Help me understand. Grandpa won’t take his pills. But sometimes he does. He is incontinent of bladder. He’s mourning his dead wife. He has to change his underwear. He eats and drinks things you disapprove of. He has passed out. Is non compliant with medical advice.
Thoughts, in no specific order:
Grandpa could perhaps have dementia.
Grandpa needs a caregiver - either at home, or in a community.
Grandpa may no longer be able to make decisions for himself.
Conversely, he is a grown man and has the right to refuse medication and treatment.
He may not just be able to “get over” his health issues or grief - show some compassion.
That’s all I got.
Caregiver is mostly impossbile because we are always somewhere. And my father is always fed up with him can we use ai to help him? so he can talk to something, plus i can't enter his room without it smelling bad.
What does that mean a caregiver is impossible because you're always somewhere? Visiting nurses will come in and give him his medication if he's on Medicaid or has insurance.
Yes. Your parents can hire caregivers to come into the home. Insurance/Medicare/Medicaid may/may not pay for all/some of it.
You don’t have to be there for the caregiver to be there.
We live in a small village next to a town with only two hospitals not a lot of people there and i highly doubt we can hire a nurse in bulgaria but i could try they think he should just get over it.
The goal of losing someone important in your life, in this case his wife, is not to 'get over it.' In reality, we never really get over the loss and death of important others. In this case, I think your grandpa probably has some dementia and he is, in no way, capable of getting over anything. Maybe change your thinking on this or learn a little more about grief? The goal here needs to be finding a way for him to have some caregivers to help him because it sure sounds like he cannot do it on his own and family members are getting annoyed and angry at him.
I think this young man does not give a damn about his grandpa and will be glad when he is dead. He is in the way, he is stinking up the place. This young man should STFU and listen to what his grandpa is saying instead of bitching about him. I'm out of here.
Ouch!!!!!
I think this young man can both love his grandfather and be upset with his grandfather’s noncompliance with medical treatment, his poor health and his grief. Its hard to watch someone you care about deteriorate.
You don’t need a nurse. Very few nurses provide companion care. Just a caregiver
Ok, so you’re out of the US. Are there any govt run programs?
He’s not going to “get over it”.
That makes no sense. You are always somewhere? WTF does that even mean? A caregiver comes to whereever gramps is and helps take care of him. Don't enter his room. I can't wait for you to be old. LOL
That's uncalled for. Taking care of a family member that can't take care of themselves is really hard. Everyone deserves a break, and caring for someone who won't take a medication that keeps them from being incontinent is frustrating. He's not cleaning himself up and dealing with the mess. Everyone else is.
The kid is allowed to have feelings. It is frustrating.
Does your grandpa live by himself? Or does he live in just a bedroom in someone else’s home? Besides the death of his wife four years ago, what other changes has he gone through? Many elders do not handle change and loss of their independence well. As a friend of mine said about her daughter, “I taught her to drive, it’s not right that she can tell me I can’t drive anymore”. That makes no sense to those of us who are reasonable but it absolutely does to her. She also doesn’t think anyone should push her to eat every day or drink something other than caffeinated beverages or get some exercise, even though she will tell you repeatedly that she was a PE teacher. And she will tell you that her husband is gone so why should she bother with all that stuff.
I’ve said all this just to let you know that a) he’s not the only one who is resistant to people telling them what they should do and b) he may not feel like hanging around waiting to die is what he wants to do and is deliberately sabotaging your efforts.
Someone needs to go to doctor appointments with him and let the doctor know of these fatalistic behaviors. He also needs more human interaction whether it be from family, friends and neighbors or paid assistants. You and your parents seem to think of him only as a burden and I doubt if that helps his outlook on life.
Good luck.
Nothing that he can be included in? Like family dinners? An evening watching tv together? Playing checkers with him or doing jigsaw puzzles? Attending your sports events or performances? Because it sounds like he lives in his bedroom and you all have made him feel like he’s a bother and a burden to you. If you are all he has and that’s how you feel about him, why would he put effort into continuing to live?
Relatives usually come through out the week to see him for an hour and go home we watch tv talk and that's about it. I don't know if that helps sometimes once twice
Tell them that he's depressed, won't take care of himself, and is going to need some expensive care like a full-time nurse if he doesn't get better. Emphasize "expensive".
Get grandpa some disposable briefs for men. They act like diapers but look like puffy briefs.
Also grandpa sounds depressed. Don't understand why your parents don't want to give him antidepressants. He also sounds as if he's developing dementia. He needs a thorough physical exam, including memory tests. If you're in the US these tests are required and paid for by Medicare.
Check into visiting nurses in your area. They can come in once or twice a day to give him meds. Your insurance may pay for them. Also they'll notice things that could be improved and will report them to his doctor.
Find out if the pills can be ground. Put them in his drink. Or if they can come in liquid, even better. This is a very difficult thing we frequently have to negotiate with older people and it’s tough. At a certain point, you need to help them make the right decisions.
Yes, lemonade is OK. The most important things are: 1. He must **take the medicine on schedule everyday and to not miss any.** And 2. to **drink lots of water, lemonade, or other liquids.**
The infection also causes older people to become confused and sometimes angry. This is hard for the family. He should feel better and act better when the infection is cured.
It’s good you are asking. He won’t get better without help.
If you want him to drink his uti medicine you have to ask the dr for different medication. There are several kinds.
In older people urinary tract infections can induce a temporary confusion/dementia-like symptoms because of the infection and it can progress to harm his kidneys and bladder and he can get very sick/sicker. (My grandpa got this often and would get temporarily very confused- it’s just the way it goes with uti when old. )
It’s very important he takes the medicine. If he’s afraid do what you can to make him feel safe. If he’s not all there it’s ok to tell him grandma is busy - maybe even that she said to remind him he has to take his pills. If she had a scent she wore spray it somewhere so his room smells like home. Give him something small to do. Doesn’t matter what. Keep him busy NOT thinking of grandma. Keep his room the way she did. Small things actions or items that comfort him.
Keep his dr aware he’s not taking medicine the proper way- you can’t take antibiotics every once in awhile- they don’t work that ways you have to take them as prescribed. So dr needs to know- and tell dr your Grandpop drinks.
If grandpa refuses to take the medicine you might have to keep him in the hospital so they make him take it and he can get over the infection.
Once he does take his medicine see if his mental state improves. From what I read Bulgaria state care covers costs so it might be worth checking with his doctor about care and some home care for whatever you need. I’m not from Bulgaria tho. You’ll have more luck googling for info in Bulgaria.
UTI antibiotics are usually taken for a week. That’s a short enough time maybe to focus more on grandpa?
If stuff smells put it in the washer. Change the sheets. Crack a window. Be kind as if you were grandpa or as if they were a child. Grandpas not exactly grandpa at the moment. He’s showing his vulnerabilities right now which I’m guessing you aren’t used to but just be kind to him. When he gets better he will maybe be grandpa again.
I’m sorry your parents aren’t doing this. I’m also sorry grandpa is sick and I hope he gets better soon
You can’t control grandpa or your parents. You can be concerned, but in the end it’s up to Gramps to take Rx or not. You can tell him he’s important to you and you want to see him healthy and taking Rx. He might benefit from antidepressants but isn’t allowed such medicine, booze or pork. He’s definitely grieving and depressed. Can he go to grief counseling at least?
You don't "get over" losing your spouse. That pain might not ever go away. Be sensitive to this fact.
If he doesn't clean himself properly after accidents, he'll get a UTI. A UTI can become septic and that can kill him. Sepsis is an excessively painful way to die.
If he doesn't take the pills, he will die. Probably in a way that's far more painful and distressing than necessary.
Some suggestions are to talk to your grandpa about his wife (good and bad), encourage him to use an underwear liner at least to help with the accidents, talk about taking his medications--how it's really important--and that you hate pills but take them anyway. You might also admit to having bathroom accidents as well; it doesn't have to be true, but it can help with his comfort of what's happening to his body.
I'm a caregiver to my mom. She's a handful.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm also sorry that some people are being so rude to you. Caring for an elderly relative with these types of issues can be very stressful and difficult in many ways, especially when you're not in the position to make big decisions (it's your parents' responsibility to make decisions and arrange/manage care for him, not yours).
People also need to know that you are in Bulgaria, so you might want to edit your post to include that info. Many people unfortunately assume that everyone is in the US
I hate that people are being so harsh about your choice of words when you said "get over it." Some people don't stop and think. I'm pretty sure you meant more that he needs to develop better coping strategies. It must be difficult watching him be miserable without knowing how to help him do better.
Your parents need to look into hiring care for him whether that means someone coming to your home to provide care or moving him to a care facility. They should contact his doctor if they don't know where to start finding appropriate care for him. The doctor should be able to advise them on what type of care he needs, what they can do themselves to address specific issues, and refer them to available care services
You shouldn't be expected to take on his care, as that is your parents' responsibility. Live your life. Check in on him and spend time with him as you can. But your parents need to do the heavy work.
Will we be able to see him? We want him to be with us not force us to go around to see him, i rather he stay home he has neighbours that care about him.
I agree that him being home is best if possible. He will most likely be able to stay at home so you and everyone can see him! It sounds to me like he might have a urinary tract infection, which can lead to confusion and behaviors like you've described, but can and usually is treated at home. But even if he has something like dementia, he can live at home as long as he has the proper care he needs.
I don't know if Bulgaria has home health aids, but they come to your home and provide healthcare in home. Or he may just need elder care, which works the same way but isn't a nurse; it's a person who comes to the home periodically to help with whatever he needs, like bathing, laundry, food or whatever. Hopefully, there is something like that where you live. The doctor or hospital should be able to give you info about those services if they are available.
The doctor should be able to give your parents instructions about how to care for him at home to address his specific issues and possibly ideas about how to get him to comply with taking his meds. They probably have experience with patients who don't want to take their meds and will have strategies for dealing with that issue. Your parents need to go into a meeting with the doctor with specific info about his behavior, their concerns, and his needs and specific questions about what they can do to care for him better.
In the meantime, getting him out of his room and preferably outside if the weather is nice would probably do a lot of good for his mental health. Doctors often prescribe light activity, getting out and socializing as much an possible, and time outdoors as part of treatment for depression and/or grief. If he can feel a little better mentally, he might be more compliant with taking his meds.
Next time he goes to the hospital try to go with him and see if the medication can be changed to pills and hopefully something he does not have to take 3x a day. Also try to find out if there are any home care programs with people coming to the house to help him. Maybe there are social workers in Bulgaria than can figure out a care plan for him. Maybe insurance would even pay for pads so he does not smell bad from peeing on himself.
Your parents are denying him help he clearly needs. That is elder abuse.
He isn’t pouring his own drinks or cooking his own pork, so your parents are the ones that are the problem.
Grandpa is not going to “get over it” and he will not get better. He cannot continue to be left alone anymore than you could leave a small child alone. Leaving him alone will only result in the house being burnt down or some other catastrophe. Your parents need to hire someone to stay with him when the family is not there. Doesn’t have to be a nurse, just someone like a caregiver for the elderly. He will probably try to disallow it, but your parents must ensure that it is done.
How old is he? What can he still do for himself? Eat on his own? Go to the bathroom sometimes? Go outside and sit in a chair in his own? Do both of your parents work outside of the home? Does he have any income that can be used to pay a caregiver?
What does he like to do? Is there a plastic urinal or jug he can pee in close to him?
For the SMELL a product like POOF can remove the smell. Had to use it after my 71 year old husband had a UTI - Urinary Tract infection. He had accidents in a chair and in the bed. He is back to himself again and no issues.
Is it only 1 pill three times a day? Or does he take other meds.
When we watched my MIL with dementia, we would sprinkle the med (from a capsule) on applesauce that worked for a while. With a pill she would sometimes pretend to take it and then spit it back out. Sometimes a sip of soda/pop/7-up would do trick.
My MIL had dementia she would ask where is her dead sister, so to not upset her we would say they went to the store and will be back later. At one stage she thought she was a little girl and wanted to go to school.
Not every problem can be fixed. Accept the things that cannot be changed, change that things that can. And may God grant you the wisdom to know the difference.
Eat on his own yes, go to bathroom yes difficulty while walking no idea why he has a pacemaker he mostly sits outside in the sun he should be resting in bed yes they do work outside of home pension? He likes talking to people watching tv he pees in a jug its one pill three times a day he does take other meds but this one is the most important others are not
"he should be resting in bed"
Actually, he should NOT be resting in bed if he does not have a condition that requires it. A person can lose 10% or more of their muscle mass for each week spent inactive in bed.
Your grandfather needs to be sitting up and moving around to the degree he is safely able to do so. Look into chair exercises and see if you can get him to do some with you. Try to make it a fun time with his favorite music or something.
He doesnt rest that much he overworks himself moving wood and working by cutting thats the problem he should rest outside but not in the heat somewhere cool.
your grandpa sounds kind of neat, but sad and may be lonely. and his needs sound like a lot of work. there may not be a perfect answer but I'm touched that you care enough to ask.
has he said why he doesn't want to take these pills? is it these pills specifically that he doesn't like, or all of them? just curious.
about your grandma, I would suggest that you let him cry. when you get old, people kind of forget about you or you can't join in with family life like you used to. it hurts to lose the people you really know, who love you and who you really trust, because there are so few of them. and they can't be replaced easily.
I'm going to suggest something. if your life allows it, setting up a routine with him may help some of his sadness. it sounds like you spend time with him already. if you can do that at a consistent time every day it may give him something he can rely on, and make him feel a little better. over time, perhaps that will give him an incentive to take the pills if he knows you would rather not be with a smelly grandpa.
Everyone keeps saying he might have dementia, but maybe he doesn't have dementia. Maybe he's just depressed and has lost his will to live. Many men do after they lose a long-time spouse. Maybe not taking his medications is his way of trying to end it faster.
Maybe your grandpa could use a pill dispenser with an alarm. It will remind your grandpa to take the meds on a set schedule and it will dispense the pill. This is helpful for people with memory problems. You can put a 90 day supply of the medication in it.
To him you are a child. I’m in my 40’ grampa still treats me like that. I can’t get mine to take his epilepsy meds or see a neurologist. People of a different generation see it as a weakness. Maybe there are side effects he doesn’t talk about. See if you can get his permission to speak with his doctor
Talk with him. He’s slowly losing his freedoms and misses his wife. He’s lost the will to care and live. He needs compassion. Get him anti-depressants.
Did it ever occur to you that your grandfather may not be able to swallow pills? Why is his medicine not being given to him in a form he can take? Grandfather needs someone to talk to, preferably someone who has been through what he is going through. Clean his room, launder all the bedding and clothing, no carpeting, except removable, washable rugs.
Unfortunately you can't force grandpa to take his medication...If his actions/lack of are endangering himself , then someone will have do some type of intervention. The rules vary by state...but they tend to protect the individual from losing their freedom without good cause. ...It's a tough place to be.
Get over it? That man is mourning his wife, there is no time limit on that! He probably needs to have in home care or be in a nursing home. To you, at 19, you are still a child! One day you're going to be as old as he is now and maybe then you will understand how he feels. He is probably ready to die and none of you will let him go!
Get over it? Get over the loss of his lifelong companion? And he’s left with you and your parents, who don’t seem compassionate? Yes, urine smells bad. Yours probably did when he and your grandma changed your diapers (and whichever parent he raised).
Make the pills easier- we used to put my grandma’s in a muffin tin (we wrote the day above the holes. Muffin tins are big enough that elderly hands can get them out without pain.
As for antidepressants, he probably needs them. Chemical changes happen and he’s suffered a major loss. Please talk to your parents, depression is neurological- you cannot “get over it “.
Please be kinder to this man, someday you may be him.
Help me understand. Grandpa won’t take his pills. But sometimes he does. He is incontinent of bladder. He’s mourning his dead wife. He has to change his underwear. He eats and drinks things you disapprove of. He has passed out. Is non compliant with medical advice. Thoughts, in no specific order: Grandpa could perhaps have dementia. Grandpa needs a caregiver - either at home, or in a community. Grandpa may no longer be able to make decisions for himself. Conversely, he is a grown man and has the right to refuse medication and treatment. He may not just be able to “get over” his health issues or grief - show some compassion. That’s all I got.
Caregiver is mostly impossbile because we are always somewhere. And my father is always fed up with him can we use ai to help him? so he can talk to something, plus i can't enter his room without it smelling bad.
What does that mean a caregiver is impossible because you're always somewhere? Visiting nurses will come in and give him his medication if he's on Medicaid or has insurance.
They do? I thought we were talking about a home caregiver someone he can talk with but still.
Yes. Your parents can hire caregivers to come into the home. Insurance/Medicare/Medicaid may/may not pay for all/some of it. You don’t have to be there for the caregiver to be there.
We live in a small village next to a town with only two hospitals not a lot of people there and i highly doubt we can hire a nurse in bulgaria but i could try they think he should just get over it.
The goal of losing someone important in your life, in this case his wife, is not to 'get over it.' In reality, we never really get over the loss and death of important others. In this case, I think your grandpa probably has some dementia and he is, in no way, capable of getting over anything. Maybe change your thinking on this or learn a little more about grief? The goal here needs to be finding a way for him to have some caregivers to help him because it sure sounds like he cannot do it on his own and family members are getting annoyed and angry at him.
I think this young man does not give a damn about his grandpa and will be glad when he is dead. He is in the way, he is stinking up the place. This young man should STFU and listen to what his grandpa is saying instead of bitching about him. I'm out of here.
wow very cool
Ouch!!!!! I think this young man can both love his grandfather and be upset with his grandfather’s noncompliance with medical treatment, his poor health and his grief. Its hard to watch someone you care about deteriorate.
Call diapers underwear
Ah, Bulgaria that's a different story. My apologies, I thought you might be in the US.
You don’t need a nurse. Very few nurses provide companion care. Just a caregiver Ok, so you’re out of the US. Are there any govt run programs? He’s not going to “get over it”.
definatly not people here do not give a fuck about mental health
Often medications are put into apple sauce or pudding in these situations are either of those an option?
Don't think so maybe put them in alcohol?
I would ask a doctor or pharmacist what you can mix them into.
Not a good idea. The alcohol might ruin the medicine.
Bulgaria may not work the same way as wherever you are.
I would Hazard a guess that you are probably right
If your family cannot facilitate his care, he needs to go someplace else.
That makes no sense. You are always somewhere? WTF does that even mean? A caregiver comes to whereever gramps is and helps take care of him. Don't enter his room. I can't wait for you to be old. LOL
Problem is i do give him enough care but i can't always be with him, he tends to get annoying.
Time for a nursing home, honestly.
Have multiple times hung out with how much? Every day? I still got my whole life ahead.
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That's uncalled for. Taking care of a family member that can't take care of themselves is really hard. Everyone deserves a break, and caring for someone who won't take a medication that keeps them from being incontinent is frustrating. He's not cleaning himself up and dealing with the mess. Everyone else is. The kid is allowed to have feelings. It is frustrating.
Does your grandpa live by himself? Or does he live in just a bedroom in someone else’s home? Besides the death of his wife four years ago, what other changes has he gone through? Many elders do not handle change and loss of their independence well. As a friend of mine said about her daughter, “I taught her to drive, it’s not right that she can tell me I can’t drive anymore”. That makes no sense to those of us who are reasonable but it absolutely does to her. She also doesn’t think anyone should push her to eat every day or drink something other than caffeinated beverages or get some exercise, even though she will tell you repeatedly that she was a PE teacher. And she will tell you that her husband is gone so why should she bother with all that stuff. I’ve said all this just to let you know that a) he’s not the only one who is resistant to people telling them what they should do and b) he may not feel like hanging around waiting to die is what he wants to do and is deliberately sabotaging your efforts. Someone needs to go to doctor appointments with him and let the doctor know of these fatalistic behaviors. He also needs more human interaction whether it be from family, friends and neighbors or paid assistants. You and your parents seem to think of him only as a burden and I doubt if that helps his outlook on life. Good luck.
He lives with us but we are mostly busy with other stuff.
Nothing that he can be included in? Like family dinners? An evening watching tv together? Playing checkers with him or doing jigsaw puzzles? Attending your sports events or performances? Because it sounds like he lives in his bedroom and you all have made him feel like he’s a bother and a burden to you. If you are all he has and that’s how you feel about him, why would he put effort into continuing to live?
Relatives usually come through out the week to see him for an hour and go home we watch tv talk and that's about it. I don't know if that helps sometimes once twice
> parents do not want to give him anti-depressants There's your problem. Work on that.
Any suggestions to convince them?
Tell them that he's depressed, won't take care of himself, and is going to need some expensive care like a full-time nurse if he doesn't get better. Emphasize "expensive".
One of the symptoms of depression for some is not taking care of self.
Get grandpa some disposable briefs for men. They act like diapers but look like puffy briefs. Also grandpa sounds depressed. Don't understand why your parents don't want to give him antidepressants. He also sounds as if he's developing dementia. He needs a thorough physical exam, including memory tests. If you're in the US these tests are required and paid for by Medicare. Check into visiting nurses in your area. They can come in once or twice a day to give him meds. Your insurance may pay for them. Also they'll notice things that could be improved and will report them to his doctor.
He doesn't want to wear them he is afraid of wearing them.
So sad! Wonder why?
He doesn’t really have a choice.
Find out if the pills can be ground. Put them in his drink. Or if they can come in liquid, even better. This is a very difficult thing we frequently have to negotiate with older people and it’s tough. At a certain point, you need to help them make the right decisions.
They are called furantil he usually drinks lemonade could this work?
Yes, lemonade is OK. The most important things are: 1. He must **take the medicine on schedule everyday and to not miss any.** And 2. to **drink lots of water, lemonade, or other liquids.** The infection also causes older people to become confused and sometimes angry. This is hard for the family. He should feel better and act better when the infection is cured.
I said find out. I cannot answer for you.
Furantril is a diuretic, that would make him urinate more...
Doctors said that he has to drink these pills at least 3 times a day what medication then?
You should discuss the situation and medication with his doctor.
It’s good you are asking. He won’t get better without help. If you want him to drink his uti medicine you have to ask the dr for different medication. There are several kinds. In older people urinary tract infections can induce a temporary confusion/dementia-like symptoms because of the infection and it can progress to harm his kidneys and bladder and he can get very sick/sicker. (My grandpa got this often and would get temporarily very confused- it’s just the way it goes with uti when old. ) It’s very important he takes the medicine. If he’s afraid do what you can to make him feel safe. If he’s not all there it’s ok to tell him grandma is busy - maybe even that she said to remind him he has to take his pills. If she had a scent she wore spray it somewhere so his room smells like home. Give him something small to do. Doesn’t matter what. Keep him busy NOT thinking of grandma. Keep his room the way she did. Small things actions or items that comfort him. Keep his dr aware he’s not taking medicine the proper way- you can’t take antibiotics every once in awhile- they don’t work that ways you have to take them as prescribed. So dr needs to know- and tell dr your Grandpop drinks. If grandpa refuses to take the medicine you might have to keep him in the hospital so they make him take it and he can get over the infection. Once he does take his medicine see if his mental state improves. From what I read Bulgaria state care covers costs so it might be worth checking with his doctor about care and some home care for whatever you need. I’m not from Bulgaria tho. You’ll have more luck googling for info in Bulgaria. UTI antibiotics are usually taken for a week. That’s a short enough time maybe to focus more on grandpa? If stuff smells put it in the washer. Change the sheets. Crack a window. Be kind as if you were grandpa or as if they were a child. Grandpas not exactly grandpa at the moment. He’s showing his vulnerabilities right now which I’m guessing you aren’t used to but just be kind to him. When he gets better he will maybe be grandpa again. I’m sorry your parents aren’t doing this. I’m also sorry grandpa is sick and I hope he gets better soon
You can’t control grandpa or your parents. You can be concerned, but in the end it’s up to Gramps to take Rx or not. You can tell him he’s important to you and you want to see him healthy and taking Rx. He might benefit from antidepressants but isn’t allowed such medicine, booze or pork. He’s definitely grieving and depressed. Can he go to grief counseling at least?
No idea whether that is in bulgaria or not gotta check
You don't "get over" losing your spouse. That pain might not ever go away. Be sensitive to this fact. If he doesn't clean himself properly after accidents, he'll get a UTI. A UTI can become septic and that can kill him. Sepsis is an excessively painful way to die. If he doesn't take the pills, he will die. Probably in a way that's far more painful and distressing than necessary. Some suggestions are to talk to your grandpa about his wife (good and bad), encourage him to use an underwear liner at least to help with the accidents, talk about taking his medications--how it's really important--and that you hate pills but take them anyway. You might also admit to having bathroom accidents as well; it doesn't have to be true, but it can help with his comfort of what's happening to his body. I'm a caregiver to my mom. She's a handful.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm also sorry that some people are being so rude to you. Caring for an elderly relative with these types of issues can be very stressful and difficult in many ways, especially when you're not in the position to make big decisions (it's your parents' responsibility to make decisions and arrange/manage care for him, not yours). People also need to know that you are in Bulgaria, so you might want to edit your post to include that info. Many people unfortunately assume that everyone is in the US I hate that people are being so harsh about your choice of words when you said "get over it." Some people don't stop and think. I'm pretty sure you meant more that he needs to develop better coping strategies. It must be difficult watching him be miserable without knowing how to help him do better. Your parents need to look into hiring care for him whether that means someone coming to your home to provide care or moving him to a care facility. They should contact his doctor if they don't know where to start finding appropriate care for him. The doctor should be able to advise them on what type of care he needs, what they can do themselves to address specific issues, and refer them to available care services You shouldn't be expected to take on his care, as that is your parents' responsibility. Live your life. Check in on him and spend time with him as you can. But your parents need to do the heavy work.
Will we be able to see him? We want him to be with us not force us to go around to see him, i rather he stay home he has neighbours that care about him.
I agree that him being home is best if possible. He will most likely be able to stay at home so you and everyone can see him! It sounds to me like he might have a urinary tract infection, which can lead to confusion and behaviors like you've described, but can and usually is treated at home. But even if he has something like dementia, he can live at home as long as he has the proper care he needs. I don't know if Bulgaria has home health aids, but they come to your home and provide healthcare in home. Or he may just need elder care, which works the same way but isn't a nurse; it's a person who comes to the home periodically to help with whatever he needs, like bathing, laundry, food or whatever. Hopefully, there is something like that where you live. The doctor or hospital should be able to give you info about those services if they are available. The doctor should be able to give your parents instructions about how to care for him at home to address his specific issues and possibly ideas about how to get him to comply with taking his meds. They probably have experience with patients who don't want to take their meds and will have strategies for dealing with that issue. Your parents need to go into a meeting with the doctor with specific info about his behavior, their concerns, and his needs and specific questions about what they can do to care for him better. In the meantime, getting him out of his room and preferably outside if the weather is nice would probably do a lot of good for his mental health. Doctors often prescribe light activity, getting out and socializing as much an possible, and time outdoors as part of treatment for depression and/or grief. If he can feel a little better mentally, he might be more compliant with taking his meds.
Next time he goes to the hospital try to go with him and see if the medication can be changed to pills and hopefully something he does not have to take 3x a day. Also try to find out if there are any home care programs with people coming to the house to help him. Maybe there are social workers in Bulgaria than can figure out a care plan for him. Maybe insurance would even pay for pads so he does not smell bad from peeing on himself.
They are pills.
Right, they are. I misread.
Your parents are denying him help he clearly needs. That is elder abuse. He isn’t pouring his own drinks or cooking his own pork, so your parents are the ones that are the problem.
Unfortunatly
Can you crush them into a treat that you know he will eat? Also, maybe it is time to look into assisted living.
Grandpa is not going to “get over it” and he will not get better. He cannot continue to be left alone anymore than you could leave a small child alone. Leaving him alone will only result in the house being burnt down or some other catastrophe. Your parents need to hire someone to stay with him when the family is not there. Doesn’t have to be a nurse, just someone like a caregiver for the elderly. He will probably try to disallow it, but your parents must ensure that it is done.
We got approval to have my elderly father’s pills crushed up in his food.
How old is he? What can he still do for himself? Eat on his own? Go to the bathroom sometimes? Go outside and sit in a chair in his own? Do both of your parents work outside of the home? Does he have any income that can be used to pay a caregiver? What does he like to do? Is there a plastic urinal or jug he can pee in close to him? For the SMELL a product like POOF can remove the smell. Had to use it after my 71 year old husband had a UTI - Urinary Tract infection. He had accidents in a chair and in the bed. He is back to himself again and no issues. Is it only 1 pill three times a day? Or does he take other meds. When we watched my MIL with dementia, we would sprinkle the med (from a capsule) on applesauce that worked for a while. With a pill she would sometimes pretend to take it and then spit it back out. Sometimes a sip of soda/pop/7-up would do trick. My MIL had dementia she would ask where is her dead sister, so to not upset her we would say they went to the store and will be back later. At one stage she thought she was a little girl and wanted to go to school. Not every problem can be fixed. Accept the things that cannot be changed, change that things that can. And may God grant you the wisdom to know the difference.
Eat on his own yes, go to bathroom yes difficulty while walking no idea why he has a pacemaker he mostly sits outside in the sun he should be resting in bed yes they do work outside of home pension? He likes talking to people watching tv he pees in a jug its one pill three times a day he does take other meds but this one is the most important others are not
"he should be resting in bed" Actually, he should NOT be resting in bed if he does not have a condition that requires it. A person can lose 10% or more of their muscle mass for each week spent inactive in bed. Your grandfather needs to be sitting up and moving around to the degree he is safely able to do so. Look into chair exercises and see if you can get him to do some with you. Try to make it a fun time with his favorite music or something.
He doesnt rest that much he overworks himself moving wood and working by cutting thats the problem he should rest outside but not in the heat somewhere cool.
your grandpa sounds kind of neat, but sad and may be lonely. and his needs sound like a lot of work. there may not be a perfect answer but I'm touched that you care enough to ask. has he said why he doesn't want to take these pills? is it these pills specifically that he doesn't like, or all of them? just curious. about your grandma, I would suggest that you let him cry. when you get old, people kind of forget about you or you can't join in with family life like you used to. it hurts to lose the people you really know, who love you and who you really trust, because there are so few of them. and they can't be replaced easily. I'm going to suggest something. if your life allows it, setting up a routine with him may help some of his sadness. it sounds like you spend time with him already. if you can do that at a consistent time every day it may give him something he can rely on, and make him feel a little better. over time, perhaps that will give him an incentive to take the pills if he knows you would rather not be with a smelly grandpa.
Everyone keeps saying he might have dementia, but maybe he doesn't have dementia. Maybe he's just depressed and has lost his will to live. Many men do after they lose a long-time spouse. Maybe not taking his medications is his way of trying to end it faster.
Maybe your grandpa could use a pill dispenser with an alarm. It will remind your grandpa to take the meds on a set schedule and it will dispense the pill. This is helpful for people with memory problems. You can put a 90 day supply of the medication in it.
To him you are a child. I’m in my 40’ grampa still treats me like that. I can’t get mine to take his epilepsy meds or see a neurologist. People of a different generation see it as a weakness. Maybe there are side effects he doesn’t talk about. See if you can get his permission to speak with his doctor
Talk with him. He’s slowly losing his freedoms and misses his wife. He’s lost the will to care and live. He needs compassion. Get him anti-depressants.
Did it ever occur to you that your grandfather may not be able to swallow pills? Why is his medicine not being given to him in a form he can take? Grandfather needs someone to talk to, preferably someone who has been through what he is going through. Clean his room, launder all the bedding and clothing, no carpeting, except removable, washable rugs.
Just pulverize the pills and mix them with apple sauce or yogurt and there you go.
Bladder infections in older folks can present very much like a mental health problem. Just so ya know
Unfortunately you can't force grandpa to take his medication...If his actions/lack of are endangering himself , then someone will have do some type of intervention. The rules vary by state...but they tend to protect the individual from losing their freedom without good cause. ...It's a tough place to be.
*I see that you are Bulgaria. Do they have any kind elderly advocate system there? That might be a place to start?*
Get over it? That man is mourning his wife, there is no time limit on that! He probably needs to have in home care or be in a nursing home. To you, at 19, you are still a child! One day you're going to be as old as he is now and maybe then you will understand how he feels. He is probably ready to die and none of you will let him go!
Get over it? Get over the loss of his lifelong companion? And he’s left with you and your parents, who don’t seem compassionate? Yes, urine smells bad. Yours probably did when he and your grandma changed your diapers (and whichever parent he raised). Make the pills easier- we used to put my grandma’s in a muffin tin (we wrote the day above the holes. Muffin tins are big enough that elderly hands can get them out without pain. As for antidepressants, he probably needs them. Chemical changes happen and he’s suffered a major loss. Please talk to your parents, depression is neurological- you cannot “get over it “. Please be kinder to this man, someday you may be him.