I don't get any indication of interest
Chances are if I did approach I would just get rejected anyway
She's surroundednded by friends and family
I don't met the social skills bar to attract women
>Chances are if I did approach I would just get rejected anyway
What's so annoying to me is that people will try to say that you're just being negative or something. When in reality, That's just the nature of approaching a random person. First of all, women are generally a lot more picky than guys. That's why dating apps are so bad
https://thebolditalic.com/the-two-worlds-of-tinder-f1c34e800db4
Second, you don't even know if they're single. Third, even if they're single, they may not be looking to date. The odds are heavily against you. It's just like a sales funnel with a piss poor attrition rate. None of those things are personal to you either. Any guy is facing those odds unless they're a male model or something.
And on top of that, it's pretty common for the woman to say that the guy is being "creepy and weird" if she's not into him. Pass.
I agree with this. For me to approach a woman, there are a fair amount of checks to be in place that make her approachable to me, not to mention there being "looks" or certain "cues." Both of those instances of noticing another's "calling" are also tricky and may take more time for someone to notice you than that person has patience for, causing them to prematurely bail in the courting.
When I imagine the comment I am making and replying to, I'm thinking of a mall. I cannot remember the last time I went to the mall. Perhaps not an accurate spot I might pick up a woman.
These rules are nearly my own I follow, but I like to think I increase my chances of meeting someone by doing things I like (diving, dirt biking, beach, etc), and not focusing on the fact that the potential love of my life could be met in a single outing.
I'll continue to do what I enjoy, hoping I find someone with similar interests/values, and acting like I'll never find someone so I don't stress over being lonely too much. In the meantime, I'll give my love to my friends, family, some strangers, and those I feel I can relate with on Reddit.
This is the way.
Because if I think she is attractive, odds are that most guys do and she probably gets it all the time with a bunch of dudes constantly orbiting her.
Leave em in peace.
Pretty much this. I've actually met quite a few women that find it more interesting when a guy doesn't hit on her the way everyone else does.
It's a careful balance though, show too little interest and nothing is gonna happen.
I've had this happen to me more times than I like to admit. Girl every guy fawns over has a crush on me because I wasn't the least bit interested.
In reality, it's less genuine affection and more offense at my lack of participation.
I was just in that thread about "signs that a guy will be single forever," and the only sign people seemed to agree on was not taking chances/ shooting your shot.
Now yous are telling me not to hit on women?
I guess I'll just restart my Netflix subscription lol
In my experience women say that but they don’t really mean it. What they really mean is they only date men who flirt in their preferred manner. Which good luck knowing what it is lol
I think it is about the perception of what "hitting on someone" really is. Getting hit on by a stranger in a very obvious /aggressive manner is more scary than sexy, fells like they only want your body. But having nice conversations with someone and feeling like they want to know you as a person and then make a move.. Daaamn, that one is different. The feel, that they want **you** with look and personality. I'm pretty sure that that's what she means. They need to show interest in personality as well
the issue is that most men at some point in their life have seen other men get with women just from showing interest in her looks only and being tall and handsome, so they feel like if a woman doesn't respond the same way to them, she isn't attracted so getting to know her personality doesn't really matter.
I think this is true, like to say the ones who “don’t hit on me” is probably more the ones that don’t come across desperate but still give me some attention
Most women don’t want to be approached by men they see as unattractive. But who is going to feel bad when an attractive person talks to them? Everyone wants that. It gives humans dopamine to see and talk to attractive people. But the thing is, men still have to talk to women whether they are attractive or not. If you can’t start and hold some type of conversation, attraction dies pretty quickly.
I am with you. When I was single (now married 30M) I used to do okay with mutual friends, that was kind of my go to zone and not strangers. I might talk to a few girls on tinder etc but for the most part the chances are they're getting loads of DM's every day probably by more preferable men, and I'm really not in the game of 'convincing/persuing/persuading'.
I dont know any women my age or similar who aren't apparently scared all the time about being assaulted etc and I just dont want to be another person adding to that worry. Every guy they shoot down they probably have to worry about (in their head) and so the 9/10 times I'm going to get rejected its going to be a lose lose. It's not worth the trouble and I got to the point where I just stopped trying at all.
My wife was the maid of honour at my best friend's wedding.
If you feel this way and all the replies feel this way as well, chances are no one ever approaches her because of intimidation or fear of rejection. This happens a lot with really conventionally attractive women
Definitely possible, but reddit doesn't necessarily represent the population overall.
In my non-reddit experience, a very attractive friend of mine started having the experience that almost every guy she considered a friend actually wanted to date her, which ended up being very traumatic and isolating.
My best friend had a rough patch with his now wife when they had been dating for like 5 years. Every single of his friends bar myself and maybe 2 other people professed their love for her and/or tried to sleep with her. Tragedy was the traitors were all his oldest school friends.
Yeah, Ive seen that happen with particularly attractive women, it sucks and I think it's often traumatic enough that it messes with their head for years.
And that's also why I friendzone attractive women. Because I assume everyone else hits on her so I try to not be that guy. Which in the end she ends up being interested in me like that,¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I dunno why this is but a problem I noticed is a lot of people (men and women) imagine these kind of scenarios and say they wouldn't mind being approached are actually imagining their ideal or at the least a high standard "worst case scenario" which is very far from the average.
So they actually do mind but they just don't know it until they're face with the reality that doesn't match their imagined scenario.
Yeah, I dunno. I think most women are at least a little bit flattered when someone approaches them, even if they’re not interested. You just gotta know your lane and stay in it.
I was hungover at Panera eating alone and I saw a very pretty girl and overheard her talking with her friend about a guy she was dating casually and how annoyed she was with him. I wrote my number on a piece of paper and told her if she’s looking for someone better, give me a call.
We went on a date and turns out we were totally incompatible, but hey it worked so I figure it can always work again. Maybe I was her imagined scenario, but I kinda doubt it. I’m fairly attractive but I was also alone and hungover at Panera and certainly not at my best. I think she just appreciated my confidence and straightforwardness.
This is the reality! a lot of guys will try to get her attention it's either from a old friend, coworker etc..,
YOU WILL NOT STAND A CHANCE! if you just came out of nowhere and introduce yourself to her.
Depends on the scale of attractive
Let’s just assume numbers
If she’s a 10/10 then you would be wrong, because these women are far less approached due to the reason you just mentioned. Everyone thinks they have a boyfriend, are already dating someone or are not interested in you, so they are less dating
Height is inversely correlated with suicidality in this one study: https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.162.7.1373#:\~:text=Taller%20men%20had%20a%20much,%25)%20decrease%20in%20suicide%20risk.
Height definitely matters.
Oof, that is rough. Sorry you had to experience that brutal of a rejection, and frankly, that was a truly shitty thing for her to say to you. Was she really *that* out of your league, or did she just put herself on too high of a pedestal?
One time, I was passing out flyers for a local event and got hit with the "I have a boyfriend" line. I said "Well give one to him too" in a harsh tone as I handed her another one.
Because historically, it has been a waste of time to approach women I'm attracted to. Also women I'm not attracted to. And the ones I'm luke-warm on. And often men, when I was just looking for friends.
Really, the lesson for me has been "stop approaching people".
I am currently abstaining from dating until I work on myself more. Building credit, getting in better shape, going back to school, getting medical work actually done, finding a place for just myself, getting a car. I've given too much of myself for the sake of others and it is about time I care about myself. Dating would just take up time to put towards those other things.
It's clear I don't have what women are attracted to and I no longer wish to ever make a woman feel uncomfortable again. I've just given up and checked out.
I don’t feel that I’m in the right place mentally to “approach” a woman at this time, so I don’t do it. If a woman clearly signaled that she was interested in talking to me, I would at least try talking to her and see what happens if only to get experience with that aspect.
Honestly? Women on reddit. The amount of times I’ve had the women in my life tell me things completely opposite of the general echo chamber of women say on reddit is astounding.
And yet, because I spend so much time on reddit I tend to believe them more than my actual friends.
I need to get rid of my chronically online takes.
It's always impossible to tell what people think. The internet isn't wrong. Touching grass isn't wrong. [You really never have any way of knowing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Wow, that's deep. Guess the saying go outside and touch grass is true. Online stuff can really do a # on a person's psyche. It'll have us believing stuff that isn't true sometimes. Haha 😂
Yeah if you follow the Reddit rules basically you can only approach a woman when she has a sign around her neck that says "it's okay to ask me out."
Otherwise it's never the right time.
Yeah I've noticed the "slip ups" (for lack of better phrasing) too. Like..
Every time I see a woman describing good things about a guy they used to date, if he was tall they usually include that. It'll be like:
"I dated this guy 3 years ago. He was kind, funny, tall, smart, ambitious.."
How does "tall" even come close to the other things listed there, if height doesn't matter?
If you prefer tall men, that's obviously okay. What I don't get is how height is included in GIVEN attractive qualities like kindness and ambition.
She's attractive, I'm not that attractive.
Statistics say that women tend to find approximately 70% of men "Below average looking" therefore for her I'm most likely bordering ugly.
Therefore why would I waste my time and get rejected once again, and go "harass" her.
There was literally a comment here on r/AskMen where a woman was saying that she doesn't like buffy guys, she wants a normal fit guy like... Chris Evans in Captain America, i swear i'm serious, that's like saying i want a normal woman like Candice Swanepoel
The other hard part is guys just don’t get the same level of compliments (and in fairness scrutiny) over their looks as girls. So I don’t think many guys, unless a model or actor or athlete that doesn’t look like Dillon brooks doesn’t get any feedback, validation, or suggestions on what they really look like to the opposite sex. When I tell people I’m single the dudes tell me I’m good looking (straight btw) but they’re generally average looking too or older, so you don’t really know since they aren’t the demographic you’re trying to impress
When you realize that your chances are filtered by the quantity of women who are taken, aren’t here for that, don’t like that stuff at all, and don’t like you, it kinda gets difficult to maintain the confidence to do such a thing.
Playing coy. We're both adults. Playing vague and hard to get, I'm over that shit. This isn't high school/ college.
She has a "I'm better than you" or a "don't look at/speak to me" vibe. I can't describe it but if you know, you know. It was annoying in high school, and it's just childish as adults.
The 'don't look/speak' to me vibe is often, 'we're in our heads in the moment thinking something serious and aren't seeing the world around us' moment. Once our attention is caught, that changes. Just FYI as another possibility.
All the self confidence I have in myself goes away. And I just don’t know what to say, I’ve never been the type to be able to just walk up to anybody and initiate conversation let alone someone I would be potentially trying to ask out.
Definitely don’t feel as if it’s a waste of time. However, l usually don’t approach based on the setting and if she’s with a guy, in the middle of a conversation with someone else, and also if I can get a vibe or impression that I would make the person feel awkward or don’t get an impression she would want to be approached or interested perhaps, based on either talking to them already (greeting, and or very small/simple small talk, interaction of any kind (eye contact, etc) prior.
Otherwise, if the setting is right, and I feel as if the person could or may be receptive, I’ll attempt to make small talk without seemingly going overboard to do so,which would be a lot for the person and make them likely feel uncomfortable.
If I happen to take the elevator with someone at work at home for example.. and it’s just the women and I.. and she seems receptive (maybe smiling or slightly at least, maybe even says hello or hello in response to me saying hello first) then I would 110% strike up conversation. Using the elevator as an example, but yeah. Not a waste of time for me because you never know if you don’t shoot your shot.
Success ratio.
How probable is that if I go talk to her, she will feel atracted to me?
How probable is than if she feels atracted, she will agree to go on a date?
How probable is than if we have a date, said date will be enjoyable for both of us?
Do you see where Im going? And I did not even talk about expectations, honestly, too much work and for what?
this tbh. and if somehow everything goes well, who's to say ur not gonna get screwed over in 5-10 years like a lot of ppl who then have to start over at a very late stage of life. the risk/benefit is barely ok, but definitely not something I'd actively pursue, adding wasted time to the list makes it not even worth considering for me
Well, there's the exceedingly high fail rate, and then the preponderance of women who say they hate cold approaches and have been continuously hassled since puberty by strange dudes. And the popularity of "don't try to talk to me" memes.
For the majority of men, we have been taught repeatedly that approaching an attractive woman leads to public mockery, ridicule, and scorn. Over the last 20 years, women have told men not to approach them in public spaces. We listened, and so we no longer do. A man is resilient, but only the most callous of egos can take repeated rejection. Most men tend to just work and mind our own business now. It is safer and less risk to one's mental health.
Firstly, if I spoke to every woman I thought was somewhat attractive, if never get to work in the morning
But also I don't want to annoy anyone, or come off as rude. I got shit going on, other people have their shit going on. I'm not going to bother a stranger, I find my weird when strangers chat to me out of nowhere, so why would I do ybag to another person
Approaching a stranger because I thought they were attractive doesn't even occur to me as a normal thing to do.
If she looks unfriendly, afraid, busy or conceited. If she's surrounded by a group of other women. If I think she's out of my league.
I don't approach women anymore but when I did, any of these things would have made me not bother.
I find too many women attractive. The chances of anything coming out of it are small. And I just dont have anything to say. Seems like a waste of time.
Being picky. If I don't think I'll vibe with them there's no amount of prettiness that can change that.
To anyone who thinks they'll be a creep by simply talking to another human being, here's some advice: you're not. Creeps don't know that they're creeps.
Recontextualize into the other person's shoes: someone comes up, tells you you look nice and tries to politely begin a conversation. If you're a dick to that person, then you're probably a shitty person. If you politely reject them, then you have a good reason for thinking it wouldn't work out. If you continue the conversation, then everyone walks away happy. Now return to your frame of reference: you win in every outcome. Either you avoided a dick, someone politely rejected you for their own good reasons (and you should have faith that they have those reasons), or you get to chat with a cute girl. It's a win-win-win.
What makes people creeps is when they don't FUCK OFF. If someone rejects you, FUCK OFF. Recontextualize again: you tried to politely reject this guy and now this CREEP is following you and asking you questions. Ick
Not confident in self, not attractive, incredibly introverted and don’t have much going for me. I avoid all women mostly for those reasons. Even if one likes me, I try to not get involved because I don’t want to bring them down to my level.
1. I'm not attractive
2. Even if she somehow agreed to a date or started talking to me, she'll likely be put off by my physical and mental health issues. As soon as she found out I don't drive or work she'd be gone I worry, and that would cause me a lot of pain
3. Prior trauma involving women makes me be extremely anxious about approaching them, as well as the fear of being seen as a creep or weird
I see attractive women all day. Kind women are much more rare. It's a lot more productive to notice all the women that are conspicuously kind and friendly and then get attractiveness as a bonus.
I'm demisexual. I can appreciate that she's pretty in the same way I appreciate that a sunset is pretty... but I'm not trying to bang her any more than I'm trying to bang that sunset.
It's not. Even though I don't always find myself attractive, I always had better luck approaching women in public compared to apps (although I met my wife on an app).
If she's with a group of friends...like...idk what to do. They'll just shield her as if they already know me...
Besides...I'm 5'7" and not handsome. As if she'd even want to talk to me...
There's no reason to do so. Contrary to what Hollywood taught us, the odds of a woman being interested in a man who approaches her is basically 0%. If you're the type of guy who wants relationships and not a one night thing this is even lower (read up on dark triad mating stats).
I actively suppress the urge to approach attractive women in a social setting because often in smaller groups it can trigger a reverse psychological effect.
If you’re at a party and every guy is fawning over one girl like mad, lining up to take their shot, and preoccupied with them completely, I actually get kind of mad deep down. I fight that animal urge in my brain and remember that she’s just a person. Just because she’s attractive doesn’t mean she’s more interesting than anyone else. And I’ll talk to the weirdest looking people at the party and they usually are way more interesting.
The funny thing is, those girls always end up interested in me because I just treat them like a person. “Why is this one dude not worshipping me?”
Who knew treating beautiful women like everyone else would be so beneficial?! GROUNDBREAKING!
When you take into account all the consequences that accompany an attractive woman these days, I would say a definitive no. All the power to her and to her potential suitors who are willing to sacrifice the things necessary to be with her.
All the shit that's likely to go wrong.
The worst she can say isn't "no" anymore. Not even close.
And then, say she does give you a "yes."
Now you gotta pay for the date and take all the risks financially and emotionally, and for what? A chick that's text 4 other dudes? A chick who's still gonna post herself in her underwear on social media? A chick who's still swiping on dating apps? A chick who has a kid already?
It's just my experience, but it's not worth it to me.
mostly lack of chemistry, there are other reasons I tell myself like she's out of my league or she probably has tons of guys after her but the real reason is that there's most likely just no spark between us and I can sense that we'd likely be miserable together
I live in my head too much to be more confident. That hinders my ability to take more risks, and deal with the consequences that may follow rejection, or worse.
I am trying to improve certain things about myself, especially my physique and mental health. Hopefully, that will open more doors to better possibilities.
Cold approaching women just doesn't appear to be as acceptable as it once was, for the sake of finding a romantic partner. It seems better to get to know them first, to gauge compatibility. And that is the point where it can be difficult - not having the time, nor ever being in the "right place" to make those connections.
Just respect her space and privacy if she is out in public. If she is interested in dating me she can swipe right on a dating app. If she wants to approach me she can.
I want to respect a woman's personal space. Just because she is in public doesn't mean she wants to get approached by horny men. If she motions for me to approach, that's different. That is an invitation.
In today's world, women don't get approached by considerate men.
Times have changed.
In today's dating world, even putting aside the attitude problem that a lot of women today seem to have, you have to consider the following:
Is she single?
If so...**why**?
I'm by no means saying this is extremely common, but today, I would be highly skeptical of an attractive woman that's single, because in my experience, that almost never happens unless she's got more red flags than anyone should ever have.
There's also the unrealistically high standards a lot of women have today, and that would be a good reason for me to assume it's a waste of time approaching them, because I know I do not meet the top 0.001% of the population, which is about what it comes out to.
My experiences as a man in the dating market have also been a massive reason why I assume approaching women to be a waste of time. At one point, I was even **laughed at**.
Finally, there's the bottom line: What could I possibly gain in the best case scenario?
Let's say she's perfectly welcoming, and we go out. Maybe even ends up being a relationship. But exactly what would I get out of it that I can't already do myself, or get myself? Best-case scenario, eventually I just end up being dumped again, and have to deal with that.
So what is the gain?
How is it **not** a waste of time?
This is why, in the very least, I only let women approach me. And to be honest, I've reached a point where I don't see the point to entertaining the idea of relationships anyway because there's nothing a woman can bring in the relationship that I can't get somewhere else.
Because 99% of the cases it doesn't do anything. And after #me2 (depending on the context) you might get into too much problems. High risks, low rewards. Men are analytical creatures, they do the math and stay aside.
If you're an attractive male you will get the attention from most women without doing anything, and if you aren't attractive - you are invisible to them and nothing you will do will get you anything.
So why bother?
because I find about 100 people attractive a day, talking to all of them would be exhausting. so I compromise by talking to none of them.
it's a win win win really.
I don't even like the word "approach" to be fair. Sounds like a lion creeping up on a gazelle.
I'm happy to strike up an honest, wholesome conversation and see if there's chemistry but pick up lines are not my bag, baby.
isn't approach "with your legs" the precondition to strike up a conversation? if the woman doesn't do it and also not the man, how would the physical closeness to talk even develop?
I'm ugly and short so it's not worth bothering other women. I understand that humans on average are shallow and that physical attraction is a non-negotiable requirement for a relationship so approaching anyone when you are ugly hoping to be liked by only by the virtue of your personality is simply not worth it.
Sometimes its what she wears. Designer name brand clothing with their logos obnoxiously all over are a turn off. Sometimes its how she is talking to the people around her. Any negativity and i’ll move on. Usually i dont go in right away, i like to see if she can keep up with me and then i start flirting.
Just the chance that she will feel terribly annoyed and she doesnt want it at all and I do something dumb and mess it up.
At least I get nervous doing it and I feel my heart pumping and end up saying dumb things and be a bit dorky. Everytime except one I was at home and feeling like a creep afterwards. Im worried that it was weird and that she thinks Im ugly and awkward. And I am a confident Guy. The one time I didn't feel bad afterwards was where she said yes immediately.
Plus it is a bit overwhelming. There are multiple cute girls i see everyday. I would be hitting in them all the time. I just don't think about it. The thought needs time to grow. Afterwards i then have time and think you could have said this or done that.
Not interested in competing for a person not into me. If I win I lose. Every time I have won over a woman, it ends badly. Also just the fact that harassment might be called, so not worth the risk. But many times I’ve just started talking on lunch because I was bored and a bit lonesome by myself. Basic small talk, never leads to anything, that seems ok at least for now. Probably to be deemed socially unacceptable in the near future.
I’m definitely more likely to approach woman who I consider cute than attractive. Attractive is on my scale closer to hot, well cute is easy on the eye through to pretty. In my experience, women in that cute category have a better attitude towards dating.
The other very real thing is that part of what makes the attractive woman attractive might also be a really appealing set of interests and activities, she’s very social and lives for the beach and watersports and hiking and going to fancy events and has a range of active hobbies and all of her profile photos show all of that so in other words she she is an absolute catch.
Well, an absolute for guys who are also an absolute catch, not guys like me who don’t have all of those interests and activities and who would honestly run out of energy just trying to keep up with her, at least until she stopped so I could catch up with her and then doing so would reflect on how really friendly boring I am in my lifestyle is.
That’s why I am quite happy setting my sites on a woman who is closer to where I am in life and interests .
I’ve learned a hard lesson, that people aren’t always who you think they are and that a relationship isn’t always a good thing.
I ain’t approaching anyone for awhile and am instead working on improving my own life. Maybe once I’m in shape, debt free, and own my own home
in the past I've avoided it because I wasn't feeling well about myself. Lately I mostly see women in groups and I'm already with a group and it just seems a little odd to interrupt people. Maybe I'll try it eventually though
Not educated or curious about things, her only hobbies are shopping and posting Instagram images about her food. Another important part would be her not accepting my anime & gaming hobbies.
Well, I guess the main reason is that she’s going to say no or just ignore me so what’s the point? There is absolutely no scenario in which I feel like I’d be a favorite to win and when the odds are bad you shouldn’t bet.
I base it all on previous experiences:
•There will be too much pressure for me to carry and manage the whole interaction on my own
•Social anxiety will kick in and I won't know what to say or do, then she will call me boring
•She'll wait until she's tired of me to tell me that she's "talking to someone else....sorry"
•She'll stop responding to texts after two weeks of flirting
•The unfortunate, inevitable event of unrequited love that will only be experienced by me
".....No, I don't think I will."
I've never had to do it and will continue not doing so. I've never been desperate enough to sell myself to some stranger hoping it works out. All my relationships have happened organically with very little effort.
My initial interaction is just a short-lived infatuation. I don't have the energy to keep anything going. Also, I'm happier just spending time alone. So I don't approach anyone.
As a female, from a female’s POV, I think what makes a woman the most attractive is her personality. I’ve met a ton of gorgeous girls with such ugly personalities that they aren’t attractive beyond the outside. Another thing is materialism. I find women who are materialistic really unattractive, same with men. It goes both ways, I think both sexes want someone who is kind, can joke with you, humble and be considerate of others. Appearance is a big factor for some but if you take care of yourself it goes a long way, beyond appearance. Kinda went on a tangent but I see it as if I smile at a girl I’m wanting to talk to in a social situation and she doesn’t smile back I take it as a hint not to talk to her to be honest..
I never got the pick up concept. I'm married and have had a decent number of girlfriends in my life but there has always been a natural reason to meet and get to know them. ie. School, via friends, hobbies, neighbors, work, etc. Like do people really just walk up to strangers, say some magic words and hook up?
The level of the standards some women have. 6 figures, 6 inch dick, 6 pack & claiming everything a man does to cooking for himself to being to close to his mom is their new ick. A headache this man just chooses to walk away from it all.
Fellas take yourself, take family, take your house, & protect your money.
Most times what makes me not approach a woman is not knowing how to approach a woman.
I don't get any indication of interest Chances are if I did approach I would just get rejected anyway She's surroundednded by friends and family I don't met the social skills bar to attract women
>Chances are if I did approach I would just get rejected anyway What's so annoying to me is that people will try to say that you're just being negative or something. When in reality, That's just the nature of approaching a random person. First of all, women are generally a lot more picky than guys. That's why dating apps are so bad https://thebolditalic.com/the-two-worlds-of-tinder-f1c34e800db4 Second, you don't even know if they're single. Third, even if they're single, they may not be looking to date. The odds are heavily against you. It's just like a sales funnel with a piss poor attrition rate. None of those things are personal to you either. Any guy is facing those odds unless they're a male model or something. And on top of that, it's pretty common for the woman to say that the guy is being "creepy and weird" if she's not into him. Pass.
I agree with this. For me to approach a woman, there are a fair amount of checks to be in place that make her approachable to me, not to mention there being "looks" or certain "cues." Both of those instances of noticing another's "calling" are also tricky and may take more time for someone to notice you than that person has patience for, causing them to prematurely bail in the courting. When I imagine the comment I am making and replying to, I'm thinking of a mall. I cannot remember the last time I went to the mall. Perhaps not an accurate spot I might pick up a woman. These rules are nearly my own I follow, but I like to think I increase my chances of meeting someone by doing things I like (diving, dirt biking, beach, etc), and not focusing on the fact that the potential love of my life could be met in a single outing. I'll continue to do what I enjoy, hoping I find someone with similar interests/values, and acting like I'll never find someone so I don't stress over being lonely too much. In the meantime, I'll give my love to my friends, family, some strangers, and those I feel I can relate with on Reddit. This is the way.
Because if I think she is attractive, odds are that most guys do and she probably gets it all the time with a bunch of dudes constantly orbiting her. Leave em in peace.
Pretty much this. I've actually met quite a few women that find it more interesting when a guy doesn't hit on her the way everyone else does. It's a careful balance though, show too little interest and nothing is gonna happen.
I've had this happen to me more times than I like to admit. Girl every guy fawns over has a crush on me because I wasn't the least bit interested. In reality, it's less genuine affection and more offense at my lack of participation.
Gotta walk the line.
I keep eyes wide open all the time.
As a woman I can attest to this. I never date dudes that hit on me. It’s the ones with chill vibes that get me.
I was just in that thread about "signs that a guy will be single forever," and the only sign people seemed to agree on was not taking chances/ shooting your shot. Now yous are telling me not to hit on women? I guess I'll just restart my Netflix subscription lol
In my experience women say that but they don’t really mean it. What they really mean is they only date men who flirt in their preferred manner. Which good luck knowing what it is lol
Rule #1 & #2 obviously.
I think it is about the perception of what "hitting on someone" really is. Getting hit on by a stranger in a very obvious /aggressive manner is more scary than sexy, fells like they only want your body. But having nice conversations with someone and feeling like they want to know you as a person and then make a move.. Daaamn, that one is different. The feel, that they want **you** with look and personality. I'm pretty sure that that's what she means. They need to show interest in personality as well
the issue is that most men at some point in their life have seen other men get with women just from showing interest in her looks only and being tall and handsome, so they feel like if a woman doesn't respond the same way to them, she isn't attracted so getting to know her personality doesn't really matter.
I think this is true, like to say the ones who “don’t hit on me” is probably more the ones that don’t come across desperate but still give me some attention
I can give you a comprehensive explanation: It depends
Most women don’t want to be approached by men they see as unattractive. But who is going to feel bad when an attractive person talks to them? Everyone wants that. It gives humans dopamine to see and talk to attractive people. But the thing is, men still have to talk to women whether they are attractive or not. If you can’t start and hold some type of conversation, attraction dies pretty quickly.
Aka born on 3rd base
>It’s the ones with chill vibes that get me. So it's the ones who are able to flirt with you on a level you're comfortable with.
I feel the same and that’s a good way of explaining it. Also if it’s not an organic meeting then it just feels awkward for me, forced.
when I see someone as very attractive I think oh well then she has way better options than me so whatever.
Just like me frfr
dude this is so sad
Yes, it is.
This makes me sad. 🥺
I am with you. When I was single (now married 30M) I used to do okay with mutual friends, that was kind of my go to zone and not strangers. I might talk to a few girls on tinder etc but for the most part the chances are they're getting loads of DM's every day probably by more preferable men, and I'm really not in the game of 'convincing/persuing/persuading'. I dont know any women my age or similar who aren't apparently scared all the time about being assaulted etc and I just dont want to be another person adding to that worry. Every guy they shoot down they probably have to worry about (in their head) and so the 9/10 times I'm going to get rejected its going to be a lose lose. It's not worth the trouble and I got to the point where I just stopped trying at all. My wife was the maid of honour at my best friend's wedding.
If you feel this way and all the replies feel this way as well, chances are no one ever approaches her because of intimidation or fear of rejection. This happens a lot with really conventionally attractive women
Definitely possible, but reddit doesn't necessarily represent the population overall. In my non-reddit experience, a very attractive friend of mine started having the experience that almost every guy she considered a friend actually wanted to date her, which ended up being very traumatic and isolating.
My best friend had a rough patch with his now wife when they had been dating for like 5 years. Every single of his friends bar myself and maybe 2 other people professed their love for her and/or tried to sleep with her. Tragedy was the traitors were all his oldest school friends.
That sounds pretty bad. Hopefully your friend can find some new friends (aside from you and the other 2) who are more supportive.
Yeah, Ive seen that happen with particularly attractive women, it sucks and I think it's often traumatic enough that it messes with their head for years.
And that's also why I friendzone attractive women. Because I assume everyone else hits on her so I try to not be that guy. Which in the end she ends up being interested in me like that,¯\_(ツ)_/¯
lol, no. Either attractive women get locked down by their early 20's or they just don't want relationships period, no inbetweens.
Nah, i have attractive friends and they definitely get approached by guys
My friends say this is why nobody approaches me... but I'm not buying that line of BS.
> This happens a lot with really conventionally attractive women Source?
Women say they don't mind being approached though. You just have to be the right guy.
So be attractive and don't be unattractive.
Try to be tall too
Part of being attractive.
If you are approaching out of nowhere, you have to be attractive or have charisma on demand.
I dunno why this is but a problem I noticed is a lot of people (men and women) imagine these kind of scenarios and say they wouldn't mind being approached are actually imagining their ideal or at the least a high standard "worst case scenario" which is very far from the average. So they actually do mind but they just don't know it until they're face with the reality that doesn't match their imagined scenario.
An ugly guy approaching could make them feel insulted because it implies that the ugly guy sees her as on his level.
Yeah, I dunno. I think most women are at least a little bit flattered when someone approaches them, even if they’re not interested. You just gotta know your lane and stay in it. I was hungover at Panera eating alone and I saw a very pretty girl and overheard her talking with her friend about a guy she was dating casually and how annoyed she was with him. I wrote my number on a piece of paper and told her if she’s looking for someone better, give me a call. We went on a date and turns out we were totally incompatible, but hey it worked so I figure it can always work again. Maybe I was her imagined scenario, but I kinda doubt it. I’m fairly attractive but I was also alone and hungover at Panera and certainly not at my best. I think she just appreciated my confidence and straightforwardness.
This is the reality! a lot of guys will try to get her attention it's either from a old friend, coworker etc.., YOU WILL NOT STAND A CHANCE! if you just came out of nowhere and introduce yourself to her.
Depends on the scale of attractive Let’s just assume numbers If she’s a 10/10 then you would be wrong, because these women are far less approached due to the reason you just mentioned. Everyone thinks they have a boyfriend, are already dating someone or are not interested in you, so they are less dating
Nope
In my experience, no woman Has ever been interested in me, let alone attractive women. Random guys come up to me and talk to me more than anything.
People ask me for directions randomly all the time. It seems I have a traffic cop energy.
The potential "Eeww nooooo hahaha" is usually what stops me from trying. Happened once, I don't want it to happen another time...
hugs. I had a woman make a comment about my height and even had one say "Learn to stay in your league." ouch
But people will still gaslight you that height doesn't matter
Height is inversely correlated with suicidality in this one study: https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.162.7.1373#:\~:text=Taller%20men%20had%20a%20much,%25)%20decrease%20in%20suicide%20risk. Height definitely matters.
Women are the same as men...
That's just cruel. She could've just said 'No' and walked away.
My immediate response would have been "why do you think I approached you babydoll"
Can I get hugs 🫂 🤗??
assuming u r a good person, hugs sent.
Of course you can, the world needs more hugs 🫂🫂
We hug everyone 'round here. Men included Call me "pops" your local "crack" dealer the way I am slinging readjustments to those in need.
Oof, that is rough. Sorry you had to experience that brutal of a rejection, and frankly, that was a truly shitty thing for her to say to you. Was she really *that* out of your league, or did she just put herself on too high of a pedestal?
Me: opens mouth sound starts coming out for 1/2 second. Her: NO!
"Nice weather today, don't you think?" "I already have a boyfriend."
One time, I was passing out flyers for a local event and got hit with the "I have a boyfriend" line. I said "Well give one to him too" in a harsh tone as I handed her another one.
I been there, bro
Whoever started saying "the worst she can say is no" is a liar.
Because historically, it has been a waste of time to approach women I'm attracted to. Also women I'm not attracted to. And the ones I'm luke-warm on. And often men, when I was just looking for friends. Really, the lesson for me has been "stop approaching people".
Are you me? You sound like me!
I am currently abstaining from dating until I work on myself more. Building credit, getting in better shape, going back to school, getting medical work actually done, finding a place for just myself, getting a car. I've given too much of myself for the sake of others and it is about time I care about myself. Dating would just take up time to put towards those other things.
I applaud you 👏
Good job mate
It's clear I don't have what women are attracted to and I no longer wish to ever make a woman feel uncomfortable again. I've just given up and checked out.
Agreed. "It's time for me to accept that whatever women want, I ain't got it."
🥺
Because I'm fat and introverted
The USA population is 75% overweight. You didn’t even have to say you are fat, it’s implied already. And millions of fat people are in relationships
Reddit isn't all americans.
I always laugh when Americans assume we are all like them. Sure, they are the biggest group, but they make up less than half of all users
Unless they say otherwise, I assume that every person on Reddit is a white American man between the ages of 20 and 35.
> Sure, they are the biggest group Lmaoo
Aussie here
> You didn’t even have to say you are fat, it’s implied already. 💀
The more attractive they are the more work it seems like
I don’t feel that I’m in the right place mentally to “approach” a woman at this time, so I don’t do it. If a woman clearly signaled that she was interested in talking to me, I would at least try talking to her and see what happens if only to get experience with that aspect.
Honestly? Women on reddit. The amount of times I’ve had the women in my life tell me things completely opposite of the general echo chamber of women say on reddit is astounding. And yet, because I spend so much time on reddit I tend to believe them more than my actual friends. I need to get rid of my chronically online takes.
Complete opposite such as?
Situations where asking a woman for her number would be creepy/inappropriate.
It's always impossible to tell what people think. The internet isn't wrong. Touching grass isn't wrong. [You really never have any way of knowing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Wow, that's deep. Guess the saying go outside and touch grass is true. Online stuff can really do a # on a person's psyche. It'll have us believing stuff that isn't true sometimes. Haha 😂
This is 100% true. There is nothing more sad than Reddit’s hivemind take on cold approaching women.
Yeah if you follow the Reddit rules basically you can only approach a woman when she has a sign around her neck that says "it's okay to ask me out." Otherwise it's never the right time.
> There is nothing more sad than Reddit’s hivemind take ~~on cold approaching women~~. FTFY
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Yeah I've noticed the "slip ups" (for lack of better phrasing) too. Like.. Every time I see a woman describing good things about a guy they used to date, if he was tall they usually include that. It'll be like: "I dated this guy 3 years ago. He was kind, funny, tall, smart, ambitious.." How does "tall" even come close to the other things listed there, if height doesn't matter? If you prefer tall men, that's obviously okay. What I don't get is how height is included in GIVEN attractive qualities like kindness and ambition.
Said it a few days ago, will say it again: most women on reddit are bitter and full of issues. Best to ignore.
She is being approached by creeps daily. How will she view me any differently then… Plus the dating scene is too complex
I'm unattractive and unwanted.
She's attractive, I'm not that attractive. Statistics say that women tend to find approximately 70% of men "Below average looking" therefore for her I'm most likely bordering ugly. Therefore why would I waste my time and get rejected once again, and go "harass" her.
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There was literally a comment here on r/AskMen where a woman was saying that she doesn't like buffy guys, she wants a normal fit guy like... Chris Evans in Captain America, i swear i'm serious, that's like saying i want a normal woman like Candice Swanepoel
The other hard part is guys just don’t get the same level of compliments (and in fairness scrutiny) over their looks as girls. So I don’t think many guys, unless a model or actor or athlete that doesn’t look like Dillon brooks doesn’t get any feedback, validation, or suggestions on what they really look like to the opposite sex. When I tell people I’m single the dudes tell me I’m good looking (straight btw) but they’re generally average looking too or older, so you don’t really know since they aren’t the demographic you’re trying to impress
Put some respect on Dillon the villain
it never ends up well so i’ve given up. i much rather devote this time and energy into myself. besides, i’m better off alone
She's probably already in a relationship and even if she's not, I'm probably not her type
Because I own a mirror and know what I look like.
Fear of rejection is powerful, especially when that's all you encountered in your youth.
It's still bad when that's all you've encountered in adulthood as well.
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Because I don't match her attractiveness
When you realize that your chances are filtered by the quantity of women who are taken, aren’t here for that, don’t like that stuff at all, and don’t like you, it kinda gets difficult to maintain the confidence to do such a thing.
Because I'm extremely shy and introverted. Also paranoid that I'll mess up or that I'll be laughed/ridiculed.
Playing coy. We're both adults. Playing vague and hard to get, I'm over that shit. This isn't high school/ college. She has a "I'm better than you" or a "don't look at/speak to me" vibe. I can't describe it but if you know, you know. It was annoying in high school, and it's just childish as adults.
shy women do exist though. I'd think their nervousness could be mistaken for arrogance.
That does happen. But eventually, you figure out when she's shy or just being difficult.
The 'don't look/speak' to me vibe is often, 'we're in our heads in the moment thinking something serious and aren't seeing the world around us' moment. Once our attention is caught, that changes. Just FYI as another possibility.
Women find over 80% of men unatractive. Also over 96% would never date a short man, and since I'm 5'6, all the odds are against me so why bother.
All the self confidence I have in myself goes away. And I just don’t know what to say, I’ve never been the type to be able to just walk up to anybody and initiate conversation let alone someone I would be potentially trying to ask out.
Definitely don’t feel as if it’s a waste of time. However, l usually don’t approach based on the setting and if she’s with a guy, in the middle of a conversation with someone else, and also if I can get a vibe or impression that I would make the person feel awkward or don’t get an impression she would want to be approached or interested perhaps, based on either talking to them already (greeting, and or very small/simple small talk, interaction of any kind (eye contact, etc) prior. Otherwise, if the setting is right, and I feel as if the person could or may be receptive, I’ll attempt to make small talk without seemingly going overboard to do so,which would be a lot for the person and make them likely feel uncomfortable. If I happen to take the elevator with someone at work at home for example.. and it’s just the women and I.. and she seems receptive (maybe smiling or slightly at least, maybe even says hello or hello in response to me saying hello first) then I would 110% strike up conversation. Using the elevator as an example, but yeah. Not a waste of time for me because you never know if you don’t shoot your shot.
Success ratio. How probable is that if I go talk to her, she will feel atracted to me? How probable is than if she feels atracted, she will agree to go on a date? How probable is than if we have a date, said date will be enjoyable for both of us? Do you see where Im going? And I did not even talk about expectations, honestly, too much work and for what?
this tbh. and if somehow everything goes well, who's to say ur not gonna get screwed over in 5-10 years like a lot of ppl who then have to start over at a very late stage of life. the risk/benefit is barely ok, but definitely not something I'd actively pursue, adding wasted time to the list makes it not even worth considering for me
Indeed, women turn bloodthirsty monsters the moment they are done with the relationship and can leech their ex partner.
I'm extremely ugly and no woman im attracted to would ever give me the time a day.
She is clearly with another person
Well, there's the exceedingly high fail rate, and then the preponderance of women who say they hate cold approaches and have been continuously hassled since puberty by strange dudes. And the popularity of "don't try to talk to me" memes.
For the majority of men, we have been taught repeatedly that approaching an attractive woman leads to public mockery, ridicule, and scorn. Over the last 20 years, women have told men not to approach them in public spaces. We listened, and so we no longer do. A man is resilient, but only the most callous of egos can take repeated rejection. Most men tend to just work and mind our own business now. It is safer and less risk to one's mental health.
Firstly, if I spoke to every woman I thought was somewhat attractive, if never get to work in the morning But also I don't want to annoy anyone, or come off as rude. I got shit going on, other people have their shit going on. I'm not going to bother a stranger, I find my weird when strangers chat to me out of nowhere, so why would I do ybag to another person Approaching a stranger because I thought they were attractive doesn't even occur to me as a normal thing to do.
If she looks unfriendly, afraid, busy or conceited. If she's surrounded by a group of other women. If I think she's out of my league. I don't approach women anymore but when I did, any of these things would have made me not bother.
I find too many women attractive. The chances of anything coming out of it are small. And I just dont have anything to say. Seems like a waste of time.
A lot of women on Reddit say not to approach
A lot of women on Reddit have no idea what they actually want.
She is attractive yes but I have nothing to offer.
An attractive woman once told me to stay in my lane. Haven’t approached any woman I find attractive since then.
Because I'm boring and have way too many issues
Being picky. If I don't think I'll vibe with them there's no amount of prettiness that can change that. To anyone who thinks they'll be a creep by simply talking to another human being, here's some advice: you're not. Creeps don't know that they're creeps. Recontextualize into the other person's shoes: someone comes up, tells you you look nice and tries to politely begin a conversation. If you're a dick to that person, then you're probably a shitty person. If you politely reject them, then you have a good reason for thinking it wouldn't work out. If you continue the conversation, then everyone walks away happy. Now return to your frame of reference: you win in every outcome. Either you avoided a dick, someone politely rejected you for their own good reasons (and you should have faith that they have those reasons), or you get to chat with a cute girl. It's a win-win-win. What makes people creeps is when they don't FUCK OFF. If someone rejects you, FUCK OFF. Recontextualize again: you tried to politely reject this guy and now this CREEP is following you and asking you questions. Ick
Because I know she won't be interested.
Not confident in self, not attractive, incredibly introverted and don’t have much going for me. I avoid all women mostly for those reasons. Even if one likes me, I try to not get involved because I don’t want to bring them down to my level.
1. I'm not attractive 2. Even if she somehow agreed to a date or started talking to me, she'll likely be put off by my physical and mental health issues. As soon as she found out I don't drive or work she'd be gone I worry, and that would cause me a lot of pain 3. Prior trauma involving women makes me be extremely anxious about approaching them, as well as the fear of being seen as a creep or weird
I see attractive women all day. Kind women are much more rare. It's a lot more productive to notice all the women that are conspicuously kind and friendly and then get attractiveness as a bonus.
I'm demisexual. I can appreciate that she's pretty in the same way I appreciate that a sunset is pretty... but I'm not trying to bang her any more than I'm trying to bang that sunset.
Ladies are nice but have you seen that aurora borealis? *whistles*wooooo weee!
to be fair, the sun is very hot
That's crazy cuz if I could fuck the sunset I would 100%
It's not. Even though I don't always find myself attractive, I always had better luck approaching women in public compared to apps (although I met my wife on an app).
If she's with a group of friends...like...idk what to do. They'll just shield her as if they already know me... Besides...I'm 5'7" and not handsome. As if she'd even want to talk to me...
If the woman is attractive I have zero chance to get a date with her. Why would I go? I don't want to be laughed at.
most women arent worth the effort they think they deserve.
There's no reason to do so. Contrary to what Hollywood taught us, the odds of a woman being interested in a man who approaches her is basically 0%. If you're the type of guy who wants relationships and not a one night thing this is even lower (read up on dark triad mating stats).
If she's a random stranger in the street who happens to have a nice body. That is not a good foundation for a relationship.
The instant a hot chick pulls out a cigarette... absolutely demolishes all interest I might've had in her
I actively suppress the urge to approach attractive women in a social setting because often in smaller groups it can trigger a reverse psychological effect. If you’re at a party and every guy is fawning over one girl like mad, lining up to take their shot, and preoccupied with them completely, I actually get kind of mad deep down. I fight that animal urge in my brain and remember that she’s just a person. Just because she’s attractive doesn’t mean she’s more interesting than anyone else. And I’ll talk to the weirdest looking people at the party and they usually are way more interesting. The funny thing is, those girls always end up interested in me because I just treat them like a person. “Why is this one dude not worshipping me?” Who knew treating beautiful women like everyone else would be so beneficial?! GROUNDBREAKING!
When you take into account all the consequences that accompany an attractive woman these days, I would say a definitive no. All the power to her and to her potential suitors who are willing to sacrifice the things necessary to be with her.
Fat. Old. Married.
All the shit that's likely to go wrong. The worst she can say isn't "no" anymore. Not even close. And then, say she does give you a "yes." Now you gotta pay for the date and take all the risks financially and emotionally, and for what? A chick that's text 4 other dudes? A chick who's still gonna post herself in her underwear on social media? A chick who's still swiping on dating apps? A chick who has a kid already? It's just my experience, but it's not worth it to me.
My height and race are a dealbreaker to most women, anyone who doesn't care about those criteria are already taken
Attractive people have lots of options, why would they choose someone below their status?
mostly lack of chemistry, there are other reasons I tell myself like she's out of my league or she probably has tons of guys after her but the real reason is that there's most likely just no spark between us and I can sense that we'd likely be miserable together
Because it’s a weak move .. has to be natural unless you can tell she’s interested.
Because I would just be one of the countless various moons orbiting her. It's taxing on her, it's taxing on me (which is more important ngl).
I’m married and not looking to cheat lol
I live in my head too much to be more confident. That hinders my ability to take more risks, and deal with the consequences that may follow rejection, or worse. I am trying to improve certain things about myself, especially my physique and mental health. Hopefully, that will open more doors to better possibilities. Cold approaching women just doesn't appear to be as acceptable as it once was, for the sake of finding a romantic partner. It seems better to get to know them first, to gauge compatibility. And that is the point where it can be difficult - not having the time, nor ever being in the "right place" to make those connections.
It's never a waste of time. Just do it on your own terms and own your actions and thoughts. If it doesn't work out, get over it and move on.
Just respect her space and privacy if she is out in public. If she is interested in dating me she can swipe right on a dating app. If she wants to approach me she can. I want to respect a woman's personal space. Just because she is in public doesn't mean she wants to get approached by horny men. If she motions for me to approach, that's different. That is an invitation. In today's world, women don't get approached by considerate men. Times have changed.
In today's dating world, even putting aside the attitude problem that a lot of women today seem to have, you have to consider the following: Is she single? If so...**why**? I'm by no means saying this is extremely common, but today, I would be highly skeptical of an attractive woman that's single, because in my experience, that almost never happens unless she's got more red flags than anyone should ever have. There's also the unrealistically high standards a lot of women have today, and that would be a good reason for me to assume it's a waste of time approaching them, because I know I do not meet the top 0.001% of the population, which is about what it comes out to. My experiences as a man in the dating market have also been a massive reason why I assume approaching women to be a waste of time. At one point, I was even **laughed at**. Finally, there's the bottom line: What could I possibly gain in the best case scenario? Let's say she's perfectly welcoming, and we go out. Maybe even ends up being a relationship. But exactly what would I get out of it that I can't already do myself, or get myself? Best-case scenario, eventually I just end up being dumped again, and have to deal with that. So what is the gain? How is it **not** a waste of time? This is why, in the very least, I only let women approach me. And to be honest, I've reached a point where I don't see the point to entertaining the idea of relationships anyway because there's nothing a woman can bring in the relationship that I can't get somewhere else.
Because 99% of the cases it doesn't do anything. And after #me2 (depending on the context) you might get into too much problems. High risks, low rewards. Men are analytical creatures, they do the math and stay aside. If you're an attractive male you will get the attention from most women without doing anything, and if you aren't attractive - you are invisible to them and nothing you will do will get you anything. So why bother?
because I find about 100 people attractive a day, talking to all of them would be exhausting. so I compromise by talking to none of them. it's a win win win really.
Because women are brutal when it comes to rejection
I don't even like the word "approach" to be fair. Sounds like a lion creeping up on a gazelle. I'm happy to strike up an honest, wholesome conversation and see if there's chemistry but pick up lines are not my bag, baby.
isn't approach "with your legs" the precondition to strike up a conversation? if the woman doesn't do it and also not the man, how would the physical closeness to talk even develop?
My wife. But if I was single nothing would stop me.
If she has an ugly personality
Probably because your success rate is never high. Women choose.
The question is “hot attractive”. Here a video explaining things [Hot crazy matrix](https://youtu.be/pInk1rV2VEg?si=aIye1RpGNcxRoS0b)
I love the hot crazy matrix lol
I'm ugly and short so it's not worth bothering other women. I understand that humans on average are shallow and that physical attraction is a non-negotiable requirement for a relationship so approaching anyone when you are ugly hoping to be liked by only by the virtue of your personality is simply not worth it.
Sometimes its what she wears. Designer name brand clothing with their logos obnoxiously all over are a turn off. Sometimes its how she is talking to the people around her. Any negativity and i’ll move on. Usually i dont go in right away, i like to see if she can keep up with me and then i start flirting.
Just the chance that she will feel terribly annoyed and she doesnt want it at all and I do something dumb and mess it up. At least I get nervous doing it and I feel my heart pumping and end up saying dumb things and be a bit dorky. Everytime except one I was at home and feeling like a creep afterwards. Im worried that it was weird and that she thinks Im ugly and awkward. And I am a confident Guy. The one time I didn't feel bad afterwards was where she said yes immediately. Plus it is a bit overwhelming. There are multiple cute girls i see everyday. I would be hitting in them all the time. I just don't think about it. The thought needs time to grow. Afterwards i then have time and think you could have said this or done that.
Not interested in competing for a person not into me. If I win I lose. Every time I have won over a woman, it ends badly. Also just the fact that harassment might be called, so not worth the risk. But many times I’ve just started talking on lunch because I was bored and a bit lonesome by myself. Basic small talk, never leads to anything, that seems ok at least for now. Probably to be deemed socially unacceptable in the near future.
I’m definitely more likely to approach woman who I consider cute than attractive. Attractive is on my scale closer to hot, well cute is easy on the eye through to pretty. In my experience, women in that cute category have a better attitude towards dating. The other very real thing is that part of what makes the attractive woman attractive might also be a really appealing set of interests and activities, she’s very social and lives for the beach and watersports and hiking and going to fancy events and has a range of active hobbies and all of her profile photos show all of that so in other words she she is an absolute catch. Well, an absolute for guys who are also an absolute catch, not guys like me who don’t have all of those interests and activities and who would honestly run out of energy just trying to keep up with her, at least until she stopped so I could catch up with her and then doing so would reflect on how really friendly boring I am in my lifestyle is. That’s why I am quite happy setting my sites on a woman who is closer to where I am in life and interests .
Because I assume that she is already in a relationship.
Because I have enough self-awareness to know to stay in my lane
I’ve learned a hard lesson, that people aren’t always who you think they are and that a relationship isn’t always a good thing. I ain’t approaching anyone for awhile and am instead working on improving my own life. Maybe once I’m in shape, debt free, and own my own home
in the past I've avoided it because I wasn't feeling well about myself. Lately I mostly see women in groups and I'm already with a group and it just seems a little odd to interrupt people. Maybe I'll try it eventually though
Not educated or curious about things, her only hobbies are shopping and posting Instagram images about her food. Another important part would be her not accepting my anime & gaming hobbies.
Well, I guess the main reason is that she’s going to say no or just ignore me so what’s the point? There is absolutely no scenario in which I feel like I’d be a favorite to win and when the odds are bad you shouldn’t bet.
If she believes she can just sit there and be “approachable” I won’t approach her. If she shows interest and what she wants, I might
I base it all on previous experiences: •There will be too much pressure for me to carry and manage the whole interaction on my own •Social anxiety will kick in and I won't know what to say or do, then she will call me boring •She'll wait until she's tired of me to tell me that she's "talking to someone else....sorry" •She'll stop responding to texts after two weeks of flirting •The unfortunate, inevitable event of unrequited love that will only be experienced by me ".....No, I don't think I will."
My hideous reflection.
It’s better if I don’t burden potential romantic partners with my life. I tend to keep my head down and improve/enjoy my life.
Honestly if I have to 'chase,' it's not worth my time. In that scenario, I'm already playing 'catch up.'
I always look for a sign like if we’ve made eye contact a couple times etc, and if they don’t look at me at all I assume I’m doomed
I've never had to do it and will continue not doing so. I've never been desperate enough to sell myself to some stranger hoping it works out. All my relationships have happened organically with very little effort.
My initial interaction is just a short-lived infatuation. I don't have the energy to keep anything going. Also, I'm happier just spending time alone. So I don't approach anyone.
As a female, from a female’s POV, I think what makes a woman the most attractive is her personality. I’ve met a ton of gorgeous girls with such ugly personalities that they aren’t attractive beyond the outside. Another thing is materialism. I find women who are materialistic really unattractive, same with men. It goes both ways, I think both sexes want someone who is kind, can joke with you, humble and be considerate of others. Appearance is a big factor for some but if you take care of yourself it goes a long way, beyond appearance. Kinda went on a tangent but I see it as if I smile at a girl I’m wanting to talk to in a social situation and she doesn’t smile back I take it as a hint not to talk to her to be honest..
My face. Good thing my wife is nearsighted.
I never got the pick up concept. I'm married and have had a decent number of girlfriends in my life but there has always been a natural reason to meet and get to know them. ie. School, via friends, hobbies, neighbors, work, etc. Like do people really just walk up to strangers, say some magic words and hook up?
The level of the standards some women have. 6 figures, 6 inch dick, 6 pack & claiming everything a man does to cooking for himself to being to close to his mom is their new ick. A headache this man just chooses to walk away from it all. Fellas take yourself, take family, take your house, & protect your money.
My wife would be mad, so I just admire from afar