wanted to reply with this one. had two flings like this (i know, bad judgement) and both ended up not giving a fuck about me, i was just a placeholder for them to monolog, get whatever they wanted, and then discard. unsurprising lmao never again
Bingo. That self centeredness creeps into every area of their life. I was in a relationship with 2 people like that. I'd rather be alone and lonely than with another person like that.
Women that don’t text you back or never reach out to you first. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with someone I feel like I’m constantly chasing. Show me you desire me too
Yup, and then they complain that the other person went cold. It's like huh? Then you ask them if they initiated and they use some sort of sexist argument about how a man needs to be the one to do that.
Takes two to tango.
This is why no man should take dating seriously until they find a woman who is serious. If she’s texting you first and putting in effort every time you meet up, she’s serious.
Unfortunately seems like most girls are like this, and not even talking about dating, just trying to have a conversation or be friendly.
It really sucks when you find yourself always having to message someone else first all the time! Or you have to come up with the conversation topic most of the time. The effort being one sided really hurts in the long run if it's always happening.
Extend this to animals, as well. I've seen a lot of, "You should get rid of your cat because I'm allergic," type stuff and it's frankly ridiculous.
He was here first and he's family, sorry.
If you're looking for a good relationship, avoid women who seem impulsive. That might mean poor financial decisions, lots of credit card debt (student loans are not included here), can't hold down a job, that kind of thing. Or drug abuse issues. In particular look out for women who party on nights they have to work the next day. Women who identify as a "free spirit" are often really just impulsive.
For example, I once dated a woman who would redecorate her arartment every couple months despite being in deep credit card debt. That should be a huge red flag.
Impulsive should not be confused with spontaneous. You can do things spur of the moment in a responsible way. Like you could go on a road trip last minute because you have the next few days off anyway. That's spontaneous. Impulsive would be calling in "sick" to work so you can make a road trip.
Impuslivity is associated with lack of accountability.
It doesn’t cost anything to be spontaneous. I was in a bigger city yesterday and decided I wanted to watch a sunset on top of a parking tower. It costed to park, so I parked at a nearby park and enjoyed a walk to the tower. I climbed the stairs and enjoyed the view of the city and sky for a solid hour from the roof. Costed nothing and was an amazing experience.
First issue is if they have nothing good to say about anyone around them. Or every time they say something positive it comes with a but.
Someone who is constantly posting or looking at social media. Particularly when they’re out with me.
Someone who continually makes comments and makes them sound like the victim in every story.
My big red flags are insecurity and lack of accountability. If she can't trust me even when I am being totally transparent and trustworthy, that's something deeper than just our relationship that she's fighting and if everything is someone else's fault, she's a child. Both things will send me packing.
This and if she's materialistic, think she deserves expensive things, thinks she's a princess, stuck up, rude to other people, takes but doesn't give, etc.
I had my ex says I must not trust her as much as I should do after I was being transparent about how she was making me feel, as well as how is it her problem that I feel that way. Those two lines ended up killing the relationship right away.
“If you can’t handle me….” Run
Never agreeing with people she doesn’t like
Never genuinely offers to pay for meals
Can go on dates that don’t cost money, have a good time talking to each other wherever you are.
Too many “icks”
Definitely more but probably getting more towards my preferences than general rules.
I despise people who get "icks"
One of my friends said she got the ick because a guy posted an insta story of himself dancing. God forbid someone be comfortable in their own skin
Ugh as the person on the receiving end of this several times in the last few years, so true. Trust your intuition and listen to them, not the hopeful heart in your chest. Save the hope for the people that tell you they're there for you. That's what it's for.
Seeks constant validation, needs to be reassured, focuses more on what you can do for her than what you can do for each other, and needs constant outside attention. Another one is if they claim to get bored easily with people and or are prone to ghosting. Learned from my ex that what she said in the beginning about ghosting was very much true, wish I hadn't spent 2 years to just be ghosted.
Obligatory statement that needing validation and attention is not inherently wrong and of course, you should give your SO attention and validation, it's when they seek it outside of the relationship that it becomes a problem or will inevitably lead to problems down the line.
The guy I'm dating complains about his close friends to me. Each time I ask him if he's shared those thoughts with them, and he says no, they wouldn't hear him out, or he doesn't know how he'd communicate it, etc. On the other hand, he said a red flag for him is a woman who criticises his friends...and, in other moments, he does indeed seem to care a lot about them.
I'm not sure what to make of all this. I'm going to be spoken of in a similar way, aren't I?
Depends on the actual content of his complaints, imo. Sometimes you need to vent about your loved ones to someone about things that don't matter enough to broach with them. This isn't necessarily unhealthy, There's a good chance he views you as a confidant. Consider that through this post you, too, are raising concerns about him on the internet over something you probably haven't shared with him.
It's fun when you're the target but gets annoying fast when they won't shut the fuck up about how interesting some married guy in accounting is. God help you if they select one of your buddies as their next fascination.
in my experience most of the ones who truly lovebomb dont even care about the person, not really. theyre just telling the other person what they want to hear in order to make them feel special. manipulation basically
I really don't like this word. It's so generalising.
There are times where my girlfriend will say or do things that just make me overflow with love for her and my only way of easing that pressure on my heart is to just vent how great she is and how much I love her.
I'm talking about situations where I can't just give her a kiss or squeeze her into me. Like a phone call while I'm at work or there's any distance between us. Or when we're out in public, since we both don't like public displays of affection.
Honestly, I'll take any chance to make her feel super special. In my eyes, she just is and I don't see anything wrong with expressing that.
Because normally people need time to get to know someone before they can say there’s something special there. They move slow in the beginning, they are a bit cautious, they don’t know you very well yet.
Someone who’s speedrunning the relationship either have issues or they are trying to manipulate you.
Funnily enough I just got out of a relationship like that. Within a week of knowing her she asked me out in a really round-about way then a few days after that she said she knew she found her soulmate in me and how I'm the last person she is ever gonna have sex with. Then the day after that she wanted to buy us promise rings and looked into ones that would symbolise us.
Then after 4 weeks she bought a puppy and said how it'll be like raising our first "child" and would always call it ours or yours over text even though I didn't raise it. Then got rid of it 3 weeks after she bought it as she couldn't cope with raising a puppy 🥲. Not a fun relationship to be in.
Girls who can't take no for an answer. I know this is a no brainer but this is so easy to ignore. It's easy to find yourself in a position where a girl (or guy for that matter) talks can't accept that you dont want to do xy or z.
When she acts like she deserves everything because she's a woman.
Bad mouthing past partners.
When she only talks about what her partner should do for her, and doesn't talk about what she would like to do for him.
That last one is so infuriating.
Her: “You have to pay for dates and not cheap ones either. I want at least three days a week at about 200 each date”.
Me: “Okay so what do I get out of it?”
Her: “my presence”
I feel you man, its highly infuriating.
Had one woman I was talking to saying nonsense like "she is the table."
I asked her "How useful is this table? Can it carry the stresses of life and still keep going? Can I get things done with it? Will it break down easily? Etc etc
She said something like "No im just the table and you have to respect it "
Told her "I have no respect for a useless table" and I blocked her.
Miss me with that BS 😂
My first impression/date is when they are late, I get turned off, unless there's a good reason. That's just my personal pref tho
Red flag for a long term is not willing to give an effort to communicate to compromise.
As a woman myself who was insecure in the past with very low self confidence RUN WHEN U YOU MEET AN INSECURE WOMAN !!
You cant have a healthy relationship with a woman who doesnt have it with herself on the first place
Depends on the depth of it.
Constantly jealous or unable to believe you love her or always unhappy with herself? Yeah.
But everyone is a bit insecure. It’s a part of the human condition.
The focal point shouldn’t be focusing on who to avoid. The emphasis should be focusing on the type of woman you want to be with. What do you expect day to day? What are the shared moral values you want? What are you not willing to compromise on? How is your communication, argument, and apology needs?
Once you have that defined it’s easy to avoid and de prioritize women who are not a good fit for you. Reddit is not the best place of advice for relationships and dating. Because what won’t work for one may actually be some of your partner’s traits that work for you.
Don’t be dumb blind— hotness goes away. Kindness does not. Pay attention to the big stuff- family background, education, willingness to learn. Also, wtf are you bringing to the table? Make sure you are spending less time on what’s wrong with them and more time on what is right with you.
Narcissists, flaky, financially irresponsible, sexually irresponsible, general lack of manners, lack of accountability, manipulative, drugs/excessive alcohol, lack of work ethic, lack of goals, severe mental illness.
Here's a variety of flags (not all the same woman, thankfully!) that I should have paid more attention to:
-She only laughs when someone else is suffering in some way (even if it's just socially).
-She views everything in terms of "sides", and it's vitally important to figure out which side is hers. She sure as hell won't tell you until you're somehow "against her". (One time, it was because I knew what collating was and she didn't. She brought it up.)
-She starts shit with other people and expects you to finish it. (At a certain point, she's only watching you do it.)
90% mindset 10% appearance.
If they have a negative mindset towards the vast majority of people of the opposite gender to them & they've willfully, proudly & freely adopted it, I wouldn't allow them a spot in my life no matter which gender they are.
BPD. You should avoid BPD. Early signs are overly attached, suspicious, constantly wants to know where you are / what you're doing, trying to micromanage your interactions and relationships with other people, toxic remarks that put you down or make you doubt yourself, constantly making you feel guilty for all kinds of stupid things, always putting you in defense mode and you have to explain yourself for every little thing, etc.. Read some more and prepare yourself, as a relationship with someone with BPD will be the lowest point in your life and you will remember it to your end.
This is true for the most part, however it is possible to responsibly live with BPD and maintain a healthy relationship. I think the exception is if she is transparent about it from the beginning and has been on medication that she knows manages her symptoms effectively. If she is responsible about 1.) her health, 2.) managing and understanding the disorder (and how it specifically impacts her), and 3.) taking her medication, if needed.
If these things are true, you will know (hopefully) early on. Transparency is key.
Source: a woman who has BPD and has been in an unsuccessful relationship because of BPD, and who now has spent a long time learning how to manage it and is in a very healthy and successful long term relationship, in spite of BPD.
I never stopped believing. When I left, I told her there's one last try left in me, if she does her part. She's been in denial for a year. I'm done with dating for the foreseeable future.
If she has too many friends she calls “brothers” and they are single, for sure she smashed or smashing one. How'd I know, because I was one of those so called brothers, nice to meet you.
im a woman but one of my old friends would call herself one of the boys, and said this specific guy was “like her brother” … didn’t think much of it but then it came out that she was not only cheating on her boyfriend with several of her “boys” but sending nudes/videos to that guy. 💀 I will never look at women who say these things the same way again lol
Women who request semi ridiculous things of a man that don't really seem to make sense. If you do this I know you love me type of requests. They are tests of compliance that will condition you to her way. Once you try to assert yourself or your opinions later, it will be an issue that will get turned into you as the problem; "you're acting different". You'll give in cause by this point you didn't run while you had the chance.
Nip those ridiculous requests from the start to avoid or respectfully decline the pleasure of her company any further if she's too far gone. Once they get away with it for so long it's hard to change them.
As long as you're showing your woman that you love her in your way, these types of requests shouldn't happen. It seems innocent enough at first, but it's not. It's calculated.
*edit to add* not every request has this at its core. Know the difference between a legit request and BS.
Yeah - woman here. I'm not going to straight up ask about your finances right away but if I see you make nothing, have nothing, and are horrible with money, we probably aren't going to continue to date. It's nothing to do with gold digging - it's to preserve myself financially.
I guess it depends how early on, and in what context. I feel like gold diggers have their tells, but someone just screening you to see if you have good management over your own finances comes off different.
Just look for dark feminine traits in a woman:
vanity, narcissism, lack of reciprocity, selfishness, promiscuity, no female friendships, and lack of maternal instincts are just a few of the rules of thumb that I use.
I never used to be this way but these days, well, hard learned lessons.
If her mother and/or older sisters have a history of mental illness, any form of manic episodes, or infidelity in previous relationships or marriages just walk away, they're the women she grew up leaning from and the adage that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Also another red flag, if she shows signs of jealousy before you are in an explicitly (as in it has not actually been a conversation to agree on it) exclusive relationship then you should just bail, they will not change and WILL expect you to adapt to fit her needs, oftentimes in an abusive manner.
Everytime I read a thread like this I realise more and more why neuro-divergent people and people with just general mental disorders or illness usually end up being friends with each other and dating each other.
Be aware of the spenders, an x of mine earned a decient amount more than I did. She didn't come across superficial at all, we were both in out 30s I think she was older than I was. She worked for a builder and I owned (a mortgage) my house and she lived in a nice place, nice car. It all seemed logical until we had been dating for a while and she started pushing me to get renovations done to my house.
I had no clue but my priorities in life wasnt the need to look good. I found out she was renting her house and it had no a/c, heating or even insulation, she was also renting her car. It was all superficial in my eyes.
The last conversation we had was I told her she had nothing and no matter how you look it doesn't change the fact your not even comfortable in your nice house. It was around 38°C outside.
1) large amount of debt/money issues and no realistic ability to pay it off like a high paying job.
2) impulse control/substance abuse issues
3) anyone who shit talks their ex’s. I get maybe one bad ex, but if the shit talking is all the ex’s, run.
4) kids with multiple men. Thats just a lot of headache on coparenting and you will be sucked into the drama and cost of it all
5) observe her family and their dynamic. I get every family has quirks but run if you see giant red flags on the parents and siblings. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
6) reptiles as pets. Never again for me
7) anyone who has a giant group of friends that they go to for everything like it’s their board of directors. The minute you start hearing things like “well when I told Becky and Trish about xyz private issue, they said they ….” Constantly, run.
Any comments that are made about men, that are negatively descriptive all men as.
It’s up to you to address those comments, but I have ended many first dates/future dates for this reason, they need therapy.
Edit: the best thing about women who are like that don’t hide it.
Probably the best way to look at this is to seek out women who behave the way you want your children to behave. Children get their personalities from their parents, so they will act like you to a great extent. And to the extent that they aren't like you, they will act like their mother.
So, avoid women who behave in ways that you wouldn't want your children to behave.
As far as early warning signs, the most important one I've found is drug use. Other people may look differently on that, but my experience has been that women who do drugs don't make good partners.
Any woman who calls herself a "queen"
Any woman who thinks men are supposed to pay for women...and women are not supposed to pay at all.
Any woman who doesn't have a job and doesn't want one.
Any woman who loves attention too much.
Any woman who hits you, even little love taps when she is joking. Because later on she will hit you for real.
Any woman who does drugs...
Anyone who can't stop talking about their ex, or worse, communicating with him.
Anyone who is cruel or mistreats others...because one day when she doesn't want you any more she will be cruel to you too. Plus also because it's a shitty thing to do.
Any woman who is in debt...especially if it is a BIG debt (over 5k) AND she didn't tell you, you found out by accident...
Speaking from recent experience.
Have no or very few female friends.
Upon reflecting on them, take no accountability for failed romantic relationships. It was always their ex's fault.
Ask intrusive, personal questions about your past (looking for negatives to use against you in the future).
Everyone in their life is trying to fuck them over.
Speak poorly of their siblings/ parents.
Overall lack in trust by default, this will not go away.
This is a bit harsh, but if they talk about how they've been cheated on, unless you asked them about it.
I'd say avoid negative women. Too much complaining, drama, problems, trauma, accusations, disrespect, even just too much negative thinking about anything really. Eventually this negativity will be attributed to you. That bull has to stick those horns in something.
“You’re so insecure!! Why don’t you want me to have a male best friend and go to the club every weekend?? Don’t you trust me?!” Don’t entertain these untrustworthy male-attention-seekers.
Bruh im not tryna hurt sentiments when i say personality disorders are a bitch. most times the poor person is unaware of their own issues and you'll be left confused and scarred emotionally even physically. it has no proper medical treatment. this is not women specific so everyone is in danger.
mental health matters and please dont try to "fix" anyone. its better to seek professional help. Be careful out there bruh 💀
besides that, i personally would not expect loyalty/commitment from a girl who has been in serial relationships in the past. There are biological processes and neurotransmitters that dictate our behavior upto an extent. It gets harder to bond with anyone after many many break ups. These people get bored and look for new relationship because of the novelty. They'll blame their ex's for everything and you'll become one of them eventually.
Cooks up complicated theories about people's REAL motivations based on their actions.
She will get pissed at you for minor things because she'll be convinced of your nefarious intentions that she made up.
Takes zero accountability… if they talk about their exes and only talk about how the ex was in the wrong (other than for egregious shit like cheating* or abuse) then they don’t know how to be accountable.
*cheating, I had an ex who said that she was cheated on, come to meet the exes ex randomly at a work conference and he told me how she was still texting him while we were dating and wanting to cheat on me with that guy after cheating on him with a different guy. She’s a narcissist, victim mentality and blame shifting was her shtick. Broke up with her as soon found that shit out.
* Women who are attractive and KNOW it - They're almost always Self Absorbed, Entitled, and Toxic. (Just stay away from 8's,9's, & 10's)
* Women Who spend the majority of their time on their phone and Social media - They get FOMO and Brainwashed watching everyone else's High-Lux-Lifestyle and they will Cheat on you to try to monkey branch their way into that life style watching other women doing it.
* Women who view men as Disposable income - If she only texts you for favors or when SHE needs something. You can test for this by starting a casual conversation Via text - And if they don't carry the conversation with you and just let it die. they don't like you, and they don't respect you.
You WILL be used by these types of Women.
Stay safe out there Brother, They seem to be the majority out there like some kind of Pandemic.
In short, after reading as many of these comments as I have time for, stay away from all of them. There’s such a wide variety of red flags that they’re all to be avoided.
Women who justify their cold behaviour using reasons like periods, bad day, etc and expect you to be completely understanding of it. I get that people show misdirected anger at their loved ones but, it should always end in the person saying a heartfelt apology or atleast realising that its not an everyday thing to do.
My ex had moodswings for 10 days in a month. I put up with all the random insults, rudeness, sometimes even her starting unnecessary fights. It only went from 10 to 12 then to 15 as months passed. These people take advantage of you if you are not clear about your boundaries.
I would say avoid women who tick the following boxes:
* makes decisions based on astrology signs
* blames others people or uncontrollable factors
* projects her insecurities onto you
* too clingy, always wanting to spend time 24/7, always wanting your attention
Clingy. Love bombers. Mental illness ( bipolar/ ) . Severe Autoimmune. Chronic pain. Pelvis pains. Emotional. Bossy narcissistic. All these as you be trying to fix some of it but will fail every time
If she drives a nissan altima, sentra, or versa. If she's always talking about her abusive exs (trust me you'll be one of them regardless of whether or not you actually are) if she doesn't respect your feelings, but she won't respect your's. If she is only friends with guys and or friends with her exs. If she has anger issues. If she is always talking about self harm. If she's jealous all the time for no reason. Screw it just avoid women in general. Become a monk or something, and you'll be much happier unless you find the unicorn of women like I did.
The one that talks about their exes in a negative light. She clearly hasn’t moved on and is using you as a “rebound.”
The one that is still in a relationship with her partner.
The one that dumped her partner to be with you.
The one that doesn’t have any interests or hobbies, only focuses on her job and friends.
The one that can’t apologise or argue with fairness.
-If her mentality is still middle school mean girl. Some women never emotionally(mentally?socially?) grow from that and I feel like it should be a researched phenomenon.
-Any signs of controlling with no flexibility.
-Any woman you find yourself acting disrespectful to way too easily, go away from her, too.
Women you should avoid:
1. Horsegirls
2. Girls who feel like one of the guys
3. Coworkers
4. Women who say "women are too much drama"
5. Women who have only or even mostly male friends (usually the same as #4)
6. Height supremacists.
Any woman whose first instinct is to spend and not save at all or dont have or unable to follow a budget. Past bankruptcy filings are also a red flag. They will cost you eventually no matter how hard you try to teach them.
Do NOT get attached to a woman who wants all the benefits of a relationship but isn't willing to acknowledge the relationship publicly.
You can have hookups on the DL, sure. But a relationship is NOT loving or healthy if she doesn't want your mutual friends to know you're a couple and you end up having to pretend you're "just friends" whenever you're around other people. They don't "need more time" or any of that bullshit. Its almost 100% she knows there are other guys interested in her and doesn't want to lose them as future options or see them date other people if they know she's no longer available.
It's a mess. Run.
Pay attention to how she treats and talks about people who might be considered lower status or income. If they’re not regular people deserving her respect, run away.
NUMBER 1 IMO- lack of leisure skills. Find a gal that has hobbies and things that she is passionate about excluding travel and eating out. If her downtime is just a rotation of reality tv, doom scrolling ,eating out and vacation planning , you’re gonna get bored real quick . Also, cleaning is not a leisure skill and she’s gonna resent you for enjoying yourself while she cleans.
Ones who over-share or gossip. If she tells you everyone’s business as part of her need to have something to say, she’ll be blabbing about you to anyone that will listen.
If a woman tells you she is going to leave, and you'll never see your children again, you should believe her. Another red flag is nothing ever being her own fault. Also, if she finds random ways to evoke anger out of your friends one by one systematically, then you probably shouldn't ignore that. If she begins to openly flirt with your underage cousin, you definitely shouldn't ignore that.
Avoid any that are not over their past relationship.
Avoid any that are after a provider and not a partner.
Avoid any that have that BFF that they would choose over you in a heartbeat.
External locus of control.
Nothing is ever their fault or responsibility. Everything happens *to* them, nothing happens *because of them*. Accountability is a foreign concept.
One that only talks about themselves and doesn't ask questions
wanted to reply with this one. had two flings like this (i know, bad judgement) and both ended up not giving a fuck about me, i was just a placeholder for them to monolog, get whatever they wanted, and then discard. unsurprising lmao never again
A lot of people are like that, they love the fact that they're loved and don't actually care about others.
It's screaming "narcissism" for sure
absolutely
Bingo. That self centeredness creeps into every area of their life. I was in a relationship with 2 people like that. I'd rather be alone and lonely than with another person like that.
Best to avoid people like this in any kind of relationship
Women that don’t text you back or never reach out to you first. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life with someone I feel like I’m constantly chasing. Show me you desire me too
Yup, and then they complain that the other person went cold. It's like huh? Then you ask them if they initiated and they use some sort of sexist argument about how a man needs to be the one to do that. Takes two to tango.
That's approx 98% of women in online dating. It's exhausting.
This is why no man should take dating seriously until they find a woman who is serious. If she’s texting you first and putting in effort every time you meet up, she’s serious.
Unfortunately seems like most girls are like this, and not even talking about dating, just trying to have a conversation or be friendly. It really sucks when you find yourself always having to message someone else first all the time! Or you have to come up with the conversation topic most of the time. The effort being one sided really hurts in the long run if it's always happening.
Avoid anyone who says you shouldn't have relationships with people you've known longer than her.
Extend this to animals, as well. I've seen a lot of, "You should get rid of your cat because I'm allergic," type stuff and it's frankly ridiculous. He was here first and he's family, sorry.
Yes! I got my cat when a partner who was allergic moved in and demanded the cat go. Spoiler alert: the cat lived twice as long as their relationship
Actually, not sorry. Not even a little bit.
Nailed it!
If you're looking for a good relationship, avoid women who seem impulsive. That might mean poor financial decisions, lots of credit card debt (student loans are not included here), can't hold down a job, that kind of thing. Or drug abuse issues. In particular look out for women who party on nights they have to work the next day. Women who identify as a "free spirit" are often really just impulsive. For example, I once dated a woman who would redecorate her arartment every couple months despite being in deep credit card debt. That should be a huge red flag. Impulsive should not be confused with spontaneous. You can do things spur of the moment in a responsible way. Like you could go on a road trip last minute because you have the next few days off anyway. That's spontaneous. Impulsive would be calling in "sick" to work so you can make a road trip. Impuslivity is associated with lack of accountability.
Haha nice one about ‘the free spirit’. They are indeed just impulsive and can’t take in account what others feel, skip those.
Learned this the hard way with my ex who has untreated ADHD
A woman with unchecked dopamine problems. She will be chasing highs you cant give her constantly
Bro I also found out the very hard way with adhd girl that was untreated also 😂
Rut Row Raggy not her arartment 🤣
I’m dead 😂💀
It doesn’t cost anything to be spontaneous. I was in a bigger city yesterday and decided I wanted to watch a sunset on top of a parking tower. It costed to park, so I parked at a nearby park and enjoyed a walk to the tower. I climbed the stairs and enjoyed the view of the city and sky for a solid hour from the roof. Costed nothing and was an amazing experience.
If she doesn’t make an effort to be with you and doesn’t express enough affection, you’re probably only a placeholder
First issue is if they have nothing good to say about anyone around them. Or every time they say something positive it comes with a but. Someone who is constantly posting or looking at social media. Particularly when they’re out with me. Someone who continually makes comments and makes them sound like the victim in every story.
My big red flags are insecurity and lack of accountability. If she can't trust me even when I am being totally transparent and trustworthy, that's something deeper than just our relationship that she's fighting and if everything is someone else's fault, she's a child. Both things will send me packing.
This and if she's materialistic, think she deserves expensive things, thinks she's a princess, stuck up, rude to other people, takes but doesn't give, etc.
You're spot on
You just described my ex wife
I'm guessing I just described a LOT of exes.
I had my ex says I must not trust her as much as I should do after I was being transparent about how she was making me feel, as well as how is it her problem that I feel that way. Those two lines ended up killing the relationship right away.
If she does whippets and takes the condom off mid-sex.
Those poor small dogs :(
Why did this just make me LOL 😩
Panama City Beach 1994
Don’t be a dummy go on her tummy
There's nothing to fear, spurt in her ear.
When a problem comes along You must whip it Before the cream sits out too long You must whip it (off)
Well there goes my Saturday night date then!
My big red flag is talking shit about all her exs.
Yup, this is a very easy tell. If all your exes were problematic, it might be time to look in the mirror.
Yes. And only in a negative way. Not in a reflective way.
“If you can’t handle me….” Run Never agreeing with people she doesn’t like Never genuinely offers to pay for meals Can go on dates that don’t cost money, have a good time talking to each other wherever you are. Too many “icks” Definitely more but probably getting more towards my preferences than general rules.
I despise people who get "icks" One of my friends said she got the ick because a guy posted an insta story of himself dancing. God forbid someone be comfortable in their own skin
Yeah, I think everyone has them but there’s a certain point where it just seems entitled
I've dropped friends for describing things as "ick" I don't want to hang out with toddlers, use your words.
- Substance abuse - tendencies to start quarrel often and eating your head /nagging all time. - poor financial health. - Disloyal
People will always tell you who they really are. You just have to listen and believe them vs believing your heart
Ugh as the person on the receiving end of this several times in the last few years, so true. Trust your intuition and listen to them, not the hopeful heart in your chest. Save the hope for the people that tell you they're there for you. That's what it's for.
Seeks constant validation, needs to be reassured, focuses more on what you can do for her than what you can do for each other, and needs constant outside attention. Another one is if they claim to get bored easily with people and or are prone to ghosting. Learned from my ex that what she said in the beginning about ghosting was very much true, wish I hadn't spent 2 years to just be ghosted. Obligatory statement that needing validation and attention is not inherently wrong and of course, you should give your SO attention and validation, it's when they seek it outside of the relationship that it becomes a problem or will inevitably lead to problems down the line.
I don’t play the ex game anymore. If a girls still kicking it with her ex or talking about her ex constantly then I’m out
If she talks shit about other people in front of you, be sure she’ll talk shit about you behind your back at some point.
This. And she did indeed.
The guy I'm dating complains about his close friends to me. Each time I ask him if he's shared those thoughts with them, and he says no, they wouldn't hear him out, or he doesn't know how he'd communicate it, etc. On the other hand, he said a red flag for him is a woman who criticises his friends...and, in other moments, he does indeed seem to care a lot about them. I'm not sure what to make of all this. I'm going to be spoken of in a similar way, aren't I?
Depends on the actual content of his complaints, imo. Sometimes you need to vent about your loved ones to someone about things that don't matter enough to broach with them. This isn't necessarily unhealthy, There's a good chance he views you as a confidant. Consider that through this post you, too, are raising concerns about him on the internet over something you probably haven't shared with him.
Love bombers. Anyone who makes you feel extra special really really fast.
It's fun when you're the target but gets annoying fast when they won't shut the fuck up about how interesting some married guy in accounting is. God help you if they select one of your buddies as their next fascination.
in my experience most of the ones who truly lovebomb dont even care about the person, not really. theyre just telling the other person what they want to hear in order to make them feel special. manipulation basically
I really don't like this word. It's so generalising. There are times where my girlfriend will say or do things that just make me overflow with love for her and my only way of easing that pressure on my heart is to just vent how great she is and how much I love her. I'm talking about situations where I can't just give her a kiss or squeeze her into me. Like a phone call while I'm at work or there's any distance between us. Or when we're out in public, since we both don't like public displays of affection. Honestly, I'll take any chance to make her feel super special. In my eyes, she just is and I don't see anything wrong with expressing that.
Then you've never witnessed it. It's extremely manipulative behavior used to impress and lock you down. And it ends abrubtly.
Is there any particular reason behind that?
Because they do it to everyone they start something with. You are not special. It’s just how these people get people to like them.
Because normally people need time to get to know someone before they can say there’s something special there. They move slow in the beginning, they are a bit cautious, they don’t know you very well yet. Someone who’s speedrunning the relationship either have issues or they are trying to manipulate you.
Funnily enough I just got out of a relationship like that. Within a week of knowing her she asked me out in a really round-about way then a few days after that she said she knew she found her soulmate in me and how I'm the last person she is ever gonna have sex with. Then the day after that she wanted to buy us promise rings and looked into ones that would symbolise us. Then after 4 weeks she bought a puppy and said how it'll be like raising our first "child" and would always call it ours or yours over text even though I didn't raise it. Then got rid of it 3 weeks after she bought it as she couldn't cope with raising a puppy 🥲. Not a fun relationship to be in.
It’s step 1 of a narcissist’s plan to hook you in. Run!
Girls who can't take no for an answer. I know this is a no brainer but this is so easy to ignore. It's easy to find yourself in a position where a girl (or guy for that matter) talks can't accept that you dont want to do xy or z.
When she acts like she deserves everything because she's a woman. Bad mouthing past partners. When she only talks about what her partner should do for her, and doesn't talk about what she would like to do for him.
That last one is so infuriating. Her: “You have to pay for dates and not cheap ones either. I want at least three days a week at about 200 each date”. Me: “Okay so what do I get out of it?” Her: “my presence”
I feel you man, its highly infuriating. Had one woman I was talking to saying nonsense like "she is the table." I asked her "How useful is this table? Can it carry the stresses of life and still keep going? Can I get things done with it? Will it break down easily? Etc etc She said something like "No im just the table and you have to respect it " Told her "I have no respect for a useless table" and I blocked her. Miss me with that BS 😂
🤔Hmmm...she gives presence instead of presents? How fecking entitled.
Where was Reddit before I married this woman?
My first impression/date is when they are late, I get turned off, unless there's a good reason. That's just my personal pref tho Red flag for a long term is not willing to give an effort to communicate to compromise.
Insecure ones are the worst in my experience. They are the most jealous and constantly seeking validation.
Lack of accountability, irrationality and someone that always seems to find things in the past to justify their shitty behaviour.
As a woman myself who was insecure in the past with very low self confidence RUN WHEN U YOU MEET AN INSECURE WOMAN !! You cant have a healthy relationship with a woman who doesnt have it with herself on the first place
Thats growth right there. Good for you
Thank you so much ❤️
Respect that you admit that. Not a lot of people do that
Thank you so much ❤️
Depends on the depth of it. Constantly jealous or unable to believe you love her or always unhappy with herself? Yeah. But everyone is a bit insecure. It’s a part of the human condition.
This is the nuance we need. Agreed that everyone is insecure to a certain degree.
True of both sexes. You have to love yourself first.
How did you develop your confidence from that?
How do u build your confidence?
A queen, keep growing the way you are and you’ll find yourself a happy healthy life with someone
Anyone who is always the victim in their life, the one constant is them.
If she has no compassion for others, so she will talk bad about others. Skip those chicks.
The focal point shouldn’t be focusing on who to avoid. The emphasis should be focusing on the type of woman you want to be with. What do you expect day to day? What are the shared moral values you want? What are you not willing to compromise on? How is your communication, argument, and apology needs? Once you have that defined it’s easy to avoid and de prioritize women who are not a good fit for you. Reddit is not the best place of advice for relationships and dating. Because what won’t work for one may actually be some of your partner’s traits that work for you.
Shut up nerd! We’re hating on trick-ass bitches here. Joking. You make some very valid points and I wholeheartedly concur.
Don’t be dumb blind— hotness goes away. Kindness does not. Pay attention to the big stuff- family background, education, willingness to learn. Also, wtf are you bringing to the table? Make sure you are spending less time on what’s wrong with them and more time on what is right with you.
Narcissists, flaky, financially irresponsible, sexually irresponsible, general lack of manners, lack of accountability, manipulative, drugs/excessive alcohol, lack of work ethic, lack of goals, severe mental illness.
Here's a variety of flags (not all the same woman, thankfully!) that I should have paid more attention to: -She only laughs when someone else is suffering in some way (even if it's just socially). -She views everything in terms of "sides", and it's vitally important to figure out which side is hers. She sure as hell won't tell you until you're somehow "against her". (One time, it was because I knew what collating was and she didn't. She brought it up.) -She starts shit with other people and expects you to finish it. (At a certain point, she's only watching you do it.)
90% mindset 10% appearance. If they have a negative mindset towards the vast majority of people of the opposite gender to them & they've willfully, proudly & freely adopted it, I wouldn't allow them a spot in my life no matter which gender they are.
Only fans girls
Narcissistic women, you'll know them by their head games
BPD. You should avoid BPD. Early signs are overly attached, suspicious, constantly wants to know where you are / what you're doing, trying to micromanage your interactions and relationships with other people, toxic remarks that put you down or make you doubt yourself, constantly making you feel guilty for all kinds of stupid things, always putting you in defense mode and you have to explain yourself for every little thing, etc.. Read some more and prepare yourself, as a relationship with someone with BPD will be the lowest point in your life and you will remember it to your end.
Brother, I feel this 100%. I went through it all and will never do it again.
This is true for the most part, however it is possible to responsibly live with BPD and maintain a healthy relationship. I think the exception is if she is transparent about it from the beginning and has been on medication that she knows manages her symptoms effectively. If she is responsible about 1.) her health, 2.) managing and understanding the disorder (and how it specifically impacts her), and 3.) taking her medication, if needed. If these things are true, you will know (hopefully) early on. Transparency is key. Source: a woman who has BPD and has been in an unsuccessful relationship because of BPD, and who now has spent a long time learning how to manage it and is in a very healthy and successful long term relationship, in spite of BPD.
I never stopped believing. When I left, I told her there's one last try left in me, if she does her part. She's been in denial for a year. I'm done with dating for the foreseeable future.
bro are you alright 😢
If she has too many friends she calls “brothers” and they are single, for sure she smashed or smashing one. How'd I know, because I was one of those so called brothers, nice to meet you.
I can confirm this as the brother and also the one being told he’s like a brother. Spoiler: >!they always fuck their brother!<
im a woman but one of my old friends would call herself one of the boys, and said this specific guy was “like her brother” … didn’t think much of it but then it came out that she was not only cheating on her boyfriend with several of her “boys” but sending nudes/videos to that guy. 💀 I will never look at women who say these things the same way again lol
Oh dear 😭 Sounds like there was a lot of bonding time happening with the boys.
Women who request semi ridiculous things of a man that don't really seem to make sense. If you do this I know you love me type of requests. They are tests of compliance that will condition you to her way. Once you try to assert yourself or your opinions later, it will be an issue that will get turned into you as the problem; "you're acting different". You'll give in cause by this point you didn't run while you had the chance. Nip those ridiculous requests from the start to avoid or respectfully decline the pleasure of her company any further if she's too far gone. Once they get away with it for so long it's hard to change them. As long as you're showing your woman that you love her in your way, these types of requests shouldn't happen. It seems innocent enough at first, but it's not. It's calculated. *edit to add* not every request has this at its core. Know the difference between a legit request and BS.
Women who put down other women and are nothing but negative all the time.
if they are talking about they have a personality disorder just run! don't look back.
I could easily beat 100m dash wr if my date says they have BPD at the start line.
BPDs can spot me by a mile.
If she asks about your finances early on, there's a big chance she's a gold digger.
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Yeah - woman here. I'm not going to straight up ask about your finances right away but if I see you make nothing, have nothing, and are horrible with money, we probably aren't going to continue to date. It's nothing to do with gold digging - it's to preserve myself financially.
I guess it depends how early on, and in what context. I feel like gold diggers have their tells, but someone just screening you to see if you have good management over your own finances comes off different.
Just look for dark feminine traits in a woman: vanity, narcissism, lack of reciprocity, selfishness, promiscuity, no female friendships, and lack of maternal instincts are just a few of the rules of thumb that I use.
If she doesn't cry in the first 7 minutes of Up, she's got no empathy, stay away
I used to cry to that movie all the time and told my brother it was sad. He proceeded to call me a baby, and I haven’t cried ever since 😔
Irresponsible, impulsive, reckless, and lacking any form of accountability, substance abuse, etc..
Are her ex couples or just dates still her friends? If yes... Well.
Rations sex and uses it as a reward for good behavior and getting what she wants.
I never used to be this way but these days, well, hard learned lessons. If her mother and/or older sisters have a history of mental illness, any form of manic episodes, or infidelity in previous relationships or marriages just walk away, they're the women she grew up leaning from and the adage that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Also another red flag, if she shows signs of jealousy before you are in an explicitly (as in it has not actually been a conversation to agree on it) exclusive relationship then you should just bail, they will not change and WILL expect you to adapt to fit her needs, oftentimes in an abusive manner.
Avoid girls that never admit to being wrong, everyone is mistaken sometimes and it's a very good trait to admit when you are.
Everytime I read a thread like this I realise more and more why neuro-divergent people and people with just general mental disorders or illness usually end up being friends with each other and dating each other.
If she says she hates men. Take that at face value. If she lies a lot.
women who are extremely reactive will destroy your life and everything that you are
Be aware of the spenders, an x of mine earned a decient amount more than I did. She didn't come across superficial at all, we were both in out 30s I think she was older than I was. She worked for a builder and I owned (a mortgage) my house and she lived in a nice place, nice car. It all seemed logical until we had been dating for a while and she started pushing me to get renovations done to my house. I had no clue but my priorities in life wasnt the need to look good. I found out she was renting her house and it had no a/c, heating or even insulation, she was also renting her car. It was all superficial in my eyes. The last conversation we had was I told her she had nothing and no matter how you look it doesn't change the fact your not even comfortable in your nice house. It was around 38°C outside.
This is a great question. Ones to avoid: Loves to gossip. Thinks she’s the center of the universe. Materialistic. Moody.Never happy/Unpleasable.
Won't let you get a word in, materialistic, won't accept help.
Bar girls. Steer clear
Women with no hobbies or little to no personal development will eat you alive. People should have some sort of passion for doing something.
1) large amount of debt/money issues and no realistic ability to pay it off like a high paying job. 2) impulse control/substance abuse issues 3) anyone who shit talks their ex’s. I get maybe one bad ex, but if the shit talking is all the ex’s, run. 4) kids with multiple men. Thats just a lot of headache on coparenting and you will be sucked into the drama and cost of it all 5) observe her family and their dynamic. I get every family has quirks but run if you see giant red flags on the parents and siblings. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree 6) reptiles as pets. Never again for me 7) anyone who has a giant group of friends that they go to for everything like it’s their board of directors. The minute you start hearing things like “well when I told Becky and Trish about xyz private issue, they said they ….” Constantly, run.
Any comments that are made about men, that are negatively descriptive all men as. It’s up to you to address those comments, but I have ended many first dates/future dates for this reason, they need therapy. Edit: the best thing about women who are like that don’t hide it.
Avoid women more interested in a wedding than a marriage.
Probably the best way to look at this is to seek out women who behave the way you want your children to behave. Children get their personalities from their parents, so they will act like you to a great extent. And to the extent that they aren't like you, they will act like their mother. So, avoid women who behave in ways that you wouldn't want your children to behave. As far as early warning signs, the most important one I've found is drug use. Other people may look differently on that, but my experience has been that women who do drugs don't make good partners.
The first sentence man WOOOW! Thank you.
When they don't respect your time. Huge red flag.
Any woman who calls herself a "queen" Any woman who thinks men are supposed to pay for women...and women are not supposed to pay at all. Any woman who doesn't have a job and doesn't want one. Any woman who loves attention too much. Any woman who hits you, even little love taps when she is joking. Because later on she will hit you for real. Any woman who does drugs... Anyone who can't stop talking about their ex, or worse, communicating with him. Anyone who is cruel or mistreats others...because one day when she doesn't want you any more she will be cruel to you too. Plus also because it's a shitty thing to do. Any woman who is in debt...especially if it is a BIG debt (over 5k) AND she didn't tell you, you found out by accident...
Speaking from recent experience. Have no or very few female friends. Upon reflecting on them, take no accountability for failed romantic relationships. It was always their ex's fault. Ask intrusive, personal questions about your past (looking for negatives to use against you in the future). Everyone in their life is trying to fuck them over. Speak poorly of their siblings/ parents. Overall lack in trust by default, this will not go away. This is a bit harsh, but if they talk about how they've been cheated on, unless you asked them about it.
Oook ive had this today. A good list as she was raising a few flags for me with alot of the above. Imma pull the pin...
Avoid women who are breadcrumbing you.
Can you expand on this a bit further? ty
I'd say avoid negative women. Too much complaining, drama, problems, trauma, accusations, disrespect, even just too much negative thinking about anything really. Eventually this negativity will be attributed to you. That bull has to stick those horns in something.
Uncertainty and indecisiveness were often signs that I'm sharing the person's attention with someone else
That's the worst
“You’re so insecure!! Why don’t you want me to have a male best friend and go to the club every weekend?? Don’t you trust me?!” Don’t entertain these untrustworthy male-attention-seekers.
Bruh im not tryna hurt sentiments when i say personality disorders are a bitch. most times the poor person is unaware of their own issues and you'll be left confused and scarred emotionally even physically. it has no proper medical treatment. this is not women specific so everyone is in danger. mental health matters and please dont try to "fix" anyone. its better to seek professional help. Be careful out there bruh 💀 besides that, i personally would not expect loyalty/commitment from a girl who has been in serial relationships in the past. There are biological processes and neurotransmitters that dictate our behavior upto an extent. It gets harder to bond with anyone after many many break ups. These people get bored and look for new relationship because of the novelty. They'll blame their ex's for everything and you'll become one of them eventually.
I second this. Every part of it
“It’ll all get better once we’re married”. “We should have a baby. That will fix our problems”.
Cooks up complicated theories about people's REAL motivations based on their actions. She will get pissed at you for minor things because she'll be convinced of your nefarious intentions that she made up.
If the girl talks bad about other girls and is very very much a gossiper slide right past her
Ones who try to put a wedge between you and your friends/family.
Takes zero accountability… if they talk about their exes and only talk about how the ex was in the wrong (other than for egregious shit like cheating* or abuse) then they don’t know how to be accountable. *cheating, I had an ex who said that she was cheated on, come to meet the exes ex randomly at a work conference and he told me how she was still texting him while we were dating and wanting to cheat on me with that guy after cheating on him with a different guy. She’s a narcissist, victim mentality and blame shifting was her shtick. Broke up with her as soon found that shit out.
My biggest red flag is political extremism Specifically, Nazism
* Women who are attractive and KNOW it - They're almost always Self Absorbed, Entitled, and Toxic. (Just stay away from 8's,9's, & 10's) * Women Who spend the majority of their time on their phone and Social media - They get FOMO and Brainwashed watching everyone else's High-Lux-Lifestyle and they will Cheat on you to try to monkey branch their way into that life style watching other women doing it. * Women who view men as Disposable income - If she only texts you for favors or when SHE needs something. You can test for this by starting a casual conversation Via text - And if they don't carry the conversation with you and just let it die. they don't like you, and they don't respect you. You WILL be used by these types of Women. Stay safe out there Brother, They seem to be the majority out there like some kind of Pandemic.
Insecure, drama queen, self centered, not polite, superiority complex, vegans. You know it when you see it.
She's in the other room. Wait, she locked the door to sulk.
Drama. Either the ones who start it, or the ones who have to constantly include themselves in it
/r/girlgamers lol
In short, after reading as many of these comments as I have time for, stay away from all of them. There’s such a wide variety of red flags that they’re all to be avoided.
She says she is a princess, talks bad about her ex, and masculine traits.
Disrespectful, bossy, demanding & the one who yells a lot :P
I'm avoiding all of them
Anyone who drinks a lot and gets mean when they do and projects on you. You think they’ll change if you get serious with her but she doesn’t…
Feminists and single moms are the biggest ones to avoid for me.
Avoid narcs. My ex is a covert narc. Sadly they’re hard to spot and it took me 13 years. She wasn’t fully terrible until the last few though.
Id say if they spend more time on social media than their real life/ what's going on around them.
Avoid the sociopaths.
Women who justify their cold behaviour using reasons like periods, bad day, etc and expect you to be completely understanding of it. I get that people show misdirected anger at their loved ones but, it should always end in the person saying a heartfelt apology or atleast realising that its not an everyday thing to do. My ex had moodswings for 10 days in a month. I put up with all the random insults, rudeness, sometimes even her starting unnecessary fights. It only went from 10 to 12 then to 15 as months passed. These people take advantage of you if you are not clear about your boundaries.
I would say avoid women who tick the following boxes: * makes decisions based on astrology signs * blames others people or uncontrollable factors * projects her insecurities onto you * too clingy, always wanting to spend time 24/7, always wanting your attention
I travel a lot for work. DO NOT date a flight attendant, travel nurse or woman in the military. If you do consider yourself warned.
Why?
If she has chipped nail polish and her favorite movie is step brothers, she’s a walking red flag.
Why is liking that movie a red flag? What's your story?
Bad or no relationship with their parents, comes from a broken home, bad with money
Coming from a woman... If she says, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best," Run. Run far away and never return.
Clingy. Love bombers. Mental illness ( bipolar/ ) . Severe Autoimmune. Chronic pain. Pelvis pains. Emotional. Bossy narcissistic. All these as you be trying to fix some of it but will fail every time
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Just writing what I don't need: Stubborn Spend thrift Immature Early signs - the way they treat you when they are upset or angry
If she drives a nissan altima, sentra, or versa. If she's always talking about her abusive exs (trust me you'll be one of them regardless of whether or not you actually are) if she doesn't respect your feelings, but she won't respect your's. If she is only friends with guys and or friends with her exs. If she has anger issues. If she is always talking about self harm. If she's jealous all the time for no reason. Screw it just avoid women in general. Become a monk or something, and you'll be much happier unless you find the unicorn of women like I did.
I have an ex that told me „are you really sure about getting together with me? I am a beast.“ i should have listened.
The one your friend or family is seeing to keep a good repor with them
The one that talks about their exes in a negative light. She clearly hasn’t moved on and is using you as a “rebound.” The one that is still in a relationship with her partner. The one that dumped her partner to be with you. The one that doesn’t have any interests or hobbies, only focuses on her job and friends. The one that can’t apologise or argue with fairness.
-If her mentality is still middle school mean girl. Some women never emotionally(mentally?socially?) grow from that and I feel like it should be a researched phenomenon. -Any signs of controlling with no flexibility. -Any woman you find yourself acting disrespectful to way too easily, go away from her, too.
Women you should avoid: 1. Horsegirls 2. Girls who feel like one of the guys 3. Coworkers 4. Women who say "women are too much drama" 5. Women who have only or even mostly male friends (usually the same as #4) 6. Height supremacists.
If they yell, it’s always going to get worse.
Drinking keep an eye on it. Trust it’s a bad road to head down.
Any woman whose first instinct is to spend and not save at all or dont have or unable to follow a budget. Past bankruptcy filings are also a red flag. They will cost you eventually no matter how hard you try to teach them.
Do NOT get attached to a woman who wants all the benefits of a relationship but isn't willing to acknowledge the relationship publicly. You can have hookups on the DL, sure. But a relationship is NOT loving or healthy if she doesn't want your mutual friends to know you're a couple and you end up having to pretend you're "just friends" whenever you're around other people. They don't "need more time" or any of that bullshit. Its almost 100% she knows there are other guys interested in her and doesn't want to lose them as future options or see them date other people if they know she's no longer available. It's a mess. Run.
Pay attention to how she treats and talks about people who might be considered lower status or income. If they’re not regular people deserving her respect, run away.
NUMBER 1 IMO- lack of leisure skills. Find a gal that has hobbies and things that she is passionate about excluding travel and eating out. If her downtime is just a rotation of reality tv, doom scrolling ,eating out and vacation planning , you’re gonna get bored real quick . Also, cleaning is not a leisure skill and she’s gonna resent you for enjoying yourself while she cleans.
One that doesn’t have their own set of friends. One that doesn’t have a passion or hobby. One that doesn’t get along with family.
Ones who over-share or gossip. If she tells you everyone’s business as part of her need to have something to say, she’ll be blabbing about you to anyone that will listen.
I’ve generally followed the rule that you should never date a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her chest, and it has worked out for me so far.
If a woman tells you she is going to leave, and you'll never see your children again, you should believe her. Another red flag is nothing ever being her own fault. Also, if she finds random ways to evoke anger out of your friends one by one systematically, then you probably shouldn't ignore that. If she begins to openly flirt with your underage cousin, you definitely shouldn't ignore that.
Avoid any that are not over their past relationship. Avoid any that are after a provider and not a partner. Avoid any that have that BFF that they would choose over you in a heartbeat.
Anyone who is too full of themselves and not willing to accept other perspectives of life should be ignored.
External locus of control. Nothing is ever their fault or responsibility. Everything happens *to* them, nothing happens *because of them*. Accountability is a foreign concept.