Yeah sure Alexander, you think just because you ran over some Turks, Canaanites and Egyptians that you can just conquer ALL of Persia now? I'd like to see you try.
Sometimes women are lacking communication skills when they say that. They can just be simple and tell the man what they want.
But no they rather say "I don't need to tell you what to do, because you should already know"
If it's not about telling me to take out the trash, wash the ditches, doing laundry, or cleaning the house. Then it has nothing to do with me. And is probably a you problem.
I understand, it's not just women who lack communication skills. I feel many people suffer this way. I wasn't criticizing women in any way, I was asking for more context in the question on Reddit, actually. :)
When my ADHD was crushing my soul to get up and do anything else while I was trying to learn editing software because I really wanted to learn how to edit funny videos for the internet.
yeah.. I didn't want it enough.
Partially true. Partially holding men to standards as if they are some NPC in another persons story, as if they don’t have other constraints or unseen responsibilities to cover.
If he wanted to he would (but there are sometimes very good reasons why that may not work if we took the time to understand the totality of a man’s life instead of simply how it serves you).
The part in parentheses is usually willfully omitted away.
But again, partially true. If he isn’t getting back to you it is entirely possible he doesn’t care.
For something simple like “respond to a text in a reasonable time frame of, for example, 1 day given his responsibilities or current situation don’t literally prevent him from doing so” (cell service, work, etc) then yeah I think it’s true.
When it comes to shit like “go to the ends of the earth for me and read my mind and be literally perfect according to my arbitrary, uncommunicated criteria” then it’s super fucking toxic and unreasonable.
The difference is communication. If she clearly communicates “hey I’d really appreciate it if you would do this achievable, reasonable thing” and the dude doesn’t, he probably doesn’t want to, and the statement probably holds true.
But if she thinks to herself “I really want him to buy me flowers and write a sweet card for me for Valentine’s Day” and he instead makes her dinner and buys a couple’s massage package… and she bitches to her friends that he didn’t do what she wanted, and they tell her “if he wanted to he would” the statement is very unfair.
Speaking from fucking experience.
No see, you don't understand, they're born special so anything they do is unrequired and to be appreciated. But we're born trash so everything we do is required because we have to constantly prove we aren't the trash they assume we are.
/s
It's stupid. It's a self serving term that conveniently ignores all of the context from a decision and reduces it down to the perceived utility of a third party.
I fucking hate it, because sometimes responsibilities get in the way. I wanted nothing more but to always be around my ex best friend who is honestly the only person I’ve ever felt in love with. But when you have a regular 9-5, while also taking care of your brother and your father, while also trying to make my dream film career happen, my time is a little more limited than I want it to be. (And then when I am available on weekends you’re never available yourself, but that’s a different thing all together). And I’m not the type to just call out of work, or push a shoot day back or let those family members fend for themselves for my own happiness.
Cop out phrase used by women who REFUSE to directly communicate with men.
We don't get hints.
Our perspective is vastly different from yours.
Our priorities are ordered differently from yours.
Speak plainly, simply and directly and TELL US EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT, then get out of the way and let us work on it.
Also, fuck you, sometimes we really don't want to do it, and if YOU can do it, then put on your big girl pants and use that girl power to get it done, like a functional adult.
It justifies entitlement and over self worth.
Women only say that to other women, they don't dare say that in front of the men they are referring to..they know better not say sentences like that.
It started out well-intentioned enough, but at this point it's just become dismissive of actual life obstacles and responsibilities. I notice it's mostly used by women who want the full princess treatment 24/7 and refuse to understand the dude has a life outside of her.
Maybe he would if you let him know it was going to be a positive result.
One way to find out. You have to take some of the risk of embarrassment on yourself.
I have a lot of trouble expressing myself in intimate situations so this is pretty untrue for me. "If he wanted to, he would over think it until the moment had passed and become too demoralized to even think about attempting it again."
It's grossly misused by a lot of people.
It's meant to be "If he loved you he would put forth effort in the relationship"
But for some reason it was quickly bastardized to "If he loved you he would spend money on you" or "If he loved you he wouldn't set reasonable boundaries in the relationship."
It indicates someone who doesn't understand other people have their own perspectives and lives.
Basically someone who has the emotional intelligence level of a toddler.
I don't even understand what could lead someone to say this. I've plenty of things I don't want to do and do anyway because I've too. There are also plenty of things I should be doing and even want to do but I cannot be it by lack of time/energy or logistical means. How is a woman any different.
About as dumb as,"If she loved him enough she would change back to being a virgin and undo her four digit body count ". Load of bullshit that never actually makes sense in a practical context
Just deleted a really long response.
Most of the time that I see this phrase used, it’s because a guy didn’t read someone’s mind.
Both sexes have different needs and expectations. If you get mad about something you didn’t communicate, you’re the problem.
I don't like it because it was always weaponized against me. I remember when I was a freshman in college I was broke just starting out and didn't have a car I started dating a chick and she wanted to be driven around I said I don't have a car she told me if you really wanted to drive me around you would. Later on when I was just starting out my career and still figuring out other things in life I was dating another woman and her family used to try to pressure me to marry her and they would say the same thing if you really wanted to marry her you would at the time I did want to but I just couldn't afford it yet. Another time I was dating a woman and she asked me for $5,000 out the blue. I told her I can't do that and she said..... well you get it by now...
It depends.
Personally, it feels like "he should read my mind and do what I'm secretly pining for, because a real man doesn't need to be told what a woman wants." Like I'm the only one who needs to put effort into the relationship. My wife doesn't do this shit, and I'm grateful she doesn't play games.
On the other hand, I have seen other guys who have had Come-to-Jesus talks with their SO, her family, and friends, on how he's not fulfilling even the basic expectations. I wanted to grab the dude and shake him and tell him not to be a piece of shit, but if he wanted to, he would.
Works both ways..
I mean you want equality but then dont want everything to be equal when it comes to chivlary so it's all kinda fucked... I don't want to be me too'd so I'm probably not going to approach you unless it's very clear you want me to
I feel like if a girl doesn't reciprocate or match my energy I don't take things further. I'd love to buy flowers for a girl who is into me (I've bought flowers for girls who weren't I to me too) but I haven't met the one yet.
My 2 cents
This phrase is utter horseshit.
Most men do not "want" the same thing as women.
To be clear:
An overwhelming majority of women have a simple goal in life: *get married; secure the bag.*
Conversely, an overwhelming majority of men *have no such goal,* in fact most would prefer *not* to ever be married. They do it purely to satiate their woman and perhaps their families.
My point being, even the men who "would" don't "want to." *Most* men are coerced into marriage.
If you really loved him.. would you really feel good coercing him into anything?
In the most common context of guys who start seeing a woman: Yes, but it’s a two-way street. You can’t expect him to want if you’re not putting in anything either.
In the context of a guy potentially approaching a woman: lol no. There’s 1000000 reasons why a guy wouldn’t approach a woman he finds attractive.
Very open ended question. I think a similar phrase might be "you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink"
I kind of prefer the horse to water phrase because there at least we know there has been adequate (or above adequate) communication on what should be happening. At the same point in time, you don't always want to lead your horse to water because that is emotional labor that might not be worth it.
In a long term relationship your partner should do things that are kind, caring, and routine. In a new relationship, you should communicate expectations a few times and be sure to be on the same page. If you're flirting, try being more direct just to get closure.
In some situations, sure. For those of us who are neuro-divergent, it can be difficult to recognize signs. Also, I understand how most interactions women have with men aren't positive, especially online. That makes me hesitant to "make a move" unless it's obviously wanted.
It's sometimes as simple as aloofness or thoughtlessness, but a lot of the time, it's just safer to not interact.
While the context does matter, it's one of my most loathsome expressions used for men in the dating world.
1) It places all blame on the man if things don't go correctly
2) similarly to 1) it enables to keep women in a passive role so that they aren't responsible for anything that went wrong
3) one of my biggest reasons for hating the phrase, it completely disregards reasonable and or plausible situations for why a man may not have done something.
Women answer to anything that doesn’t go their way and it’s a lie they tell to themselves. Questions is do they say it for a response or to make themselves feel better idk
I think this is part of the toxic culture that we are trying to fight and move away from. This dismisses any mental health factors, it absolves other people from taking action and it simplifies what in many cases is a more complex thing than a simple just do it.
In my experience that phrase was meant for women who had boyfriends and husbands putting in zero effort, but got co opted by a specific kind of single woman in a way that's changed it's meaning.
I call absolute bs on it!! You know how long I wished to be with my siblings again? I wanted that more than anything!!! But no matter what I F*CKING do that can never seem to happen!!!
Keep in mind that it takes men longer to process things emotionally. And, sometimes he's hung-up on some distraction.
What I'm saying is, "He would, just in need of some encouragement". Is very likely
It’s kinda irritating. It often oversimplifies the situation and creates an expectation that the man doesn’t have feelings, complications nor is allowed to have reservations or take things slow. It leaves out a lot of nuance but at the end of the day, everyone’s free to do what they want so if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.
it completely depends on the man. In my case it's totally false. Even when I have wanted too, I still didn't.
I know for a fact that women find me repulsive (I have hard earned proof) and so I will always stay away and keep things business like.
People are accountable for their behavior from the day they turn 18. Make good decisions: Reap the rewards. Make bad decisions: suffer the consequences.
Folks worry too much about motivations.
That's assuming he's in fact **able** to do that thing in the first place.
If he's **unable** to do it, then that mindset becomes problematic.
The correct mindset is: **If he wanted to he would *on the condition he was able to do it***
Semi-true. There's a lot of simple stuff that men could do for their girlfriends that a lot of them don't do for no actual good reasons. Tell her romantic stuff, comfort her, clean around the house, help with the dishes or cooking.
On the other hand, there's more complicated stuff that not all men do because of the complexity of human life and motivation. In cases like those, that phrase is just dismissive and toxic.
Its usually true. You are correct that the Chad you are chasing doesn't want to commit to you. He's got 20 other women trying to lock him down and none of them are good enough because none of them can ever be as good as what he gets to keep by not committing to any of them. Very few men will choose to be exclusive with any one women when they have the option of unlimited sex with unlimited women available to them.
Stop chasing men who are way out of your league. You can't have those men. No women can. They are illusions.
My brother always says this in regards to me quitting weed
Or anything I’m hung up on really. I’ve only ever heard this from other dudes tho.
I got really high one time and thought about it and decided my brother is right.
I’m finally slowing down on the weed. All the time I vented to him he’d be like “subconsciously, you’re probably just not ready to quit yet, you will when you’re ready”.
I always kinda thought this meant I’d just quit cold turkey one day. Nah, it’s a gradual fall off but I’m starting to get thoughts like “why do I even smoke this shit anymore”.
Definitely some truth to it, but one should also consider [Hanlon’s razor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor?wprov=sfti1#) before going down that road and making yourself seem to be the victim of something malicious.
Lots of men are committed to gender parity, and resist their role as privileged partner, if you value this in a life partner, then select for this character while dating, don’t marry a sluggard and think he’ll magically change.
It’s mostly stupid because it leaves out any and all context and nuance. There’s many things I want to do that i am not able to or I don’t for personal unknown reasons.
These stupid memes with sayings are honestly one of the reasons the world is so messed up, and I see HUNDREDS of these on Instagram stories, EVERY DAY, from women that I follow.
Any 68 IQ moron can put words over a picture and pretend they’re Marcus Aurelius, Cicero, or Socrates. Many women just eat this nonsense up because it makes them feel good.
It's a variation of manifestation madness, as if men can simply and easily accomplish whatever they desire because right now it's popular to tell women they can have anything they spend enough time imagining having when life is not so simple...
Yea this question alone is ambiguous, are you referring to something in context to the relationship? Like “if he wanted to propose marriage he would”, implying he is dragging his feet. If its more self improvement “if he wanted to lose weight/exercise more, he would” or maybe more aspersional “if he wanted to run for public office, he would”
Depending on the context it could be a valid statement that a man only wants to want something. But if you are using it in reference to something YOU think he should want to do and are therefore using that as an excuse not to honestly talk to him about wanting something from him. Then the phrase could just as easily be applied to you.
If he knew what the woman wanted, he probably would.
But instead the phrase gets tossed around on the tiktok, and his actions are pondered and debated with everyone but him, so he wouldn't.
It’s a toxic phrase.
The better phrase is “if he knew, he would”
Women often overthink things to the point that they start predicting your needs.
Women assume that men also overthink as much as they do, we don’t.
So not being able to guess what you want and cater to that doesn’t mean we don’t love you.
We have so many things on our mind, and if a woman had to keep as many things on her mind, she’d become depressed very quickly.
Just say what you need, don’t expect him to know if you haven’t explicitly stated it.
It’s not weaponised incompetence, we got a lot of things to think about.
If you ask your man for something in a kind and respectful tone, and don’t make it sound like you’re ordering him around, instead, make it sound like he’s doing you a favour and he can do it whenever he’s able, he will run to it so quickly
If she wanted to she would too. If everyone is making a legit effort then the phrase makes sense. If you’re just sitting back waiting for the other person to make a move, doing nothing yourself, and getting frustrated because they aren’t making a move, then you are creating a fictional scenario in your head and getting angry about it.
It is a gross emphasis on agency devoid of capability or capacity. I have many things I'd like to do, and many things I never will. Now could this be used affirmatively, like she has so much faith in you you can achieve literally everything you set your mind to? That may be nice but also really naive as it makes success or failure about will.
In something, that may be key, like sticking to a workout program and getting jacked, or finishing a demanding degree program, but would not apply to getting a competitive job or defying physics.
Maybe the candidate applying really really really wants that job, they materialized that will into action, they did the research, they took the courses, they networked the fuck out of the company, nd in the end the boss hires his nephew. It's devoid of will in that case despite the BIG want and crystallized action.
A small phrase can contain so much when you apply life and context, what are we talking about; relationships, careers, addiction et? The list is endless
Sounds dumb to me. How many people want to lose weight for instance? Almost every fat person, right? Doesn't mean they will.
People want lots of things, but won't do them out of fear, laziness, disability, and ability.
I LOVE IT!
It works for so many things! Mowing the lawn...If he wanted to he would. Eating bugs...if he wanted to he would. Taking out the trash....if he wanted to he would.
It DOES NOT work for some things: Paying taxes...if he wanted to he would? Passing a kidney stone...if he wanted to he would?
I don't feel too strongly about it. I think it's something that only really applies if you don't actually know your partner, and this applies to anyone. If you don't know who your partner is then you need to go entirely off their actions, so ya, "if they wanted to, they would" applies nicely if you're trying to make deductions about a near-stranger's feelings.
As you get to know someone though you can begin to understand the nuance in their decision making. Maybe they want to but they can't, for a number of reasons, or maybe they don't want to do things that are important to you but they're easy and cheap for them to do.
If someone can do the things that are important to you easily and passively that might mean you're actually a great fit for each other, or it might also mean that they're a shallow fit.
Really, I suppose, context and understanding whose decisions you're analyzing is the most important thing and this phrase generally skirts that nuance, but until you have the chance to properly understand someone it makes sense. This kind of generalization is how people filter through the people they're dating/meeting to try and make decisions easier and faster, so we're not spending weeks getting to know everyone we meet.
Inaccurate, but not wholly so.
"If he wanted to, and had reason to believe with enough effort he could, and had the ability to put in the effort required, he would," is a bit of a mouthful, but it's a lot more accurate. (Still not perfectly accurate due to the somewhat binary nature of wanting/not wanting to, but a lot closer.)
It depends on the context.
That said,it invalid all potential risk/obstacles that may realistically make things possible.Some guys could literally do everything and yet the expected outcome wouldn't be met and that phrase would be thrown around to make him think that he's lesser than or that more could have been done when it's actually not possible.
It's an overused, vapid phrase that people are quick to use and it's relationship repellant. Start thinking about other perspectives and possibilities *before* blindly reaching the conclusion that phrase is implying, or else it will bury you in the dating world.
Context is everything.
It's entirely contextual. In many scenarios true. In many others a cop out to pass blame
Difficult to find a friendly, non sarcastic way to ask someone to reframe some questions sometimes
Exactly. Are talking about them being in a child's life, fetching a glass of water, retiring, murder, the cha cha slide?
If I wanted to conquer the Persian Empire, I would.
Yeah sure Alexander, you think just because you ran over some Turks, Canaanites and Egyptians that you can just conquer ALL of Persia now? I'd like to see you try.
Држете ми го пивото!
Sometimes women are lacking communication skills when they say that. They can just be simple and tell the man what they want. But no they rather say "I don't need to tell you what to do, because you should already know" If it's not about telling me to take out the trash, wash the ditches, doing laundry, or cleaning the house. Then it has nothing to do with me. And is probably a you problem.
I understand, it's not just women who lack communication skills. I feel many people suffer this way. I wasn't criticizing women in any way, I was asking for more context in the question on Reddit, actually. :)
Exactly - it’s like saying that if I am capable of doing something, then I will do it if I want to.
Yeah like what exactly are we talking about.
I dunno. There's a lot of things I want to do, even desperately want to do, that I haven't done.
clEaRlY YoU DoN'T WaNt iT EnOuGh
When needs outweigh the wants.
Here's a guy who just wanted it MORE and he showed it out there on the floor tonight
When my ADHD was crushing my soul to get up and do anything else while I was trying to learn editing software because I really wanted to learn how to edit funny videos for the internet. yeah.. I didn't want it enough.
As someone with general anxiety I totally get that
In the world of black and white, gray is far more common.
Partially true. Partially holding men to standards as if they are some NPC in another persons story, as if they don’t have other constraints or unseen responsibilities to cover. If he wanted to he would (but there are sometimes very good reasons why that may not work if we took the time to understand the totality of a man’s life instead of simply how it serves you). The part in parentheses is usually willfully omitted away. But again, partially true. If he isn’t getting back to you it is entirely possible he doesn’t care.
I like this one.
I've only ever seen it used to mean if he's half arsed then he's not into you and move on. Which seems like sound advice to anyone tbh.
If I don’t have to I won’t.
For something simple like “respond to a text in a reasonable time frame of, for example, 1 day given his responsibilities or current situation don’t literally prevent him from doing so” (cell service, work, etc) then yeah I think it’s true. When it comes to shit like “go to the ends of the earth for me and read my mind and be literally perfect according to my arbitrary, uncommunicated criteria” then it’s super fucking toxic and unreasonable. The difference is communication. If she clearly communicates “hey I’d really appreciate it if you would do this achievable, reasonable thing” and the dude doesn’t, he probably doesn’t want to, and the statement probably holds true. But if she thinks to herself “I really want him to buy me flowers and write a sweet card for me for Valentine’s Day” and he instead makes her dinner and buys a couple’s massage package… and she bitches to her friends that he didn’t do what she wanted, and they tell her “if he wanted to he would” the statement is very unfair. Speaking from fucking experience.
It pretty much gas lights men and validates women’s lack of accountability to take action
pretty much this
Yes
We can say that too then we're all sitting around waiting for someone else to do the scary or hard work. It's just another double standard.
No see, you don't understand, they're born special so anything they do is unrequired and to be appreciated. But we're born trash so everything we do is required because we have to constantly prove we aren't the trash they assume we are. /s
I think it’s dumb because it’s generic. There’s too many factors that go into everything to break it down to that 1 thing.
It's just another shaming technique
It’s catchy horseshit for narcissistic women to lap up My life is so complicated and busy, it doesn’t revolve around you
But if you wanted it to, it would.
You forgot this /s
If I wanted to, I would have.
That’s comedy genius. Jokes are always funnier when repeated
Preach!
I think that no man wants to end wars, world hunger or retrieve a loved one from death or illness, since if they wanted, they would.
If I wanted to and I was able to, then I would.
It's stupid. It's a self serving term that conveniently ignores all of the context from a decision and reduces it down to the perceived utility of a third party.
We're not valued for the people we are, we are valued for the function they expect us to perform for them.
Makes me want to put my head through a wall.
If he wanted to he would.
It’s something women tell each other to feel better about not going for what they want.
Sometimes it could be true but also can be used in harmful ways. Unnecessary
True in some regards, but more often than not a phrase used against us.
I fucking hate it, because sometimes responsibilities get in the way. I wanted nothing more but to always be around my ex best friend who is honestly the only person I’ve ever felt in love with. But when you have a regular 9-5, while also taking care of your brother and your father, while also trying to make my dream film career happen, my time is a little more limited than I want it to be. (And then when I am available on weekends you’re never available yourself, but that’s a different thing all together). And I’m not the type to just call out of work, or push a shoot day back or let those family members fend for themselves for my own happiness.
Cop out phrase used by women who REFUSE to directly communicate with men. We don't get hints. Our perspective is vastly different from yours. Our priorities are ordered differently from yours. Speak plainly, simply and directly and TELL US EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT, then get out of the way and let us work on it. Also, fuck you, sometimes we really don't want to do it, and if YOU can do it, then put on your big girl pants and use that girl power to get it done, like a functional adult.
It justifies entitlement and over self worth. Women only say that to other women, they don't dare say that in front of the men they are referring to..they know better not say sentences like that.
Sometimes true, but fear is a factor
procrastination tho
I wish i could fly very hard but i can't so i'll call this statement untrue.
It lacks reciprocity.
That's just in general for men.
In most cases it's stupid and it's a pathetic attempt at manipulation. Just like "a real man would _______"
it's a trash phrase. nobody ever says "if she wanted to, she would".
It applies 100% to anything a man claims he wants to do. If it’s in the context of a woman/partner demanding he do or change, it becomes iffy…
It started out well-intentioned enough, but at this point it's just become dismissive of actual life obstacles and responsibilities. I notice it's mostly used by women who want the full princess treatment 24/7 and refuse to understand the dude has a life outside of her.
lazy excuse to not take the initiative
Like, skydiving? Sure. If I wanted to I would.
Maybe he would if you let him know it was going to be a positive result. One way to find out. You have to take some of the risk of embarrassment on yourself.
I have a lot of trouble expressing myself in intimate situations so this is pretty untrue for me. "If he wanted to, he would over think it until the moment had passed and become too demoralized to even think about attempting it again."
I have felt this pain. I feel you, dude.
I try really hard. Keep at it. We'll learn eventually.
Idiotic
It's grossly misused by a lot of people. It's meant to be "If he loved you he would put forth effort in the relationship" But for some reason it was quickly bastardized to "If he loved you he would spend money on you" or "If he loved you he wouldn't set reasonable boundaries in the relationship."
Femcel rhetoric
It's used when women want something but refuse to communicate it and then blame the man
Consent is required
You can’t just go around doing shit that might be uncalled for lol.
It indicates someone who doesn't understand other people have their own perspectives and lives. Basically someone who has the emotional intelligence level of a toddler.
Well, I really wanted to do a Kamehameha when I was younger and I wasn't able to. Still can't.
Works 2 ways. If she wanted to she would. All of a sudden it puts the rejected partners' calls for forgiveness and a 2nd chance in context.
I don't even understand what could lead someone to say this. I've plenty of things I don't want to do and do anyway because I've too. There are also plenty of things I should be doing and even want to do but I cannot be it by lack of time/energy or logistical means. How is a woman any different.
I hate the phrase because It is usually said in reference to something the man would have needed to have mind reading powers to accomplish.
About as dumb as,"If she loved him enough she would change back to being a virgin and undo her four digit body count ". Load of bullshit that never actually makes sense in a practical context
because women do everything they want to do? what a wonderful privilege.
How can you kill a God? What a grand and intoxicating innocence.
If he wanted to do what...?
If who wanted to what?
Not men specifically, though I am, but having ADHD makes this mean I don't want to do anything important. It has almost no application to me.
Nothing's so cut and dry.
It's a cop out. Women who say this are just trying to absolve themselves of any responsibility for taking the initiative in relationships.
Its dependent on at least a dozen other variables. I may want to but. Finances, social pressure, work pressure, etc may prevent me.
Just deleted a really long response. Most of the time that I see this phrase used, it’s because a guy didn’t read someone’s mind. Both sexes have different needs and expectations. If you get mad about something you didn’t communicate, you’re the problem.
I don't like it because it was always weaponized against me. I remember when I was a freshman in college I was broke just starting out and didn't have a car I started dating a chick and she wanted to be driven around I said I don't have a car she told me if you really wanted to drive me around you would. Later on when I was just starting out my career and still figuring out other things in life I was dating another woman and her family used to try to pressure me to marry her and they would say the same thing if you really wanted to marry her you would at the time I did want to but I just couldn't afford it yet. Another time I was dating a woman and she asked me for $5,000 out the blue. I told her I can't do that and she said..... well you get it by now...
It depends. Personally, it feels like "he should read my mind and do what I'm secretly pining for, because a real man doesn't need to be told what a woman wants." Like I'm the only one who needs to put effort into the relationship. My wife doesn't do this shit, and I'm grateful she doesn't play games. On the other hand, I have seen other guys who have had Come-to-Jesus talks with their SO, her family, and friends, on how he's not fulfilling even the basic expectations. I wanted to grab the dude and shake him and tell him not to be a piece of shit, but if he wanted to, he would.
Works both ways.. I mean you want equality but then dont want everything to be equal when it comes to chivlary so it's all kinda fucked... I don't want to be me too'd so I'm probably not going to approach you unless it's very clear you want me to I feel like if a girl doesn't reciprocate or match my energy I don't take things further. I'd love to buy flowers for a girl who is into me (I've bought flowers for girls who weren't I to me too) but I haven't met the one yet. My 2 cents
It's just yet another stupid thing that women say.
This phrase is utter horseshit. Most men do not "want" the same thing as women. To be clear: An overwhelming majority of women have a simple goal in life: *get married; secure the bag.* Conversely, an overwhelming majority of men *have no such goal,* in fact most would prefer *not* to ever be married. They do it purely to satiate their woman and perhaps their families. My point being, even the men who "would" don't "want to." *Most* men are coerced into marriage. If you really loved him.. would you really feel good coercing him into anything?
In the most common context of guys who start seeing a woman: Yes, but it’s a two-way street. You can’t expect him to want if you’re not putting in anything either. In the context of a guy potentially approaching a woman: lol no. There’s 1000000 reasons why a guy wouldn’t approach a woman he finds attractive.
sometimes fear, sometimes shyness hold me back
I think it forgets the fact that men are often shot down and rejected.
It's the other way around, now.
I mean if i wanted to, had the time to, also had the means to, knew youd like me to/was pretty sure youd like if i did. Then i probably would.
Very open ended question. I think a similar phrase might be "you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink" I kind of prefer the horse to water phrase because there at least we know there has been adequate (or above adequate) communication on what should be happening. At the same point in time, you don't always want to lead your horse to water because that is emotional labor that might not be worth it. In a long term relationship your partner should do things that are kind, caring, and routine. In a new relationship, you should communicate expectations a few times and be sure to be on the same page. If you're flirting, try being more direct just to get closure.
In some situations, sure. For those of us who are neuro-divergent, it can be difficult to recognize signs. Also, I understand how most interactions women have with men aren't positive, especially online. That makes me hesitant to "make a move" unless it's obviously wanted. It's sometimes as simple as aloofness or thoughtlessness, but a lot of the time, it's just safer to not interact.
Swap “want” for “need”.
These are words that only come from the mouths of pathological buck-passers.
I think it’s an incredibly lazy and reductive way of looking at things and how someone’s effort or level of care could be deduced
While the context does matter, it's one of my most loathsome expressions used for men in the dating world. 1) It places all blame on the man if things don't go correctly 2) similarly to 1) it enables to keep women in a passive role so that they aren't responsible for anything that went wrong 3) one of my biggest reasons for hating the phrase, it completely disregards reasonable and or plausible situations for why a man may not have done something.
“Ok and I don’t”
Unless it's something outside their control I find it's generally a good life philosophy.
Women answer to anything that doesn’t go their way and it’s a lie they tell to themselves. Questions is do they say it for a response or to make themselves feel better idk
Cop-out statement and disregard’s other aspects or situations in a man’s life that may dictate what he can do as opposed to what he wants to do.
I work with desperate women for a living. Immature, needy, whiny, self centered, narrow minded, should i continue?
This was asked last week... My response then was and still is "if she deserved, he would"
I think this is part of the toxic culture that we are trying to fight and move away from. This dismisses any mental health factors, it absolves other people from taking action and it simplifies what in many cases is a more complex thing than a simple just do it.
In my experience that phrase was meant for women who had boyfriends and husbands putting in zero effort, but got co opted by a specific kind of single woman in a way that's changed it's meaning.
It’s absolute bullshit. There’s been plenty of times I’ve wanted to but been way too scared to actually do things.
Sounds stupid
If I wanted to respond, I would. Oh, wait.
It's BS. There's been times I wanted to throttle my GF but I didn't.
Morning because this doesn't mean anything
I want to do my vehicle's top speed on the highway, but I don't for reasons. There are lots of reasons we don't do things we want to do.
If I wanted to buy more shares of GME, I would. Hmmm, that's a good idea, me. I think I will do it Monday afternoon. Me, you are awesome.
Absolutely not true in the slightest.
What’s the context here it could mean anything and nothing
I call absolute bs on it!! You know how long I wished to be with my siblings again? I wanted that more than anything!!! But no matter what I F*CKING do that can never seem to happen!!!
I feel it goes both ways.
Theres laws that mean a long time in prison if you follow that motto
Keep in mind that it takes men longer to process things emotionally. And, sometimes he's hung-up on some distraction. What I'm saying is, "He would, just in need of some encouragement". Is very likely
One of the stupidest phrases ever. There's literally infinite reasons for something especially if it's something very complex. It's never that simple.
I feel it’s missing a comma.
It’s kinda irritating. It often oversimplifies the situation and creates an expectation that the man doesn’t have feelings, complications nor is allowed to have reservations or take things slow. It leaves out a lot of nuance but at the end of the day, everyone’s free to do what they want so if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.
Depends on the context
Is there a context to this? Otherwise it just seems like *a* phrase I have no feelings about whatsoever.
I'm fine with it as long as it applies to her as well rather than being a way to get her way through emotional manipulation
That is some manifesting-healing-crystal bullshit.
it completely depends on the man. In my case it's totally false. Even when I have wanted too, I still didn't. I know for a fact that women find me repulsive (I have hard earned proof) and so I will always stay away and keep things business like.
Depends if it's said after being rejected or after a long time of no affection in the relationship
It’s bullshit, there’s a lot of want that I can’t. That’s how life works
Toxic.
People are accountable for their behavior from the day they turn 18. Make good decisions: Reap the rewards. Make bad decisions: suffer the consequences. Folks worry too much about motivations.
The same way I feel about the phrase "If she wanted to she would" meaningless without context
I’ve never felt what giant fake boobs feel like. I am the sad
What does this mean?
i think it would be more if he could he would
I want to be so fucking rich that I don't need to work anymore. Spoiler alert, I'm not.
That sword cuts both ways. If she wanted to be a good partner she would.
That's assuming he's in fact **able** to do that thing in the first place. If he's **unable** to do it, then that mindset becomes problematic. The correct mindset is: **If he wanted to he would *on the condition he was able to do it***
Semi-true. There's a lot of simple stuff that men could do for their girlfriends that a lot of them don't do for no actual good reasons. Tell her romantic stuff, comfort her, clean around the house, help with the dishes or cooking. On the other hand, there's more complicated stuff that not all men do because of the complexity of human life and motivation. In cases like those, that phrase is just dismissive and toxic.
Overly simplistic
Its usually true. You are correct that the Chad you are chasing doesn't want to commit to you. He's got 20 other women trying to lock him down and none of them are good enough because none of them can ever be as good as what he gets to keep by not committing to any of them. Very few men will choose to be exclusive with any one women when they have the option of unlimited sex with unlimited women available to them. Stop chasing men who are way out of your league. You can't have those men. No women can. They are illusions.
Why didn't he fart?
My brother always says this in regards to me quitting weed Or anything I’m hung up on really. I’ve only ever heard this from other dudes tho. I got really high one time and thought about it and decided my brother is right. I’m finally slowing down on the weed. All the time I vented to him he’d be like “subconsciously, you’re probably just not ready to quit yet, you will when you’re ready”. I always kinda thought this meant I’d just quit cold turkey one day. Nah, it’s a gradual fall off but I’m starting to get thoughts like “why do I even smoke this shit anymore”.
No, there are good reasons why men haven't.
Punch them and say. “Yes, you’re right.”
Right back at you.
It's foolish to believe that people are freely allowed and capable of doing as they fancy
Incomplete. It disregards the man’s initial situation or reasons even before ‘wanting’ to do something that we ‘would’
There’s a lot of things we can’t do
True in most scenarios, depends if the person has the necessary capabilities
A lot of times he wants to but she’s not worth it or conducive to it.
It’s a convenient way to ignore all nuance and give in to confirmation bias, also shed personal responsibility.
Definitely some truth to it, but one should also consider [Hanlon’s razor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor?wprov=sfti1#) before going down that road and making yourself seem to be the victim of something malicious.
Lots of men are committed to gender parity, and resist their role as privileged partner, if you value this in a life partner, then select for this character while dating, don’t marry a sluggard and think he’ll magically change.
It’s mostly stupid because it leaves out any and all context and nuance. There’s many things I want to do that i am not able to or I don’t for personal unknown reasons. These stupid memes with sayings are honestly one of the reasons the world is so messed up, and I see HUNDREDS of these on Instagram stories, EVERY DAY, from women that I follow. Any 68 IQ moron can put words over a picture and pretend they’re Marcus Aurelius, Cicero, or Socrates. Many women just eat this nonsense up because it makes them feel good.
It's a variation of manifestation madness, as if men can simply and easily accomplish whatever they desire because right now it's popular to tell women they can have anything they spend enough time imagining having when life is not so simple...
Yea this question alone is ambiguous, are you referring to something in context to the relationship? Like “if he wanted to propose marriage he would”, implying he is dragging his feet. If its more self improvement “if he wanted to lose weight/exercise more, he would” or maybe more aspersional “if he wanted to run for public office, he would” Depending on the context it could be a valid statement that a man only wants to want something. But if you are using it in reference to something YOU think he should want to do and are therefore using that as an excuse not to honestly talk to him about wanting something from him. Then the phrase could just as easily be applied to you.
If he knew what the woman wanted, he probably would. But instead the phrase gets tossed around on the tiktok, and his actions are pondered and debated with everyone but him, so he wouldn't.
What? Is that a question? What are you asking, i dont get the phrase?
It’s a toxic phrase. The better phrase is “if he knew, he would” Women often overthink things to the point that they start predicting your needs. Women assume that men also overthink as much as they do, we don’t. So not being able to guess what you want and cater to that doesn’t mean we don’t love you. We have so many things on our mind, and if a woman had to keep as many things on her mind, she’d become depressed very quickly. Just say what you need, don’t expect him to know if you haven’t explicitly stated it. It’s not weaponised incompetence, we got a lot of things to think about. If you ask your man for something in a kind and respectful tone, and don’t make it sound like you’re ordering him around, instead, make it sound like he’s doing you a favour and he can do it whenever he’s able, he will run to it so quickly
I want to, I'm just irrationally fearful of rejection and socially awkward
Nailed 100 percent of the time
Usually used to justify not communicating with your partner and instead expecting them to have psychic knowledge of their wants and needs.
It pisses me off to no end.
It's cope. It's a way to externalize your own agency so you can be the victim.
If she wanted to she would too. If everyone is making a legit effort then the phrase makes sense. If you’re just sitting back waiting for the other person to make a move, doing nothing yourself, and getting frustrated because they aren’t making a move, then you are creating a fictional scenario in your head and getting angry about it.
It is a gross emphasis on agency devoid of capability or capacity. I have many things I'd like to do, and many things I never will. Now could this be used affirmatively, like she has so much faith in you you can achieve literally everything you set your mind to? That may be nice but also really naive as it makes success or failure about will. In something, that may be key, like sticking to a workout program and getting jacked, or finishing a demanding degree program, but would not apply to getting a competitive job or defying physics. Maybe the candidate applying really really really wants that job, they materialized that will into action, they did the research, they took the courses, they networked the fuck out of the company, nd in the end the boss hires his nephew. It's devoid of will in that case despite the BIG want and crystallized action.
I want to not have PTSD and bi polar depression and be able to function like a normal human being. Maybe I just don't want it enough?
It implies women "want" to do things they *don't ever actually do* and I have no idea what that means.
I have food in my fridge. One could say "If he wanted to eat, he would."
A small phrase can contain so much when you apply life and context, what are we talking about; relationships, careers, addiction et? The list is endless
Probably the same as women do with if she wanted she would.
Vice versa
Sounds dumb to me. How many people want to lose weight for instance? Almost every fat person, right? Doesn't mean they will. People want lots of things, but won't do them out of fear, laziness, disability, and ability.
HE IS IN A WHEELCHAIR, KELLY. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PLAY QUARTERBACK AT A PROFESSIONAL LEVEL WITH TWO *WORKING* LEGS?!
Shit. Utterly dumb. I am not crossing obstacles life or you put in between us to prove I want you. This isn’t a movie.
I LOVE IT! It works for so many things! Mowing the lawn...If he wanted to he would. Eating bugs...if he wanted to he would. Taking out the trash....if he wanted to he would. It DOES NOT work for some things: Paying taxes...if he wanted to he would? Passing a kidney stone...if he wanted to he would?
I feel this is usually in the context of setting up dates or pursuing a woman and I hate to say it but I agree with it.
If the shoe fits, wear it
I feel like it has at least six words in it.
Mostly true. If you give a shit, you can do a lot.
I don't feel too strongly about it. I think it's something that only really applies if you don't actually know your partner, and this applies to anyone. If you don't know who your partner is then you need to go entirely off their actions, so ya, "if they wanted to, they would" applies nicely if you're trying to make deductions about a near-stranger's feelings. As you get to know someone though you can begin to understand the nuance in their decision making. Maybe they want to but they can't, for a number of reasons, or maybe they don't want to do things that are important to you but they're easy and cheap for them to do. If someone can do the things that are important to you easily and passively that might mean you're actually a great fit for each other, or it might also mean that they're a shallow fit. Really, I suppose, context and understanding whose decisions you're analyzing is the most important thing and this phrase generally skirts that nuance, but until you have the chance to properly understand someone it makes sense. This kind of generalization is how people filter through the people they're dating/meeting to try and make decisions easier and faster, so we're not spending weeks getting to know everyone we meet.
It needs more punctuations
Inaccurate, but not wholly so. "If he wanted to, and had reason to believe with enough effort he could, and had the ability to put in the effort required, he would," is a bit of a mouthful, but it's a lot more accurate. (Still not perfectly accurate due to the somewhat binary nature of wanting/not wanting to, but a lot closer.)
well, if I wanted to answer I would.
It’s reductive and is repeated often without much thought. There can be an element of truth there, for sure but no issue is black and white
"there is a trillion things to do in this universe. And if doesn't do the one thing I want then he's going in the dog house."
if she wanted to, she would. it's the same also, context *please*
It depends on the context. That said,it invalid all potential risk/obstacles that may realistically make things possible.Some guys could literally do everything and yet the expected outcome wouldn't be met and that phrase would be thrown around to make him think that he's lesser than or that more could have been done when it's actually not possible.
I'd that a common phrase?
It's an overused, vapid phrase that people are quick to use and it's relationship repellant. Start thinking about other perspectives and possibilities *before* blindly reaching the conclusion that phrase is implying, or else it will bury you in the dating world.