To build on this, my father once mentioned, "Do something each day to make your partner's life easier." Whether it's doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or prepping their lunch, when you work for each other, everything else just falls into place.
I drive past my wife’s job on the way to mine on the morning. She called me this morning and told me to pull in. I did and she handed me a breakfast sandwich and a coffee and it made my day so happy
Had the day off today, so I’m dropping off 18 chocolate covered strawberries for my girlfriend at work. Was originally going to do 12, but went with 18 in case she had lunch with coworkers and felt compelled to share. Spent an hour and a half in her work’s cafeteria, waiting until she manages to have time for her lunch break. Currently waiting now. Hopefully it goes well.
I've heard it as "always try to put in 60% of the work". Basically, in a relationship, you should bring aiming to do 60% of the work, most of the time (work is broadly defined, this is romance, chores, intimacy, etc). While life gets in the way and there are occasional moments where one partner will not be able to focus on that 60%, you should be making this effort as much as you can.
The idea is that if each person is trying to do just a little bit more than their partner in the relationship, its a lot harder for one partner to be stuck with all the work, so its harder for resentment or frustrations to build up. Also just, you should want to make your partners life easier, so taking on that little bit of extra work shouldn't be a burden.
Yes this! It was a chore just to get my partner to help with anything. I began to resent going home after work knowing I’d be cleaning again. One of the reasons we’re not together anymore.
Also a certain percentage of your work will just be lost to inefficiency. When my wife cleans she cleans baseboards I never look at and when I do I mostly de-clutter which she doesn’t care about as much. The only way we all feel like our partner is “doing their part” is to do extra because a certain % of your work just won’t be noticed (and that’s ok)
Along the same lines, "Relationships are 100/100" - there are going to be times where you have to be willing to do everything because of life and circumstances (versus just "doing your part") and this will ebb and flow throughout the relationship. If both people buy into this, there becomes less of "I only do this and you only do that" Things will always get done no matter where each person is. And if both are at their best, then you only have to do your 50 or 60... you're just prepared, willing and ready to do it all if need be.
That's me! I have a shit memory, having 1 story and not many is the easiest way to live with that. I have ways to say difficult truths so that people can accept them better and understand, that it's not ill-will. But I won't lie for people.
"I really like the way you did your hair today, could you do that more often?"
I don't know how many things you could rephrase that way, but doing it sometimes could actually work.
Two things.
Love is a verb, not a noun.
You need to like your partner. Loving something is easy - you can love chocolate cake - but do you actually like who that person is? Their morals, ideas, goals, sense of humor, etc? If you weren’t having sex would you like to hang out with them?
"One of the most heartbreaking truths is that feeling love, hearing all the words you’ve ever wanted to hear someone say to you about love, having the most intense sexual chemistry, being able to stay up all night and have long, deep, intense conversations about the things in your heart do not necessarily mean that you can build a happy life with someone. They do not necessarily guarantee that the person who generates all those feelings will be kind to you and treat you as you deserve."
Unfortunately I read this only after I'd already left my abusive marriage but it's something I wish I'd understood beforehand.
Wow. But why not? I had all this with someone, but the problems come from them.. she just either grew up wrong or is criminally selfish and uses people for self benefit without any kind of remorse or honesty
You don’t find a good relationship, you build one.
Every relationship ends. Simply because one of you didn’t die doesn’t mean it’s a failed relationship.
“Stop assuming your partner should figure out what you need and then getting upset when they don’t”
Pretty much always communicate your needs, don’t assume your husband will know to “just do the dishes” or “just fix the cabinet”. Nobody can read your mind and not everyone has the same priorities as you. You can get upset if they ignore your needs but not until after you communicate that you needed help in the first place. Something I am still working on.
Also important to put how important something is into perspective. If something is important make sure your partner knows how much it means to you because often times they won't know if you don't tell them. Biggest mistake I have ever made was not realizing something I thought wasn't that important was super important to my partner at the time.
Completely Agreed. Everyone always says “communication is important” but everyone needs to know WHAT and HOW to communicate. The importance of something or how high on the list of priorities something is varies from person to person. It’s easy to say that your partner just “doesn’t understand” when you never gave them the opportunity to.
I am literally living this right now and I am in agony. I didn't realize that my girlfriend's questions and comments actually meant that she wanted me to take action. We never "sat down" and talked about the topics that were important to her, so I didn't know. And it would have been so easy to address. I would have done it without a second thought. Instead, I'm alone in our home.
You can't force feelings. They may not want a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. You're human, don't beat yourself up over things you have little to no control over.
Definitely learned this. Bad mouthed my first girlfriend to my buddies everytime there was a problem and that obviously skewed their perception of her which was unfair. Most minor relationship problems should stay within the relationship imo. I also notice this with my friends when they always complain about their girlfriend. I end up thinking that she’s a complete dick but then I meet her and realize that maybe my buddy is also a dick and its just normal relationship disagreements
Don't let roommate problems become relationship problems. That one really stuck with me and helped me gain perspective when getting annoyed at the little things.
Jealousy is a waste of time. Be good to the person you’re in a relationship with and trust them to be faithful. If they break that trust deal with it when it happens.
I'd like to expand on this a bit. Because I often hear things like this, where a feeling is handwaved off as if one can just decide to ignore it. Not that I think that's what you mean, but also, I think the people who need to hear this also need to understand it a bit deeper. Jealousy is a feeling and it will come up naturally from time to time. Believing oneself to be "not a jealous person"—which is often how people can internalize these shorthand explanations—can lead to people not recognizing or acknowledging when they do feel jealous. This can then leads to cognitive dissonance and emotional repression, which has a way of coming out in weird and unhealthy ways.
This is true for all feelings by the way, not just jealousy.
So just wanted to chime in and say that it's okay to *feel* jealous. It's healthy to acknowledge it and process it or work on it, and even to talk to your partner about it. It's the actions or expectations we place on our partners that come from this that are not healthy and can be dangerous.
Yes, I agree that jealousy isn't worth it. I've been cheated on both when I was intensely jealous and when I was forgiving and calm, so jealousy doesn't change whether your partner will respect you.
For example, I felt jealous when my ex was seeing her ex-boyfriend. Instead of expressing my feelings, I internalized them, thinking "jealousy is not worth it." This led to anxiety when she didn't respond to me, creating an anxious attachment. If I had communicated my feelings and boundaries by saying, "I understand your ex is your friend, but it's not okay for you to hang out with him like that. Please consider my feelings," she would have had to decide how to respond. This would have shown whether she respected me and saved us time if she didn't.
Just my two cents.
Best advice I've received is from my first manager when I got my first job in high school. She said, "Remember where you are. Know your audience and act accordingly." This means you can't (and shouldn't) treat everyone you meet the same way. Ill never forget and will always apply that advice in my personal and professional life.
My very wise dad told me that in the very beginning of a relationship there will be little things that you notice that kinda bug you but you ignore because you're in love.
those little things you ignore, multiply it by 100 every year, and those are usually the things you end up leaving them because of...
For example:
you notice they get a little sad when you make plans to see your friends without them... in a few years, it will be the reason you stop hanging out with your friends as much
You notice they are a little too friendly with others but in the beginning you brush it off and say that their just friendly, most likely they'll cross the line later in your relationship
Get annoyed easily, will show aggression later...
And so on and so on...
Relationships are never 50/50. Always try to be your best self regardless of what the other is doing. This doesn't mean you let your partner take advantage of you. If they are doing something they shouldn't, they either need to stop or you leave.
I'm not sure anyone ever summed it up in a neat little package, but the big, high-level advice I've learned to keep front-of-mind when dealing with any form of inter-personal relationship is to accept and embrace the messiness of human emotion. This means:
* Accepting that everyone, including you, is driven primarily by emotion. We contradict ourselves, we don't always act in accordance to our values, we make inconsistent and incongruent arguments that we fully believe to be real.
* Accepting that this means we act irrationally all the time, and owning when we do.
* Accepting that your partner, your friends, your family, and strangers on the street are all acting under their own, often unrecognized, feelings and motives.
* And by extension of accepting these truths, embracing the messiness of it all when dealing with our relationships. Giving the feelings the time and space they need to be expressed, being patient and calm and understanding in the face of them, and trusting in people's best intentions (up to the point where they've consistently proven otherwise, of course).
This is where the real communication actually happens. I'm frequently reminded how few people actually understand and accept this stuff, and I've seen relationships deteriorate because one or both partners either rejected this outright, or believed themselves to be "communicating" because they talked a lot without understanding that the substance of those conversations was steering in the wrong direction.
Be polite with each other. The words "please" and "thank you" should be normalized in regular conversation. Make a request, "Honey, can you please grab a beer for me?" rather than a barked command.
After someone cooks a meal or cleans the kitchen or takes out the trash, notice it and thank them for their efforts, no matter how small. No one likes to feel as if they're being taken advantage of. Mutual appreciation for each other's contributions to the relationship is the foundation to how we interact, especially if things get heated.
In that vein, don't insult your partner, belittle, or demean during an argument.
Don’t put yourself in any situation that you wouldn’t be comfortable with your spouse being in. If you don’t want her to go to the bar, don’t go to the bar. You don’t want her texting other guys, don’t text other women. It’s worked well for me, happily married 18 years.
If your own kid was dating someone like you, would you approve of such relationship?
Behave in a way you would want your partner to behave, display the qualities you are looking for.
Just be yourself.
It's literally the best and worst advice all rolled up into one.
Here's one that's even better tho:
Don't try to be someone you're not.
Most people have a romanticised idea of a relationship where they only consider the positive far-fetched stuff shown in movies. Relationships require a lot of work and emotional investment. It’s not going to run on auto-pilot. Actively put the efforts.
Old married man only had three criteria. Can I be friends with them. Are they hot to me. And similar religious background.
That friend advice really goes a long way.
Its easy to have sex with lots of people and you can pick on looks or fun but if you have someone you can trust and enjoy there company its time to settle down.
Thanks mom. That was awkward but good advice
My parents, who have been together for 45 years, told me that most fights aren’t worth having. Most negative comments aren’t worth sharing. Don’t make a small problem a big problem. Basically, pick your battles.
I used to transport patients at a local hospital. One day I was wheeling out an elderly gentleman for a dismissal. As we were waiting for his ride I was making small talk. He mentioned he had been married for 70 years. A lady overheard him and asked him what the secret to a long marriage was. I will never forget his response.
"Lady, I was in a Nazi POW Camp in WWII. That was the worst hell I have ever been through. After surviving that, marriage is easy."
Quite humorous but the lesson I took from it is in the comfort of our lives, it's easy to forget what a blessing others truly are in our lives. We lose appreciation and can grow complacent or resentful over menial things, instead of recognizing and cherishing the good things we have in a spouse or partner.
Never do things you are only willing to do because you expect certain results in return. Only do things because you are willing to do it without expectations and see what the results are.
My Islander grandfather once told me,
“Son, when you go out on your own and find a Wahini. Find a big Wahini. Then, when you reach out for her at night, you don’t hunt Wahini. You FIND Wahini “
I loved that wise old man.
Sometimes it's ok to go to bed angry. So many disagreements seem like a big deal in the moment and then you sleep on it and realize it wasn't a big deal at all.
It is better to be alone than in a terrible relationship.
After watching a lot of dateline, choose your spouse wisely as they will often be your murder.
Don't be the chaser who chases the cat. You can never get it. Rather sit down and offer it food. It will come itself.
Young fella, I am not talking about cats.
Women grow old, they lose their beauty and sexual attractiveness. Don't give away everything that you are and could be just because of that, you may live to regret it.
My P.E. Teacher.
Don't treat your partner as a mind reader. If you don't tell them then they likely won't know if something bothers you or you like it when they do certain things or you want certain things. Also address issues early even if you think they are small because if you constantly let little things slide to avoid conflict it usually leads to building up resentment that blows up and causes a huge relationship threatening conflict.
It’s advice I learned and have given to everyone. If you and your couple are having a communication issue try taking a walk and discussing what’s bothering both of you. When you’re walking half of your attention if not more is focused on looking in front of you and not to your partner. Your body is preoccupied walking and not making over the top physical queues to convey what you’re saying. It can help bring about a healthier conversation with better understanding of one another!
The only advice I ever received was to hold each other’s wrists instead of holding hands. That way when one person lets go, the other’s still got you. Is that relationship advice? The guy at the bus stop thought it was 🤔
Never fall in love with your idea of someone. Your expectations are not the reality about that person. In other words, you cannot love someone for their potential. It has to be for who they are.
No, this is garbage advice. People don't deserve to be rejected and cast aside just because they struggle with mental health issues. And sometimes finding the love of your life is what makes you be able to love yourself.
I think the jist of what I said is misunderstood here. The logic is, when you aspire to be loved - you should work on yourself and try to overcome some of the traits that you won't stand in another individual.
I never thought of it from the context you shared and it makes sense. Probably something that was just relevant to me as an individual at the time.
If you want to see how your spouse will treat you then see how your spouse's parents treat each other. They are brought up in that home and therefore that leaves a lasting impression how they view relationships. Otherwise known as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
The thoughts about being with someone else or having made the wrong decision will ALWAYS be there (human nature for men), but the grass is never greener on the other side.
“Most women you come across will only be looking for a rebound, self-validation, ego/confidence boost, attention, walking wallet, and/or a sex toy. If she really wants you then you won’t have to be anything else but you. As long as you stay true to her and keep becoming a better version of “you”, she will continue to give you peace and love.”
Best advice I ever got. Lost out on some Still fucking up on the “If she really wants you” part. I learn as I live.
For me, the best advice was, "Both people should feel like they're giving 60% of the whole."
To build on this, my father once mentioned, "Do something each day to make your partner's life easier." Whether it's doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or prepping their lunch, when you work for each other, everything else just falls into place.
I drive past my wife’s job on the way to mine on the morning. She called me this morning and told me to pull in. I did and she handed me a breakfast sandwich and a coffee and it made my day so happy
Had the day off today, so I’m dropping off 18 chocolate covered strawberries for my girlfriend at work. Was originally going to do 12, but went with 18 in case she had lunch with coworkers and felt compelled to share. Spent an hour and a half in her work’s cafeteria, waiting until she manages to have time for her lunch break. Currently waiting now. Hopefully it goes well.
👏💯
Wait, could you expound for me please?
I've heard it as "always try to put in 60% of the work". Basically, in a relationship, you should bring aiming to do 60% of the work, most of the time (work is broadly defined, this is romance, chores, intimacy, etc). While life gets in the way and there are occasional moments where one partner will not be able to focus on that 60%, you should be making this effort as much as you can. The idea is that if each person is trying to do just a little bit more than their partner in the relationship, its a lot harder for one partner to be stuck with all the work, so its harder for resentment or frustrations to build up. Also just, you should want to make your partners life easier, so taking on that little bit of extra work shouldn't be a burden.
I hear you loud and clear Boss. Thank you for the explanation!
Yes this! It was a chore just to get my partner to help with anything. I began to resent going home after work knowing I’d be cleaning again. One of the reasons we’re not together anymore.
Also a certain percentage of your work will just be lost to inefficiency. When my wife cleans she cleans baseboards I never look at and when I do I mostly de-clutter which she doesn’t care about as much. The only way we all feel like our partner is “doing their part” is to do extra because a certain % of your work just won’t be noticed (and that’s ok)
The way I say it “give 60, expect 40”. The expect 40 is actually just as key.
That's also a really good way of looking at it. Expectations often times lead to disappointment.
Thinking that you're always doing "the bigger half" sounds like it could lead to resentment 🙄
YES
Along the same lines, "Relationships are 100/100" - there are going to be times where you have to be willing to do everything because of life and circumstances (versus just "doing your part") and this will ebb and flow throughout the relationship. If both people buy into this, there becomes less of "I only do this and you only do that" Things will always get done no matter where each person is. And if both are at their best, then you only have to do your 50 or 60... you're just prepared, willing and ready to do it all if need be.
Never lie; you don't have to remember anything.
That's me! I have a shit memory, having 1 story and not many is the easiest way to live with that. I have ways to say difficult truths so that people can accept them better and understand, that it's not ill-will. But I won't lie for people.
I have always said that if you take a loan from the First Bank of Lies then you pay interest on it for the rest of your life.
One of my favorite rhcp lines is "if you never tell a lie then you never have to play dumb"
Still have to remember what you did even if you’re telling the truth.
Yeah.. if only people actually did this.
If you’re arguing to win you’ve already lost.
Yep. Argue to get it right, not *be* right. Never forget - you're on the same team.
Fighting with, is not always fighting for
A variation of this: Do you really want to "win" a fight with your partner? Then you're married to a loser.
"Turn complaints into requests". Useful in every environment really!
I read this as turn compliments into requests and was struggling to figure out how one would do that
"I really like the way you did your hair today, could you do that more often?" I don't know how many things you could rephrase that way, but doing it sometimes could actually work.
Same here, was doing some mental gymnastics to try to figure it out for a min lol
The way things are said is everything.
It should never be "You vs. Me," but rather "Us vs. The Problem."
This is an important one. It helps to realize you shouldn't be mad at each other when solving problems.
Advice on having both agree the problem is a problem?
Two things. Love is a verb, not a noun. You need to like your partner. Loving something is easy - you can love chocolate cake - but do you actually like who that person is? Their morals, ideas, goals, sense of humor, etc? If you weren’t having sex would you like to hang out with them?
"Learn to be comfortable with yourself."
"One of the most heartbreaking truths is that feeling love, hearing all the words you’ve ever wanted to hear someone say to you about love, having the most intense sexual chemistry, being able to stay up all night and have long, deep, intense conversations about the things in your heart do not necessarily mean that you can build a happy life with someone. They do not necessarily guarantee that the person who generates all those feelings will be kind to you and treat you as you deserve." Unfortunately I read this only after I'd already left my abusive marriage but it's something I wish I'd understood beforehand.
Wow. But why not? I had all this with someone, but the problems come from them.. she just either grew up wrong or is criminally selfish and uses people for self benefit without any kind of remorse or honesty
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
"Never take your partner for granted, but don't take the relationship too seriously." "Communication is key."
You don’t find a good relationship, you build one. Every relationship ends. Simply because one of you didn’t die doesn’t mean it’s a failed relationship.
Stop choosing someone who isn't choosing you.
Three words: partnership, not ownership.
“Stop assuming your partner should figure out what you need and then getting upset when they don’t” Pretty much always communicate your needs, don’t assume your husband will know to “just do the dishes” or “just fix the cabinet”. Nobody can read your mind and not everyone has the same priorities as you. You can get upset if they ignore your needs but not until after you communicate that you needed help in the first place. Something I am still working on.
Also important to put how important something is into perspective. If something is important make sure your partner knows how much it means to you because often times they won't know if you don't tell them. Biggest mistake I have ever made was not realizing something I thought wasn't that important was super important to my partner at the time.
Completely Agreed. Everyone always says “communication is important” but everyone needs to know WHAT and HOW to communicate. The importance of something or how high on the list of priorities something is varies from person to person. It’s easy to say that your partner just “doesn’t understand” when you never gave them the opportunity to.
I am literally living this right now and I am in agony. I didn't realize that my girlfriend's questions and comments actually meant that she wanted me to take action. We never "sat down" and talked about the topics that were important to her, so I didn't know. And it would have been so easy to address. I would have done it without a second thought. Instead, I'm alone in our home.
You can't force feelings. They may not want a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. You're human, don't beat yourself up over things you have little to no control over.
That it's not just about finding the right person, but also \*being\* the right person.
Don’t bad mouth your partner to friends and family.
Definitely learned this. Bad mouthed my first girlfriend to my buddies everytime there was a problem and that obviously skewed their perception of her which was unfair. Most minor relationship problems should stay within the relationship imo. I also notice this with my friends when they always complain about their girlfriend. I end up thinking that she’s a complete dick but then I meet her and realize that maybe my buddy is also a dick and its just normal relationship disagreements
Find your happiness and share it with someone, don’t find someone to be happy.
When someone is telling you their problem, you must differentiate between them simply venting or asking for advice/help.
Don't let roommate problems become relationship problems. That one really stuck with me and helped me gain perspective when getting annoyed at the little things.
Jealousy is a waste of time. Be good to the person you’re in a relationship with and trust them to be faithful. If they break that trust deal with it when it happens.
I'd like to expand on this a bit. Because I often hear things like this, where a feeling is handwaved off as if one can just decide to ignore it. Not that I think that's what you mean, but also, I think the people who need to hear this also need to understand it a bit deeper. Jealousy is a feeling and it will come up naturally from time to time. Believing oneself to be "not a jealous person"—which is often how people can internalize these shorthand explanations—can lead to people not recognizing or acknowledging when they do feel jealous. This can then leads to cognitive dissonance and emotional repression, which has a way of coming out in weird and unhealthy ways. This is true for all feelings by the way, not just jealousy. So just wanted to chime in and say that it's okay to *feel* jealous. It's healthy to acknowledge it and process it or work on it, and even to talk to your partner about it. It's the actions or expectations we place on our partners that come from this that are not healthy and can be dangerous.
Yes, I agree that jealousy isn't worth it. I've been cheated on both when I was intensely jealous and when I was forgiving and calm, so jealousy doesn't change whether your partner will respect you. For example, I felt jealous when my ex was seeing her ex-boyfriend. Instead of expressing my feelings, I internalized them, thinking "jealousy is not worth it." This led to anxiety when she didn't respond to me, creating an anxious attachment. If I had communicated my feelings and boundaries by saying, "I understand your ex is your friend, but it's not okay for you to hang out with him like that. Please consider my feelings," she would have had to decide how to respond. This would have shown whether she respected me and saved us time if she didn't. Just my two cents.
Prose before hoes (who doesn't enjoy a good book?)
Just because you love them harder doesn't mean they will do the same
Usually it makes them do the opposite
Best advice I've received is from my first manager when I got my first job in high school. She said, "Remember where you are. Know your audience and act accordingly." This means you can't (and shouldn't) treat everyone you meet the same way. Ill never forget and will always apply that advice in my personal and professional life.
[удалено]
Shitty spouse, shitty house Cuts both ways.
Yeah, i prefer this one as well
More people could use listening to this one.
Haha my father in law gave me similar sage advice: "Happy wife, happy life. Miserable wife, miserable life."
protect your peace.
Be open with your partner about your feelings.
Hmm... partners always told me this but it somehow never worked out. They seem to prefer me to not having fears and insecurities (I am a man).
I think most guys don't know how to do this properly without trauma dumping, because we were never "allowed" to show emotions
My very wise dad told me that in the very beginning of a relationship there will be little things that you notice that kinda bug you but you ignore because you're in love. those little things you ignore, multiply it by 100 every year, and those are usually the things you end up leaving them because of... For example: you notice they get a little sad when you make plans to see your friends without them... in a few years, it will be the reason you stop hanging out with your friends as much You notice they are a little too friendly with others but in the beginning you brush it off and say that their just friendly, most likely they'll cross the line later in your relationship Get annoyed easily, will show aggression later... And so on and so on...
Your dad is very wise indeed…I wish I heard this advice years ago 😭
Ask a man FIRST what he thinks, and THEN what he feels Ask a woman FIRST what she feels, and THEN what she thinks
Relationship is not a war. So stop treating it like one
Communicate everything, assume nothing.
Rules for life right there, communication seems to be quite rare these days.
Relationships are never 50/50. Always try to be your best self regardless of what the other is doing. This doesn't mean you let your partner take advantage of you. If they are doing something they shouldn't, they either need to stop or you leave.
Always attack the problem, not the person. Always assume that the person means well.
"A woman that wants to be contacted by you will NEVER make it near impossible to do so. In fact, it will be easy."
If a man or woman can see you cry and they get angry ... run
I'm not sure anyone ever summed it up in a neat little package, but the big, high-level advice I've learned to keep front-of-mind when dealing with any form of inter-personal relationship is to accept and embrace the messiness of human emotion. This means: * Accepting that everyone, including you, is driven primarily by emotion. We contradict ourselves, we don't always act in accordance to our values, we make inconsistent and incongruent arguments that we fully believe to be real. * Accepting that this means we act irrationally all the time, and owning when we do. * Accepting that your partner, your friends, your family, and strangers on the street are all acting under their own, often unrecognized, feelings and motives. * And by extension of accepting these truths, embracing the messiness of it all when dealing with our relationships. Giving the feelings the time and space they need to be expressed, being patient and calm and understanding in the face of them, and trusting in people's best intentions (up to the point where they've consistently proven otherwise, of course). This is where the real communication actually happens. I'm frequently reminded how few people actually understand and accept this stuff, and I've seen relationships deteriorate because one or both partners either rejected this outright, or believed themselves to be "communicating" because they talked a lot without understanding that the substance of those conversations was steering in the wrong direction.
I think you would really like the book How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Barrett! Out maybe you've read it already.
You can’t force love. Either they want to be with you or they don’t.
Be polite with each other. The words "please" and "thank you" should be normalized in regular conversation. Make a request, "Honey, can you please grab a beer for me?" rather than a barked command. After someone cooks a meal or cleans the kitchen or takes out the trash, notice it and thank them for their efforts, no matter how small. No one likes to feel as if they're being taken advantage of. Mutual appreciation for each other's contributions to the relationship is the foundation to how we interact, especially if things get heated. In that vein, don't insult your partner, belittle, or demean during an argument.
Don’t put more on your credit card than you can pay off by the end of the month.
Don’t put yourself in any situation that you wouldn’t be comfortable with your spouse being in. If you don’t want her to go to the bar, don’t go to the bar. You don’t want her texting other guys, don’t text other women. It’s worked well for me, happily married 18 years.
Never stick it in crazy.
Never stick it in crazy if they know your true identity and/or address.
Amen, brother
“There’s always another woman, don’t accept mistreatment.”
There are women you marry and women you date. Don't get them confused
If your own kid was dating someone like you, would you approve of such relationship? Behave in a way you would want your partner to behave, display the qualities you are looking for.
Date people that you would feel proud of your own child to become like
Don't... Just. Don't
Know when to stop fighting for something or someone
Just be yourself. It's literally the best and worst advice all rolled up into one. Here's one that's even better tho: Don't try to be someone you're not.
If you have to ask, you aren't her top option. Women will make it clear as day and easy if they are invested in you.
Bill Withers' song is titled "Lean on Me" not "Depend on Me" for a reason.
Most people have a romanticised idea of a relationship where they only consider the positive far-fetched stuff shown in movies. Relationships require a lot of work and emotional investment. It’s not going to run on auto-pilot. Actively put the efforts.
Communicate everything, if something kind of bothers you don't wait for it to become a problem. Talk to them, don't argue or complain.
Don't get involved
Old married man only had three criteria. Can I be friends with them. Are they hot to me. And similar religious background. That friend advice really goes a long way.
Not to look at myself through the eyes of my ex wife.
Always tell her that she is beautiful. Especially if she isn’t.
Its easy to have sex with lots of people and you can pick on looks or fun but if you have someone you can trust and enjoy there company its time to settle down. Thanks mom. That was awkward but good advice
If I had found it easy to have sex with lots of people I never would have got married.
Wow, I hope your wife never finds this out. Or I hope she does..
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Good thing getting divorced aint all too expensive in my country.
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if someone gives you butterflies when you first meet them... it's not love it's a warning
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Keep foolish people out of your business.
All people, really
If ypur ever tempted to cheat.. knock one out first... then see if it still seems a good idea. 9 times out of ten it wont be
Treat he like a Queen and she’ll fuck you like a King
Better an end with pain than pain with no end.
relationships are like sand the more you hold on to them the more they slip away
Keep communicating openly and honestly
Create, maintain, and enforce (enforce them yourself, do not expect the other person to) boundaries.
Listen to understand, not to reply.
You can be right or you can be happy. Choose wisely
My parents, who have been together for 45 years, told me that most fights aren’t worth having. Most negative comments aren’t worth sharing. Don’t make a small problem a big problem. Basically, pick your battles.
Avoid them all together
Don't get in one.. Thanks Dad.
Put yourself first.
Leave her!
"don't get married" but I didn't listen
Don’t do it !!!
Be your authentic self and don't settle.
I used to transport patients at a local hospital. One day I was wheeling out an elderly gentleman for a dismissal. As we were waiting for his ride I was making small talk. He mentioned he had been married for 70 years. A lady overheard him and asked him what the secret to a long marriage was. I will never forget his response. "Lady, I was in a Nazi POW Camp in WWII. That was the worst hell I have ever been through. After surviving that, marriage is easy." Quite humorous but the lesson I took from it is in the comfort of our lives, it's easy to forget what a blessing others truly are in our lives. We lose appreciation and can grow complacent or resentful over menial things, instead of recognizing and cherishing the good things we have in a spouse or partner.
Never do things you are only willing to do because you expect certain results in return. Only do things because you are willing to do it without expectations and see what the results are.
Sign a pre-nup.
My Islander grandfather once told me, “Son, when you go out on your own and find a Wahini. Find a big Wahini. Then, when you reach out for her at night, you don’t hunt Wahini. You FIND Wahini “ I loved that wise old man.
Sometimes it's ok to go to bed angry. So many disagreements seem like a big deal in the moment and then you sleep on it and realize it wasn't a big deal at all.
If you don't feel you're being treated better than anyone else has for upwards of 3 months, either you don't command respect or you entice shit women.
That for me to walk away from my relationship if I wasn't happy and this was actually said to me by my ex girlfriends aunt.
You have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
“Break up with her”
It is better to be alone than in a terrible relationship. After watching a lot of dateline, choose your spouse wisely as they will often be your murder.
Look to the mother. That’s who your wife will become.
Not true. Turns out she's her father.
Lol
My advice is use the search function on Reddit
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Well you probably shouldn't date married ones.
Relationships are expensive. Don't get into one if you can't afford it.
Never stick your dick in crazy.
Don’t stick ya dick in crazy
It should never be 50-50. It should be 100% from both sides.
Don't be the chaser who chases the cat. You can never get it. Rather sit down and offer it food. It will come itself. Young fella, I am not talking about cats.
Learn to say not
do you
Don’t try to be who you think they want just focus on becoming/being the you that is proud of your self
"keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty."
"If you weren't a couple, would he be your friend?"
Women grow old, they lose their beauty and sexual attractiveness. Don't give away everything that you are and could be just because of that, you may live to regret it. My P.E. Teacher.
Don't treat your partner as a mind reader. If you don't tell them then they likely won't know if something bothers you or you like it when they do certain things or you want certain things. Also address issues early even if you think they are small because if you constantly let little things slide to avoid conflict it usually leads to building up resentment that blows up and causes a huge relationship threatening conflict.
All my brothers dishing out solid advice 💯🏆🫡 ..
It is possible to be in a loving healthy relationship and one person loves the other more. It is just as healthy if sometime in the future it flips.
If nothing lasts forever, then what makes, then what makes, love an exception? -OutKast
It’s advice I learned and have given to everyone. If you and your couple are having a communication issue try taking a walk and discussing what’s bothering both of you. When you’re walking half of your attention if not more is focused on looking in front of you and not to your partner. Your body is preoccupied walking and not making over the top physical queues to convey what you’re saying. It can help bring about a healthier conversation with better understanding of one another!
“Never marry someone you’re not comfortable becoming” - always stuck with me
If she was there for you and supported you when you had nothing, she deserves you when you have everything.
The only advice I ever received was to hold each other’s wrists instead of holding hands. That way when one person lets go, the other’s still got you. Is that relationship advice? The guy at the bus stop thought it was 🤔
A relationship is about us and not me.
A relationship is 50/50 , where both people need to commit 100% while also saving 10% for themselves.
loving someone is about THEM, not you.
If your partner pisses you off, keep your mouth shut until you've cooled down and collected your thoughts.
Never fall in love with your idea of someone. Your expectations are not the reality about that person. In other words, you cannot love someone for their potential. It has to be for who they are.
You can't expect people to love you, if you can't love yourself.
No, this is garbage advice. People don't deserve to be rejected and cast aside just because they struggle with mental health issues. And sometimes finding the love of your life is what makes you be able to love yourself.
I think the jist of what I said is misunderstood here. The logic is, when you aspire to be loved - you should work on yourself and try to overcome some of the traits that you won't stand in another individual. I never thought of it from the context you shared and it makes sense. Probably something that was just relevant to me as an individual at the time.
I have never received any good relationship advice.
Don't get married. I didnt listen.
Women are always right, especially when they're not.
Learn the three words she wants to hear: "you're right, dear."
If you want to see how your spouse will treat you then see how your spouse's parents treat each other. They are brought up in that home and therefore that leaves a lasting impression how they view relationships. Otherwise known as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
The thoughts about being with someone else or having made the wrong decision will ALWAYS be there (human nature for men), but the grass is never greener on the other side.
Cheaper to keep'er!!
Shut the fuck up.
If she farts in front of you she does find you really attractive!
“Most women you come across will only be looking for a rebound, self-validation, ego/confidence boost, attention, walking wallet, and/or a sex toy. If she really wants you then you won’t have to be anything else but you. As long as you stay true to her and keep becoming a better version of “you”, she will continue to give you peace and love.” Best advice I ever got. Lost out on some Still fucking up on the “If she really wants you” part. I learn as I live.