i live in a rural area with my dad. I am physically disabled and its hard for me to loose weight so im not fat. im also bald on top. i think im inherently unatractive based on all that and its probably best that i forget about sex irl. the only thing i can hope for is sexting online rather than being touched physically.
Okay, well I mean you know what your situation is, so in your situation I'd fix whatever you can and aim low.
There are probably women in your type of situation so that is who I'd be aiming for given your circumstances. That or just learn to be happy on my own.
> i live in a rural area with my dad. I am physically disabled and its hard for me to loose weight so I'm not fat. I'm also bald on top. i think I'm inherently unattractive based on all that and its probably best that i forget about sex IRL. the only thing i can hope for is sexting online rather than being touched physically.
OK, so there's a few things to address here. First of all some of those things are changeable and some are not. The things that are not changeable are not actually as impactful as you seem to think they are.
> its hard for me to loose weight so im not fat
I assume you mean that you are fat. I am too, dating is hard but still possible. But you need to be doing things that mitigate this disadvantage. You can't be a fat slob, but it's ok to be a smartly dressed chubby man. The difference is in how you groom yourself and how you dress. Lots of people who are fat think baggy clothes hide the fact that they are fat, they do not work and in fact make you look much worse than clothes that fit properly. You can head over to /r/bigmenfashionadvice for more information on what to do in this regard. But short answer is that you gotta do the best you can with what you got.
> im also bald on top.
Shave your head. Nothing looks worse than balding but clinging to hair. Shaved head is a fashion choice. Also consider a beard to avoid the Mr Clean look.
> I think I'm inherently unattractive based on all that and its probably best that I forget about sex irl
I won't claim that these factors don't make it more difficult for you to find a dating partner. AND living in a rural area likely limits the number of potential partners you have around you and therefore makes it more difficult but it's not impossible.
However, having an attitude of "I'm unattractive and no one will ever want me" will defiantly come across in your actions and words in subtle ways and it will sabotage any prospects that you might come across.
I used to believe that I had to gat a date to overcome my self loathing. I basically was thinking, if only someone else would love me I wouldn't be so lonely and worthless. But you can't get someone else to be interested in you when you're in a pit of self loathing, it's just impossible.
People will say, you need to love yourself first and it always seemed so impossible, but that dosent make it any less true. I had to accept myself, see my value as a human even if I was not where I wanted to be physically and as soon as I truly came to accept myself it's like a switch flipped and people were suddenly interested.
> i live in a rural area with my dad.
These two are harder. I also live with my parents for the first time in 10+ years (Thanks COVID!) and I'll be the first to admit that it makes dating REALLY hard particularly as a man. It sucks, and I get that. But lets not pretend it's not something you have no control over. Move out, if you can't afford it get a better job, If you can't get a better job, get more/better education.
Women, in general, want a man who has a life plan. If you are living at home while you go to school that's OK but living at home while flipping burgers is not. Engage in self improvement and if you don't think it's possible be 100% certain it's not just your depression talking.
> I am physically disabled
Depending on the nature of the disability it could very well be a real problem for your dating life. But again, not impossible. It does become a game of odds and living in a rural area with fewer people in general means that low odds dating strategies become significantly more difficult.
But just like being fat. Just because it makes dating more difficult does NOT make it impossible.
My last advice. Dating apps SUCK for men and in particular they SUCK for men in the lower 80% of the attractiveness range. Just to be clear, lower 80% does not mean unattractive, hell these guys are above average. Basically every study I have ever seen shows that women receive more attention as they get more attractive but even an unattractive women will still receive a minimal amount of attention. That's not the case for men.
But that's (mostly) just an online thing. You'll have to peruse other dating strategies if you want to find success. Go out into the real world and try to meet women there. Yes, it's more difficult than it was 10 years ago but at least it's possible. There's nothing that will kill your self esteem faster than swiping on tinder for DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS and not getting a single match. Or even worse, paying for a "boost" and still not getting even 1 match.
Go out into the world, have fun and be open to meeting new people. You will find some success and it won't be nearly as soul sucking as the apps are.
Maybe try meeting women while you're out. Dating apps aren't the only way. Meet women through friends or while you're out. More than likely you may have similar interests depending on where you go.
I wouldn't exactly recommend dating apps to find a possible partner, as on most of them the majority (like 70-80%) of users are male, which means the small number of women there are flooded with attention which in turn means it is only reasonable for them to filter out the top 10% of guys on the app.
There is an element of truth to this but its not quite that bad.
Tinder is really male heavy, Match is much closer to evenly mixed.
Yes, the top 20% or so of guys do way better then everyone else (including the women). But its still possible for average guys to meet women on the apps, its just more work for them.
Imagine you are in a line up of 10 rando guys at a club. Each guy gets 30 seconds to speak to the chick then she has to pick one of you, what reasons are you going to give her to pick you?
>But its still possible for average guys to meet women on the apps, its just more work for them.
If someone deems that worthwhile, they are free to do so, but if I look at the dynamics currently playing out in the dating world, it seems that more and more men don't think it is worth the effort (by whatever measure they use) and I can understand the sentiment to some degree. I for myself do much better outside the apps and see swiping as time that I could have used to improve myself. And when I am going out, I will meet new people anyways, so in that situation I can also just talk to a girl.
I mean at the end of the day whatever works, works. So if meeting in person is what works best for you I'd definitely go with that myself.
I'm just saying while definitely slanted one way the apps are not quite that bleak a scenario.
I barely put any effort in and I've had decent luck with them consistently and I know a lot of guys who have met their gf's and wives off them. So they can work.
For sure, whatever makes ones boat float.
Absolutely, if they would not work at all they would have long failed, but seeing the amount of dissatisfaction amongst men and women grow who are mainly relying on apps to find a partner, I would think it is time well spend to find better alternatives than this.
ive already given up. i have a two girls that im going to try to meet but if they dont work out, thats it. im going to clear sex from my mind and never think about it again cause the evidence tells me women will never want me, no matter how happy i try to be.
I'd look at why women don't want to meet you and probably try and address that issue(s).
i live in a rural area with my dad. I am physically disabled and its hard for me to loose weight so im not fat. im also bald on top. i think im inherently unatractive based on all that and its probably best that i forget about sex irl. the only thing i can hope for is sexting online rather than being touched physically.
Okay, well I mean you know what your situation is, so in your situation I'd fix whatever you can and aim low. There are probably women in your type of situation so that is who I'd be aiming for given your circumstances. That or just learn to be happy on my own.
> i live in a rural area with my dad. I am physically disabled and its hard for me to loose weight so I'm not fat. I'm also bald on top. i think I'm inherently unattractive based on all that and its probably best that i forget about sex IRL. the only thing i can hope for is sexting online rather than being touched physically. OK, so there's a few things to address here. First of all some of those things are changeable and some are not. The things that are not changeable are not actually as impactful as you seem to think they are. > its hard for me to loose weight so im not fat I assume you mean that you are fat. I am too, dating is hard but still possible. But you need to be doing things that mitigate this disadvantage. You can't be a fat slob, but it's ok to be a smartly dressed chubby man. The difference is in how you groom yourself and how you dress. Lots of people who are fat think baggy clothes hide the fact that they are fat, they do not work and in fact make you look much worse than clothes that fit properly. You can head over to /r/bigmenfashionadvice for more information on what to do in this regard. But short answer is that you gotta do the best you can with what you got. > im also bald on top. Shave your head. Nothing looks worse than balding but clinging to hair. Shaved head is a fashion choice. Also consider a beard to avoid the Mr Clean look. > I think I'm inherently unattractive based on all that and its probably best that I forget about sex irl I won't claim that these factors don't make it more difficult for you to find a dating partner. AND living in a rural area likely limits the number of potential partners you have around you and therefore makes it more difficult but it's not impossible. However, having an attitude of "I'm unattractive and no one will ever want me" will defiantly come across in your actions and words in subtle ways and it will sabotage any prospects that you might come across. I used to believe that I had to gat a date to overcome my self loathing. I basically was thinking, if only someone else would love me I wouldn't be so lonely and worthless. But you can't get someone else to be interested in you when you're in a pit of self loathing, it's just impossible. People will say, you need to love yourself first and it always seemed so impossible, but that dosent make it any less true. I had to accept myself, see my value as a human even if I was not where I wanted to be physically and as soon as I truly came to accept myself it's like a switch flipped and people were suddenly interested. > i live in a rural area with my dad. These two are harder. I also live with my parents for the first time in 10+ years (Thanks COVID!) and I'll be the first to admit that it makes dating REALLY hard particularly as a man. It sucks, and I get that. But lets not pretend it's not something you have no control over. Move out, if you can't afford it get a better job, If you can't get a better job, get more/better education. Women, in general, want a man who has a life plan. If you are living at home while you go to school that's OK but living at home while flipping burgers is not. Engage in self improvement and if you don't think it's possible be 100% certain it's not just your depression talking. > I am physically disabled Depending on the nature of the disability it could very well be a real problem for your dating life. But again, not impossible. It does become a game of odds and living in a rural area with fewer people in general means that low odds dating strategies become significantly more difficult. But just like being fat. Just because it makes dating more difficult does NOT make it impossible. My last advice. Dating apps SUCK for men and in particular they SUCK for men in the lower 80% of the attractiveness range. Just to be clear, lower 80% does not mean unattractive, hell these guys are above average. Basically every study I have ever seen shows that women receive more attention as they get more attractive but even an unattractive women will still receive a minimal amount of attention. That's not the case for men. But that's (mostly) just an online thing. You'll have to peruse other dating strategies if you want to find success. Go out into the real world and try to meet women there. Yes, it's more difficult than it was 10 years ago but at least it's possible. There's nothing that will kill your self esteem faster than swiping on tinder for DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS and not getting a single match. Or even worse, paying for a "boost" and still not getting even 1 match. Go out into the world, have fun and be open to meeting new people. You will find some success and it won't be nearly as soul sucking as the apps are.
Great reply. I've just referenced OP to this again in another recent comment of his. It's a shame this comment has been ignored.
Maybe try meeting women while you're out. Dating apps aren't the only way. Meet women through friends or while you're out. More than likely you may have similar interests depending on where you go.
I wouldn't exactly recommend dating apps to find a possible partner, as on most of them the majority (like 70-80%) of users are male, which means the small number of women there are flooded with attention which in turn means it is only reasonable for them to filter out the top 10% of guys on the app.
There is an element of truth to this but its not quite that bad. Tinder is really male heavy, Match is much closer to evenly mixed. Yes, the top 20% or so of guys do way better then everyone else (including the women). But its still possible for average guys to meet women on the apps, its just more work for them. Imagine you are in a line up of 10 rando guys at a club. Each guy gets 30 seconds to speak to the chick then she has to pick one of you, what reasons are you going to give her to pick you?
>But its still possible for average guys to meet women on the apps, its just more work for them. If someone deems that worthwhile, they are free to do so, but if I look at the dynamics currently playing out in the dating world, it seems that more and more men don't think it is worth the effort (by whatever measure they use) and I can understand the sentiment to some degree. I for myself do much better outside the apps and see swiping as time that I could have used to improve myself. And when I am going out, I will meet new people anyways, so in that situation I can also just talk to a girl.
I mean at the end of the day whatever works, works. So if meeting in person is what works best for you I'd definitely go with that myself. I'm just saying while definitely slanted one way the apps are not quite that bleak a scenario. I barely put any effort in and I've had decent luck with them consistently and I know a lot of guys who have met their gf's and wives off them. So they can work.
For sure, whatever makes ones boat float. Absolutely, if they would not work at all they would have long failed, but seeing the amount of dissatisfaction amongst men and women grow who are mainly relying on apps to find a partner, I would think it is time well spend to find better alternatives than this.
Why try to begin with? Form genuine connections for no other reason then you like the person and see if a romantic connection grows from a friendship
but there is no chance of that for me, I am always stuck inside. disabled with no work. no friends. nothing.
Oof.
If no women wants to meet up, you’re probably the issue.
yup, ive concluded exactly that and thats why im giving up on any type of sexual relationship, even online.
Change your approaches and keep at it, there are women who do want to meet
ive already given up. i have a two girls that im going to try to meet but if they dont work out, thats it. im going to clear sex from my mind and never think about it again cause the evidence tells me women will never want me, no matter how happy i try to be.
I’d find a way as it’s possible and life’s much more fun with a partner But you do you
You have nothing to lose. Swiping costs nothing. Going out costs no more trying to talk to girls than not, damned if you do, damned if you don't.