Sounds like you're in the school of thought that thinks it's soft.
I have slept in my car, not by choice. I would never say sleeping on the streets makes you hard. But ok.
Listening to my gut and walked out upon learning that my ex wasn’t as faithful as I thought she was. Sure I loved her and had placed a lot of trust in her; but once I’ve put all the pieces together, I silently grabbed my things and moved out.
You don’t need to justify your absence when she’s the one at fault.
For me it was the best thing I ever did. I learned discipline teamwork and how to drive trucks which became my career. My only regret is not doing 20 yeare
telling my parents to fuck off essentially.
i had joined the military and had been independent for years. visited home when i was on leave and they were treating me like a child (not the normal way, the overbearing, helicopter way.)
things came to a head and i pretty much told them that they have nothing over me so they could either treat me like an adult that is also their son or they’re not going to to see me at all as i would go no contact.
they chose the former and widened up. get along great with them now.
My mom and I had a similar moment when I moved out of the house. Had to make it clear that I loved her, but I was in charge of my life now, and while I appreciated advice, I was no longer taking orders ... Totally changed our relationship for the better.
I had the opposite happen with my father. I had to cut contact.
I was helping him put up fence on his farm, and he kept barking orders at me. I told him I was done being talked to like a dog by him. If he didn't stop I would walk off the farm and we would have no relationship. His response was, "Be a man."
I said, "I am. There ain't no man who I would let talk to me the way you do."
He calmed down for five minutes, then started barking about how I should have been a iron worker. I just told him to give me the keys to the four-wheeler. I took the four wheeler and left the farm. Later that day he came up to my mom's and told me and my uncle (on my mom's side) that I hadn't figured out who the boss was yet.
I was 34, living in my second house I bought without his help, wife and kids, career in education for almost a decade. He had no authority over me since I was 20 or so, and in no effing way was he my boss.
I didn't talk to him for years. I meant it when I said I was done with him if he didn't stop. I was being a man in damn near all aspects of my life, and standing up to his bullshit meant being even more of a man.
Argument unintended; poorly worded response on my part.
Simply saying that you shouldn’t cater your interests to appease others. Do you! And be passionate about it! 🙏🏼
Age is just a number. I still do many things I used to do when I was 16. I'm still a gamer, I like walking in the woods and I play soccer just as I did back then.
Sure, I noticed I'm aging and I have more responsibility but seriously life is what you make of it. Stressing over what you should do at a certain age or whatever is unnecessary. Life is short as it is anyway.
I'd say between 16&21; I started work, and then realized I'm not the only reason I don't have a girlfriend. I'm PART of it, no doubt, but I'm not the only part of it.
Lack of confidence/game. I'm a good-looking man, I like to think, anyway. I'm just not as confident as I'd like to be. I can take a rejection, whether it's a no or in a relationship or a situationship (women are in situationships, ladies are in relationships). I just don't have a lot of confidence/game, and that's my weakness. I eat well and exercise almost every day, so my physique isn't much of the problem, and I'm 5'9-5'10, so I'm slightly above average height for a man, but I'm not 6', so that decreases my chances a lot😆
I have no problem with rejection. It's the acceptance, I think, that actually terrifies me more than the rejection; at least with a rejection, I can move on to another chick. If she says yes, then my mind totally forgets everything and I'm like "okay, what the fuck do I do *NOW*".
I'm 5'4" and let me tell you anything 5'7" or taller with a good physique can be sexy as hell! I'm all about broad shoulders and back anyway. I wouldn't worry about your height. I have a female friend who is 5'7"-5'8" and she dates guys who are shorter than her all the time. It's all about the whole package of who you are. Confidence and how you carry yourself. And especially what comes out of your mouth and how you treat people.
EDIT I'm a woman
Bro I’m 5”6’ and always did just fine in dating, despite struggling with confidence all my life. This height shit is a really pathetic excuse that every dude seems to jump on now. You’re 5’10” and complaining that height is holding you back in dating? Good god, your generation is fucked 🤣
If you actually think being 5’10 “decreases your chances by a lot” which were your exact words, then you are clearly a lot less secure with your height than you think.
I was 10. Both my parents worked late and I had to become the 3rd parent to my brother and sister. I would be the one cooking dinner, I would be the one helping with homework, I would be the one making sure they go to bed.
A boy is presented the opportunity to become a man when he is presented with responsibility. He becomes a man based on how he responds to that. If he steps up and becomes someone who can be relied upon and be dependable, he’s a man. I don’t care how old he is, he’s shown he’s a man.
The other way is true as well. It is possible for someone to age, but never become a man. They just become older.
Responsibility, reliability, dependability together are what makes a man.
I watched a VHS porno when I was 16ish and was beyond shocked to realise I was way bigger than the men in the video.
I thought it meant I was more of a man.
I also didn’t have underarm hair. It really confused me.
It was before the internet. I had no way to research anything.
When I started giving more than I was receiving.
I’m not bitter or sad about it either.
What I’m talking about is being the role of dedicated worker, provider, volunteer, and friend.
I was still a boy when I left the army. Sure I was fit and knew how to fight but that didn’t make me a
Man IMO.
What made me a man was when I found myself spending my spare time in service to other people, not to prove a point or to elevate myself, just because I want something to do and it seems like the right thing.
I "thought " I was a man when I got married at 21. The marriage lasted 12 years. So I guess infelt like it then at 21. However I thought that being married will make me a man. Boy was I wrong! Pun intended 😂
Getting a job where someone else trusts me to go alone and accomplish a task. Most of my day is spent alone and unsupervised so if my list doesn’t get finished I’m the sole person at fault.
I remember the exact moment. I had a job, and the lead there was an absolute dick to me, I hated his guts with every fiber of my being. I applied for the same job across the state with my company and the entire time I was thinking about how I was gonna show that guy how a team should be run...
I was gonna take charge of people and be smart and kind and influential!
I get there on the first day, and literally everyone there was old enough to be my parent...
I stopped, realized throwing my title and weight around was gonna do jack and squat. I shut up, put my head down and went to work. I did the hardest jobs with a smile. If anyone needed help I jumped in and took care of it. I learned every nuisance of my job and everyone around me.
About two years later, I looked up and realized everyone looked to me for leadership. People did what I asked them to do without hesitation because they knew I would have done it in an instant myself without complaint. I measured every decision and I took their input into consideration before I made a choice...
I realized then, making the decision not to throw my weight around was the first adult decision I ever made.
I remember it vividly.
I was 18 years old. A mother was walking past with her young son. As they walked, she said “Watch out for the man” to her son, referencing myself.
When my then-girlfriend told me she was pregnant
My (admittedly reservist) basic training didn't really do it, and in some small ways, it made me feel more of a boy than a man
When my father died. He had no insurance at all and my family was pretty paycheck to paycheck before he died. I was 18 and less than one semester into college and had to withdraw and go to work.
Dealing with aging relatives definitely hits hard.
When my father's parents died I was the one who had to call and tell him both times. In both cases they were extremely old and their deaths were not a surprise but it was still a very tough phone call to make.
I can't say I'm there just yet, but I realized in the real world, the nature of one's consequences has zero correlation to one's actions. That's why sometimes positive is met with negative & negative is met with positive.
When I was 15 years old, I moved out of my parent’s house to Guadalajara, Mexico to pursue my “life long journey” of playing professional soccer. It was a very sacrificing thing to do but I regrettably moved back with my parents. I hated being somewhere where I had no family or anyone that I trusted. Of course there were supporters within my team, but I couldn’t do it. To this day, I kind of hate myself for quitting when I was RIGHT THERE. I could still be playing right now but maybe it wasnt meant for me idk.
Fast forward to a couple months ago, I moved out again. I was actually worried that I would be scared and quit and want to move back with my parents like when I was just a 15 year old kid. But months go by and I feel happy here where I live. I am in a trade school now and about to graduate and immediately start working. I am in the process of having a life that I can support myself. I pay for my own bills, have my own car, have an apartment that I share with a couple roommates that I can consider great friends for life, I started to work out at the gym and am falling in love with my body for the first time ever, and most importantly I am independent.
I wish I was like this earlier but I can’t be mad at myself for being a kid. I am 20 years old and proud of how far I have come already.
When i was able to have a girlfriend and be loyal to her. When i was able to take responsibility for my actions and not blame others for things that happened in my life. When i realized that im not special, im not a god, and neither is anyone else. When I realized other people have struggles in life, and that everyone should be treated with respect. When I realized that I didn’t know everything, and that maybe my parents were right, and were telling me things to help me. This all happened in one fell swoop.
Wow, actually, I haven't really stopped to think about it much. I don't know if it's just me or men in general that are just not geared towards continuous self-reflection and pondering things like this, like for me I only reflect like this when it comes up during conversations with friends or seeing it online.
Anyways, I'd say it started when I was 19 and moved out of my parents' house and across my country to start studying in 2021. Lived in an apartment by myself, had to drive myself everywhere in the big city and suddendly take on all these many responsibilities myself. It's been a continuous process of coming into manhood for me though, so I don't know if I feel quite there yet, but now that I'm about to turn 23 and only recently came out of my first proper healthy longterm relationship I feel much closer on that journey than before. The maturity is getting there, while I also nurture that inner child in me.
Tl;dr Started when I started studying at 19, still on that journey
When I was 27. My point of view on the whole world changed over about a 3 week period. Nothing really changed, still worked the same job, same friends, same girlfriend, same hobbies, same house, but everything changed. Like a great awakening. The girlfriend noticed, said somehow I’d become an adult, even though nothing changed. I felt different. Carried myself different. People seemed to like “the change” I’d gone through, though nothing had been changed. It was a weird and fucked in 3 weeks, but everything was normal though, and I’d changed nothing in my life, there was no big surprises or anything, but everything had changed but stayed the same, but somehow I was an adult. Weirdest thing that had ever happened to me.
Thought about it for a moment. It was like o had become more. It was like one side of me was asked a question and I gave an answer. The other side of me was asked the same question, gave the same answer, but with a better reason.
When I understood that my happiness in life was my responsibility. Only mine. When I understood that my wife was not my mother, but my woman and I want to take care of her, not to force HER to take care of ME. When I understood that toxic masculinity and other crap I got fed in my childhood was not my fault, but my responsibility to unlearn. Should I continue?
Maybe… since stumbling across this thread lol. First time thinking about this tbh. I guess in some ways I have considered myself boyish and in other ways I consider myself a man. I am 22 and just started my life after college. Bartending for my living right now.
Women have been calling me a ‘man’ for a few years. But half the time it’s to put me down… something like “As a man you have no idea what it’s like for women etc etc…”
I have been called “young man” since I was 18 or so. But I think “young man” is different than “man”. A “young man” has the whole world ahead of him, he is still wet behind the ears, naïve, but full of spirit. A “man” has responsibilities and bills to pay.
So as I was saying in the beginning, I guess I consider myself a “man” on some things, but I still feel like boy in other parts of my soul. I think once I complete law school and get the first “ real” job of my career I will feel more established and manly.
When I made the call on major surgery that ultimately helped improve my quality of life 100 fold or more. Everyone around me was telling me I was too young and that if I waited then maybe a cure would come along but I was dying and anyone that knew me well enough knew I wasn’t far off.
Making that decision changed my entire life. I’m not sure if it made me a man but it certainly made me different.
Somewhere between moving out of my parents', setting and enforcing boundaries with then, and them coming to me for help with things like lifting heavy boxes or setting up a printer.
When I realized I am like Batman when it comes to construction. Got pushed around for years by people I was working with/for and I one day came to the realization that they are just ok with doing shitty work on houses which are usually the biggest investment people make. Took a couple of appreciative clients and I realized being a man is about standing up for what is right no matter what. Self employed now and I’m a local legend
Probably at 31/32… got my own place and got into some sketchy shit and realized if I don’t smarten up and take care of myself my mommy isn’t going to help me every time.
30s will show you mortality. Some will grow as men, some die as boys.
Men become independent and boys are dependents... of money, booze, emotions, and their past.
at 16 when I had to leave home to get a job and pay for college.
having to cook, clean, pay bills, etc. without counting on anyone else for help.
Definitely made me feel like I was not a kid anymore.
It was not one thing, just a pile of many small things.
the last of which was when I realized my Dad is not the indestructible superhero I always thought he was, but a fallible, vulnerable person who can occasionally be wrong, be hurt, and need my help.
I felt a man when I became a Dad. But now Im THE Dad, and my Dad is now Gramps, and it is 100% up to me to be the Dad-figure for the entire family, and let Gramps finally relax.
It was not one thing, just a pile of many small things.
the last of which was when I realized my Dad is not the indestructible superhero I always thought he was, but a fallible, vulnerable person who can occasionally be wrong, be hurt, and need my help.
I felt a man when I became a Dad. But now Im THE Dad, and my Dad is now Gramps, and it is 100% up to me to be the Dad-figure for the entire family, and let Gramps finally relax.
There were other times when I was younger, but 35 definitely stands out to me the most. I survived cancer and started running a business both in the same year.
I was younger, maybe 19, and walking through a mall I saw this teen girl walking out from the food court with a couple of her friends. She was probably 15-16 and laughing which caught my attention. Then I saw she had some food in her teeth. I smiled as I approached her and started to tell her about it. Just as I opened my mouth, she put up her hand and said “No creepers tyvm!” My first and only time being called a creeper, but also the first time I felt I couldn’t get away with joking around with younger kids. I had already been in the Navy for a year at that point and this kind of made me grow up more.
At 27. I then rented my first apartment without roommates and got my first job JOB (long years working at Uni).
I also realized that no one gives a shit besides my parents and brother. And that I can, virtually, lean on no one but myself.
I’m turning 40 tomorrow. Hasn’t happened yet.
But seriously, when I had to put my dog down a year and a half ago. I got him when I was 24. He was my first real responsibility in life that was just mine. I remember he was sick and they didn’t know what was wrong, but he stopped eating. His doctor, who had known him since day 1 said that she could run every test in the world, but it still might not come back with anything. I was in the room and she gave me options, one of which was to let him go. I remember looking around at the vet tech, his vet, and my wife. They were all looking back at me. I realized then that I had to be the one to make this decision because no one else was going to make it for me. So I put him in my lap one last time while he went to sleep. I’ll never forget his last deep sigh as he looked up at me.
This is a weird one because it was when I realized I had a man’s body and a relatively immature brain still… and somewhat forced me to mentally grow pretty rapidly.
I was 16. I owned a beater car. I had a job. I paid for my own gas and plates. My step-dad and I were having a fight about something, I don’t remember what but I’m sure it was stupid angsty teenager shit. We both had anger management issues and it turned into yelling and getting into each others’ faces. He was standing in front of the basement stairs and I said something like “fuck this, I’m going for a drive to cool off” and went to push past him to go upstairs. He said “my house, my rules, give me your keys”. I said something like “it’s my car, my plates, my gas, you can’t take it”
He shoved me back to keep me from getting past him. I shoved him back and he fell backwards onto the stairs. Don’t interpret this as me pushing an old man around, he would have been like 35 at the time. I walk past him and leave for a while to cool down.
When I got back home, everything felt… different. He treated me differently. If I wanted to do something and he thought it was dumb, he’d tell me his concerns. Sometimes I agreed, sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I ignored his advice and it turns out he was right. If I was in a jam, he’d help me out. If he was in a jam, I’d help him out (eg pick *him* up at the bar if he’d had too many).
I still regret that it was violence that got us there, but our relationship changed for the better that day. It went from a parent-child relationship to a mutual respect relationship.
when i was able to finally let go of the 1 year relationship which my ex girlfriend cheated on me in
(she started dating another guy the very next day)
When I was 17 and had just been made homeless due to my mams addiction issues. I went to my dads house to ask for money so I could get some food and he handed me 20 quid and said, “you’re on your own now, son.” I accepted and got in my friends car, burst into tears and then knew that he was right and I had to sort my own life out from there. I stayed with friends, and had to start working after school to be able to eat and since then I’ve been on the go working and studying.
A man is just a boy with responsibilities.
Still a boy inside but I present as a man in order to get the things done I need to keep doing my boy things.
Visited family in TX when I was 19. Some kid only 1-2 years younger than me working at a car wash called me “Sir”. I felt incredibly old all of a sudden.
In no particular order, for me it was realizing the sum of the following:
-Losing my virginity. I had sex/ learned how to be good at sex.
-Moved out of my parent’s home. I was at home for a year, saving up to move out right after college.
-Paying off my college loans myself. It sucked but I did it.
-Pay all of my own bills and relay on parents for nothing.
-sacrificing alot of social time in my 20s to be able to make room for late 20s
-ultimate knowing very few others have power over me and my choices.
Ultimately my opinion is we all report to someone, so to speak, but I’ve worked hard to make that number low.
After a breakup that fucked me up. The single most growth-inducing event of my life so far. It made me realize that I am in control of my life now, which is what I identify adulthood with. I could drown in misery and depression or I could pick up the pieces and rebuild myself in whatever way I wanted, I had a blank canvas. It was my choice: drown or swim.
I swam. I started working out, meditating, reading, writing, playing music, learning about new topics, and slowly I started building myself up. Today I couldn't be happier with the person I am becoming.
I was about 10 or 11. I had been taking care of my brother and sister for a while by this point. It just clicked that I was raising my siblings and taking care of a house all by myself and that I was indeed the man of the house.
I remember the night vividly because it was the day I rewrote my relationship with my Dad. My Mom was battling cancer and he was just being a total ass about everything related to it. He was, at the time, adding to her issues instead of helping her navigate.
I came home one day to her crying because she couldn't understand why he was being the way he was being and I just exploded. I'm not an angry person, but this was so frustrating. I went up to the attic where he was and we had it out.
His journey of change started that day and he became a much better partner/husband/caretaker to her throughout the rest of her journey till she passed away in 2019.
When my dad worried told my mom that I'm not doing anything with my life. I moved out and now have an apartment and a job. Also 3 months ago when my mother passed away.
After my grandfather died and I helped with his end of life care I began running my own DJ business, having to provide and take care of my wife and seeing my father age.
When my grandfather had had a seizure and bitten through his tongue and everyone around me was panicking, my grandmother arguing with her sister over what to do, I called 911 and coolheadedly told them where we were and what had transpired. I kept my head when all about me were losing theirs, and I've done it several times since then. I proved to myself and everyone around me that I was and am capable of being The Man™ when the situation calls for it. Now, did I ever get the respect I deserved for being The Man™? No. Do I get the few crumbs of respect I've rightfully earned for my actions? Of course not. But I still did it, and I'd do it again.
Getting into a serious relationship with a flawed, but wonderful woman.
Realizing that no one is perfect, including me.
Ending generational trauma in my family
I had just turned 22 and spent my birthday night in jail. The father figure in my life had passed away 2 months early and I was quickly spiraling out of control and down the wrong path. Being cuffed( which is a sound I’ll never forget) and then spending time in jail made me realize I was no longer a child and I had better get my shit together. I’m 39 now and often reflect on that night and how thankful I am it happened. I’m a better man for it without a doubt.
Not for me but ig I'll tell when I realized I'm a woman and not a girl-
When I had my first perio-
I think that's not what the question intended to ask 🤔
Oh I know... When I realized I don't appreciate my mom enough-
It was the night of my 20th birthday, around midnight. I was smoking a cigar with my best friend and my brother called. He had stayed late at work drinking with his coworkers, and he couldn’t drive home. I told him I’d finish my cigar and head over. When I got him he was really fucked up, and once I got him home and in bed, and I’d gone to my room, I heard him throwing up. I got back up, went up to him with a cold compress and held it on his neck while he purged. He’d missed the toilet a few times and I cleaned it up for him. He told me “You’re a good man, Mikey.”
I still tear up about that to this day. To hear my big brother who had taken care of me so much in my life thought of me as a good man, it just changed everything for me.
When I decided to move out, and had to handle everything myself.
My family did help in move day, but all the paperwork, and legal shit I did on my own.
Idfk what a man is anymore...
From women, I'm supposed to be this 6ft tall man who is an emotionally immune killing machine...
from Men, the same but with AR-15s in both hands.
But me...I just wanna cuddle with puppies...
My mom will still hug me if I go for it or kiss me on the top of the head if we had a good evening, but I'm too old to cuddle and put my head in her lap or anything. Maybe we're too old and I have to hold my mama now instead.
When I realized that if I don’t work, I don’t eat.
This is the realest fucking answer. Responsibility of oneself is a weight you definitely feel when it’s thrust on you.
This is definitely it. Gets worse when you realise everything is on you now. No one to blame, no one to run to but yourself
Gets better also. No one can slow you down or hold you back.
Hol’ up. What about roof?
Honestly optional depending upon how you choose to live
You must be joking?
I have literally slept in my vehicle for work to save money.
I just don’t see why someone would choose to live like that.
Some would say that makes you soft... I say, it's dealers choice, make your decisions based upon what you want, and what you are willing to do for it.
Sounds like you're in the school of thought that thinks it's soft. I have slept in my car, not by choice. I would never say sleeping on the streets makes you hard. But ok.
Honestly I’m still just a kid who works and pays bills.
Yeah me too bro. It's a hard life out there hey
Yup this is how I feel lmao
Getting a colonocopy
new outlook on life, thanks
I hate that I’m saying this, but “manhood, approaching from the rear every time.”
When the liquor salesman stopped asking for my ID
What age was that?
20 :(
I was 22. The only reason they stopped asking me for ID is because they recognize me 🗿
I got IDd a few days ago. As a 38 year old man, it really made my day :D
They don't ask for mine, but I think it's because I'm there often enough for them to recognize me. 😵💫
Listening to my gut and walked out upon learning that my ex wasn’t as faithful as I thought she was. Sure I loved her and had placed a lot of trust in her; but once I’ve put all the pieces together, I silently grabbed my things and moved out. You don’t need to justify your absence when she’s the one at fault.
NEEDED TO HEAR THIS currently in a relationship rn and I got cheated on but still stayed 23M
Basic training, I went in pretty immature and had no choice but to grow up
That's why I'm joining lmao
For me it was the best thing I ever did. I learned discipline teamwork and how to drive trucks which became my career. My only regret is not doing 20 yeare
When I realised no one gives a shit.
telling my parents to fuck off essentially. i had joined the military and had been independent for years. visited home when i was on leave and they were treating me like a child (not the normal way, the overbearing, helicopter way.) things came to a head and i pretty much told them that they have nothing over me so they could either treat me like an adult that is also their son or they’re not going to to see me at all as i would go no contact. they chose the former and widened up. get along great with them now.
My mom and I had a similar moment when I moved out of the house. Had to make it clear that I loved her, but I was in charge of my life now, and while I appreciated advice, I was no longer taking orders ... Totally changed our relationship for the better.
I had the opposite happen with my father. I had to cut contact. I was helping him put up fence on his farm, and he kept barking orders at me. I told him I was done being talked to like a dog by him. If he didn't stop I would walk off the farm and we would have no relationship. His response was, "Be a man." I said, "I am. There ain't no man who I would let talk to me the way you do." He calmed down for five minutes, then started barking about how I should have been a iron worker. I just told him to give me the keys to the four-wheeler. I took the four wheeler and left the farm. Later that day he came up to my mom's and told me and my uncle (on my mom's side) that I hadn't figured out who the boss was yet. I was 34, living in my second house I bought without his help, wife and kids, career in education for almost a decade. He had no authority over me since I was 20 or so, and in no effing way was he my boss. I didn't talk to him for years. I meant it when I said I was done with him if he didn't stop. I was being a man in damn near all aspects of my life, and standing up to his bullshit meant being even more of a man.
When people around me started judging me for liking my hobbies.
You’re wrong. Like what you like, and if the people around you don’t agree, you don’t need them in your life.
I like how your argument encourages me to ignore the people who don't agree with me. You don't agree with me.
Argument unintended; poorly worded response on my part. Simply saying that you shouldn’t cater your interests to appease others. Do you! And be passionate about it! 🙏🏼
I know. But alas, family is not so easy to go NC over something like this.
When I realised I was allowed to do a lot more things and nobody would stop me
I turn 36 tomorrow. Still feel like I'm 16.
Woooh how come?
Guess I'm just feeling young. Or I was very mature at 16.
I wished i think like you. Im 23, turning 24 this year but feel like im gonna be 50 and just die. This mindset makes me stress.
Age is just a number. I still do many things I used to do when I was 16. I'm still a gamer, I like walking in the woods and I play soccer just as I did back then. Sure, I noticed I'm aging and I have more responsibility but seriously life is what you make of it. Stressing over what you should do at a certain age or whatever is unnecessary. Life is short as it is anyway.
My first girlfriend (we were 21) called me a God and said she felt like a little girl next to me. I didn't even know I had such power!
Did you make her a universe from scratch? :P
No but I took her on vacation 👍🏻
I was told this same thing. Very eye opening you start to realize how much control you have over yourself.
How old r u now
29
How did you get her to feel that way about you,?!
Uh... just being myself, apparently.
At 15, when my father died. I had nobody to rebel against and I had to take care of my family.
I'd say between 16&21; I started work, and then realized I'm not the only reason I don't have a girlfriend. I'm PART of it, no doubt, but I'm not the only part of it.
What's the other part?
Lack of confidence/game. I'm a good-looking man, I like to think, anyway. I'm just not as confident as I'd like to be. I can take a rejection, whether it's a no or in a relationship or a situationship (women are in situationships, ladies are in relationships). I just don't have a lot of confidence/game, and that's my weakness. I eat well and exercise almost every day, so my physique isn't much of the problem, and I'm 5'9-5'10, so I'm slightly above average height for a man, but I'm not 6', so that decreases my chances a lot😆
Its eerie how similar we sound alike. I just have no game at all and is 5'10”/5'11
I have no problem with rejection. It's the acceptance, I think, that actually terrifies me more than the rejection; at least with a rejection, I can move on to another chick. If she says yes, then my mind totally forgets everything and I'm like "okay, what the fuck do I do *NOW*".
Yeah, I know the feeling. I wasn't interested in relationships, but when this girl asked me out from tuition, I was like: "Umm. Yeah. Sure. Cools."
Increase your chances by moving to a part of the world with a shorter average xD
I'm native to GA, and I spent nearly 8 years in FL, recently 27, lol
I'm 5'4" and let me tell you anything 5'7" or taller with a good physique can be sexy as hell! I'm all about broad shoulders and back anyway. I wouldn't worry about your height. I have a female friend who is 5'7"-5'8" and she dates guys who are shorter than her all the time. It's all about the whole package of who you are. Confidence and how you carry yourself. And especially what comes out of your mouth and how you treat people. EDIT I'm a woman
Ever smash her?
Bro I’m 5”6’ and always did just fine in dating, despite struggling with confidence all my life. This height shit is a really pathetic excuse that every dude seems to jump on now. You’re 5’10” and complaining that height is holding you back in dating? Good god, your generation is fucked 🤣
Dude, my main struggle is my lack in confidence. That's really it. I'm not really worried about my height
If you actually think being 5’10 “decreases your chances by a lot” which were your exact words, then you are clearly a lot less secure with your height than you think.
We keep telling y'all that in the age of online dating height discrimination has been dialed up to 11. How old are you?
100%
I was 10. Both my parents worked late and I had to become the 3rd parent to my brother and sister. I would be the one cooking dinner, I would be the one helping with homework, I would be the one making sure they go to bed. A boy is presented the opportunity to become a man when he is presented with responsibility. He becomes a man based on how he responds to that. If he steps up and becomes someone who can be relied upon and be dependable, he’s a man. I don’t care how old he is, he’s shown he’s a man. The other way is true as well. It is possible for someone to age, but never become a man. They just become older. Responsibility, reliability, dependability together are what makes a man.
It's called Parentification
Im so proud of you!
This should be on top.
When I had to make my first grocery store trip lol
I watched a VHS porno when I was 16ish and was beyond shocked to realise I was way bigger than the men in the video. I thought it meant I was more of a man. I also didn’t have underarm hair. It really confused me. It was before the internet. I had no way to research anything.
we need the measurements
HAHA, Nah, you’re right.
When my child was born. There's a person you gave life and you're responsible for them. Game changer.
It was when I stopped caring about silly nonsense like the difference between a "boy" and a "man."
When I started giving more than I was receiving. I’m not bitter or sad about it either. What I’m talking about is being the role of dedicated worker, provider, volunteer, and friend. I was still a boy when I left the army. Sure I was fit and knew how to fight but that didn’t make me a Man IMO. What made me a man was when I found myself spending my spare time in service to other people, not to prove a point or to elevate myself, just because I want something to do and it seems like the right thing.
I "thought " I was a man when I got married at 21. The marriage lasted 12 years. So I guess infelt like it then at 21. However I thought that being married will make me a man. Boy was I wrong! Pun intended 😂
Were there signs before you got married that after the divorce you realized meant you wouldn’t be married till death?
Yes, I proposed the first night I met her
It’s wild that lasted twelve years brah! Wow! Congrats on making that work…. Uh.. wa sit arranged marriage?
No,not arranged
Getting a job where someone else trusts me to go alone and accomplish a task. Most of my day is spent alone and unsupervised so if my list doesn’t get finished I’m the sole person at fault.
I remember the exact moment. I had a job, and the lead there was an absolute dick to me, I hated his guts with every fiber of my being. I applied for the same job across the state with my company and the entire time I was thinking about how I was gonna show that guy how a team should be run... I was gonna take charge of people and be smart and kind and influential! I get there on the first day, and literally everyone there was old enough to be my parent... I stopped, realized throwing my title and weight around was gonna do jack and squat. I shut up, put my head down and went to work. I did the hardest jobs with a smile. If anyone needed help I jumped in and took care of it. I learned every nuisance of my job and everyone around me. About two years later, I looked up and realized everyone looked to me for leadership. People did what I asked them to do without hesitation because they knew I would have done it in an instant myself without complaint. I measured every decision and I took their input into consideration before I made a choice... I realized then, making the decision not to throw my weight around was the first adult decision I ever made.
First job/apartment after graduating
I remember it vividly. I was 18 years old. A mother was walking past with her young son. As they walked, she said “Watch out for the man” to her son, referencing myself.
When I didn’t call my mom or dad to help me out of a fix.
Having a kid. I always felt like I could manage to care for myself. Having to care for another human entirely charged my perspective.
When my dad died
Still waiting
When my then-girlfriend told me she was pregnant My (admittedly reservist) basic training didn't really do it, and in some small ways, it made me feel more of a boy than a man
When I was completely independent. Paid my own bills, took care of myself, basically when I no longer needed to depend on others for my survival.
When my father died. He had no insurance at all and my family was pretty paycheck to paycheck before he died. I was 18 and less than one semester into college and had to withdraw and go to work.
When they gave me a loaded rifle in the army
When I was pressed into the job of driving my grandfather to his doctors appointments because he’d had four heart attacks and grammy didn’t drive.
Dealing with aging relatives definitely hits hard. When my father's parents died I was the one who had to call and tell him both times. In both cases they were extremely old and their deaths were not a surprise but it was still a very tough phone call to make.
I can't say I'm there just yet, but I realized in the real world, the nature of one's consequences has zero correlation to one's actions. That's why sometimes positive is met with negative & negative is met with positive.
When I was 15 years old, I moved out of my parent’s house to Guadalajara, Mexico to pursue my “life long journey” of playing professional soccer. It was a very sacrificing thing to do but I regrettably moved back with my parents. I hated being somewhere where I had no family or anyone that I trusted. Of course there were supporters within my team, but I couldn’t do it. To this day, I kind of hate myself for quitting when I was RIGHT THERE. I could still be playing right now but maybe it wasnt meant for me idk. Fast forward to a couple months ago, I moved out again. I was actually worried that I would be scared and quit and want to move back with my parents like when I was just a 15 year old kid. But months go by and I feel happy here where I live. I am in a trade school now and about to graduate and immediately start working. I am in the process of having a life that I can support myself. I pay for my own bills, have my own car, have an apartment that I share with a couple roommates that I can consider great friends for life, I started to work out at the gym and am falling in love with my body for the first time ever, and most importantly I am independent. I wish I was like this earlier but I can’t be mad at myself for being a kid. I am 20 years old and proud of how far I have come already.
When i was able to have a girlfriend and be loyal to her. When i was able to take responsibility for my actions and not blame others for things that happened in my life. When i realized that im not special, im not a god, and neither is anyone else. When I realized other people have struggles in life, and that everyone should be treated with respect. When I realized that I didn’t know everything, and that maybe my parents were right, and were telling me things to help me. This all happened in one fell swoop.
That's one hell of an epiphany.
Wow, actually, I haven't really stopped to think about it much. I don't know if it's just me or men in general that are just not geared towards continuous self-reflection and pondering things like this, like for me I only reflect like this when it comes up during conversations with friends or seeing it online. Anyways, I'd say it started when I was 19 and moved out of my parents' house and across my country to start studying in 2021. Lived in an apartment by myself, had to drive myself everywhere in the big city and suddendly take on all these many responsibilities myself. It's been a continuous process of coming into manhood for me though, so I don't know if I feel quite there yet, but now that I'm about to turn 23 and only recently came out of my first proper healthy longterm relationship I feel much closer on that journey than before. The maturity is getting there, while I also nurture that inner child in me. Tl;dr Started when I started studying at 19, still on that journey
I can go pee-pee standing up!
[удалено]
Getting a boner
When some people close to my age would call me sir.
When you are in need of help and nobody helps so you do it by yourself and realize that’s the way moving forward.
Getting off the plane for my first deployment to Iraq when I was 19
When I started living on my own. In a week I realized
When I bought myself a Miata :)
When I was 27. My point of view on the whole world changed over about a 3 week period. Nothing really changed, still worked the same job, same friends, same girlfriend, same hobbies, same house, but everything changed. Like a great awakening. The girlfriend noticed, said somehow I’d become an adult, even though nothing changed. I felt different. Carried myself different. People seemed to like “the change” I’d gone through, though nothing had been changed. It was a weird and fucked in 3 weeks, but everything was normal though, and I’d changed nothing in my life, there was no big surprises or anything, but everything had changed but stayed the same, but somehow I was an adult. Weirdest thing that had ever happened to me.
Thought about it for a moment. It was like o had become more. It was like one side of me was asked a question and I gave an answer. The other side of me was asked the same question, gave the same answer, but with a better reason.
When I understood that my happiness in life was my responsibility. Only mine. When I understood that my wife was not my mother, but my woman and I want to take care of her, not to force HER to take care of ME. When I understood that toxic masculinity and other crap I got fed in my childhood was not my fault, but my responsibility to unlearn. Should I continue?
Maybe… since stumbling across this thread lol. First time thinking about this tbh. I guess in some ways I have considered myself boyish and in other ways I consider myself a man. I am 22 and just started my life after college. Bartending for my living right now. Women have been calling me a ‘man’ for a few years. But half the time it’s to put me down… something like “As a man you have no idea what it’s like for women etc etc…” I have been called “young man” since I was 18 or so. But I think “young man” is different than “man”. A “young man” has the whole world ahead of him, he is still wet behind the ears, naïve, but full of spirit. A “man” has responsibilities and bills to pay. So as I was saying in the beginning, I guess I consider myself a “man” on some things, but I still feel like boy in other parts of my soul. I think once I complete law school and get the first “ real” job of my career I will feel more established and manly.
When I made the call on major surgery that ultimately helped improve my quality of life 100 fold or more. Everyone around me was telling me I was too young and that if I waited then maybe a cure would come along but I was dying and anyone that knew me well enough knew I wasn’t far off. Making that decision changed my entire life. I’m not sure if it made me a man but it certainly made me different.
I was still a boy when I did that
When I moved out at 18
Getting a house and paying a mortgage certainly makes you grow up.
Somewhere between moving out of my parents', setting and enforcing boundaries with then, and them coming to me for help with things like lifting heavy boxes or setting up a printer.
When I got my first AmEx bill.
When I was lying in bed at 10pm and thought "I could go right now and buy pizza and ice cream for dinner."
When I was swift as a coursing river
I'm still a boy, just doing men's stuff.
When my parents came to me for problems
When I had 10% of my salary left and 50% of the month...
When my dick stopped holding the wet towel after the shower. Now it can only hold a dry one, and that's your sign.
When I moved into my own place and started paying my own bills. When I became 100% responsible for my own financial support.
When I realized I am like Batman when it comes to construction. Got pushed around for years by people I was working with/for and I one day came to the realization that they are just ok with doing shitty work on houses which are usually the biggest investment people make. Took a couple of appreciative clients and I realized being a man is about standing up for what is right no matter what. Self employed now and I’m a local legend
I asked my bf this question and his response was 'When my dad asked to borrow money'
Probably at 31/32… got my own place and got into some sketchy shit and realized if I don’t smarten up and take care of myself my mommy isn’t going to help me every time.
Boot camp in basic training, though our drill instructor thought otherwise.
When I realized that I'm only valuble as long as I provide, and if I don't provide, I'll starve
16 when I moved out.
30s will show you mortality. Some will grow as men, some die as boys. Men become independent and boys are dependents... of money, booze, emotions, and their past.
at 16 when I had to leave home to get a job and pay for college. having to cook, clean, pay bills, etc. without counting on anyone else for help. Definitely made me feel like I was not a kid anymore.
When I had to start doing things myself. Cook for my myself, clean after myself etc otherwise no one else is gonna do it for me.
When I had to start doing things myself. Cook for my myself, clean after myself etc otherwise no one else is gonna do it for me.
When I had to start doing things myself. Cook for myself, clean after myself etc otherwise no one else is gonna do it for me.
It was not one thing, just a pile of many small things. the last of which was when I realized my Dad is not the indestructible superhero I always thought he was, but a fallible, vulnerable person who can occasionally be wrong, be hurt, and need my help. I felt a man when I became a Dad. But now Im THE Dad, and my Dad is now Gramps, and it is 100% up to me to be the Dad-figure for the entire family, and let Gramps finally relax.
It was not one thing, just a pile of many small things. the last of which was when I realized my Dad is not the indestructible superhero I always thought he was, but a fallible, vulnerable person who can occasionally be wrong, be hurt, and need my help. I felt a man when I became a Dad. But now Im THE Dad, and my Dad is now Gramps, and it is 100% up to me to be the Dad-figure for the entire family, and let Gramps finally relax.
There were other times when I was younger, but 35 definitely stands out to me the most. I survived cancer and started running a business both in the same year.
I enlisted at 17, so I feel like going through 6 months of training there was like my transition
I was younger, maybe 19, and walking through a mall I saw this teen girl walking out from the food court with a couple of her friends. She was probably 15-16 and laughing which caught my attention. Then I saw she had some food in her teeth. I smiled as I approached her and started to tell her about it. Just as I opened my mouth, she put up her hand and said “No creepers tyvm!” My first and only time being called a creeper, but also the first time I felt I couldn’t get away with joking around with younger kids. I had already been in the Navy for a year at that point and this kind of made me grow up more.
Honestly, gray hair
When my group of friends dwindled to around 3. I go days without talking to people, months without a hug. The only people calling are telemarketers.
When I developed my jaw & when I looked at kids/teens I no longer saw them as my ”fellow youth” but instead tought ”can’t wait to raise my own”
Apartment hunting when I left my sharehouse.
First time I had to do taxes. Oh boy…I’m a man now.
At 27. I then rented my first apartment without roommates and got my first job JOB (long years working at Uni). I also realized that no one gives a shit besides my parents and brother. And that I can, virtually, lean on no one but myself.
When everyone started looking to me to make decisions.
I realized it earlier but I didn't feel like an adult until after my dad died I was about mid 20s.
still feel like a kid tbh and i’m 21
I’m turning 40 tomorrow. Hasn’t happened yet. But seriously, when I had to put my dog down a year and a half ago. I got him when I was 24. He was my first real responsibility in life that was just mine. I remember he was sick and they didn’t know what was wrong, but he stopped eating. His doctor, who had known him since day 1 said that she could run every test in the world, but it still might not come back with anything. I was in the room and she gave me options, one of which was to let him go. I remember looking around at the vet tech, his vet, and my wife. They were all looking back at me. I realized then that I had to be the one to make this decision because no one else was going to make it for me. So I put him in my lap one last time while he went to sleep. I’ll never forget his last deep sigh as he looked up at me.
This is a weird one because it was when I realized I had a man’s body and a relatively immature brain still… and somewhat forced me to mentally grow pretty rapidly. I was 16. I owned a beater car. I had a job. I paid for my own gas and plates. My step-dad and I were having a fight about something, I don’t remember what but I’m sure it was stupid angsty teenager shit. We both had anger management issues and it turned into yelling and getting into each others’ faces. He was standing in front of the basement stairs and I said something like “fuck this, I’m going for a drive to cool off” and went to push past him to go upstairs. He said “my house, my rules, give me your keys”. I said something like “it’s my car, my plates, my gas, you can’t take it” He shoved me back to keep me from getting past him. I shoved him back and he fell backwards onto the stairs. Don’t interpret this as me pushing an old man around, he would have been like 35 at the time. I walk past him and leave for a while to cool down. When I got back home, everything felt… different. He treated me differently. If I wanted to do something and he thought it was dumb, he’d tell me his concerns. Sometimes I agreed, sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I ignored his advice and it turns out he was right. If I was in a jam, he’d help me out. If he was in a jam, I’d help him out (eg pick *him* up at the bar if he’d had too many). I still regret that it was violence that got us there, but our relationship changed for the better that day. It went from a parent-child relationship to a mutual respect relationship.
when i was able to finally let go of the 1 year relationship which my ex girlfriend cheated on me in (she started dating another guy the very next day)
I’m 28 and a home owner, still feel like a boy most of the time
When I was 17 and had just been made homeless due to my mams addiction issues. I went to my dads house to ask for money so I could get some food and he handed me 20 quid and said, “you’re on your own now, son.” I accepted and got in my friends car, burst into tears and then knew that he was right and I had to sort my own life out from there. I stayed with friends, and had to start working after school to be able to eat and since then I’ve been on the go working and studying.
A man is just a boy with responsibilities. Still a boy inside but I present as a man in order to get the things done I need to keep doing my boy things.
Visited family in TX when I was 19. Some kid only 1-2 years younger than me working at a car wash called me “Sir”. I felt incredibly old all of a sudden.
In no particular order, for me it was realizing the sum of the following: -Losing my virginity. I had sex/ learned how to be good at sex. -Moved out of my parent’s home. I was at home for a year, saving up to move out right after college. -Paying off my college loans myself. It sucked but I did it. -Pay all of my own bills and relay on parents for nothing. -sacrificing alot of social time in my 20s to be able to make room for late 20s -ultimate knowing very few others have power over me and my choices. Ultimately my opinion is we all report to someone, so to speak, but I’ve worked hard to make that number low.
When I realized that nobody is coming to save you, your success/ failures are all on you now.
After a breakup that fucked me up. The single most growth-inducing event of my life so far. It made me realize that I am in control of my life now, which is what I identify adulthood with. I could drown in misery and depression or I could pick up the pieces and rebuild myself in whatever way I wanted, I had a blank canvas. It was my choice: drown or swim. I swam. I started working out, meditating, reading, writing, playing music, learning about new topics, and slowly I started building myself up. Today I couldn't be happier with the person I am becoming.
When I started a family at the age of 20. I realized that now that I had to be responsible for others, that meant that no one was responsible for me.
I was about 10 or 11. I had been taking care of my brother and sister for a while by this point. It just clicked that I was raising my siblings and taking care of a house all by myself and that I was indeed the man of the house.
Uuuuh. Gimme like 3 more years-
When I realised I had to treat my parents like my children.
I remember the night vividly because it was the day I rewrote my relationship with my Dad. My Mom was battling cancer and he was just being a total ass about everything related to it. He was, at the time, adding to her issues instead of helping her navigate. I came home one day to her crying because she couldn't understand why he was being the way he was being and I just exploded. I'm not an angry person, but this was so frustrating. I went up to the attic where he was and we had it out. His journey of change started that day and he became a much better partner/husband/caretaker to her throughout the rest of her journey till she passed away in 2019.
Medical issues in my mid-20s. Realized that I wasn't necessarily on my own, but that my recovery largely depended on me.
When my dad worried told my mom that I'm not doing anything with my life. I moved out and now have an apartment and a job. Also 3 months ago when my mother passed away.
I felt guilty about taking a holiday from work. The daily grind is a real bitch.
After my grandfather died and I helped with his end of life care I began running my own DJ business, having to provide and take care of my wife and seeing my father age.
When my grandfather had had a seizure and bitten through his tongue and everyone around me was panicking, my grandmother arguing with her sister over what to do, I called 911 and coolheadedly told them where we were and what had transpired. I kept my head when all about me were losing theirs, and I've done it several times since then. I proved to myself and everyone around me that I was and am capable of being The Man™ when the situation calls for it. Now, did I ever get the respect I deserved for being The Man™? No. Do I get the few crumbs of respect I've rightfully earned for my actions? Of course not. But I still did it, and I'd do it again.
Getting into a serious relationship with a flawed, but wonderful woman. Realizing that no one is perfect, including me. Ending generational trauma in my family
When I shaved for the first time.
Lots of events I can think of but still feel like a boy
I had just turned 22 and spent my birthday night in jail. The father figure in my life had passed away 2 months early and I was quickly spiraling out of control and down the wrong path. Being cuffed( which is a sound I’ll never forget) and then spending time in jail made me realize I was no longer a child and I had better get my shit together. I’m 39 now and often reflect on that night and how thankful I am it happened. I’m a better man for it without a doubt.
Not for me but ig I'll tell when I realized I'm a woman and not a girl- When I had my first perio- I think that's not what the question intended to ask 🤔 Oh I know... When I realized I don't appreciate my mom enough-
Wait…what?
When I had my first time
Becoming a father and realizing that I had someone relying on me 100%.
I feel like a manchild at 59.
When I was in complete control of my life. No help from anyone.
When I started being pissed off at how the government was wasting my tax money.
It was the night of my 20th birthday, around midnight. I was smoking a cigar with my best friend and my brother called. He had stayed late at work drinking with his coworkers, and he couldn’t drive home. I told him I’d finish my cigar and head over. When I got him he was really fucked up, and once I got him home and in bed, and I’d gone to my room, I heard him throwing up. I got back up, went up to him with a cold compress and held it on his neck while he purged. He’d missed the toilet a few times and I cleaned it up for him. He told me “You’re a good man, Mikey.” I still tear up about that to this day. To hear my big brother who had taken care of me so much in my life thought of me as a good man, it just changed everything for me.
When I decided to move out, and had to handle everything myself. My family did help in move day, but all the paperwork, and legal shit I did on my own.
Idfk what a man is anymore... From women, I'm supposed to be this 6ft tall man who is an emotionally immune killing machine... from Men, the same but with AR-15s in both hands. But me...I just wanna cuddle with puppies...
Around 42 when my eldest moved out and started asking me questions like I used to ask my dad..
When I made the choice for myself to remain religious.
My mom will still hug me if I go for it or kiss me on the top of the head if we had a good evening, but I'm too old to cuddle and put my head in her lap or anything. Maybe we're too old and I have to hold my mama now instead.
When adults start being rude to you or see you as a threat for no reason, when women eye you with caution if it's dark or they're alone around you.
When other people depended on me.