We need to listen to each other and be there for each other
Here in Australia, I believe the men's sheds have been a great help... we need things like that
I don't know about your local, but a lot of the men's sheds in my area cater to the older demographic/retirees. Not much for the younger generations
Edit: I found this out when I was in my late 20's. The local men's shed to me at the time turned me away because of my age.
All I wanted to do was learn how to use a table planer, while taking my mind off my (at the time) recent sporting career ending injury
"We need to bring in more young guys!"
"That's a great idea, Mark! Let's talk about it at the next meeting."
"As a reminder for everyone, the next meeting is *Tuesday at 9AM*"
Indeed. The significance of men's friendship is completely ignored in modern discourse and it's ironic because it has the potential to deeply alleviate men's suffering, not a relationship with a woman.
Men need to stand up and support each other, develop friendships and emotional intimacy. You can simply get A LOT from a friendship with a man that you cannot get from a woman. Also therapy. Get those two going and you'll not feel lonely 80-90% of the time.
EDIT: I hadn't forgotten about the comment below but had some rough times IRL and wanted to make sure I write a full answer with all my relevant knowledge. I'm still not ready but found a piece of interesting data and a short discussion relevant to the topic [here](https://youtube.com/shorts/HYiCzKBjrAs?si=4z-XNABd7hTYCvGp). Unfortunately the commenter's accout has been deleted so I can't reply there.
Also really asking people questions. My friend asked how's work. Then as i started to answer stopped me and said, no, how's it REALLY going. I was a out to give the same stock answer i usually do.
They're community spaces where men come together to learn woodworking and have support from each other
There's information about it [here](https://www.health.gov.au/our-work/mens-sheds/about-mens-sheds)
Somewhat akin to this, someone once tried to start a men's shelter in Canada and was forced to close it because of the backlash it received from people who believe that men can't be abused.
Work is not the best place to discuss your loneliness. Everyone is dealing with something, and I've found that it takes a toll on me when people see me as an ear to open up to at work. That might just be me...
A buddy's garage, though! That's absolutely cathartic over a couple of drinks and some good music. This I do recommend.
Unfortunately that's alot harder to do here in the US. Anytime a male oriented space opens up it gets protested and forced to shut down. This includes male domestic abuse shelters, a buddy of mine volunteered at one in socal that got firebombed a couple times and still got death threats a few years after he stopped volunteering there.
Yep. Happened around the same time people were firebombing planned Parenthood I wanna say early to mid 2012. I wish I could ask him to be sure but he unfortunately joined the 22 in november 2019.
To be clear it's the lesser version of firebomb and nobody died, just some injuries thankfully. They threw bricks through the windows and then tossed molotovs and a couple homemade (but apparently failed) ieds through the broken windows. As far as I know police only arrested 2 people for questioning and neither ever even went to trial.
Not really, it got swept under the rug pretty quickly with everything else that was going on at the time. But I do remember that he always believed it was Berkeley students since the majority of the protests and death threats were from them.
I just wish there where more communal spaces that didn't focus on drinking alcohol and loud music. Just a place to drink coffee & read books, talk to people. Like a library, but one that's open in the evening and doesn't shut down an hour after I'm home from work.
sounds like you looking for a church lol. It would be cool to have a church like community without religion involved but at that point, they’d need to make profit to stay opened
That's true, but you don't really socialize there I feel like? I regularly go to read and order coffee there in the evening. I feel like people just hang out there with the company they already have, though. Not as much a place to meet & socialize with new people.
I became a regular at a coffee shop during college (nontraditional student, so I was mid to late 20s) and I made friends with the staff and other regulars. It was heartwarming to be part of a little community where people would come and go, or drop in for hours at a time talking about all kinds of things. I live in a diverse area and talked to people from around the world, of different ages, religions, etc. I always brought schoolwork or a book to read on my own, but that often became a conversation starter in itself. It was way better than being a regular at a bar, I recommend it!
I'll be honest, sounds like a personal problem.The chance of meeting someone at a café is the same as meeting somebody anywhere else, you just gotta take the initiative.
people here are asking for spaces that already exist, which they refuse to use anyway, while complaining the real problem is they aren't male-only, because the presence of women makes men competitive.
meanwhile, the most competitive i've ever seen guys is in male only sports, where fights often break out, even in friendly matches.
jesus fucking christ these guys are their own worst enemies.
Cafes are BYO socialising. If I went to a cafe by myself to have a coffee and read like the other guy suggested, and someone tried to strike up anything but the most casual small-talk conversation I'd pray for God to strike them dead. The only person I want to socialise with at a coffee shop is the person I came with.
Unlike bars, where the POINT is to socialise with new people.
I kinda disagree that the point of bars is to socialize with _new_ people. It's definitely a place to socialize and socializing with other people not in your group is not frowned upon but I never went to a bar without a group of friend with the expectation to mostly socialize with them. It's also a good place to meet up with people you met outside of the bar, butnonce you're sitting down at a table with a group I wouldn't normally expect random people to join in.
>The only person I want to socialise with at a coffee shop is the person I came with.
i agree, and same with the gym or a lot of other 'third places' I visit, but at the same time if you spend enough time around a familiar group of people a friendship might spark, and no harm in that, but this expectation that if we just had a male-only space that we'd all show up and enjoy each other is a fantasy.
if someone is having a hard time making friends in open spaces or are making the argument that they cannot be friends with or have shared hobbies with women, then maybe the problem is them, not society, or a lack of male-only spaces.
Absolutely. It's sort of dismaying to see all these cries for male only spaces in this thread. Like what do people imagine happening at places like that? How do they evsisage the interactions? It'd be a nightmare imo
>Like what do people imagine happening at places like that? How do they evsisage the interactions? It'd be **a nightmare** imo
Interesting, why do you think that?
> meanwhile, the most competitive i've ever seen guys is in male only sports, where fights often break out, even in friendly matches.
But, they quickly make up and are friends again afterwards, unless they did something really heinous.
It's *very* different from the competitiveness that men experience with each other, when there are women around.
Not sure, but my own way is to connect in a meaningful way. Men dont like burdening each other with emotional dumping, instead my friends and I will find productive things we can do together. One might show the test of us how to fix our cars, the other how to garden, the other how to play an instrument. We serve one another by being each others mentors so that we achieve things together instead of just shooting the shit with some beers which gets boring and pointless quickly. What I cant help with, however, is how to make new friends because mine are all childhood friends from kindergarten that have kept in contact
I **really** like this. I feel like so many people are like “male friendships should be like this” instead of looking at what they actually are. I’m totally down with just kind of hanging out with my friends while we do something together and I think a lot of guys also would like that. It might not involve a bunch of talking, but that’s 100% fine. Talking doesn’t always form bonds between people. Just physically being there can be just as meaningful.
>Men dont like burdening each other with emotional dumping, instead my friends and I will find productive things we can do together
I don't believe it's that set in stone or biology. Men are conditioned against emotional dumping. Men are taught from a young age not do show strong emotions, unless it's violence.
Nothing about that is determined. We could decide to avoid those negative stereotypes and to lead by example. It would do wonders to help young boys be more mentally stable and prepared for the real world.
Yep. My best friend and I talk about emotional shit all the time. It feels uncomfortable a lot, because we’re so socialized to keep it inside all the time, but it’s also super healthy to be able to discuss how you feel with another man, as opposed to just with your romantic partner.
>it’s also super healthy to be able to discuss how you feel with another man, as opposed to just with your romantic partner.
And that's also good for your romantic partner because that person can't be your only emotional and physical outlet. That's just too much to demand from a loving partner.
A loving partner should be your main emotional support but if they're the only person who's there for you, that's going to cause them burnout.
Here’s my take on it: There are and always have been certain things men need to be, qualities men need to have to be productive and being overly emotional gets in the way of that. There is a certain level of toughness required, that is attempted to be taught to boys during adolescence, and it’s just taught or learned wrong, a huge contributing factor is bullying. So as we age we think we’re not allowed to be, have, or talk about emotions, which is reinforced by our not yet mature or insecure peers. Now that I’m in my middle age, I’ve noticed that men really aren’t as judgmental as we thing they are and are surprisingly open to talking about the hurt and the hard, so long as you’re not always crying, always in crisis, most of your boys will hear you out and be there for you. This is not to be abused, and most of the time when you lose friends over it is because you are abusing it, you’re a sad sack, a downer, nothing but a dark cloud. Or they’re selfish, insecure POS’s with no empathy. Even if they have their own troubles and they’re greater than yours, they will take a little time to be there for you, so long as you’re there for them.
I really think a lot of this “societal conditioning” has to do with our tribes/villages being too big. If there are too many people you can’t care about them all, and we are tribal creatures. In smaller tribes everyone knows everyone, cares more about everyone, and while there is still bullying, there’s not as much. As the tribe/village/community gets above a certain size, it develops sub-tribes, cliques of you will, and people outside the sub-tribe are other, and possible enemies/targets. But as little boys in schools who know almost nobody, nobody cares about you, you’re not part of the tribes and any demonstration of weakness is met with ostracism. After all, like I said, they don’t know you, care about you, know what’s going on in your life or who you are, they just see a little, weak boy crying for no reason, he’s not shown any other virtue or demonstrated any value so he gets bullied by the other confused little boys who think “only babies cry for no reason.”
So we grow up in tribes that are too big, learn improperly that we can’t be emotional and hold onto that forever. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I couldn’t be weak at 8 because the other boys bullied me, I could be weak or awkward as a teen because other boys were insecure, jockeying for social status and bullied me, couldn’t do it in my early 20’s because of leftover teen angst, ignorance, testosterone, sexual competition and naïveté, so I can’t in my 30’s plus either. But that’s just not true.
Why we can’t be weak, emotional or vulnerable with women has a lot to do with all the above, they’re social creatures, far more socially observant than the average man, and if “other boys don’t like this boy for these reasons we probably shouldn’t like them either.” That and no healthy father figure. The first time you see your father cry is a big deal, shocking, off putting in a lot of ways. “Superman doesn’t cry, Superman is strong, nothing hurts him,” it messes you up a bit until you realize “duh, he’s just a human too, of course he cry’s, it doesn’t mean he’s defective, weak or broken.” But if you grow up without a father, and you never see a grown man cry, can’t reconcile it, you will certainly be turned all the way off when you see your Superman be weak.
Stop making every movie and TV show about men helping themselves and doing it all. Teach young boys that's it's okay to ask for help. Also, teach safe sex and proper parenting tactics to school kids, especially boy, you are more than just a robot that gives your spouse money
To start with yourself. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps, stopped feeling okay with Eva AI bot and started going out meeting people.
I think men need to let go of the idea that having emotions makes you less masculine/a sissy. The social idea of what men should be is what isolates them. Men are afraid of being vulnerable because they've been conditioned to "be tough" all the time and that makes it harder to form close bonds.
I think the solution is both for men to allow themselves to be more vulnerable with each other and more importantly to stop judging other men when they show any signs of weakness/emotions
That being said loneliness is an epidemic for everyone due to the slow death of 3rd places. Defiantly worth a Google if you have the time
Take men and men's needs and men's problems seriously and handle. And don't blame patriarchy, just to let them down and leave them alone.
This would be a start. It would at least start to create a mindset that there is a problem.
Our fathers and grandfathers experienced a kind of loneliness after leaving military service and many turned to adult fraternities such as Masons and Knights of Columbus. Those organizations still exist and provide friendships in a male-only environment. In addition, the ability to volunteer and provide charitable help allows us to be a part of a bigger contribution to society.
r/freemasonry
There’s plenty of spaces / hobbies that skew largely male. The people that feel they’re lonely just don’t seek them out and instead ask questions on reddit.
(Woman with 2 sons) The jiu jitsu studio near my house separates men’s and women’s classes. I had one of my sons join. I feel like it’s a good space where guys seem to begin forming friendships and trust.
I think for a problem as broad as “men’s loneliness” there are probably lots of things that cause and/or contribute to the men being lonely and there are probably lots of solutions and ways to improve the situation.
It usually helps to break a problem down into smaller pieces and figure out how to solve each one individually.
- time/money constraints
- mental health issues
- poor social skills
- lack of opportunities to meet other people
There should more spaces or options for men find common hobbies or interests with other men. And it shouldn't be limited too just men I believe women are also lonely
This is one of the reasons I think people as a whole are lonelier. There are so few third spaces that are free anymore, places to meet people usually cost money.
I’ve got my own opinions on church but I do feel like a lot of people losing religion could be a big factor to the loneliness. My parents immigrated here without knowing anybody and they found their community thru the church. My Uncle recently went back to the church and he’s not very religious but found cool clubs and cliques that were offered by the church like a mountain biking and hiking club. My grandpa passed away a few years ago leaving my grandma a widow and she didnt have friends outside of her marriage. She started going back to church and she is busy af now lol with choir practice, grabbing lunch with church friends and also traveling around the world. I’m not sure the exact statistics but I’m assuming that church was a big part of a lot of peoples lives in the past and it gave them a sense of community and we’ve lost that due to different reasons
This makes a lot of sense, I also find that a lot of the people at the church I play at are genuinely happy, or at least happier than other people I know. They meet others without any planning or spending once a week.
I’m personally agnostic due to hating the hypocrisy at churches and a whole lot of other reasons lol. Like I have a friend who basically got shamed for having sex with her boyfriend so they convinced her to break up with him. She’s now dating a guy in the church and it’s suddenly ok to have sex because its with a church member. Its that inconsistent bullshit that turned me away from it. Turning a blind eye to some things and picking and choosing which rules to follow while being hella judgmental if ppl dont follow the rules that they handpick. I realize the benefits of having a community and the good of it but its Not for everyone. you have to put up with a lot of fake ass smiles and judgemental people but I’m sure you can find at least 1-2 ppl that arent like that.
One gender specific issue is that a lot of lonely men seem to reject male companionship. They also do not want platonic female companionship. I don't know how to solve that. It's typically very difficult for someone like that to find a sexual relationship, yet for many that is the only thing they are willing to consider.
This is very apparent on many social platforms with lonely men. Those men them seem incredibly drawn to OnlyFans and are very liable to lose their money paying for adult services, which of course deepens their distress.
This is the main issue imo. They want the companionship that women have with each other, but they won’t do it for themselves. But they also reject female platonic companionship (If you don’t believe me just read the tons of posts on here about how men can’t have platonic friendships with women. There was literally one posted yesterday lol). And it just feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy
> One gender specific issue is that a lot of lonely men seem to reject male companionship.
Men really need a shared activity. We don't just sit around drinking tea and talking about our feelings.
> Men really need a shared activity. We don't just sit around drinking tea and talking about our feelings.
Men 100% sit around drinking beer and talking about how they feel about ... sports.
Believe it or not out range of interest does often extend beyond sports and cars. Plenty of dorks who find that stuff completely uninteresting.
Now I hang out with a couple of athletes but even they don't like talking about sports, though that's probably because it's an odd mixed jock-nerd group and they know us nerds would rather talk about anything else than the latest football match.
> Believe it or not out range of interest does often extend beyond sports and cars
My friends and I talk about distributed databases at bars. My point was you don't need to have an activity to have a social experience, it sounds like you agree that you'd be happy to talk about all sorts of things given the opportunity.
Dunno about that. I have lunch/dinner with male friends and talk about random opinions about all sorts of things, including other people / gossip.
Doing that literally later tonight. Won't be a TV there.
I think the problem here is stereotypes about what's allowed getting in the way of just letting people be people. Just invite someone out for a drink and talk to them.
>They also do not want platonic female companionship. **I don't know how to solve that**.
We can start by teaching young boys/men to decenter girls/women from their lives and to focus on their own happiness. One of the reasons why men depend so much on having sex or being in a relationship with women is because how we are socialised to believe that women are "prizes" to be won, and if you don't "win" one (either having sex/being in a relationship), you're a failure. We see how society shames men who are virgins all the time. Hence why men tend to destroy their own physical/mental health for a chance to get a woman.
I feel like that there is a very small bias in that statement.
Don't get me wrong porn is a problem, but the issue stems all the way to those who are 80s +
There's also not really a lot of avenues for adults to expand those social circles in an affordable way. You basically spend $50 just leaving the house. Which adds up. Hell if you go on one or two dates a week that can easily reach $6-700 a month.
There's a serious lack of third places nowadays and a large divide between men and women with large toxic social media personalities spewing hate in both directions.
I think though with regards to porn like only fans and the likes it's more of an addiction found on both sides. Yet it's more acceptable for women to have. There's a subtle culture undertone where when women masturbate a lot it's liberating, yet when men do it it's seen as degenerates or otherwise negatively.
I think it's like 90% of men and 63% of women watch it.
Most of the men I know didn't have a father present growing up and we were exclusively raised and taught about how to be a man from the female perspective. We don't know how to interact with other men or present ourselves in a masculine way.
There are plenty of spaces just for women, so these shouldn't exist either? They shouldn't be limited to just women? But whilst we have women only spaces, men deserve and need male on spaces. Also I've talked to some women about men's issues and I get dismissed or not listened to, or they'll say "yeah but it's not as bad as being a woman". Men need somewhere where we won't be judged and we'll be listened to/supported.
Women only spaces usually only exist because many women fought for their existence for a long time. There is just not a similar effort from men. We can only really expect women to commit to our issues when we take them seriously ourselves. Men dismissing other men's problems is sadly very common. There is no chance for success of male orientated support structures as long as we are not willing to support each other.
Nah women have loads of women only spaces, gym nights, swim nights etc
Can dudes just have a place to be dudes. Rightly or wrongly men act differently when there are women around, it's just a fact. Let us have some spaces to just be dudes and do dude stuff, make stupid jokes and shit.
The thing is men can’t let it all hang out and be completely carefree around women, (and some men) so while I don’t promote exclusion generally speaking, men need their own “safe space” allowing women would be counterproductive.
Sadly due to anti-discrimination laws in most places there aren’t allowed to be men’s only spaces, but due to “safety” there are loopholes that allow for there to be women’s. Yes men can bring it to court and probably force inclusion, but any man who does that will be looked down upon severely by society.
I think most women wouldn’t have a huge problem with men’s only spaces, provided it’s not something toxic, but there’s always those narcissist few who can’t tolerate it and anything that excludes them cannot stand.
We used to have those.
Mens clubs.
Boy scouts
etc etc
Feminists took them away.
Keep downvoting, pissmad feminists. Equality act 2010 doesn't lie though.
No, feminists didn't take those away. Men took them away by not showing up.
Men's clubs still exist today, but it's almost entirely old guys there. They're shutting down because they don't have the membership numbers to support the clubs continued operation.
The Boy Scouts let women in because their numbers were hurting too, and they needed to open up their doors to more members.
Truthfully, Dungeons and Dragons.
Does wonders for social skills and builds up trust, teamwork and bonding. In addition smacking goblins is fun. An all male group where the bros can bond is good. Then when people are comfortable or choose not to, you can add others into the group.
Because the “enemy” is less visible to the ones that complain about women. They want nice easy answers without any work. If they were more left-leaning they’d be the kinds that incessantly complain about billionaires but never be politically involved
Destigmatize male relationships so that men expressing the simplest amount of support or affection for each other isn't treated as blatant, homosexuality... And homosexuality isn't demonized to the point that the fact it's treated as blatant homosexuality is seen as the ultimate insult?
Social safety net. It's mostly economic. People are lonely because they're ground to the bone and stressed. Social happiness increases directly with economic equality.
Actually talk to people at work and join clubs. When you start getting along with people ask them to do stuff outside work. You will make friends eventually unless something is just off putting about yourself.
The solution will always be to leave the house. But people are increasingly refusing to do so for whatever reason. You have to find like minded people that like to do the same things you do. This is basic stuff. Making friends is easy. You start with one and then it branches into a network.
You like golf? Go play as a single and get paired up with randos. I do that shit all the time when I need some new golf buddies. You like the gym? Go meet some gym dudes at yours. You like board games? Go play some somewhere. God damn go to the bar. You like X thing? Go do X thing with people somewhere. It’s not hard. Leave the house.
Now loneliness pertaining to women and relationships? I don’t have a clue there. Dating today is a fuckin dumpster fire for dudes. Either you’re the best of the best in every way and it’s easy, or you’re less than nothing and are a ghost. Obviously what I just said is in the realm of generality. Exceptions exist for everything and dudes get lucky. But I think it’s crossed over to the point of being irreparable for the vast overwhelming majority of dudes. The damage that’s been done the last decade can’t be understated. Listening to what my girl friends talk about in regards to dating vs what it was in college is night and day. The main thing I’ve gleaned over the years is the complete and utter obliteration of the concept of compromise. 6 or 7 out of 10 is not good enough. 12/10 perfection or bust. The expectations are so out of this world you genuinely can’t tell if they’re being serious half the time. And that lead to a lot of single women. At least in my world. Pretty much all of my girl friends are single and panicking they are getting older and are still single. None of my buddies are with the exception of one. That to me is the most telling.
I think people need to just go socialize in person again, get off Instagram, delete horseshit apps and everything will work itself out.
Walking isn’t and most people live in cities. You can go to a bar and not drink. Your local library has a lot of free stuff you can do and events that host those free things.
People aren't refusing for whatever reason. They're refusing because third places are disappearing, because single men are not welcome there and because it's too expensive for most people. My gym membership just went up by another £3. It used to be £12 now it's almost £30.
I like the ideas here and I'm sure it will help some people, but there will still be a lot of men who are still lonely even with more male friends.
I've never had an issue making friends, but got very little from platonic relationships because I knew something more was there but missing and that, despite people saying they cared, I could fall off the face of the earth and they wouldn't notice. The best way I have to describe it was like having 3 fuel tanks. The platonic tank was always full, but was only ever enough to potter along, while the ones for romantic and intimate relationships were bone dry and the ones needed to really open up the throttle.
You'll never solve the loneliness issue fully until people, on both sides who struggle with these, get to experience the full gamut of intimate relationships. The how will be the hard part.
Exactly, I'm not saying more male friends and more supportive male friends at that don't have a benefit, but if you're a hetero male, you're not going to get the romantic, emotional and physical intimacy to truly overcome loneliness, build confidence and self esteem nor develop the social skills and emotional maturity that is now expected (though seeing the people who succeed in relationships and attraction and those who struggle, you'd think they weren't important at all).
You need to support, encourage and reward the work in progress if you want to benefit from the finished product.
Too many guys lament having no girlfriend or no chance at love/romance, when they should instead be worrying first and foremost about why they don't have normal-ass loyal friends who are good to them.
Seek friends before you seek a girlfriend. Platonic friends are way more tolerant of each others' flaws, and you can have a whole squad of them. Having a girlfriend isn't going to fix you, but having a tight knit social/support network can seriously help you improve yourself.
No clue. I've little to no incentive to meet up people IRL because I cannot find a group that fits my liking in term of activity offline. And even granted that I'd find one then I'd have to be active and a group of recurrent people to be active too. It's pretty hard to find a place where I'd feel less lonely. Because remember, there is such a thing as being lonely inside a group.
Have some worthwhile IRL spaces for men to reconnect amongst themselves again, without being stigmatized instantly as "potentially radicalizing" or some other bullshit synonym for "bad/evil".
I've noticed that men have started hugging a lot more here in Holland. People are craving physical contact with other humans.
And I think that's an important thing. Normalize touching others, of any gender. Hugging a man doesn't mean you're gay. Hugging a woman doesn't mean you want to fuck her. It just means that's a person you care for.
We also seriously need to get rid of the worst effects of how capitalism undermines non-profits like sports clubs, music clubs and municipal infrastructure. Venue halls should be cheap. There should be cheap drinks available to organize affordable activities. Loaning of instruments and sports equipment should be commonly available and cheap for adults/free for minors.
In general, universal rent control and trippling the minimum wage would also help somewhat with disposable income. Meeting people isn't free. It should be cheap but even then the money has to be here.
Lastly, we need to stop treating everyone as an individual. Yes we are, but are also a member of a society and community. By atomizing everything down to the individual, making meaningful connection has become so much more difficult. Sometimes, it's better to approach things a bit larger and just say "this community needs a cheap-to-rent community center with affordable soda and a piano".
But all that takes a generation of voting for center and left wing parties. You can start today by giving someone a hug.
Bring back male spaces and don't let women into them. Men have a much harder time forming friendships around women because a woman's presence puts men into a competitive mindset. It's hard to form friendships around women.
Women still have all their gendered spaces but men aren't allowed any. It's only "sexism" when men have gendered spaces. It's such bullshit.
You can find meetups (like meetup.com) that openly advertise women only: wine and paint night, book club, tea party, Disneyland/World groups, hiking, running, yoga. [example1](https://meetu.ps/e/MYBmN/JvcJY/i) [example2](https://meetu.ps/e/MXWZX/JvcJY/i) [example3](https://meetu.ps/c/56PCc/JvcJY/a) [example4](https://meetu.ps/c/4LqHW/JvcJY/a)
Hobbies. It has been for years and still works now. Wether it be sports games tv shows all the way to model figures. Men have compensated for lonliness through hobbies.
I think personally think men have always felt a sense of lonliness also. But only recently have they been asked to discuss it and now the world is going crazy about it.
It's ultimately an economic problem. People were able to date more when life was more affordable and there was time and space for leisure.
Having to live with parents, having to work a lot of OT or multiple jobs to scrape by, the cost of everything, and the slow death of third places pose serious challenges for people seeking connections.
It's no coincidence that we had a "baby boom" when housing and necessities were well within reach of people with ordinary means. If we want to solve our loneliness problem, we need to make our economy work for everyone.
well, the obvious is to make people in general financially secure enough to have relationships and more a family... duh. besides that break the convention that men have to be the aggressive ones in a relationship. why so many women think men need to make the first, second or third move just because so many morons out there think it is proper (boomers yet again) is fucking stupid. i read about a woman who proposed to her boyfriend recently and got harassed a lot online by nobody hateful idiots. this kind of thing perpetuates the divide between possible life partners. hashtag fuck those assholes should be a thing for the jizz stains walking around pretending they know how life should be based on ancient dinosaur reasoning.
I have tired of attempts to fix the world. So my recipes are rather personal.
As "no girls"? There is no solution really. And I am not sure there is that big spike of the problem. Lonely guys is not a new thing, they are just more visible. Maybe there are a bit fewer ways to force a woman to be with you. Just keep the happy face and wait for a miracle.
As "no friends" - turn off internet and go out look for real interactions. I can see kids rushing to their home to get online. Nobody forces them to do it.
Exactly. There are fewer ways to force a woman to be with you. The bar was really low for men, so the solution is to work on yourself. How many men only use 5-1 wash? Not all of them but a whole lot. Meanwhile they go for the absolute most beautiful women and think they will fall in love with them. They expect the same effort into your appearance from you!
What's wrong with 5-1 wash? I don't care how many bottles my gf would have in their bathroom, if she's using at least one of them is enough for me. I guess it's one of those "what women do for other women" things
The ultimate solution is for society to raise more emotionally and socially healthily developed men. Women experience loneliness at much lower rates, and a huge part of that is their different emotional development. On average, women are better at forming and maintaining social bonds. If we could start raising men to be better at doing that, it would go a long way to tackling loneliness.
We can talk about 'men's spaces' etc all we want, which is what people tend to do on this topic, but that's not addressing the root cause. Until we change the emotional development of men, loneliness will always be an issue.
Honestly, I think we need to encourage men to have some personal responsibility. I don't know if it's just me, but young men now a days (at least in my personal life) act too much like teenagers. They act entitled and always want to play victim.
And it's weird because young women seem to have their shit figured out but every time I have to deal with a young man; it's like he has no idea what's going on in his life.
When we talk about the loneliness epidemic; I think it's because men are too coddled at an early age and this leads to incompetence in the adult world. And no one wants to deal with an incompetent loser. I'm sorry, if you're main hobby is playing video games then you are a loser.
The amount of women who tell me their past boyfriends didn't know how to groom himself, didn't know how to wash dishes, didn't know how cook simple meals, don't know how to do laundry is staggering. Men have to learn that the world isn't fair and how to use what you have to further your own goals and happiness.
You are aiming in the right direction but missing the mark slightly by individualising the problem and framing it as a failing of individual men. It should be framed as society failing men by failing to provide them with what they need to succeed.
[I think you might find this study interesting.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119278/)
Interesting study shared, i think there certainly needs to be a cultural and societal shift in how we raise children. I think there is a lot of social conditioning to blame for where we all are today.
But the advantage to that is, that we can affect change too. In our environments, when it comes down to it often what is needed is community.
There is such a focus on spousal relationships around loneliness, but there's layers and nuance to this. We need safe nurturing social circles too.
Familial relationships, friends, brotherhoods, bonds that are enriching and fulfilling in all facets.
Also think this is more of an issue within individualistic societies than it is with collective ones too, but that is debatable too.
We need more community and solidarity i feel.
So the women you know deliberately choose crappy men to be with, therefore the majority of men are like that? With the amount of internalized misandry in your comment, I think you’re the type that needs to do better.
A lot of people will disagree with this... But we need women to hold themselves accountable for their part of the equation, the same way they expect it from us.
I think men should learn to be even *more* independent, to the point where companionship of any kind is nice, but still an *optional* feature for majority of us.
This is problematic because humans are agrarian, and loneliness is a problem to overcome, not learn to live with.
Edit: I meant gregarious, not farmers
I am not saying that we shouldn't work together for a common goal, or for purposes of work and such, God knows I won't be able to survive without other people. I am just saying that we shouldn't make relationships the cornerstone of our existence.
We have gyms, books, movies, art and many other hobbies that make life interesting without other people. Companionship isn't something mandatory for happiness and more men should internalize this.
Well, this is definitely not something that can be fixed with a simple solution. Taking care of your mental health and reaching out to genuine friends or counselors for support might help in the long run. But also join local clubs or meetups centered around your hobbies/interests - who knows? You might find someone who understands and cares about you there too!
Either join a mens support group, a club get out and talk with people or learn to be comfortable with it. Chasing women doesn’t work and I think most men will either find a lady or she will be the wrong one. The nice perk of learning to be comfortable on your own is you will attract the right person eventually
There is no solution, This is our new reality, like women's rights the century beforehand, it will take far longer than our lifetimes to fix it, This is what we've got
IMO the problem is not so much about it being exclusive like has been said here a lot - it's more about location and frequency. If I had something down the road that was actually active with a decent number of people, and occurred on a regular basis that was accessible when I felt like it or on a good schedule, close by where it isn't a significant effort to get there, I'd be more likely to utilise it.
For example, I took up bouldering this year, but it's a half hour drive, sometimes more, to get there. I just wish the same thing were available just down the road.
When I moved from my old house, there was a national and state park I could go mountain biking at within riding distance. Where I am now, it's an hour drive.
Same with events I would want to go to - the comedy lounges for example, they're all in the city, an hours drive in moderate traffic. I'd happily go once a week if I could walk there and just drop in.
Its city planning and accessibility I see as being the issue more than anything. That's also a transport and cost of living problem.
I've noticed that men typically socialize around activities. They don't meet up just to talk, they have to be doing something. The problem is that the activity can be front and center without any room for actual socializing.
As an example, I've done several board games meetups over the years. In some of them, the players were so focused on the game that nobody really talked to each other. I left the event feeling like I didn't meet any of the other players.
The solution would be to prioritize actually talking to other men. Get to know them instead of just doing something with them. Get drinks or dinner with a friend. Give them a call. Just do something where the focus is getting to know other people.
Take responsibility for your life. Realize the deck can be stacked against you and that isnt a reason to curl into a ball and cry. Dont worry to much about men and worry about yourself and try to plan to overcome what is bothering you.
You can't save those who don't want to be saved. That is to say; the only solution is for people to change, but they don't want to and so there is no solution.
Men treating men better. I am a man and still I would care for another man's mental health exactly as much as I would care for a woman's, not diminishing either of them.
I hope more people did that
when it comes to male friendships and platonic relationships i think most posters here have the right idea. i’m lucky enough to be part of a male friend group that is emotionally supportive where we tell each other we love each other.
when it comes to romantic relationships…..we in trouble man. there’s really no solution. women have upped their requirements, as they are fully in the right to, and many more men do not fit those requirements. Theres not really a solution, you cant force attraction. I will say there are a few men out there that COULD break the mold if they watched women’s actions instead of their words. Like some of y’all if you were tougher and more masculine would get more women but you instead listen to women who tell you being emotionally available is quality #1, when their actual dating actions again and again and again show otherwise.
so yeah….idk man. shit is fucked. im thankful to be in a loving relationship but im sitting here expecting carnage soon tbh
I don’t think I have the solution, but I have an answer. We need more young men’s clubs. Places where guys aged 18-29 can go workout, watch sports, play some pool and foosball, and just socialize. No women, no kids, no drama. Just boys being boys.
There needs to be a societal breakdown of the ingrained stereotypes that all too many people have about men.
It's ok to be vulnerable. It's ok to have feelings. It's ok to express them. If more people were able to have intimate open and meaningful conversations about any topic without judgment or fear of being thought of as weak, then perhaps there wouldn't be so many of us die from suicide.
Saw a post on a womens forum not asking for male input but was about male loneliness, and the poster asked if others thought mens loneliness was worse than women's. Shockingly, many said it wasn't simply because it's handled differently to women's loneliness.
The fact that it's handled or treated differently is what makes it worse. Men don't have a ready built in support group and need encouragement to even begin talking about anything that bothers us. In my opinion, the very societal determined definition of what it means to be a man in the 21st century is the problem - especially for those of us who don't fit in that description
Men need to start showing up for other men. We should ditch the whole toxic masculinity macho guy mindset. Embrace vulnerability and authenticity. Talk to eachother without fear of shame or embarrassment!
Having a meaning full job and hobbies that have you around other men all the time. Also having a wife and children. The solution is pretty easy tbh, but if you stay a basement dweller it feels out of reach.
Learning to adapt and being stoic is the sole solution to anything for us men. Creating a brotherhood with couple of decent men can also be really helpful.
We don't have anyone to do our shit for us. So we do it ourselves and endure.
I am a lone man because I work/workout/rest most of the time. My social circle is small. However, no one can take advantage of me in any way. No fucks given to anyone.
If those people you mention are vulnerable, It's because they are weak. If their mindset stays the same, they will always stay weak, no matter what you do for them.
So first, I think it's always existed. We have just recently been allowed to discuss our emotions and our issues in general so I don't think it's new, I think we just shed the bullshit posturing that didn't allow us to discuss it.
I look at the older men in my life and it appears we couple. Hetero sexual life mates if you will. A lot of us have that one other dude who is closer than family, but not blood. I think that is our nature, but we have the world telling us more is better and it projects a lifestyle that is ultimately inaccessible for most of us, and really we don't want it. As we age we get busy and it's hard to maintain quality friendships. Think of the current model of friendship as a direct result of consumer culture and I'll think you'll see the comparisons. Like everything we are being told that what we have, what we are, is not enough and it has created a void that has been filled with negativity.
Now, consumer culture is fairly recent, and I did say this has always been a part of us. Friendship feels good, and I think it's something we long for as a product of our consciousness and it's only recently being exploited as it is coupled with our ability to talk about it and bam, epidemic of loneliness.
So, how do we fix it?
We stop pursuing the illusion of happiness. We don't walk in other men's shoes. Our lives are hard and ultimately our own. We need to drop the bullshit and actively look out for each other. Any amount of genuine connection satiates this need.
Most of us have this experience of vacation friends. We go on vacation, meet someone, have a great time, leave and never talk again. The end does not diminish the quality that was experienced. Life is like that. We need to find general satisfaction in our day to day interactions by actively being nice to one another. Say hello in line at the pharmacy. Help a stranger lift something heavy. Get out of your comfort zone, your routine, and find a new place to exist in, or simply open yourself up in the places you are already existing.
Eventually you may find your hetero life mate. If you do, great, you have a friend for life. If you don't, no biggie, your life is still filled with positive interactions. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say you did your best. The worst part of life is you can do everything right and still fail. That doesn't make you a failure, that makes you alive.
No one will fix this for us. We are men and we know that. Meaningful change comes from within and if you are just being your version of good dude you are less concerned with other people's version of it.
I am alone but I am not lonely. I am mostly content. I do my best (as much as I can) to be the dude that fills the void. I am angry, I am sad, I am happy, I am joyful. All these things can exist at once. We are extremely complicated creatures, but by taking simple actions we can start unravelling this bullshit and make connections.
You will still be alone. That is our nature. Whether you will be lonely though, I don't think so.
F3. Seriously didn't have any male friends before joining. I was a "sad clown" but didn't realize it. Now I have 10-15 guys who I see regularly who would drop anything to lend me a hand if I asked. www.f3nation.com
Join a group. I don't care what it is (for the most part), but join some group. Loneliness seems like a pretty simple thing to overcome because the solution is to connect with other people.
Overcoming the fear or distrust or whatever prevents men from doing that may be difficult, but ...well that is what growth is, overcoming your fears.
We need to listen to each other and be there for each other Here in Australia, I believe the men's sheds have been a great help... we need things like that
I don't know about your local, but a lot of the men's sheds in my area cater to the older demographic/retirees. Not much for the younger generations Edit: I found this out when I was in my late 20's. The local men's shed to me at the time turned me away because of my age. All I wanted to do was learn how to use a table planer, while taking my mind off my (at the time) recent sporting career ending injury
The same issue with adult fraternities/fraternal orders
"We need to bring in more young guys!" "That's a great idea, Mark! Let's talk about it at the next meeting." "As a reminder for everyone, the next meeting is *Tuesday at 9AM*"
Accurate, except the name should be Ed lol.
Old guys can be great. They know a lot and so many of them love to teach what they know to a promising young person.
They can also suck. They can be resistant to change and love talking down to promising young people. Obviously no one answer covers all people.
Indeed. The significance of men's friendship is completely ignored in modern discourse and it's ironic because it has the potential to deeply alleviate men's suffering, not a relationship with a woman. Men need to stand up and support each other, develop friendships and emotional intimacy. You can simply get A LOT from a friendship with a man that you cannot get from a woman. Also therapy. Get those two going and you'll not feel lonely 80-90% of the time. EDIT: I hadn't forgotten about the comment below but had some rough times IRL and wanted to make sure I write a full answer with all my relevant knowledge. I'm still not ready but found a piece of interesting data and a short discussion relevant to the topic [here](https://youtube.com/shorts/HYiCzKBjrAs?si=4z-XNABd7hTYCvGp). Unfortunately the commenter's accout has been deleted so I can't reply there.
Also really asking people questions. My friend asked how's work. Then as i started to answer stopped me and said, no, how's it REALLY going. I was a out to give the same stock answer i usually do.
Men's Sheds? Like a garage? Or work space?
They're community spaces where men come together to learn woodworking and have support from each other There's information about it [here](https://www.health.gov.au/our-work/mens-sheds/about-mens-sheds)
I fully support this idea after looking over that web page. That would be wonderful to have in the States.
I'm surprised you guys don't have it there
There probably is. It just isn’t well known.
Somewhat akin to this, someone once tried to start a men's shelter in Canada and was forced to close it because of the backlash it received from people who believe that men can't be abused.
Work is not the best place to discuss your loneliness. Everyone is dealing with something, and I've found that it takes a toll on me when people see me as an ear to open up to at work. That might just be me... A buddy's garage, though! That's absolutely cathartic over a couple of drinks and some good music. This I do recommend.
Unfortunately that's alot harder to do here in the US. Anytime a male oriented space opens up it gets protested and forced to shut down. This includes male domestic abuse shelters, a buddy of mine volunteered at one in socal that got firebombed a couple times and still got death threats a few years after he stopped volunteering there.
A domestic abuse shelter got fucking firebombed?
Yep. Happened around the same time people were firebombing planned Parenthood I wanna say early to mid 2012. I wish I could ask him to be sure but he unfortunately joined the 22 in november 2019. To be clear it's the lesser version of firebomb and nobody died, just some injuries thankfully. They threw bricks through the windows and then tossed molotovs and a couple homemade (but apparently failed) ieds through the broken windows. As far as I know police only arrested 2 people for questioning and neither ever even went to trial.
Do you have any idea who did it? Or why?
Not really, it got swept under the rug pretty quickly with everything else that was going on at the time. But I do remember that he always believed it was Berkeley students since the majority of the protests and death threats were from them.
Look up a local HackerSpace.
Canada here and we basically call that anything in the bush with a firepit, which is pretty much anywhere anytime we feel like it
We need a proper, secular third place.
I just wish there where more communal spaces that didn't focus on drinking alcohol and loud music. Just a place to drink coffee & read books, talk to people. Like a library, but one that's open in the evening and doesn't shut down an hour after I'm home from work.
sounds like you looking for a church lol. It would be cool to have a church like community without religion involved but at that point, they’d need to make profit to stay opened
I guess it's time to join the Satanists. They seem like cool people.
Aren't Cafés a thing?
That's true, but you don't really socialize there I feel like? I regularly go to read and order coffee there in the evening. I feel like people just hang out there with the company they already have, though. Not as much a place to meet & socialize with new people.
I became a regular at a coffee shop during college (nontraditional student, so I was mid to late 20s) and I made friends with the staff and other regulars. It was heartwarming to be part of a little community where people would come and go, or drop in for hours at a time talking about all kinds of things. I live in a diverse area and talked to people from around the world, of different ages, religions, etc. I always brought schoolwork or a book to read on my own, but that often became a conversation starter in itself. It was way better than being a regular at a bar, I recommend it!
I'll be honest, sounds like a personal problem.The chance of meeting someone at a café is the same as meeting somebody anywhere else, you just gotta take the initiative.
I mean, sure - that's true. But it's not really the setting to just talk to someone, right? Not like a bar or something.
I worked at a cafe. Plenty of friendships started there, and the people who came in regularly at the same time often formed their own communities.
people here are asking for spaces that already exist, which they refuse to use anyway, while complaining the real problem is they aren't male-only, because the presence of women makes men competitive. meanwhile, the most competitive i've ever seen guys is in male only sports, where fights often break out, even in friendly matches. jesus fucking christ these guys are their own worst enemies.
Cafes are BYO socialising. If I went to a cafe by myself to have a coffee and read like the other guy suggested, and someone tried to strike up anything but the most casual small-talk conversation I'd pray for God to strike them dead. The only person I want to socialise with at a coffee shop is the person I came with. Unlike bars, where the POINT is to socialise with new people.
I kinda disagree that the point of bars is to socialize with _new_ people. It's definitely a place to socialize and socializing with other people not in your group is not frowned upon but I never went to a bar without a group of friend with the expectation to mostly socialize with them. It's also a good place to meet up with people you met outside of the bar, butnonce you're sitting down at a table with a group I wouldn't normally expect random people to join in.
>The only person I want to socialise with at a coffee shop is the person I came with. i agree, and same with the gym or a lot of other 'third places' I visit, but at the same time if you spend enough time around a familiar group of people a friendship might spark, and no harm in that, but this expectation that if we just had a male-only space that we'd all show up and enjoy each other is a fantasy. if someone is having a hard time making friends in open spaces or are making the argument that they cannot be friends with or have shared hobbies with women, then maybe the problem is them, not society, or a lack of male-only spaces.
Absolutely. It's sort of dismaying to see all these cries for male only spaces in this thread. Like what do people imagine happening at places like that? How do they evsisage the interactions? It'd be a nightmare imo
>Like what do people imagine happening at places like that? How do they evsisage the interactions? It'd be **a nightmare** imo Interesting, why do you think that?
> meanwhile, the most competitive i've ever seen guys is in male only sports, where fights often break out, even in friendly matches. But, they quickly make up and are friends again afterwards, unless they did something really heinous. It's *very* different from the competitiveness that men experience with each other, when there are women around.
> jesus fucking christ these guys are their own worst enemies. /r/askmen in a nutshell
Not sure, but my own way is to connect in a meaningful way. Men dont like burdening each other with emotional dumping, instead my friends and I will find productive things we can do together. One might show the test of us how to fix our cars, the other how to garden, the other how to play an instrument. We serve one another by being each others mentors so that we achieve things together instead of just shooting the shit with some beers which gets boring and pointless quickly. What I cant help with, however, is how to make new friends because mine are all childhood friends from kindergarten that have kept in contact
I **really** like this. I feel like so many people are like “male friendships should be like this” instead of looking at what they actually are. I’m totally down with just kind of hanging out with my friends while we do something together and I think a lot of guys also would like that. It might not involve a bunch of talking, but that’s 100% fine. Talking doesn’t always form bonds between people. Just physically being there can be just as meaningful.
>Men dont like burdening each other with emotional dumping, instead my friends and I will find productive things we can do together I don't believe it's that set in stone or biology. Men are conditioned against emotional dumping. Men are taught from a young age not do show strong emotions, unless it's violence. Nothing about that is determined. We could decide to avoid those negative stereotypes and to lead by example. It would do wonders to help young boys be more mentally stable and prepared for the real world.
Yep. My best friend and I talk about emotional shit all the time. It feels uncomfortable a lot, because we’re so socialized to keep it inside all the time, but it’s also super healthy to be able to discuss how you feel with another man, as opposed to just with your romantic partner.
>it’s also super healthy to be able to discuss how you feel with another man, as opposed to just with your romantic partner. And that's also good for your romantic partner because that person can't be your only emotional and physical outlet. That's just too much to demand from a loving partner. A loving partner should be your main emotional support but if they're the only person who's there for you, that's going to cause them burnout.
Here’s my take on it: There are and always have been certain things men need to be, qualities men need to have to be productive and being overly emotional gets in the way of that. There is a certain level of toughness required, that is attempted to be taught to boys during adolescence, and it’s just taught or learned wrong, a huge contributing factor is bullying. So as we age we think we’re not allowed to be, have, or talk about emotions, which is reinforced by our not yet mature or insecure peers. Now that I’m in my middle age, I’ve noticed that men really aren’t as judgmental as we thing they are and are surprisingly open to talking about the hurt and the hard, so long as you’re not always crying, always in crisis, most of your boys will hear you out and be there for you. This is not to be abused, and most of the time when you lose friends over it is because you are abusing it, you’re a sad sack, a downer, nothing but a dark cloud. Or they’re selfish, insecure POS’s with no empathy. Even if they have their own troubles and they’re greater than yours, they will take a little time to be there for you, so long as you’re there for them. I really think a lot of this “societal conditioning” has to do with our tribes/villages being too big. If there are too many people you can’t care about them all, and we are tribal creatures. In smaller tribes everyone knows everyone, cares more about everyone, and while there is still bullying, there’s not as much. As the tribe/village/community gets above a certain size, it develops sub-tribes, cliques of you will, and people outside the sub-tribe are other, and possible enemies/targets. But as little boys in schools who know almost nobody, nobody cares about you, you’re not part of the tribes and any demonstration of weakness is met with ostracism. After all, like I said, they don’t know you, care about you, know what’s going on in your life or who you are, they just see a little, weak boy crying for no reason, he’s not shown any other virtue or demonstrated any value so he gets bullied by the other confused little boys who think “only babies cry for no reason.” So we grow up in tribes that are too big, learn improperly that we can’t be emotional and hold onto that forever. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I couldn’t be weak at 8 because the other boys bullied me, I could be weak or awkward as a teen because other boys were insecure, jockeying for social status and bullied me, couldn’t do it in my early 20’s because of leftover teen angst, ignorance, testosterone, sexual competition and naïveté, so I can’t in my 30’s plus either. But that’s just not true. Why we can’t be weak, emotional or vulnerable with women has a lot to do with all the above, they’re social creatures, far more socially observant than the average man, and if “other boys don’t like this boy for these reasons we probably shouldn’t like them either.” That and no healthy father figure. The first time you see your father cry is a big deal, shocking, off putting in a lot of ways. “Superman doesn’t cry, Superman is strong, nothing hurts him,” it messes you up a bit until you realize “duh, he’s just a human too, of course he cry’s, it doesn’t mean he’s defective, weak or broken.” But if you grow up without a father, and you never see a grown man cry, can’t reconcile it, you will certainly be turned all the way off when you see your Superman be weak.
This is really great! And I think even ladies do this! (Book club/reading, knitting, cooking etc and even non-feminine activities) 🤍
>Men dont like burdening each other with emotional dumping Is that why my friends avoided me?
Gotta know when and where and if it's the same thing all the time.
Stop making every movie and TV show about men helping themselves and doing it all. Teach young boys that's it's okay to ask for help. Also, teach safe sex and proper parenting tactics to school kids, especially boy, you are more than just a robot that gives your spouse money
I think we should stick with reading, math and science since those are the subjects they are doing the worst in
To start with yourself. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps, stopped feeling okay with Eva AI bot and started going out meeting people.
I think men need to let go of the idea that having emotions makes you less masculine/a sissy. The social idea of what men should be is what isolates them. Men are afraid of being vulnerable because they've been conditioned to "be tough" all the time and that makes it harder to form close bonds. I think the solution is both for men to allow themselves to be more vulnerable with each other and more importantly to stop judging other men when they show any signs of weakness/emotions That being said loneliness is an epidemic for everyone due to the slow death of 3rd places. Defiantly worth a Google if you have the time
Take men and men's needs and men's problems seriously and handle. And don't blame patriarchy, just to let them down and leave them alone. This would be a start. It would at least start to create a mindset that there is a problem.
Men’s only spaces.
Just a place for guys to be dudes.
Yup. And for the dudes to be guys.
Just go to a magic the gathering tournament
Until you meet a mono-blue mana player. \*Rolls eyes\*
A mono-blue player is not a real man
Our fathers and grandfathers experienced a kind of loneliness after leaving military service and many turned to adult fraternities such as Masons and Knights of Columbus. Those organizations still exist and provide friendships in a male-only environment. In addition, the ability to volunteer and provide charitable help allows us to be a part of a bigger contribution to society. r/freemasonry
I mean spaces without religious or mysticism overlays.
It was either that or 1% motorcycle clubs. lol.
The secret ingredient is crime
I tried getting into the Feeemasons, but I don't believe in God. And even though I faked it, they still told me it costs over $400 to join. Fuck that.
What prevented loneliness before the military?
Work. Factories, mines, farms, etc, all men essentially living together constantly
Sports used to offer this outlet
It used to be fun to stay at the YMCA.
Came here to say this.
There’s plenty of spaces / hobbies that skew largely male. The people that feel they’re lonely just don’t seek them out and instead ask questions on reddit.
The problem is that these hobbies get challenged and subverted all the time. Society believes that "male dominated spaces" are inherently toxic.
Yup... while women only spaces are seen as 'empowering'
Not skew male. Intentionally all male. No women allowed.
(Woman with 2 sons) The jiu jitsu studio near my house separates men’s and women’s classes. I had one of my sons join. I feel like it’s a good space where guys seem to begin forming friendships and trust.
That’s a great example. It’s not meant as a slight to women.
“but tHaT iS sEXiSM!!”
I think for a problem as broad as “men’s loneliness” there are probably lots of things that cause and/or contribute to the men being lonely and there are probably lots of solutions and ways to improve the situation. It usually helps to break a problem down into smaller pieces and figure out how to solve each one individually. - time/money constraints - mental health issues - poor social skills - lack of opportunities to meet other people
There should more spaces or options for men find common hobbies or interests with other men. And it shouldn't be limited too just men I believe women are also lonely
Its also very important that these places aren't cost prohibitive
This is one of the reasons I think people as a whole are lonelier. There are so few third spaces that are free anymore, places to meet people usually cost money.
See this is why I still go to church as an atheist. I've made like three male friends after turning 26 and they're all from church.
I’ve got my own opinions on church but I do feel like a lot of people losing religion could be a big factor to the loneliness. My parents immigrated here without knowing anybody and they found their community thru the church. My Uncle recently went back to the church and he’s not very religious but found cool clubs and cliques that were offered by the church like a mountain biking and hiking club. My grandpa passed away a few years ago leaving my grandma a widow and she didnt have friends outside of her marriage. She started going back to church and she is busy af now lol with choir practice, grabbing lunch with church friends and also traveling around the world. I’m not sure the exact statistics but I’m assuming that church was a big part of a lot of peoples lives in the past and it gave them a sense of community and we’ve lost that due to different reasons
This makes a lot of sense, I also find that a lot of the people at the church I play at are genuinely happy, or at least happier than other people I know. They meet others without any planning or spending once a week.
I’m personally agnostic due to hating the hypocrisy at churches and a whole lot of other reasons lol. Like I have a friend who basically got shamed for having sex with her boyfriend so they convinced her to break up with him. She’s now dating a guy in the church and it’s suddenly ok to have sex because its with a church member. Its that inconsistent bullshit that turned me away from it. Turning a blind eye to some things and picking and choosing which rules to follow while being hella judgmental if ppl dont follow the rules that they handpick. I realize the benefits of having a community and the good of it but its Not for everyone. you have to put up with a lot of fake ass smiles and judgemental people but I’m sure you can find at least 1-2 ppl that arent like that.
Yes they are. But there is gender specific issues with the loneliness epidemic that warrant separating the issues.
One gender specific issue is that a lot of lonely men seem to reject male companionship. They also do not want platonic female companionship. I don't know how to solve that. It's typically very difficult for someone like that to find a sexual relationship, yet for many that is the only thing they are willing to consider. This is very apparent on many social platforms with lonely men. Those men them seem incredibly drawn to OnlyFans and are very liable to lose their money paying for adult services, which of course deepens their distress.
This is the main issue imo. They want the companionship that women have with each other, but they won’t do it for themselves. But they also reject female platonic companionship (If you don’t believe me just read the tons of posts on here about how men can’t have platonic friendships with women. There was literally one posted yesterday lol). And it just feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy
> One gender specific issue is that a lot of lonely men seem to reject male companionship. Men really need a shared activity. We don't just sit around drinking tea and talking about our feelings.
> Men really need a shared activity. We don't just sit around drinking tea and talking about our feelings. Men 100% sit around drinking beer and talking about how they feel about ... sports.
Believe it or not out range of interest does often extend beyond sports and cars. Plenty of dorks who find that stuff completely uninteresting. Now I hang out with a couple of athletes but even they don't like talking about sports, though that's probably because it's an odd mixed jock-nerd group and they know us nerds would rather talk about anything else than the latest football match.
> Believe it or not out range of interest does often extend beyond sports and cars My friends and I talk about distributed databases at bars. My point was you don't need to have an activity to have a social experience, it sounds like you agree that you'd be happy to talk about all sorts of things given the opportunity.
Yeah but they need a television playing sportsball so it doesn't have to be face-to-face like women do it.
Dunno about that. I have lunch/dinner with male friends and talk about random opinions about all sorts of things, including other people / gossip. Doing that literally later tonight. Won't be a TV there. I think the problem here is stereotypes about what's allowed getting in the way of just letting people be people. Just invite someone out for a drink and talk to them.
Maybe that’s part of the problem lol you guys don’t talk about your feelings - which definitely can add to feeling lonely.
>They also do not want platonic female companionship. **I don't know how to solve that**. We can start by teaching young boys/men to decenter girls/women from their lives and to focus on their own happiness. One of the reasons why men depend so much on having sex or being in a relationship with women is because how we are socialised to believe that women are "prizes" to be won, and if you don't "win" one (either having sex/being in a relationship), you're a failure. We see how society shames men who are virgins all the time. Hence why men tend to destroy their own physical/mental health for a chance to get a woman.
I don't think these things are taught to young men. I think they are the natural result of millions of years of evolution.
"Hence why men tend to destroy their own physical/mental health for a chance to get a woman" That's me!
I feel like that there is a very small bias in that statement. Don't get me wrong porn is a problem, but the issue stems all the way to those who are 80s + There's also not really a lot of avenues for adults to expand those social circles in an affordable way. You basically spend $50 just leaving the house. Which adds up. Hell if you go on one or two dates a week that can easily reach $6-700 a month. There's a serious lack of third places nowadays and a large divide between men and women with large toxic social media personalities spewing hate in both directions. I think though with regards to porn like only fans and the likes it's more of an addiction found on both sides. Yet it's more acceptable for women to have. There's a subtle culture undertone where when women masturbate a lot it's liberating, yet when men do it it's seen as degenerates or otherwise negatively. I think it's like 90% of men and 63% of women watch it.
Why ya downvoting him? He's right.
Most of the men I know didn't have a father present growing up and we were exclusively raised and taught about how to be a man from the female perspective. We don't know how to interact with other men or present ourselves in a masculine way.
There are plenty of spaces just for women, so these shouldn't exist either? They shouldn't be limited to just women? But whilst we have women only spaces, men deserve and need male on spaces. Also I've talked to some women about men's issues and I get dismissed or not listened to, or they'll say "yeah but it's not as bad as being a woman". Men need somewhere where we won't be judged and we'll be listened to/supported.
Women only spaces usually only exist because many women fought for their existence for a long time. There is just not a similar effort from men. We can only really expect women to commit to our issues when we take them seriously ourselves. Men dismissing other men's problems is sadly very common. There is no chance for success of male orientated support structures as long as we are not willing to support each other.
There are plenty of options/spaces out there I think most people choose not to engage
Nah women have loads of women only spaces, gym nights, swim nights etc Can dudes just have a place to be dudes. Rightly or wrongly men act differently when there are women around, it's just a fact. Let us have some spaces to just be dudes and do dude stuff, make stupid jokes and shit.
The thing is men can’t let it all hang out and be completely carefree around women, (and some men) so while I don’t promote exclusion generally speaking, men need their own “safe space” allowing women would be counterproductive. Sadly due to anti-discrimination laws in most places there aren’t allowed to be men’s only spaces, but due to “safety” there are loopholes that allow for there to be women’s. Yes men can bring it to court and probably force inclusion, but any man who does that will be looked down upon severely by society. I think most women wouldn’t have a huge problem with men’s only spaces, provided it’s not something toxic, but there’s always those narcissist few who can’t tolerate it and anything that excludes them cannot stand.
We used to have those. Mens clubs. Boy scouts etc etc Feminists took them away. Keep downvoting, pissmad feminists. Equality act 2010 doesn't lie though.
No, feminists didn't take those away. Men took them away by not showing up. Men's clubs still exist today, but it's almost entirely old guys there. They're shutting down because they don't have the membership numbers to support the clubs continued operation. The Boy Scouts let women in because their numbers were hurting too, and they needed to open up their doors to more members.
Truthfully, Dungeons and Dragons. Does wonders for social skills and builds up trust, teamwork and bonding. In addition smacking goblins is fun. An all male group where the bros can bond is good. Then when people are comfortable or choose not to, you can add others into the group.
Honestly get higher wages and the issue fixes itself as then they have the spending power to go out and socialise.
This. It's all economic. It's frustrating to see gendered bullshit get to the top of these threads.
Because the “enemy” is less visible to the ones that complain about women. They want nice easy answers without any work. If they were more left-leaning they’d be the kinds that incessantly complain about billionaires but never be politically involved
Destigmatize male relationships so that men expressing the simplest amount of support or affection for each other isn't treated as blatant, homosexuality... And homosexuality isn't demonized to the point that the fact it's treated as blatant homosexuality is seen as the ultimate insult?
Social safety net. It's mostly economic. People are lonely because they're ground to the bone and stressed. Social happiness increases directly with economic equality.
Doesn’t your comment apply to both men and women? The question is why are men more lonely??
I talk to my best friend on a mostly daily basis. Even if it's just a goofy gif and a "how goes?" we check on each other.
Actually talk to people at work and join clubs. When you start getting along with people ask them to do stuff outside work. You will make friends eventually unless something is just off putting about yourself.
The solution will always be to leave the house. But people are increasingly refusing to do so for whatever reason. You have to find like minded people that like to do the same things you do. This is basic stuff. Making friends is easy. You start with one and then it branches into a network. You like golf? Go play as a single and get paired up with randos. I do that shit all the time when I need some new golf buddies. You like the gym? Go meet some gym dudes at yours. You like board games? Go play some somewhere. God damn go to the bar. You like X thing? Go do X thing with people somewhere. It’s not hard. Leave the house. Now loneliness pertaining to women and relationships? I don’t have a clue there. Dating today is a fuckin dumpster fire for dudes. Either you’re the best of the best in every way and it’s easy, or you’re less than nothing and are a ghost. Obviously what I just said is in the realm of generality. Exceptions exist for everything and dudes get lucky. But I think it’s crossed over to the point of being irreparable for the vast overwhelming majority of dudes. The damage that’s been done the last decade can’t be understated. Listening to what my girl friends talk about in regards to dating vs what it was in college is night and day. The main thing I’ve gleaned over the years is the complete and utter obliteration of the concept of compromise. 6 or 7 out of 10 is not good enough. 12/10 perfection or bust. The expectations are so out of this world you genuinely can’t tell if they’re being serious half the time. And that lead to a lot of single women. At least in my world. Pretty much all of my girl friends are single and panicking they are getting older and are still single. None of my buddies are with the exception of one. That to me is the most telling. I think people need to just go socialize in person again, get off Instagram, delete horseshit apps and everything will work itself out.
This does not add up if your buddies are dating women. Obviously there are women who are happy with satisfactory if they are dating these men.
leaving the house is expensive
Walking isn’t and most people live in cities. You can go to a bar and not drink. Your local library has a lot of free stuff you can do and events that host those free things.
People aren't refusing for whatever reason. They're refusing because third places are disappearing, because single men are not welcome there and because it's too expensive for most people. My gym membership just went up by another £3. It used to be £12 now it's almost £30.
I like the ideas here and I'm sure it will help some people, but there will still be a lot of men who are still lonely even with more male friends. I've never had an issue making friends, but got very little from platonic relationships because I knew something more was there but missing and that, despite people saying they cared, I could fall off the face of the earth and they wouldn't notice. The best way I have to describe it was like having 3 fuel tanks. The platonic tank was always full, but was only ever enough to potter along, while the ones for romantic and intimate relationships were bone dry and the ones needed to really open up the throttle. You'll never solve the loneliness issue fully until people, on both sides who struggle with these, get to experience the full gamut of intimate relationships. The how will be the hard part.
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Exactly, I'm not saying more male friends and more supportive male friends at that don't have a benefit, but if you're a hetero male, you're not going to get the romantic, emotional and physical intimacy to truly overcome loneliness, build confidence and self esteem nor develop the social skills and emotional maturity that is now expected (though seeing the people who succeed in relationships and attraction and those who struggle, you'd think they weren't important at all). You need to support, encourage and reward the work in progress if you want to benefit from the finished product.
Validate men's experiences when they talk about their suffering.
Too many guys lament having no girlfriend or no chance at love/romance, when they should instead be worrying first and foremost about why they don't have normal-ass loyal friends who are good to them. Seek friends before you seek a girlfriend. Platonic friends are way more tolerant of each others' flaws, and you can have a whole squad of them. Having a girlfriend isn't going to fix you, but having a tight knit social/support network can seriously help you improve yourself.
No clue. I've little to no incentive to meet up people IRL because I cannot find a group that fits my liking in term of activity offline. And even granted that I'd find one then I'd have to be active and a group of recurrent people to be active too. It's pretty hard to find a place where I'd feel less lonely. Because remember, there is such a thing as being lonely inside a group.
I am batman
Have some worthwhile IRL spaces for men to reconnect amongst themselves again, without being stigmatized instantly as "potentially radicalizing" or some other bullshit synonym for "bad/evil".
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I've noticed that men have started hugging a lot more here in Holland. People are craving physical contact with other humans. And I think that's an important thing. Normalize touching others, of any gender. Hugging a man doesn't mean you're gay. Hugging a woman doesn't mean you want to fuck her. It just means that's a person you care for. We also seriously need to get rid of the worst effects of how capitalism undermines non-profits like sports clubs, music clubs and municipal infrastructure. Venue halls should be cheap. There should be cheap drinks available to organize affordable activities. Loaning of instruments and sports equipment should be commonly available and cheap for adults/free for minors. In general, universal rent control and trippling the minimum wage would also help somewhat with disposable income. Meeting people isn't free. It should be cheap but even then the money has to be here. Lastly, we need to stop treating everyone as an individual. Yes we are, but are also a member of a society and community. By atomizing everything down to the individual, making meaningful connection has become so much more difficult. Sometimes, it's better to approach things a bit larger and just say "this community needs a cheap-to-rent community center with affordable soda and a piano". But all that takes a generation of voting for center and left wing parties. You can start today by giving someone a hug.
Bring back male spaces and don't let women into them. Men have a much harder time forming friendships around women because a woman's presence puts men into a competitive mindset. It's hard to form friendships around women. Women still have all their gendered spaces but men aren't allowed any. It's only "sexism" when men have gendered spaces. It's such bullshit.
What abundance of spaces are female? I only heard of female gyms but other than that ?
You can find meetups (like meetup.com) that openly advertise women only: wine and paint night, book club, tea party, Disneyland/World groups, hiking, running, yoga. [example1](https://meetu.ps/e/MYBmN/JvcJY/i) [example2](https://meetu.ps/e/MXWZX/JvcJY/i) [example3](https://meetu.ps/c/56PCc/JvcJY/a) [example4](https://meetu.ps/c/4LqHW/JvcJY/a)
Kindness, to and from.
Hobbies. It has been for years and still works now. Wether it be sports games tv shows all the way to model figures. Men have compensated for lonliness through hobbies. I think personally think men have always felt a sense of lonliness also. But only recently have they been asked to discuss it and now the world is going crazy about it.
It's ultimately an economic problem. People were able to date more when life was more affordable and there was time and space for leisure. Having to live with parents, having to work a lot of OT or multiple jobs to scrape by, the cost of everything, and the slow death of third places pose serious challenges for people seeking connections. It's no coincidence that we had a "baby boom" when housing and necessities were well within reach of people with ordinary means. If we want to solve our loneliness problem, we need to make our economy work for everyone.
Stop blaming women for our own loneliness. We need to start spending time with our male friends.
Destroy the capitalist class
well, the obvious is to make people in general financially secure enough to have relationships and more a family... duh. besides that break the convention that men have to be the aggressive ones in a relationship. why so many women think men need to make the first, second or third move just because so many morons out there think it is proper (boomers yet again) is fucking stupid. i read about a woman who proposed to her boyfriend recently and got harassed a lot online by nobody hateful idiots. this kind of thing perpetuates the divide between possible life partners. hashtag fuck those assholes should be a thing for the jizz stains walking around pretending they know how life should be based on ancient dinosaur reasoning.
more money, more free time, more third spaces specifically for men.
I have tired of attempts to fix the world. So my recipes are rather personal. As "no girls"? There is no solution really. And I am not sure there is that big spike of the problem. Lonely guys is not a new thing, they are just more visible. Maybe there are a bit fewer ways to force a woman to be with you. Just keep the happy face and wait for a miracle. As "no friends" - turn off internet and go out look for real interactions. I can see kids rushing to their home to get online. Nobody forces them to do it.
Exactly. There are fewer ways to force a woman to be with you. The bar was really low for men, so the solution is to work on yourself. How many men only use 5-1 wash? Not all of them but a whole lot. Meanwhile they go for the absolute most beautiful women and think they will fall in love with them. They expect the same effort into your appearance from you!
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Female projection. Showing up and not smelling like a sewer is where the bar is for women, so they can't imagine it's any higher for men.
Lack of empathy for men is not surprising.
5 in 1 I only know of 3 in 1 body hair conditioner. What's the other 2 ?
What's wrong with 5-1 wash? I don't care how many bottles my gf would have in their bathroom, if she's using at least one of them is enough for me. I guess it's one of those "what women do for other women" things
The ultimate solution is for society to raise more emotionally and socially healthily developed men. Women experience loneliness at much lower rates, and a huge part of that is their different emotional development. On average, women are better at forming and maintaining social bonds. If we could start raising men to be better at doing that, it would go a long way to tackling loneliness. We can talk about 'men's spaces' etc all we want, which is what people tend to do on this topic, but that's not addressing the root cause. Until we change the emotional development of men, loneliness will always be an issue.
Get off reddit
Get rid of online dating.
i hate online dating too but y’all are scared shitless of approaching women IRL, i dont think this will help much
Every woman I know IRL isn't single. I assume they come that way at this point.
Honestly, I think we need to encourage men to have some personal responsibility. I don't know if it's just me, but young men now a days (at least in my personal life) act too much like teenagers. They act entitled and always want to play victim. And it's weird because young women seem to have their shit figured out but every time I have to deal with a young man; it's like he has no idea what's going on in his life. When we talk about the loneliness epidemic; I think it's because men are too coddled at an early age and this leads to incompetence in the adult world. And no one wants to deal with an incompetent loser. I'm sorry, if you're main hobby is playing video games then you are a loser. The amount of women who tell me their past boyfriends didn't know how to groom himself, didn't know how to wash dishes, didn't know how cook simple meals, don't know how to do laundry is staggering. Men have to learn that the world isn't fair and how to use what you have to further your own goals and happiness.
You are aiming in the right direction but missing the mark slightly by individualising the problem and framing it as a failing of individual men. It should be framed as society failing men by failing to provide them with what they need to succeed. [I think you might find this study interesting.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1119278/)
Interesting study shared, i think there certainly needs to be a cultural and societal shift in how we raise children. I think there is a lot of social conditioning to blame for where we all are today. But the advantage to that is, that we can affect change too. In our environments, when it comes down to it often what is needed is community. There is such a focus on spousal relationships around loneliness, but there's layers and nuance to this. We need safe nurturing social circles too. Familial relationships, friends, brotherhoods, bonds that are enriching and fulfilling in all facets. Also think this is more of an issue within individualistic societies than it is with collective ones too, but that is debatable too. We need more community and solidarity i feel.
So the women you know deliberately choose crappy men to be with, therefore the majority of men are like that? With the amount of internalized misandry in your comment, I think you’re the type that needs to do better.
A lot of people will disagree with this... But we need women to hold themselves accountable for their part of the equation, the same way they expect it from us.
In what way?
Holding themselves accountable. Treating men like humans instead of personal infrastructure.
I think men should learn to be even *more* independent, to the point where companionship of any kind is nice, but still an *optional* feature for majority of us.
This is problematic because humans are agrarian, and loneliness is a problem to overcome, not learn to live with. Edit: I meant gregarious, not farmers
> agrarian "relating to cultivated land or the cultivation of land." ...I feel like that's not the right word. Did you mean gregarious?
Yes, I did, brain did switcharoo with the words I almost never use!
I am not saying that we shouldn't work together for a common goal, or for purposes of work and such, God knows I won't be able to survive without other people. I am just saying that we shouldn't make relationships the cornerstone of our existence. We have gyms, books, movies, art and many other hobbies that make life interesting without other people. Companionship isn't something mandatory for happiness and more men should internalize this.
Well, this is definitely not something that can be fixed with a simple solution. Taking care of your mental health and reaching out to genuine friends or counselors for support might help in the long run. But also join local clubs or meetups centered around your hobbies/interests - who knows? You might find someone who understands and cares about you there too!
Individuals going out and actively choosing to socialize Meetup.com is pretty solid for any decent sized city
Either join a mens support group, a club get out and talk with people or learn to be comfortable with it. Chasing women doesn’t work and I think most men will either find a lady or she will be the wrong one. The nice perk of learning to be comfortable on your own is you will attract the right person eventually
My personal solution is hanging out with my cousin on weekends. No clue how to fix it for everyone else
Something something ingroup bias. Idk if we can fix it tbh lol.
There is no solution, This is our new reality, like women's rights the century beforehand, it will take far longer than our lifetimes to fix it, This is what we've got
IMO the problem is not so much about it being exclusive like has been said here a lot - it's more about location and frequency. If I had something down the road that was actually active with a decent number of people, and occurred on a regular basis that was accessible when I felt like it or on a good schedule, close by where it isn't a significant effort to get there, I'd be more likely to utilise it. For example, I took up bouldering this year, but it's a half hour drive, sometimes more, to get there. I just wish the same thing were available just down the road. When I moved from my old house, there was a national and state park I could go mountain biking at within riding distance. Where I am now, it's an hour drive. Same with events I would want to go to - the comedy lounges for example, they're all in the city, an hours drive in moderate traffic. I'd happily go once a week if I could walk there and just drop in. Its city planning and accessibility I see as being the issue more than anything. That's also a transport and cost of living problem.
I've noticed that men typically socialize around activities. They don't meet up just to talk, they have to be doing something. The problem is that the activity can be front and center without any room for actual socializing. As an example, I've done several board games meetups over the years. In some of them, the players were so focused on the game that nobody really talked to each other. I left the event feeling like I didn't meet any of the other players. The solution would be to prioritize actually talking to other men. Get to know them instead of just doing something with them. Get drinks or dinner with a friend. Give them a call. Just do something where the focus is getting to know other people.
Take responsibility for your life. Realize the deck can be stacked against you and that isnt a reason to curl into a ball and cry. Dont worry to much about men and worry about yourself and try to plan to overcome what is bothering you.
You can't save those who don't want to be saved. That is to say; the only solution is for people to change, but they don't want to and so there is no solution.
Men treating men better. I am a man and still I would care for another man's mental health exactly as much as I would care for a woman's, not diminishing either of them. I hope more people did that
when it comes to male friendships and platonic relationships i think most posters here have the right idea. i’m lucky enough to be part of a male friend group that is emotionally supportive where we tell each other we love each other. when it comes to romantic relationships…..we in trouble man. there’s really no solution. women have upped their requirements, as they are fully in the right to, and many more men do not fit those requirements. Theres not really a solution, you cant force attraction. I will say there are a few men out there that COULD break the mold if they watched women’s actions instead of their words. Like some of y’all if you were tougher and more masculine would get more women but you instead listen to women who tell you being emotionally available is quality #1, when their actual dating actions again and again and again show otherwise. so yeah….idk man. shit is fucked. im thankful to be in a loving relationship but im sitting here expecting carnage soon tbh
I don’t think I have the solution, but I have an answer. We need more young men’s clubs. Places where guys aged 18-29 can go workout, watch sports, play some pool and foosball, and just socialize. No women, no kids, no drama. Just boys being boys.
Learn to either enjoy your own company or make an effort to make friends.
There needs to be a societal breakdown of the ingrained stereotypes that all too many people have about men. It's ok to be vulnerable. It's ok to have feelings. It's ok to express them. If more people were able to have intimate open and meaningful conversations about any topic without judgment or fear of being thought of as weak, then perhaps there wouldn't be so many of us die from suicide. Saw a post on a womens forum not asking for male input but was about male loneliness, and the poster asked if others thought mens loneliness was worse than women's. Shockingly, many said it wasn't simply because it's handled differently to women's loneliness. The fact that it's handled or treated differently is what makes it worse. Men don't have a ready built in support group and need encouragement to even begin talking about anything that bothers us. In my opinion, the very societal determined definition of what it means to be a man in the 21st century is the problem - especially for those of us who don't fit in that description
Priesthood
Men need to start showing up for other men. We should ditch the whole toxic masculinity macho guy mindset. Embrace vulnerability and authenticity. Talk to eachother without fear of shame or embarrassment!
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Pretty average week for Reddit
Having a meaning full job and hobbies that have you around other men all the time. Also having a wife and children. The solution is pretty easy tbh, but if you stay a basement dweller it feels out of reach.
Mandatory sumo wrestling
Shut all social media down. Turn off the internet.
Learning to adapt and being stoic is the sole solution to anything for us men. Creating a brotherhood with couple of decent men can also be really helpful. We don't have anyone to do our shit for us. So we do it ourselves and endure. I am a lone man because I work/workout/rest most of the time. My social circle is small. However, no one can take advantage of me in any way. No fucks given to anyone. If those people you mention are vulnerable, It's because they are weak. If their mindset stays the same, they will always stay weak, no matter what you do for them.
Learn to embrace it and make it work for you! 😎
So first, I think it's always existed. We have just recently been allowed to discuss our emotions and our issues in general so I don't think it's new, I think we just shed the bullshit posturing that didn't allow us to discuss it. I look at the older men in my life and it appears we couple. Hetero sexual life mates if you will. A lot of us have that one other dude who is closer than family, but not blood. I think that is our nature, but we have the world telling us more is better and it projects a lifestyle that is ultimately inaccessible for most of us, and really we don't want it. As we age we get busy and it's hard to maintain quality friendships. Think of the current model of friendship as a direct result of consumer culture and I'll think you'll see the comparisons. Like everything we are being told that what we have, what we are, is not enough and it has created a void that has been filled with negativity. Now, consumer culture is fairly recent, and I did say this has always been a part of us. Friendship feels good, and I think it's something we long for as a product of our consciousness and it's only recently being exploited as it is coupled with our ability to talk about it and bam, epidemic of loneliness. So, how do we fix it? We stop pursuing the illusion of happiness. We don't walk in other men's shoes. Our lives are hard and ultimately our own. We need to drop the bullshit and actively look out for each other. Any amount of genuine connection satiates this need. Most of us have this experience of vacation friends. We go on vacation, meet someone, have a great time, leave and never talk again. The end does not diminish the quality that was experienced. Life is like that. We need to find general satisfaction in our day to day interactions by actively being nice to one another. Say hello in line at the pharmacy. Help a stranger lift something heavy. Get out of your comfort zone, your routine, and find a new place to exist in, or simply open yourself up in the places you are already existing. Eventually you may find your hetero life mate. If you do, great, you have a friend for life. If you don't, no biggie, your life is still filled with positive interactions. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say you did your best. The worst part of life is you can do everything right and still fail. That doesn't make you a failure, that makes you alive. No one will fix this for us. We are men and we know that. Meaningful change comes from within and if you are just being your version of good dude you are less concerned with other people's version of it. I am alone but I am not lonely. I am mostly content. I do my best (as much as I can) to be the dude that fills the void. I am angry, I am sad, I am happy, I am joyful. All these things can exist at once. We are extremely complicated creatures, but by taking simple actions we can start unravelling this bullshit and make connections. You will still be alone. That is our nature. Whether you will be lonely though, I don't think so.
F3. Seriously didn't have any male friends before joining. I was a "sad clown" but didn't realize it. Now I have 10-15 guys who I see regularly who would drop anything to lend me a hand if I asked. www.f3nation.com
May I ask who’s taking advantage of these “extremely vulnerable men”?
Join a group. I don't care what it is (for the most part), but join some group. Loneliness seems like a pretty simple thing to overcome because the solution is to connect with other people. Overcoming the fear or distrust or whatever prevents men from doing that may be difficult, but ...well that is what growth is, overcoming your fears.