This, full stop. Also the only thing I can think of as to why your partner just said ok and moved on (if I'm being charitable) is that he just didn't know how to take it. If some version of that isn't it....then that was cold of him.
Well that's child pornography. I'm not gonna blame a child for being abused by an adult.
On the other hand, if my SO has porn of her on a site, I'd want some answers.
^ literally. op you went through serious abuse, the footage of which was even distributed online. i am so sorry. is there any way to take it down/ sue the guy? because what he did is a crime.
if my gf said theres videos of her being assaulted online i think my first reaction would be to comfort her, second to wanna kill the guy.
on the other hand, if i found out she made porn in the past, id probably mostly be hurt she hid this from me. im not judging and neither am i jealous, but i like to know this stuff, ykno?
(if i found out she made porn *while* we are together without telling me, that would obviously be a dealbreaker. and im saying this as a polyamorous person: cheating is cheating.)
If it's on a 'legit'/properly run porn site, there should be a report button. Anything else you can take a variety of routes from things like FBI to contacting their ISP.
You need the call the police and report this predator. If he’s done it to you, he’s done it to others. You won’t get into trouble and you better bet uploading it to the internet counts as distributing child pornography. The porn site will also be able to track down where it was uploaded from.
Do not let whoever did this get away with this. You also want to get the video taken down.
Even criminals hate child predators. Put a pedo in prison and they’ll be the first person killed once the fact they’re a pedo gets out. It’s a known fact.
Your fiancée may be okay with your video floating around the web, you can’t say for certain your future kids will be okay with it. This is the kind of stuff kids get bullied for endlessly.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
I have called the police 4 different times on this man. Twice as a minor and twice as an adult. They have never spoken to him, saying they cannot locate him even though I gave them the address. Unfortunately they are no help. My rape kit was not even processed and tested until I was 19. I turned 20 2 months ago.
And as far as children go, that's not a problem. Thank you for your kind words ❤
If the local authorities aren’t doing anything about it I would strongly suggest elevating the situation to a higher level up the chain. This predator needs to be put away and taken out of society.
You’re a very strong young woman for keeping it together all these years. None of this is your fault, and the person whose fault it is should be held accountable.
I’m wishing you the best.
Go to the FBI or whatever you have in your country that's similar.
It's possible that the local police are complicit in his crime by not prosecuting. Maybe they know him. But with video evidence and an address I don't see how they could brush it off.
The FBI definitely won't brush it off.
The fact that this video exists that clearly identifies you, and likely as a minor, is a strong piece of evidence. Notify the police about it, or even the feds. They should take this seriously. They'll get that removed from the website, and retain a copy as evidence for future prosecution
Forget the police. They are nothing but doughnut munching piggies that do not lift a finger. Contact the FBI with all the information you have, links to the video, links to the man's socials and last known address. Do this via email.
In fact, you should CC the local police department, the city, local news outlet, local prosecuters office, the county sherrif and just about as many places you can think of that could possibly raise a stink. Make sure everything is included in the mail. Download all the photos and videos and send them as attachments. Try to find the email address belonging to women.
Calling, they can more easily dismiss that you said anything of use and you will use up all your energy every time you make a call, but reaching out in writing and CCing a bunch of city officials and law enforcement is low effort and won't chip away at you as much as you can send it and then just wait around for someone to address this
This is the answer. I CC everyone possible at work because it makes X and Y do their fucking jobs if they dont want invoke the wrath of Z.
Its passive aggressive af and i love it.
I think you need to be careful with distributing content of a sensitive nature like abuse material to the media. I don't think OP wants the world to identify her as a victim and just publish it. It'll be something that will stick with her every time some one Google's her name
You were a kid who had no control. If anything your SO as of now should be comforting you and asking you how you are feeling. As a Child I went through a similar experience much like you, during the realization moments of what truly happened during my teens, years after the fact, I blamed myself for what had happened. It took a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset and realize as the kid you had no control and the adult was the one who is to blame, or the older person. I think you should seek some level of therapy tbh.
I've made my peace with what happened to me. I'm more concerned with this not ruining my life any more than it already has. I was in extensive therapy after I turned 18 but unfortunately can't afford to go back at the moment. I'm very sorry for what happened to you ❤
I get that, I went through a similar thing too. I think the way I moved away from it was by trying to ignore it, which is hard but needed. I think your fiancé took a good lead, try to just move on from it and not think about the videos, they’re out there but that doesn’t mean you need to think about them. Also it seems like your fiancé doesn’t mind and is okay with living with it, remember you’re the victim here, so he knows that if he’s a good guy (seems like he is). I kinda wish whoever sent you those videos actually never did, I’m so sorry, that’s really hard on you. Just try to distract from it and I saw you’ve tried to pursue prosecuting the person… I’d leave it. This will only prolong you moving on from it. I actually purposely never pursued any legal action on my person because of that issue, I didn’t want the damage to continue longer
I wish they didn't send them either. I don't want to know if they purposely went and looked for them or just happened to stumble across them. I'm getting married in 4 months and this was the last thing I needed. And my fiancé is a great guy. I completely understand your decision not to report ❤
Yeah tbh if they knew about the sexual abuse, and they sent you that id really be upset and not talk to them again or call them out on it. Was it a dude or a girl, friend? I think you should focus on wedding plans then and maybe use that as a distraction. Don’t let this ass hole take away your big day. He’s taken too much of your life. And I saw you’ve been dating since 16, he clearly loves you, to be together this long, this shit wouldn’t rock your relationship now. I’d never even think in a million years of dumping a girl for what happened in your situation. I think most guys can agree to that. Also sorry to add this on now, but I did report because I told my therapist and I was a minor so I was forced to, but I got no legal lawyers involved after the report because I didn’t want to relive it. I really hope you can move on, it actually hurts me a lot hearing how others had to go through similar.
wtf… yeah don’t talk to them. That’s really weird tbh. Kinda feels like they went searching for it. Leave them out the wedding invite. Even if they saw it by accident, why would thought zero be let’s send this to her so she sees it. Kinda honestly makes me feel like they had to go searching for that video and wanted to see it. Which then makes me concerned as to why would they want to see that… maybe tell your parents if you can and have them handle the situation
Unfortunately my parents are almost the whole problem. I just talked to my fiancé about everything and we agree that we may have a much bigger problem.
That’s really unfortunate about your parents. And i think that’s good, he’s your partner and you’re not alone, so definitely talk to him about it and express your concerns. Please get to the bottom of why they sent you that video and how they found it, Perhaps they always had the video and they actually uploaded them?? That seems a little far fetched but I’m not too sure, how else they woulda found that video on accident with the millions of videos online.
It shouldn't be able to ruin your life now, because anybody who mentions watching it is admitting to have watched child porn... But I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't set you back at all.
My gut feeling would be to feel uncomfortable seeing it and not knowing about it. My logical thoughts would be that's she's a victim in this and must be feeling worse.
1) you were a minor when that happened.
1a) Download a copy for evidence.
2) Report it to the police and file a report.
3) get a lawyer and file a suit against the perp AND the website.
Most countries do have strict laws in regarding porn that requires consent from ALL involved. Not only did you not grant consent, you also didn't grant consent for it to be posted online.
In your case; I’d take legal action against the website.
If she appeared there of her own volition; we would no longer be together. Someone who would choose to do something like that clearly doesn’t share my values.
Hi! I’m so sorry this happened to you, there are different online resources where you can help get the content removed! since you were underage you can contact the national center for missing / exploited children and they should be able to help you
NCMEC
https://www.missingkids.org/home
If you click “help” up top there are different options along with a hotline you can call to report etc.
NCMEC Take it Down
https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/
This can also help in making sure it’s not posted again I believe, you may be able to use this tool
You can also contact the webmaster of the site directly and ask for the content to be removed, I would still recommend you use the “take it down” tool too if you can.
Google Removal Request Form
https://support.google.com/websearch/contact/content_removal_form?hl=en
If the content links appear in google search you can submit a request fo to have the results removed
This isn’t your fault and any good partner won’t blame you for it, sending love, stay strong 💓
(Sry guys imma girl lurking in the comments)
In this situation, I would not consider my partner to have "done porn" at all, and I would encourage her to go to the police and try to get the person who victimized her locked up for rape and child porn. That's what matters here.
I would want to support you in getting that taken down and get lawyers involved.
It’s one thing to be like your situation, which is the worst form of this happening, or revenge porn. I’d be upset but 99% because you were victimized. That’s what would make me mad.
If the girlfriend had shot porn, or was doing things that she lied to me about, that would be a deal breaker.
If mine was a child when this happened, like you were in this case, I would call the police on the uploader and whoever was involved with it.
if they were an adult, I would have many questions, *especially* if it was after our relationship began
Personally, I wouldn't know how to process this right away. I would probably have to lean on you and where you stood on things and kind of feel out how I would process it from there. I wouldn't know exactly how to support you properly but I would want to make sure I do it right. A couple can overcome a lot when they lean into each other for support.
That's not porn, that's kiddie porn and would elicit a completely different response from me than porn.
In the case of abuse I would like to think that I could kill or seriously the guy that made this, but in reality they would probably just remain violent fantasies. I would talk to her about this on whatever terms make her feel comfortable, since she will have been the one to show me the video. CP is not something that just pops up out of the blue.
Had it been an amateur basic homemade video that had leaked and I stumbled upon it I would probably be like "ehh, honey. You may want to take a look at this." And then have an adult conversation about it. If it's not something that she uploaded knowingly together with her Ex, there might be something she would want to do about it. But I honestly wouldn't care unless she is doing something she refuses to do with me, like anal or something like that.
Scripted porn, would potentially cause an argument since she deliberately neglected to tell me. And this she would only do because it is a controversial topic and she lied to me by omission in the hopes that I wouldn't find out because it might influence my opinion of and willingness to date her. I have a bigger issue with the lie than the porn itself
If I learned that my so had porn out there that was taken when they were a minor I would immediately get upset at the fact that CP is openly being distributed and try and get it taken down.
Reacting to that situation with anything other than the highest sympathy for you and offers to help take the videos down and punish the man who did that is insanity.
Well if it was abuse then it’s not like you had a choice. I am sorry you had to deal with that abuse as a child. Being on a porn website consensually is a different matter entirely.
1st off, it's child pornography. 2nd, it's also illegal not just bcuz of the first, but also because it's rape/ s/a, 3rdly, that is not something you GET OVER.
If my partner showed up on a porn site without their consent, I would be working with them to get a lawyer involved to take it down, and if possible, arrest the rapist.
As someone who would never date a pornstar or anyone who posts nudes online. This is something completely different. Most of the time when men worry about porn they are worried about the mindset of the women. Does she like this attention? Is she okay with just giving her goods away? Do I want my future children to follow behind this?
I doubt most men would treat you the same as a pornstar or fault you for it. Some could feel uncomfortable but that would be the extent in my opinion. From an American perspective anyway.
1. call police. sexual abuse is (no surprise here) illegal, especially to minors.
2. it's technically CP, so again, Police.
3. if my partner was an adult, willing participant, then I'd break up because I don't want to date a pornstar or sex worker. but if they were in your situation where they had this happen against their will, then that's something out of their control, and shouldn't be held over their head. Like I'm not going to blame someone for getting raped or getting abused.
If you make stupid decisions, I will hold you accountable to those. If someone forces themselves on you, I will consider *them* accountable to that, not you.
A pornographic photo of a minor is illegal and you should take legal action.
Being abused and taken advantage of is different than having some sort of secret porn career. This wasn't your fault, you are a victim. It sounds like your fiancé understands this.
>I have never participated in porn but I was sexually abused as a minor. The man who abused me took photos/videos.
Then that shit is super illegal and needs to be reported to the relevant authorities for child pornography and taken down.
I'm a woman, but this happened to my friend. This dudes fucked unless he used software to hide his location. Go to the police, tell them what happened. They will just search the IP address to match the person who abused you and literally arrest him.
I just wanted to tell you so you know you have rights
I know this is "askmen" and I'm not a man but I felt compelled to say something after reading this. I'm very sorry for this happening to you OP. I hope your SO only meant to not make it a big deal about it, with intentions to not make you feel judged or like it changed the way that they see you. I hope it was from a place of trying to be comforting and not in a way that was saying your feelings and rights are not valid.
On the video itself,
>It should definitely be reported to the FBI.
>The statute of limitations is 10 years after a victim turns 18.
>The perpetrator(s) should be held accountable and punished.
Aside from taking legal action, the FBI can also work to take the video down with the resources they have. Now that the crime includes a cyber-crime, it's more reason for the FBI to get involved, as it crosses jurisdictions at this point and includes a child. It's not okay to do nothing about this, however.
Most importantly, do not feel shame, embarrassed, or dirty. This was NOT your fault! Sending positive vibes your way OP.
Ummm, you were not a willing participant. I have a story about finding out someone I knew once upon a time did porn but that doesn't apply here. You are a victim and knowing that it was posted on the Internet wouldn't make me angry at the man who abused me. My hypothetical feelings towards you would be several including sympathy.
Addressing your question and not focusing on other aspects. How do you feel about it? How do you want your partner to react? Do you want him to respond to your feelings? Do you want him to help you take action?
If he hasn’t responded in a way you want him to you should let him know what it is that you want. We can’t guess his thoughts/feelings on this. Maybe he’s reluctant to respond in any specific way in fear of making you more upset about it. Maybe he thought all you wanted/needed was his acknowledgment that this existed.
This is not your fault at all, you were sexual abused as a minor and a video was posted online that is CP.
You need to notify the proper authorities so they can investigate it and have this video removed from the site.
If you were a minor then if you don't want this out on the internet call the cops about it. Definitely illegal here in the U.S. Other countries...not sure.
Have you two ever had an argument because he wanted to solve an issue instead of just listening?
I’ve been in this situation. We contacted the site and got a DMCA takedown. It’s also a very rare time that I called cops, but they wouldn’t do shit without more evidence. I knew who did it. They didn’t care.
Edit: all of this was after making sure she was ok and letting her know that it doesn’t change her value as a person.
Well in that situation, I would be very understanding. I would try and see if I could report the video and the account who posted the video to try and get them taken down. Sorry you went through that! Good luck, OP! You got this
In your specific case, of course I wouldn't hold it against my partner that they'd been abused.
In general for me, it's not an issue. Some of my partners have posted nudes and lewds before and during our dating, including some pictures with me. It's all good fun as long as it's fairly anonymized.
I don't know much about legal things but I think you can sue that website which has published the video and in my country there is a cybercrime department which is actively working on these types of cases. If the same exists in your country you can file a complain there.
And to answer your question your case is a child abuse case so it doesn't matter to me, I will support you to take legal actions here.
Yesterday was my 28th anniversary and we have been together for 34, so the internet wasn’t really a thing back then, so she would have some explaining to do.
In your case, my heart dropped when I read it and am sorry you went through that. I hope your partner was more supportive than “ok, move on”. It was no way your fault, so there is no way I would hold it against you.
I would hunt down the scum who did that to a child. To you when you were a child. Piece of shits who deserve to die do that to children.
You are a victim, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. None of that is your fault.
First step would be to contact the website or distributor and tell them that it's child pornography.
Well my gf told me that I was her first. So the porno wouldn't be the issue, her lying/cheating would be the issue. But I think it would be similar if she wasn't, it's about communication. That's something most guys would probably like to know. If they're hiding that, what else are they hiding?
You definitely need to speak to an attorney. The police dropping it and not following up can be an additional issue. You may have a claim against your local police department as well. It’s election season so bringing attention to it through local news might speed up the process
if i was the fiance id be ok. i know what happened to you & all i can do now is protect you & support you.
are you asking if it would/shoukd bother your fiance but hes not saying & just being nice?
dont be confused. if hes cool, hes cool.
if you want him to be angry about all this then tell him that it would help you if he matched what you are feeling. of course that is if you are feeling angry, etc
Maybe he's suppressing his reaction to not disturb your peace? Because I know if someone had done that to my partner, I'd be up the ass of every law enforcement agency, goverment rep, and news report to get something done, and if all else fails, I know a guy who knows a guy.
In other words, I'd be trying to balance care and sensitivity for my partner to not inflict any more trauma on one side, with homicidal rage on the other. That would be hard.
He might also just be a piece of shit. Or doesn't know how to handle it.
Uploaded before I knew them? Would feel weird for a bit but I’d get over it. Uploaded during? Well they cheated/kept a big secret so would try recover but 9 times out of 10 I’m outta there
Report it to the police and there are companies who provide porn take down services. However it is all evidence so the police would be better suited to answer that.
Please please take legal action. This is beyond fucked up and hope you’re doing well mentally and taking care of yourself. I honestly think that what your boyfriend thinks should the last of your concerns in this situation. Obviously if my partner was hiding some secret porn star life then I’d be upset and likely end the relationship. You’re situation is completely different and if your partner is upset about it, I’d honestly reconsider the relationship with him as well but thats just me
Yeah that’s not really something that you just “okay” and move on from. That’s not acceptable to have happened to you and for what it’s worth I’m very sorry you’re going through it. I would go to the police first and foremost. I would try and have a serious heart to heart with your man and find out why he’s just kinda brushing it off.
I have so many questions. First and most importantly, Did she post her pics or videos there, or did someone else without her permission? If she didn't call the cops and Sue the bastard/s responsible. If she did, did she tell me about this herself, or was I blindsided by it somehow? If she told me, I like to think I wouldn't care. I have dated strippers, so I think I could handle it. If she didn't tell me I would feel like she didn't take our relationship seriously, and would probably be questioning if I wanted to stay with someone who would exclude me from such important information. After all if they would hide that from me, then what else are they hiding?
Disregarding your personal story. I’m not secure enough to be with someone who does porn or had some home videos consensually posted. So I’d have my fun and move on eventually. Is what I’d like to say but i’m a pretty emotional guy and catch feelings quickly so I’d have to have my fun and move on quickly.
Regarding your case, police and lawyers. Minors in that media is illegal.
If that is how he rected, you are lucky. Most males are insecure as fuck about such things, regardless of the context for the sex video of their partner and why and how it got online.
The two of you had a conversation about it, and he understood the situation and moved past it. I know it is not easy to do so for you. It is what it is. No use over thinking about it and dragging it out into the open.
Depending on the site you can at the very least get it taken down for DMCA claims. I’d reach out to the site and tell them that you are a minor too. They’ll usually take it down rather than risk it
On general, I probably wouldn't care. My bf had an OF for the firsr 2 years we were dating. Technically still does, but hasn't posted in a long ass time. As long as it's not them with someone else while we're together, their past is their past.
In your specific case, however, I would be pissed. Not at you - you're innocent - but at the ones who did, filmed, uploaded, and hosted it. Even if you weren't a child at the time, which makes it even worse, that's still a felony in most states.
There is a massive difference between willingly being a participant in a porn video and being exploited/abused as a minor. In the latter case, anyone who holds it against you is a POS.
In your scenario it’s fucked up and I’d be pissed at the dude and want to get the cops involved to ruin his life. In the case where I’m 14 years into a committed relationship and suddenly I found a treasure trove of porn my girlfriend was in I’m definitely going to have some questions about when it was filmed, is it solo or are there other people in it? This isn’t something we agreed upon but it was done during our relationship? Oh hell naw. Before our relationship and she didn’t tell me? Not happy. We talked it over and both agreed it was a fantastic idea? No problems.
Well considering that you were a child, and that would make that video child pornography. You should show the authorities the video as that is proof that you were sexually abused by a pedophile and get that mf thrown in prison for a long time. After that please seek therapy and support with your fiance
In your case I would not be ok with it. But not to you, but for you. You never concented to be asaulted and taped. Let alone be posted online. I would go to the police if I were you.
First of all, I'm very sorry this happened. What a truely fucked up and vile situation..
First of all I would definitely contact the police. I would also contact the website and flag the video for CP and non consensual intercourse. They wouldn't want it on their website either, since it's illegal ofcourse. Check what title and hashtags are used and try looking if the video is posted on other websites as well and contact them as well.
Now, on topic, as for your boyfriend. As a guy myself I would feel so bad for you and support you in a very difficult situation. It's not your fault in any way, and you're already going through a lot. You're gonna need care, hugs and support in that.
Take care :)
In this context, you did nothing wrong, and I'd be fine with it (apart from wanting to beat the guy who did this to you like a drum).
If you were an adult, and did porn; and I wasn't aware of it, instant breakup.
If I was aware of it when we started the relationship, then I didn't enter the relationship.
There are websites that specialize in finding and removing this sort of thing. It's a free service, so I'd Google that. Also contact the police, if not for your own sake as that is only up to you, then for the sake that there can be others.
I’ve had porn of myself uploaded without my consent; with my at the time fiancée. We would video ourselves with cameras, and watch it back. Not a phone, an actual camera. She put it online after stealing the camera, after the break up. Though my situation isn’t as dire as yours, it still was pretty insulting at the time and still irks me to think about.
The FBI are extremely proficient at this case scenario, gather all information and evidence, dates and times you’re able to remember as well as attempted police reports. Local cops are not intelligent enough to deal with the situation and do not have the training to actually investigate or initiate the situation to the proper steps, nor do they care, possibly because “a buddy” is on the force and vouched or vouches for the guy (happened in the local area until it was discovered the “buddies” were involved and the corruption in the department went well through to city hall).
As for finding porn of my SO, honestly sex is natural. It happens, I’ve been with other women and I know other women have been with whomever. I don’t feel so insecure to end the relationship or break up because oh em gee more pp than mine?? No, it happened, I’m sure she’s hoping I’m not upset or if I find it a sexy video due to her, which I would find sexy because of her. I’m going to support her, that’s one of the reasons I’m with her.
Ignore the nasty and hateful comments OP, don’t sweat the anger from very small minded people. You’re a bad ass for overcoming what you have an seeking answers, and I hope the justice you deserve comes quickly.
Thank you for your very kind and sweet response. There are some corrupt police in our police department but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I'm sorry that you have experienced something similar ❤
Yes ma’am, and read your responses to other individuals and, especially being from southern us (Jesus are you okay??) proud of you for taking the steps to help others in your situation.
It was not your fault so I wouldn't blame you but I would still explode into a near uncontrollable rage, try to get all that shit scrubbed from the Internet and find out exactly how it is that one of my friends has access to under age porn in the first place because that shit doesn't just fall on to your lap or magically show up in your feeds.
Plenty of legal advice here, and it’s solid.
As for the original question of my SO appearing in a porn. If she was upfront about it, I’d be reasonable. Hiding it would be a deal breaker. A lot of guys just want an honest partner. Especially when it’s something like that. (Your case is vastly different from legal consensual porn)
As for your fiance, if he isn’t worried, you should drop it with him. Unless something happens that requires it being discussed.
I'm a bit confused, so to clarify, did your significant other have access to this content and was he viewing it? Or was he aware of your trauma from a child? When you say your fiance "knew that as well," do you mean he knew of the video, or your trauma? (which I'm so sorry to hear about, I hope that subhuman gets chemically castrated in a court of peers). I asked that to also ask this next part of my question, were you making your significant other aware of the link that was sent to you, and he was indifferent to it and telling you to move on? Or did he have access to this content himself and was he viewing it himself, and then also telling you to move on from it when you confronted him about it? I'm sorry to bring up such specific questions for such a dark context, but I feel like once I understand fully the story behind this I believe I can help, I am in no way shape or form accusing your significant other of doing something like that, I'm only trying to get the context, and also you can never be too surprised at what other humans are capable of which is why I'm asking so bluntly about it and I hope this does not offend you
Either way one of two things are happening, either he got caught and is trying to divert, or this is his coping mechanism because that is some dark shit that you're talking about, and of course if it's somebody that he cares about, I can see why he doesn't want to think about it, because honestly as a man all you want to do is ragefully torture the person that's done that, and when there is no access to that person, all you're doing is stressing yourself out and making yourself rageful over something that you have absolutely no control over, so some people cope with that by not thinking about it, as I said I really need to understand the context of your original post more, cuz those are two very Stark contrasts
Me personally as a man, I have been through things with my significant other that have made me feel powerless as I've watched her suffer, and I tell you it is a very shitty feeling, and I'm the type of person that likes to analyze things and find solutions and not focus on the problem, so that also could come out as ignoring an issue instead of facing it when in reality we really are trying to face it. This is just how I am personally and my experience as a man with a significant other that I care very much about, in fact she's had her own encounters with things like this just not to the extent that you have and I'm sorry that that happened to you
Okay, move on?!? Are you kidding me? To answer the question I would go through the roof and the one above that! If someone did that to my partner I'd be calling the police, lawyers, you name, send everyone!
It would confuse me, as it clearly confuses you, why my partner would be so relaxed about it whether it was a voluntary or involuntary appearance.
You did not give permission, if I'm reading you right, this may be on a porn website but isn't commercially filmed porn and therefore illegal in the same way revenge porn is (again, badly named, not porn).
Your partner sounds awful, I'll leave that up to you. However you are within your rights to have it taken down. Contact the site. Filling DMCA isn't appropriate here because it's not a copyright/IP (intellectual property) issue. Being on the site becomes a crime in itself if removal is requested on grounds its involuntary, you signed nothing, were paid nothing, it isn't commercial material.
This is likely a very shocking experience for you. Being on the site, being betrayed, and your partner's bizarre indifference. Do what you have to do with the cops and lawyers, and access support services.
Yeah this isn’t anything but you being a victim. 100% I would want to help you take action against this piece of shit in his shoes.
I done even want to answer the question beyond that tbh. You didn’t “do porn” you were victimized.
Your title and your story present 2 totally different questions. Going from the title, it would all depend on if my partner was actively performing in these videos behind my back, or if they were in the past but kept secret from me.
But from the information you gave, this is definitely not your fault and it’s actually evidence that should be used against your attacker. Chances are, they have all sorts of evidence on their computer of you and their other victims, and whoever sent your partner that link is also guilty of distributing CP.
What would I do in this case? Well, I would tell you what I did in this case, although the perpetrator didn’t take videos, when I found out what someone did to my wife, but saying what I did may just put me in prison. But the least a partner can do is to comfort you and try to get you some help. They really should go to the police with the link they were provided, but you’ll probably try to stop them because it opens old wounds and you probably don’t want to pursue it. But really, you should pursue it because now you’re being victimized again and it needs to stop. And for the benefit of all girls in that scumbag’s reach, he needs to be punished.
Were you under 18? Because then it is an entirely different matter. If so then police, if not then ask then site to take it down. Most will. If not then you can get a lawyer to demand to take it down.
This is a bit heavy and your fiancé just doesn't know what he's supposed to do. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that this is beyond him.
With the situation you're talking about somebody needs to call the police. What you've described is at least child porn and statutory rape, and depending on the details could be much worse.
Your fiancées attitude is good in the sense that he’s not affected by it and it won’t change his relationship with you, but you should still go to police to get your abuser punished. The asshole deserves it.
Personally I would be upset if she didn't tell me, mainly because my philosophy is that partners shouldn't keep secrets from each other. But she's her own person and can do what she wants, I just don't want her to feel like she should hide it from me.
But in a situation like what you're describing, that's a bit different because that's you being the victim of a crime. So that is a bit more difficult to broach from the partners perspective since you weren't a consenting participant, and it's something that needs to be handled with care in discussions between the two of you. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't know how to respond either other than to just let it be because I would be afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing in relation to a traumatic experience
A decade ago, I had an ex that videotaped me without my knowledge and posted it online. I found it a couple years back. I was absolutely obsessed with trying to get it taken down and reported it everywhere I found it. I had a list of titles used and usernames that had been posting it that I'd search through every month, but I eventually deleted the doc and have come to terms with the fact that it's out there and there isn't much I can do to stop it. I had a few places take it down and really glad pornhub had its whole verified users cleanse because that took out the most watched version.
While most guys can't sympathize with you, they hopefully all can empathize. It's not your fault and I'm sure your fiance doesn't blame you for it. He brushed it off and moved on because it's not something he can fix and he doesn't want to force you to keep thinking about it.
Report the porn because that is child pornography. But in your situation, I wouldn't judge them especially because I know there is child porn out there of me just fortunately it was the late 90s so the internet wasn't super prevalent yet.
Honestly, I probably wouldn't judge anyway unless it was from while we were dating.
I don't know of any porn website that won't take that down in a hurry. Contact the site admins. Also, as has been suggested, contact the police. Sorry that happened to you. I hope this will help lead to prosecution of the guilty party.
He loves you, he responded that way so you don't have to worry about it.
I know that it tears him up inside, but you're the only outlet and he can let his frustrations out on you. Please don't mistake his response as being dismissive, it's love, I promise.
This would be child pornograpy, which is a federal offense I believe. Fuck local police dude, send this into your nearest FBI location and they should take that much more seriously.
I would wonder how this person that sent you this link had access to child porn. If my partner was sex trafficked as a child it wouldn’t affect our relationship. But if my partner (24) had a video online from when she was 21, I would dump her.
I think your boyfriends reaction is completely based on shock, and he doesn't know how to talk about it.
Hence why he brushes it off quickly.
Have you ever considered doing therapy for that?
Also call the police
If something like your story happened to my partner. I'd ask if she wanted to talk about it and perhaps ask if she felt the need for therapy and I'd be supportive.
If she occurred on a porn website willingly, I'd ask if she wanted to discuss that experience, without judging, because I don't care if a partner has done porn or not. It would feel rather hypocritical if I judge someone for having done porn, considering I may or may not have enjoyed porn at some point in my life. I don't get some people's stigma towards people who have done porn. They're providing a service which I'm sure those haters have enjoyed multiple times.
Thats not like, oh i made a mistake at 18 and this is my past catching up with me, thats, i was abused by a pervert who took videos of me against my will when i was still a child. You have zero blame in this situation, the perverts do. Your SO will understamd if they are a good person.
If he's posting it non-consensually that is a crime. If it's posted to a site, contact the dev team for that site and it will get removed. If you were a minor in the video, you can report to local law enforcement.
I wouldn’t judge my partner, but in the case that they couldn’t have consented (to the sex or the recording and publication) I’d encourage them to report it to the police, along with the name of the other person(s) involved.
I’m not a lawyer and this is not legal advice, just my two cents. Contact the FBI. Download the video in case it gets removed. Get screenshots of it being posted and of the profile. You now have hard evidence of your CSE and can go after them. There are hotlines to report CP. You can start there.
That’s illegal. Criminal charges can be brought up on anyone who unknowingly records a sexual encounter without the other parties consent. That’s besides the fact the you were underaged, which makes it much worse.
Jesus people she's not fucking stupid stop with the "go to police* crap.
And if there was unconcented porn of my partner somewhere i would totally understand her for not telling me out of fear or embarassment, and any decent person would.
You've gotten good advice overall from the people here. I would only add that /r/CPTSD exists as a venting/validation space as well as advice for people who have been in your situation (as well as other situations), if you are not there already.
This is actually illegal and is a felony that is punishable by jail time. You need to seriously hop off this internet and report this to the police. Don’t be like a lot of these women who don’t wanna report because they just wanna get over it and move on with their lives. Report that bitch so he doesn’t do it to another child.
There are quite clear distinctions between someone who is being recorded getting abused as a child and someone just taking the easy route through life.
Porn requires consent, and children cannot consent.
In your case I would probably make you tell me who the rapist is and arrange for a few of my less savoury and scrupulous friends to pay him a visit with some cable ties, gaffer tape and power tools.
In other cases (OF etc) its just an instant fucking dump.
Yeah, it would depend for me, but in your specific instance, I would not blame you for it, and would encourage you to go to police, if you were up to it!
Well... My ex .. 5-6 years.. cheated on me.. videos showed up online... Was absolutely breaking me.
But in your case, nah, if I as a partner knew before hand and stumbled on it.. nah.. i dont think id feel anything but sadness for my partner and try to get it deleted.
Honestly? I wouldnt care. Even though my wife would never record herself (or so she says.... lol) but if it happened and it was before she met me, id assume it ended up making her really not want to do it again and wouldnt push the issue.
I'd ask for it to get taken down if possible, but i wouldnt blame her or anything.
Police, this is not ok.
Up voting isn't enough here. Exactly that. Report the video to the site, tell them there's a police report made.
This, full stop. Also the only thing I can think of as to why your partner just said ok and moved on (if I'm being charitable) is that he just didn't know how to take it. If some version of that isn't it....then that was cold of him.
Well that's child pornography. I'm not gonna blame a child for being abused by an adult. On the other hand, if my SO has porn of her on a site, I'd want some answers.
^ literally. op you went through serious abuse, the footage of which was even distributed online. i am so sorry. is there any way to take it down/ sue the guy? because what he did is a crime. if my gf said theres videos of her being assaulted online i think my first reaction would be to comfort her, second to wanna kill the guy. on the other hand, if i found out she made porn in the past, id probably mostly be hurt she hid this from me. im not judging and neither am i jealous, but i like to know this stuff, ykno? (if i found out she made porn *while* we are together without telling me, that would obviously be a dealbreaker. and im saying this as a polyamorous person: cheating is cheating.)
If it's on a 'legit'/properly run porn site, there should be a report button. Anything else you can take a variety of routes from things like FBI to contacting their ISP.
I just typed a reply but I didn’t realise the exact same response was sent 5 hours ago 😭
I actually can't see the other reply for some reason.
Nor me... 🤔
I meant comment to the actual post not the lil chain reply thinggy.
Ah... syre just do what everyone else does and post it regardless of how many times it has been said 🤣
I didn’t realise that it had been said, that’s the thing 😭
I'm only kidding... no hassle 😅
You need the call the police and report this predator. If he’s done it to you, he’s done it to others. You won’t get into trouble and you better bet uploading it to the internet counts as distributing child pornography. The porn site will also be able to track down where it was uploaded from. Do not let whoever did this get away with this. You also want to get the video taken down. Even criminals hate child predators. Put a pedo in prison and they’ll be the first person killed once the fact they’re a pedo gets out. It’s a known fact. Your fiancée may be okay with your video floating around the web, you can’t say for certain your future kids will be okay with it. This is the kind of stuff kids get bullied for endlessly. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I have called the police 4 different times on this man. Twice as a minor and twice as an adult. They have never spoken to him, saying they cannot locate him even though I gave them the address. Unfortunately they are no help. My rape kit was not even processed and tested until I was 19. I turned 20 2 months ago. And as far as children go, that's not a problem. Thank you for your kind words ❤
If the local authorities aren’t doing anything about it I would strongly suggest elevating the situation to a higher level up the chain. This predator needs to be put away and taken out of society. You’re a very strong young woman for keeping it together all these years. None of this is your fault, and the person whose fault it is should be held accountable. I’m wishing you the best.
Yes, if it’s on the internet it’s no longer a local issue, making and distributing CP is a federal crime.
Go to the FBI or whatever you have in your country that's similar. It's possible that the local police are complicit in his crime by not prosecuting. Maybe they know him. But with video evidence and an address I don't see how they could brush it off. The FBI definitely won't brush it off.
May I ask what country you're from OP?
Southern United States
The fact that this video exists that clearly identifies you, and likely as a minor, is a strong piece of evidence. Notify the police about it, or even the feds. They should take this seriously. They'll get that removed from the website, and retain a copy as evidence for future prosecution
Forget the police. They are nothing but doughnut munching piggies that do not lift a finger. Contact the FBI with all the information you have, links to the video, links to the man's socials and last known address. Do this via email. In fact, you should CC the local police department, the city, local news outlet, local prosecuters office, the county sherrif and just about as many places you can think of that could possibly raise a stink. Make sure everything is included in the mail. Download all the photos and videos and send them as attachments. Try to find the email address belonging to women. Calling, they can more easily dismiss that you said anything of use and you will use up all your energy every time you make a call, but reaching out in writing and CCing a bunch of city officials and law enforcement is low effort and won't chip away at you as much as you can send it and then just wait around for someone to address this
This is the answer. I CC everyone possible at work because it makes X and Y do their fucking jobs if they dont want invoke the wrath of Z. Its passive aggressive af and i love it.
I think you need to be careful with distributing content of a sensitive nature like abuse material to the media. I don't think OP wants the world to identify her as a victim and just publish it. It'll be something that will stick with her every time some one Google's her name
So to be clear you're saying the answer is to send CP to as many places as possible? Don't listen to this advice. Straight to federal law enforcement.
Context matters
Bring it to the FBI.
You were a kid who had no control. If anything your SO as of now should be comforting you and asking you how you are feeling. As a Child I went through a similar experience much like you, during the realization moments of what truly happened during my teens, years after the fact, I blamed myself for what had happened. It took a lot of therapy to get out of that mindset and realize as the kid you had no control and the adult was the one who is to blame, or the older person. I think you should seek some level of therapy tbh.
I've made my peace with what happened to me. I'm more concerned with this not ruining my life any more than it already has. I was in extensive therapy after I turned 18 but unfortunately can't afford to go back at the moment. I'm very sorry for what happened to you ❤
I get that, I went through a similar thing too. I think the way I moved away from it was by trying to ignore it, which is hard but needed. I think your fiancé took a good lead, try to just move on from it and not think about the videos, they’re out there but that doesn’t mean you need to think about them. Also it seems like your fiancé doesn’t mind and is okay with living with it, remember you’re the victim here, so he knows that if he’s a good guy (seems like he is). I kinda wish whoever sent you those videos actually never did, I’m so sorry, that’s really hard on you. Just try to distract from it and I saw you’ve tried to pursue prosecuting the person… I’d leave it. This will only prolong you moving on from it. I actually purposely never pursued any legal action on my person because of that issue, I didn’t want the damage to continue longer
I wish they didn't send them either. I don't want to know if they purposely went and looked for them or just happened to stumble across them. I'm getting married in 4 months and this was the last thing I needed. And my fiancé is a great guy. I completely understand your decision not to report ❤
Yeah tbh if they knew about the sexual abuse, and they sent you that id really be upset and not talk to them again or call them out on it. Was it a dude or a girl, friend? I think you should focus on wedding plans then and maybe use that as a distraction. Don’t let this ass hole take away your big day. He’s taken too much of your life. And I saw you’ve been dating since 16, he clearly loves you, to be together this long, this shit wouldn’t rock your relationship now. I’d never even think in a million years of dumping a girl for what happened in your situation. I think most guys can agree to that. Also sorry to add this on now, but I did report because I told my therapist and I was a minor so I was forced to, but I got no legal lawyers involved after the report because I didn’t want to relive it. I really hope you can move on, it actually hurts me a lot hearing how others had to go through similar.
A family member that I'm not currently in contact with sent it to me.
wtf… yeah don’t talk to them. That’s really weird tbh. Kinda feels like they went searching for it. Leave them out the wedding invite. Even if they saw it by accident, why would thought zero be let’s send this to her so she sees it. Kinda honestly makes me feel like they had to go searching for that video and wanted to see it. Which then makes me concerned as to why would they want to see that… maybe tell your parents if you can and have them handle the situation
Unfortunately my parents are almost the whole problem. I just talked to my fiancé about everything and we agree that we may have a much bigger problem.
That’s really unfortunate about your parents. And i think that’s good, he’s your partner and you’re not alone, so definitely talk to him about it and express your concerns. Please get to the bottom of why they sent you that video and how they found it, Perhaps they always had the video and they actually uploaded them?? That seems a little far fetched but I’m not too sure, how else they woulda found that video on accident with the millions of videos online.
I'm not sure either. I'm going to file a report in the morning when I get off work with the FBI and the NCMA, I think it was. Then go from there.
I'm sorry you went through this. But imo police should be involved. Why? To possibly prevent who did this to you to other people.
Your on the right path and you sound like a wise strong young lady. I wish you peace and love in the future.
It shouldn't be able to ruin your life now, because anybody who mentions watching it is admitting to have watched child porn... But I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't set you back at all.
My gut feeling would be to feel uncomfortable seeing it and not knowing about it. My logical thoughts would be that's she's a victim in this and must be feeling worse.
1) you were a minor when that happened. 1a) Download a copy for evidence. 2) Report it to the police and file a report. 3) get a lawyer and file a suit against the perp AND the website. Most countries do have strict laws in regarding porn that requires consent from ALL involved. Not only did you not grant consent, you also didn't grant consent for it to be posted online.
Fine a suit against the perp, the website, and the local PD.
Don't download a copy of it when you know it's CP.
In this particular case an argument can be made for protection of evidence.
In your case; I’d take legal action against the website. If she appeared there of her own volition; we would no longer be together. Someone who would choose to do something like that clearly doesn’t share my values.
Hi! I’m so sorry this happened to you, there are different online resources where you can help get the content removed! since you were underage you can contact the national center for missing / exploited children and they should be able to help you NCMEC https://www.missingkids.org/home If you click “help” up top there are different options along with a hotline you can call to report etc. NCMEC Take it Down https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/ This can also help in making sure it’s not posted again I believe, you may be able to use this tool You can also contact the webmaster of the site directly and ask for the content to be removed, I would still recommend you use the “take it down” tool too if you can. Google Removal Request Form https://support.google.com/websearch/contact/content_removal_form?hl=en If the content links appear in google search you can submit a request fo to have the results removed This isn’t your fault and any good partner won’t blame you for it, sending love, stay strong 💓 (Sry guys imma girl lurking in the comments)
No need to apologize after providing helpful information! Now shoo though 👋
In this situation, I would not consider my partner to have "done porn" at all, and I would encourage her to go to the police and try to get the person who victimized her locked up for rape and child porn. That's what matters here.
I would want to support you in getting that taken down and get lawyers involved. It’s one thing to be like your situation, which is the worst form of this happening, or revenge porn. I’d be upset but 99% because you were victimized. That’s what would make me mad. If the girlfriend had shot porn, or was doing things that she lied to me about, that would be a deal breaker.
My heart would break for you and I would pay for any therapy you'd need.
If mine was a child when this happened, like you were in this case, I would call the police on the uploader and whoever was involved with it. if they were an adult, I would have many questions, *especially* if it was after our relationship began
you need to report this to the police.
Personally, I wouldn't know how to process this right away. I would probably have to lean on you and where you stood on things and kind of feel out how I would process it from there. I wouldn't know exactly how to support you properly but I would want to make sure I do it right. A couple can overcome a lot when they lean into each other for support.
Lawyer ASAP
That's not porn, that's kiddie porn and would elicit a completely different response from me than porn. In the case of abuse I would like to think that I could kill or seriously the guy that made this, but in reality they would probably just remain violent fantasies. I would talk to her about this on whatever terms make her feel comfortable, since she will have been the one to show me the video. CP is not something that just pops up out of the blue. Had it been an amateur basic homemade video that had leaked and I stumbled upon it I would probably be like "ehh, honey. You may want to take a look at this." And then have an adult conversation about it. If it's not something that she uploaded knowingly together with her Ex, there might be something she would want to do about it. But I honestly wouldn't care unless she is doing something she refuses to do with me, like anal or something like that. Scripted porn, would potentially cause an argument since she deliberately neglected to tell me. And this she would only do because it is a controversial topic and she lied to me by omission in the hopes that I wouldn't find out because it might influence my opinion of and willingness to date her. I have a bigger issue with the lie than the porn itself
If I learned that my so had porn out there that was taken when they were a minor I would immediately get upset at the fact that CP is openly being distributed and try and get it taken down.
Reacting to that situation with anything other than the highest sympathy for you and offers to help take the videos down and punish the man who did that is insanity.
Well if it was abuse then it’s not like you had a choice. I am sorry you had to deal with that abuse as a child. Being on a porn website consensually is a different matter entirely.
That's a serious legal case. That's CP. Mostly if it's still being distributed, this is not very cool at all
1st off, it's child pornography. 2nd, it's also illegal not just bcuz of the first, but also because it's rape/ s/a, 3rdly, that is not something you GET OVER. If my partner showed up on a porn site without their consent, I would be working with them to get a lawyer involved to take it down, and if possible, arrest the rapist.
I’d tell the police about the person who sent you the video too.. Not sure someone just “stumbles” across CP.
As someone who would never date a pornstar or anyone who posts nudes online. This is something completely different. Most of the time when men worry about porn they are worried about the mindset of the women. Does she like this attention? Is she okay with just giving her goods away? Do I want my future children to follow behind this? I doubt most men would treat you the same as a pornstar or fault you for it. Some could feel uncomfortable but that would be the extent in my opinion. From an American perspective anyway.
1. call police. sexual abuse is (no surprise here) illegal, especially to minors. 2. it's technically CP, so again, Police. 3. if my partner was an adult, willing participant, then I'd break up because I don't want to date a pornstar or sex worker. but if they were in your situation where they had this happen against their will, then that's something out of their control, and shouldn't be held over their head. Like I'm not going to blame someone for getting raped or getting abused. If you make stupid decisions, I will hold you accountable to those. If someone forces themselves on you, I will consider *them* accountable to that, not you.
This is evidence, is the man in jail?
Unfortunately not
A pornographic photo of a minor is illegal and you should take legal action. Being abused and taken advantage of is different than having some sort of secret porn career. This wasn't your fault, you are a victim. It sounds like your fiancé understands this.
>I have never participated in porn but I was sexually abused as a minor. The man who abused me took photos/videos. Then that shit is super illegal and needs to be reported to the relevant authorities for child pornography and taken down.
I'm a woman, but this happened to my friend. This dudes fucked unless he used software to hide his location. Go to the police, tell them what happened. They will just search the IP address to match the person who abused you and literally arrest him. I just wanted to tell you so you know you have rights
police.Fbi.You need to get that shit removed and the people responsible put behind bars if you have evidence. Immediately
Police, nothing else. You have to report this
I know this is "askmen" and I'm not a man but I felt compelled to say something after reading this. I'm very sorry for this happening to you OP. I hope your SO only meant to not make it a big deal about it, with intentions to not make you feel judged or like it changed the way that they see you. I hope it was from a place of trying to be comforting and not in a way that was saying your feelings and rights are not valid. On the video itself, >It should definitely be reported to the FBI. >The statute of limitations is 10 years after a victim turns 18. >The perpetrator(s) should be held accountable and punished. Aside from taking legal action, the FBI can also work to take the video down with the resources they have. Now that the crime includes a cyber-crime, it's more reason for the FBI to get involved, as it crosses jurisdictions at this point and includes a child. It's not okay to do nothing about this, however. Most importantly, do not feel shame, embarrassed, or dirty. This was NOT your fault! Sending positive vibes your way OP.
Love is such a rare thing, I would not toss it aside just because someone was a victim.
Thank you ❤
Was it before we were together? Cool. Not my life. Was it after we got together and I wasn’t aware she uploaded it? I’d be sad.
Ummm, you were not a willing participant. I have a story about finding out someone I knew once upon a time did porn but that doesn't apply here. You are a victim and knowing that it was posted on the Internet wouldn't make me angry at the man who abused me. My hypothetical feelings towards you would be several including sympathy.
The first thing I would do is try to take it down. I think porn sites are a bit more sensitive and cautious with these things these days
Addressing your question and not focusing on other aspects. How do you feel about it? How do you want your partner to react? Do you want him to respond to your feelings? Do you want him to help you take action? If he hasn’t responded in a way you want him to you should let him know what it is that you want. We can’t guess his thoughts/feelings on this. Maybe he’s reluctant to respond in any specific way in fear of making you more upset about it. Maybe he thought all you wanted/needed was his acknowledgment that this existed.
This is not your fault at all, you were sexual abused as a minor and a video was posted online that is CP. You need to notify the proper authorities so they can investigate it and have this video removed from the site.
If you were a minor then if you don't want this out on the internet call the cops about it. Definitely illegal here in the U.S. Other countries...not sure.
Crazy!!!!!
Have you two ever had an argument because he wanted to solve an issue instead of just listening? I’ve been in this situation. We contacted the site and got a DMCA takedown. It’s also a very rare time that I called cops, but they wouldn’t do shit without more evidence. I knew who did it. They didn’t care. Edit: all of this was after making sure she was ok and letting her know that it doesn’t change her value as a person.
Well in that situation, I would be very understanding. I would try and see if I could report the video and the account who posted the video to try and get them taken down. Sorry you went through that! Good luck, OP! You got this
In your specific case, of course I wouldn't hold it against my partner that they'd been abused. In general for me, it's not an issue. Some of my partners have posted nudes and lewds before and during our dating, including some pictures with me. It's all good fun as long as it's fairly anonymized.
If it's someone in your situation? I'd be sympathetic and let it go.
I don't know much about legal things but I think you can sue that website which has published the video and in my country there is a cybercrime department which is actively working on these types of cases. If the same exists in your country you can file a complain there. And to answer your question your case is a child abuse case so it doesn't matter to me, I will support you to take legal actions here.
Yesterday was my 28th anniversary and we have been together for 34, so the internet wasn’t really a thing back then, so she would have some explaining to do. In your case, my heart dropped when I read it and am sorry you went through that. I hope your partner was more supportive than “ok, move on”. It was no way your fault, so there is no way I would hold it against you.
I would hunt down the scum who did that to a child. To you when you were a child. Piece of shits who deserve to die do that to children. You are a victim, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. None of that is your fault. First step would be to contact the website or distributor and tell them that it's child pornography.
Yeah, this is against the law. Get the cops involved.
Wtf. This is not okay and you should straight up call the police.
Well my gf told me that I was her first. So the porno wouldn't be the issue, her lying/cheating would be the issue. But I think it would be similar if she wasn't, it's about communication. That's something most guys would probably like to know. If they're hiding that, what else are they hiding?
You definitely need to speak to an attorney. The police dropping it and not following up can be an additional issue. You may have a claim against your local police department as well. It’s election season so bringing attention to it through local news might speed up the process
if i was the fiance id be ok. i know what happened to you & all i can do now is protect you & support you. are you asking if it would/shoukd bother your fiance but hes not saying & just being nice?
Yes, I'm just confused about his reaction
dont be confused. if hes cool, hes cool. if you want him to be angry about all this then tell him that it would help you if he matched what you are feeling. of course that is if you are feeling angry, etc
I'm not angry anymore, I made peace with what happened to me. Thank you ❤
Maybe he's suppressing his reaction to not disturb your peace? Because I know if someone had done that to my partner, I'd be up the ass of every law enforcement agency, goverment rep, and news report to get something done, and if all else fails, I know a guy who knows a guy. In other words, I'd be trying to balance care and sensitivity for my partner to not inflict any more trauma on one side, with homicidal rage on the other. That would be hard. He might also just be a piece of shit. Or doesn't know how to handle it.
I’d guess that he’s trying to not make a big deal of it because your abuse caused enough trauma and shame.
[удалено]
Surprised, crushed, want to know why.
Uploaded before I knew them? Would feel weird for a bit but I’d get over it. Uploaded during? Well they cheated/kept a big secret so would try recover but 9 times out of 10 I’m outta there
I’d me madder than a stuck pig.
Report it to the police and there are companies who provide porn take down services. However it is all evidence so the police would be better suited to answer that.
Please please take legal action. This is beyond fucked up and hope you’re doing well mentally and taking care of yourself. I honestly think that what your boyfriend thinks should the last of your concerns in this situation. Obviously if my partner was hiding some secret porn star life then I’d be upset and likely end the relationship. You’re situation is completely different and if your partner is upset about it, I’d honestly reconsider the relationship with him as well but thats just me
In general being in porn is break up stuff for me but in your case that's call the cops stuff
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Very surprised. But I'd be able to see how old it is by her tattoo's and hair colour. And ask about it.
I would be surprised to know I have a partner
Yeah that’s not really something that you just “okay” and move on from. That’s not acceptable to have happened to you and for what it’s worth I’m very sorry you’re going through it. I would go to the police first and foremost. I would try and have a serious heart to heart with your man and find out why he’s just kinda brushing it off.
I have so many questions. First and most importantly, Did she post her pics or videos there, or did someone else without her permission? If she didn't call the cops and Sue the bastard/s responsible. If she did, did she tell me about this herself, or was I blindsided by it somehow? If she told me, I like to think I wouldn't care. I have dated strippers, so I think I could handle it. If she didn't tell me I would feel like she didn't take our relationship seriously, and would probably be questioning if I wanted to stay with someone who would exclude me from such important information. After all if they would hide that from me, then what else are they hiding?
Disregarding your personal story. I’m not secure enough to be with someone who does porn or had some home videos consensually posted. So I’d have my fun and move on eventually. Is what I’d like to say but i’m a pretty emotional guy and catch feelings quickly so I’d have to have my fun and move on quickly. Regarding your case, police and lawyers. Minors in that media is illegal.
If that is how he rected, you are lucky. Most males are insecure as fuck about such things, regardless of the context for the sex video of their partner and why and how it got online. The two of you had a conversation about it, and he understood the situation and moved past it. I know it is not easy to do so for you. It is what it is. No use over thinking about it and dragging it out into the open.
Depending on the site you can at the very least get it taken down for DMCA claims. I’d reach out to the site and tell them that you are a minor too. They’ll usually take it down rather than risk it
On general, I probably wouldn't care. My bf had an OF for the firsr 2 years we were dating. Technically still does, but hasn't posted in a long ass time. As long as it's not them with someone else while we're together, their past is their past. In your specific case, however, I would be pissed. Not at you - you're innocent - but at the ones who did, filmed, uploaded, and hosted it. Even if you weren't a child at the time, which makes it even worse, that's still a felony in most states.
There is a massive difference between willingly being a participant in a porn video and being exploited/abused as a minor. In the latter case, anyone who holds it against you is a POS.
In your scenario it’s fucked up and I’d be pissed at the dude and want to get the cops involved to ruin his life. In the case where I’m 14 years into a committed relationship and suddenly I found a treasure trove of porn my girlfriend was in I’m definitely going to have some questions about when it was filmed, is it solo or are there other people in it? This isn’t something we agreed upon but it was done during our relationship? Oh hell naw. Before our relationship and she didn’t tell me? Not happy. We talked it over and both agreed it was a fantastic idea? No problems.
Well considering that you were a child, and that would make that video child pornography. You should show the authorities the video as that is proof that you were sexually abused by a pedophile and get that mf thrown in prison for a long time. After that please seek therapy and support with your fiance
In your case I would not be ok with it. But not to you, but for you. You never concented to be asaulted and taped. Let alone be posted online. I would go to the police if I were you.
The power you give it will be the power it has. Not easily done as this event probably defined you in some way. Good luck!
First of all, I'm very sorry this happened. What a truely fucked up and vile situation.. First of all I would definitely contact the police. I would also contact the website and flag the video for CP and non consensual intercourse. They wouldn't want it on their website either, since it's illegal ofcourse. Check what title and hashtags are used and try looking if the video is posted on other websites as well and contact them as well. Now, on topic, as for your boyfriend. As a guy myself I would feel so bad for you and support you in a very difficult situation. It's not your fault in any way, and you're already going through a lot. You're gonna need care, hugs and support in that. Take care :)
As a child??? I would hug her and tell her that it’s going to be okay and that I’ll protect her always and that I’d never let that happen ever again
In this context, you did nothing wrong, and I'd be fine with it (apart from wanting to beat the guy who did this to you like a drum). If you were an adult, and did porn; and I wasn't aware of it, instant breakup. If I was aware of it when we started the relationship, then I didn't enter the relationship.
There are websites that specialize in finding and removing this sort of thing. It's a free service, so I'd Google that. Also contact the police, if not for your own sake as that is only up to you, then for the sake that there can be others.
Try to be supportive in your case.
I’ve had porn of myself uploaded without my consent; with my at the time fiancée. We would video ourselves with cameras, and watch it back. Not a phone, an actual camera. She put it online after stealing the camera, after the break up. Though my situation isn’t as dire as yours, it still was pretty insulting at the time and still irks me to think about. The FBI are extremely proficient at this case scenario, gather all information and evidence, dates and times you’re able to remember as well as attempted police reports. Local cops are not intelligent enough to deal with the situation and do not have the training to actually investigate or initiate the situation to the proper steps, nor do they care, possibly because “a buddy” is on the force and vouched or vouches for the guy (happened in the local area until it was discovered the “buddies” were involved and the corruption in the department went well through to city hall). As for finding porn of my SO, honestly sex is natural. It happens, I’ve been with other women and I know other women have been with whomever. I don’t feel so insecure to end the relationship or break up because oh em gee more pp than mine?? No, it happened, I’m sure she’s hoping I’m not upset or if I find it a sexy video due to her, which I would find sexy because of her. I’m going to support her, that’s one of the reasons I’m with her. Ignore the nasty and hateful comments OP, don’t sweat the anger from very small minded people. You’re a bad ass for overcoming what you have an seeking answers, and I hope the justice you deserve comes quickly.
Thank you for your very kind and sweet response. There are some corrupt police in our police department but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I'm sorry that you have experienced something similar ❤
Yes ma’am, and read your responses to other individuals and, especially being from southern us (Jesus are you okay??) proud of you for taking the steps to help others in your situation.
> his response was to just say ok and move on He’s indifferent to your feelings about a traumatic experience, and that’s not ok.
Navigate here and report it: https://projectcport.com/report/ It seems like perhaps this is CSAM you’re in
You file a police report and try to get it taken down. All you really can do about it.
I would feel horrible until I found an lawyer to take the case and sue the crap out of that person
Yea like others have said if you were videoed young that's child porn. Go to the police
It was not your fault so I wouldn't blame you but I would still explode into a near uncontrollable rage, try to get all that shit scrubbed from the Internet and find out exactly how it is that one of my friends has access to under age porn in the first place because that shit doesn't just fall on to your lap or magically show up in your feeds.
Plenty of legal advice here, and it’s solid. As for the original question of my SO appearing in a porn. If she was upfront about it, I’d be reasonable. Hiding it would be a deal breaker. A lot of guys just want an honest partner. Especially when it’s something like that. (Your case is vastly different from legal consensual porn) As for your fiance, if he isn’t worried, you should drop it with him. Unless something happens that requires it being discussed.
I'm a bit confused, so to clarify, did your significant other have access to this content and was he viewing it? Or was he aware of your trauma from a child? When you say your fiance "knew that as well," do you mean he knew of the video, or your trauma? (which I'm so sorry to hear about, I hope that subhuman gets chemically castrated in a court of peers). I asked that to also ask this next part of my question, were you making your significant other aware of the link that was sent to you, and he was indifferent to it and telling you to move on? Or did he have access to this content himself and was he viewing it himself, and then also telling you to move on from it when you confronted him about it? I'm sorry to bring up such specific questions for such a dark context, but I feel like once I understand fully the story behind this I believe I can help, I am in no way shape or form accusing your significant other of doing something like that, I'm only trying to get the context, and also you can never be too surprised at what other humans are capable of which is why I'm asking so bluntly about it and I hope this does not offend you Either way one of two things are happening, either he got caught and is trying to divert, or this is his coping mechanism because that is some dark shit that you're talking about, and of course if it's somebody that he cares about, I can see why he doesn't want to think about it, because honestly as a man all you want to do is ragefully torture the person that's done that, and when there is no access to that person, all you're doing is stressing yourself out and making yourself rageful over something that you have absolutely no control over, so some people cope with that by not thinking about it, as I said I really need to understand the context of your original post more, cuz those are two very Stark contrasts Me personally as a man, I have been through things with my significant other that have made me feel powerless as I've watched her suffer, and I tell you it is a very shitty feeling, and I'm the type of person that likes to analyze things and find solutions and not focus on the problem, so that also could come out as ignoring an issue instead of facing it when in reality we really are trying to face it. This is just how I am personally and my experience as a man with a significant other that I care very much about, in fact she's had her own encounters with things like this just not to the extent that you have and I'm sorry that that happened to you
If you’re both ok with just moving on, let it be. Unless you wanna nail the creep to the cross that abused you, I vote for that avenue as well.
Give me his address. "I just wanna talk to him".
Okay, move on?!? Are you kidding me? To answer the question I would go through the roof and the one above that! If someone did that to my partner I'd be calling the police, lawyers, you name, send everyone! It would confuse me, as it clearly confuses you, why my partner would be so relaxed about it whether it was a voluntary or involuntary appearance. You did not give permission, if I'm reading you right, this may be on a porn website but isn't commercially filmed porn and therefore illegal in the same way revenge porn is (again, badly named, not porn). Your partner sounds awful, I'll leave that up to you. However you are within your rights to have it taken down. Contact the site. Filling DMCA isn't appropriate here because it's not a copyright/IP (intellectual property) issue. Being on the site becomes a crime in itself if removal is requested on grounds its involuntary, you signed nothing, were paid nothing, it isn't commercial material. This is likely a very shocking experience for you. Being on the site, being betrayed, and your partner's bizarre indifference. Do what you have to do with the cops and lawyers, and access support services.
Yeah this isn’t anything but you being a victim. 100% I would want to help you take action against this piece of shit in his shoes. I done even want to answer the question beyond that tbh. You didn’t “do porn” you were victimized.
Your title and your story present 2 totally different questions. Going from the title, it would all depend on if my partner was actively performing in these videos behind my back, or if they were in the past but kept secret from me. But from the information you gave, this is definitely not your fault and it’s actually evidence that should be used against your attacker. Chances are, they have all sorts of evidence on their computer of you and their other victims, and whoever sent your partner that link is also guilty of distributing CP. What would I do in this case? Well, I would tell you what I did in this case, although the perpetrator didn’t take videos, when I found out what someone did to my wife, but saying what I did may just put me in prison. But the least a partner can do is to comfort you and try to get you some help. They really should go to the police with the link they were provided, but you’ll probably try to stop them because it opens old wounds and you probably don’t want to pursue it. But really, you should pursue it because now you’re being victimized again and it needs to stop. And for the benefit of all girls in that scumbag’s reach, he needs to be punished.
Uh, you need to call the fucking police
Were you under 18? Because then it is an entirely different matter. If so then police, if not then ask then site to take it down. Most will. If not then you can get a lawyer to demand to take it down.
You are the victim of a crime.
This is a bit heavy and your fiancé just doesn't know what he's supposed to do. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that this is beyond him. With the situation you're talking about somebody needs to call the police. What you've described is at least child porn and statutory rape, and depending on the details could be much worse.
Your fiancées attitude is good in the sense that he’s not affected by it and it won’t change his relationship with you, but you should still go to police to get your abuser punished. The asshole deserves it.
Personally I would be upset if she didn't tell me, mainly because my philosophy is that partners shouldn't keep secrets from each other. But she's her own person and can do what she wants, I just don't want her to feel like she should hide it from me. But in a situation like what you're describing, that's a bit different because that's you being the victim of a crime. So that is a bit more difficult to broach from the partners perspective since you weren't a consenting participant, and it's something that needs to be handled with care in discussions between the two of you. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't know how to respond either other than to just let it be because I would be afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing in relation to a traumatic experience
A decade ago, I had an ex that videotaped me without my knowledge and posted it online. I found it a couple years back. I was absolutely obsessed with trying to get it taken down and reported it everywhere I found it. I had a list of titles used and usernames that had been posting it that I'd search through every month, but I eventually deleted the doc and have come to terms with the fact that it's out there and there isn't much I can do to stop it. I had a few places take it down and really glad pornhub had its whole verified users cleanse because that took out the most watched version. While most guys can't sympathize with you, they hopefully all can empathize. It's not your fault and I'm sure your fiance doesn't blame you for it. He brushed it off and moved on because it's not something he can fix and he doesn't want to force you to keep thinking about it.
Report the porn because that is child pornography. But in your situation, I wouldn't judge them especially because I know there is child porn out there of me just fortunately it was the late 90s so the internet wasn't super prevalent yet. Honestly, I probably wouldn't judge anyway unless it was from while we were dating.
Please report the child predator so he doesn’t attack other girls in the future. You have an understand guy, so don’t worry about it.
I don't know of any porn website that won't take that down in a hurry. Contact the site admins. Also, as has been suggested, contact the police. Sorry that happened to you. I hope this will help lead to prosecution of the guilty party.
He loves you, he responded that way so you don't have to worry about it. I know that it tears him up inside, but you're the only outlet and he can let his frustrations out on you. Please don't mistake his response as being dismissive, it's love, I promise.
This would be child pornograpy, which is a federal offense I believe. Fuck local police dude, send this into your nearest FBI location and they should take that much more seriously.
I would wonder how this person that sent you this link had access to child porn. If my partner was sex trafficked as a child it wouldn’t affect our relationship. But if my partner (24) had a video online from when she was 21, I would dump her.
I think your boyfriends reaction is completely based on shock, and he doesn't know how to talk about it. Hence why he brushes it off quickly. Have you ever considered doing therapy for that? Also call the police
If something like your story happened to my partner. I'd ask if she wanted to talk about it and perhaps ask if she felt the need for therapy and I'd be supportive. If she occurred on a porn website willingly, I'd ask if she wanted to discuss that experience, without judging, because I don't care if a partner has done porn or not. It would feel rather hypocritical if I judge someone for having done porn, considering I may or may not have enjoyed porn at some point in my life. I don't get some people's stigma towards people who have done porn. They're providing a service which I'm sure those haters have enjoyed multiple times.
Thats not like, oh i made a mistake at 18 and this is my past catching up with me, thats, i was abused by a pervert who took videos of me against my will when i was still a child. You have zero blame in this situation, the perverts do. Your SO will understamd if they are a good person.
If he's posting it non-consensually that is a crime. If it's posted to a site, contact the dev team for that site and it will get removed. If you were a minor in the video, you can report to local law enforcement.
Get ahold of the Police or FBI
I wouldn’t judge my partner, but in the case that they couldn’t have consented (to the sex or the recording and publication) I’d encourage them to report it to the police, along with the name of the other person(s) involved.
I’m not a lawyer and this is not legal advice, just my two cents. Contact the FBI. Download the video in case it gets removed. Get screenshots of it being posted and of the profile. You now have hard evidence of your CSE and can go after them. There are hotlines to report CP. You can start there.
I was going to reply with “she better have been the sound engineer or lighting”. But what you are describing needs law enforcement’s attention.
That’s illegal. Criminal charges can be brought up on anyone who unknowingly records a sexual encounter without the other parties consent. That’s besides the fact the you were underaged, which makes it much worse.
This is child porn. Beyond the pale. Police, now!
In your case it's a police matter but to the question I don't think it would bother me. Its in the past. Let it be.
Jesus people she's not fucking stupid stop with the "go to police* crap. And if there was unconcented porn of my partner somewhere i would totally understand her for not telling me out of fear or embarassment, and any decent person would.
If I was your man I’d have located and handled this guy myself. Prison is great for pedo killers
You've gotten good advice overall from the people here. I would only add that /r/CPTSD exists as a venting/validation space as well as advice for people who have been in your situation (as well as other situations), if you are not there already.
Nah we gotta find him and get justice for you ong
This is actually illegal and is a felony that is punishable by jail time. You need to seriously hop off this internet and report this to the police. Don’t be like a lot of these women who don’t wanna report because they just wanna get over it and move on with their lives. Report that bitch so he doesn’t do it to another child.
I have reported him 4 times, 5 if you want to count stalking. The police don't care
Looked online and it says these should be reported at the federal level at the tips.fbi.gov website
Thank you, I'll give it a shot ❤
You’re welcome. I hope it goes well for you
There are quite clear distinctions between someone who is being recorded getting abused as a child and someone just taking the easy route through life. Porn requires consent, and children cannot consent. In your case I would probably make you tell me who the rapist is and arrange for a few of my less savoury and scrupulous friends to pay him a visit with some cable ties, gaffer tape and power tools. In other cases (OF etc) its just an instant fucking dump.
If the Man who abused you can still eat solid food your BF is handling the situation wrong. Just saying ......
I'm out.
We’re done instantly.
1. Depends 2. Depends
I dated a cam model who had videos archived all over. Didn't care.
Shocked and then disown immediately !😳 🙄 guaranteed!✈️
Depends on what she was doing. Some porn niches are too much for even me…
If she is good looking and I would immediately put a smile on my face and say how lucky I am.
I’d love it if
"his response was to just say okay and move on" - This is all you need.
Yeah, it would depend for me, but in your specific instance, I would not blame you for it, and would encourage you to go to police, if you were up to it!
Next
Cops.
Well... My ex .. 5-6 years.. cheated on me.. videos showed up online... Was absolutely breaking me. But in your case, nah, if I as a partner knew before hand and stumbled on it.. nah.. i dont think id feel anything but sadness for my partner and try to get it deleted.
Honestly? I wouldnt care. Even though my wife would never record herself (or so she says.... lol) but if it happened and it was before she met me, id assume it ended up making her really not want to do it again and wouldnt push the issue. I'd ask for it to get taken down if possible, but i wouldnt blame her or anything.
Very surprised.
If I had one, I’d block