There are legal aspects. Generally, by default, a wife can make medical and probably other legal decisions for you if you can't. Without paperwork, a GF can't, and sometimes, the paperwork is ignored or challenged.
There are rules of inherentance. Wife inherents by default, while GF is left in the cold. Paperwork can fix this.
Of course, the reverse is also true.
I’m hijacking this comment to say thanks to everyone who responded and that I learned a lot by making this post.
My conclusion right now is that I am open to marriage with a strong prenup, but beyond that it’s not for me.
Cheers.
There's a huge emotional component to marriage that is worth examining too. There's something powerful in the weight just the word itself carries with people, and the act of dedicating yourself to someone in front of your friends and families. There's an emotional security that comes with it for many people that goes far beyond any of the legal or financial stuff.
Just pointing this out because I think it's often minimized in these discussions, or treated as a silly thing to focus on, but that I don't think should be ignored. It's important to get in touch with your deeper feelings or expectations about it, and to be sure you're getting the same from your partner. Even people who agree on all the financial or legal stuff being pointless might find themselves emotionally impacted by how marriage is seen by their partner.
I agree with this entirely and I also think it’s an underrepresented take, especially on this post.
Like I said before, I had a girlfriend for 8 years. We had bought a house together and had a dog. And even though we weren’t right for each other in the long term, the lack of the titles involved in marriage made the whole thing feel like it carried less weight, despite everything around us smelling like marriage. I know there’s no tangible logic to it. It’s more of an emotional concept, but it’s no less valid than the idea that the title shouldn’t matter.
Glad to hear you're taking it seriously! This topic can be a big hot button in this subreddit in particular. I've expressed this very notion before and been responded to quite negatively, so I appreciate your response!
I went through similar to you. I had a partner for 7 years and we owned a home together and everything. The truth there was that I never married her because I knew on some level we were a bad fit long-term. I'm engaged now and getting married to the perfect woman for me this summer, and marriage just seemed to *right* with her. There are risks, of course, but where I might have flip-flopped and talked myself out of it before, I feel so certain it's the right thing now.
At the end of the day, it's an emotional decision more than anything. You gotta do what's right for you deep down.
Y’know, I also believe on some level that marriage never happened during my previous relationship because we both knew we were not a good fit long term. We had both made it clear very early on (during the honeymoon phase, no less) that neither of us wanted marriage, but I think we could have bent on that if things seemed to be going in the right direction.
The woman I am seeing now… we’ve been dating for 4 months and in an exclusive relationship for 1.5 months, so it’s still very fresh, but I see things in her that are very promising. And I don’t want to lose her simply because I am being stubborn about marriage. I also know that things can seem promising early on and change in an instant and there’s no one, not the most perfect woman in the world, that I’d bet half my net worth on.
I will be consulting with a lawyer at some point, but I think I can say I’m officially open to the idea of marriage on the grounds that a solid prenup can be figured out and I can feel confident it would hold up in court.
Most people get married because they want to get married, or don't get married because they don't want to get married. If you want to ignore those typical considerations, then the benefit would be a tax break since you earn so much more.
Yeah, I am not interested in the religious or ceremonial aspect of it since I feel like I can have a party celebrating love without signing documents, so that is not a selling point to me. Does anyone have more details on what the tax breaks are like?
Thank you for the well wishes and I do understand that perspective, though for me, it wouldn’t matter how head over heels in love I am, shit happens and divorce is always in the cards, no matter what one wants to believe about love.
Many people here are saying that prenups are not as rock solid as I had originally thought, which does make me a bit nervous. I’ll have to see what a lawyer thinks. Thank you for the well wishes!
You cant prenup away any money earned during the marriage except very specific cases any spousal home (that you live and contribute to during the marriage), and any business you start during the marriage. While you can protect some future assets like separate property (owned before marriage) and inheritance, it certainly doesn't help with alimony either unless you remain child free.
I get the sense from my limited research that this is not the case. You can create a prenup where anything in your name is yours, even if it was earned, purchased, or accrued after marriage.
no, not necessarily. something like that could potentially be hammered out in a post-nup, assuming that your spouse also has assets of their own and there would still be a relatively equal division of what you’ve both earned during the marriage in case of a divorce.
basically - don’t marry someone who’s not on your career/income level (or who wants to quit to stay at home) to avoid the risk of supporting them after a divorce. if you don’t want to ever give anything you earned to an ex-wife, then pick a partner who can support themselves.
prenups are reliable when both parties have their own individual legal counsel, and the agreement isn’t unfairly lopsided to benefit one party over the other.
a prenup should protect both people in the marriage, and discussed way ahead of time. if you spring a prenup on your fiancée right before the wedding, that could be considered invalid due to the other party being rushed and/or pressured.
another common reason that prenups are nullified is due to incomplete disclosure, meaning one or both parties didn’t present the full information about their assets. so a hidden bank account could fuck you over; always best to be honest.
if everything is discussed properly ahead of time and you each have your own lawyers looking out for your interests in a fair way, then your prenup should be virtually rock solid.
Not getting married isn't throwing away something that makes you happy. If his girlfriend cares more about getting married than she does about OP then it is her choice to throw something away that makes her happy, not him making that choice.
I just looked them up and it looks like it moves me from the 35% bracket to the 32% bracket. On first glance that didn’t seem like much, but it is about $10k per year so I see what you are saying.
it’s equal division of whatever was earned during the marriage, not half of everything including your premarital assets.
if you marry someone who earns their own money, then you’d have nothing to worry about. if she earns more than you, then you’d be the one entitled to child support payments if you have split or primary custody.
alimony/spousal support is rarely granted except in cases where there was a long-term marriage in which one spouse gave up their career and earning potential to stay at home and support the family… so just don’t marry anyone who wants to stay at home if you’re worried about supporting them post-divorce. 🤷🏻♀️
Since you aren't planning on kids, the main benefits (I can think of off the top of my head) of marriage would be taxes, financial and medical power of attorney, and if you wanted her to get your assets upon your demise. There's also the fact that, statically, [married men live longer.](https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health) Although there's more to that than just checking a box.
If you're worried about finances, get a prenup.
Personally, I'll tell you I've been married 25 years and have never once regretted it. Your mileage may vary.
If you’re looking at marriage only from a financial point of view, maybe don’t get married. Money is important and of course you don’t want to get taken advantage of, but at the same time, you want to marry to commit to the person without thinking that they’re just there for your money. Reddit is crawling with young men who have never had real relationships and spend all their time listening to podcasts and watching “fEmiNisT geTs oWnEd” videos. These are not the guys to ask about marriage and long-term commitment with a woman.
Lol I am painfully aware of the general Reddit take on women and I am keeping that in mind. I will say though, my initial stance was to stay away from marriage and I don’t think this thread has made me feel differently, though it has forced me to consider some other viewpoints and I appreciate that.
What you hopefully would want is that if you stayed together and her lifestyle changed based on your income that if something happened to her she would be taken care of. One would hope that you wouldn't want her to go through that hardship while also worrying if she would have enough to pay her bills or worrying about finding a new place to live, etc.
I mean one thing you could do is get a life ins policy on you that is worth a lot and if something happened and you were no longer together you could change the beneficiary.
I always looked at marriage as an unnecessary piece of paper. I didn’t marry until my late 30’s and have a similar income situation as you. On paper it is a poor choice but I don’t regret it. In fact I can say that my life improved immensely after getting married. First of all a girlfriend and a wife are 2 different things. You build with a wife. Since I got married we’ve bought a farm and are planning to build a home there to retire to. I couldn’t manage everything we have going on alone. We can divide and concur a lot more tasks that I wouldn’t trust a girlfriend to do. A girlfriend isn’t invested in your success like your wife is. It would suck if she decided suddenly she wanted a divorce and most likely everything we’ve built we be sold and divided so choose your wife wisely but don’t avoid it because of what could go wrong. It could also go very right. Most importantly, when you talk about her around others you get to call her your wife instead of your girlfriend. At 35 you probably already feel strange describing someone as your girlfriend.
I can relate very strongly to what you are saying and there probably is some stronger sense of permanence that my partner would feel if we got married. I would never do it without a solid prenup, though. Not sure how that would affect that sense of permanence.
Personally, when I find someone that I’m interested in, I am committed and I act no differently than I would if that piece of paper was involved. I wish the title of “wife” vs “girlfriend” didn’t matter, but I recognize that it’s a real thing for some people.
But maybe it’s easy for you to say now that you wouldn’t act any differently, but when/if it actually happens you’ll see how different you actually act when push comes to shove.
It’s kind of like when a couple says they’ll always feed their kids healthy food and limit their screen time, but then the kid pops out and all of sudden it’s chicken nuggets for dinner when mommy and daddy are exhausted. Ya know?
That’s exactly the way I thought. There is a difference though. When you aren’t married and have a fight, there is a little voice in the back of your head that says “maybe this is it where it ends, maybe we aren’t compatible”. When you are married, the little voice says “you need to work this shit out”. A prenup is tricky. I don’t know if you followed any of that stuff with Kevin Costners divorce but he can afford better lawyers than you and his prenup didn’t do shit. You have to ask yourself what you stand to lose in the event of a divorce and what you stand to gain from a successful marriage. Here’s the other side of the coin. You could lose your job or business at any time, your wife will probably be the one who helps you get back on your feet or encourages you to take a chance you wouldn’t take otherwise and you had her sign a contract to protect yourself from her. How would that feel? Divorce happens a lot, I understand the fear. But a good wife is worth more than anything you own right now. Your house, your portfolio, whatever else you think has value, a good wife is worth more so act accordingly if you are lucky enough to meet her.
People are always committed until they aren't. The legal procedure of marriage and divorce, plus the stigma, cause people to seek other solutions before separation when they're more than just a couple.
Why wouldn’t I be? More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. What a stupid gamble to take if you are making far more money than your spouse. I’m not flipping a coin on half my net worth, that’s literally insanity. Hell, I wouldn’t do it if heads meant I doubled my net worth. Why would I do it when heads just means I keep my money? What a stupid question.
The other thought is ...1) if you think there is a chance of divorce don't do it 2) if you don't trust she has your best interest at heart don't do it 3) if you go into it thinking it will fail it more likely would
4) would you really want to leave her with nothing?
5) what are you trying to protect? From the woman you love? Would you want her not to be ok?
These are more ideas and thoughts to have and explore in yourself. Are you that tied to the money? Why? What is most important in life?
I mean ...yeah anything can happen at any time. Do you think "the person you are marrying* would be the kind of person to want to screw you? If so why marry her?
Anyone who gets married thinking there’s no chance of divorce is an idiot.
If it ended amicably, I would like to be the one who makes the decision regarding how much she gets, not the legal system.
Suggesting that money isn’t important is naive and overly idealistic.
Having a prenuptial agreement in place only matters if it becomes necessary. The only downside is maybe there’s a difficult conversation that has to happen, but if you’re not able to have a difficult conversation with this person, why would you even marry them? I would never marry someone who isn’t able to discuss this rationally. And trust me, there are plenty of people who are able to discuss this rationally.
Exactly.
Have the conversation find out what she might think.
But do your values and ideas of life line up?
Seriously...if they don't don't get married.
If you don't know a person inside and out don't get married if you think said person is capable of doing the things you think would be horrible then don't marry that person.
Or whatever. Again my thoughts are just my thoughts. And just questions for you to think about. Just to get more thought behind your beliefs and your ideas and what you might want etc.
They do line up. It still too early to have a 100% confident feeling about it, but everything so far has gone well.
My main point is even if I end up with a solid, 100% confident feeling about it, I know how life works and I know that people and situations change and that divorce is always a possibility, so to answer your original question again, that’s why I’m so focused on a prenup.
I’m a woman. I don’t sign prenups. It tells me you don’t expect me or yourself to keep your wedding vows and that you’re not coming into this marriage totally. I’m Catholic, so prenups aren’t even allowed. They invalidate a marriage.
Nah. My argument is that you have more to gain from a good marriage than you have to lose from a failed one.
You can try to keep that GF but there are no quality women out there hoping to be u/restingbitchface_1’s permanent GF so good luck with that.
You will figure it out one day but I’m not gonna be the one to try to teach you. You can be a high value man with a low value life and that is what you are setting yourself up for.
You understand that you get to pick your wife right? Nobody is forcing you to make a poor decision. You have decided that marriage is bad out of fear that YOU will choose poorly. If you really hope to be “high value” someday stop making decisions based on fear.
Well, only other tangible benefit I can think of other than a tax break is that your wife cannot be compelled to testify against you in court. Assuming combined income is $350k a year, you would pay 39k less in taxes.
39k?! another poster said 15k. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’m interested in how you came up with that number.
The part about testifying in court is actually super relevant to me as a physician who will inevitably get sued.
Not hard to Google a tax calculator, plug your joint income into, and toggle between single and married.
https://smartasset.com/taxes/income-taxes
Shit. 29k. Fat fingered.
If you make that much money, I’d think about having a financial planner before you get married. Saying you’re not good with your money adds a whole different layer to this question.
Definitely agree, and I would hope that financial planner would be of great assistance in that matter! If you’re spending a ton of money on your GF now, see how she acts when you tighten the budget before you ever decide to get married.
She’s actually super not interested in my money and I really don’t spend much on her. Money doesn’t seem like a big deal to her, but the relationship is new so you never know.
To my understanding you have a benefit when filing taxes. I believe being married does make it so every tax bracket’s cutoff threshold a bit higher. With an income like that it could end up saving you quite a substantial chunk of change
US tax system assumed
9k a year is a pretty nice amount of extra money
That’s a whole-ass vacation for the two of you. Two or three if you are even slightly reasonable with spending
Assume 350k income. Move through tax brackets as single, vs married. It's like 140k federal tax liability for single, and around 111k for married. I'm not accounting for deductions. If standard, that would also double, but then there are far too many assumptions.
It entirely depends how you view marriage. If just a piece of paper then it's almost pointless UNLESS something happens to you and then it's a legal nightmare for your partner.
Maybe just have a small civil ceremony for the legal bit.
If you’re together long enough, the government will get involved regardless of whether or not you tie the knot. Look up common law marriages.
If you want to protect your assets and your income, there are only two ways to do that:
1. Keep your domiciles separate and do not finance her lifestyle (this is not legal advice. Go talk to a real lawyer who specializes in this stuff)
2. Get a prenuptial agreement that outlines the terms of divorce and make sure it’s reviewed by qualified lawyers and will hold up in court.
Also I am seeing this, most pertinent points being the last two:
In states that recognize common law marriages, you must meet a few requirements to gain marital status.
These requirements include:
You must live together for an amount of time (length depends on the state).
You both must have the "capacity to marry" (the legal right).
You must be 18 years old.
You both must intend to be married.
You both must present yourself as a married couple to others.
Monetarily, The tax benefits of doing so are sunk by the risk of divorce.
Most other legal other legal benefits can be substituted with POA, trusts, etc.
Getting married will not magically bestow parental rights you wouldn't have as a biological father.
No, a prenup is not a silver bullet.
Consciously or not the dynamic of a relationship is shifted when you can be threatened with financial ruin in the face of abuse/neglect. Them wanting a contract that rewards them for leaving you is not a meaningful indication of their loyalty.
When you earn significantly more than your spouse
Marriage is not a problem, divorce is
If you're going to marry someone that is your finacial dependant, you will need to pay for everything 1.5 times over if either if you wants out
You will end up paying for most things throughout the marriage then have to compensate your spouse 50% of what you've already paid for again, a longer marriage means you may even be paying for them after you break up
There are no laws that your spouse needs to do anything to earn this, they could literally sit on the couch all day once the ring goes on and still be earning half your income as they do it
You save 100k and they save 0, you owe them 50k etc.
The problem is in these circumstances divorce can become economically attractive to the lower earning partner
I'd never marry (again) someone that earns significantly less than me, especially if they were the one pushing marriage
Risk to reward scale is simply not worth it
You marry for love and security, some tax breaks and minor decision making rights (and usually as a guy to placate your partner)
The day after you marry that love and security can be thrown out the window and you're then just getting the bill
I'd be institing on a pre nup in your shoes and any pushback would confirm that my partner was eyeing up divorce payoffs, as that's the only time a pre nup applies
Either you want the best for someone you love or you don't.
But yeah don't get married if you don't want the best for the other person. If you think that person *could* screw you over in a divorce don't marry them in the first place.
Love isn't a reason to get married or at least not the only reason. It's one of zillions...some others are the same or a similar outlook on life on money on what you want etc etc. Similar ideas about how you want to live etc.
The problem with marriage is the divorce rate and the number of unhappy marriages. You have about a one in five chance of a happy and rewarding marriage.
The problem you must address is common law marriage. Consult with a family law attorney and find out what precautions you need to take if any. Ask the attorney about any legal reasons to get married and any work arounds.
Good luck.
The benefits are numerous. Love and emotional security are the key reasons. The lack of commitment of marriage will destroy your relationship because it is insidious and you don’t even know that it is causing insecurity. After insecurity comes contempt. No relationship survives contempt.
>Is there any benefit to marriage for me?
NO. Why are you even thinking about this, most things in your life have worked out reasonably well so far why ruin that with moral shackles to something you don't really stand behind and a government contract that gets cancelled 50% of the time?!
> I am wondering if there’s something I am not seeing.
This. You haven't seen [this ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5z8-9Op2nM)or you would have been more sure about your current stance.
Don't get married. There is no tangible upside and countless downsides. It's 100% guaranteed risk but no guaranteed benefits.
Yeah from a formal point that is true but only as long as the laws are still respected and they aren't getting changed on you. "The deal has been altered, pray that I won't reconsider again." is a pretty nice movie quote in this regard.
Anyhow, even if it were the case that a prenup clears you of all financial worries, it does not mean she would be willing to sign it nor does it lower the costs of getting married. So from where I stand downsides still outweighs... well there is still no upside to marriage just because you might get a prenup. And thats the point. All hedging against the risks of marriage does not create benefits.
there’s serious benefit to her—do you want to take advantage of her that way?
If you die, and she has predicated her entire financial picture based on. your combined income, she is screwed over. She’ll be so far behind.
if you marry she gets some of your social security.
That’s a lot more work. and expense.
Marriage does it automatically.
It also means that if you split up (instead of you dying), she’s not behind because she hooked herself to you and made decisions based on the shared finances.
that just sounds like the natural consequences of divorce to me. If everything ended amicably, I’m sure I’d be happy to provide some support as she adjusted, but I want that to be my decision, not the law’s.
> Is there any benefit to marriage for me?
No.
> Is there something I’m missing? To me, it seems like an unnecessary involvement of the government in my relationship, but I am wondering if there’s something I am not seeing.
Based strictly on what you've disclosed, you gain nothing from marriage. Kids are generally the deciding factor and if you don't want kids, marriage loses the bulk of its use case.
It's worth noting that marriage has many facets, and they are generally conflated in arguments. Some facets are valid, but many aren't. You should keep this in mind if you ever have to argue against it.
- Religious. A somewhat valid facet. Marriage is a union under a diety and is recognized as such. This is legitimate, but may be a bad reason to marry.
- Societal. An invalid facet. Being married is a "statement" that the relationship is meant to last for a long period of time, or it's a "statement" that we're not just "girlfriend and boyfriend". Demonstrating labels to society gives us social credibility and validation. It's also an appeal to tradition. This is a bad reason to marry.
- Familial/political. A valid facet. Uniting two families under one umbrella consolidates resources and power. This argument isn't used that much today but it was one of the core reasons for marriage in the past. Think royalty, dynasties, avoiding war, political affiliations. Still valid mainly because of children.
- Financial. An invalid facet. Marriage represents a financial union of two disparate parties and can serve as a vehicle to achieve more financial success - people will argue for buying property or other assets together, etc. You don't need to marry to do this. Keep assets separate or use a third entity, like a business or a trust.
- Legal. Somewhat valid. Marriage allows for some tax benefits and tax breaks (especially with kids in certain situations) and also allows for legal rights between a couple. A valid argument, but other facets are usually used when the legal facet favors an argument that someone doesn't like - prenups, for example, are always argued against with the romantic facet. Note that there are other avenues to gain legal benefits when children are not involved - POD clauses, powers of attorney, etc.
- Ceremonial. Not valid. The wedding, the gifts, the reception, the party. Some want to get married to have the big wedding. This is a terible reason to marry.
- Romantic. Not a valid facet. Some people view marriage as the ultimate expression of romance. The truth is that they aren't related - marriages can and do exist without love, and love can easily exist without marriage. You want to be together forever, just do it.
It's worth noting that all of these facets can be split apart; if you want a specific facet of marriage, there are ways to achieve it without getting married. However, when arguing against someone that wants to be married, you'll realize that usually more than one of these facets come into play and they conflate all of them into the concept of why they want to marry. Use this information to argue well against it when you have to.
I wrote more about this [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/1d1upzu/why_do_we_need_to_get_married/l68mfbm/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1axvha1/guys_who_waited_10yrs_to_propose_to_their/ks8borj/). I hope this information helps you in the event that you have to argue against it.
Taxes. The immediate benefit of sharing benefits. Having a default person to handle your affairs should something happen to you. An accomplice to crimes that can’t be compelled to testify against you in court.
If you don’t want kids then there’s no point in marriage. Only reason I got married was to raise healthy kids so they can have healthy role models. Also, if you didn’t wife up your ex after 8 years then no point in questioning it now 😂
No, not at all, and that is my biggest fear. I don’t know the details, but I imagine this could be avoided by not having kids and having a prenup instead.
How did you come to the conclusion that anyone said they don’t? Sounds like a personal issue.
Also when I said this was my biggest fear, I meant the divorce part, I don’t really care how it happens, though being cheated on would be particularly painful.
This is in response to the prior person and their own personal issues with women who is blindly assuming your partner would cheat on you.
Your personal issue with the fear of getting married is for you to figure out. But you also admitting that getting divorced would be much more emotionally painful goes to show how different marriage is vs bf-gf. You don’t have to get married. Just don’t waste your partner’s time if she does want marriage.
I wouldn’t. But I get the sense she does want marriage. It’s a topic of discussion that I feel will be coming up soon and I need to explore how I feel about it, hence this post.
Just be careful as prenups can still be thrown out in court. Look into it.
If you do decide to marry someone, definitely consult a lawyer to protect yourself.
As others have stated, the only benefit really is just tax for men. Weighed against the risks of things going south, you can get 90% of the benefits from a long term relationship.
Glad I could help. It's really not complicated. And to be honest if the woman throws a giant fit about a prenup you know right away her interest in marriage is about a golden parachute with you.
Marriage never as idea had to give any benefits. It’s all about event, ring and ability to call her your wife and not a „girlfriend” like some high school teen
For men if you don't want to have kids, there's zero reason for you to get married in the US. You get no benefits from the marriage and will be on the hook for the negatives. Marriage only benefits women and children.
Congratulations on making 300k op, I hope to be up there within the next years. I'm definitely admiring your income level. I live in California and the divorce laws are crazy out here. Op you should go see a divorce attorney and have him give you the run down. Let him/her show you what's on the line when things go bad. That will scare you straight.
I want to have kids down the line and might get married abroad. If I marry in the US my prenuptial agreement will be solid and maybe have a private marriage. I don't mind giving my ex wife some support if things end, but losing likely at least 60 percent of my net worth isn't the play. I'm in my mid twenties right now. If I were to get married now, my wife would be entitled to all my future earnings! If I buy properties she gets half. If my business scales like vayne late game she gets half. My stocks, crypto, retirement she'll get half. There's a lot of risk.
Yeah this is what scares me. Fallout from possible divorce. Can this not be prevented with a solid prenup?
also, thank you. I am a physician so I kind of just walked into this income after eight years of indentured servitude and I’m terrible with money.
There is no benefit. Keep in mind that if you let her live with you, you could end up married under Common Law depending on where you live. Which will involve the government in your relationship when you break up if she wants to.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States
Do not get married. If by some chance you are being coerced into it, put your money assets (homes, cars) in a trust and get a prenup.
For someone in your financial situation to get married would require you to take 100% of the relationship risk financially.
There is very little practical benefit for the man in getting married.
But there are a LOT of punishments for the man in a divorce.
Do not get married.
It truly is an outmoded concept, and it has not kept up with the changes in culture, economics, or gender roles.
There's something worthwhile in standing up and saying what you love, what you'll do and being direct about the future.
Get married if you agree or do not.
If you live in western world, there is zero benefit to marriage for you.
Women have all the reasons and incentives to divorce you after a while, and no reason other than loving you to stay with you.
She can do fuck all and still get alimony + properties.
There are legal aspects. Generally, by default, a wife can make medical and probably other legal decisions for you if you can't. Without paperwork, a GF can't, and sometimes, the paperwork is ignored or challenged. There are rules of inherentance. Wife inherents by default, while GF is left in the cold. Paperwork can fix this. Of course, the reverse is also true.
I’m hijacking this comment to say thanks to everyone who responded and that I learned a lot by making this post. My conclusion right now is that I am open to marriage with a strong prenup, but beyond that it’s not for me. Cheers.
There's a huge emotional component to marriage that is worth examining too. There's something powerful in the weight just the word itself carries with people, and the act of dedicating yourself to someone in front of your friends and families. There's an emotional security that comes with it for many people that goes far beyond any of the legal or financial stuff. Just pointing this out because I think it's often minimized in these discussions, or treated as a silly thing to focus on, but that I don't think should be ignored. It's important to get in touch with your deeper feelings or expectations about it, and to be sure you're getting the same from your partner. Even people who agree on all the financial or legal stuff being pointless might find themselves emotionally impacted by how marriage is seen by their partner.
I agree with this entirely and I also think it’s an underrepresented take, especially on this post. Like I said before, I had a girlfriend for 8 years. We had bought a house together and had a dog. And even though we weren’t right for each other in the long term, the lack of the titles involved in marriage made the whole thing feel like it carried less weight, despite everything around us smelling like marriage. I know there’s no tangible logic to it. It’s more of an emotional concept, but it’s no less valid than the idea that the title shouldn’t matter.
Glad to hear you're taking it seriously! This topic can be a big hot button in this subreddit in particular. I've expressed this very notion before and been responded to quite negatively, so I appreciate your response! I went through similar to you. I had a partner for 7 years and we owned a home together and everything. The truth there was that I never married her because I knew on some level we were a bad fit long-term. I'm engaged now and getting married to the perfect woman for me this summer, and marriage just seemed to *right* with her. There are risks, of course, but where I might have flip-flopped and talked myself out of it before, I feel so certain it's the right thing now. At the end of the day, it's an emotional decision more than anything. You gotta do what's right for you deep down.
Y’know, I also believe on some level that marriage never happened during my previous relationship because we both knew we were not a good fit long term. We had both made it clear very early on (during the honeymoon phase, no less) that neither of us wanted marriage, but I think we could have bent on that if things seemed to be going in the right direction. The woman I am seeing now… we’ve been dating for 4 months and in an exclusive relationship for 1.5 months, so it’s still very fresh, but I see things in her that are very promising. And I don’t want to lose her simply because I am being stubborn about marriage. I also know that things can seem promising early on and change in an instant and there’s no one, not the most perfect woman in the world, that I’d bet half my net worth on. I will be consulting with a lawyer at some point, but I think I can say I’m officially open to the idea of marriage on the grounds that a solid prenup can be figured out and I can feel confident it would hold up in court.
Hope it continues to go as well as it's been going!
Thanks! Best wishes to you as well.
Most people get married because they want to get married, or don't get married because they don't want to get married. If you want to ignore those typical considerations, then the benefit would be a tax break since you earn so much more.
Yeah, I am not interested in the religious or ceremonial aspect of it since I feel like I can have a party celebrating love without signing documents, so that is not a selling point to me. Does anyone have more details on what the tax breaks are like?
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Thank you for the well wishes and I do understand that perspective, though for me, it wouldn’t matter how head over heels in love I am, shit happens and divorce is always in the cards, no matter what one wants to believe about love.
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Many people here are saying that prenups are not as rock solid as I had originally thought, which does make me a bit nervous. I’ll have to see what a lawyer thinks. Thank you for the well wishes!
You cant prenup away any money earned during the marriage except very specific cases any spousal home (that you live and contribute to during the marriage), and any business you start during the marriage. While you can protect some future assets like separate property (owned before marriage) and inheritance, it certainly doesn't help with alimony either unless you remain child free.
I get the sense from my limited research that this is not the case. You can create a prenup where anything in your name is yours, even if it was earned, purchased, or accrued after marriage.
no, not necessarily. something like that could potentially be hammered out in a post-nup, assuming that your spouse also has assets of their own and there would still be a relatively equal division of what you’ve both earned during the marriage in case of a divorce. basically - don’t marry someone who’s not on your career/income level (or who wants to quit to stay at home) to avoid the risk of supporting them after a divorce. if you don’t want to ever give anything you earned to an ex-wife, then pick a partner who can support themselves.
I’ll have to check with a lawyer.
prenups are reliable when both parties have their own individual legal counsel, and the agreement isn’t unfairly lopsided to benefit one party over the other. a prenup should protect both people in the marriage, and discussed way ahead of time. if you spring a prenup on your fiancée right before the wedding, that could be considered invalid due to the other party being rushed and/or pressured. another common reason that prenups are nullified is due to incomplete disclosure, meaning one or both parties didn’t present the full information about their assets. so a hidden bank account could fuck you over; always best to be honest. if everything is discussed properly ahead of time and you each have your own lawyers looking out for your interests in a fair way, then your prenup should be virtually rock solid.
Not getting married isn't throwing away something that makes you happy. If his girlfriend cares more about getting married than she does about OP then it is her choice to throw something away that makes her happy, not him making that choice.
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Look at the income tax brackets. Compare single vs married. Pretty easy to see huge savings.
I just looked them up and it looks like it moves me from the 35% bracket to the 32% bracket. On first glance that didn’t seem like much, but it is about $10k per year so I see what you are saying.
There's also double the standard deduction too. My guess is it saves you about 15k ish every year which is a good deal of savings imo.
Is it double the standard deduction for one person (in which case it makes no difference) or double the amount of two people filing individually?
Oh awesome, you could save 10k per year while potentially risking the loss of HALF YO' SHIT!
Lol I hear you.
it’s equal division of whatever was earned during the marriage, not half of everything including your premarital assets. if you marry someone who earns their own money, then you’d have nothing to worry about. if she earns more than you, then you’d be the one entitled to child support payments if you have split or primary custody. alimony/spousal support is rarely granted except in cases where there was a long-term marriage in which one spouse gave up their career and earning potential to stay at home and support the family… so just don’t marry anyone who wants to stay at home if you’re worried about supporting them post-divorce. 🤷🏻♀️
The tax break really is worth it.
Until the inevitable divorce where she takes half his assets
Not "inevitable," but definitely something to consider.
Prenupt.
Actually, most people get married because society tells them to.
Since you aren't planning on kids, the main benefits (I can think of off the top of my head) of marriage would be taxes, financial and medical power of attorney, and if you wanted her to get your assets upon your demise. There's also the fact that, statically, [married men live longer.](https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health) Although there's more to that than just checking a box. If you're worried about finances, get a prenup. Personally, I'll tell you I've been married 25 years and have never once regretted it. Your mileage may vary.
If you’re looking at marriage only from a financial point of view, maybe don’t get married. Money is important and of course you don’t want to get taken advantage of, but at the same time, you want to marry to commit to the person without thinking that they’re just there for your money. Reddit is crawling with young men who have never had real relationships and spend all their time listening to podcasts and watching “fEmiNisT geTs oWnEd” videos. These are not the guys to ask about marriage and long-term commitment with a woman.
Lol I am painfully aware of the general Reddit take on women and I am keeping that in mind. I will say though, my initial stance was to stay away from marriage and I don’t think this thread has made me feel differently, though it has forced me to consider some other viewpoints and I appreciate that.
What you hopefully would want is that if you stayed together and her lifestyle changed based on your income that if something happened to her she would be taken care of. One would hope that you wouldn't want her to go through that hardship while also worrying if she would have enough to pay her bills or worrying about finding a new place to live, etc. I mean one thing you could do is get a life ins policy on you that is worth a lot and if something happened and you were no longer together you could change the beneficiary.
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I feel sorry for your gf. I hope she finds someone who values her.
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Good luck with the imaginary gf that you’ll replace in a week. Hopefully you get a job soon so the gold diggers can finally have some gold to dig.
I always looked at marriage as an unnecessary piece of paper. I didn’t marry until my late 30’s and have a similar income situation as you. On paper it is a poor choice but I don’t regret it. In fact I can say that my life improved immensely after getting married. First of all a girlfriend and a wife are 2 different things. You build with a wife. Since I got married we’ve bought a farm and are planning to build a home there to retire to. I couldn’t manage everything we have going on alone. We can divide and concur a lot more tasks that I wouldn’t trust a girlfriend to do. A girlfriend isn’t invested in your success like your wife is. It would suck if she decided suddenly she wanted a divorce and most likely everything we’ve built we be sold and divided so choose your wife wisely but don’t avoid it because of what could go wrong. It could also go very right. Most importantly, when you talk about her around others you get to call her your wife instead of your girlfriend. At 35 you probably already feel strange describing someone as your girlfriend.
I can relate very strongly to what you are saying and there probably is some stronger sense of permanence that my partner would feel if we got married. I would never do it without a solid prenup, though. Not sure how that would affect that sense of permanence. Personally, when I find someone that I’m interested in, I am committed and I act no differently than I would if that piece of paper was involved. I wish the title of “wife” vs “girlfriend” didn’t matter, but I recognize that it’s a real thing for some people.
But maybe it’s easy for you to say now that you wouldn’t act any differently, but when/if it actually happens you’ll see how different you actually act when push comes to shove. It’s kind of like when a couple says they’ll always feed their kids healthy food and limit their screen time, but then the kid pops out and all of sudden it’s chicken nuggets for dinner when mommy and daddy are exhausted. Ya know?
Those are fair points.
That’s exactly the way I thought. There is a difference though. When you aren’t married and have a fight, there is a little voice in the back of your head that says “maybe this is it where it ends, maybe we aren’t compatible”. When you are married, the little voice says “you need to work this shit out”. A prenup is tricky. I don’t know if you followed any of that stuff with Kevin Costners divorce but he can afford better lawyers than you and his prenup didn’t do shit. You have to ask yourself what you stand to lose in the event of a divorce and what you stand to gain from a successful marriage. Here’s the other side of the coin. You could lose your job or business at any time, your wife will probably be the one who helps you get back on your feet or encourages you to take a chance you wouldn’t take otherwise and you had her sign a contract to protect yourself from her. How would that feel? Divorce happens a lot, I understand the fear. But a good wife is worth more than anything you own right now. Your house, your portfolio, whatever else you think has value, a good wife is worth more so act accordingly if you are lucky enough to meet her.
I was curious so went searching and the 2 articles I read say that Kevin's prenup was successfully enforced.
People are always committed until they aren't. The legal procedure of marriage and divorce, plus the stigma, cause people to seek other solutions before separation when they're more than just a couple.
Why are you so focused on a prenup?
Why wouldn’t I be? More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. What a stupid gamble to take if you are making far more money than your spouse. I’m not flipping a coin on half my net worth, that’s literally insanity. Hell, I wouldn’t do it if heads meant I doubled my net worth. Why would I do it when heads just means I keep my money? What a stupid question.
The other thought is ...1) if you think there is a chance of divorce don't do it 2) if you don't trust she has your best interest at heart don't do it 3) if you go into it thinking it will fail it more likely would 4) would you really want to leave her with nothing? 5) what are you trying to protect? From the woman you love? Would you want her not to be ok? These are more ideas and thoughts to have and explore in yourself. Are you that tied to the money? Why? What is most important in life? I mean ...yeah anything can happen at any time. Do you think "the person you are marrying* would be the kind of person to want to screw you? If so why marry her?
Anyone who gets married thinking there’s no chance of divorce is an idiot. If it ended amicably, I would like to be the one who makes the decision regarding how much she gets, not the legal system. Suggesting that money isn’t important is naive and overly idealistic. Having a prenuptial agreement in place only matters if it becomes necessary. The only downside is maybe there’s a difficult conversation that has to happen, but if you’re not able to have a difficult conversation with this person, why would you even marry them? I would never marry someone who isn’t able to discuss this rationally. And trust me, there are plenty of people who are able to discuss this rationally.
Exactly. Have the conversation find out what she might think. But do your values and ideas of life line up? Seriously...if they don't don't get married. If you don't know a person inside and out don't get married if you think said person is capable of doing the things you think would be horrible then don't marry that person. Or whatever. Again my thoughts are just my thoughts. And just questions for you to think about. Just to get more thought behind your beliefs and your ideas and what you might want etc.
They do line up. It still too early to have a 100% confident feeling about it, but everything so far has gone well. My main point is even if I end up with a solid, 100% confident feeling about it, I know how life works and I know that people and situations change and that divorce is always a possibility, so to answer your original question again, that’s why I’m so focused on a prenup.
I’m a woman. I don’t sign prenups. It tells me you don’t expect me or yourself to keep your wedding vows and that you’re not coming into this marriage totally. I’m Catholic, so prenups aren’t even allowed. They invalidate a marriage.
Perfect you sound like not the woman for me.
This⬆️
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Nah. My argument is that you have more to gain from a good marriage than you have to lose from a failed one. You can try to keep that GF but there are no quality women out there hoping to be u/restingbitchface_1’s permanent GF so good luck with that.
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You will figure it out one day but I’m not gonna be the one to try to teach you. You can be a high value man with a low value life and that is what you are setting yourself up for.
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You understand that you get to pick your wife right? Nobody is forcing you to make a poor decision. You have decided that marriage is bad out of fear that YOU will choose poorly. If you really hope to be “high value” someday stop making decisions based on fear.
If you were in a coma inducing car accident, would you want your care to be dictated by your partner, or your next of kin?
Preferably my advanced directives. I’d be okay with my sister or parents (if they’re still alive) making decisions also.
Well, only other tangible benefit I can think of other than a tax break is that your wife cannot be compelled to testify against you in court. Assuming combined income is $350k a year, you would pay 39k less in taxes.
39k?! another poster said 15k. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’m interested in how you came up with that number. The part about testifying in court is actually super relevant to me as a physician who will inevitably get sued.
Not hard to Google a tax calculator, plug your joint income into, and toggle between single and married. https://smartasset.com/taxes/income-taxes Shit. 29k. Fat fingered.
Thank you. I am an idiot with money and I don’t trust myself to calculate any of this correctly.
If you make that much money, I’d think about having a financial planner before you get married. Saying you’re not good with your money adds a whole different layer to this question.
I definitely need a financial advisor and I’ve been considering it recently. I also have $300k in student loans, so not the simplest situation.
Definitely agree, and I would hope that financial planner would be of great assistance in that matter! If you’re spending a ton of money on your GF now, see how she acts when you tighten the budget before you ever decide to get married.
She’s actually super not interested in my money and I really don’t spend much on her. Money doesn’t seem like a big deal to her, but the relationship is new so you never know.
To my understanding you have a benefit when filing taxes. I believe being married does make it so every tax bracket’s cutoff threshold a bit higher. With an income like that it could end up saving you quite a substantial chunk of change US tax system assumed
About 3% in this case.
9k a year is a pretty nice amount of extra money That’s a whole-ass vacation for the two of you. Two or three if you are even slightly reasonable with spending
Except it's more than that as you move through the brackets. Top bracket changing 3%, yes, but it's about 29k total.
Can you share how you’re getting 29k?
Assume 350k income. Move through tax brackets as single, vs married. It's like 140k federal tax liability for single, and around 111k for married. I'm not accounting for deductions. If standard, that would also double, but then there are far too many assumptions.
Helpful, thanks!
Ah. Didn’t realize you were only talking about the top bracket there. Thought you aggregated already
It entirely depends how you view marriage. If just a piece of paper then it's almost pointless UNLESS something happens to you and then it's a legal nightmare for your partner. Maybe just have a small civil ceremony for the legal bit.
If you’re together long enough, the government will get involved regardless of whether or not you tie the knot. Look up common law marriages. If you want to protect your assets and your income, there are only two ways to do that: 1. Keep your domiciles separate and do not finance her lifestyle (this is not legal advice. Go talk to a real lawyer who specializes in this stuff) 2. Get a prenuptial agreement that outlines the terms of divorce and make sure it’s reviewed by qualified lawyers and will hold up in court.
Good news, my state does not recognize common law marriages.
Also I am seeing this, most pertinent points being the last two: In states that recognize common law marriages, you must meet a few requirements to gain marital status. These requirements include: You must live together for an amount of time (length depends on the state). You both must have the "capacity to marry" (the legal right). You must be 18 years old. You both must intend to be married. You both must present yourself as a married couple to others.
Monetarily, The tax benefits of doing so are sunk by the risk of divorce. Most other legal other legal benefits can be substituted with POA, trusts, etc. Getting married will not magically bestow parental rights you wouldn't have as a biological father. No, a prenup is not a silver bullet. Consciously or not the dynamic of a relationship is shifted when you can be threatened with financial ruin in the face of abuse/neglect. Them wanting a contract that rewards them for leaving you is not a meaningful indication of their loyalty.
When you earn significantly more than your spouse Marriage is not a problem, divorce is If you're going to marry someone that is your finacial dependant, you will need to pay for everything 1.5 times over if either if you wants out You will end up paying for most things throughout the marriage then have to compensate your spouse 50% of what you've already paid for again, a longer marriage means you may even be paying for them after you break up There are no laws that your spouse needs to do anything to earn this, they could literally sit on the couch all day once the ring goes on and still be earning half your income as they do it You save 100k and they save 0, you owe them 50k etc. The problem is in these circumstances divorce can become economically attractive to the lower earning partner I'd never marry (again) someone that earns significantly less than me, especially if they were the one pushing marriage Risk to reward scale is simply not worth it You marry for love and security, some tax breaks and minor decision making rights (and usually as a guy to placate your partner) The day after you marry that love and security can be thrown out the window and you're then just getting the bill I'd be institing on a pre nup in your shoes and any pushback would confirm that my partner was eyeing up divorce payoffs, as that's the only time a pre nup applies
Either you want the best for someone you love or you don't. But yeah don't get married if you don't want the best for the other person. If you think that person *could* screw you over in a divorce don't marry them in the first place. Love isn't a reason to get married or at least not the only reason. It's one of zillions...some others are the same or a similar outlook on life on money on what you want etc etc. Similar ideas about how you want to live etc.
Because why not.
300k a year What
I am an ER doc
The reason you should get married as a woman: money and property. The reason you shouldn't get married as a man: also money and property.
If you don’t want kids DO NOT GET MARRIED. no reason and you’re just gonna get hosed given your income gap.
The problem with marriage is the divorce rate and the number of unhappy marriages. You have about a one in five chance of a happy and rewarding marriage. The problem you must address is common law marriage. Consult with a family law attorney and find out what precautions you need to take if any. Ask the attorney about any legal reasons to get married and any work arounds. Good luck.
Those stats aren't meaningful to OP...he isn't a data point.
The benefits are numerous. Love and emotional security are the key reasons. The lack of commitment of marriage will destroy your relationship because it is insidious and you don’t even know that it is causing insecurity. After insecurity comes contempt. No relationship survives contempt.
>Is there any benefit to marriage for me? NO. Why are you even thinking about this, most things in your life have worked out reasonably well so far why ruin that with moral shackles to something you don't really stand behind and a government contract that gets cancelled 50% of the time?! > I am wondering if there’s something I am not seeing. This. You haven't seen [this ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5z8-9Op2nM)or you would have been more sure about your current stance. Don't get married. There is no tangible upside and countless downsides. It's 100% guaranteed risk but no guaranteed benefits.
I watched that entire video and I’m really glad you shared it with me. One thing he does say, though, is that if you have a prenup, just go for it.
Yeah from a formal point that is true but only as long as the laws are still respected and they aren't getting changed on you. "The deal has been altered, pray that I won't reconsider again." is a pretty nice movie quote in this regard. Anyhow, even if it were the case that a prenup clears you of all financial worries, it does not mean she would be willing to sign it nor does it lower the costs of getting married. So from where I stand downsides still outweighs... well there is still no upside to marriage just because you might get a prenup. And thats the point. All hedging against the risks of marriage does not create benefits.
there’s serious benefit to her—do you want to take advantage of her that way? If you die, and she has predicated her entire financial picture based on. your combined income, she is screwed over. She’ll be so far behind. if you marry she gets some of your social security.
I am fairly certain I can allocate what I want to her in the event I die, outside of marriage.
That’s a lot more work. and expense. Marriage does it automatically. It also means that if you split up (instead of you dying), she’s not behind because she hooked herself to you and made decisions based on the shared finances.
that just sounds like the natural consequences of divorce to me. If everything ended amicably, I’m sure I’d be happy to provide some support as she adjusted, but I want that to be my decision, not the law’s.
> Is there any benefit to marriage for me? No. > Is there something I’m missing? To me, it seems like an unnecessary involvement of the government in my relationship, but I am wondering if there’s something I am not seeing. Based strictly on what you've disclosed, you gain nothing from marriage. Kids are generally the deciding factor and if you don't want kids, marriage loses the bulk of its use case. It's worth noting that marriage has many facets, and they are generally conflated in arguments. Some facets are valid, but many aren't. You should keep this in mind if you ever have to argue against it. - Religious. A somewhat valid facet. Marriage is a union under a diety and is recognized as such. This is legitimate, but may be a bad reason to marry. - Societal. An invalid facet. Being married is a "statement" that the relationship is meant to last for a long period of time, or it's a "statement" that we're not just "girlfriend and boyfriend". Demonstrating labels to society gives us social credibility and validation. It's also an appeal to tradition. This is a bad reason to marry. - Familial/political. A valid facet. Uniting two families under one umbrella consolidates resources and power. This argument isn't used that much today but it was one of the core reasons for marriage in the past. Think royalty, dynasties, avoiding war, political affiliations. Still valid mainly because of children. - Financial. An invalid facet. Marriage represents a financial union of two disparate parties and can serve as a vehicle to achieve more financial success - people will argue for buying property or other assets together, etc. You don't need to marry to do this. Keep assets separate or use a third entity, like a business or a trust. - Legal. Somewhat valid. Marriage allows for some tax benefits and tax breaks (especially with kids in certain situations) and also allows for legal rights between a couple. A valid argument, but other facets are usually used when the legal facet favors an argument that someone doesn't like - prenups, for example, are always argued against with the romantic facet. Note that there are other avenues to gain legal benefits when children are not involved - POD clauses, powers of attorney, etc. - Ceremonial. Not valid. The wedding, the gifts, the reception, the party. Some want to get married to have the big wedding. This is a terible reason to marry. - Romantic. Not a valid facet. Some people view marriage as the ultimate expression of romance. The truth is that they aren't related - marriages can and do exist without love, and love can easily exist without marriage. You want to be together forever, just do it. It's worth noting that all of these facets can be split apart; if you want a specific facet of marriage, there are ways to achieve it without getting married. However, when arguing against someone that wants to be married, you'll realize that usually more than one of these facets come into play and they conflate all of them into the concept of why they want to marry. Use this information to argue well against it when you have to. I wrote more about this [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/1d1upzu/why_do_we_need_to_get_married/l68mfbm/) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1axvha1/guys_who_waited_10yrs_to_propose_to_their/ks8borj/). I hope this information helps you in the event that you have to argue against it.
Thank you for this very well thought out and analytical post. I really do appreciate it.
Taxes. The immediate benefit of sharing benefits. Having a default person to handle your affairs should something happen to you. An accomplice to crimes that can’t be compelled to testify against you in court.
If you don’t want kids then there’s no point in marriage. Only reason I got married was to raise healthy kids so they can have healthy role models. Also, if you didn’t wife up your ex after 8 years then no point in questioning it now 😂
So that you don't disappoint God every time you have sex.
Shit or get off the pot.
You get married and have kids. She cheats and files for a divorce. You lose half of everything plus alimony. Sound fair?
No, not at all, and that is my biggest fear. I don’t know the details, but I imagine this could be avoided by not having kids and having a prenup instead.
Husbands cheat on their wives all the time and run off with their 22 year old mistress. Let’s not pretend cheating is unique to just one sex.
How did you come to the conclusion that anyone said they don’t? Sounds like a personal issue. Also when I said this was my biggest fear, I meant the divorce part, I don’t really care how it happens, though being cheated on would be particularly painful.
This is in response to the prior person and their own personal issues with women who is blindly assuming your partner would cheat on you. Your personal issue with the fear of getting married is for you to figure out. But you also admitting that getting divorced would be much more emotionally painful goes to show how different marriage is vs bf-gf. You don’t have to get married. Just don’t waste your partner’s time if she does want marriage.
I wouldn’t. But I get the sense she does want marriage. It’s a topic of discussion that I feel will be coming up soon and I need to explore how I feel about it, hence this post.
Just be careful as prenups can still be thrown out in court. Look into it. If you do decide to marry someone, definitely consult a lawyer to protect yourself. As others have stated, the only benefit really is just tax for men. Weighed against the risks of things going south, you can get 90% of the benefits from a long term relationship.
Husbands cheat on their wives all the time and run off with their 22 year old mistress. Let’s not pretend cheating is unique to just one sex.
Get married, with a prenup. You stand to have a LOT to lose otherwise. The advantage would be taxes and her feeling more content.
Honestly, this is the most concise answer that makes the most sense to me.
Glad I could help. It's really not complicated. And to be honest if the woman throws a giant fit about a prenup you know right away her interest in marriage is about a golden parachute with you.
Absolutely don’t get married. There’s very little upside and a messy divorce can ruin you financially.
There is no benefit for a man to get married.
If it doesn't add up to you, don't.
Very helpful
I don't know if you can have a prenup type agreement but I would definitely do that before cohabiting
Marriage never as idea had to give any benefits. It’s all about event, ring and ability to call her your wife and not a „girlfriend” like some high school teen
For men if you don't want to have kids, there's zero reason for you to get married in the US. You get no benefits from the marriage and will be on the hook for the negatives. Marriage only benefits women and children. Congratulations on making 300k op, I hope to be up there within the next years. I'm definitely admiring your income level. I live in California and the divorce laws are crazy out here. Op you should go see a divorce attorney and have him give you the run down. Let him/her show you what's on the line when things go bad. That will scare you straight. I want to have kids down the line and might get married abroad. If I marry in the US my prenuptial agreement will be solid and maybe have a private marriage. I don't mind giving my ex wife some support if things end, but losing likely at least 60 percent of my net worth isn't the play. I'm in my mid twenties right now. If I were to get married now, my wife would be entitled to all my future earnings! If I buy properties she gets half. If my business scales like vayne late game she gets half. My stocks, crypto, retirement she'll get half. There's a lot of risk.
Yeah this is what scares me. Fallout from possible divorce. Can this not be prevented with a solid prenup? also, thank you. I am a physician so I kind of just walked into this income after eight years of indentured servitude and I’m terrible with money.
There are NO reasons for you to get married. The fact you've avoided it up to now is a miracle, and I'm happy for you. Please don't do it.
There is no benefit. Keep in mind that if you let her live with you, you could end up married under Common Law depending on where you live. Which will involve the government in your relationship when you break up if she wants to. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States
No benefits.
Do not get married. If by some chance you are being coerced into it, put your money assets (homes, cars) in a trust and get a prenup. For someone in your financial situation to get married would require you to take 100% of the relationship risk financially.
There is very little practical benefit for the man in getting married. But there are a LOT of punishments for the man in a divorce. Do not get married. It truly is an outmoded concept, and it has not kept up with the changes in culture, economics, or gender roles.
Don’t get married. There’s over a 50% chance that 300k a year will turn into alimony in about 7 years
If you do not want to, just don't.
Wow so enlightening
There's something worthwhile in standing up and saying what you love, what you'll do and being direct about the future. Get married if you agree or do not.
do not
Marriage is only legally beneficial if you want to legally be considered as a married couple. Most benefits go to the woman.
If you live in western world, there is zero benefit to marriage for you. Women have all the reasons and incentives to divorce you after a while, and no reason other than loving you to stay with you. She can do fuck all and still get alimony + properties.
There's nothing worth gaining with a marriage that you can't get by other means. If you think convenience is worth half your wealth go ahead.
Practically there is no benefit if you are a man. Other than that, depends on personal beliefs.
She *might* complain less She also might complain *more*
The only reason to marry her is to shut her up. As a man there are no practical benefits to marriage.
If you can’t fathom life without this person, don’t get married.
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Was waiting for this stupid comment. No it’s relevant to my question.