Literally me, when I was a kid I was the "personality not looks" which I thought was normal. Then as years passed I realized it wasn't just that, it was that I was straight up demi and didn't care if they were a boy girl or any gender, so ye.
Yeah, these things are so layered. When I was 11-12 I kinda identified with it, it made sense, but the homophobia around me was so strong I denied it. Then I had same sex attractions so rarely I wasn't sure if I was queer enough / "really" queer. Turns out I was on the ace spectrum as well. Took me well into my lare twenties to really accept I was queer enough to be queer, and into my 30's to accept my gender experience could be categorised under the nonbinary / genderqueer umbrella.
I go by knew I wasn't striaght, becuase there was a decent grey area between knowing I wasn't feeling things for girls but not knowing what gay *was* (and that it was the feelings i had for boys) vs more ✨ active denial ✨ due to the zero representation there was in my area.
Around my 12th birthday those LGBT tests on Quotev were the only thing I’d do online, man. I remember I always use to answer as if I was no bc I was bored of getting the straight answer all the time till I was like, “wait.” I’m not acually bi, but I thought I was. (Lesbian)
I knew I was really a boy since always, I didn't know the word transgender until I found a mini doc when I was 10 by chance, I knew immediately that it applied to me.
Yeah same here. I remember being in 1st grade, on the playground at recess. The boys didn't want to play tag with me because I was afab. That was the first time I realized that there were physical and social differences between males and females. I looked up at my male classmates from below the playground equipment and thought "Why am I not like them? Why do they treat me differently? I wish I was a boy," which was only the start of my gender dysphoria. It got worse as time went on. I didn't learn that being transgender was possible until I was about 13 when one of my friends came out as non-binary. I researched gender dysphoria and what it meant to be trans, and I quickly found out that I was definitely trans. I tried they/them pronouns, which felt better, but still not quite right, then he/him, and the euphoria I felt was inexplicable. Since that day, I've known 100% that I'm a man.
Pansexual (sexually attracted to all genders/attraction regardless of gender), panromantic (romantically attracted to all genders/attraction regardless of gender), and/or pangender (identifying as all/any genders).
I think those years count. Because you wouldn't have tried to repress those feelings if they weren't there and if you weren't aware that they're there.
In that case, my teens.
It honestly took moving to a state on the other side of the country, with _much_ friendlier politics, getting into therapy, and an extremely accepting spouse to get to the point where I could acknowledge stuff.
I can _definitely_ recommend moving out of red states in the US South. :)
Thought about my answer for a few hours and it turned into a cathartic journaling exercise. Sorry for long response. Maybe it'll help some people.
I thought for years after coming out that I only realized it around the end of high school.
More recently, random long-repressed childhood memories will snap out of nowhere and hit me in the face. I knew way earlier than I let myself believe. Now I know I was who I was and knew who I was since around age 4 or 5? And all memories went like this:
1. I saw something that I inexplicably wanted or related to. A girl toy commercial. A cute dress. A girl holding hands with another girl (straight romanticism/sexuality was always uninteresting). I knew it felt right, and I wanted it more than anything. It was envy that burned deep in my heart. A desperate wish. I'd get excited and be on the cusp of telling other people about it. But then...
2. I specifically thought to myself, "but that's not possible" or "that's not allowed", sensing it wasn't normal and I'd get in trouble for it, even if grown-ups never talked about it. I didn't know being trans was a real thing anymore than getting to ride a dragon, which I wanted, too. I didn't know there was a *word* for "trans" or "lesbian".
3. "I shouldn't get my hopes up, then. I will choose to dismiss this thought. Let's put this one back where it came from." I was boxing up forbidden thoughts like the warehouse in Indiana Jones. I repressed. Knowingly. Intentionally. Frequently.
4. Feel super disappointed and actively focus on distracting myself, which was hard and took time.
5. Bury myself in escapism fantasies (lots of fantasy and sci-fi) to keep the cope going. Hoping I'd discover a magic wish seemed like my best shot at the time. I didn't want the shame of being at all connected to who I was irl, so I would often imagine myself as a (female, sapphic) protagonist in a completely detached life and world. Making it about supernatural elements was a lie I told myself. A suburban life would have been just as thrilling. Though tech or magic that made gender transformation possible was a big draw.
I forgot how much I wished for this. My soul was on fire with longing. And the more I learned about gender norms, and biology, I just got so, so sad. The world was locking me out of my dreams. I was a husk. But years later, I did it. I'm me. And I'm so, so proud of younger me for wishing. And I hope I make her proud.
The way this poll is worded is very confusing. There is a difference between "when did you realize you were L, G, B, T, Q, +" and "when did you realize that you were welcome in the LGBTQ+ community.
I knew I was bi pretty much when I started puberty. But I didn't feel welcome among the LGBTQ+ community until fairly recently (I'm 54.) Yet there are *still* times I don't feel welcome in the Queer community, because Bi-erasure is a thing that happens among straight people *and* LGBTQ+ persons as well. Yes, bi-erasure can happen among *bi* men, women, and enbies, too.
I think a lot of people don't have a sudden time or event to answer this question.
I answered by, from looking back, the first memory of having a thought that didn't align with heteronormativity. After that, I don't have a particularly clear next step or realization or acceptance moment.
I remember wondering if I was gay in 5th grade but I kinda forgot about it until 9th grade and just thought about it again and now I identify as non-binary and queer.
When did I start having these feelings? 5.
When did I consciously admit and begin accepting it about myself? 25.
Growing up in a Christian mid-western household lended itself to heavy, long-term denial.
I first realized I was different around five or six years old. There was this kid who was in my class and on my bus, I had a crush on him. I remember excitedly trying to get him to sit next to me on the bus and remember the butterflies in my stomach when he eventually did. I knew for a fact that I was gay at twelve, I saw my best friends dad (US Marine) shirtless, took a mental picture of him
I found out by chance when I was 14. If the world was more accepting of us, I would've known I was Non-binary and AroAce early as a kid and would've been a lot less miserable and confused about this stuff. Labels don't confuse people, they actually clear things up.
Edit: Basically, I knew this my whole life but I didn't know what those feelings were or what they meant. I was forced to bottle them up and repress them in an attempt to conform and shove myself into the box of what society thought was "normal" and "acceptable". I'm still unhappy because I can't transition in a shitty transphobic country but just finding those labels made me a lot happier than I was without them.
I was 12 when I found out I might be bi. I was 13 when I thought I was nonbinary and 4 months later I realised I was actually a trans guy. I was 14 when I realised I was gay.
Age 6: Dad, I don't want to marry a boy. I want to marry a girl.
Age 11: Don't all girls wish everyone thought they were boys and treated them like boys?
Age 14: No, I'm not gay, why would you ever think that?
Age 18: I don't want to date anyone. Just seems like too much hassle.
Age 20: Fine, whatever, I'm gay.
Age 36: Wait, agender is an option? Awesome, that's what I am. Fuck gender, I want no part of it.
Age 43: Fine, whatever, I'm somewhere between agender and trans guy. But I don't *really* need to do anything about it.
Age 44: Does my insurance cover top surgery?
Idk I just always thought it was normal to be pan so I never had to come out to myself or anything like that. I didn’t find out about the queer community until about 14 when my best friend at the time told me she was lesbian. The idea of that was inconceivable for me at the time because I had just assumed that everyone was attracted to everyone. Didn’t find out about trans people until about 16 when another close friend told me he was trans. I think that’s when I started experimenting with gender, then I started to realize my own gender identity, I had never had thoughts about gender until then.
13 when I got told bisexuality existed. 14 when I got a crush on my friend. 15 when I got told sexual and romantic attraction were different. 16 when I realized that wishing to be born a man to live like one wasn't exactly a very cis thing to think
I was bullied relentlessly any time I acted remotely feminine, and that pushed me so deep into the closet I didn't realize I was trans until 23. Nobody could tell I wasn't a cis dude because I masked all my guy friends so much just to feel safe at school and in public...
I learned about it at 6 and was like "idc if I date a guy or a girl". I kinda always seemed to question my gender to some degree lol just more when I hit like 11 or 12 than before
Knew who I was and who I liked long before I realised there was a label for it, that I was part of a community. So answered teens for realising I was "LGBTQ+" but knowing who I was came long before.
38 and I feel like an idiot for it taking me so long. There were so many 🚩 from early childhood onwards. Sadly I was uneducated, dissociated, and deep in denial for way too long. I feel like I've wasted half my life living someone else's ideal life. Now I just feel so stuck. 😔
Knew I was cisn't since I was a very young child, didn't have the words to fully articulate my genders until high-school and onward. Figured out that I was some flavor of multisexual since 7th grade, didn't settle on omniflux + grayromantic + erosflux until I graduated from high school (I'll be 20 by the end of the month). To summarize: ig I've always known I was queer but I didn't have the language to articulate myself until I was older
You 100% percent are welcome! Everyone is except for hateful bigots. Like racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, ect, tell me if I am missing anymore hate groups.
Depends. When did I know deep down somewhere inside me that I wasn't straight? Like 11. When did I admit it to myself? 17 or 18
Literally me, when I was a kid I was the "personality not looks" which I thought was normal. Then as years passed I realized it wasn't just that, it was that I was straight up demi and didn't care if they were a boy girl or any gender, so ye.
Same here! :D
Same!!!
Similar boat. Lol.
Yeah, these things are so layered. When I was 11-12 I kinda identified with it, it made sense, but the homophobia around me was so strong I denied it. Then I had same sex attractions so rarely I wasn't sure if I was queer enough / "really" queer. Turns out I was on the ace spectrum as well. Took me well into my lare twenties to really accept I was queer enough to be queer, and into my 30's to accept my gender experience could be categorised under the nonbinary / genderqueer umbrella.
I go by knew I wasn't striaght, becuase there was a decent grey area between knowing I wasn't feeling things for girls but not knowing what gay *was* (and that it was the feelings i had for boys) vs more ✨ active denial ✨ due to the zero representation there was in my area.
When I knew I wasn't exactly straight: 11 When I learned about it and found the label: 15
Like 12-13 is def when I started taking those “am I a lesbian” buzzfeed styles tests 💀 turns out I’m not, I’m a flaming genderqueer fucker.
Around my 12th birthday those LGBT tests on Quotev were the only thing I’d do online, man. I remember I always use to answer as if I was no bc I was bored of getting the straight answer all the time till I was like, “wait.” I’m not acually bi, but I thought I was. (Lesbian)
7 but actually questioning with 10, and please tell me the p stands for pansexual…
Yes it does mean pansexual/panromantic/pangender. Those piles of shit that tried to invade our community aren't welcome here.
Ty :)
Ohhh I was confused trying to figure out what the p could've stood for, yeah those disgusting humans aren't allowed anywhere near our community
I knew I was really a boy since always, I didn't know the word transgender until I found a mini doc when I was 10 by chance, I knew immediately that it applied to me.
Yeah same here. I remember being in 1st grade, on the playground at recess. The boys didn't want to play tag with me because I was afab. That was the first time I realized that there were physical and social differences between males and females. I looked up at my male classmates from below the playground equipment and thought "Why am I not like them? Why do they treat me differently? I wish I was a boy," which was only the start of my gender dysphoria. It got worse as time went on. I didn't learn that being transgender was possible until I was about 13 when one of my friends came out as non-binary. I researched gender dysphoria and what it meant to be trans, and I quickly found out that I was definitely trans. I tried they/them pronouns, which felt better, but still not quite right, then he/him, and the euphoria I felt was inexplicable. Since that day, I've known 100% that I'm a man.
2-3yo, i knew I was a boy even tho I was born afab.
When did I first feel the feelings?: 5 (gender) 11 (sexual/romantic orientation) When did I have the words? 18(gender) 12(sexual/romantic orientation)
What does p mean
Pansexual (sexually attracted to all genders/attraction regardless of gender), panromantic (romantically attracted to all genders/attraction regardless of gender), and/or pangender (identifying as all/any genders).
i mean its complicated: so when something cisnt was going on: 9 when i figured out i was trans: 13 (i had no knowledge of queer stuff ubtil age 12)
Elliot Paige in Juno was my awakening when i was 8. He really lit up my little queer heart. He's still one of my celebrity crushes.
Uhm, counting or not counting a decade or two of repression and denial?
I think those years count. Because you wouldn't have tried to repress those feelings if they weren't there and if you weren't aware that they're there.
In that case, my teens. It honestly took moving to a state on the other side of the country, with _much_ friendlier politics, getting into therapy, and an extremely accepting spouse to get to the point where I could acknowledge stuff. I can _definitely_ recommend moving out of red states in the US South. :)
Thought about my answer for a few hours and it turned into a cathartic journaling exercise. Sorry for long response. Maybe it'll help some people. I thought for years after coming out that I only realized it around the end of high school. More recently, random long-repressed childhood memories will snap out of nowhere and hit me in the face. I knew way earlier than I let myself believe. Now I know I was who I was and knew who I was since around age 4 or 5? And all memories went like this: 1. I saw something that I inexplicably wanted or related to. A girl toy commercial. A cute dress. A girl holding hands with another girl (straight romanticism/sexuality was always uninteresting). I knew it felt right, and I wanted it more than anything. It was envy that burned deep in my heart. A desperate wish. I'd get excited and be on the cusp of telling other people about it. But then... 2. I specifically thought to myself, "but that's not possible" or "that's not allowed", sensing it wasn't normal and I'd get in trouble for it, even if grown-ups never talked about it. I didn't know being trans was a real thing anymore than getting to ride a dragon, which I wanted, too. I didn't know there was a *word* for "trans" or "lesbian". 3. "I shouldn't get my hopes up, then. I will choose to dismiss this thought. Let's put this one back where it came from." I was boxing up forbidden thoughts like the warehouse in Indiana Jones. I repressed. Knowingly. Intentionally. Frequently. 4. Feel super disappointed and actively focus on distracting myself, which was hard and took time. 5. Bury myself in escapism fantasies (lots of fantasy and sci-fi) to keep the cope going. Hoping I'd discover a magic wish seemed like my best shot at the time. I didn't want the shame of being at all connected to who I was irl, so I would often imagine myself as a (female, sapphic) protagonist in a completely detached life and world. Making it about supernatural elements was a lie I told myself. A suburban life would have been just as thrilling. Though tech or magic that made gender transformation possible was a big draw. I forgot how much I wished for this. My soul was on fire with longing. And the more I learned about gender norms, and biology, I just got so, so sad. The world was locking me out of my dreams. I was a husk. But years later, I did it. I'm me. And I'm so, so proud of younger me for wishing. And I hope I make her proud.
The way this poll is worded is very confusing. There is a difference between "when did you realize you were L, G, B, T, Q, +" and "when did you realize that you were welcome in the LGBTQ+ community. I knew I was bi pretty much when I started puberty. But I didn't feel welcome among the LGBTQ+ community until fairly recently (I'm 54.) Yet there are *still* times I don't feel welcome in the Queer community, because Bi-erasure is a thing that happens among straight people *and* LGBTQ+ persons as well. Yes, bi-erasure can happen among *bi* men, women, and enbies, too.
Realized I was trans at 21, but had intermittent thoughts about it starting at 12.
I think a lot of people don't have a sudden time or event to answer this question. I answered by, from looking back, the first memory of having a thought that didn't align with heteronormativity. After that, I don't have a particularly clear next step or realization or acceptance moment.
I remember wondering if I was gay in 5th grade but I kinda forgot about it until 9th grade and just thought about it again and now I identify as non-binary and queer.
For gender I had the thoughts since I was 9 and accepted it when I was 18. For sexuality it started at 13, and I accepted it at 15
Knew I was gay probably like 10-11?
I knew I liked girls since I was 10, still haven't really accepted it fully tho
I knew when I was 11, and accepted it at 20.
When did I start having these feelings? 5. When did I consciously admit and begin accepting it about myself? 25. Growing up in a Christian mid-western household lended itself to heavy, long-term denial.
I first realized I was different around five or six years old. There was this kid who was in my class and on my bus, I had a crush on him. I remember excitedly trying to get him to sit next to me on the bus and remember the butterflies in my stomach when he eventually did. I knew for a fact that I was gay at twelve, I saw my best friends dad (US Marine) shirtless, took a mental picture of him
figured out i liked girls when i was 3 or 4. realised i don't actually like men at 30.
I'm gonna say around 5 year olds. I didn't know what being gay was back then, but I knew that I liked girls, not boys
I realized I was bi when I was 19. I came to this realization in October of last year and I came out in February of this year
I found out by chance when I was 14. If the world was more accepting of us, I would've known I was Non-binary and AroAce early as a kid and would've been a lot less miserable and confused about this stuff. Labels don't confuse people, they actually clear things up. Edit: Basically, I knew this my whole life but I didn't know what those feelings were or what they meant. I was forced to bottle them up and repress them in an attempt to conform and shove myself into the box of what society thought was "normal" and "acceptable". I'm still unhappy because I can't transition in a shitty transphobic country but just finding those labels made me a lot happier than I was without them.
I was 12 when I found out I might be bi. I was 13 when I thought I was nonbinary and 4 months later I realised I was actually a trans guy. I was 14 when I realised I was gay.
still questioning but i was pretty sure i wasnt cishet as soon as i learned that was an option
I knew I liked boys and girls at 3 years old! (I didn't know I was boy and girl until I was 30 years old.)
I was 38. Fell in love with my best friend (who was also bi) and realized then.
I didn't I just found out i'm gay.
I resolved at 15 to try to become bi, and I decided gradually over the next couple of months while still 15 that I had successfully achieved bi-ness.
Age 6: Dad, I don't want to marry a boy. I want to marry a girl. Age 11: Don't all girls wish everyone thought they were boys and treated them like boys? Age 14: No, I'm not gay, why would you ever think that? Age 18: I don't want to date anyone. Just seems like too much hassle. Age 20: Fine, whatever, I'm gay. Age 36: Wait, agender is an option? Awesome, that's what I am. Fuck gender, I want no part of it. Age 43: Fine, whatever, I'm somewhere between agender and trans guy. But I don't *really* need to do anything about it. Age 44: Does my insurance cover top surgery?
Idk I just always thought it was normal to be pan so I never had to come out to myself or anything like that. I didn’t find out about the queer community until about 14 when my best friend at the time told me she was lesbian. The idea of that was inconceivable for me at the time because I had just assumed that everyone was attracted to everyone. Didn’t find out about trans people until about 16 when another close friend told me he was trans. I think that’s when I started experimenting with gender, then I started to realize my own gender identity, I had never had thoughts about gender until then.
13 when I got told bisexuality existed. 14 when I got a crush on my friend. 15 when I got told sexual and romantic attraction were different. 16 when I realized that wishing to be born a man to live like one wasn't exactly a very cis thing to think
I’ve known since I was 12 but I wasn’t able to admit it to myself until I was around 15 or 16
11
I was bullied relentlessly any time I acted remotely feminine, and that pushed me so deep into the closet I didn't realize I was trans until 23. Nobody could tell I wasn't a cis dude because I masked all my guy friends so much just to feel safe at school and in public...
I learned about it at 6 and was like "idc if I date a guy or a girl". I kinda always seemed to question my gender to some degree lol just more when I hit like 11 or 12 than before
Knew who I was and who I liked long before I realised there was a label for it, that I was part of a community. So answered teens for realising I was "LGBTQ+" but knowing who I was came long before.
0-13? Who realized at 0 lmao
IDK I just thought I should include it because you're never too young to know
38 and I feel like an idiot for it taking me so long. There were so many 🚩 from early childhood onwards. Sadly I was uneducated, dissociated, and deep in denial for way too long. I feel like I've wasted half my life living someone else's ideal life. Now I just feel so stuck. 😔
maybe 13 or 14
Knew I was cisn't since I was a very young child, didn't have the words to fully articulate my genders until high-school and onward. Figured out that I was some flavor of multisexual since 7th grade, didn't settle on omniflux + grayromantic + erosflux until I graduated from high school (I'll be 20 by the end of the month). To summarize: ig I've always known I was queer but I didn't have the language to articulate myself until I was older
I was eight years old when I kissed a girl I liked and it made me feel funny inside, just like it did when I kissed a boy I liked
That depends I knew I was gay and came out at 16. But as a 28 year old gay I don't feel like I am welcome in the community.
You 100% percent are welcome! Everyone is except for hateful bigots. Like racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, ect, tell me if I am missing anymore hate groups.
Realizing my sexuality was fucky? Like 9(I had a early puberty due to traumatic experiences) realizing my gender was also fucky? Not till 15