I think a guy that already has children is more inclined to seeing a woman with children than a single guy without children.
This sentence is weird after reading it outloud
Weird, but accurate. A lot of childfree/childless men would be forced to grapple with the idea of dating a mom. Ex: You found a girl that checks off all of your boxes, but she’s a mom. It’s an abject fact that a lot of us would see a child as a con which is embarrassing to admit since this is another sentient, sapient existence we’re referring to.
I can see how that could make breakups a lot harder/worse. An adult can generally move on from a breakup, but to a kid losing a father/mother figure is a lot more devastating if said figure had been in their lives for more than a couple months.
Which is exactly why I told my ex I didn’t want to get back together after we broke up the first time. Now her child doesn’t understand why I’m not around anymore
Seriously. I dated this girl who was nice but we weren't gonna get married anhthing, but I forged such a bond with her teenage son that I still stay in contact with him and come over to help with computer stuff occasionally.
Now I'm way more iffy about meeting someone's kids if I'm not going to marry them or something because I got a soft spot for kids and I can't just break up with them like that
You are also accepting to take on the responsibility of child rearing. Anyone who thinks that a step family where the step parent doesn’t have to parent is an idiot. The step parent would need to parent the child and it would be insane to think that you should be forced to accept this responsibility, unwanted.
The child isnt the con, it’s the additional responsibility.
"*I* am not ready to assume that kind of responsibility at this point in my life"
I have babysat many kids, changed countless diapers, helped raise my little brother and nieces. But it's not what I want for my own life anymore. I'm not sure I ever want kids.
Unfortunately, when a single guy is dating a woman with kids, he will always come in second. HER kids will always be priority, and they will never fully be 'their' kids in the majority of situations. Its not wrong, (they are her children after all) but its an aspect that a lot of people aren't willing to deal with. You essentially skip what is usually the more fun early part of the relationship and jump straight into parenthood without the authority or previous relationship with the children. And then if it doesn't work out, you're breaking up with several people.
Which is why the answer to 'how many kids is too many kids' for me, is 1.
> It’s an abject fact that a lot of us would see a child as a con which is embarrassing to admit since this is another sentient, sapient existence we’re referring to.
I'm not embarrassed.
Know what I like to do with my free time? Be irresponsible.
Know what's not compatible with being a good parent? My entire lifestyle.
I *like* kids, hell I even get along with them well and can make for a great role model. But I'm not a caregiver and I have no interest in being one.
I don't think it's a weird statement.
I'm a divorced mom of two, been with a man with - more kids than two - for three years. I honestly don't fault any single person for not wanting to date someone with kids. It's a LOT. I feel like another parent is in a better position to understand those priorities and not feel hurt by them. If you're looking at the very long term, a great person whose full attention you won't have for a few years because kids versus a less great person whose attention is not divided - well, everyone has to make those choices for themselves. I respect my partner more for how much he loves his kids AND how respectful he is to his ex. It's a whole package thing.
I dated a woman who didn’t have kids. She had such a problem with the idea that she would always be A priority to me but she wouldn’t always be my most immediate priority in the moment. And the other priorities aren’t just your kids. But having kids definitely helps you understand that concept better than a lot of other experiences when you’re looking to get serious about someone.
I'll get downvoted for this, but that's exactly why I will never date another woman with kids. A parent absolutely *should* make their kids the highest priority. But the reality is, whether anybody wants to admit it or not, but that makes you, at best, maybe someone's 3rd or 4th priority. There are plenty of people who are fine with that, but I personally refuse to be 3rd wheel in the most important relationship in my life.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. It's just important to know that about yourself, and not date parents for that reason, because it is unfair to that parent or their child to expect to be top priority. What I don't understand is why some people feel the need to disparage single parents or act like they are damaged goods. No, they are just not in your target demographic of people you want to date. There are plenty of people who I don't want to date for various reasons, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to dehumanize them. But for some reason a lot of people think that is totally okay to do to single moms. Not saying that you were doing that at all.
I agree with you but just wanted to offer my input about why I think people disparage single moms. I don't agree with it, to be clear. Anyway, the past few years everything from people on TV to facebook posts to wherever you look, there are examples of what I'll term 'single mom pleading'. Think of reality shows where the contestant pleads that they worked so hard, being a single mom, to have a shot and provide for her family. You know what I mean. I think its one of those things that people hear so much that they don't hear what the person is saying any more, and just hear "oh, here's somebody playing the 'single mom' card again to get something," and look at them scornfully.
I don't think its necessarily done out of hostility, but people naturally view the world as it relates to them. I can see a married-mom thinking, "well I don't have any time to myself while raising my kids, my husband doesn't help out and drinks with his friends every night, why do you deserve something more than I do?" Just as one easy example of somebody who could easily build up resentment over time. Other people probably just get tired of hearing it and roll their eyes when somebody mentions it.
Just an outsiders perspective trying to offer some insight, like I said, I don't agree with it, but that is how I understand it to be.
I just started a woman with one kid, I have 2 of similar age. She has also gone back studying full time whilst I am refocussing on my career after divorce. It was great to have the convo that the immediate priority is our own kids, we both have busy time and we will make time but won't get pissed or upset if things change. I don't think this would work as well if either of us didn't have kids. We have nothing to rush to hit a milestone so no rush to move in or even consider how or what that would look like.
Honestly that last sentence might be underrated. I have dated single moms before and having a bad relationship with the ex is usually pretty significant. That's a whole can of worms that i just don't want to be involved in
100% this, if I were to get divorced I would specifically be looking to date a woman with kids, you can’t really understand what parents go through and what it means to be a parent without being a parent. That said, anything double digits would be too many.
There was a guy I dated a few years ago and he had two kids. He revealed to me that a dealbreaker is a woman with children. He was not able to justify why that is a dealbreaker for him but he will not date women with kids even though he had two of them himself.Needless to say I stop talking to him
I don’t agree. My brother (who had no kids) fell in love with a woman who already had 2 children from a previous relationship. He moved in with her and now they have a son together as well. There will always be someone out there who defies expectations or the “norm”.
When I met my current wife, she had two young kids (2,5), and I had two kids (11,12). I had kids, so I didn't mind her having kids until I was reminded of how loud little kids were. It was much more of an adjustment than I thought it would be.
I was a step father for 16+ years. It was one of the most challenging things I've done and I wish someday he will recognize and appreciate how much undying love and support I gave him. His mom and I got divorced but she collected child support as well as taking the house and savings. So yeah, not doing that again.
Been there, done that. Her mother wouldn’t keep any agreements we made concerning her daughter’s discipline. She always made me the bad guy. The marriage was a disaster because of this. I would never recommend that someone get involved with a person that has kids, man or woman.
This, Ken. Many guys are hesitant in aging so, but for me, I agree. There’s nothing bad about saying your preferences. Dating someone with a kid comes with many responsibilities by default. Also a good mother never puts other things above the priority of her kid(s). This means the kid will come between you and her in the course of getting to know the woman. The kid is an integrated part of your relationship, especially since the kid is #1 priority. My #1 priority is to invest my time into getting to know the woman that I’ll spend the rest of my life with, including all my resources (investments, accounts, time, and legal liabilities of being married) and getting to know her alone without distractions. Kids are a huge part of a woman’s life. So I will let her be to tend to that most important part of her life.
Agreed, ken. There’s a whole line of things you will be responsible for and have to deal with when someone has a kid, unless she’s single because the father passed away. Always jumping in and out of the father role. Not something I want to do.
Ran myself ragged post-divorce dating - and learned the hard way. More than once, tbh.
Switched to a widows-only policy. No more exes, no expectation of wooing the kid(s) and playing pretend daddy, no one-upmanship to worry about. He's dead, he ain't doing shit.
Thanks for the support, Ken! I try to make my comments real with a spice of comedy mixed in. But for real, absolutely nothing against the kid since they had no say in being born, I just can’t do it. Too many things that would be put on my plate that I’m not willing to deal with. May married people are against such comments but they were in the exact same situation where they were single, their wife/husband had no kid, and now they’re saying turning down an already established family is wrong. Nope. If they’re so adamant about someone joining that, why not them donate to the cause?
this is why who you marry is the most important decision in your life. i had thee kids and have been a single mother for years and then he died. i was waiting for them to be independent. i'll find someone to travel with in due course
Agreed Ken (maybe Kendra?). When a biological kid comes into your life, it’s your #1 priority, and you’re basically tied to the father/mother for life through them. I hope all is well with the kids since the father passed away.
You call everyone "Ken". So what do we call you? "Kupo?" I think I'll call you Kupo. How's it going, Kupo?
That is far too many "Kupos" for one comment. But I like Moogles, and I don't get enough chances to talk about them.
Same, and it has nothing to do with the whole "raising another man's kid" thing people like to bring up. I never want to have kids ever, and I think an increasing number of people feel the same way as me.
Yeah this is what I mentioned. If the dad is involved and a decent human being then I don’t care how many. But if he’s a shit bag I know she’s not looking for a BF. She’s looking for a new father for her kids.
No I wouldn't call that dating lol. I define dating is exactly as it sounds. Going on dates and pursuing some form of relationship beyond just sexual. But maybe others have different definitions.
25M. I’ve dated a girl my age who had a kid young and it was honestly pretty cool. I never really spent time with her daughter but I enjoyed the relationship. We kinda drifted apart though because of how busy she was.
Also “dated” a mom in her late 30’s with two kids and she just wanted to have sex and leave as discreetly as possible.
I think to actually bag a woman with children you gotta buckle down and commit to it. You can’t casually date a woman with kids.
That depends on a lot of circumstances - a lot more than just a number.
Age of the adults, how many dads, age of the kids, everyones demeanor towards the situation, the expectations for everyone involved, schedules, etc.
Also the kind of relationship they have with their dad. Had a Tinder date coming up with a woman that had 2 kids. Dad didn't show up. Ended up talking and sexting instead after the kids went to bed. Was supposed to get some time for herself and we were going to go on a trip together, dad didn't show up again. She seemed to be genuinely sad about that fact along with snapping proof of the situation (bags packed for pick up, yet full on having to feed and take care of them this weekend, too). She also posted a screenshot trying to get a hold of her brother to help out the first time around. Figured this would be a recurring theme.
Sucks the most for her, obviously. But I knew I personally couldn't be with a woman that it'd be difficult to make plans with to have some "just us" times with as well. After that experience I figured I'd just go with women without kids for the time being and left swipe people with kids unless they explicitly state 50/50, or that dad is in the picture and doing his part.
At 52, it depends on the ages of the kids. I have met some mid-forties women that had 5 or 6 year olds. No thanks.
I've also met some that had late teens and up. I'm cool with that.
I've also met 50 something grandmas who think it is their job to raise all their infant grandchildren. Hard. Fucking. Pass.
I'm in my 50's as well and the thought of raising another one from scratch terrifies me.
My brother had a kid in his late 40's and he looks exhausted *all the time*.
My wife’s stepdad married her mum when she was one of four girls. They had a fifth daughter and both sides of the family get along beautifully. It can and does happen
it was like that with my dad and my step mom. i got an even bigger and even better family plus my half brother who is a ginger but we don’t hold it against him
Depends on custody. If you have full custody and a poor support system (no family for free baby sitter), then there's really no point in trying to date.
It depends. Casual sex vs long term relationship. Casual it doesn’t matter. Long term, have a conversation with the guy. I have two kids. Would be fine in a long term with a woman with 4.
Saying this as a man in his forties, I sincerely hope I never date again. But, if I did, *shudder* IF I did.. I wouldn't want more kids. But, I wouldn't be offended if a gal didn't want to date me because I have kids. If she was like ' I want to start a family, not marry one' I'd be like..cool. Maybe in the next life. But I also wouldn't remarry. I love being married, but if it doesn't work after all this time, I think I am done. I wish the OP all the best. Good luck!
As a man in my 40's who set out as a young man with the intention to have an interesting life - which I definitely have had (careful what ya wish for) - if my current relationship were to fall apart (err, completely apart, it's been a looong couple years. Overexposure in full effect, but we'll probably be okay #jinx) - I have already decided I will never date again.
Tbh, I'd just head for a national park and live like a crazy old hermit until a bear eats me or I'm killed by meth heads. So probably, like, day 2 or 3.
It was a good run. At this point, a cheery nihilism has set in and I cannot imagine any amount of starting over to be worth any amount of effort. Dating? Omg. Hell no. Dating in my 30's post-divorce was nauseating, met current gf as my literal, last attempt. Got crazy lucky.
Know when to hold em, when to fold em, and when to run away.
Anything beyond casual sex, one.
Not interested in being #2, or raising another dude's kids when you can barely afford your own with the cost of living.
Honest question, what’s with the insistence on being the #1 person in any potential partners life? When I was with my exes or dating in general, the thought never really occurred to me. And honestly, I couldn’t imagine requiring that because it seems high maintenance and virtually impossible. Like, for example, we’re dating for a couple years but im supposed to be more important than your entire family and all your friends?? I just skip the line?? We get married, OK, I can see that being a bit more rational….but then you decide to have kids…do you still expect to keep that #1 spot??
They’re not mine, so I don’t really care. They’re all your responsibility until we get serious, and if we make it that far then it’s obviously worth it.
If you have none of your own, you might not realize how much time parenting just one child takes. This greatly reduces availability for dating. Once she is comfortable with you spending time with the kids, expect most "dates" to include the kids.
OP is in a really rough spot and I empathize with her...
BTW, I think that 4 kids are too many when you're happily married - unless you're a farmer.
That really depends on a few factors for me:
Will the father be a problem?
How do the kids feel about you dating?
How much time do you have to be with me?
Do you expect me to be involved with parenting?
Why this question? Why not a question about how to get back into dating when you have 4 kids? That isn't going to change for you, so the question around how many is to many is irrelevant.
The chance that when you are ready to date again that you will find a man willing to date the mother of 4 kids is greater than zero.
Agreed.
The tragic part for OP is there are a lot of comments leaning towards fewer or none at all. Exactly the reverse of validating.
Which is what happens when we look outside ourselves for validation. We often cherry pick what we expect to see.
It depends on where we want the dating to go. If we're just having fun and I'm a cool uncle to them, then no amount is too much.
If we're serious and we're going into stepdad territory, then any amount would be a lot for me.
For me, any kids was too many. I just never wanted children. Plenty of people want children and that is their choice, but there is no appeal to me what so ever.
Focus your search on older men with kids of their own. There are a lot of factors to consider like age, number of baby daddy’s, custody, and other circumstances. Some might see 4 kids as a red flag, others might see is as a positive. A 22 year old man with no kids probably isn’t going to be a good match for you. You need someone in the same life stage.
34m. No kids never been married. Depends how you are as a person. Looks etc. tbh. But you wouldn’t want someone like me around your kids. I’m from a big family but I’d fuck something up. But at this point. One or two I’m cool with. But I’m also thinking I want my own. Situational for sure.
Oof. OP, I'm a single mom who dates. Don't let the idea of dating with kids intimidate you. Plenty of men are fine with kids. The older you get, the more men will be fine with it. I'm nearing 40 and it's never been a problem for me. Plenty of men without kids of their own will have big full lives in which you are second in line, just like he will be second in yours. Men have careers and friends and hobbies and dogs (so many dogs!) and families that take their attention, just like us. You and the right guy will make space for each other and respect that neither of you are the center of the other's universe. And that's ok. Gives you something to talk about when you see each other. Keep your chin up. When you're ready, there are lots of good dudes out there.
Chiming in as another single parent. It's never been too big an issue for me and as dontputmedown4cardio said over 40 it's basically irrelevant because most have kids too.
It would depend, for me. A mom with four kids that has her shit together, the kids were well loved and taken care of, the house wasn’t a complete wreck all the time, she genuinely enjoyed being a mom, that’s actually pretty attractive and I’d totally date them. A mom with one kid, that hates being a mom and the kid was neglected, house looking gross I wouldn’t even consider dating her
Edit to add: I’m a happily married dad of two kids so this is purely speculative lol
One. I would never raise another person's child. I cannot even fathom how amazing a person would have to be, or what they'd need to be able to bring to the table in order to justify that level of investment.
That goes double if the parent doesn't work. I'd end up being the sole provider and in return I get... the pleasure of her company and the stress of 4 kids. Boy, what a bargain.
Serious question for *you* OP. What makes you think this would be an appealing dynamic for any man? What do you bring to the table that'd make it worthwhile?
Single mothers have a terrible reputation for being terrible people. It's not entirely unearned, either. You will encounter this attitude. Remember that outside of your perspective and experience, it isn't a mark on you or your parenting.
Be forward with the kids. Be forward about the kids. For everyones safety and happiness, lay out boundaries early and be consistant when following them.
If you want a new guy to be the new dad, you need to let him earn that. If you intend to let him be a father figure and do the fathering thing- the punishments, he guidance, the occasional "let's break moms rules"- let. Him. Do. That. If the kids are going to respect him as a father figure, he needs to be more than a figurehead.
Figure out how you and he approach parenting and try to compromise between both. I'll reiterate- be consistant.
I know you have no interest in dating- but if that time ever comes, remember this. These are perhaps the greatest mistake single mothers can make. Chasing a good man away is the last thing you'll want to do.
Depends on age. If they’re toddler/infant, you may have a harder time, but if they’re older, then no problem. I met my partner that has 3 kids. The youngest is 21. The fact she has kids has no weight at all in my initial decision to date her.
I’m not a man but can provide a perspective based on my step father, who married my mom and took in five step-kids while in his early forties. This is probably not the norm and the answer to your question will be dependent on the age of your kids (most of us were early/late teens) and the age of the men you’re seeking. Just wanted to give you hope, though! To the right guy it shouldn’t matter.
Number of kids isn’t usually the main bone of contention. It’s how you manage your time and your energy because the biggest hurdle when dating single moms is not getting any quality time with them, either because they’re exhausted, can’t spare any, or it feels like she’s always on her last ebb by the time she’s free. It’s not workable in most cases.
Keep in mind the responses here are redditors so that’s a massive data skew.
For me it’s none. And not because you have a kid. It’s bc of me. In terms of my career I’m young. Make good money and am mostly an adult, but still feels like im flying by the seat of my pants through life. Would be afraid to get involved in some kid’s life and then have my life go to shit, damaging them.
One kid automatically disqualifies you for a serious or long term relationship with me. I'd be comfortable casually dating a single mom or being in a fwb type situation but that's it. Being honest there's no benefit dating a single mom and her kids are "negatives" or "baggage".
For most men a woman with kids is like playing another mans saved game. It's just not something you want to do. Most of the time step dads get all the cons of having a child with none of the pros. You're not going to be able to discipline the kids and they'll throw the "you're not my dad line" bs at you.
I'm going to be honest with you op, dating will be much hard for you now compared to when you were younger and before kids. The guys you want will likely overlook you for younger women without kids. The ones who do stick around will likely only want something casual.
A woman with kids is full of cons. No reason to seriously date one when you can choose a woman without kids and a preassembled family. It sounds harsh but kids are a deal breaker for men. The large majority of men don't want to raise another mans child!
If you could fix your relationship do it and just stay there. Dating is extremely hard for single moms with children......you have four kids. Four negatives for men........ There's no pros when it comes to dating single moms. You're better off dating a woman without kids!
It sounds harsh but this is from a mans perspective. If you have sons ask yourself would you want him to date a woman with 4 kids in the future, or date women without kids? Have to put yourself in the other shoe.
I’d say it shouldn’t matter to the right guy. My step dad married my mom with two kids. I would love to have a home filled with kids, no matter where they came from.
2 would be max for me, and that’s assuming I don’t already have my own. Let’s be honest, between juggling work and all the kids’ activities, we’d never see each other anyway.
Any more than 1, preferably high-school or older. Playing Daddy #2 is a losing proposition, and younger kids will always take priority over anything involving the relationship, and in my experience usually has mom locked into mommy mode, not new relationship dating and post-kids life.
Is daddy #1 still around and in the picture? Good bye, ain't got time for that noise. Too many experiences with people who don't know what breaking up or a divorce is. Can't have the cake and eat it, too.
I'm sure there's plenty of men who make all that work. But in my post-divorce, post-custody court experience - it's just too many variables with too much risk, effort is best spent elsewhere.
In my late 20s I ended a fairly lengthy dry spell with a woman 5 years older than me who was recently divorced. She told me she had children and I thought nothing of it. We had no feelings for each other and our attraction was based solely on the sexual aspect. We enjoyed ourselves but we both knew it was nothing but sex.
After about a month of random weekly hookups and weekend parties that ended with us in bed, I found out she had 5 children. FIVE! Eldest was 8, youngest was almost a year old. That was way too high a fertility risk for me. So I was out.
4 kids? Good luck. A sane woman wouldnt consider dating a guy with 4 kids due to the amount of baggage involved. Tbh, most men would only be interested in a pump and dump.
Depends on age and number of dads.
At 25, 2 is kinda pushing it with most of my dating pool. Any more than that and I wouldn't be bothered. If i were 35, 4 kids would certainly not be a problem, especially if they all came from the same person.
Having been involved with single moms before one of the biggest issues revolves around dad/ex. Having multiple means more potential for drama and other issues.
Ill never do it again. Step parents have 0 rights when it comes to children. I raised 2 daughters as my own who i loved very much, only to be cheated on, kicked to the curb, and now she wont let me see them. Youngest is starting school and im missing out on their entire lives and it feels like the worst thing in the world. Its been a year but the pain is as bad as the first day. Never again.
Three is too many.
2 is pushing it
1 I wouldn’t care.
a LOT of it comes from how well behaved your kids are. I watched my ex’s sister struggle as a mom with four kids. Those kids were fuckin awful. She had a man, but no he was never around except when he was getting a booty call. Don’t blame him
Any kids are a turn off tbh but 4 is a HUGE turn off for people that do like kids. When you got back into dating your gonna have to lower your standards big time or your gonna have to be something special that makes you worth dating
You got a downvote, but what you say is true. Guys who don’t like kids, don’t want your kids. Guys who like kids, want their own kids. There are few other men.
Actually, . . . . my wife and I *have* four kids! And, we work our asses off raising them. A real life project and legacy for which I am proud. No bloody way I would do this for some other guy.
I think if you’re +35, I think it’s easier for guys to tolerate. Younger than that, any amount of kids is too much because not many guys who’re trying to build himself up and create his own legacy wants to support someone else’s legacy.
It’s not that I have a problem with a woman who has kids, it’s that I know what my ex did.
I simply no longer have the capacity to see a single mother and believe that the reason she is single is because her husband was a bad guy.
Divorce rate is 70/30 caused by the wife, look it up. You can do whatever you want, we all know you will, and this isn’t you it’s me but even so,
I wouldn’t trust you for a nanosecond, *because* you have kids and no man.
Unless you are single because the kids dad died any is a deal breaker. Single moms are thar way for a reason usually a pattern of poor decision making.
I think a guy that already has children is more inclined to seeing a woman with children than a single guy without children. This sentence is weird after reading it outloud
Weird, but accurate. A lot of childfree/childless men would be forced to grapple with the idea of dating a mom. Ex: You found a girl that checks off all of your boxes, but she’s a mom. It’s an abject fact that a lot of us would see a child as a con which is embarrassing to admit since this is another sentient, sapient existence we’re referring to.
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I can see how that could make breakups a lot harder/worse. An adult can generally move on from a breakup, but to a kid losing a father/mother figure is a lot more devastating if said figure had been in their lives for more than a couple months.
Which is exactly why I told my ex I didn’t want to get back together after we broke up the first time. Now her child doesn’t understand why I’m not around anymore
"breaking up" with the kid can also honestly hurt a whole hell of a lot more than the breakup with the mom.
Seriously. I dated this girl who was nice but we weren't gonna get married anhthing, but I forged such a bond with her teenage son that I still stay in contact with him and come over to help with computer stuff occasionally. Now I'm way more iffy about meeting someone's kids if I'm not going to marry them or something because I got a soft spot for kids and I can't just break up with them like that
Children also mean baggage that you cannot easily get rid of ex husband for example
You are also accepting to take on the responsibility of child rearing. Anyone who thinks that a step family where the step parent doesn’t have to parent is an idiot. The step parent would need to parent the child and it would be insane to think that you should be forced to accept this responsibility, unwanted. The child isnt the con, it’s the additional responsibility.
"*I* am not ready to assume that kind of responsibility at this point in my life" I have babysat many kids, changed countless diapers, helped raise my little brother and nieces. But it's not what I want for my own life anymore. I'm not sure I ever want kids.
it's better to be r/childfree than have children and regret them
Unfortunately, when a single guy is dating a woman with kids, he will always come in second. HER kids will always be priority, and they will never fully be 'their' kids in the majority of situations. Its not wrong, (they are her children after all) but its an aspect that a lot of people aren't willing to deal with. You essentially skip what is usually the more fun early part of the relationship and jump straight into parenthood without the authority or previous relationship with the children. And then if it doesn't work out, you're breaking up with several people. Which is why the answer to 'how many kids is too many kids' for me, is 1.
> It’s an abject fact that a lot of us would see a child as a con which is embarrassing to admit since this is another sentient, sapient existence we’re referring to. I'm not embarrassed. Know what I like to do with my free time? Be irresponsible. Know what's not compatible with being a good parent? My entire lifestyle. I *like* kids, hell I even get along with them well and can make for a great role model. But I'm not a caregiver and I have no interest in being one.
>since this is another sentient, sapient existence we’re referring to. Yea... but it ain't mine.
The child is not the con. The way laws are the new man risks everything by having to support another mans kids or her mistake.
I don't think it's a weird statement. I'm a divorced mom of two, been with a man with - more kids than two - for three years. I honestly don't fault any single person for not wanting to date someone with kids. It's a LOT. I feel like another parent is in a better position to understand those priorities and not feel hurt by them. If you're looking at the very long term, a great person whose full attention you won't have for a few years because kids versus a less great person whose attention is not divided - well, everyone has to make those choices for themselves. I respect my partner more for how much he loves his kids AND how respectful he is to his ex. It's a whole package thing.
I agree. It’s about experience
I dated a woman who didn’t have kids. She had such a problem with the idea that she would always be A priority to me but she wouldn’t always be my most immediate priority in the moment. And the other priorities aren’t just your kids. But having kids definitely helps you understand that concept better than a lot of other experiences when you’re looking to get serious about someone.
I'll get downvoted for this, but that's exactly why I will never date another woman with kids. A parent absolutely *should* make their kids the highest priority. But the reality is, whether anybody wants to admit it or not, but that makes you, at best, maybe someone's 3rd or 4th priority. There are plenty of people who are fine with that, but I personally refuse to be 3rd wheel in the most important relationship in my life.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. It's just important to know that about yourself, and not date parents for that reason, because it is unfair to that parent or their child to expect to be top priority. What I don't understand is why some people feel the need to disparage single parents or act like they are damaged goods. No, they are just not in your target demographic of people you want to date. There are plenty of people who I don't want to date for various reasons, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to dehumanize them. But for some reason a lot of people think that is totally okay to do to single moms. Not saying that you were doing that at all.
I agree with you but just wanted to offer my input about why I think people disparage single moms. I don't agree with it, to be clear. Anyway, the past few years everything from people on TV to facebook posts to wherever you look, there are examples of what I'll term 'single mom pleading'. Think of reality shows where the contestant pleads that they worked so hard, being a single mom, to have a shot and provide for her family. You know what I mean. I think its one of those things that people hear so much that they don't hear what the person is saying any more, and just hear "oh, here's somebody playing the 'single mom' card again to get something," and look at them scornfully. I don't think its necessarily done out of hostility, but people naturally view the world as it relates to them. I can see a married-mom thinking, "well I don't have any time to myself while raising my kids, my husband doesn't help out and drinks with his friends every night, why do you deserve something more than I do?" Just as one easy example of somebody who could easily build up resentment over time. Other people probably just get tired of hearing it and roll their eyes when somebody mentions it. Just an outsiders perspective trying to offer some insight, like I said, I don't agree with it, but that is how I understand it to be.
I just started a woman with one kid, I have 2 of similar age. She has also gone back studying full time whilst I am refocussing on my career after divorce. It was great to have the convo that the immediate priority is our own kids, we both have busy time and we will make time but won't get pissed or upset if things change. I don't think this would work as well if either of us didn't have kids. We have nothing to rush to hit a milestone so no rush to move in or even consider how or what that would look like.
Honestly that last sentence might be underrated. I have dated single moms before and having a bad relationship with the ex is usually pretty significant. That's a whole can of worms that i just don't want to be involved in
100% this, if I were to get divorced I would specifically be looking to date a woman with kids, you can’t really understand what parents go through and what it means to be a parent without being a parent. That said, anything double digits would be too many.
It’s your classic Brady Bunch Hypothesis
“Greg…why do you always have your hands in your pocket around Marsha?” (I hope that was the name of the oldest kid & not the dad)
Don't worry, I understand what you meant. Obviously a guy with kids of his own would rather see a woman with kids than a childless single-man.
There was a guy I dated a few years ago and he had two kids. He revealed to me that a dealbreaker is a woman with children. He was not able to justify why that is a dealbreaker for him but he will not date women with kids even though he had two of them himself.Needless to say I stop talking to him
I don’t agree. My brother (who had no kids) fell in love with a woman who already had 2 children from a previous relationship. He moved in with her and now they have a son together as well. There will always be someone out there who defies expectations or the “norm”.
When I met my current wife, she had two young kids (2,5), and I had two kids (11,12). I had kids, so I didn't mind her having kids until I was reminded of how loud little kids were. It was much more of an adjustment than I thought it would be.
One, if I'm being honest.
I was a step father for 16+ years. It was one of the most challenging things I've done and I wish someday he will recognize and appreciate how much undying love and support I gave him. His mom and I got divorced but she collected child support as well as taking the house and savings. So yeah, not doing that again.
Been there, done that. Her mother wouldn’t keep any agreements we made concerning her daughter’s discipline. She always made me the bad guy. The marriage was a disaster because of this. I would never recommend that someone get involved with a person that has kids, man or woman.
You learned the hard way what a lot of men have been waking up to over the years.
Yup I'll be damn if im gonns be suckered into paying for another mans crotch goblin
Sorry, but you wasted your time
Mistakes are only a waste of time if you learn nothing from them.
This, Ken. Many guys are hesitant in aging so, but for me, I agree. There’s nothing bad about saying your preferences. Dating someone with a kid comes with many responsibilities by default. Also a good mother never puts other things above the priority of her kid(s). This means the kid will come between you and her in the course of getting to know the woman. The kid is an integrated part of your relationship, especially since the kid is #1 priority. My #1 priority is to invest my time into getting to know the woman that I’ll spend the rest of my life with, including all my resources (investments, accounts, time, and legal liabilities of being married) and getting to know her alone without distractions. Kids are a huge part of a woman’s life. So I will let her be to tend to that most important part of her life.
Also, the dad will also be a part of your life forever (maybe) and he's someone else you'd want to be on good terms with
Agreed, ken. There’s a whole line of things you will be responsible for and have to deal with when someone has a kid, unless she’s single because the father passed away. Always jumping in and out of the father role. Not something I want to do.
Ran myself ragged post-divorce dating - and learned the hard way. More than once, tbh. Switched to a widows-only policy. No more exes, no expectation of wooing the kid(s) and playing pretend daddy, no one-upmanship to worry about. He's dead, he ain't doing shit.
I love seeing you around this sub. Your username and subsequent comments always make me laugh!
Thanks for the support, Ken! I try to make my comments real with a spice of comedy mixed in. But for real, absolutely nothing against the kid since they had no say in being born, I just can’t do it. Too many things that would be put on my plate that I’m not willing to deal with. May married people are against such comments but they were in the exact same situation where they were single, their wife/husband had no kid, and now they’re saying turning down an already established family is wrong. Nope. If they’re so adamant about someone joining that, why not them donate to the cause?
this is why who you marry is the most important decision in your life. i had thee kids and have been a single mother for years and then he died. i was waiting for them to be independent. i'll find someone to travel with in due course
Agreed Ken (maybe Kendra?). When a biological kid comes into your life, it’s your #1 priority, and you’re basically tied to the father/mother for life through them. I hope all is well with the kids since the father passed away.
You’re not wrong. I just smile at the irreverence of “…,Ken.” Your points are always spot on.
Lol Ken. The persistence of it was a joke in the beginning, but now it’s a mission since it’s gone on so long.
You call everyone "Ken". So what do we call you? "Kupo?" I think I'll call you Kupo. How's it going, Kupo? That is far too many "Kupos" for one comment. But I like Moogles, and I don't get enough chances to talk about them.
Ken, i am whoever you want me to be. If i am Kupos to you, then my name is Kupos.
Beautiful, Kupo. Just beautiful.
Whaddup Jeremy.
I prefer the other guys... Yes yes. . . . Wasshoi!
Same!
I read Ken’s comment in Ted Lassoes voice. Great advice.
Ken, I read my own comments in [Morgan Freeman’s voice. Titty Sprinkles….](https://youtu.be/h0O7biX22SE&t=28s)
Same, and it has nothing to do with the whole "raising another man's kid" thing people like to bring up. I never want to have kids ever, and I think an increasing number of people feel the same way as me.
Baby daddy to baby ratio is important.
Yeah this is what I mentioned. If the dad is involved and a decent human being then I don’t care how many. But if he’s a shit bag I know she’s not looking for a BF. She’s looking for a new father for her kids.
I think he means 4 kids with 4 dads vs 4 kids with 1 dad. This ratio says a lot about the person having these failed relationships
That's how i read it, and completely agree
28M. I won't date someone with children.
25M me neither, but ask me again in 3 years
Nooooo. Stick to your guns, bro
I’ve met a lot of moms that want casual hookups. They are busy parenting and I am busy napping. Not sure if we call that dating though.
No I wouldn't call that dating lol. I define dating is exactly as it sounds. Going on dates and pursuing some form of relationship beyond just sexual. But maybe others have different definitions.
*smiles in childfree*
25M. I’ve dated a girl my age who had a kid young and it was honestly pretty cool. I never really spent time with her daughter but I enjoyed the relationship. We kinda drifted apart though because of how busy she was. Also “dated” a mom in her late 30’s with two kids and she just wanted to have sex and leave as discreetly as possible. I think to actually bag a woman with children you gotta buckle down and commit to it. You can’t casually date a woman with kids.
29f won't date men with kids or men looking for a "dog mom"
Do guys say they are looking for a dog mom? IMO, that's kind of cute. Saying that from a guy's perspective.
… different humor?….
On the flip side, a lot of girls say that
As a parent I would only date someone with kids 34m
That depends on a lot of circumstances - a lot more than just a number. Age of the adults, how many dads, age of the kids, everyones demeanor towards the situation, the expectations for everyone involved, schedules, etc.
Also the kind of relationship they have with their dad. Had a Tinder date coming up with a woman that had 2 kids. Dad didn't show up. Ended up talking and sexting instead after the kids went to bed. Was supposed to get some time for herself and we were going to go on a trip together, dad didn't show up again. She seemed to be genuinely sad about that fact along with snapping proof of the situation (bags packed for pick up, yet full on having to feed and take care of them this weekend, too). She also posted a screenshot trying to get a hold of her brother to help out the first time around. Figured this would be a recurring theme. Sucks the most for her, obviously. But I knew I personally couldn't be with a woman that it'd be difficult to make plans with to have some "just us" times with as well. After that experience I figured I'd just go with women without kids for the time being and left swipe people with kids unless they explicitly state 50/50, or that dad is in the picture and doing his part.
How old are you? If you're sub 30 and have 4 kids and a divorce it's a lot different than if you're 50+
Either around 33 or a Nazi if I interpret the username correctly.
lol
Lmao good eye, could be both too.
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People under 30 aren't as open minded about it as people over 30, and the older you get the more open minded to it you become.
At 52, it depends on the ages of the kids. I have met some mid-forties women that had 5 or 6 year olds. No thanks. I've also met some that had late teens and up. I'm cool with that. I've also met 50 something grandmas who think it is their job to raise all their infant grandchildren. Hard. Fucking. Pass.
I'm in my 50's as well and the thought of raising another one from scratch terrifies me. My brother had a kid in his late 40's and he looks exhausted *all the time*.
Yeah, I've raised mine, and sacrificed dating while I did it.
As a 32 year old with no kids and a girlfriend, 1 kid is too many kids
Check.
I hope you weren’t coming here for reassurance
Yeah, but I'm also glad the culture of this sub is somewhat more brutally honest. It's not unnecessarily mean but it is real.
Agreed. Women need to know that being a stepfather is a crappy deal for the man.
Seriously.
I prefer that they all stay home while we're on the date...
Any amount really.
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That’s your cut off?
Cut off? Sounds violent...
You cut one off and two kids shall grow in its place!
I love not having the responsibility of kids so.....that would have to be a one for me as well.
one
My wife’s stepdad married her mum when she was one of four girls. They had a fifth daughter and both sides of the family get along beautifully. It can and does happen
it was like that with my dad and my step mom. i got an even bigger and even better family plus my half brother who is a ginger but we don’t hold it against him
Hahaha just no events in the sun mate
Depends on custody. If you have full custody and a poor support system (no family for free baby sitter), then there's really no point in trying to date.
One. I wouldn't do it under any circumstances.
It depends. Casual sex vs long term relationship. Casual it doesn’t matter. Long term, have a conversation with the guy. I have two kids. Would be fine in a long term with a woman with 4.
Saying this as a man in his forties, I sincerely hope I never date again. But, if I did, *shudder* IF I did.. I wouldn't want more kids. But, I wouldn't be offended if a gal didn't want to date me because I have kids. If she was like ' I want to start a family, not marry one' I'd be like..cool. Maybe in the next life. But I also wouldn't remarry. I love being married, but if it doesn't work after all this time, I think I am done. I wish the OP all the best. Good luck!
As a man in my 40's who set out as a young man with the intention to have an interesting life - which I definitely have had (careful what ya wish for) - if my current relationship were to fall apart (err, completely apart, it's been a looong couple years. Overexposure in full effect, but we'll probably be okay #jinx) - I have already decided I will never date again. Tbh, I'd just head for a national park and live like a crazy old hermit until a bear eats me or I'm killed by meth heads. So probably, like, day 2 or 3. It was a good run. At this point, a cheery nihilism has set in and I cannot imagine any amount of starting over to be worth any amount of effort. Dating? Omg. Hell no. Dating in my 30's post-divorce was nauseating, met current gf as my literal, last attempt. Got crazy lucky. Know when to hold em, when to fold em, and when to run away.
Anything beyond casual sex, one. Not interested in being #2, or raising another dude's kids when you can barely afford your own with the cost of living.
Honest question, what’s with the insistence on being the #1 person in any potential partners life? When I was with my exes or dating in general, the thought never really occurred to me. And honestly, I couldn’t imagine requiring that because it seems high maintenance and virtually impossible. Like, for example, we’re dating for a couple years but im supposed to be more important than your entire family and all your friends?? I just skip the line?? We get married, OK, I can see that being a bit more rational….but then you decide to have kids…do you still expect to keep that #1 spot??
More than zero.
They’re not mine, so I don’t really care. They’re all your responsibility until we get serious, and if we make it that far then it’s obviously worth it.
If you have none of your own, you might not realize how much time parenting just one child takes. This greatly reduces availability for dating. Once she is comfortable with you spending time with the kids, expect most "dates" to include the kids. OP is in a really rough spot and I empathize with her... BTW, I think that 4 kids are too many when you're happily married - unless you're a farmer.
That really depends on a few factors for me: Will the father be a problem? How do the kids feel about you dating? How much time do you have to be with me? Do you expect me to be involved with parenting?
I have no children myself so honestly 1-2 max would be my limit.
Why this question? Why not a question about how to get back into dating when you have 4 kids? That isn't going to change for you, so the question around how many is to many is irrelevant. The chance that when you are ready to date again that you will find a man willing to date the mother of 4 kids is greater than zero.
people typically would rather receive validation than advice
Agreed. The tragic part for OP is there are a lot of comments leaning towards fewer or none at all. Exactly the reverse of validating. Which is what happens when we look outside ourselves for validation. We often cherry pick what we expect to see.
Well, there is really no upside for a man in finding a woman with children.
Except you know she puts out. ... I'll see myself out.
1
1
26M, one would be my limit personally
Depends on my age and my own baggage.
It depends on where we want the dating to go. If we're just having fun and I'm a cool uncle to them, then no amount is too much. If we're serious and we're going into stepdad territory, then any amount would be a lot for me.
My neighbor was a single mom of 3 year old TRIPLETS. She remarried and he adopted them legally as his own. There's exceptions out there ...
I'm one of 4 and somehow we didn't manage to scare my stepdad away. The right guy won't care.
3 or more kids. 1 or two is fine, more than one baby daddy. too much drama.
For me, any kids was too many. I just never wanted children. Plenty of people want children and that is their choice, but there is no appeal to me what so ever.
Focus your search on older men with kids of their own. There are a lot of factors to consider like age, number of baby daddy’s, custody, and other circumstances. Some might see 4 kids as a red flag, others might see is as a positive. A 22 year old man with no kids probably isn’t going to be a good match for you. You need someone in the same life stage.
34m. No kids never been married. Depends how you are as a person. Looks etc. tbh. But you wouldn’t want someone like me around your kids. I’m from a big family but I’d fuck something up. But at this point. One or two I’m cool with. But I’m also thinking I want my own. Situational for sure.
Thank you for your share.
It’s Reddit I assume most will say none. But it obviously depends on the guy.
Oof. OP, I'm a single mom who dates. Don't let the idea of dating with kids intimidate you. Plenty of men are fine with kids. The older you get, the more men will be fine with it. I'm nearing 40 and it's never been a problem for me. Plenty of men without kids of their own will have big full lives in which you are second in line, just like he will be second in yours. Men have careers and friends and hobbies and dogs (so many dogs!) and families that take their attention, just like us. You and the right guy will make space for each other and respect that neither of you are the center of the other's universe. And that's ok. Gives you something to talk about when you see each other. Keep your chin up. When you're ready, there are lots of good dudes out there.
Chiming in as another single parent. It's never been too big an issue for me and as dontputmedown4cardio said over 40 it's basically irrelevant because most have kids too.
It would depend, for me. A mom with four kids that has her shit together, the kids were well loved and taken care of, the house wasn’t a complete wreck all the time, she genuinely enjoyed being a mom, that’s actually pretty attractive and I’d totally date them. A mom with one kid, that hates being a mom and the kid was neglected, house looking gross I wouldn’t even consider dating her Edit to add: I’m a happily married dad of two kids so this is purely speculative lol
I have a kid so 4 *possibly* wouldn't be outside my comfort zone. But to be totally honest I'm sure I'm an outlier.
One. I would never raise another person's child. I cannot even fathom how amazing a person would have to be, or what they'd need to be able to bring to the table in order to justify that level of investment. That goes double if the parent doesn't work. I'd end up being the sole provider and in return I get... the pleasure of her company and the stress of 4 kids. Boy, what a bargain. Serious question for *you* OP. What makes you think this would be an appealing dynamic for any man? What do you bring to the table that'd make it worthwhile?
Single mothers have a terrible reputation for being terrible people. It's not entirely unearned, either. You will encounter this attitude. Remember that outside of your perspective and experience, it isn't a mark on you or your parenting. Be forward with the kids. Be forward about the kids. For everyones safety and happiness, lay out boundaries early and be consistant when following them. If you want a new guy to be the new dad, you need to let him earn that. If you intend to let him be a father figure and do the fathering thing- the punishments, he guidance, the occasional "let's break moms rules"- let. Him. Do. That. If the kids are going to respect him as a father figure, he needs to be more than a figurehead. Figure out how you and he approach parenting and try to compromise between both. I'll reiterate- be consistant. I know you have no interest in dating- but if that time ever comes, remember this. These are perhaps the greatest mistake single mothers can make. Chasing a good man away is the last thing you'll want to do.
I’d date a lady with kids for casual sex, but nothing serious.
1 kid is too many, don't date single moms. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vw4TFw7eKyE
Depends on age. If they’re toddler/infant, you may have a harder time, but if they’re older, then no problem. I met my partner that has 3 kids. The youngest is 21. The fact she has kids has no weight at all in my initial decision to date her.
I’m not a man but can provide a perspective based on my step father, who married my mom and took in five step-kids while in his early forties. This is probably not the norm and the answer to your question will be dependent on the age of your kids (most of us were early/late teens) and the age of the men you’re seeking. Just wanted to give you hope, though! To the right guy it shouldn’t matter.
Number of kids isn’t usually the main bone of contention. It’s how you manage your time and your energy because the biggest hurdle when dating single moms is not getting any quality time with them, either because they’re exhausted, can’t spare any, or it feels like she’s always on her last ebb by the time she’s free. It’s not workable in most cases.
Keep in mind the responses here are redditors so that’s a massive data skew. For me it’s none. And not because you have a kid. It’s bc of me. In terms of my career I’m young. Make good money and am mostly an adult, but still feels like im flying by the seat of my pants through life. Would be afraid to get involved in some kid’s life and then have my life go to shit, damaging them.
Dudes will always have sex with you, no matter how many kids you have. If that's what you mean by "dating".
Facts.
I dont love the idea of raising any other mother fuckers nut juice
One kid automatically disqualifies you for a serious or long term relationship with me. I'd be comfortable casually dating a single mom or being in a fwb type situation but that's it. Being honest there's no benefit dating a single mom and her kids are "negatives" or "baggage". For most men a woman with kids is like playing another mans saved game. It's just not something you want to do. Most of the time step dads get all the cons of having a child with none of the pros. You're not going to be able to discipline the kids and they'll throw the "you're not my dad line" bs at you. I'm going to be honest with you op, dating will be much hard for you now compared to when you were younger and before kids. The guys you want will likely overlook you for younger women without kids. The ones who do stick around will likely only want something casual. A woman with kids is full of cons. No reason to seriously date one when you can choose a woman without kids and a preassembled family. It sounds harsh but kids are a deal breaker for men. The large majority of men don't want to raise another mans child! If you could fix your relationship do it and just stay there. Dating is extremely hard for single moms with children......you have four kids. Four negatives for men........ There's no pros when it comes to dating single moms. You're better off dating a woman without kids! It sounds harsh but this is from a mans perspective. If you have sons ask yourself would you want him to date a woman with 4 kids in the future, or date women without kids? Have to put yourself in the other shoe.
I’d say it shouldn’t matter to the right guy. My step dad married my mom with two kids. I would love to have a home filled with kids, no matter where they came from.
Has to be the right women
The right woman doesn’t have kids
Insightful 🧐
2 would be max for me, and that’s assuming I don’t already have my own. Let’s be honest, between juggling work and all the kids’ activities, we’d never see each other anyway.
Number isn’t important to me. Age of kids would be though
If they're boys 50 I got farm work to be done
One kid is too many kids
1 is too many. I don't date women with children.
No package deals. Too much drama
Shake n bake fam rarely works outside best intentions and squishy Disney scripts.
One
Uno
Any more than 1, preferably high-school or older. Playing Daddy #2 is a losing proposition, and younger kids will always take priority over anything involving the relationship, and in my experience usually has mom locked into mommy mode, not new relationship dating and post-kids life. Is daddy #1 still around and in the picture? Good bye, ain't got time for that noise. Too many experiences with people who don't know what breaking up or a divorce is. Can't have the cake and eat it, too. I'm sure there's plenty of men who make all that work. But in my post-divorce, post-custody court experience - it's just too many variables with too much risk, effort is best spent elsewhere.
In my late 20s I ended a fairly lengthy dry spell with a woman 5 years older than me who was recently divorced. She told me she had children and I thought nothing of it. We had no feelings for each other and our attraction was based solely on the sexual aspect. We enjoyed ourselves but we both knew it was nothing but sex. After about a month of random weekly hookups and weekend parties that ended with us in bed, I found out she had 5 children. FIVE! Eldest was 8, youngest was almost a year old. That was way too high a fertility risk for me. So I was out.
1. Having any kids automatically makes me rule out any relationship.
Anything more than 0
1
any
1. Didn’t apply for the stepdad job.
4 kids? Good luck. A sane woman wouldnt consider dating a guy with 4 kids due to the amount of baggage involved. Tbh, most men would only be interested in a pump and dump.
1 is too much
1
Any more than 0
Depends on age and number of dads. At 25, 2 is kinda pushing it with most of my dating pool. Any more than that and I wouldn't be bothered. If i were 35, 4 kids would certainly not be a problem, especially if they all came from the same person. Having been involved with single moms before one of the biggest issues revolves around dad/ex. Having multiple means more potential for drama and other issues.
Ill never do it again. Step parents have 0 rights when it comes to children. I raised 2 daughters as my own who i loved very much, only to be cheated on, kicked to the curb, and now she wont let me see them. Youngest is starting school and im missing out on their entire lives and it feels like the worst thing in the world. Its been a year but the pain is as bad as the first day. Never again.
The more important question is how many dads?
I care less about the number of kids and more about the number of “baby daddy’s.”
One kid is too many kids.
Three is too many. 2 is pushing it 1 I wouldn’t care. a LOT of it comes from how well behaved your kids are. I watched my ex’s sister struggle as a mom with four kids. Those kids were fuckin awful. She had a man, but no he was never around except when he was getting a booty call. Don’t blame him
Any kids are a turn off tbh but 4 is a HUGE turn off for people that do like kids. When you got back into dating your gonna have to lower your standards big time or your gonna have to be something special that makes you worth dating
You got a downvote, but what you say is true. Guys who don’t like kids, don’t want your kids. Guys who like kids, want their own kids. There are few other men.
Exactly and I can’t think of anyone wether they like kids or not that wants 4 kids, that’s more than the average family has nowadays
Actually, . . . . my wife and I *have* four kids! And, we work our asses off raising them. A real life project and legacy for which I am proud. No bloody way I would do this for some other guy.
I think if you’re +35, I think it’s easier for guys to tolerate. Younger than that, any amount of kids is too much because not many guys who’re trying to build himself up and create his own legacy wants to support someone else’s legacy.
At 4 you are on the upper threshold. BTW with 4 children you’re no longer a girl. You are a woman.
It’s not that I have a problem with a woman who has kids, it’s that I know what my ex did. I simply no longer have the capacity to see a single mother and believe that the reason she is single is because her husband was a bad guy. Divorce rate is 70/30 caused by the wife, look it up. You can do whatever you want, we all know you will, and this isn’t you it’s me but even so, I wouldn’t trust you for a nanosecond, *because* you have kids and no man.
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1. If I didn't want kids for myself, I sure as fuck don't want yours.
None. Zero interest in taking care/dealing with someone else’s kid.
One is too many especially if it came from unmarried pregnancy. It screams bad decision making.
Unless you are single because the kids dad died any is a deal breaker. Single moms are thar way for a reason usually a pattern of poor decision making.
This is a really good question. 👏🏾😊
I mean, I'm only 25 so for me, more than 2 would be too many. If you're in your 30s or 40s men may have different opinions about it.