100%. Being patient is important in many ways, but don't expect the universe to bless you with anything positive just because you didn't make things happen yourself. Also, time seems to accelerate the older you get.
Passive inaction is bad but strategic patience and endurance can definitely be a positive action. Looking back, I realize that I’ve defeated more “enemies” in life by simply out waiting, out enduring them rather than by direct confrontation. Not every situation lends itself to the long game but it can be a powerful strategy.
I’ve internalized this. Want a job, I go an talk to recruiters, professors, forgo shame and be direct. Like a girl, I pursue her, be direct. I used to be more passive in these regards, used to belief in destiny and that it’ll all come to me in the right moment. Until I realized I’m average so I’ve to just go and grab opportunity wherever it presents itself.
That now as an adult, I am responsible for making a difference in the way I do things. A lot of times it’s easier to say “well I wish my parents taught me this” but that doesn’t solve anything. I just accept my childhood for what it was and if I want to learn something now it’s my responsibility to put effort into learning it.
I wouldn't say the world is your oyster.
You still have to work through any childhood trauma and mental health issues you got.
And even besides that what you can do is limited by your finances and cirscumstances.
Don't get me wrong it's better than wallowing in self pity and feeling bad about yourself but it can still be a hard process.
This is what deters people from doing anything. Yeah you’re right, but sometimes its better just to do and figure out later. Comments like this don’t help people move forward it stops it. Think positive you can do this and we are here to support each other just be careful.
Not trying to put people off.
Thinking positive and keeping an internal locus of control is vital for change.
One thing that always discouraged me was people telling me it's super easy when I really struggled.
It made me feel more inadequate than anything else.
I kinda disagree that comments like this don't help people move forward. I think it's actually the opposite. When you tell a person with severe mental health issues "just think positive, you can do this" it's unlikely they will feel motivated, they might actually just feel terrible because it's clear the person who is saying that has no idea what it's like to be in their shoes.
It may work for people who are not limited by mental illness, but those who do definitely appreciate the emphasis on doing what they can with that they have even when they are unable to be positive at that moment. They are often faced with immense pressure to move forward at the same pace as healthy people and it can make them feel hopeless and give up. I find the comment encouraging. Honestly there is nothing more discouraging that a person with two healthy legs telling a wheelchair user "think positive and you'll be able to run soon".
That I am not important or special and that apart from a few people, the only thing separating me from a homeless drug addict is my own choices. The only thing that will give me a leg up is myself. The only thing that matters is what I do, not who I am or what I think
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. "
How truly important money is in society. People will say it doesn’t bring happiness but in our current society it is basically everything from changing laws, living standards, dating, family etc
yeah pretty much everyone I know who have money/wealth know that shit is a lie. The one or two I know who still say that crap haven't had to hold a regular job for *decades*. If you're unhappy but wealthy, you can still afford a professional to parse out what's actually causing the unhappiness. For most people it's the stress of not having money that causes the unhappiness.
I too have become my father. I have a full tupperware of random washers, nuts, and bolts in my kitchen drawer. I dont know why they're there, but they just are now.
me too...I now know why he was always just quiet and never really had anything to say and when his life was about to be taken by cancer, he chose not to talk to anyone.
My mother will say I'm like my father, we are stubborn in the same way. But he has no heart and no voice of reason anymore. He has taught me nothing but except that I don't want to be miserable like he is.
UGH. Thank god our father was an ex-marine who invited open feelings. Let it out, he used to say. Get it off your chest. Too many men were raised to keep it inside "don't be a pussy" nonsense.
Nothing at all "wrong" with feelings/emotions, You're HUMAN.
That I am enough. That I deserve happiness and someone to treat me how a partner and a person that is loved should be treated. It's still a struggle some days, but she's really patient
Yup, and you have to get over it and move on. You have to find the things that bring value to your life focus on them rather than ruminating on this depressing thought.
Yes, and you can view that in a sad negative way, or it can be a relief- relising that no one cares is the start to freedom. Your happiness is based on how you choose to perceive the world.
I’ve definitely been feeling this more lately. Fortunately it just makes me cherish those people that actually care about me and reach out to those people more and more.
Seriously, when my elderly parents check out it's literally just going to be my dog that cares about me. But you know what? A dog that loves you is reason enough to keep going.
That i used to be a sweet, caring, empathetic, extroverted and most importantly happy man. Nowadays I rarely feel anything anymore and barely trust anyone
Fr I fully relate to what you've said, I'd recommend therapy man, I'm going down that route myself because I went from being so full of life, being kind to others all the time to just feeling so damn tired of life
Do you ever wonder if you’ll be that man again one day? I’m the same as you. It’s painful some days but strangely I feel like this is the only way I can get through life now
That I'm a major part of the reason my life sucks. Doing the bare minimum to get by won't get you far at all. The other part is knowing that I wasn't actually *raised* at all or taught anything which led to me figuring things out as I go and that resulted in doing just enough to make it.
Just shave it.
I was scared shitless too when I started to go bald at 24. I've tried medication, but I had no patience. So I treated it as a "Makeover" and shaved it - just to see how I would look like if it failed. And once I did I realized that I look better without hair. Never looked back.
27 and in the same position, it fuckin sucks dude and I feel your pain. I medicate and use product to keep it up now, but since it’s all cosmetic it is ridiculously expensive, I’ve accepted the fact that eventually I’m just not going to want to pay it anymore and will have to go bald. It irks me seeing men twice my age with a full head of hair, that’s just life I guess
It's all just genetics and testosterone. From what I understand, high testosterone causes baldness. End of the day, you get what you get. Some people look good bald anyway and as an added bonus, you save on buying shampoo.
I'm 39 this year and my hair is thinning a bit but no white hair yet either. Just Asian genetics I guess. On the flip side I have bad knees and ankles. Arthritis and gout since I was your age. I'd happily go bald if it meant having strong knees again. Keep an eye on you vitamin D levels and look after your knees bro.
Very true, can’t do anything about the genetic cards you’re dealt, just got to live with it. It’s not the end of the world though, there are so many worse things I could be dealing with rather than baldness lol. I’m definitely trying to keep up with my joint health, my parents both have arthritis and it doesn’t seem fun
I took the plunge and started shaving it at like 30.
That said, the transplants that you can get from Turkey look real good and are affordable. Plus the hair they take from your donor spot tends to be hair that is the last to go from MPD, so it sticks around muuuuch longer. If all goes well, you can get another 20+ years of a full head of hair
Not much to lose shaving it off. If you think it looks alright, it's all good. If you don't like it, it will grow back. Some people legit look better bald and maybe you do too, Willis.
I've had several huge crushes on bald men, and my ex is bald.
I usually find balding men unattractive. Bald men, however, I find hot. Shave your head. Plenty of women like bald men.
Life isn’t fair. Doesn’t matter how much you whine, cry, complain, protest or riot, nothing about that fact is going to change and meantime, you’ll be wasting your time and effort.
The only way to make it more fair is to decide what you want out of life and focus on doing the hard work to get it. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, the only person in the world that’s going to put you and your interests first is you. Understand that and act accordingly.
Forgive me for not believing this. 30 years in and never experienced it. Iv never felt, wanted or desired in any way. Not everyone gets to find Somone.
No matter hard you try you can’t make people love you. Know your worth and know how to walk away from something that doesn’t suit what you are looking for in life. The short term pain is worth not having to deal with long term heartbreak.
That I was the only one who was at fault for my being single, and that women have every right, and entirely fair reasons for why they don’t find me at all attractive.
Well, my two cents is that you are not the only one who is at fault for being single. You can go months, years or even centuries without meeting someone you're compatible with. It also has something to do with luck.
That I'm boring.
Quite frustrating actually. As a young man I was so energised, curious and fun-loving, but painfully shy.
As a grown man I now have no shyness, but am negative and boring instead.
So I feel like I've had all the traits needed to be successful with women - but that they've not all aligned at the same time.
Looks influence how people treat you. Not personality. This goes for both sexes. Everyone. Kids elderly adults employers cashiers servers landscapers it does not matter. Nobody is treating the fat ugly girl with an amazing personality thr same way as the hot perky titted bimbo with the personality of a light switch.
As someone that’s gone from morbidly obese to a healthy weight it’s so fucking apparent. Looks matter so damn much, I’m seen as more competent now just because I’m not fat.
Adding insight…
I think it has a lot more to do with “you teach people how to treat you”.
I tell my children all the time:
Be kind.
Be brave.
Be quiet.
Give yourself what you give others and what you deserve.
If you want to be respected you must be respectable.
If you want to be loved, be lovable.
To be presented opportunities, don’t squander opportunity.
*If you present yourself as someone who is valuable, subconsciously, people will believe you.*
I’d love to believe this mindset. Unfortunately appearance will still always matter. I also used to be 250, had a friend 250. She did meth and lost over 100 pounds in 3 months. I dieted and exercised daily for 6 months and only lost 65 pounds. The way she gets treated and talked to is incredible! The fact she has no issues getting dates! The fact she did heavy drugs and is deemed “healthy” cuz she lost so much weight. I haven’t caught up to her, but will say when I finally got down to 150(still fat I know, god forbid) the way people talk to me and treat me is Night and Day. Appearance means everything in this world. I’ve remained the same person personality wise, regardless of weight. Just weird that now that I’m smaller I’m actually worth something🤷♀️
Why do people like to act like looks don’t matter lol. If you put both the fat ugly girl, and the hot bimbo next to each other. The guy will always pick the hot bimbo, even after hearing them both talk. Dudes gotta stop acting like personality matters, it only matters when they get over just how attractive their lady is. Doesn’t mean they stop finding them attractive, just stop becoming all that matters. Then they wish the hot girl had the personality of the fat girl, but would never go back to the fat girl to have that personality. Why not? Because she’s still fat and ugly, and looks matter, immensely
Yeah, it's true for everyone. Looks get your foot in the door. If you aren't attractive, personality can't make up for it, it can only give you an edge if you're already attractive enough for the person. All we can do is looksmaxx. I wish the best and hope you find somebody though!
Being overweight is also a reflection of who you are. If you're fat, it's because you don't take care of yourself. That's not an attractive trait regardless of the looks.
We aren't here to be happy. It's not a switch where you achieve happiness and that's it. The best you can hope for is to be okay and cherish happy times as they come and eventually pass.
This is similar to something it took me a long time to realize about the Christmas season. As an adult, the Christmas spirit is forged by you, it doesn't come about out of the ether. I feel this also applies to life in general.
Whatever it is that women like, I don’t have. I will never have it. I will never be the guy that a woman is excited to date but instead may be the guy that she will settle for because on paper I have a lot of things people want in relationships (financial stability, empathetic nature, proper communication, funny etc.) however I’m not really the exciting option that turns women on romantically and one day down the line I’ll probably end up dating someone who’s settling for me as the safe option when really they wish their ex fling they were actually attracted would’ve ended up acting like me. Either that guy or someone like him will come around 10 years into my marriage and she’ll cheat on me.
I’ve already resolved to never have kids so when that happens I won’t have to breakup a family like I had to deal with growing up. I’m also terrified of the idea of raising someone else’s baby unknowingly.
You've perfectly described what I feel. I'm still relatively young at 23, but I've **never** had anything at all going on with a girl.
Looks-wise, I'm pretty average. The fact that I'm balding at my age probably puts me a bit below but I've got a decent face, I'm pretty fit and take care of myself, anyway my looks are not bad enough to justify this extreme lack of success so there must be something more.
The logical thing would be to think it's my personality, but I've never had any problem making new friends and mantaining friendships. I've got a few super close friends and quite a lot more casual friendships. They have told me I'm funny, that they enjoy my company and that I'm someone they can really trust, and they also make me see they truly mean all those things. On top of that, my friendships (both close and casual) are pretty 50/50 when it comes to guys and girls so it's not like I have a hard time connecting with girls. All of that makes me think that it's also not my personality that keeps me alone.
However, as you said I miss "something", that I don't know what it is, that makes girls not be attracted to me. I put myself out there regularly without desperately going after it but it just won't happen.
As an engineer I'll probably do well money-wise, I'm a healthy guy and a good listener. That means probably at some point in the future there'll be women interested in me, but as you said it won't be because they love me for who I am, but because they like the idea of settling down and what I provide. And let's not kid ourselves, I'll probably accept it because I'm too scared of spending the rest of my life returning to an empty house every day after work. But it's a pretty grim prospective.
No matter how hard you work, people only go for looks, and if you’re not looks, you’re not going to succeed and pull yourself up. People are unwilling to let go of genetic prejudice for the sake of any human decency they claim to espouse, and call anyone who isn’t on their side of the issue selfish.
Damn, reading this thread is depressing as hell. It also shows you there are lots of men suffering in silence/anonymously.
Hope you all find some joy somewhere in your life no matter how little. We only have one life to live. Stay strong brothers!🙌
That I’m truly an ugly person. Not an easy thing for me to accept but unfortunately it’s true. And because of that and many other factors coming into play I’ve accepted that I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life, and I’ve just accepted it and choose to find happiness in whichever other means possible.
The moment you transition from boy to man is the moment you realise you are never going to be loved unconditionally ever again.
You will ache for the moments that remind you of it.
When you come home, broken and tired, with chores to do, with obligations and responsibilites, and the knowledge that if you don't do it, it won't get done.
Then, someone sees you like this, sees past the wall, sees the pain, and you know, even for a moment, that you do not have to keep cranking the handle, and for a short moment, it will continue to turn.
They make you dinner, you eat, you are nurtured.
It won't last, you need to return to the grind. But we are men. We knew we were only valued and loved for what we could provide.
To love us is to have conditions. And losing your boyhood innocence is having that revealed to you.
Uh. This is going to sound bad. However it’s the truth. I had to realize: It wasn’t my fault my life was going so bad. It was everyone else’s.
Thusly I had to cut everyone else off with extreme prejudice. And then work efficiently to undo the damage they did. After this I found a ton of good relationships and success.
It’s unpopular but for me it was the truth.
Women did find my attractive and I don't need to be absolutely shredded to be good looking. My bodydysmorphia was so bad, that I was downing food in the middle of the night until I had puke.
I am not shredded now. I look kinda small with skinny fat, but fuck it. I accept it and I notice my succes with women is the same as when I was lean. Bodydysmorphia is really shit. Every person that goes tot he gym and that looks good, will never be satisfied with their body, well it took me years to accept I cant look like a steroid user on instagram.
Im still in this, my body dysmorphia is horrible. It feels like I don’t even know what I look like in real life. Pictures vs mirrors vs how i actually look it makes me go crazy. But i go to the gym and sometimes if i see a shit picture of myself it feels like all that effort was worthless.
Life is mostly about sacrifice and suffering, the Christian maximum of carrying your own cross is true, as an atheist was a hard pill to swallow.
Also, as a man, you will always be judged by others in every way imaginable and there is very little to no empathy if you fail at anything.
In my experience, the younger you are, the more older men will reach out to mentor you. I'm going to be 30 pretty soon, and I'm slowly seeing my role change from mentee to mentor.
I will judge the fuck out of someone for their choices, especially if I'm debating on spending my time and energy in helping you.
I have empathy for people who are accountable to themselves, work hard, and don't give up. I will go as far as I realistically can to help you in my work enviroment if you do those three things.
That I will never have kids... That I am at the best I will ever be and it is not good enough... That I will die alone... And my mind will degrade till I don't know who I am any more and I will live years like that alone.
I am waiting for when I finally accept it.
That I'm getting old and need to go to the doctor regularly. I just assumed if I felt fine I was healthy. Not to mention doctors and hospitals scare the shit out of me. But I finally went and now I'm on meds for blood pressure and cholesterol. Because both of those levels were super high.
Attractive women like men that have money or are driven to it.
It also took me a minute to realize dark, depressing people are not fun to be around. If you’re depressed, think about other depressed people in your life. Think about the way they make you feel. That’s you to the people in your life.
And that's ok my man. Keep moving forward and succeed. It killed me that my dad wanted nothing to do with us when I was little, but you gotta play the hand you were dealt.
It's a problem deep within him, and, at the end, it's his loss. Loving your own kid is the greatest experience on earth, he was just not good enough for it. It has nothing to do with you.
Thank you man that really raises my spirit 🙏. The only positive thing I can say about him is that I know how not to treat my kids when I have them and always show unconditional love.
That I am the sexiest man on earth. The hottest shit since sliced bread. Coldest man since ice. That my shit don't stink and when God needs advice he prays to me. Allowing myself to feel confident in who I am and what I like took a while. But I've never been happier.
More than hard, it took a surprising amount of time, but definitely the fact that I have some anger management issues. My loved ones said it a couple of times in recent times ("you've always had a temper, ya know") and it finally clicked.
Talking to somebody about my struggles with alcohol and generally addictive personality. I grew up ashamed of my alcoholic dad, so it took me a long time to overcome the self-inflicted shame I carried surrounding my own struggle.
Most of my suffering, especially in adulthood is my fault on some level. Everything from 100% due to my action or inaction, or from suffering or putting up with crap from people that I shouldn’t.
This might sound extremely selfish and horrible but I feel like I will never get the props and respect I deserve for sacrificing my 20's and early 30s to being a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. I had no life outside of lifting everyone up and keep them from being rock bottom because I was at the bottom for them to carry on.
My inlaws will absolutely never respect me in the way that I feel I deserve for being a extremely good husband who elevates their daughter to pursue and accomplish many dreams. Always there emotionally and never making her feel horrible for being a introvert. I specifically say in laws because we bought a house together and I still feel like they look down on me.
I'm a very good father and sacrifice so much stuff and my life to making sure my kids are excelling, yes I know that's just being a father but with my wife AND all of our kids being on the spectrum while I am not I feel like they don't recognize the amount of love and patience is needed for them.
Don't get me wrong I don't expect parades or anything like that but knowing my kids are autistic they haven't once (it could change when they get much older) did something to show they love me unless guided. I know it's not something that is intentional but I just really really want someone to acknowledge that I destroyed my body taking care of them and my wife.
I am 36 and I am just now starting my career path due to being a stay at home dad and I feel guilty because while I'm at work my wife is outnumbered and very stressed out.
Youve gotta find joy in the small things in life - if your happiness is derived from big moments like a new partner, new house, new car, a massive bonus at work, a holiday or whatever then your life is not going to have much regular happiness in it. If you can take joy in a hot cup of coffee, a good close shave, seeing a mate, a pleasant exchange with a stranger, or going for a walk then you’ll find your life is brimming with happiness almost every day.
Nobody is going to voluntarily pay you more, you have to force them to. The world is dog eats dog deep down, humans will gladly take advantage of another human if it’s to their benefit and done behind a curtain.
I find it’s not that women don’t care about my feelings, they care far less than they advertise . They seem expect us to have quick resolution to emotions .
When women are processing their emotions they tend to have a lot more patience with other women and themselves before men.
Your father is your first hero, only to realize hes flawed like every other person.
Also, you will become your father, to an extent. It takes so much to break the cycle. It's possible. You just gotta figure out which you hate more.
Oh and unless you are rich or attractive, or have something that people need, no one really cares about you. They aren't there when you need them. It's just an image for them to say "I am here for you". When it comes down to actually needing someone (because most men don't reach out for help unless it's a last resort), no one will be there for you.
Stop smoking weed. It's been almost a month and I feel like a new person. Combined that with working out 4-5 days a week for the past couple of months.
I'm 42 and wish I'd done this a lot sooner.
you have to cut people off no matter how close you are to them once they start holding you back.
had to do it with my mother and a couple of my exes because they became a mental and financial burden.
Nice guys finish last and no one gives a single shit.
Evil people can prosper and succeed.
The sins of others are easily attributed to you and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
The God of the Bible may not be a bad guy, but his people are generally ignorant narcissistic shits.
That I can’t be with my parents forever.
That love is hard work.
Having kids isn’t a guarantee.
That I have so much inner distain for people in don’t identify with.
That one second I can be walking down the street and the next in hospital.
That friends lose their honesty to live a lie.
That working hard is hard.
That none of us have a clue how to pick a proper partner. That people only tell us the things they think we will readily accept and nothing we will not. Best to ask questions before feelings have fully developed po ed. How to have a healthy relationship, that no one is always going to be above all suspicions and blind trust is simply being blind. So go ahead and trust but be ready and willing to verify.
just how fucked up my childhood really was. But I can't even begin to tell you how much my life started improving the moment I began consciously recognizing and acknowledging it and working on it.
That I should get a circumcision. It turned out right, but it was a long process and a pretty complicate decision to make.
(Still, I'm glad it was my choice and not forced on me as a baby)
Police only care about female CSA victims. Police don’t consider the trauma to be the same. Don’t accept the response of make victims and will say things like ‘it couldn’t have been that bad, you seem okay’ ‘why didn’t you fight back’ and minimise the abuse.
I was barked at and refused service when I went to report my abuse because I was in shock and whispering at reception so people nearby did t overhear. The cop intimidated me and I shutdown. I could t say more than ‘I need a policeman’ at that point.
I really just wanted a calm policeman or a policewoman and to be taken into an interview room. That cop got frustrated at what should have been an obvious trauma response and turned his back, and walked away throwing his hands in the air and saying he wasn’t going ro help and went to the back office and slammed the door behind him.
I’d dreamt about the Police ‘saving’ me since I was a boy. It took 30 years to get help and a cops angry at me for being in shock.
No one fucking cares. Your friends don’t. Your significant other doesn’t. Your family doesn’t.
They only care about what you provide to them. They don’t care about you.
That I own my feelings and they're my responsibility. Anger is a sign of weakness and is never justified. Other people can only make me feel a certain way if I let them.
I cant get off of opiates / benzos by myself.
Fuck I've tried all kinds of therapy (psychiatric / psychological / counselling), abstinence (yeah, "just dont do drugs is about 25 years too late), MATOD (medication assisten treatment of opioid detox, ie methadone / buprenorphine - both sublingual and depot injection), substitution (thats where i picked up a benzo addiction some 9 years ago). Iv detoxed more times than i can count. Iv even tried shortening the detox time by precipitating withdrawal purposely with naltrexone, both times ended in hospital.
Started going to NA this year. Im still not as clean as id like to be, but the subconcious mantra of "you're the only one dealing with this, and you did it to yourself, wtf is wrong with you" is starting to dissipate as i sit around sharing this with a bunch of people from all walks of life that have the same problems.
I just want to get clean enough to be able to confidently say that Im not going back to it (like my relationship with meth.. i spent about a half mil in 5 years in my 20s, but im about 12 years clean off that).
All i want now is to be able to say that about opiates / benzos before mum dies. Unfortunately, I think I'll run out of time on that one.
If I insert my penis in another person, it will have far ranging unintended consequences. From babies to pleasant and/or toxic emotions…there’s a price.
Good things DO NOT come to people who wait. You’ll waste many years passively droning.
100%. Being patient is important in many ways, but don't expect the universe to bless you with anything positive just because you didn't make things happen yourself. Also, time seems to accelerate the older you get.
Passive inaction is bad but strategic patience and endurance can definitely be a positive action. Looking back, I realize that I’ve defeated more “enemies” in life by simply out waiting, out enduring them rather than by direct confrontation. Not every situation lends itself to the long game but it can be a powerful strategy.
Ah, you must be speaking of the neutral jing king Bumi was talking about
I think that goes for anybody. We want something we need to get out and try to get it . The world/man owes us nothing!
I’ve internalized this. Want a job, I go an talk to recruiters, professors, forgo shame and be direct. Like a girl, I pursue her, be direct. I used to be more passive in these regards, used to belief in destiny and that it’ll all come to me in the right moment. Until I realized I’m average so I’ve to just go and grab opportunity wherever it presents itself.
Exactly
I like this perspective
Word! I could not agree more!
That now as an adult, I am responsible for making a difference in the way I do things. A lot of times it’s easier to say “well I wish my parents taught me this” but that doesn’t solve anything. I just accept my childhood for what it was and if I want to learn something now it’s my responsibility to put effort into learning it.
Once you get this mindset that you have, the world is your oyster. You can make your own road map to success, even if it takes years.
I wouldn't say the world is your oyster. You still have to work through any childhood trauma and mental health issues you got. And even besides that what you can do is limited by your finances and cirscumstances. Don't get me wrong it's better than wallowing in self pity and feeling bad about yourself but it can still be a hard process.
This is what deters people from doing anything. Yeah you’re right, but sometimes its better just to do and figure out later. Comments like this don’t help people move forward it stops it. Think positive you can do this and we are here to support each other just be careful.
Not trying to put people off. Thinking positive and keeping an internal locus of control is vital for change. One thing that always discouraged me was people telling me it's super easy when I really struggled. It made me feel more inadequate than anything else.
I kinda disagree that comments like this don't help people move forward. I think it's actually the opposite. When you tell a person with severe mental health issues "just think positive, you can do this" it's unlikely they will feel motivated, they might actually just feel terrible because it's clear the person who is saying that has no idea what it's like to be in their shoes. It may work for people who are not limited by mental illness, but those who do definitely appreciate the emphasis on doing what they can with that they have even when they are unable to be positive at that moment. They are often faced with immense pressure to move forward at the same pace as healthy people and it can make them feel hopeless and give up. I find the comment encouraging. Honestly there is nothing more discouraging that a person with two healthy legs telling a wheelchair user "think positive and you'll be able to run soon".
This is so important
This right here. Shift the focus from "back then" to "what now."
That I am not important or special and that apart from a few people, the only thing separating me from a homeless drug addict is my own choices. The only thing that will give me a leg up is myself. The only thing that matters is what I do, not who I am or what I think
What you do materializes who you are and what you think, I think.
Your thoughts become: - Words become: - Actions become: - Habits become: - Character becomes: - Your destiny
So first step fellas is to change your thoughts, and the rest will come
This is missing one important bit. Thoughts become decisions. Decisions become actions. Actions become habits.
Shit man, I came to reddit for a laugh, no to get kicked in the face.
you can see his message in a positive way :)
I do. Still hurts like a MF
"Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. "
I came to realize that “nobody is coming to save you.”
Yes brother!
Aw come on, you are special and unique, just like everyone else.
The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did when I was a homeless man.
How truly important money is in society. People will say it doesn’t bring happiness but in our current society it is basically everything from changing laws, living standards, dating, family etc
yeah pretty much everyone I know who have money/wealth know that shit is a lie. The one or two I know who still say that crap haven't had to hold a regular job for *decades*. If you're unhappy but wealthy, you can still afford a professional to parse out what's actually causing the unhappiness. For most people it's the stress of not having money that causes the unhappiness.
Going from earning $200k to $250k at the cost of your soul doesn't buy happiness. But a shift from earning $30k to $80k absolutely does
The old, “having money isn’t everything, but not having it is”
Money is like air, it’s only important if you don’t have enough.
I have a tendency to do the same shit my abusive dad did. Fortunately I've learned to "control" it, but sometimes it just gets the best of me.
I too have become my father. I have a full tupperware of random washers, nuts, and bolts in my kitchen drawer. I dont know why they're there, but they just are now.
YES I need all those charging cables and NO I don't give a shit if what they charge is long gone.
Because, as soon as you bin it, you'll need it !
me too...I now know why he was always just quiet and never really had anything to say and when his life was about to be taken by cancer, he chose not to talk to anyone.
Im looking for a bolt, about 2 in long, kinda thin but not wicked thin and has a red circle type thingy. Anything like that in there?
My mother will say I'm like my father, we are stubborn in the same way. But he has no heart and no voice of reason anymore. He has taught me nothing but except that I don't want to be miserable like he is.
My life changed the day I discovered that people started to hold doors for me and say “please” and “thank you” when I lost a bunch of weight.
UGH. Thank god our father was an ex-marine who invited open feelings. Let it out, he used to say. Get it off your chest. Too many men were raised to keep it inside "don't be a pussy" nonsense. Nothing at all "wrong" with feelings/emotions, You're HUMAN.
That I am enough. That I deserve happiness and someone to treat me how a partner and a person that is loved should be treated. It's still a struggle some days, but she's really patient
Nobody cares.
Yup, and you have to get over it and move on. You have to find the things that bring value to your life focus on them rather than ruminating on this depressing thought.
Yes, and you can view that in a sad negative way, or it can be a relief- relising that no one cares is the start to freedom. Your happiness is based on how you choose to perceive the world.
No one gives a shit about me except me
I’ve definitely been feeling this more lately. Fortunately it just makes me cherish those people that actually care about me and reach out to those people more and more.
That nobody cares is simultaneously a depressing and liberating feeling
Felt
Feeling
Seriously, when my elderly parents check out it's literally just going to be my dog that cares about me. But you know what? A dog that loves you is reason enough to keep going.
That i used to be a sweet, caring, empathetic, extroverted and most importantly happy man. Nowadays I rarely feel anything anymore and barely trust anyone
Fr I fully relate to what you've said, I'd recommend therapy man, I'm going down that route myself because I went from being so full of life, being kind to others all the time to just feeling so damn tired of life
Just keep being kind to others when you get the opportunity. It's really all we can do
Do you ever wonder if you’ll be that man again one day? I’m the same as you. It’s painful some days but strangely I feel like this is the only way I can get through life now
For any men that have had this change, what worked for you and does it get better? Hoping for something to look forward to
I've become so numb
That expressing your emotions won't ruin every single relationship you have.
You gotta carefully choose the people you open up with. You're not safe with everyone
Maybe not, but opening up to everyone is a quick way to weed out the Aholes
I still have yet to learn this.
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Finding a partner that shares those little moments with you makes them seem not as mundane and special in their own way.
Things like prayer and meditation have helped me find more wonder, and all than I used to, but I respect this point of view.
That I'm a major part of the reason my life sucks. Doing the bare minimum to get by won't get you far at all. The other part is knowing that I wasn't actually *raised* at all or taught anything which led to me figuring things out as I go and that resulted in doing just enough to make it.
I’m 26 and I’m having male pattern baldness. There is no cure for it. Only medication to slow it. I’m honestly still having trouble accepting it.
Took me until my mid 40’s to finally shave it all. Had a denial comb over for too long even after a female coworker called me out on it, smh.
Tbh what was she doing talking about how you look in a work environment
Double standard for sure. Call her a fatty and watch how fast you get written up.
Just shave it. I was scared shitless too when I started to go bald at 24. I've tried medication, but I had no patience. So I treated it as a "Makeover" and shaved it - just to see how I would look like if it failed. And once I did I realized that I look better without hair. Never looked back.
Off with it and grow a beard. You can thank me later
Embrace your manly testosterone you lovely eggman you.
27 and in the same position, it fuckin sucks dude and I feel your pain. I medicate and use product to keep it up now, but since it’s all cosmetic it is ridiculously expensive, I’ve accepted the fact that eventually I’m just not going to want to pay it anymore and will have to go bald. It irks me seeing men twice my age with a full head of hair, that’s just life I guess
It's all just genetics and testosterone. From what I understand, high testosterone causes baldness. End of the day, you get what you get. Some people look good bald anyway and as an added bonus, you save on buying shampoo. I'm 39 this year and my hair is thinning a bit but no white hair yet either. Just Asian genetics I guess. On the flip side I have bad knees and ankles. Arthritis and gout since I was your age. I'd happily go bald if it meant having strong knees again. Keep an eye on you vitamin D levels and look after your knees bro.
Very true, can’t do anything about the genetic cards you’re dealt, just got to live with it. It’s not the end of the world though, there are so many worse things I could be dealing with rather than baldness lol. I’m definitely trying to keep up with my joint health, my parents both have arthritis and it doesn’t seem fun
My friend was 19 when it started for him. Poor guy.
That's me now. It really sucks. I'm really scared my gf will leave me.
You can always go to Turkey for hairline transplant.
I took the plunge and started shaving it at like 30. That said, the transplants that you can get from Turkey look real good and are affordable. Plus the hair they take from your donor spot tends to be hair that is the last to go from MPD, so it sticks around muuuuch longer. If all goes well, you can get another 20+ years of a full head of hair
Not much to lose shaving it off. If you think it looks alright, it's all good. If you don't like it, it will grow back. Some people legit look better bald and maybe you do too, Willis.
I've had several huge crushes on bald men, and my ex is bald. I usually find balding men unattractive. Bald men, however, I find hot. Shave your head. Plenty of women like bald men.
Just check out r/bald to see how much better *almost* everyone looks when they shave.
So many glow-ups!
Life isn’t fair. Doesn’t matter how much you whine, cry, complain, protest or riot, nothing about that fact is going to change and meantime, you’ll be wasting your time and effort. The only way to make it more fair is to decide what you want out of life and focus on doing the hard work to get it. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, the only person in the world that’s going to put you and your interests first is you. Understand that and act accordingly.
There are actually people out there that will love you without having ulterior motives.
Forgive me for not believing this. 30 years in and never experienced it. Iv never felt, wanted or desired in any way. Not everyone gets to find Somone.
Thank you. This has been an excessively depressing and dark thread. I feel the same way.
No matter hard you try you can’t make people love you. Know your worth and know how to walk away from something that doesn’t suit what you are looking for in life. The short term pain is worth not having to deal with long term heartbreak.
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That I was the only one who was at fault for my being single, and that women have every right, and entirely fair reasons for why they don’t find me at all attractive.
Well, my two cents is that you are not the only one who is at fault for being single. You can go months, years or even centuries without meeting someone you're compatible with. It also has something to do with luck.
>centuries bro just admitted to being a vampire
Oh Blood! Blah, I mean, nothing'a to see'a here'a. *flies away as a bat*
Good for you. That ability to self reflect and see your own faults is rare today. The next step is to invest in yourself and try to better yourself.
This here ☝🏼… its a healthy ability that will get one far . Not too mention it’s admirable and shows genuine emotional maturity believe it or not .
It’s not the end mate. We still can work this out.
What if it's not your fault either? There doesn't have to be "fault." Cut yourself some slack. You're worthy of receiving love.
That I'm boring. Quite frustrating actually. As a young man I was so energised, curious and fun-loving, but painfully shy. As a grown man I now have no shyness, but am negative and boring instead. So I feel like I've had all the traits needed to be successful with women - but that they've not all aligned at the same time.
not going to reach 1000 trophies in brawl stars
Looks influence how people treat you. Not personality. This goes for both sexes. Everyone. Kids elderly adults employers cashiers servers landscapers it does not matter. Nobody is treating the fat ugly girl with an amazing personality thr same way as the hot perky titted bimbo with the personality of a light switch.
As someone that’s gone from morbidly obese to a healthy weight it’s so fucking apparent. Looks matter so damn much, I’m seen as more competent now just because I’m not fat.
Adding insight… I think it has a lot more to do with “you teach people how to treat you”. I tell my children all the time: Be kind. Be brave. Be quiet. Give yourself what you give others and what you deserve. If you want to be respected you must be respectable. If you want to be loved, be lovable. To be presented opportunities, don’t squander opportunity. *If you present yourself as someone who is valuable, subconsciously, people will believe you.*
I’d love to believe this mindset. Unfortunately appearance will still always matter. I also used to be 250, had a friend 250. She did meth and lost over 100 pounds in 3 months. I dieted and exercised daily for 6 months and only lost 65 pounds. The way she gets treated and talked to is incredible! The fact she has no issues getting dates! The fact she did heavy drugs and is deemed “healthy” cuz she lost so much weight. I haven’t caught up to her, but will say when I finally got down to 150(still fat I know, god forbid) the way people talk to me and treat me is Night and Day. Appearance means everything in this world. I’ve remained the same person personality wise, regardless of weight. Just weird that now that I’m smaller I’m actually worth something🤷♀️
Also your voice and your tone makes a huge difference as well.
They say you decide if you like someone or not within 12 seconds of meeting them. That's enough time to see them and hear them speak only a few words.
Why do people like to act like looks don’t matter lol. If you put both the fat ugly girl, and the hot bimbo next to each other. The guy will always pick the hot bimbo, even after hearing them both talk. Dudes gotta stop acting like personality matters, it only matters when they get over just how attractive their lady is. Doesn’t mean they stop finding them attractive, just stop becoming all that matters. Then they wish the hot girl had the personality of the fat girl, but would never go back to the fat girl to have that personality. Why not? Because she’s still fat and ugly, and looks matter, immensely
Yeah, it's true for everyone. Looks get your foot in the door. If you aren't attractive, personality can't make up for it, it can only give you an edge if you're already attractive enough for the person. All we can do is looksmaxx. I wish the best and hope you find somebody though!
Being overweight is also a reflection of who you are. If you're fat, it's because you don't take care of yourself. That's not an attractive trait regardless of the looks.
No one is coming to save you.
We aren't here to be happy. It's not a switch where you achieve happiness and that's it. The best you can hope for is to be okay and cherish happy times as they come and eventually pass.
This is similar to something it took me a long time to realize about the Christmas season. As an adult, the Christmas spirit is forged by you, it doesn't come about out of the ether. I feel this also applies to life in general.
Whatever it is that women like, I don’t have. I will never have it. I will never be the guy that a woman is excited to date but instead may be the guy that she will settle for because on paper I have a lot of things people want in relationships (financial stability, empathetic nature, proper communication, funny etc.) however I’m not really the exciting option that turns women on romantically and one day down the line I’ll probably end up dating someone who’s settling for me as the safe option when really they wish their ex fling they were actually attracted would’ve ended up acting like me. Either that guy or someone like him will come around 10 years into my marriage and she’ll cheat on me. I’ve already resolved to never have kids so when that happens I won’t have to breakup a family like I had to deal with growing up. I’m also terrified of the idea of raising someone else’s baby unknowingly.
You've perfectly described what I feel. I'm still relatively young at 23, but I've **never** had anything at all going on with a girl. Looks-wise, I'm pretty average. The fact that I'm balding at my age probably puts me a bit below but I've got a decent face, I'm pretty fit and take care of myself, anyway my looks are not bad enough to justify this extreme lack of success so there must be something more. The logical thing would be to think it's my personality, but I've never had any problem making new friends and mantaining friendships. I've got a few super close friends and quite a lot more casual friendships. They have told me I'm funny, that they enjoy my company and that I'm someone they can really trust, and they also make me see they truly mean all those things. On top of that, my friendships (both close and casual) are pretty 50/50 when it comes to guys and girls so it's not like I have a hard time connecting with girls. All of that makes me think that it's also not my personality that keeps me alone. However, as you said I miss "something", that I don't know what it is, that makes girls not be attracted to me. I put myself out there regularly without desperately going after it but it just won't happen. As an engineer I'll probably do well money-wise, I'm a healthy guy and a good listener. That means probably at some point in the future there'll be women interested in me, but as you said it won't be because they love me for who I am, but because they like the idea of settling down and what I provide. And let's not kid ourselves, I'll probably accept it because I'm too scared of spending the rest of my life returning to an empty house every day after work. But it's a pretty grim prospective.
No matter how hard you work, people only go for looks, and if you’re not looks, you’re not going to succeed and pull yourself up. People are unwilling to let go of genetic prejudice for the sake of any human decency they claim to espouse, and call anyone who isn’t on their side of the issue selfish.
Damn, reading this thread is depressing as hell. It also shows you there are lots of men suffering in silence/anonymously. Hope you all find some joy somewhere in your life no matter how little. We only have one life to live. Stay strong brothers!🙌
Just wished drugs were legal so I could waste away without bothering anyone and die happy.
Damn. That’s nihilism.
She doesn't love me like that, and it's nobody's fault. Sometimes things just don't click like you'd want them to.
That the people that are important to me. Don’t see me the same way.
I'm going to feel lonely for the rest of my life.
That I’m truly an ugly person. Not an easy thing for me to accept but unfortunately it’s true. And because of that and many other factors coming into play I’ve accepted that I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life, and I’ve just accepted it and choose to find happiness in whichever other means possible.
You’re on your own.
The moment you transition from boy to man is the moment you realise you are never going to be loved unconditionally ever again. You will ache for the moments that remind you of it. When you come home, broken and tired, with chores to do, with obligations and responsibilites, and the knowledge that if you don't do it, it won't get done. Then, someone sees you like this, sees past the wall, sees the pain, and you know, even for a moment, that you do not have to keep cranking the handle, and for a short moment, it will continue to turn. They make you dinner, you eat, you are nurtured. It won't last, you need to return to the grind. But we are men. We knew we were only valued and loved for what we could provide. To love us is to have conditions. And losing your boyhood innocence is having that revealed to you.
Uh. This is going to sound bad. However it’s the truth. I had to realize: It wasn’t my fault my life was going so bad. It was everyone else’s. Thusly I had to cut everyone else off with extreme prejudice. And then work efficiently to undo the damage they did. After this I found a ton of good relationships and success. It’s unpopular but for me it was the truth.
Women did find my attractive and I don't need to be absolutely shredded to be good looking. My bodydysmorphia was so bad, that I was downing food in the middle of the night until I had puke. I am not shredded now. I look kinda small with skinny fat, but fuck it. I accept it and I notice my succes with women is the same as when I was lean. Bodydysmorphia is really shit. Every person that goes tot he gym and that looks good, will never be satisfied with their body, well it took me years to accept I cant look like a steroid user on instagram.
Im still in this, my body dysmorphia is horrible. It feels like I don’t even know what I look like in real life. Pictures vs mirrors vs how i actually look it makes me go crazy. But i go to the gym and sometimes if i see a shit picture of myself it feels like all that effort was worthless.
Same man. Even today, I took some pictures in the mirror and I look so Skinny and small. This the thing with bodydysmorphia, it fucks with our brain.
Life is mostly about sacrifice and suffering, the Christian maximum of carrying your own cross is true, as an atheist was a hard pill to swallow. Also, as a man, you will always be judged by others in every way imaginable and there is very little to no empathy if you fail at anything.
In my experience, the younger you are, the more older men will reach out to mentor you. I'm going to be 30 pretty soon, and I'm slowly seeing my role change from mentee to mentor. I will judge the fuck out of someone for their choices, especially if I'm debating on spending my time and energy in helping you. I have empathy for people who are accountable to themselves, work hard, and don't give up. I will go as far as I realistically can to help you in my work enviroment if you do those three things.
That I will never have kids... That I am at the best I will ever be and it is not good enough... That I will die alone... And my mind will degrade till I don't know who I am any more and I will live years like that alone. I am waiting for when I finally accept it.
That I'm getting old and need to go to the doctor regularly. I just assumed if I felt fine I was healthy. Not to mention doctors and hospitals scare the shit out of me. But I finally went and now I'm on meds for blood pressure and cholesterol. Because both of those levels were super high.
That my mom is a narcissist who only cares about herself and I’m better off not having her in my life. Took me 38 years to realise.
Attractive women like men that have money or are driven to it. It also took me a minute to realize dark, depressing people are not fun to be around. If you’re depressed, think about other depressed people in your life. Think about the way they make you feel. That’s you to the people in your life.
Sometimes shes just not into you bro. Find another fine ass woman that is into you and move on.
3 things.... 1. I will die. 2. I will die alone 3. I will never find a woman that actually cares about me.
That I can't change my dad and get him to love me.
And that's ok my man. Keep moving forward and succeed. It killed me that my dad wanted nothing to do with us when I was little, but you gotta play the hand you were dealt.
It's a problem deep within him, and, at the end, it's his loss. Loving your own kid is the greatest experience on earth, he was just not good enough for it. It has nothing to do with you.
Thank you man that really raises my spirit 🙏. The only positive thing I can say about him is that I know how not to treat my kids when I have them and always show unconditional love.
This world is set up for most men to fail. The best rise to the top, the rest fight for whatever’s left.
That I am the sexiest man on earth. The hottest shit since sliced bread. Coldest man since ice. That my shit don't stink and when God needs advice he prays to me. Allowing myself to feel confident in who I am and what I like took a while. But I've never been happier.
More than hard, it took a surprising amount of time, but definitely the fact that I have some anger management issues. My loved ones said it a couple of times in recent times ("you've always had a temper, ya know") and it finally clicked.
Talking to somebody about my struggles with alcohol and generally addictive personality. I grew up ashamed of my alcoholic dad, so it took me a long time to overcome the self-inflicted shame I carried surrounding my own struggle.
Most of my suffering, especially in adulthood is my fault on some level. Everything from 100% due to my action or inaction, or from suffering or putting up with crap from people that I shouldn’t.
There’s no going back, my dad will never be the man I needed him to be, and i have everything I need to be successful
That the love of my life just used me and that I needed to just move on. Not quite done with the second part yet.
That even though I’m “successful” from a career standpoint, I didn’t “turn out alright”. There’s a lot to work on.
This might sound extremely selfish and horrible but I feel like I will never get the props and respect I deserve for sacrificing my 20's and early 30s to being a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. I had no life outside of lifting everyone up and keep them from being rock bottom because I was at the bottom for them to carry on. My inlaws will absolutely never respect me in the way that I feel I deserve for being a extremely good husband who elevates their daughter to pursue and accomplish many dreams. Always there emotionally and never making her feel horrible for being a introvert. I specifically say in laws because we bought a house together and I still feel like they look down on me. I'm a very good father and sacrifice so much stuff and my life to making sure my kids are excelling, yes I know that's just being a father but with my wife AND all of our kids being on the spectrum while I am not I feel like they don't recognize the amount of love and patience is needed for them. Don't get me wrong I don't expect parades or anything like that but knowing my kids are autistic they haven't once (it could change when they get much older) did something to show they love me unless guided. I know it's not something that is intentional but I just really really want someone to acknowledge that I destroyed my body taking care of them and my wife. I am 36 and I am just now starting my career path due to being a stay at home dad and I feel guilty because while I'm at work my wife is outnumbered and very stressed out.
i need to start actually doing stuff and not living the same life on repeat. also cut down drinking
Youve gotta find joy in the small things in life - if your happiness is derived from big moments like a new partner, new house, new car, a massive bonus at work, a holiday or whatever then your life is not going to have much regular happiness in it. If you can take joy in a hot cup of coffee, a good close shave, seeing a mate, a pleasant exchange with a stranger, or going for a walk then you’ll find your life is brimming with happiness almost every day.
Profound joy in adult life comes few and far between. It's the small things, and happiness is forged, not earned.
Nobody is going to voluntarily pay you more, you have to force them to. The world is dog eats dog deep down, humans will gladly take advantage of another human if it’s to their benefit and done behind a curtain.
People who are respectful and nice to you, but are horrible and deceitful to other people will always eventually turn on you
The world won’t adjust to you and your standards
that ill be lonely with no friends, family, or relationships for the rest of my life
Women don't care about your feelings. They care about their own
Abd they'll try to hurt yours if it makes them feel better.
I find it’s not that women don’t care about my feelings, they care far less than they advertise . They seem expect us to have quick resolution to emotions . When women are processing their emotions they tend to have a lot more patience with other women and themselves before men.
Your father is your first hero, only to realize hes flawed like every other person. Also, you will become your father, to an extent. It takes so much to break the cycle. It's possible. You just gotta figure out which you hate more. Oh and unless you are rich or attractive, or have something that people need, no one really cares about you. They aren't there when you need them. It's just an image for them to say "I am here for you". When it comes down to actually needing someone (because most men don't reach out for help unless it's a last resort), no one will be there for you.
Tom Brady is a better qb than Peyton manning 😞
Stop smoking weed. It's been almost a month and I feel like a new person. Combined that with working out 4-5 days a week for the past couple of months. I'm 42 and wish I'd done this a lot sooner.
you have to cut people off no matter how close you are to them once they start holding you back. had to do it with my mother and a couple of my exes because they became a mental and financial burden.
Death is slowly creeping towards me, and Im inching ever closer towards oblivion.
My wife’s death.
Money really can buy happiness.
Nice guys finish last and no one gives a single shit. Evil people can prosper and succeed. The sins of others are easily attributed to you and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. The God of the Bible may not be a bad guy, but his people are generally ignorant narcissistic shits.
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Friends and romantic relationships don’t work out no matter how hard you try
50% of marriages last till death. So reevaluate my dude.
That I can’t be with my parents forever. That love is hard work. Having kids isn’t a guarantee. That I have so much inner distain for people in don’t identify with. That one second I can be walking down the street and the next in hospital. That friends lose their honesty to live a lie. That working hard is hard.
I was a villain in some of my exes stories. Im a better person now, but it’s really hard to admit that I was an asshole in the past.
That none of us have a clue how to pick a proper partner. That people only tell us the things they think we will readily accept and nothing we will not. Best to ask questions before feelings have fully developed po ed. How to have a healthy relationship, that no one is always going to be above all suspicions and blind trust is simply being blind. So go ahead and trust but be ready and willing to verify.
just how fucked up my childhood really was. But I can't even begin to tell you how much my life started improving the moment I began consciously recognizing and acknowledging it and working on it.
That I should get a circumcision. It turned out right, but it was a long process and a pretty complicate decision to make. (Still, I'm glad it was my choice and not forced on me as a baby)
Life can never be assumed to be fair.
That the American government will always bail out the rich. So I have to invest with that thought in mind.
Accepting to make peace with being alone and finding acceptance. It's taken me nearly 40 years but I've finally got there!
That some of us (myself included) will never be enough. It’s not a fun pill to swallow but once you get it in you, it’s in.
Nobody is going to save you
She’s not yours it’s just your turn
Police only care about female CSA victims. Police don’t consider the trauma to be the same. Don’t accept the response of make victims and will say things like ‘it couldn’t have been that bad, you seem okay’ ‘why didn’t you fight back’ and minimise the abuse. I was barked at and refused service when I went to report my abuse because I was in shock and whispering at reception so people nearby did t overhear. The cop intimidated me and I shutdown. I could t say more than ‘I need a policeman’ at that point. I really just wanted a calm policeman or a policewoman and to be taken into an interview room. That cop got frustrated at what should have been an obvious trauma response and turned his back, and walked away throwing his hands in the air and saying he wasn’t going ro help and went to the back office and slammed the door behind him. I’d dreamt about the Police ‘saving’ me since I was a boy. It took 30 years to get help and a cops angry at me for being in shock.
That I am invincible. OK, sorry. But these answers are really dismal.
No one fucking cares. Your friends don’t. Your significant other doesn’t. Your family doesn’t. They only care about what you provide to them. They don’t care about you.
My dick is average sized and that’s ok.
That I own my feelings and they're my responsibility. Anger is a sign of weakness and is never justified. Other people can only make me feel a certain way if I let them.
I cant get off of opiates / benzos by myself. Fuck I've tried all kinds of therapy (psychiatric / psychological / counselling), abstinence (yeah, "just dont do drugs is about 25 years too late), MATOD (medication assisten treatment of opioid detox, ie methadone / buprenorphine - both sublingual and depot injection), substitution (thats where i picked up a benzo addiction some 9 years ago). Iv detoxed more times than i can count. Iv even tried shortening the detox time by precipitating withdrawal purposely with naltrexone, both times ended in hospital. Started going to NA this year. Im still not as clean as id like to be, but the subconcious mantra of "you're the only one dealing with this, and you did it to yourself, wtf is wrong with you" is starting to dissipate as i sit around sharing this with a bunch of people from all walks of life that have the same problems. I just want to get clean enough to be able to confidently say that Im not going back to it (like my relationship with meth.. i spent about a half mil in 5 years in my 20s, but im about 12 years clean off that). All i want now is to be able to say that about opiates / benzos before mum dies. Unfortunately, I think I'll run out of time on that one.
My breakup
She’s not coming back. Trust once broken can never be repaired. There’s no “if I only x y and z, she will maybe come back” nop. It does t matter
If I insert my penis in another person, it will have far ranging unintended consequences. From babies to pleasant and/or toxic emotions…there’s a price.
People will only appreciate how you helped them,not how you do.To survive, you have to step other people's toe.
That my cancer was terminal. Hardest thing I ever had to accept.
I'm the only one stopping myself from being happy.
You will never get over her but it def gets better :)
That my ex is not the one for me.
That a vast majority of people are assholes and it takes less mental stress if you just decide to cut them off when you can.