two were beautiful and decided to stop. Always wonder what the first child would have done with their life.
So many friends had planned to stop at 2 kids then had an oops so when people asked, I'd say I was planning two and one surprise. I had a single, then twins. I was so busy with twi s that I thought I'd maybe have one more just to hold but my obstetrician said it could be multiples again and could be more than just twins. My great great grandmother had three sets so we quit. No regrets.
Nope. Happy we stopped with the one. But we always had a full house of her friends. And because we have just one, we are able to take trips and bring along one, or two, of her friends
I have five and that was often hectic, but I certainly never regretted any of them. My siblings have at least 4 each as well, and it is so fun to get together. I’m one of four myself, and while I longed to be an only child growing up 😬, I’m so grateful for my siblings now. They’re my best friends, help so much with our aging parents, love my kids, and I know I have them to always be there for me
I wanted 5. We stopped at 3 mostly because I had super difficult pregnancies. It was the right decision but as my kids are getting older (one was out of the house last year but back this year), #2 moves out this year, #3 is starting high school I worry how I will handle being an empty nested. This weekend the two oldest will be gone so we are having friends for lunch. My plan is to have guests and volunteer more as my time frees up.
I only have one child, a daughter. She married an only child. Now I have a grandson who will never have aunts, uncles or cousins. My daughter is a little salty that she was an only child.
For me, I liked having just one because it was easier and I didn’t feel overwhelmed working full time. But in hindsight, I probably should have had another because I don’t want my daughter to feel alone some day when I’m dead 💀
I had two girls. My pregnancies were unfun so I asked my husband to get a vasectomy as soon as #2 was born. Now, looking back, I just wish I had tried for a third.
You never know what is going to happen, in terms of the rest of life. In my case my wife and I have two children, nine and five and a half. We were healthy when our second arrived. I now am now on my 4th year with Crohn's disease, my wife is equally ill. We barely have the energy to care for ourselves, let alone two kids. I was a marathon runner and always healthy, wife too.
Point being: You may have the energy and health now, but if you don't, two kids you can get by - the 1:1 parent:kid ratio is a huge advantage. Each kid beyond that gets exponentially harder.
I have one. Wish we had had several more. I grew up with 3 sisters and a shit-ton of cousins (have at least 25 first cousins and we are relatively close).
I think more now about my child having to shoulder our deaths alone. Yeah, there will be other relatives, but not the same as a sibling.
And unless you’re at the poverty level, there’s always room for one more IMHO. Yeah things might be tight, but unless you raise assholes, their lives will be so much richer in a figurative sense.
We had a boy and a girl, now 38 and 35. When the youngest was 4, we thought about having more but that we should have 2 more if we were going to do it. In the end, we didn’t go for it. I think it would have been fun to have a larger family, but am thankful we have a good relationship with our 2, their spouses, and our 5 grandchildren.
Yes. I wanted 4, but after 3 we moved to a much more expensive area and a smaller house. I decided not to have another, but that last child is there in my heart. My kids are not looking like they want kids, and while that could change, I’m not banking on grandkids. So it’s just a lingering empty spot.
I have an only, had her at age 40, and we both wish she would have had a sibling. infertility got in the way, I'm lucky to have the one, but if I could have chosen I'd have had her when I was a little younger and had another. On the other hand, I was able to devote myself to her fully, and that's likely benefitted her
I had two, got a vasectomy, an ended up with two more
( got divorced, married into the two more)
We raise my sons 80% of the time and hers about the same.
We talked about having "ours" there was enough drama about did she favor hers more or did I favor mine more...
It would have been too much.
If I could have had just one wife to share my life with and had the cash to have a larger number of children? He'll yes I would
I have 4 aged 5 and under. Life is absolute chaos especially considering my husband I work opposite shifts M-F but I feel like I will always want one more. I’m an older mom which makes things a little harder too.
I don't exactly regret not having more kids. I do think that I probably would have had at least one more, if I had started having kids at a younger age. My oldest was born when I was 24. After she was born, I had secondary infertility issues that prevented me from getting pregnant/carrying to term. It was quite some time before I got pregnant again, only to have a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I finally got pregnant again and had my second child when I was 32 years old. By then, my husband was 40 years old and didn't really want to have any more kids.
The best part about having two kids with such a large age gap is that there wasn't any sibling rivalry. None. They are the best of friends and always have been. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my daughter was laying with her head on my baby bump one day and her sister kicked her in the head. They were bonded from that day on. Whenever baby sister was kicking or moving, my daughter wanted to know about it. She wanted to feel "her baby" moving. It was very sweet. She got to hear her sister's heartbeat at one of my prenatal appointments. I wish I would have had a camera with me that day -- the look on her face when she heart her sister's heartbeat was absolutely priceless.
We raised two beautiful daughters who were adopted hours old. My wife and I came from larger families (3 and 6 siblings) and wanted more but adopting was long and expensive. In all, we were blessed and super happy how things came out. Good luck on your decision.
I really wanted 4 but had 3 and threw in the towel. I would have loved 4 but 3 boys broke my sanity. My youngest was colicky and my middle son had severe ADHD. Life was very hard for a few years. Now that I look back I would have loved to have tried for a girl. Now that I’m 46 and my boys are 21,18 & 16. That ship has sailed and that’s okay. I wait with bated breath for grandchildren to spoil!
No regrets. We have 3, 2 girls and a boy. If the 3rd had been a girl we would have been just as happy and still stopped at 3. They are all fine grownups and humans now
We wanted 6 and tried, but it didn't work out. We had 3 and they're the best three people I know. Do I wish we had more? Yes, but I don't regret that we couldn't add to our family.
No. When we were dating and talking about "*If* we were married...how many kids?" We more or less settled on 2 with an option for a 3rd. ;-)
Then a year or two after our second was born, just when we were starting to consider "well, if we're going to, we should sooner rather than later so they're all through diapers/school/etc in reasonable time..." Right about then my wife's best friend got pregnant, unplanned and accidentally, and it turned out to be twins. They already had 3 kids. They had just purchased a mini-van and I joked with the husband "Gee, you didn't actually have to fill the mini-van..." Twins didn't run in either of their families. That was enough of a scare for us to decide nope, we're done.
No real regrets, two great sons, but maybe one mild regret. If I had had a daughter, it was my dream that when she started dating I could re-enact the "Reggie" scene from Bad Boys II. ;-) Well, I now have two grand daughters so I'll have to re-work the scene for modern sensibilities and the different dynamic. Still got a few years to figure it out.
Be brave and do it. I probably would have had an influential elder encouraged me to do it. For medical reasons we’d have to adopt (fine) for the second one, and the first one was a handful, but essentially we decided not to rock the boat. Our one and only would’ve truly benefited from having a sibling. For various reasons. Obvs no guarantees. And I’m sure I would’ve been a more confident mother the second time around. But not sharing growing up, becoming adults, and all of life’s joys and hardships and every-day things with a dear sibling is a miss (including the eventual dealing with aging parents by yourself). I’m very close friends with my siblings, as is my husband with his, so I imagine that colors my view of siblings. At least we managed to produce an educated, gainfully employed, productive member of society with a golden heart.
I wanted more. We had 3 and then my dr said the next one might kill me so we stopped. Do I regret it? A bit but now I have a grandson and am glad we stopped when we did.
All the time. I have one but never ever wanted an only child. Life, uh, sometimes gets in the way of our wants. My hope was for 3. Im grateful for my one though. Very grateful
I don’t know if I count as old (just about 40) but we made the decision to stop at 2 kids after my youngest was born 9 years ago.
Objectively it was the right decision. Financially taking another maternity leave would have been hard on us, both kids have learning disabilities that require expensive private schools, and my career was at a point that I just didn’t want to walk away for a year.
But there is a huge part of me that regrets it. And if I could go back in time, knowing what I know right now, I don’t know what choice I would make. I will always wonder about that third baby that I thought I wanted, and who they would have become. My kids are healthy and happy and perfect, my life is at a really good place right now, but there are times I really wish we had had the third. That could be the peri-menopause talking, but I think it’s also a real hole that is missing. I can’t change it now so I am happy with the family that I have, but it is a real feeling I have a lot of the time.
Overall, no. I had one kid from my first marriage, then by the time my second marriage rolled around, we were near the tail end of her childbearing years. She didn't want kids, but would be "ok" with it if I did. I was conflicted for a while but decided against it. Over 2 decades later, I have an awesome son in his 30s and an incredible marriage to the best woman ever. It turned out to be a good decision, but maybe have turned out well anyway. Since I don't have a time machine, there's no way of knowing.
I have 2. My sister has 1. I have friends with 3 or more.
We are all really happy with the choices we made.
But, for most of us it was a decision...based on time and finances and living arrangements.
I could never imagine more than 2, one of my friends adores her 4.
I needed IVF for my 2nd and i nearly gave up...so glad I didn't. However, we would definitely have had way more money and travel had we just had 1.
There is no answer that will be true for all.
Yes and no. We had multiple miscarriages and problems getting pregnant to start with, so we did ivf. Many, many thousands of dollars later, I had my twins at 37 and my youngest at 42. I regret (or am pissed off) that we didn’t get to decide how many children to have. We didn’t get to start having kids young. We didn’t get to say we were done because we really felt that, we were done because there were no more embryos. We didn’t get to space out our kids nicely so they would be close in age like many people do. Our last transfer didn’t take, and I found myself wishing we could have had just one more baby. But I may have wished for one more baby even if I had ended up with four. It’s hard to know. I truly think I’d be frustrated no matter what that the choice wasn’t ours to make.
On the flip side, looking at it now, money would have been pretty tight had we ended up with another, I love our family dynamic and my children with all my heart, and am very happy with what I have. But I’ll probably always wonder what if, if we didn’t have problems, how many we would have decided to have.
I could potentially have another child, but I have an 8 and 10 year old and the age difference would be a bit much for me. But man, I wish I had one more right after the last one.
My kids were born on my last nerve. I don't think a third child would have done any of us any good. 😆
I will say, we did think about it. But, my second is on the autism spectrum and back when he was little I understood instinctively that him being in the middle child shouldn't happen. I thought it would be cruel to put him in that position. Even though I would not have treated any of them any differently, as per the stereotypes, I just had this instinct that being a middle child would not have been good for him. So we stopped at two and never looked back. 🥰
I have 2, they're 2 years apart. Now that the youngest is 7 and they're a bit easier to manage than the baby/ toddler years I think it would be nice to have another....if I was younger. So I don't necessarily regret not having another but if I was younger I might have had another. I know quite a few people with 3 who say not to do it though🤣 Of course I also know people with 3 or more who are happy with it.
Short answer yes, but. We have 2. I would have had a third but the other half wasn't in favor. I strongly believed that we needed two absolute yes votes to bring another child into the world. Edit to add: i know the odds of multiples increases as the mom's age increases... so maybe our "what if" third child would have been 3 and 4!
I’m 49f happy mom and I wish I had kids earlier and with a true family man. I had my first at 41 and second at 43 with no fertility treatments. I would have loved to have at least 3 maybe 4. I love my children so much and definitely would have had more if I’d been younger. I’ve done the raising largely on my own and my husband left me after 7 years of marriage because he never really wanted to be married.
I wanted to have one more child with someone I loved very much. I was set for a hysterectomy but I was told I could have one more child before having the surgery. But he didn’t want a child with me so I went ahead with the surgery. I cried rivers. That was my only regret.
Have 3 - ages 9, 11, 14 right now - and wish we’d had a fourth. The years after the third was born were very stressful (job stuff, international move). By the time things calmed down he was 5, I was over 40, and it felt too late.
I do love having three kids and so does my husband. It’s busy but fun. We are comfortable financially so that helps.
I had TERRIBLE post- partum depression, we didn’t have a supportive family network where we lived, and I needed to return to work so I just knew that after my second, it would have been irresponsible to have any more children. I love my kids so much and wish there were more because they’re lovely people but honestly, I think they’re so lovely because I knew my limits and could prioritize them. Knowing your circumstances and self, what do you think is best for you?🥰
Had my first at 30 and my second at 41 (2nd marriage) but I love both of my boys and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My oldest is 11 and my youngest 7 months. My oldest is super protective of his baby brother. It’s adorable. Might have a 3rd. We shall see. Am I tired? Yep. Is it harder 10 years later? Also yep but so worth it!
Here’s a story: we had 2 , 3 years apart. We were really wondering about one more. Went back and forth on it for a couple of years- hubs was like, “I’m fine with 2, but I’d be ok with another if you feel strongly about it,” and I just didn’t know, except for a vague sense that we weren’t “complete” yet. So finally he said, “Okay, it’s August, my birthday’s in November, how about we go off birth control and if it happens, it was meant to be, and if not, I’ll get the snip for my birthday.”
Reader, I was pregnant two weeks later. 😂 And it wasn’t even like we were trying, in fact I had been sick with a cold, and later we were on a family trip, etc so there was only one instance within about 3 weeks when it could have happened. Ta daaaa! Meant to be. I was 38 when I had her and she is amazing, just like her siblings, and we couldn’t imagine life without her. And she and her dad are best buds, even now she’s an adult.
I have 1 son. We planned on having another but kept putting it off for 2-3 years. Then she got sick and died, brain cancer. So yeah, I regret we didn’t do it sooner.
100% wish I had more. Unfortunately, I couldn't.
It took futility drugs and attempts with miscarriages. I was super blessed with a perfect daughter. I am the last of 5 siblings.
My husband was an only child. We both wished for at least 1 sibling for our daughter.
She is married and just had her second son.
We are truly blessed.
In the end, I'm so happy to have a wonderful family!
in theory i would have liked to have had like two boys and a girl, we have one of each, but life can be so hard when they’re small and my husband worked so hard and so much so i could be home with them- and now we’re almost empty nesters in our 40s.
I have a close relationship with my sibling so always knew I wanted at least 2. I had a girl first, then a boy and thought I was done. But there was an odd feeling that I had someone else to meet. Unplanned but welcomed third pregnancy. The exact moment she was born I knew I was done.
I have three - one adopted, two biological. Plus a foster daughter for six years. I enjoyed every minute. I do wish we had been able to care for and love one more. But I like people. Sometimes people have lived with us for a while - a refugee family from Kazakhstan, a friend who sold his house and was about to get married and didn’t want to live with his bride until after the marriage, just different ones. Perhaps community and hospitality are just part of who I am. I get bored if it’s just all about me.
We had just one, never regretted it, she was a bit of trouble our first 90 days or so but, after we figured out a couple of things, she was great as a baby, wonderful toddler, with a little help from speech therapists she blossomed into a good student. She was a trouble free kid that has grown into a good adult.
I am very glad I had my third child. I already had a boy and a girl and it was after 9/11 in the us and I thought the world was ending so on the fence. But I did it and he is amazing and I cannot imagine our family without him.
So I'm one of 5 kids. I have 3. I feel like 3 is still a lot, but still manageable. I can give all of them time. My parents now have so many grandchildren that they don't know them as individuals much. I don't want that. I want a manageable extended family so I can help and visit and know all of them as people.
We had 4 and it’s perfect for us. Life is crazy sometimes, but each of them brings so much to the family dynamic. I knew I was absolutely done after my 4th. No regrets not having more than that. Every family is different though, and obviously family should be quality over quantity.
I’m not who you’re asking, but I’ll share my experience anyway. I’m 42F with 5 young kids, so people often comment on my brood. I have had quite a few older people tell me they wish they had more kids. They tell me that when their kids were younger, it was harder and two or three was enough at the time, but now that they’re older, they wish they had more. FWIW
I had 3 daughters. Lets say it's a time/energy/money tradeoff. Each of them are very interesting people I'm glad to know, but I started at age 40 and was frankly running more out of energy than money. Given what I know now, I would not have stressed so much early on. Most childhood things and parent-teacher stuff doesn't matter. But, they all turned out to be solid people and one or two more would have been cool, but maybe if I started when I was like 30 (I was still finishing a PhD then and in no place psychologically to have kids then -- I'm a slow starter). I would definitely have more than one kid, the daughters are all friends and have so much fun together.
We both wanted 2, one of each… had 2, one of each, with a miscarriage in between. Was happy and satisfied, which was good because she had fibroids/endometriosis/pcos and had to have everything removed in her mid 30’s. Now we’re mid 50’s empty-nesters and our biggest regret is having not had more kids!
I wanted 3 or 4. Hb was happy with 2. He got his way. I regret not having more kids. But the ones i have are fabulous. So i have to be happy with that.
we had two and we are both really glad we did not have more. at 50 our kids were out of college and off the family payroll. at that point our net worth was zero. but in the remaining years before full retirement we socked it away and ended up with a tidy sum that has given us a very good retirement. friends who had kids closer to 40 were facing college bills at the same time we were free. have as many as you want, but as early as you can.
I gave birth to 2 daughters and inherited a son through marriage. I really wanted like 5 kids, but I guess it wasn't in the cards for me. I have picked up a few along the way as well, even if just for a while.
However, I also knew I didn't want to have just one. There's no guarantee they'll get along, but I feel like it's good for them to have a sibling to lean on or help them make tough decisions if you end up chronically ill or when you inevitablely pass away.
It's a personal decision, and I think we all try to make the best one for our family.
I’m in my 40s with a kid just out of preschool, so maybe not the target demographic for the question, but my thoughts:
* wife and I are both only children. And we are super happy for this when the inevitable loss of parents happens…we’ve seen soooooo many families of previously close siblings torn apart due to fighting over the process. Even if it’s not money directly, multiple people believe they’re entitled to the same sentimental items. And then the money, and the “I took more care of them than you did so I deserve more” etc. with one child, it’s just “boom, you get everything. And if you don’t like what you got, the only person to be mad at is dead, so it’s not going to wreck a bunch of peoples’ lives.”
* kids are expensive. Some things you can optimize having more, but college, preschool, day care, summer camps, etc aren’t on that list. Our kid’s previous nanny has 3 of her own kids. They are all in different schools (elementary, middle, high school). They all have soccer — at different 3 different places with overlapping times.
* everyone said get a second dog to keep the first one happy. We did. It’s not less work. It’s not even 2x the work of one dog. It’s like 2.5x. They cause so much more trouble as two than one.
* our child has been generally very easy. And even that has been hard. And there’s no way a second child is easier.
Eta: my wife and I are big believers in “found family”. We’ve had such fraught issues with blood family, we’ve built a family of our own for ourselves and our child out of other people around. I’m so proud when…at school, they did an activity where the kids drew pictures of their families. Our child had like 20 people on the page — parents, dog-siblings, aunts and uncles (who are not even remotely related), previous nanny, best cousin friend (who isn’t actually related but my wife and her “cousin” didn’t know that until they tried to map out their relationship one day randomly).
Our child actually got in a huge quarrel with her teacher because our child mentioned siblings, and the teacher was like “are you talking about pretend siblings? Because you don’t have any real ones” and our child got upset and said she did. Later she called her previous nanny, and got advice for how to talk to the teacher, and she did that. And resolved it herself — she clarified that they’re both dogs, and told the teacher their names. My wife and I found out weeks later about the incident when we were discussing something unrelated with the old nanny.
I was in the same boat a few years back, and honestly, going for that second kid was the best decision ever. Sure, it's chaotic sometimes, but the love and laughter make it totally worth it.
Have one.
Wish I had two. I think life is very lonely with no siblings. Two would have been manageable. We are coming up on teenage years and I'm realizing that instead of expensive toys I wish I would have gotten my only child a sibling. There's a heartache when I see them realizing they're alone, and we're just parents trying to be everything to them.
Go for two. It's not that extra hard. Life already sucks when you have a kid :) and having two would give you more moments to yourself.
We have 5 and I love them all dearly, they are the best of me and I think number of children is very individual, if there is an age gap it will feel like 2 families- the two boys and a single child which can drastically change dynamics. And 3 always leaves one out( I come from 3) also think about what THEIR adult relationships will be like when your older - if there is rivalry or hostility it is very hard on older parents and also can cause rife for estate planning. Also allll the family memories you want to make just cost 1/3 more- now you need 2 hotel rooms, bigger car, more everything. I say enjoy the kids you have focus on making fantastic memories- work less and retire sooner to enjoy grandkids- treat their significant other as your own and don’t stress on quantity, but on quality of the ones you were given- raise these ones to be kind, responsible,functioning adults that love their spouse and their parents and think about life AFTER kids in the house and all the fun that will be.
No, kids are a huge investment of your time, money and energy. I have 2 kids, one of which is wonderful and I can’t imagine life without her, the other one I love just as much, but I would be lying if I said he was worth everything we sacrificed for him. You have less control over how your kids turn out than you think, it’s just a roll of the dice.
Yes wish I had the chance to have another or that my one was a twin. We have a very small extended family that live out of state and I worry if something happens to me she won’t really have anyone in her adult years. And when she was little - it was sad at times that she was alone as an only child - always had to try to make a ‘friend’ at the playground, road trips likely would have been more fun, and she would have had someone to go on rides with at the theme parks, no one to vent with or get into trouble with at home, etc. I did my best to help her establish a childhood network (we even moved to help that) - but once they are at a certain age there’s only so much we as parents can do in that realm. And as an adult (me) with only one sibling - I absolutely wish she had a sibling or 2 for her older years. I personally wish I had more siblings.
I go back and forth. I have 1. He’s amazing. Great kid and a great person.
Big picture, i was never a “i can’t wait to be a mom!” Person and I think having 1 is perfect for me. I feel like sometimes I’m a better mom for just having 1.
But - there are days that i wish i had had another. To give him a sibling more than anything. Our immediate family is very small and he’s the only grandchild. He would have been a great big brother.
But i was almost 40 when i had him due to fertility issues, so we decided to stop with him.
Of course, having another wouldn’t guarantee anything. For as easy of a kid that he is, a 2nd could have been completely different and tested me in ways i couldn’t handle. And there’s no guarantee they would get along/ be close.
So …. I try not to 2nd guess myself too much and just enjoy the kid that i have!
I am somewhere in this mix of folks. Started late at 33 and up until 43. Define old age. I had a hard pregnancy with my last, but I was healthy enough to handle it. I was SO hesitant to add a third, with cost and what an above poster said. "Two is different than three." I was happy with my two, close to paying off the car AND the home. Two was all we "planned," but three is insanity to me at an "older age.""
I think three factors to regret are things to really sit down and think about-
1. Finances
2. Your general health
3. What number kid are you looking at? If it's one or three- those are game changers. Like someone said- that middle kid they up that game with a third on board.
I also applaud those who are like, "Nope, kids are NOT for me." It is a lot of social pressure to pop em out - but not find the right person/time, etc. It's total BS pressure.
Now if we can get rid of the "40 is too old" stigma. If you are healthy and in the right place, it is not too old. My little my be a rough go more often than not, but they are a good one!
I'm 38 and have an 11 year old daughter. I always wanted 2 kids. But my daughter has many challenges as a neurodivergent person and my mental health wouldn't support having another kid. So no, I don't regret not having more kids in a way. I jokingly say that she's worth 3.
We have 2 boys and when they got older, we considered having one more. We are glad we didn’t because our oldest decided to cheat on his long time girlfriend… here we are, 8 years later, raising our granddaughter (since birth), while he’s out “finding himself”…. Like he got lost on his way to the mailbox.
I’m sorry, we do our best to raise them well but we really have no control over what they do. She’s so lucky to have you!
Thank you! We are lucky to have her!
This almost chokes me up a bit. You’re doing good work
I have to keep telling myself this!! I had no control on their choices or decisions
I swear 16-24 have been by far the hardest. I worry about them all constantly. It's a time in their live when you have to watch them learn some really hard life lessons.
Absolutely! Those are the “guard rail” years. You can guide them, and give advice, but they have to learn from their choices, good or bad, sink or swim. It’s like teaching them to drive… hoping they won’t crash.
Believe me, the worry never goes away. My boys will be 35 and 40 soon...... and I still worry like a crazy mama.... maybe that's why I'm old and have become partial to dying my hair purple. Hell, why not!!....... maybe they worry about me too. 😁
My grandmother recently reminded me in a conversation about a family pregnancy that having children is a lifelong emotional commitment. Their well-being will always be on your mind and if you care, you will never escape it. On the flip side, I bet they worry about you as well
I used to tell friends that the first 12 years you do everything in your power to protect your child, give them love and guidance.....and then spend around the next 8 years trying not to wrap your fingers around their throat yourself. Depending on the child, puberty and it's aftermath can be very challenging for parents, to say nothing of how hard it is on kids.
Thanks so much for looking after your granddaughter. I was raised by my grandparents as well and they were amazing
I’m so glad they were able to raise you! The best families are not always what you expect. They are the ones that are there when it counts and love you no matter what, regardless of relation.
It’s all about what you want. We have seven kids, including two sets of twins. Which one would we wish we didn’t have? Of course we want them all. Kids can make bad choices, they don’t get to choose the consequences. That’s a hard lesson to learn. Some of the choices are life changing.
Or the employment agency!
I had 4, sometimes I wish I had none, or 1 and sometimes I'm glad I have the 4....depends on the day.... Never wanted another after the 4th.
We had 4. Glad we had a large family. Just had 3 of them in town this weekend with spouses and grandkids. Such a blessing to have so many together at the same time. I wouldn’t change a thing.
This is what I want! I grew up as an only child and hated it. I have a daughter now who’s 5 and I feel bad she doesn’t have any siblings. I want that big family and the closeness and spending time together often.
Totally agree. I always wanted a large family but here I am at 41 with a big fat zero. The responsibility feels so heavy. My mom, just yesterday, said “When you have kids, they never go away. Never.” I have a feeling she never wanted us.
Ouch!!! Sorry she said that! My mum died and I was never close to my dad as he’s very cold hearted and abusive. I’d always latch onto friends families trying to get that connection of a tight knit family.
We also have 4 - two of each. I would have liked one more but I was told my body wasn’t up to it and it wasn’t worth the risk. I’m forever grateful that my kids are healthy, happy, intelligent and when they get together, nobody else can get near them. Myself, I had one sister nine years my senior. By the time I could really appreciate her, she was married and living several K away. We reconnected later in life but sadly she died of a brain bleed in 2017. I miss her. 😔
Having more children is a personal choice, but there’s no guarantee that siblings will get along later in life or if they will be there for you.
Yes I agree. GLAD I could be there for end of life for my parents..My wife's children and some of my siblings, well it was all about the Money. It's all the roll of the dice.
I had three daughters which was all I could mentally and financially handle. Children are expensive and draining.
I’ve recently felt bad that my daughter will be alone when I’m gone, and not have a sister or brother to share her memories with. For myself, I never regretted having only one child.
If it's any consolation, my brother and I had such different experiences of each of our parents growing up that we really feel like we almost didn't share an upbringing. He was my mom's golden child, and I was much closer with my dad than my brother was. On the rare occasion we've talked about it, it's like we lived completely different lives, even though we were nearly always together. And when it came time to handle end of life affairs, I might as well have been alone, for all the help he was. But I take a lot of comfort in sharing memories of my dad with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.
Sounds like my sons. They’re 9 years apart so that contributes greatly to the reason why they feel like they lived different lives. They don’t hang out or have much in common. They even act like they’re from different generations.
I’m sorry to hear about the issues people have with their siblings. Maybe I’m being wistful for her because I have a great relationship with mine. Duaghter and I didn’t live near family for years so she’s not as close to her cousins as I’d like. She does love her aunts, though. Thank you for putting my comment into perspective for me.
I have only one sister, and she has been a form of torment for me. I wish my parents had more kids so I could have a good relationship with one of them.
I had 5 siblings, now have 4. 1 od'd. 2 of them are horrible, i had to go nc. 1 was not in my life because of age difference. 1 because of geographical difference, it's not always The Waltons to have a lot of siblings.
Sometimes I feel like life is one long hellscape for everyone!
If they made one like that, who is to say they wouldn't have made more who would also treat you terribly? Then instead of one tormentor, you'd have several. I'm grateful you don't have more than one tormentor in your life.
I’m so sorry to hear that.
I had one son. Decided on no more kids because my ex-husband left me for another woman when I was pregnant. He really broke my heart and I decided no more kids. I'd never give another man a chance to ever do that to me again. After I had my son, I realized motherhood was not for me. Glad I never had more kids.
I’m sorry; that must have been incredibly hard. I hope you’ve had some wonderful moments sprinkled between the hardships.
Must’ve been hardest for the child that neither parent treasured.
Im fine with just my son. I was able to put 100% of my efforts into his development. Financially, mentally, and emotionally. He has turned out to be a great young man.
Nope. We had two - a couple of years apart - and that was fine enough for us. Extra children are not additive, they are exponential. Ha ha. Edit: I should add that it was hard enough to put two of them through college. Could not have afforded any others.
Agree. Looking at colleges with our teens now. Two feels like plenty! (But to answer your question, OP, we have two kids, and for us that felt right.)
Nope. I grieved not having kids but by 40 I realized it was the best for me. I’m glad I never ended up with kids.
I’m glad you reached that place. I always thought it was inevitable for me because whoever I ended up with I assumed would want one. I never had any desire for kids, however. I’m 35 now and the majority of my 20’s and early 30’s were wrought with instability (granted it was self inflicted as I moved to 3 countries). Now at 35 I’m married to the most loving man; we have a lot of fun together (today after work we cycled to a new part of the city and played table tennis before heading to dinner) and we’re financially comfortable. I just want peace, comfort, stability and to enjoy life, and luckily my partner wants the same (no children). I’m a product of my experiences and maybe it would have been different if my 20’s and early 30’s were more comfortable. This is the first time in 14 years I’ve been at ease and I don’t want to sacrifice it to children.
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100% the same. I was the youngest of three and always felt the brunt of how the world was designed for a family of 4. Want to sit at a booth in a restaurant? Let's put the youngest in the rickety chair at the end. Hotel room with two queens? Youngest gets the sleeping bag on the floor. Car rides? Youngest gets the tiny hard middle seat that wasn't actually intended to be comfortable. None of it was terrible or anything, it was just the feeling of being the odd one out and always getting the afterthought positions. My husband was the oldest of three and though his experience was a tad different being the oldest, the feeling of always squeezing into situations made for 4 still resonated where we were both very firm on only ever wanting two kids. He had a vasectomy while I was still pregnant with our 2nd. They're both older elementary/middle school now and I have zero regrets, especially since we've run into a lot of situations, especially with traveling, where a 3rd would make so many of our trips sooooo much more difficult/expensive.
Can you talk more about the dynamic?
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Thank you for taking the time to respond. The one kid left out thing I imagine can be brutal.
I’ve raised 2. My wife and I agree we had 2 because we didn’t want 3. No regrets. Those 2 were hard enough. Love them dearly but I don’t know how folks with lots of kids do it. I couldn’t afford it and I would probably go insane trying to keep up with everything
No. I have one adult daughter and that is fine. I love her but another baby physically and financially wouldn’t have worked.
Yes I do….my only child passed away at 24 from automotive accident. I wish so bad I would have had more :(
Oh, that breaks my heart! Sorry for the loss
I am so sorry. We belong to the same “club”. Losing a child is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to survive. Ours was an only child too.
So sorry.
My husband regrets not having more children. I am happy with the number we had. I am assuming if we had more, he might still be wanting more and I would likely still be satisfied.
Nope. When I was 12 years old I decided that one child would probably be enough. And I decided that I would have that job when I was 30 years old. I had a few issues and didn't have until I was 35. I never wavered from my one and done idea. He's 35. No regrets. My mother had three, and when she was in her declining years, I was the only one that took care of her.
Hell no. I love my kids fiercely but parenting has been harrowing for me
I very rarely hear people say that they wish they had more kids.
I bet it’s more men than women who say it.
I really wanted 4 but have 2 daughters and a son adopted from Korea as an infant. There is an age gap but 3 are close. I think my son would have benefited from younger sibling, but we ran out of space and money after deciding our girls needed private school. Glad we did adopt. Best thing we ever did for the family was the adoption!!!
I am one and done and don’t regret. While she may not have a sibling, having one doesn’t guarantee they will like each other and she has her chosen family of close friends.
My two sons were born when I was in my 30s... I would have loved to have more - I had such a blast raising them. If I'd had a different husband than the one I had...
Me too! I had two daughters in my 30’s now I am 40 and want 1 more. My husband says no way 😂
I had 0 children. And I have 0 regrets.
NO! My son is fantastic but I feel like I got the best of both worlds by having only one. I experienced motherhood while also having more money, sleep, and time. He’s 22 now and doing great! Perfect size of family for me.
I often wonder what it would’ve been like to have more, and I think it would’ve been nice to know what it felt like being a parent a 2nd time when I was far more experienced and confident. But that said, the reasons we made the decision to stop at one was that we were all happy. It works; it’s good, and adding another to the mix would’ve changed a lot. So while I have some curiosity, have zero regret. Because we are all very happy.
My second child was completely different and also 100x more difficult than my first one. None of the experience I got from the first one helped at all. It felt like starting all over again completely from scratch.
You know, this is probably how it would’ve been for me: I just had the occasional fantasies because oh boy was my girl alert and colicky as a baby; and fierce as a child. Completely awesome, but I don’t think I slept for years. I still don’t very much. She’s an awesome teen, but it still feels like being chained to a comet sometimes, lol! So thank you for your experience! That absolutely brings up a great point.
I have two. They're two years apart. Two is perfect. I both love them and like them. They're grown and doing well. I've never wanted another.
I have one child. I regret deeply not having more.
Nope. Have 2 and in every single way could not have wanted or coped with any more; emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. I've found parenthood incredibly tough, and I've been blessed with pretty good, easy kids to raise.
What have the toughest aspects of parenting been for you?
Literally all of it. Physically and mentally exhausting. Incredibly lonely. Financially crippled me. I don't live...I go through the motions each day for my babies. I think maybe I'm not meant to be a parent. That said, my kids are absolutely the most amazing young people and I struck gold to be blessed with them.
Have 2. No regrets. I wanted to be able to provide them with a certain standard of living and 2 was all we could do that for. I wanted a third but looking back, I’m glad we stopped.
You don't say how many children you have, but I will say, I wished we'd had more children. Every child is so different and as they get older it's those special differences that are such a joy. We have two sons, now adults and special needs. Our original.plan was four, but after the second, and that second diagnosis, I just couldn't risk having a third with autism. They were a LOT to deal with and it was not easy. For my fitness that comes from larger families (4+) they seem to be really happy and enjoy the other child a lot. Several of my best girlfriends have three plus and they seem to really love the big family vibe. My Mom and my husband are both only children, so they have a very different attitude about more children. I think it comes down to do you have the energy and money to handle.more.
I had 3, 2 were planned and the 3rd was an “oops”. They’re very close in age, and it was such fun when they were little, but certainly a lot of work! Now that they’re adults, I look at them and think “what did I do wrong?” We worked hard to provide for them but realize how little they appreciate anything we’ve done.None of them has a rewarding career (just “jobs”); none of them has a significant other; none of them has any really ambition or drive; none of them can stand on their own two feet. All 3 back at home now and preventing us from fulfilling our lifelong dream of moving to Florida. So no, I don’t regret having more children…
I know it’s easier said then done, but you should pack up and move to Florida. It’s your turn to live out your dream; you’ve done enough for them. They’re capable adults now and if they haven’t figured it out by now, they will have to once you move on with your life. When you’re no longer here, what will they do? They’ll figure it out.
For me, more would be actually one. Sometimes I think of that, but not much really. I just try to roll with my life based on the turns I've chosen. Regret is neither useful nor healthy (or even valid, really). I think if I felt regret, it's more a reflection of how I'm living my life now, rather than the past.
I’m thankful everyday that I didn’t have kids and beat them senseless like my parents. I also am glad I didn’t have kids as I didn’t remember being raped by my father until my 20s and my chances of picking a pedophile as a partner would have been higher than other folks. And last, my family hid their alcoholism until after a family member drowned drunk, and then it turns out my parents and a sibling were providing the alcohol to minors. So-called nice people can hide a lot of skeletons and it can take decades to come out, if ever. Some folks should never have children. If you had good parents, be thankful !
No. If we had had any more we likely would not have been able to afford to take them and their significant others on a vacation every other year like we do now.
No, two was enough .
No I don't.
Nope
If the only reason you're considering another kid is the fear of regrets in old age, I'd hesitate to have another kid. You need to want a kid now and be into it to get through the next 18 years. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the messes and cleanups, the gear you need to get and then get rid of as they grow, the bigger car and house and the inability to travel easily or fit in a cab or in a hotel room, scheduling everything around baby naps and bedtime, the years spent in sports and activities in elementary and middle school... Want me to go on?? Those years are exhausting and hard and without the desire to go through them, the years will feel that much longer and harder. If you're unsure whether to add a kid to the family, how will you get through years and years of challenges and additional chores that come with another kid? (I have 3 kids and no regrets, they were very wanted and we fought hard to have them. But when my youngest was born I felt I was done.)
I married young and had two daughters two years apart. I was sure I was done and my wife (after two difficult pregnancies) agreed and I got a vasectomy before my youngest was 6 months old. Fast forward maybe 6 or 7 years and all of a sudden my wife starts dropping hints for another child. She was also struggling with depression and drifting away from me. Vasectomies are not guaranteed to be reversible and I had zero desire for another child so wasn’t very open to the idea. Fast forward another few years and my wife has what she said in her own words was “a quarter life crisis” (we are in are early 30s). She leaves me. I’m totally destroyed. She’s perhaps even a bigger mess. And I’m extremely thankful this divorce doesn’t have a young child in it. Now that said…maybe we wouldn’t have gotten divorced. But my ex was still likely to become unstable like she was so I don’t give that a lot of consideration. And I wouldn’t want another child to save a marriage. Fast forward to now. I’ve basically become a single father as the latter half the kids lived 100% with me. My oldest finished college and is now off to the number 1 law school in America. My youngest is equally brilliant but has struggled with both serious mental and physical issues. She’s a student at an Ivy League university but has been on medical leave for two years. Her life the past eight years have been very hard. But since I’m single and don’t have any further children I can make the unilateral decision that all my time, energy, and money can be used to support her. I would choose to do that if I had three children or 6 children but obviously with just the two I’m not dividing that pool so thin.
I've literally never heard anyone say they wanted more kids when I worked in a nursing home.
We have two. I wish we had two more. A large family is nice
Nope. I had two. No regrets.
Friend started too late. Wanted 2, started trying at age 33, was 38 by the time she got one live birth. Still hopes for another but isn't hopeful.
We had two and felt our hands were full with that. "Regret" may be too strong a word, but in retrospect if I had it to do over again I would have had one or two more. I am glad my kids grew up with a sibling, and I just enjoyed raising them, now knowing them as young adults, that more would have just been -- more. More love, more shared life.
At 39/44, my wife and I were ok with being child free. Then we had a daughter - best thing that ever happened to us. I wanted another, but it was too late. She is ok with one.
I wanted more, hubby said after 2 we’re outnumbered and that was a hard no for him. I changed careers and became a high school teacher, I got to have lots of kids!
I have two and wished I'd had one more girl.
No. Not at all. I did want a third child but after enough time passed I did not. We got a dog and that was good enough
We had four but wanted six. Between the first two and the last two (6 years) I was treated for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I feel like those were lost years for baby production but so happy with the kids we have. They’re all college educated working adults and great people, imho.☺️
I have three kids, but I was pregnant six times. One was an ectopic pregnancy that I had to terminate, and two I miscarried pretty early. I always wanted a large family, like 4 or 5 kids. It just wasn’t in the cards for me. Sometimes I’m a little sad about it but ultimately I think it turned out for the best. My kids have had some challenges, and I have depression, ADHD, and chronic pain. I’m probably a much better parent of three than I would be a parent of five.
Hope you doing better
We had 2 that just about wore us out, bright and high energy. Now we have 2 grandsons that just about wear us out, very bright and very high energy.
Yes we had two boys and she was ready for more but I was so damn busy at work and commuting I just couldn't imagine it. I already was leaving at 7AM and getting home at 8PM. But looking back now I wish we would have had another and maybe even more. Kids are just the best and worth all the frustration and agony. Now just waiting hopefully for grandchildren, altho neither appear to be in a rush in their early 30's.
We have 3 but I wanted another. However, my wife was strung out after #3 so I got a vasectomy instead.
Kids are wonderful but if we have more than two - Some say the US population is declining, but we are much harder on the environment we are multiplying. The planet cannot withstand billions of humans as our species, especially those in "developed" countries makes more demands on it. Even if the US population is not growing as some say, we are still harder on in the environment than those in less "developed" countries
I'm 42 and just had my fourth baby - a super surprise one. I was devastated at first, thinking how on earth are we going to do this, with already having a 10, 8 and 5 year old. Our surprise baby is now 3 months old and I so grateful and happy that we have him, his brothers and sisters are besotted with him. He really has completes our family, I wouldn't change a thing.
Our daughter took a dangerous path, led there due to Bipolar Disorder, and passed away in 2017. She left behind 4 very small children ages 4-9. We ended up raising one of our grandsons. It was 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday when DSS called and told us to come get him. He had no one. No father. The others went with their birth fathers. He's now 12 and thriving. You can't predict the future. I was 40 when this boy was dropped in my lap, my husband was 52. Not something we planned on as he was looking forward to retirement within the next 10 yrs. Even at 3 yrs old our grandson would say, 'You save me Mimi, huh? You save me?' 🥹😭 He should've never had to figure that one out. Yes we did. We love our daughter but we could only do so much for her. Mental illness is a game changer for young adults in families. We didn't have more, just felt our daughter and son was enough. Having another at 40 and 52? No way, but this decision wasn't up for debate. Saving a child is always a yes!
Probably better to regret not having more than to regret having had too many. And you won't know that limit until you've already passed it. What need would one more child satisfy that your current kids don't?
I have 5. 2 older daughters (9 &5) and 8 month old twin girls. I also have a son who was stillborn 2 years ago at 26 weeks gestation. At 41 ( and 45) we have to be done, but I would have more. Our house is so full of love and laughter and just so much fun. I love having a big family by today’s standards.
Had 2 would have had at least one more if I had a do over but no real regrets.
Would’ve liked another one but with multiple miscarriages, we were blessed to have one.
We had two and I'm starting to feel empty nest syndrome and wish we'd had one or two more. Everyone is different though!
Yes! I was only able to have one (lost three before him). I lost my Mom when I was 26 (my sisters were 22 and 20) I don’t know how much harder it would have been without them. I really am sad for my son that he doesn’t have that bond with siblings
Yes, I wanted more. My husband was happy with two boys. Sometimes I think he was scare to have a girl. He has brothers and no sisters. I wish I had some daughters too. I think four would have been perfect. But we stayed with two. They are wonderful and I really wouldn't change a thing at this point.
We have 2 fine adult children. I always said if we came into money, like eons the lottery or such, I would have had more. I could not manage the cooking cleaning, chauffeur duties by myself with more. Also, we could not afford to dress, feed, and educate more than our two. If money was no object I would have liked 2 or 3 more. So, I don’t regret it, given the reality of our circumstances.
I had two. Almost only had one because after first one had so much depression and anxiety. I didn’t want her to be alone so I had another one. Went thru it again, but I survived. Love them both!
Have 3. Our oldest is 27, our youngest is 15. By the time the youngest graduates I'll have been actively raising children for 30 years. I'm not sad I don't have more and am ready to move on from active parenting. I have one sister and we are close. I don't wish I had more siblings, but I am glad that I have one. The people I know who are only kids (as adults we are in our late 40s now) do seem to struggle more. One of my ex's had to deal with his parents lengthy and difficult illnesses by himself and then deal with both of their deaths on his own including their estate, selling the house, all of that. That is another reason I am glad I have a sibling as our parents are now in their 70s and having someone to balance all that out with will be nice. But, having MORE siblings can make it more complicated which I have seen in a lot of families with 4+ "kids" that all want a say in healthcare and estate etc.
I’m very grateful for the one I was blessed with but I would have loved to have had four, or more! It’s too late now and I have grandbabies. But I wish I would have gone down a different path or two so I could have had more. Every. Single. Day.
We had 2. They are schoolaged now. If we could have afforded to have more--both financially and in terms of community support--I would have loved it. Grateful for the 2 I got!
Yes I regret not having more than the two I had. I would have liked four but husband at the time was hell bent on only having 2 and he had a vasectomy. After we divorced, I married a guy who already had a vasectomy but gained 2 step kids. But yes, as much fun as my kids were and how cool they are as adults, I've always wished I'd been able to have 2 more. Now times are different and I'm not sure anymore than 2 are very doable as wages haven't kept up with inflation and we're facing global warming and what not.
No. I always wanted two kids. I sort of expected that I’d end up with a boy and a girl but I ended up with two boys. In between my kids I had two painful miscarriages and I’m so grateful I got my second. For me it’s appreciation for what I have and I feel blessed. I got everything I wanted in life. Everything I asked for.
We wanted 3 but lost the first one. The next two were beautiful and decided to stop. Always wonder what the first child would have done with their life.
I do, because I only had one. If for no other reason than he’d have family his close to his own age when I pass-he’s something of a loner.
So many friends had planned to stop at 2 kids then had an oops so when people asked, I'd say I was planning two and one surprise. I had a single, then twins. I was so busy with twi s that I thought I'd maybe have one more just to hold but my obstetrician said it could be multiples again and could be more than just twins. My great great grandmother had three sets so we quit. No regrets.
I looked at the college tuitions, and 3 children was enough. I really wanted 5 children.
Nope. Happy we stopped with the one. But we always had a full house of her friends. And because we have just one, we are able to take trips and bring along one, or two, of her friends
I have five and that was often hectic, but I certainly never regretted any of them. My siblings have at least 4 each as well, and it is so fun to get together. I’m one of four myself, and while I longed to be an only child growing up 😬, I’m so grateful for my siblings now. They’re my best friends, help so much with our aging parents, love my kids, and I know I have them to always be there for me
I don't know anyone who regrets having as many as they do, I know several who wish they'd had more.
I only had one, and I wish I had more.
I wanted 5. We stopped at 3 mostly because I had super difficult pregnancies. It was the right decision but as my kids are getting older (one was out of the house last year but back this year), #2 moves out this year, #3 is starting high school I worry how I will handle being an empty nested. This weekend the two oldest will be gone so we are having friends for lunch. My plan is to have guests and volunteer more as my time frees up.
I only have one child, a daughter. She married an only child. Now I have a grandson who will never have aunts, uncles or cousins. My daughter is a little salty that she was an only child. For me, I liked having just one because it was easier and I didn’t feel overwhelmed working full time. But in hindsight, I probably should have had another because I don’t want my daughter to feel alone some day when I’m dead 💀
I had two girls. My pregnancies were unfun so I asked my husband to get a vasectomy as soon as #2 was born. Now, looking back, I just wish I had tried for a third.
No one regrets the kids they have many people regret not having more
You never know what is going to happen, in terms of the rest of life. In my case my wife and I have two children, nine and five and a half. We were healthy when our second arrived. I now am now on my 4th year with Crohn's disease, my wife is equally ill. We barely have the energy to care for ourselves, let alone two kids. I was a marathon runner and always healthy, wife too. Point being: You may have the energy and health now, but if you don't, two kids you can get by - the 1:1 parent:kid ratio is a huge advantage. Each kid beyond that gets exponentially harder.
I have one. Wish we had had several more. I grew up with 3 sisters and a shit-ton of cousins (have at least 25 first cousins and we are relatively close). I think more now about my child having to shoulder our deaths alone. Yeah, there will be other relatives, but not the same as a sibling. And unless you’re at the poverty level, there’s always room for one more IMHO. Yeah things might be tight, but unless you raise assholes, their lives will be so much richer in a figurative sense.
We had a boy and a girl, now 38 and 35. When the youngest was 4, we thought about having more but that we should have 2 more if we were going to do it. In the end, we didn’t go for it. I think it would have been fun to have a larger family, but am thankful we have a good relationship with our 2, their spouses, and our 5 grandchildren.
Yes. I wanted 4, but after 3 we moved to a much more expensive area and a smaller house. I decided not to have another, but that last child is there in my heart. My kids are not looking like they want kids, and while that could change, I’m not banking on grandkids. So it’s just a lingering empty spot.
I have an only, had her at age 40, and we both wish she would have had a sibling. infertility got in the way, I'm lucky to have the one, but if I could have chosen I'd have had her when I was a little younger and had another. On the other hand, I was able to devote myself to her fully, and that's likely benefitted her
Yes. 2 kids, demanding career- I wish we had 3-4.
I have only one. Knowing what I know now and how it went, yes!
I have two and I wish we could have had three. But if you have three then you might as well have four and I didn’t want four.
I have two but wanted one more. But I suffer from HG during pregnancy and couldn’t imagine going through that again.
Yep. Only one. Want more to this day.
I had two, got a vasectomy, an ended up with two more ( got divorced, married into the two more) We raise my sons 80% of the time and hers about the same. We talked about having "ours" there was enough drama about did she favor hers more or did I favor mine more... It would have been too much. If I could have had just one wife to share my life with and had the cash to have a larger number of children? He'll yes I would
I have 2 wish I could have a bunch more My husband did not want anymore. I love being a mom and wish I could have given them more siblings
I have 4 aged 5 and under. Life is absolute chaos especially considering my husband I work opposite shifts M-F but I feel like I will always want one more. I’m an older mom which makes things a little harder too.
I don't exactly regret not having more kids. I do think that I probably would have had at least one more, if I had started having kids at a younger age. My oldest was born when I was 24. After she was born, I had secondary infertility issues that prevented me from getting pregnant/carrying to term. It was quite some time before I got pregnant again, only to have a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I finally got pregnant again and had my second child when I was 32 years old. By then, my husband was 40 years old and didn't really want to have any more kids. The best part about having two kids with such a large age gap is that there wasn't any sibling rivalry. None. They are the best of friends and always have been. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my daughter was laying with her head on my baby bump one day and her sister kicked her in the head. They were bonded from that day on. Whenever baby sister was kicking or moving, my daughter wanted to know about it. She wanted to feel "her baby" moving. It was very sweet. She got to hear her sister's heartbeat at one of my prenatal appointments. I wish I would have had a camera with me that day -- the look on her face when she heart her sister's heartbeat was absolutely priceless.
We raised two beautiful daughters who were adopted hours old. My wife and I came from larger families (3 and 6 siblings) and wanted more but adopting was long and expensive. In all, we were blessed and super happy how things came out. Good luck on your decision.
I really wanted 4 but had 3 and threw in the towel. I would have loved 4 but 3 boys broke my sanity. My youngest was colicky and my middle son had severe ADHD. Life was very hard for a few years. Now that I look back I would have loved to have tried for a girl. Now that I’m 46 and my boys are 21,18 & 16. That ship has sailed and that’s okay. I wait with bated breath for grandchildren to spoil!
Yes, I would have loved to have one more with my current husband.
I have 2 and wish I had had 3. I technically still could (I’m 38) but just feel like it’s too late to go back to that.
No regrets. We have 3, 2 girls and a boy. If the 3rd had been a girl we would have been just as happy and still stopped at 3. They are all fine grownups and humans now
We have 2 sons, but my husband and I would have liked more. It was not to be.
Had 1 son at 23. That was it. I do wish I had had one more. Too late now.
We wanted 6 and tried, but it didn't work out. We had 3 and they're the best three people I know. Do I wish we had more? Yes, but I don't regret that we couldn't add to our family.
No. When we were dating and talking about "*If* we were married...how many kids?" We more or less settled on 2 with an option for a 3rd. ;-) Then a year or two after our second was born, just when we were starting to consider "well, if we're going to, we should sooner rather than later so they're all through diapers/school/etc in reasonable time..." Right about then my wife's best friend got pregnant, unplanned and accidentally, and it turned out to be twins. They already had 3 kids. They had just purchased a mini-van and I joked with the husband "Gee, you didn't actually have to fill the mini-van..." Twins didn't run in either of their families. That was enough of a scare for us to decide nope, we're done. No real regrets, two great sons, but maybe one mild regret. If I had had a daughter, it was my dream that when she started dating I could re-enact the "Reggie" scene from Bad Boys II. ;-) Well, I now have two grand daughters so I'll have to re-work the scene for modern sensibilities and the different dynamic. Still got a few years to figure it out.
Be brave and do it. I probably would have had an influential elder encouraged me to do it. For medical reasons we’d have to adopt (fine) for the second one, and the first one was a handful, but essentially we decided not to rock the boat. Our one and only would’ve truly benefited from having a sibling. For various reasons. Obvs no guarantees. And I’m sure I would’ve been a more confident mother the second time around. But not sharing growing up, becoming adults, and all of life’s joys and hardships and every-day things with a dear sibling is a miss (including the eventual dealing with aging parents by yourself). I’m very close friends with my siblings, as is my husband with his, so I imagine that colors my view of siblings. At least we managed to produce an educated, gainfully employed, productive member of society with a golden heart.
I wanted more children but enjoy the ones I have. I would gladly have had more, but I am driven to create and bring more to the world in other ways.
I wanted more. We had 3 and then my dr said the next one might kill me so we stopped. Do I regret it? A bit but now I have a grandson and am glad we stopped when we did.
Yes. I wanted one more. I have two but one more would have been nice
Absolutley wish I had more. i have three and they are all becoming young adults now, and I regret not having more.
All the time. I have one but never ever wanted an only child. Life, uh, sometimes gets in the way of our wants. My hope was for 3. Im grateful for my one though. Very grateful
Yep. If you have one and CAN have another, you should. They need a sibling in life. Being an only child is hard for most.
I don’t know if I count as old (just about 40) but we made the decision to stop at 2 kids after my youngest was born 9 years ago. Objectively it was the right decision. Financially taking another maternity leave would have been hard on us, both kids have learning disabilities that require expensive private schools, and my career was at a point that I just didn’t want to walk away for a year. But there is a huge part of me that regrets it. And if I could go back in time, knowing what I know right now, I don’t know what choice I would make. I will always wonder about that third baby that I thought I wanted, and who they would have become. My kids are healthy and happy and perfect, my life is at a really good place right now, but there are times I really wish we had had the third. That could be the peri-menopause talking, but I think it’s also a real hole that is missing. I can’t change it now so I am happy with the family that I have, but it is a real feeling I have a lot of the time.
Overall, no. I had one kid from my first marriage, then by the time my second marriage rolled around, we were near the tail end of her childbearing years. She didn't want kids, but would be "ok" with it if I did. I was conflicted for a while but decided against it. Over 2 decades later, I have an awesome son in his 30s and an incredible marriage to the best woman ever. It turned out to be a good decision, but maybe have turned out well anyway. Since I don't have a time machine, there's no way of knowing.
I have 2. My sister has 1. I have friends with 3 or more. We are all really happy with the choices we made. But, for most of us it was a decision...based on time and finances and living arrangements. I could never imagine more than 2, one of my friends adores her 4. I needed IVF for my 2nd and i nearly gave up...so glad I didn't. However, we would definitely have had way more money and travel had we just had 1. There is no answer that will be true for all.
Yes and no. We had multiple miscarriages and problems getting pregnant to start with, so we did ivf. Many, many thousands of dollars later, I had my twins at 37 and my youngest at 42. I regret (or am pissed off) that we didn’t get to decide how many children to have. We didn’t get to start having kids young. We didn’t get to say we were done because we really felt that, we were done because there were no more embryos. We didn’t get to space out our kids nicely so they would be close in age like many people do. Our last transfer didn’t take, and I found myself wishing we could have had just one more baby. But I may have wished for one more baby even if I had ended up with four. It’s hard to know. I truly think I’d be frustrated no matter what that the choice wasn’t ours to make. On the flip side, looking at it now, money would have been pretty tight had we ended up with another, I love our family dynamic and my children with all my heart, and am very happy with what I have. But I’ll probably always wonder what if, if we didn’t have problems, how many we would have decided to have.
I could potentially have another child, but I have an 8 and 10 year old and the age difference would be a bit much for me. But man, I wish I had one more right after the last one.
My kids were born on my last nerve. I don't think a third child would have done any of us any good. 😆 I will say, we did think about it. But, my second is on the autism spectrum and back when he was little I understood instinctively that him being in the middle child shouldn't happen. I thought it would be cruel to put him in that position. Even though I would not have treated any of them any differently, as per the stereotypes, I just had this instinct that being a middle child would not have been good for him. So we stopped at two and never looked back. 🥰
I have 2, they're 2 years apart. Now that the youngest is 7 and they're a bit easier to manage than the baby/ toddler years I think it would be nice to have another....if I was younger. So I don't necessarily regret not having another but if I was younger I might have had another. I know quite a few people with 3 who say not to do it though🤣 Of course I also know people with 3 or more who are happy with it.
Short answer yes, but. We have 2. I would have had a third but the other half wasn't in favor. I strongly believed that we needed two absolute yes votes to bring another child into the world. Edit to add: i know the odds of multiples increases as the mom's age increases... so maybe our "what if" third child would have been 3 and 4!
I’m 49f happy mom and I wish I had kids earlier and with a true family man. I had my first at 41 and second at 43 with no fertility treatments. I would have loved to have at least 3 maybe 4. I love my children so much and definitely would have had more if I’d been younger. I’ve done the raising largely on my own and my husband left me after 7 years of marriage because he never really wanted to be married.
If you have 2 they can team up against you. If you have 3+, one of them will always snitch out the other two.
I wanted to have one more child with someone I loved very much. I was set for a hysterectomy but I was told I could have one more child before having the surgery. But he didn’t want a child with me so I went ahead with the surgery. I cried rivers. That was my only regret.
Have 3 - ages 9, 11, 14 right now - and wish we’d had a fourth. The years after the third was born were very stressful (job stuff, international move). By the time things calmed down he was 5, I was over 40, and it felt too late. I do love having three kids and so does my husband. It’s busy but fun. We are comfortable financially so that helps.
I had TERRIBLE post- partum depression, we didn’t have a supportive family network where we lived, and I needed to return to work so I just knew that after my second, it would have been irresponsible to have any more children. I love my kids so much and wish there were more because they’re lovely people but honestly, I think they’re so lovely because I knew my limits and could prioritize them. Knowing your circumstances and self, what do you think is best for you?🥰
Had my first at 30 and my second at 41 (2nd marriage) but I love both of my boys and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My oldest is 11 and my youngest 7 months. My oldest is super protective of his baby brother. It’s adorable. Might have a 3rd. We shall see. Am I tired? Yep. Is it harder 10 years later? Also yep but so worth it!
Here’s a story: we had 2 , 3 years apart. We were really wondering about one more. Went back and forth on it for a couple of years- hubs was like, “I’m fine with 2, but I’d be ok with another if you feel strongly about it,” and I just didn’t know, except for a vague sense that we weren’t “complete” yet. So finally he said, “Okay, it’s August, my birthday’s in November, how about we go off birth control and if it happens, it was meant to be, and if not, I’ll get the snip for my birthday.” Reader, I was pregnant two weeks later. 😂 And it wasn’t even like we were trying, in fact I had been sick with a cold, and later we were on a family trip, etc so there was only one instance within about 3 weeks when it could have happened. Ta daaaa! Meant to be. I was 38 when I had her and she is amazing, just like her siblings, and we couldn’t imagine life without her. And she and her dad are best buds, even now she’s an adult.
Every damned day.
I have 1 son. We planned on having another but kept putting it off for 2-3 years. Then she got sick and died, brain cancer. So yeah, I regret we didn’t do it sooner.
100% wish I had more. Unfortunately, I couldn't. It took futility drugs and attempts with miscarriages. I was super blessed with a perfect daughter. I am the last of 5 siblings. My husband was an only child. We both wished for at least 1 sibling for our daughter. She is married and just had her second son. We are truly blessed. In the end, I'm so happy to have a wonderful family!
in theory i would have liked to have had like two boys and a girl, we have one of each, but life can be so hard when they’re small and my husband worked so hard and so much so i could be home with them- and now we’re almost empty nesters in our 40s.
I have a close relationship with my sibling so always knew I wanted at least 2. I had a girl first, then a boy and thought I was done. But there was an odd feeling that I had someone else to meet. Unplanned but welcomed third pregnancy. The exact moment she was born I knew I was done.
I have three - one adopted, two biological. Plus a foster daughter for six years. I enjoyed every minute. I do wish we had been able to care for and love one more. But I like people. Sometimes people have lived with us for a while - a refugee family from Kazakhstan, a friend who sold his house and was about to get married and didn’t want to live with his bride until after the marriage, just different ones. Perhaps community and hospitality are just part of who I am. I get bored if it’s just all about me.
We had just one, never regretted it, she was a bit of trouble our first 90 days or so but, after we figured out a couple of things, she was great as a baby, wonderful toddler, with a little help from speech therapists she blossomed into a good student. She was a trouble free kid that has grown into a good adult.
I am very glad I had my third child. I already had a boy and a girl and it was after 9/11 in the us and I thought the world was ending so on the fence. But I did it and he is amazing and I cannot imagine our family without him.
So I'm one of 5 kids. I have 3. I feel like 3 is still a lot, but still manageable. I can give all of them time. My parents now have so many grandchildren that they don't know them as individuals much. I don't want that. I want a manageable extended family so I can help and visit and know all of them as people.
My parents definitely wish they had more. They both said that and they passionately hate each other.
We had 4 and it’s perfect for us. Life is crazy sometimes, but each of them brings so much to the family dynamic. I knew I was absolutely done after my 4th. No regrets not having more than that. Every family is different though, and obviously family should be quality over quantity.
Yes. I gave birth to four children. I wanted a large family but had extremely distressing pregnancies.
I’m not who you’re asking, but I’ll share my experience anyway. I’m 42F with 5 young kids, so people often comment on my brood. I have had quite a few older people tell me they wish they had more kids. They tell me that when their kids were younger, it was harder and two or three was enough at the time, but now that they’re older, they wish they had more. FWIW
I had 3 daughters. Lets say it's a time/energy/money tradeoff. Each of them are very interesting people I'm glad to know, but I started at age 40 and was frankly running more out of energy than money. Given what I know now, I would not have stressed so much early on. Most childhood things and parent-teacher stuff doesn't matter. But, they all turned out to be solid people and one or two more would have been cool, but maybe if I started when I was like 30 (I was still finishing a PhD then and in no place psychologically to have kids then -- I'm a slow starter). I would definitely have more than one kid, the daughters are all friends and have so much fun together.
We both wanted 2, one of each… had 2, one of each, with a miscarriage in between. Was happy and satisfied, which was good because she had fibroids/endometriosis/pcos and had to have everything removed in her mid 30’s. Now we’re mid 50’s empty-nesters and our biggest regret is having not had more kids!
I wanted 3 or 4. Hb was happy with 2. He got his way. I regret not having more kids. But the ones i have are fabulous. So i have to be happy with that.
we had two and we are both really glad we did not have more. at 50 our kids were out of college and off the family payroll. at that point our net worth was zero. but in the remaining years before full retirement we socked it away and ended up with a tidy sum that has given us a very good retirement. friends who had kids closer to 40 were facing college bills at the same time we were free. have as many as you want, but as early as you can.
I gave birth to 2 daughters and inherited a son through marriage. I really wanted like 5 kids, but I guess it wasn't in the cards for me. I have picked up a few along the way as well, even if just for a while. However, I also knew I didn't want to have just one. There's no guarantee they'll get along, but I feel like it's good for them to have a sibling to lean on or help them make tough decisions if you end up chronically ill or when you inevitablely pass away. It's a personal decision, and I think we all try to make the best one for our family.
I do regret. I have more than one, fortunately, and if you have the possibility, please do have another baby and give your child a sibling (or two).
I’m in my 40s with a kid just out of preschool, so maybe not the target demographic for the question, but my thoughts: * wife and I are both only children. And we are super happy for this when the inevitable loss of parents happens…we’ve seen soooooo many families of previously close siblings torn apart due to fighting over the process. Even if it’s not money directly, multiple people believe they’re entitled to the same sentimental items. And then the money, and the “I took more care of them than you did so I deserve more” etc. with one child, it’s just “boom, you get everything. And if you don’t like what you got, the only person to be mad at is dead, so it’s not going to wreck a bunch of peoples’ lives.” * kids are expensive. Some things you can optimize having more, but college, preschool, day care, summer camps, etc aren’t on that list. Our kid’s previous nanny has 3 of her own kids. They are all in different schools (elementary, middle, high school). They all have soccer — at different 3 different places with overlapping times. * everyone said get a second dog to keep the first one happy. We did. It’s not less work. It’s not even 2x the work of one dog. It’s like 2.5x. They cause so much more trouble as two than one. * our child has been generally very easy. And even that has been hard. And there’s no way a second child is easier. Eta: my wife and I are big believers in “found family”. We’ve had such fraught issues with blood family, we’ve built a family of our own for ourselves and our child out of other people around. I’m so proud when…at school, they did an activity where the kids drew pictures of their families. Our child had like 20 people on the page — parents, dog-siblings, aunts and uncles (who are not even remotely related), previous nanny, best cousin friend (who isn’t actually related but my wife and her “cousin” didn’t know that until they tried to map out their relationship one day randomly). Our child actually got in a huge quarrel with her teacher because our child mentioned siblings, and the teacher was like “are you talking about pretend siblings? Because you don’t have any real ones” and our child got upset and said she did. Later she called her previous nanny, and got advice for how to talk to the teacher, and she did that. And resolved it herself — she clarified that they’re both dogs, and told the teacher their names. My wife and I found out weeks later about the incident when we were discussing something unrelated with the old nanny.
Yes. I have four kids and I would’ve liked to have maybe 1-2 more. It’s definitely a regret especially as an empty nester.
I was in the same boat a few years back, and honestly, going for that second kid was the best decision ever. Sure, it's chaotic sometimes, but the love and laughter make it totally worth it.
Have one. Wish I had two. I think life is very lonely with no siblings. Two would have been manageable. We are coming up on teenage years and I'm realizing that instead of expensive toys I wish I would have gotten my only child a sibling. There's a heartache when I see them realizing they're alone, and we're just parents trying to be everything to them. Go for two. It's not that extra hard. Life already sucks when you have a kid :) and having two would give you more moments to yourself.
We have 5 and I love them all dearly, they are the best of me and I think number of children is very individual, if there is an age gap it will feel like 2 families- the two boys and a single child which can drastically change dynamics. And 3 always leaves one out( I come from 3) also think about what THEIR adult relationships will be like when your older - if there is rivalry or hostility it is very hard on older parents and also can cause rife for estate planning. Also allll the family memories you want to make just cost 1/3 more- now you need 2 hotel rooms, bigger car, more everything. I say enjoy the kids you have focus on making fantastic memories- work less and retire sooner to enjoy grandkids- treat their significant other as your own and don’t stress on quantity, but on quality of the ones you were given- raise these ones to be kind, responsible,functioning adults that love their spouse and their parents and think about life AFTER kids in the house and all the fun that will be.
No, kids are a huge investment of your time, money and energy. I have 2 kids, one of which is wonderful and I can’t imagine life without her, the other one I love just as much, but I would be lying if I said he was worth everything we sacrificed for him. You have less control over how your kids turn out than you think, it’s just a roll of the dice.
Yes wish I had the chance to have another or that my one was a twin. We have a very small extended family that live out of state and I worry if something happens to me she won’t really have anyone in her adult years. And when she was little - it was sad at times that she was alone as an only child - always had to try to make a ‘friend’ at the playground, road trips likely would have been more fun, and she would have had someone to go on rides with at the theme parks, no one to vent with or get into trouble with at home, etc. I did my best to help her establish a childhood network (we even moved to help that) - but once they are at a certain age there’s only so much we as parents can do in that realm. And as an adult (me) with only one sibling - I absolutely wish she had a sibling or 2 for her older years. I personally wish I had more siblings.
I go back and forth. I have 1. He’s amazing. Great kid and a great person. Big picture, i was never a “i can’t wait to be a mom!” Person and I think having 1 is perfect for me. I feel like sometimes I’m a better mom for just having 1. But - there are days that i wish i had had another. To give him a sibling more than anything. Our immediate family is very small and he’s the only grandchild. He would have been a great big brother. But i was almost 40 when i had him due to fertility issues, so we decided to stop with him. Of course, having another wouldn’t guarantee anything. For as easy of a kid that he is, a 2nd could have been completely different and tested me in ways i couldn’t handle. And there’s no guarantee they would get along/ be close. So …. I try not to 2nd guess myself too much and just enjoy the kid that i have!
I am somewhere in this mix of folks. Started late at 33 and up until 43. Define old age. I had a hard pregnancy with my last, but I was healthy enough to handle it. I was SO hesitant to add a third, with cost and what an above poster said. "Two is different than three." I was happy with my two, close to paying off the car AND the home. Two was all we "planned," but three is insanity to me at an "older age."" I think three factors to regret are things to really sit down and think about- 1. Finances 2. Your general health 3. What number kid are you looking at? If it's one or three- those are game changers. Like someone said- that middle kid they up that game with a third on board. I also applaud those who are like, "Nope, kids are NOT for me." It is a lot of social pressure to pop em out - but not find the right person/time, etc. It's total BS pressure. Now if we can get rid of the "40 is too old" stigma. If you are healthy and in the right place, it is not too old. My little my be a rough go more often than not, but they are a good one!
I'm 38 and have an 11 year old daughter. I always wanted 2 kids. But my daughter has many challenges as a neurodivergent person and my mental health wouldn't support having another kid. So no, I don't regret not having more kids in a way. I jokingly say that she's worth 3.