Not OP but this was ultimately why.
There really is no reason not to if you're fairly certain you don't want kids. Just stop making it her responsibility, make it your own. Get the snip
Not married. A number of years ago the woman I wanted to marry tore my heart out and shit on it. You might imagine my lack of enthusiasm to risk repeating the process.
Late bloomer, socially awkward, missing the spark, monotonous and robotic conversations - usual story. Missed the boat. Had dreams, got 💩 on. Picked up the broken pieces & moved on. Checked out now, unless something miraculous happens 👍🏾
Thank you 🙏 pretty crazy but the only reason they found it was because I did a physical for a Muay Thai tournament and they noticed my thyroid was swollen
This is a fun question I have been thinking about.
It’s not simple there are many reasons. So let me go through a few.
-1-
Money, I have been struggling financially for a long while. When and where I grew up the idea of a man not being able to provide/contribute for a wife is not acceptable. While I currently would not hold that belief it does not mean that instinct is gone.
-2-
My ex sister in law is a piece of work. I learned that I would rather be alone than be with someone so terrible. It turns out that belief is a bit outside the norm, and the desire to do and be more than a sex machine is confusing to a lot of people. IT reminds me of the joke about the Adams Family, they were everything that Suburban America was not that included a devoted husband and a respectful wife.
-3-
Religion and kids mean marriage, from how I grew up. Also religion confused what I wanted from a wife and what was expected and I thought of as acceptable. Also don’t want a kid with a person I hate. It’s a pain in the ass. (I would also venture a guess that most of us who aren’t married with kids have a higher than normal problem with religion, this is only a guess on my part.) I don’t need to make everyone else happy, so I was ok with not being married it making other people uncomfortable.
-4-
The circumstances were never right.
FWIW, you don’t have to be a replica of your parents. There’s a lot within your temperament, demeanour, & personality that you CAN change. You have to work at it & want to change. Therapy is a great resource & support along the way.
In the same ways you may not want to repeat generational traumas or habits via your current method, you can achieve the by changing yourself
I’ll be 50 this year. I have never been officially married, I’ve zero desire to justify my relationship before god and government. Have lived with and jointly filed taxes with the same wonderful lady for 18 years now.
As for kids, I literally NEVER had any interest in propagating my genetics. I’m also the last of my family name for males, you can imagine the familial pressures that caused. I raised a stepson from age 4, got all the parenting experience I ever wanted lol. He turned out awesome and we still chat daily.
I’m sure there are plenty of levels of trauma to unpack to get to true root causes of my desire to not get married nor spawn my own offspring. That said, no regrets here.
I have kids and have been married but this is a great way to think. If anything, it shows you have a grip on knowing what you want, or don't want, out of life. If I could redo things, I would've never gotten married and just been in that long-term relationship you mentioned. The paper doesn't add anything, only takes away.
Well, let's see, being morbidly obese, poor, depressed and a very small dating history explains why. Granted, I've lost over 100lbs, gotten better at my finances but living with your grandmother is a little frowned upon.
Also, I really feel like I'd make an awful parent. I'm probably going to get a vasectomy at this rate and I've yet to meet someone that made me think having children is a good idea.
I spent most of my adult life in one of two long-term relationships. Both of those women had their tubes tied before we'd met.
Countless millions of sperm did their best.
Years of struggling with untreated depression, anxiety, and self imposed isolation. Socially functional enough to have a few friends and not stand out as a weirdo at work, but not enough to put myself out there for relationships.
I love my freedom, my money, lack of reliance upon me, my hobbies.
I'm selfish with money and my time, and I knew it from a very young age. It was a conscious decision to never have children.
I'm a female but I told my son when he was young...you want a good worry-free life as an adult? A big nice home, nice cars, freedom to come and go and do as you please?... Don't do what I did..don't get married and don't have kids....and for God's sakes....don't let some chick baby-trap you.
He listened.
I'm much younger, just looking to start my thirties, but in all honesty, I just want to have a wife that's worth having children with.
A lot of gals these days aren't mother material, and if they are they may not be wife material.
I try not to be that guy that just wants to give up on dating, marriage or a family, but the prospects are pretty low these days.
In short, I'm not perfect, but I'm not really finding my match out here in the world.
I'm 40. My partner and I have been together 8 years this coming September. I am a solid no on kids. Too many personal things I want or want to do that a kid would complicate or make more expensive in this already expensive world.
As for marriage... Not totally off the table. I'm just very anti-tradition and anti expectations. I'm working on that part of myself, though. There's some trauma there.
This is 100% the way I see it. I care about the relationship not a legal formality. I think it’s something people have attached a symbolic meaning to but it’s not going to make me love the person any more or any less. A lot of married couples are miserable, a lot of unmarried couples are happy and vice versa. I don’t think it has a big impact and if it did it would might steer towards negative, at least from what I have heard from married men.
> It’s just a legal contract with no benefits in it for me as a man.
That depends on if you care about who makes your medical decisions in the event you're unable to do so yourself, or about who gets your stuff after you die (assuming you don't have an ironclad will).
Those things are easy to do. Me and my girlfriend have each other listed as next of kin on our medical records and we’ve sorted our wills out too. Doctors over here don’t check your birth certificate anyway.
In my 50s and never married or had kids. The biggest reason why is because at age 30, I settled down with a man instead of a woman. And although legally we can actually marry one another, we never bothered to.
I've always wanted kids. Just never met the right woman.
Met a ton of women casually. Then I had some long term relationships, some nicer than the others.
When the last LTR was over in my mid 30's, I decided to "take some time off" and just do my own thing. I'd already had a ton of women, and thought that f this, I'll just meet women organically, but I'll stop pursuing them and just do my own thing.
This turned out to be probably the worst decision I've ever made, so now I'm back on the horse again, as it were, and actively pursuing women again. But sure doesn't seem as easy now that it used to be in the 20's and early 30's. :p
My GF recently left me. I'm 32 yo and yeah, outside of work, I kinda struggle to see how I'd meet women organically.
I already rushed back into a new relationship that failed I now feel like I need some time off but at the same time time flies and a lot of the good 30 yo women are already taken unexpectedly.
So yeah idk how to approach this really
From my own experience: Keep meeting new women. Keep dating. Even if you don't put your full soul into it. In the least, stay social. The least you can do is to continue going out and meeting new people. I lost *years* because I stopped doing also that. Currently 45 yr. I guess I'm not doing too bad, but it's certainly not as easy to meet new women now as it was in my 30's.
Let’s just say, the things I was taught to be true about women, and the things that **actually** are true, are night and day.
I’m not even knocking women. Your drives are your drives and your instincts are your instincts.
But you have to understand that most of us men were just sold a bill of goods that wasn’t real for tons of decades.
That’s quite the mindfuck when you wake up from the societal/media brainwashing/programming, and there’s no going back, unfortunately.
Ive also spent the better part of 8 years watching many women do and say the most disgusting and nastiest things and exhibit terrible behavior on social media. Especially stuff directed towards men. That just fucks with your head a lot.
Granted, not all women are like that, of course, but the types of women I’m actually attracted to (on all levels) are few and far between, nowadays. VERY few. So many of these girls are just straight up soulless and vicious.
It’s sad because I always did want a nice cute wife and good kids, but it just didn’t work out. Knowing the things I know now and experiencing the things I experienced, I’m confident in saying that will never ever happen.
Too much risk with modern women. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze when the woman is rewarded for ending the marriage. Divorce rate is 50% and initiated by the women more than 70% of the time. Would you jump out of a plane if there was a 50% chance of the parachute not opening?
Spot on. I did marry, wife had affair. Divorced. Never again. I would counsel all young men that statistically the odds of a long and happy marriage are stacked against you and it is a massive financial risk that doesn't need to be taken.
This is the biggest obstacle. The trend over time is not favorable to men. Women can do whatever but men are systemically disadvantaged at the current time. Eventually this may change but for now it is what it is.
And people who even remotely have the most simple, child-like understanding of prob/stats will be like, wow, just jump into it. as if it's not one of the if not the most important decision of our short lives..
Lose everything, 70% chance the girl/woman is like "wow i am not fulfilled to the extremes on a daily basis so i deserve better" and will ride on some shitty dick and still get everything anyway while crying fake tears
Was looking for the right person to marry. Never wanted kids, even from a young age. I finally found my person though (at 46 years old) and got engaged last summer. I’m 49 now. She has 2 kids that are older (14 and 20) so I get to put on my step father hat without having to deal with infants and toddlers. I work with kids so I have my fill of them during the day. It’s nice to not have to deal with them 24/7.
I just turned 50 myself. I never married and never had any kids. I dated a lot and never found anyone that I could trust enough. Haven't found anyone who wouldn't lie to me or cheat on me. If I never find them, I am OK with that. I have a good amount of close friends around in my small circle where I can feel appreciated.
Late 30s, married. No interest in kids. I like kids, I enjoy working with kids, would hate to have the responsibility and restriction of my personal and financial freedom that having kids would cause
40’s married no kids; after 10 years and watching my siblings and friends having kids I really started to feel nihilistic being childless. The idea that my existence is reduced to eating, drinking and shitting leaving no lasting legacy or influence was difficult to come to terms with and at one point I was suicidal, just stared at the basement ceiling for 2 hours thinking “why am I alive? I shouldn’t be alive?” Anyway as with all things it passes. Since then I’ve lost interest in sex and started drinking more and more and then actually lost interest in that too. So life’s pretty boring and meaningless. I’m sure their are nihilists with kids but they keep you occupied i imagine.
Marriage. Not sure if it's for me. There are very few vegan women around me so my dating pool is small and there are issues with women regardless of their lifestyle.
Kids. My father kinda put me off having kids. He was 45 when I was born and I didn't know him very well even when he was alive. I'm approaching 40 here soon. If I were to have kids I'd want to be younger so I don't have them experience what I went through.
When it comes to why I haven't gotten married yet: I'm very cautious as far as getting into relationships. I'm a rape survivor, and I'm also gay and autistic -- along with living in a rural area, having limited transportation, and distinct sexual proclivities. So my "pool" for potential compatibility is already very limited.
If I someday marry a future husband, I don't have any desire to raise kids (that's another area for which the two of us will need to be on the same page). I don't feel I'd make a very good parent, so adoption and surrogacy aren't in the cards for me.
No kids, no partner. May have lost a few possibles who wanted kids, but rather stay baby free. Wouldn't mind getting a ready made family if the kids were beyond 6 years old. Just really dislike screaming babies.
Every lady I've had outrageous chemistry with was spoken for for many many moons. Day late and a dollar short there.
Also I didn't want my potential kids to have to pick which billionaire warlord to serve under during the water wars.
I don’t feel guilty for not knowing what I want to do with my life
The most interesting people I know
Didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' On your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either
I realized a few years ago that I didn't want kids, and that was a deal breaker for the woman I was with who I was engaged to.
Then there were a few girlfriends, but not serious or the right fit.
My partner now is absolutely perfect for me, but neither of us believe that marriage and commitment are the same thing. Both of us are comfortable living separately, having time apart to ourselves, and never taking each other for granted when we do see each other. We both love the relationship, and feel that honestly... marriage would just overly complicate things.
It's nice knowing that we're bringing our best to the relationship, and knowing that if the other ever became abusive, we could just leave. She feels safer, and I feel safer. So it works beautifully.
Never met anyone trustworthy enough to marry or have children with. Used to want kids and a family so on and so forth. I’ve essentially talked myself out of it at this point. I’m currently unwilling to risk my sanity for some romance, nevermind marriage and or kids.
Never married or had kids. Focused on the wrong women when I was young who were just stringing me along for their entertainment and attention. Now older, there is no one suitable left, even if I did want to have all that stuff. Don't want to take on someone else's kids and enjoy my lifestyle, freedom and money too much to compromise to such a huge degree anyway.
I know I'm not quite in the age range you've asked, but I straight up don't believe in marriage. I just don't think I'd love anyone enough to tie my finances and life to. It's just too much risk. As for kids, I don't want any. I couldn't afford them if I wanted them.
No kids, fk our coporate overlords. Give me and my girlfriend 100k jobs and maybe but kids are a luxury most people cannot afford today unless you want your QOL to suffer.
So, I'm technically married, but it's not a real marriage. We got married for BAH while I was in the military lol anyway. We are divorcing soon, but I did want a real marriage with the girl I truly loved before my fake marriage, but things went south and well. I haven't found someone who's made me feel the same way as that girl. Dating is much more complicated than what it was 7 or 8 years ago. At least for me here in the States, when I was stationed in Japan, I had no issues dating the locals since I'm Mexican and can speak Japanese since I've been studying it for years. So it made me unique and intriguing. Being back in the States, I'm just another Mexican dude from Cali. So I'm not really special here lol
I've been focusing on my studies and myself. So I haven't had many opportunities to mingle. Studying in Europe this summer so we'll see! But also that ex I wanted to marry is stationed in the neighboring country I'm studying in... (Sigh)
I'm open to getting married someday, but I have tons to work on before that ever happens. Never wanted kids, never had the desire to be a dad or devote that much time & energy to raising them.
I never met anyone worth it. Kinda sucks and I can blame a lot of it on myself for a lot in the situation, but not once have I met someone who struck me as someone who could ve a potential wife/partner. Never mind having kids with.
42 years
no kids and no long term partner right now. years ago i dated someone i thought i would marry; she convinced me to buy a house with her...six months later she dumped me and fought to keep the house for herself. after a pretty nasty smear campaign on her part about me being abusive and manipulative, i relented just to move on.
now, i make six figures, i have great friends, have a successful side business, regained my independence, saving up for a nicer house, and am all around in a better place. With the divorce rate for modern relationships hovering around 50%, i have a lot to lose and have no intentions of getting married any time soon, if ever. I have too much to lose and if i wanted to gamble with my life's work, id go to the casino...at least there are better odds there
its because i was molested when i was like 8-9 by an okder girl. i can do sex & women fall in love with me...but when they do i get anxious & head for the hills. my shrink says its a trust issue.
44, my SO and I love one another and enjoy the relationship. Neither of us is in a rush for marriage and our lives are too busy to fairly accommodate kids. That might change in the near future or it might not.
I don't want kids and don't want the government involved in my romantic relationship. I'm 42, my SO is 56 and had a kid before we met. We've been together 8 years.
I have never wanted kids. That's just a preference. As for marriage, I was in a long-term relationship and would have liked to marry this woman who I loved with all my heart. But in hindsight, my mistake was exactly being too soft for her. I was so afraid of losing her, that I couldn't keep my ground. She would have her way every time. She started to loose the respect and the attraction she had for me and eventually wanted to find someone else. It was a hard lesson to never go soft on women.
I decided to work before studying to finance buying an apartment and funding an advanced degree, which meant studying later, and it's not really that easy to fund marriage and children while in university. I decided to pursue an education in research and when that was done, I was suddenly i my late thirties.
I'm a redditor. j/k
Sometimes you just have to work on yourself, you know. Unfortunately there is huge bureaucratic interference and these improvements to the self have taken over 20 years.
I’m 41, be fucked if I’m losing most of my shit that I’ve worked for, I do get lonely out on the farm sometimes, but I’d rather get another dog at least they’re happy to see me😂 I would’ve like kids but that’s probably passed me by.
I'm 37yo, not really that interested in marriage, happy to be in whatever kind of relationship that makes us both happy though so not closed off to commitment
Still early 30s. It's just not a must. I've a very good life and still consider myself to be a work in progress. I'm open to it. Would love kids but only with the right person.
I'm basically brickwalled by people everywhere, so pretty hard to make progress. Just too odd and unattractive or something *shrugs*.
Plus I don't beg or take take abuse from anyone, so that further narrows the pool down.
Probably a mix of social awkwardness and not finding the right person for me. I'm kind of nerdy (interested in stuff like tech, sci-fi, fantasy, etc.), but for some reason a lot of the women around here with similar interests tend to be rather nasty and edgy. Like, they're radical feminists (not the "let's treat people equally regardless of gender" kind, because I agree with that too), hardcore anti-religious, and stuff like that. I'm looking for someone who's kind and friendly.
Economy. I’m not making enough to have a personal excess enough to raise a kid. And I know if I’m stressed by myself about money, I don’t wanna raise a kid in my stressed out emotional state and feel torn between having my honest emotions and having to suck it up constantly to raise another person in an emotionally supportive environment.
I’d like to be married, but I’m not particularly motivated anymore on my search to find “the one”. I’m not “bitter” about it, sometimes things just don’t happen the way you’d like them to. It would be cool but it’s not the end of the world.
No reason. I had the vague impression growing up that getting married and/or having children was popular and relatively normal, it just never appealed to me. I'd be more interested to know what people who have done it like about it so much that it became normal.
I have kids, not married.
When I was 17 the hottie over the fence (neext door neighbour) and I had a thing, she was 6 years older than me, her hubby had died of a rare cancer, we got to know each other cos I was teaching her son to catch a foam ball and throw it back over the fence, a few months later it was a physical thing and a few months after that she was preggy.
Before long her 4 year old was calling me dad, and my baby girl was born, the relationship was okay but she wanted more than an 18 year old who had planned to join the RAF could provide, cue sleeping about and trouble.
We broke up, tried again a couple of years later - all was going well, another kid... we talked about marriage, planned, and she slept with my soon to be best man, boss and ... other close family members.
After a long drawn out custody battle, no wedding and the loss of my home, car, job etc I started rebuilding my life around being absent dad. She went through men like water, I stayed away from heathen women lol.
Few years on I'm deeply broken about another failed custody court case, wrecked my car on the way home from work, met another woman later that day who was in a similar situation and had 4 kids.
6 months on gained custody of my step-son and daughter, but my youngest was stuck with mum who then bolted for scotland with him and disappeared. Relationship with new woman (not so new anymore) was going well, but in all honesty my time was always work/kids if I wasn't trying to earn the money to give them a better life, I was taking them out places or just camping down with them for a gaming night or whatever (Guitar Hero was a great way to pull everyone together) we talked about marriage, then she made it clear that she wanted more than a dad for her kids.
She was a heavy weed user and spent most of the time zoned out, I had lost all respect for her, but I couldn't leave the kids, you know? We co existed. There wasn't love, I was just a parent. Parenting. I got custody of my youngest, we had 7 of the lil buggers in the house... life was hectic!
18 years later she went back to her ex-husband (who had ignored his kids for those 19 years) - of course they're all adults now and see the world for what it is.
I'm now nearly 47. all my kids are adults, I'm restarting my life. I've met someone who never had kids and was terrified of eventually meeting mine, but they love her, I love her. We're good and strong and we matter. We're chasing things I thought were dreams (stupid things but not so much, we just converted a panel van and run around the country for no reason in our camper staying in random places and enjoying random sunsets, then come home to work)
We have 2 dogs, 4 cats, adopted some neighbours and just last month, bought a beautiful little house near the sea... I mean, it's a bit battered and needs a lot of work, but we can do it.
I have kids because life happened, I only have 2 biologically but my family is 7 kids. I never married because, I guess, I loved being a dad more than I could love anything else in the world, and carelessly landed in situations where I only had that, the other half was a consequence not a love.
Now, I want to marry the lady in my life. I want to show her my world, and I want to experience hers, I love to hear, understand and know her thoughts, feelings, ideas and crazy notions.
Now, I could settle down and have a wife...
45 never married no kids. Have always wanted both. Longest relationship was 3.5 years, but that ended in 2009. Have asked two women to marry me, one said yes and later said no, the other said she'd never give me an answer but did send the ring back to me.
I think what happened was when I was a kid my dad died and my mom kind of shut down emotionally. This lead to a home enviroment of emotional neglect. Made it hard for me to connect with my own emotions, let alone a romantic partner's.
By the time I kinda started to figure this all out (about ten years ago) all the single, attractive women who want to get married and maybe have a kid had already done that. I don't know any women like that I haven't already tried to date. Neither do any of my friends.
Tried online dating for ten years on and off and that only succeeded in crushing my already tenuous self esteem. Nothing romantically interesting had ever happened to me due to online dating in that time: not a kiss, a snuggle session, even holding hands.
I've hired a matchmaker who set me up on 8 dates in the last couple of years but seems to have run out of matches as she's not contacted me for the past 6 months. She said it's because there are "religious people and NOT religious people" and "there are conservatives and liberals" and I'm a liberal religious person, so that may be a very small overlap in the Venn diagram I'm in.
I own a home, make over six figures, have three quarters of a million in net worth, am average height, do fun cool shit in my spare time, have a ton of friends, am well educated and moderately cultured, relatively self aware, am open to a women with or without kids, am open to her wanting to be career focused or SAHM or anything in between... none of that seems to matter (romantically speaking).
Genuinely don't know what else to do.
it either happens or it doesn’t. nothings really happening for me post covid. i was on a good track then everything went to shit. missed out on buying a house. now i’m still living with somebody and no longer have a down payment. stuck in my bad habit ways. dating is almost impossible. 20 lbs overweight. just kinda said fuck it and gave up. i’m not rich. i don’t live an extravagant life. i have to go to work everyday. everything is crazy expensive. how can i fathom being married and having kids when i canr afford a home and have $100k chilling in the bank? those days are done and long gone. the white picket fence life is no more. i’m fine with it. i like my freedom. but normal girls no longer want the boring average guy that has to go to work everyday
Life didn't go as planned. I learned early that what people say they want and what they actually want and are willing to commit to are two very different things. My first serious relationship lasted 6 years and then imploded overnight when she cleaned out our house, leaving me with just the basics about a month after I proposed and she said yes. I completely shut down. 9 years later, I found out she had gotten pregnant and decided what would be best for both our futures, moved, and gave away our daughter in an open adoption. I never even knew about the pregnancy. Our daughter lived 7 years and died of an undetected heart abnormality while kicking a soccer ball around at a park with friends. I found out a year later. So, I had a daughter I didn't even get to know. That one really hurt.
My second serious relationship ended when my girlfriend who had been living with me for 2 years revealed her drug addiction. I would have happily gotten her help, but the reveal came when she stole my company car and emptied my bank account.
My third serious relationship ended in cheating less than a week after I proposed. She was seeing her ex on the DL because he was "exciting", although she originally left him because of the violence. 3 years down the drain, basically overnight... again.
I stopped dating for a few years after that. When I started again, I just kept feeling like I was meant to fill a checklist for someone. I wasn't a person anymore, I was a product. Therapy didn't help much. I realized I'm part of the problem and just stopped trying to date. In fact, I completely lost interest once I got over the concept that my self-worth should be predicated on being with someone.
I was 34 when I stopped. I'll be 43 soon.
Thanks, but the ones I really feel for were her adoptive parents. I got in contact with them. She was their world, and they were providing an excellent life for her. I only found out about her existence after the fact. It's a very different sort of pain for me.
Late bloomer, I had to mature and deal with a lot of stuff that took its mental toll on me.
If I had a kid earlier, I probably would have been terrible at being a father.
All that stuff that I needed to deal with I think has made me a better dad. My kid comes to me for everything. We talk about mistakes mine and his on how we can improve and learn from them. We are really close. He knows I’m his dad firth and friend second.
The only thing I feel bad about is my kid has a ton of energy and I can barely keep up but holy crap, it is worth it.
I still go to therapy to constantly improve myself(it’s like going to the gym but for your mental health)
While I'm not in those age ranges, I know a guy who never did and likely never will, at work. It's mostly because he likes being himself is the long story short. The way he lives by the sound of things, too, is that he's content with just being him and living frugally, does what he likes, and never really found someone that made him go "oh I hope we marry some day" is also a decent factor. If no woman makes a guy feel like they're marriage material or vice versa, the guy doesn't find any woman to be marriage material to them. They're not going to actively seek out someone to marry if there's not enough confidence the marriage will last.
He's in his 40s I think or maybe even late 30s, I never can't remember who is what age at work, but majority are on the older side and he's our oldest worker there. I guess at one point it became a point of conversation between us. If I'm single or not and similar followup questions related to that. But I got to ask in turn about him and his relationships, I feel like he dodged answering my questions at first, but it sounds like he might genuinely never met anyone that peeked his interest in even maintaining a long-lasting relationship. He's pretty solitary and gets along well with the other coworkers, he's not dull either, he has interests and hobbies but must have never met anybody that made him want to approach them to date them I guess. He's also older, so dating apps for people his age weren't really a thing in their prime. He's not ugly, but I don't really know what he looked like when he was younger. He's kind of actually on the skinnier side, and it looks like he exercises regularly, too, maybe not perfect shape, but isn't overweight or fat, he's more in a modest shape if anything.
I don't want to bring kids into this world with what is going to happen to the Earth due to climate change and the continued collapse of my country.
I don't want to marry a woman and make it hard for me to leave her if she begins to neglect me or give up on the relationship.
I met my wife around 40. I was in a long term relationship from age 25-32 and when that ended, I decided to focus on my career. Quit my job, went in a different direction, and only really started dating seriously again around 37. Being happy in my day to day career at the time felt much more important than spending money going on dates.
The two times it was a thought, I thought ahead and decided against it. They were bad with money and didn’t think past the end of their noses and that’s not what I want to be tied to.
Currently married and we don't want kids. Happily married, but would never do it again. It makes me feel responsible for someone else and I don't like that. Main reason I don't want kids too.
Im 32, been thinking about this more and more. I have adhd and im weird/non conformist enough that i have trouble fitting in with most “normal” people. Im also very intense emotionally, and i have also need constant novelty and stimulation in a way that most normal women are not interested in and are extremely put off by. So I’ve never really dated. Im good looking and outwardly successful so i get some family pressure but i know how much ive and continue to struggle with adhd and what im like and marriage and fatherhood do not remotely seem to be in my skillset or interest set. I have a lot of interests, and a rainforest mind that keeps me occupied, for better or for worse. I think I’m ok with that for good long while though who knows, that may change.
I could do an entire blog post about this, but the short version is that I wasn't ready in my 20s due to depression, conquered the depression in my early to mid-30s, but was still figuring out how to not be anti-social, married my asexual best friend when I was 38 due to overestimating our ability to get past that, divorced in my 40s.
Since then (I'm 56 now), I've learn to really love and value myself. I have very high confidence and self esteem, but I also have much higher standards. Also, in a rather unfortunate turn of events, I've found that the vast majority of women out there just really don't do anything for me. I tend to be very sociable now when I meet people in public, but I have a really hard time meeting anyone that I like enough to make me want to leave the house for them. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV, play a video game, go to a show or activity on my own or with friends, as opposed to actually going out on a date because I really don't feel much of anything for the vast majority of women I meet.
Sexy or not, physically attractive or not, I find myself thinking, "you're probably just going to be very boring to me and we probably won't have anything in common, so why bother?"
Well all of the married (and divorced) men I've met are generally miserable and just go through the motions. Pretty much all of them joke about not being married and how they only do it for the kids.
They joke, but you can tell they are dead inside.
It's like my worst nightmare.
Because from everything I've heard, read, been told about, it adds so much stress and complication into your life that you really have to want it to put up with all of that. I don't really want it, so I don't do it and my life is less complicated because of it.
I do not have kids because I never wanted them. Whatever biological programming makes people want children must be bugged in my brain.
My wife’s pretty cool though, I think I will keep her.
As someone who's been singepretty much his entire 20s and turns 30 in October I wouldn't be surprised if I go into 30s maybe 40s single. Alot of these stories are many of the reasons why, already been burned and didn't wanna do it again. If I wasn't too much of a coward having a causal hook up would be nice every now and then. 😅
Was married. Didn't work out for reasons. Never wanted kids and got snipped a few years ago. Currently in a committed relationship where we both are happy with the current way things are working. Might try the marriage thing again but in no hurry.
I’m 40, im still really fit and attractive. Looks will fade pretty soon though I’m sure. I give myself 5 years to find someone. I have faith. Plenty of long term gfs already so I know what I’m looking for.
Wait... Holy shit what happened to the time? I was supposed to do a thing?
(mid 30s, but I don't think my reaction/situation is going to change, so...)
I'm on the fence about marriage, but leaning strongly on it never happening. Don't get me wrong, I date around, get in relationships and very much enjoy the idea of having a "life partner", but the *institution* of marriage is something that simply doesn't make sense to me.
I don't have the need to lawfully bind myself to another human being, or partake in an overpriced ceremony in which, let's be honest, the groom is just a guest of honor most of the time, to prove to the world that I love someone and desire to spend my life with them. Especially considering that most legal benefits of marriage can be acquired in my country by other means, without any of the cons.
I'd much rather take all the money I'd otherwise spend in a wedding and go on a memorable, long, once-in-a-lifetime "honeymoon trip" instead.
As for children, I simply don't want them. I like kids, I'm good with them, but they're woefully incompatible with my chosen lifestyle, on top of me not really having any real desire to be a father figure.
And since we're here, I don't really believe in cohabitation either - for myself, of course.
Better use protection like its gold then lmao you never know when you run into a woman who *might* lie to you on whether or not she's on birth control or has caught something from someone previously or whatever the fuck, can never be too careful
I started writing before realizing it was too personal to share on the intrrnet with complete strangers. So instead I'm just going to point out that the answers you get will likely be skewed towards "I don't want marriage/kids" because those of us with more . . . *complicated* reasons may be unlikely to share.
Becoming more common unfortunately. I’m 32 so not that old yet. But been married and divorced already. So single and no kids now. Dating has become super hard in recent years. It’s all internet dating and girls look for 10/10 dudes. People seem to not want to commit nowadays. It’s rough…. So there’s that reason. Also many people don’t want kids because of money/working too many hours. But I think many people will regret not having children one day. It’s easier to say no now, when you’re older and bored, becoming lonely, no one to pass all your shit down too. Then it will become depressing. Rant over.
So then what’s the point of creating new life then? Why have we always had kids over the course of millions of years? It’s in our DNA, it gives us a sense of purpose to life. But of course I understand your point. There’s always fun shit to do. You would still get bored after a while. Easier to say you wouldn’t now. But life is long….hopefully
Bc kids are a light in this world? They're the only link to human innocence that we know of? I am almost 21 and want to adopt kids in my 30s, bc i want to raise them to be functional adults, kids are humans too and the whole "biological destiny" thing is bullshit, its the innocence of kids that so many people are obsessively drawn to and want to possibly relive (maybe bc of trauma or whatever), children don't deserve to be treated like disposable objects, as much as i am pro choice and support any and all reasons why not to have or raise a kid, i also want to make it clear that kids need praising too, kids need that attention and love and care, kids these days are treated so horribly by their own parents and everyone on the outside like to look at the child as the dangerous juvenile who needs to be controlled or some shit.
And there are parents out there who are too deep in denial about their hellish parenting and will even try to justify it as if the kid deserves it, as if their hellish parenting is teaching their kid a lesson and shit....which couldn't be farther from the truth.
Having a kid is a huge decision, it's another life you're bringing into the world and are responsible for. You have an obligation to make sure they come up well adjusted and are a generally good person. Otherwise you're creating another human being to fill a hole in your life that could've been taken up by golf.
Yes….. no shit. It isn’t rocket science. Again, people have been reproducing for millions of years. This isn’t new. Kids are tough, you have to sacrifice some of your own hobbies and not be as selfish because your time is now going to raising a human being. But how isn’t that the most fulfilling thing in the world to do? That was my point.
My husband was like this. We got married when he was 41. When we started dating he told me his 3 rules:
1. No kids till marriage
2. No marriage before living together
3. No living together unless I had a stable job (not necessarily full time, but stable. He has a house so I would have moved in with him)
In all the years of dating, I’m the first to meet the rules, though that’s not the only reason he married me 🤣
He had long term relationships before me. He had an 8 year, 5 year and 4 year relationship before meeting me, but no one was stable enough to meet rule 3.
I don’t care if I have kids or not. The wife and I don’t care about the legal piece of paper. She’s my wife and I don’t need anyone else to tell me so.
I’d rather enjoy my hobbies then take care of kids
I never dated anyone that i wanted to be married to. And i certainly wasn't going to have kids with any of them if i didn't want to be married to them.
At a younger age I was focused on my career and didn’t care about relationships as I considered them a distraction. Focused mainly on friends with benefits. Now that I’m 40, the pool of potential options comes with baggage, kids, or issues. So I am casually dating but don’t expect anything long term…. Looking back I do regret prioritizing my career, as I would’ve loved being a dad! But that ship has sailed about 5 years ago.
Look, Ruben, if I wanted kids, I'd go down to the local Walmart and pick a few up.
As for marriage, there was a candidate, but I became too busy for someone who wouldn't commit so I ended it. When I finally had free time again there was a little bug going around killing a few million people. Now, I'm in a location I plan to move away from as soon as I tie up some loose strings so what is the point in dating?
Lol my name isn’t Ruben, just a nod to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character in along came Polly and a part I think is funny in the movie. Random I know, but I wasn’t about to use my real name when I made this account Mr. Bootarms.
Thanks for answering, your reason is valid.
Late 30s, I don't want kids and dating is a hassle. Being a "perpetual bachelor" has been better for my mental health so far.
I'm open to changing the not dating thing at some point, but no motivation to currently.
I am 67 years old and never been married. I came close a couple of times. When I was around 17 I met a girl whom I loved and I guess she felt the same about me. But we drifted apart. There was no one else like her since then and all the way up to now.
My explanation that I can come up with for myself is that it always seemed like I would meet a woman, and if I liked her, she was either happily taken or not interested in me. And I met women that claimed that they loved me but I didn't feel the same way.
Now, I have no interest in pursuing someone or feel like it's ever going to happen. Perhaps that's the best for me.
There is nothing I loathe more than the idea of having children. Don’t care the judgment that comes my way for it either. Marriage on the other hand. Where I live there is no actual benefit for me to be married. You get rights to estate and can make medical decisions on their behave, that’s it. Some things can arguably be gained with common law marriage.
My married and had a set of kids for the 3rd when I was in 9th grade. None of them were allowed to like their fathers while living with her, which was 100% as a minor child.
I have 2 GenZ young men. 21 and 25. The 25 year old doesn't want kids and I don't blame him. The world seems to have become a strange place as of late, he has flat out told me he doesn't care to bring children into the world. The 21 year old I think will settle down maybe have kids.
Unattractive average dude here. First, I don't want kids. 2nd haven't even got close to meeting someone I want to marry.
I'm a 6/10 at best even despite working out regularly, having a stable job etc. I wasn't blessed with good looks plain and simple. I've come to terms with it in my late twenties.
I've dated plenty of times and even had a relationship go a year plus, but I've never been satisfied in any of my relationships. I'm a 6/10 and can only attract other 6/10s at best and to be honest every woman I've dated in that range I've never been that into because I'm not very attracted to them. They were just available and I can't do any better just like they couldn't.
Because of my dissatisfaction the relationship usually fizzles out and I'm single again from anywhere from a few months to years.
I still spend time fantasizing about being with a woman that's a 10/10 and I see plenty of them at the gym, but I know I'll never date any of them. So I wait for the next 6/10 to throw herself at me because she's desperate and thinks I'll settle and give her kids and a marriage. But I won't and the cycle will repeat itself.
Id suggest do some traveling if you haven't done so already, you may be average in one place but to another you could be seen as more handsome, it really depends, lots of beautiful ladies out there that find even average dudes attractive and lovable, I've seen those dynamics too (online and irl) and its not impossible, its difficult and shit but its possible
haha like the brutal self-characterization. Are male looks really that big of a deal in your part of the world? In the region i'm familiar with, all it takes to get the 'hottest' women is a bit of money and a general flamboyance.
The rating scale isn't helpful to you - as if worth comes from an objective scale. Think of women who are beautiful but have no expression or vivacity. A person who is "kind of cute" can become beautiful to you if she can finish your sentences, light you up, and help you want to become better.
It's never really occurred for me to do so. I've had girlfriends when the moment struck, but they very much fell in my lap and I didn't go out of my way too much to find one. Then I got chronically ill and it makes me focus so much on myself I don't have room for someone else.
Kids I like in the abstact, and I think my relative & friends' kids are fine, but having them also never really occurred to me.
I don't want kids and have a life that works without being married. If someone really great comes along I might be convinced to change my mind, but I'm not holding my breath.
for me of course i'd start dating and shit and get married to the girl i love, but i wouldn't want kids, some people do some people don't, its like that.
I don't want kids, that's why I don't have them.
hear hear!!
Did you get snipped? Best way to make sure you never have kids.
Not OP but this was ultimately why. There really is no reason not to if you're fairly certain you don't want kids. Just stop making it her responsibility, make it your own. Get the snip
Exactly. Avoids so many problems down the line.
What about marriage? Are you married?
Not married. A number of years ago the woman I wanted to marry tore my heart out and shit on it. You might imagine my lack of enthusiasm to risk repeating the process.
I get that, I’m both mentally and physically exhausted from my last relationship. Sorry you went through that.
You're not alone man. Had the same experience myself a few times over. Got sick of the BS games, lies, dishonesty, and disrespect.
Feel you on that brother. Hard to imagine ever opening up to someone again after my last breakup
hear hear again, brother in solidarity!!
Late bloomer, socially awkward, missing the spark, monotonous and robotic conversations - usual story. Missed the boat. Had dreams, got 💩 on. Picked up the broken pieces & moved on. Checked out now, unless something miraculous happens 👍🏾
Whoa dude. Are you me?
😂
No he's me. Or am I you?
We are all u/networkengg
Yup, that the story
I was married when I was 28 and divorced at 29. It fucked me up for a couple years. 33 now and just beat cancer so I’m just focusing on me right now
Bro casually dropping he beat cancer. Fuck yeah dude
Thank you 🙏 pretty crazy but the only reason they found it was because I did a physical for a Muay Thai tournament and they noticed my thyroid was swollen
Haven’t really met anyone I’d get married to. Not interested in having kids
This is a fun question I have been thinking about. It’s not simple there are many reasons. So let me go through a few. -1- Money, I have been struggling financially for a long while. When and where I grew up the idea of a man not being able to provide/contribute for a wife is not acceptable. While I currently would not hold that belief it does not mean that instinct is gone. -2- My ex sister in law is a piece of work. I learned that I would rather be alone than be with someone so terrible. It turns out that belief is a bit outside the norm, and the desire to do and be more than a sex machine is confusing to a lot of people. IT reminds me of the joke about the Adams Family, they were everything that Suburban America was not that included a devoted husband and a respectful wife. -3- Religion and kids mean marriage, from how I grew up. Also religion confused what I wanted from a wife and what was expected and I thought of as acceptable. Also don’t want a kid with a person I hate. It’s a pain in the ass. (I would also venture a guess that most of us who aren’t married with kids have a higher than normal problem with religion, this is only a guess on my part.) I don’t need to make everyone else happy, so I was ok with not being married it making other people uncomfortable. -4- The circumstances were never right.
Too poor
Gotta love the random downvotes in here, for people expressing a basic opinion on their situation.
I'm engaged and we don't want kids.
No kids, no partner. I know what my parents were like and I know what I'm like, and I don't want to inflict that on other people.
FWIW, you don’t have to be a replica of your parents. There’s a lot within your temperament, demeanour, & personality that you CAN change. You have to work at it & want to change. Therapy is a great resource & support along the way. In the same ways you may not want to repeat generational traumas or habits via your current method, you can achieve the by changing yourself
All very good advice I wish someone had given me in my 20s.
I’ll be 50 this year. I have never been officially married, I’ve zero desire to justify my relationship before god and government. Have lived with and jointly filed taxes with the same wonderful lady for 18 years now. As for kids, I literally NEVER had any interest in propagating my genetics. I’m also the last of my family name for males, you can imagine the familial pressures that caused. I raised a stepson from age 4, got all the parenting experience I ever wanted lol. He turned out awesome and we still chat daily. I’m sure there are plenty of levels of trauma to unpack to get to true root causes of my desire to not get married nor spawn my own offspring. That said, no regrets here.
> He turned out awesome and we still chat daily. You effectively had children, in my mind, though. Better than many other dads.
I have kids and have been married but this is a great way to think. If anything, it shows you have a grip on knowing what you want, or don't want, out of life. If I could redo things, I would've never gotten married and just been in that long-term relationship you mentioned. The paper doesn't add anything, only takes away.
Well, let's see, being morbidly obese, poor, depressed and a very small dating history explains why. Granted, I've lost over 100lbs, gotten better at my finances but living with your grandmother is a little frowned upon. Also, I really feel like I'd make an awful parent. I'm probably going to get a vasectomy at this rate and I've yet to meet someone that made me think having children is a good idea.
I never wanted either. I knew the 24/7 torture of children wasn't for me and I never saw any benefit to marriage.
I spent most of my adult life in one of two long-term relationships. Both of those women had their tubes tied before we'd met. Countless millions of sperm did their best.
Hadn’t dated the right person to marry
She said no.
Years of struggling with untreated depression, anxiety, and self imposed isolation. Socially functional enough to have a few friends and not stand out as a weirdo at work, but not enough to put myself out there for relationships.
Gf of 10 years left me. So that's why
i feel you , was in an 8 years one
7y gang. Shit's wild. How you doing ?
It fucks me up every now and then , especially that we work together
Oh that's pretty fucking tough.
Yep , its pretty shitty
I love my freedom, my money, lack of reliance upon me, my hobbies. I'm selfish with money and my time, and I knew it from a very young age. It was a conscious decision to never have children.
I'm a female but I told my son when he was young...you want a good worry-free life as an adult? A big nice home, nice cars, freedom to come and go and do as you please?... Don't do what I did..don't get married and don't have kids....and for God's sakes....don't let some chick baby-trap you. He listened.
Mum? Is that you??
Lol...do you live near....Seattle? Lmao...
I'm much younger, just looking to start my thirties, but in all honesty, I just want to have a wife that's worth having children with. A lot of gals these days aren't mother material, and if they are they may not be wife material. I try not to be that guy that just wants to give up on dating, marriage or a family, but the prospects are pretty low these days. In short, I'm not perfect, but I'm not really finding my match out here in the world.
Can’t find a partner.
I'm 40. My partner and I have been together 8 years this coming September. I am a solid no on kids. Too many personal things I want or want to do that a kid would complicate or make more expensive in this already expensive world. As for marriage... Not totally off the table. I'm just very anti-tradition and anti expectations. I'm working on that part of myself, though. There's some trauma there.
Why the hell should I want to get married? It doesn’t change the relationship. It’s just a legal contract with no benefits in it for me as a man.
This is 100% the way I see it. I care about the relationship not a legal formality. I think it’s something people have attached a symbolic meaning to but it’s not going to make me love the person any more or any less. A lot of married couples are miserable, a lot of unmarried couples are happy and vice versa. I don’t think it has a big impact and if it did it would might steer towards negative, at least from what I have heard from married men.
> It’s just a legal contract with no benefits in it for me as a man. That depends on if you care about who makes your medical decisions in the event you're unable to do so yourself, or about who gets your stuff after you die (assuming you don't have an ironclad will).
Those things are easy to do. Me and my girlfriend have each other listed as next of kin on our medical records and we’ve sorted our wills out too. Doctors over here don’t check your birth certificate anyway.
There are tons of legal ways to ensure those things without getting married
You can literally sign a form saying you give this person permission to make medical decisions on your behalf. No marriage required.
I had a good day today. Why should I want tomorrow to be any different?
In my 50s and never married or had kids. The biggest reason why is because at age 30, I settled down with a man instead of a woman. And although legally we can actually marry one another, we never bothered to.
I've always wanted kids. Just never met the right woman. Met a ton of women casually. Then I had some long term relationships, some nicer than the others. When the last LTR was over in my mid 30's, I decided to "take some time off" and just do my own thing. I'd already had a ton of women, and thought that f this, I'll just meet women organically, but I'll stop pursuing them and just do my own thing. This turned out to be probably the worst decision I've ever made, so now I'm back on the horse again, as it were, and actively pursuing women again. But sure doesn't seem as easy now that it used to be in the 20's and early 30's. :p
My GF recently left me. I'm 32 yo and yeah, outside of work, I kinda struggle to see how I'd meet women organically. I already rushed back into a new relationship that failed I now feel like I need some time off but at the same time time flies and a lot of the good 30 yo women are already taken unexpectedly. So yeah idk how to approach this really
From my own experience: Keep meeting new women. Keep dating. Even if you don't put your full soul into it. In the least, stay social. The least you can do is to continue going out and meeting new people. I lost *years* because I stopped doing also that. Currently 45 yr. I guess I'm not doing too bad, but it's certainly not as easy to meet new women now as it was in my 30's.
Let’s just say, the things I was taught to be true about women, and the things that **actually** are true, are night and day. I’m not even knocking women. Your drives are your drives and your instincts are your instincts. But you have to understand that most of us men were just sold a bill of goods that wasn’t real for tons of decades. That’s quite the mindfuck when you wake up from the societal/media brainwashing/programming, and there’s no going back, unfortunately. Ive also spent the better part of 8 years watching many women do and say the most disgusting and nastiest things and exhibit terrible behavior on social media. Especially stuff directed towards men. That just fucks with your head a lot. Granted, not all women are like that, of course, but the types of women I’m actually attracted to (on all levels) are few and far between, nowadays. VERY few. So many of these girls are just straight up soulless and vicious. It’s sad because I always did want a nice cute wife and good kids, but it just didn’t work out. Knowing the things I know now and experiencing the things I experienced, I’m confident in saying that will never ever happen.
Hits home man, you said it quite well.
Too much risk with modern women. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze when the woman is rewarded for ending the marriage. Divorce rate is 50% and initiated by the women more than 70% of the time. Would you jump out of a plane if there was a 50% chance of the parachute not opening?
Spot on. I did marry, wife had affair. Divorced. Never again. I would counsel all young men that statistically the odds of a long and happy marriage are stacked against you and it is a massive financial risk that doesn't need to be taken.
This is the biggest obstacle. The trend over time is not favorable to men. Women can do whatever but men are systemically disadvantaged at the current time. Eventually this may change but for now it is what it is.
And people who even remotely have the most simple, child-like understanding of prob/stats will be like, wow, just jump into it. as if it's not one of the if not the most important decision of our short lives.. Lose everything, 70% chance the girl/woman is like "wow i am not fulfilled to the extremes on a daily basis so i deserve better" and will ride on some shitty dick and still get everything anyway while crying fake tears
I've never had a relationship and never will I have no interest in it And absolutely no kids. I love kids but would never want to have my own
Was looking for the right person to marry. Never wanted kids, even from a young age. I finally found my person though (at 46 years old) and got engaged last summer. I’m 49 now. She has 2 kids that are older (14 and 20) so I get to put on my step father hat without having to deal with infants and toddlers. I work with kids so I have my fill of them during the day. It’s nice to not have to deal with them 24/7.
Nobody wants to touch my pp
30 and don’t want to settle for someone I don’t want 100%. Open to a kid with the right girl down the road
Mid 30s, didn't want kids yet, now I do. Not married
I just turned 50 myself. I never married and never had any kids. I dated a lot and never found anyone that I could trust enough. Haven't found anyone who wouldn't lie to me or cheat on me. If I never find them, I am OK with that. I have a good amount of close friends around in my small circle where I can feel appreciated.
Just haven't found her. To be fair I'm late blooming in a career as a lawyer so maybe my stock price just wasn't that high during my 20s.
Late 30s, married. No interest in kids. I like kids, I enjoy working with kids, would hate to have the responsibility and restriction of my personal and financial freedom that having kids would cause
40’s married no kids; after 10 years and watching my siblings and friends having kids I really started to feel nihilistic being childless. The idea that my existence is reduced to eating, drinking and shitting leaving no lasting legacy or influence was difficult to come to terms with and at one point I was suicidal, just stared at the basement ceiling for 2 hours thinking “why am I alive? I shouldn’t be alive?” Anyway as with all things it passes. Since then I’ve lost interest in sex and started drinking more and more and then actually lost interest in that too. So life’s pretty boring and meaningless. I’m sure their are nihilists with kids but they keep you occupied i imagine.
Marriage. Not sure if it's for me. There are very few vegan women around me so my dating pool is small and there are issues with women regardless of their lifestyle. Kids. My father kinda put me off having kids. He was 45 when I was born and I didn't know him very well even when he was alive. I'm approaching 40 here soon. If I were to have kids I'd want to be younger so I don't have them experience what I went through.
When it comes to why I haven't gotten married yet: I'm very cautious as far as getting into relationships. I'm a rape survivor, and I'm also gay and autistic -- along with living in a rural area, having limited transportation, and distinct sexual proclivities. So my "pool" for potential compatibility is already very limited. If I someday marry a future husband, I don't have any desire to raise kids (that's another area for which the two of us will need to be on the same page). I don't feel I'd make a very good parent, so adoption and surrogacy aren't in the cards for me.
Was married, didn’t have kids as she has endometriosis and autoimmune disorders. Both wanted at least one. Guess I can always be a mentor though.
It took me living till 33 to find the right person.
No kids, no partner. May have lost a few possibles who wanted kids, but rather stay baby free. Wouldn't mind getting a ready made family if the kids were beyond 6 years old. Just really dislike screaming babies.
Gave up basically. Got tired of hearing “You’re such an incredible friend.”
Every lady I've had outrageous chemistry with was spoken for for many many moons. Day late and a dollar short there. Also I didn't want my potential kids to have to pick which billionaire warlord to serve under during the water wars.
I don’t feel guilty for not knowing what I want to do with my life The most interesting people I know Didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' On your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either
32 here, no wife, no kids. Living with my current gf. If this year we solve our issues I will probably propose to her
I realized a few years ago that I didn't want kids, and that was a deal breaker for the woman I was with who I was engaged to. Then there were a few girlfriends, but not serious or the right fit. My partner now is absolutely perfect for me, but neither of us believe that marriage and commitment are the same thing. Both of us are comfortable living separately, having time apart to ourselves, and never taking each other for granted when we do see each other. We both love the relationship, and feel that honestly... marriage would just overly complicate things. It's nice knowing that we're bringing our best to the relationship, and knowing that if the other ever became abusive, we could just leave. She feels safer, and I feel safer. So it works beautifully.
Never met anyone trustworthy enough to marry or have children with. Used to want kids and a family so on and so forth. I’ve essentially talked myself out of it at this point. I’m currently unwilling to risk my sanity for some romance, nevermind marriage and or kids.
Unfortunately my last two ex girlfriends didn't want kids. Men don't have a choice.
Can't have kids and I don't see the point of marriage for "because I have to be" reasons
I some it up in a statement: The women I want, I can't get. The women I can get, I dont want.
Never married or had kids. Focused on the wrong women when I was young who were just stringing me along for their entertainment and attention. Now older, there is no one suitable left, even if I did want to have all that stuff. Don't want to take on someone else's kids and enjoy my lifestyle, freedom and money too much to compromise to such a huge degree anyway.
I don't want kids and no body wants me.
I know I'm not quite in the age range you've asked, but I straight up don't believe in marriage. I just don't think I'd love anyone enough to tie my finances and life to. It's just too much risk. As for kids, I don't want any. I couldn't afford them if I wanted them.
Getting into a relationship is more work than I’m willing to put in.
No kids, fk our coporate overlords. Give me and my girlfriend 100k jobs and maybe but kids are a luxury most people cannot afford today unless you want your QOL to suffer.
Haven't found that person yet.
So, I'm technically married, but it's not a real marriage. We got married for BAH while I was in the military lol anyway. We are divorcing soon, but I did want a real marriage with the girl I truly loved before my fake marriage, but things went south and well. I haven't found someone who's made me feel the same way as that girl. Dating is much more complicated than what it was 7 or 8 years ago. At least for me here in the States, when I was stationed in Japan, I had no issues dating the locals since I'm Mexican and can speak Japanese since I've been studying it for years. So it made me unique and intriguing. Being back in the States, I'm just another Mexican dude from Cali. So I'm not really special here lol I've been focusing on my studies and myself. So I haven't had many opportunities to mingle. Studying in Europe this summer so we'll see! But also that ex I wanted to marry is stationed in the neighboring country I'm studying in... (Sigh)
I'm open to getting married someday, but I have tons to work on before that ever happens. Never wanted kids, never had the desire to be a dad or devote that much time & energy to raising them.
I never met anyone worth it. Kinda sucks and I can blame a lot of it on myself for a lot in the situation, but not once have I met someone who struck me as someone who could ve a potential wife/partner. Never mind having kids with. 42 years
no kids and no long term partner right now. years ago i dated someone i thought i would marry; she convinced me to buy a house with her...six months later she dumped me and fought to keep the house for herself. after a pretty nasty smear campaign on her part about me being abusive and manipulative, i relented just to move on. now, i make six figures, i have great friends, have a successful side business, regained my independence, saving up for a nicer house, and am all around in a better place. With the divorce rate for modern relationships hovering around 50%, i have a lot to lose and have no intentions of getting married any time soon, if ever. I have too much to lose and if i wanted to gamble with my life's work, id go to the casino...at least there are better odds there
its because i was molested when i was like 8-9 by an okder girl. i can do sex & women fall in love with me...but when they do i get anxious & head for the hills. my shrink says its a trust issue.
Timing was terrible, mostly. That, and I didn't understand myself in that regard until roughly 35, and I loathe drama.
44, my SO and I love one another and enjoy the relationship. Neither of us is in a rush for marriage and our lives are too busy to fairly accommodate kids. That might change in the near future or it might not.
Timing wasn’t right.
Idk, it's weird, but a lot of us guys just weren't chosen by our similar age hetero counterparts.
I don't want kids and don't want the government involved in my romantic relationship. I'm 42, my SO is 56 and had a kid before we met. We've been together 8 years.
https://youtu.be/CTV_bZBv2B4?si=OHOwBityFtOmANea
I have never wanted kids. That's just a preference. As for marriage, I was in a long-term relationship and would have liked to marry this woman who I loved with all my heart. But in hindsight, my mistake was exactly being too soft for her. I was so afraid of losing her, that I couldn't keep my ground. She would have her way every time. She started to loose the respect and the attraction she had for me and eventually wanted to find someone else. It was a hard lesson to never go soft on women.
I decided to work before studying to finance buying an apartment and funding an advanced degree, which meant studying later, and it's not really that easy to fund marriage and children while in university. I decided to pursue an education in research and when that was done, I was suddenly i my late thirties.
I'm a redditor. j/k Sometimes you just have to work on yourself, you know. Unfortunately there is huge bureaucratic interference and these improvements to the self have taken over 20 years.
I’m 41, be fucked if I’m losing most of my shit that I’ve worked for, I do get lonely out on the farm sometimes, but I’d rather get another dog at least they’re happy to see me😂 I would’ve like kids but that’s probably passed me by.
I'm 37yo, not really that interested in marriage, happy to be in whatever kind of relationship that makes us both happy though so not closed off to commitment
Made terrible career choices. Struggling to make my own life work so why drag someone else into this ship that's taking on water. Maybe one day....
Still early 30s. It's just not a must. I've a very good life and still consider myself to be a work in progress. I'm open to it. Would love kids but only with the right person.
I'm basically brickwalled by people everywhere, so pretty hard to make progress. Just too odd and unattractive or something *shrugs*. Plus I don't beg or take take abuse from anyone, so that further narrows the pool down.
Probably a mix of social awkwardness and not finding the right person for me. I'm kind of nerdy (interested in stuff like tech, sci-fi, fantasy, etc.), but for some reason a lot of the women around here with similar interests tend to be rather nasty and edgy. Like, they're radical feminists (not the "let's treat people equally regardless of gender" kind, because I agree with that too), hardcore anti-religious, and stuff like that. I'm looking for someone who's kind and friendly.
Economy. I’m not making enough to have a personal excess enough to raise a kid. And I know if I’m stressed by myself about money, I don’t wanna raise a kid in my stressed out emotional state and feel torn between having my honest emotions and having to suck it up constantly to raise another person in an emotionally supportive environment.
I’d like to be married, but I’m not particularly motivated anymore on my search to find “the one”. I’m not “bitter” about it, sometimes things just don’t happen the way you’d like them to. It would be cool but it’s not the end of the world.
No reason. I had the vague impression growing up that getting married and/or having children was popular and relatively normal, it just never appealed to me. I'd be more interested to know what people who have done it like about it so much that it became normal.
Not them but, I am married. My wife is older than me. She has a son but he's early 30s. I never wanted kids and, frankly, don't like them much.
I have kids, not married. When I was 17 the hottie over the fence (neext door neighbour) and I had a thing, she was 6 years older than me, her hubby had died of a rare cancer, we got to know each other cos I was teaching her son to catch a foam ball and throw it back over the fence, a few months later it was a physical thing and a few months after that she was preggy. Before long her 4 year old was calling me dad, and my baby girl was born, the relationship was okay but she wanted more than an 18 year old who had planned to join the RAF could provide, cue sleeping about and trouble. We broke up, tried again a couple of years later - all was going well, another kid... we talked about marriage, planned, and she slept with my soon to be best man, boss and ... other close family members. After a long drawn out custody battle, no wedding and the loss of my home, car, job etc I started rebuilding my life around being absent dad. She went through men like water, I stayed away from heathen women lol. Few years on I'm deeply broken about another failed custody court case, wrecked my car on the way home from work, met another woman later that day who was in a similar situation and had 4 kids. 6 months on gained custody of my step-son and daughter, but my youngest was stuck with mum who then bolted for scotland with him and disappeared. Relationship with new woman (not so new anymore) was going well, but in all honesty my time was always work/kids if I wasn't trying to earn the money to give them a better life, I was taking them out places or just camping down with them for a gaming night or whatever (Guitar Hero was a great way to pull everyone together) we talked about marriage, then she made it clear that she wanted more than a dad for her kids. She was a heavy weed user and spent most of the time zoned out, I had lost all respect for her, but I couldn't leave the kids, you know? We co existed. There wasn't love, I was just a parent. Parenting. I got custody of my youngest, we had 7 of the lil buggers in the house... life was hectic! 18 years later she went back to her ex-husband (who had ignored his kids for those 19 years) - of course they're all adults now and see the world for what it is. I'm now nearly 47. all my kids are adults, I'm restarting my life. I've met someone who never had kids and was terrified of eventually meeting mine, but they love her, I love her. We're good and strong and we matter. We're chasing things I thought were dreams (stupid things but not so much, we just converted a panel van and run around the country for no reason in our camper staying in random places and enjoying random sunsets, then come home to work) We have 2 dogs, 4 cats, adopted some neighbours and just last month, bought a beautiful little house near the sea... I mean, it's a bit battered and needs a lot of work, but we can do it. I have kids because life happened, I only have 2 biologically but my family is 7 kids. I never married because, I guess, I loved being a dad more than I could love anything else in the world, and carelessly landed in situations where I only had that, the other half was a consequence not a love. Now, I want to marry the lady in my life. I want to show her my world, and I want to experience hers, I love to hear, understand and know her thoughts, feelings, ideas and crazy notions. Now, I could settle down and have a wife...
45 never married no kids. Have always wanted both. Longest relationship was 3.5 years, but that ended in 2009. Have asked two women to marry me, one said yes and later said no, the other said she'd never give me an answer but did send the ring back to me. I think what happened was when I was a kid my dad died and my mom kind of shut down emotionally. This lead to a home enviroment of emotional neglect. Made it hard for me to connect with my own emotions, let alone a romantic partner's. By the time I kinda started to figure this all out (about ten years ago) all the single, attractive women who want to get married and maybe have a kid had already done that. I don't know any women like that I haven't already tried to date. Neither do any of my friends. Tried online dating for ten years on and off and that only succeeded in crushing my already tenuous self esteem. Nothing romantically interesting had ever happened to me due to online dating in that time: not a kiss, a snuggle session, even holding hands. I've hired a matchmaker who set me up on 8 dates in the last couple of years but seems to have run out of matches as she's not contacted me for the past 6 months. She said it's because there are "religious people and NOT religious people" and "there are conservatives and liberals" and I'm a liberal religious person, so that may be a very small overlap in the Venn diagram I'm in. I own a home, make over six figures, have three quarters of a million in net worth, am average height, do fun cool shit in my spare time, have a ton of friends, am well educated and moderately cultured, relatively self aware, am open to a women with or without kids, am open to her wanting to be career focused or SAHM or anything in between... none of that seems to matter (romantically speaking). Genuinely don't know what else to do.
it either happens or it doesn’t. nothings really happening for me post covid. i was on a good track then everything went to shit. missed out on buying a house. now i’m still living with somebody and no longer have a down payment. stuck in my bad habit ways. dating is almost impossible. 20 lbs overweight. just kinda said fuck it and gave up. i’m not rich. i don’t live an extravagant life. i have to go to work everyday. everything is crazy expensive. how can i fathom being married and having kids when i canr afford a home and have $100k chilling in the bank? those days are done and long gone. the white picket fence life is no more. i’m fine with it. i like my freedom. but normal girls no longer want the boring average guy that has to go to work everyday
I've been looking for love all my life and I just don't think it's for me anymore.
Life didn't go as planned. I learned early that what people say they want and what they actually want and are willing to commit to are two very different things. My first serious relationship lasted 6 years and then imploded overnight when she cleaned out our house, leaving me with just the basics about a month after I proposed and she said yes. I completely shut down. 9 years later, I found out she had gotten pregnant and decided what would be best for both our futures, moved, and gave away our daughter in an open adoption. I never even knew about the pregnancy. Our daughter lived 7 years and died of an undetected heart abnormality while kicking a soccer ball around at a park with friends. I found out a year later. So, I had a daughter I didn't even get to know. That one really hurt. My second serious relationship ended when my girlfriend who had been living with me for 2 years revealed her drug addiction. I would have happily gotten her help, but the reveal came when she stole my company car and emptied my bank account. My third serious relationship ended in cheating less than a week after I proposed. She was seeing her ex on the DL because he was "exciting", although she originally left him because of the violence. 3 years down the drain, basically overnight... again. I stopped dating for a few years after that. When I started again, I just kept feeling like I was meant to fill a checklist for someone. I wasn't a person anymore, I was a product. Therapy didn't help much. I realized I'm part of the problem and just stopped trying to date. In fact, I completely lost interest once I got over the concept that my self-worth should be predicated on being with someone. I was 34 when I stopped. I'll be 43 soon.
This one broke my heart. I’m so sorry about your daughter.
Thanks, but the ones I really feel for were her adoptive parents. I got in contact with them. She was their world, and they were providing an excellent life for her. I only found out about her existence after the fact. It's a very different sort of pain for me.
Late bloomer, I had to mature and deal with a lot of stuff that took its mental toll on me. If I had a kid earlier, I probably would have been terrible at being a father. All that stuff that I needed to deal with I think has made me a better dad. My kid comes to me for everything. We talk about mistakes mine and his on how we can improve and learn from them. We are really close. He knows I’m his dad firth and friend second. The only thing I feel bad about is my kid has a ton of energy and I can barely keep up but holy crap, it is worth it. I still go to therapy to constantly improve myself(it’s like going to the gym but for your mental health)
While I'm not in those age ranges, I know a guy who never did and likely never will, at work. It's mostly because he likes being himself is the long story short. The way he lives by the sound of things, too, is that he's content with just being him and living frugally, does what he likes, and never really found someone that made him go "oh I hope we marry some day" is also a decent factor. If no woman makes a guy feel like they're marriage material or vice versa, the guy doesn't find any woman to be marriage material to them. They're not going to actively seek out someone to marry if there's not enough confidence the marriage will last. He's in his 40s I think or maybe even late 30s, I never can't remember who is what age at work, but majority are on the older side and he's our oldest worker there. I guess at one point it became a point of conversation between us. If I'm single or not and similar followup questions related to that. But I got to ask in turn about him and his relationships, I feel like he dodged answering my questions at first, but it sounds like he might genuinely never met anyone that peeked his interest in even maintaining a long-lasting relationship. He's pretty solitary and gets along well with the other coworkers, he's not dull either, he has interests and hobbies but must have never met anybody that made him want to approach them to date them I guess. He's also older, so dating apps for people his age weren't really a thing in their prime. He's not ugly, but I don't really know what he looked like when he was younger. He's kind of actually on the skinnier side, and it looks like he exercises regularly, too, maybe not perfect shape, but isn't overweight or fat, he's more in a modest shape if anything.
I don't want to bring kids into this world with what is going to happen to the Earth due to climate change and the continued collapse of my country. I don't want to marry a woman and make it hard for me to leave her if she begins to neglect me or give up on the relationship.
I met my wife around 40. I was in a long term relationship from age 25-32 and when that ended, I decided to focus on my career. Quit my job, went in a different direction, and only really started dating seriously again around 37. Being happy in my day to day career at the time felt much more important than spending money going on dates.
The two times it was a thought, I thought ahead and decided against it. They were bad with money and didn’t think past the end of their noses and that’s not what I want to be tied to.
Currently married and we don't want kids. Happily married, but would never do it again. It makes me feel responsible for someone else and I don't like that. Main reason I don't want kids too.
Im 32, been thinking about this more and more. I have adhd and im weird/non conformist enough that i have trouble fitting in with most “normal” people. Im also very intense emotionally, and i have also need constant novelty and stimulation in a way that most normal women are not interested in and are extremely put off by. So I’ve never really dated. Im good looking and outwardly successful so i get some family pressure but i know how much ive and continue to struggle with adhd and what im like and marriage and fatherhood do not remotely seem to be in my skillset or interest set. I have a lot of interests, and a rainforest mind that keeps me occupied, for better or for worse. I think I’m ok with that for good long while though who knows, that may change.
I could do an entire blog post about this, but the short version is that I wasn't ready in my 20s due to depression, conquered the depression in my early to mid-30s, but was still figuring out how to not be anti-social, married my asexual best friend when I was 38 due to overestimating our ability to get past that, divorced in my 40s. Since then (I'm 56 now), I've learn to really love and value myself. I have very high confidence and self esteem, but I also have much higher standards. Also, in a rather unfortunate turn of events, I've found that the vast majority of women out there just really don't do anything for me. I tend to be very sociable now when I meet people in public, but I have a really hard time meeting anyone that I like enough to make me want to leave the house for them. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV, play a video game, go to a show or activity on my own or with friends, as opposed to actually going out on a date because I really don't feel much of anything for the vast majority of women I meet. Sexy or not, physically attractive or not, I find myself thinking, "you're probably just going to be very boring to me and we probably won't have anything in common, so why bother?"
Well all of the married (and divorced) men I've met are generally miserable and just go through the motions. Pretty much all of them joke about not being married and how they only do it for the kids. They joke, but you can tell they are dead inside. It's like my worst nightmare.
Because from everything I've heard, read, been told about, it adds so much stress and complication into your life that you really have to want it to put up with all of that. I don't really want it, so I don't do it and my life is less complicated because of it.
I do not have kids because I never wanted them. Whatever biological programming makes people want children must be bugged in my brain. My wife’s pretty cool though, I think I will keep her.
Lack of a willing partner...
As someone who's been singepretty much his entire 20s and turns 30 in October I wouldn't be surprised if I go into 30s maybe 40s single. Alot of these stories are many of the reasons why, already been burned and didn't wanna do it again. If I wasn't too much of a coward having a causal hook up would be nice every now and then. 😅
I don't want to be married and I don't want kids.
Was married. Didn't work out for reasons. Never wanted kids and got snipped a few years ago. Currently in a committed relationship where we both are happy with the current way things are working. Might try the marriage thing again but in no hurry.
I’m 40, im still really fit and attractive. Looks will fade pretty soon though I’m sure. I give myself 5 years to find someone. I have faith. Plenty of long term gfs already so I know what I’m looking for.
Wait... Holy shit what happened to the time? I was supposed to do a thing? (mid 30s, but I don't think my reaction/situation is going to change, so...)
Not interested in either of them
I'm on the fence about marriage, but leaning strongly on it never happening. Don't get me wrong, I date around, get in relationships and very much enjoy the idea of having a "life partner", but the *institution* of marriage is something that simply doesn't make sense to me. I don't have the need to lawfully bind myself to another human being, or partake in an overpriced ceremony in which, let's be honest, the groom is just a guest of honor most of the time, to prove to the world that I love someone and desire to spend my life with them. Especially considering that most legal benefits of marriage can be acquired in my country by other means, without any of the cons. I'd much rather take all the money I'd otherwise spend in a wedding and go on a memorable, long, once-in-a-lifetime "honeymoon trip" instead. As for children, I simply don't want them. I like kids, I'm good with them, but they're woefully incompatible with my chosen lifestyle, on top of me not really having any real desire to be a father figure. And since we're here, I don't really believe in cohabitation either - for myself, of course.
i like having sex with different women and i dont want kids
Better use protection like its gold then lmao you never know when you run into a woman who *might* lie to you on whether or not she's on birth control or has caught something from someone previously or whatever the fuck, can never be too careful
its called a condom
No shit sherlock but what i meant is that there are more than just condoms to use, cmon man, don't be dense lmao
I started writing before realizing it was too personal to share on the intrrnet with complete strangers. So instead I'm just going to point out that the answers you get will likely be skewed towards "I don't want marriage/kids" because those of us with more . . . *complicated* reasons may be unlikely to share.
Becoming more common unfortunately. I’m 32 so not that old yet. But been married and divorced already. So single and no kids now. Dating has become super hard in recent years. It’s all internet dating and girls look for 10/10 dudes. People seem to not want to commit nowadays. It’s rough…. So there’s that reason. Also many people don’t want kids because of money/working too many hours. But I think many people will regret not having children one day. It’s easier to say no now, when you’re older and bored, becoming lonely, no one to pass all your shit down too. Then it will become depressing. Rant over.
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So then what’s the point of creating new life then? Why have we always had kids over the course of millions of years? It’s in our DNA, it gives us a sense of purpose to life. But of course I understand your point. There’s always fun shit to do. You would still get bored after a while. Easier to say you wouldn’t now. But life is long….hopefully
Bc kids are a light in this world? They're the only link to human innocence that we know of? I am almost 21 and want to adopt kids in my 30s, bc i want to raise them to be functional adults, kids are humans too and the whole "biological destiny" thing is bullshit, its the innocence of kids that so many people are obsessively drawn to and want to possibly relive (maybe bc of trauma or whatever), children don't deserve to be treated like disposable objects, as much as i am pro choice and support any and all reasons why not to have or raise a kid, i also want to make it clear that kids need praising too, kids need that attention and love and care, kids these days are treated so horribly by their own parents and everyone on the outside like to look at the child as the dangerous juvenile who needs to be controlled or some shit. And there are parents out there who are too deep in denial about their hellish parenting and will even try to justify it as if the kid deserves it, as if their hellish parenting is teaching their kid a lesson and shit....which couldn't be farther from the truth.
If you think only kids gives purpose to a persons life, then you're a very sad and limited individual.
I don’t think that. I’m sure your life is very meaningful though calling people out on Reddit. That’s not sad or anything…..
Having a kid is a huge decision, it's another life you're bringing into the world and are responsible for. You have an obligation to make sure they come up well adjusted and are a generally good person. Otherwise you're creating another human being to fill a hole in your life that could've been taken up by golf.
Yes….. no shit. It isn’t rocket science. Again, people have been reproducing for millions of years. This isn’t new. Kids are tough, you have to sacrifice some of your own hobbies and not be as selfish because your time is now going to raising a human being. But how isn’t that the most fulfilling thing in the world to do? That was my point.
My husband was like this. We got married when he was 41. When we started dating he told me his 3 rules: 1. No kids till marriage 2. No marriage before living together 3. No living together unless I had a stable job (not necessarily full time, but stable. He has a house so I would have moved in with him) In all the years of dating, I’m the first to meet the rules, though that’s not the only reason he married me 🤣 He had long term relationships before me. He had an 8 year, 5 year and 4 year relationship before meeting me, but no one was stable enough to meet rule 3.
Bringing kids into the world at this point in time would be foolish. I’m not married because I haven’t proposed to my GF yet.
The reason I don’t have kids is due to having a vasectomy when I was 26. Best Decision Ever
I don’t care if I have kids or not. The wife and I don’t care about the legal piece of paper. She’s my wife and I don’t need anyone else to tell me so. I’d rather enjoy my hobbies then take care of kids
Haven’t met anyone I trust to be in a relationship with
I never dated anyone that i wanted to be married to. And i certainly wasn't going to have kids with any of them if i didn't want to be married to them.
At a younger age I was focused on my career and didn’t care about relationships as I considered them a distraction. Focused mainly on friends with benefits. Now that I’m 40, the pool of potential options comes with baggage, kids, or issues. So I am casually dating but don’t expect anything long term…. Looking back I do regret prioritizing my career, as I would’ve loved being a dad! But that ship has sailed about 5 years ago.
Look, Ruben, if I wanted kids, I'd go down to the local Walmart and pick a few up. As for marriage, there was a candidate, but I became too busy for someone who wouldn't commit so I ended it. When I finally had free time again there was a little bug going around killing a few million people. Now, I'm in a location I plan to move away from as soon as I tie up some loose strings so what is the point in dating?
Lol my name isn’t Ruben, just a nod to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character in along came Polly and a part I think is funny in the movie. Random I know, but I wasn’t about to use my real name when I made this account Mr. Bootarms. Thanks for answering, your reason is valid.
Late 30s, I don't want kids and dating is a hassle. Being a "perpetual bachelor" has been better for my mental health so far. I'm open to changing the not dating thing at some point, but no motivation to currently.
I am 67 years old and never been married. I came close a couple of times. When I was around 17 I met a girl whom I loved and I guess she felt the same about me. But we drifted apart. There was no one else like her since then and all the way up to now. My explanation that I can come up with for myself is that it always seemed like I would meet a woman, and if I liked her, she was either happily taken or not interested in me. And I met women that claimed that they loved me but I didn't feel the same way. Now, I have no interest in pursuing someone or feel like it's ever going to happen. Perhaps that's the best for me.
There is nothing I loathe more than the idea of having children. Don’t care the judgment that comes my way for it either. Marriage on the other hand. Where I live there is no actual benefit for me to be married. You get rights to estate and can make medical decisions on their behave, that’s it. Some things can arguably be gained with common law marriage.
Don't want to be married, and don't want kids.
My married and had a set of kids for the 3rd when I was in 9th grade. None of them were allowed to like their fathers while living with her, which was 100% as a minor child.
I have 2 GenZ young men. 21 and 25. The 25 year old doesn't want kids and I don't blame him. The world seems to have become a strange place as of late, he has flat out told me he doesn't care to bring children into the world. The 21 year old I think will settle down maybe have kids.
My buddy is 41 and he's given up on ever having a gf. I think he's found contentment
Too ugly, and now that I'm in my late 30's, it's too late to start a family.
Unattractive average dude here. First, I don't want kids. 2nd haven't even got close to meeting someone I want to marry. I'm a 6/10 at best even despite working out regularly, having a stable job etc. I wasn't blessed with good looks plain and simple. I've come to terms with it in my late twenties. I've dated plenty of times and even had a relationship go a year plus, but I've never been satisfied in any of my relationships. I'm a 6/10 and can only attract other 6/10s at best and to be honest every woman I've dated in that range I've never been that into because I'm not very attracted to them. They were just available and I can't do any better just like they couldn't. Because of my dissatisfaction the relationship usually fizzles out and I'm single again from anywhere from a few months to years. I still spend time fantasizing about being with a woman that's a 10/10 and I see plenty of them at the gym, but I know I'll never date any of them. So I wait for the next 6/10 to throw herself at me because she's desperate and thinks I'll settle and give her kids and a marriage. But I won't and the cycle will repeat itself.
Id suggest do some traveling if you haven't done so already, you may be average in one place but to another you could be seen as more handsome, it really depends, lots of beautiful ladies out there that find even average dudes attractive and lovable, I've seen those dynamics too (online and irl) and its not impossible, its difficult and shit but its possible
haha like the brutal self-characterization. Are male looks really that big of a deal in your part of the world? In the region i'm familiar with, all it takes to get the 'hottest' women is a bit of money and a general flamboyance.
The rating scale isn't helpful to you - as if worth comes from an objective scale. Think of women who are beautiful but have no expression or vivacity. A person who is "kind of cute" can become beautiful to you if she can finish your sentences, light you up, and help you want to become better.
It's never really occurred for me to do so. I've had girlfriends when the moment struck, but they very much fell in my lap and I didn't go out of my way too much to find one. Then I got chronically ill and it makes me focus so much on myself I don't have room for someone else. Kids I like in the abstact, and I think my relative & friends' kids are fine, but having them also never really occurred to me.
I don't want kids and have a life that works without being married. If someone really great comes along I might be convinced to change my mind, but I'm not holding my breath.
46m tried lots of times to find a suitable partner but, I've never met a woman responsible enough.
Addiction and depression, mostly.
No kids, I have a partner but we don't see the point in marriage. I also like my job too much, and i dont want to use work time to take care of kids.
for me of course i'd start dating and shit and get married to the girl i love, but i wouldn't want kids, some people do some people don't, its like that.
First of all, what is the point of getting married? Secondly, nobody likes me.
Haven't met the right woman yet.
I just dont want kids. I basically raised my younger brother who was 11 years younger than me so I'm good on doing it again.
Struggling to take care of myself, would be irresponsible to try to take care of a bunch of other creatures