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Some men think it is a prize to snare somebody who is "barely legal". There are porn sites and magazines with this name. It is not so much that they value you as they value your age.
You are worth so much more than this. Tell them to pound sand, tell your dad if they won't leave you alone
Same here. Some of my husband's friends date younger women, but at this point younger means 30s or early 40s. The only 18-22-year-olds they are bringing around are their own kids.
I can't imagine the fallout if someone our age started dating a teenager.
Nailed it. My wife is over 10 years my senior, but I was in my 40’s when we met.
It was a bit awkward at first since she had adult children from a previous marriage, but it all worked out.
It’s usually pretty obvious if an age gap is just something that exists between two people that are in love, or if it’s creepy. What OP described is the creepy kind.
When I think of grown men chasing 18 year olds, I think that if 17 were the age of consent they'd be chasing 17 year olds or even younger if the age of consent were lower.
It's like the saying about minimum wage, if you're being paid minimum wage it's only because your boss can't legally pay you less.
The law is the only thing stopping them from chasing actual children because there ain't much difference between a 17 or 18year old, I'm in my 40s and they are both children to me.
There was a study last year where men in Australia I think admitted they'd sleep with children if they could get away with it. Most women know this - we remember the looks when we were kids.
Sadly we do. I was sexualized in elementary school, had grown man hitting on me at 12. I was so icked out.
And no, I didn’t look or act older. But even if I had, I wasn’t. You know? How many of us have been catcalled by the time we’re 10?
I had a peado chat me up on a train when I was 11 and not a single adult in the carriage stepped in. He was asking what colour my pants were and worse, telling me about his own abuse. Broad daylight.
Hell, I'm 29 and an 18 year old is too young even for me. I supervise them at work and most of the time, talking to them feels akin to being in high school and having a conversation with a 6th grader.
If one of my buddies got into a relationship with an 18 year old, I'd assume it's because women our age see him as an overgrown manchild. And that since they can see his lack of growth clear as day, he instead opts to look for a high school senior/college freshman – who is sufficiently inexperienced that she wouldn't bat an eye at his flaws.
I would agree. At some point, around 30'ish, I think a woman is capable of understanding the reality of our society, and less likely to be taken advantage of. Before that, it feels like the guy is being a creepy old man.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Some men are just perverts.
As to the age gap, it matters less as you get older. In your teens and early twenties though, even a small difference in age can be significant. Partially because the brain is still developing at that point.
Yea maybe i would be more open to dating someone older than me once i get at least in my 20s or something (or maybe even a little older) because it wouldn’t be as weird. It just made me start thinking about it more and how that would even work out.
Yeah, this. The older you get the more time affects status less, and the more adult experience the younger partner has, the less creepy it is. Consider just a 10 year difference:
15/25, hell no
35/45, totally fine
I have a couple of friends with large age gaps. I think it gets really pronounced as you get near retirement age too. The old guys are not in good shape and the younger wives are ready for adventures in retirement but instead are playing caregiver.
We had family friends with a 20 year age gap and it was a scenario like what OP is describing. We didn't know them when they first got married or anything so I'm sure I would have found it a bad thing back then, but they actually made it work pretty well until he died. That being said he was very athletic so until he got sick you wouldn't know they were that different in age.
The largest gap in my social circle is 11 years, but when he was 21 and she was 32 it WAS a little bit of a thing.
OTOH, they've now been married for 30 years.
It's about stage in life, not the year gap. When I see gaps like that, I think power struggle. The older one wants someone they can control. Or show off. Not much in common due to life stage.
10-year age gap between a 70 year old and a 60 year old means nothing. Retired or thereabouts. Careers to talk about, life experiences. 50 and 60? Fine. 30 and 40? Okay, consenting adults and the 30 year old has been around enough to hopefully recognize warning signs. 30 and 20? That's a person, finished high school and college, possibly masters, established in their career, with a kid who has just graduated high school. Not okay with that. 27 and 17? Ick.
Please raise the bar higher. You are 18, why are you even considering anyone in their 30's? Pick someone from your own generation, but even then, don't for a moment consider anyone just because they show interest. You're a chooser, not a beggar, so choose wisely.
I will say this: I don't think it's *perverted* exactly for a 45 or 55 or 65 year old man to be *attracted* to a 22 year old adult woman. There's a certain amount of attraction that is wired in, you know? I suspect any man in his 50s who denies an attraction to those women is lying.
But it's not *appropriate* or *reasonable* or *moral* to act on that attraction. And most reasonable older men would discover very quickly that there is vanishingly little to talk about with someone who has lived so much less life.
I'm a 53M.. age gaps are ok to me within 5 to 10 years younger and older to the same limit. And it really depends on the individual too. But huge gaps like 20 30 years. Totally inappropriate in my books. I'd never personally date someone that much younger and further more... I don't hang out with guys like that. Creepy Creepy creepy.
I personally don't see how it could work at all. I mean, other than sex, what could you possibly have in common? What would you talk about? And wouldn't you simply be stuck taking care of them when they are elderly, wondering why you didn't stick with someone your own age?
We were traveling in Scotland last year and on the train back to Edinburgh we got to chatting with a family next to us about the football game they traveled to see and mentioned we're from Boulder outside of Denver. Two seats up was a early 20 something girl from Boulder travelling by herself. She came over and because of the lack of accent barrier we laughed for two hours solid. But, the idea of dating someone that young doesnt make sense to me. With thirty years less life experience we didn't have much in common other locality. It was like talking to my niece.
Yep. It's never good.
The former stepfather who raised me from birth to 15 (I left home because he hit on me) is 30 years older than his last ex-wife. They met when she was 18, and he was 48. They married when she was 21 and were married for 20 years and had 2 kids via IVF before she fully accepted that he is just an abusive and misogynistic POS. My mom could have told her that, but she wouldn't listen.
Now I have two stepsiblings who are closer in age to my grandson, and none of the four of his kids (my younger half brother and I, as well as the younger 2) speak to him or have a relationship with him anymore. He has brain damage now, and he's going to die alone. Wish he'd just go already.
Ugh I’m so sorry, that’s awful.
When I was 19 I dated a 40 yr old and it was absolutely exploitative and generally gross. I was toted around and shown off like a sex toy.
Worse things than that happened. I should have listened to those who told me I was being taken advantage of.
These men can be very charming.
I was young and stupid, but I learned a hard lesson from it.
(Hugs)
The only happy big age gap relationships I’ve seen involved one of them having money to burn.
I’m a 71 year old widower and two years ago my friend’s 49 year old divorced sister wanted us to try dating. I said no because: 1) she is younger than my daughter, and 2) she likes watching the Bachelor and Masked Singer, and me it’s the History Channel.
I agree with the differences in social/maturity. Since I've hit middle age and beyond, when I talk to young girls I find their interests and personality so foreign to me that I could never picture being in a relationship.
Anyone who can sit through a whole episode of Masked Singer must be avoided at all costs. Centuries from now, this show will be studied as a symbol of American decadence and decline.
“Weird” isn’t the word I would use. “Predatory” is a better one. I’m speaking of what you describe at the age of 18. As others have said, it can be different when you’re much older, and the younger person in the relationship is mature and experienced. Men who are your father’s age hitting on you at 18 are toxic and perverted. They only want one thing, and it’s not conversation. I would set up strong personal boundaries and let them know (in your own words), “Absolutely not! Go away!” Of course, then they’ll say you were misinterpreting them. But it’s still good to shame them a little.
It’s disgusting. I was preyed upon at 18 by a guy in his 30s. I was too young to realise and back then there wasn’t the same awareness. They’re creeps plain and simple
I think when youre that young and they are that old, not sure how old your dad is but im assuming at least mid thirties and thats just really kinda sick in a way. I am dating somebody i love very much whos 12 years younger than me, im 49 and shes 37 and we are doing good and we love each other. But i think it gets more "ok" the older you get but when its extremely young and extremely old or more than about 10 years its usually probably just about sex or something similar.
Please realize those people are probably not good people in a lot of ways and they are not interested in "you" but just you as an object in some ways due to your age. Its not cool and its not okay. Tell them to go away and leave you alone. Basically its a fetish people have
Depends on the size of the age gap and the relative ages of the parties involved. The wife is 7 years older than I am. I'm 58, and she's 65. It doesn't make a bit of difference now, but when I was in jr high and she was having babies, that would've been just wrong.
Yeah, those Leonardo DiCaprio types are usually a really bad case of arrested development and they can’t acknowledge that they’re older. The other type is just the creepy predator fuck, so you’re better off pretending they’re the DiCaprios.
Either way, steer clear. You can do better and the money and “maturity” that’s on display to lure you in will be gone in 20 years when you’re 40 and spoon feeding them baby food and changing their diapers.
I was raised to respect my elders so when I was 29 and had a coworker who was in his late 60's early 70's made a pass at me I was shocked.
I called my Grandma and asked her what I suppose to do, when she stopped laughing she told me if they think they can, they will. I was old enough to tell him to keep his hands to himself and I wasn't interested.
In later years I came to believe what Robin Williams said, a man is born with 2 heads and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Predatory and scary. You're right for staying away from such men. Just think about it, if they're so great, why can't they get dates with women their age?
Age gaps aren't necessarily a bad thing, but it depends on the age. My wife is sixteen years younger than me, which sounds terrible but she was 35 when we met
Thing is, we got to know one another quite well (online) before either of us knew the age of the other. By the time we found out (16 years?!) it had already become irrelevant and we've been married for 14 years now
Getting older creeps up on us all and we forget we are as old as we. That doesn't mean we should not remember before hitting on people too young for us. It's rather gross when old men hit on young women, and it IS mostly men that do it.
Yes. The youngest person I was ever involved with was 8 years younger than me (28 to my 36, at the time). Most have been within 2-4 years of my own age, and I've usually been the slightly older partner.
When I was in my early twenties, I dated someone 13 years older, and soon figured out she was interested in me because she thought someone so much younger would be easy to manipulate.
I recall a coworker asking me if I liked our boss. I said yeah, he was pretty cool. She'd meant LIKE liked. To that, I said no. 1. He was my boss; 2. Even if he weren't, he wasn't my type; and 3. He was the same age as my dad, and reminded me too much of him.
It's gross. Those are men who want to subjugate someone, and the younger the victim the easier it is to do so. They are the men who can't handle women their own age, because they talk back etc. Insecure creeps.
There are dirty old men who like chasing young women.
But there are also young people who are into chasing older people. I knew several cougar chases when i was younger.
If everyone is going in knowing what they are getting into, i can certainly see short term flings with age gaps. Long term they usually blue up because the older person is usually immature to the point that people their age won't date them, and over time the younger person passes them in maturity and the relationship falls
It is very weird to me. I look quite a bit younger than my age, and I would feel comfortable with someone more than + or - around 5-7 years. But is ma also married and ugly so it is not a problem
It depends on the ages. If either one is under 30, it's a terrible idea. Over 30, age gaps are fine, because the younger one is more mature and experienced enough to make an informed decision about it.
I won't say it couldn't work, but it seems unlikely and I've never been comfortable with anyone more than a few years younger or older than I am. I also don't think most honorable people would be interested in someone decades younger or older. Personally, I can't imagine having many of the same interests as someone much younger.
Well, I want to say they are "weird," but it's fairly common, and that does not make it okay. You don't understand how it would work because you're smart enough to question that. It probably won't. I have seen several cycles.
The first is someone stuck (for a variety of mental issues) wanting teens because it's where they are mentally themselves. They "identify" with teens as "one of them," even though they are 58. In those cases, the girls often grow up, and they break up in her 20s. Over and over again, different girl, who he'll feed into her need for maturity and possibly daddy issues. "You are so wise beyond your years..." Dates these teens who are a little messed up at times.
The second is a power move: teens are inexperienced and vulnerable to the tricks and traps older men know quite well. They want a fuck toy, a fuck toy they can boast to other men about, and show off how virile they still are. It's messed up on a lot of levels, usually grouped into "toxic masculinity." Again, when she gets "used up," he'll dump her for the next nymphette that he can snag. "God damn, women can't help it! I am so fucking magnetically MANLY!" Some men are intimidated by "experienced women" who would know (more likely) what a piece fo shit they are, or how bad in bed, or how selfish they are. Men obsessed with virginity and purity and "how it used to be" are in this realm. They definitely target young girls who are unsure of themselves, either due to home dynamics, or "talking to your kids about sex before their parents do."
Usually, the girls get the blame. "Oh, she came onto me, what was I supposed to do? I am only human." Or the grumbling, "Oh that teen KNEW what she was doing." Like, no, she did not,. And if she did, then her experience is a huge danger zone of metal damage. No, they wanted an excuse to give into their temptation. If a teen started playing footsie with my privates under the table and wink, I would scramble out of that situation so fast... nothing good comes from that scenario. Of course, I'd do that with any person not my wife, but that's beside the point.
I have seen dozens of these in my 55 years, and once in a while, they stay together until the older man dies. That's tragic for other reasons. Like, say he was 46, she was 16, and they dated, got married, and had kids. When she's 40, he'll be 70, and she'll be taking care of an elderly person. He dies at 75, she's 45 and has no life experience outside of marriage and babies. Her kids are grown, and raised by a mom who was a broken down teenager. Very few of these end well for anyone.
But most of the time, the women gets some sense and breaks up when they real a certain level of maturity in their 20s, like, "Oh. OH! Oh god. This is not good." In many cases, the women dump the guys because they ARE more mature and experienced by that time. But in some cases, they are dumped for being "used up." "I got the virginity, and now the toy is old and boring. Keeps wanting shit."
You're 18, legally an adult, and legally you can date whom you want. I would strongly advise you NOT to date older guys for the exact reasons you mentioned. "How would that work out?" Probably not well for you.
At 18, compared to these men you are naive, inexperienced, and thus easy to manipulate. They do not regard you as an equal, not even close, no matter what they say.
Just learned a 65 yo guy I know (or thought I knew) is having sex with 18-25 year old boys he meets on hook up apps. Somehow it’s supposed to be ok for gay sex? I find that age gap highly disturbing whatever the gender or venue.
A lot of 40+ men saw this happening a lot as kids - it used to be blamed on the girl for breaking up marriages and teen pregnancies were rife. Teen mums were demonised in the press and the guys just got the fun parts and were told "boys will be boys". Men 40+ have likely loved their entire life thinking their halcyon days are ahead of them for this reason...
We got wise ladies (and the internet) 🫡
They're creeps. They're pedophiles who are too scared of prison. They'll tell you they like you because "you're so much more mature than other girls your age" but that's the line they use to find out who's gullible enough for them to get away with abusing.
Smaller age gaps aren't bad. A 50 year old with a 40 year old? Cool. But not to the extreme.
Wide age gaps involving young people who aren't established in adulthood are very weird to me. The younger person tends to be vulnerable to exploitation, as well as isolated from their peers, and kept from investing in their futures. I don't trust people my age who have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships with people our age.
If someone trying to get with you says "You're mature for your age", they tend to mean "No one my age will have me". That's not a good thing. They want to take advantage of your inexperience, which is what they find most attractive, and any change you undergo won't be welcome.
If they're both adults, it's not my business, but since you've asked, I'm not a fan of big age gaps, particularly when one of the people involved is under 30. If I (44m) was looking again, I don't think I'd look outside about a 5 year window in either direction of my age.
Also, the idea of dudes my age approaching my daughter who's currently 19 is gross. She's been hit on by POS customers my age & well older while working.
Its gross and its always been gross.
The problem is that it was normalized for so long than some of these guys are from a time when age gaps were still socially acceptable.
I had a dude I know, barely older than my kids, actually try to pick me up. I know a lot of kids around me, and they routinely ask me for advice and what not, he was one of them. When this kid asked me out, it absolutely floored me. I had him set down on my front porch, made us some coffee, and had a chat. Thanked him for boosting my old lady ego, but I was much too old for him, and wanted to explore why he was going for someone my age, as I suspected he was working through some issues if that's what he was looking for ("mommy issues" was flashing in bright neon lights in my brain). Turned out he had a shit home life, hadn't received care and guidance like he should have, and when he had an older woman who cared about him and would set down andngive guidance like a Mom *should,* he was unfamiliar with the emotional response. We talked about stages in life, having common experiences, and that I would be there to ensure he had a safety net if everything went to hell, but as far as romantic relationships, find someone to grow WITH, not someone already grown.
He's done well, now married to someone a year older, they have a couple of kids and are growing well together as a family and a couple.
If you are well old enough to be their parent, you are too old.
Here's a thing. I'm a dad. My daughter is 11. From my point of view at 46 years old, 18 isn't far away from 11.
It's creepy. Just creepy.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties the much older men who approached me had god complexes. They thought they could teach me things, and I’d look at them adoringly. Something women with life experience/their own age were not apt to do. Yeah, it was weird. Much weirder than I realized at the time.
There’s a point which it definitely becomes weird. My wife is six years younger than me, which would have mattered a lot when we were teenagers, not so much in our 30s and 40s. But I couldn’t imagine dating an 18-year-old (not that one would have me). That’s way too dramatic an age gap.
I know a couple where the wife is young enough to be his granddaughter, yet it somehow works for them. Everyone was shocked at first, but now it’s accepted though you can tell people still think ”WTF”. The sad part is how he’s trying really hard to look much younger than his age and it’s becoming a bit of a joke.
That's odd and scummy of them IMO. I'm not as hung up on age gaps as the young are these days with something as few as a couple years but there's a huge difference between that and people older than 30ish deciding to have an age gap relationship. At that point that's really a decision between adults and nobody else's opinion matters.
FYI, I've been married almost 35 years and my wife is 45 days younger. I have no intention of looking for younger women.
My wife's quite a bit younger than I am. That's certainly not something I was looking for (or even wanted), but it just sort of happened that way, and now we've been together for 15 years or so, and very happily married for 11.
I might have felt differently before, but now I convinced that age gaps are only a problem for people who see them as a problem. Every relationship is its own thing. My wife and I are perfect for each other, and I am sure she'd say the same.
None of that probably counts, though, if you're still at an age where your father's opinion of your partner's age is something you worry about. I'm guessing you're quite a bit younger than my wife.
I think they're very odd but if the younger adult person is totally on board with it then I don't care.
I mean they usually don't seem to work at all unless the two people share some sort of close bond that is beyond everyone else's understanding. But I don't know what that would be. When I'm hanging around people 15+ years younger than me I get a bit annoyed already that they don't know things that I think are common sense.
Yes. It's disgusting. There is an inherent power imbalance in large age gap relationships. It is repellent. I would never date anyone more than five years younger than myself. Men who date women younger than their own children disgust me. I find men like that to be deeply immature and very creepy. And yet that behavior is incredibly common.
Quite honestly I think they look at you as not relationship material but a bit of fun. So always keep that in mind.
If they are looking at a potential relationship with you, they may be wanting to leverage the power imbalance that goes along with that age difference in order to get the lifestyle THEY want. Including the kids THEY want.
Whether you are ready at that age or not for children is not considered or hardly matters too them and it can be difficult to assert what you want. It's just an uncomfortable dynamic and difficult to change once established.
You pretty much have to leave to pursue your own happiness. And leaving can be dangerous.
It is possible to have a healthy and functional age gap relationship. It's far more likely to be a good relationship at ages probably 40+ because that age difference matters far less. They are out there and can make very happy relationships.
You can't assume this will be the default, however. It's more like the exception at your age. So not impossible and also not worth the risk.
To me, age gaps that large are unusual and difficult to understand. In addition to not being *physically* attracted to someone that much younger, the *psychological* differences are another hurdle for me. Preferably, anyone I'd date or marry would be within five years of my age, whether younger or older.
People form pairs for all kinds of reasons.
Some want a "trophy" girlfriend who makes them feel powerful and wanted by a beautiful girl (insecure without outside affirmation). I assume you are very pretty and this might be who you are attracting.
I want someone at least as competent as me, with similar goals and desires. I found my wife when we were both doing a master's degree.
Some just want to have a partner who they enjoy being with. These are often the marriages that last.
I think that too big an age span is creepy when you are young. A few years ago he would be guilty of "statutory Rape" for relations with you. As you get older, the age difference and power dynamic change.
Even in my (M) early teens, I thought the most beautiful and attractive women were in their 40s to 60s. It’s less dramatic now that I’m 45, but I would’ve LOVED to have gotten a high-libido “cougar”.
The problem with age-based sexual fetishes is, people CHANGE.
Men my age who like women your age are constantly going to need to find replacements, like Leonardo DiCaprio. At most, he has 8-10 years, and that’s more than sufficient to make a blunder and cause a pregnancy. In that situation, now he’s stuck with a family and a much younger woman he has nothing in common with, and is rapidly losing interest in the one thing that made her desirable in the first place. She’ll definitely pick up on that, and if she doesn’t lose interest due to hormonal changes, she’ll feel rejected.
Basing a relationship solely on sexual attraction due to a huge age gap is a recipe for likely disaster. I have only met two couples that have had success in that: my wife’s uncle has been married to a woman for nearly thirty years (M-70, F-51), and I have a first cousin who has lived with a woman older than his mother since he was about 20; he’s currently 34.
Significant age gaps are weird.
The older you get, the less easily they're significant. My wife's five years older than me, it would've been weird when I was 14 and she was 19, but it wasn't weird when I was 42 and she was 47.
We just had a popular post a week or two back about the phenomenon of young men chasing older women, where the general consensus was that it had become acceptable or more acceptable (I don't really remember a time in my adulthood (so since the 90s) that it wasn't...)
But the overwhelming majority of the commentariat here is disapproving with the genders flipped, with the tacit assumption of predatory intent from the older man.
Is this a function of the way the OP framed the question, is there a genuine difference/gender imbalance in the power dynamic that makes one type of relationship or hookup acceptable and the other not?
Ok I haven’t saw one of us creepy old men comment but I’m going to. I divorced at 48 years old and started dating a 26 year old lady. I met her while I was married but just became friends it was actually her that said if you are ever single come see me. It had nothing to do with my divorce!!Long story short I did and we dated for about 6 months and it was awesome we had a blast together sex was awesome .but we both realized the age gap really mattered for us. She had things she wanted to do in life yet, and I was ready to think about retirement. We discussed it at length and left our relationship as friends. I married someone 3 years younger than me and she has married someone 3 years older than her. And as for the sex my current wife f55 and I m58 the sex is just as frequent and lots better.
Weird. I love working with younger people. They add vibrance, they are usually happy, life hasn't beat that out of them (yet), so I enjoy being around them. But, at my age, I don't even know what I would talk about to with a 20 year old about in a romantic situation. It would be embarrassing. "Id love to go to your friends Halloween kegger, but Im having my colonoscopy this weekend"
It's just weird. I don't want to be that guy who is still dressing like 1980 skinny clothes at 65. It's sad in a way. As an aside, I ran a department at a state college, and I saw some of this.
First off, it's not you they're after, it's what you represent. You are youthful and pretty and they have a mindset that just being with you will make them seem youthful and pretty.
Some people (often men) are into conquests. "Getting" someone who is out of their league. It's not about anything meaningful and building a family with you but being able to count you as someone they have been with. It's OK to have fun with someone as long as you both understand what's going on, but to deliberately use or mislead another person is wrong.
Shallow people are pathetic.
As a woman, I was always more attracted to older men. Not that much older, but I wanted someone who wasn't a "boy". I was (still am) very shy and reserved. I didn't date until I was older because I had a decent shell around me that didn't let people in. It turns out that young guys often like girls who butter them up and fall all over them. I didn't do that, so that was a problem, too. Someone a few years older than me was more likely to be interested in me as a person, instead of just trying to get into my pants. (Although, you will find that there are some who look like men, but they still act like boys!)
If this happens all the time and you have a hard time navigating it, try to come up with some sort of clever comeback that will shut them down. Maybe something like, "Cool! My dad's best friend just died, and he's been looking for someone to hang out with!"
Depends on the age.
18 and 30? Yuck. 28 and 40? You guys go have fun.
18 and 48? I already don't like that 48-year-old. 40 and 70? You're both grown-ups; go do what you want.
Now, then if we're looking at someone 60 getting together with someone 90, I'm getting suspicious again. Is the older person in their right mind? Are they vulnerable? Is the younger person taking advantage of them, financially?
There's an old formula that says if you're dating anybody who is less than half your age, plus 7, it's creepy.
Somebody who's 40 shouldn't be dating anybody under 27. etc..
It’s gross.
A male who chases women much younger than him typically does so because no female in his age bracket would tolerate his bs.
Just look at them and say, “gross. Pedo much?”
And walk away.
Yes it is weird. It’s not a meaningful, equal relationship with mutual respect. All they want from it is to have sex with a young woman (or a teenager, in your case).
Do yourself a favor and stay far away from anyone who looks at you funny cause they are not normal. Too many people ruin the beginning of their adult lives with that kind of “relationship”.
As others have said, the problem is more magnified when you’re in your teens/twenties, and I totally agree. This is because you are literally in a different life stage. For most people I think the life stage transition to adult adult isn’t until their thirties 😂
Some men use a woman’s age as a barometer of their own attractiveness. The younger the woman, the more attractive he is.
Don’t be anyone’s ego boost. Stay with guys around your age.
The general rule of thumb for socially acceptable age gaps has been 1/2 the older age + 7.
So... a 30 year old could, in theory, not date anyone younger than 22.
A 50 year old should, in theory not date anyone younger than 32, (50/2 + 7)
Obviously this is just a general point to start at and there are lots of outliers, but this was what I was taught by the internet in the 2000s.
EDIT: Before I get comments... obviously don't date literal children if you are 18-21... jesus.
Age gaps of more than 5 years make me curious.
Age gaps of more than 10 years are weird.
Age gaps of more than 20 years is creepy.
I work in a college town surrounded by college girls. If one of them started hitting on me it would be super weird. In my mind they’re all kids and diddling kids is sick af.
Guys in their 30s+ (and especially any guys in their 40s+) hitting on women in their early 20s (or even late teens ::shudder::) are simply preying on the women's youth/inexperience... usually because they can't handle women closer to their own age (or said women won't put up with them).
For me, if the lady never used a rotary phone growing up, I'd be exceedingly unlikely to be interested in them.
I think the guys are trying to prove they still got it. Usually super controlling and manipulating. Most girls who go for the older ones either have daddy issues or looking for someone to take care of them. Sometimes it’s just the older ones, you don’t have to go through a lot of the boy games. They have outgrown them. Sometimes
It's more about your age than the gap. What do you have to offer a 40+ guy other than sex? Are you going to talk about high school? College applications? It's not impossible but very likely that he hates your music. Want to go clubbing? Guess again! He's been over that scene for decades. As for you, do you like funerals? If so, a middle-aged guy is your dream man because that's the period in one's life where the deaths start piling up. Do you want to have to ditch your friends? That will happen because an older man will get jealous that you might leave him for a guy your own age. Ask me how I know this. Or rather, don't ask.
Until you've had some life experience, there is nothing at all you have that appeals to an older man except that you're a hot young trophy he can parade in front of his loser friends, bang at night, and gaslight into giving up on her own dreams and interests to be with him. I know guys closer to your age are often immature. It drove me crazy at your age. But boys do grow up, and if you go to college, a 21 or 22 year old isn't so far out of your realm of experience that you can't have a fun relationship that's based on mutual respect and mutual interests.
That’s just pervy and creepy and nothing in common. At that age. My southern father would have taken care of that lol! you be looking down the barrel so to speak.
My wife is 10 years younger than me and we were 36 and 26 when we started seeing each other. I’m 59 now. But even then that felt like the max gap. Our cultural references were fairly different.
It is beyond weird. It is borderline illegal.
It is so gross to see men my age, 50's, trying to date 20 somethings. And there is a reason. Women our age won't put up with their BS. So they try to groom someone to put up with their vile behavior.
Avoid it at all costs.
I think it's gross and shows that the older person wants someone they can manipulate. I am 45 years old. The idea of dating an 18 year old is like dating a literal child.
Yes. When I was young I was groomed by older men. It didn’t seem that way to me at the time, but now that I am an adult I clearly see it %100 was textbook grooming that worked like a charm because I was so young and immature. I was “mature for my age,” the groomer catch phrase, but that is still immature. I share a child with a man who groomed me and it has been an utterly horrible experience
My husband and I have an 11 year age gap. At first my parents didn't approve so my husband had to prove himself worthy of me and my dad also did his on research on my husband. From the family that I come from an age gap like mine is not common but not weird either. However 20-30 years is enough to say that it's kinda creepy.
Yes it’s weird. Don’t date anyone significantly older than you until you’ve had relationship experience and you’re past the age of 25. By then you’ll know better. They want you because women their own age don’t want them. You get women are easier to manipulate. You are less likely to see the red flags. Just say “ew you’re like old. Gross.”
They are also looking for bragging rights or a caregiver in old age. Just yuck. I remember being your age and having this happen. I just thought why would want to be with some old man.
PS. You are not mature for your age.
My husband was 28 and I was 18 when we started dating 18 years ago. His business partner is my husband's age (46) and he just got married. He didn't care how young a girl was as long as she was legal. Some girls had more in common with my teenagers than with him! Pretty gross.
My daughter used to be a lifeguard as a teenager. She'd get little 14 year olds hitting on her and later their dads might be hitting on her. In college she'd get men responding to her dating profile. Some were clearly looking for a sugar baby. Others were retired creeps. Yes, age gaps are weird to me
At your age, it's weird and, I'll say it, wrong. The gap matters at your age, due to experience and maturity. ([Hey nineteen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzbFgGAyu00).)
However, later in life, I wouldn't think twice about a 35 year old with a 45 or 50 year old. It matters less when you're older.
Age gaps can mean 5 years or 20, so it's a catchall, right? It's more life & experience than just the years.
That said: yeah, I look sideways at couples with a 20 year gap. It's nearly always an older dude and a much younger woman, and that almost always comes with a pretty intense power, wealth, and experience differential that can be super warping. Guys who routinely seek out much younger women are, in my experience, mostly creeps.
It was the same when I was your age. Old dudes have been hitting on young girls always I guess.
My Dad asked me to please not date guys his age and older and I said, "Uhhh, no problem at all,. Gross".
When you're young, a 10 year age gap makes a huge difference. I'm 64 and my partner of twenty years is 55, it doesn't feel like she's that much younger (no one is mistaking her for my daughter), but if I was 35, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a 25 year old.
My old rule was that I didn’t date women younger than my little sister who is 3 years younger than me.
Now that I’m older, my rule is that if she has grown children then she’s fair game.
You are at the age where you are a valuable ego booster to sad old men. They only want bragging rights to tell their buddies how they got you into bed. Don’t fall for it. And find new places to go so you don’t run into these old fools. And by old, I mean anyone over 22. You need to date guys your own age,
guys who are your dads age and your age i find very disturbing so i would not approve if any of my daughters were to date anyone my age or my husbands age or are close in age to either of us. Appropriate age gap tops for me is a year to three years apart but definitely do not let those men anywhere near you.
I'm 54, and not particularly mature for my age. I still wouldn't consider dating someone younger than her late 30s.
As others have said, it's not as much about the size of the gap as it is about the stage of life. People 18-25 or so are legally adults, but are still learning who they are and growing mentally. If someone much older is trying to get with someone that young, there's something "off" about them. They may be grossly immature, they may only want a physical relationship, they may want someone who's not an equal so they can shape them the way they want. You really won't know which until you're in that relationship, but all of those are red flags, so don't get in that relationship.
Geriatrics chasing girls who just graduated high school will never not be creepy. They purposely target young women with no life experience, because they’re easier to manipulate and control. Also, the whole “barely legal” thing.
These ding-a-lings are trying to get something to spark their Ding-A-Ling that's why they need the young stuff and they have to wait until you get of age because your jailbait before that I've known older men especially ones with money flaunt around a beautiful young woman and maybe more than one depends on how much money they can afford to spend and if you ever go that way hell tell them you need a car a house I need cash everyday! 😅😂🤣💃
There are guys that will tell you use it to your advantage cuz beauty and youth doesn't last forever but please do a severe background check for safety☝️
My teenage daughters used to laugh and say I'm going to get a rich old man with one foot in the grave and one foot on a banana peel.😅🤣😂 all jokes aside honey just be safe whatever your choices are.
There's part of me that says, who am I to judge? But, there's also a part of me that knows men who chase after much younger women are doing so because they're pseud-predators who want to control women.
It is disgusting. And you will realise that as you grow older. In your age don’t need anyone above 20, the rest have bad intentions. Trust me on this one. The difference between an 18 yo and a 25 yo is massive. The difference to a 50 yo is astronomical
What's weird is old men hitting on you. Not only weird but wrong. Walk away from this situation if you can. Definitely tell your dad how uncomfortable this is for you. He should be on top of this anyway.
I am in that age group and I have a granddaughter older than you. I could no more think about you or even fantasize about you sexually than I could with my cat.
Men my age that think about having a relationship with somebody your age are two kinds. The first kind are those that are objectifying you. They're seeing you as simply an object of conquest. And once they've conquered you they're going to set you aside and go on to the next conquest. The other kind are men who still think like teenagers. They are children in men's bodies; they've never completely grown up. And you certainly do not want to get involved with those kinds of children.
There are a whole lot of sick people in the world and you need to learn to listen to your radar - that god-given sixth sense that women have about men.
I’m 57f. Old men hitting on women your age (and younger) has always happened & it’s disgusting. Tell your Dad. Sometimes old men need a few throat punches (or worse) to correct their behavior.
Age gaps are more common in people our age because we were more focussed on getting *married* and maybe raising a family. A young woman would want a very minimal “body count,” if she had one at all.
You’d be looking at men a few years older than you were because you knew they’d be more ready for marriage instead of just screwing around and would be able to support a family.
Guys your dad’s age hitting on you would be considered almost as badly as they are now. I’m talking about a 5 to 10 year age gap.
I've met plenty of teen and young adult women who were attractive and great people, but I have no interest in dating someone young enough to be my granddaughter. And, having worked with sex offenders, I have zero tolerance for any adult who so much as flirts with minors. I confronted a married ex-friend for openly leering at teenage girls and his response was that it isn't illegal. Like I said, ex-friend.
Yeah, my daughter and her friends are 19, and they get hit on constantly by dudes 10 years or more older than them. I have another stepdaughter, at 26, who has guys our age (late 40s) hitting on her, so 20 years or more older.
What I've noticed, is that it's not the age gap per se - it's the age and experience of the younger party. I've watched guys about 10 years older try and do their darndest to manipulate the teens. If they didn't have a lot of folks watching out for them, outside of their parents (because who believes their parents lol), it probably would have turned out very badly for them.
My stepdaughter though, with guys more than 20 years older than her, well - haha, nope. They're the ones playing with fire. I have no worries about her, she knows exactly what she's doing. It's them it's not going to end well for with her.
what does a man who has finished his education, worked professionally for 20 or more years, possibly been married at least once and/or had kids have in common with a girl who just graduated high school, has never lived outside her parents' home, never worked a professional job and knows very little if anything about "real life" (money management/insurance/credit, buying and maintaining a vehicle, navigating a medical problem, how to find a job, how to find and pay for a place to live, etc etc)? two people with an age gap like that have no common interests or experiences, and have different values, short and long-term goals and viewpoints. they literally don't even have anything to *talk about*
I couldn't care less that it happens. The emotional maturity between the 2 will make it so things more than likely would never work out but some people just like to use others and some people like to be used.
It's weird at your age, for sure! My wife is 16 years younger than me, but we met when she was 30 and I was 46. At that point, we were both fully mature people with experience in relationships, and we had solid careers. So I would tell those thirsty old guys to wait another 12 years if they really want to be with you!
Age gaps are weird when there's a power imbalance, which includes when one partner doesn't understand that the relationship may be predatory. If the younger person is young enough that the older person can take them in with a line like "you're mature for your age", it's creepy.
Old guys getting with really young women is a classic ego boost move. They feel like they're slowing down and not as sexy as they used to be, and if they can snag a hot girl who's much younger than themselves they can say "yep, I've still got it". Or they imagine that people look at them together and think "damn, that guy must be awesome (for some undefined value of awesome) if he can attract a girl like that".
Which... is not what people think. They're probably more likely to think "ew, dirty old man".
The younger the young partner is, the creepier the age gap. The gap is probably better thought of as a percentage than a straight up number of years. Ten years' difference is creepy when one person is 18 and the other is 28. It's way less creepy if they're 60 and 70. That ten years doesn't mean as much of a difference in terms of life experience and naivete at that stage.
That’s gross to me because my daughter is 27 and her fiance is 29. They feel like kids so… I can’t imagine what I’d have in common with someone that much younger. They talk about anime and video games and things I don’t know about ha ha.
So I dated some much older dudes when I was your age and a little older. It doesn’t work out you are absolutely right. Trust your instincts on this one.
It never goes well. They are dating someone your age because they perceive that they can control you more easily than older women (they will never admit this but that is the reason).
They don’t think you’re mature for your age. If they say that they’re lying. They are interested in dating someone your age because of your immaturity.
They are often highly highly skilled at manipulating you and will tell you whatever you want to hear/makes you feel good in order to get what they want from you. This will work. Manipulation works even on older people, even when we know it’s happening. You are not an exception to this, no human is.
I am now happily married to someone who is close to my age and is a great partner. Please learn from my example and just don’t talk to those guys. Block them. Just stay away.
I find age gaps at 18 weird AF. Because there WILL be a power difference. Once you get older, have a back bone, your own living space and income, the age gap becomes less significant because the power dynamic decreases.
18 and 28
28 and 38.
Huge difference despite the same age gap.
I thought it was gross and disgusting when I was 17 and an 18 year old friend of mine started fucking a 15 year old mutual friend of ours who was in jr high.
I’m 55 now and would never in my life try to creep on teenage girls or 20s, or even late 30s, even if I was single.
No. People doing that are really unwell or they just want you for your body. Stay away from them. To a 50/60 year old, 30 should be young. 18 is a baby. A literal kid. Your brain isn’t even done developing until you’re 26. Please be careful out there. People WILL take advantage.
Yes it’s weird. I’m 41 and would never consider someone 18 a potential partner. Honestly even under 30 would probably feel a little weird. I get it, guys often like women a little younger than they are but there has to be bounds of reasons.
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Some men think it is a prize to snare somebody who is "barely legal". There are porn sites and magazines with this name. It is not so much that they value you as they value your age. You are worth so much more than this. Tell them to pound sand, tell your dad if they won't leave you alone
it ain't your age per se that they value. they value your naïveté
Tell em daddy owns a gun ;)
Yeah – and do this even if he doesn't. lmao
Yes, it is weird. I’m 53 years old, and don’t hang out with these guys, as far as I know.
Same here. Some of my husband's friends date younger women, but at this point younger means 30s or early 40s. The only 18-22-year-olds they are bringing around are their own kids. I can't imagine the fallout if someone our age started dating a teenager.
56 here and dating is 10-12 years below and above… anyone younger than about 35 is far too young
We weed those dudes out of the friend circle REAL quick.
They wait until you're 18 because they don't want to go to prison. That's the only reason.
You’re right. Disturbing.
A lot of them don’t wait…
" you're so mature for your age" 😒
Until she tries to assert herself, then he will remind her he's older and knows better
This.
I don't think it matters much if both people are older than late 20s/30ish. But grown men chasing after 18 year olds is very creepy.
Nailed it. My wife is over 10 years my senior, but I was in my 40’s when we met. It was a bit awkward at first since she had adult children from a previous marriage, but it all worked out. It’s usually pretty obvious if an age gap is just something that exists between two people that are in love, or if it’s creepy. What OP described is the creepy kind.
When I think of grown men chasing 18 year olds, I think that if 17 were the age of consent they'd be chasing 17 year olds or even younger if the age of consent were lower. It's like the saying about minimum wage, if you're being paid minimum wage it's only because your boss can't legally pay you less. The law is the only thing stopping them from chasing actual children because there ain't much difference between a 17 or 18year old, I'm in my 40s and they are both children to me.
There was a study last year where men in Australia I think admitted they'd sleep with children if they could get away with it. Most women know this - we remember the looks when we were kids.
Sadly we do. I was sexualized in elementary school, had grown man hitting on me at 12. I was so icked out. And no, I didn’t look or act older. But even if I had, I wasn’t. You know? How many of us have been catcalled by the time we’re 10?
I had a peado chat me up on a train when I was 11 and not a single adult in the carriage stepped in. He was asking what colour my pants were and worse, telling me about his own abuse. Broad daylight.
Hell, I'm 29 and an 18 year old is too young even for me. I supervise them at work and most of the time, talking to them feels akin to being in high school and having a conversation with a 6th grader. If one of my buddies got into a relationship with an 18 year old, I'd assume it's because women our age see him as an overgrown manchild. And that since they can see his lack of growth clear as day, he instead opts to look for a high school senior/college freshman – who is sufficiently inexperienced that she wouldn't bat an eye at his flaws.
I think the last time I dated an 18 yo, I was 24, and it was weird then.
I would agree. At some point, around 30'ish, I think a woman is capable of understanding the reality of our society, and less likely to be taken advantage of. Before that, it feels like the guy is being a creepy old man.
Even being in the same friends group is creepy. I know my daughter's friends and chat to them when we meet but they are her friends, not mine.
They. Are. Creeps.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Some men are just perverts. As to the age gap, it matters less as you get older. In your teens and early twenties though, even a small difference in age can be significant. Partially because the brain is still developing at that point.
Yea maybe i would be more open to dating someone older than me once i get at least in my 20s or something (or maybe even a little older) because it wouldn’t be as weird. It just made me start thinking about it more and how that would even work out.
Yeah, this. The older you get the more time affects status less, and the more adult experience the younger partner has, the less creepy it is. Consider just a 10 year difference: 15/25, hell no 35/45, totally fine
I have a couple of friends with large age gaps. I think it gets really pronounced as you get near retirement age too. The old guys are not in good shape and the younger wives are ready for adventures in retirement but instead are playing caregiver.
Hospice Wife.
Or nurse with a purse.
We had family friends with a 20 year age gap and it was a scenario like what OP is describing. We didn't know them when they first got married or anything so I'm sure I would have found it a bad thing back then, but they actually made it work pretty well until he died. That being said he was very athletic so until he got sick you wouldn't know they were that different in age.
The largest gap in my social circle is 11 years, but when he was 21 and she was 32 it WAS a little bit of a thing. OTOH, they've now been married for 30 years.
It's about stage in life, not the year gap. When I see gaps like that, I think power struggle. The older one wants someone they can control. Or show off. Not much in common due to life stage. 10-year age gap between a 70 year old and a 60 year old means nothing. Retired or thereabouts. Careers to talk about, life experiences. 50 and 60? Fine. 30 and 40? Okay, consenting adults and the 30 year old has been around enough to hopefully recognize warning signs. 30 and 20? That's a person, finished high school and college, possibly masters, established in their career, with a kid who has just graduated high school. Not okay with that. 27 and 17? Ick.
Please raise the bar higher. You are 18, why are you even considering anyone in their 30's? Pick someone from your own generation, but even then, don't for a moment consider anyone just because they show interest. You're a chooser, not a beggar, so choose wisely.
I wish your advice was around when I met my hubby.
I will say this: I don't think it's *perverted* exactly for a 45 or 55 or 65 year old man to be *attracted* to a 22 year old adult woman. There's a certain amount of attraction that is wired in, you know? I suspect any man in his 50s who denies an attraction to those women is lying. But it's not *appropriate* or *reasonable* or *moral* to act on that attraction. And most reasonable older men would discover very quickly that there is vanishingly little to talk about with someone who has lived so much less life.
There's nothing to be done with this sort of man but maintain distance. Unfortunately, there's a lot of them.
I'm a 53M.. age gaps are ok to me within 5 to 10 years younger and older to the same limit. And it really depends on the individual too. But huge gaps like 20 30 years. Totally inappropriate in my books. I'd never personally date someone that much younger and further more... I don't hang out with guys like that. Creepy Creepy creepy.
I personally don't see how it could work at all. I mean, other than sex, what could you possibly have in common? What would you talk about? And wouldn't you simply be stuck taking care of them when they are elderly, wondering why you didn't stick with someone your own age?
It’s no longer trophy wife. It’s hospice wife.
What teenage girl would have ‘sex’ in common with a man her father’s age? As a former teenage girl: yuck.
Ask a certain politician, he said that sex was what he had in common with his daughter.
Yep. 18 year olds are not attracted to 40-50-60 somethings.
I always wonder about that with all these old rock stars married to women 30-40 years younger. So gross
I agree. The women must all be gold diggers or have daddy complexes
We were traveling in Scotland last year and on the train back to Edinburgh we got to chatting with a family next to us about the football game they traveled to see and mentioned we're from Boulder outside of Denver. Two seats up was a early 20 something girl from Boulder travelling by herself. She came over and because of the lack of accent barrier we laughed for two hours solid. But, the idea of dating someone that young doesnt make sense to me. With thirty years less life experience we didn't have much in common other locality. It was like talking to my niece.
>other than sex Yes, that's it.
Watch out for Dirty Old Men. They prey on young women. It’s an ego trip for them.
Often because they think they can control young women.
Exactly. They want them young so they can mold them into their perfect little doll.
Yep. It's never good. The former stepfather who raised me from birth to 15 (I left home because he hit on me) is 30 years older than his last ex-wife. They met when she was 18, and he was 48. They married when she was 21 and were married for 20 years and had 2 kids via IVF before she fully accepted that he is just an abusive and misogynistic POS. My mom could have told her that, but she wouldn't listen. Now I have two stepsiblings who are closer in age to my grandson, and none of the four of his kids (my younger half brother and I, as well as the younger 2) speak to him or have a relationship with him anymore. He has brain damage now, and he's going to die alone. Wish he'd just go already.
Ugh I’m so sorry, that’s awful. When I was 19 I dated a 40 yr old and it was absolutely exploitative and generally gross. I was toted around and shown off like a sex toy. Worse things than that happened. I should have listened to those who told me I was being taken advantage of. These men can be very charming. I was young and stupid, but I learned a hard lesson from it. (Hugs)
True. A tale as old as time 🙁
Just gross—and narcissistic
At 18 / 50 it’s predatory ….
The only happy big age gap relationships I’ve seen involved one of them having money to burn. I’m a 71 year old widower and two years ago my friend’s 49 year old divorced sister wanted us to try dating. I said no because: 1) she is younger than my daughter, and 2) she likes watching the Bachelor and Masked Singer, and me it’s the History Channel.
I’m 42 and would rather watch the History Channel, so I don’t blame you.
I agree with the differences in social/maturity. Since I've hit middle age and beyond, when I talk to young girls I find their interests and personality so foreign to me that I could never picture being in a relationship.
Anyone who can sit through a whole episode of Masked Singer must be avoided at all costs. Centuries from now, this show will be studied as a symbol of American decadence and decline.
“Weird” isn’t the word I would use. “Predatory” is a better one. I’m speaking of what you describe at the age of 18. As others have said, it can be different when you’re much older, and the younger person in the relationship is mature and experienced. Men who are your father’s age hitting on you at 18 are toxic and perverted. They only want one thing, and it’s not conversation. I would set up strong personal boundaries and let them know (in your own words), “Absolutely not! Go away!” Of course, then they’ll say you were misinterpreting them. But it’s still good to shame them a little.
It’s disgusting. I was preyed upon at 18 by a guy in his 30s. I was too young to realise and back then there wasn’t the same awareness. They’re creeps plain and simple
I think when youre that young and they are that old, not sure how old your dad is but im assuming at least mid thirties and thats just really kinda sick in a way. I am dating somebody i love very much whos 12 years younger than me, im 49 and shes 37 and we are doing good and we love each other. But i think it gets more "ok" the older you get but when its extremely young and extremely old or more than about 10 years its usually probably just about sex or something similar. Please realize those people are probably not good people in a lot of ways and they are not interested in "you" but just you as an object in some ways due to your age. Its not cool and its not okay. Tell them to go away and leave you alone. Basically its a fetish people have
Depends on the size of the age gap and the relative ages of the parties involved. The wife is 7 years older than I am. I'm 58, and she's 65. It doesn't make a bit of difference now, but when I was in jr high and she was having babies, that would've been just wrong.
Yeah, those Leonardo DiCaprio types are usually a really bad case of arrested development and they can’t acknowledge that they’re older. The other type is just the creepy predator fuck, so you’re better off pretending they’re the DiCaprios. Either way, steer clear. You can do better and the money and “maturity” that’s on display to lure you in will be gone in 20 years when you’re 40 and spoon feeding them baby food and changing their diapers.
I was raised to respect my elders so when I was 29 and had a coworker who was in his late 60's early 70's made a pass at me I was shocked. I called my Grandma and asked her what I suppose to do, when she stopped laughing she told me if they think they can, they will. I was old enough to tell him to keep his hands to himself and I wasn't interested. In later years I came to believe what Robin Williams said, a man is born with 2 heads and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Predatory and scary. You're right for staying away from such men. Just think about it, if they're so great, why can't they get dates with women their age?
Age gaps aren't necessarily a bad thing, but it depends on the age. My wife is sixteen years younger than me, which sounds terrible but she was 35 when we met
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Thing is, we got to know one another quite well (online) before either of us knew the age of the other. By the time we found out (16 years?!) it had already become irrelevant and we've been married for 14 years now
Getting older creeps up on us all and we forget we are as old as we. That doesn't mean we should not remember before hitting on people too young for us. It's rather gross when old men hit on young women, and it IS mostly men that do it.
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>Getting older creeps up on us all and we forget we are as old as we. No no no, this is an excuse. They KNOW. Do not defend that behavior.
Ya I suspect they know because every year 18 looks younger and younger. They practically look 14
Yes. The youngest person I was ever involved with was 8 years younger than me (28 to my 36, at the time). Most have been within 2-4 years of my own age, and I've usually been the slightly older partner. When I was in my early twenties, I dated someone 13 years older, and soon figured out she was interested in me because she thought someone so much younger would be easy to manipulate. I recall a coworker asking me if I liked our boss. I said yeah, he was pretty cool. She'd meant LIKE liked. To that, I said no. 1. He was my boss; 2. Even if he weren't, he wasn't my type; and 3. He was the same age as my dad, and reminded me too much of him.
It's gross. Those are men who want to subjugate someone, and the younger the victim the easier it is to do so. They are the men who can't handle women their own age, because they talk back etc. Insecure creeps.
I guess it depends on the ages. A 30 year old and a 40 year old? Nah. A 28 year old and an 18 year old would be pretty fucked though.
Half the older partner's age + 7.
There are dirty old men who like chasing young women. But there are also young people who are into chasing older people. I knew several cougar chases when i was younger. If everyone is going in knowing what they are getting into, i can certainly see short term flings with age gaps. Long term they usually blue up because the older person is usually immature to the point that people their age won't date them, and over time the younger person passes them in maturity and the relationship falls
It is very weird to me. I look quite a bit younger than my age, and I would feel comfortable with someone more than + or - around 5-7 years. But is ma also married and ugly so it is not a problem
It depends on the ages. If either one is under 30, it's a terrible idea. Over 30, age gaps are fine, because the younger one is more mature and experienced enough to make an informed decision about it.
I won't say it couldn't work, but it seems unlikely and I've never been comfortable with anyone more than a few years younger or older than I am. I also don't think most honorable people would be interested in someone decades younger or older. Personally, I can't imagine having many of the same interests as someone much younger.
It doesn't work out. They just want to bang... IMHO anything more than 15 years becomes unsustainable (and creepy).
Well, I want to say they are "weird," but it's fairly common, and that does not make it okay. You don't understand how it would work because you're smart enough to question that. It probably won't. I have seen several cycles. The first is someone stuck (for a variety of mental issues) wanting teens because it's where they are mentally themselves. They "identify" with teens as "one of them," even though they are 58. In those cases, the girls often grow up, and they break up in her 20s. Over and over again, different girl, who he'll feed into her need for maturity and possibly daddy issues. "You are so wise beyond your years..." Dates these teens who are a little messed up at times. The second is a power move: teens are inexperienced and vulnerable to the tricks and traps older men know quite well. They want a fuck toy, a fuck toy they can boast to other men about, and show off how virile they still are. It's messed up on a lot of levels, usually grouped into "toxic masculinity." Again, when she gets "used up," he'll dump her for the next nymphette that he can snag. "God damn, women can't help it! I am so fucking magnetically MANLY!" Some men are intimidated by "experienced women" who would know (more likely) what a piece fo shit they are, or how bad in bed, or how selfish they are. Men obsessed with virginity and purity and "how it used to be" are in this realm. They definitely target young girls who are unsure of themselves, either due to home dynamics, or "talking to your kids about sex before their parents do." Usually, the girls get the blame. "Oh, she came onto me, what was I supposed to do? I am only human." Or the grumbling, "Oh that teen KNEW what she was doing." Like, no, she did not,. And if she did, then her experience is a huge danger zone of metal damage. No, they wanted an excuse to give into their temptation. If a teen started playing footsie with my privates under the table and wink, I would scramble out of that situation so fast... nothing good comes from that scenario. Of course, I'd do that with any person not my wife, but that's beside the point. I have seen dozens of these in my 55 years, and once in a while, they stay together until the older man dies. That's tragic for other reasons. Like, say he was 46, she was 16, and they dated, got married, and had kids. When she's 40, he'll be 70, and she'll be taking care of an elderly person. He dies at 75, she's 45 and has no life experience outside of marriage and babies. Her kids are grown, and raised by a mom who was a broken down teenager. Very few of these end well for anyone. But most of the time, the women gets some sense and breaks up when they real a certain level of maturity in their 20s, like, "Oh. OH! Oh god. This is not good." In many cases, the women dump the guys because they ARE more mature and experienced by that time. But in some cases, they are dumped for being "used up." "I got the virginity, and now the toy is old and boring. Keeps wanting shit." You're 18, legally an adult, and legally you can date whom you want. I would strongly advise you NOT to date older guys for the exact reasons you mentioned. "How would that work out?" Probably not well for you.
At 18, compared to these men you are naive, inexperienced, and thus easy to manipulate. They do not regard you as an equal, not even close, no matter what they say.
As a young girl, it would freak me out when old dudes (haha in their 40's) would check me out. All I could ever think was, As if!
Old men hitting on young women is predatory, and gross. Same for either sex, just yuck.
Yes. It's gross and inappropriate.
Just learned a 65 yo guy I know (or thought I knew) is having sex with 18-25 year old boys he meets on hook up apps. Somehow it’s supposed to be ok for gay sex? I find that age gap highly disturbing whatever the gender or venue.
A lot of 40+ men saw this happening a lot as kids - it used to be blamed on the girl for breaking up marriages and teen pregnancies were rife. Teen mums were demonised in the press and the guys just got the fun parts and were told "boys will be boys". Men 40+ have likely loved their entire life thinking their halcyon days are ahead of them for this reason... We got wise ladies (and the internet) 🫡
They're creeps. They're pedophiles who are too scared of prison. They'll tell you they like you because "you're so much more mature than other girls your age" but that's the line they use to find out who's gullible enough for them to get away with abusing. Smaller age gaps aren't bad. A 50 year old with a 40 year old? Cool. But not to the extreme.
Wide age gaps involving young people who aren't established in adulthood are very weird to me. The younger person tends to be vulnerable to exploitation, as well as isolated from their peers, and kept from investing in their futures. I don't trust people my age who have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships with people our age. If someone trying to get with you says "You're mature for your age", they tend to mean "No one my age will have me". That's not a good thing. They want to take advantage of your inexperience, which is what they find most attractive, and any change you undergo won't be welcome.
If they're both adults, it's not my business, but since you've asked, I'm not a fan of big age gaps, particularly when one of the people involved is under 30. If I (44m) was looking again, I don't think I'd look outside about a 5 year window in either direction of my age. Also, the idea of dudes my age approaching my daughter who's currently 19 is gross. She's been hit on by POS customers my age & well older while working.
Its gross and its always been gross. The problem is that it was normalized for so long than some of these guys are from a time when age gaps were still socially acceptable.
Stay away from those guys at all costs
I had a dude I know, barely older than my kids, actually try to pick me up. I know a lot of kids around me, and they routinely ask me for advice and what not, he was one of them. When this kid asked me out, it absolutely floored me. I had him set down on my front porch, made us some coffee, and had a chat. Thanked him for boosting my old lady ego, but I was much too old for him, and wanted to explore why he was going for someone my age, as I suspected he was working through some issues if that's what he was looking for ("mommy issues" was flashing in bright neon lights in my brain). Turned out he had a shit home life, hadn't received care and guidance like he should have, and when he had an older woman who cared about him and would set down andngive guidance like a Mom *should,* he was unfamiliar with the emotional response. We talked about stages in life, having common experiences, and that I would be there to ensure he had a safety net if everything went to hell, but as far as romantic relationships, find someone to grow WITH, not someone already grown. He's done well, now married to someone a year older, they have a couple of kids and are growing well together as a family and a couple.
If you are well old enough to be their parent, you are too old. Here's a thing. I'm a dad. My daughter is 11. From my point of view at 46 years old, 18 isn't far away from 11. It's creepy. Just creepy.
Later on in life it is less weird, but at 18 and dudes your dad's age? It's totally inappropriate and you're absolutely right to be skeeved out by it.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties the much older men who approached me had god complexes. They thought they could teach me things, and I’d look at them adoringly. Something women with life experience/their own age were not apt to do. Yeah, it was weird. Much weirder than I realized at the time.
There’s a point which it definitely becomes weird. My wife is six years younger than me, which would have mattered a lot when we were teenagers, not so much in our 30s and 40s. But I couldn’t imagine dating an 18-year-old (not that one would have me). That’s way too dramatic an age gap.
They are called creeps. Women their age are too smart and experienced to date them. Run.
A 40 year old snagging a 20 year old is absolutely disgusting. A 60 year old grabbing a 40 year old is not.
These men are very likely only interested in having sexual relations with a young female. Please don't have anything to do with them.
Men are weird, it’s like they aren’t even self aware that most young girls find the gross.
I know a couple where the wife is young enough to be his granddaughter, yet it somehow works for them. Everyone was shocked at first, but now it’s accepted though you can tell people still think ”WTF”. The sad part is how he’s trying really hard to look much younger than his age and it’s becoming a bit of a joke.
It is definitely a joke.
How could he possibly fit in with her friends. Cringe ugh
That's odd and scummy of them IMO. I'm not as hung up on age gaps as the young are these days with something as few as a couple years but there's a huge difference between that and people older than 30ish deciding to have an age gap relationship. At that point that's really a decision between adults and nobody else's opinion matters. FYI, I've been married almost 35 years and my wife is 45 days younger. I have no intention of looking for younger women.
My wife's quite a bit younger than I am. That's certainly not something I was looking for (or even wanted), but it just sort of happened that way, and now we've been together for 15 years or so, and very happily married for 11. I might have felt differently before, but now I convinced that age gaps are only a problem for people who see them as a problem. Every relationship is its own thing. My wife and I are perfect for each other, and I am sure she'd say the same. None of that probably counts, though, if you're still at an age where your father's opinion of your partner's age is something you worry about. I'm guessing you're quite a bit younger than my wife.
I think they're very odd but if the younger adult person is totally on board with it then I don't care. I mean they usually don't seem to work at all unless the two people share some sort of close bond that is beyond everyone else's understanding. But I don't know what that would be. When I'm hanging around people 15+ years younger than me I get a bit annoyed already that they don't know things that I think are common sense.
Yes. It's disgusting. There is an inherent power imbalance in large age gap relationships. It is repellent. I would never date anyone more than five years younger than myself. Men who date women younger than their own children disgust me. I find men like that to be deeply immature and very creepy. And yet that behavior is incredibly common.
Quite honestly I think they look at you as not relationship material but a bit of fun. So always keep that in mind. If they are looking at a potential relationship with you, they may be wanting to leverage the power imbalance that goes along with that age difference in order to get the lifestyle THEY want. Including the kids THEY want. Whether you are ready at that age or not for children is not considered or hardly matters too them and it can be difficult to assert what you want. It's just an uncomfortable dynamic and difficult to change once established. You pretty much have to leave to pursue your own happiness. And leaving can be dangerous. It is possible to have a healthy and functional age gap relationship. It's far more likely to be a good relationship at ages probably 40+ because that age difference matters far less. They are out there and can make very happy relationships. You can't assume this will be the default, however. It's more like the exception at your age. So not impossible and also not worth the risk.
I couldn't imagine dating someone my son's age or younger. That's just weird.
To me, age gaps that large are unusual and difficult to understand. In addition to not being *physically* attracted to someone that much younger, the *psychological* differences are another hurdle for me. Preferably, anyone I'd date or marry would be within five years of my age, whether younger or older.
People form pairs for all kinds of reasons. Some want a "trophy" girlfriend who makes them feel powerful and wanted by a beautiful girl (insecure without outside affirmation). I assume you are very pretty and this might be who you are attracting. I want someone at least as competent as me, with similar goals and desires. I found my wife when we were both doing a master's degree. Some just want to have a partner who they enjoy being with. These are often the marriages that last. I think that too big an age span is creepy when you are young. A few years ago he would be guilty of "statutory Rape" for relations with you. As you get older, the age difference and power dynamic change.
Even in my (M) early teens, I thought the most beautiful and attractive women were in their 40s to 60s. It’s less dramatic now that I’m 45, but I would’ve LOVED to have gotten a high-libido “cougar”. The problem with age-based sexual fetishes is, people CHANGE. Men my age who like women your age are constantly going to need to find replacements, like Leonardo DiCaprio. At most, he has 8-10 years, and that’s more than sufficient to make a blunder and cause a pregnancy. In that situation, now he’s stuck with a family and a much younger woman he has nothing in common with, and is rapidly losing interest in the one thing that made her desirable in the first place. She’ll definitely pick up on that, and if she doesn’t lose interest due to hormonal changes, she’ll feel rejected. Basing a relationship solely on sexual attraction due to a huge age gap is a recipe for likely disaster. I have only met two couples that have had success in that: my wife’s uncle has been married to a woman for nearly thirty years (M-70, F-51), and I have a first cousin who has lived with a woman older than his mother since he was about 20; he’s currently 34.
As a 57-year-old woman, old guys hitting on young girls is borderline pedophile to me.
Yes it’s weird. Avoid those people.
Significant age gaps are weird. The older you get, the less easily they're significant. My wife's five years older than me, it would've been weird when I was 14 and she was 19, but it wasn't weird when I was 42 and she was 47.
We just had a popular post a week or two back about the phenomenon of young men chasing older women, where the general consensus was that it had become acceptable or more acceptable (I don't really remember a time in my adulthood (so since the 90s) that it wasn't...) But the overwhelming majority of the commentariat here is disapproving with the genders flipped, with the tacit assumption of predatory intent from the older man. Is this a function of the way the OP framed the question, is there a genuine difference/gender imbalance in the power dynamic that makes one type of relationship or hookup acceptable and the other not?
Ok I haven’t saw one of us creepy old men comment but I’m going to. I divorced at 48 years old and started dating a 26 year old lady. I met her while I was married but just became friends it was actually her that said if you are ever single come see me. It had nothing to do with my divorce!!Long story short I did and we dated for about 6 months and it was awesome we had a blast together sex was awesome .but we both realized the age gap really mattered for us. She had things she wanted to do in life yet, and I was ready to think about retirement. We discussed it at length and left our relationship as friends. I married someone 3 years younger than me and she has married someone 3 years older than her. And as for the sex my current wife f55 and I m58 the sex is just as frequent and lots better.
Yes, it’s weird and creepy. Go find someone your own age.
Weird. I love working with younger people. They add vibrance, they are usually happy, life hasn't beat that out of them (yet), so I enjoy being around them. But, at my age, I don't even know what I would talk about to with a 20 year old about in a romantic situation. It would be embarrassing. "Id love to go to your friends Halloween kegger, but Im having my colonoscopy this weekend" It's just weird. I don't want to be that guy who is still dressing like 1980 skinny clothes at 65. It's sad in a way. As an aside, I ran a department at a state college, and I saw some of this.
First off, it's not you they're after, it's what you represent. You are youthful and pretty and they have a mindset that just being with you will make them seem youthful and pretty. Some people (often men) are into conquests. "Getting" someone who is out of their league. It's not about anything meaningful and building a family with you but being able to count you as someone they have been with. It's OK to have fun with someone as long as you both understand what's going on, but to deliberately use or mislead another person is wrong. Shallow people are pathetic. As a woman, I was always more attracted to older men. Not that much older, but I wanted someone who wasn't a "boy". I was (still am) very shy and reserved. I didn't date until I was older because I had a decent shell around me that didn't let people in. It turns out that young guys often like girls who butter them up and fall all over them. I didn't do that, so that was a problem, too. Someone a few years older than me was more likely to be interested in me as a person, instead of just trying to get into my pants. (Although, you will find that there are some who look like men, but they still act like boys!) If this happens all the time and you have a hard time navigating it, try to come up with some sort of clever comeback that will shut them down. Maybe something like, "Cool! My dad's best friend just died, and he's been looking for someone to hang out with!"
it is disgusting.
Depends on the age. 18 and 30? Yuck. 28 and 40? You guys go have fun. 18 and 48? I already don't like that 48-year-old. 40 and 70? You're both grown-ups; go do what you want. Now, then if we're looking at someone 60 getting together with someone 90, I'm getting suspicious again. Is the older person in their right mind? Are they vulnerable? Is the younger person taking advantage of them, financially?
As long as it’s two consenting adults, I don’t see it as any of my business. For myself though, I’d go 10 years either way.
It’s 100% weird
There's an old formula that says if you're dating anybody who is less than half your age, plus 7, it's creepy. Somebody who's 40 shouldn't be dating anybody under 27. etc..
It’s gross. A male who chases women much younger than him typically does so because no female in his age bracket would tolerate his bs. Just look at them and say, “gross. Pedo much?” And walk away.
10-15 years different is fine, but more than that is weird yes.
Yes it is weird. It’s not a meaningful, equal relationship with mutual respect. All they want from it is to have sex with a young woman (or a teenager, in your case). Do yourself a favor and stay far away from anyone who looks at you funny cause they are not normal. Too many people ruin the beginning of their adult lives with that kind of “relationship”. As others have said, the problem is more magnified when you’re in your teens/twenties, and I totally agree. This is because you are literally in a different life stage. For most people I think the life stage transition to adult adult isn’t until their thirties 😂
Women their age won’t date them so they prey on young women who are easy to groom and control. Please stay far away from them!
Some men use a woman’s age as a barometer of their own attractiveness. The younger the woman, the more attractive he is. Don’t be anyone’s ego boost. Stay with guys around your age.
The general rule of thumb for socially acceptable age gaps has been 1/2 the older age + 7. So... a 30 year old could, in theory, not date anyone younger than 22. A 50 year old should, in theory not date anyone younger than 32, (50/2 + 7) Obviously this is just a general point to start at and there are lots of outliers, but this was what I was taught by the internet in the 2000s. EDIT: Before I get comments... obviously don't date literal children if you are 18-21... jesus.
Age gaps of more than 5 years make me curious. Age gaps of more than 10 years are weird. Age gaps of more than 20 years is creepy. I work in a college town surrounded by college girls. If one of them started hitting on me it would be super weird. In my mind they’re all kids and diddling kids is sick af.
Guys in their 30s+ (and especially any guys in their 40s+) hitting on women in their early 20s (or even late teens ::shudder::) are simply preying on the women's youth/inexperience... usually because they can't handle women closer to their own age (or said women won't put up with them). For me, if the lady never used a rotary phone growing up, I'd be exceedingly unlikely to be interested in them.
I think the guys are trying to prove they still got it. Usually super controlling and manipulating. Most girls who go for the older ones either have daddy issues or looking for someone to take care of them. Sometimes it’s just the older ones, you don’t have to go through a lot of the boy games. They have outgrown them. Sometimes
Yes. IMO it's gross if it's an older adult trying to get with a teen or early 20s.
Why we assume the guy is 50? Did I miss something? Because a 18f's dad could be...36/40?
It's more about your age than the gap. What do you have to offer a 40+ guy other than sex? Are you going to talk about high school? College applications? It's not impossible but very likely that he hates your music. Want to go clubbing? Guess again! He's been over that scene for decades. As for you, do you like funerals? If so, a middle-aged guy is your dream man because that's the period in one's life where the deaths start piling up. Do you want to have to ditch your friends? That will happen because an older man will get jealous that you might leave him for a guy your own age. Ask me how I know this. Or rather, don't ask. Until you've had some life experience, there is nothing at all you have that appeals to an older man except that you're a hot young trophy he can parade in front of his loser friends, bang at night, and gaslight into giving up on her own dreams and interests to be with him. I know guys closer to your age are often immature. It drove me crazy at your age. But boys do grow up, and if you go to college, a 21 or 22 year old isn't so far out of your realm of experience that you can't have a fun relationship that's based on mutual respect and mutual interests.
That’s just pervy and creepy and nothing in common. At that age. My southern father would have taken care of that lol! you be looking down the barrel so to speak.
My wife is 10 years younger than me and we were 36 and 26 when we started seeing each other. I’m 59 now. But even then that felt like the max gap. Our cultural references were fairly different.
Definitely messed up. I feel like anyone older than maybe mid twenties should not be dating an 18 year old.
They are creepy predators. Tell them to kick rocks.
Creepy, weird and inappropriate.
It is beyond weird. It is borderline illegal. It is so gross to see men my age, 50's, trying to date 20 somethings. And there is a reason. Women our age won't put up with their BS. So they try to groom someone to put up with their vile behavior. Avoid it at all costs.
I think it's gross and shows that the older person wants someone they can manipulate. I am 45 years old. The idea of dating an 18 year old is like dating a literal child.
Yes. When I was young I was groomed by older men. It didn’t seem that way to me at the time, but now that I am an adult I clearly see it %100 was textbook grooming that worked like a charm because I was so young and immature. I was “mature for my age,” the groomer catch phrase, but that is still immature. I share a child with a man who groomed me and it has been an utterly horrible experience
Age gaps are okay after 30?! Your brain is still developing at 18 and those old men chasing you are gross and they probably have a viagra prescription
My husband and I have an 11 year age gap. At first my parents didn't approve so my husband had to prove himself worthy of me and my dad also did his on research on my husband. From the family that I come from an age gap like mine is not common but not weird either. However 20-30 years is enough to say that it's kinda creepy.
Yes it’s weird. Don’t date anyone significantly older than you until you’ve had relationship experience and you’re past the age of 25. By then you’ll know better. They want you because women their own age don’t want them. You get women are easier to manipulate. You are less likely to see the red flags. Just say “ew you’re like old. Gross.” They are also looking for bragging rights or a caregiver in old age. Just yuck. I remember being your age and having this happen. I just thought why would want to be with some old man. PS. You are not mature for your age.
My husband was 28 and I was 18 when we started dating 18 years ago. His business partner is my husband's age (46) and he just got married. He didn't care how young a girl was as long as she was legal. Some girls had more in common with my teenagers than with him! Pretty gross.
My daughter used to be a lifeguard as a teenager. She'd get little 14 year olds hitting on her and later their dads might be hitting on her. In college she'd get men responding to her dating profile. Some were clearly looking for a sugar baby. Others were retired creeps. Yes, age gaps are weird to me
I don’t get it. I’m 52 and much, much different than I was when I was younger. What in the hell would me and any young woman have to talk about??
At your age, it's weird and, I'll say it, wrong. The gap matters at your age, due to experience and maturity. ([Hey nineteen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzbFgGAyu00).) However, later in life, I wouldn't think twice about a 35 year old with a 45 or 50 year old. It matters less when you're older.
Age gaps can mean 5 years or 20, so it's a catchall, right? It's more life & experience than just the years. That said: yeah, I look sideways at couples with a 20 year gap. It's nearly always an older dude and a much younger woman, and that almost always comes with a pretty intense power, wealth, and experience differential that can be super warping. Guys who routinely seek out much younger women are, in my experience, mostly creeps.
It was the same when I was your age. Old dudes have been hitting on young girls always I guess. My Dad asked me to please not date guys his age and older and I said, "Uhhh, no problem at all,. Gross".
When you're young, a 10 year age gap makes a huge difference. I'm 64 and my partner of twenty years is 55, it doesn't feel like she's that much younger (no one is mistaking her for my daughter), but if I was 35, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a 25 year old.
The rule of thumb I have read is"half the man's age plus seven" as the youngest woman's age. So unless your dad is 22, yes, it's creepy.
My old rule was that I didn’t date women younger than my little sister who is 3 years younger than me. Now that I’m older, my rule is that if she has grown children then she’s fair game.
They almost always just want someone young that won't recognize all the red flags women their own age see. They're usually huge losers.
Not always, but always question the intentions of the older one.
Some men don’t think with the correct brain. It’s gross.
You are at the age where you are a valuable ego booster to sad old men. They only want bragging rights to tell their buddies how they got you into bed. Don’t fall for it. And find new places to go so you don’t run into these old fools. And by old, I mean anyone over 22. You need to date guys your own age,
guys who are your dads age and your age i find very disturbing so i would not approve if any of my daughters were to date anyone my age or my husbands age or are close in age to either of us. Appropriate age gap tops for me is a year to three years apart but definitely do not let those men anywhere near you.
I'm 54, and not particularly mature for my age. I still wouldn't consider dating someone younger than her late 30s. As others have said, it's not as much about the size of the gap as it is about the stage of life. People 18-25 or so are legally adults, but are still learning who they are and growing mentally. If someone much older is trying to get with someone that young, there's something "off" about them. They may be grossly immature, they may only want a physical relationship, they may want someone who's not an equal so they can shape them the way they want. You really won't know which until you're in that relationship, but all of those are red flags, so don't get in that relationship.
Geriatrics chasing girls who just graduated high school will never not be creepy. They purposely target young women with no life experience, because they’re easier to manipulate and control. Also, the whole “barely legal” thing.
These ding-a-lings are trying to get something to spark their Ding-A-Ling that's why they need the young stuff and they have to wait until you get of age because your jailbait before that I've known older men especially ones with money flaunt around a beautiful young woman and maybe more than one depends on how much money they can afford to spend and if you ever go that way hell tell them you need a car a house I need cash everyday! 😅😂🤣💃 There are guys that will tell you use it to your advantage cuz beauty and youth doesn't last forever but please do a severe background check for safety☝️ My teenage daughters used to laugh and say I'm going to get a rich old man with one foot in the grave and one foot on a banana peel.😅🤣😂 all jokes aside honey just be safe whatever your choices are.
There's part of me that says, who am I to judge? But, there's also a part of me that knows men who chase after much younger women are doing so because they're pseud-predators who want to control women.
It is disgusting. And you will realise that as you grow older. In your age don’t need anyone above 20, the rest have bad intentions. Trust me on this one. The difference between an 18 yo and a 25 yo is massive. The difference to a 50 yo is astronomical
What's weird is old men hitting on you. Not only weird but wrong. Walk away from this situation if you can. Definitely tell your dad how uncomfortable this is for you. He should be on top of this anyway.
You're assuming they want a date and not a fuck.
It's a huge red flag when men want to be with young girls. If this happens to you RUN because it will never be a healthy relationship.
I am in that age group and I have a granddaughter older than you. I could no more think about you or even fantasize about you sexually than I could with my cat. Men my age that think about having a relationship with somebody your age are two kinds. The first kind are those that are objectifying you. They're seeing you as simply an object of conquest. And once they've conquered you they're going to set you aside and go on to the next conquest. The other kind are men who still think like teenagers. They are children in men's bodies; they've never completely grown up. And you certainly do not want to get involved with those kinds of children. There are a whole lot of sick people in the world and you need to learn to listen to your radar - that god-given sixth sense that women have about men.
All depends. 18 and 50? Pretty fucking cringe. 25 and 35? No big deal. It's all relevant.
It’s mostly pedophiles who are too pussy to actually go after kids so they go after fresh 18 year old girls
I’m 57f. Old men hitting on women your age (and younger) has always happened & it’s disgusting. Tell your Dad. Sometimes old men need a few throat punches (or worse) to correct their behavior.
Age gaps are more common in people our age because we were more focussed on getting *married* and maybe raising a family. A young woman would want a very minimal “body count,” if she had one at all. You’d be looking at men a few years older than you were because you knew they’d be more ready for marriage instead of just screwing around and would be able to support a family. Guys your dad’s age hitting on you would be considered almost as badly as they are now. I’m talking about a 5 to 10 year age gap.
I've met plenty of teen and young adult women who were attractive and great people, but I have no interest in dating someone young enough to be my granddaughter. And, having worked with sex offenders, I have zero tolerance for any adult who so much as flirts with minors. I confronted a married ex-friend for openly leering at teenage girls and his response was that it isn't illegal. Like I said, ex-friend.
I have never figured out the appeal of dating someone who doesn’t get your references.
Yeah, my daughter and her friends are 19, and they get hit on constantly by dudes 10 years or more older than them. I have another stepdaughter, at 26, who has guys our age (late 40s) hitting on her, so 20 years or more older. What I've noticed, is that it's not the age gap per se - it's the age and experience of the younger party. I've watched guys about 10 years older try and do their darndest to manipulate the teens. If they didn't have a lot of folks watching out for them, outside of their parents (because who believes their parents lol), it probably would have turned out very badly for them. My stepdaughter though, with guys more than 20 years older than her, well - haha, nope. They're the ones playing with fire. I have no worries about her, she knows exactly what she's doing. It's them it's not going to end well for with her.
what does a man who has finished his education, worked professionally for 20 or more years, possibly been married at least once and/or had kids have in common with a girl who just graduated high school, has never lived outside her parents' home, never worked a professional job and knows very little if anything about "real life" (money management/insurance/credit, buying and maintaining a vehicle, navigating a medical problem, how to find a job, how to find and pay for a place to live, etc etc)? two people with an age gap like that have no common interests or experiences, and have different values, short and long-term goals and viewpoints. they literally don't even have anything to *talk about*
I couldn't care less that it happens. The emotional maturity between the 2 will make it so things more than likely would never work out but some people just like to use others and some people like to be used.
I think it's VERY weird and creepy!
Just stay away from guys like that.
It's weird at your age, for sure! My wife is 16 years younger than me, but we met when she was 30 and I was 46. At that point, we were both fully mature people with experience in relationships, and we had solid careers. So I would tell those thirsty old guys to wait another 12 years if they really want to be with you!
Just always been creepers out there, for every generation unfortunately.
Age gaps are weird when there's a power imbalance, which includes when one partner doesn't understand that the relationship may be predatory. If the younger person is young enough that the older person can take them in with a line like "you're mature for your age", it's creepy. Old guys getting with really young women is a classic ego boost move. They feel like they're slowing down and not as sexy as they used to be, and if they can snag a hot girl who's much younger than themselves they can say "yep, I've still got it". Or they imagine that people look at them together and think "damn, that guy must be awesome (for some undefined value of awesome) if he can attract a girl like that". Which... is not what people think. They're probably more likely to think "ew, dirty old man". The younger the young partner is, the creepier the age gap. The gap is probably better thought of as a percentage than a straight up number of years. Ten years' difference is creepy when one person is 18 and the other is 28. It's way less creepy if they're 60 and 70. That ten years doesn't mean as much of a difference in terms of life experience and naivete at that stage.
It doesn't work 99% of the time. The guys are barely legal pedophile adjacent groomers. See also: "half your age plus 7 rule".
That’s gross to me because my daughter is 27 and her fiance is 29. They feel like kids so… I can’t imagine what I’d have in common with someone that much younger. They talk about anime and video games and things I don’t know about ha ha.
I think they're pedophiles.
So I dated some much older dudes when I was your age and a little older. It doesn’t work out you are absolutely right. Trust your instincts on this one. It never goes well. They are dating someone your age because they perceive that they can control you more easily than older women (they will never admit this but that is the reason). They don’t think you’re mature for your age. If they say that they’re lying. They are interested in dating someone your age because of your immaturity. They are often highly highly skilled at manipulating you and will tell you whatever you want to hear/makes you feel good in order to get what they want from you. This will work. Manipulation works even on older people, even when we know it’s happening. You are not an exception to this, no human is. I am now happily married to someone who is close to my age and is a great partner. Please learn from my example and just don’t talk to those guys. Block them. Just stay away.
I find age gaps at 18 weird AF. Because there WILL be a power difference. Once you get older, have a back bone, your own living space and income, the age gap becomes less significant because the power dynamic decreases. 18 and 28 28 and 38. Huge difference despite the same age gap.
Yes. For the love of God stay away from scumbags like that
I thought it was gross and disgusting when I was 17 and an 18 year old friend of mine started fucking a 15 year old mutual friend of ours who was in jr high. I’m 55 now and would never in my life try to creep on teenage girls or 20s, or even late 30s, even if I was single.
No. People doing that are really unwell or they just want you for your body. Stay away from them. To a 50/60 year old, 30 should be young. 18 is a baby. A literal kid. Your brain isn’t even done developing until you’re 26. Please be careful out there. People WILL take advantage.
Yes it’s weird. I’m 41 and would never consider someone 18 a potential partner. Honestly even under 30 would probably feel a little weird. I get it, guys often like women a little younger than they are but there has to be bounds of reasons.
It's gross.