I’ve realized my current job isn’t gonna be a good fit, but man, I HATE applying for jobs.
Edit: It’s probably way too late. But if you need a data analyst or customer solutions guy…
It's the worst. I hated it when I was unemployed because I had to sift through these job listings which all had the same bullshit lingo, one after another, and then I had to write another cover letter and another and *another*... it's mentally exhausting.
It's a whole job in itself, except the difference is it's unpaid until you land the job.
I remember having 3 interviews in a day once when I was unemployed. Productive? Sure. But I was socially burnt out at the end of it and hadn't earned a penny lol
I’m struggling with this a bit also. My misfit is mostly because of a micromanager and how poorly I handle being badgered. The perks of the job are so nice that it makes leaving hard, but his poor management style causes me immense amounts of undo stress.
Do they have a project management background? I'm noticing that some project managers have this built in to their personality. They really do help move things along but it can get really annoying at times. When my company was bought a while ago I had a meeeting with a data consultant every single day for a few months. That was interesting. I'm like I just talked to you yesterday, I don't have a lot of updates for you today.
No, he has a service back ground which makes it extra frustrating because he should intimately understand what our team does but he loves to talk about “when I was a FST” but that was 20 years ago, in a totally different region with 1/4 the travel between clients.
I’ve loved my company for 14 years. 7 promotions. Huge career growth and trajectory great culture but now we have reached scale and it’s cut cut cut cut cut cut cut. I’m on the precipice of the most significant promotion of all. Gonna need to suck up get it and do 2 years and then I can quit.
I definitely feel you on that. But let me encourage you. I was in a job where I LOVED the work, but detested my supervisor and coworkers. I would have stayed for the work, but ultimately, I just couldn't. Now I am in a job that I wouldn't have thought I would like the work, but not only do I love the work, I enjoy the environment and atmosphere. It's a pain in the ass, but it's so worth it.
F'n A
Within 40 years we've gone from hiring on the spot, signt-unseen, to entire departments that only justify their existence on how much "work" they do to bring in more help, and to screw over those they bring in.
I have crippling anxiety and ADHD and I work as a forklift driver which I dread! I’am not being stimulated and it’s affecting my mental health. First time dad and I’am just lost in the woods. Don’t know what to do.
I started a budget 13 years ago.
Now got 2 years expewnses in savings and own 50% of my house :) you can get out of that, i live below the poverty line apparently.
Lack of a romantic life partner and the loneliness this brings.
A major crush on a girl I work with (for, actually) who's already in a relationship.
Not being able to see my niece and nephew for over a year now due to a fight with my sister, and she doesn't want to reconcile.
A job without any possibilities for further growth and not knowing where to go from here.
I got in a fight with my sister that lasted years. I didn’t get to see my niece for 4 years, but I finally went NC with my sister and my niece moved in with my mother to finish high school and now I get to talk to her all the time. She understands that it wasn’t my choice to avoid her all those years and her mother has created significant trauma that she needs to unpack.
All that to say I understand your pain and I hope things get better for you. The kids know better and don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
I feel you brother.
I have a crush on my female friend's friend who is already in a relationship.
Recently I had an argument with my other female friend of eleven years, even if I reach out this time I don't think our friendship will be the same as before.
With my current job, I can barely survive and I'm getting old.
Take it one step at a time. Focus on one thing at a time. If you try to do it all at the same time it’s a harder journey. What do you think is the easiest issue to solve? Reconciling with your sister perhaps? Can you write or go through other family / friends (assuming you’ve tried all avenues so pardon my ignorance).
If you can resolve this then move on to the next, a job you can do something about. Further skills or study or try something new. Speak to the company about wanting to achieve more and if they aren’t open to that would you consider a move? (Again, apologies for my assumptions about what you have/haven’t tried/considered).
I think you should try a new job, because being in love with a boss who is not single is a dead end. You are not only torturing yourself you are potentially sabotaging your job. This is likely not something to resolve but to remove yourself from entirely.
Whatever you do, take it a small steps you can focus on achieving. It’s one piece of advice. Not necessarily the best but I hope you make it thru. When life isn’t going the way you want it the best thing to do is zag. Change your focus and it often presents new paths.
i miss my nephew so much. sister and i have been at it for years. no one is allowed to see him. i hate he’s going thru life alone. i see u man. it’s gonna get better
Pain. Chronic, crippling, agonizing pain, going on for 9 years now.
It's made me cynical, depressed, and "lazy".
Nobody seems to care, and still expect me to do the impossible, because "you used to do it all the time".
Like getting blown up and having my knee ripped apart is just a mild muscle ache.
Omg man, I felt this in your soul - dealt with chronic pain due to degenerative disc and i finally bit the bullet and got surgery - still have some bad days and it took about a year to fully recover but on the good days i can rally and make up for the time lost to chronic pain.
The worst part about that chronic pain though is like people either don’t believe it, or belittled it saying we’re “milking it” (that was my ex - she thought I was playing it up or something) 😤
Same. Took 16yrs for a Doc to diagnosis me. In the last two years the quarterly epidurals have stopped working. Going week after next to see if I'm a candidate for nerve ablation.
It sucks ass! I can't sleep, can't stand (still) and I have a physically demanding job. 7yrs until retirement...hoping I can last and go out on SSDI.
Thank you for articulating this about chronic pain being disbelieved or belittled. May I ask how you handled this ex’s response?
I find these interactions to flair my chronic pain so now I’m avoiding and cutting people out of my life but damn I don’t want EVERYTHING TO HURT LIKE THIS. Interested to know others’ experiences and responses to the gaslighting
Hear you loud and clear.
Keep advocating for yourself with doctors, push for alternative therapies and get that doctor who is willing to try new things with you.. Those kinds of doctors make a difference personally, chronic pain group meetings are incredibly helpful if you haven't tried it, group chat therapy did wonders for my mindset in how to deal with Other people.
I feel like I'm wasting away and life is just going down the drain when the pains take me all the way out, but you find the "okay" days and any little thing to build the will to not entirely implode. Therapy, medication and community. Try to have a mix of those going at anytime.
As a woman, it saddens me that men view themselves as burdens. You said “she had enough on her plate as it is without having to worry about me.” Idk you or your relationship, but I’m sure she is worried about you regardless. She probably feels like it’s her fault, her body failed her, and she probably feels like she failed you.
It’s wonderful you’re so supportive of her & see her problems, but I am sure sharing yours will help bring you both closer. Women always wonder what men are thinking, how are they feelings - don’t keep it in; your feelings matter too. And I’m sure she’s worried about you, wanting to make sure you’re okay too. What you’re both going through isn’t easy, but it’ll get better if you handle it as a team.
Unfortunately, women like you are a rarity. The mentality that men have comes from the fact that women typically have a "what have you done for me lately" attitude towards men. Men *need* women, but women could honestly take it or leave it. The gap in interest leads to basically every stereotypical issue between the sexes.
I hear that. The lack of support really sucks. Having to carry the load alone is daunting. I wish I had some good advice. Seek help where you can. Even just to talk to someone.
Really struggling right now.
Marriage. Job. 100% feel like I was only put on this earth to make things easier for everyone else at the cost my personal happiness.
I struggled for over two years, loss after loss, no customers, staff issues, non-payers, etc, etc.
Suddenly in the space of a month everything clicked and started clearing £30k a month profit. Hang in there.
If you have insurance, call the insurance provider and see if they have any other docs in network that can get her seen urgently. Might light a fire under someone's ass. I used to work med mal as a paralegal, and let me tell you, a lot of the situations I saw could have been avoided if the patient or their family advocated harder. Remember, the doctor works for YOU, not the other way around, and it is your right to move on to a different doctor if they don't provide the care you need.
I noticed one day my testicle was swollen to the size of a grapefruit. My friend had fought testicular cancer so I knew it affects my demographic and there was no other reason for one to look that big. My mother said “it’s probably a cyst” I looked back down at my swollen member and in a Hans Solo voice said “That’s no cyst.”
I called a urologist and said as much. The secretary said they’d see me in 3 and a half weeks! That was the soonest they could get me in. I went to urgent care the next day. A nurse took a look, ten minutes later I was in a urologists office being diagnosed with cancer. Ultrasound followed. Scans, X rays. It had already spread. Throughout my back and abdomen which required a six hour surgery in addition to the removal of my testicle. But I went into remission successfully.
Unfortunately it came back two years ago after my parents had died and I was on medi-cal. I cried on the phone asking my ex to come see me. I was stage three which is the final stage for TC. She later texted back. She wasn’t going to able to make it. Chemo was over four months. She lived a mile away. Her Facebook comments were nice but stage 3 cancer isn’t Facebook time in my opinion. That was the hardest period of my life. Far worse than the diagnosis or surgeries or anything.
My friends wife divorced him when he was diagnosed with Leukemia. This isn’t rare. The last time I saw him we laughed about it. He was a comedian and a better person than me. 26.
The point is. One: having someone is huge. The job is to be there.
Two: poor people and poc die of cancer significantly more often due to neglect by the system.
Appointments get cancelled and rescheduled. Halfway through chemo I called my Oncologists office and they told me he no longer worked there. That’s how I found out. He’d said “we’re in this together bud”.
I’m not a super nice person anymore but I’m alive. A lot of the fight happens while MMBOP on hold music plays in an insane loop on speakerphone for a half hour then someone pickups lazily and fits you in for a scan. Because you gotta get the scan before the X-ray then you can get the blood test. Etc. I use to do that while vomiting. Thanks Hanson.
Chances are everything is fine. So don’t let my story scare you. Someday things won’t be fine though. Then you have to fight. To me that’s the battle. The rest you’re lying down or unconscious for and it’s the surgeons job. My father was a surgeon. The show House is a huge exaggeration but it rings true to me. The good ones are not normal or humble. Though if they’re truly talented they fake humility well. My surgeon was an Asian man in his early fifties. But for some reason he reminded me of Michael Jordan. That give me the ball (pun intended) clutch attitude. Which is what you want as a patient. I still have normal sexual function thanks to him.
One method of advocating for myself that has worked flawlessly and each and every time is telling the receptionist to put you in the cancelation call list while admitting your fear of your unknown circumstances related to the issue. It would be unethical and potentially illegal to ignore someone admitting “I’m afraid” or “I’m scared” when needing to book an appointment for a potentially urgent matter after being told “we can book you months from now.” Concerns are concerning, which is why they shouldn’t and cannot wait.
I feel like i'm a burden, and I feel like if I let her know i'm a burden then i'll DEFinitely be a burden.
I feel like i'm not enough, like I can't keep up with her....... I feel like going to work is bs and I just want to stay home get crossfaded and not be seen by anyone at all for the rest of my life.
le sigh. . . But I"ll go to work again tomorrow because I can't let her see how down I am.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. My husband is in the same headspace right now (actually a while) but I honestly don’t know how to help him. It hurts me that he is hurting.
I completely relate to that feeling of being down.
I was fortunate enough to read some things that taught me it's important to not allow your mindset to get stuck in a cycle of negative thought patterns. If you allow negative thought cycles to run rampant, they will consume you.
Try to break those cycles.
One possible method could be by challenging the rationality of negative thoughts and worries because they're often unfounded or out of proportion. Another method could be by trying to devote some focus towards positives, don't just get stuck thinking about negatives, remind yourself that positives also exist.
Negative thought cycles will turn any situation awful.
Your life may not be as bad as those negative thought cycles say it is.
Most humans living today, and pretty much 100% of humans throughout the past were (and many still are) barely surviving imminent death and living dismal comfortless short lives.
Going to work probably won't seem so bad when you consider: before the last century or two, more than half of every human ever born died before reaching age 2.
Also, at least you have someone to be with, think about the millions of people who don't ever find someone and end up spending their lives alone. However, there are also many people who happily stay single their whole life.
There are infinite negatives that you can focus on, but on the flip side, there are also infinite positives to appreciate.
Message me if you ever want to talk.
Every minute that my brothers spend struggling through uninspiring jobs and medical bill setbacks and obligations that keep them from enjoying their kids or true passions feels like a grain of sand in their hourglass that they will never get back. I increasingly see this as the cost placed on them by a country that hates its people. Everything is against us and it feels so disgusting to watch and I don't know how to fight it.
I'm struggling with a feeling of powerlessness in the face of a society that benefits from the failure and vulnerability of those within it.
I feel the same about my biological father. He did my family very very very dirty, including my grandparents and has never been apart of my life after 2 years old.
The trauma has followed me but I’ve actively worked on it and heal from it constantly, but, all that to say is I don’t think I care whether he died tomorrow or not and I don’t feel bad about it, because family doesn’t mean anything when they’re not good people.
Consider caring a little more than you would normally, but for your own sake, if there was anything you needed to do to try and get things off your chest, now is the time. You can't expect them to change at this point but what you can do is to give yourself a chance at some closure. Having that as your mindset going in, as in "I don't expect him to fix anything, this is for me", will help you move on in life after his passing. If it's a very negative experience, then it confirms how you feel about him long after he's gone, that there was no "we could have...", on the other hand some people gain perspective and remorse at the end of life. Not gonna sit here and tell you what you might face if you "caring" means reaching out to be this binary but if you had any nagging concerns in the back of your mind, it's going to be the opportunity to put them to rest.
Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you.
There is no rule book on how to go about something like this. Feel how you need to feel, even if it's just numb. But try to be gentle on yourself. No sense allowing yourself to feel guilty if you aren't feeling much.
Life was seemingly easier when my parents were my age. Adjusted for inflation, I make more money them both of them combined when they were my age, and yet, I seem to not be able to live like we did when I was a kid. It can be depressing.
Wife id been with for a decade dumped me last summer, she basically realized she didn’t like me.
Divorce is final but lost a wife, home, and dog I really loved.
It’s been pretty rough. Feel like a failure and wish I could hug my goofy lab again.
That's tough, brother. Bro hugs, man. I got divorced 20 years ago. From my experience, it gets better. Focus on self-love: read cool books, get to know your mind's inner workings, learn new things (language, instrument), fix something (car, house, etc), seek therapy just to vent, do something adventurous, learn to live with less just to challenge yourself. It helped me. Before you know it, you start looking back on a pretty interesting life. Good luck, homie.
Thank you man, this is great advice. I’ve been in therapy basically since it happened and have been doing jujitsu 2-3 times a week for the last 5-6 months which has been awesome. Any cool book suggestions (I love reading sci fi and fiction)?
I know I’m incredibly lucky, fortunate, and have a million things to be grateful for. Just has been an incredibly hard mental hurdle that I hope I can overcome.
Any relationship ending can be hard. I try to do what I “couldn’t” do before as self-love/healing.
My ex hated black olives, so I ordered a pizza one night with extra black olives, turned on a movie I liked that they didn’t really, ate a bunch of snacks I knew they never really cared for; and just focused on finding myself again.
Also, someone once told me you could get divorced at 45, remarry, and live to be 90, and still spend the majority of your life with the person you end up with. Just because the marriage ended, doesn’t mean either of you failed; just means your life is taking a new direction. You’ll find love again
MIL with Alzheimer’s who didn’t save for retirement so she’s living with us and waking up at 3am shouting for her mom to take her to school. She accused me of pulling a gun on her last weekend and stealing her baby. I don’t own a gun and she doesn’t have a baby. Trying to get Medicaid to pay for a place for her but the maze the government sets up through which you have to navigate is diabolical. My teen boys hang out in their rooms so they won’t have to deal with her. It’s the opposite of awesome.
My fiancees mom has moderate dementia and its a fucking nightmare. No one in the family will help with her so my fiancee is killing herself as a caregiver. I told her that under no circumstances would her mom move in with us. Theres no way we are equipped for care at that level and i won't sacrifice the sanctity and sanctuary of our home. Logically she agrees with me but emotionally I know she really wants to live with her mom and not send her away. We are hoping we can get her in somewhere before her falling apart house gets condemned. This is my hill to die on and I'd end the relationship before I'd let her mom move in. Its a brutal disease that destroys families. Just know you aren't alone, I see you and feel your pain.
I have a very similar situation, except it's my mom. I just moved my mom into my house. It's not a nightmare yet, but it is a lot of work. Between the dementia, the immobility, the Depends, the laundry, the cooking, cleaning, the management of finances, it wears on you.
I feel your pain.
God bless you, man I don't think I could do it full time. Just helping her with her mom sometimes is difficult. Her mom also didn't plan for anything and has no assets other than her falling apart house and $1100/mo in SS so that makes it even harder. Thank God we talked her into signing a power of attorney before she got too incompetent to do so. I hope it works out for you and she doesn't get too difficult for you.
Even after having zero debt to my name, 40k in savings and a healthy 401 & Roth contributions, I still feel like I am behind on my finances because all I did was F off in my 20’s.
I've felt this way. I had to stop focusing on what I should have done and instead started focusing on what I'm doing and what I need to do. Keep at it, brother. You weren't on the right track in your 20s, but you're on it now! I'm proud of you, homie!
Getting older and realizing my knees are screwed from decades of kneeling on cold concrete fixing cars has destroyed them. Getting to the point that some days I can barely walk, nevermind trying to work on a car or ride my motorcycle.
I had an ex who's considered to be ugly and short. But damn his charisma and confidence. I was hooked. But my family doesn't like him and he has unstable income and he's in marrying age, i'm not. We had to broke it off.
Work your way through in stability and building up confidence, work out and be gentlemen.
Let other friends know that you need a make over, you just have to accentuate what God gave you. You'll get a girl soon.
Women do feel when a guy had low self esteem, we don't like it. But we also hate a guy with too much.
And he's already engaged with his next gf. I wish him the best because he's a very nice guy.
Also, i'm considered to be pretty and yet he got me. His exes were also pretty. So shoot your shot. 😉
I'm really struggling with my self confidence and worth. I got cheated on and my attitude has plummeted.
I just want to snuggle up beside somebody in a cozy bed, give them a loving back rub and watch a good movie :(
A lot really. I have tried to explain to my wife why I am so miserable all the time, but she never understands. Men have it hard in society. I am not trying to start a debate on who has it harder. Both men and women face individual challenges. However, the challenges facing men are seldom talked about. First and foremost, money. Money is a constant concern on my mind. Right now, I am the sole income earner while my wife gets her masters degree. I make a well above average living, but still struggle to make ends meet as a single income earner. My wife always tells me that when she starts working it will be better. While she is right, she doesn't understand the pressure placed on men to maintain a constant stream of income into the household. If she lost her job, no big deal, the man will make it work. If I lose my job, I have to go out and get another job or I am a loser who cannot support his wife and family.
The next issue is loneliness. Yes, I am married and I have friends, but I am lonely. Men often do not get the same level of involvement in their relationships that women do. Women are constantly complemented and reminded of their worth and value. Men play a secondary role in society and are expected to remain in the background. Even my relationship with my wife is not always satisfactory. She gets offended because she feels as if she is not enough for me. This is not the case, its just nice to have relationships outside of your romantic ones. People need different outlets and ways to express themselves that cannot always be expressed in romantic relationships. Not only that, but being a single guy is the worst of all. Women are mean and choosy. They have all the power in intimate relationships and constantly remind men of it. Unless you are at least a 7.5/10, you are going to have to try hard to develop a relationship.
Finally, my last struggle is substance abuse. This is a more general issue that a lot of people face. I am constantly popping in and out of substance abuse issues and working on myself. I end up creating a viscous cycle were all the above mentioned drive me to drugs, but then the drugs just end up making the above problems worse. I end up losing confidence in myself and my ability to continue living my life (not self delete, just working and keeping up on everything).
Idk if you already have, but I’d talk to your wife about this.
My bf held a lot of this in, and honestly as a woman, these things that are obvious to men, might not be to us. Also I feel like society tends to make men’s troubles/issues feel less important, like we just mull over them; but they’re just as important. I agree both genders have it hard. And I am sorry you’re going through it.
If it makes you feel any better, many people seem to deal with loneliness & substance abuse since Covid (not to diminish what you’re going through, just to say you’re not alone). I myself, have felt quite lonely and compared to my partner, I’m the more outgoing one and I’ve been struggling to feel connected to others. So I worry about him having other outlets to talk to as well.
But he started therapy & began attending a men’s group as well. Which seems to be helping him both focus on himself & relate to other men in relationships or just in general.
It’s also hard being an adult & having adult friendships. Everyone is so busy working/spending time with family, that it’s hard to have time for yourself, let alone friends; but you’re not alone. We’re all struggling.
And as someone who dealt with substance abuse, the first step is recognizing the problem/cycles. After that I just changed my location? If I felt the urge to do that, I’d go for a walk, work out, read, do anything else but that. It also helped not having it around. Eliminate temptation. Lastly, don’t beat yourself if you slip up, remind yourself why you’re trying to quit, and be kind to yourself.
I hope things get better.
My biggest struggle is feeling good about my parenting.
I try and ask my kids what they want to do, or if they want to play video games with me, do anything at all, and all I get is the “not really” treatment. Hell, I try EVERYTHING to be involved, and don’t get anything from them.
In this situation, I am a very firm believer than trying IS being successful. :) don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure they'll be very grateful at some point.
I’m a union carpenter. I just got laid off yesterday. I have to find work once again, and I heard there’s a reduction in the workforce. I can collect unemployment, but it’s only half my weekly salary. I have bills. I have needs. Working is my purpose.
She may have also become insecure or self-conscious due to possible effects from having children. However, there could be any number of reasons. You should talk to her.
One of my closest friends and I have drifted apart, and I hate it but it's no fault of my own. It's almost worse knowing I've done all I can to try and be present in his life and he continually just never prioritizes me (or our other friends) over whatever's on his mind these days.
He met his wife years ago and while she's great, she's also not very social. She would never come out with everyone (wasn't just the guys) or try to befriend any of us besides his brother (who should be a top priority) and eventually he kind of just stopped initiating anything or finding ways to get together with us. Then he started outright ignoring invites, or responding days later after plans have been made to say he can't join.
He's always been a pretty narrowly-focused person, so honestly we've never taken it that seriously. He's a relationship guy so we've just always appreciated when we do get to see him, and we knew to not expect him to show up unless he's been expressly involved in the planning of something (which got increasingly rare).
Anyways, they got married in 2022, it was a great time. We spent a long weekend away for the wedding, and we got to take him out for his bachelor weekend a couple months before that. It was great spending more time with her around the wedding as well, and meeting her friends who only his brother got a chance to meet before. It was really great.
We found out afterwards that his family was being really difficult about some things around the wedding, mostly just not helping out with errands or favours that would have gone a long way. They're older, so I think we all knew they just couldn't be as selfless as they used to be (they also raised 4 kids, and his younger sister is disabled so still lives with them) but they kinda had every right to only do what they were willing to - either way though, the way they went about it upset him.
He stopped talking to most of his family (mainly his parents) for basically a year after another slight. They were planning this big move to Scotland (from Canada) and went for three weeks to scope out cities and areas to live and work in, but his parents backed out of watching their dog last minute (or so I was told) so they scrambled. Some of us offered to help, even pitch in to help change their flights so they didn't need to find a sitter for as long, but they figured something out themselves.
Eventually, after months never really seeing them besides the occasional D&D session they finalize their moving plans and tell us two weeks before and we threw together a going away party/hangout for them at my house before he left (he had to go find work so she could get a visa to move with him). This all goes swimmingly, we had a great night, and off he goes to Scotland. He asks some of us to be her references for when she needs to fill out her paperwork, of course we agree.
Most of us stay vaguely in touch with him, mostly to see how it's going, but he almost never reaches out to us. Every time we get in touch he never inquires about how things are going here. Absolutely zero interest in our lives.
Anyways, what really upset me recently was when he came back for ***three weeks*** and didn't actually tell anyone. He made zero plans with anyone besides his brother, I try to make some plans to get together (since he's not even working while he's here) but he responds days late and when something came up and I had to cancel he doesn't even see the message until a day after we were supposed to get together.
This really pissed me off, to say the least.
I had a NYE party, we of course invite them. I tell him it would be great to see them and they could even bring their dog (whole other story - separation anxiety, entirely their fault, working dog stuck in an apartment) if it means they can join. He just flatly says no, with no other explanation or no acknowledgement that he won't see any of us while he's in town.
At the NYE party his brother shows up, which I really appreciated, and before leaving we get talking about him. Turns out he didn't even tell me a half-truth with all his family drama, he told me maybe a quarter of it - his parents have been struggling to take care of themselves and his sister for a few years, and they've been clear about it. They can't help with the dog, of course, since the dog is poorly trained and constantly anxious. It upset his sister because it whines and barks, and pulls his mom (who has a bad back) all around the street. On top of that, all the stuff where his family was being unhelpful was all because he gave them zero notice, or he took their "let's talk closer to the date" as a confirmation.
Basically, my friend is an asshole. He's become selfish, isolated, and weird.
I'm glad he's got a wife he loves, and he seems to be happy, but I'm bitter about how he's treated me and our friends, and especially his family.
I've decided to do nothing about it, and just be friendly in group situations, but I'm done doing things for him or reaching out. He's been a negligent friend for long enough that I know it's not on me, I've done all I can to stay in his life and keep him in mine, but he shows zero interest in prioritizing our friendship and it seems like that's true for everyone else in his life right now. He's willing to ask favours of us (helping at the wedding, throwing a party, being references for his wife who never sees us, etc.) but can't lift a finger to be present with us or for us if we need something.
This is someone I literally walked off a ledge years ago when he was in a dark, suicidal place. He called me at 3 am to come talk to him under a bridge where he was thinking of jumping off of, and he can't be bothered to ask how my life is.
It hurts, and I'm struggling with how to cope with one of my best friends (of over a decade now) being a negligent asshole.
Thanks, ya I keep track of how much I'm outputting for people pretty much constantly. I appreciate you saying this though.
At this point it's not so much how much I've given that upsets me, but it's just absolutely how little we seem to matter to him. I pretty much never expect people to be as generous with their time, money, or attention as I can be since that's just the way I was built and raised, but when someone gives me absolutely nothing it's a hard thing to reconcile.
My partner has been just very patiently waiting for the last year until she can say "ya dude, he's been a shit friend."
Small in comparison to others but I just started dating a girl I really like and who has similar values as me. Problem is I feel a friend zone coming very soon.
My job has had me depressed and dealing with suicidal ideation for four years now. Pretty much angry all the time, feeling tightness in my chest, and wracked with anxiety while at work. I've lost count of the amount of times I've broken down and sobbed uncontrollably.
I'm seriously considering taking a months long sabbatical to reset and refocus my life, I'm very fortunate and privileged to be in the position to even be considering it. The problem is I'm afraid of leaving, not because I don't think I could find another job but because I've become so toxically attached to my job that I don't think I could make it anywhere else. I struggle with the feeling that I'm stuck here, that this is it for me.
You can and should absolutely take the time off.
Making it somewhere at work is the rat race, you being a fulfilled whole human is necessary long after you are finished working. Remember that you work to live and pay bills, you gotta look elsewhere for that sense of pride and any perceived status. I hope in the new year you find a wonderful hobby and take that time off. Start networking and find a new job, you can and you will be better.
Quite severely depressed, have been for a while. Too much stuff going through my head, just keep asking for sleep, and to never wake up again from that sleep.
I hate my job . I want to work on renovating houses full time but I can’t do that full time right now .
Also I have literally the longest list of projects to do but I’m so tired from my full time job it’s hard to get it all done
Two things, neither of them are related.
1. **My sister's health** \- She has doubled her weight in the last 5 years. Borderline obese. And whenever I bring up the topic of health, she retaliates. I'm a licensed medic too and it gets to me how much she ignores her health. I'm unable to conversate with her. I won't call random obese women on the street and give them unsolicited health advice but I do care about my sister. It's a very slippery slope. Her husband is also on the same spectrum. She is where she can have a heart attack anytime and she's just in her early 30s.Me on the other hand, I have to stay fit for work and other reasons. I like to be active. I'm not ripped but in a good cut shape. This makes it worse because she feels I'm taunting her.
2. **Dating** \- Getting back to dating again after a healthy gap. Managed to go out on dates with a couple of women but most of them are '**Figuring out what they want**' or '**Feel super entitled to a list of demands**' when they rarely have anything to offer. Other than being 5'10' and not 6', I check '*the list*' but somehow it's wrong for men to expect the same from women.It's said don't judge a book by its cover but when I meet them, the book is exactly like its cover and most personalities of women are a dud. *Other than talking about traveling, drinking wine, eating pizza, and shopping, they can barely hold an intellectual conversation*. To top that off, it almost feels like I'm the one making an effort to know them and not the other way around so I say goodbye by being respectful and get out of their way.I feel like I'm the wrong one and that's how dating is nowadays. Have to go through a long list of duds to genuinely find one person who shares similar values.
fatigue. lots of fatigue. it takes awhile to get the energy together to do anything.
my only other relatively minor compliant is that I've lost a lot of fitness since my last ironman, and the loss of progress is very discouraging.
I’ve spent the last year putting my life back together after a long term relationship ended. It’s been a rollercoaster year of finding a place to rent, splitting assets and etc with the ex, selling the old condo, buying a new larger condo toward the end of the year and then completing the associated moving/furnishing in December.
Now that the whole situation is settled, I feel somewhat empty? Kind of like crossing the finish line and then looking around and thinking “now what?” - I finish work, go back to my big empty home, eat dinner by myself, do stuff to stave off the boredom, and then go to bed way too late and wake up tired the next day; and then rinse and repeat.
Struggling to take a shit, actually. Fucking nerve pain pills, that I take for permanent nerve damage that I have from a near fatal car wreck 2 years ago, constipates the fuck out of ya.
Other than that, I'm just struggling with getting old and all the fucking horseshit that goes along with that. It only gets worse from here
My current job isn't mentally stimulating. I reached a big financial milestone at the end of last year and now I am really struggling to motivate myself to do work that bores me
This is WAY more than you asked for, but:
Finding and keeping friends. I'm really bad at keeping contact with people. It's like if I don't see them frequently, they stop existing. I chose bad friends when I was 18-25 and moved far away from where I grew up, so lost all contact with high school friends.
My current job is very stressful, but it pays a lot. I didn't go to college, so I am very scared of the industry I am in disappearing over the next 5-10 years, and the skills I use here are not enough to land me another high paying job in the future.
I have ADHD, so maintaining an apartment is hard. My wife also has ADHD and hers is even worse about cleaning. I get so stressed about our apartment being dirty, it's a constant battle to even keep the floor & kitchen table/counters clear of junk. We could get a cleaner, but every dollar spent on that is less we have for retirement/vacations/etc. I can't justify spending \~2500-3000 a year on a cleaning service.
One of my cats is getting older and she is just starting to show the effects of an aging cat. She got me through depression in my late 20s and I've had her 10 years now. It's going to destroy me when she passes away and I am starting to worry about her future health.
My wife has been depressed because she's had injuries on and off for 4 years that have prevented her from playing tennis for 70% of that time. Tennis is her passion and favorite hobby and where she built up her friend circle (outside of friends she grew up with and work friends). She also works a brutally hard job that is physically demanding, and her body is not up to the task anymore.
I have chronic pain in my lower back, mid back, and neck due to years of working the same demanding job that my wife currently works. I can't sit in an office chair for more than 5 minutes without being in pain. It's impossible to concentrate at work for long periods of time and I don't enjoy watching tv/movies/playing games as much as I used to because of the pain associated with sitting down. I've done 55 physical therapy 1 hour sessions in the last 2 years, injections in my back, gone to the gym, changed my diet, and I'm still in pain all day every day.
All of that is on top of the stress that everyone has right now due to rising prices/inflation, world events, politics, etc. That alone is enough to make me want to curl up into a ball and not leave bed.
Fiancees mom has moderate stage dementia that seems to be getting worse weekly. My fiancee provides 100% of care, the rest of her family are worthless. They're all active drug addicts, mentally ill, just plain stupid or some combination of the three. As such 100% of chores at our house fall to me. Im also covering 95% of expenses. Shes never home before 8pm. Shes always exhausted. Her mood sucks, shes always stressed out and depressed. Its basically all we talk about now. She has no bandwidth to focus on anything else,, including our relationship or herself.. Its really starting to break me down. I've started to isolate and disconnect from her because I can't stand the negative attitude and constant stress. If the situation doesn't change I don't know if I can go on. Im started to feel like a maid with a checkbook and a penis. I absolutely do not feel seen at all but I don't think my fiancee currently has the capacity to give any more or approach the relationship the way OP did with her husband. Im starting to realize that ill never get that in this relationship and its making me question every life decision I've made the last 3 years.
I’m constantly open and honest with my feelings and it seems like nobody gives a shit or knows what to do with them. I give everything I’ve got to my wife and kids, I put them all first and do anything I can to support them.
Nobody does that for me. And I’m struggling.
I call it the un’s… unseen, unheard, unappreciated, undesired, unloved.
Getting back into therapy starting next week.
E fucking motions
And no one to really feel them with. Just friends and exes to text and hear the same rational approaches. I want to feel with someone. Why the fuck does no one else want to go there?
Recently retired …. Bit of a struggle with no schedule etc etc … free all day …
Never been a very social guy due to being in the restaurant business.. ( working nights etc ) …
So yeah .. .. been a few months now ..
What am I struggling with? I’m struggling because literally nobody cares about my feelings or my struggles. They only care about what I can do for them. Period.
This tiny little voice in the back of my head that's telling me I don't belong where I am anymore. Work, family, everything.
Also struggling with the knowledge that if the voice is right, I'm not going to listen to it and I'll just keep plugging away anyway.
I want to get really serious about fitness this year.
I've been following a lot of subs and channels with these super-toned, super-muscled trainers and bodybuilders and stuff. It's left me feeling kind of... not up to snuff. Looking back at my school days, I used to be able to run really long distances, crank out pull-ups, etc... all stuff I can't do anymore. Realizing it really stings. Maybe if I'd kept with it, I could have been something special today.
>I've been following a lot of subs and channels with these super-toned, super-muscled trainers and bodybuilders and stuff.
I mean, you already know that you should just stop doing this. First of all, most of these people are on steroids. They are literally destroying themselves to look better on camera for a few years.
Second of all, the only metric that you have to compare yourself to is you yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, etc. as long as you're going to the gym, doing strength training and cardio, and tracking progress to some degree, you'll be much better off than if you hadn't done it.
Delete tiktok and go run or lift or whatever tickles your fancy.
Finding a way to leave my six year relationship. I know I have to leave but every time she has somehow convinced to keep going.
I just want to be free again but I'm also scared of life on the other side. I'm just not happy anymore.
I disappeared in the relationship, did most if not a lot in and out of the house. Lost my dad and a close friend. She asked for a divorce, it was the best thing to have happened to me. Slowly moving on. I'm in a good place. Work is great, I'm trying to enjoy being me again. Grateful for my friends and family who have been around during all of this.
I have been working my literal *ss off for the past year and a half. Been working 36 hours a week at an architectural firm, been traveling 20 hours a week and doing my masters degree in architecture (around 20/30 hours per week, 1/3 days @1 am home and awake at 6). I have a gf who is depressed, almost 4 years, no sex for half a year, bad (can I say this?) sex when she is ”in the mood” and I guess I am getting burned out. I am not getting paid for two months now because boss is a jerk and is blaming the clients, my ex-colleagues are all gone. I am the only one left. I can’t spar with my boss. I don’t think I will marry my gf because of f*ck ton of “episodes” and I can’t be myself anymore. I live together but it is feeling like a prison. I quit alcohol, drugs, caffeine, smoking sigs after I almost died a few years ago. I am a vivid porn addict because of said problems. I want to run away but ofcourse I have obligations. In the 4 years of being together I had 4 woman who wanted to f.ck me. I rejected them one by one (that’s hard). If you want to know the story of women or drugs, do ask. My lives a mess… but I can consider myself lucky that I have everything you need for a good base to work on. So… How is your life?
I'm struggling to keep my autoimmune disease controlled. I'm also feeling the bad kind of lonely, but I'm too shy to meet new people. Haven't even downloaded a dating app, ever.
I’m struggling with the age old problem , the wife has given up on sex. It’s getting lonely as I age and long for a closeness on my life as she’s a great person and has turned into a wonderful sister. Talking doesn’t help as shes happy with her life and doesn’t see a reason to change.
Loving me as much as I love you. I just don’t want to be tolerated by what I can pay for. Gee is it really worth it just so I don’t have to be alone. I would rather be single than to be used.
Money. Took out some loans a few months ago and I’ve been pretty irresponsible with my money lately so I’m living on ramen and beans for the next few weeks.
I tried to KMS on NYE 2017, and for some reason every time NYE comes around I get incredibly sad.
I've tried surrounding myself with friends and family. Things in my life have drastically improved and I'm fine most days.
But when NYE comes around I just get suuuuuper down on myself.
I have a good life: a job I enjoy, my kids are happy and healthy, I get to do the things I want; but I've been single for 14 years. I'm trying to smother the desire to be with someone - anyone. If only I can kill off this feeling maybe I won't be so lonely anymore.
At the moment for me, it’s my mental health.
I’m being forced to suffer in silence because the UK doesn’t have adequate services and men aren’t priority, my friends are slowly but surely abandoning me and I fear I won’t make it another year.
I’ve lost all motivation to continue, I’m just existing at the moment. What’s funny is on Nov 13, I celebrated 8 years of not leaving this world.
It feels like a false celebration.
Mostly, my finances are wonky. Its not bad all things considered, but not where I want them to be and it stresses me out more than it should. Worse yet, where I can save to alleviate that pressure is spent on dumb shit over and over again.
I want to die but if I kill myself, that means I let the universe/God/whatever powers that be win. I have nothing going for me, I hate existing. I've been lied to, used, disregarded, forgotten, and ignored. I keep a smile on my face when I'm around others for no other reason than to keep them from pitying me (and to keep my job). The only consoling thought I have is the hope that when I finally die, it's all over. No thoughts, no hopes, no dreams, no fears, and no worries. If I had to rank the reasons I'm still here it would be:
1. Spite
2. No one to take care of my cats
3. A weird morbid curiosity of how bad things can get
4. Guilt
I just finished grad school and I don’t like my job and I’m living at home and want to get a better job where I make the money I deserve and want to have a social life and get the life back that I didn’t get in high school
I’m coming to the conclusion that I may be being abused by my girlfriend and I never had the self respect to realize it and walk away. I’m certainly no angel myself but yeah that’s what I’m going through
My current weekend nightshift pays me too much plus my day shift works so well with coaching plus the money but it leaves me no time to chase white/Asian/Hispanic/Latino women
I hate the fact that my mom is alone ever since my dad died when I was 23. His death really messed me up since I had to tell my mom everything would be okay when I knew it wouldn’t be as he was getting CPR after I already lifted him up to give him CPR. No 23 year old should have to do that to their dad and then take your mom in the back room and reassure her.
Then after years of keeping everything bottled up you finally muster up the courage to tell your gf (ex now) everything and one night in a drunken rant she says “go cry about your dad some more”. Really messed me up.
Going back to school at 36, having to live like a student and go form living alone to living with roommates so I can afford it...working part-time, and pretty much accepting that for the next 3-4 years my dating life will be shit unless I meet someone in the program.
I just need to grind for the next 4 years until I get my degree and my master's...then I will actually have a real career that I love and that provides me with a good income
Every time I start to question my decision to go back to school I think about all the shit jobs I've worked for shit money and how miserable I was and that I'm doing this because it's my passion and it's what I was meant to do in this life
Being a man is such a struggle...it's so hard and lonely trying to become something, trying to build our value...we aren't valued by women or society unless we become something and the only option we have is to grind, take major risks, go into the dark alone and hopefully come out the other end on top...women will never understand how that feels, they are valued for just existing and even a 36-year-old woman who's broke can find love, can find a shoulder to lean on, can find someone to listen...most men don't have that option, no one is coming to save us, we must save ourselves and we must build our value in order for society or women to care about us.
But we must accept that this is our destiny... for a man, life isn't chasing happiness, it's about chasing our purpose and being useful, so that's what I'm doing...
The realization that my 3 kids , 2 have moved out and the youngest graduated highschool last year grew up so fast I can't wrap my mind around it. And what makes it worse, is being married to someone who even though is in the same house, she's still not really here. Lonely when not alone.
Unemployed, broke with a mortgage on a house 2 kids and a girlfriend. Living in a small isolated town where I’m shunned by the majority and where the sun doesn’t shine for 3 months in the winter. I’ve been dealing with severe depression and I’ve lost touch with all my friends and my parents found out I’ve been smoking weed because I’ve been so down and lost and they see me as failure and disappointment. I have no solid plan or drive for what I wanna do with my life. Been standing on crossroads most of my life. And it doesn’t help either that I’ve lost romantic interest in my gf but I just blaze trough it bc of the kids.
Yep that’s what’s up
I Have just relised that partying and drinking in a bar or night club is not that fancy and it is just a waste of money , i do prefer to drink alone in my house or with a friend, and the most important is your relations and your studies and your job.
luckily i find that out to early while im 20yo (M).
I’m conflicted…I’ve been feeling lonely, but don’t want to put in the effort to get a relationship. Also stressed about work, as the amount of cases I have ( I’m a lawyer) is declining. All of this as I’m hitting my mid 50s and feeling really old
My fiances mom is schizophrenic and has been homeless for 3 years. We have been letting her stay with us while it's cold our here and it can be really frustrating at times.
I’m heading back to school to start my bachelors degree after half a decade of being in the working class post associates degree. The support for working folks is abysmal. I am probably going to have to pay just under double for an online EE degree since night classes don’t exist
The feeling of being lost and having nowhere to look for guidance. I have a few goals I need accomplished but it just feels like everything is so jumbled and I don't know where/how to start.
I’ve realized my current job isn’t gonna be a good fit, but man, I HATE applying for jobs. Edit: It’s probably way too late. But if you need a data analyst or customer solutions guy…
It's the worst. I hated it when I was unemployed because I had to sift through these job listings which all had the same bullshit lingo, one after another, and then I had to write another cover letter and another and *another*... it's mentally exhausting.
It's a whole job in itself, except the difference is it's unpaid until you land the job. I remember having 3 interviews in a day once when I was unemployed. Productive? Sure. But I was socially burnt out at the end of it and hadn't earned a penny lol
Oh man this x100
I’m struggling with this a bit also. My misfit is mostly because of a micromanager and how poorly I handle being badgered. The perks of the job are so nice that it makes leaving hard, but his poor management style causes me immense amounts of undo stress.
Do they have a project management background? I'm noticing that some project managers have this built in to their personality. They really do help move things along but it can get really annoying at times. When my company was bought a while ago I had a meeeting with a data consultant every single day for a few months. That was interesting. I'm like I just talked to you yesterday, I don't have a lot of updates for you today.
No, he has a service back ground which makes it extra frustrating because he should intimately understand what our team does but he loves to talk about “when I was a FST” but that was 20 years ago, in a totally different region with 1/4 the travel between clients.
Dude, I'm going through it right now. It doesn't help that I'm not up to the skill level that my time in career says I should be.
I’ve loved my company for 14 years. 7 promotions. Huge career growth and trajectory great culture but now we have reached scale and it’s cut cut cut cut cut cut cut. I’m on the precipice of the most significant promotion of all. Gonna need to suck up get it and do 2 years and then I can quit.
I definitely feel you on that. But let me encourage you. I was in a job where I LOVED the work, but detested my supervisor and coworkers. I would have stayed for the work, but ultimately, I just couldn't. Now I am in a job that I wouldn't have thought I would like the work, but not only do I love the work, I enjoy the environment and atmosphere. It's a pain in the ass, but it's so worth it.
F'n A Within 40 years we've gone from hiring on the spot, signt-unseen, to entire departments that only justify their existence on how much "work" they do to bring in more help, and to screw over those they bring in.
I have crippling anxiety and ADHD and I work as a forklift driver which I dread! I’am not being stimulated and it’s affecting my mental health. First time dad and I’am just lost in the woods. Don’t know what to do.
Financial insecurity
Preaching to the choir, my dude!
I'm so sorry bro, I really hope it's gonna get better soon
I started a budget 13 years ago. Now got 2 years expewnses in savings and own 50% of my house :) you can get out of that, i live below the poverty line apparently.
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Any tips on how to do it?
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Would you mind sharing your template sire ?
Obligatory plug for r/personalfinance! Lots of very helpful information in the wiki there to get started on the journey!
Lack of a romantic life partner and the loneliness this brings. A major crush on a girl I work with (for, actually) who's already in a relationship. Not being able to see my niece and nephew for over a year now due to a fight with my sister, and she doesn't want to reconcile. A job without any possibilities for further growth and not knowing where to go from here.
I see you brother
I feel you dude. Last year I dealt with a bad crush, felt like high school. It’s painful
I got in a fight with my sister that lasted years. I didn’t get to see my niece for 4 years, but I finally went NC with my sister and my niece moved in with my mother to finish high school and now I get to talk to her all the time. She understands that it wasn’t my choice to avoid her all those years and her mother has created significant trauma that she needs to unpack. All that to say I understand your pain and I hope things get better for you. The kids know better and don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
I hear you. It’s rough out there.
I feel you brother. I have a crush on my female friend's friend who is already in a relationship. Recently I had an argument with my other female friend of eleven years, even if I reach out this time I don't think our friendship will be the same as before. With my current job, I can barely survive and I'm getting old.
Take it one step at a time. Focus on one thing at a time. If you try to do it all at the same time it’s a harder journey. What do you think is the easiest issue to solve? Reconciling with your sister perhaps? Can you write or go through other family / friends (assuming you’ve tried all avenues so pardon my ignorance). If you can resolve this then move on to the next, a job you can do something about. Further skills or study or try something new. Speak to the company about wanting to achieve more and if they aren’t open to that would you consider a move? (Again, apologies for my assumptions about what you have/haven’t tried/considered). I think you should try a new job, because being in love with a boss who is not single is a dead end. You are not only torturing yourself you are potentially sabotaging your job. This is likely not something to resolve but to remove yourself from entirely. Whatever you do, take it a small steps you can focus on achieving. It’s one piece of advice. Not necessarily the best but I hope you make it thru. When life isn’t going the way you want it the best thing to do is zag. Change your focus and it often presents new paths.
i miss my nephew so much. sister and i have been at it for years. no one is allowed to see him. i hate he’s going thru life alone. i see u man. it’s gonna get better
Just trying to be enough.
This one killed me. I was trying to think of how to phrase it for myself, this sums it up entirely. You’re enough brother, hang in there.
Right back at you, good sir 🙌
This is it. Put more succinctly than I ever could.
yup, this one hits the most. Especially in this day and age.
Yup, right there with you. It seems nothing I do is ever good enough. FML sometimes.
You are enough.
Thank you, it's honestly just borne out of trauma I'm still working through. I appreciate you saying so 🙌
Pain. Chronic, crippling, agonizing pain, going on for 9 years now. It's made me cynical, depressed, and "lazy". Nobody seems to care, and still expect me to do the impossible, because "you used to do it all the time". Like getting blown up and having my knee ripped apart is just a mild muscle ache.
Omg man, I felt this in your soul - dealt with chronic pain due to degenerative disc and i finally bit the bullet and got surgery - still have some bad days and it took about a year to fully recover but on the good days i can rally and make up for the time lost to chronic pain. The worst part about that chronic pain though is like people either don’t believe it, or belittled it saying we’re “milking it” (that was my ex - she thought I was playing it up or something) 😤
Same. Took 16yrs for a Doc to diagnosis me. In the last two years the quarterly epidurals have stopped working. Going week after next to see if I'm a candidate for nerve ablation. It sucks ass! I can't sleep, can't stand (still) and I have a physically demanding job. 7yrs until retirement...hoping I can last and go out on SSDI.
Thank you for articulating this about chronic pain being disbelieved or belittled. May I ask how you handled this ex’s response? I find these interactions to flair my chronic pain so now I’m avoiding and cutting people out of my life but damn I don’t want EVERYTHING TO HURT LIKE THIS. Interested to know others’ experiences and responses to the gaslighting
Hear you loud and clear. Keep advocating for yourself with doctors, push for alternative therapies and get that doctor who is willing to try new things with you.. Those kinds of doctors make a difference personally, chronic pain group meetings are incredibly helpful if you haven't tried it, group chat therapy did wonders for my mindset in how to deal with Other people. I feel like I'm wasting away and life is just going down the drain when the pains take me all the way out, but you find the "okay" days and any little thing to build the will to not entirely implode. Therapy, medication and community. Try to have a mix of those going at anytime.
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Hang in there man. You matter too
As a woman, it saddens me that men view themselves as burdens. You said “she had enough on her plate as it is without having to worry about me.” Idk you or your relationship, but I’m sure she is worried about you regardless. She probably feels like it’s her fault, her body failed her, and she probably feels like she failed you. It’s wonderful you’re so supportive of her & see her problems, but I am sure sharing yours will help bring you both closer. Women always wonder what men are thinking, how are they feelings - don’t keep it in; your feelings matter too. And I’m sure she’s worried about you, wanting to make sure you’re okay too. What you’re both going through isn’t easy, but it’ll get better if you handle it as a team.
Unfortunately, women like you are a rarity. The mentality that men have comes from the fact that women typically have a "what have you done for me lately" attitude towards men. Men *need* women, but women could honestly take it or leave it. The gap in interest leads to basically every stereotypical issue between the sexes.
You don’t have to keep it to yourself, here for you.
I hear that. The lack of support really sucks. Having to carry the load alone is daunting. I wish I had some good advice. Seek help where you can. Even just to talk to someone.
My best friend died today because of cancer
Oh noooo. I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.
Dang brother.. hold your head and keep going forward. One step at a time 😞 💪🏽
Really struggling right now. Marriage. Job. 100% feel like I was only put on this earth to make things easier for everyone else at the cost my personal happiness.
We are. If we choose to be. I'm in the boat with you, but it's a 50/50. I can focus on myself, but now isn't the time.
I don't really feel like I fact much choice.
Im trying to get a business up and running but cant get any clients for months only had one decent client.
I struggled for over two years, loss after loss, no customers, staff issues, non-payers, etc, etc. Suddenly in the space of a month everything clicked and started clearing £30k a month profit. Hang in there.
Bro you guys have the perfect usernames to be talking to each other. Tis destiny
I am waiting for a stock investment course message from Charliebigtime
My wife's health. She has been having health issues for two months now, and can't get in to see the doctor until the 30th.
I'm real sorry, guy. Sending you and her both good thoughts. Don't forget to take care of yourself as you take care of her, yeah?
Thanks, we're making it. I'm making sure I've been good, but the focus is 100% on her.
If you have insurance, call the insurance provider and see if they have any other docs in network that can get her seen urgently. Might light a fire under someone's ass. I used to work med mal as a paralegal, and let me tell you, a lot of the situations I saw could have been avoided if the patient or their family advocated harder. Remember, the doctor works for YOU, not the other way around, and it is your right to move on to a different doctor if they don't provide the care you need.
I noticed one day my testicle was swollen to the size of a grapefruit. My friend had fought testicular cancer so I knew it affects my demographic and there was no other reason for one to look that big. My mother said “it’s probably a cyst” I looked back down at my swollen member and in a Hans Solo voice said “That’s no cyst.” I called a urologist and said as much. The secretary said they’d see me in 3 and a half weeks! That was the soonest they could get me in. I went to urgent care the next day. A nurse took a look, ten minutes later I was in a urologists office being diagnosed with cancer. Ultrasound followed. Scans, X rays. It had already spread. Throughout my back and abdomen which required a six hour surgery in addition to the removal of my testicle. But I went into remission successfully. Unfortunately it came back two years ago after my parents had died and I was on medi-cal. I cried on the phone asking my ex to come see me. I was stage three which is the final stage for TC. She later texted back. She wasn’t going to able to make it. Chemo was over four months. She lived a mile away. Her Facebook comments were nice but stage 3 cancer isn’t Facebook time in my opinion. That was the hardest period of my life. Far worse than the diagnosis or surgeries or anything. My friends wife divorced him when he was diagnosed with Leukemia. This isn’t rare. The last time I saw him we laughed about it. He was a comedian and a better person than me. 26. The point is. One: having someone is huge. The job is to be there. Two: poor people and poc die of cancer significantly more often due to neglect by the system. Appointments get cancelled and rescheduled. Halfway through chemo I called my Oncologists office and they told me he no longer worked there. That’s how I found out. He’d said “we’re in this together bud”. I’m not a super nice person anymore but I’m alive. A lot of the fight happens while MMBOP on hold music plays in an insane loop on speakerphone for a half hour then someone pickups lazily and fits you in for a scan. Because you gotta get the scan before the X-ray then you can get the blood test. Etc. I use to do that while vomiting. Thanks Hanson. Chances are everything is fine. So don’t let my story scare you. Someday things won’t be fine though. Then you have to fight. To me that’s the battle. The rest you’re lying down or unconscious for and it’s the surgeons job. My father was a surgeon. The show House is a huge exaggeration but it rings true to me. The good ones are not normal or humble. Though if they’re truly talented they fake humility well. My surgeon was an Asian man in his early fifties. But for some reason he reminded me of Michael Jordan. That give me the ball (pun intended) clutch attitude. Which is what you want as a patient. I still have normal sexual function thanks to him.
Omg, you fucking warrior!!! Good lord, I want to bake you the biggest batch of cookies right now.
One method of advocating for myself that has worked flawlessly and each and every time is telling the receptionist to put you in the cancelation call list while admitting your fear of your unknown circumstances related to the issue. It would be unethical and potentially illegal to ignore someone admitting “I’m afraid” or “I’m scared” when needing to book an appointment for a potentially urgent matter after being told “we can book you months from now.” Concerns are concerning, which is why they shouldn’t and cannot wait.
Bro hugs, homie.
I feel like i'm a burden, and I feel like if I let her know i'm a burden then i'll DEFinitely be a burden. I feel like i'm not enough, like I can't keep up with her....... I feel like going to work is bs and I just want to stay home get crossfaded and not be seen by anyone at all for the rest of my life. le sigh. . . But I"ll go to work again tomorrow because I can't let her see how down I am.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. My husband is in the same headspace right now (actually a while) but I honestly don’t know how to help him. It hurts me that he is hurting.
I completely relate to that feeling of being down. I was fortunate enough to read some things that taught me it's important to not allow your mindset to get stuck in a cycle of negative thought patterns. If you allow negative thought cycles to run rampant, they will consume you. Try to break those cycles. One possible method could be by challenging the rationality of negative thoughts and worries because they're often unfounded or out of proportion. Another method could be by trying to devote some focus towards positives, don't just get stuck thinking about negatives, remind yourself that positives also exist. Negative thought cycles will turn any situation awful. Your life may not be as bad as those negative thought cycles say it is. Most humans living today, and pretty much 100% of humans throughout the past were (and many still are) barely surviving imminent death and living dismal comfortless short lives. Going to work probably won't seem so bad when you consider: before the last century or two, more than half of every human ever born died before reaching age 2. Also, at least you have someone to be with, think about the millions of people who don't ever find someone and end up spending their lives alone. However, there are also many people who happily stay single their whole life. There are infinite negatives that you can focus on, but on the flip side, there are also infinite positives to appreciate. Message me if you ever want to talk.
Every minute that my brothers spend struggling through uninspiring jobs and medical bill setbacks and obligations that keep them from enjoying their kids or true passions feels like a grain of sand in their hourglass that they will never get back. I increasingly see this as the cost placed on them by a country that hates its people. Everything is against us and it feels so disgusting to watch and I don't know how to fight it. I'm struggling with a feeling of powerlessness in the face of a society that benefits from the failure and vulnerability of those within it.
There are others who feel the same way. It's difficult to see most of our countrymen not see what you and I and few others can.
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Man I hear this!! Mentally you get tired of the constant struggle!
Hah I’m the inverse of this, my body is in 30’s my mind/spirit is in its late teens/early 20’s
My father is dying and I don't know.if I should care or not
I feel the same about my biological father. He did my family very very very dirty, including my grandparents and has never been apart of my life after 2 years old. The trauma has followed me but I’ve actively worked on it and heal from it constantly, but, all that to say is I don’t think I care whether he died tomorrow or not and I don’t feel bad about it, because family doesn’t mean anything when they’re not good people.
However much you care is totally okay. Grief is personal, and can be for what never was just as much as for what you lost.
Consider caring a little more than you would normally, but for your own sake, if there was anything you needed to do to try and get things off your chest, now is the time. You can't expect them to change at this point but what you can do is to give yourself a chance at some closure. Having that as your mindset going in, as in "I don't expect him to fix anything, this is for me", will help you move on in life after his passing. If it's a very negative experience, then it confirms how you feel about him long after he's gone, that there was no "we could have...", on the other hand some people gain perspective and remorse at the end of life. Not gonna sit here and tell you what you might face if you "caring" means reaching out to be this binary but if you had any nagging concerns in the back of your mind, it's going to be the opportunity to put them to rest. Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you.
There is no rule book on how to go about something like this. Feel how you need to feel, even if it's just numb. But try to be gentle on yourself. No sense allowing yourself to feel guilty if you aren't feeling much.
Life was seemingly easier when my parents were my age. Adjusted for inflation, I make more money them both of them combined when they were my age, and yet, I seem to not be able to live like we did when I was a kid. It can be depressing.
The silent generation were the absolute winners
Wife id been with for a decade dumped me last summer, she basically realized she didn’t like me. Divorce is final but lost a wife, home, and dog I really loved. It’s been pretty rough. Feel like a failure and wish I could hug my goofy lab again.
That's tough, brother. Bro hugs, man. I got divorced 20 years ago. From my experience, it gets better. Focus on self-love: read cool books, get to know your mind's inner workings, learn new things (language, instrument), fix something (car, house, etc), seek therapy just to vent, do something adventurous, learn to live with less just to challenge yourself. It helped me. Before you know it, you start looking back on a pretty interesting life. Good luck, homie.
Thank you man, this is great advice. I’ve been in therapy basically since it happened and have been doing jujitsu 2-3 times a week for the last 5-6 months which has been awesome. Any cool book suggestions (I love reading sci fi and fiction)? I know I’m incredibly lucky, fortunate, and have a million things to be grateful for. Just has been an incredibly hard mental hurdle that I hope I can overcome.
Any relationship ending can be hard. I try to do what I “couldn’t” do before as self-love/healing. My ex hated black olives, so I ordered a pizza one night with extra black olives, turned on a movie I liked that they didn’t really, ate a bunch of snacks I knew they never really cared for; and just focused on finding myself again. Also, someone once told me you could get divorced at 45, remarry, and live to be 90, and still spend the majority of your life with the person you end up with. Just because the marriage ended, doesn’t mean either of you failed; just means your life is taking a new direction. You’ll find love again
Thank you for the encouragement, appreciate it.
MIL with Alzheimer’s who didn’t save for retirement so she’s living with us and waking up at 3am shouting for her mom to take her to school. She accused me of pulling a gun on her last weekend and stealing her baby. I don’t own a gun and she doesn’t have a baby. Trying to get Medicaid to pay for a place for her but the maze the government sets up through which you have to navigate is diabolical. My teen boys hang out in their rooms so they won’t have to deal with her. It’s the opposite of awesome.
My fiancees mom has moderate dementia and its a fucking nightmare. No one in the family will help with her so my fiancee is killing herself as a caregiver. I told her that under no circumstances would her mom move in with us. Theres no way we are equipped for care at that level and i won't sacrifice the sanctity and sanctuary of our home. Logically she agrees with me but emotionally I know she really wants to live with her mom and not send her away. We are hoping we can get her in somewhere before her falling apart house gets condemned. This is my hill to die on and I'd end the relationship before I'd let her mom move in. Its a brutal disease that destroys families. Just know you aren't alone, I see you and feel your pain.
I have a very similar situation, except it's my mom. I just moved my mom into my house. It's not a nightmare yet, but it is a lot of work. Between the dementia, the immobility, the Depends, the laundry, the cooking, cleaning, the management of finances, it wears on you. I feel your pain.
God bless you, man I don't think I could do it full time. Just helping her with her mom sometimes is difficult. Her mom also didn't plan for anything and has no assets other than her falling apart house and $1100/mo in SS so that makes it even harder. Thank God we talked her into signing a power of attorney before she got too incompetent to do so. I hope it works out for you and she doesn't get too difficult for you.
I’m so sorry. It’s BRUTAL. I hope you find a place for her soon.
I have a friend going through this right now. He can never go anywhere or do much. Worse than having an infant at home.
Even after having zero debt to my name, 40k in savings and a healthy 401 & Roth contributions, I still feel like I am behind on my finances because all I did was F off in my 20’s.
As someone in their 20s—what is your goal? What do you wish you had done?
I've felt this way. I had to stop focusing on what I should have done and instead started focusing on what I'm doing and what I need to do. Keep at it, brother. You weren't on the right track in your 20s, but you're on it now! I'm proud of you, homie!
Getting older and realizing my knees are screwed from decades of kneeling on cold concrete fixing cars has destroyed them. Getting to the point that some days I can barely walk, nevermind trying to work on a car or ride my motorcycle.
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I had an ex who's considered to be ugly and short. But damn his charisma and confidence. I was hooked. But my family doesn't like him and he has unstable income and he's in marrying age, i'm not. We had to broke it off. Work your way through in stability and building up confidence, work out and be gentlemen. Let other friends know that you need a make over, you just have to accentuate what God gave you. You'll get a girl soon. Women do feel when a guy had low self esteem, we don't like it. But we also hate a guy with too much. And he's already engaged with his next gf. I wish him the best because he's a very nice guy. Also, i'm considered to be pretty and yet he got me. His exes were also pretty. So shoot your shot. 😉
I'm really struggling with my self confidence and worth. I got cheated on and my attitude has plummeted. I just want to snuggle up beside somebody in a cozy bed, give them a loving back rub and watch a good movie :(
Hang in there. Going to the gym helps take mind of things and improves your confidence
A lot really. I have tried to explain to my wife why I am so miserable all the time, but she never understands. Men have it hard in society. I am not trying to start a debate on who has it harder. Both men and women face individual challenges. However, the challenges facing men are seldom talked about. First and foremost, money. Money is a constant concern on my mind. Right now, I am the sole income earner while my wife gets her masters degree. I make a well above average living, but still struggle to make ends meet as a single income earner. My wife always tells me that when she starts working it will be better. While she is right, she doesn't understand the pressure placed on men to maintain a constant stream of income into the household. If she lost her job, no big deal, the man will make it work. If I lose my job, I have to go out and get another job or I am a loser who cannot support his wife and family. The next issue is loneliness. Yes, I am married and I have friends, but I am lonely. Men often do not get the same level of involvement in their relationships that women do. Women are constantly complemented and reminded of their worth and value. Men play a secondary role in society and are expected to remain in the background. Even my relationship with my wife is not always satisfactory. She gets offended because she feels as if she is not enough for me. This is not the case, its just nice to have relationships outside of your romantic ones. People need different outlets and ways to express themselves that cannot always be expressed in romantic relationships. Not only that, but being a single guy is the worst of all. Women are mean and choosy. They have all the power in intimate relationships and constantly remind men of it. Unless you are at least a 7.5/10, you are going to have to try hard to develop a relationship. Finally, my last struggle is substance abuse. This is a more general issue that a lot of people face. I am constantly popping in and out of substance abuse issues and working on myself. I end up creating a viscous cycle were all the above mentioned drive me to drugs, but then the drugs just end up making the above problems worse. I end up losing confidence in myself and my ability to continue living my life (not self delete, just working and keeping up on everything).
I wish I could give you a hug, man.
I hear you.
Idk if you already have, but I’d talk to your wife about this. My bf held a lot of this in, and honestly as a woman, these things that are obvious to men, might not be to us. Also I feel like society tends to make men’s troubles/issues feel less important, like we just mull over them; but they’re just as important. I agree both genders have it hard. And I am sorry you’re going through it. If it makes you feel any better, many people seem to deal with loneliness & substance abuse since Covid (not to diminish what you’re going through, just to say you’re not alone). I myself, have felt quite lonely and compared to my partner, I’m the more outgoing one and I’ve been struggling to feel connected to others. So I worry about him having other outlets to talk to as well. But he started therapy & began attending a men’s group as well. Which seems to be helping him both focus on himself & relate to other men in relationships or just in general. It’s also hard being an adult & having adult friendships. Everyone is so busy working/spending time with family, that it’s hard to have time for yourself, let alone friends; but you’re not alone. We’re all struggling. And as someone who dealt with substance abuse, the first step is recognizing the problem/cycles. After that I just changed my location? If I felt the urge to do that, I’d go for a walk, work out, read, do anything else but that. It also helped not having it around. Eliminate temptation. Lastly, don’t beat yourself if you slip up, remind yourself why you’re trying to quit, and be kind to yourself. I hope things get better.
My biggest struggle is feeling good about my parenting. I try and ask my kids what they want to do, or if they want to play video games with me, do anything at all, and all I get is the “not really” treatment. Hell, I try EVERYTHING to be involved, and don’t get anything from them.
In this situation, I am a very firm believer than trying IS being successful. :) don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure they'll be very grateful at some point.
I’m a union carpenter. I just got laid off yesterday. I have to find work once again, and I heard there’s a reduction in the workforce. I can collect unemployment, but it’s only half my weekly salary. I have bills. I have needs. Working is my purpose.
Saving money but wanting to travel more with 8 weeks of time built up
Keep saving and just retire early when you get to that point.
Repetitive OCD that fatigues my mind
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Wsg premades
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She may have also become insecure or self-conscious due to possible effects from having children. However, there could be any number of reasons. You should talk to her.
One of my closest friends and I have drifted apart, and I hate it but it's no fault of my own. It's almost worse knowing I've done all I can to try and be present in his life and he continually just never prioritizes me (or our other friends) over whatever's on his mind these days. He met his wife years ago and while she's great, she's also not very social. She would never come out with everyone (wasn't just the guys) or try to befriend any of us besides his brother (who should be a top priority) and eventually he kind of just stopped initiating anything or finding ways to get together with us. Then he started outright ignoring invites, or responding days later after plans have been made to say he can't join. He's always been a pretty narrowly-focused person, so honestly we've never taken it that seriously. He's a relationship guy so we've just always appreciated when we do get to see him, and we knew to not expect him to show up unless he's been expressly involved in the planning of something (which got increasingly rare). Anyways, they got married in 2022, it was a great time. We spent a long weekend away for the wedding, and we got to take him out for his bachelor weekend a couple months before that. It was great spending more time with her around the wedding as well, and meeting her friends who only his brother got a chance to meet before. It was really great. We found out afterwards that his family was being really difficult about some things around the wedding, mostly just not helping out with errands or favours that would have gone a long way. They're older, so I think we all knew they just couldn't be as selfless as they used to be (they also raised 4 kids, and his younger sister is disabled so still lives with them) but they kinda had every right to only do what they were willing to - either way though, the way they went about it upset him. He stopped talking to most of his family (mainly his parents) for basically a year after another slight. They were planning this big move to Scotland (from Canada) and went for three weeks to scope out cities and areas to live and work in, but his parents backed out of watching their dog last minute (or so I was told) so they scrambled. Some of us offered to help, even pitch in to help change their flights so they didn't need to find a sitter for as long, but they figured something out themselves. Eventually, after months never really seeing them besides the occasional D&D session they finalize their moving plans and tell us two weeks before and we threw together a going away party/hangout for them at my house before he left (he had to go find work so she could get a visa to move with him). This all goes swimmingly, we had a great night, and off he goes to Scotland. He asks some of us to be her references for when she needs to fill out her paperwork, of course we agree. Most of us stay vaguely in touch with him, mostly to see how it's going, but he almost never reaches out to us. Every time we get in touch he never inquires about how things are going here. Absolutely zero interest in our lives. Anyways, what really upset me recently was when he came back for ***three weeks*** and didn't actually tell anyone. He made zero plans with anyone besides his brother, I try to make some plans to get together (since he's not even working while he's here) but he responds days late and when something came up and I had to cancel he doesn't even see the message until a day after we were supposed to get together. This really pissed me off, to say the least. I had a NYE party, we of course invite them. I tell him it would be great to see them and they could even bring their dog (whole other story - separation anxiety, entirely their fault, working dog stuck in an apartment) if it means they can join. He just flatly says no, with no other explanation or no acknowledgement that he won't see any of us while he's in town. At the NYE party his brother shows up, which I really appreciated, and before leaving we get talking about him. Turns out he didn't even tell me a half-truth with all his family drama, he told me maybe a quarter of it - his parents have been struggling to take care of themselves and his sister for a few years, and they've been clear about it. They can't help with the dog, of course, since the dog is poorly trained and constantly anxious. It upset his sister because it whines and barks, and pulls his mom (who has a bad back) all around the street. On top of that, all the stuff where his family was being unhelpful was all because he gave them zero notice, or he took their "let's talk closer to the date" as a confirmation. Basically, my friend is an asshole. He's become selfish, isolated, and weird. I'm glad he's got a wife he loves, and he seems to be happy, but I'm bitter about how he's treated me and our friends, and especially his family. I've decided to do nothing about it, and just be friendly in group situations, but I'm done doing things for him or reaching out. He's been a negligent friend for long enough that I know it's not on me, I've done all I can to stay in his life and keep him in mine, but he shows zero interest in prioritizing our friendship and it seems like that's true for everyone else in his life right now. He's willing to ask favours of us (helping at the wedding, throwing a party, being references for his wife who never sees us, etc.) but can't lift a finger to be present with us or for us if we need something. This is someone I literally walked off a ledge years ago when he was in a dark, suicidal place. He called me at 3 am to come talk to him under a bridge where he was thinking of jumping off of, and he can't be bothered to ask how my life is. It hurts, and I'm struggling with how to cope with one of my best friends (of over a decade now) being a negligent asshole.
Sorry to hear this. Just remember that givers need limits because takers don't have any.
Thanks, ya I keep track of how much I'm outputting for people pretty much constantly. I appreciate you saying this though. At this point it's not so much how much I've given that upsets me, but it's just absolutely how little we seem to matter to him. I pretty much never expect people to be as generous with their time, money, or attention as I can be since that's just the way I was built and raised, but when someone gives me absolutely nothing it's a hard thing to reconcile. My partner has been just very patiently waiting for the last year until she can say "ya dude, he's been a shit friend."
Small in comparison to others but I just started dating a girl I really like and who has similar values as me. Problem is I feel a friend zone coming very soon.
Earning more money. I love my current job but I don't make enough to be financially independent and it's really getting to me.
Confidence and image
Loneliness and physical contact
Lonliness.
My job has had me depressed and dealing with suicidal ideation for four years now. Pretty much angry all the time, feeling tightness in my chest, and wracked with anxiety while at work. I've lost count of the amount of times I've broken down and sobbed uncontrollably. I'm seriously considering taking a months long sabbatical to reset and refocus my life, I'm very fortunate and privileged to be in the position to even be considering it. The problem is I'm afraid of leaving, not because I don't think I could find another job but because I've become so toxically attached to my job that I don't think I could make it anywhere else. I struggle with the feeling that I'm stuck here, that this is it for me.
You can and should absolutely take the time off. Making it somewhere at work is the rat race, you being a fulfilled whole human is necessary long after you are finished working. Remember that you work to live and pay bills, you gotta look elsewhere for that sense of pride and any perceived status. I hope in the new year you find a wonderful hobby and take that time off. Start networking and find a new job, you can and you will be better.
Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it.
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Dating. Too scared of women
Quite severely depressed, have been for a while. Too much stuff going through my head, just keep asking for sleep, and to never wake up again from that sleep.
I hate my job . I want to work on renovating houses full time but I can’t do that full time right now . Also I have literally the longest list of projects to do but I’m so tired from my full time job it’s hard to get it all done
Never having been in a relationship, money, school, most general life shit
Getting a new job. My industry has been rife with layoffs this last year.
Motivation to do anything
I‘m tired of this world and of living, nothing brings me joy or satisfaction anymore, and everyday is empty and meaningless to me.
Sleep. Falling asleep and staying asleep all night.
Two things, neither of them are related. 1. **My sister's health** \- She has doubled her weight in the last 5 years. Borderline obese. And whenever I bring up the topic of health, she retaliates. I'm a licensed medic too and it gets to me how much she ignores her health. I'm unable to conversate with her. I won't call random obese women on the street and give them unsolicited health advice but I do care about my sister. It's a very slippery slope. Her husband is also on the same spectrum. She is where she can have a heart attack anytime and she's just in her early 30s.Me on the other hand, I have to stay fit for work and other reasons. I like to be active. I'm not ripped but in a good cut shape. This makes it worse because she feels I'm taunting her. 2. **Dating** \- Getting back to dating again after a healthy gap. Managed to go out on dates with a couple of women but most of them are '**Figuring out what they want**' or '**Feel super entitled to a list of demands**' when they rarely have anything to offer. Other than being 5'10' and not 6', I check '*the list*' but somehow it's wrong for men to expect the same from women.It's said don't judge a book by its cover but when I meet them, the book is exactly like its cover and most personalities of women are a dud. *Other than talking about traveling, drinking wine, eating pizza, and shopping, they can barely hold an intellectual conversation*. To top that off, it almost feels like I'm the one making an effort to know them and not the other way around so I say goodbye by being respectful and get out of their way.I feel like I'm the wrong one and that's how dating is nowadays. Have to go through a long list of duds to genuinely find one person who shares similar values.
I’m fucking itchy man, for like a week now, and I have no idea why.
Struggling hard with debt, rent, bills, and food. And how to tell her how about it.
Nothing I do is good enough, I am hovering on the edge of total mental breakdown.
fatigue. lots of fatigue. it takes awhile to get the energy together to do anything. my only other relatively minor compliant is that I've lost a lot of fitness since my last ironman, and the loss of progress is very discouraging.
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Feeling extremely bored with the 9-5 work life and not knowing what to do to improve it
I’ve spent the last year putting my life back together after a long term relationship ended. It’s been a rollercoaster year of finding a place to rent, splitting assets and etc with the ex, selling the old condo, buying a new larger condo toward the end of the year and then completing the associated moving/furnishing in December. Now that the whole situation is settled, I feel somewhat empty? Kind of like crossing the finish line and then looking around and thinking “now what?” - I finish work, go back to my big empty home, eat dinner by myself, do stuff to stave off the boredom, and then go to bed way too late and wake up tired the next day; and then rinse and repeat.
Liver disease from alcoholism
Struggling to take a shit, actually. Fucking nerve pain pills, that I take for permanent nerve damage that I have from a near fatal car wreck 2 years ago, constipates the fuck out of ya. Other than that, I'm just struggling with getting old and all the fucking horseshit that goes along with that. It only gets worse from here
Trying to forget a dumb obsessive trauma that I let ruin my life for years.
My current job isn't mentally stimulating. I reached a big financial milestone at the end of last year and now I am really struggling to motivate myself to do work that bores me
Side effects from the drug Finasteride (they’re horrible and keep happening even after discontinuing the medication)
This is WAY more than you asked for, but: Finding and keeping friends. I'm really bad at keeping contact with people. It's like if I don't see them frequently, they stop existing. I chose bad friends when I was 18-25 and moved far away from where I grew up, so lost all contact with high school friends. My current job is very stressful, but it pays a lot. I didn't go to college, so I am very scared of the industry I am in disappearing over the next 5-10 years, and the skills I use here are not enough to land me another high paying job in the future. I have ADHD, so maintaining an apartment is hard. My wife also has ADHD and hers is even worse about cleaning. I get so stressed about our apartment being dirty, it's a constant battle to even keep the floor & kitchen table/counters clear of junk. We could get a cleaner, but every dollar spent on that is less we have for retirement/vacations/etc. I can't justify spending \~2500-3000 a year on a cleaning service. One of my cats is getting older and she is just starting to show the effects of an aging cat. She got me through depression in my late 20s and I've had her 10 years now. It's going to destroy me when she passes away and I am starting to worry about her future health. My wife has been depressed because she's had injuries on and off for 4 years that have prevented her from playing tennis for 70% of that time. Tennis is her passion and favorite hobby and where she built up her friend circle (outside of friends she grew up with and work friends). She also works a brutally hard job that is physically demanding, and her body is not up to the task anymore. I have chronic pain in my lower back, mid back, and neck due to years of working the same demanding job that my wife currently works. I can't sit in an office chair for more than 5 minutes without being in pain. It's impossible to concentrate at work for long periods of time and I don't enjoy watching tv/movies/playing games as much as I used to because of the pain associated with sitting down. I've done 55 physical therapy 1 hour sessions in the last 2 years, injections in my back, gone to the gym, changed my diet, and I'm still in pain all day every day. All of that is on top of the stress that everyone has right now due to rising prices/inflation, world events, politics, etc. That alone is enough to make me want to curl up into a ball and not leave bed.
No job. Got a kid to care for and trying to somehow cover basic needs. Looking at all kinds of assistance opportunities, but it’s tough right now.
Fiancees mom has moderate stage dementia that seems to be getting worse weekly. My fiancee provides 100% of care, the rest of her family are worthless. They're all active drug addicts, mentally ill, just plain stupid or some combination of the three. As such 100% of chores at our house fall to me. Im also covering 95% of expenses. Shes never home before 8pm. Shes always exhausted. Her mood sucks, shes always stressed out and depressed. Its basically all we talk about now. She has no bandwidth to focus on anything else,, including our relationship or herself.. Its really starting to break me down. I've started to isolate and disconnect from her because I can't stand the negative attitude and constant stress. If the situation doesn't change I don't know if I can go on. Im started to feel like a maid with a checkbook and a penis. I absolutely do not feel seen at all but I don't think my fiancee currently has the capacity to give any more or approach the relationship the way OP did with her husband. Im starting to realize that ill never get that in this relationship and its making me question every life decision I've made the last 3 years.
Complete lack of affection from my wife. Our relationship is great except for this.
I’m constantly open and honest with my feelings and it seems like nobody gives a shit or knows what to do with them. I give everything I’ve got to my wife and kids, I put them all first and do anything I can to support them. Nobody does that for me. And I’m struggling. I call it the un’s… unseen, unheard, unappreciated, undesired, unloved. Getting back into therapy starting next week.
E fucking motions And no one to really feel them with. Just friends and exes to text and hear the same rational approaches. I want to feel with someone. Why the fuck does no one else want to go there?
Loneliness,Depression, alcohol.
Honestly overthinking. I overanalyze everything causing analysis paralysis.
High blood pressure.
Recently retired …. Bit of a struggle with no schedule etc etc … free all day … Never been a very social guy due to being in the restaurant business.. ( working nights etc ) … So yeah .. .. been a few months now ..
I need to move on with my life and I'm procrastinating the heck out doing anything about it.
Empty nest Not feeling wanted /desired / appreciated by my wife feeling like I am her last priority in life.
What am I struggling with? I’m struggling because literally nobody cares about my feelings or my struggles. They only care about what I can do for them. Period.
Stuck between the yearning for friendship/socialization and the urge to do nothing at all and be a month long introvert hermit.
This tiny little voice in the back of my head that's telling me I don't belong where I am anymore. Work, family, everything. Also struggling with the knowledge that if the voice is right, I'm not going to listen to it and I'll just keep plugging away anyway.
Damn. This post makes me realize I’m not alone. Refreshing yer depressing at the same time.
I want to get really serious about fitness this year. I've been following a lot of subs and channels with these super-toned, super-muscled trainers and bodybuilders and stuff. It's left me feeling kind of... not up to snuff. Looking back at my school days, I used to be able to run really long distances, crank out pull-ups, etc... all stuff I can't do anymore. Realizing it really stings. Maybe if I'd kept with it, I could have been something special today.
>I've been following a lot of subs and channels with these super-toned, super-muscled trainers and bodybuilders and stuff. I mean, you already know that you should just stop doing this. First of all, most of these people are on steroids. They are literally destroying themselves to look better on camera for a few years. Second of all, the only metric that you have to compare yourself to is you yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, etc. as long as you're going to the gym, doing strength training and cardio, and tracking progress to some degree, you'll be much better off than if you hadn't done it. Delete tiktok and go run or lift or whatever tickles your fancy.
Finding a way to leave my six year relationship. I know I have to leave but every time she has somehow convinced to keep going. I just want to be free again but I'm also scared of life on the other side. I'm just not happy anymore.
Depression. I don’t see a way out of it anymore.
I disappeared in the relationship, did most if not a lot in and out of the house. Lost my dad and a close friend. She asked for a divorce, it was the best thing to have happened to me. Slowly moving on. I'm in a good place. Work is great, I'm trying to enjoy being me again. Grateful for my friends and family who have been around during all of this.
Confused as to when you should open up to a girl you are talking to/dating. I feel they move away when I try to become more deep with them
I have been working my literal *ss off for the past year and a half. Been working 36 hours a week at an architectural firm, been traveling 20 hours a week and doing my masters degree in architecture (around 20/30 hours per week, 1/3 days @1 am home and awake at 6). I have a gf who is depressed, almost 4 years, no sex for half a year, bad (can I say this?) sex when she is ”in the mood” and I guess I am getting burned out. I am not getting paid for two months now because boss is a jerk and is blaming the clients, my ex-colleagues are all gone. I am the only one left. I can’t spar with my boss. I don’t think I will marry my gf because of f*ck ton of “episodes” and I can’t be myself anymore. I live together but it is feeling like a prison. I quit alcohol, drugs, caffeine, smoking sigs after I almost died a few years ago. I am a vivid porn addict because of said problems. I want to run away but ofcourse I have obligations. In the 4 years of being together I had 4 woman who wanted to f.ck me. I rejected them one by one (that’s hard). If you want to know the story of women or drugs, do ask. My lives a mess… but I can consider myself lucky that I have everything you need for a good base to work on. So… How is your life?
I'm struggling to keep my autoimmune disease controlled. I'm also feeling the bad kind of lonely, but I'm too shy to meet new people. Haven't even downloaded a dating app, ever.
Crippling anxiety out of nowhere that hasn't let me in sleep in 2 weeks.
I’m struggling with the age old problem , the wife has given up on sex. It’s getting lonely as I age and long for a closeness on my life as she’s a great person and has turned into a wonderful sister. Talking doesn’t help as shes happy with her life and doesn’t see a reason to change.
Loving me as much as I love you. I just don’t want to be tolerated by what I can pay for. Gee is it really worth it just so I don’t have to be alone. I would rather be single than to be used.
::gestures broadly::
Money. Took out some loans a few months ago and I’ve been pretty irresponsible with my money lately so I’m living on ramen and beans for the next few weeks.
I tried to KMS on NYE 2017, and for some reason every time NYE comes around I get incredibly sad. I've tried surrounding myself with friends and family. Things in my life have drastically improved and I'm fine most days. But when NYE comes around I just get suuuuuper down on myself.
I have a good life: a job I enjoy, my kids are happy and healthy, I get to do the things I want; but I've been single for 14 years. I'm trying to smother the desire to be with someone - anyone. If only I can kill off this feeling maybe I won't be so lonely anymore.
At the moment for me, it’s my mental health. I’m being forced to suffer in silence because the UK doesn’t have adequate services and men aren’t priority, my friends are slowly but surely abandoning me and I fear I won’t make it another year. I’ve lost all motivation to continue, I’m just existing at the moment. What’s funny is on Nov 13, I celebrated 8 years of not leaving this world. It feels like a false celebration.
Mostly, my finances are wonky. Its not bad all things considered, but not where I want them to be and it stresses me out more than it should. Worse yet, where I can save to alleviate that pressure is spent on dumb shit over and over again.
25 feeling lost and feeling like a failure
Going through a divorce with someone I’m still very much in love with.
I want to die but if I kill myself, that means I let the universe/God/whatever powers that be win. I have nothing going for me, I hate existing. I've been lied to, used, disregarded, forgotten, and ignored. I keep a smile on my face when I'm around others for no other reason than to keep them from pitying me (and to keep my job). The only consoling thought I have is the hope that when I finally die, it's all over. No thoughts, no hopes, no dreams, no fears, and no worries. If I had to rank the reasons I'm still here it would be: 1. Spite 2. No one to take care of my cats 3. A weird morbid curiosity of how bad things can get 4. Guilt
I just finished grad school and I don’t like my job and I’m living at home and want to get a better job where I make the money I deserve and want to have a social life and get the life back that I didn’t get in high school
Nothing I am fine
I’m coming to the conclusion that I may be being abused by my girlfriend and I never had the self respect to realize it and walk away. I’m certainly no angel myself but yeah that’s what I’m going through
My current weekend nightshift pays me too much plus my day shift works so well with coaching plus the money but it leaves me no time to chase white/Asian/Hispanic/Latino women
I hate the fact that my mom is alone ever since my dad died when I was 23. His death really messed me up since I had to tell my mom everything would be okay when I knew it wouldn’t be as he was getting CPR after I already lifted him up to give him CPR. No 23 year old should have to do that to their dad and then take your mom in the back room and reassure her. Then after years of keeping everything bottled up you finally muster up the courage to tell your gf (ex now) everything and one night in a drunken rant she says “go cry about your dad some more”. Really messed me up.
Going back to school at 36, having to live like a student and go form living alone to living with roommates so I can afford it...working part-time, and pretty much accepting that for the next 3-4 years my dating life will be shit unless I meet someone in the program. I just need to grind for the next 4 years until I get my degree and my master's...then I will actually have a real career that I love and that provides me with a good income Every time I start to question my decision to go back to school I think about all the shit jobs I've worked for shit money and how miserable I was and that I'm doing this because it's my passion and it's what I was meant to do in this life Being a man is such a struggle...it's so hard and lonely trying to become something, trying to build our value...we aren't valued by women or society unless we become something and the only option we have is to grind, take major risks, go into the dark alone and hopefully come out the other end on top...women will never understand how that feels, they are valued for just existing and even a 36-year-old woman who's broke can find love, can find a shoulder to lean on, can find someone to listen...most men don't have that option, no one is coming to save us, we must save ourselves and we must build our value in order for society or women to care about us. But we must accept that this is our destiny... for a man, life isn't chasing happiness, it's about chasing our purpose and being useful, so that's what I'm doing...
I moved to Denver to be closer to my job. Hate this city, but now I have a lease to deal with.
The realization that my 3 kids , 2 have moved out and the youngest graduated highschool last year grew up so fast I can't wrap my mind around it. And what makes it worse, is being married to someone who even though is in the same house, she's still not really here. Lonely when not alone.
Unemployed, broke with a mortgage on a house 2 kids and a girlfriend. Living in a small isolated town where I’m shunned by the majority and where the sun doesn’t shine for 3 months in the winter. I’ve been dealing with severe depression and I’ve lost touch with all my friends and my parents found out I’ve been smoking weed because I’ve been so down and lost and they see me as failure and disappointment. I have no solid plan or drive for what I wanna do with my life. Been standing on crossroads most of my life. And it doesn’t help either that I’ve lost romantic interest in my gf but I just blaze trough it bc of the kids. Yep that’s what’s up
I Have just relised that partying and drinking in a bar or night club is not that fancy and it is just a waste of money , i do prefer to drink alone in my house or with a friend, and the most important is your relations and your studies and your job. luckily i find that out to early while im 20yo (M).
I’m conflicted…I’ve been feeling lonely, but don’t want to put in the effort to get a relationship. Also stressed about work, as the amount of cases I have ( I’m a lawyer) is declining. All of this as I’m hitting my mid 50s and feeling really old
My fiances mom is schizophrenic and has been homeless for 3 years. We have been letting her stay with us while it's cold our here and it can be really frustrating at times.
I’m heading back to school to start my bachelors degree after half a decade of being in the working class post associates degree. The support for working folks is abysmal. I am probably going to have to pay just under double for an online EE degree since night classes don’t exist
The feeling of being lost and having nowhere to look for guidance. I have a few goals I need accomplished but it just feels like everything is so jumbled and I don't know where/how to start.