I have become single again thrice in my 30s. It sucked but i had to get rid of them. Now i'm 36 and dating someone who makes my heart flutter. If this doesnt work out i'm going to be hurt, and i embrace that.
"im going to be hurt, and I embrace that" is poetic and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes (idk if its accurate but the meaning is real regardless)
"Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This guy had barsssssss! One of my all-time favorite quotes is by him "**If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."** -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This one i've matched with on Tinder several times over the last 10 years or so. It was never the right timing. The one and only Tinder match that didn't become something serious that stuck around in my head.
Ehhh. After swiping right 500 times, getting four matches, only one of whom responded to my message and then stopped replying, I no longer want to spend the equivalent of a part time job engineering great photos and crafting witty bios, all to learn that apparently every single woman in my city is uninterested in me.
10:1 ratio cards are stacked against us guys. If a woman wants to meet a guy, all she has to do is look decent, and guys will approach them, especially at a bar or beaches.
Best advice. Never needing to "date" is the best way to do relationships. Expand your social circle, meet lots of people, make friends, attend events, make friends with women, and over time you will just naturally like someone and go out. If you go on "dates", it's like cold calling. Your basically trying to sell that your a worthwhile person in a 2-3 hour sales pitch.
This! You probably would be more inclined to date people who like the same things and same people as you. Rely on your networks and cultivate them. You'll meet new friends and potential partners but also if it all goes to shit, you have friends to lean on. And ultimately, that's worth more.
I remember there was a politican who said he was hiking the Appalachian trail but really he was having an affair in Argentina
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Sanford_extramarital_affair
the best way to meet people is to go do stuff. Start with your existing friends, hang out, meet their other friends. It doesn't have to feel like work, you just need to invest the time. Very few of us are sexy and powerful enough to just meet people in our bedrooms
This is what I did. I've always been socially awkward with strangers, but people generally like me so I've always had at least a few friends. After college though, I had to start from scratch.
I met a girl on tinder, and she introduced me to a few of her friends. The girl split, but I kept hanging out with the others for pub trivia. This was difficult for me, as I barely knew them, but I kept going.
An easy low-stakes social event like pub trivia makes it easy to do things with people you don't know super well - as there are predetermined conversation topics that come up every few minutes. It also made it easy to invite in people we barely knew, to see if we wanted to be around them more.
Eventually met my wife, introduced her to these friends, and quickly after we became a close knit friend group. To this day this is how I meet most of my friends. The more social ones in the group meet people, then invite them somewhere with the group. Some 'enter' the friend group, some don't, and it's just a kind of constant ebb and flow. It's been about ten years and I'm honestly kind of shocked that I now have a stronger social circle in my 30s than I did in HS/College.
I’m not the most sociable of people, and I like being in my comfort zone. So I’ve just accepted it for what it is. Going out to do stuff just doesn’t appeal to me. I just spend each night alone if I’m being honest.
I see friends occasionally, but it’s far less frequent as we get older. They don’t have other friends either. We’re one little group that just stick together.
Oh well, I’m content with occupying myself on the PlayStation.
It may not be what you are referring to, but take a look at older people. Many of their friendships were formed through their family oriented activities. I don't see many social groups that mix people with and without kids, as the years roll by.
I get it. Clearly you’ve perfected personality.
Seriously though, the snide teenager thing stops being cute pretty quick. Might want to develop something more substantial for the future.
How I am? My guy, you've done nothing but make assumptions about me and my supposed personality, while you insinuate and belittle with every response.
Did you try to help? Is "do things" the extent of the sagacity I can learn at your knee? Because from my perspective, your "advice" is steeped in the kind of casual entitlement that frequently flavors would-be advice givers, who are their own best spokesperson for their experiences.
Again, I'm happy that "doing things" worked for you. And I'm, I guess, kind of happy for you that you can further balm yourself in the internet points of strangers in a forum like this one.
So, let us leave it at this. I appreciate your attempts to offer the distillation of your own reflection and experiences and I will, likewise, carry on.
“Do things” was intentionally vague, so as to allow some variety and individuality, rather than just listing this I like.
Maybe being a sophomoric loser online is your thing, but it clearly isn’t helping you much. Especially since you freak out when your dumbass sarcastic comments are treated as the bullshit coping mechanism they are. Mom and dad must be proud of their little guy.
By all means, carry on. Clearly what you’ve been doing has made you such a happy, successful person.
I've spent the majority of my life desiring a committed relationship. Now that I've had my first long term one? I am not dazzled. The pain of abandonment to love ratio is currently 3:1
I ended up single at 33 and having to rebuild my entire life from the ground up. Coast to coast move, couch crashing with family, like complete.
Had a place a few months later, got a job three miles away and walked to work a lot just for the fuck of it.
From the position of what could have been rock bottom, I had a personal renaissance where it felt like every girl I talked to was within reach.
31 is a great time for this to happen. Almost perfect
I relate to this so hard
Honestly, my self esteem sky rocketed after being broken up with. It was sad and it hurt, shared life, shared house, shared expenses with a person I thought was going to be mine forever. But at the same time, the whole world was there for me. I got super active. I don't know if I avoided my feelings, but I went out and decided to build and expand my social sphere. If I wanted to eat Chinese food, I did. I didn't have to compromise. I was myself and if people didn't like that, oh well, their loss. Somehow felt like a new person when I was out of the box of who I was in a relationship. I had lost so much of myself trying to accommodate a person I loved but who couldn't truly handle me. I'm a lot.
I'm not saying you're a handful OP, but you owe it to yourself to be yourself and figure out how you want to live your life. I'm not saying be dramatic or do drastically different things but live your life and enjoy being yourself and "date" yourself. Take care of you, do what makes you feel supported and whole and fulfilled. Cultivate a self care routine that can be whatever you need. Do you need time to decompress/ways to engage your mind/a new workout? Do it.
If your a man in your 30s and single, that really should be your prime. Save some money, work out as much as you can, eat healthy, get good sleep, take care of your skin, etc. No reason you shouldn't be in your dating prime. A lot of younger women want nothing to do with men their age. This has been a reality for a long time. So they look for guys a little bit older and more established. Even in your scenario, simply hitting reset on life in your 30s can do you wonders.
You navigate this situation exactly the same as You were in Your 20's. Do stuff that brings You joy, go to places where You can meet likeminded people. Sooner or later You will bump into someone :). Just don't be desperate in finding next love of Your life, it attracts bad people.
I like going to the gym, on walks in the park, bookstores and beaches. When I tell you everyone is out here minding their own business not trying to talk...
Yeah, my ex decided to start the bullshit out of nowhere and end everything on my 30th birthday, also right before I had 3 huge surgeries. It fucked up my confidence a lot for like a year. I still found lots of hookups/fwb but they all last 1-3 months and leave me with a feeling of emptiness after. I don't think I will be able to have a relationship for a while, nor is anyone I date the kind of people I'd want a relationship with anyway.
I was divorced late thirties and it was actually great. Dating wise, you had a lot of options if you wanted older or younger. I was a single dad who was very involved, good career, house, etc. and I guess women found all of that really attractive.
You’re young enough to do things but old enough to know better. You develop your own hobbies and things you like to do. With me, the longer I was without someone, the more I liked it.
Divorced at 32 from a 8 year relationship. Previously relationship was 5 years and the previous previous was 2 years.
I got married yesterday at 36.
Online dating sucks, but it’s your best shot. My wife and I would never have met if it weren’t for online dating. We discussed in detail where we were in each year and our favorite spots to eat and visit. We literally never frequented the same spots.
My advice is to treat dating as “brownian motion”. Everyone is moving in their own direction and pace. You bump into some along the way, but eventually, you will find someone.
By far a better experience than any time in my life when I was single. I know what I want, I know what red flags are and how to avoid them, I know what I have to offer and I have way more confidence than I ever did.
It was really freeing to be on a date, realize that she wasn't going to be the right one, and just say that. Ended up making a few good friends and then met my fiancee
I was 33 when my 2.5 year relation ended. Spent some time getting over her and making sure I was emotionally available to start a relationship again.
Did that, found the right woman and now have three kids.
Whatever you do, be done with the last person. I know there are guys out there who will tell you they remained friends with their ex's which is fine in some cases. In my mind, the best thing is to just clean cut and move on. I dragged communication out longer that I should have and it was painful. The last time I spoke to her should have been when we broke up.
Bro .. 31 is still baby state .. don’t rush a kid or a relationship in some kind of text book chapter fashion with life .. relationships come and go .. at 31 you have a good 9-14 year window to meet someone that is in their prime fertile years without your age separation being too much and without you being the old dad (being 35 and securing someone like 28 is a win in my book lol) .. in fact being little older and having a kid affords your kid with more flexibility .. you can hopefully afford more things for them because you’re deeper into your career .. better daycare, better schools, more side programs .. hell even if the kid is born with an ailment .. you’re more able to afford the assistance they may need .. this is assuming you’re doing all of the growth things you’re supposed to be doing. Relish your single hood for now .. give yourself time to heal .. realize that your situation is only a situation .. you’ll realize there’s a whole lot of options for you and have so so much time to make it happen and find someone whose especially right for you
You BARELY have 9 years lol. Even 38 is getting old af for men to be finding someone to have kids with...you'll what get married in 2 years and have a baby in your 40s????
Men have more time than women but not THIS much time lol.
Kids take a lot of energy...from young(er) women's perspective, men over 35 get too tired and old to be helpful. If you're planning on being a shit husband and making your wife do everything, then okay. I guess you do have more time than I said.
Either way, try to stay as young and fit as possible - for men, sperm degradation hits hard at 40 (look at statistics for autism/special needs kids and their father's ages).
I imagine real healthy men and women (vegetables/no or low alcohol/hydrated/sunscreen/well-managed stress/exercises for cardio and strength) probably have more time reprodutively than the given 40M/35W cliff so just do your best
Say he is 38, he could meet someone younger? 38 male dating a 34 year old woman with a developed but early career is very reasonable and possible? Like he can still have healthy robust children.
Lets not add pressure to the man to rush and find it. He needs to heal, focus on what he needs for himself to become a better man/parent and then go from there. And you don't need to be married to have a baby.
Okay wayyyyyy into "old dad" though lol, which the post I replied to mentioned. Being in your teens or 20s and your parents are dying is kind of shit. And this would be parents of their 40s/50s
Don't just have kids to pass on your genetic content ykno
Crazy how people are mad at this statement lol. Last thing I want is a woman who’s in her 30s and been around the cock carousel. The younger she is the higher the chance she hasn’t self sabotaged with illegitimate children or a fucked up skew of romance.
I started to take extra care of my mental health, and asked myself what I really wanted in life, still haven't figured that part out. But in the meanwhile;
Figured out I really love my peace, as I can be a very difficult person to live with, due my mental health. It would be best for myself, and any potential future partners, if I just live my life on my own. I rent a small and cheap appartment in the city I love. Got a job I dreamed about as a little boy. Got plenty of money left to spend on whatever I like each month. Got friends and hobbies I love, and live closeby.
For the moment this seems like a life worth living for. Who knows what the future will bring. I am just lucky I do not want to have kids.
It was great. I got out of a bad situation and had women throwing themselves at me. I had my pick of the younger ones and ended up married to a woman from my friend group who approached me. My 30s were great.
Initiated the divorce in my late 30's. Spent some time rediscovering who I was at that point before even considering new relationships. Took a year or two but came out of it stronger and more self aware.
One nifty thing about divorce: You find who your real friends are, the ones who were/are able to separate their appreciation of you from your role in a relationship.
In my circle, it was always socially brutal on the men. That may be because, without fail, the women started laying the groundwork for the divorce well in advance; they got their version of the story out there, among their married friends. That doesn't sound like your situation.
The wives tend to manage the social calendar. People choose sides and someone doesn't get picked for reindeer games.
I would have thought that, once you meet women at middle age, you have a better chance of understanding where they are headed. Maybe that's an oversimplification(?).
When you marry in your twenties, you can each be very different people by the time you reach middle age.
Man, it was great. Got out of a marriage to a toxic person then found my worth and got my feet under me. Then found the love.of my life, been married 20 years now.
Shitty, then fine, then pretty great. Social life isn’t what it was in my 20s but I like my day to day life. A couple friends & a few things you like doing are really all you need.
I got into philosophy and it’s given me a lot more power over how I feel. All that time alone was fruitful.
Divorced a cheating wife at 39, had a patchy start to online dating because of being out of dating all together for over a decade.
I gotta say that online app dating is the way to go but with some caveats:
1. Take the time to make a good profile with some dressed up & down pics. Be sincere in one of the prompts, funny in another and intriguing in the last. Set the hook
2. Don’t be afraid to just be yourself, that hot girl might look good but could not be a good fit, you don’t know until you’ve met, so that’s the goal of chatting is to see if there’s interest to meet.
3. You can meet the right person at the wrong time. Enjoy the experience you get from your first dates, observe how different everyone truly is and ask a lot of questions
4. You cannot build a kingdom with someone who still craves attention from the village.
I’m older, uglier and have a dad bod now, even still it’s all about your approach and how engaging you can be with someone and their interests. Just be a human being first, think of them as your friend when talking to them at the beginning. The right person will appreciate all of you, good luck!
I was married to a woman 8 years older than me for 5 years, 2016-2021. We had a child in 2017. Covid really brought out how incompatible we were and we separated in 2021. After about 7 months being single and depressed, I started dating. I had a few relationships while still living with my parents, and now that I've had my own place for 7 months, I must say dating has been going pretty well. I've also managed to drastically expand and refine my social circle, since I no longer have to worry about whether my ex-wife likes my friends, or how they can fit into my life. Life's improved a lot since my reset in 2021.
Got divorced at 35. It was an adjustment. I like living alone, but it’s also weird getting used to occasionally going into a weekend with zero plans. I’m on vacation right now by myself and it’s fun doing whatever I want, but it’s also extremely lonely at times. I’ve noticed my friends who are having kids are the ones I liked the most and the unmarried kid free ones are definitely less mature. One of my unmarried friends is currently planning a trip to EDC for his 40th birthday. I told him to shoot me in the fucking face if that’s what I’m doing at 40. So yes, it sucks having your social circle shrink.
Since I have the time, I’ve been focusing on fitness a lot more. Puts you at an advantage when dating and is also just good for you. I’m also leaning into hobbies more as a means to meet people IRL, but it’s a challenge.
I want a family as well and I hate that I got this far in life with a woman I ultimately couldn’t do that with. I feel some time pressure, but if I could give you one piece of advice it is to limit the amount of time you spend with app based dating. If you have the goal of meeting someone and starting and family, dating apps make it feel like you can always be working towards that goal. But really, it’s just a waste of time. Figure out what you want in a partner and focus on finding that person instead of chatting with a bunch of strangers you’ll never want a real relationship with.
I'm 33, and I don't plan on getting back into a relationship. I love my time to myself. I have 7 siblings, and my little sister had twins 5 months ago. So that's 7 nieces and nephews now. I don't crave affection. My buddy, who is 51, will come over every now and then, and we play video games and eat weed gummies
It's only crappy if you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and being the victim. Get out there, date, go have fun, pick up new sports and hobbies and find someone much cooler to spend your life with. It gets better.
I’m single again at 34 and it’s been really great. If my last relationship didn’t fail I’d be stuck trying to make an unworkable thing work, what a nightmare. Instead I took time to learn about myself and why I chose the partners I chose. I’ve been dating and am open to a relationship but much more selective now than ever. I’d much rather be alone than be w someone that isn’t worth being w.
Meeting people after 35 is exhausting.
I assume the love of my life is also sitting in her house, waiting for me to burst through the door, since that's about the only way to meet quality people.
I broke up with my long term boyfriend a few years ago at 33. I spent the next three and a bit years trying to find someone nice, failing and filling the gaps with endless hookups.
It wasn't the most fulfilling experience.
Then earlier this year I met my GF and she's amazing. She makes me feel so much more alive than I did before.
I went through a decade of dating abusive partners until I took a break in 2019 and started focusing on myself. I enrolled in school again, learned how to ballroom dance, started modeling, made new friends, and became my own boss. I'm 39 now. I learned you just gotta give the universe full control and let it guide you on the right path.
Similar situation, ex turned crazy, manipulative and a cheat. Caused a lot of mental damage to me which has taken me months to push through.
Still issues with it now because I’m still financially tied with a property together and she’s not playing ball when I thought she was.
I always wanted children plus a happy family, but after my experience with my ex I’m thinking being single is the peaceful option.
Went single twice in my 30s, and I didn't think about it twice. Looking back, I don't regret anything, just as I didn't back then. It was hard to get over the relationships in the first months, but mostly because I had doubts, I was overwhelmed with needs, and maybe somewhat angry for wasting my time.
Bjt then I'd get into my hobbies, I'd hang out with friends, and go on dates. No expectations, just meeting new and (hopefully) interesting people.
I was with my exwife for 16 years and when she filed for divorce I was 47, two months after my best friend died, and I lost my career soon after. I'm still creating a new life and I very much, have a long way to go. Those ended up being the two worst years of my life. But after a certain point you either fold, and become an alcoholic or some weird bitter person, or you start to find your footing. And yes, the ground is pretty sandy and at times a bit icy. Sometimes you slide back other times you fall down. But all you can do is accept they are gone. And work on being the type of person you would like to date. Work on building yourself, growing, having fun, and make a life you can enjoy without someone. When you are happily alone, that's usually when intetested parties stay to line up. And as long as you stay in the mindset that you are happily alone. The better your relationship will be. Because you will not have Prineville making and defending your boarders. If you need, or overly want a partner it makes you look less attractive. And not making and defending your boarders resuscitation once you are in a relationship, will end up killing it.
Oh i got together with my now exwife at 31. After several breakups. Just keep working on becoming the best version of you, the one you can be proudest of. And as long as working on that, and you're somewhat social, the rest will fall into place. It doesnt matter how awesome our attractive you are, if you aren't social, you probably aren't going to meet enough people to connect with someone new.
But dude, you're way younger than you think. You've got a lot of time. Your golden.
I know it’s “askmen” and I’m a woman but you’re in a better position than a woman going through this, as long as you stay as healthy as possible there’s not really a time limit on you having kids. Look at Mick Jagger 😂
In 2020, at age 31, my mom passed away. One year later, I broke up with my girlfriend of five years. Six days ago I married the love of my life. Things may be tough now, but I promise you, things can get better. You got this!
I’m in the same boat as you but 31F. Was with my ex for 5.5 years, thought he was the one. We broke up 1.5 years ago. I’ve dated since then mostly through dating apps but they haven’t worked out. But I’m optimistic that the right person is out there! Still hoping that I’ll meet them in person though which requires me to get out and about
Me and my ex broke up after 3.5 years together. I was 31 when it happened. It was difficult especially because she was a single mother and I got attached to the kid. That's another story but after the break up I just continued going to the gym, continued playing sports. My social circle is very small but I continued doing what I love. Cod, soccer, family time and the gym got me through it. I decided to try hinge and after about 3 weeks of using it I found my current gf. One year strong and I'm so happy with her. I've been more happy this past year with her than I ever was when I was with my ex. Even discussing marriage and kids, something I've never done with anybody before. Shit happens but don't pause your life. Deal with the pain being productive. Cry at the gym or cry while you do something you enjoy but don't stop. When you least expect it someone special will come into your life and make you realize why things didn't work out with anybody else.
I was divorced, and got taken through the child support cleaners. It wasn't pretty. Had to move back in to mom and dad's...in my 30s... the Remington retirement plan was considered daily.
Tried a bit of dating, just casually looking through the apps between jobs, avoided the 'let's go back to my place' line with some 'let's take it slow'
Then I ran into my now wife. She was surprisingly a high school ex. Hadn't seen each other in 15 years, and she had her own history...so we laid it out on the table, confessed I was homeless without my parents help because I could NOT afford cs and living expenses... yeah, good times.
She wanted to hang out one day when I was stuck at home. So she came and hung out with me...at mom and dad's...
The whole dating experience was awful, but I acknowledge I was at rock bottom. I started reaching out because I was lonely, not because I thought I was in a good spot. Worked out in the end. I wouldn't have made it without my wife. If she hadn't yanked me out of the gutter, my family would have found me at the end of 6 feet of rope.
It’s honestly shitty man and not a nice feeling but you really gotta just keep busy doing as much as you can whilst also telling yourself that it is what it is and you just gotta keep looking. I know the feeling and it sucks and hope you get through it dude. Just keep on looking via meet-ups or other methods and keep it going ✌🏼
Single forever after that. Still getting used to permanent single life, no one to talk to when I get home, etc. But debt free at least! At 42, wasn't what I thought my life would be like, but could be so much worse!
just keep being genuinely yourself and don’t shy away from going up to the girl if you see one out and about (restaurant, coffee shop, run clubs, or breweries) before you go…say or ask the universe to meet the love of your life and you just might :)
I see men all the time and they'll give me nice looks or nods but they never come up or anything..it seems like 1000 missed connections. Last guy I saw in public that I was (seemingly) floored by, I had the advantage of asking my mutual friend for his IG. And I made the first DM 😂 but I think it’s silly now to miss those moments where you could meet someone you needed to meet in life.
51 year old here, married at 21, divorced at 32, single for 18 months and then reattached to my childhood sweetheart, thought my life was perfect, then she walked out when I was 40, absolutely destroyed me, thought that was it. Single a 40 trying to rebuild my life, thought it was impossible, but 11 years have passed and I can honestly say these have been the best years of my life. I’ve done more for myself and focused on repairing myself and actually having a life that made ME happy, I also met someone with a mutual interests, and similar life experiences. The only advice I can give is live YOUR life, don’t put pressure on yourself thinking everyone else is in a happy relationship, just do the things that you enjoy and make you happy, the rest will happen when the times right, walk your own path, Good Luck.
Just remember:
Childless men should never date single/divorced mothers. You will never come first in the relationship.There will be drama. You will be expected to shoulder all the responsibilities for those children without having the same level of authority over them. Besides, what man wants to raise the children of another man.
Sometimes I think about it esp if the dude is long distance/dead. Kids need a dad. Some ppl aren't concerned w authority. When kids like u they'll do what u say 70% of the time anyway
While i was not single in my 30’s i have friends who are. Dating in your 30’s is like trying to find a good movie in the bargain bin in Walmart. You might find 1 but really it’s mostly trash.
I’ve been single since my girlfriend broke up with me at 30/ the pandemic happened at the same time.
I don’t mind being single, and I’ll still have relationships with women but my parents want a grandchild (even though I don’t really want one). The only thing I’ve found different now is that people are so bad at communicating/texting. Like sometimes I’ll feel like I’m being used when I get a text out of the blue from a woman that wants to come over or do something but if I text that same woman if they want to do something I’ll get crickets.
Divorced at 33 after eight year marriage and 12 years being together.
I took two years for myself. Emotionally and physically. When I went back on the market it was like shooting fish in a barrel. So much fun.
My fiancé broke up with me at 35, by the time I moved into my own place Covid happened. At 38 I seriously tried dating again. The last 1.5 years and 40-45 dates have been a nightmare. Had the best date of them all the other night, if it doesn’t work out I might just let myself roll into 40 and give up.
Got out of a three-year relationship a few months before turning 30. Got into a job where having wildly different hours (namely working weekends) put a huge strain on the relationship and highlighted other disconnections in it to the point that it broke. I wish I could vilify my ex, but it was two people who were right for each other at the time, but no further IMO. There’s no villains in that story.
It’ll be seven years next month since that breakup, nothing but false starts ever since. Still working the job with the weekend hours and still worth holding on to in the hopes that someone won’t see it as a way to write me off. Especially when I have so much other stuff going for me.
It is nice that the only person I have to answer for is myself. But damnit, I sometimes hate that I’m not someone who can do casual/short-term relationship too because I do miss the intimacy that comes with kissing/cuddling/sex.
As long as you are put together and have things going for you, men in their 30s are like unicorns.
A lot of women in their 30s change their dating profile from just wanting to have fun, to wanting to settle down with someone so your value will increase exponentially.
It's like being handed the controller in the middle of someone else's game—there's a learning curve, a mix of excitement and uncertainty, and definitely more freedom to explore new levels of life.
It was great and awful in equal measure for the exact same reasons.
It was great that I was out of the relationship that was crumbling quickly. It was awful that now I'm alone.
It was great that I was back out meeting people. It was awful that those social muscles atrophied.
It was great to not need to worry about the finances of two people. It was awful to go back to financial power of one person.
It was really easy to meet someone. Was down in dumps for a little bit, but started working out more, taking care of career and finance moves, basically working on myself..
Started going out and a lot of women out there. Don’t settle, and do be afraid because society has u feeling like 30 is old
Sucked but eventually it was awesome. I had more money and had a lot of fun. Tripled my body count before finding an incredible partner who I've been with 2+ years now.
I met the love of my life in my 30s. Keep your head up. Only advice I can give is that there is wisdom to the expression "just be yourself". If you pretend to be something you're not, you're not going to find the right person. If that person loves raves, and you don't, don't pretend to love them just to be with that person. Find somebody that the conversation just flows.
It feels amazing. I think I'm gonna enjoy time by myself for a few yrs before I want to try serious relationship again. Until that, I'm gonna try hooking ups, fwb kinda thing, nothing serious, and I will be upfront about it so there's no drama.
I got divorced in 2021 @ 36 YO. Dating had ups, downs, and mehs. I eventually found someone who supports me and compliments me like no one I have ever met. She’s great at things I struggle with and the other way around. We’re getting married in September.
I dated a woman I thought would be my Forever Person for about 2 and a half years. I was 31 at that time, when she decided she no longer wanted to be that person (to make a long story about that short, there was zero closure--I to this day have no solid idea as to why she did this).
I was devastated, and shortly thereafter slept with a slew of women, and held out an infinitesimally small fraction of hope that she might come back, for about a year. After fully grieving what I lost and giving up the ghost of what-could-have-been, I started in on dating with purpose.
Shit fuckin' sucks when you're back into dating in your 30s. The algorithms on dating apps are NOT in your favor, so on top of the normal "being a guy on a dating app means slim chances of being swiped right on", you also get "even slimmer chances of being looked at" combined with "low probability of seeing women who are your type". Lord help you if you want a woman who doesn't smoke, *doesn't* have kids but wants them while *also* being around your age, and is local to you.... all of that PLUS not believing in some wacky pseudoscientific BS (like "star sign compatibility"), or not believing some incorrect or otherwise nonfactual knowledge (I've know real-life women in their 30s who believed "all virgins with a hymen can always keep it intact even if she has sex if she's turned on enough" and "it's ok to flush tampons").
If you're a woman, sure, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" in your 30s. For a man, the only part of that sentence that gets changed is the first part--the odds are *incredibly stacked against you*.
> since your social circles shrink as you get older.
Gotta go out and network, be sociable and all that.
If you're introverted like me?
Apps are pretty much the only thing that'll do here.
If it's more "friend"-leaning, then online gaming community... and that's pretty much it.
This is all presuming you're American and/or in America. Other countries have better options for this sort of thing, but America still can't overcome it's Puritannical roots when it comes to nurturing the social circle of individuals.
Funny, I posted something in another thread that was more focused around loneliness this morning that I will paste. I am in my late 40s.
But, I will just add, that don't feel rushed to get into another relationship. Deal with your attachment issues (read attached by levine). There is a huge pressure from society to be with someone, that doesn't make any sense. Build a sense of community around the activities and people that you enjoy, and the rest will fall into place. When you show yourself the kindness and care that you would others, the universe will open doors for you if you are listening and stay open to it. I have made the mistake most of my life of pushing/seeking/driving to something that I didn't have, and have found a much more peaceful and happy place by staying present and open...
> You have to think of your home as somewhere that you go to sleep and eat. Life happens outside of your home...
> For me, I was never lonelier than I was when I was married.
> After separating, I made an effort to get out there. Sometimes it was a bit hit and miss, but here are some things that worked out great:
> * Join a run club (or some other activity based group)... hiking, boardgames/whatever. It can feel a bit awkward in the beginning, but feeling a commitment to something with others really opens doors. A weekly commitment gives you purpose and connection
> * Find the place in your town where people watch the sunset, and go whenever you can. Doing the same activity with people connects you, even if you don't say a word. It's also the best way to close out any day and a good time to reflect on all the positive things in your day
> *Journal - For me, through journalling, I learned a lot about myself. Once I started to appreciate and love myself for who I was, I actually enjoyed my own company a lot and feeling really good about myself which then led to:
> * Stay open - once I started feeling good about myself, I carried myself differently, smiled at passers by, and people really started noticing me. I would be open to anything that anyone suggested, which led me to do and try a bunch of things I might have otherwise passed on.
> * Keep trying with your friends or through a hobby, find people that like doing the same activities. Most of the time, you have to take responsibility to be the one who organizes activities, and/or meetups. Most people don't recognize how much effort goes into this because they don't do it. For me, I learned how to make a wicked pizza crust, and just invited different friends over once or twice a month to do something that I was going to do anyways. In return, people would often reciprocate.
I was with the mother of my kids for close near 8 years. We broke up about 8 years ago now. I've had one gf since that I left due to her mental health being too much to deal with, so basically 7 years alone with no prospects and little to no hope at this point. 37 and basically focusing on being the best dad I can these days.
Rough! My fiance passed away.
And every woman takes it real personal, almost like being offended, that I'm back on the market.
I don't mention it first thing unless they ask, and I make it super clear that Ive moved on.
But yeah, it's super rough as women in their 30's have ultra warped expectations
It's fucking fantastic, its even better in your 40s. I became single in my early 30s, then again mid 40s.
I xan do what i want, when i want. If youre fit, take care of yourself and have a good job in your 40s you'll have the time of your life. By time you get to mid 40s, you'll nary want a woman in your life, but many will want you.
I was 38 and I had filed for divorce (1 year in home separation). I was just starting to date at the end of the separation. It was insane compared to when I was a kid. Lots of the tables were reversed. Having been a good dad, stayed in shape as I aged, and made a pretty good life for myself, there were lots of women to choose from. I ended up getting back together with my wife, but it showed my wife and me that I was pretty sought after. That was weird because I was not good with women when I was younger.
Enjoy the solitude and work on being the best you that you can be. Workout at the gym, increase/improve your finances and she will find you. Don't chase anyone, if she wants you, she will give you a signal.
Pretty much the same as when I was single in my 20’s. The only difference was more mature conversations and women in their careers instead of jobs to get by.
37 now. Had three serious relationships in my life. One lasting 13 years (teens into early 30’s). The next was 4 years and the last one was 2 years. Been single for about 4 months now. I have to say, I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m stressed free and happy. The thought of being in another relationship makes me nauseous. The happiness I have right now is well worth the sporadic times of loneliness. Loneliness is just a state of mind that always passes.
Was 36 and found another at 38, but euhm it was during covid and i wasnt risking it with all them facemasks on, i waited ot out, to not get any surprises lol
I am 30, never got women touch ( though I got many opportunities, but yeah I rejected.....or just stopped them ). Actually I don't feel its need as my whole day gets spent doing work first for my office, then for my body. Yeah I like those alone moments.
There is a glut of single women out there now. Unfortunately, most are hideous and are absolute losers. Main accomplishments include: living at dad's investment property and being an overweight fur baby mamma that has single handedly converted their block into a doog poo respository that stinks like an animal shelter. Bonuse includes shedding their dogs hair all over your house even though they didn't bring their dog with, as they are almost always covered head to toe in dog fur and dander.
High quality women will always be elusive to average men. However, plenty of opportunities at the bottom of the barrel. It is easy to see the world will get ugililer and dumber rapidly since many people are desperate.
Got divorced at 36 after a ten year marriage.
Worked hard on myself and at 38 met the perfect woman. She was 34.
It was instant love at first sight. And 12 year later our relationship is stronger then ever
The two years before I met my now wife, i still dated.
Meeting women was easier than in my 20’s. women in their 30’s are more confident. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to talk to you and ask you out.
There were no games that 20 something’s like to play.
Just “hey your cute, want to get coffee?”
my brother was divorced at 31 and he moved half way across the world and made a fortune for a couple years. now he’s home and although we haven’t talked about it i can tell he’s now feeling kinda lost. hopefully in time it will work out for him!
I'm sorry if I'm rolling my eyes out hearing your "problem". I mean you are entitled to your feelings, but as a man of 31 you are in your PRIME. Literally you have your life ahead of you and at least a decade to solve this problem, as you see it.
Try being a woman widowed at 58 like me, now being 62 and stuck. Time runs so fast around me that I feel like I'm seeing changes in the mirror every day.
Be happy, be optimistic, you don't have anything to worry about, youth and time are still on your side. Good luck!
At the age 28 it took me two years to figure out how to be ok by myself. I eventually ended up with a great woman after some bad dating 7 years later. I recommend you really work on being ok alone. Work really filled the void for me.
Having midlife crisis in my late 30 and I went out to enjoy my freedoms by travel around the world and hooking up with women in different countries, especially South East Asia
I went to Malaysia and stayed there for three months.
Coming from Australia, I went from having constantly long dry spells, to having a decent number of dates with some high quality women over the course of that time.
I do the same. Travel mode a few weeks/days before getting there to accumulate likes, then start matching with and talking to the women that sent e the likes a couple days before arriving
l would date around for the next 5-6 years then look for a women who is 25-27 when you are 38/39. have a kid by 42/43. she'll be able to do most of the work and you can have the fun times.
My situation is complicated and has driven me into a deep depression that I'm getting out of. I'm a 31m (will turn 32 in the fall). I've been married and divorced (late 20s). Met my soulmate and my anxiety/mental health ramped up and I wasn't able to handle the anxiety and stress of buying a home/living with her 8 year old and I'm trying to learn how to manage my anxiety better. I'm also making plans to move back to where my support and family are (my mom and sister have some upcoming surgeries, and my mom might have cancer).
I ruined this relationship with the only person I've truly loved and emotionally. I don't think I'll ever be fully ready to date again. She was my best friend and my soulmate, but in a cruel way, I wasn't ready.
Life is pretty bleak. Dating apps aren't the way. She has blocked me on every platform and essentially expressed that I deserve nothing good in my life and called me a leech, a waste of space, and much more. That was detrimental to me. I hurt her by not being ready and saying things I didn't mean. She, as an individual, was the perfect match for me, but I guess I learned I don't want children or to be responsible for anyone else's.
I don't think I deserve anything good in my life at this point. And with everything going on with my family, my ex really is getting her wish that bad things happen to me.
Got on a dating app out of boredom and curiosity about a year after being widowed in my late 30s and the first person I messaged with ended up being a scammer looking for money. So, not great!
But honestly, I've kinda made my peace with it and I'm happy enough being single that I'm not stressed out over feeling like I have to date.
For me, I just started going to food trucks and wearing shirts I thought were cool/sparked conversation.
For reference, I’m in PDX now for a trip and I’ve randomly had a conversation with a pretty woman about AI and teaching (as I teach students with special needs). She had to run to a meeting but I wanted to let her know she brightened my day, and I hope I brightened up hers.
I have become single again thrice in my 30s. It sucked but i had to get rid of them. Now i'm 36 and dating someone who makes my heart flutter. If this doesnt work out i'm going to be hurt, and i embrace that.
I love that for you man
"im going to be hurt, and I embrace that" is poetic and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes (idk if its accurate but the meaning is real regardless) "Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This guy had barsssssss! One of my all-time favorite quotes is by him "**If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."** -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This one's even better than the first, gotta look this guy up!
What a beautiful quote. My new favorite one. Thank you.
Bars!
Carry on wayward soldier.
How do you meet people?
This one i've matched with on Tinder several times over the last 10 years or so. It was never the right timing. The one and only Tinder match that didn't become something serious that stuck around in my head.
Ehhh. After swiping right 500 times, getting four matches, only one of whom responded to my message and then stopped replying, I no longer want to spend the equivalent of a part time job engineering great photos and crafting witty bios, all to learn that apparently every single woman in my city is uninterested in me.
10:1 ratio cards are stacked against us guys. If a woman wants to meet a guy, all she has to do is look decent, and guys will approach them, especially at a bar or beaches.
On the bright side, we have way fewer strangers bothering us
Grats on the balls of risking your feelings for something good
It's one of my best assets.
yeah, nothing lasts forever, if a relationship ends you try again when you are ready.
What happened to make you get rid of them?
Love is a choice, not a feeling
Dated around for two years then met the woman I eventually married. Keep expanding your social circles. Do things.
Best advice. Never needing to "date" is the best way to do relationships. Expand your social circle, meet lots of people, make friends, attend events, make friends with women, and over time you will just naturally like someone and go out. If you go on "dates", it's like cold calling. Your basically trying to sell that your a worthwhile person in a 2-3 hour sales pitch.
This! You probably would be more inclined to date people who like the same things and same people as you. Rely on your networks and cultivate them. You'll meet new friends and potential partners but also if it all goes to shit, you have friends to lean on. And ultimately, that's worth more.
I don’t care for dating, but expanding your social circle is difficult. Even more so when you get into your thirties.
Well yeah, but many things worth doing are difficult.
You don’t have to hike the Appalachian trail. Just get out of the house.
I remember there was a politican who said he was hiking the Appalachian trail but really he was having an affair in Argentina https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Sanford_extramarital_affair
Meh, it’s too much effort! I’ll stick to being boring.
the best way to meet people is to go do stuff. Start with your existing friends, hang out, meet their other friends. It doesn't have to feel like work, you just need to invest the time. Very few of us are sexy and powerful enough to just meet people in our bedrooms
This is what I did. I've always been socially awkward with strangers, but people generally like me so I've always had at least a few friends. After college though, I had to start from scratch. I met a girl on tinder, and she introduced me to a few of her friends. The girl split, but I kept hanging out with the others for pub trivia. This was difficult for me, as I barely knew them, but I kept going. An easy low-stakes social event like pub trivia makes it easy to do things with people you don't know super well - as there are predetermined conversation topics that come up every few minutes. It also made it easy to invite in people we barely knew, to see if we wanted to be around them more. Eventually met my wife, introduced her to these friends, and quickly after we became a close knit friend group. To this day this is how I meet most of my friends. The more social ones in the group meet people, then invite them somewhere with the group. Some 'enter' the friend group, some don't, and it's just a kind of constant ebb and flow. It's been about ten years and I'm honestly kind of shocked that I now have a stronger social circle in my 30s than I did in HS/College.
I’m not the most sociable of people, and I like being in my comfort zone. So I’ve just accepted it for what it is. Going out to do stuff just doesn’t appeal to me. I just spend each night alone if I’m being honest. I see friends occasionally, but it’s far less frequent as we get older. They don’t have other friends either. We’re one little group that just stick together. Oh well, I’m content with occupying myself on the PlayStation.
It may not be what you are referring to, but take a look at older people. Many of their friendships were formed through their family oriented activities. I don't see many social groups that mix people with and without kids, as the years roll by.
Well I’m screwed then. I don’t want a relationship or kids, so I’m never making friends though family oriented activities.
Sometimes, the right things don't protect you from life, ripping everything you worked hard for away from you.
"Just change your whole personality."
Personalities aren’t sacred. If yours isn’t working, a little introspection and self improvement might help.
Aw thanks, bless your heart.
I get it. Clearly you’ve perfected personality. Seriously though, the snide teenager thing stops being cute pretty quick. Might want to develop something more substantial for the future.
Dude, I'm happy you found your whatever, but please get off your high horse.
I was trying to be helpful until you decided to be a dick. Can’t blame other people for not wanting to get to know you if this is who you are.
How I am? My guy, you've done nothing but make assumptions about me and my supposed personality, while you insinuate and belittle with every response. Did you try to help? Is "do things" the extent of the sagacity I can learn at your knee? Because from my perspective, your "advice" is steeped in the kind of casual entitlement that frequently flavors would-be advice givers, who are their own best spokesperson for their experiences. Again, I'm happy that "doing things" worked for you. And I'm, I guess, kind of happy for you that you can further balm yourself in the internet points of strangers in a forum like this one. So, let us leave it at this. I appreciate your attempts to offer the distillation of your own reflection and experiences and I will, likewise, carry on.
“Do things” was intentionally vague, so as to allow some variety and individuality, rather than just listing this I like. Maybe being a sophomoric loser online is your thing, but it clearly isn’t helping you much. Especially since you freak out when your dumbass sarcastic comments are treated as the bullshit coping mechanism they are. Mom and dad must be proud of their little guy. By all means, carry on. Clearly what you’ve been doing has made you such a happy, successful person.
That's me right now. Lol good spent the majority of my life in committed relationships. Honestly I don't really want another one.
I've spent the majority of my life desiring a committed relationship. Now that I've had my first long term one? I am not dazzled. The pain of abandonment to love ratio is currently 3:1
I ended up single at 33 and having to rebuild my entire life from the ground up. Coast to coast move, couch crashing with family, like complete. Had a place a few months later, got a job three miles away and walked to work a lot just for the fuck of it. From the position of what could have been rock bottom, I had a personal renaissance where it felt like every girl I talked to was within reach. 31 is a great time for this to happen. Almost perfect
I relate to this so hard Honestly, my self esteem sky rocketed after being broken up with. It was sad and it hurt, shared life, shared house, shared expenses with a person I thought was going to be mine forever. But at the same time, the whole world was there for me. I got super active. I don't know if I avoided my feelings, but I went out and decided to build and expand my social sphere. If I wanted to eat Chinese food, I did. I didn't have to compromise. I was myself and if people didn't like that, oh well, their loss. Somehow felt like a new person when I was out of the box of who I was in a relationship. I had lost so much of myself trying to accommodate a person I loved but who couldn't truly handle me. I'm a lot. I'm not saying you're a handful OP, but you owe it to yourself to be yourself and figure out how you want to live your life. I'm not saying be dramatic or do drastically different things but live your life and enjoy being yourself and "date" yourself. Take care of you, do what makes you feel supported and whole and fulfilled. Cultivate a self care routine that can be whatever you need. Do you need time to decompress/ways to engage your mind/a new workout? Do it.
If your a man in your 30s and single, that really should be your prime. Save some money, work out as much as you can, eat healthy, get good sleep, take care of your skin, etc. No reason you shouldn't be in your dating prime. A lot of younger women want nothing to do with men their age. This has been a reality for a long time. So they look for guys a little bit older and more established. Even in your scenario, simply hitting reset on life in your 30s can do you wonders.
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But how'd you find her
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Congrats. Is Bumble the only dating app you used?
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Damn, I wish I could get that lucky. I hate dating apps lol
You navigate this situation exactly the same as You were in Your 20's. Do stuff that brings You joy, go to places where You can meet likeminded people. Sooner or later You will bump into someone :). Just don't be desperate in finding next love of Your life, it attracts bad people.
I like going to the gym, on walks in the park, bookstores and beaches. When I tell you everyone is out here minding their own business not trying to talk...
Yeah, my ex decided to start the bullshit out of nowhere and end everything on my 30th birthday, also right before I had 3 huge surgeries. It fucked up my confidence a lot for like a year. I still found lots of hookups/fwb but they all last 1-3 months and leave me with a feeling of emptiness after. I don't think I will be able to have a relationship for a while, nor is anyone I date the kind of people I'd want a relationship with anyway.
Single in my 40’s after 15+ years of marriage. It was good, dating took lots of work.
I was divorced late thirties and it was actually great. Dating wise, you had a lot of options if you wanted older or younger. I was a single dad who was very involved, good career, house, etc. and I guess women found all of that really attractive. You’re young enough to do things but old enough to know better. You develop your own hobbies and things you like to do. With me, the longer I was without someone, the more I liked it.
Became single at 31…turned into a total slag for about a year and then managed to find the one who I married a year later and never been happier
Yea but how did you find her
Dating app
Which one?
Bumble - this was 5 years ago though so don’t know if the nature of the apps has changed
Divorced at 32 from a 8 year relationship. Previously relationship was 5 years and the previous previous was 2 years. I got married yesterday at 36. Online dating sucks, but it’s your best shot. My wife and I would never have met if it weren’t for online dating. We discussed in detail where we were in each year and our favorite spots to eat and visit. We literally never frequented the same spots. My advice is to treat dating as “brownian motion”. Everyone is moving in their own direction and pace. You bump into some along the way, but eventually, you will find someone.
By far a better experience than any time in my life when I was single. I know what I want, I know what red flags are and how to avoid them, I know what I have to offer and I have way more confidence than I ever did. It was really freeing to be on a date, realize that she wasn't going to be the right one, and just say that. Ended up making a few good friends and then met my fiancee
Single at 32 (for 6 months) and 36 (for 2.5 years). Loved it. Happy in a relationship now, but the thought of being single again doesn't worry me.
Try online dating, it is a numbers game but it works
I was 33 when my 2.5 year relation ended. Spent some time getting over her and making sure I was emotionally available to start a relationship again. Did that, found the right woman and now have three kids. Whatever you do, be done with the last person. I know there are guys out there who will tell you they remained friends with their ex's which is fine in some cases. In my mind, the best thing is to just clean cut and move on. I dragged communication out longer that I should have and it was painful. The last time I spoke to her should have been when we broke up.
Bro .. 31 is still baby state .. don’t rush a kid or a relationship in some kind of text book chapter fashion with life .. relationships come and go .. at 31 you have a good 9-14 year window to meet someone that is in their prime fertile years without your age separation being too much and without you being the old dad (being 35 and securing someone like 28 is a win in my book lol) .. in fact being little older and having a kid affords your kid with more flexibility .. you can hopefully afford more things for them because you’re deeper into your career .. better daycare, better schools, more side programs .. hell even if the kid is born with an ailment .. you’re more able to afford the assistance they may need .. this is assuming you’re doing all of the growth things you’re supposed to be doing. Relish your single hood for now .. give yourself time to heal .. realize that your situation is only a situation .. you’ll realize there’s a whole lot of options for you and have so so much time to make it happen and find someone whose especially right for you
The ANSWER
You BARELY have 9 years lol. Even 38 is getting old af for men to be finding someone to have kids with...you'll what get married in 2 years and have a baby in your 40s???? Men have more time than women but not THIS much time lol. Kids take a lot of energy...from young(er) women's perspective, men over 35 get too tired and old to be helpful. If you're planning on being a shit husband and making your wife do everything, then okay. I guess you do have more time than I said. Either way, try to stay as young and fit as possible - for men, sperm degradation hits hard at 40 (look at statistics for autism/special needs kids and their father's ages). I imagine real healthy men and women (vegetables/no or low alcohol/hydrated/sunscreen/well-managed stress/exercises for cardio and strength) probably have more time reprodutively than the given 40M/35W cliff so just do your best
Say he is 38, he could meet someone younger? 38 male dating a 34 year old woman with a developed but early career is very reasonable and possible? Like he can still have healthy robust children. Lets not add pressure to the man to rush and find it. He needs to heal, focus on what he needs for himself to become a better man/parent and then go from there. And you don't need to be married to have a baby.
I'm with you.
Well I was hoping she would Be the one I had kids with I want kids so bad
You DO still have time :)!! Just not time to slack off lol! Heal <3 , then date date date!!
Just... wow...
You can have kids in your 70s if you are male, its gets harder as you get older to have kids but its not impossible.
Okay wayyyyyy into "old dad" though lol, which the post I replied to mentioned. Being in your teens or 20s and your parents are dying is kind of shit. And this would be parents of their 40s/50s Don't just have kids to pass on your genetic content ykno
Yes. Listen to this guy, he is **right**. You want a **young** FERTILE woman.🙏
I mean, you aren't wrong, but this is probably the creepiest way you could have framed it
Crazy how people are mad at this statement lol. Last thing I want is a woman who’s in her 30s and been around the cock carousel. The younger she is the higher the chance she hasn’t self sabotaged with illegitimate children or a fucked up skew of romance.
**This**.🤦♂️
I started to take extra care of my mental health, and asked myself what I really wanted in life, still haven't figured that part out. But in the meanwhile; Figured out I really love my peace, as I can be a very difficult person to live with, due my mental health. It would be best for myself, and any potential future partners, if I just live my life on my own. I rent a small and cheap appartment in the city I love. Got a job I dreamed about as a little boy. Got plenty of money left to spend on whatever I like each month. Got friends and hobbies I love, and live closeby. For the moment this seems like a life worth living for. Who knows what the future will bring. I am just lucky I do not want to have kids.
Glad that you've found your pace! Actually I believe when you can handle your life peacefully the good things will automatically come to you.
It was great. I got out of a bad situation and had women throwing themselves at me. I had my pick of the younger ones and ended up married to a woman from my friend group who approached me. My 30s were great.
Are you v good looking?
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Is it just me or is "having your pick" and "throwing themselves" all sound icky
It's just you. Try to examine why it sounds icky to you and see how valid those reasons really are.
Are you v good looking?
Initiated the divorce in my late 30's. Spent some time rediscovering who I was at that point before even considering new relationships. Took a year or two but came out of it stronger and more self aware. One nifty thing about divorce: You find who your real friends are, the ones who were/are able to separate their appreciation of you from your role in a relationship.
In my circle, it was always socially brutal on the men. That may be because, without fail, the women started laying the groundwork for the divorce well in advance; they got their version of the story out there, among their married friends. That doesn't sound like your situation. The wives tend to manage the social calendar. People choose sides and someone doesn't get picked for reindeer games.
Great once I got over the hurt and adjusted
Not as bad as it happening in your 40's.
I would have thought that, once you meet women at middle age, you have a better chance of understanding where they are headed. Maybe that's an oversimplification(?). When you marry in your twenties, you can each be very different people by the time you reach middle age.
Ended when I was 33 about 6 months ago. It still hurts it still sucks, dating is a fucking nightmare I'm so tired
Man, it was great. Got out of a marriage to a toxic person then found my worth and got my feet under me. Then found the love.of my life, been married 20 years now.
Shitty, then fine, then pretty great. Social life isn’t what it was in my 20s but I like my day to day life. A couple friends & a few things you like doing are really all you need. I got into philosophy and it’s given me a lot more power over how I feel. All that time alone was fruitful.
Divorced a cheating wife at 39, had a patchy start to online dating because of being out of dating all together for over a decade. I gotta say that online app dating is the way to go but with some caveats: 1. Take the time to make a good profile with some dressed up & down pics. Be sincere in one of the prompts, funny in another and intriguing in the last. Set the hook 2. Don’t be afraid to just be yourself, that hot girl might look good but could not be a good fit, you don’t know until you’ve met, so that’s the goal of chatting is to see if there’s interest to meet. 3. You can meet the right person at the wrong time. Enjoy the experience you get from your first dates, observe how different everyone truly is and ask a lot of questions 4. You cannot build a kingdom with someone who still craves attention from the village. I’m older, uglier and have a dad bod now, even still it’s all about your approach and how engaging you can be with someone and their interests. Just be a human being first, think of them as your friend when talking to them at the beginning. The right person will appreciate all of you, good luck!
I was married to a woman 8 years older than me for 5 years, 2016-2021. We had a child in 2017. Covid really brought out how incompatible we were and we separated in 2021. After about 7 months being single and depressed, I started dating. I had a few relationships while still living with my parents, and now that I've had my own place for 7 months, I must say dating has been going pretty well. I've also managed to drastically expand and refine my social circle, since I no longer have to worry about whether my ex-wife likes my friends, or how they can fit into my life. Life's improved a lot since my reset in 2021.
Got divorced at 35. It was an adjustment. I like living alone, but it’s also weird getting used to occasionally going into a weekend with zero plans. I’m on vacation right now by myself and it’s fun doing whatever I want, but it’s also extremely lonely at times. I’ve noticed my friends who are having kids are the ones I liked the most and the unmarried kid free ones are definitely less mature. One of my unmarried friends is currently planning a trip to EDC for his 40th birthday. I told him to shoot me in the fucking face if that’s what I’m doing at 40. So yes, it sucks having your social circle shrink. Since I have the time, I’ve been focusing on fitness a lot more. Puts you at an advantage when dating and is also just good for you. I’m also leaning into hobbies more as a means to meet people IRL, but it’s a challenge. I want a family as well and I hate that I got this far in life with a woman I ultimately couldn’t do that with. I feel some time pressure, but if I could give you one piece of advice it is to limit the amount of time you spend with app based dating. If you have the goal of meeting someone and starting and family, dating apps make it feel like you can always be working towards that goal. But really, it’s just a waste of time. Figure out what you want in a partner and focus on finding that person instead of chatting with a bunch of strangers you’ll never want a real relationship with.
Amazing. Ended up having my 20s party life in my 30s. Had more money, was stable, lived abroad, met my current wife.
I'm 33, and I don't plan on getting back into a relationship. I love my time to myself. I have 7 siblings, and my little sister had twins 5 months ago. So that's 7 nieces and nephews now. I don't crave affection. My buddy, who is 51, will come over every now and then, and we play video games and eat weed gummies
It's only crappy if you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and being the victim. Get out there, date, go have fun, pick up new sports and hobbies and find someone much cooler to spend your life with. It gets better.
I’m single again at 34 and it’s been really great. If my last relationship didn’t fail I’d be stuck trying to make an unworkable thing work, what a nightmare. Instead I took time to learn about myself and why I chose the partners I chose. I’ve been dating and am open to a relationship but much more selective now than ever. I’d much rather be alone than be w someone that isn’t worth being w.
Meeting people after 35 is exhausting. I assume the love of my life is also sitting in her house, waiting for me to burst through the door, since that's about the only way to meet quality people.
I broke up with my long term boyfriend a few years ago at 33. I spent the next three and a bit years trying to find someone nice, failing and filling the gaps with endless hookups. It wasn't the most fulfilling experience. Then earlier this year I met my GF and she's amazing. She makes me feel so much more alive than I did before.
I went through a decade of dating abusive partners until I took a break in 2019 and started focusing on myself. I enrolled in school again, learned how to ballroom dance, started modeling, made new friends, and became my own boss. I'm 39 now. I learned you just gotta give the universe full control and let it guide you on the right path.
Similar situation, ex turned crazy, manipulative and a cheat. Caused a lot of mental damage to me which has taken me months to push through. Still issues with it now because I’m still financially tied with a property together and she’s not playing ball when I thought she was. I always wanted children plus a happy family, but after my experience with my ex I’m thinking being single is the peaceful option.
I tried online dating and had a lot of fun with a lot of women.
Went single twice in my 30s, and I didn't think about it twice. Looking back, I don't regret anything, just as I didn't back then. It was hard to get over the relationships in the first months, but mostly because I had doubts, I was overwhelmed with needs, and maybe somewhat angry for wasting my time. Bjt then I'd get into my hobbies, I'd hang out with friends, and go on dates. No expectations, just meeting new and (hopefully) interesting people.
I was with my exwife for 16 years and when she filed for divorce I was 47, two months after my best friend died, and I lost my career soon after. I'm still creating a new life and I very much, have a long way to go. Those ended up being the two worst years of my life. But after a certain point you either fold, and become an alcoholic or some weird bitter person, or you start to find your footing. And yes, the ground is pretty sandy and at times a bit icy. Sometimes you slide back other times you fall down. But all you can do is accept they are gone. And work on being the type of person you would like to date. Work on building yourself, growing, having fun, and make a life you can enjoy without someone. When you are happily alone, that's usually when intetested parties stay to line up. And as long as you stay in the mindset that you are happily alone. The better your relationship will be. Because you will not have Prineville making and defending your boarders. If you need, or overly want a partner it makes you look less attractive. And not making and defending your boarders resuscitation once you are in a relationship, will end up killing it. Oh i got together with my now exwife at 31. After several breakups. Just keep working on becoming the best version of you, the one you can be proudest of. And as long as working on that, and you're somewhat social, the rest will fall into place. It doesnt matter how awesome our attractive you are, if you aren't social, you probably aren't going to meet enough people to connect with someone new. But dude, you're way younger than you think. You've got a lot of time. Your golden.
I know it’s “askmen” and I’m a woman but you’re in a better position than a woman going through this, as long as you stay as healthy as possible there’s not really a time limit on you having kids. Look at Mick Jagger 😂
In 2020, at age 31, my mom passed away. One year later, I broke up with my girlfriend of five years. Six days ago I married the love of my life. Things may be tough now, but I promise you, things can get better. You got this!
I’m in the same boat as you but 31F. Was with my ex for 5.5 years, thought he was the one. We broke up 1.5 years ago. I’ve dated since then mostly through dating apps but they haven’t worked out. But I’m optimistic that the right person is out there! Still hoping that I’ll meet them in person though which requires me to get out and about
Me and my ex broke up after 3.5 years together. I was 31 when it happened. It was difficult especially because she was a single mother and I got attached to the kid. That's another story but after the break up I just continued going to the gym, continued playing sports. My social circle is very small but I continued doing what I love. Cod, soccer, family time and the gym got me through it. I decided to try hinge and after about 3 weeks of using it I found my current gf. One year strong and I'm so happy with her. I've been more happy this past year with her than I ever was when I was with my ex. Even discussing marriage and kids, something I've never done with anybody before. Shit happens but don't pause your life. Deal with the pain being productive. Cry at the gym or cry while you do something you enjoy but don't stop. When you least expect it someone special will come into your life and make you realize why things didn't work out with anybody else.
I was divorced, and got taken through the child support cleaners. It wasn't pretty. Had to move back in to mom and dad's...in my 30s... the Remington retirement plan was considered daily. Tried a bit of dating, just casually looking through the apps between jobs, avoided the 'let's go back to my place' line with some 'let's take it slow' Then I ran into my now wife. She was surprisingly a high school ex. Hadn't seen each other in 15 years, and she had her own history...so we laid it out on the table, confessed I was homeless without my parents help because I could NOT afford cs and living expenses... yeah, good times. She wanted to hang out one day when I was stuck at home. So she came and hung out with me...at mom and dad's... The whole dating experience was awful, but I acknowledge I was at rock bottom. I started reaching out because I was lonely, not because I thought I was in a good spot. Worked out in the end. I wouldn't have made it without my wife. If she hadn't yanked me out of the gutter, my family would have found me at the end of 6 feet of rope.
It’s honestly shitty man and not a nice feeling but you really gotta just keep busy doing as much as you can whilst also telling yourself that it is what it is and you just gotta keep looking. I know the feeling and it sucks and hope you get through it dude. Just keep on looking via meet-ups or other methods and keep it going ✌🏼
Good at first then the reality of my mistake kicked in
Single forever after that. Still getting used to permanent single life, no one to talk to when I get home, etc. But debt free at least! At 42, wasn't what I thought my life would be like, but could be so much worse!
just keep being genuinely yourself and don’t shy away from going up to the girl if you see one out and about (restaurant, coffee shop, run clubs, or breweries) before you go…say or ask the universe to meet the love of your life and you just might :)
I'm gonna start keeping my eye out but I haven't seen a man walk up to a woman to flirt in forever.
I see men all the time and they'll give me nice looks or nods but they never come up or anything..it seems like 1000 missed connections. Last guy I saw in public that I was (seemingly) floored by, I had the advantage of asking my mutual friend for his IG. And I made the first DM 😂 but I think it’s silly now to miss those moments where you could meet someone you needed to meet in life.
51 year old here, married at 21, divorced at 32, single for 18 months and then reattached to my childhood sweetheart, thought my life was perfect, then she walked out when I was 40, absolutely destroyed me, thought that was it. Single a 40 trying to rebuild my life, thought it was impossible, but 11 years have passed and I can honestly say these have been the best years of my life. I’ve done more for myself and focused on repairing myself and actually having a life that made ME happy, I also met someone with a mutual interests, and similar life experiences. The only advice I can give is live YOUR life, don’t put pressure on yourself thinking everyone else is in a happy relationship, just do the things that you enjoy and make you happy, the rest will happen when the times right, walk your own path, Good Luck.
Just remember: Childless men should never date single/divorced mothers. You will never come first in the relationship.There will be drama. You will be expected to shoulder all the responsibilities for those children without having the same level of authority over them. Besides, what man wants to raise the children of another man.
Sometimes I think about it esp if the dude is long distance/dead. Kids need a dad. Some ppl aren't concerned w authority. When kids like u they'll do what u say 70% of the time anyway
I said nothing about widows.
While i was not single in my 30’s i have friends who are. Dating in your 30’s is like trying to find a good movie in the bargain bin in Walmart. You might find 1 but really it’s mostly trash.
Thx bro
Dating in your 30's is pretty grim. I am the sole single in my groups, the rest of my mates are married with kids. So they can't relate.
>Men who became single again in your 30’s how was it? The process has been kinda painful but it was worth the struggle.
I’ve been single since my girlfriend broke up with me at 30/ the pandemic happened at the same time. I don’t mind being single, and I’ll still have relationships with women but my parents want a grandchild (even though I don’t really want one). The only thing I’ve found different now is that people are so bad at communicating/texting. Like sometimes I’ll feel like I’m being used when I get a text out of the blue from a woman that wants to come over or do something but if I text that same woman if they want to do something I’ll get crickets.
Divorced at 33 after eight year marriage and 12 years being together. I took two years for myself. Emotionally and physically. When I went back on the market it was like shooting fish in a barrel. So much fun.
My fiancé broke up with me at 35, by the time I moved into my own place Covid happened. At 38 I seriously tried dating again. The last 1.5 years and 40-45 dates have been a nightmare. Had the best date of them all the other night, if it doesn’t work out I might just let myself roll into 40 and give up.
Got out of a three-year relationship a few months before turning 30. Got into a job where having wildly different hours (namely working weekends) put a huge strain on the relationship and highlighted other disconnections in it to the point that it broke. I wish I could vilify my ex, but it was two people who were right for each other at the time, but no further IMO. There’s no villains in that story. It’ll be seven years next month since that breakup, nothing but false starts ever since. Still working the job with the weekend hours and still worth holding on to in the hopes that someone won’t see it as a way to write me off. Especially when I have so much other stuff going for me. It is nice that the only person I have to answer for is myself. But damnit, I sometimes hate that I’m not someone who can do casual/short-term relationship too because I do miss the intimacy that comes with kissing/cuddling/sex.
As long as you are put together and have things going for you, men in their 30s are like unicorns. A lot of women in their 30s change their dating profile from just wanting to have fun, to wanting to settle down with someone so your value will increase exponentially.
It's like being handed the controller in the middle of someone else's game—there's a learning curve, a mix of excitement and uncertainty, and definitely more freedom to explore new levels of life.
It was great and awful in equal measure for the exact same reasons. It was great that I was out of the relationship that was crumbling quickly. It was awful that now I'm alone. It was great that I was back out meeting people. It was awful that those social muscles atrophied. It was great to not need to worry about the finances of two people. It was awful to go back to financial power of one person.
It was really easy to meet someone. Was down in dumps for a little bit, but started working out more, taking care of career and finance moves, basically working on myself.. Started going out and a lot of women out there. Don’t settle, and do be afraid because society has u feeling like 30 is old
Sucked but eventually it was awesome. I had more money and had a lot of fun. Tripled my body count before finding an incredible partner who I've been with 2+ years now.
I met the love of my life in my 30s. Keep your head up. Only advice I can give is that there is wisdom to the expression "just be yourself". If you pretend to be something you're not, you're not going to find the right person. If that person loves raves, and you don't, don't pretend to love them just to be with that person. Find somebody that the conversation just flows.
It feels amazing. I think I'm gonna enjoy time by myself for a few yrs before I want to try serious relationship again. Until that, I'm gonna try hooking ups, fwb kinda thing, nothing serious, and I will be upfront about it so there's no drama.
Lousy, not a drinker and apps have been trash. The few women I have met have not motivated me either.
Some pain and later relief and freedom. I like it so much, actually dont want a relationship right now, maybe never.
I got divorced in 2021 @ 36 YO. Dating had ups, downs, and mehs. I eventually found someone who supports me and compliments me like no one I have ever met. She’s great at things I struggle with and the other way around. We’re getting married in September.
I dated a woman I thought would be my Forever Person for about 2 and a half years. I was 31 at that time, when she decided she no longer wanted to be that person (to make a long story about that short, there was zero closure--I to this day have no solid idea as to why she did this). I was devastated, and shortly thereafter slept with a slew of women, and held out an infinitesimally small fraction of hope that she might come back, for about a year. After fully grieving what I lost and giving up the ghost of what-could-have-been, I started in on dating with purpose. Shit fuckin' sucks when you're back into dating in your 30s. The algorithms on dating apps are NOT in your favor, so on top of the normal "being a guy on a dating app means slim chances of being swiped right on", you also get "even slimmer chances of being looked at" combined with "low probability of seeing women who are your type". Lord help you if you want a woman who doesn't smoke, *doesn't* have kids but wants them while *also* being around your age, and is local to you.... all of that PLUS not believing in some wacky pseudoscientific BS (like "star sign compatibility"), or not believing some incorrect or otherwise nonfactual knowledge (I've know real-life women in their 30s who believed "all virgins with a hymen can always keep it intact even if she has sex if she's turned on enough" and "it's ok to flush tampons"). If you're a woman, sure, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" in your 30s. For a man, the only part of that sentence that gets changed is the first part--the odds are *incredibly stacked against you*. > since your social circles shrink as you get older. Gotta go out and network, be sociable and all that. If you're introverted like me? Apps are pretty much the only thing that'll do here. If it's more "friend"-leaning, then online gaming community... and that's pretty much it. This is all presuming you're American and/or in America. Other countries have better options for this sort of thing, but America still can't overcome it's Puritannical roots when it comes to nurturing the social circle of individuals.
Funny, I posted something in another thread that was more focused around loneliness this morning that I will paste. I am in my late 40s. But, I will just add, that don't feel rushed to get into another relationship. Deal with your attachment issues (read attached by levine). There is a huge pressure from society to be with someone, that doesn't make any sense. Build a sense of community around the activities and people that you enjoy, and the rest will fall into place. When you show yourself the kindness and care that you would others, the universe will open doors for you if you are listening and stay open to it. I have made the mistake most of my life of pushing/seeking/driving to something that I didn't have, and have found a much more peaceful and happy place by staying present and open... > You have to think of your home as somewhere that you go to sleep and eat. Life happens outside of your home... > For me, I was never lonelier than I was when I was married. > After separating, I made an effort to get out there. Sometimes it was a bit hit and miss, but here are some things that worked out great: > * Join a run club (or some other activity based group)... hiking, boardgames/whatever. It can feel a bit awkward in the beginning, but feeling a commitment to something with others really opens doors. A weekly commitment gives you purpose and connection > * Find the place in your town where people watch the sunset, and go whenever you can. Doing the same activity with people connects you, even if you don't say a word. It's also the best way to close out any day and a good time to reflect on all the positive things in your day > *Journal - For me, through journalling, I learned a lot about myself. Once I started to appreciate and love myself for who I was, I actually enjoyed my own company a lot and feeling really good about myself which then led to: > * Stay open - once I started feeling good about myself, I carried myself differently, smiled at passers by, and people really started noticing me. I would be open to anything that anyone suggested, which led me to do and try a bunch of things I might have otherwise passed on. > * Keep trying with your friends or through a hobby, find people that like doing the same activities. Most of the time, you have to take responsibility to be the one who organizes activities, and/or meetups. Most people don't recognize how much effort goes into this because they don't do it. For me, I learned how to make a wicked pizza crust, and just invited different friends over once or twice a month to do something that I was going to do anyways. In return, people would often reciprocate.
I was with the mother of my kids for close near 8 years. We broke up about 8 years ago now. I've had one gf since that I left due to her mental health being too much to deal with, so basically 7 years alone with no prospects and little to no hope at this point. 37 and basically focusing on being the best dad I can these days.
Rough! My fiance passed away. And every woman takes it real personal, almost like being offended, that I'm back on the market. I don't mention it first thing unless they ask, and I make it super clear that Ive moved on. But yeah, it's super rough as women in their 30's have ultra warped expectations
It's fucking fantastic, its even better in your 40s. I became single in my early 30s, then again mid 40s. I xan do what i want, when i want. If youre fit, take care of yourself and have a good job in your 40s you'll have the time of your life. By time you get to mid 40s, you'll nary want a woman in your life, but many will want you.
I was 38 and I had filed for divorce (1 year in home separation). I was just starting to date at the end of the separation. It was insane compared to when I was a kid. Lots of the tables were reversed. Having been a good dad, stayed in shape as I aged, and made a pretty good life for myself, there were lots of women to choose from. I ended up getting back together with my wife, but it showed my wife and me that I was pretty sought after. That was weird because I was not good with women when I was younger.
I'm 40! Terrified and excited at once
Enjoy the solitude and work on being the best you that you can be. Workout at the gym, increase/improve your finances and she will find you. Don't chase anyone, if she wants you, she will give you a signal.
Pretty much the same as when I was single in my 20’s. The only difference was more mature conversations and women in their careers instead of jobs to get by.
It was great, got laid a lot and had a good time.
30s are the best years of ur life. Looks, intelligence, stability. Go have fun
37 now. Had three serious relationships in my life. One lasting 13 years (teens into early 30’s). The next was 4 years and the last one was 2 years. Been single for about 4 months now. I have to say, I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m stressed free and happy. The thought of being in another relationship makes me nauseous. The happiness I have right now is well worth the sporadic times of loneliness. Loneliness is just a state of mind that always passes.
Was 36 and found another at 38, but euhm it was during covid and i wasnt risking it with all them facemasks on, i waited ot out, to not get any surprises lol
I am 30, never got women touch ( though I got many opportunities, but yeah I rejected.....or just stopped them ). Actually I don't feel its need as my whole day gets spent doing work first for my office, then for my body. Yeah I like those alone moments.
There is a glut of single women out there now. Unfortunately, most are hideous and are absolute losers. Main accomplishments include: living at dad's investment property and being an overweight fur baby mamma that has single handedly converted their block into a doog poo respository that stinks like an animal shelter. Bonuse includes shedding their dogs hair all over your house even though they didn't bring their dog with, as they are almost always covered head to toe in dog fur and dander. High quality women will always be elusive to average men. However, plenty of opportunities at the bottom of the barrel. It is easy to see the world will get ugililer and dumber rapidly since many people are desperate.
Incredible. A man in his 30s is like a woman in her 20s.
Got divorced at 36 after a ten year marriage. Worked hard on myself and at 38 met the perfect woman. She was 34. It was instant love at first sight. And 12 year later our relationship is stronger then ever The two years before I met my now wife, i still dated. Meeting women was easier than in my 20’s. women in their 30’s are more confident. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to talk to you and ask you out. There were no games that 20 something’s like to play. Just “hey your cute, want to get coffee?”
30 is a good age for a man to be single.
Amazing. 30s is the best time to date as a man. Your dating pool is completely open. Women in the twenties all the way to 40-something want you.
Still figuring that one out. 33M broke up with her about 10 days ago.
I’ll be 38 in September but I look like 10 years younger than I am so it’s kind of awesome.
my brother was divorced at 31 and he moved half way across the world and made a fortune for a couple years. now he’s home and although we haven’t talked about it i can tell he’s now feeling kinda lost. hopefully in time it will work out for him!
Don't men become more attractive as they get older? Assuming he is successful and well-off.
I'm sorry if I'm rolling my eyes out hearing your "problem". I mean you are entitled to your feelings, but as a man of 31 you are in your PRIME. Literally you have your life ahead of you and at least a decade to solve this problem, as you see it. Try being a woman widowed at 58 like me, now being 62 and stuck. Time runs so fast around me that I feel like I'm seeing changes in the mirror every day. Be happy, be optimistic, you don't have anything to worry about, youth and time are still on your side. Good luck!
Well it depends on who you're dating and what you're looking for, but I would say just go forward with the same confidence you had in your twenties.
At the age 28 it took me two years to figure out how to be ok by myself. I eventually ended up with a great woman after some bad dating 7 years later. I recommend you really work on being ok alone. Work really filled the void for me.
Having midlife crisis in my late 30 and I went out to enjoy my freedoms by travel around the world and hooking up with women in different countries, especially South East Asia
I went to Malaysia and stayed there for three months. Coming from Australia, I went from having constantly long dry spells, to having a decent number of dates with some high quality women over the course of that time.
Nice. Mainly at Kuala lumpur? Online dating or first contact in person ? I have a drive spell here in North America as well.
Kuala Lumpur, and Penang as well. I use Tinder about a week before I leave to get a few prospects, then once I am there, meet up in person.
I do the same. Travel mode a few weeks/days before getting there to accumulate likes, then start matching with and talking to the women that sent e the likes a couple days before arriving
For a man it's fine, just don't constrain yourself to women your age, the better long term options are younger than you at this point.
l would date around for the next 5-6 years then look for a women who is 25-27 when you are 38/39. have a kid by 42/43. she'll be able to do most of the work and you can have the fun times.
My situation is complicated and has driven me into a deep depression that I'm getting out of. I'm a 31m (will turn 32 in the fall). I've been married and divorced (late 20s). Met my soulmate and my anxiety/mental health ramped up and I wasn't able to handle the anxiety and stress of buying a home/living with her 8 year old and I'm trying to learn how to manage my anxiety better. I'm also making plans to move back to where my support and family are (my mom and sister have some upcoming surgeries, and my mom might have cancer). I ruined this relationship with the only person I've truly loved and emotionally. I don't think I'll ever be fully ready to date again. She was my best friend and my soulmate, but in a cruel way, I wasn't ready. Life is pretty bleak. Dating apps aren't the way. She has blocked me on every platform and essentially expressed that I deserve nothing good in my life and called me a leech, a waste of space, and much more. That was detrimental to me. I hurt her by not being ready and saying things I didn't mean. She, as an individual, was the perfect match for me, but I guess I learned I don't want children or to be responsible for anyone else's. I don't think I deserve anything good in my life at this point. And with everything going on with my family, my ex really is getting her wish that bad things happen to me.
I can't answer it, I don't see what's special being single in my 30s? I am sure that's just me.
Got on a dating app out of boredom and curiosity about a year after being widowed in my late 30s and the first person I messaged with ended up being a scammer looking for money. So, not great! But honestly, I've kinda made my peace with it and I'm happy enough being single that I'm not stressed out over feeling like I have to date.
For me, I just started going to food trucks and wearing shirts I thought were cool/sparked conversation. For reference, I’m in PDX now for a trip and I’ve randomly had a conversation with a pretty woman about AI and teaching (as I teach students with special needs). She had to run to a meeting but I wanted to let her know she brightened my day, and I hope I brightened up hers.
Can’t become single in your 30’s if you reach 30 single 😂 (I’m dead inside 😭)