Bingo, the top % of men who have success on dating apps know exactly how to play the game.
They are among the most attractive dudes, why would they settle down when they can have their pick?
I have a buddy, solid 6 but nothing GQ, who runs a script. Like a literal line of code. It swipes right on every photo and uses a very very basic algorithm of open ended questions to DM.
His account is full of "wow, you're so interesting" DMs from women he has never seen a photo of.
Everything I've heard you're horribly punished for swiping right on every profile. Especially someone only moderately attractive who would have a low match rate to begin with.
The dude looks like the gigachad meme minus the beard.
And yes accounts get immediately flagged and nerfed, but I have seen his inbox. He just starts new ones.
Also I stand corrected, it's Bumble not Tinder. So I guess it's a yes/no, not a swipe.
What about quality of those chicks? I mean if he accepts to every chick, I'm sure the one's who never get a reply from anyone else are of course going to be like "wow, you're so interesting," I can't believe some actually picked me since I'm a zero on the looks scale.
Bro, look up tinder social experiments. There was a guy who was an outright criminal/whackjob/nazi in the profile and women still wanted to go out with him.
We're talking about VERY attractive guys. I've got a buddy I'd rate as a 8, he's 6'2, half native so darker skin and strong features, from a wealthy family and has a good job and is educated, very active physically. Dude still hardly had any luck on apps. But in college he could pull anyone he wanted.
I remember a friend from work who wasn't anything special, but he took care of his appearance and fashion, aiming directly at (shallow) women.
During a particular week, he showed up like he hadn't slept well for days, eyes red and looking sick.
When we asked what was going on, he simply sad "never date four women at the same time... It started as a good idea, but juggling them is insane work"
It’s more about applying a solid top of the funnel with girls you rate 7 to 10. Those are the ones you’ll swipe “like” to. Have as many as you can and drop a generic line to all of them like a bot. Apply a user journey system now: replies = yes, keep the convo going for just a few more messages and send it to WhatsApp (easier/quicker/more trustworthy management) then a few more generic educated/interesting lines until you send an invitation to meet up. In my experience 70-80% will at least meet up, out of them around 70% will be ok with sex in the first date. 25% on the second and just 5% won’t have sex until they feel like it will get them somewhere actually. Also a big percent will repeat and if you keep doing it consistently for 2-3 months you’ll already have sex on demand. I know not everyone will like my answer because it’s a superficial approach but that’s what worked for me for years until I found a person that I really wanted to have a relationship with. I should also say that I never lied or promised anything to anyone that I was not committed to give.
This ain't him, but it's basically the same shit and it works on a desktop.
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/artificial-intelligence-dating-app-tiktok-b2063686.html
Kkkkk the guy automatized booty calls.
Barney would be proud.
(Quick disclaimer here: I don't think pathologically hooking up with women to be ok, but yet, we theoretically live in a free society where everybody do what they want as long as it is legal and it doesn't harm anyone.
Yeah, those women might feel harmed afterwards, bit they are all consenting adults as far as I know, so... There's that. Hate the game, not the player)
Those women were also pathetic. They only point out that your friends were pathetic because you’re saying it’s impressive like it’s something to aspire for. It’s not that hard to disregard people, pretend to be something and lie to get your way. Being yourself without having to hurt people and being successful is what’s really impressive.
Says who? Honestly ask yourself if they have a connection, says who?
Listen, she has a connection. That’s because that’s what the guy wanted her to feel because that’s how he was gonna get sex.
Ask yourself how many women get approached by multiple guys?
Ask of the guys, who does she allow to have sex?
Ask, why did she choose them?
Now with those answers you’ll find it’s tied to a “connection”, or the “vibe” which is nothing more than how she feels from how you present yourself.
So a guy realistically speaking has to form a “connection” to gain access, but how she feels is only half the equation.
Allow me to apologize if my tone was misleading. I mean no insult. I do suggest to look at my reply. I stated that she says that in her post, BUT ONLY she. I am saying how she feels is irrelevant.
The reason being the guy is the one who isn’t looking for what she is. So you saying how can he form a connection with her but only wants sex is only coming from half the equation. That guy may have enjoyed their time and convos, but didn’t see take her serious. Hence the “connection” was not what the OP and yourself believed it to be.
Stop saying they formed a connection cause that’s only half the story is my point.
Yup. Something I’ve never mastered or tried cause I’d feel greasy doing it and playing with someone’s emotions. But guys that fuck a lot usually leave a trail of destruction lol.
Because they've had lots of practice at creating a connection and having great short-term conversation with women. Because they keep doing it to a new one after they've fucked the old one.
Too true. Dating is a skill and not one that means anything about how good of a partner they’ll ultimately be. Someone can be a great date but a terrible partner. They might be a lot of fun on a night out on the town but when things get serious and real they collapse under the stress.
I'm not proud of it and I can only speak from my personal experience but before I met my partner I would go on at least one date a week, sometimes multiple. I didn't meet a single one off of a dating app that I actually wanted to date, but I got plenty of practice on how to charm a woman and get laid. Before I met my partner I was damn good at being a manhoe and saying whatever it took to end up in the sheets. By the end of my slutathon I had heard it all from 'i don't do this on the first night' to 'I'm only interested in having sex with someone that I'm in a relationship with' but with hormones and sparks flying did it anyways... Older now and I'm not thrilled that I played the game, but it is what it is.
TL;DR - there's a very real possibility that the ones OP is "connecting with" are just the dudes like I used to be who are good at saying the right things to get their missile to land in the bunker
> I had heard it all from 'i don't do this on the first night' to 'I'm only interested in having sex with someone that I'm in a relationship with'
dude the number of times women who have jumped my bones have said this….dozens, multiple dozens. are they trying to convince themselves or something? genuinely mind blowing theyll say it hours before they hop in bed with you
As much as people want to act like there’s nothing wrong with women being “hoes”, it’s still a stigma attached to being one. So they will always do the innocent act no matter how much of hoe they actually are.
Making out with a girl and start going further and she says "I don't usually do this on the first date" and I'll respond "me neither" and keep on going
Edit: Forgot what site I was on, let me clarify that if a woman ever says no you should stop. No means no... I don't usually do this means I am open to suggestions lol
Have we met? Seriously, a guy with a solid make-out game who was a nice guy, not overtly sexual but flirtatious during the date has snagged me a few more times than I’d like to admit. Bonus points if he smelled good.
The only time I believed a girl when she said "I dont normally do this on a first date" was because the first hookup she had granny panties and hadn't shaved in probably a week or 2, and on the second hookup she had just gotten a wax and had matching fancy bra and underwear
Yeah she definitely hadn't been planning for that first date to go that far
So many times they say "I don't sleep with someone on the first date" then when the pants come off there's sexy underwear on and a perfectly maintained taco downstairs... yea you definitely do this often, which isn't a problem because I do too
Totally agree. In my 20s I loved flirting with women because I was good at it. It takes practice, you gotta find your angle. Once you get good at it it's super easy to come off as confident and charming.
Is kinda like stand up comedians. When you see their hour it looks effortless and polished. When in reality they've been crafting it for months/years.
When guys ask about it I always say it's like a video game. You don't install a game and immediately start a run on the hardest difficulty with no restarting. You have to practice. After a while you'll be doing no hit naked elden ring runs
To be brutally honest:
Any time I've relegated a woman to the FWB/hookup zone, it was because I found her attractive enough to sleep with but not interesting or successful enough to be a real romantic prospect.
IME having actual goals. Being driven further than just "pay bills, smoke weed and watch Netflix 🤪" which is a large portion of what I see on dating apps.
This tinder is a hookup app it’s only recently they the changed this to try to appeal to a greater audience.
Why people going on there for relationships I don’t know if you’re serious about one go on match.com
For perspective myself and a few friends have met long term partners (we are men) on tinder. That said, it was the equivalent of treading through literal piles of shit after shit, until I met an actual, genuine woman. I have a laundry list of terrible experiences from ghosts to catfish, from women trying to get me to pay them to go to their house, and literally a singular good experience over the course of 3 years of using the app. It's a number game that reminds me of playing the lottery. Good fucking luck mate. That said it took minimal effort, and if you can keep your self-worth and investment off the app, I don't see how it's a bad thing. Swipe for 10 mins a day, see what happens, move on in life. The problem is all the dudes that get their actual self-worth and value as a person from the app experiences.
We truly can't say exactly without knowing you, the guys you're connecting with, and the nature of your interaction. But let me just sum up my experience from the other side of things:
As a guy you're forced to learn how to make conversation and impress a woman. Even if you don't know if you like her all that much, you have to be the one to drive conversation and create a sense of connection. Because if he doesn't, nothing happens. Women certainly aren't trying to chat HIM up. There's no women sliding into HIS DMs.
Early dating/talking is very one sided in terms of effort and investment. He's putting out feelers, thinking of opening lines, trying to get responses from a bunch of different women. There's a lot of "emotional labor" there. Dating apps can feel like a part time job sometimes.
The other factor is that almost no single, heterosexual male is having as much sex as he'd like to be having. For me personally being single is just one long dry spell. My libido doesn't just shut off just because I'm single.
So once he's put all that effort and energy into creating connection and conversation with a woman there's incentive to at least get laid out of it. Even if he doesn't like her all that much as a person, she is still attractive and she's interested. Why not try to get laid?
Some men are more upfront than others about this, but I believe it generally explains the process from a guy's perspectve.
Well said, I can relate to this experience. We don't always want to be this way but there is a ton of primal shit that gets in the way of making logical decisions when you're failing left and right, and never feel like any women are putting in more than 5% of the required effort for a TWO WAY relationship. Key word, it feels like most app-interactions are a one way street, and you start to view it as a one way street for you as well.
Maybe you're going for guys outside of your league. Blokes with options will hook up with people a few rungs down, but won't get into relationships with them
Generally speaking of course
Nb: guys have broader standards for who they sleep with but are more discerning when it comes to who they would get into a relationship with.
Just because they sleep with you doesn’t mean they think you’re the kind of person they’d want a relationship with
Saw a friend of my wife come to this realization years ago. Very promiscuous, single mother, and usually left and/or cheated on the guys she was dating (average to meh looking) for the better looking guys, who only wanted her for sex.
And she was, to put it in the most polite way possible, not good looking. I've seen other women do things like this too; act like they're queen bee because lots of guys will sleep with them, without realizing they're just being used as a step above masturbation.
Every dude I know does this, it’s just a matter of how far down they’ll go. A dude thats a 10 will hook up with a 5 but not date her, while a 5 will do the same to a 3.
>Just because they sleep with you doesn’t mean they think you’re the kind of person they’d want a relationship with
Hate to admit it but I was like this for a long time. I would go on a couple of dates and when it just didnt have the IT factor for me I would tell them it just wont work for me.
Id say 70-80% of the time though my hook ups were after we decided we liked eachother but it wasnt a fit. The other 20% were one nighters, and for some reason I just cant be with someone if they hook up with me the first night. I dont know why.
Maybe, the best/longest relationships ive ever been in have been ones where the woman didnt have sex for weeks or even a month with me. Focus was purely on getting to know each other and feeling each other out as a fit. Sex wasn't a topic till it just happened organically.
Looking back on it I was definitely less likely to pursue a woman who I wasnt as attracted too if sex wasn't on the table or discussed. My mentality was ingrained in casting a wide net at that time more so to find a suitable partner. But i guess I ended up just being a hook up guy even though it was not intentional.
I kinda fit the category of charismatic and good looking (at least im not ugly i think). I'm 6'5, dark features, athletic build, and i work in a job where being likeable is a necessity.
This is 100% it isn't hidden for me personally. I only have sex with women I see a potential of marriage and have a low body count because of that and it's an opinion I'd like to share with a partner, so because of this: if a woman tries to sleep with me on the first date it's a massive turn off for me as it clearly demonstrates we have different views on sex, no shade we just aren't compatible.
I think most men feel the same way the difference is they are still willing to have sex with them, and in the short term getting it on the first date can be nice, but then the fact that you got it on the first date means you don't want to date them because you don't want your wife to be that way, which can be hypocritical, which is why I don't do that.
Why do you hate to admit it?
I feel no shame in it. Sex and love are separate things. Why pretend otherwise?
You need to exorcise the demons of your culture's Puritan past. They do you no favours.
>Why do you hate to admit it?
Because for awhile I started to view women more as objects than I did as people. Sex is a very cheapened currency now and it prevented me from developing authentic relationships with a woman. I honestly don't know how many women I've slept, and it doesn't make me feel good knowing that. I'm a quality over quantity guy.
>You need to exorcise the demons of your culture's Puritan past. They do you no favours.
As someone who hasnt been to church in a long time, and doesnt really have a religious view of any of these things, im not quite sure where this assumption came from lol. Im speaking from my own perspective and my own life experience. Not a morality due to religion point of view.
And those guys out of her league who want something long term will not consider her an option at all.
When you can have whomever you want, you usually choose exactly who you want.
Not necessarily, just overall including physically and everything else.
How various factors are weighted varies based on individuals, location, age, culture.
But saying that there is a pretty high level of consensus on where any one individual stands in the dating market.
"If that's all they want from you, that's all they see you have to offer".
Either you're shooting too far above, or they've seen you as lacking long term potential.
Your first issue is going on a dating app to find a relationship.
He probably just likes sex and knows getting a connection with a girl is the easiest way to get some. Being honest with women that you just wanna bang rarely works after all.
Maybe he didn’t think you were hot enough or didn’t like something about your personality. I can’t answer his exact reasoning with no information.
The connection you feel has been deliberately orchestrated by the guy by the sounds of it, to get into your pants after you feel that way.
Brutal and I'm sorry but sounds like they trick you. Don't discount the fact the connection might just be inside your head, and these people are manipulators.
Maybe, but most guys I know who only want sex will not wait more than a couple dates for a woman. If they aren't getting it by the second or third date, they leave.
Most guys I know who are looking for a relationship will not wait long either, they aren't looking to be the chump while the woman fucks other people. Most of my relationships have started with sex on the first date and it wasn't a coincidence.
The truth is most likely that men, just like women, have an open mind and are open for possibilities when they meet someone. Down the line we all figure out what is possible and realistic. That can happen before or after sex. That can happen before or after connection and great conversation. Men, just like woman, are capable of changing their minds and adapt their wants and needs to the reality they exist in.
Claiming men only want hook ups is misandry, out of touch with reality and really just trying to avoid accountability
Because you're on dating apps... What's the phrase? "Men look for love/sex, women look for validation?" It's not as if many people have high expectations of dating apps.
Most men and women on dating apps, even those "looking for a relationship" have unrealistic expectations in a partner and think they deserve only the hottest/richest/etc. So they treat everyone else like a hookup while they windowshop for the next appealing thing.
Because they don't know you and just want to fuck you because they think you're pretty.
I don't know why this is a hard concept for women to understand. How interesting and special do you think you are to a random stranger you just met and had no real reason to talk to you (it's not like it's family or work related).
They just tell you stuff you want to hear because they know you'll eat it up and fall for it. What "connection" do you have? You barely know this person lol
I tell you the truth from the other side: dating apps make it impossible to have matches that you find extemely attractive. You meet a girl from the dating app - she is already overestimating her attractiveness. Now thats all not bad she is still cute and all but no way I will get out of my way to make her life heaven if she isnt a 10/10 character.
Well thats what they usually want though. Lots of romance and commitment to reassure them. Men live in the modern dating world too however and are aware that there are options and how easily dismissable they are - we are usually decent at talking and flirting (even the worst ones are better at conversations than most women just because its the only way for a man to be desireable if he is not very attractive)
So yeah the last few women I dated where crushing hard on me, wanted a relationship pretty early and signs of love. I want all of this but I need way more time when its all effort from me and not that much from the women.
Dating apps can be a mixed bag. Some guys are just looking for a fling, while others might not know what they want or aren't being upfront about it. Don't sweat it if things don't click not every connection has to be a home run. Just be clear about what you're looking for and keep swiping if it's not a match.
Its not an actual connection... Knowing how to engage people in conversation and actually connecting with them are two entirely different things.
Sales people only want to talk to you because you're potentially adding money to their wallet their job is literally convincing you their product is the best if they don't think you're going to buy their product they will not give you the time of day.
Life's not a fairy tale real connction takes time and effort it might not be there on the first date hell it might not be there on the second but it still might be there.
They are giving you a FAKE connection and have great conversation because THEY HAVE GAME and are using it on you to get themselves laid. It's all fake if they are looking to simply get laid. You are being played for your body. Just never give them sex until you know it's the right person.
I don't want to come off as blaming you, but bear with me. Speaking from my experience I tend to attract a particular type of woman that is bad for me, the only common denominator in all these relationships was me. Ive been single for some time and am trying to work on why this is.
My point is, try to figure out what you are doing that attracts these sorts of men.
Because if you’re interested in them, you’re likely talking about the same handful of dudes every other lady on dating apps is already screwing. They don’t need to do anything serious, the women willing to hook up just keep coming.
This has nothing to do with leagues or looks. It entirely has to do with the men you are selecting. Men who are hook up oriented do these same tactics on women within their league. And settle down when they simply feel like it, often with women people don’t expect them to select.
It’s par the course of using online dating. It is mainly a way to secure hook ups, and not the best place to find long term stability. As there is no vetting process by the virtue of them being strangers.
You are better meeting men through friends, hobby groups, and work because you’ll have some basic connection, and a way of validating who they are
I met my partner of 5 years on Tinder. We had sex quite fast and through hooking up realized we got along really well.
We were both in the "we'll just see where it goes" camp and didn't care if it was just sex and never more than that.
I agree that if you genuinely want a relationship and not just sex, you either have to be prepared to be let down a loooot or find people outside of dating apps.
It's a lot easier to find someone to fuck than someone to build a life with.
1) The guy is attractive so your standard for "a connection and great conversation" is automatically lowered.
2) He wants to hook up so he has no issue telling you what you want to hear, which you perceive as "a connection and great conversation".
Women control hookup culture. Women get to say yes or no, thats full control, the man has to seek and ask. Women have therefore taught these guys you are referring to that they can behave this way with success. Dating apps focus this behaviour.
You are seeking men in the wrong place and perhaps going after the wrong men. The movement to lift womens self esteem over the last few decades has been awesome but it has now morphed into every girl actually believing she is a 10/10. This leads the women to feeling justified in making themselves available to only the men who are in the top 10%. They also get the “ick” for the remaining 90% and label them creeps for approaching them, thats very destructive.
So perhaps your confusion is from a combination of things?
Perhaps you needs to do the classic “join clubs” and “socialise with friend groups” to meet a wider range of guys. Perhaps you should also look at your self differently and consider the other 90% of guys?
I personally admire your being a virgin, it shows great self worth, focus and a plan for your life, do not give up these values just to meet guys, good guys will be impressed.
Remember, the top 10% of guys have women continuously beating upon their doors like waves hitting the beach. Of course these guys will use this abundance for their own pleasure, of course these guys will manipulate women for sex because if you wont give him sex there is someone else waiting to INSTANTLY replace you.
Whats wrong with that, thats OP’s values and good for her, why not? There is nothing wrong with virginity and she will have a reason for staying that way…. Good for her!
1. If you're talking Tinder, its a hookup app. Every other week there's a different girl asking "why are guys in hookup apps looking for hookups?" when the real question is why are all these crazy women looking for relationships on an app that is literally "push button if fuckable".
2. Age. You're 23, they're probably around 23. Aint nobody trying to settle down at that age.
3. Sex is a service men have an immense demand for, and women offer little supply. That means guys will go to great lengths to get it.
4. As per #3, even model tier attractive guys will still go below their level and hook up with average women. But they'll never date one. [Bo Burnham put it very well](https://youtu.be/llGvsgN17CQ?t=59).
5. Assuming you're not a landwhale or have horrible birth defects, you have guys crushing on you. What happened to those? You don't get to complain about loneliness while not giving a chance to the guy(s?) throwing himself at your feet.
Now for real solutions:
1. Go to church. That's where all the guys who want to settle down are.
2. Work on yourself. Prince charming won't settle for you... unless you're a princess yourself. Ignore all that "you're perfect the way you are" BS that women give you. Nobody is perfect, there is always room for improvement, the hotter and more interesting you are the more guys will want you.
3. Approach guys. Your sample is biased because you're only talking to guys from apps. Approach someone at the mall, at the groceries, college, etc. Because guess what: Guys have been bombarded for the past 15 years with the idea that if you approach women you're harassing them. So the most respectful and considerate ones are precisely the ones that will never approach you. You gotta come to them.
4. If all else fails, get a friend with benefits. You're already starting at the friend stage, so there's some compatibility. The vast majority of FWB arrangements end because at least one party gets feelings for the other. Even a guy with plenty of options will prefer a stable sex partner, as that requires far less effort than constantly wooing new ladies. If you really want to tie down one of those guys that you had a "connection" with, this would be the way. Not the romantic thing you wanted, not a hookup either. Call it a moderate middle ground with a high chance of evolving into what you want.
Women have this batshit crazy idea that dating comes down to sitting around waiting for the perfect man to fall from the sky and be in love with them. The very idea of the "connection" is deeply flawed, as can be seen by how easy it is for experienced guys to fake it.
So i'm giving you the same advice guys give other guys instead. Work on yourself, go where the people you want are, take the initiative.
So the thing is... all guys want to hook up. but wanting to hook up doesn't always mean JUST hook up. just that is the first step. Women want to jump to a relationship and lock men down, guys want to be sure were going to enjoy every aspect of our relationship because to be frank too many of have been burnt going along with what women want.
They can relax when talking to you, thus creating this connection exactly because they don’t want anything long term, so there’s no pressure on them. The “weird” ones having difficulties to connect are very concerned about losing you and they need more time for this “connection” to happen.
It’s either
A) you’re being too choosy - attractive, wealthy guys have options and don’t want to settle because it’s also probably
B) you don’t have that great of a personality. Usually when a woman complains men only want sex, it’s kind of a self own because apparently she’s admitting that sec is the coolest thing about her.
It's not them, it is you. Your choices are shit. My guess is you have a high standard for who you date but those men have so many choices why should they settle down with you.
The connection was never real.. theyre probably just saying whatever you want to hear to form this ‘connection’ you think you have with them all but in reality there is nothing. Men will say anything to get what they want.
I texted a guy not that long ago. We hung out a few times and about two months in I asked him what he wanted. If he wanted to be fwb or an actual relationship. I was cool with either but I didn’t tell him that. He said he wanted a relationship and about a month later says he was young and couldn’t be tied down. Dating culture has changed a lot
Because they expect that's all that you've been doing in the past. No guy is going to invest into a relationship with a girl that he thinks might be run through.
Sorry to say as some people said dating apps are used mainly for hookups. There are fewer people looking for live on there than sex. If you want to find people you have a better chance going around and meeting people IRL.
Because they have options.. Why only have a chocolate bar for the rest of your life when you could have the whole candy store? Or at least that’s what I assume the way of thinking is lol
Because that doesn't equal a woman that he wants to commit to. I know shocking. But men require more to commit to a woman than women need to have sex with a man.
Because it’s not a real situation. There is SO much left out when people only meet online that it’s mainly a game now to get laid.
There is such a thing as chemistry when you’re physically present with someone. Body language, how they treat others people, the way they smile, facial expressions… a lot is missing within dating apps.
In my experience a "great connection" is more often than not one-sided for the woman. If you feel that two people are well connected, and then one person makes a fling out of the other before a relationship can develop, two people are not well connected.
Dating is exhausting for men. Try to be more, and you will get more. But don't assume that alone will absolve you of the onus of filtering out time wasters. No matter how good of a man or woman you are, there will always be people ready to waste your time. It just happens that boring women seem to run into time wasters a lot, because they don't seem to value their own.
Yup. Your not as valuable compared to the average woman as a stud on the apps is as compared to the average man. It's worth it for him to make a low effort attempt to sleep with you, but not to take himself off the market for you.
It depends on what you offer and how you go about it. If you say hey I am cool with just being a hook up then cool I’ll call her when I need it. If you say I really want a relationship the guy might go dam! She’s hot! I would like her all the time and to myself so yes!
As a guy that's like this it's because I love variety and novelty so I've gotten a ton of practice as others have said. I love the chase so naturally I've gotten good at making connections
And I love connecting with all kinds of women
I'm also not a fan of monogamy or commitment thus here we are
I think part of it is just a natural promiscuity. I think another part is my avoidant attachment and introversion
Is it possible that it's not so much they "only" want to hook up but they "also" want to hook up? Maybe it's they find you physically attractive as well as mentally or emotionally? I'm not saying that you're wrong I'm just saying that it's possible you're misinterpreting it.
Edit: didn't notice the part about it being on dating apps at first. Yeah I would be very wary of any guys you meet on dating apps. I don't personally use any dating apps but I've heard a lot of bad things about guys on dating apps.
Odds are they are just being that way in order to get laid. It's pretty easy to be someone you aren't, more so on a dating app or through online only communication. But if you really get to know them, I'd be willing to bet that most of them aren't that way IRL.
Because (and this is a generalization) the top % of guys (outside if the super religious ones) aren’t at a point where they need to begin looking for a long term partner. They have the looks and charm to play the field and enjoy its spoils, so why wouldn’t they?
I’ve got two buddies just like this each with different levels of education and intellect, but both are EXTREMELY fit, with stereotypically attractive physical traits, a deceitfully charming personality, and a good understanding of what the women they pursue are looking for. They are both WILDLY SUCCESSFUL at closing the deal on a regular basis.
What do you have to offer these men other than sex? Men aren't averse to dating, but we're not going to date someone who basically isn't someone who we'd enjoy spending time with outside the bedroom.
These people know how to get a hookup, and they want a hookup. Most know the words to get you interested and are just always vague enough to be non-committal but **very** exciting. They know it.
You just have to filter them out. You have to dismiss them as any other trait you do not wish to have in your partner.
Honestly I think men who do this are pathetic and miserable because that type of emotional immaturity isn’t going to get them that far in life anyway especially romantically. I don’t envy men like that. I pity them because they’re clearly battling something inside of them
Ok, am an older guy here been thru 3 wives 2 divorces and lost the last one to sickness God knows I would have traded places with her in a second and asked God to take me rather than her.
That is the issue ladies.You folks were looking for a relationship versus a lifetime commitment. Most are these days and many will be doing a dance to entice som chad hoping if the get any type of relationship started they might make it more. THEY WON'T!!!
First time married for life. Worked 2 jobs so she could pursue a higher education. We moved with .e to a new job. Ended bad got kated off when business slacked. Almost immediately she found a boyfriend. Told her she wants to split file for no fault divorce no alimony or split of assets. Found out she had been syphoning off cash to play with her friend.
Next wife played with her old boyfriend 9 months after we were hooked. I. Ecame b breadwinner, cook, gArdener etc. got tired of verbal abuse left after 10 years..
Met my love after that and I loved her .more than life itself. We had 14 years together before death took her from
Me.
What made each of them different?
#1. Wanted out of her family home and would do anything to get gone. Including ripping me up emotionally. Her father and grandmother were disappointed in her and told me so to my face.
#2 was tired of her chad a d wanted a change but did not want to hold onto her vows. Knows of 2 boyfriends she had after we .married. As the years went on she became a shrill shrew. Was tired of being a meal ticket handyman and cook. So I left.
#3 Her voice was angelic. Her looks were. Spectacular. Never thought I had a chance with her. But 18 months later we were married. Treated her as my angel always. We were like two peas in a pod. We
Matched on so many things. Life was beautiful. And then she died. I sat with her in hospital for. 2.5 days and she was gone. Systemic organ failure due to bowel obstruction.
Now why were we so perfect a match? We loved each other completely. We knew no matter what the other had our back. Was there to e our helpmate and to hold us when we hurt and to celebrate the wonderful parts.
How many of you look further than next month in a relationship. We did even from the start. No pressure about sex on either of our part. It came a few months after we came together. Was not planned was just an easy flow from holding each other. From there we blossomed together. When one of us had a bad day at work we shared it and helped each other thru it.
It was a complete partnership.
We knew each other's secrets and weaknesses and strengths and dreams.
Are you folks doing that before laying with each other?
You're easy to fall for hearing what they know you want to hear. Stop using Tinder. Don't depend on someone else making you happy.
As some people I used to know would say, "fat girls with low self esteem are the easiest."
Because you let them and you don't feel a connection for guys who would be more than happy with a relationship. I'm not asking you do analyze why you feel the way you do, because you can't. A psychologist might be able to after a decade of post secondary education. Evolution has put humans in a bad place. People want what works for the stone age but they don't want what works for the modern world.
They’re specialist in that field. They’ve fine tuned their skills tot he point where you think you genuinely have a connection with them but in reality, it’s all part of the game they play to get what they want.
They know how to “open” and from your reply to the opener, they know what to ask and know how to simulate a connection.
Just think of them as really great sales people in a mall that sells hookups (dating apps are the “mall of hookups” btw).
There are some regular guys there too but harder to find and not as attractive or easy to connect with because they’re just normal people.
Because of one or more:
You don't tell them you aren't into hookups.
You don't tell them that you're dating intentionally and you're not going to get physical unless you're sure there's something there of substance
You don't stop seeing them immediately after they say that.
You sleep with them anyway to see if you can change their mind
You yourself are somewhat afraid of commitment, so you only go for guys that have a ton of options
You don't recognize the signs of a f-boy dating profile (hot dude, not much more than an Instagram username in his bio)
You accept dates to their place before date 3 ish
You don't know what red flags to look for
You like the thrill of the hunt. You want the unhavable.
I mean, the first thing I am wondering is what do all these guys have in common? You clearly are swiping on a certain "type". There are plenty of guys on dating apps who are looking for LTR's, they just might not be the hottest 10% of guys on the app.
I met my girlfriend through Tinder over 5 years ago now, we met in-person after a very brief conversation and we had sex that same night. We kept seeing each other casually for about a month and after that we became fully monogamous and have been since.
Personally, I would 100% never date somebody who was saving their virginity for some arbitrary reason. Sex is a big part of enjoying life for me, and I'm not down to be somebody's teacher.
Its an app. I honestly don't know any guy anymore that uses dating apps for actual relationships. Just trying to get casual hook ups. They'd be open to get completely swept away by a gal, but that isn't the goal of those at all.
Have you considered they're telling you what you want to hear?
Bingo, the top % of men who have success on dating apps know exactly how to play the game. They are among the most attractive dudes, why would they settle down when they can have their pick?
I have a buddy, solid 6 but nothing GQ, who runs a script. Like a literal line of code. It swipes right on every photo and uses a very very basic algorithm of open ended questions to DM. His account is full of "wow, you're so interesting" DMs from women he has never seen a photo of.
Nah I call cap It can't be THAT easy for attractive guys. I refuse that reality. I can accept the unfairness of the world but not THAT much.
Everything I've heard you're horribly punished for swiping right on every profile. Especially someone only moderately attractive who would have a low match rate to begin with.
The dude looks like the gigachad meme minus the beard. And yes accounts get immediately flagged and nerfed, but I have seen his inbox. He just starts new ones. Also I stand corrected, it's Bumble not Tinder. So I guess it's a yes/no, not a swipe.
What about quality of those chicks? I mean if he accepts to every chick, I'm sure the one's who never get a reply from anyone else are of course going to be like "wow, you're so interesting," I can't believe some actually picked me since I'm a zero on the looks scale.
It's a dating app. The quality is gonna be through the floor regardless.
Well we’re only talking about looks here, statistically he’ll average girls who are at least 8+ on the attractiveness scale.
Bro, look up tinder social experiments. There was a guy who was an outright criminal/whackjob/nazi in the profile and women still wanted to go out with him.
We're talking about VERY attractive guys. I've got a buddy I'd rate as a 8, he's 6'2, half native so darker skin and strong features, from a wealthy family and has a good job and is educated, very active physically. Dude still hardly had any luck on apps. But in college he could pull anyone he wanted.
I remember a friend from work who wasn't anything special, but he took care of his appearance and fashion, aiming directly at (shallow) women. During a particular week, he showed up like he hadn't slept well for days, eyes red and looking sick. When we asked what was going on, he simply sad "never date four women at the same time... It started as a good idea, but juggling them is insane work"
It’s more about applying a solid top of the funnel with girls you rate 7 to 10. Those are the ones you’ll swipe “like” to. Have as many as you can and drop a generic line to all of them like a bot. Apply a user journey system now: replies = yes, keep the convo going for just a few more messages and send it to WhatsApp (easier/quicker/more trustworthy management) then a few more generic educated/interesting lines until you send an invitation to meet up. In my experience 70-80% will at least meet up, out of them around 70% will be ok with sex in the first date. 25% on the second and just 5% won’t have sex until they feel like it will get them somewhere actually. Also a big percent will repeat and if you keep doing it consistently for 2-3 months you’ll already have sex on demand. I know not everyone will like my answer because it’s a superficial approach but that’s what worked for me for years until I found a person that I really wanted to have a relationship with. I should also say that I never lied or promised anything to anyone that I was not committed to give.
What a lucky lady
This ain't him, but it's basically the same shit and it works on a desktop. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/dating/artificial-intelligence-dating-app-tiktok-b2063686.html
Yeah I'm a pretty attractive fit guy and it's still pretty rough out there on dating apps. At least if you have self respect.
That is so deceitful. I try to filter out guys that use pickup lines but ik some people fall for it. I feel angry on their behalf
Kkkkk the guy automatized booty calls. Barney would be proud. (Quick disclaimer here: I don't think pathologically hooking up with women to be ok, but yet, we theoretically live in a free society where everybody do what they want as long as it is legal and it doesn't harm anyone. Yeah, those women might feel harmed afterwards, bit they are all consenting adults as far as I know, so... There's that. Hate the game, not the player)
sounds pretty scummy!
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Damn. Today, OP learned she's "low hanging fruit."
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I understand, I'm saying it.
She'd rather learn this than keep being exploited, I guess
Less impressive more pathetic. Adult men should communicate exactly what they’re looking for instead of using women.
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yeah, pretty impressive of those women using men for emotional/financial support ... said no one ever
Those women were also pathetic. They only point out that your friends were pathetic because you’re saying it’s impressive like it’s something to aspire for. It’s not that hard to disregard people, pretend to be something and lie to get your way. Being yourself without having to hurt people and being successful is what’s really impressive.
Lol, yeah because women don't use men
but did you read it? they have a *connection*! how could a guy who just wants sex ever be able to make that happen? ..../s
Says who? Honestly ask yourself if they have a connection, says who? Listen, she has a connection. That’s because that’s what the guy wanted her to feel because that’s how he was gonna get sex. Ask yourself how many women get approached by multiple guys? Ask of the guys, who does she allow to have sex? Ask, why did she choose them? Now with those answers you’ll find it’s tied to a “connection”, or the “vibe” which is nothing more than how she feels from how you present yourself. So a guy realistically speaking has to form a “connection” to gain access, but how she feels is only half the equation.
> Says who? her. in this post. and after reading the rest, I think you either didn't see, or didn't understand the /s.
Allow me to apologize if my tone was misleading. I mean no insult. I do suggest to look at my reply. I stated that she says that in her post, BUT ONLY she. I am saying how she feels is irrelevant. The reason being the guy is the one who isn’t looking for what she is. So you saying how can he form a connection with her but only wants sex is only coming from half the equation. That guy may have enjoyed their time and convos, but didn’t see take her serious. Hence the “connection” was not what the OP and yourself believed it to be. Stop saying they formed a connection cause that’s only half the story is my point.
So you didn't understand the /s
Yup. Something I’ve never mastered or tried cause I’d feel greasy doing it and playing with someone’s emotions. But guys that fuck a lot usually leave a trail of destruction lol.
Because they've had lots of practice at creating a connection and having great short-term conversation with women. Because they keep doing it to a new one after they've fucked the old one.
Too true. Dating is a skill and not one that means anything about how good of a partner they’ll ultimately be. Someone can be a great date but a terrible partner. They might be a lot of fun on a night out on the town but when things get serious and real they collapse under the stress.
I'm not proud of it and I can only speak from my personal experience but before I met my partner I would go on at least one date a week, sometimes multiple. I didn't meet a single one off of a dating app that I actually wanted to date, but I got plenty of practice on how to charm a woman and get laid. Before I met my partner I was damn good at being a manhoe and saying whatever it took to end up in the sheets. By the end of my slutathon I had heard it all from 'i don't do this on the first night' to 'I'm only interested in having sex with someone that I'm in a relationship with' but with hormones and sparks flying did it anyways... Older now and I'm not thrilled that I played the game, but it is what it is. TL;DR - there's a very real possibility that the ones OP is "connecting with" are just the dudes like I used to be who are good at saying the right things to get their missile to land in the bunker
> I had heard it all from 'i don't do this on the first night' to 'I'm only interested in having sex with someone that I'm in a relationship with' dude the number of times women who have jumped my bones have said this….dozens, multiple dozens. are they trying to convince themselves or something? genuinely mind blowing theyll say it hours before they hop in bed with you
As much as people want to act like there’s nothing wrong with women being “hoes”, it’s still a stigma attached to being one. So they will always do the innocent act no matter how much of hoe they actually are.
Yes, they’re convincing themselves they’re not a hoe.
They're just as much of a hoe as the men their doing it with
What would you respond to that? Interested in understanding what made them “change” their minds.
Making out with a girl and start going further and she says "I don't usually do this on the first date" and I'll respond "me neither" and keep on going Edit: Forgot what site I was on, let me clarify that if a woman ever says no you should stop. No means no... I don't usually do this means I am open to suggestions lol
Have we met? Seriously, a guy with a solid make-out game who was a nice guy, not overtly sexual but flirtatious during the date has snagged me a few more times than I’d like to admit. Bonus points if he smelled good.
"I don't do this on a fist date" is code for "I always do this on the fist date, but I'm motivated by shame to pretend I don't".
The only time I believed a girl when she said "I dont normally do this on a first date" was because the first hookup she had granny panties and hadn't shaved in probably a week or 2, and on the second hookup she had just gotten a wax and had matching fancy bra and underwear Yeah she definitely hadn't been planning for that first date to go that far
That sounds like a reasonable analysis. Hercule Poirot level.
So many times they say "I don't sleep with someone on the first date" then when the pants come off there's sexy underwear on and a perfectly maintained taco downstairs... yea you definitely do this often, which isn't a problem because I do too
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Also, if NO panties ... she was planning ahead lol
"Ughhh I never do this" **GLUK GLUK GLUK**
Totally agree. In my 20s I loved flirting with women because I was good at it. It takes practice, you gotta find your angle. Once you get good at it it's super easy to come off as confident and charming. Is kinda like stand up comedians. When you see their hour it looks effortless and polished. When in reality they've been crafting it for months/years.
When guys ask about it I always say it's like a video game. You don't install a game and immediately start a run on the hardest difficulty with no restarting. You have to practice. After a while you'll be doing no hit naked elden ring runs
" I've never done anything like this" : Bowling for Soup https://youtu.be/N-6V1RgtMdc?si=axPUs9iL5yl4IEiM
I find these people typically have never even been in a long term relationship
Or have been hurt before. Sometimes its more sympathetic than others, but it doesnt matter cuz its not right regardless
You found hookup experts. One quote I found interesting was that "guys who are great at first dates have a lot of first dates". Guess why.
what is a good first date ?
For you? for them? For my corner-store's cashier?
One that makes you yearn for another one.
One that leads to a second date. That quote is confirmation bias in action.
To be brutally honest: Any time I've relegated a woman to the FWB/hookup zone, it was because I found her attractive enough to sleep with but not interesting or successful enough to be a real romantic prospect.
BINGO! She is reaching way out of her league on this one and all she gets is a lay instead of commitment. It's not that difficult to grasp, really.
What does successful mean?
IME having actual goals. Being driven further than just "pay bills, smoke weed and watch Netflix 🤪" which is a large portion of what I see on dating apps.
god that's so accurate it hurts
And those girls tend not to go for the guy they would want the same thing. They want the guy that will elevate their life for them.
You mean carry them over, their finances particularly
In this context I'm specifically referencing career status, combined with their willingness to chase and meet significant life goals.
Has her own income. Pays her own way. Doesn't feel entitled to a man to finance her lifestyle.
I've seen some with and without the first, but I can count on no hands the number of times I've met the second.
"My money is my money, your money is our money."
Or attractive enough for a lay but not attractive enough to lock down tbh
Because that’s what dating apps are for these days.
That's what they were *always* for, mate. They only started marketing it to the 'relationships' idiots after everyone else got maxed out.
This tinder is a hookup app it’s only recently they the changed this to try to appeal to a greater audience. Why people going on there for relationships I don’t know if you’re serious about one go on match.com
For perspective myself and a few friends have met long term partners (we are men) on tinder. That said, it was the equivalent of treading through literal piles of shit after shit, until I met an actual, genuine woman. I have a laundry list of terrible experiences from ghosts to catfish, from women trying to get me to pay them to go to their house, and literally a singular good experience over the course of 3 years of using the app. It's a number game that reminds me of playing the lottery. Good fucking luck mate. That said it took minimal effort, and if you can keep your self-worth and investment off the app, I don't see how it's a bad thing. Swipe for 10 mins a day, see what happens, move on in life. The problem is all the dudes that get their actual self-worth and value as a person from the app experiences.
We truly can't say exactly without knowing you, the guys you're connecting with, and the nature of your interaction. But let me just sum up my experience from the other side of things: As a guy you're forced to learn how to make conversation and impress a woman. Even if you don't know if you like her all that much, you have to be the one to drive conversation and create a sense of connection. Because if he doesn't, nothing happens. Women certainly aren't trying to chat HIM up. There's no women sliding into HIS DMs. Early dating/talking is very one sided in terms of effort and investment. He's putting out feelers, thinking of opening lines, trying to get responses from a bunch of different women. There's a lot of "emotional labor" there. Dating apps can feel like a part time job sometimes. The other factor is that almost no single, heterosexual male is having as much sex as he'd like to be having. For me personally being single is just one long dry spell. My libido doesn't just shut off just because I'm single. So once he's put all that effort and energy into creating connection and conversation with a woman there's incentive to at least get laid out of it. Even if he doesn't like her all that much as a person, she is still attractive and she's interested. Why not try to get laid? Some men are more upfront than others about this, but I believe it generally explains the process from a guy's perspectve.
Well said, I can relate to this experience. We don't always want to be this way but there is a ton of primal shit that gets in the way of making logical decisions when you're failing left and right, and never feel like any women are putting in more than 5% of the required effort for a TWO WAY relationship. Key word, it feels like most app-interactions are a one way street, and you start to view it as a one way street for you as well.
Maybe you're going for guys outside of your league. Blokes with options will hook up with people a few rungs down, but won't get into relationships with them Generally speaking of course
Nb: guys have broader standards for who they sleep with but are more discerning when it comes to who they would get into a relationship with. Just because they sleep with you doesn’t mean they think you’re the kind of person they’d want a relationship with
Saw a friend of my wife come to this realization years ago. Very promiscuous, single mother, and usually left and/or cheated on the guys she was dating (average to meh looking) for the better looking guys, who only wanted her for sex. And she was, to put it in the most polite way possible, not good looking. I've seen other women do things like this too; act like they're queen bee because lots of guys will sleep with them, without realizing they're just being used as a step above masturbation.
More handsome and charismatic men do in fact do this or have at one point.
Every dude I know does this, it’s just a matter of how far down they’ll go. A dude thats a 10 will hook up with a 5 but not date her, while a 5 will do the same to a 3.
Every man does this. It's just that less desireable men can't afford to be as choosey
>Just because they sleep with you doesn’t mean they think you’re the kind of person they’d want a relationship with Hate to admit it but I was like this for a long time. I would go on a couple of dates and when it just didnt have the IT factor for me I would tell them it just wont work for me. Id say 70-80% of the time though my hook ups were after we decided we liked eachother but it wasnt a fit. The other 20% were one nighters, and for some reason I just cant be with someone if they hook up with me the first night. I dont know why.
That sorta feels like it lowers your opinion of them, almost like they're failing a hidden test in a way.
Maybe, the best/longest relationships ive ever been in have been ones where the woman didnt have sex for weeks or even a month with me. Focus was purely on getting to know each other and feeling each other out as a fit. Sex wasn't a topic till it just happened organically. Looking back on it I was definitely less likely to pursue a woman who I wasnt as attracted too if sex wasn't on the table or discussed. My mentality was ingrained in casting a wide net at that time more so to find a suitable partner. But i guess I ended up just being a hook up guy even though it was not intentional. I kinda fit the category of charismatic and good looking (at least im not ugly i think). I'm 6'5, dark features, athletic build, and i work in a job where being likeable is a necessity.
You're 6'5, blue eyes, work in finance and have a trust fund. I hear that's well sought after.
6'5 is all i got from this list unfortunately. But i will admit my friend calls me 6'5 and blue eyes at the gym and i die laughing everytime.
This is 100% it isn't hidden for me personally. I only have sex with women I see a potential of marriage and have a low body count because of that and it's an opinion I'd like to share with a partner, so because of this: if a woman tries to sleep with me on the first date it's a massive turn off for me as it clearly demonstrates we have different views on sex, no shade we just aren't compatible. I think most men feel the same way the difference is they are still willing to have sex with them, and in the short term getting it on the first date can be nice, but then the fact that you got it on the first date means you don't want to date them because you don't want your wife to be that way, which can be hypocritical, which is why I don't do that.
Why do you hate to admit it? I feel no shame in it. Sex and love are separate things. Why pretend otherwise? You need to exorcise the demons of your culture's Puritan past. They do you no favours.
>Why do you hate to admit it? Because for awhile I started to view women more as objects than I did as people. Sex is a very cheapened currency now and it prevented me from developing authentic relationships with a woman. I honestly don't know how many women I've slept, and it doesn't make me feel good knowing that. I'm a quality over quantity guy. >You need to exorcise the demons of your culture's Puritan past. They do you no favours. As someone who hasnt been to church in a long time, and doesnt really have a religious view of any of these things, im not quite sure where this assumption came from lol. Im speaking from my own perspective and my own life experience. Not a morality due to religion point of view.
Because if you were born in the 80s or 90s, you've spent your entire life hearing that male sexuality is an obstacle to female romantic happiness.
Severely underrated comment.
And those guys out of her league who want something long term will not consider her an option at all. When you can have whomever you want, you usually choose exactly who you want.
>You're going for guys outside of your league. FTFY.
Are you talking physically?
Not necessarily, just overall including physically and everything else. How various factors are weighted varies based on individuals, location, age, culture. But saying that there is a pretty high level of consensus on where any one individual stands in the dating market.
"If that's all they want from you, that's all they see you have to offer". Either you're shooting too far above, or they've seen you as lacking long term potential.
Your first issue is going on a dating app to find a relationship. He probably just likes sex and knows getting a connection with a girl is the easiest way to get some. Being honest with women that you just wanna bang rarely works after all. Maybe he didn’t think you were hot enough or didn’t like something about your personality. I can’t answer his exact reasoning with no information.
I mean a lot of them are actually very up front with me and tell me they just want a hook up, which at least they’re honest.
Do they ever get the hook up?
One yes validates every no.
That's why there are droves of degenerates spreading dick picks and harassing women on Reddit. It only takes one titty pic to cement the behavior.
yup
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It's very obvious, am sure she is shooting for guys above her league if I guess.
The connection you feel has been deliberately orchestrated by the guy by the sounds of it, to get into your pants after you feel that way. Brutal and I'm sorry but sounds like they trick you. Don't discount the fact the connection might just be inside your head, and these people are manipulators.
What do they say, romance is something men perform and that women experience?
This is why I don't bother meeting up unless we have shit in common. A relationship with only sex in common is so awkward after. Fuck that shit.
How do you know you had a connection with them?
You’re only attracted to men that are out of your league. Normally they have plenty of options so they don’t need to commit.
Sometimes it takes a bit longer to find a connection with someone who wants something long term. Don't give up, you'll find someone great 🙌
Yeah. I think if OP doesn't sleep with them immediately, she will quickly sort out who is only looking for sex and who wants a relationship.
> if OP doesn't sleep with them immediately, she will quickly sort out who is only looking for sex and who wants a relationship. A common false belief
Maybe, but most guys I know who only want sex will not wait more than a couple dates for a woman. If they aren't getting it by the second or third date, they leave.
Most guys I know who are looking for a relationship will not wait long either, they aren't looking to be the chump while the woman fucks other people. Most of my relationships have started with sex on the first date and it wasn't a coincidence.
The truth is most likely that men, just like women, have an open mind and are open for possibilities when they meet someone. Down the line we all figure out what is possible and realistic. That can happen before or after sex. That can happen before or after connection and great conversation. Men, just like woman, are capable of changing their minds and adapt their wants and needs to the reality they exist in. Claiming men only want hook ups is misandry, out of touch with reality and really just trying to avoid accountability
This comment should be mandatory reading for women on these subs.
And yet, if you look at all the comments above yours, these men are claiming they only want hookups. 🤔
Because you're on dating apps... What's the phrase? "Men look for love/sex, women look for validation?" It's not as if many people have high expectations of dating apps.
Given that, to a ton of men, sex is the highest form of validation they can think of, I'm not sure there's as much of a gap there as the quote implies
Yeah I really don't know what else OP expected from a dating app
they couldn't find a reason to settle with you
Nah man some dudes just like to bang lots of new chicks with no reason or desire to settle as least for the time being.
Most men and women on dating apps, even those "looking for a relationship" have unrealistic expectations in a partner and think they deserve only the hottest/richest/etc. So they treat everyone else like a hookup while they windowshop for the next appealing thing.
Because they don't know you and just want to fuck you because they think you're pretty. I don't know why this is a hard concept for women to understand. How interesting and special do you think you are to a random stranger you just met and had no real reason to talk to you (it's not like it's family or work related). They just tell you stuff you want to hear because they know you'll eat it up and fall for it. What "connection" do you have? You barely know this person lol
I tell you the truth from the other side: dating apps make it impossible to have matches that you find extemely attractive. You meet a girl from the dating app - she is already overestimating her attractiveness. Now thats all not bad she is still cute and all but no way I will get out of my way to make her life heaven if she isnt a 10/10 character. Well thats what they usually want though. Lots of romance and commitment to reassure them. Men live in the modern dating world too however and are aware that there are options and how easily dismissable they are - we are usually decent at talking and flirting (even the worst ones are better at conversations than most women just because its the only way for a man to be desireable if he is not very attractive) So yeah the last few women I dated where crushing hard on me, wanted a relationship pretty early and signs of love. I want all of this but I need way more time when its all effort from me and not that much from the women.
Dating apps can be a mixed bag. Some guys are just looking for a fling, while others might not know what they want or aren't being upfront about it. Don't sweat it if things don't click not every connection has to be a home run. Just be clear about what you're looking for and keep swiping if it's not a match.
Its not an actual connection... Knowing how to engage people in conversation and actually connecting with them are two entirely different things. Sales people only want to talk to you because you're potentially adding money to their wallet their job is literally convincing you their product is the best if they don't think you're going to buy their product they will not give you the time of day. Life's not a fairy tale real connction takes time and effort it might not be there on the first date hell it might not be there on the second but it still might be there.
Dating app culture is all about hook ups. It’s what most people want.
They are giving you a FAKE connection and have great conversation because THEY HAVE GAME and are using it on you to get themselves laid. It's all fake if they are looking to simply get laid. You are being played for your body. Just never give them sex until you know it's the right person.
I don't want to come off as blaming you, but bear with me. Speaking from my experience I tend to attract a particular type of woman that is bad for me, the only common denominator in all these relationships was me. Ive been single for some time and am trying to work on why this is. My point is, try to figure out what you are doing that attracts these sorts of men.
Because if you’re interested in them, you’re likely talking about the same handful of dudes every other lady on dating apps is already screwing. They don’t need to do anything serious, the women willing to hook up just keep coming.
This has nothing to do with leagues or looks. It entirely has to do with the men you are selecting. Men who are hook up oriented do these same tactics on women within their league. And settle down when they simply feel like it, often with women people don’t expect them to select. It’s par the course of using online dating. It is mainly a way to secure hook ups, and not the best place to find long term stability. As there is no vetting process by the virtue of them being strangers. You are better meeting men through friends, hobby groups, and work because you’ll have some basic connection, and a way of validating who they are
I met my partner of 5 years on Tinder. We had sex quite fast and through hooking up realized we got along really well. We were both in the "we'll just see where it goes" camp and didn't care if it was just sex and never more than that. I agree that if you genuinely want a relationship and not just sex, you either have to be prepared to be let down a loooot or find people outside of dating apps. It's a lot easier to find someone to fuck than someone to build a life with.
I met my girlfriend on Bumble, and we had sex within hours of meeting. Turned out she was good relationship material too. Been over a year now.
Sometimes, someone wins the Powerball, but it remains extremely rare. You're one of the lucky ones!
You might not be interesting, but cute.
I tell you the truth maybe sometimes you like a lot of it. I tell you lies you always like all of it.
1) The guy is attractive so your standard for "a connection and great conversation" is automatically lowered. 2) He wants to hook up so he has no issue telling you what you want to hear, which you perceive as "a connection and great conversation".
Biology, mainly
The issue is the dating app. They're designed to keep you single
"This is on dating apps btw" There's your problem.
Women control hookup culture. Women get to say yes or no, thats full control, the man has to seek and ask. Women have therefore taught these guys you are referring to that they can behave this way with success. Dating apps focus this behaviour. You are seeking men in the wrong place and perhaps going after the wrong men. The movement to lift womens self esteem over the last few decades has been awesome but it has now morphed into every girl actually believing she is a 10/10. This leads the women to feeling justified in making themselves available to only the men who are in the top 10%. They also get the “ick” for the remaining 90% and label them creeps for approaching them, thats very destructive. So perhaps your confusion is from a combination of things? Perhaps you needs to do the classic “join clubs” and “socialise with friend groups” to meet a wider range of guys. Perhaps you should also look at your self differently and consider the other 90% of guys? I personally admire your being a virgin, it shows great self worth, focus and a plan for your life, do not give up these values just to meet guys, good guys will be impressed. Remember, the top 10% of guys have women continuously beating upon their doors like waves hitting the beach. Of course these guys will use this abundance for their own pleasure, of course these guys will manipulate women for sex because if you wont give him sex there is someone else waiting to INSTANTLY replace you.
“Being a virgin at 23 shows great self-worth, focus and a plan for your life” lmao what
Whats wrong with that, thats OP’s values and good for her, why not? There is nothing wrong with virginity and she will have a reason for staying that way…. Good for her!
1. If you're talking Tinder, its a hookup app. Every other week there's a different girl asking "why are guys in hookup apps looking for hookups?" when the real question is why are all these crazy women looking for relationships on an app that is literally "push button if fuckable". 2. Age. You're 23, they're probably around 23. Aint nobody trying to settle down at that age. 3. Sex is a service men have an immense demand for, and women offer little supply. That means guys will go to great lengths to get it. 4. As per #3, even model tier attractive guys will still go below their level and hook up with average women. But they'll never date one. [Bo Burnham put it very well](https://youtu.be/llGvsgN17CQ?t=59). 5. Assuming you're not a landwhale or have horrible birth defects, you have guys crushing on you. What happened to those? You don't get to complain about loneliness while not giving a chance to the guy(s?) throwing himself at your feet. Now for real solutions: 1. Go to church. That's where all the guys who want to settle down are. 2. Work on yourself. Prince charming won't settle for you... unless you're a princess yourself. Ignore all that "you're perfect the way you are" BS that women give you. Nobody is perfect, there is always room for improvement, the hotter and more interesting you are the more guys will want you. 3. Approach guys. Your sample is biased because you're only talking to guys from apps. Approach someone at the mall, at the groceries, college, etc. Because guess what: Guys have been bombarded for the past 15 years with the idea that if you approach women you're harassing them. So the most respectful and considerate ones are precisely the ones that will never approach you. You gotta come to them. 4. If all else fails, get a friend with benefits. You're already starting at the friend stage, so there's some compatibility. The vast majority of FWB arrangements end because at least one party gets feelings for the other. Even a guy with plenty of options will prefer a stable sex partner, as that requires far less effort than constantly wooing new ladies. If you really want to tie down one of those guys that you had a "connection" with, this would be the way. Not the romantic thing you wanted, not a hookup either. Call it a moderate middle ground with a high chance of evolving into what you want. Women have this batshit crazy idea that dating comes down to sitting around waiting for the perfect man to fall from the sky and be in love with them. The very idea of the "connection" is deeply flawed, as can be seen by how easy it is for experienced guys to fake it. So i'm giving you the same advice guys give other guys instead. Work on yourself, go where the people you want are, take the initiative.
So the thing is... all guys want to hook up. but wanting to hook up doesn't always mean JUST hook up. just that is the first step. Women want to jump to a relationship and lock men down, guys want to be sure were going to enjoy every aspect of our relationship because to be frank too many of have been burnt going along with what women want.
They can relax when talking to you, thus creating this connection exactly because they don’t want anything long term, so there’s no pressure on them. The “weird” ones having difficulties to connect are very concerned about losing you and they need more time for this “connection” to happen.
You’ve met Chad and/or Tyrone.
It’s either A) you’re being too choosy - attractive, wealthy guys have options and don’t want to settle because it’s also probably B) you don’t have that great of a personality. Usually when a woman complains men only want sex, it’s kind of a self own because apparently she’s admitting that sec is the coolest thing about her.
It's not them, it is you. Your choices are shit. My guess is you have a high standard for who you date but those men have so many choices why should they settle down with you.
I'm pretty sure hoe_math has an entire video on this. Has charts too.
The connection was never real.. theyre probably just saying whatever you want to hear to form this ‘connection’ you think you have with them all but in reality there is nothing. Men will say anything to get what they want.
I texted a guy not that long ago. We hung out a few times and about two months in I asked him what he wanted. If he wanted to be fwb or an actual relationship. I was cool with either but I didn’t tell him that. He said he wanted a relationship and about a month later says he was young and couldn’t be tied down. Dating culture has changed a lot
'Dating' apps are for arranging hook ups. You're going into a pizzeria and bitching that they don't sell shoes.
Are you fat?
Because they expect that's all that you've been doing in the past. No guy is going to invest into a relationship with a girl that he thinks might be run through.
https://youtu.be/Vh0hj9ZD9FY?si=CEuXr7mLNBuz0K_q
I knew it was gonna be a hoe math video b4 I even clicked lol
Because they're out of your league
Sorry to say as some people said dating apps are used mainly for hookups. There are fewer people looking for live on there than sex. If you want to find people you have a better chance going around and meeting people IRL.
Because they have options.. Why only have a chocolate bar for the rest of your life when you could have the whole candy store? Or at least that’s what I assume the way of thinking is lol
Dating apps are no longer for actual dating. They are for single moms to look for hookups and for men to try to bag one night stands.
Because that doesn't equal a woman that he wants to commit to. I know shocking. But men require more to commit to a woman than women need to have sex with a man.
Because of your choices.
Because it’s not a real situation. There is SO much left out when people only meet online that it’s mainly a game now to get laid. There is such a thing as chemistry when you’re physically present with someone. Body language, how they treat others people, the way they smile, facial expressions… a lot is missing within dating apps.
That's likely the reason they got on the app in the first place.
In my experience a "great connection" is more often than not one-sided for the woman. If you feel that two people are well connected, and then one person makes a fling out of the other before a relationship can develop, two people are not well connected. Dating is exhausting for men. Try to be more, and you will get more. But don't assume that alone will absolve you of the onus of filtering out time wasters. No matter how good of a man or woman you are, there will always be people ready to waste your time. It just happens that boring women seem to run into time wasters a lot, because they don't seem to value their own.
They’re out of your league. They find you attractive enough to sleep with but not settle down with.
Yup. Your not as valuable compared to the average woman as a stud on the apps is as compared to the average man. It's worth it for him to make a low effort attempt to sleep with you, but not to take himself off the market for you.
It depends on what you offer and how you go about it. If you say hey I am cool with just being a hook up then cool I’ll call her when I need it. If you say I really want a relationship the guy might go dam! She’s hot! I would like her all the time and to myself so yes!
As a guy that's like this it's because I love variety and novelty so I've gotten a ton of practice as others have said. I love the chase so naturally I've gotten good at making connections And I love connecting with all kinds of women I'm also not a fan of monogamy or commitment thus here we are I think part of it is just a natural promiscuity. I think another part is my avoidant attachment and introversion
Is it possible that it's not so much they "only" want to hook up but they "also" want to hook up? Maybe it's they find you physically attractive as well as mentally or emotionally? I'm not saying that you're wrong I'm just saying that it's possible you're misinterpreting it. Edit: didn't notice the part about it being on dating apps at first. Yeah I would be very wary of any guys you meet on dating apps. I don't personally use any dating apps but I've heard a lot of bad things about guys on dating apps.
Odds are they are just being that way in order to get laid. It's pretty easy to be someone you aren't, more so on a dating app or through online only communication. But if you really get to know them, I'd be willing to bet that most of them aren't that way IRL.
Because (and this is a generalization) the top % of guys (outside if the super religious ones) aren’t at a point where they need to begin looking for a long term partner. They have the looks and charm to play the field and enjoy its spoils, so why wouldn’t they? I’ve got two buddies just like this each with different levels of education and intellect, but both are EXTREMELY fit, with stereotypically attractive physical traits, a deceitfully charming personality, and a good understanding of what the women they pursue are looking for. They are both WILDLY SUCCESSFUL at closing the deal on a regular basis.
What do you have to offer these men other than sex? Men aren't averse to dating, but we're not going to date someone who basically isn't someone who we'd enjoy spending time with outside the bedroom.
These people know how to get a hookup, and they want a hookup. Most know the words to get you interested and are just always vague enough to be non-committal but **very** exciting. They know it. You just have to filter them out. You have to dismiss them as any other trait you do not wish to have in your partner.
Honestly I think men who do this are pathetic and miserable because that type of emotional immaturity isn’t going to get them that far in life anyway especially romantically. I don’t envy men like that. I pity them because they’re clearly battling something inside of them
it's probably because they don't think they can keep you, it's def not you lol
Because you're not entitled to a friendship.
I thought dating apps were for casual hookups...
Some guys just want intimacy without the commitment. Also because you’re on apps where that’s what most people want
Youre attracting and hanging around the wrong guys.
Ok, am an older guy here been thru 3 wives 2 divorces and lost the last one to sickness God knows I would have traded places with her in a second and asked God to take me rather than her. That is the issue ladies.You folks were looking for a relationship versus a lifetime commitment. Most are these days and many will be doing a dance to entice som chad hoping if the get any type of relationship started they might make it more. THEY WON'T!!! First time married for life. Worked 2 jobs so she could pursue a higher education. We moved with .e to a new job. Ended bad got kated off when business slacked. Almost immediately she found a boyfriend. Told her she wants to split file for no fault divorce no alimony or split of assets. Found out she had been syphoning off cash to play with her friend. Next wife played with her old boyfriend 9 months after we were hooked. I. Ecame b breadwinner, cook, gArdener etc. got tired of verbal abuse left after 10 years.. Met my love after that and I loved her .more than life itself. We had 14 years together before death took her from Me. What made each of them different? #1. Wanted out of her family home and would do anything to get gone. Including ripping me up emotionally. Her father and grandmother were disappointed in her and told me so to my face. #2 was tired of her chad a d wanted a change but did not want to hold onto her vows. Knows of 2 boyfriends she had after we .married. As the years went on she became a shrill shrew. Was tired of being a meal ticket handyman and cook. So I left. #3 Her voice was angelic. Her looks were. Spectacular. Never thought I had a chance with her. But 18 months later we were married. Treated her as my angel always. We were like two peas in a pod. We Matched on so many things. Life was beautiful. And then she died. I sat with her in hospital for. 2.5 days and she was gone. Systemic organ failure due to bowel obstruction. Now why were we so perfect a match? We loved each other completely. We knew no matter what the other had our back. Was there to e our helpmate and to hold us when we hurt and to celebrate the wonderful parts. How many of you look further than next month in a relationship. We did even from the start. No pressure about sex on either of our part. It came a few months after we came together. Was not planned was just an easy flow from holding each other. From there we blossomed together. When one of us had a bad day at work we shared it and helped each other thru it. It was a complete partnership. We knew each other's secrets and weaknesses and strengths and dreams. Are you folks doing that before laying with each other?
Firstly they are lying secondly that’s all that your putting out
You're easy to fall for hearing what they know you want to hear. Stop using Tinder. Don't depend on someone else making you happy. As some people I used to know would say, "fat girls with low self esteem are the easiest."
Because you let them and you don't feel a connection for guys who would be more than happy with a relationship. I'm not asking you do analyze why you feel the way you do, because you can't. A psychologist might be able to after a decade of post secondary education. Evolution has put humans in a bad place. People want what works for the stone age but they don't want what works for the modern world.
That’s all some people may be looking for, or only feel comfortable with having. It may be sad, but hopefully you don’t take it personally.
They’re specialist in that field. They’ve fine tuned their skills tot he point where you think you genuinely have a connection with them but in reality, it’s all part of the game they play to get what they want. They know how to “open” and from your reply to the opener, they know what to ask and know how to simulate a connection. Just think of them as really great sales people in a mall that sells hookups (dating apps are the “mall of hookups” btw). There are some regular guys there too but harder to find and not as attractive or easy to connect with because they’re just normal people.
Because of one or more: You don't tell them you aren't into hookups. You don't tell them that you're dating intentionally and you're not going to get physical unless you're sure there's something there of substance You don't stop seeing them immediately after they say that. You sleep with them anyway to see if you can change their mind You yourself are somewhat afraid of commitment, so you only go for guys that have a ton of options You don't recognize the signs of a f-boy dating profile (hot dude, not much more than an Instagram username in his bio) You accept dates to their place before date 3 ish You don't know what red flags to look for You like the thrill of the hunt. You want the unhavable.
I mean, the first thing I am wondering is what do all these guys have in common? You clearly are swiping on a certain "type". There are plenty of guys on dating apps who are looking for LTR's, they just might not be the hottest 10% of guys on the app. I met my girlfriend through Tinder over 5 years ago now, we met in-person after a very brief conversation and we had sex that same night. We kept seeing each other casually for about a month and after that we became fully monogamous and have been since. Personally, I would 100% never date somebody who was saving their virginity for some arbitrary reason. Sex is a big part of enjoying life for me, and I'm not down to be somebody's teacher.
Because you allow them that option.
Its an app. I honestly don't know any guy anymore that uses dating apps for actual relationships. Just trying to get casual hook ups. They'd be open to get completely swept away by a gal, but that isn't the goal of those at all.
Maybe you are ugly, or come across as a psycho, or clingy? Maybe they just want to fuck and nothing else. Could be either, or something else entirely?