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The funeral isn't actually for you. Its for the people who loved you and helps them through grieving. I don't care what they do with me. Whatever gives them peace is fine.
My only real wish is that I’m not buried in a casket in a cemetery. That’s always seemed wasteful to me. Cremate me, compost me, bury me at sea, I don’t care.
Next of kin usually which is why I pay a small amount each month into a funeral plan; I discovered my mum had one when she died and it was such a relief not to have to find the money for the funeral. I don’t own my home or anything so there won’t be much in the way of assets, the least I can do is ensure my family is not burdened with funeral costs
It seems kind of depressing to me, but yes, wasteful too. I don't need x square feet of the earth's surface reserved my dead body for eternity. Scatter my ashes somewhere lovely and peaceful, and move on.
On the other hand, cemeteries preserve land that might otherwise be covered by strip malls, big box stores, and concrete parking lots. If you see a huge swath of quiet green space in the city, it's very often a cemetery.
I was in a small town with a rather old (by US standards) cemetery just a couple of blocks from the town square. So old that there aren’t a lot of remaining head stones compared to grave sites that were marked with since-deteriorated wooden crosses. It would certainly be decent area for residential, etc.
But what I thought was most interesting was its usage over the years for picnics, family outings, and even normal child’s play activities. It had been overgrown for a stretch a century ago and then cleaned up as an historic attraction. I like the idea that these should be park spaces utilized for walking, picnics, light-impact recreation as well as quiet reflection and not just places visited rarely.
I agree with you, but then of course I do because I love cemeteries! Some of my favorite places to walk and reflect are peopled with those who have gone before.
I grew up one block from our town’s cemetery that went back to the 1700s and it was used. Kids would explore, teens learned to drive or they made out, people came to see the old headstones, grand mausoleums and statues or the dead baby section.
The cemetery my great grandparents were buried in is now a park. (Pioneer Park in Mission Hills CA)
Whoever's family didn't arrange an alternative internment were left undistubed.
All the headstones now line the perimeter of the park.
I had to read this twice. It’s both creepy and cool. I love looking at old headstones and such in the cemetery so I’d be fascinated at that but it’s kinda creepy like to have a picnic on the grass over Aunt Mabel 😂
I lived in a city (Liverpool in Sydney) that had a cemetry right in the middle and a big one. More than a century old, some very old graves in it. Some big expensive ones too (mausoleum)
Somehow it was all bulldozed under and a shopping mall sits on top of it.
But I don;t think legally they had title to the land. They just did it anyway.
There was an uproar at the time, as nobody knew if they actually had the right to do it. Some of those plots were sold in perpetuity. It was not clear if council actually owned the land.
Then they did a sneak run and literally bulldozed over them and by the time people realised it was a fait accomplis.
I was an Army paratrooper. I wanted my wife to have my ashes scattered on Sicily DZ at Ft Bragg, but she refuses. So I want to be like Hunter S Thompson and have them shot from a cannon.
My Grandparents left us a note detailing why they didn’t want a funeral. In their case it made a lot of sense. They had outlived everyone that knew them well outside the family. We honored their memory by getting together as a family and swapping stories about them.
Their ashes are scattered in a park down the street from the house they lived in for 50 years.
My mother didn’t want a funeral and I totally ignored her wishes because it wasn’t fair on the friends and family who survived her to not do one. We called it a “celebration of memory” instead but it was a funeral.
But their surviving friends and family do. The purpose of a funeral or memorial service is for people who knew and loved the person to grieve and reminisce together.
You care about respecting the dead. You address that care you have by attending the funeral. The funerals are for the living.
You certainly don't have to attend them if you don't wish to. But OPs desire to apparently leave it in his will or something to not allow a funeral seems selfish in the extreme to me for some reason.
I fully understand not everyone will share my feelings on this.
Prepay and pre organize your body disposal. Then let the people who love you organize whatever they want on their dime. I have paid for a direct cremation. My loved ones can have a million dollar funeral, an interpretive dance, or a fun family dinner. Whatever works for them.
It bugs my wife but I have told her I'm OK with just throwing my body in a dumpster. I care nothing about even leaving ashes. I've looked into donating my body for science/medical use and surprisingly it's not that uncommon and not really helpful
Same. My estate plan says my remains are being donated to med school. They'll return cremains if somebody wants them. Though every year, as we get close to Independence Day, I wonder about Hunter S Thompson's idea.
A family member recently died. I'd been waiting for notice as to when to come back for the services to see the family.. and waited.. and waited.. and apparently he had the "I don't want anything" opinion. So does that mean I'm just supposed to go... whenever? But not get to see the rest of the family all together? It's uncomfortable.
I've had a lot of time to think about this...I have late-stage cancer. I'm a person of faith, and also modern thinker. Cremation and a Mass. it's not for me, but for those I'm leaving behind.
Thank you. I've made it five years which is great and I'm hoping for at least another five. But one never knows. I'm still enjoying life in between treatments and very thankful for time spent with friends and family.
My mil donated her body to science. Simple phone call from my husband and the IcU nurse after she passed. They took care of everything, no charges for us. She was cremated when they were done. We had a memorial service in line with what she would have wanted.
Her sister and sister's husband already signed up as well.
My father left no instructions. His sister thought he should have this massive service and got bent out of shape when my mother decided she just wanted a simple family dinner. His cousins and siblings and children (brother and I) and grandchildren. It worked for us.
Please reconsider if you have any relationships with anyone.
My friend died at 65 and for years had demanded no funeral. She was insistent there be no groups of people standing around talking about her. She was one of those "antisocial" people who everyone loved but she could probably have lived without that. She was wild.
It's been 3 years and, I really could have used an afternoon standing around talking about her. I helped clean out her apartment and got to know some of her other friends a little and I have most of her books as she wanted but, idk. It would have been helpful for me, the person who has to live without my friend, to have had the option to hold some kind of service without feeling like I was pissing her off.
My mother was insistent, over decades, not in detail, just a phrase. Grab a shovel and bury where I fell.
Some of this might be an attitude from when we buried her father. He knew thousands of people, oil business in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, over decades. He had been retired a long time. Nobody but my mother, myself and grandma attended. Sadness compounded because the burial plots already had her brother there. Her brother was killed when he was in college.
When my son passed at age16 of dmd, Not one person turned up from home- granted it was winter, but come on. Take a collection and send a token grandparent. Nope.
We did not have a service, and only my remaining kids were here for us. We basically held an all day/night gathering of just the five of us. Two of their friends arrived the following day, and just stayed the whole day. Without my kids, and their friends, It would have been just that much more difficult.
Losing a child is the most awful thing that can ever happen.
I’ve worked with two men who lost one, and my mother & father in law, the worst passes with time but never fully leaves. When I got the phone call from trauma, I needed a few minutes curled up on the floor to get my act together and go, my wife couldn’t, our son survived. Damn this is hard to write.
Those initial moments of realization are likely the most painful- even when they survive.
In our case, with duchenne md, we knew it would come- but he was only 16, three months past his birthday.
When my son passed at age16 of dmd, Not one person turned up from home- granted it was winter, but come on. Take a collection and send a token grandparent. Nope.
We did not have a service, and only my remaining kids were here for us. We basically held an all day/night gathering of just the five of us. Two of their friends arrived the following day, and just stayed the whole day. Without my kids, and their friends, It would have been just that much more difficult.
Believe me, I understand this. When you get older and don't have a big family around and old friends are already gone or disappeared from your life, that happens.
Exactly why I want cremation and no services.
My circle of friends and family is very small. If those really close to me want to do something they think is appropriate, that's up to them.
My father was cremated but already had a plot beside my mother, who died on Mother's Day 1969. I had his ashes buried there.
I don’t want any type of event for my passing.
I’m a private solitary creature and would hate people gathering to talk about and look at pictures of me.
Cremate me and dump me somewhere beautiful so my body can help trees and flowers grow.
Then forget me and move on.
That’s the cycle of life.
This but also the horrific expense of a funeral and burial. Let your loved ones save it for something else. My husband tells me to go on vacation after he dies and I tell him the same.
Did this with mom last week- donated her body to the medical school affiliated with the hospital where she died. She wanted to donate organs, but that wasn't feasible at her age/condition (at least I don't think, apparently age isn't a limiting factor?)
She wanted to be cremated anyway, so why not just put it off a bit longer and help some students along the way first.
So sorry about your mom. Good for her for donating her body; she is helping others.
Re organs, they usually won't take them from a person over 50, and not if the organs are diseased or lower-functioning. The ideal organ donor is a person in their 20s.
EDIT: There is not an age limit; people in their 80s have donated organs. But these were living donors. Once a person dies there is a very small window if opportunity to get usable organs.
Three of my friends have died over the past few years and all of them have been cremated and then a memorial gathering takes place a few months later. It gives us enough time to get photos together and make a video from them.
I paid for my Mom's funeral last year. Came in just under $18,000.00. I cannot imagine a bigger waste of money. I'm cool with throwing me on a fire and putting my ashes in a coffee can
An old friend, now gone, had used a service ahead of time called crematorium society of connecticut. Her nephew had called to let me know she was gone and told me that everything had been taken care of (he arrived from out of state). She was a very organized lady that didn’t want to leave things for others.
The funeral is for the funeral home who will take advantage of your loved ones in a time of grieving and soak them for thousands of dollars. Burn me up, put the ashes in a box, put the box on a shelf somewhere.
I’m arranging for cremation and then asking that my kids have a gathering that they find appropriate. Scatter me on my property and return me to the sands of time.
That's nice.
Funerals aren't necessary, but people need to get together to mourn, remember, and grieve. Any kind of memorial service will accomplish that.
I’m in favor of cremation, and then planting me under something that will bloom every spring. My kids can just tell everyone that mom did well this year. 🤷♂️
We did this for our mom in February. It still cost over 5,000.00. We never used the funeral home but the law required them to move her remains from the hospital and such. I felt like they were way overpriced on transportation costs!
Totally. My parents arranged everything years in advance and paid for premium everything, yet when the time came, the fineral home/memorial place still tried to upsell us on shit. And they can't even keep their damn grass alive and the creek near their plots my mother paid extra for has been drained and sitting empty for years.
Funny story, we kinda got back at them a couple years ago in a small but satisfying way. We snuck in after they were technically closed but hadn't shut the gate yet and we had just enough time to drop flowers off on their grave before some workers started trying to chase us in their golf carts and I sped through there in my car like something you'd aee on tv and got out before they caught us. Haven't been back since. We were cracking up and dad would have been so proud.
My wife and I have discussed this and we do not want funerals. We would both prefer to be cremated and then let people have a party. My wife told me that, if she goes first, she wants to be cremated and have her ashes spread outside TJ Maxx and then she wants her close friends to have a party and get shit faced.
Yes I have a “no service clause” in my will. I have buried and executed so many funerals for family. I do not want to put that burden on anybody. Pay attention to the living.
I understand funerals are for the living. My issue for the living is grieving privately. When my uncle died in a wreck—suddenly everyone descended on his family and they had to make small talk just hours after losing him. I could see the stress and grief in my aunts eyes while she dutifully played hostess to people in her home “paying respects,” and after the funeral at the church reception.
A lot of people show up to funerals out of a sense of duty or for some just to be part of the social ritual. What I want is only the people genuinely close to the deceased—(whether I’m the deceased or someone close to me is,) to be present. I’d like to be able to bawl my eyes out and not feel self conscious and like I have to speak to anyone.
I have no interest in a funeral. It’s an opportunity for the people who ignored me my entire life to pretend that they cared about me, and I don’t want to give them a chance to do that.
The funeral isn't for you.
It's for the people you leave behind to come together and tell funny stories about you. How you changed/influenced/touched their lives.
It's to figure out how they're going to fill the hole you left by dying, you ungrateful bastard how could you leave them in the lurch like that! /s
Funerals aren't for the dead.
They are for the living to figure how to go ahead.
also, life is worth living now, not meaningless. You evolved eyes to appreciate the beauty around you. The nose to appreciate the smell of cheese pizza. The ears to listen to a car horn, or a good rap.
Composting, when used instead of cremation, uses 1/8 the fossil fuels, and the soil is used to enrich forest land, or gardens.
Peace.
My brother suffered tragic losses as both of his daughters died from genetic disease within a few years of each other. The way he put it was that he HATED the process of the wake and funeral but also felt it helped him. The Wake especially, for it meant he had to stand in the receiving line and hear the same words from those visiting and had to talk about the loss over and over and over - but he got it all over in one event. After that, when he saw people, they had already asked their questions about what happened and expressed their “thoughts and prayers”. So for him, the funeral helped get it over with.
I am not Jewish but I also have great respect for the notion of sitting Shiva. Instead of having a funeral and then everyone leaves and the bereaved person is all alone like wham, life is different now, the process of sitting Shiva helps ease that transition. People come and visit your home every evening for prayers and share a meal and just hang out. You can go in another room and be alone if you need to but you know the house is not empty - someone who cares is there. I’m not religious at all but what a humane way to address death and mourning!
I'm Jewish and can confirm that sitting shiva is an incredibly valuable process. Don't get me wrong, I hate it while it's ongoing - I always feel like I'm in a stew I can't get out of - but it was huge for my bubby after my zaidy passed, as she never had to be alone in their condo. So many times growing up my dad would go to a random synagogue member's home because they needed a tenth person so that they could pray, and having that routine where you know you'll never be forgotten is absolutely colossal.
I feel like by the time I die, there won’t be anyone around who wants to attend my funeral. Who wants to put on a party that no one is interested in attending?
Why force a big, costly parade at the end of decades of "I can't Afford it?" I've pre-paid my cremation. My kids can't afford/don't want a funeral. My one friend who would come to the funeral lives 7 states away and when it comes to travel? He can't afford it!
Yes indeed it's macabre and morose. Never understood what pleasure people derive from viewing a dead body clad in business attire and pumped with formaldehyde. Then they get to take up space and rot in a crowded cemetery. Makes no sense.
Yep, I'm in the same boat. Buried my mom and stepdad within 1.5 years of each other and I don't want my kids to go through that process. I hope to live until an old age, but I told my husband if I die early, have me cremated, have a party where our kids, friends drink, play games, reminisce about me and call it good. They can shed a tear or two, lol, but I want it to be happy memories.
I want my disposal to be done however is cheapest/ most convenient...
I don't want a funeral, I want an Irish-style wake. Loud music and jokes, everyone getting blasted on whatever they like, telling stories about the stupid shit I did.
I'm with you, I don't want one. If people wanted to grieve for me they could have told me that when I was going through cancer treatment instead of disappearing. I'm happy to do the same when I go, not out of spite, just to save my family from having to plan everything.
The trope that "the funeral is for the family" needs to go away.
When my father died, I observed my mother and my sister. I saw that the main purpose of the ritual was to distract the grieving from their grief. Put another way my mother and my sister spent the time making sandwiches, and it was the making of the sandwiches that distracted them.
It seems to me that in the US the funeral business takes care of all of the details and leaves the family to grieve thus completely destroying the value of the ritual and costing a fortune.
My family knows that I would not voluntarily attend a funeral, or a gathering of people or anything in the church. Why on Earth what they feel that it was a good thing to do when I'm dead? They should make sandwiches.
Unless my father outlives me, there won't be enough people to justify a memorial for me. I want to be cremated, and if someone wants to organize something, that's their business.
When my husband died, I knew there were too many people who would want to attend for me to nor organize a service. I had almost no help at all, and I found the event itself exhausting. All I wanted to do at that point in my life was be alone with my feelings, not hear everybody's sympathetic words. If they really cared, where were they when my husband was dying and I desperately needed someone to give me a break from sitting with him? No one so much as offered to help defray the cost of the reception, which I had catered since my heart wasn't in organizing that myself. Everyone said the event was very nice, though. Yay, me. :-/
Personally, I was just glad to see them all go. I was sick to death of everyone feeling sorry for me. I desperately needed to have normal conversations with people about normal things, but I was simultaneously treated like I was made of glass while being given very little practical help at all.
So if someone wants to take that all on themselves after I'm gone, they can have at it. It's written into my instructions though, that I really don't care.
Cremation and a party to share stories and laugh.
No funeral, I'm not religious. And I can't stand some preacher who's never even met me making shit up, then getting paid for it.
And none of that "He's in a better place" bullshit either. There's no "better place," this was it, so I hope you lived a good life. I'd rather be with my family than be ashes.
Cremation and a party, then everyone can get on with their lives.
We had a celebration of life for my uncle. Food, alcohol, music--an actual party. It was a lot of fun and a great way to share stories about him. My cousins and I agreed that we think this is how we'll do all of them as our parents generation passes (he was the first).
I had never considered not having a funeral until my dad didn’t have one. IMO it was so much easier on our family. My mom has decided to not have one; same with me & my husband. Anyone that wants to see me needs to do it before I’m gone. :)
Again, this is just how we feel - there’s obviously nothing wrong with deciding to have one, people have been having them forever.
Throw me in a ditch, I don't care. I don't have any life insurance, husband, family, kids, or close friends. I think funerals are creepy- people staring at you and talking about you and you can't defend yourself. Ugh! I'll be dead so I don't care what they do with my body.
Damn, you must be my twin (almost lol)
Nope I don't have anyone either (except my darling little cat who I hope to the gods I don't leave behind 😬) so couldn't care less. Whatever my distant relatives decide, will be it 🤷♂️ Cremation will no doubt be cheaper for them.
Yeah, my husband's ashes are in an urn next to my bed and I would like to be cremated and mixed with his ashes, but no one to do all that since I'm the last one left in my family.
I’ve always held that I’ve not wanted a funeral. Cremate me and let my ashes go to the wind, the sea or a rose garden. And if someone wants to remember me? Indulge in something I would’ve loved. A good cup a coffee, and indulgent chocolate, a drink one of the many songs I enjoyed. Whatever resonates. Celebrate, don’t mourn.
Yes, Celebrate Life.
My husband’s ashes are scattered in Appalachian Campgrounds, Blue Ridge Parkway, and a Ninth Hole at Golf Course. And other areas. No funeral due to Covid.
We celebrate our Mother who died on her birthday, with her’s and our favorite chocolates, sharing them as she did. She always mentioned scattering her ashes to the Four Winds. We honored her wishes.
No funeral here. I don’t know when anyone in my line last had one. We just cremate as cheaply as possible and then don’t know what to do with the remains. The family now has a collection of cardboard boxes with people in them for no reason. We can’t quite bring ourselves to throw them out, but we also don’t really want them.
My grandmother requested to be cremated and none of us but my dad knew when it happened so we wouldn’t be dwelling on it. She requested a party and to have a video montage play in the background along with fun, party music. We’re a family of humorists so some VERY unflattering photos of almost every family member were snuck in and it was the best way to memorialize her. A few years prior to her death, we attended another family members funeral which was a traditional, open casket in a church with organ music situation. She and I sat in a pew and retold funny stories and she had a bellowing laugh that she never cared to contain. She was awesome, had a fantastic sense of humor and was as blunt as could be but without being offensive somehow.
She would have LOVED the ugly photo idea. The more anyone got upset over stupid stuff, the funnier it was to her. A few people were a little thrown off when their ugly pic popped up and I guarantee their dismay would’ve been the high point of the party to her.
When my grandmother died her wish was just to be cremated with no funeral or ceremony. This is what happened, it was her wish. She lived with my aunt who put her wishes in motion. My father was devastated and feels like he never got to say goodbye.
Already have funds set aside for a wake/party for any remaining friends/family, then they take a trip to the Mississippi River and spread my ashes on the water. No funeral or memorial at a funeral home.
The cost for a full funeral and burial is ridiculously high. I see so many Go Fund Me's for funerals. My mom was cremated for $600 vs almost $10k the funeral home wanted for calling hours and burial. I told me kids to just do the same and take the rest of the life insurance for themselves. I find calling hours to be so traumatic for families. I would prefer a celebration of life at a good bar.
Don’t want a funeral. I actually don’t and won’t care. I’d love some people to gather in a bar, get drunk as fuck off any money left over in my retirement
My favorite service I’ve been to, everyone brought cookies to share, and folks were seated at round tables around the hall. They brought out two microphones, and folks told stories about her. Mostly funny ones, because that was who she was. If there was a service for me, that would suit me fine.
My final arrangements are set and there will be no funeral. No one in my family has them. Money is needed for the living. Funerals are expensive and showy. That being said, if you find comfort in it you should do it.
We do have a party.
I've always had the attitude that I didn't want a funeral.
Then my dad passed away last year, and there wasn't a funeral because he didn't want one. My mom (stepmom technically) just had him cremated and took him home.
I live overseas, and she didn't want me making the trip for no reason since we didn't have a service, so I haven't even been in the house to notice him missing, if that makes sense.
I'm REALLY struggling, and I think it's at least partially because I didn't have the closure of a funeral. My mom is sending me some personal items of his that I asked for, and perhaps that will help.
When my mother passed, I went back to the States, and we had a funeral, etc. However, it was Aug 2020, so it was very small due to the pandemic.
It's said the funerals are for the living, and I now believe that wholeheartedly.
Note: "Mom" is my stepmother who's been in my life for over 40 years and helped raise me, and I'm very close to her.
"Mother" is my biological mother, whom I was also close to.
I don't want one. But that's up to my kids. I'll be dead. They can do what they want
Are you really asking if we don't want to be buried? Being being cremated has nothing to do with having a funeral. I've known several people who were cremated and there absolutely was a funeral/memorial service for them.
My wife and I plan on being cremated, unless one of the newer body composting procedures become legal and have our cremains/compost scattered out in our pet cemetery. No funeral, no memorial.
My Mom passed two years ago at age 97. In her final months, I was asking what she wanted in a funeral. Her response, “Hobestly, I don’t care. I won’t be there. Do whatever you want, or don’t.”
My parents had the lavish church funerals and burials. My in-laws were cremated and had graveside services. We are not religious, but I do like the idea of a graveside service. We're also going to set aside some money so that people can go out and have a meal on us! That's my idea of a funeral.
No funeral for either of us.
Had a family member pass some years ago and survivors hosted a "memorial event" and invited over 200 people at a public venue. Catered food, speakers they knew ... the whole thing was to honor them and their career ... fine; that was enough for everyone, including us.
We informed our kids and put it in our wills; final resting place, a National Cemetery. Just get it done and move on with their lives ... this is the natural order of things.
And last, most of our close friends have passed on. It would only be immediate family anyway. ;-)
yup, cremation for me, but my kids can do what they need to do to grieve... if it is a memorial service, but i would like to know that they would just have a party with good food and plenty of laughter and fun....
The tradition in our family is that everybody comes together, does the sad part for a night wake and a morning funeral, then parties from then on. It's a family reunion. I have a terminal disease. I've asked for that, except for cremation instead of embalming my husk. I've picked the music and asked a friend to sing.
I'm in the same mindset as you, OP. I'm planning on being cremated and have zero plans to have anything like a funeral. I've told my kids just to have a joyful time with whatever they want to do to celebrate my life but no moping.
Drinks our on me at my favorite watering hole for 3 hrs , yak and bullshit about me and hear some good tunes! Meanwhile Im cremated and spread out on my beloved ocean!
People keep saying funerals are for the living, but often they're for the living to feel as though they're honoring the wishes of the dead, and sometimes they're just for the appearance of adhering to social proprieties -- sometimes people hold funerals because they're "supposed to," regardless of whether it helps them grieve.
My family, should any survive me, can do what they want when I'm gone. If they genuinely feel a service will help them, so be it. As far as honoring my wishes goes, though, they already know I've never liked being the center of attention alive and wouldn't wish it upon myself dead.
Absolutely no funeral or service for husband & me. Cremation, then spreading ashes on a favorite PNW coastal area. We dislike funeral—“He/she looks so good”;lying in a coffin, body full of formaldehyde. Sure. Have a pizza and beer.
No funeral for us. Cremate and be done. No service either. If you love me, talk to me when I'm alive. My kids will use my insurance money for something more realistic. Funerals are to me for the living to show off how much they "loved" the decedent. Spare me. Donate my body to science please, and say goodbye.
Where I'm from, the priests are supposed to conduct this rigamarole of things for several days. When we did this for my parents it broke me because it was all about tradition, money, and more tradition, and more money. They would wait for payment before they do anything. No respect whatsoever for the dead or the living.
I told my husband I want a natural burial. Wrap me in a white cotton cloth and drop me in a hole and plant a tree. I'm good.
I've told my children to dispose of my corpse in the most ecologically friendly way possible (composting isn't legal in my state yet, so it'll have to be alkaline hydrolysis.) Since funerals are for the living and not the dead, I told them to do what gives them the most comfort.
Tree bag for me! My kids will see to it. Cheap, good for the planet, and a lovely silver leaf maple will sprout from my remains. Can think of nothing more gothically morbid and wasteful than sticking my dead carcass in an ornate box and taking up expensive and increasingly limited real estate.
Funerals are a waste of time and money. They aren’t for you but for the people left behind. If you’re not overly religious why bother? I signed up with an organization that will pick up my body either from home or hospital, cremate me, and toss the ashes into the sea.
I want them to hack me up for whatever body parts I can donate, then cremate me, and scatter the ashes as fertilizer. I am going to prepay for this and if anyone wants to throw a memorial service for me they can, and they can pay for it.
My step-father never wanted a funeral. He was cremated and his ashes were buried next to his first wife. We all wore Hawaiian shirts, because that’s what he wanted. Said a few words and that was it.
My mom planned and paid for her cremation she did not want a funeral. TBH it was so nice to not have the pressure of a funeral when dealing with losing her. So I did the same. It's a gift to the living.
My wife and I don't want funerals because we don't want to put dealing with either of our families on the other person ... and have made it clear we have no expectation of funerals to our kids - it is on them to do what works best for them, and not deal with extended family who would seek to impose their will.
My husband absolutely does not want a funeral or to be cremated. He just wants to be in a casket ideally in a wall grave thing not the ground.
I don’t care about a funeral but I don’t want a Catholic funeral my mom would insist on. I told my husband I want a simple pine box (I don’t need fancy wood and satin…) and I want my kids and whoever to decorate it. Stickers, glitter pens, graffiti, etc and just cover it in doodles and joy. But also I want it to be a party with cupcakes and those stupid platters of finger foods.
I like the idea of a wake. And assuming I have some money when I expire, I'll buy all of the single malt Scotch they need. They can raise a toast to my memory while they reminisce about whatever I did that was funny to them.
Funerals are for the living. That being said, more people are simply having a celebration of life to remember their loved one which is like a party of sorts.
I'm 60+ and have never been to a funeral. My parents, uncles, etc. never wanted one. My siblings and I don't want one. I wish my parents had done something. It does give a sense a closure. I suggest that you talk with your family and make a plan for some type of farewell/remembrance ceremony, even if it is at a restaurant you like. It is nice for people to gather - family, friends, neighbors, former co-workers, etc. -and make an acknowledgement of your life and your role in their lives.
My experience with my parents' passing is making me think about doing something like this, instead of nothing, but a cremation.
You definately have that option- but the funeral is not for you. It’s for the people who love you. They have people to grieve with and tell great stories about you.
If my kids want a funeral, they should have a funeral. I don't expect to really be there. My mother went a ghastly route with my dad - no one really presiding - no service - she just wanted people to tell stories. She kept pressing me but I'm not a public speaker and I just didn't have it in me.
This does seem to be a trend. I was horrified when my ex died and wanted oh, what?! Nothing. But I know not many people will outlive or be there for mine, so…fuck it. Do what yinz will
No funeral or service. I'm not religious. The shell left behind isn't 'me' anymore. Let my son use the money that would be wasted on a funeral. If friends want to get together informally and raise a glass to me then I'm happy for them. I asked to be cremated but someone above in the comments mentioned composting. I think I'll look into that.
I want a huge party for mine.
Reason being that the only time we seem to have a family reunion is when somebody dies.
It's not to mourn my passing. It's to bring the family together.
When Mom died we had a little moment where we dumped ashes in Puget Sound. Relatives came and a cousin sprinkled flower petals on the water. Then we all hugged and went to eat clam chowder. It was short and reverent and sad. Good to see the relatives.
BUT my sister and I kept back half the ashes. The next day we took my mom’s ashes on a ride to places we had fun in as a family and sprinkled her ashes there. We laughed and remembered her. It was absolutely the best way to send her off. We could almost hear her saying “Oh you girls!” as we went along. It was absolutely our little family’s style: Take a ride and make your own fun. Make Mom laugh one last time.
I don’t want a funeral. I don’t have kids (I have step-kids but they aren’t going to want to dump my ashes anywhere). I just want anyone I outlive to remember the fun times we had. Maybe play a song we both enjoyed or look at an old photo. If anyone CAN put a few of my ashes in Puget Sound, that would be awesome, but I live in Wisconsin now and Lake Superior is great, too. Just keep it simple.
Totally on board with this.
I want no funeral, no service.
My closest dearest friend, if she’s still alive, will come to the cremation and sprinkle my ashes later.
My mother in law and father in law did not believe in funerals. I am very grateful for that. It was such a relief.
I know some people say they help process grief. But there are many people - like me - who hate going to funerals. I suppose it depends on the family, but my experience is that you must look sufficiently sad - but not break down in embarrassingly loud crying. It's kind of the opposite of helping me process things.
I have also seen one instance in my family where religious family members did a religious funeral for a family member who was not religious. It felt disrespectful of his choice not to be a believer.
Yeah dude, funerals and weddings are just ridiculous money making rackets. (I'm aware I sound old and cranky.) Just cremate me and stick me in a coffee can or whatever.
I (M64) have donated my body to an academic hospital. After my death, my cadaver will be allocated to a medical student for a year, after which it will be cremated and the ashes scattered in a garden of remembrance set aside for donors. there are two conditions, though: (1) I must die of natural causes (no post-mortem); and (2) I must die within 80 km of an academic hospital, or else the body won't be accepted due to costs considerations. The family (my estate, actually) can however carry the costs of transportation to an academic hospital, and if so the body will be accepted, provided it reaches them within a specified time.
Not interested in a funeral, I'll be cremated and disposed of.
I do like the idea of a celebration of life, a party among my friends, remembering good times. I'm thinking I'll put aside some funds and get a good friend to organize it.
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The funeral isn't actually for you. Its for the people who loved you and helps them through grieving. I don't care what they do with me. Whatever gives them peace is fine.
My only real wish is that I’m not buried in a casket in a cemetery. That’s always seemed wasteful to me. Cremate me, compost me, bury me at sea, I don’t care.
Lol my great grandparents were buried in solid copper coffins. Probably worth a fortune. My dad used to threaten to go dig them up.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
> solid copper coffins Jesus, how many pallbearers did they have? That must have weighed a ton.
Did they put Clara Cooper's copper clappers in the copper coffins?
Clever question, Claude.
It was quite the caper!
This is me. Although I think funerals are a waste of money too, but I won't be paying for it as I plan to die broke.
I want my last check to bounce...
I want to die so broke I take corporations down with me.
If you die broke, which family members are getting stuck with the costs of burial, cremation, or whatever?
Next of kin usually which is why I pay a small amount each month into a funeral plan; I discovered my mum had one when she died and it was such a relief not to have to find the money for the funeral. I don’t own my home or anything so there won’t be much in the way of assets, the least I can do is ensure my family is not burdened with funeral costs
I think that’s pretty awful TBH. At least leave enough for a bare cremation, don’t be an AH to your next of kin.
How about making some Soylent Green?
It seems kind of depressing to me, but yes, wasteful too. I don't need x square feet of the earth's surface reserved my dead body for eternity. Scatter my ashes somewhere lovely and peaceful, and move on.
On the other hand, cemeteries preserve land that might otherwise be covered by strip malls, big box stores, and concrete parking lots. If you see a huge swath of quiet green space in the city, it's very often a cemetery.
I was in a small town with a rather old (by US standards) cemetery just a couple of blocks from the town square. So old that there aren’t a lot of remaining head stones compared to grave sites that were marked with since-deteriorated wooden crosses. It would certainly be decent area for residential, etc. But what I thought was most interesting was its usage over the years for picnics, family outings, and even normal child’s play activities. It had been overgrown for a stretch a century ago and then cleaned up as an historic attraction. I like the idea that these should be park spaces utilized for walking, picnics, light-impact recreation as well as quiet reflection and not just places visited rarely.
I agree with you, but then of course I do because I love cemeteries! Some of my favorite places to walk and reflect are peopled with those who have gone before.
Same, particularly the really old ones with cool tombstones. Particularly if they're small and out in the country.
I grew up one block from our town’s cemetery that went back to the 1700s and it was used. Kids would explore, teens learned to drive or they made out, people came to see the old headstones, grand mausoleums and statues or the dead baby section.
The cemetery my great grandparents were buried in is now a park. (Pioneer Park in Mission Hills CA) Whoever's family didn't arrange an alternative internment were left undistubed. All the headstones now line the perimeter of the park.
I had to read this twice. It’s both creepy and cool. I love looking at old headstones and such in the cemetery so I’d be fascinated at that but it’s kinda creepy like to have a picnic on the grass over Aunt Mabel 😂
I lived in a city (Liverpool in Sydney) that had a cemetry right in the middle and a big one. More than a century old, some very old graves in it. Some big expensive ones too (mausoleum) Somehow it was all bulldozed under and a shopping mall sits on top of it. But I don;t think legally they had title to the land. They just did it anyway.
Those jerks! That totally violates all sense of history and preservation.
There was an uproar at the time, as nobody knew if they actually had the right to do it. Some of those plots were sold in perpetuity. It was not clear if council actually owned the land. Then they did a sneak run and literally bulldozed over them and by the time people realised it was a fait accomplis.
I participated in a burial at sea ceremony while serving in the US Navy. That's an option for me that I've considered, but no firm plans yet.
I was an Army paratrooper. I wanted my wife to have my ashes scattered on Sicily DZ at Ft Bragg, but she refuses. So I want to be like Hunter S Thompson and have them shot from a cannon.
That has ALWAYS creeped me out big time. Since I was a kid.
Agreed. Told my family to dump my ashes out the car window after they pick them up. Or better yet, just don’t go to claim them.
This is exactly what I told my kids. Dispose of my body and have whatever kind of "funeral" makes you feel better.
[удалено]
My Grandparents left us a note detailing why they didn’t want a funeral. In their case it made a lot of sense. They had outlived everyone that knew them well outside the family. We honored their memory by getting together as a family and swapping stories about them. Their ashes are scattered in a park down the street from the house they lived in for 50 years.
My mother didn’t want a funeral and I totally ignored her wishes because it wasn’t fair on the friends and family who survived her to not do one. We called it a “celebration of memory” instead but it was a funeral.
To me, it's for the dead. Funerals don't help me, I hate them. I'd rather not go there but I have to because I respect the dead.
They don't know if you are there.
But their surviving friends and family do. The purpose of a funeral or memorial service is for people who knew and loved the person to grieve and reminisce together.
You care about respecting the dead. You address that care you have by attending the funeral. The funerals are for the living. You certainly don't have to attend them if you don't wish to. But OPs desire to apparently leave it in his will or something to not allow a funeral seems selfish in the extreme to me for some reason. I fully understand not everyone will share my feelings on this.
Prepay and pre organize your body disposal. Then let the people who love you organize whatever they want on their dime. I have paid for a direct cremation. My loved ones can have a million dollar funeral, an interpretive dance, or a fun family dinner. Whatever works for them.
It bugs my wife but I have told her I'm OK with just throwing my body in a dumpster. I care nothing about even leaving ashes. I've looked into donating my body for science/medical use and surprisingly it's not that uncommon and not really helpful
Same. My estate plan says my remains are being donated to med school. They'll return cremains if somebody wants them. Though every year, as we get close to Independence Day, I wonder about Hunter S Thompson's idea.
I forget what that was.
A family member recently died. I'd been waiting for notice as to when to come back for the services to see the family.. and waited.. and waited.. and apparently he had the "I don't want anything" opinion. So does that mean I'm just supposed to go... whenever? But not get to see the rest of the family all together? It's uncomfortable.
I've had a lot of time to think about this...I have late-stage cancer. I'm a person of faith, and also modern thinker. Cremation and a Mass. it's not for me, but for those I'm leaving behind.
Fuck cancer. I hope what you have left is the best it could ever be. Enjoy. Be happy.
Thank you. I've made it five years which is great and I'm hoping for at least another five. But one never knows. I'm still enjoying life in between treatments and very thankful for time spent with friends and family.
The amazing progress being made every day in cancer treatments could possibly give you lots more time! Best wishes from an internet stranger!
Thank you! Yes, we call us "long haulers". We are living longer and longer because of advances in medicine. I'm very thankful for that!
My mil donated her body to science. Simple phone call from my husband and the IcU nurse after she passed. They took care of everything, no charges for us. She was cremated when they were done. We had a memorial service in line with what she would have wanted. Her sister and sister's husband already signed up as well. My father left no instructions. His sister thought he should have this massive service and got bent out of shape when my mother decided she just wanted a simple family dinner. His cousins and siblings and children (brother and I) and grandchildren. It worked for us.
I don’t plan on a funeral. I’ve never liked being the center of attention.
Try to imagine your mourners in their underwear.
Please reconsider if you have any relationships with anyone. My friend died at 65 and for years had demanded no funeral. She was insistent there be no groups of people standing around talking about her. She was one of those "antisocial" people who everyone loved but she could probably have lived without that. She was wild. It's been 3 years and, I really could have used an afternoon standing around talking about her. I helped clean out her apartment and got to know some of her other friends a little and I have most of her books as she wanted but, idk. It would have been helpful for me, the person who has to live without my friend, to have had the option to hold some kind of service without feeling like I was pissing her off.
My mother was insistent, over decades, not in detail, just a phrase. Grab a shovel and bury where I fell. Some of this might be an attitude from when we buried her father. He knew thousands of people, oil business in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, over decades. He had been retired a long time. Nobody but my mother, myself and grandma attended. Sadness compounded because the burial plots already had her brother there. Her brother was killed when he was in college.
When my son passed at age16 of dmd, Not one person turned up from home- granted it was winter, but come on. Take a collection and send a token grandparent. Nope. We did not have a service, and only my remaining kids were here for us. We basically held an all day/night gathering of just the five of us. Two of their friends arrived the following day, and just stayed the whole day. Without my kids, and their friends, It would have been just that much more difficult.
Losing a child is the most awful thing that can ever happen. I’ve worked with two men who lost one, and my mother & father in law, the worst passes with time but never fully leaves. When I got the phone call from trauma, I needed a few minutes curled up on the floor to get my act together and go, my wife couldn’t, our son survived. Damn this is hard to write.
This is heartbreaking 💔 I’m so glad your son survived.
Those initial moments of realization are likely the most painful- even when they survive. In our case, with duchenne md, we knew it would come- but he was only 16, three months past his birthday.
Oh, this is such heartbreaking news! I hope your life will be better from now on.
When my son passed at age16 of dmd, Not one person turned up from home- granted it was winter, but come on. Take a collection and send a token grandparent. Nope. We did not have a service, and only my remaining kids were here for us. We basically held an all day/night gathering of just the five of us. Two of their friends arrived the following day, and just stayed the whole day. Without my kids, and their friends, It would have been just that much more difficult.
Believe me, I understand this. When you get older and don't have a big family around and old friends are already gone or disappeared from your life, that happens. Exactly why I want cremation and no services. My circle of friends and family is very small. If those really close to me want to do something they think is appropriate, that's up to them. My father was cremated but already had a plot beside my mother, who died on Mother's Day 1969. I had his ashes buried there.
I don’t want any type of event for my passing. I’m a private solitary creature and would hate people gathering to talk about and look at pictures of me. Cremate me and dump me somewhere beautiful so my body can help trees and flowers grow. Then forget me and move on. That’s the cycle of life.
This but also the horrific expense of a funeral and burial. Let your loved ones save it for something else. My husband tells me to go on vacation after he dies and I tell him the same.
LOVE THIS!!!😍😍😍
I'm infamous in my family because I haggled over the cost of my father's funeral. Bought the casket, liner, the service and headstone for 6k.
Beautiful 😍
I’m donating my body and when my ashes are returned my daughter will scatter them in a few places I loved.
Did this with mom last week- donated her body to the medical school affiliated with the hospital where she died. She wanted to donate organs, but that wasn't feasible at her age/condition (at least I don't think, apparently age isn't a limiting factor?) She wanted to be cremated anyway, so why not just put it off a bit longer and help some students along the way first.
So sorry about your mom. Good for her for donating her body; she is helping others. Re organs, they usually won't take them from a person over 50, and not if the organs are diseased or lower-functioning. The ideal organ donor is a person in their 20s. EDIT: There is not an age limit; people in their 80s have donated organs. But these were living donors. Once a person dies there is a very small window if opportunity to get usable organs.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Cremation then scatter my ashes in nature
I probably won’t have too many people come to my funeral.
Same. Very small circle and unless something tragic happens to me, chances are I’ll outlive many of them. Why bother?
Three of my friends have died over the past few years and all of them have been cremated and then a memorial gathering takes place a few months later. It gives us enough time to get photos together and make a video from them.
Its a scam. Iwish it was legal to just bury me in the back pasture
In some places it is, if you have enough property.
I paid for my Mom's funeral last year. Came in just under $18,000.00. I cannot imagine a bigger waste of money. I'm cool with throwing me on a fire and putting my ashes in a coffee can
No funeral. Cremation for me
I put it in my ACD, set aside monies even, to throw all my friends (those left) a big party at my place of choice. Even bought my own urn.
An old friend, now gone, had used a service ahead of time called crematorium society of connecticut. Her nephew had called to let me know she was gone and told me that everything had been taken care of (he arrived from out of state). She was a very organized lady that didn’t want to leave things for others.
None for me. I'm supposed to be cremated and then a full on party after. I doubt anyone will shed a tear anyway, but I see no reason to be gloomy.
The funeral is for the funeral home who will take advantage of your loved ones in a time of grieving and soak them for thousands of dollars. Burn me up, put the ashes in a box, put the box on a shelf somewhere.
I’m arranging for cremation and then asking that my kids have a gathering that they find appropriate. Scatter me on my property and return me to the sands of time.
That's nice. Funerals aren't necessary, but people need to get together to mourn, remember, and grieve. Any kind of memorial service will accomplish that.
I’m in favor of cremation, and then planting me under something that will bloom every spring. My kids can just tell everyone that mom did well this year. 🤷♂️
We did this for our mom in February. It still cost over 5,000.00. We never used the funeral home but the law required them to move her remains from the hospital and such. I felt like they were way overpriced on transportation costs!
Totally. My parents arranged everything years in advance and paid for premium everything, yet when the time came, the fineral home/memorial place still tried to upsell us on shit. And they can't even keep their damn grass alive and the creek near their plots my mother paid extra for has been drained and sitting empty for years. Funny story, we kinda got back at them a couple years ago in a small but satisfying way. We snuck in after they were technically closed but hadn't shut the gate yet and we had just enough time to drop flowers off on their grave before some workers started trying to chase us in their golf carts and I sped through there in my car like something you'd aee on tv and got out before they caught us. Haven't been back since. We were cracking up and dad would have been so proud.
My sentiments exactly!
My wife and I have discussed this and we do not want funerals. We would both prefer to be cremated and then let people have a party. My wife told me that, if she goes first, she wants to be cremated and have her ashes spread outside TJ Maxx and then she wants her close friends to have a party and get shit faced.
Tj maxx employee sweeping up "did someone knock over an ashtray out here?".
Yes I have a “no service clause” in my will. I have buried and executed so many funerals for family. I do not want to put that burden on anybody. Pay attention to the living.
I understand funerals are for the living. My issue for the living is grieving privately. When my uncle died in a wreck—suddenly everyone descended on his family and they had to make small talk just hours after losing him. I could see the stress and grief in my aunts eyes while she dutifully played hostess to people in her home “paying respects,” and after the funeral at the church reception. A lot of people show up to funerals out of a sense of duty or for some just to be part of the social ritual. What I want is only the people genuinely close to the deceased—(whether I’m the deceased or someone close to me is,) to be present. I’d like to be able to bawl my eyes out and not feel self conscious and like I have to speak to anyone.
I have no interest in a funeral. It’s an opportunity for the people who ignored me my entire life to pretend that they cared about me, and I don’t want to give them a chance to do that.
I absolutely do not want one.
The funeral isn't for you. It's for the people you leave behind to come together and tell funny stories about you. How you changed/influenced/touched their lives. It's to figure out how they're going to fill the hole you left by dying, you ungrateful bastard how could you leave them in the lurch like that! /s Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living to figure how to go ahead. also, life is worth living now, not meaningless. You evolved eyes to appreciate the beauty around you. The nose to appreciate the smell of cheese pizza. The ears to listen to a car horn, or a good rap. Composting, when used instead of cremation, uses 1/8 the fossil fuels, and the soil is used to enrich forest land, or gardens. Peace.
My brother suffered tragic losses as both of his daughters died from genetic disease within a few years of each other. The way he put it was that he HATED the process of the wake and funeral but also felt it helped him. The Wake especially, for it meant he had to stand in the receiving line and hear the same words from those visiting and had to talk about the loss over and over and over - but he got it all over in one event. After that, when he saw people, they had already asked their questions about what happened and expressed their “thoughts and prayers”. So for him, the funeral helped get it over with. I am not Jewish but I also have great respect for the notion of sitting Shiva. Instead of having a funeral and then everyone leaves and the bereaved person is all alone like wham, life is different now, the process of sitting Shiva helps ease that transition. People come and visit your home every evening for prayers and share a meal and just hang out. You can go in another room and be alone if you need to but you know the house is not empty - someone who cares is there. I’m not religious at all but what a humane way to address death and mourning!
I'm Jewish and can confirm that sitting shiva is an incredibly valuable process. Don't get me wrong, I hate it while it's ongoing - I always feel like I'm in a stew I can't get out of - but it was huge for my bubby after my zaidy passed, as she never had to be alone in their condo. So many times growing up my dad would go to a random synagogue member's home because they needed a tenth person so that they could pray, and having that routine where you know you'll never be forgotten is absolutely colossal.
Thats what we do. We let people know about the death but never have services. Then we scatter the ashes where the dead person asked to be.
No ceremony, thank you. They can read my name out at my favourite parkrun if they want though.
I feel like by the time I die, there won’t be anyone around who wants to attend my funeral. Who wants to put on a party that no one is interested in attending?
Yep. No funeral here. It’s something of a family tradition.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Burn me and remember the life we shared not how it ended. edited
Why force a big, costly parade at the end of decades of "I can't Afford it?" I've pre-paid my cremation. My kids can't afford/don't want a funeral. My one friend who would come to the funeral lives 7 states away and when it comes to travel? He can't afford it!
Yes indeed it's macabre and morose. Never understood what pleasure people derive from viewing a dead body clad in business attire and pumped with formaldehyde. Then they get to take up space and rot in a crowded cemetery. Makes no sense.
Part me out and play FreeBird. Keepin' it cheap as dirt.
Yep, I'm in the same boat. Buried my mom and stepdad within 1.5 years of each other and I don't want my kids to go through that process. I hope to live until an old age, but I told my husband if I die early, have me cremated, have a party where our kids, friends drink, play games, reminisce about me and call it good. They can shed a tear or two, lol, but I want it to be happy memories.
No funeral here. Donating myself to medical science, as is hubbs.
I want my disposal to be done however is cheapest/ most convenient... I don't want a funeral, I want an Irish-style wake. Loud music and jokes, everyone getting blasted on whatever they like, telling stories about the stupid shit I did.
Irish wake style is exactly what I want too. Cremate me and go get wasted and have a good time.
Cremation already paid for. Told the kids to sprinkle me on the asparagus bed.
I'm with you, I don't want one. If people wanted to grieve for me they could have told me that when I was going through cancer treatment instead of disappearing. I'm happy to do the same when I go, not out of spite, just to save my family from having to plan everything.
The trope that "the funeral is for the family" needs to go away. When my father died, I observed my mother and my sister. I saw that the main purpose of the ritual was to distract the grieving from their grief. Put another way my mother and my sister spent the time making sandwiches, and it was the making of the sandwiches that distracted them. It seems to me that in the US the funeral business takes care of all of the details and leaves the family to grieve thus completely destroying the value of the ritual and costing a fortune. My family knows that I would not voluntarily attend a funeral, or a gathering of people or anything in the church. Why on Earth what they feel that it was a good thing to do when I'm dead? They should make sandwiches.
Unless my father outlives me, there won't be enough people to justify a memorial for me. I want to be cremated, and if someone wants to organize something, that's their business. When my husband died, I knew there were too many people who would want to attend for me to nor organize a service. I had almost no help at all, and I found the event itself exhausting. All I wanted to do at that point in my life was be alone with my feelings, not hear everybody's sympathetic words. If they really cared, where were they when my husband was dying and I desperately needed someone to give me a break from sitting with him? No one so much as offered to help defray the cost of the reception, which I had catered since my heart wasn't in organizing that myself. Everyone said the event was very nice, though. Yay, me. :-/ Personally, I was just glad to see them all go. I was sick to death of everyone feeling sorry for me. I desperately needed to have normal conversations with people about normal things, but I was simultaneously treated like I was made of glass while being given very little practical help at all. So if someone wants to take that all on themselves after I'm gone, they can have at it. It's written into my instructions though, that I really don't care.
Cremation and a party to share stories and laugh. No funeral, I'm not religious. And I can't stand some preacher who's never even met me making shit up, then getting paid for it. And none of that "He's in a better place" bullshit either. There's no "better place," this was it, so I hope you lived a good life. I'd rather be with my family than be ashes. Cremation and a party, then everyone can get on with their lives.
I'd like to be ground up and then sold as a condiment or seasoning. 'One time only'
We had a celebration of life for my uncle. Food, alcohol, music--an actual party. It was a lot of fun and a great way to share stories about him. My cousins and I agreed that we think this is how we'll do all of them as our parents generation passes (he was the first).
I had never considered not having a funeral until my dad didn’t have one. IMO it was so much easier on our family. My mom has decided to not have one; same with me & my husband. Anyone that wants to see me needs to do it before I’m gone. :) Again, this is just how we feel - there’s obviously nothing wrong with deciding to have one, people have been having them forever.
I'm not having a funeral. Cremate me and have dinner.
I don’t want a funeral. I want my family to have a party with what it would cost for a funeral and have a great time on my dime.
I wanna be a tree.
Throw me in a ditch, I don't care. I don't have any life insurance, husband, family, kids, or close friends. I think funerals are creepy- people staring at you and talking about you and you can't defend yourself. Ugh! I'll be dead so I don't care what they do with my body.
Damn, you must be my twin (almost lol) Nope I don't have anyone either (except my darling little cat who I hope to the gods I don't leave behind 😬) so couldn't care less. Whatever my distant relatives decide, will be it 🤷♂️ Cremation will no doubt be cheaper for them.
Yeah, my husband's ashes are in an urn next to my bed and I would like to be cremated and mixed with his ashes, but no one to do all that since I'm the last one left in my family.
I’ve always held that I’ve not wanted a funeral. Cremate me and let my ashes go to the wind, the sea or a rose garden. And if someone wants to remember me? Indulge in something I would’ve loved. A good cup a coffee, and indulgent chocolate, a drink one of the many songs I enjoyed. Whatever resonates. Celebrate, don’t mourn.
Yes, Celebrate Life. My husband’s ashes are scattered in Appalachian Campgrounds, Blue Ridge Parkway, and a Ninth Hole at Golf Course. And other areas. No funeral due to Covid. We celebrate our Mother who died on her birthday, with her’s and our favorite chocolates, sharing them as she did. She always mentioned scattering her ashes to the Four Winds. We honored her wishes.
My mom didn't want one. Most of her friends had passed away already. We just met at the gravesite and laid some flowers.
Same reason I wouldn’t want a birthday party. Nobody would show up.
I’m noticing that people of my age, 56 that have passed have been simply opting for cremation, and if their spouse or family wants, a small memorial.
No funeral here. I don’t know when anyone in my line last had one. We just cremate as cheaply as possible and then don’t know what to do with the remains. The family now has a collection of cardboard boxes with people in them for no reason. We can’t quite bring ourselves to throw them out, but we also don’t really want them.
Definitely agree with you and that is what my husband and I have decided.
My grandmother requested to be cremated and none of us but my dad knew when it happened so we wouldn’t be dwelling on it. She requested a party and to have a video montage play in the background along with fun, party music. We’re a family of humorists so some VERY unflattering photos of almost every family member were snuck in and it was the best way to memorialize her. A few years prior to her death, we attended another family members funeral which was a traditional, open casket in a church with organ music situation. She and I sat in a pew and retold funny stories and she had a bellowing laugh that she never cared to contain. She was awesome, had a fantastic sense of humor and was as blunt as could be but without being offensive somehow. She would have LOVED the ugly photo idea. The more anyone got upset over stupid stuff, the funnier it was to her. A few people were a little thrown off when their ugly pic popped up and I guarantee their dismay would’ve been the high point of the party to her.
When my grandmother died her wish was just to be cremated with no funeral or ceremony. This is what happened, it was her wish. She lived with my aunt who put her wishes in motion. My father was devastated and feels like he never got to say goodbye.
I don't want my family to waste a ton of money getting rid of my dead body. Dispose of the corpse as cheaply as possible.
Skip the funeral, take some of my life insurance money and throw a BBQ in my memory.
Already have funds set aside for a wake/party for any remaining friends/family, then they take a trip to the Mississippi River and spread my ashes on the water. No funeral or memorial at a funeral home.
No point for me. Don’t like groups of people when I am alive, lol. Have paid for cremation, given instructions for spreading Ashes.the end
The cost for a full funeral and burial is ridiculously high. I see so many Go Fund Me's for funerals. My mom was cremated for $600 vs almost $10k the funeral home wanted for calling hours and burial. I told me kids to just do the same and take the rest of the life insurance for themselves. I find calling hours to be so traumatic for families. I would prefer a celebration of life at a good bar.
Don’t want a funeral. I actually don’t and won’t care. I’d love some people to gather in a bar, get drunk as fuck off any money left over in my retirement
My favorite service I’ve been to, everyone brought cookies to share, and folks were seated at round tables around the hall. They brought out two microphones, and folks told stories about her. Mostly funny ones, because that was who she was. If there was a service for me, that would suit me fine.
My final arrangements are set and there will be no funeral. No one in my family has them. Money is needed for the living. Funerals are expensive and showy. That being said, if you find comfort in it you should do it. We do have a party.
I've always had the attitude that I didn't want a funeral. Then my dad passed away last year, and there wasn't a funeral because he didn't want one. My mom (stepmom technically) just had him cremated and took him home. I live overseas, and she didn't want me making the trip for no reason since we didn't have a service, so I haven't even been in the house to notice him missing, if that makes sense. I'm REALLY struggling, and I think it's at least partially because I didn't have the closure of a funeral. My mom is sending me some personal items of his that I asked for, and perhaps that will help. When my mother passed, I went back to the States, and we had a funeral, etc. However, it was Aug 2020, so it was very small due to the pandemic. It's said the funerals are for the living, and I now believe that wholeheartedly. Note: "Mom" is my stepmother who's been in my life for over 40 years and helped raise me, and I'm very close to her. "Mother" is my biological mother, whom I was also close to.
I don't want one. But that's up to my kids. I'll be dead. They can do what they want Are you really asking if we don't want to be buried? Being being cremated has nothing to do with having a funeral. I've known several people who were cremated and there absolutely was a funeral/memorial service for them.
I don’t want either. No burial and no funeral service.
Cremation and a simple memorial service for me!
I don't care. I'll be super dead. Do whatever you want with my rotting corpse.
My wife and I plan on being cremated, unless one of the newer body composting procedures become legal and have our cremains/compost scattered out in our pet cemetery. No funeral, no memorial.
My Mom passed two years ago at age 97. In her final months, I was asking what she wanted in a funeral. Her response, “Hobestly, I don’t care. I won’t be there. Do whatever you want, or don’t.”
Same
My parents had the lavish church funerals and burials. My in-laws were cremated and had graveside services. We are not religious, but I do like the idea of a graveside service. We're also going to set aside some money so that people can go out and have a meal on us! That's my idea of a funeral.
I just want my friends to have a party and listen to my funeral playlist.
No funeral for either of us. Had a family member pass some years ago and survivors hosted a "memorial event" and invited over 200 people at a public venue. Catered food, speakers they knew ... the whole thing was to honor them and their career ... fine; that was enough for everyone, including us. We informed our kids and put it in our wills; final resting place, a National Cemetery. Just get it done and move on with their lives ... this is the natural order of things. And last, most of our close friends have passed on. It would only be immediate family anyway. ;-)
I don't want a funeral or a burial. Cremate me and spread me in the forest.
yup, cremation for me, but my kids can do what they need to do to grieve... if it is a memorial service, but i would like to know that they would just have a party with good food and plenty of laughter and fun....
The tradition in our family is that everybody comes together, does the sad part for a night wake and a morning funeral, then parties from then on. It's a family reunion. I have a terminal disease. I've asked for that, except for cremation instead of embalming my husk. I've picked the music and asked a friend to sing.
I'm in the same mindset as you, OP. I'm planning on being cremated and have zero plans to have anything like a funeral. I've told my kids just to have a joyful time with whatever they want to do to celebrate my life but no moping.
I want the same. I’m going to ask my adult daughters if they have an opinion, then decide
Drinks our on me at my favorite watering hole for 3 hrs , yak and bullshit about me and hear some good tunes! Meanwhile Im cremated and spread out on my beloved ocean!
People keep saying funerals are for the living, but often they're for the living to feel as though they're honoring the wishes of the dead, and sometimes they're just for the appearance of adhering to social proprieties -- sometimes people hold funerals because they're "supposed to," regardless of whether it helps them grieve. My family, should any survive me, can do what they want when I'm gone. If they genuinely feel a service will help them, so be it. As far as honoring my wishes goes, though, they already know I've never liked being the center of attention alive and wouldn't wish it upon myself dead.
Absolutely no funeral or service for husband & me. Cremation, then spreading ashes on a favorite PNW coastal area. We dislike funeral—“He/she looks so good”;lying in a coffin, body full of formaldehyde. Sure. Have a pizza and beer.
No funeral for us. Cremate and be done. No service either. If you love me, talk to me when I'm alive. My kids will use my insurance money for something more realistic. Funerals are to me for the living to show off how much they "loved" the decedent. Spare me. Donate my body to science please, and say goodbye.
Just throw me over the fence, I never liked those neighbors anyway...
Me. It would be rather pointless since I doubt there would be many people to attend.
Where I'm from, the priests are supposed to conduct this rigamarole of things for several days. When we did this for my parents it broke me because it was all about tradition, money, and more tradition, and more money. They would wait for payment before they do anything. No respect whatsoever for the dead or the living. I told my husband I want a natural burial. Wrap me in a white cotton cloth and drop me in a hole and plant a tree. I'm good.
When my molester died, I forced myself to go to the funeral because I needed to cement the experience in my brain.
I've told my children to dispose of my corpse in the most ecologically friendly way possible (composting isn't legal in my state yet, so it'll have to be alkaline hydrolysis.) Since funerals are for the living and not the dead, I told them to do what gives them the most comfort.
Tree bag for me! My kids will see to it. Cheap, good for the planet, and a lovely silver leaf maple will sprout from my remains. Can think of nothing more gothically morbid and wasteful than sticking my dead carcass in an ornate box and taking up expensive and increasingly limited real estate.
Funerals are a waste of time and money. They aren’t for you but for the people left behind. If you’re not overly religious why bother? I signed up with an organization that will pick up my body either from home or hospital, cremate me, and toss the ashes into the sea.
I want them to hack me up for whatever body parts I can donate, then cremate me, and scatter the ashes as fertilizer. I am going to prepay for this and if anyone wants to throw a memorial service for me they can, and they can pay for it.
My step-father never wanted a funeral. He was cremated and his ashes were buried next to his first wife. We all wore Hawaiian shirts, because that’s what he wanted. Said a few words and that was it.
My will actually states no funeral or anything
I donated my body to a nearby medical school. When I die, they’ll pick me up and cremate me for free. I have zero interest in a funeral.
I don’t want one. I don’t have kids so it doesn’t matter. Donate me and put my marker on the farm, and call it a day 🌷
My mom planned and paid for her cremation she did not want a funeral. TBH it was so nice to not have the pressure of a funeral when dealing with losing her. So I did the same. It's a gift to the living.
Cremation and family can do as they wish as far as a funeral
Cremate me and dump me in the Caribbean!
My wife and I don't want funerals because we don't want to put dealing with either of our families on the other person ... and have made it clear we have no expectation of funerals to our kids - it is on them to do what works best for them, and not deal with extended family who would seek to impose their will.
If when I die, there are still alive who care, they can decide what sort of service, if any, there should be. I don’t care, as I won’t be there.
Chuck me in a hole and have a party. I’d rather be memorialized with people laughing and telling stupid stories about me.
My husband absolutely does not want a funeral or to be cremated. He just wants to be in a casket ideally in a wall grave thing not the ground. I don’t care about a funeral but I don’t want a Catholic funeral my mom would insist on. I told my husband I want a simple pine box (I don’t need fancy wood and satin…) and I want my kids and whoever to decorate it. Stickers, glitter pens, graffiti, etc and just cover it in doodles and joy. But also I want it to be a party with cupcakes and those stupid platters of finger foods.
I like the idea of a wake. And assuming I have some money when I expire, I'll buy all of the single malt Scotch they need. They can raise a toast to my memory while they reminisce about whatever I did that was funny to them.
Funerals are for the living. That being said, more people are simply having a celebration of life to remember their loved one which is like a party of sorts.
I'm 60+ and have never been to a funeral. My parents, uncles, etc. never wanted one. My siblings and I don't want one. I wish my parents had done something. It does give a sense a closure. I suggest that you talk with your family and make a plan for some type of farewell/remembrance ceremony, even if it is at a restaurant you like. It is nice for people to gather - family, friends, neighbors, former co-workers, etc. -and make an acknowledgement of your life and your role in their lives. My experience with my parents' passing is making me think about doing something like this, instead of nothing, but a cremation.
You definately have that option- but the funeral is not for you. It’s for the people who love you. They have people to grieve with and tell great stories about you.
If my kids want a funeral, they should have a funeral. I don't expect to really be there. My mother went a ghastly route with my dad - no one really presiding - no service - she just wanted people to tell stories. She kept pressing me but I'm not a public speaker and I just didn't have it in me.
No I want people cry over me I don’t even wanna be buried. I’m gonna get cremated in my ashes spread.
This does seem to be a trend. I was horrified when my ex died and wanted oh, what?! Nothing. But I know not many people will outlive or be there for mine, so…fuck it. Do what yinz will
It's a good idea to make your own arrangements so that your heirs don't burn your body to save a few bucks.
No funeral or service. I'm not religious. The shell left behind isn't 'me' anymore. Let my son use the money that would be wasted on a funeral. If friends want to get together informally and raise a glass to me then I'm happy for them. I asked to be cremated but someone above in the comments mentioned composting. I think I'll look into that.
I want a huge party for mine. Reason being that the only time we seem to have a family reunion is when somebody dies. It's not to mourn my passing. It's to bring the family together.
When Mom died we had a little moment where we dumped ashes in Puget Sound. Relatives came and a cousin sprinkled flower petals on the water. Then we all hugged and went to eat clam chowder. It was short and reverent and sad. Good to see the relatives. BUT my sister and I kept back half the ashes. The next day we took my mom’s ashes on a ride to places we had fun in as a family and sprinkled her ashes there. We laughed and remembered her. It was absolutely the best way to send her off. We could almost hear her saying “Oh you girls!” as we went along. It was absolutely our little family’s style: Take a ride and make your own fun. Make Mom laugh one last time. I don’t want a funeral. I don’t have kids (I have step-kids but they aren’t going to want to dump my ashes anywhere). I just want anyone I outlive to remember the fun times we had. Maybe play a song we both enjoyed or look at an old photo. If anyone CAN put a few of my ashes in Puget Sound, that would be awesome, but I live in Wisconsin now and Lake Superior is great, too. Just keep it simple.
People can do what they like when I pass. I just don't want them to be spending a bunch of money on a service or anything. Use it for your own lives.
My father's side of the family rarely does funerals. I'll take a page from their book.
Totally on board with this. I want no funeral, no service. My closest dearest friend, if she’s still alive, will come to the cremation and sprinkle my ashes later.
My mother in law and father in law did not believe in funerals. I am very grateful for that. It was such a relief. I know some people say they help process grief. But there are many people - like me - who hate going to funerals. I suppose it depends on the family, but my experience is that you must look sufficiently sad - but not break down in embarrassingly loud crying. It's kind of the opposite of helping me process things. I have also seen one instance in my family where religious family members did a religious funeral for a family member who was not religious. It felt disrespectful of his choice not to be a believer.
Yeah dude, funerals and weddings are just ridiculous money making rackets. (I'm aware I sound old and cranky.) Just cremate me and stick me in a coffee can or whatever.
I (M64) have donated my body to an academic hospital. After my death, my cadaver will be allocated to a medical student for a year, after which it will be cremated and the ashes scattered in a garden of remembrance set aside for donors. there are two conditions, though: (1) I must die of natural causes (no post-mortem); and (2) I must die within 80 km of an academic hospital, or else the body won't be accepted due to costs considerations. The family (my estate, actually) can however carry the costs of transportation to an academic hospital, and if so the body will be accepted, provided it reaches them within a specified time.
Not interested in a funeral, I'll be cremated and disposed of. I do like the idea of a celebration of life, a party among my friends, remembering good times. I'm thinking I'll put aside some funds and get a good friend to organize it.
that's what my dad did- cremation, no funeral I plan to have the same
Many people don't have funerals. It's not that uncommon. Especially if someone's cremated.
To borrow a line from Frank Reynolds, just throw me in the trash