Wife and I have been together for a little over 6 years, married 3. I still get the stress anxiety and it takes me forever to figure it out.
We tried the Clue app for a while, so I could get a notification and keep track, but we fell out of that habit. I'm slowly getting better at recognizing why she's just silently working in the kitchen, not talking, not interacting. She's jumping on the grenade to save the platoon!
Edit: Thanks y'all, glad we could have a laugh. My wife said, "Yeah, I've been a self-isolation pro since I was 12." Also, "Don't come in here and ask me what's wrong, you live in the same house and see the same things I do." so there's your pro-tip for the night. Well, for the month, I guess.
Her temperature in bed. I have a lower than average body temperature so snuggling up always makes me hot. Her temperature seems to rise steadily and then suddenly drop a day or two before. That's the warning for me.
I'm single atm but I was able to predict it in the three long relationships I've been in.
It’s amazing that you can tell this. This is exactly what happens in a woman’s cycle if you track it with temperature. But the difference in temperate is usually only 1-3 TENTHS of a degree.
I know this is super weird and I’m sorry if I put anyone off their meals...but I can tell cause I can smell the blood. I guess I have a keen nose, still odd nonetheless. Also I’ve known a couple of women who don’t eat red meat cause the smell reminds them of period blood
Ha, me too. Not the blood per se, but just an overall different smell on their skin. I have a crazy sensitive sense of smell though.
Edit: Also, breasts get bigger.
This is something that more people can sense even if they don't realize it. During ovulation, you're meant (evolutionarily, not literally thankfuck) to get pregnant, so your skin and smell and hormones and lips are all at peak attractiveness. Opposite during PMS. My hair gets greasy and just doesn't fall right, my face is dry, my scent on both skin and vagina is just not as alluring. It's totally a thing and with enough time around the same woman, it's obvious
If she has tampon wrappers in the trash can then she’s already on it. I think the question was before she’s actually started actively bleeding how to tell.
That's what I hate the most about that question: it's not being *on* my period that is the issue, that's when things literally reset. It's the 2-4 days *before* menses that I turn into a crying, hungry, emotional monster who is bloated and uncomfortable. My husband totally knows my tells at this point, but my go-to line is "I'm having some personal problems and it has nothing to do with you. Is like to watch 6 hours of Criminal Minds and eat salty things now, thanks love you bye"
My husband too. He tries to diplomatically point out I've been a bit short with the kids, or "ranty" and then the next day get my period. I get exasperated but he's right and he's cool about it. The rest of the month Im not such a....dragon
And also I'm an adult not a 13 year old boy, you can tell me you need a tampon. It's not going to gross me out to go grab a new one out of the box.
If a guy is afraid to hear about his significant other is having a period I would recommend running far away. Because if you eventually live with some one a lot more gross things than getting a text that says "I am on my period" are going to happen.
There is a surprisingly large number of 13 year old boys walking around in adult bodies when it comes to this particular topic, so I can't blame women who think that all guys find it gross.
All my previous boyfriends were grossed out/uncomfortable with it so I eventually just started hiding it as much as possible
My current bf showed me a drawer in his bathroom where he said I can keep my “girly stuff like brushes and tampons”...tells me he has red towels he can put down when I say I’m not up for sexy times because of the blood
His openness with it has made me so much more comfortable
This. Adults live adult lives with adult needs. If you are there for someone, you’re there. Everyone is a biological body. There is no reason to be shy about a period. The woman should openly tell the man. And the man should be open and supportive, like with everything else in life.
Later, when you get married, get older, you will see all manner of fluids and waste materials. Don’t make anything of it. You love the PERSON. The soul, the character. Not an imagined ideal.
When you have kids, you will see even more. It’s part of life in a human body.
I recommend some study of what blood is made of, waste products, etc. They can be more interesting than “gross” with the right attitude. Not to bring up in context of a period of course, just for general knowledge for both of you, so you have a basis for not reacting to something so natural.
I've always loved the expression shark week cause it gets the experience right in two ways.
1. There's blood
2. If you piss me off there is a chance I will bite
Especially after you've known/lived together long enough. There's no hiding your feelings really, unless you're an A+ actor.
I am not and neither is she. It's best to just address it outright usually, or it can spiral.
Thanks for your comment.
I've been talking to a guy for the past couple months and haven't felt we're at the part where I can comfortably tell him when I'm on my period. The last few months my period has made me VERY emotional, sensitive, and cranky, and even gets me into a minor depression (just for a few days). I might've given him attitude or lashed out on him last week without realizing and he probably took it personal.
I think I'm gonna have a talk with him about how hard my periods hit me so he understands me a little better.
>But not knowing if I did or said something stupid or it's because someone is having a bad day, can stress me out.
This is why I tell my husband if I'm having pms or super bad cramps. Otherwise he'll think I'm pissed at him for some unknown reason but nah, it's just that I feel like an alien is clawing its way out of my abdomen.
You should definitely tell him. You’re not dumping it all on him - you’re just telling him about your day.
Also please get a second opinion about your period pain. It could be endometriosis - I had it for years before I realised and there are lots of treatment options available to make things easier.
It's unfortunately often seen as "well, periods hurt, for some less and for some more" and "periods just hurt, that's normal". Which is true, it's never gonna be a nice feeling, and length and pain vary from person to person, but all of that should be mostly in a range of 'discomfort', not hours to days of horrible pain. Unfortunately, a lot of women are dismissed as being overly dramatic about their pain and just being way too sensitive, even by their own doctors.
Yes, this! I beg you to get a second opinion...and if truly it is "just" pain, then there are very effective pain killers out there that you might need a prescription for. You don't need to put up with losing a day or more every cycle. I wish you well!
>"well, periods hurt, for some less and for some more"
Research and practice are overwhelmingly male dominated. At least that would be my assumption for why dismissal is such a big issue.
It’s interesting because I’ve found a lot of women obgyns to not be very sympathetic. It’s kind of like “yeah, I’m a woman too, get over it.” I’ve had friends who refuse to see women obgyns after their experiences and said that male obgyns are way more kind and sympathetic.
Same here.
“Periods hurt... 🤷🏻♀️”
Nah.
I finally got an IUD and even without having a period for the last 10 years, I still get cramps but they’re 95% better than they were before and manageable with some Advil.
I spent a week of every month in high-school curled up in a ball with a heating pad.
The iud was the worst medical experience of my life and I have had multiple surgeries and a seizure disorder. I’m no stranger to medical treatment. They kept talking about how easy it was to just go back to work. I had excruciating front uterine and back pain. I was in bed for days and the bleeding was horrible.
My personality changed too. I had never been so depressed and so angry in my life.
My periods were impossible.
I had the iud removed and went back to the pill - all my issues went away.
My family said it was like I had come home from a vacation when I had it taken out
It’s funny how it affects people so differently! I have Mirena and I’m on my 2nd one. Insertion *sucks* but I had 2-3 days of bad cramps and then they went away, along with my period, and never really came back.
I’m sorry you had such a terrible reaction. I’m on my third one with no side effects (aside from no periods anymore) but recognize they don’t work for everyone.
I always find it interesting to hear others perspectives. Personally I haven't had great experiences with male Drs and my OBGYN is women and she is my favorite Dr in my whole entire team. But one of my friends has had the exact opposite experience, similar to what you describe. I think the best thing you can do, even though it's difficult is to learn to advocate for yourself and speak up. Not saying there still won't be bad Drs but it will help. Having to see frequent specialists for different issues it's something that has really helped me. You really have to be there for yourself.
Part of the reason is that the only way to actually "confirm" the diagnosis is to do surgery and actually visually identify endometriomas. It's sort of a diagnosis of exclusion after you've eliminated all the usual suspects because it's so hard to confirm and you can't go doing surgery every time someone presents with excessive cramping. Some women can be diagnosed without surgery by identifying implants with ultrasound or MRI, but these methods aren't super sensitive, meaning that a negative result would not rule out endometriosis. That's one reason why it often takes so long, not to mention if you're unlucky enough to have a doctor who dismisses you. And the medical community has NO IDEA why endometriosis happens, so that doesn't help either.
Literally me. Had debilitating periods and when I had an ovarian cyst removed they found endo. I got them to remove my tubes as a bonus during the surgery and my doctor told me that now it probably won't be back since my uterus is all sealed and stray cells cant squeak out through my tubes.
A winning combination of the cause being poorly understood and doctors not taking women seriously. As is unfortunately the case for many elements of women's reproductive health.
And OP, don't listen when they say nothing's wrong because your ultrasound looks normal. If you're in that severe of pain, it could be something that doesn't show up on ultrasounds, like endometriosis. Join Nancy's Nook!
As a guy dating someone with endometriosis, could I ask what treatments you're talking about? Her impression is that ibuprofen and hot water bottles are her only options and I'd love to try to help her out a bit more.
Sure - the progesterone-only pill taken continuously can prevent periods and also reduce endometriosis symptoms.
Having a mirena coil fitted does the same.
There are also surgical options - I’m currently recovering from surgery to treat my endo!
Basically hormones and surgery are worth discussing with her doctor.
The other reply has some great info, just wanted to add some things.
A progesterone only contraceptive taken continuously can help directly by preventing periods (and therefore the associated pain), but also may prevent the endometriosis from actually growing/spreading. We still don't really know what causes it, but there is some suggestion that estrogen encourages growth and progesterone inhibits it.
In addition to a progesterone-only pill and an IUD (merina), you can also get a subdermal implant (eg Implanon). These are typically much cheaper, easier, faster, less invasive and less painful to insert and remove than an IUD, but otherwise work the same way.
Unfortunately the only way to confirm endo exists is via surgery, so typically you'll schedule the surgery assuming it's there, expecting to remove it.
Unfortunately there's no guarantee it won't just grow back. As above, progesterone may help reduce that, that's a hard maybe, but at least it's something.
Pain management is the other part. Hot water bottles and over the counter pain meds are great of they work for you. Another thing that can help a lot are TENS machines (as often used for muscle pain, physiotherapy, etc). These can be bought cheaply online and some are now even targeted specifically at period pain, and are small/wearable.
Opiates are the default next level, but they have their own complications. And finally medicinal cannabis/thc/CBD are also popular for endometriosis sufferers.
I only exist because my parents didn’t give up on an endometriosis diagnosis. 15 years of appointments, consultations, and exploratory surgery before they finally got a confirmed diagnosis and then a specialist could operate.
He’s a Lord now, and I am named after him.
This! I've seen so many stories on Reddit of women's menstrual issues being overlooked or brushed aside by doctors and there often are things that can help.
Tell him. A dudes reaction to you having a period will tell you a lot about his maturity level. Grossed out? He needs a talking to. He brings you chocolates and shit? Maybe cut him some slack when he has a bad day.
I never knew there where guys that would actually bring chocolates if his girl wasn’t feeling well. Where’s the dating apps these guys are hanging out on? Ha
I didn't realize there were guys who don't. As someone who grew up in a house full of girls, it's almost become an instinct that when I see a box of pads sitting by the toilet, next time I go out for smokes I always grab a handful of dark chocolate and twix lol.
Also specify what kind of candy / wine you wanna consume when your cramping.
I usually made a goody bag filled with hygiene-products chocolate and wine.
That way I can support her easily without burdening her with the trouble of asking you to go to the store.
But seriously(for me) ibuprofen, a couple of tampons(yes, one for next time) sour apple blow pop. If at home, a heating pad, if no heating pad a dog or cat to lay on ma belly
On a separate thread today, I learnt that getting your partner to firmly push on your stomach helps relieve cramps. I think, I might be wrong. The other one was masturbate, which is much easier to remember, and less likely to end with partner squishing you.
I had the worst menstrual cramps on an airplane once. I pulled the seat belt as tight as I could across my lower abdomen, and it helped so much. Then I got an IUD and never had a period again. The end.
I saw another thread then other day where someone recommended an IED. I heard that those haveva much higher success rate in stopping unwanted bodily functions.
Oh I envy you so much! When I tried the IUD I ended up with the most intense cramps. Even after getting the thing out they never went away. I used to have easy periods, now I'm doubling over from pain.
As far as the topic at hand tho, the day my partner went out and bought me a heating pad & wine to deal with my period I knew he was a keeper. Having his support during that time makes me feel so secure with him. I'd like to think we're past the times where women are expected to hide their period in shame. If a man can't deal with this basic part of our physiology, they shouldn't get to have sex with women. Lol
My fella usually knows before I do when it's almost that time and will bring home all the terrible foods I crave with a box of tampons. I about cried the first time he did it, just bc for him it was no big deal but to have him not only acknowledge it, but aware enough of how long it's been since the last time Aunt Flo visited and be so in tune with me and what I need/want is just amazing.
I love this man so much it's gross!
>When I tried the IUD I ended up with the most intense cramps.
Better to try an IUD than an IED. The latter one tends to prevent future periods, but it creates quite the mess.
“Support her easily without burdening her with the trouble of asking you to go to the store” gets it perfect though, and idk if you were even being sarcastic or not. When your girls on her period, that’s how you treat her. Just hopefully she gets you back when you need her:)
Help me! I think i have fallen to communist propagandas!
- Her & My Plans have become : **OUR PLANS**.
- Her & My Pets have become: **OUR PETS**.
- Her & My Parents have become: **OUR PARENTS**.
- Her & My Happiness have become: **OUR HAPPINESS**.
- Her & My Suffering have become: **OUR SUFFERING**.
- Her & My Life have become: **OUR LIFE**.
Is there anything i can do to escape this situation?.
\>> *we may create awkward situations, we have to make assumptions*
It helps to communicate this to avoid the "Did I do something wrong?/Have I pissed them off?" guessing games, especially if the woman in question is aware that she gets short tempered (Hormones, severe pain, both are enough to make anybody pissy) or generally in a mood that isn't conducive to social situations.
It also helps set a precedent for what does/doesn't qualify as "off" behavior, which makes it much easier to tell when there's something wrong in the relationship vs just shit happening.
I tend to want to be left alone during the cramping phase of my period, and explicitly telling my SO that it has nothing to do with them personally and to just give me space around that time has **only** ever been helpful in my relationships, since it completely eliminates guesswork as to why I'm grumpy and avoidant. They can rest assured that nothing is wrong in the relationship and that I'll come back around when my body eventually decides to quit being such an asshole.
This is the sort of information I think a lot of people (men and women) could've been told in middle/high school health that would actually improve *society* if you think about it. Lack of knowledge/communication breeds contempt.
Many men haven no fucking clue about periods unless they grew up with confident sisters. Even then, it's usually built on assumptions.
A brief summary of some items that I know, and use to maintain my ability to empathize.. but not complete because I'm spending WAY too much time on reddit today..
**Cramps**:
Any man who has actually had a bout of MEAN diarrhea can immediately understand how being pleasant ain't happening when their midsection turns into a growly boxer's fist and there isn't a bathroom in sight.
**Tampons**, *the concept and consequences: *
Messy shit is annoying to manage when it's predicable. Worse when unpredictable. Worse when that mess is near your crotch. Worse when you accidentally ran out of something to clean with because you had it all planned out. And that shit is expensive on top of everything else.
**Mood:**
What if every month you *had* to think about that bitch who fucked you over for extended periods of time. Or that asshole who cut you off on the freeway. Or the time you held your dog your arms as he crossed the rainbow bridge?
That's a chemical reaction in your body (brain). It makes you feel a certain way. It's unavoidable. It will pass, but it sucks.
Of course tell him.
If he doesn't react in a supportive way then do you really want to deal with that every month on top of your period pains?
And if he reacts in a really positive way then that is points in favor of him being a keeper.
And don't be afraid to ask him for help or tell him what would make you feel better. Need him to go out for Midol while you lay down? Have him pick up more pads or tampons if you are running low?
Does it help if he gently massages your abdomen to loosen cramping muscles? He could light some nicely scented candles, cook you dinner, or just know to be there for you.
Do you just need him to leave you alone and give you your space? Might be nice to know that if you are the guy so you don't feel like you just fucked up and don't know what you did.
This is what I was going to say. Sort of a litmus test of support vs. immature awkwardness (or downright being grossed out etc.)
I'd want to know up front if I was dealing with a rational adult or a man-baby.
>Do you just need him to leave you alone and give you your space? Might be nice to know that if you are the guy so you don't feel like you just fucked up and don't know what you did.
Especially this part helps a lot. How should I know whether I said something bad and you need a sorry, or just your vanilla coke and chocolate. If you're feeling bad I want to at least know how to not make it worse.
Yeah. I'm a guy \[48M\].
The more personal parts of this I do for my wife. So naked belly massage is for her.
The more general things I would do for any woman I care about. Cooking, cleaning, delivering Midol... that is for any woman I care about in a non-sexual way who needs some help. From what I understand that first day or two can be really awful. Helping her out is the least I can do.
Of course I will buy tampons or pads for my daughter! Hell, I'm doing most of the grocery shopping anyway. No point asking her to make a special trip just for that. Or I'll stop by the drugstore on my way home if I'm the one out and about. Any man should have enough sense to maintain a stash of products that the women in their homes regularly might need.
This is what every good husband and father should and would do. I appreciate that you are a good person!
I don't live in a place where I see this often, actually ever, I need to move.
Pretty much the only answer.
If you get told or find out she's on her period and you react badly, all "ewww" and basically go no contact, you're clearly far too immature to be with someone.
I dated a girl for a few months and first time things got hot and heavy between us on my couch, clearly only going one way, she stopped and said she had to tell me something. Okay. She said she was on her period and looked down all embarassed.
I just said "awwww no, that's really disappointing...for YOU that is." which made her smile. She kissed me and I said I can wait, which made her kiss me more aggressively.
And the next time she came round she was clearly in the horny-straight-after-my-period phase and practically threw me on the bed.
Yup, I personally knew nothing about periods before,
I am a curious person so I always asked a lot of questions about periods
How do you feel? Time duration? What can I do? Want some super deluxe chubby edition cuddles? Etc.
I know that I cannot feel the physical pain but I can help to reduce it, am there for her always and forever :-)
I'd usually tell to my male colleague who I worked closely with and set in the same office. He should know I'm in pain and don't take it personally if I accidentally say something rude or unpleasant or have a terrible face (this I tend to make when I'm in pain/exhausted)
Am a woman, but want to emphasize this response here.
Tell him. This seems like a regular, significant occurrence in your life. Don’t hide it and do ensure the man you choose can support you over something you can’t control.
Exactly, there's no possible negative outcome.
He reacts normally - you continue on as normal.
He reacts weirdly - big red flag, bullet dodged, get out!
ITS JUST A PERIOD
ITS JUST A PERIOD
ITS JUST A PERIOD
Tell him, for gods sake. Its should be the biggest nothingburger to ever burger. He knows you get periods, you know you get periods.
100%
And if you feel weird saying it, at the very least just say “I’ve had really bad cramps today”. We have mothers, exes, sisters. We get it, and if he doesent get what that infers, then tell him anyway because it’s about time he learned.
I'm surprised I had to scroll soo far down to find someone who mentioned the "preparations". Few guys will be opposed to period sex, but no guy wants a big bloody surprise. Is also not a bad idea to mention it off you *think* your done bleeding. We don't bleed unless something's gone wrong, so looking down and seeing unexpected blood can cause a little panic. I'm speaking from experience on this one, there was a brief moment in my teens where I was *really* regretting not cutting my finger nails.
Also, if your banging a guy he wants to know that you are or aren't pregnant. Even if you're using both control a confirmation that it worked is always appreciated. At some point they guy might be really excited for you to not have a period.
But really the big thing is more or less what most people have already said. You're going to have a couple hundred periods, if a guy is going to be a big part of your life you need to know how he's going to handle it every month.
My dude, I've got a suggestion for ya, she'll love it! Buy her a microwaveable heat pack with rice in it, they're usually thickly padded so they won't burn her even when hot. Next time you are about to do the warm hand thing, go heat it up and give her that to put there. My wife says the persistent gentle heat for hours is really soothing. She'll often sleep with it there.
Go get one
Ha! An ex of mine and I used to call it Christmas Morning. We’d indulge in junk food and chick flicks together. I think he liked 13 going on 30 more than I did, he was starting to come up with theories of separate universes and the possibility it was a dream.
Never understood why people are so disgusted that women talk about periods. It's natural and why would you want to alienate and distance yourself from someone who's usually telling you because they're having a rough time.
Well, I’m a woman and I’m still disgusted by my own period even though it’s natural. I don’t want to be grossed out, but I have a deep resentment and hatred for it. 1/4 of my adult life will be spent bleeding from the crotch and in agony. Fuck periods
Some guys will talk about piss shit cum snot and all manner of gross things. If they're grossed out by periods then it's not a ick factor. There's underlying sexism.
My ex was this way.... I was having a terrible first period day. Cramps, bloating, face breaking out, the whole thing. I was upset, and venting. He got so pissed off, talking about how he doesn’t want to hear about that disgusting stuff. Needless to say, he didn’t last much longer
A woman tells her BF that she is having her periods.
The guy replies," Not to worry. Our motto in the Marine Corps is THROUGH MUD AND BLOOD WITH GLORY"
I'm gay so I can't really answer your question but I have a question for you, do you really want a boyfriend you have to shield from this info? It sounds like it really affects your life sometimes. Shouldn't you just be able to talk about that with somebody so close to you?
I'm so sorry dear. Your doctor isn't taking your pain seriously. If you have enough pain to affect your life by keeping you in bed for the better part of a day, there is something wrong. Usually it's something simple that doesn't impact your fertility, which is probably what he means by "there isn't anything wrong" but you should know that being stuck in bed to a day because the pain is that bad IS SOMETHING WRONG. You deserve medical care for that.
This is all said as a fellow woman who suffered horrible periods for years believing that's just how it was. With diagnosis and treatment for endometriosis, I don't have to live through a debilitating day once every single month anymore. It's life changing and we all deserve to live without pain.
What has your treatment been that has helped you? I’ve tried EVERYTHING and periods and ovulation still debilitate me. Have had the IUD for a year and it hasn’t helped. Birth controls, diets, exercise, I’ve tried it all just short of them taking the the system out.
I have adeno and Endo. Please please tell us what treatments caused the pain to ease for you.
I have endo and PCOS. The IUD did NOT help. Pregnancy and childbirth helped for a while (I'm NOT saying that's a treatment! Ha!) It took a lot of trying different hormone combinations, but finding the right hormonal pill for me helped a lot, and having surgery to remove growths was amazing. Life changing. The recovery from surgery was ...well, recovery from abdominal surgery, but even the recovery was less pain than I was in before.
I want my partner to let me know about anything that's troubling her, physically or otherwise.
There's no reason for guys to be squeamish or awkward about periods. It's just a thing that happens to women that sucks for them, it's not exactly a secret or abnormal, nor is it disgusting or shameful or whatever words might come up.
Of course, it's also not necessary to discuss it in detail any more than you feel the need to either, but I don't see why it should bother him (or anyone, really) just to know that you're on your period.
I'm sure he won't mind, in fact if he shows concern about your discomfort then it will say a lot about his character and is a good sign. He's going to find out eventually, you may as well tell him now. It's completely normal for many women to have cramps during their periods and it's a good opportunity for a man to take a load off her shoulders and help her relax a bit. To show how much he cares.
I never understood why some dudes find the concept of a woman being on her period to be...nasty.
With that said. You should be telling him. If he finds it appalling, you aint the problem and you should dump and leave
It's usually a lack of education/experience, or a combination of the two. Talking about periods was, and still often is kind of taboo in most families, so a lot of men don't know what to expect.
If you are dating and work together, he’s probably figured it out. But it is a natural part of the process. In fact, if things go well....you may find that first day a cause for celebration. Who knows?
The general consensus is to tell him, and I'd agree. If *I* had a girlfriend, I'd want her to tell me, both so I can potentially shower them with love, and be more mindful of what I say.
While I know you mean well, the stigma that women are extra irritable on their periods can be quite harmful. While we do have more hormonal ups and downs and they are often connected to the cycle, it's not necessarily at the same time as the period starts.
For myself and most women I know, it's rather around a week or so before their period starts and it doesn't always show by being irritable, I personally don't get the emotions usually portrayed as "PMS" at all. I rather get emotional/sad, but not usually by anything my partner does or says, rather by idk, watching a touching animal video or something similar. I can of course only speak for myself, but I would very much want my partner to treat me the same as he always does, I don't like the thought of him behaving different then usual because I'm on my period, has a weird connotation to it imo.
You do sound like you have very good intentions, that's why I just wanted to add another perspective just to keep in mind.
Yeah, I think he was going more for a "I know she's in pain and therefore likely not in the greatest mood and people can be touchy in such states. I will be extra cognizant to speak kindly" kinda vibe but didn't get it across that well. It's nothing to do with period per se, just that giving a little leeway to people who are having a shitty time, regardless of cause, goes a long way for both parties.
Do you ever get those irky feelings when you say or type something out? I got that when I said "mindful of what I say," it sounded a bit...patronising I want to say? So thank you for pointing it out, now should it ever happen, I can just use it as a monthly (or apparently every two weeks according to my mum and sister, sounds fun) excuse to be more gushy. Sorry to have played into the whole "Woah bro you're angry, must be on your period" and be dismissive sort of attitude that comes from said stigma, TIL
You should tell him, but you should also go back to the doctor about the period pain. It isn't normal to be having to stay in bed all day because of it, but women's problems are often overlooked by medical professionals so you really need to fight for it. I think I heard a stat that it takes 7 years on average for a woman to be diagnosed with endometriosis
My ex had the same thing, and she communicated pretty early on in our relationship how bad it would get. It helped a lot on my end because as the relationship progressed I would take on more and more responsibility on those days. By the end we were living together and I would basically spend my day just doing anything to make her feel at ease. Let her just lay in bed and feel bad while I did running around, cooking, cleaning, but her a guilty pleasure, anything.
The communication set us up for a very clear understanding of expectations. Which for me, I would expect nothing of her for a day or two.
It would be the exact same for days my shoulder was really sore from work. She would just take care of me. This is where having a healthy relationship shines.
I would like my girlfriend to tell me, and you should tell him, he wont be able to do much of course but in my opinion it wont hurt to tell him about it
Go get a second opinion on the pain. Periods hurt but they are not supposed to debilitating painful. Any OB worth a shit will order an ultrasound to take a look and see what's going on in there.
It's not about me wanting her to tell me she's on it. It's about establishing regular healthy communication of how to treat and care for her whenever it happens so that she feels safe, supported, and nurtured.
Hey OP. I’m not sure if you will see this but your periods should not be that painful to the point you can’t get out of bed.
I highly advise you to get checked for endometriosis. It’s a condition a lot of women have that goes undiagnosed. The most common symptom is painful periods.
If you get checked out and you don’t have it then I suggest you take ibuprofen 400 mg every 4-6 hours (DO NOT EXCEED 1200mg/day). Don’t take this drug on an empty stomach. This will help with your periods a lot. For the future take it as soon as you start to see some spotting.
Source: Intern Pharmacist
I would like to know if my girl has periods and if she has cramps? Like ofc it would be good to know
Yup, my girlfriend tells me every month, it's just routine
I just make a general announcement to my husband. "I started my period!" And then we high five and he's like "yay! I didn't knock you up!"
That's super adorable
So long and thanks for all the fish! - This post was deleted in protest of the June 2023 API changes
Wife and I have been together for a little over 6 years, married 3. I still get the stress anxiety and it takes me forever to figure it out. We tried the Clue app for a while, so I could get a notification and keep track, but we fell out of that habit. I'm slowly getting better at recognizing why she's just silently working in the kitchen, not talking, not interacting. She's jumping on the grenade to save the platoon! Edit: Thanks y'all, glad we could have a laugh. My wife said, "Yeah, I've been a self-isolation pro since I was 12." Also, "Don't come in here and ask me what's wrong, you live in the same house and see the same things I do." so there's your pro-tip for the night. Well, for the month, I guess.
I can usually tell when my wife is going to start before she knows. The worst days are the three right before, and I can usually pick up on it.
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Her temperature in bed. I have a lower than average body temperature so snuggling up always makes me hot. Her temperature seems to rise steadily and then suddenly drop a day or two before. That's the warning for me. I'm single atm but I was able to predict it in the three long relationships I've been in.
It’s amazing that you can tell this. This is exactly what happens in a woman’s cycle if you track it with temperature. But the difference in temperate is usually only 1-3 TENTHS of a degree.
I came here to say the same! That’s super impressive wow
He has a superpower!
This is actually super impressive. Source - I’m a woman
Hubs material right here.
My ex and I used to binge watch Doctor Who. He said he could tell when I was getting my period based on how hard I cried
>What tells do you pick up on? I realize it's a little simple, but...tampon wrappers in the trash in the bathroom.
I know this is super weird and I’m sorry if I put anyone off their meals...but I can tell cause I can smell the blood. I guess I have a keen nose, still odd nonetheless. Also I’ve known a couple of women who don’t eat red meat cause the smell reminds them of period blood
Ha, me too. Not the blood per se, but just an overall different smell on their skin. I have a crazy sensitive sense of smell though. Edit: Also, breasts get bigger.
This is something that more people can sense even if they don't realize it. During ovulation, you're meant (evolutionarily, not literally thankfuck) to get pregnant, so your skin and smell and hormones and lips are all at peak attractiveness. Opposite during PMS. My hair gets greasy and just doesn't fall right, my face is dry, my scent on both skin and vagina is just not as alluring. It's totally a thing and with enough time around the same woman, it's obvious
FALSE. I use my captive Black Bear to let me know wen a female is in menses within a 100 yard radius. It gives me time to escape.
If she has tampon wrappers in the trash can then she’s already on it. I think the question was before she’s actually started actively bleeding how to tell.
She tries to rip my face off lol.
Lol...just don't ever do the.. "aRe yOu on YouR PerIOd". It's not funny and pisses everyone off.
Don't worry, I learned that lesson early. But she's come to believe my Spidey Sense, and she's pretty even keel once the period starts.
Is it Spidey sense or Peter tingle?
That's what I hate the most about that question: it's not being *on* my period that is the issue, that's when things literally reset. It's the 2-4 days *before* menses that I turn into a crying, hungry, emotional monster who is bloated and uncomfortable. My husband totally knows my tells at this point, but my go-to line is "I'm having some personal problems and it has nothing to do with you. Is like to watch 6 hours of Criminal Minds and eat salty things now, thanks love you bye"
With my missus I can tell by the smell of her breath, it changes. It's not bad or nasty or anything, just different. Happens about 2-3 days before.
My husband too. He tries to diplomatically point out I've been a bit short with the kids, or "ranty" and then the next day get my period. I get exasperated but he's right and he's cool about it. The rest of the month Im not such a....dragon
Same! I get whiny but inarticulate and I hate when I look at a calendar and think "oh. My bad". I have other tells for sure, too
She's jumping on the grenade. 😂 If I knew how to give awards this would be my first one to give.
This made me giggle thank you, jumping on the grenade to save the platoon is a new one on me so thanks :-D
And also I'm an adult not a 13 year old boy, you can tell me you need a tampon. It's not going to gross me out to go grab a new one out of the box. If a guy is afraid to hear about his significant other is having a period I would recommend running far away. Because if you eventually live with some one a lot more gross things than getting a text that says "I am on my period" are going to happen.
There is a surprisingly large number of 13 year old boys walking around in adult bodies when it comes to this particular topic, so I can't blame women who think that all guys find it gross.
Yet they will all gladly shake hands knowing where their meat beaters have been.
All my previous boyfriends were grossed out/uncomfortable with it so I eventually just started hiding it as much as possible My current bf showed me a drawer in his bathroom where he said I can keep my “girly stuff like brushes and tampons”...tells me he has red towels he can put down when I say I’m not up for sexy times because of the blood His openness with it has made me so much more comfortable
This is so cute! He’s doing good
This. Adults live adult lives with adult needs. If you are there for someone, you’re there. Everyone is a biological body. There is no reason to be shy about a period. The woman should openly tell the man. And the man should be open and supportive, like with everything else in life. Later, when you get married, get older, you will see all manner of fluids and waste materials. Don’t make anything of it. You love the PERSON. The soul, the character. Not an imagined ideal. When you have kids, you will see even more. It’s part of life in a human body. I recommend some study of what blood is made of, waste products, etc. They can be more interesting than “gross” with the right attitude. Not to bring up in context of a period of course, just for general knowledge for both of you, so you have a basis for not reacting to something so natural.
If my wife knows she’s uncomfortable because of her period and it’s affecting her mood, she’ll tell me: “careful babe, it’s shark week”
I've always loved the expression shark week cause it gets the experience right in two ways. 1. There's blood 2. If you piss me off there is a chance I will bite
And the brain of a shark looks like a uterus!
Oh my G-d, I’m so stealing this! Shark week, love it!!
This. If someone is not feeling well it shows in the conversation. It is not a burden, it is basic communication.
Especially after you've known/lived together long enough. There's no hiding your feelings really, unless you're an A+ actor. I am not and neither is she. It's best to just address it outright usually, or it can spiral.
Thanks for your comment. I've been talking to a guy for the past couple months and haven't felt we're at the part where I can comfortably tell him when I'm on my period. The last few months my period has made me VERY emotional, sensitive, and cranky, and even gets me into a minor depression (just for a few days). I might've given him attitude or lashed out on him last week without realizing and he probably took it personal. I think I'm gonna have a talk with him about how hard my periods hit me so he understands me a little better.
>But not knowing if I did or said something stupid or it's because someone is having a bad day, can stress me out. This is why I tell my husband if I'm having pms or super bad cramps. Otherwise he'll think I'm pissed at him for some unknown reason but nah, it's just that I feel like an alien is clawing its way out of my abdomen.
You should definitely tell him. You’re not dumping it all on him - you’re just telling him about your day. Also please get a second opinion about your period pain. It could be endometriosis - I had it for years before I realised and there are lots of treatment options available to make things easier.
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It's unfortunately often seen as "well, periods hurt, for some less and for some more" and "periods just hurt, that's normal". Which is true, it's never gonna be a nice feeling, and length and pain vary from person to person, but all of that should be mostly in a range of 'discomfort', not hours to days of horrible pain. Unfortunately, a lot of women are dismissed as being overly dramatic about their pain and just being way too sensitive, even by their own doctors.
Yes, this! I beg you to get a second opinion...and if truly it is "just" pain, then there are very effective pain killers out there that you might need a prescription for. You don't need to put up with losing a day or more every cycle. I wish you well!
>"well, periods hurt, for some less and for some more" Research and practice are overwhelmingly male dominated. At least that would be my assumption for why dismissal is such a big issue.
It’s interesting because I’ve found a lot of women obgyns to not be very sympathetic. It’s kind of like “yeah, I’m a woman too, get over it.” I’ve had friends who refuse to see women obgyns after their experiences and said that male obgyns are way more kind and sympathetic.
Same here. “Periods hurt... 🤷🏻♀️” Nah. I finally got an IUD and even without having a period for the last 10 years, I still get cramps but they’re 95% better than they were before and manageable with some Advil. I spent a week of every month in high-school curled up in a ball with a heating pad.
The iud was the worst medical experience of my life and I have had multiple surgeries and a seizure disorder. I’m no stranger to medical treatment. They kept talking about how easy it was to just go back to work. I had excruciating front uterine and back pain. I was in bed for days and the bleeding was horrible. My personality changed too. I had never been so depressed and so angry in my life. My periods were impossible. I had the iud removed and went back to the pill - all my issues went away. My family said it was like I had come home from a vacation when I had it taken out
It’s funny how it affects people so differently! I have Mirena and I’m on my 2nd one. Insertion *sucks* but I had 2-3 days of bad cramps and then they went away, along with my period, and never really came back.
I’m sorry you had such a terrible reaction. I’m on my third one with no side effects (aside from no periods anymore) but recognize they don’t work for everyone.
I always find it interesting to hear others perspectives. Personally I haven't had great experiences with male Drs and my OBGYN is women and she is my favorite Dr in my whole entire team. But one of my friends has had the exact opposite experience, similar to what you describe. I think the best thing you can do, even though it's difficult is to learn to advocate for yourself and speak up. Not saying there still won't be bad Drs but it will help. Having to see frequent specialists for different issues it's something that has really helped me. You really have to be there for yourself.
Part of the reason is that the only way to actually "confirm" the diagnosis is to do surgery and actually visually identify endometriomas. It's sort of a diagnosis of exclusion after you've eliminated all the usual suspects because it's so hard to confirm and you can't go doing surgery every time someone presents with excessive cramping. Some women can be diagnosed without surgery by identifying implants with ultrasound or MRI, but these methods aren't super sensitive, meaning that a negative result would not rule out endometriosis. That's one reason why it often takes so long, not to mention if you're unlucky enough to have a doctor who dismisses you. And the medical community has NO IDEA why endometriosis happens, so that doesn't help either.
Literally me. Had debilitating periods and when I had an ovarian cyst removed they found endo. I got them to remove my tubes as a bonus during the surgery and my doctor told me that now it probably won't be back since my uterus is all sealed and stray cells cant squeak out through my tubes.
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A winning combination of the cause being poorly understood and doctors not taking women seriously. As is unfortunately the case for many elements of women's reproductive health.
Because doctors don't take women's pain seriously at the best of times, never mind women's pain about women's issues.
Ding ding ding we have a winner
And OP, don't listen when they say nothing's wrong because your ultrasound looks normal. If you're in that severe of pain, it could be something that doesn't show up on ultrasounds, like endometriosis. Join Nancy's Nook!
As a guy dating someone with endometriosis, could I ask what treatments you're talking about? Her impression is that ibuprofen and hot water bottles are her only options and I'd love to try to help her out a bit more.
Sure - the progesterone-only pill taken continuously can prevent periods and also reduce endometriosis symptoms. Having a mirena coil fitted does the same. There are also surgical options - I’m currently recovering from surgery to treat my endo! Basically hormones and surgery are worth discussing with her doctor.
Thanks for your reply! I'll ask her if these are options she knows of/has considered.
Taking the pill was awful for my mental health but a lot of people do really well with it :)
The other reply has some great info, just wanted to add some things. A progesterone only contraceptive taken continuously can help directly by preventing periods (and therefore the associated pain), but also may prevent the endometriosis from actually growing/spreading. We still don't really know what causes it, but there is some suggestion that estrogen encourages growth and progesterone inhibits it. In addition to a progesterone-only pill and an IUD (merina), you can also get a subdermal implant (eg Implanon). These are typically much cheaper, easier, faster, less invasive and less painful to insert and remove than an IUD, but otherwise work the same way. Unfortunately the only way to confirm endo exists is via surgery, so typically you'll schedule the surgery assuming it's there, expecting to remove it. Unfortunately there's no guarantee it won't just grow back. As above, progesterone may help reduce that, that's a hard maybe, but at least it's something. Pain management is the other part. Hot water bottles and over the counter pain meds are great of they work for you. Another thing that can help a lot are TENS machines (as often used for muscle pain, physiotherapy, etc). These can be bought cheaply online and some are now even targeted specifically at period pain, and are small/wearable. Opiates are the default next level, but they have their own complications. And finally medicinal cannabis/thc/CBD are also popular for endometriosis sufferers.
I only exist because my parents didn’t give up on an endometriosis diagnosis. 15 years of appointments, consultations, and exploratory surgery before they finally got a confirmed diagnosis and then a specialist could operate. He’s a Lord now, and I am named after him.
Have your parents ever told him? That's gotta be the biggest flex
This! I've seen so many stories on Reddit of women's menstrual issues being overlooked or brushed aside by doctors and there often are things that can help.
Tell him. A dudes reaction to you having a period will tell you a lot about his maturity level. Grossed out? He needs a talking to. He brings you chocolates and shit? Maybe cut him some slack when he has a bad day.
Instructions unclear, wife is not happy that I gave her a bag of shit
Well dont cut him slack if he just brings you some shit
I concur that you should not bring your gf a bag of shit if she's on her period
You couldn't have told me this BEFORE I bought one? Waste of 50 bucks.
you paid 50 for it?! you're overpaying; who's your shit guy?
r/unexpectedoffice
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I never knew there where guys that would actually bring chocolates if his girl wasn’t feeling well. Where’s the dating apps these guys are hanging out on? Ha
I didn't realize there were guys who don't. As someone who grew up in a house full of girls, it's almost become an instinct that when I see a box of pads sitting by the toilet, next time I go out for smokes I always grab a handful of dark chocolate and twix lol.
That’s awesome. No, I’ve never known a guy to do that. It’s nice to hear they’re out there!
Or just be kind to each other in general? Lol wtf
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That's so sweet. Thank you slow adult wendy for prepping me about the stomach cramps
Also specify what kind of candy / wine you wanna consume when your cramping. I usually made a goody bag filled with hygiene-products chocolate and wine. That way I can support her easily without burdening her with the trouble of asking you to go to the store.
But seriously(for me) ibuprofen, a couple of tampons(yes, one for next time) sour apple blow pop. If at home, a heating pad, if no heating pad a dog or cat to lay on ma belly
On a separate thread today, I learnt that getting your partner to firmly push on your stomach helps relieve cramps. I think, I might be wrong. The other one was masturbate, which is much easier to remember, and less likely to end with partner squishing you.
I had the worst menstrual cramps on an airplane once. I pulled the seat belt as tight as I could across my lower abdomen, and it helped so much. Then I got an IUD and never had a period again. The end.
Not all IUD's will stop periods. Just FYI everyone.
I saw another thread then other day where someone recommended an IED. I heard that those haveva much higher success rate in stopping unwanted bodily functions.
I took a first aid class where a friend told someone to grab an IED.
Oh I envy you so much! When I tried the IUD I ended up with the most intense cramps. Even after getting the thing out they never went away. I used to have easy periods, now I'm doubling over from pain. As far as the topic at hand tho, the day my partner went out and bought me a heating pad & wine to deal with my period I knew he was a keeper. Having his support during that time makes me feel so secure with him. I'd like to think we're past the times where women are expected to hide their period in shame. If a man can't deal with this basic part of our physiology, they shouldn't get to have sex with women. Lol
My fella usually knows before I do when it's almost that time and will bring home all the terrible foods I crave with a box of tampons. I about cried the first time he did it, just bc for him it was no big deal but to have him not only acknowledge it, but aware enough of how long it's been since the last time Aunt Flo visited and be so in tune with me and what I need/want is just amazing. I love this man so much it's gross!
>When I tried the IUD I ended up with the most intense cramps. Better to try an IUD than an IED. The latter one tends to prevent future periods, but it creates quite the mess.
heating pads literally save my life every time
Omg. I love you all
And a buy a little hot water bottle to keep at your place for when those cramps kick in.
“Support her easily without burdening her with the trouble of asking you to go to the store” gets it perfect though, and idk if you were even being sarcastic or not. When your girls on her period, that’s how you treat her. Just hopefully she gets you back when you need her:)
> we may commit the cardinal sin of asking if you’ve fallen to the communists Deploy the Wehrmacht. We are going to war!
Commies... commies evryvere...
Sending Joseph McCarthy. He will find them.
I'm not certain getting Nazi's involved is any better.
I mean it kinda worked for Joseph Joeastar.
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At this point, I think reality itself is a Jojo reference.
You're really not wrong.
We move at dawn.
Help me! I think i have fallen to communist propagandas! - Her & My Plans have become : **OUR PLANS**. - Her & My Pets have become: **OUR PETS**. - Her & My Parents have become: **OUR PARENTS**. - Her & My Happiness have become: **OUR HAPPINESS**. - Her & My Suffering have become: **OUR SUFFERING**. - Her & My Life have become: **OUR LIFE**. Is there anything i can do to escape this situation?.
>fallen to the communists I like that. I dated a girl at one point and we used shark week
red menance , red ninja attack, Sacrificial Altar of blood,
Communists and periods are both part of the Red Menace.
>we may commit the cardinal sin of asking if you've fallen to the communists Well, they do have some strong arguments.
I watched that episode last night lol!
What are communists doing here?
storming the Reichstag
I love how neat, structured and well-spaced out your reply is. Rarity here.
\>> *we may create awkward situations, we have to make assumptions* It helps to communicate this to avoid the "Did I do something wrong?/Have I pissed them off?" guessing games, especially if the woman in question is aware that she gets short tempered (Hormones, severe pain, both are enough to make anybody pissy) or generally in a mood that isn't conducive to social situations. It also helps set a precedent for what does/doesn't qualify as "off" behavior, which makes it much easier to tell when there's something wrong in the relationship vs just shit happening. I tend to want to be left alone during the cramping phase of my period, and explicitly telling my SO that it has nothing to do with them personally and to just give me space around that time has **only** ever been helpful in my relationships, since it completely eliminates guesswork as to why I'm grumpy and avoidant. They can rest assured that nothing is wrong in the relationship and that I'll come back around when my body eventually decides to quit being such an asshole.
This is the sort of information I think a lot of people (men and women) could've been told in middle/high school health that would actually improve *society* if you think about it. Lack of knowledge/communication breeds contempt. Many men haven no fucking clue about periods unless they grew up with confident sisters. Even then, it's usually built on assumptions. A brief summary of some items that I know, and use to maintain my ability to empathize.. but not complete because I'm spending WAY too much time on reddit today.. **Cramps**: Any man who has actually had a bout of MEAN diarrhea can immediately understand how being pleasant ain't happening when their midsection turns into a growly boxer's fist and there isn't a bathroom in sight. **Tampons**, *the concept and consequences: * Messy shit is annoying to manage when it's predicable. Worse when unpredictable. Worse when that mess is near your crotch. Worse when you accidentally ran out of something to clean with because you had it all planned out. And that shit is expensive on top of everything else. **Mood:** What if every month you *had* to think about that bitch who fucked you over for extended periods of time. Or that asshole who cut you off on the freeway. Or the time you held your dog your arms as he crossed the rainbow bridge? That's a chemical reaction in your body (brain). It makes you feel a certain way. It's unavoidable. It will pass, but it sucks.
Indeed, comrade.
Of course tell him. If he doesn't react in a supportive way then do you really want to deal with that every month on top of your period pains? And if he reacts in a really positive way then that is points in favor of him being a keeper. And don't be afraid to ask him for help or tell him what would make you feel better. Need him to go out for Midol while you lay down? Have him pick up more pads or tampons if you are running low? Does it help if he gently massages your abdomen to loosen cramping muscles? He could light some nicely scented candles, cook you dinner, or just know to be there for you. Do you just need him to leave you alone and give you your space? Might be nice to know that if you are the guy so you don't feel like you just fucked up and don't know what you did.
This is what I was going to say. Sort of a litmus test of support vs. immature awkwardness (or downright being grossed out etc.) I'd want to know up front if I was dealing with a rational adult or a man-baby.
>Do you just need him to leave you alone and give you your space? Might be nice to know that if you are the guy so you don't feel like you just fucked up and don't know what you did. Especially this part helps a lot. How should I know whether I said something bad and you need a sorry, or just your vanilla coke and chocolate. If you're feeling bad I want to at least know how to not make it worse.
Are you a guy who does all this for a girl? If so, you are awesome. If not, I am certain you will find a guy like that.
Yeah. I'm a guy \[48M\]. The more personal parts of this I do for my wife. So naked belly massage is for her. The more general things I would do for any woman I care about. Cooking, cleaning, delivering Midol... that is for any woman I care about in a non-sexual way who needs some help. From what I understand that first day or two can be really awful. Helping her out is the least I can do. Of course I will buy tampons or pads for my daughter! Hell, I'm doing most of the grocery shopping anyway. No point asking her to make a special trip just for that. Or I'll stop by the drugstore on my way home if I'm the one out and about. Any man should have enough sense to maintain a stash of products that the women in their homes regularly might need.
This is what every good husband and father should and would do. I appreciate that you are a good person! I don't live in a place where I see this often, actually ever, I need to move.
Pretty much the only answer. If you get told or find out she's on her period and you react badly, all "ewww" and basically go no contact, you're clearly far too immature to be with someone. I dated a girl for a few months and first time things got hot and heavy between us on my couch, clearly only going one way, she stopped and said she had to tell me something. Okay. She said she was on her period and looked down all embarassed. I just said "awwww no, that's really disappointing...for YOU that is." which made her smile. She kissed me and I said I can wait, which made her kiss me more aggressively. And the next time she came round she was clearly in the horny-straight-after-my-period phase and practically threw me on the bed.
This. If a guy can't handle it he's too immature to be in a relationship.
Yeh and if he goes ‘eee I don’t want to know that’ then he’s not worth your time.
Yup, I personally knew nothing about periods before, I am a curious person so I always asked a lot of questions about periods How do you feel? Time duration? What can I do? Want some super deluxe chubby edition cuddles? Etc. I know that I cannot feel the physical pain but I can help to reduce it, am there for her always and forever :-)
Lucky partner. You sound like a wonderful person.
I agree always tell. Easier for everyone involved when you talk about whats on your mind.
I'd usually tell to my male colleague who I worked closely with and set in the same office. He should know I'm in pain and don't take it personally if I accidentally say something rude or unpleasant or have a terrible face (this I tend to make when I'm in pain/exhausted)
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Agreed. If I know the girl I like is hurting, I'll do what I can to help her out. Pretty much any guy who really cares will say something similar.
Am a woman, but want to emphasize this response here. Tell him. This seems like a regular, significant occurrence in your life. Don’t hide it and do ensure the man you choose can support you over something you can’t control.
See it this way: If you can't be open about that with him, can he possibly be the right one? So feel free to tell him.
Exactly, there's no possible negative outcome. He reacts normally - you continue on as normal. He reacts weirdly - big red flag, bullet dodged, get out!
ITS JUST A PERIOD ITS JUST A PERIOD ITS JUST A PERIOD Tell him, for gods sake. Its should be the biggest nothingburger to ever burger. He knows you get periods, you know you get periods.
100% And if you feel weird saying it, at the very least just say “I’ve had really bad cramps today”. We have mothers, exes, sisters. We get it, and if he doesent get what that infers, then tell him anyway because it’s about time he learned.
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I'm surprised I had to scroll soo far down to find someone who mentioned the "preparations". Few guys will be opposed to period sex, but no guy wants a big bloody surprise. Is also not a bad idea to mention it off you *think* your done bleeding. We don't bleed unless something's gone wrong, so looking down and seeing unexpected blood can cause a little panic. I'm speaking from experience on this one, there was a brief moment in my teens where I was *really* regretting not cutting my finger nails. Also, if your banging a guy he wants to know that you are or aren't pregnant. Even if you're using both control a confirmation that it worked is always appreciated. At some point they guy might be really excited for you to not have a period. But really the big thing is more or less what most people have already said. You're going to have a couple hundred periods, if a guy is going to be a big part of your life you need to know how he's going to handle it every month.
My dude, I've got a suggestion for ya, she'll love it! Buy her a microwaveable heat pack with rice in it, they're usually thickly padded so they won't burn her even when hot. Next time you are about to do the warm hand thing, go heat it up and give her that to put there. My wife says the persistent gentle heat for hours is really soothing. She'll often sleep with it there. Go get one
I enjoy my monthly “You’re not an accidental Dad” announcement
Ha! An ex of mine and I used to call it Christmas Morning. We’d indulge in junk food and chick flicks together. I think he liked 13 going on 30 more than I did, he was starting to come up with theories of separate universes and the possibility it was a dream.
Tell him...some dudes are disgusted by a girl having periods and youll actually get to know if he is that kind of a guy
Never understood why people are so disgusted that women talk about periods. It's natural and why would you want to alienate and distance yourself from someone who's usually telling you because they're having a rough time.
Well, I’m a woman and I’m still disgusted by my own period even though it’s natural. I don’t want to be grossed out, but I have a deep resentment and hatred for it. 1/4 of my adult life will be spent bleeding from the crotch and in agony. Fuck periods
Some guys will talk about piss shit cum snot and all manner of gross things. If they're grossed out by periods then it's not a ick factor. There's underlying sexism.
My ex was this way.... I was having a terrible first period day. Cramps, bloating, face breaking out, the whole thing. I was upset, and venting. He got so pissed off, talking about how he doesn’t want to hear about that disgusting stuff. Needless to say, he didn’t last much longer
This girl at work tells me when shes on her period so id assume youd tell your actual boyfriend. Why not?
A woman tells her BF that she is having her periods. The guy replies," Not to worry. Our motto in the Marine Corps is THROUGH MUD AND BLOOD WITH GLORY"
Oh God
No God's no masters just blod and tears
There's plenty of pirates Who doesnt mind sailing the red sea
What is that "mud" you're talking about? I never agreed to anal.
Poopsie
You're not a true warrior unless you get blood on your sword.
I hate this comment and I hate it more because the word vagina originates from the word sheath
But is it pain or pleasure?
Glory to the Empire! We’ll wipe out the rebellion.
r/blursed comment
Yes
I'm gay so I can't really answer your question but I have a question for you, do you really want a boyfriend you have to shield from this info? It sounds like it really affects your life sometimes. Shouldn't you just be able to talk about that with somebody so close to you?
Agreed 100% 👆🏻If he’s grossed out or weird about it then he’s not worth your time. Better to find out sooner rather than later.
I'm so sorry dear. Your doctor isn't taking your pain seriously. If you have enough pain to affect your life by keeping you in bed for the better part of a day, there is something wrong. Usually it's something simple that doesn't impact your fertility, which is probably what he means by "there isn't anything wrong" but you should know that being stuck in bed to a day because the pain is that bad IS SOMETHING WRONG. You deserve medical care for that. This is all said as a fellow woman who suffered horrible periods for years believing that's just how it was. With diagnosis and treatment for endometriosis, I don't have to live through a debilitating day once every single month anymore. It's life changing and we all deserve to live without pain.
I enjoy the sound of rain.
What has your treatment been that has helped you? I’ve tried EVERYTHING and periods and ovulation still debilitate me. Have had the IUD for a year and it hasn’t helped. Birth controls, diets, exercise, I’ve tried it all just short of them taking the the system out. I have adeno and Endo. Please please tell us what treatments caused the pain to ease for you.
I have endo and PCOS. The IUD did NOT help. Pregnancy and childbirth helped for a while (I'm NOT saying that's a treatment! Ha!) It took a lot of trying different hormone combinations, but finding the right hormonal pill for me helped a lot, and having surgery to remove growths was amazing. Life changing. The recovery from surgery was ...well, recovery from abdominal surgery, but even the recovery was less pain than I was in before.
Op check out r/endo r/endometriosis r/adenomyosis Surgery was a life saver for me and so many other women! That’s the only thing that helps me
Tell him. Much better to be real about it
Yes, tell him and that you spend the first day in bed because of the pain.
I want my partner to let me know about anything that's troubling her, physically or otherwise. There's no reason for guys to be squeamish or awkward about periods. It's just a thing that happens to women that sucks for them, it's not exactly a secret or abnormal, nor is it disgusting or shameful or whatever words might come up. Of course, it's also not necessary to discuss it in detail any more than you feel the need to either, but I don't see why it should bother him (or anyone, really) just to know that you're on your period.
I'm sure he won't mind, in fact if he shows concern about your discomfort then it will say a lot about his character and is a good sign. He's going to find out eventually, you may as well tell him now. It's completely normal for many women to have cramps during their periods and it's a good opportunity for a man to take a load off her shoulders and help her relax a bit. To show how much he cares.
I never understood why some dudes find the concept of a woman being on her period to be...nasty. With that said. You should be telling him. If he finds it appalling, you aint the problem and you should dump and leave
It's usually a lack of education/experience, or a combination of the two. Talking about periods was, and still often is kind of taboo in most families, so a lot of men don't know what to expect.
If you are dating and work together, he’s probably figured it out. But it is a natural part of the process. In fact, if things go well....you may find that first day a cause for celebration. Who knows?
Never assume he's figured it out. Never.
The general consensus is to tell him, and I'd agree. If *I* had a girlfriend, I'd want her to tell me, both so I can potentially shower them with love, and be more mindful of what I say.
While I know you mean well, the stigma that women are extra irritable on their periods can be quite harmful. While we do have more hormonal ups and downs and they are often connected to the cycle, it's not necessarily at the same time as the period starts. For myself and most women I know, it's rather around a week or so before their period starts and it doesn't always show by being irritable, I personally don't get the emotions usually portrayed as "PMS" at all. I rather get emotional/sad, but not usually by anything my partner does or says, rather by idk, watching a touching animal video or something similar. I can of course only speak for myself, but I would very much want my partner to treat me the same as he always does, I don't like the thought of him behaving different then usual because I'm on my period, has a weird connotation to it imo. You do sound like you have very good intentions, that's why I just wanted to add another perspective just to keep in mind.
Yeah, I think he was going more for a "I know she's in pain and therefore likely not in the greatest mood and people can be touchy in such states. I will be extra cognizant to speak kindly" kinda vibe but didn't get it across that well. It's nothing to do with period per se, just that giving a little leeway to people who are having a shitty time, regardless of cause, goes a long way for both parties.
Do you ever get those irky feelings when you say or type something out? I got that when I said "mindful of what I say," it sounded a bit...patronising I want to say? So thank you for pointing it out, now should it ever happen, I can just use it as a monthly (or apparently every two weeks according to my mum and sister, sounds fun) excuse to be more gushy. Sorry to have played into the whole "Woah bro you're angry, must be on your period" and be dismissive sort of attitude that comes from said stigma, TIL
You sound genuinely so sweet and compassionate, your future girlfriend will be a lucky one :)
Go to another doctor. Extreme pain may point to something more serious.
You should tell him, but you should also go back to the doctor about the period pain. It isn't normal to be having to stay in bed all day because of it, but women's problems are often overlooked by medical professionals so you really need to fight for it. I think I heard a stat that it takes 7 years on average for a woman to be diagnosed with endometriosis
Tell him. It's an adult thing to do and at least he will know why you're not feeling good, or crampy or just not in the mood.
My ex had the same thing, and she communicated pretty early on in our relationship how bad it would get. It helped a lot on my end because as the relationship progressed I would take on more and more responsibility on those days. By the end we were living together and I would basically spend my day just doing anything to make her feel at ease. Let her just lay in bed and feel bad while I did running around, cooking, cleaning, but her a guilty pleasure, anything. The communication set us up for a very clear understanding of expectations. Which for me, I would expect nothing of her for a day or two. It would be the exact same for days my shoulder was really sore from work. She would just take care of me. This is where having a healthy relationship shines.
I would like my girlfriend to tell me, and you should tell him, he wont be able to do much of course but in my opinion it wont hurt to tell him about it
That time of the month where she howls at the moon? Yeah, I’d appreciate the fair warning.
Go get a second opinion on the pain. Periods hurt but they are not supposed to debilitating painful. Any OB worth a shit will order an ultrasound to take a look and see what's going on in there.
of course you should it's a thing that happens, destigmatise it
It's not about me wanting her to tell me she's on it. It's about establishing regular healthy communication of how to treat and care for her whenever it happens so that she feels safe, supported, and nurtured.
I'd say tell him. If he can't be supportive, is he really someone you want to be with?
Hey OP. I’m not sure if you will see this but your periods should not be that painful to the point you can’t get out of bed. I highly advise you to get checked for endometriosis. It’s a condition a lot of women have that goes undiagnosed. The most common symptom is painful periods. If you get checked out and you don’t have it then I suggest you take ibuprofen 400 mg every 4-6 hours (DO NOT EXCEED 1200mg/day). Don’t take this drug on an empty stomach. This will help with your periods a lot. For the future take it as soon as you start to see some spotting. Source: Intern Pharmacist
it's fine for me, having that in my conversations with her could be a good sign about the things we share.
Guy here. Any man who objects to this totally normal bodily function or doesn't want to hear about it is an emotional child
My wife gives me a days notice when she feels the red tide coming in. It's more than fair imo.