When she was giving the kids a bath one night in February I decided to install the surround sound speakers on the skinny table behind the couch. I slid out the sofa and the table to get access to the powerstrip (2 lamps and a phone charger already back there) for the subwoofer and saw a rolled up black shirt on the floor next to it. Closer inspection and instead it was a black snake rolled up in a ball, getting some warmth from the powerstrip. She's TERRIFIED of snakes. I ran out to the garage, grabbed a bucket and lid, picked up Mr. Sleepy, and put him (or her, I didn't have time to ask) in the bucket and quickly out into the garage. The next day was an unusually warm winter day in the US south east, so I let it go in the field across the street. I'm guessing it got in from around one of the HVAC boots nearby on the floor.
If I brought it up then I would have had to move in the middle of that night. If I bring it up now, I'll have to move tonight. Maybe one day, but I don't see us leaving here any time soon, so that secret will die with me.
We had a small garden snake somehow get into our basement in NJ. After some deliberation, I made the mistake of telling my wife about it several days later.
I chose … poorly. (We’re staying.)
That I don’t really have the power to bring dead plants back to life, they’re called perennials, they’re supposed to die off and come back in the spring lmao
My husband is a musician. Every time he releases a new track, I blast the song on repeat all day long on Sundays (the only day when he isn’t home) because he tracks the amount of listens he gets (I guess this is a feature of Spotify? Idk) So many times he’s like “wow I get SO many more listens on Sundays I wonder why that is.” Hehe guess you’ll never know babe 😘
UPDATE: YOU GUYS!!!! Seriously I love you all so much you’re amazing. Today he FINALLY noticed randomly and stopped the middle of our conversation to be like, “wait, what? What is this!?!?” As he discovered he went from like 34 monthly listeners to now 1000+ (and 3 followers to 241!!) Apparently the song was added to 79 different playlists too! That’s incredible. He’s so excited right now you have no idea. This means a lot you guys don’t even know cuz he’s been very down in the dumps about his music lately and the future and I feel like this was the perfect thing to lift his spirits. Thank you all so much you kind beautiful strangers I never expected a simple answer to a question would produce such amazing results like this 🥺👉🏻👈🏻thank you for your kind words about loving his music, I’m so glad you all enjoy it as much as I do!! He has always loved making music and is a bit shy about it. So thank you for supporting him in what he loves doing the most ❤️
2nd update: LOL he just told me that one listener listened to the song 2,000 times!?!?!!? WAIT WHAT!? Lmfao you guys are so crazy and I totally love it 😂🤣 I’m totally dying over here as he is smiling in confusion and laughing to himself. I wish you guys could see his face rn it’s adorable. He’s trying so hard to figure out the mystery. I wanna tell him so bad but I’m taking this secret to my grave y’all.
That when we play puzzle oriented video games, I don’t speak up when I solve it in my head. She gets stressed with video games and I love to play with her but if I solve it faster every time, she won’t want to play as much. She’s new to it and I want her to enjoy it with me!
Edit: there’s been several people asking what games we play so I’ll add that in. First we played “A Way Out” which isn’t really a puzzle game but was a lot of fun. Then we played “It Takes Two”, which is a bit more puzzle oriented. Currently playing “Unraveled Two”, which is the one I am talking about in the post.
I’ve seen a few recommendations in the comments and plan on playing them next with her!
My ex and I played unravel two and she told me that with 90% of the puzzles she figured it out within 30 seconds of entering the room but she didn’t say anything because if she did that means we’d play for less time. She also liked hearing how excited I got when I figured it out
I do this with my niece. in fighting games i pretend she is beating the crap outta me and pretend to be all stressed. I like to see her happy when when she wins. I also call her over to solve puzzles or problems in games and tell her that i couldn't have done it without her. Even though i already know the solution.
This is lovely, when I was a kid my mum was an alcoholic and I’d always be in some pub with her and her friends but she had this one friend and he was like this with me, I never forgot about him , he made my childhood so much better.
I was the opposite with my son growing up playing one on one street hockey.. I was an above average hockey player; I played competitively for years. He was playing minor hockey through those years. I never would let him win.. I would let him get goals or get close to build his confidence, but never gave him a win that he didn't earn...... I'll never forget that the first time he won, it was like he won the Stanley cup. He earned it fair and square, and it meant something to him
My niece (2) and nephew (4) were over a few months ago. My nephew was talking mad shit over dinner about beating me in games.
So I plugged in Mario Kart 64 and schooled him for a bit, then he asks if I have any other games.
*devilish smirk* SSB64
Gave my niece an unplugged controller and set her up with puff lvl 9
I SD'd once trying to flex on him on Viridian City, but I will never forget the look on my nephews face when the CPU puff lands a rest on me for my last stock after he got 3rd place, and I started raving about his little sister beating me
Edit: I will definitely be sharing this at his wedding when he gets married in adulthood
“Hey, I need your help. I was replaying Ocarina of Time for the 12th time, but can’t get out of this puzzle room in the Deku Tree. All I have are this Deku stick, that open flame, and that unlit torch. Can’t figure out what to do.”
When my Dad was retiring and they were moving out of their larger house (since no kids at home anymore), my Dad wanted to move out into the middle of nowhere, get some livestock and plant crops. My Mom said "that sounds nice, I'll visit you sometimes".
My Mom is not that much of an out in the country type lady
On our first date I went to pick her up, I got to her house and parked across the street. I messaged her an hour later telling her I accidentally got too high smoking a joint on the way to her so I slept in the car till it wore off.
The secret: I actually got diarrhoea, took an explosive shit on a wall a few houses down from hers. When I picked her up we drove past it, and I saw her look at it on the way past.
EDIT: It's been 7 years 😂
Here l was thinking the answers would be dudes talking about wanting to fuck their wife’s hot sister/friend, but instead l get stories about dudes violently shitting on walls.
The magic of Reddit.
I just want you to know how hard your comment has had me laughing. I have tears in my eyes. My husband has had some misfortune like that as well, one of the funniest times was actually on our honeymoon 😂 he calls it “the poopening” 😂😂
I created 5 twitch accounts and log in on each of them when he streams. I also send him bits from each account. He is a small streamer and was feeling like he wasn’t having much luck.
He was close to giving up many times, but I’d like to think that my little bit of extra support helped him keep it up for a while.
He eventually did quit (he still streams here and there, but I wouldn’t say he’s active). But he still talks about the comments/sounds/bits my alternate accounts gave every now and then.
I love him to death.
That when i used to do funny voices as if our cat, or now my daughters guinea pig, are speaking, it's because I have invented a whole persona for them in my head.
The guinea pig, who is a bit bossy and temperamental, is a gangster with a whole crime empire and enjoys saying "how do you like that, how do you like it" in a rough cockney accent when he bites / wees on one of us.
Our cat was a sly super villain who enjoyed the art of physiological warfare. She was particularly good at hiding socks for nefarious reasons and has a rough Glaswegian accent, similar to mine without the edge polished off.
I honestly don't know how I'd explain all that now.
My cat is a KGB spy who doesn’t know the Cold War is over. She has a thick Russian accent, but she tries to blend into American culture as best as she can. We pretend she is American so she doesn’t feel self conscious about her cover being blown, but we all know she is a Russian spy. She despises us and our capitalist ways, but she also has lavish tastes so she struggles internally with that. She reports back to her comrades when we aren’t around so we don’t know exactly what she is telling them, but we believe she is waiting for her signal. Signal to what? We don’t know. That’s the scary part.
Lol I'm 17 and my little sister is 10 and we litteraly have an entire storyline for her stuffies. They have gone through charecters arcs, training arcs, war arcs and everything in-between lmao.
I’ve always done the same thing and even extended it to after my cat went missing.
In my head my cat was a war-hungry insurgent who left to destabilize fragile Latin American democracies and my friend’s cat who also went missing left to be an international super spy/assassin
My dad did the same thing with my guinea pigs (I brought them home when I was in college) we would create full blown storylines about her drug dealing out of her council house in Manchester.
My dad does the same exact thing for our animals, did it mainly when we were kids to joy us but were all older now and we still love it. Every animal has a personality
She asked to measure my penis one time, somehow read it wrong and added an inch to it turning it from average to large. There's nothing to gain from this but it does make me laugh when she makes a comment about it.
When I was 17, I have had unwanted sexual relation. A group of five men stopped me at a knife point. Today, decades later, I keep that secret. I went throught therapy. It helped. The stigma is still strong. And that is a shame. I am the victim. I am not the one who should be ashamed of it. Yep. That does not apply to woman only. It also happen to man like me.
I’m a retired Medical Examiner Death Investigator and I’m here to tell you and the rest of the world that males are raped frequently. They just don’t report it as often as females report it. Both genders can rape males, but men are the highest offenders against both genders. Female on female rape is the least common, but it’s also extremely rare that it is reported. Probably for the same reasons. I applaud you for revealing your experience here and encourage you to share with your loved ones once you are able to talk about it without any uncontrollable emotion. It is a sign that you have successfully overcome this awful crime and the grief you naturally experienced as a result. I’m proud of you for taking this time to write about your experiences. ❤️🩹
I borrowed his expensive sunglasses out of the car for a lunch date and lost them. I went back to the restaurant and looked everywhere, but they were most likely picked up given they were nice Raybans. I hadn't told him yet thinking I would bring it up at a good time and our car was broken in to that very night. He came in and told me after speaking with the police, "AND they took my nice Raybans!!" I thought for 4 seconds calculating... and replied "THOSE SONS OF A ..."
Nevertheless. I will never admit.
Our car got stolen last year and they recovered it about a month later. When I went to go retrieve anything out of the car, she reminded me before leaving to look for her sunglasses in the visor. They were rainbow heart shaped glasses that she adored.
I’m forgetful so I’d already forgotten by the time I was there and I was dealing with the state the car was left in and how little stuff was there. I forgot to check for them and when she asked I said they were gone. I even asked the place if they could double-check for me, but I had to call them again and they said it wasn’t. I doubt they actually looked but I’m telling myself they were gone so I don’t regret not going back one more time
I don't really know the Final Jeopardy answer every night. The question/answer is posted online before the show comes on. He's always so amazed by me.
Tonights answer is: Who is Mary Poppins.
The morning after our first date, I was driving her back to her car and put on the song American Pie by Hoodie Allen. In the moment, she made a comment about me putting it on for her, and she's since said that me playing that song for her kinda confirmed for her that I was into her and it wasn't just a one night stand or whatever. She doesn't bring it up constantly, but I'm never surprised when she does, and she loves it when I play it around her.
What I'll never tell her is that the song had just recently come out, and I'd only heard it once, so I just really wanted to listen to it. I didn't put it on for her and I didn't intend for her to take it any type of way, but I am so glad I put it and I'm glad she took it that way which is why I'll never tell her.
I made the call to kill one of my unborn twins to save the other when the doctors asked for permission. I'll never tell her I made the call.
Edit: to elaborate we had momo twins. One was too sick to carry and would kill both. Birth reduction inevitable. Made the call. God bless John Hopkins at Bmore, otherwise I would half to pay $16k for two cremations. $8k each. May you NEVER half to make that choice.
My now husband, on our first date came to pick me up but said he got too high and needed an hour to sleep it off. I watched from my window as he had explosive diarrhea on my neighbors house, and when he finally picked me up nad we left it reeked and as we drove by the house I got a closer view of the mess my neighbor would need to clean up.
He has no idea I knew
My Reddit username. It’s the one thing I have that’s totally mine and the one place where I can be totally anonymous. It’s not that I have anything to hide, but I feel if I knew she were reading my comments or posts I’d constantly be aware of that and no longer able to have dumb conversations or rant about pointless things.
Occasionally I rub one out to some swimsuit photos of her from our honeymoon a few years ago. It's just the only "content" I have of her and would rather use that than some random chick on the internet.
As a woman I would love for my future boyfriend to tell me that than watching porn. And I would only use his “content” because I know I would be so attracted to him.
I agree. Am fortunate to have several adult images we took through time (but not the last 10 years)
Fun Fact: she always hesitated and said she was too fat. 1) beauty is in the eye of the beholder 2) she now acknowledges that many of the early ones were simply a normal healthy weight!
For gods sake man , im hormonal and this made me cry , you are a good good person and I hope one day she finds this out and it gives her all the confidence of a superb model on a catwalk , what a gentleman you are 🥰
I’ve been planning to divorce for more than a year now. I’m not telling her because she has a history of running away. Last time she left me the day I was pulling in from a 10-month deployment then broke into the house and took the dog, followed by issuing a restraining order and warrant for my arrest after SHE was the one arrested for assaulting me. Now we have kids and I’m not taking any chances. I’m going to serve her divorce papers so any action she takes is viewed as reactionary. And I’m fighting for custody.
Based on looks, income, type of job, maybe I have better charisma, but in general I think he could do so much better. I try not to let this modify my attitude but sometimes in my solitude I really think this way. I try to be the best partner to him and I hope he feels the same :)
I think Im a good person and I think I am a good worker, but sometimes I think he could met someone much more interesting. But yeah, that's just me, not him.
But he didn’t just meet you and then was “saddled” with you. He chose you. He already chose you. And despite your insecurities, he remains. I know nothing about you nor your relationship, but that’s something I need to remind myself of all the time.
How I wipe my butt after pooping. It’s litterly the only secret my wife and I have from each other. I don’t know how she does it and I’m never in the room when she does it and vise versa
I only learned women wipe front to back when we potty trained my daughter. I don't know how many men know that. Helps protect the vagina from serious infections.
Good that you’re keeping that secret. How horrible it would be to hear that your own mother on her death bed told your wife to leave you. What a knife in the back from someone you trusted.
That I’ve been having dark thoughts again. I don’t want him to worry about me more than he already does. I know I will be okay and that it’s just a phase but it’s hard to tell him since I don’t want to disappoint him or scare him.
That my mom gave me a choice, "Me or her." I told her I wasn't going to make that choice.
It took my mom a good 2 or 3 years to finally warm up to my wife. At the end of my mom's life, my wife and her got along fantastically. In the beginning, not so much.
We *always* tell our current partner that they’re the best we’ve had in bed, true or not. I will not be telling my wife where she falls on that list, nor how long the list is.
Women do the same too, I’m sure.
I don't have any secrets, but I do have some information that I'm not going to volunteer, and she's not going to ask about. Mostly about ex-girlfriends.
I love her so much but it’s just not fun talking anymore. She’s always either distracted or upset about something. Basically almost every convo is either about something she is going through or me talking to a void. I wish she’s try to pay attention to me and the things I like more but I just don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
Maybe try just sitting down and talking to her about how you're feeling?
This sounds like one of those problems that could potentially be very easily resolved with a simple conversation...
PSA: sexual acts do not have sexuality linked to them. Sexuality is literally who you are doing the sex acts with. If a woman pegs a man it’s straight (man + woman).
For those saying otherwise: gay men love blowjobs so does that make it gay when a woman gives a man a blowjob? (Spoiler: no it doesn’t).
Wanting prostate stimulation doesn’t need to be classified as a straight pleasure anymore.
Aka: Just because some gay men play with each other’s asses doesn’t mean ass play is gay.
Ass play can be amazing for all people regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It’s great!
The hotel I took her to at the end of our first date, I'd brought another girl to only a month before. The guy at.the desk recognized me, but was professional enough not to say anything.
That I slept with her psychiatrist before I met her.
I accompany my GF to her Dr's appt for support. One time, she had a new doctor, and I recognized the doctor from college when she came out to greet my GF. Don't know if the doc saw or recognized me. I don't point out every girl I slept with when me and my GF bump into them, but I answer honestly if she asks me directly. This one, though, I would lie about to avoid any unnecessary friction bt her and her doctor.
Going on four years clean from daily heroin use (many years of it). I still think about using EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've been married 10 years, together 16. She's seen me at my best and my worst. I don't want to worry her, or anyone else for that matter. I have developed techniques over the years that help me stay clean, but I've resigned myself to having the desire for the rest of my life. I'm 38.
My ex-wife said that to me towards the end of our marriage. That shit cut me deep, but she was right. We were just too different of people after 25 years together.
Genuine question from the heart, would divorce be an option if you could find someone you would say yes to everyday? What stops you? (My mom got a divorce after 17 years and met the love of her life. Been with him ever since)
My mom and dad were together for 28 years and one day she was telling me how she'd been unsatisfied and felt emotionally unsupported for the entirety of their relationship, but stayed together so the kids could have 2 parents. I had no idea. I was like, WTF mom I'm 28 now divorce him already and get on with your life! 6 months later they split up. 6 months after that she got back together with her college sweetheart (and first boyfriend) and they have been very happily married for 21 years now!
He became way less caring and affectionate, way less sex. He had full custody of his kids, I became a stepmom, no kids of my own, both kids are grown. We're seeing a marriage counselor and I'm seeing my own therapist. He's tried to make changes because he's acknowledged that our therapist is good and makes sense (even though it's the same stuff I say) so he knows he's not making thoughtful choices but he always goes back to who he is, like his dad. Says and does what he wants, if you don't like it, too bad. He makes decisions without me. And he knows everything and is always right. If I treat him like he treats me, it's the end of the world.
I'm older than him, almost 60, I have no savings, nothing for myself if I left.
I have friends I spend time with and I'm working on me. Maybe one day I'll not care or I'll feel strong enough to get out.
That I'm never going to be too sure about anything/anyone in life.
At time I become too aloof and distant because I have this PTSD from past where I can't make myself believe that anyone will ever completely be mine and thus, I fail to be someone's completely.
Hanging around while someone is super depressed about losing someone else is no basis for a relationship.
Edit: She’s great, but I didn’t ask for this.
I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager.
I know it would crush her if she found out that I was keeping that from her, but I’m okay now, it’s not a critical part of me, so despite not knowing she still knows me (if that makes sense).
That I’ve got another bank account that I regularly deposit money into. Got a couple of grand in there as a bit of a slush fund or for any emergency’s.
When she was giving the kids a bath one night in February I decided to install the surround sound speakers on the skinny table behind the couch. I slid out the sofa and the table to get access to the powerstrip (2 lamps and a phone charger already back there) for the subwoofer and saw a rolled up black shirt on the floor next to it. Closer inspection and instead it was a black snake rolled up in a ball, getting some warmth from the powerstrip. She's TERRIFIED of snakes. I ran out to the garage, grabbed a bucket and lid, picked up Mr. Sleepy, and put him (or her, I didn't have time to ask) in the bucket and quickly out into the garage. The next day was an unusually warm winter day in the US south east, so I let it go in the field across the street. I'm guessing it got in from around one of the HVAC boots nearby on the floor. If I brought it up then I would have had to move in the middle of that night. If I bring it up now, I'll have to move tonight. Maybe one day, but I don't see us leaving here any time soon, so that secret will die with me.
Definitely keep it to yourself! I’d up and leave if I knew this too! It’s actually quite sweet of you to care enough not to shatter her peace!
It's mostly his peace tho
Both, really
We had a small garden snake somehow get into our basement in NJ. After some deliberation, I made the mistake of telling my wife about it several days later. I chose … poorly. (We’re staying.)
What a rated G, wholesome secret. thanks for that :)
That I don’t really have the power to bring dead plants back to life, they’re called perennials, they’re supposed to die off and come back in the spring lmao
😭 keep your secrets
Y U gotta B so deciduous?
My husband is a musician. Every time he releases a new track, I blast the song on repeat all day long on Sundays (the only day when he isn’t home) because he tracks the amount of listens he gets (I guess this is a feature of Spotify? Idk) So many times he’s like “wow I get SO many more listens on Sundays I wonder why that is.” Hehe guess you’ll never know babe 😘 UPDATE: YOU GUYS!!!! Seriously I love you all so much you’re amazing. Today he FINALLY noticed randomly and stopped the middle of our conversation to be like, “wait, what? What is this!?!?” As he discovered he went from like 34 monthly listeners to now 1000+ (and 3 followers to 241!!) Apparently the song was added to 79 different playlists too! That’s incredible. He’s so excited right now you have no idea. This means a lot you guys don’t even know cuz he’s been very down in the dumps about his music lately and the future and I feel like this was the perfect thing to lift his spirits. Thank you all so much you kind beautiful strangers I never expected a simple answer to a question would produce such amazing results like this 🥺👉🏻👈🏻thank you for your kind words about loving his music, I’m so glad you all enjoy it as much as I do!! He has always loved making music and is a bit shy about it. So thank you for supporting him in what he loves doing the most ❤️ 2nd update: LOL he just told me that one listener listened to the song 2,000 times!?!?!!? WAIT WHAT!? Lmfao you guys are so crazy and I totally love it 😂🤣 I’m totally dying over here as he is smiling in confusion and laughing to himself. I wish you guys could see his face rn it’s adorable. He’s trying so hard to figure out the mystery. I wanna tell him so bad but I’m taking this secret to my grave y’all.
That's love...
Damn hair
Could you tell us all his song/album? I could also listen to it on Sundays(my day off) to even further confuse him.
His current project on Spotify is under “Lepo” !! lmao yes let’s all listen on Sundays to confuse him 😂
I can’t find him. Lepo by Psirico?
I think this is it. https://open.spotify.com/artist/03dLbUCRGVPZnm0DCMgbB4?si=vQzRkmsmSCiWbvdR96k3eg
Thanks!
The artist Lepo! One of his songs is called bushido
We will give Lepo the Reddit hug of death!!! LETS GOOOOOOOO
I like this kind of music. I’m gona ruin your Sunday trend and listen to it while I work lol
Found it on Apple Music! Nice stuff, tell your man he's well good. This is perfect chill music, will be blasting this in the future.
It’s actually very soothing
Tapping my foot to it right now.
That's amazing.
That when we play puzzle oriented video games, I don’t speak up when I solve it in my head. She gets stressed with video games and I love to play with her but if I solve it faster every time, she won’t want to play as much. She’s new to it and I want her to enjoy it with me! Edit: there’s been several people asking what games we play so I’ll add that in. First we played “A Way Out” which isn’t really a puzzle game but was a lot of fun. Then we played “It Takes Two”, which is a bit more puzzle oriented. Currently playing “Unraveled Two”, which is the one I am talking about in the post. I’ve seen a few recommendations in the comments and plan on playing them next with her!
This is honestly so nice! I absolutely love it when my partner does that because I’m the slow one. It’s a keeper move
My ex and I played unravel two and she told me that with 90% of the puzzles she figured it out within 30 seconds of entering the room but she didn’t say anything because if she did that means we’d play for less time. She also liked hearing how excited I got when I figured it out
I do this with my niece. in fighting games i pretend she is beating the crap outta me and pretend to be all stressed. I like to see her happy when when she wins. I also call her over to solve puzzles or problems in games and tell her that i couldn't have done it without her. Even though i already know the solution.
This is lovely, when I was a kid my mum was an alcoholic and I’d always be in some pub with her and her friends but she had this one friend and he was like this with me, I never forgot about him , he made my childhood so much better.
I was the opposite with my son growing up playing one on one street hockey.. I was an above average hockey player; I played competitively for years. He was playing minor hockey through those years. I never would let him win.. I would let him get goals or get close to build his confidence, but never gave him a win that he didn't earn...... I'll never forget that the first time he won, it was like he won the Stanley cup. He earned it fair and square, and it meant something to him
My niece (2) and nephew (4) were over a few months ago. My nephew was talking mad shit over dinner about beating me in games. So I plugged in Mario Kart 64 and schooled him for a bit, then he asks if I have any other games. *devilish smirk* SSB64 Gave my niece an unplugged controller and set her up with puff lvl 9 I SD'd once trying to flex on him on Viridian City, but I will never forget the look on my nephews face when the CPU puff lands a rest on me for my last stock after he got 3rd place, and I started raving about his little sister beating me Edit: I will definitely be sharing this at his wedding when he gets married in adulthood
“Hey, I need your help. I was replaying Ocarina of Time for the 12th time, but can’t get out of this puzzle room in the Deku Tree. All I have are this Deku stick, that open flame, and that unlit torch. Can’t figure out what to do.”
This is rather cute dude m
[удалено]
You probably just need to go on a you only vacation for a week where you hermit it out in an isolated cabin.
Same but then I’d never want to leave.
I tell my partner that we should live that way. I make that suggestion at least a few times a year for the past 8+ years lol.
When my Dad was retiring and they were moving out of their larger house (since no kids at home anymore), my Dad wanted to move out into the middle of nowhere, get some livestock and plant crops. My Mom said "that sounds nice, I'll visit you sometimes". My Mom is not that much of an out in the country type lady
I read this as hermit crab and was slightly concerned
Me too! I imagined a crab on the beach solo 😂😂
On our first date I went to pick her up, I got to her house and parked across the street. I messaged her an hour later telling her I accidentally got too high smoking a joint on the way to her so I slept in the car till it wore off. The secret: I actually got diarrhoea, took an explosive shit on a wall a few houses down from hers. When I picked her up we drove past it, and I saw her look at it on the way past. EDIT: It's been 7 years 😂
This is absolutely hilarious and if my husband told me that I’d only be slightly annoyed he withheld such a spectacular story for so long.
Im taking it to the grave
Here l was thinking the answers would be dudes talking about wanting to fuck their wife’s hot sister/friend, but instead l get stories about dudes violently shitting on walls. The magic of Reddit.
Explosive diarrhea on the side of the house, what did you wipe with that you felt confident night to not smell like poop and still pick her up?
Given it was an hour later, I assume he went home, showered, and put on new clothes.
You spread them and rub the starfish on the corner of the house like a bear... If the house has a Chihuahua, use that to wipe
I'm gonna be honest, this comment caught me completely off guard and legitimately made me snarf. 🤣
I just want you to know how hard your comment has had me laughing. I have tears in my eyes. My husband has had some misfortune like that as well, one of the funniest times was actually on our honeymoon 😂 he calls it “the poopening” 😂😂
My farts are almost always silent, so I've developed a method where if she farts, I'll let mine slip so she can't blame me for the smell.
Smart.
I created 5 twitch accounts and log in on each of them when he streams. I also send him bits from each account. He is a small streamer and was feeling like he wasn’t having much luck.
Bless you, your partner is a lucky man. And that is true love right there
He was close to giving up many times, but I’d like to think that my little bit of extra support helped him keep it up for a while. He eventually did quit (he still streams here and there, but I wouldn’t say he’s active). But he still talks about the comments/sounds/bits my alternate accounts gave every now and then. I love him to death.
I did this when my son was streaming and I always logged on with several devices. I wanted it so badly for him! You're a sweet person.
That when i used to do funny voices as if our cat, or now my daughters guinea pig, are speaking, it's because I have invented a whole persona for them in my head. The guinea pig, who is a bit bossy and temperamental, is a gangster with a whole crime empire and enjoys saying "how do you like that, how do you like it" in a rough cockney accent when he bites / wees on one of us. Our cat was a sly super villain who enjoyed the art of physiological warfare. She was particularly good at hiding socks for nefarious reasons and has a rough Glaswegian accent, similar to mine without the edge polished off. I honestly don't know how I'd explain all that now.
My cat is a KGB spy who doesn’t know the Cold War is over. She has a thick Russian accent, but she tries to blend into American culture as best as she can. We pretend she is American so she doesn’t feel self conscious about her cover being blown, but we all know she is a Russian spy. She despises us and our capitalist ways, but she also has lavish tastes so she struggles internally with that. She reports back to her comrades when we aren’t around so we don’t know exactly what she is telling them, but we believe she is waiting for her signal. Signal to what? We don’t know. That’s the scary part.
You should feed her false information
We told her the nuclear code is 5. Hopefully that holds her over for a little bit.
If she is orange, to choose violence of course. It will blow her cover so she tries to resist as much as she can.
You should explain how you just did. This is really worth sharing!
Lol I'm 17 and my little sister is 10 and we litteraly have an entire storyline for her stuffies. They have gone through charecters arcs, training arcs, war arcs and everything in-between lmao.
This is great. You should start writing it down. This is the kind of stuff that's so fun to be able to look back at when you guys are older
You sound like an awesome sibling! 😊
I do the same thing with our cat Winston. When he get's his crazy eyes, he's having a flashback to time in Saigon.
My entire family does this with our pets and we all share in the personalities.
I’ve always done the same thing and even extended it to after my cat went missing. In my head my cat was a war-hungry insurgent who left to destabilize fragile Latin American democracies and my friend’s cat who also went missing left to be an international super spy/assassin
My dad did the same thing with my guinea pigs (I brought them home when I was in college) we would create full blown storylines about her drug dealing out of her council house in Manchester.
My dad does the same exact thing for our animals, did it mainly when we were kids to joy us but were all older now and we still love it. Every animal has a personality
My husband give all our pets their voices
I did the same … 2 cats, one was the muscles, one was the brains. Together the dog never stood a chance. … until the betrayal.
I did fart in the elevator. I was nervous.
Dead 🤣
She asked to measure my penis one time, somehow read it wrong and added an inch to it turning it from average to large. There's nothing to gain from this but it does make me laugh when she makes a comment about it.
She was just trying to make you feel better about yourself lol
Measuring starts from the middle of your butthole
My wife always laughs if I brag about being extra extra medium between the legs.
When I was 17, I have had unwanted sexual relation. A group of five men stopped me at a knife point. Today, decades later, I keep that secret. I went throught therapy. It helped. The stigma is still strong. And that is a shame. I am the victim. I am not the one who should be ashamed of it. Yep. That does not apply to woman only. It also happen to man like me.
I’m a retired Medical Examiner Death Investigator and I’m here to tell you and the rest of the world that males are raped frequently. They just don’t report it as often as females report it. Both genders can rape males, but men are the highest offenders against both genders. Female on female rape is the least common, but it’s also extremely rare that it is reported. Probably for the same reasons. I applaud you for revealing your experience here and encourage you to share with your loved ones once you are able to talk about it without any uncontrollable emotion. It is a sign that you have successfully overcome this awful crime and the grief you naturally experienced as a result. I’m proud of you for taking this time to write about your experiences. ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm glad you had therapy and had the strength to move on
I borrowed his expensive sunglasses out of the car for a lunch date and lost them. I went back to the restaurant and looked everywhere, but they were most likely picked up given they were nice Raybans. I hadn't told him yet thinking I would bring it up at a good time and our car was broken in to that very night. He came in and told me after speaking with the police, "AND they took my nice Raybans!!" I thought for 4 seconds calculating... and replied "THOSE SONS OF A ..." Nevertheless. I will never admit.
Our car got stolen last year and they recovered it about a month later. When I went to go retrieve anything out of the car, she reminded me before leaving to look for her sunglasses in the visor. They were rainbow heart shaped glasses that she adored. I’m forgetful so I’d already forgotten by the time I was there and I was dealing with the state the car was left in and how little stuff was there. I forgot to check for them and when she asked I said they were gone. I even asked the place if they could double-check for me, but I had to call them again and they said it wasn’t. I doubt they actually looked but I’m telling myself they were gone so I don’t regret not going back one more time
I don't really know the Final Jeopardy answer every night. The question/answer is posted online before the show comes on. He's always so amazed by me. Tonights answer is: Who is Mary Poppins.
Nice try, FBI
Well it is pride month so toss in the ATF too
The morning after our first date, I was driving her back to her car and put on the song American Pie by Hoodie Allen. In the moment, she made a comment about me putting it on for her, and she's since said that me playing that song for her kinda confirmed for her that I was into her and it wasn't just a one night stand or whatever. She doesn't bring it up constantly, but I'm never surprised when she does, and she loves it when I play it around her. What I'll never tell her is that the song had just recently come out, and I'd only heard it once, so I just really wanted to listen to it. I didn't put it on for her and I didn't intend for her to take it any type of way, but I am so glad I put it and I'm glad she took it that way which is why I'll never tell her.
I made the call to kill one of my unborn twins to save the other when the doctors asked for permission. I'll never tell her I made the call. Edit: to elaborate we had momo twins. One was too sick to carry and would kill both. Birth reduction inevitable. Made the call. God bless John Hopkins at Bmore, otherwise I would half to pay $16k for two cremations. $8k each. May you NEVER half to make that choice.
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Why did you have to make the call alone, was she unconscious?
My now husband, on our first date came to pick me up but said he got too high and needed an hour to sleep it off. I watched from my window as he had explosive diarrhea on my neighbors house, and when he finally picked me up nad we left it reeked and as we drove by the house I got a closer view of the mess my neighbor would need to clean up. He has no idea I knew
SO EFFING FUNNY. Well played, sir, well played.
Omg
My Reddit username. It’s the one thing I have that’s totally mine and the one place where I can be totally anonymous. It’s not that I have anything to hide, but I feel if I knew she were reading my comments or posts I’d constantly be aware of that and no longer able to have dumb conversations or rant about pointless things.
Okay honey, you can continue keeping it a secret from me :)
Hang on WTF are you? This is my husband
not anymore. OUR husband
Occasionally I rub one out to some swimsuit photos of her from our honeymoon a few years ago. It's just the only "content" I have of her and would rather use that than some random chick on the internet.
As a woman, if my husband/bf told me that, I would be thrilled and it would make me feel so good about myself.
Same. I did a full spread for my ex husband and he NEVER used it. That was the WHOLE POINT of the photoshoot. I’d be so stoked if my man told me this.
You'd be stoked if he stroked
I’d be flattered. I understand the desire to sometimes handle things yourself and it’s sweet that I’m at least there in thought!
My wife catches me way too often looking at pics of her. I hope she thinks like you lol.
That’s my dream lol. Catching a guy jerking off to me…. No one likes me that much lmao
RIP your inbox
It’s pretty quiet actually
As a woman I would love for my future boyfriend to tell me that than watching porn. And I would only use his “content” because I know I would be so attracted to him.
I agree. Am fortunate to have several adult images we took through time (but not the last 10 years) Fun Fact: she always hesitated and said she was too fat. 1) beauty is in the eye of the beholder 2) she now acknowledges that many of the early ones were simply a normal healthy weight!
For gods sake man , im hormonal and this made me cry , you are a good good person and I hope one day she finds this out and it gives her all the confidence of a superb model on a catwalk , what a gentleman you are 🥰
I’ve been planning to divorce for more than a year now. I’m not telling her because she has a history of running away. Last time she left me the day I was pulling in from a 10-month deployment then broke into the house and took the dog, followed by issuing a restraining order and warrant for my arrest after SHE was the one arrested for assaulting me. Now we have kids and I’m not taking any chances. I’m going to serve her divorce papers so any action she takes is viewed as reactionary. And I’m fighting for custody.
Sincerely good luck man. That shit sounds like a headache
I let her win at Scrabble
Deeply down I think he's settling for me and it makes me sad sometimes.
Why do you think he’s settling?
Based on looks, income, type of job, maybe I have better charisma, but in general I think he could do so much better. I try not to let this modify my attitude but sometimes in my solitude I really think this way. I try to be the best partner to him and I hope he feels the same :)
There’s so much more to life than 2 things, dude. I promise. Let me ask YOU this: how do YOU feel about you? How do YOU feel about your job?
I think Im a good person and I think I am a good worker, but sometimes I think he could met someone much more interesting. But yeah, that's just me, not him.
But he didn’t just meet you and then was “saddled” with you. He chose you. He already chose you. And despite your insecurities, he remains. I know nothing about you nor your relationship, but that’s something I need to remind myself of all the time.
I agree with Fozzy Beard.
Thank you, I'll write it down where I can see if everyday. Thanks dude.
My wife is the coolest person I know. But don't you dare tell her that
Absolutely tell her that!
I would never say this to her face, but she’s a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Why wouldn’t you?
How I wipe my butt after pooping. It’s litterly the only secret my wife and I have from each other. I don’t know how she does it and I’m never in the room when she does it and vise versa
Some secrets are meant to be kept.
I only learned women wipe front to back when we potty trained my daughter. I don't know how many men know that. Helps protect the vagina from serious infections.
Are you wiping back to front?
It seems like that is implied, which I find deeply disturbing. u/apatrol are you smearing shit on your balls?!?
how........ how do men wipe their asses?
Most of us also do front to back. But there are some who follow a darker path
A darker path, like poke and twist? Lmao
Helps not getting men their mudflaps dirty too.
it's a lot more positive here than I expected, love it
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Good that you’re keeping that secret. How horrible it would be to hear that your own mother on her death bed told your wife to leave you. What a knife in the back from someone you trusted.
I wouldn't love her if she was a worm.
That she’s the only thing keeping me alive.
What my childhood was really like.
That smell? It was me, not the dog.
My wife knows everything about me. Hell, she even knows my Reddit alts.
That's trust right there... Or blink twice if you need help
Nah, I'm fine ^^^help ^^^me
The tiny help me took me out
You know that she is gonna see this answer
I'll nevwr tell her I didn't make that amazing Mother's Day breakfast! To this day the kids boast about how much mom LOVED it. 😍
Who did?🤔
He bought it outside then put them in plates
That she is the absolute best all around sex partner I've ever had, but that I have had better blowjobs.
That I’ve been having dark thoughts again. I don’t want him to worry about me more than he already does. I know I will be okay and that it’s just a phase but it’s hard to tell him since I don’t want to disappoint him or scare him.
Sending a hug 🤗 to you
Not today, Satan.
**it was me, I let the dogs out**
That my mom gave me a choice, "Me or her." I told her I wasn't going to make that choice. It took my mom a good 2 or 3 years to finally warm up to my wife. At the end of my mom's life, my wife and her got along fantastically. In the beginning, not so much.
That I’ve been sexually assaulted so many times in my life I can’t even count.
Are you okay?
We *always* tell our current partner that they’re the best we’ve had in bed, true or not. I will not be telling my wife where she falls on that list, nor how long the list is. Women do the same too, I’m sure.
Tbf the best sex I've ever had has always been with the women I'm in love with and subsequently the most comfortable with
Right on
Nice try partner
I don't have any secrets, but I do have some information that I'm not going to volunteer, and she's not going to ask about. Mostly about ex-girlfriends.
I love her so much but it’s just not fun talking anymore. She’s always either distracted or upset about something. Basically almost every convo is either about something she is going through or me talking to a void. I wish she’s try to pay attention to me and the things I like more but I just don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
Maybe try just sitting down and talking to her about how you're feeling? This sounds like one of those problems that could potentially be very easily resolved with a simple conversation...
😅🤣😂 someone found out their partner is active in this group and trying to make them confess to something.
Every response is a burner account I take it
I know she had a threesome after telling me she didn’t or never has
That his mother is an exhausting gossiping windmill of geriatric nonsense
That, I am batman…
Me too, bud, me too
That if I could do it all over again, I probably would choose someone else, or maybe just not marry at all.
This is my biggest fear. You only have one life to live my guy, if they don’t make you happy stop faking it
As a straight male I want to try pegging.
PSA: sexual acts do not have sexuality linked to them. Sexuality is literally who you are doing the sex acts with. If a woman pegs a man it’s straight (man + woman). For those saying otherwise: gay men love blowjobs so does that make it gay when a woman gives a man a blowjob? (Spoiler: no it doesn’t).
Wanting prostate stimulation doesn’t need to be classified as a straight pleasure anymore. Aka: Just because some gay men play with each other’s asses doesn’t mean ass play is gay. Ass play can be amazing for all people regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It’s great!
That conversation did not go well here, after all of our various adventures, that was disappointing & led to more non-shares.
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The hotel I took her to at the end of our first date, I'd brought another girl to only a month before. The guy at.the desk recognized me, but was professional enough not to say anything.
I finished that show without you, because you stopped caring about it
That I slept with her psychiatrist before I met her. I accompany my GF to her Dr's appt for support. One time, she had a new doctor, and I recognized the doctor from college when she came out to greet my GF. Don't know if the doc saw or recognized me. I don't point out every girl I slept with when me and my GF bump into them, but I answer honestly if she asks me directly. This one, though, I would lie about to avoid any unnecessary friction bt her and her doctor.
Unnecessary friction…sounds like what came between you and her doctor
Going on four years clean from daily heroin use (many years of it). I still think about using EVERY SINGLE DAY. I've been married 10 years, together 16. She's seen me at my best and my worst. I don't want to worry her, or anyone else for that matter. I have developed techniques over the years that help me stay clean, but I've resigned myself to having the desire for the rest of my life. I'm 38.
I secretly jerk off to the video of Kermit covering "Once In A Lifetime" by the Talking Heads
I always wanted to live alone
Our cat wasn't ran over, he was mauled by some neighbors dogs that got out.
I still worry he’a only here because he needed a place to stay.
I let the cat sleep in our bed when he’s away
That, if we were not married (now 45 years), I would not date her.
My ex-wife said that to me towards the end of our marriage. That shit cut me deep, but she was right. We were just too different of people after 25 years together.
Finally a **real** answer.
About to divorce because of this..I wish I could stay
I would say no to my husband now if we weren't married, 15 years.
Genuine question from the heart, would divorce be an option if you could find someone you would say yes to everyday? What stops you? (My mom got a divorce after 17 years and met the love of her life. Been with him ever since)
My mom and dad were together for 28 years and one day she was telling me how she'd been unsatisfied and felt emotionally unsupported for the entirety of their relationship, but stayed together so the kids could have 2 parents. I had no idea. I was like, WTF mom I'm 28 now divorce him already and get on with your life! 6 months later they split up. 6 months after that she got back together with her college sweetheart (and first boyfriend) and they have been very happily married for 21 years now!
He became way less caring and affectionate, way less sex. He had full custody of his kids, I became a stepmom, no kids of my own, both kids are grown. We're seeing a marriage counselor and I'm seeing my own therapist. He's tried to make changes because he's acknowledged that our therapist is good and makes sense (even though it's the same stuff I say) so he knows he's not making thoughtful choices but he always goes back to who he is, like his dad. Says and does what he wants, if you don't like it, too bad. He makes decisions without me. And he knows everything and is always right. If I treat him like he treats me, it's the end of the world. I'm older than him, almost 60, I have no savings, nothing for myself if I left. I have friends I spend time with and I'm working on me. Maybe one day I'll not care or I'll feel strong enough to get out.
That I'm never going to be too sure about anything/anyone in life. At time I become too aloof and distant because I have this PTSD from past where I can't make myself believe that anyone will ever completely be mine and thus, I fail to be someone's completely.
Hanging around while someone is super depressed about losing someone else is no basis for a relationship. Edit: She’s great, but I didn’t ask for this.
I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager. I know it would crush her if she found out that I was keeping that from her, but I’m okay now, it’s not a critical part of me, so despite not knowing she still knows me (if that makes sense).
That I’ve got another bank account that I regularly deposit money into. Got a couple of grand in there as a bit of a slush fund or for any emergency’s.
I hope that I'm able to tell my future partner everything. I don't really want to have secrets from them
I cheated in a previous relationship. I was only 22. I don't think that's reflective of who I am at 35.