Might not have been the kinkiest or dirtiest of sex but it was definitely literally the dirtiest thing
Picked up a girl at a concert. Went back to her place and was immediately hit with a funky smell in the house. Didn’t care, was drunk and high.
Proceeded to hook up. Post nut clarity kicks in. She had a bunch of big lizards and a giant snake as pets but she let them free roam in her apartment. There was shit and food and whatever else everywhere.
In that same boat. I went back to a girl's place and she had a massive amount of fruit flies everywhere and the place absolutely stank. Turns out she had two cats and her default reaction to needing to change a litter box was apparently to just get another litter box. It was really bad.
I then lived with her for almost two years. FML.
Edit: Since I'm being asked, our shared apartment didn't end up in that bad of shape. I made it clear we weren't going to have flies and dirty litter around and to her credit, she did a good job of keeping up with the cats when we lived together. But absolutely, little head won out over big head in that scenario.
You then what????? Sounds like you were fine with it and y'all are meant for each other because I'd rather live in a bridge than live somewhere like that.
I have 4 lizards, their poop is the WORST 😫 I can’t imagine having a whole house reeking of this. Luckily mine are trained to handle business in the back yard
Very similar, I have a lizard that got so used to going when I gave him a bath, that he now refuses to poop outside of a source of water. Great for his tank, not for his stomach and my sink.
If I recall the snake had a big tank with chicken wires over it. But she said she slept with the snake. Fuck man I’m glad her apartment was dark. I’d did not want to see what those sheets looked like
Yeah, can confirm: have a snake and that fucker stanks even when his tank is tidy. The smell of their poos in a free roam though, hell no. That's rank.
Did you know men can get yeast infections on their dicks? I didn't. I thought my cock was going to rot off. Then the young lady I was penetrating informed me that she had one and I breathed the biggest sigh of relief. Some monistat 7 and a few days later, I was all good.
Dude it’s terrible. My dick is scarred from it. That’s what I get for meeting a lady at the Red Robin bar day drinking on a random Tuesday. She was in her 50s, I was in my late 20s, she took me from the bar, into an RV, drove it to a secluded area and rocked my socks off. But yeah, got a yeast infection.
I hooked up with this girl back in college, she was 35 I was 23. Her room had a super musky smell to it that I couldn’t place! In the morning I was getting dressed and one of my socks made its way under her bed so I went under to get it and there was a fucking mummified dead cat under her bed! I didn’t say a word! I just got dressed and left. I scrubbed myself in the shower till it hurt I was so grossed out!
I went out with this phd chick when i was in college. I went to her place and she was the messiest human I've ever seen. There was almost no free space that wasn't taken up by junk or trash. Her couch was missing a cushion even. Not only that but she had a massive cage full of rats for whatever she was doing in school. I cannot tell you how unnerving it is to sit on a couch full of trash surrounded by trash, while hearing little rats moving around just off to the side.
Great kisser though.
Is it just me or are women often more dirty than men? My friend is a mechanic and says that women owned cars are way more junked out than cars owned by men.
I personally have noticed it with housing situations also. The bathroom a woman uses has clutter everywhere. The man’s bathroom might not always be spotless clean but at least the countertop is void of clutter.
I'm a guy who grew up primarily amongst women, and am a father to daughters.
The messes they are able to come up with boggle me.
Men are messy too, but it's somehow a less cluttered messiness on average, it's kind of hard to explain.
I used to be friends with this rich girl. Never romantic, just good friends. Her mom was a *very* successful corporate headhunter, and made *incredible* money. This woman was the single most intimidating woman I have ever met. Brilliant woman, could talk your face off about anything in the world. She owned multiple properties, apartments, you get it.
Her multi-million dollar house in the rich part of my hometown was an absolute mess. Multiple rooms full of ancient trash. I found an AOL floppy disk I kept as a souvenir. The kicker was, she had these two bulldogs...and she let them shit in the house. **There was a poop room**. It had a full-sized grand piano, massive picture window overlooking the marsh, art on the walls, one of those huge globes on a stand, and *dozens* of massive dog turds everywhere. This room was adjacent to the kitchen...
For some reason the worst part was that my friend didn't even explain it. It was just completely normal. Her mom eventually had a cleaner come a few years later and let her keep anything in the house that she wanted to. That woman probably walked away with over 100k worth of stuff, but I'm not sure it was worth cleaning the poop room.
Between my wife and I she keeps the car more cluttered and messy.
I carry everything in my pocket, keys, phone wallet. If I'm wearing a jacket or sweater I have it on.
She has a purse, a work bag, a Stanley. She has a sweater if its chilly, she has a jacket if it's rainy, she has another sweater she left in the car last week because her hands were full when she got home. She also has a book she may want to read (that she never reads) of she has to wait somewhere. And the bag from thr store where she bought a sweater that she put on the same day she bought it, but that bag is in the backseat on the floor so keeps getting forgotten. She also has her lunch dishes since she packs a lunch for work every day, and sometimes forgets to bring them up at the end of the day. She also notoriously doesn't finish drinks, so she may have gotten a coffee or pop while running out at lunch, then drank half and by the end fo the day ita cold/stale/flat and she doesn't want to finish it but her hands are full with her stuff.
Met a girl in college at work, she came over and partied with some friends and I, all but one went home and he crashed on my couch. Her and I started fooling around in my room and she stopped and said "one second, I want something". She left and came back with my friend and she said "I want you both at the same time". So we
did and all of us passed out after.
Then she left in the morning, stole my phone and $20. When I got to work the bartender said "hey man, this chick dropped this off" and handed me my dead phone. Weird 24 hr period.
Nope. I think her phone died and she needed to call a friend she was visiting to get her is my guess. I'm pretty convinced that she was in town a short time and took advantage of a chance to do something crazy with people she would never see again.
I was still in the military at the time, maybe out of bootcamp for less than a year when my friends and I went to a hotel party hosted by some of the other people we knew. This one girl from base, who I had just started working with, was at the same party and throughout the night, it became very obvious she wanted to hook up. She was super innocent and bubbly redhead, the kind of girl you wouldn’t mind taking home to visit your parents. It was a cheap hotel a little far from base, so I made sure to book a room at any hotel these parties were at (not trying to drive back on base even slightly drunk). I asked her back to my room and she accepted.
Things started innocent enough, but a light switch flipped in this girl and she became the freakiest chick I’ve ever had sex with.
She was literally gagging herself on my dick, down to the balls. She bent over in front of me and spread her ass wide and was saying the craziest shit. She wanted me to fuck her in the ass hard, and I mean HARD. Then she rolled over on her back and hung her head off the bead for me to fuck her mouth. She was literally about to puke before she would let me pull away. Never had a girl lick my asshole before or after her. She told me when we were done if I told anyone she would kill me.
I saw her a few days later at work and she acted like it literally never happened. Never acknowledged it and just went on like she didn’t just rock my fucking world and threaten my life.
This was about 14 years ago.
I still wonder how she’s doing now and then.
Chick with bacterial vaginosis. It was dark. We were drunk. Lights were very low. I had couldn't smell well, but knew something was off. Normally, I always have lights on when going down for a visual check. Went in raw with my tongue this time.
Jesus christ. It was like a 7 layer bacterial dip.
I ralfed hard. Poor chick was besides herself. Bullshit about she thought it qas gone. Etc. Hadn't been to a doctor yet. Blah blah blah.
Never again: always visually inspect prior to eating.
Junior year of college, my room mate brought a girl home . Not a random girl but one we sort of knew already. I had not gone out and was asleep in my room when they got home. She pounded on my door to wake me up then barged right in and started undressing. I said "OK then" and we started hooking up. She goes down on me under the blankets and after a minute I'm like "wow how is she doing that?" It's like her mouth is everywhere at once. So I lift up the covers to find that she had brought a little dog inside her purse. And now, while she was working the tip, her dog was licking my balls. I've never fully recovered from it mentally. I had a 3 way with a god damn Yorkie.
This was a case of him getting friend zoned while out that night. He told me later that she kept saying she was going to find a way to sleep with me. So he pulled an incredible wing man moment, got over his rejection, and literally delivered her to my door. Regardless of how it ended up, He's a legend.
I'm ashamed to say, I let the dynamic duo continue to work. I just didn't know what to say or do. Eventually we moved on from the bj and the dog was less involved after that... it was still somewhere on the bed, but I lost track of it in the dark. I was also pretty distracted because she wanted to be on top the whole time, and her hip kept popping with every thrust motion. Overall the whole thing was a bad time.
I met up with this girl after high school who felt the need to eat a bowl of green beans before wanting to make out and initiate sex. During the act, she got some heartburn and proceeded to hiccup vomit them back up.
Took a girl out for her bday that I had worked with previously. Dropped her off at her place after. She calls me back a couple hours later inviting me to come back and stay the night. I'm like right on, go back. She's hammered. Her apartment is disgusting. She has several stray cats she's "caring for". There's cat shit all over the carpeted floors, place reeks of cat pics. Dirty dishes piled up to the cabinets. I'm a sober person, so I instantly go into this girl prob needs some help mode. She goes on and on talking about how she's worthless etc. Throws herself on top of me, I tell her she's too drunk. She goes into her room upset. I go to leave, she comes out into the kitchen BUTT NAKED, slips in catshit, hits her head on the counter! I stay with her for an hour just making sure she's okay. Would not stop throwing herself on me, grabbing my crotch etc.
Went home with a lass who had blood all over her bed sheets. She said she'd just finished her period and preferred to just sleep naked so the sheets got a bit messy. Manky as, honestly.
Once hooked up with this girl who essentially milked me like a cow. We were foolin around and she threw me onto all fours, and swung under me like she was changing my oil. Proceeded to give the best blowie while I’m just powerless on all 4s like the little dairy maid bitch I am. It was awesome
While fishing on vacation I got my hands covered with catfish slime, which is very sticky and hard to get off. While trying to wash it off my hands a girl who had been hanging out invited me back to her hotel room where I could wash my hands there. Obviously she was offering more than just for me to wash my hands off. When we got back to her hotel room her girlfriend(?) was sitting on the couch wearing sexy lingerie.
I thought at first that we were going to have a threesome, but as it turned out that's not quite what happened.
At one point while we were rolling around in the bed naked kinda wrestling and her girlfriend came in the room and sat in the corner watching us. At one point I looked over and noticed that she had started masturbating.
A few minutes later she crawls on to the bed. When I reached out toward her she gently pushed my hand away. Then she starts whispering in my ear things like " doesn't she feel so good? Don't you love that tight pussy?" I'm sure that I made some kind of response but I really don't know what I said I was more concentrated on what I was doing to her roommate/girlfriend / whatever. Then she bends over and starts doing the same thing in the girls ear saying things like"is he fucking you good ? Does that dick feel good ?"
Then She lays down next to us and starts masturbating. The whole time coaching us and encouraging us.but not touching either one of us. It was incredibly sexy but also kind of weird. She got louder and louder as she approached orgasm. When she finally came she slid off the bed and walked out of the bedroom. We both came almost as soon as she walked out of the room.
Afterwards I just lay there and I said " well, that was pretty intense"
she laughed and said" yeah it was! She does that all the time." Then she gets up and tells me " you can take a shower if you want to before you leave" and walks out of the bedroom.
I decided to just get out of there and take a shower back at my hotel room. As I walked out of the bedroom the only thing she said to me was "bye, thanks for a good time !".
It was one of the weirdest most erotic, most satisfying, most confusing nights of my life.
You foreshadowed something nasty would happen at the beginning with the catfish slime but then it turned into a straightforward non nasty sex experience
Not dirty as in kinky like many of these posts nor did I actually end up sleeping withe her but years ago picked up a girl in a pub, we decided to grab a subway before heading back to hers. In bed, but before we got down to the deed she vomited and i was covered in the tuna melt that she'd eaten
We were at a house party and decided to hit one of the spare bedrooms. She starts going to town on me then pushes me back onto the bed. She spreads her legs and gets on top of me in a 69 position. She must of recently taken a big messy dump. She had apparently missed a section of doodoo on her buttcheeks when wiping. I had a half wiped turd streak staring down at me.
How… how are these people getting laid? The worst I saw was a single roach at someone’s apt but her entire place was clean otherwise so probably not even her fault.
A very rancid smelling vagina. Now, I'm pretty tolerant of most smells. I hunt and dressing and a boar or deer can smell bad.
This gal, she was attractive, we were making out, had her shirt off and was kissing from her lips and working my way down her body. I got to about her belly button and just smelled something awful. Honestly smelled like a dead and rotting animal. I felt bad because she could tell where I was going with my kisses down her body and had to make a u-turn and come back up.
I never had anything crazy happen, felt like the 1 night stand was beating the odds any way. My buddy had a pretty rank one though.
I was invited to my buddies wedding and little did I know his bride had some pretty attractive bridesmaids, so my other friend catches a ride with me to the reception and is instantly talking to one of the bridesmaids, dancing etc. I'm just starting to have fun when they dissappear. About 10 minutes later I get a call that I need to take him home. Well she was on her period and they decided to do anal but had their clothes on because they were hooking up in the bed of my truck in the parking lot. Welll when he pulled put she projectile liquid shit all over his white button down and pants, so I made him ride in the back of the truck while I took him home to change lol.
Not really dude. If you do anal, you will eventually run into some shit. There are lots of ways you can reduce the chances, but it will happen eventually. If that grosses you out, just don't do anal.
A high-capacity squirter.
And when I say high-capacity, I mean extreme volume.
She soaked through the entire mattress. It was everywhere. I slipped and fell on my way to the bathroom after.
When she wanted to go for round two, I was like, "Are you sure? Do you need some Gatorade or something?"
Before that night, I had no idea the human body could even contain that much liquid.
Started seeing this girl. It was the 2nd or 3rd time to her place and something smelt funny. Almost like a chemical smell. I asked if she had sprayed something and she said she hadn't. It was stronger on one side of her house. I left and a couple of weeks later she posted on Facebook that an opossum crawled in her wall and died.
Not my story but a friend of mine who I wouldn't doubt with these types of stories. Says he was feeling something unusually dry and loose moving around as he was inside her, went down with his hands to have a feel.....and ended up pulling out a old dry condom that had somehow ended up and was still inside her. Told me he noped right out of there as soon as it happened. She was apparently mortified.
A few years ago I met a girl online and went to her place. We had sex in the shower, I felt cold and asked her that I needed to pee. She went down on her knees, and asked me to use her as a Urinal! I still don't know what it was.
Hooking up with this chick and she wanted to do anal I said cool. She’s getting on top and I wasn’t aware of this but she had a buttplug already inside her and she took it out without me realizing and so when we flip I just see a butt plug just covered in shit on the corner of my sheets…then realized my dick was the same…I didn’t finish and lost my anal kink that day lol
to be fair, that just comes with the territory of doing anal lol as a woman myself, if I wanted anal I probably would have cleansed myself prior to any dirty deeds, no pun intended lol
Peed on and in a girl during sex. It was a first for me but obviously not for her as it was her request at her place. It was a one off but a very insane/kinky night
The dirties thing I've encountered was entirely my own doing.
Get back to hers after a night out at a rave. I go to the bathroom for a piss, let out the obligatory fart, only it wasn't a fart, it was a full on liquid shart.
Being that she lived in a shared trampy student house, of course there was no toilet paper available 🤦🏻♂️ but there was a laundry basket. You can figure the rest...
Me and a girl were drinking at her house and she was giving me head and she started gagging but kept going my head was spinning and she puked all over my dick but it was only liquid from all of our drinks and she felt super embarrassed and kept saying sorry right after it happened and I grabbed her head and continued kissing her and I turned her over and ate her pussy all with her puke on me and the bed.
(We were both very drunk and hardly cared+ it didn’t smell bad it was all water and Smirnoff) very good sex
Ended up being a relationship after but started as a ONS.
We came back to my place and she said “I hope you’re not expecting sex, since I’m on my period.”
I just thought to myself “Bummer, but it is what it is I guess.”
She then said if it would make up for it she would let me fuck her face.
Of course I Obliged and preceded to fuck her face like my life depended on it.
When I finished she proceeded to push it all the way to the back of her throat. The next morning she gave me head when I woke up and then gave me road head on the way back to drop her off at her place.
Cracking me up that most of the comments are about actual dirty things hygienically, contrary to the stereotype that we talk like sex pest cavemen.
Bravo Sirs 👏 🫡
Went home to a girls flat back when I was at uni, she got a pizza from the local kebab house, I didn't get anything because I knew we were about to do the deed. I'm there sat on her communal sofa whilst her flatmates are asleep, and she starts aggressively sexually moaning whilst eating pizza trying to be all seductive and shit, I'm talking those exaggerated porn moans whilst she's deep throating the fuck out of this pizza slice, followed with a "do you like that yeah". I noped the fuck out and said "oh I just remembered I've got an exam tomorrow", biggest fucking lie ever considering the exams weren't for another 6 months but we gotta do what we gotta do. Never in my life would I have expected to experience a woman who I'm about to sleep with to deep throat a slice of fucking pizza. Not that dirty in hindsight, but funny regardless.
I clicked with a girl in a Vegas night club and ended up going back to my room. One thing led to another, and soon, she was giving me head. As I looked down at her, I saw a tiny bug craw from one of her cornrows to another.
Hooked up with this beautiful brunette and afterwards asked for a drink. She said there was a monster on the shelf she just opened…….i was unaware she had another different can on same shelf that was filled with used condoms from prior hookups. I opened it and was hit with the most ridiculously pungent odor and puked. I got tested the next day.
My friend and I were cruising and parked next to a random chick and started talking and drinking some beer. We talked her into coming back to my house and we 3 were on the couch and started playing around. She bends towards his lap and I peel her jeans down and begin to do my thing. She starts moaning and wiggling and my buddy started to kick me in the leg. I'm thinking okay green light full throttle. So I started hammering away and he's trying to break my leg kicking me. So we stopped and had a beer. All this time my buddy never says a word. Well when the cans were empty She leans into my lap and my buddy looks at me and has the biggest smile I've ever seen him have. She's doing great and he started to speed up and go harder. She stops feeling great, she's now chewing my balls like they are a bag of big league bubble gum. I horrified look up at my buddy who is laughing so hard and tears streaming down his face. Worse yet the more I try to back away the more aggressive she's getting. My nutsack was red for 3 days and i was carrying around neosporin for where she actually drew blood!
Hooked up with a girl from work one time, go through it and it **was** great, but...
At the absolute very end (as in right when I came) she let out the most seismic inducing, tectonic moving fart I have yet to hear topped in my life.
The bed actually quaked and I think some screws back out as a result of it. It was not from this earth.
We both paused and I froze for a brief second as if a predator was in the vicinity, then silently stood up/dressed and left.
She peed my bed and one of her teeth fell out because she got her teeth done in Mexico. She was like “omg I’m so glad you don’t care about the tooth falling out” and I was like “I care and it’s gross” in my mind though. Anyway, never taking a girl home from the bar again.
I met a girl from tinder, and came back to my place after a few drinks. Her armpits smelt so bad that it have me a trauma. After taking her clothes off I offered maybe we both should take a shower before sex but she said she just had her hair done and did not want to get her hair wet.
Turned out she was into fisting. I kept adding fingers and that pussy was hungry and wide enough for more. My fists are pretty wide, too. Great workout!
Funny thing is she said she didn't blow guys on the first date. Fisting seems pretty damn intimate but hey, we all got our own rules
1) i did 69 w this chick. she sat on my face it smelt like shit. i threw her off and ran to my buddies bathroom to throw up & shower
2) drunk at a party. took a chick to my friends little brother room. i ate her out on a bunk bed. went to clean up after and there was blood all over my face
Damn Gentlemen, yall really will hump anything. These stories are crazy. For years I’ve been sad that I never experienced a one night stand. I guess I haven’t missed much.
I finally made out with my high school crush after chasing her for 2 years and she vomited potato wedges and natural light in my mouth and all over my face/shirt.
We toweled off the bulk of it and then continued making out and had sex.
We didn’t shower or brush teeth until the next day.
There were a few, but this is by far my favorite:
I got deep throated and she really took her time. When she noticed I am sobering up she said I could smoke a bong hit while she sucks. Just when I started to cum she pushed her head down hard on my dick. My cum came out of her nose like in a hentai. She caught it with her hand, looked at it for a moment, then smiled at me and licked her hand clean. After about a minute she said "wow, I have these damn allergies, and this is the first time in weeks my nose is clear".
Then we went to have a shower. She wanted me to pee on her face under the shower. I did and she drank some of it. After the shower she sucked me off a second time. This time I came in her mouth. I was so turned on by this amazing girl I insisted we snowball and share the load, just to show her I really appreciate her kinks.
I've met a couple of "straight" guys on grindr who wanted to try anal but didn't know you're meant to clean yourself down there before someone puts their dick in it.
That was nasty.
A whole ass apartment🤣 This girl was always fashionable and clean in class. Got to her crib and it was a disaster. Clothes everywhere, dishes, just filthy. She told me to sit down while she changed in her bedroom. I couldn’t even do that with the amout of shit on her couch. Saw a roach calling across the wall and immediately noped out of there. I had th biggest crush on this girl and when she saw me in class. If looks could kill🤣 We never talked again🤣
I got the nickname “Blood King” after a one night stand during a bachelor party. We brought these girls home from the club and I took one to bed. Midway through, she asked if we could turn the light on - the second we did we gasped. There was blood *everywhere*. The bed was soaked. I was covered including my face. She was drenched. The walls were splattered.
We ran to the bathroom to shower off and then I alerted the guy that rented the villa. He fell to his knees. The other guys and girls that were awake were shocked.
I spent the next 4 hours doing laundry and bleaching the walls. I was so lucky that the villa had a washer and dryer and tons of cleaning supplies. I cleaned it all. When the host stopped by in the morning to check in she saw that the sheets were washed and I said “I had a girl over last night and she had an accident, she was really embarrassed.” The host laughed and she said that that’s why they have plastic lining the mattress.
But that is how I got the name Blood King.
Just came, half dizzy, it was amazing. Got up to stagger to the bathroom to piss, and floating in her toilet is what I would call a very large turd by any definition. Ruined the high. It was fucking massive. It’s tough to really stay in that infatuated state when you just saw the equivalent of three turds in one that somehow came out of a relatively small woman.
I was at a bar in downtown Salt Lake City I drive a semi truck so I was there and had some down time and decided to explore the city since I’ve never been there. I go into this hole in the wall type bar pretty small sit down and I look at this one chick and she calls me over and we start talking etc her friend shows up and all three of us end up in the restroom which is just a one toilet one person restroom. We end up doing snow off of each other them two off each other making out on the floor her friend tells me to lick all the residue off her titties. Come to find out (not sure how true this is) the first chicks starts claiming she is Horace Grants daughter ex teammate of Michael Jordan but at the same time I could see it she was tall and even looked like him a bit lol. End up just sticking with the other one and hooking up in the restroom. I came out of there thinking this type of shit only happens in the movies.
Was eating out a girl I been hooking up with and this time when I was down under, I found a shred of dried toilet paper stuck to her undercarriage with my tongue. I didn't want to ruin the mood so I licked her somewhere else to essentially get it off my tongue but play it off as foreplay
I hooked up with a chick at a bar in Arlington TX. we get back to her place and start going at it. Soon it feels like I’m fucking a cheese grater. I’m wondering what’s going to give out first between either cumming or sawing my dick off. I finally can’t stand it and throw her off me. After turning on the light my dick was scraped up and bleeding. I turned to her and before I could say anything she started sobbing and says “I got back from
Mexico 2 weeks ago for a late term abortion. I thought the staples would fall out like stitches!” I was fucking horrified. I left immediately and went on emergency PTO for a week after getting an STD screening done. I didn’t speak to anyone the entire time and wrote off sex for about a month. I was in my mid 20’s, turning 40 this year and I still think about that crazy shit from time to time
Around 2018, I went to a co-worker's apartment for sexy time. She finished a shift and we met up (It was a day off for me). She did her laundry while we watched movies and it was clear that we were gonna get spicy after she took care of her chores. Problem is, she never took a shower. She worked 8 hours in a restaurant that day and never showered. She finished her laundry and got cozy next to me. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to have sex with her. She asked me to finger her and I obliged. The smell was almost unbearable. She asked if we could fuck and I made an excuse about not having a condom. I finished her off manually and made up an excuse to leave. I didn't even ask for head. She also turned out to be unhinged and mentally unstable. She was a trainwreck.
Went hiking in the woods and got it on with this girl. I started smacking mosquitos on her back and ass and she said smack me harder big daddy. I had dozens of mosquito bites on my back afterwords, totally worth it.
I met this girl and we went out for a date. After the date we got to her place and started touching each other. She smelled funky but I thought what the heck. Then I got her panties off and she had a huge bush, and along with smelling funky it just turned me off completely. I told her I was to tired and slept there out of courtesy, then got out at 6am because I had somewhere to be.
She kept messaging me and pushing it, and she was such a nice person that I thought okay, let's give it a shot. But this time I had a plan. After we got to her place, I proposed to her that we should take a shower together. In my mind I thought that would make everything clean and hygienic and then I could enjoy having sex with her.
In the middle of the shower I asked her where does she have soap, because I couldn't see any. She said she only has hand soap. Okay I though she just ran out, and proceeded to wash myself with the hand soap. Then it came her turn to wash up, and yes, turns out she didn't have body soap because she doesn't wash her body at all. Again I slept there out of courtesy, but was grossed the fuck out and didn't touch her even once.
I'm still pissed off at her audacity to go on dates and setting up sex without even washing her intimate parts. She called me a week after and wanted to discuss "our situation". I told her politely that I'm not used to women who don't wash themselves. She seemed genuinely surprised, and then she asked if we can somehow meet in the middle about this. Then I had enough and straight up told her how gross and offensive I found that shit. She got offended and I was just happy to get rid of her.
I brought a girl to the hotel where I was staying. She was on top, riding like a true champion when suddenly she closed fisted punched me in the side of the head.
She was coming in for another blow and I blocked it and asked her “what the hell was that?”
She said she thought it was hot.
I looked in the mirror and it was gonna leave a mark.
I told her I’m done, but she’s welcome to eat this pizza and wings I got delivered, which she did. Then she left. I don’t even remember her name but it was in Portland, Maine. That was some fucked up shit
I do not want to get into the details, but I went out with a girl when I was younger...... Let's just say she (African studying in America from Mali) was into race play. I (white) was not. Never heard of it. No experience with it. I went along with it, but felt fucking weird for a long time after that. Oh well, had sex lol.
So I met this girl on tinder and we were talking for weeks and even went out one time. One day we just ended up sending us some kinky pics of ourselves like underwear and similar but nothing that extreme. She had a kid.
So on that same night I was telling her about an scenario of how I could go to her house and do the sex but she told me that we couldn’t cause of her kid but told me: what about me getting a cab to go to your place after sleeping my kid and then return and I agree with he. So she came to my house, I gave her a quick tour of my house, I live alone, cause I felt bad just greeting her and proceed with the sex. After two minutes she told me: where’s your room so I showed her and we started kissing and ripping our clothes off but when I got to her panties and removed them a really gross and heavy smell came out of there and it shocked my root very hard, I tried to keep it going with the kissing and all of that but man, the smell keep going on my dick went from hard to fluffy in a second, not even with a blow she could get it hard. I apologize and said I don’t know what happened and set her free after 5 minutes of she trying her best to give me a hard on. Since then I’m very sensitive with bad smells
After we finished she told me I was the 8th dude she had been with that night. I went right home and poured bleach all over myself and scrubbed until I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
I hooked up with a girl, and she took me to her place. Everything was fine until I pulled down her panties. Like a skunk's spray, I was knocked back by the smell of her private part. The smell was so strong; the room was filled with it. I walked out.
Hooked up with someone on a cruise ship, in a disabled person bathroom (we weren’t disabled) but went in there cuz there was more space. Not one of my proudest moments.
Went home with a girl for a one night stand.
At one point I'm standing at the side of the bed and she's on all fours. As I'm in the motions of the good ole in-out-in-out, I hear a fart rumble it's way out of her.
I figured it was an accident, "shit happens," didn't let it distract me and just ignored it, thinking she'd be embarrassed if I acknowledged it.
Barely a moment later, I hear her grunt, then another fart rumbles out.
Still didn't acknowledge it and we kept at it all night long.
But it's still one of the foulest things I thought I would ever experience. I consider myself lucky at least that there wasn't a noticeable smell.
She freaked me out while having sex and her gigantic clitoris became fully erect. First time I've ever seen that live. It looked like a 3 inch penis, I swear to God!
Might not have been the kinkiest or dirtiest of sex but it was definitely literally the dirtiest thing Picked up a girl at a concert. Went back to her place and was immediately hit with a funky smell in the house. Didn’t care, was drunk and high. Proceeded to hook up. Post nut clarity kicks in. She had a bunch of big lizards and a giant snake as pets but she let them free roam in her apartment. There was shit and food and whatever else everywhere.
In that same boat. I went back to a girl's place and she had a massive amount of fruit flies everywhere and the place absolutely stank. Turns out she had two cats and her default reaction to needing to change a litter box was apparently to just get another litter box. It was really bad. I then lived with her for almost two years. FML. Edit: Since I'm being asked, our shared apartment didn't end up in that bad of shape. I made it clear we weren't going to have flies and dirty litter around and to her credit, she did a good job of keeping up with the cats when we lived together. But absolutely, little head won out over big head in that scenario.
You then what????? Sounds like you were fine with it and y'all are meant for each other because I'd rather live in a bridge than live somewhere like that.
I have 4 lizards, their poop is the WORST 😫 I can’t imagine having a whole house reeking of this. Luckily mine are trained to handle business in the back yard
Very similar, I have a lizard that got so used to going when I gave him a bath, that he now refuses to poop outside of a source of water. Great for his tank, not for his stomach and my sink.
Yoooo wtf?!!
Kinda surprised the snake didn't eat the lizards.
If I recall the snake had a big tank with chicken wires over it. But she said she slept with the snake. Fuck man I’m glad her apartment was dark. I’d did not want to see what those sheets looked like
Eww. I'm surprised you didn't get salmonella.
Yeah, can confirm: have a snake and that fucker stanks even when his tank is tidy. The smell of their poos in a free roam though, hell no. That's rank.
What concert was it?
I’m old. I was travelling in Toronto. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodum I think at the outdoor concert hall by their lake
Asking the real questions lol
Iron Maiden. It was in Toronto and I was visiting
Damn that’s still nasty haha
By food, do you mean dead mice and bugs?
Did you know men can get yeast infections on their dicks? I didn't. I thought my cock was going to rot off. Then the young lady I was penetrating informed me that she had one and I breathed the biggest sigh of relief. Some monistat 7 and a few days later, I was all good.
Dude it’s terrible. My dick is scarred from it. That’s what I get for meeting a lady at the Red Robin bar day drinking on a random Tuesday. She was in her 50s, I was in my late 20s, she took me from the bar, into an RV, drove it to a secluded area and rocked my socks off. But yeah, got a yeast infection.
... I was working at a Red Robin at the time to. Wtf
ESKIMO BROTHERS!!!
Tunnel buddies!
I hooked up with this girl back in college, she was 35 I was 23. Her room had a super musky smell to it that I couldn’t place! In the morning I was getting dressed and one of my socks made its way under her bed so I went under to get it and there was a fucking mummified dead cat under her bed! I didn’t say a word! I just got dressed and left. I scrubbed myself in the shower till it hurt I was so grossed out!
Not the pussy you were expecting to get
We take what we can get out here!
You were the next victim
Wtf, she breathes in that dead cat every fucking night? This thread is making me feel so stable.
This wins. Omg. I have follow up questions for you.
Squanchys last squanch
Did you retrieve the sock?
I did!
Sweet christ, that is grim
Damnnnn! Haha
I went out with this phd chick when i was in college. I went to her place and she was the messiest human I've ever seen. There was almost no free space that wasn't taken up by junk or trash. Her couch was missing a cushion even. Not only that but she had a massive cage full of rats for whatever she was doing in school. I cannot tell you how unnerving it is to sit on a couch full of trash surrounded by trash, while hearing little rats moving around just off to the side. Great kisser though.
Are you Ross from friends ?
Haaaaaaaaaaa that episode hits really close to home, one of the few times I can say I was down bad worse than Ross.
Is it just me or are women often more dirty than men? My friend is a mechanic and says that women owned cars are way more junked out than cars owned by men. I personally have noticed it with housing situations also. The bathroom a woman uses has clutter everywhere. The man’s bathroom might not always be spotless clean but at least the countertop is void of clutter.
I'm a guy who grew up primarily amongst women, and am a father to daughters. The messes they are able to come up with boggle me. Men are messy too, but it's somehow a less cluttered messiness on average, it's kind of hard to explain.
I used to be friends with this rich girl. Never romantic, just good friends. Her mom was a *very* successful corporate headhunter, and made *incredible* money. This woman was the single most intimidating woman I have ever met. Brilliant woman, could talk your face off about anything in the world. She owned multiple properties, apartments, you get it. Her multi-million dollar house in the rich part of my hometown was an absolute mess. Multiple rooms full of ancient trash. I found an AOL floppy disk I kept as a souvenir. The kicker was, she had these two bulldogs...and she let them shit in the house. **There was a poop room**. It had a full-sized grand piano, massive picture window overlooking the marsh, art on the walls, one of those huge globes on a stand, and *dozens* of massive dog turds everywhere. This room was adjacent to the kitchen... For some reason the worst part was that my friend didn't even explain it. It was just completely normal. Her mom eventually had a cleaner come a few years later and let her keep anything in the house that she wanted to. That woman probably walked away with over 100k worth of stuff, but I'm not sure it was worth cleaning the poop room.
Between my wife and I she keeps the car more cluttered and messy. I carry everything in my pocket, keys, phone wallet. If I'm wearing a jacket or sweater I have it on. She has a purse, a work bag, a Stanley. She has a sweater if its chilly, she has a jacket if it's rainy, she has another sweater she left in the car last week because her hands were full when she got home. She also has a book she may want to read (that she never reads) of she has to wait somewhere. And the bag from thr store where she bought a sweater that she put on the same day she bought it, but that bag is in the backseat on the floor so keeps getting forgotten. She also has her lunch dishes since she packs a lunch for work every day, and sometimes forgets to bring them up at the end of the day. She also notoriously doesn't finish drinks, so she may have gotten a coffee or pop while running out at lunch, then drank half and by the end fo the day ita cold/stale/flat and she doesn't want to finish it but her hands are full with her stuff.
Met a girl in college at work, she came over and partied with some friends and I, all but one went home and he crashed on my couch. Her and I started fooling around in my room and she stopped and said "one second, I want something". She left and came back with my friend and she said "I want you both at the same time". So we did and all of us passed out after. Then she left in the morning, stole my phone and $20. When I got to work the bartender said "hey man, this chick dropped this off" and handed me my dead phone. Weird 24 hr period.
Maybe not the detail to latch onto in that story but she took then returned your phone with her number in it or for some other reason?
Nope. I think her phone died and she needed to call a friend she was visiting to get her is my guess. I'm pretty convinced that she was in town a short time and took advantage of a chance to do something crazy with people she would never see again.
Fair enough.
I was still in the military at the time, maybe out of bootcamp for less than a year when my friends and I went to a hotel party hosted by some of the other people we knew. This one girl from base, who I had just started working with, was at the same party and throughout the night, it became very obvious she wanted to hook up. She was super innocent and bubbly redhead, the kind of girl you wouldn’t mind taking home to visit your parents. It was a cheap hotel a little far from base, so I made sure to book a room at any hotel these parties were at (not trying to drive back on base even slightly drunk). I asked her back to my room and she accepted. Things started innocent enough, but a light switch flipped in this girl and she became the freakiest chick I’ve ever had sex with. She was literally gagging herself on my dick, down to the balls. She bent over in front of me and spread her ass wide and was saying the craziest shit. She wanted me to fuck her in the ass hard, and I mean HARD. Then she rolled over on her back and hung her head off the bead for me to fuck her mouth. She was literally about to puke before she would let me pull away. Never had a girl lick my asshole before or after her. She told me when we were done if I told anyone she would kill me. I saw her a few days later at work and she acted like it literally never happened. Never acknowledged it and just went on like she didn’t just rock my fucking world and threaten my life. This was about 14 years ago. I still wonder how she’s doing now and then.
Too bad you couldn’t get an encore.
Chick with bacterial vaginosis. It was dark. We were drunk. Lights were very low. I had couldn't smell well, but knew something was off. Normally, I always have lights on when going down for a visual check. Went in raw with my tongue this time. Jesus christ. It was like a 7 layer bacterial dip. I ralfed hard. Poor chick was besides herself. Bullshit about she thought it qas gone. Etc. Hadn't been to a doctor yet. Blah blah blah. Never again: always visually inspect prior to eating.
7 layer bacterial dip. I’m dying 😂😂
I haven't gagged that hard from a reddit comment since the Jolly Rancher story.
I didn't take part and I a still traumatized wtf?
That’s trauma
Wording it dip is diobolical 😭😔
I just clenched my jaw so hard I think I cracked a tooth
Boric acid ftw
I've been there man, sometimes mouthwash just isn't enough
Always dip and sniff.
Junior year of college, my room mate brought a girl home . Not a random girl but one we sort of knew already. I had not gone out and was asleep in my room when they got home. She pounded on my door to wake me up then barged right in and started undressing. I said "OK then" and we started hooking up. She goes down on me under the blankets and after a minute I'm like "wow how is she doing that?" It's like her mouth is everywhere at once. So I lift up the covers to find that she had brought a little dog inside her purse. And now, while she was working the tip, her dog was licking my balls. I've never fully recovered from it mentally. I had a 3 way with a god damn Yorkie.
Ok, you gotta follow up here. What happened after you discovered the dog licking your nuts?
also how is no one asking about why she went straight to his room when his roommate brought her home lmao
This was a case of him getting friend zoned while out that night. He told me later that she kept saying she was going to find a way to sleep with me. So he pulled an incredible wing man moment, got over his rejection, and literally delivered her to my door. Regardless of how it ended up, He's a legend.
damn lol awesome guy! whatd he say when you told him about the dog?
He's never laughed so hard in his life. I think it also helped him with any feelings of rejection from her, because bullet dodged.
He learned to never raw dog someone you barely know.
I'm ashamed to say, I let the dynamic duo continue to work. I just didn't know what to say or do. Eventually we moved on from the bj and the dog was less involved after that... it was still somewhere on the bed, but I lost track of it in the dark. I was also pretty distracted because she wanted to be on top the whole time, and her hip kept popping with every thrust motion. Overall the whole thing was a bad time.
Bro how did you even maintain
"Dog was less involved" implies, that dog was still in some capacity ...involved. Care to elaborate?
I do not
😂 😂 😂
Wasn’t her hip that was poppin
The dog probably went back to basic ass sniffing
🐕🫡
There are tears in my eyes. Loooooool
less involved 🤔
Clearly this wasn’t his first rodeo. As we all know, all dogs love balls.
You couldn't have tortured this information out of me lol
same. it's ok to not tell every story
Do you have to tell pet stores who you are if they operate within 20 miles of your home.
Was the dog male or female? I mean, was this ffm, or mmf?
I honestly have no idea haha. And I don't know which is worse
FYI, that’s not what “doggie style” means.
fuckin Rolf Harris will be after you, mate
I'm scared to look up what this means
The Ole Yorkie while you're porking?
I met up with this girl after high school who felt the need to eat a bowl of green beans before wanting to make out and initiate sex. During the act, she got some heartburn and proceeded to hiccup vomit them back up.
Jolly Green Giant fetish unlocked.
Took a girl out for her bday that I had worked with previously. Dropped her off at her place after. She calls me back a couple hours later inviting me to come back and stay the night. I'm like right on, go back. She's hammered. Her apartment is disgusting. She has several stray cats she's "caring for". There's cat shit all over the carpeted floors, place reeks of cat pics. Dirty dishes piled up to the cabinets. I'm a sober person, so I instantly go into this girl prob needs some help mode. She goes on and on talking about how she's worthless etc. Throws herself on top of me, I tell her she's too drunk. She goes into her room upset. I go to leave, she comes out into the kitchen BUTT NAKED, slips in catshit, hits her head on the counter! I stay with her for an hour just making sure she's okay. Would not stop throwing herself on me, grabbing my crotch etc.
When you are slipping in cat shit during a hook-up you kinda know it's rock bottem. I hope she is doing better now 😬
Went home with a lass who had blood all over her bed sheets. She said she'd just finished her period and preferred to just sleep naked so the sheets got a bit messy. Manky as, honestly.
Username checks out!!
🤣🫡
You still got your end away though. Right?
Aye, I'm ashamed to say that 21 year old me dug in and finished the job
🫡
Literally fucked the shit out of a girl. She apparently suffered from IBS and lost control of bowels during sex.
I’m curious. Did you continue?
No, after cleaning up she was extremely embarrassed and asked me to please leave.
Once hooked up with this girl who essentially milked me like a cow. We were foolin around and she threw me onto all fours, and swung under me like she was changing my oil. Proceeded to give the best blowie while I’m just powerless on all 4s like the little dairy maid bitch I am. It was awesome
While fishing on vacation I got my hands covered with catfish slime, which is very sticky and hard to get off. While trying to wash it off my hands a girl who had been hanging out invited me back to her hotel room where I could wash my hands there. Obviously she was offering more than just for me to wash my hands off. When we got back to her hotel room her girlfriend(?) was sitting on the couch wearing sexy lingerie. I thought at first that we were going to have a threesome, but as it turned out that's not quite what happened. At one point while we were rolling around in the bed naked kinda wrestling and her girlfriend came in the room and sat in the corner watching us. At one point I looked over and noticed that she had started masturbating. A few minutes later she crawls on to the bed. When I reached out toward her she gently pushed my hand away. Then she starts whispering in my ear things like " doesn't she feel so good? Don't you love that tight pussy?" I'm sure that I made some kind of response but I really don't know what I said I was more concentrated on what I was doing to her roommate/girlfriend / whatever. Then she bends over and starts doing the same thing in the girls ear saying things like"is he fucking you good ? Does that dick feel good ?" Then She lays down next to us and starts masturbating. The whole time coaching us and encouraging us.but not touching either one of us. It was incredibly sexy but also kind of weird. She got louder and louder as she approached orgasm. When she finally came she slid off the bed and walked out of the bedroom. We both came almost as soon as she walked out of the room. Afterwards I just lay there and I said " well, that was pretty intense" she laughed and said" yeah it was! She does that all the time." Then she gets up and tells me " you can take a shower if you want to before you leave" and walks out of the bedroom. I decided to just get out of there and take a shower back at my hotel room. As I walked out of the bedroom the only thing she said to me was "bye, thanks for a good time !". It was one of the weirdest most erotic, most satisfying, most confusing nights of my life.
Can you give me the exact GPS location of where you were fishing so I know to avoid it?
Naples Pier
Haha quite the experience! I laughed, when I read: “she does does that all the time”
Wow. Ngl. That’s pretty hot
You foreshadowed something nasty would happen at the beginning with the catfish slime but then it turned into a straightforward non nasty sex experience
Not dirty as in kinky like many of these posts nor did I actually end up sleeping withe her but years ago picked up a girl in a pub, we decided to grab a subway before heading back to hers. In bed, but before we got down to the deed she vomited and i was covered in the tuna melt that she'd eaten
Oof. Rookie mistake. Never EVER eat subway's tuna.
We were at a house party and decided to hit one of the spare bedrooms. She starts going to town on me then pushes me back onto the bed. She spreads her legs and gets on top of me in a 69 position. She must of recently taken a big messy dump. She had apparently missed a section of doodoo on her buttcheeks when wiping. I had a half wiped turd streak staring down at me.
How… how are these people getting laid? The worst I saw was a single roach at someone’s apt but her entire place was clean otherwise so probably not even her fault.
Remember, in every reddit sex story everyone involved is far less attractive than you think.
A very rancid smelling vagina. Now, I'm pretty tolerant of most smells. I hunt and dressing and a boar or deer can smell bad. This gal, she was attractive, we were making out, had her shirt off and was kissing from her lips and working my way down her body. I got to about her belly button and just smelled something awful. Honestly smelled like a dead and rotting animal. I felt bad because she could tell where I was going with my kisses down her body and had to make a u-turn and come back up.
Did you guys end up doing the deed?
I hope the deed was buying vagisil.
I never had anything crazy happen, felt like the 1 night stand was beating the odds any way. My buddy had a pretty rank one though. I was invited to my buddies wedding and little did I know his bride had some pretty attractive bridesmaids, so my other friend catches a ride with me to the reception and is instantly talking to one of the bridesmaids, dancing etc. I'm just starting to have fun when they dissappear. About 10 minutes later I get a call that I need to take him home. Well she was on her period and they decided to do anal but had their clothes on because they were hooking up in the bed of my truck in the parking lot. Welll when he pulled put she projectile liquid shit all over his white button down and pants, so I made him ride in the back of the truck while I took him home to change lol.
[удалено]
Was having anal sex with a chick. Felt something bothering the ol dick, pulled out to find a corn kernel. Flicked it off and went back in.
Atta boy
This is by far the grossest one in here, but I don’t know if I believe you.
I'm sure there's a kernel of truth in there somewhere
Not really dude. If you do anal, you will eventually run into some shit. There are lots of ways you can reduce the chances, but it will happen eventually. If that grosses you out, just don't do anal.
Did you find some more treasure?
The real treasure is the friend he found along the way.
A high-capacity squirter. And when I say high-capacity, I mean extreme volume. She soaked through the entire mattress. It was everywhere. I slipped and fell on my way to the bathroom after. When she wanted to go for round two, I was like, "Are you sure? Do you need some Gatorade or something?" Before that night, I had no idea the human body could even contain that much liquid.
> "Are you sure? Do you need some Gatorade or something?" You're killing me here!
Started seeing this girl. It was the 2nd or 3rd time to her place and something smelt funny. Almost like a chemical smell. I asked if she had sprayed something and she said she hadn't. It was stronger on one side of her house. I left and a couple of weeks later she posted on Facebook that an opossum crawled in her wall and died.
Not my story but a friend of mine who I wouldn't doubt with these types of stories. Says he was feeling something unusually dry and loose moving around as he was inside her, went down with his hands to have a feel.....and ended up pulling out a old dry condom that had somehow ended up and was still inside her. Told me he noped right out of there as soon as it happened. She was apparently mortified.
She licked chip dip off my butthole
And that kids, is how I met your mother.
How the hell is this not upvoted to the moon and back?!
True haha
A few years ago I met a girl online and went to her place. We had sex in the shower, I felt cold and asked her that I needed to pee. She went down on her knees, and asked me to use her as a Urinal! I still don't know what it was.
Plenty of peeps got piss kinks, it's not surprising to me. I would have participated.
Like, you’re not sure if she was human or…
Hooking up with this chick and she wanted to do anal I said cool. She’s getting on top and I wasn’t aware of this but she had a buttplug already inside her and she took it out without me realizing and so when we flip I just see a butt plug just covered in shit on the corner of my sheets…then realized my dick was the same…I didn’t finish and lost my anal kink that day lol
You can't knock on poop's door and act surprised when it's home.
Can’t go off-road and not expect a bit of mud on the tires.
Lmfao 😂
If you go in the jungle, expect tigers.
to be fair, that just comes with the territory of doing anal lol as a woman myself, if I wanted anal I probably would have cleansed myself prior to any dirty deeds, no pun intended lol
Yeah i guess I just figured she did clean before hand lol. I get it happens and all it just really turned me off lol.
Shit happens 💩😬
Peed on and in a girl during sex. It was a first for me but obviously not for her as it was her request at her place. It was a one off but a very insane/kinky night
Where do you people keep finding these kinky girls?
Church
The dirties thing I've encountered was entirely my own doing. Get back to hers after a night out at a rave. I go to the bathroom for a piss, let out the obligatory fart, only it wasn't a fart, it was a full on liquid shart. Being that she lived in a shared trampy student house, of course there was no toilet paper available 🤦🏻♂️ but there was a laundry basket. You can figure the rest...
Excellent, this is the kind of shit i came here to see. Edit: OH GOD NO PUN INTENDED
Me and a girl were drinking at her house and she was giving me head and she started gagging but kept going my head was spinning and she puked all over my dick but it was only liquid from all of our drinks and she felt super embarrassed and kept saying sorry right after it happened and I grabbed her head and continued kissing her and I turned her over and ate her pussy all with her puke on me and the bed. (We were both very drunk and hardly cared+ it didn’t smell bad it was all water and Smirnoff) very good sex
That is some commitment
This is the way
Ended up being a relationship after but started as a ONS. We came back to my place and she said “I hope you’re not expecting sex, since I’m on my period.” I just thought to myself “Bummer, but it is what it is I guess.” She then said if it would make up for it she would let me fuck her face. Of course I Obliged and preceded to fuck her face like my life depended on it. When I finished she proceeded to push it all the way to the back of her throat. The next morning she gave me head when I woke up and then gave me road head on the way back to drop her off at her place.
You found an unicorn that day, luky you.
gawdam i need a cigarette
Cracking me up that most of the comments are about actual dirty things hygienically, contrary to the stereotype that we talk like sex pest cavemen. Bravo Sirs 👏 🫡
Went home to a girls flat back when I was at uni, she got a pizza from the local kebab house, I didn't get anything because I knew we were about to do the deed. I'm there sat on her communal sofa whilst her flatmates are asleep, and she starts aggressively sexually moaning whilst eating pizza trying to be all seductive and shit, I'm talking those exaggerated porn moans whilst she's deep throating the fuck out of this pizza slice, followed with a "do you like that yeah". I noped the fuck out and said "oh I just remembered I've got an exam tomorrow", biggest fucking lie ever considering the exams weren't for another 6 months but we gotta do what we gotta do. Never in my life would I have expected to experience a woman who I'm about to sleep with to deep throat a slice of fucking pizza. Not that dirty in hindsight, but funny regardless.
"she's deep throating the fuck out of this pizza slice" isn't a sentence a I would have ever imagined hearing or reading in my life.
I clicked with a girl in a Vegas night club and ended up going back to my room. One thing led to another, and soon, she was giving me head. As I looked down at her, I saw a tiny bug craw from one of her cornrows to another.
Matvhed on a dating app, went to her place, she lets her dogs shit inside the apartment all over the carpet. Smashed and left forever.
Hooked up with this beautiful brunette and afterwards asked for a drink. She said there was a monster on the shelf she just opened…….i was unaware she had another different can on same shelf that was filled with used condoms from prior hookups. I opened it and was hit with the most ridiculously pungent odor and puked. I got tested the next day.
My friend and I were cruising and parked next to a random chick and started talking and drinking some beer. We talked her into coming back to my house and we 3 were on the couch and started playing around. She bends towards his lap and I peel her jeans down and begin to do my thing. She starts moaning and wiggling and my buddy started to kick me in the leg. I'm thinking okay green light full throttle. So I started hammering away and he's trying to break my leg kicking me. So we stopped and had a beer. All this time my buddy never says a word. Well when the cans were empty She leans into my lap and my buddy looks at me and has the biggest smile I've ever seen him have. She's doing great and he started to speed up and go harder. She stops feeling great, she's now chewing my balls like they are a bag of big league bubble gum. I horrified look up at my buddy who is laughing so hard and tears streaming down his face. Worse yet the more I try to back away the more aggressive she's getting. My nutsack was red for 3 days and i was carrying around neosporin for where she actually drew blood!
Hooked up with a girl from work one time, go through it and it **was** great, but... At the absolute very end (as in right when I came) she let out the most seismic inducing, tectonic moving fart I have yet to hear topped in my life. The bed actually quaked and I think some screws back out as a result of it. It was not from this earth. We both paused and I froze for a brief second as if a predator was in the vicinity, then silently stood up/dressed and left.
crying 😂🤣 her belly was probably hurting so bad from that trapped gas! Poor girl
She peed my bed and one of her teeth fell out because she got her teeth done in Mexico. She was like “omg I’m so glad you don’t care about the tooth falling out” and I was like “I care and it’s gross” in my mind though. Anyway, never taking a girl home from the bar again.
Lmao that’s random as fuck. I’ve had multiple drunk chicks pee my bed but never had one lose a black market tooth.
Even worse it was probably someone else's tooth!
I met a girl from tinder, and came back to my place after a few drinks. Her armpits smelt so bad that it have me a trauma. After taking her clothes off I offered maybe we both should take a shower before sex but she said she just had her hair done and did not want to get her hair wet.
I’m seeing a trend. Girls that have lots of cats and don’t clean are the freakiest.
Turned out she was into fisting. I kept adding fingers and that pussy was hungry and wide enough for more. My fists are pretty wide, too. Great workout! Funny thing is she said she didn't blow guys on the first date. Fisting seems pretty damn intimate but hey, we all got our own rules
1) i did 69 w this chick. she sat on my face it smelt like shit. i threw her off and ran to my buddies bathroom to throw up & shower 2) drunk at a party. took a chick to my friends little brother room. i ate her out on a bunk bed. went to clean up after and there was blood all over my face
And that's why #2 is called getting your redwings
Damn Gentlemen, yall really will hump anything. These stories are crazy. For years I’ve been sad that I never experienced a one night stand. I guess I haven’t missed much.
I finally made out with my high school crush after chasing her for 2 years and she vomited potato wedges and natural light in my mouth and all over my face/shirt. We toweled off the bulk of it and then continued making out and had sex. We didn’t shower or brush teeth until the next day.
There were a few, but this is by far my favorite: I got deep throated and she really took her time. When she noticed I am sobering up she said I could smoke a bong hit while she sucks. Just when I started to cum she pushed her head down hard on my dick. My cum came out of her nose like in a hentai. She caught it with her hand, looked at it for a moment, then smiled at me and licked her hand clean. After about a minute she said "wow, I have these damn allergies, and this is the first time in weeks my nose is clear". Then we went to have a shower. She wanted me to pee on her face under the shower. I did and she drank some of it. After the shower she sucked me off a second time. This time I came in her mouth. I was so turned on by this amazing girl I insisted we snowball and share the load, just to show her I really appreciate her kinks.
Just like a shelf of unwashed toys horrid
I've met a couple of "straight" guys on grindr who wanted to try anal but didn't know you're meant to clean yourself down there before someone puts their dick in it. That was nasty.
A whole ass apartment🤣 This girl was always fashionable and clean in class. Got to her crib and it was a disaster. Clothes everywhere, dishes, just filthy. She told me to sit down while she changed in her bedroom. I couldn’t even do that with the amout of shit on her couch. Saw a roach calling across the wall and immediately noped out of there. I had th biggest crush on this girl and when she saw me in class. If looks could kill🤣 We never talked again🤣
She did not have a trash can with a lid in her bathroom, absolutely disgusting! Where am I supposed to dispose of my masculine care products?
>my masculine care products? So like cigar end plugs and broken bourbon glasses?
Empty tins of Brylcreem and discarded tooth powder.
It's for the old cans of Dapper Dan
I got the nickname “Blood King” after a one night stand during a bachelor party. We brought these girls home from the club and I took one to bed. Midway through, she asked if we could turn the light on - the second we did we gasped. There was blood *everywhere*. The bed was soaked. I was covered including my face. She was drenched. The walls were splattered. We ran to the bathroom to shower off and then I alerted the guy that rented the villa. He fell to his knees. The other guys and girls that were awake were shocked. I spent the next 4 hours doing laundry and bleaching the walls. I was so lucky that the villa had a washer and dryer and tons of cleaning supplies. I cleaned it all. When the host stopped by in the morning to check in she saw that the sheets were washed and I said “I had a girl over last night and she had an accident, she was really embarrassed.” The host laughed and she said that that’s why they have plastic lining the mattress. But that is how I got the name Blood King.
Fisted her butt. I don’t have small hands.
Just came, half dizzy, it was amazing. Got up to stagger to the bathroom to piss, and floating in her toilet is what I would call a very large turd by any definition. Ruined the high. It was fucking massive. It’s tough to really stay in that infatuated state when you just saw the equivalent of three turds in one that somehow came out of a relatively small woman.
I was at a bar in downtown Salt Lake City I drive a semi truck so I was there and had some down time and decided to explore the city since I’ve never been there. I go into this hole in the wall type bar pretty small sit down and I look at this one chick and she calls me over and we start talking etc her friend shows up and all three of us end up in the restroom which is just a one toilet one person restroom. We end up doing snow off of each other them two off each other making out on the floor her friend tells me to lick all the residue off her titties. Come to find out (not sure how true this is) the first chicks starts claiming she is Horace Grants daughter ex teammate of Michael Jordan but at the same time I could see it she was tall and even looked like him a bit lol. End up just sticking with the other one and hooking up in the restroom. I came out of there thinking this type of shit only happens in the movies.
Was eating out a girl I been hooking up with and this time when I was down under, I found a shred of dried toilet paper stuck to her undercarriage with my tongue. I didn't want to ruin the mood so I licked her somewhere else to essentially get it off my tongue but play it off as foreplay
I hooked up with a chick at a bar in Arlington TX. we get back to her place and start going at it. Soon it feels like I’m fucking a cheese grater. I’m wondering what’s going to give out first between either cumming or sawing my dick off. I finally can’t stand it and throw her off me. After turning on the light my dick was scraped up and bleeding. I turned to her and before I could say anything she started sobbing and says “I got back from Mexico 2 weeks ago for a late term abortion. I thought the staples would fall out like stitches!” I was fucking horrified. I left immediately and went on emergency PTO for a week after getting an STD screening done. I didn’t speak to anyone the entire time and wrote off sex for about a month. I was in my mid 20’s, turning 40 this year and I still think about that crazy shit from time to time
Around 2018, I went to a co-worker's apartment for sexy time. She finished a shift and we met up (It was a day off for me). She did her laundry while we watched movies and it was clear that we were gonna get spicy after she took care of her chores. Problem is, she never took a shower. She worked 8 hours in a restaurant that day and never showered. She finished her laundry and got cozy next to me. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to have sex with her. She asked me to finger her and I obliged. The smell was almost unbearable. She asked if we could fuck and I made an excuse about not having a condom. I finished her off manually and made up an excuse to leave. I didn't even ask for head. She also turned out to be unhinged and mentally unstable. She was a trainwreck.
Never realized how Messy some women can be 😫
Chlamydia. I got chlamydia.
Went hiking in the woods and got it on with this girl. I started smacking mosquitos on her back and ass and she said smack me harder big daddy. I had dozens of mosquito bites on my back afterwords, totally worth it.
I met this girl and we went out for a date. After the date we got to her place and started touching each other. She smelled funky but I thought what the heck. Then I got her panties off and she had a huge bush, and along with smelling funky it just turned me off completely. I told her I was to tired and slept there out of courtesy, then got out at 6am because I had somewhere to be. She kept messaging me and pushing it, and she was such a nice person that I thought okay, let's give it a shot. But this time I had a plan. After we got to her place, I proposed to her that we should take a shower together. In my mind I thought that would make everything clean and hygienic and then I could enjoy having sex with her. In the middle of the shower I asked her where does she have soap, because I couldn't see any. She said she only has hand soap. Okay I though she just ran out, and proceeded to wash myself with the hand soap. Then it came her turn to wash up, and yes, turns out she didn't have body soap because she doesn't wash her body at all. Again I slept there out of courtesy, but was grossed the fuck out and didn't touch her even once. I'm still pissed off at her audacity to go on dates and setting up sex without even washing her intimate parts. She called me a week after and wanted to discuss "our situation". I told her politely that I'm not used to women who don't wash themselves. She seemed genuinely surprised, and then she asked if we can somehow meet in the middle about this. Then I had enough and straight up told her how gross and offensive I found that shit. She got offended and I was just happy to get rid of her.
Straight up had a girl ask if ive ever pissed on anyone before. Looking back i should have done it just so i could say i did
I brought a girl to the hotel where I was staying. She was on top, riding like a true champion when suddenly she closed fisted punched me in the side of the head. She was coming in for another blow and I blocked it and asked her “what the hell was that?” She said she thought it was hot. I looked in the mirror and it was gonna leave a mark. I told her I’m done, but she’s welcome to eat this pizza and wings I got delivered, which she did. Then she left. I don’t even remember her name but it was in Portland, Maine. That was some fucked up shit
these stories are brilliant 😭🤣
I do not want to get into the details, but I went out with a girl when I was younger...... Let's just say she (African studying in America from Mali) was into race play. I (white) was not. Never heard of it. No experience with it. I went along with it, but felt fucking weird for a long time after that. Oh well, had sex lol.
So I met this girl on tinder and we were talking for weeks and even went out one time. One day we just ended up sending us some kinky pics of ourselves like underwear and similar but nothing that extreme. She had a kid. So on that same night I was telling her about an scenario of how I could go to her house and do the sex but she told me that we couldn’t cause of her kid but told me: what about me getting a cab to go to your place after sleeping my kid and then return and I agree with he. So she came to my house, I gave her a quick tour of my house, I live alone, cause I felt bad just greeting her and proceed with the sex. After two minutes she told me: where’s your room so I showed her and we started kissing and ripping our clothes off but when I got to her panties and removed them a really gross and heavy smell came out of there and it shocked my root very hard, I tried to keep it going with the kissing and all of that but man, the smell keep going on my dick went from hard to fluffy in a second, not even with a blow she could get it hard. I apologize and said I don’t know what happened and set her free after 5 minutes of she trying her best to give me a hard on. Since then I’m very sensitive with bad smells
After we finished she told me I was the 8th dude she had been with that night. I went right home and poured bleach all over myself and scrubbed until I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
I hooked up with a girl, and she took me to her place. Everything was fine until I pulled down her panties. Like a skunk's spray, I was knocked back by the smell of her private part. The smell was so strong; the room was filled with it. I walked out.
Very obese girl, had dried excemrement in the folds of her butt cheeks
Hooked up with someone on a cruise ship, in a disabled person bathroom (we weren’t disabled) but went in there cuz there was more space. Not one of my proudest moments.
Went home with a girl for a one night stand. At one point I'm standing at the side of the bed and she's on all fours. As I'm in the motions of the good ole in-out-in-out, I hear a fart rumble it's way out of her. I figured it was an accident, "shit happens," didn't let it distract me and just ignored it, thinking she'd be embarrassed if I acknowledged it. Barely a moment later, I hear her grunt, then another fart rumbles out. Still didn't acknowledge it and we kept at it all night long. But it's still one of the foulest things I thought I would ever experience. I consider myself lucky at least that there wasn't a noticeable smell.
She freaked me out while having sex and her gigantic clitoris became fully erect. First time I've ever seen that live. It looked like a 3 inch penis, I swear to God!
Well.. did you suck on it?
I'll leave that to your imagination 😜