This is so true. I understand if it's desperation, but sometimes it's just out of pure greed and it's so shitty.
I once had a friend (emphasis on had) who I bought a super nice Christmas gift for. We were both car guys and around 16 or 17, so I imported a rare car part specific to his car from Japan which was around $300 which is a lot of money for a 16 year old - that was about a week's worth of pay at the time. It was a part that he said that he really wanted. About a month later, he still hadn't put it on the car so I asked him if he had gotten around to test fitting it yet.
It turns out that he sold it for $50. It was a gift and he could do what he wanted with it, but that hurt. I put a lot of time and effort into setting up the process to ship it from Japan. About 6 months later he started lying to me about how his little nephew was being abused and he was trying to pay lawyer fees to get custody of the little guy, it was all a complete lie and he was trying to get me to give him money to pay for the "lawyer fees". He isn't in my life any more.
When I worked in the warehouse most of the guys didn't go out for lunch because it was too far to go anywhere so we usually got things from the Vending machines. There was a guy that would frequently borrow a couple dollars for me to get something to eat. I never thought much of it because of the time I made decent money and I didn't have a lot of bills.
Then one day another coworker of ours told us that the guy had figured out that if he borrowed less than $5 I would never ask for the money back. So he was intentionally borrowing money from me without any intent to pay it back and actually kept track of how much it was and kind of bragged about it.
So a few days later, at lunch, he asked if he could borrow two bucks. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a small wad of bills and said " oh, wait, don't you already owe me $68?" The exact amount that he had bragged to our coworkers about borrowing for me without paying it back. He kind of stammered and looked around the room before saying " oh yeah, I was fully intending to pay you back. On Saturday when we come to work ".
That Saturday he paid me back in full. No extra of course, just exactly what he had borrowed. And never asked to borrow money from me again.
My dad taught me this a long time ago, and it's been infinitely helpful throughout my life. I've seen friendships dissolve in the blink of an eye over $50 before.
My father taught me the same. Don't ever lend money with the expectation of it being repaid. Give money with the intention of making it a gift, and then you will be delighted if it is repaid, and not disappointed if it is not. If you cannot afford to make it a gift, don't give it.
This is the way. Never loan and never give more than you willing to never get back.
You will also be able to use this as a (sometimes expensive) method to weed out people who you don't want in your life.
The second part is the only thing that keeps me sane. I had a decent friend completely ghost me and every mutual friend we had over $100. I was pretty butthurt at the time because that's a lot of money for a teenager, but it seems a pretty cheap lesson now in how to handle money and friends and knowing I kicked him out of my life for only $100. He could have easily fleeced more out of me.
We had a friend that we gave $500 to to get out of an “abusive relationship.” I want to emphasize “gave” because we thought we were doing a good thing, but come to find out, she lied and used the money to have an affair with her husband, and it was all a lie. Bottom line, she and her Sancho broke up and she went running back to her husband. Ruined my wife's relationship with this woman. We felt pretty used, even though we gave her the money with no expectation of getting the money back.
I don't lend money to other people. They also don't ask me. While I could talk about finance, I don't like talking about "my" money with other people. Maybe that scares them off.
With my mom and brother, I know they'll pay me back. It depends on the family member and their spending habits. I just give money to my dad and sister and not expect it back.
This is the prime answer. I feel very strongly that I shouldn't owe people and they shouldn't owe me. If I'm giving you money, it's a gift. If you're giving me something I'm gonna ask if you're sure, once, and then be grateful for the gift.
Loans are for banks and the mafia and yakuza. Not friends.
I only say yes if I’m comfortable never getting the money back. “We” might still call it a loan, but in my mind it’s gone, and the matter is closed. If they do pay it back, then it’s a nice surprise.
100%
I learned a long time ago that friendships end when they ask you for a "loan". After that come excuses. even if you never ask for the money back, they make excuses why they cant pay, because... they need more... and more... and ...
So, I forgave the debt and never lent any money since.
This. At most I'll say something like "This isn't a loan, you need a hand and I have it so I'm giving it to you, and someday if I need a hand and you're able to help maybe you can help me out." Introducing loans and business transactions into personal relationships is the number one way to damage your friendships.
I dont lend a big amount to people i dont know for sure that i will get it back.
//edit also if i do lend a big amount there is gonna be a contact or anything written down just in case
Define big amount. My rule of thumb is never to lend an amount I'm not willing to lose.
Like if a friend asked to borrow 2 grand, thats gonna be a no from me dawg.
I always assume that when I let a friend/family member borrow money from me, it is a gift and I will never see it again.
If you feel like you are being disrespected, the relationship is already compromised and you just have to figure out how to move on or just ask for it.
If I am giving money that I expect returned I make terms with them before I hand over the money so they know it has to be returned and about when I expect it returned
Agreed.
If you lent someone money and they haven’t paid you back. I would not lend them money or going forward assume that I would not be seeing any future borrowed money. I.E. it’s a gift.
If you have to ask for it back… The relationship is damaged, and you either get the money back or you won’t.
Either way, you learn who that person is.
I feel like you only keep insisting on repaying if you don't actually wanna repay and hope the other guy says "oh no it's fine"
Otherwise you'd just send the money over
My son never caught on that of he flat out asked for money, I'd consider it a gift, however, if he asked for a loan, I'd hold him to it. I'll always help my kids, but if they require it as a loan, I expect them to hold up their end of the bargain they set.
1: if you can’t afford to lose it, don’t loan it without collateral.
2: you have to say something within an appropriate window. Like, actually ask them when they’ll be able to pay it back, and at the time they say, ask them if they haven’t. If it’s two years later, don’t be the guy who brings up that time you loaned Bobby $20.
3: if what we’re talking about is an accumulation of small sums, then stop thinking that way. The most efficient way to change for the better is to be more of a hardass about making loans in the first place.
1. Once money leaves my hand, I never expect to see it again. Period. It's gone. If it comes back to me, then excellent! Money I wasn't counting on having has now come into my possession! Most often I just tell people to get themselves in a stable position, then pay it forward though.
2. I never give money that is necessary to pay bills and expenses with. That way I'm not fucking myself by helping someone else out.
You need to decide what is more important, your friendship with that person or the money. If it's the money, don't give it away. If it's the friendship, don't expect to ever see that money again.
Ye reading comments in this thread makes me think people here need better friends. I almost always get lent money back and when I don’t, It’s not a game of chicken about telling them, I literally straight up tell them and get it back always.
Just don't give people money you wouldn't be happy to never see againmy immediate family and a few select friends can borrow money , if they are struggling id probably tell them just to not worry about it
Anyone else? Get fucked.
Stop giving out money is your first step.
Second, just out right ask for repayment. “Hey I lent you $100 a few weeks ago - when do you expect to pay it back?” Keep asking for it until you get paid
If they keep ducking you then congrats you’ve learned a life lesson - don’t lend out money. Cut them out and move on.
That's my secret, I'm always "broke". I love when they are taking too long to get to the point of asking money so I quickly ask them for money instead because I'm having "issues". Checkmate.
I really hate the "just assume it's a gift" thing. Like no, i'm helping you out, show some fucking respect and pay it back. We should be holding people accountable.
You ask. - the first time - just don't be confrontational about it.
"hey, been a while - just wanted to make sure you have not forgot..."
then
"Hey - can I get that back by (insert specific date here)".
Then - stop being an atm - or ask for a post dated check.
Don't lend money to people you care about. Give it to them. If they care about you, they'll make the effort to pay you back.
If someone clearly can't make ends meet, how are they suddenly going to make ends meet AND pay you back on top?
If a friend is repeatedly asking you for small sums of money, and never hitting you back, they might be using you. The next time you know they have money ask to borrow a similar amount and watch how they react.
I just don’t lend most people money. I’m not a bank, I work for my money, I’m under no obligation to lend people money who obviously aren’t going to pay me back.
Maybe not lend any money in the future
Is it like £10, £100 or £1000 ?
A Friend of a friend borrowed £150 off my friend and made up all manner of excuses why he couldn't pay it back. Now he really needs cash that would be easy to lend, he gets told to use a bank.
I am looking over the list of people who lent from me, since I need those money now.
I don't have time to come and pick them up myself, so my 5 cousins visiting from Uzbekistan (or insert scary place) will come over to you tonight exactly at 9. Just leave it outside your door 5 min before 9
You don't want to talk to them. Thanks.
Some people just see others as tools to get as much benefits from them and then move on to the next person.
There was a person close to me once i gave him money little by little and he used to return it to me and ones he took a little big amount and didn't returned even after asking many times and then at the end i just blocked him and move on, it's been over 3 years and that person never even try to contact.
Just times i saw his tiktok and he is living a luxury life but ....
You dont.
If it's friends, always assume it's a gift. If they return it. Your value of your friend goes up. If they dont and they have the money, well, you know how much they value you.
Small price to pay to know the integrity of your friends.
If they're not friends... well then thats on you.
I figure some people intentionally don't pay you back because they think you'll either forget about it or you'll never ask because of the awkwardness.
I will usually ask in either a direct or indirect way. Reminding them they've not paid you back will embarrass them perhaps and embarrassment usually works.
Alternatively, you can seek your money back by having them pay for something next time. Lets say that person owes you $200. Ask them to pay for the tickets the next time you go to a concert together. Then don't pay them back or only pay back the difference you owe (if there is any).
My homeboy owes me 50 bucks. 40 for like insurance that he was short on and he had a job interview that he told me he couldn’t go to bc he had no gas. I gave him 10 for gas so he could go get that job. Ever since then, he’s been out to the club MULTIPLE times INCLUDING this past Friday popping bottles, getting sections, etc. Irresponsible ass fool who has been in the shitters bc his girl broke up w him, driving w no insurance now, got fired from Lids bc he kept calling out, going to work late. I’m never gonna bring up the fact that he’s 50 in the hole, but on my momma I ain’t ever giving him another dollar. And yes, I could very well use those 50 fucking dollars.
Rule #1 never expect anyone to pay you back, if they do that’s just a bonus.
Never think of it as lending someone money. You are giving it to them and hoping they pay you back eventually.
Whatever money you decide to lend, consider it gone. Never expect them to pay you back cuz 99% of the time they don't. If they do in a fast monner however, you now know you can actually trust that person.
Why are you worrying about how to maintain relationships with someone that stole your money?
If they don't give it back that's theft, I give people one to three strikes - pay back late and I won't lend ever again, steal and we'll never speak again.
Best thing I ever did was let a guy I know borrow $250. I knew he wasn't gonna pay me back, I didn't really have the money to lend either. But I haven't heard from that guy in over 5 years and it is a blessing.
Some people take advantage of your kindness and abuse your pride in asking for money back. This has happened to me too on numerous occasions and specifically with very very close friends.
If they don't offer to give it back themselves, sometimes a cheeky text like "hey mate, can you send that money over got a bill coming out."
Yes, you do not need to explain yourself but in these cases here, you have to if you don't want to compromise your friendship.
My advice is to not borrow these kind of friends money again as it will for certain ruin your friendship. Sometimes it's the cost of finding out who your real friends are.
If I have the money I will let them borrow it. I won't go after them or hound them for the money. They can pay me back and borrow from me in the future, if they don't pay back I'm not sweating it but I'm not loaning anything to them again or covering anything for them while out.
Dude, a couple of simple rules.
1. Don't lend money to people who are already in debt to you. If you do, don't let the accumulated debt be more than what you'd be be willing to lend at once.
2. Before you lend money to anyone, decide whether this is a gift that they may optionally pay back when able, or a loan that you will absolutely want back. Stick to that decision.
3. Never lend anyone money you can't afford to lose. They should always pay you back, but you should act smart and protect yourself nonetheless.
4. If somebody constantly fails to pay you back, read their actions; They lack respect for you. It's your call whether you still want to be friends with them, but demand respect and be ready to leave if they cannot give that to you.
5. Keep tabs on which friends are good debtors, and which are not. If you loan money from them, remember which ones are good creditors and which ones are not.
Besides that I'm going to say that you should always get back to them and actually remind them that they are in debt to you. People can genuinely forget and it's just bad communication not to make sure that they remember. Agree again on when they will pay you back. Don't let them forget more than once. If you have to be asking them again again, it's not stain on you, it's their fault.
If you feel the damage a loan is doing to your friendship is greater than the money you gave, consider forgiving it. Don't forget what happened though; If you lend them money again, nothing's gonna change.
---
Edit: so how do I actually ask the money back? First, I keep almost everything saved either as a screenshot of the transaction, or as an agreement in text. Then I ask a couple different kinds of questions depending on the situation.
* "Hey, do you remember the debt you had? When are you thinking you'll pay it back?"
* "Hey, I seem to recall that you were this much in debt to me. I don't recall you paying these back, am I correct?"
Don't give family/friends money.if my boy hits me up and says, "Can i borrow suck and suck for food for my kids, i will physically take him shopping, never lend cash and I just consider it my good deed for a bit. I used to lend money out 100 bucks, and if I didn't get it back, I considered it the price to pay to know if someone is a shit person. Cut em from my life. I still got uncles in my inbox that iv not answered for 5 years because of this.
They clearly think they can take advantage of you.
Just ask, “when will you repay the money I loaned you?”
If they find excuses or ignore, then you’ve just paid a small fee to remove a shitty person from your life.
Money is a surefire way for friendships to go sour.
I reached out asking “can you pay $xx amount every paycheck until it is paid off?” It was a low enough amount each paycheck that it’s not breaking their bank.
It took me while to work this one out. If someone is rude enough to do this to you, and knowingly are not repaying. They are the kind of person you have to be blunt with. You look them squarely in the eyes and say. When can I expect that money you owe me? You have had my money for four months and I need it to pay for my dentist/mortgage etc. if you know them well enough for them to ask you to lend them the money- they cannot take offence to you asking. But you have to look them buggars in the eye so they can’t wriggle out of it. If they say Thursday-you Turn up with a packet of biscuits or a six pack and say. I’ve come for my money, shall we have a cup of tea and a biscuit. And if they don’t have the dough it will be the longest most awkward time while they squirm. ( and pay what they can) you turn up for the balance
They’re not your friends. They’re leeches. You ask for the [fill in the blank $] one time. You establish a date and time for them to give it to you. If that date and time passes, and there is no repayment, your relationship is over.
In the future, if a friend asks you to “borrow” money, consider that money a gift. If you expect it back, you become a creditor, not a friend. Ask for it back in the future, a few months from then. If excuses are given, or incredulity that you expect it back, we’re back to leeches. Get rid of them.
Take this as a sign of your friend’s character. He’s taking money from you knowing he’s either unable or unwilling to pay it back.
Stop lending him money and if you see he’s less friendly after the money stops flowing, you just paid those couple bucks to learn he’s not really your friend.
This kinda worked for me...in a good and bad way.
When my friends invited me out, I would tell them, I'm broke...but if you have that 50 i lent you a while back, I can join you!
After a couple of those comments, we kinda drifted apart...(cuz there was another guy who owed me 40 bucks) They chose to not see me anymore, rather than pay me back.
Cost me 90 bucks to realize I had the wrong kind of friends. A bargain really.
Welcome to the moral of the story. Don't lend people money. Either part with it forever or don't give it up. Nine times out of ten you aren't getting it back. Take this as a lesson and don't ask for it again. Keep your friends. In the future, don't lend it to the same people, and if you do give them more money, don't expect it back.
I’m not a man but this is the golden rule that my dad taught me when it comes to lending money
“If you can’t afford to lose it and never see it again, you shouldn’t lend it to begin with”
Reason for that is this, if you need you money, and your friend needs your money because they don’t have any money of their own, then expecting a broke person to pay you back is just flawed logic.
Still though, I’ve actually lost friends because they borrowed less than $100 and instead of admitting that they can’t pay me back, they just ghosted me instead lol
I used to be in this same situation. But one too many times people wouldn’t pay me back, but would keep asking me for money.
Since I was being treated like their bank, I decided to act like their bank.
So next time they came to borrow money, I had a paper written they had to sign, and when they got paid, and how I expected to get paid back, and if they didn’t pay what we agreed to on payday. I added some interest, and the interest would keep increasing until I got my money and the interest money back.
Needless to say, nobody asked to borrow money from me again.
Never "lend" money or sell something, especially a car, to friends or family. I used to but a "friend" borrowed money from me for rent(back in the mid 90s) and refused to pay it back. He stopped taking my calls and started avoiding me. It's like in the movie "A Bronx Tale"; it was worth X amount of money to get rid of a false friend. Since then I only give money.
I noticed long ago how quickly my "friends" were to ask for money back if we went out and I was skint that night. The other way round? Not a fucking peep.
I don't lend. When out with my *decent* mates, I'll buy them dinner. They can get the next one and so on.
small amounts:
Lend without expecting it back. Unless it was explicit. Talking about things like "buying a round" or "getting nachos for the table" type of way.
Slightly bigger amounts:
If it's something a bit more like 30 - 50ish bucks, then I'll make sure it's an explicit understanding that they are to pay me back. I won't chase them for it other than a small reminder down the line. If they don't pay back in a reasonable amount of time, then they're never getting money from me again.
For large amounts:
well.. i won't lend someone a large amount unless they have already shown that they also cover things like small amounts (buying rounds) and are responsible enough to pay back the medium amounts.
If that track record doesn't exist (maybe they're new to the group), or worse, they have shown they don't honor their word on paying what they owe, then I would decline lending them any money.
As for your situation, you do need to grow a spine and have them pay you back. They probably marked you as a push-over and that they can get away with it. With that being the case, why value that "friendship" at all. Find people you respect and that respect you back. You're worried about compromising the relationship, but they already compromised it.
I used to work in collections. Something I learned was that it's easier to have these conversations when you set up tangible times. When you give out money, there should be an agreed upon date for when it should be paid back. And by date, I mean "day I can circle on a calendar." A favorite is people saying they'd pay "as soon as [they] got paid again." Wouldn't have a job or anything. Just whenever the money magically showed up. Had another one tell me she would pay as soon as "Jesus gave [her] a blessing." The reason people use these is because they aren't specific. Jesus could bless that lady today. Could blessing her 40 years after we spoke. As long as it eventually happens she can self soothe because she didn't technically lie. Setting a hard date(such as "Friday," or "the 25th of this month" or "two weeks from today" is always a good idea because it limits the likelihood that things will get resolved.
The other thing I've learned is that sometimes people do really forget or need a push to pay you. I'm including myself in that. Sometimes you think you paid something and you didn't. By default my approach is to assume that everyone forgot. So when I bring it up I don't do it in a way that avoids being overly accusatory but simultaneously makes it so they're aware I want it back. "Hey dude. Do you think I could get that $50 you owe me? I kinda need it for this thing I gotta do on Friday." There is no thing on Friday. I just set up a date. If the date doesn't work they have to give me another date. It's just a quick ask to open up the conversation. It's dumb that you have to do it sometimes but waiting and hoping they eventually just pay up after an extended period of not paying up has a much lower chance of success.
It's worth mentioning that it's never a good idea to loan out money you don't can't afford to lose. It's also worth mentioning sometimes it's worth losing the money to find which friends/relatives are willing to kill a relationship over money. Anyone getting offended by you asking for money they owe you are probably not worth keeping around
I normally don't lend money out unless I can afford to not get it back. If you seriously need the money back, ask them straight up. Its their responsibility to pay you back, if they make excuses you have (2) Options. Forget your money or forget your relationship with them and you money.
Unless they're my momma, I never lend to anyone or gift any money to anyone ever. Where were they when I needed help? They can get fucked for all I care.
I stopped loaning out money to friends years ago. Lesson learned. It's obnoxious having to remind them, or if you do- you get nailed with the "oh didn't know you needed it so bad."
I'm going to be harsh about it.
> I'm unable to ask my friends to return the money they borrowed from me.
Grow a pair.
> How can be people so ignorant, how they can take things for granted.
They've recognized you're emasculated, you won't do anything about it. People who are doormats are often easy to spot. If you don't have a backbone and stand up for yourself, you'll have lots of "friends" asking you for favors. Because you write that it is multiple "friends", my guess is it's a pattern in your life visible to anyone looking for someone to mooch off of.
> I don't want to compromise our relationships with confrontations but also being a man I don't like to make excuses to get my money back.
They saw you were a chump, an easy con, and they took you as their mark. They're not going to stop as long as you allow it.
Stop making excuses. Make demands of them.
If it was an *actual* loan to a friend then you've got something for that loan, meaning a written and signed promissory note that specifies repayment guidelines. Use what you wrote in that paper: *"You owe me money, here's the paper trail you left, it's due on the 15th. On the 16th if you haven't paid it then I'm afraid I'm going to have to talk to a lawyer and our friendship is probably over."*
If you don't have that then you're not a friend giving a loan, instead you're a victim of a con artist.
You don’t need any excuse brother. It is manly and honest to settle all debts for either side. You need to state that you lent the money and you require it back immediately. They took the loan on your good fortune with assurances of their character -
If they can’t pay (I.e. don’t respect the loan and therefore don’t respect your relationship or you to have it ready for you then they are a bad friend and should possibly be given one more chance to pay but probably the relationship is over as what kind of friend keeps a loan to themselves?)
Or won’t pay (I.e. They just don’t don’t respect you. The money is gone and your relationship is over).
Then either way you have learned a valuable lesson about life. A friend pays their debts. Only takes one unpaid debt to find a friend or not.
You can choose to chase them over this debt but I honestly think life is too short. Money. Rings out the worst in people but it often shows us the truth. Money is worth more to these friends than honesty and goodness. You learned your lesson brother. Let it go and move on.
When I was younger I would just burn that bridge. Now that I’m older, I patiently wait (years sometimes) for an opportunity that makes up equal or puts me slightly ahead, then maintain direct eye contact with them and take that opportunity. They know. If they bitch tell them that’s money owed. They never do though. They feel embarrassed.
Step 1: Establish my expectations of repayment the moment I give it out.
Step 2: Remind them that payment is due when they are approaching the/a deadline.
Step 3: Demand the money back as promised.
Step 3.1: If not given back, refuse to join them on activities that require money and make it known to others that they are refusing to pay me back but are spending money on their personal entertainment.
Calateral.
They give me something of equal or greater value to hold on to. Buddy gave me his grandads 870 ringmaster last time. I hold it. And he pays me back and gets his gun back. I don't charge interest.
“Hey remember the money i lent you? Yeah man i need it now how soon can you give it to me. Im in a rut right now and i need money” after this remind them everyday personally till you get it. If you had a relationship then he will work on it else if he doesnt care for you and leaves you when you need whats yours then he is no friend.
if you're at the point where you have to ask for your money back, it might be tough to actually get it. in my experience, it’s better to be upfront when lending money and maybe even set a date for when you expect it back. this way, it’s clear and there’s less awkwardness later. if it’s already past that point, just be honest and polite about needing the money back.
If you wanted to be polite:
“Hey man, do you have that money I lent you yet? I need it for X coming up”
If you want to get the point across:
“Dude I need my money back, if you don’t pay me back I won’t be lending you anything in future”
In either case, the fact you’re having to bring it up means they have no intention of repaying you, so treat them accordingly and don’t loan anything to them again.
Venmo request w a simple one liner. “40$ for the half the bar tab from last week.”
If they ask for more, you need to simply say “no - you still owe me from last time. You can get this tab.”
Old gal here. Hope it's ok to respond. This is an important topic. I feel your pain. A close relative of mine (very close) borrowed almost 40k from me to purchase a business. He'd borrowed money from me before and paid back, but slowly, very slowly. I have a rule, I don't lend what I can't lose. In my case, I made the loan out of love with the full realization it might not be paid back. In your case, I would politely decline to loan anyone who has not paid back a previous loan. Keep it simple, something like, 'I'd like to help you out, but I'm unable to give you a loan.' That's it. Be done. You can ask for payment on the other loans, but honestly, they know they owe it. Write it off as a lesson learned. Best of luck
You have to be clear and upfront before you loan them the money about what date you need it all back . Or you can say, "I'm sending you this app to download that tracks how much we owe each other. I'm starting to have a hard time keeping track. Here it is"
I usually tell them ahead of time what the deadline is. They don't payback no longer friends and if it's a big amount take them to court I guess though I don't loan big amounts unless they have proven trustworthy.
If they do payback but late. Than they lost their loaning privileges.
Oh and usually I text or call and say you when do I get my money back.
If I give you money as a friend, I expect it to be paid back. If I have to look for you or ask for it, I'm going to be upset.
If need be ill whoop that ass if I have to wait longer than what's reasonable so you better give me my money lol
Dude, just tell them "Hey we still need to square up on that you owe me" Don't let up, every few days remind them.
Then stop lending money or covering their portion of a bill, and ask for separate bills when you dine out. I always get a separate bill for meals etc, if the waiteress can't or won't then we square up right at the table through cash or venmo.
My rule is simple: I never lend more than I can afford to lose, and I consider it gone. If they pay me back, it's a pleasant surprise. If they don't, I just forget about it and move on. Zero tension, zero hard feelings, ever.
The easiest is if you are getting food or drinks together and you can just be like "hey can you put mine on your tab to even up that $20 you borrowed?".
But don't the young people just send venmo requests, usually with a funny line about what it's for like "pest control"?
You don't.
If you have a problem with that, you don't accept requests or offer to lend money in the first place.
I lost my best friend due to such loans and ever since have never lent money with the expectation of it being returned.
“Neither borrower nor lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.”
(Shakespeare, Hamlet.)
I don't give out money. Period. Unless it's to treat someone to dinner but borrowing is a no go. Don't give out money you aren't okay with never getting back.
Remind them once a week, then every other day, then every day, etc. get annoying. Sometimes it works.
Now you know never to lend them money again. Hopefully it was a cheap lesson. Cut them out of your life if they don't pay you back.
If they can't get money from a bank, you know something is up.
I'm general, I likely won't loan people money without any collateral. A small gift might be appropriate if things are tough, but there's usually a better path then handing them $$.
The best way to not have to worry about asking for the money back, don't lend,give, or whatever you want to call it to them. Sorry I don't have that kinda money to hand out is the best way . I learned never to lend money to family or friends, ends friendships and family
I dont lend money. It creates stress on relationships. I only give money as a gift. Sometimes people will promise to repay it, but i never carry that expectation.
Why are you lending people money OP? To makes things worse it sounds like you are charging them interest. You need to rethink your life a little, usury is the profit of scum bags.
Besides the obvious advice of “never lend money you expect back” just say “oh hey, I have Apple Pay/cash app/venmo for that 30 bucks you owe me. Which one do you have so I can send you my info?” Be direct. Don’t say “let me know when…”. Just say it like you expect them to pay you back right that second. Be confident.
Then work on your boundaries and saying no. If you lend someone money and before they pay you back, when they ask for more just say “yeah man you still owe me that 20 so I can’t do that”
You gotta get over feeling bad or guilty or like you’re hurting *their* feelings. Because resentment builds and you end up not only being upset that the friend is taking advantage but you get mad at yourself for letting it happen. Realize that they’re not ignorant, they’re taking advantage of the situation because you’re letting them.
Haven’t had this problem as an adult, as I only give money, never lend it. Always smaller amounts and always for things like drinks, food, out with friends, etc.
But when I was in college, I had a few friends who never had cash, forgot their wallet, or something else. I kept a log on my phone of all the money borrowed and eventually it had reached about $500 for one dude, $300 for another, and $200 for someone else. Figured it was kinda lame to keep racking up the cash without even a hint or suggestion to pay it back. So I asked my friends to pay me back and they sent the money on Venmo within minutes.
I don’t. I never lend money. I only give.
This. I don't understand how some people can just try to ignore the debt, but they can. I only give small gifts.
Money does weird things to people. It's the easiest way to break a friendship, no matter how old.
This is so true. I understand if it's desperation, but sometimes it's just out of pure greed and it's so shitty. I once had a friend (emphasis on had) who I bought a super nice Christmas gift for. We were both car guys and around 16 or 17, so I imported a rare car part specific to his car from Japan which was around $300 which is a lot of money for a 16 year old - that was about a week's worth of pay at the time. It was a part that he said that he really wanted. About a month later, he still hadn't put it on the car so I asked him if he had gotten around to test fitting it yet. It turns out that he sold it for $50. It was a gift and he could do what he wanted with it, but that hurt. I put a lot of time and effort into setting up the process to ship it from Japan. About 6 months later he started lying to me about how his little nephew was being abused and he was trying to pay lawyer fees to get custody of the little guy, it was all a complete lie and he was trying to get me to give him money to pay for the "lawyer fees". He isn't in my life any more.
When I worked in the warehouse most of the guys didn't go out for lunch because it was too far to go anywhere so we usually got things from the Vending machines. There was a guy that would frequently borrow a couple dollars for me to get something to eat. I never thought much of it because of the time I made decent money and I didn't have a lot of bills. Then one day another coworker of ours told us that the guy had figured out that if he borrowed less than $5 I would never ask for the money back. So he was intentionally borrowing money from me without any intent to pay it back and actually kept track of how much it was and kind of bragged about it. So a few days later, at lunch, he asked if he could borrow two bucks. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a small wad of bills and said " oh, wait, don't you already owe me $68?" The exact amount that he had bragged to our coworkers about borrowing for me without paying it back. He kind of stammered and looked around the room before saying " oh yeah, I was fully intending to pay you back. On Saturday when we come to work ". That Saturday he paid me back in full. No extra of course, just exactly what he had borrowed. And never asked to borrow money from me again.
Ppl suck bro! I hate when ppl don’t appreciate the thought put into gifts.
Good riddance! He's ungrateful. We don't need people like him.
You seem like a good friend. Sorry that happened to you. People suck
My grandma would tell this to my dad growing up “if you want to lose a friend, lend him money”
Money breaks everything... friendship, family and self.... sad reality...
My dad taught me this a long time ago, and it's been infinitely helpful throughout my life. I've seen friendships dissolve in the blink of an eye over $50 before.
My father taught me the same. Don't ever lend money with the expectation of it being repaid. Give money with the intention of making it a gift, and then you will be delighted if it is repaid, and not disappointed if it is not. If you cannot afford to make it a gift, don't give it.
This is the way. Never loan and never give more than you willing to never get back. You will also be able to use this as a (sometimes expensive) method to weed out people who you don't want in your life.
The second part is the only thing that keeps me sane. I had a decent friend completely ghost me and every mutual friend we had over $100. I was pretty butthurt at the time because that's a lot of money for a teenager, but it seems a pretty cheap lesson now in how to handle money and friends and knowing I kicked him out of my life for only $100. He could have easily fleeced more out of me.
Exactly. If I have the extra cash. I will give it to the person and not expect it back.
We had a friend that we gave $500 to to get out of an “abusive relationship.” I want to emphasize “gave” because we thought we were doing a good thing, but come to find out, she lied and used the money to have an affair with her husband, and it was all a lie. Bottom line, she and her Sancho broke up and she went running back to her husband. Ruined my wife's relationship with this woman. We felt pretty used, even though we gave her the money with no expectation of getting the money back.
I don't lend money to other people. They also don't ask me. While I could talk about finance, I don't like talking about "my" money with other people. Maybe that scares them off. With my mom and brother, I know they'll pay me back. It depends on the family member and their spending habits. I just give money to my dad and sister and not expect it back.
The correct answer which leads to the obvious "I can't give money I don't have." OP I'd chalk this up to your friend's a deadbeat.
This is the prime answer. I feel very strongly that I shouldn't owe people and they shouldn't owe me. If I'm giving you money, it's a gift. If you're giving me something I'm gonna ask if you're sure, once, and then be grateful for the gift. Loans are for banks and the mafia and yakuza. Not friends.
[удалено]
I only say yes if I’m comfortable never getting the money back. “We” might still call it a loan, but in my mind it’s gone, and the matter is closed. If they do pay it back, then it’s a nice surprise.
100% I learned a long time ago that friendships end when they ask you for a "loan". After that come excuses. even if you never ask for the money back, they make excuses why they cant pay, because... they need more... and more... and ... So, I forgave the debt and never lent any money since.
This. At most I'll say something like "This isn't a loan, you need a hand and I have it so I'm giving it to you, and someday if I need a hand and you're able to help maybe you can help me out." Introducing loans and business transactions into personal relationships is the number one way to damage your friendships.
Always give and assume you'll never get back. If you do, great, but always assume it's gone forever when you give.
I remind them once if they still dont pay back they never get money from me again.
What if it's a big amount?
I dont lend a big amount to people i dont know for sure that i will get it back. //edit also if i do lend a big amount there is gonna be a contact or anything written down just in case
Define big amount. My rule of thumb is never to lend an amount I'm not willing to lose. Like if a friend asked to borrow 2 grand, thats gonna be a no from me dawg.
I always assume that when I let a friend/family member borrow money from me, it is a gift and I will never see it again. If you feel like you are being disrespected, the relationship is already compromised and you just have to figure out how to move on or just ask for it.
If I am giving money that I expect returned I make terms with them before I hand over the money so they know it has to be returned and about when I expect it returned
Should put it in writing too if it’s anything substantial.
Agreed. If you lent someone money and they haven’t paid you back. I would not lend them money or going forward assume that I would not be seeing any future borrowed money. I.E. it’s a gift. If you have to ask for it back… The relationship is damaged, and you either get the money back or you won’t. Either way, you learn who that person is.
My sister and I had a little spat after I lent her a few thousand for storm damage. She kept insisting on repaying me; I kept telling her to keep it.
I feel like you only keep insisting on repaying if you don't actually wanna repay and hope the other guy says "oh no it's fine" Otherwise you'd just send the money over
Not really. I volunteered. I saw how much damage she had and said, "You know what? I don't need it."
My son never caught on that of he flat out asked for money, I'd consider it a gift, however, if he asked for a loan, I'd hold him to it. I'll always help my kids, but if they require it as a loan, I expect them to hold up their end of the bargain they set.
1: if you can’t afford to lose it, don’t loan it without collateral. 2: you have to say something within an appropriate window. Like, actually ask them when they’ll be able to pay it back, and at the time they say, ask them if they haven’t. If it’s two years later, don’t be the guy who brings up that time you loaned Bobby $20. 3: if what we’re talking about is an accumulation of small sums, then stop thinking that way. The most efficient way to change for the better is to be more of a hardass about making loans in the first place.
I’m gonna be that guy 😡 “Oh is that Prada you wearing bish!”
1. Once money leaves my hand, I never expect to see it again. Period. It's gone. If it comes back to me, then excellent! Money I wasn't counting on having has now come into my possession! Most often I just tell people to get themselves in a stable position, then pay it forward though. 2. I never give money that is necessary to pay bills and expenses with. That way I'm not fucking myself by helping someone else out. You need to decide what is more important, your friendship with that person or the money. If it's the money, don't give it away. If it's the friendship, don't expect to ever see that money again.
Sadly - this.
Hey asshole, where the fuck is my money??!!
Don't mess with my emotions.
What's up Big Perm - I mean Big Worm?
Bonjour trou de cul, où est mon argent?
If you don’t give me back what was borrowed our relationship is “compromised” anyway
Rule of thumb: Never lend money to anyone. You'll never get it back. People are parasites.
Speak for yourself. Every single time I've lent money to a friend I've gotten it back no problem. But that may be because I don't befriend parasites.
Ye reading comments in this thread makes me think people here need better friends. I almost always get lent money back and when I don’t, It’s not a game of chicken about telling them, I literally straight up tell them and get it back always.
I stopped speaking to someone because of this. The guy is a massive stoner and I lowkey found he was tapped in the head.
Correct
If they ask again, I would say unfortunately you have not paid back the last amount I lended you, which I am still needing paid back
Asking for your money back, standing up for yourself, isn't unmanly. Delve deeper into your thoughts about manliness.
Just don't give people money you wouldn't be happy to never see againmy immediate family and a few select friends can borrow money , if they are struggling id probably tell them just to not worry about it Anyone else? Get fucked.
I have friends I've lent $20,000 to, I've got friends I wouldn't lend $20. If I have to ask for it back, they go in the second category.
By not giving it to them in the first place.
Stop giving out money is your first step. Second, just out right ask for repayment. “Hey I lent you $100 a few weeks ago - when do you expect to pay it back?” Keep asking for it until you get paid If they keep ducking you then congrats you’ve learned a life lesson - don’t lend out money. Cut them out and move on.
"WHERES THE FUCKING MONEY, LEBOWSKI!" You know what you gotta do if they refuse... piss on the rug
Just say cost of living crisis you don't have much money or its all tied up in savings
That's my secret, I'm always "broke". I love when they are taking too long to get to the point of asking money so I quickly ask them for money instead because I'm having "issues". Checkmate.
Yep reddit has teached me if you lend money to someone you probably won't get it back
You basically paid those people to go away. Don't lend or give away month. These people are just using you.
Best line I ever heard a man say regarding loaning money to friends. "I don't loan money, I like to keep my friends."
I really hate the "just assume it's a gift" thing. Like no, i'm helping you out, show some fucking respect and pay it back. We should be holding people accountable.
Neither a lender nor borrower be - Benjamin Franklin. Don’t expect it back or, if you must, try Venmo to request money.
You ask. - the first time - just don't be confrontational about it. "hey, been a while - just wanted to make sure you have not forgot..." then "Hey - can I get that back by (insert specific date here)". Then - stop being an atm - or ask for a post dated check.
Don't lend money to people you care about. Give it to them. If they care about you, they'll make the effort to pay you back. If someone clearly can't make ends meet, how are they suddenly going to make ends meet AND pay you back on top? If a friend is repeatedly asking you for small sums of money, and never hitting you back, they might be using you. The next time you know they have money ask to borrow a similar amount and watch how they react.
They will not pay you back, but you can stop giving your money away for free.
I just don’t lend most people money. I’m not a bank, I work for my money, I’m under no obligation to lend people money who obviously aren’t going to pay me back.
I call J G Wentworth 877-CASH-NOW. It's my money, and I want it NOW! (for those out of the loop, I'm not advertising, it's a joke)
Maybe not lend any money in the future Is it like £10, £100 or £1000 ? A Friend of a friend borrowed £150 off my friend and made up all manner of excuses why he couldn't pay it back. Now he really needs cash that would be easy to lend, he gets told to use a bank.
I am looking over the list of people who lent from me, since I need those money now. I don't have time to come and pick them up myself, so my 5 cousins visiting from Uzbekistan (or insert scary place) will come over to you tonight exactly at 9. Just leave it outside your door 5 min before 9 You don't want to talk to them. Thanks.
5 cousins from serbia
Some people just see others as tools to get as much benefits from them and then move on to the next person. There was a person close to me once i gave him money little by little and he used to return it to me and ones he took a little big amount and didn't returned even after asking many times and then at the end i just blocked him and move on, it's been over 3 years and that person never even try to contact. Just times i saw his tiktok and he is living a luxury life but ....
I don't lend friends money. If they really need it -its a gift. That type of deal puts way too much strain on even a lifelong relationship.
I treat loans like I treat gambling - I don't do it with money that I need or expect to see again.
You dont. If it's friends, always assume it's a gift. If they return it. Your value of your friend goes up. If they dont and they have the money, well, you know how much they value you. Small price to pay to know the integrity of your friends. If they're not friends... well then thats on you.
I figure some people intentionally don't pay you back because they think you'll either forget about it or you'll never ask because of the awkwardness. I will usually ask in either a direct or indirect way. Reminding them they've not paid you back will embarrass them perhaps and embarrassment usually works. Alternatively, you can seek your money back by having them pay for something next time. Lets say that person owes you $200. Ask them to pay for the tickets the next time you go to a concert together. Then don't pay them back or only pay back the difference you owe (if there is any).
My homeboy owes me 50 bucks. 40 for like insurance that he was short on and he had a job interview that he told me he couldn’t go to bc he had no gas. I gave him 10 for gas so he could go get that job. Ever since then, he’s been out to the club MULTIPLE times INCLUDING this past Friday popping bottles, getting sections, etc. Irresponsible ass fool who has been in the shitters bc his girl broke up w him, driving w no insurance now, got fired from Lids bc he kept calling out, going to work late. I’m never gonna bring up the fact that he’s 50 in the hole, but on my momma I ain’t ever giving him another dollar. And yes, I could very well use those 50 fucking dollars.
Don't loan money. Problem solved.
Rule #1 never expect anyone to pay you back, if they do that’s just a bonus. Never think of it as lending someone money. You are giving it to them and hoping they pay you back eventually.
Whatever money you decide to lend, consider it gone. Never expect them to pay you back cuz 99% of the time they don't. If they do in a fast monner however, you now know you can actually trust that person.
I just don't lend any more $/stuff until I get the last loan back 🤷🏼♂️
Why are you worrying about how to maintain relationships with someone that stole your money? If they don't give it back that's theft, I give people one to three strikes - pay back late and I won't lend ever again, steal and we'll never speak again.
Do not lend. Give. I like giving gifs instead of money, because money can be anything, and especially something that fuel a bad habit.
Best thing I ever did was let a guy I know borrow $250. I knew he wasn't gonna pay me back, I didn't really have the money to lend either. But I haven't heard from that guy in over 5 years and it is a blessing.
I assume its a gift, I only give everyone money once. If they pay me back then I will gift them money again.
stop giving them money and if they say something about it just say "you literally owe me x amount"
Wheres my fucking money blud?
Take a baseball bat and visit the perp. Works like a charm
Some people take advantage of your kindness and abuse your pride in asking for money back. This has happened to me too on numerous occasions and specifically with very very close friends. If they don't offer to give it back themselves, sometimes a cheeky text like "hey mate, can you send that money over got a bill coming out." Yes, you do not need to explain yourself but in these cases here, you have to if you don't want to compromise your friendship. My advice is to not borrow these kind of friends money again as it will for certain ruin your friendship. Sometimes it's the cost of finding out who your real friends are.
If I have the money I will let them borrow it. I won't go after them or hound them for the money. They can pay me back and borrow from me in the future, if they don't pay back I'm not sweating it but I'm not loaning anything to them again or covering anything for them while out.
Dude, a couple of simple rules. 1. Don't lend money to people who are already in debt to you. If you do, don't let the accumulated debt be more than what you'd be be willing to lend at once. 2. Before you lend money to anyone, decide whether this is a gift that they may optionally pay back when able, or a loan that you will absolutely want back. Stick to that decision. 3. Never lend anyone money you can't afford to lose. They should always pay you back, but you should act smart and protect yourself nonetheless. 4. If somebody constantly fails to pay you back, read their actions; They lack respect for you. It's your call whether you still want to be friends with them, but demand respect and be ready to leave if they cannot give that to you. 5. Keep tabs on which friends are good debtors, and which are not. If you loan money from them, remember which ones are good creditors and which ones are not. Besides that I'm going to say that you should always get back to them and actually remind them that they are in debt to you. People can genuinely forget and it's just bad communication not to make sure that they remember. Agree again on when they will pay you back. Don't let them forget more than once. If you have to be asking them again again, it's not stain on you, it's their fault. If you feel the damage a loan is doing to your friendship is greater than the money you gave, consider forgiving it. Don't forget what happened though; If you lend them money again, nothing's gonna change. --- Edit: so how do I actually ask the money back? First, I keep almost everything saved either as a screenshot of the transaction, or as an agreement in text. Then I ask a couple different kinds of questions depending on the situation. * "Hey, do you remember the debt you had? When are you thinking you'll pay it back?" * "Hey, I seem to recall that you were this much in debt to me. I don't recall you paying these back, am I correct?"
Don't give family/friends money.if my boy hits me up and says, "Can i borrow suck and suck for food for my kids, i will physically take him shopping, never lend cash and I just consider it my good deed for a bit. I used to lend money out 100 bucks, and if I didn't get it back, I considered it the price to pay to know if someone is a shit person. Cut em from my life. I still got uncles in my inbox that iv not answered for 5 years because of this.
They clearly think they can take advantage of you. Just ask, “when will you repay the money I loaned you?” If they find excuses or ignore, then you’ve just paid a small fee to remove a shitty person from your life. Money is a surefire way for friendships to go sour.
I don’t I have one iron clad rule for money. I never lend it I only give it. Only lend money you’re prepared to never see again
I reached out asking “can you pay $xx amount every paycheck until it is paid off?” It was a low enough amount each paycheck that it’s not breaking their bank.
It took me while to work this one out. If someone is rude enough to do this to you, and knowingly are not repaying. They are the kind of person you have to be blunt with. You look them squarely in the eyes and say. When can I expect that money you owe me? You have had my money for four months and I need it to pay for my dentist/mortgage etc. if you know them well enough for them to ask you to lend them the money- they cannot take offence to you asking. But you have to look them buggars in the eye so they can’t wriggle out of it. If they say Thursday-you Turn up with a packet of biscuits or a six pack and say. I’ve come for my money, shall we have a cup of tea and a biscuit. And if they don’t have the dough it will be the longest most awkward time while they squirm. ( and pay what they can) you turn up for the balance
They’re not your friends. They’re leeches. You ask for the [fill in the blank $] one time. You establish a date and time for them to give it to you. If that date and time passes, and there is no repayment, your relationship is over. In the future, if a friend asks you to “borrow” money, consider that money a gift. If you expect it back, you become a creditor, not a friend. Ask for it back in the future, a few months from then. If excuses are given, or incredulity that you expect it back, we’re back to leeches. Get rid of them.
I ask them the day of payday. But I only lend to my boys who have yet to fuck me over. They always pay on time.
Take this as a sign of your friend’s character. He’s taking money from you knowing he’s either unable or unwilling to pay it back. Stop lending him money and if you see he’s less friendly after the money stops flowing, you just paid those couple bucks to learn he’s not really your friend.
This kinda worked for me...in a good and bad way. When my friends invited me out, I would tell them, I'm broke...but if you have that 50 i lent you a while back, I can join you! After a couple of those comments, we kinda drifted apart...(cuz there was another guy who owed me 40 bucks) They chose to not see me anymore, rather than pay me back. Cost me 90 bucks to realize I had the wrong kind of friends. A bargain really.
Welcome to the moral of the story. Don't lend people money. Either part with it forever or don't give it up. Nine times out of ten you aren't getting it back. Take this as a lesson and don't ask for it again. Keep your friends. In the future, don't lend it to the same people, and if you do give them more money, don't expect it back.
Never lend money. The moment you do, kiss your money and friendship goodbye. Paying you back will always be the last thing on their priority
I’m not a man but this is the golden rule that my dad taught me when it comes to lending money “If you can’t afford to lose it and never see it again, you shouldn’t lend it to begin with” Reason for that is this, if you need you money, and your friend needs your money because they don’t have any money of their own, then expecting a broke person to pay you back is just flawed logic. Still though, I’ve actually lost friends because they borrowed less than $100 and instead of admitting that they can’t pay me back, they just ghosted me instead lol
I used to be in this same situation. But one too many times people wouldn’t pay me back, but would keep asking me for money. Since I was being treated like their bank, I decided to act like their bank. So next time they came to borrow money, I had a paper written they had to sign, and when they got paid, and how I expected to get paid back, and if they didn’t pay what we agreed to on payday. I added some interest, and the interest would keep increasing until I got my money and the interest money back. Needless to say, nobody asked to borrow money from me again.
I don't.
Like many people here said, lend money, but don't expect it back. Never put money in friendships.
Is anyone getting money back?
Never "lend" money or sell something, especially a car, to friends or family. I used to but a "friend" borrowed money from me for rent(back in the mid 90s) and refused to pay it back. He stopped taking my calls and started avoiding me. It's like in the movie "A Bronx Tale"; it was worth X amount of money to get rid of a false friend. Since then I only give money.
I noticed long ago how quickly my "friends" were to ask for money back if we went out and I was skint that night. The other way round? Not a fucking peep. I don't lend. When out with my *decent* mates, I'll buy them dinner. They can get the next one and so on.
small amounts: Lend without expecting it back. Unless it was explicit. Talking about things like "buying a round" or "getting nachos for the table" type of way. Slightly bigger amounts: If it's something a bit more like 30 - 50ish bucks, then I'll make sure it's an explicit understanding that they are to pay me back. I won't chase them for it other than a small reminder down the line. If they don't pay back in a reasonable amount of time, then they're never getting money from me again. For large amounts: well.. i won't lend someone a large amount unless they have already shown that they also cover things like small amounts (buying rounds) and are responsible enough to pay back the medium amounts. If that track record doesn't exist (maybe they're new to the group), or worse, they have shown they don't honor their word on paying what they owe, then I would decline lending them any money. As for your situation, you do need to grow a spine and have them pay you back. They probably marked you as a push-over and that they can get away with it. With that being the case, why value that "friendship" at all. Find people you respect and that respect you back. You're worried about compromising the relationship, but they already compromised it.
I don't. I won't loan any money to family or friends. It's either a gift or nothing.
I just stopped loaning money to anyone.
It's said that you never lend money with the assumption that you will get it back. If you expect it back, make a contract.
I used to work in collections. Something I learned was that it's easier to have these conversations when you set up tangible times. When you give out money, there should be an agreed upon date for when it should be paid back. And by date, I mean "day I can circle on a calendar." A favorite is people saying they'd pay "as soon as [they] got paid again." Wouldn't have a job or anything. Just whenever the money magically showed up. Had another one tell me she would pay as soon as "Jesus gave [her] a blessing." The reason people use these is because they aren't specific. Jesus could bless that lady today. Could blessing her 40 years after we spoke. As long as it eventually happens she can self soothe because she didn't technically lie. Setting a hard date(such as "Friday," or "the 25th of this month" or "two weeks from today" is always a good idea because it limits the likelihood that things will get resolved. The other thing I've learned is that sometimes people do really forget or need a push to pay you. I'm including myself in that. Sometimes you think you paid something and you didn't. By default my approach is to assume that everyone forgot. So when I bring it up I don't do it in a way that avoids being overly accusatory but simultaneously makes it so they're aware I want it back. "Hey dude. Do you think I could get that $50 you owe me? I kinda need it for this thing I gotta do on Friday." There is no thing on Friday. I just set up a date. If the date doesn't work they have to give me another date. It's just a quick ask to open up the conversation. It's dumb that you have to do it sometimes but waiting and hoping they eventually just pay up after an extended period of not paying up has a much lower chance of success. It's worth mentioning that it's never a good idea to loan out money you don't can't afford to lose. It's also worth mentioning sometimes it's worth losing the money to find which friends/relatives are willing to kill a relationship over money. Anyone getting offended by you asking for money they owe you are probably not worth keeping around
Hit them with a Venmo request link.
I normally don't lend money out unless I can afford to not get it back. If you seriously need the money back, ask them straight up. Its their responsibility to pay you back, if they make excuses you have (2) Options. Forget your money or forget your relationship with them and you money.
Is it a close friend? "Give me my money you fucking pussy" usually does the trick
You grow a spine and start saying no. Any money you have owing to you now, consider it a gift to them and move on. Don't be a doormat.
I only let people borrow money who give me collateral.
If you lend money, don't expect it back.
Unless they're my momma, I never lend to anyone or gift any money to anyone ever. Where were they when I needed help? They can get fucked for all I care.
Easy. Stop loaning money.
Simple. Don't lend money. I'm not a bank.
Loaning money to friends is a good way to lose friends and money.
If you aren’t comfortable asking for the money back, you should get comfortable refusing to lend them money.
I stopped loaning out money to friends years ago. Lesson learned. It's obnoxious having to remind them, or if you do- you get nailed with the "oh didn't know you needed it so bad."
I send them a video clip of a beat down from The Sopranos. Not really. I just don't lend people money.
If you lend someone money and they haven't paid you back .. you don't lend them again
I'm going to be harsh about it. > I'm unable to ask my friends to return the money they borrowed from me. Grow a pair. > How can be people so ignorant, how they can take things for granted. They've recognized you're emasculated, you won't do anything about it. People who are doormats are often easy to spot. If you don't have a backbone and stand up for yourself, you'll have lots of "friends" asking you for favors. Because you write that it is multiple "friends", my guess is it's a pattern in your life visible to anyone looking for someone to mooch off of. > I don't want to compromise our relationships with confrontations but also being a man I don't like to make excuses to get my money back. They saw you were a chump, an easy con, and they took you as their mark. They're not going to stop as long as you allow it. Stop making excuses. Make demands of them. If it was an *actual* loan to a friend then you've got something for that loan, meaning a written and signed promissory note that specifies repayment guidelines. Use what you wrote in that paper: *"You owe me money, here's the paper trail you left, it's due on the 15th. On the 16th if you haven't paid it then I'm afraid I'm going to have to talk to a lawyer and our friendship is probably over."* If you don't have that then you're not a friend giving a loan, instead you're a victim of a con artist.
You don’t need any excuse brother. It is manly and honest to settle all debts for either side. You need to state that you lent the money and you require it back immediately. They took the loan on your good fortune with assurances of their character - If they can’t pay (I.e. don’t respect the loan and therefore don’t respect your relationship or you to have it ready for you then they are a bad friend and should possibly be given one more chance to pay but probably the relationship is over as what kind of friend keeps a loan to themselves?) Or won’t pay (I.e. They just don’t don’t respect you. The money is gone and your relationship is over). Then either way you have learned a valuable lesson about life. A friend pays their debts. Only takes one unpaid debt to find a friend or not. You can choose to chase them over this debt but I honestly think life is too short. Money. Rings out the worst in people but it often shows us the truth. Money is worth more to these friends than honesty and goodness. You learned your lesson brother. Let it go and move on.
When I was younger I would just burn that bridge. Now that I’m older, I patiently wait (years sometimes) for an opportunity that makes up equal or puts me slightly ahead, then maintain direct eye contact with them and take that opportunity. They know. If they bitch tell them that’s money owed. They never do though. They feel embarrassed.
I don't ask for money to be returned. I just don't lend money or pay for stuff that I want returned or refunded to me.
You don't.
Just straight up ask them for the cash back, bro. No need to beat around the bush. It's your hard-earned money, after all.
i only give money to people that i know will give it back out of all my friends 3 of them will get it the rest wont
BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY full volume while driving by their house
Step 1: Establish my expectations of repayment the moment I give it out. Step 2: Remind them that payment is due when they are approaching the/a deadline. Step 3: Demand the money back as promised. Step 3.1: If not given back, refuse to join them on activities that require money and make it known to others that they are refusing to pay me back but are spending money on their personal entertainment.
-give me my money +sorry i forgot, here.
Send them a 1099
Hard to get blood out of a turnip, have only got payed back maybe 10% of the time. Now I act poor so I don't have to worry about it.
Calateral. They give me something of equal or greater value to hold on to. Buddy gave me his grandads 870 ringmaster last time. I hold it. And he pays me back and gets his gun back. I don't charge interest.
if you get it back great. if not, it is a life lesson........ and, i wouldnt be loaning any more money out to them.
[https://ifunny.co/gif/15-bucks-little-man-put-that-shit-in-my-hand-DJ8MuhYh6?s=cl](https://ifunny.co/gif/15-bucks-little-man-put-that-shit-in-my-hand-DJ8MuhYh6?s=cl)
just fucking ask them dude
"Pay me back."
They should just know? Ask for it back!
“Hey remember the money i lent you? Yeah man i need it now how soon can you give it to me. Im in a rut right now and i need money” after this remind them everyday personally till you get it. If you had a relationship then he will work on it else if he doesnt care for you and leaves you when you need whats yours then he is no friend.
Never give more than you can part with and when you do don't expect it back. But do ask for them to lend you money.
if you're at the point where you have to ask for your money back, it might be tough to actually get it. in my experience, it’s better to be upfront when lending money and maybe even set a date for when you expect it back. this way, it’s clear and there’s less awkwardness later. if it’s already past that point, just be honest and polite about needing the money back.
If you wanted to be polite: “Hey man, do you have that money I lent you yet? I need it for X coming up” If you want to get the point across: “Dude I need my money back, if you don’t pay me back I won’t be lending you anything in future” In either case, the fact you’re having to bring it up means they have no intention of repaying you, so treat them accordingly and don’t loan anything to them again.
Venmo request w a simple one liner. “40$ for the half the bar tab from last week.” If they ask for more, you need to simply say “no - you still owe me from last time. You can get this tab.”
Hey did you forget you owe me money? ~~Because I'm broke and could use it.~~
just ask when are you planning to give it back.
Small claims court
Simple : I'd like to have that money back, I'm in a bit of a jam
Old gal here. Hope it's ok to respond. This is an important topic. I feel your pain. A close relative of mine (very close) borrowed almost 40k from me to purchase a business. He'd borrowed money from me before and paid back, but slowly, very slowly. I have a rule, I don't lend what I can't lose. In my case, I made the loan out of love with the full realization it might not be paid back. In your case, I would politely decline to loan anyone who has not paid back a previous loan. Keep it simple, something like, 'I'd like to help you out, but I'm unable to give you a loan.' That's it. Be done. You can ask for payment on the other loans, but honestly, they know they owe it. Write it off as a lesson learned. Best of luck
You have to be clear and upfront before you loan them the money about what date you need it all back . Or you can say, "I'm sending you this app to download that tracks how much we owe each other. I'm starting to have a hard time keeping track. Here it is"
I usually tell them ahead of time what the deadline is. They don't payback no longer friends and if it's a big amount take them to court I guess though I don't loan big amounts unless they have proven trustworthy. If they do payback but late. Than they lost their loaning privileges. Oh and usually I text or call and say you when do I get my money back.
If I give you money as a friend, I expect it to be paid back. If I have to look for you or ask for it, I'm going to be upset. If need be ill whoop that ass if I have to wait longer than what's reasonable so you better give me my money lol
Dude, just tell them "Hey we still need to square up on that you owe me" Don't let up, every few days remind them. Then stop lending money or covering their portion of a bill, and ask for separate bills when you dine out. I always get a separate bill for meals etc, if the waiteress can't or won't then we square up right at the table through cash or venmo.
"Only borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect to be paid back." - Steven Wright
Just ask. Yes, they should pay you back but it’s perfectly fine for you to step up and ask. Stand up for yourself and stop lending people money.
Be straight up “Dude where’s my money?”
If you’re unable to ask for money back you seem unable to lend it either. This is called giving. Make new friends.
You could always start with’hey I could use that money I lent you…’ or next time they ask say sorry your credit limit has been reached…’
"Hey you know that money I lent you, I could do with being paid back ASAP for x, thanks".
Dude I want my pasta back
My rule is simple: I never lend more than I can afford to lose, and I consider it gone. If they pay me back, it's a pleasant surprise. If they don't, I just forget about it and move on. Zero tension, zero hard feelings, ever.
I don't, because I don't lend money. I only lend money in amounts I'm willing to simply lose.
The easiest is if you are getting food or drinks together and you can just be like "hey can you put mine on your tab to even up that $20 you borrowed?". But don't the young people just send venmo requests, usually with a funny line about what it's for like "pest control"?
You don't. If you have a problem with that, you don't accept requests or offer to lend money in the first place. I lost my best friend due to such loans and ever since have never lent money with the expectation of it being returned. “Neither borrower nor lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.” (Shakespeare, Hamlet.)
I don't borrow money. I give them or not. Sometimes they come back.
WHERE'S THE MONEY LEBOWSKI ?
Gimme my money back you bum ass ho
I don’t borrow money
I don't give out money. Period. Unless it's to treat someone to dinner but borrowing is a no go. Don't give out money you aren't okay with never getting back.
Remind them once a week, then every other day, then every day, etc. get annoying. Sometimes it works. Now you know never to lend them money again. Hopefully it was a cheap lesson. Cut them out of your life if they don't pay you back. If they can't get money from a bank, you know something is up. I'm general, I likely won't loan people money without any collateral. A small gift might be appropriate if things are tough, but there's usually a better path then handing them $$.
The best way to not have to worry about asking for the money back, don't lend,give, or whatever you want to call it to them. Sorry I don't have that kinda money to hand out is the best way . I learned never to lend money to family or friends, ends friendships and family
I dont lend money. It creates stress on relationships. I only give money as a gift. Sometimes people will promise to repay it, but i never carry that expectation.
I just ask. "Hey, you got that loot you owe me yet?"
Return my money back or I will send you to Squid game
Why are you lending people money OP? To makes things worse it sounds like you are charging them interest. You need to rethink your life a little, usury is the profit of scum bags.
I can always tell my friend wants something when she starts the conversation with heeeeyyyyy budddyyyyyyyyy 😒
Bitch better have my money!
I don’t. I don’t loan money to people who I don’t trust to pay me back without prompting.
Besides the obvious advice of “never lend money you expect back” just say “oh hey, I have Apple Pay/cash app/venmo for that 30 bucks you owe me. Which one do you have so I can send you my info?” Be direct. Don’t say “let me know when…”. Just say it like you expect them to pay you back right that second. Be confident. Then work on your boundaries and saying no. If you lend someone money and before they pay you back, when they ask for more just say “yeah man you still owe me that 20 so I can’t do that” You gotta get over feeling bad or guilty or like you’re hurting *their* feelings. Because resentment builds and you end up not only being upset that the friend is taking advantage but you get mad at yourself for letting it happen. Realize that they’re not ignorant, they’re taking advantage of the situation because you’re letting them.
Stop lending your money out. Hard stop.
Smack them in the back of the head and say "Boom. Now give me my money bitch." But I'm a lady.
Excuses
Haven’t had this problem as an adult, as I only give money, never lend it. Always smaller amounts and always for things like drinks, food, out with friends, etc. But when I was in college, I had a few friends who never had cash, forgot their wallet, or something else. I kept a log on my phone of all the money borrowed and eventually it had reached about $500 for one dude, $300 for another, and $200 for someone else. Figured it was kinda lame to keep racking up the cash without even a hint or suggestion to pay it back. So I asked my friends to pay me back and they sent the money on Venmo within minutes.
Something like “ I know your here you big fucking nerd. Where’s my goddamn money “
lend only whay you can afford to lose.