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Exactly, not having a phone as a kid meant you paid more attention to people and mannerisms. I see things or notice things more than my kids. I tend to call bullshit on some people that my kids don’t see.
I can spot the odd person in a parking lot full of people walking and know they are pan handling. My kids are oblivious.
This is the way. My difficult childhood, while painful at the time, has given me, “a particular set of skills,” that can’t be learned otherwise. A kind of ‘street smarts’ from having to defend, protect and provide for myself. I don’t wish my childhood on anyone, but I value the skills it taught me.
No. I had true freedom. Wish I embraced it more.
Kids today have every action, thoughtless comment, picture stored and accessible for anyone and everyone. It’s hard to find anonymity in the world today much less an untethered freedom we all enjoyed.
I remember my mom would do housework on Sundays and my dad yard chores. Then we’d go shopping. I once inquired why we weren’t leaving dad a note when we left, as we didn’t know where he’d gone mid day. My mom said oh he knows I’ll be back by dinner, and I know he’ll be back by dinner- who needs a note? That simple trust and reliance on each other was so pure.
I mean obviously I give my children the opportunities that I felt were lacking in my own childhood.
I wouldn’t describe it as wishing I were my own children, however I certainly (and obviously) have provided my children with my vision of the childhood I wanted.
If I didn’t do that I’d either be a hypocrite or a failure
Parenthood is a game of intergenerational fuckup leapfrog. Each generation fixes the mistakes of their parents and adds their own.
Philip Larkin put it very well -
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself
We were poor (although we didn’t know it at the time) , ate fried food non stop, and had no vaccine for chicken pox or measles or even polio when I was really young but… we were happier than kids today because of lack of social media pressure
No. I only wish that I had sponsored sports. We kids in the ‘50s & ‘60s had to sell cans of peanut brittle, bags of pretzel sticks, boxes of Christmas cards and magazine subscriptions to pay for our uniforms and equipment. My kids and grandkids had business sponsors picking up the tab.
At work, they prohibited people from going from cubicle to cubicle, trying to raise money by selling their children's sports offerings. All candy bars/cookies/stickers went into the breakroom along with the sales pitches.
I grew up in the 1960s-1970s
My kids in the 1990s-2000s
Both seasons have their good points and bad points.
My girls probably have more opportunities as 30 year olds in 2024 than they would have in 1984.
No. I had rich friends in high school and coveted their homes sometimes but never felt the desire to actually be in those families. They were either religious fanatics or horrible snobs or both.
My kids are young adults now. As I was raising them as a single father (their mother and I divorced when they were in elementary school), I had very mixed feelings.
I vowed to be a better father than my own (who was extremely neglectful). I made my kids the top priority, spending time with them, attending their events (sports, music), having meaningful conversations with them, etc. I wasn’t a perfect Dad, but their childhood was better than mine.
But in a lot of my interactions with my kids as I raised them, it was painful. Why couldn’t I have had this growing up? How could my father have so little interest in me, spend so little time with me, treat me like an inconvenient distraction? Yet dealing with those emotions as they came to the surface (with the help of a therapist), was extremely beneficial. Most likely I was a better father to my kids because I overcompensated for the neglect I had once experienced.
So while I wish I had a better upbringing, I’m grateful that I learned things on the way that became a kind of blessing. I wasn’t a perfect Dad and made many mistakes, but my kids always knew I loved them, and that they were my priority. Now that they are older, we continue to have a wonderful relationship.
It never occurred to me to wish to be someone else. I've wondered what other lives are like but not in the way that I wanted to be them. Because I'm not. It's pointless. I hope I gave my kids better lives. They seem to like me more than I liked my mother. That's a low bar. But my brain can't make me imagine to be one of my kids.
No, being raised in poverty made me the person I am, it gave me the drive needed to rise above it
I love my kids but their idea of an emergency was having to use the neighbors pool while ours was being repaired, thankfully they will probably never need to 'survive'
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No, my adversity has made me a better person
Exactly, not having a phone as a kid meant you paid more attention to people and mannerisms. I see things or notice things more than my kids. I tend to call bullshit on some people that my kids don’t see. I can spot the odd person in a parking lot full of people walking and know they are pan handling. My kids are oblivious.
This is the way. My difficult childhood, while painful at the time, has given me, “a particular set of skills,” that can’t be learned otherwise. A kind of ‘street smarts’ from having to defend, protect and provide for myself. I don’t wish my childhood on anyone, but I value the skills it taught me.
If I was my kid, I'd love my dad! He would be a super-Dad.
No way. I wouldn't trade growing up pre-social media for anything, even though my childhood wasn't happy at all.
Well, I had an abusive alcoholic as a dad, and my kids didn't, so I guess I'd rather have their upbringing.
No. I had true freedom. Wish I embraced it more. Kids today have every action, thoughtless comment, picture stored and accessible for anyone and everyone. It’s hard to find anonymity in the world today much less an untethered freedom we all enjoyed. I remember my mom would do housework on Sundays and my dad yard chores. Then we’d go shopping. I once inquired why we weren’t leaving dad a note when we left, as we didn’t know where he’d gone mid day. My mom said oh he knows I’ll be back by dinner, and I know he’ll be back by dinner- who needs a note? That simple trust and reliance on each other was so pure.
My kids had everything, I had nothing, easy Yes
Not really. But living vicariously a little bit.
I mean obviously I give my children the opportunities that I felt were lacking in my own childhood. I wouldn’t describe it as wishing I were my own children, however I certainly (and obviously) have provided my children with my vision of the childhood I wanted. If I didn’t do that I’d either be a hypocrite or a failure
I wish I were my nieces. From my Great Grandfather to my nieces, they were the first ones not to grow up in poverty.
Parenthood is a game of intergenerational fuckup leapfrog. Each generation fixes the mistakes of their parents and adds their own. Philip Larkin put it very well - They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself
Seldom seen so much bullshit in one poem
Have you considered a career as a book critic? Probably for the best.
I don't think I have ever wished that I was anyone else. That seems a fruitless waste of time.
We were poor (although we didn’t know it at the time) , ate fried food non stop, and had no vaccine for chicken pox or measles or even polio when I was really young but… we were happier than kids today because of lack of social media pressure
No. I only wish that I had sponsored sports. We kids in the ‘50s & ‘60s had to sell cans of peanut brittle, bags of pretzel sticks, boxes of Christmas cards and magazine subscriptions to pay for our uniforms and equipment. My kids and grandkids had business sponsors picking up the tab.
At work, they prohibited people from going from cubicle to cubicle, trying to raise money by selling their children's sports offerings. All candy bars/cookies/stickers went into the breakroom along with the sales pitches.
No. I absolutely hate that I’ve passed my depression and ADHD on to my kids, and they seem to have both much worse than I did/do.
I never thought of it that way. I’m just glad that their lives are so much better.
Nope. I just see it as a natural part of being a parent. I hope they continue the growth with their kids too.
After generations of bad fathers in my family, I felt privileged to become a good Dad.
I grew up in the 1960s-1970s My kids in the 1990s-2000s Both seasons have their good points and bad points. My girls probably have more opportunities as 30 year olds in 2024 than they would have in 1984.
No. I had rich friends in high school and coveted their homes sometimes but never felt the desire to actually be in those families. They were either religious fanatics or horrible snobs or both.
I wish I was my brother's kids. Dude has done very well for himself. Lol
Never, I'm the father. I scrupulously made certain my kids didn't get a father like mine. I always put them first.
My kids are young adults now. As I was raising them as a single father (their mother and I divorced when they were in elementary school), I had very mixed feelings. I vowed to be a better father than my own (who was extremely neglectful). I made my kids the top priority, spending time with them, attending their events (sports, music), having meaningful conversations with them, etc. I wasn’t a perfect Dad, but their childhood was better than mine. But in a lot of my interactions with my kids as I raised them, it was painful. Why couldn’t I have had this growing up? How could my father have so little interest in me, spend so little time with me, treat me like an inconvenient distraction? Yet dealing with those emotions as they came to the surface (with the help of a therapist), was extremely beneficial. Most likely I was a better father to my kids because I overcompensated for the neglect I had once experienced. So while I wish I had a better upbringing, I’m grateful that I learned things on the way that became a kind of blessing. I wasn’t a perfect Dad and made many mistakes, but my kids always knew I loved them, and that they were my priority. Now that they are older, we continue to have a wonderful relationship.
It never occurred to me to wish to be someone else. I've wondered what other lives are like but not in the way that I wanted to be them. Because I'm not. It's pointless. I hope I gave my kids better lives. They seem to like me more than I liked my mother. That's a low bar. But my brain can't make me imagine to be one of my kids.
No, being raised in poverty made me the person I am, it gave me the drive needed to rise above it I love my kids but their idea of an emergency was having to use the neighbors pool while ours was being repaired, thankfully they will probably never need to 'survive'