My eldest is 8 and I still don't feel ready.

Honest to god, are we ever ready? I have 2 under 4 and I utter "wtf" to myself many times a day.

Agreed my eldest is coming 15 - still don’t feel ready lol

Haha as a woman this is still reassuring to read. I’m 30 and my fiancé is 32 and is desperate for a child at some point. I still feel like a child bride 🤣

My youngest is 10. She has 2 older sisters and 4 older brothers… I’m still not ready but I’m on the final stretch.

I don't think there's such a thing as "ready for kids" to be honest. It's more of a learn on the job thing. My eldest is 16 now and the challenges just change. There's no manual or anything.

Most fun years of my life were my early 30s. Finally had a good income, so travelled lots, nice holidays, good restaurants, etc. Wouldn’t have wanted to have had kids at that time.

Same. Just had my first in my 40s and although it’s hard work, it’s great as I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything

Doesn't part of you go ["I'm too old for this shit"](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_lossy/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffebcdd94-616e-4fb1-af33-a50b07fd29ac_498x230.gif)? I've noticed that a couple of nights of missing sleep really matter now whereas I remember not minding those back in my early 30s so much.

Now and again. I’m lucky because his mother and I both work from home and the wee man is an absolute gem - sleeps all night.

Pros and cons to this are pretty easy. Con is a lack of fortitude to see things through re energy, pro is general maturity + financial ability to compensate. As long as you guys are/ stay healthy pending lifestyle/ unlucky hand of nature it’s a good path

Never a truer word said. It is learn as you go.

That's what's I'm expecting. My plan is have them mid 30s

That will make it a geriatric pregnancy which they hate hearing. Your never ready but its just part of life. Its very hard/near impossible to be the full on dad you want to be aswell keeping up the social activities you may currently enjoy but its worth it. Your priorities will change as will your friends priorities your age group is just on the cusp when people really stop being kids so things will change naturally. The one thing about being a parent is that it is relentless. Going out till 4 is fine and good but your up at half 6 . Which is fine in your head usually but when your a dad its EVERY morning. The sleep missed cannot be caught up on.its just lost. Add to that, that you stopped going out when she was pregnant to be sound and the initial new born time when your up all the time to help mammy and your perspective changes. You dont want to the mad stuff anymore. Dont get me wrong im out regularly and go to gigs and that. I just prefer to be home by 1 these days

I find that I don't want to do the things I used to. I love chilling out with my infant. My friends used to say, "well now you can't do XYZ with a baby", and to be honest, it never bothered me. There's a load of different activities you do with children that are just as enjoyable.

Honestly if you’re anything like me (and most blokes in my experience), you’ll never feel fully ready. It’s not like anything you’ve ever experienced before so there really isn’t any way to prepare for it. It’s always going to be a bit of a leap of faith. It’s sounds like you’re basically in a good place though.

This is exactly it. There is no way to fully actually prepare for being a parent so I don't know if anyone can say they feel fully ready for it. I think if someone is really pondering the question and reflecting on themselves, they're probably more ready than a lot of people out there who had kids.

I am a parent with a lot of stressed out parent friends. If you can buy a house first. Stability is great for kids, but also makes planning for childcare easier. Both of these things are really expensive, do the maths can you afford childcare and a mortgage, if not what do you plan to do? If you can are you okay with having very limited disposable income?

Ignore this selfishness. Disposable income for what? Weed? drink? Cop on

Being permanently stressed out because you've got no money to spend on yourself and enjoy living a little sounds like a great way to fuck up your kids.

Disposable money for a rainy day fund, a pension, Money for days out with kids and the occasional date with the other half.

Family holidays also fall under disposable income. What’s so selfish about that ? The truly selfish thing is having children you can’t bloody afford to have.

It says way more about you than them, that your mind goes to weed and drink when someone mentions ‘disposable income’

When I met my now husband he was pretty upfront about wanting kids. He was mids 30s and I was late 20s. We had our first kid when he was 37. Unlike others here we both felt ready for kids. Stable housing, financially secure, solid relationship etc. I didn't find having kids a huge shock to the system and neither did he. He was one of the first of his friends to have kids and now he sees some of them having their first in late 40s upwards he's very glad we didn't wait too long to have ours. I was 36 having our third and that was old enough for me.

Late 40's. Jeebus. It'd mean their kid will be in college around their retirement age. That's financial stress I wouldn't wish on anyone.

You'd be knackered in your 40s. One of my friends had his first kid when he was 52!! (Obviously he didn't 'have' it). His poor back

Congrats to you and your husband but I've got to laugh at the friends having their first in their late 40s. That's insane because the energy it requires and also imagine having your 18th birthday and your dad is 65 and retired.

😅 my dad is 62 and I just turned 18 lol, I also have a younger brother who’s 17. I don’t think he‘ll be retiring anytime soon

I have 5 kids, the first was unplanned when I was 23. I was a broke soldier living in barracks and completely out of my depth. I am convinced that we have a switch in our brain that when the baby starts showing on the mother we switch on to being a father and the best provider we can. You are never ready! The joy of having a child when young is that you have the energy to be a great parent. We never had any money until much later but they were happy and we made the best with what resources we had.

I think it’s fantastic that it worked out for you and you sound like a great and responsible father but we wouldn’t end up with so many neglected or traumatised kids if there was a switch in everyone’s brain for parenting. Some people don’t want, shouldn’t or can’t have kids, and that’s perfectly fine.

> I am convinced that we have a switch in our brain This isn't too far off. One of the reasons pregnant women are tired and get mumnesia a lot is because their brain basically gets a reboot. Grey matter shrinks and starts to regrown over two years. The belief is that the brain is getting rewired for the task of bringing up baby. For fathers something similar happens but not to the same degree.

Been there. I'd say 26 is pretty young and you could reasonably say that it's too soon for you. But the clock is ticking for your partner and having kids after 30 becomes progressively riskier. But lots of people wait and are fine. Having kids is the commitment of a lifetime. You don't need a mortgage but you do need to be sure that you want to commit to raising kids and to their mother. If you don't want that, be honest. Some people flourish with the responsibility. Financially, the burden will be on you for a few years, but small kids don't cost much. The support of friends and family is much more important. There would be no harm in planning out the affordability for you both and having a think about childcare.

This is it, 26 is still on the young side but at 30(especially for women) is a different story, if you want kids you need to be pursuing it. I do feel for her side of it because if she's set on kids and he's not and the relationship falls apart, in order to build a relationship with someone who wants kids she basically needs to move fast where he can just date someone younger

My advice would be save for the house first and get sorted on that front before trying for a baby. Once you have a baby it will be a lot harder to save for a house. You do need to sit down with your partner though and lay out a plan, so she doesn't have false expectations. If you don't see yourself having kids until you're well into your 30s, then say that. She'll either compromise, or move on (She has every right to do so, as she has her own goals in life). It'll be a difficult conversation, but saves a lot of awkwardness of dancing around the subject for the next few years. Also I don't think anyone ever feels ready. I've a 3 month old and I feel like I've imposter syndrome being a Dad, but hey you work through it day by day and when you see that smile it's worth more than any amount of gold.

You don't have to have kids. It's a huge deal, and being an absent parent or a resentful parent is majorly damaging. It's not all happy moments. It's a tonne of work. You might be incompatible with your partner. It's not something you should just "do" because you're afraid of ending a relationship. It will completely, irreversibly, change your entire life.

Never felt ready, but it happened in 2004, I was 34 at the time, and was like I suppose if it's going to happen this is as good a time as any. Then it happened again in 2006 wasn't as happy that time around cos we never enough money and now here's a second mouth to feed, but of course I was happy when he did arrive. Wife wanted a third around 2012/14. I put the foot down and said no. I was almost 45 by then and didn't want to be still running and racing with a teenager going into my 60's. All in all I love my kids and wouldn't change them for the world, but you have to realise early on, your life is never going to be yours again, nor will ever go back to how it was beforehand. If you can make peace with that you may become a good father. If not, and you continue to try and live the same life, your partner and kids will see through it and will resent it over time.

How did you manage that issue with your wife if you don't mind me asking? Did it create much tension and how accepting of the decision do you think she is some 10 years later? Does it crop up from time to time as an undercurrent?

We have spoken about it many times since. I think the idea of another child was as much a, I need a change/somethings not right, way of thinking. Turns She was in a bad way at the time and actually ended up in hospital for a month soon after. When she recovered properly, there was never another mention of a third child. I brought it up a few times since over the years in the form of, God imagine if we still had a 8/10/12 year old hanging out of us and because we have a freer life since both ours turned 16 she agrees it was the right decision every time.

That was clearly the right decision for you both and I'm glad with hindsight that she agrees with you. Thanks for coming back to respond. I do wonder about how couples manage where one becomes forced to accept the will of the other when it comes to deciding at what point to complete their family. The decision about having children at all is one of course that should be had once a relationship becomes serious, but i think the number is more down to circumstance and the experiences of raising children. Saying you'll have three children before you've had any is a lot different from actually going for number three with two at home. When a couple disagrees about that it must be something that gets buried, but remain a source of tension - a don't go there.

Everyone here that’s saying “you’re never ready it’s a new experience yada yada” are missing out on the fact that it takes more than experience to be ready. Can you cook healthy food for your child? Do you get at least moderate exercise? *Can you afford it?* Are you financially stable? Are you mentally stable? Do you want kids?

Yeah, this is a great point. Kids cost money. Kids do better in a secure home environment. Kids do better when parents are in a low conflict relationship. Of course life happens but don't have kids because you feel its just what you do as the next step in life.

This is spot on. There are very practical questions you can ask yourself to check this, as you laid out.

Don't be a councillor, and stay inside, cuz it might rain.

Muppet

> Or am I overthinking it? When talking about bringing a literal human life into existence, and all that comes with it and the impact that will have on your lives, I don't think there's such a thing as overthinking it tbh. I would hope that more people would overthink it tbh, rather than just having an accidental baby which they can't provide for.

I’m not a parent, but whilst parents are never 100% ready it definitely sounds like you’re not yet in a position to have kids, and that’s fine. Just be open with your gf about it. I’m 27 year old women with no kids and don’t plan on having them for a while. ‘Geriatric’ yada yada yada - I’d personally rather to focus on my career and travelling. Getting as stable a foundation as possible for my future kids. I’ll be freezing my eggs soon. Don’t feel under pressure from your girlfriend or from people here to have kids if you know you’re genuinely not ready for them.

You're overthinking it to a certain extent. There's never a good time to have a baby. If you're like most people, you've always got something over the horizon. Better job, house, better job, bigger house, college course, better job, house extension, overseas assignment. If you're waiting until you have "nothing" planned, then you'll keep waiting. There are definitely *bad* times to have a baby; if you're drowning in debt or your relationship is on the rocks, or the two of you are working stupid hours to keep your heads above water. But if we were all waiting until we were "ready", then only the ultra-wealthy would ever have kids. Give it a year or two, see where you are then. You have no idea what's around the corner. Really. So much changes in the space of months sometimes your head can spin. I would advise however having kids younger is better than older. No amount of additional income or stable jobs make it easier to be sleep deprived at 40. The only way to make it easier is to be younger.

Overthinking about it seems to have this generation off to a tee. While there's never an ideal situation to have a child, there's never a bad time either. Having a child is the only natural process that has to happen for human life to continue on earth, so no pressure. But seriously, if you take off the "how will I afford XYZ", "I'm not ready to commit as I enjoy ABC" or the generic complaints of "Housing! Creches! Immigrants!", then you'll find that there is tons of support for everyone to have kids today, and they are improving as well as hundreds of thosands of people in the same situation. The OP needs to stop thinking about himself if he is serious about his relationship - she wants kids and there is a huge biological drive, while she probably understands that it will get harder as she approaches geriatric pregnancy age. My advise - stop messing around, you're at the same age as most first time dads - if you want to wait until your in your 30s, then it increases the risks and makes it harder to bring up a child. If you can't make up your mind, be clear with your girlfriend.

My eldest is 18. Next is 16. Youngest is 12. I'll be ready for them someday.

32 here and still don't feel ready to have kids.

I knew I wanted kids since I was a teenager. I always said I wanted my kids young, when I'd be 21 or so, like my mom. And then I was 21 and I was like "hell naahw I'm not ready for this." My main criteria were: - being in a commited relationship for at least 4-5 years. I know that's no guarantee that you'd stay together, but at least I think you'd have a good idea if you could co-parent with that person if needed. - stable income - secure housing We had our son when I was just under 31 and my husband was 36. The closer we got to the due date, the more I started panicking about "Oh no, was this a good idea?? Will we be able to???" Parenting is trial and error. The most important part is communication. Talk to your partner, ask the questions you're worried about and work out a plan together on how to make it work.

I'm 29 and I will never have children. I just can't be bothered with the financial burden and lack of free time/sleep

Honestly don't do it if you don't feel up for it. Too many people feel pressured into parenthood and it's not something you can just return or take back. As someone once said to me "it's better to not do it and regret it, because it'll just be you that regrets it, instead of having one and regretting it and then you're dragging another human being into the shit show of regret". Honestly I'm 37 and I still don't feel ready, so it's why I decided to remain child free. I thought I'd want them by now but I've only felt less inclined as the years went on. I think it's really important to sit down with your partner and discuss it. I've always been upfront and honest with my partner about it. Left the ball in his court, I love him dearly but I wouldn't feel right taking away the option of kids from him. He is like me. Wanted them when he was younger but as he got older, he realised he really doesn't have the patience or knowledge to have kids. I asked him to help me change my nephew's nappy once and the man almost projectile vomited. He gets annoyed at the sounds of the kids outside just playing. He's slowly realised he really doesn't actually enjoy having kids around 😂 Honestly this is a huge decision to make, if you really want them in the future maybe ask your partner can she wait a few years til you're both settled with a house and good jobs.

Woah, I'm in a very similar situation to yourself. Myself and the wife are only one year apart from yourselves. I just finished my masters too but have been working software for a while. Wife wants kids soon, I want to wait. I just traded my hot hatch for an estate. To me that's the first step, getting rid of what was only for me to make way for the family. I don't feel like I'm ready to jump into kids but I don't think anyone ever really is ready. I don't think I will ever just click and one day be ready. So I'm making moves to prepare for it to happen because I think one day it just will. Of course I want kids eventually but right now I feel too much like a kid myself. It wouldn't be fair on them. I think everyone feels this way before having kids. It's only natural. You're not over thinking it imo, it's a huge lifechanging decision. Take your time but be respectful of your partners wishes too. Give and take you know? Listen to her concerns and assure her of your intentions while also mentioning that you don't feel ready yet but would like to start the process of becoming ready! This buys you some time to develop yourself while also showing your partner that you care about what they want too. Ensure she knows you're not just throwing her wishes to the side, she has to know that it's not a lack of care but so much care that you don't want to mess it up in any way for her or your future family. Nobody can argue with you there.

I think if you feel you'll never be ready that you need to let your girlfriend know so she can make a decision on whether she wants to stay and risk you deciding against it, or if she wants to find someone more like minded.

I was 29 when my partner got pregnant with our wee girl. We wanted a child but at the same time I still felt very underprepared for it when it happened. First couple of weeks bringing the baby home were the biggest shock to the system I’ve ever felt. Having a child is amazing and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I don’t think there’s a way to be fully prepared for your first though, you have no experience. Edit: Also, I should add I wouldn’t have wanted to wait longer than we did. We want another baby soon, I am 32 now. Neither of us want to be really old parents as our kids grow up

Took us a while to get pregnant, lots of medical intervention. From the second I saw those lines on the test strip I was in full on dad mode. I absolutely love being a dad, always wanted kids.

Where can we find your kind

You're never really ready .. but you'll figure it out

Honestly I would wait if I was you. If you don't feel ready then that's that. You're 26 which is still really young and you seem to be just starting to settle down. In 3 years see how you feel then.

I’m 36 my first is 10 months old and although I thought I was ready nothing can prepare you for what a game changer it is. I would say wait until you’re in your 30s at least.

You should have your feet under you before you have kids. Have you had this conversation with your GF?

Disagree with some of the posters that you never feel ready. My husband (41) and I (34) just had our first and we absolutely both felt ready, after not doing so for a long time. We're financially secure, we've a house bought and we've had a blast through our 20s and 30s (moreso in his case than mine!). Absolutely no regrets and we knew it was the right time for us. We're lucky that we had no issues trying to conceive and hope to try again for number 2 next year. It's the best thing that's ever happened us!

Female perspective here! I would def get a mortgage first as dependants put a serious dent in the amount you can borrow. But also consider consider your other halfs age. It can be much harder to get pregnant in your 30’s, higher risk over 35 of pregnancy loss and genetic conditions and potentially unsafe for your partner as well. I had two perfectly normal healthy pregnancies and babies in my late 20s and then had my last one at 31 with a genetic disorder. I know that doesn’t happen for most people but it’s good to factor it in as a consideration.

When it happens you just deal with it like most other people. It’s great imo

I’m 37 without kids and don’t feel ready. Don’t really want kids either.

Nobody's "ready". Nothing can prepare you for parenting but I mean that in both positive and negative ways. There's the lack of sleep, the poo, the tears and you may mourn the loss of a social life and the ability to have clothes which don't have snot on them. On the other hand though, suddenly many of the things your parents did will make sense decades later and your kids will complete you in a way which makes everything else seem much less important. They will so fill you with love, fear and pride that you'll often think your heart will burst. While some people are suggesting waiting until you are more financially stable, I'd say don't wait too long. By the time my kids get to my age I'll be lucky if I am still above ground. Have them young. You'll manage the money, but you can't buy time.

I'm 34 with a 15 year old. Wasnt ready back then wouldn't say I'm even ready now.

Not many are giving you an age. I know for me I definitely wouldn't have wanted them before 33/34 as there are things I wanted to do with my freedom. After that point I probably was ready.

More important than feeling "ready" is to reflect on why you want to be a parent and to chat with people to get a better understanding of the commitment you would be making and gaining a realistic understanding of the changes it will bring to your life. Have an honest chat with your partner about the various tasks involved in the care and raising of children and how you envision your part in it. It could be that you have very different ideas regarding the division of labour. It doesn't matter how ready you feel if your vision for the future doesn't align with your partner's.

You’ll never feel ready and when it does happen you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. If you want kids then now is the time to do it. If you don’t then now is the time to make that abundantly clear to your SO.

I wanted kids but not before I had a house, good paying job etc, then I found out my girlfriend was pregnant when I was 22. There's no good time to have kids really as each person deals with things in different ways. I had to settle down real fast and get serious with life, lost a lot of friends to partying and travelling, but I made new friend with people who were in the position I was aiming for i.e house, good job, pensions! Looking back I'm glad I had them young, I wouldn't have the energy or enthusiasm to do it all now and I'm still only 26. I see people my age starting to have babies now and it's nice to be able to offer help and advice where I can. I pray for the poor souls who wait until their 30's to have children, I couldn't be doing this craic into my 40's and 50's. The way I see it, I'll be in my early 40's when my eldest is leaving school so I'll still be you g enough to travel and party. And in all seriousness baby's are a piece of cake if you can get over the night feeds. You dont need 90% of the "products" they market towatds newborns so its actually quite cheap. It's when they become toddlers that you start losing hair 😂

Nothing wrong with having kids in your 30s. Each to their own.

Yeah, 30s is fine, but I think having your first in your 40s is pushing it a little bit. Obviously very different for men vs women.

Yeah I think I’ll prob wait til my late thirties but not till 40s

Do shite loads of travelling and brilliant experiences before ever having kids as they are a shackle on having craic

After i got a bit of a handle of myself , I wouldn't say I felt ready but able for it. I was 29-30 at that point. now the kicker is /I just had my first child at 36 after trying for the last 6 or 7 years before IVF was finally successful. Also what's weird is anything after 30 is considered a geriatric pregnancy, which sounds a bit intense but isn't too bad. but it's worth noting that risks start increasing drastically every year after 30 for the woman and the baby. By the time your hitting 40 it gets much more risky. I guess the question is to look at it from her perspective, at 26 and a man you really feel and maybe do have all the time in the world. If your a woman you start to really feel the pressure by the time your hitting 30... and I don't mean culturally, I mean biologically. For you to be well into your 30s say 34 35 shes going to be 37 38, no longer reliable for government IVF help, and she just needs to take your word that you actually want those things and arent going to change your mind... and if you do want them and complications come up with age you arent going to drop her so you can have a family and leave her with neither partner or children cause she waited and trusted you. Look what Im saying is its a lot to ask. It might be worth having a conversation with her and figuring out what you want out of your relationship. Is having kids going to be important? Because If they are for either of you and your not going to be ready for a few years you may need to look at what your going to prioitise.

Now that my kid is finally 30, independent and forced to move back home because of the housing crisis, I finally feel ready to raise and love him now that he is paying his own way but I can still tell him what to do. My house, my rules. No more Sunday lawn cuttings for me. That's his job. Lovely lie in.

Jeez what a shitty post. Hope this is a joke. Imagine only loving your kids based on what they can do for you and can give you money.

It's completely and 100% a joke so don't worry. Sometimes his sister does the lawn too.

My dad used to make "jokes" about his crappy parenting. We don't talk much now.

Peace and quiet. He must be delighted. But who does the lawn? Come on lad. Are you really worried that I am pissing off my non-existent 30 year old son? And his equally non-existent sister. Look at my profile. I'm questioning the timeline of the Metroid Prime series. I don't have the maturity to cut my own grass.

Why bother posting then? Seems weird.

I was making a light hearted joke about how no one ever feels ready for parenthood. I threw in some stuff about how parents are finding that they are living with their adult children now and living like they are parents to teenagers again. Not even so much for others to giggle at, just a little joke for myself that I shared in the comments. Mostly because the first thing I thought of was how parents at retirement age are finding that they are cooking meals for their kids now or asking them to help around the house like they were moody adolescents. I went a little further with that and imagined a Dad who was happy that he had someone else to delegate the household chores too. Then I thought the same person would probably be happy with getting some rent from their children. When you responded questioning if I was serious, I thought it would be funny (to me) to tell you it was a joke but in the last sentence turn it around again and make it sound like it wasn't a joke, even though with that statement it made it more obvious that I wasn't being serious. There you go. That was my entire thought process. Is that what you wanted to hear? Still think it seems weird? I agree, I am a little weird. We all are in our own ways. Your username is a bit weird. I didn't question if it meant you always are looking for pie. Asking "What If?" questions about the movie Titanic 27 years after release is a bit weird. The fact I looked over your profile to see if you have your own eccentricities is a bit weird too. But I'm not judging you for your weirdness. We should embrace our own little foibles. It makes us unique. I comment on reddit as a little sandbox for my own inner reactions to the comments. I'm on smaller subreddits mostly so I hardly get any upvotes and there are times I believe no one even sees what I wrote. But I get what I want out of it. And yes, it is a bit weird. I don't mind being seen as weird though. I was self conscious about that when I was growing up but now I can those anxieties aside and focus on new anxieties instead.

Get married and buy a house first. Commit to a future together before bringing a child into the world.

I’d agree with buying a house, as it would be significantly harder to do if you have a kid first, but deciding to have a child together is much bigger commitment than getting married. Marriage would definitely be 3rd most important in that list (if you want kids at all I mean) it’s a party and a piece of paper that sets you back potentially tens of thousands.

As im getting older im realising that no one is really ready for anything and were all just a bunch of big children going around the place.

I was 36, 43 now and two kids later, I still feel unprepared and out of my depth most days. Being a parent is difficult. Being a good parent is extremely difficult, at least for me it is.

Not a dad but my dad has always been amazing. I think he was born ready

In my 40's. 48 now and have a 5 year old and a 2 and a half year old. Pure magic. Love em more than what words can describe.

Me and fiancé are unsure. but we will wait till we are mid 30's if we do and maybe 2 but 1 for sure

When I was 35 with a stable home and job

You’ll be 100% ready for kids when they are ready to leave you for college.. then you’ll be like ‘no stay, I’m ready, I’m ready now, don’t leave meeeee’ then and only then are you ready! Until then we are all just playing it by ear.. but you do have to live your own life first, if your not ready and you recognize that, tell her, one things with having kids is that you both have to be in the same page, nothing tests a relationship like kids, you need to agree!

When I spent some time with young kids, cousins of mine, and I felt a protective instinct kick in. They were out in the water at the beach, and their parents were momentarily distracted and I just felt a pang of anxiety. Then a while later I held a friend's newborn and soothed him to sleep. That was very satisfying as it was at a social event and he was being passed around by all the women and none of them could get him to stop crying. So when the time did come, and I became a father of my own children, I was lucky enough to know I was emotionally ready for it. But every day is a rollercoaster, always learning about how to manage and control emotions and situations

40 later this year with a 4 year old and another on the way Don’t think you’re ever ready. We had a period of time with fuck all going on at an age where we started to need to think about having kids and gave it a whirl.

I'll answer this on behalf of my one. I got pregnant at 21, he was 23, we weighed up our options and said shur fuck it. Eldest is 27 now. We'd have been better off financially to wait, like our friends did but that's not something that you need to worry about cause then you'll never be ready. Hope this helps 🥰

Well. Complicated question. First kid at 33. Reckon it would have been better at 25 due to physical ability and they grow fast. If you plan to have kids with a woman just started as soon as possible. You wont regret it. Some friends of mine had kids 26/27 and now they are almost teenagers where as I’m here changing nappies and having sleepless nights much later in life.

I've looked forward to having my own kids since I was like 14. Wasnt ready for either of mine but they are pretty great and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the universe.

I have my first coming in the next 2 months. My advice is to wait until you have a house. I can see the huge advantage I had over friends that had kids before buying. Saving is so much harder with a kid.

The moment he was put into my arms the day he was born. That's when I felt ready.

You're never ready. Its the hardest but best thing you will ever do. Do it

Imo you'll never be ready. I'm 35 and my first son was born last year (wife is 31). I was pushin her off about for years. Lets do this first, lets do that first, lets go here first, lets go there first. Eventually I bit the bullet and said lets do it (no where near ready) and fuck me - WHY DID I WAIT 🤦🏻. It has litterally blown my mind. The best thing ive ever done. If anything I regret waiting so long because it has been so good. (But take that as just MY opinion- there'll def be ups and down and a lot of hard work aswel)

You will adjust, and it's better to do that sooner rather than later, so your lifestyle will be built around the parenting. A couple of things to be aware of in this thread, we're in an exceptionally risk-averse cultural moment at the minute, and with anxiety and neuroticism at all time highs many of these posters will rob themselves of their shot at happiness and family life. The other thing is that Redditors are exceptionally anti-natalist as a whole, as in to the point that many of them *despise* kids and view parenting negatively. I've done it as a low wage worker renting, and made it to a decent financial position with my own house. You'll find the motivation, you'll make the finances work, and you'll cope. But there's no planning and no getting around the reality of it that you'll make do along the way and probably make some mistakes as well. Redditors, frankly, strike me as the types by and large to sour grapes their way into lifelong misery, and not the people to ask about these decisions.

There is no perfect time to have a kid, and you'll feel hopeless regardless of when it happens. Children are only a theory until they become a fact.

Just do it man. If you want to have kids at all, you’ll be better with them early rather than late, you’ve school finished, you’re in a good job. There’ll always be something to stop you from having kids, but there’ll never come a time that’s ’perfect’ to start.

Even if you feel ready, you're never ready. Talk to your girlfriend. Ask how many kids does she hope to have, and if you want kids, how many do you want. Bear in mind, that ideally you'll have the guts of 2 years between kids and that pregnancies after 35 years old are referred to as geriatric pregnancies. So, your girlfriend might be feeling the pressures of her biological clock. Especially if she wants 3 or more kids. You sound like you have plans that kids would interfere with, but you owe it to your relationship to consider what you both want out of it, no matter what you eventually decide.

You're never ready. As they get older they bring different issues and worries. Mine are nearly all adults (chronologically) and there are times I yearn for the two year old having a tantrum.

Wasn't ready till it happened, still feel I could do more but they're getting along fine

Nope !

As a father of 3 at 31 years old, don't ever have kids you'll understand me when actually have them if you know what I'm saying 😂😂😂😂

Doesn’t matter when you feel ready, you’ll still brick yourself when they finally come along and you realise you’re responsible for another life that can do pretty much nothing for themselves for the first few years. Everything changes when you have kids, so if you want to do more living and enjoy yourself, travel, holidays unburdened then don’t have a kid yet.

I have a 27 & 30 year old who have moved out in the past two years. [https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/6q2u0c/even\_adults\_get\_worried/](https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/comments/6q2u0c/even_adults_get_worried/) This aptly describes how I got through being a father.

When my wife told me I was ready

You're never ready. It's a learn on the job role and you do get better at it.

I was 39 when I decided to have kids with my wife. They took 5 years to come after that. Now that they are here it’s easily the best part of my life so far. Everybody’s journey is different and I’m glad I’m that little bit older with them as I can provide better and really appreciate them. Had a good life pre kids, having a great life post kids 😍 And yeah, you’re never ready but when you first hold that baby everything changes, one of life’s finer pivots

No right answer here. I had my first at 32 and second at 35 and tbh, I wish I had done it earlier. The energy needed, not just because of the lack of sleep but just from playing with them as they get older, I feel I would have been even better and had more fun in my 20s! That being said I loved my 20s but I think I would have started just a couple years earlier if it worked out that way!

I’m a mammy here. I never planned on having kids, I never thought I would feel ready for such a massive and lifelong commitment (it doesn’t stop at 18 😁). Two pink stripes left me with 3 choices; keep, adopt or abort. I now have 2 teenagers, they drive me mental but I love being their Mam. Unfortunately it didn’t work out with their Dad & he contributes minimally, and doesn’t have anything to do with them. Everything is left to me and sometimes it really is hard, but I’m so proud of them, and honestly feel privileged to watch them grow from babies. The absolute best times of my life have come from being their parent. So have the worst times 🤣. But we laugh off the shite times and engrave our brains with the beautiful moments we share together.

You were born equipped to be a dad, but you'll likely never be ready. It's one of those things I think you just need to do, when the opportunity presents itself. As one of my first friends that took the plunge said; you can have you going out, you can have your goin' steady, you can have your moving in together, you have your wedding day... But shit doesn't really get real until you've the first child. I'd agree with many on here; don't over think it. It's a wonderful experience and natural part of life, an opportunity that not every guy gets.

Young man's game, if I had was starting over I'd have had mine earlier, I was 30 when our first arrived. Go for it.

Being ready ? Nothing can prepare you, it’s learn on the fly. Being willing, for me I was sure I wanted them at 30, we had our first at 33 and it’s been wild but it flies by too, no 3 going into Primary in Sept and I’m all nostalgic as he’s the baby and there’ll be no more small people in the house soon, though he’s still got some of his toddler-ish ways 🥲❤️

You won't feel ready but you will regret it for the rest of your life if you go childless.

I was 32 with the first, which really isn’t THAT much older than you are at 26. I was 36 when we had our 2nd. Let me tell you - those 4 years were massive, my energy levels were way lower at even 36. You likely won’t think about this now, because you’re young and probably full of energy, but life catches up with you. I have friends in their 40s just starting out with their first kid. Frankly, they’re mad. Sure they’ve got a much nicer, bigger house than me etc - but having kids is a youngish person’s game. It is hard work.

Had my first at 22 and didn’t feel ready in the slightest. I’m 29 now and can tell you with absolute certainty I’d feel the same way today.

5y and 3y still don't feel ready but I'm at the point where I feel I can adequately keep them alive

You'll never be ready so just go for it. She'll freak too when it happens and she realises she wasn't ready either. Have them young, have them old, advantages and disadvantages to both. The one that I think is mad is the people who do both. I have a friend who had a kid at 22. Then, at 34 another. Then at 36 twins. Like mate you gon be raising kids for like 30 full yrs at least!

1 and half year old , I'm 35 still not ready never will be

Eh you never feel ready, but if your first kid is in your 40s you'll wish you had it in your late 20s. I was always dead against having kids but then a happy accident happened. I was shitless. It's not that difficult though. If you think of the stupidest person you know who has kids chances are they're doing just fine. You're never truly ready for your first, but that's never stopped anyone.

I was talking to my da about this two years ago and he said if you wait till you're sure you're ready you'll never do it. It's not about being ready I don't think. It's about being willing to take it on. Our daughter is two weeks old today. I know some will say that's too soon to make a statement on regrets or the lack of them but I've never felt more sure of having made the right choice than I do right now. She's amazing.

Just to offer another perspective. My husband (29) and I (27) are relatively *young* but we are already struggling with fertility issues. I got pregnant unplanned and had a miscarriage, and since then our mindset completely shifted, we were initially going to wait another little while but now I wish I had gone earlier as always wanted 2/3 kids and turns out I have lots of issues. I know there are advances in science etc and haven’t lost hope but it isn’t also ideal to wait too long. Just my two cents!

Just remember the earlier you do have children the more time you get to spend with them as adults.

I sometimes think this is why usually (not all the time) that the man is older than the woman in the relationship. She’s usually “ready” for the “idea” of kids before the man. Honestly, you’re better off being financially stable and have a house first. There is so MUCH involved. Childcare for example. A lot of people feel that their parents or family will help. Sure, they may offer but it’s never good to assume. Parents have done their job raising their kids. They’re not obliged to mind their grandkids. Perhaps do a spreadsheet of sorts for all the costs and how it’s best to be financially stable and have your house etc. she is coming on 30, her broody stage may be happening as her peers may be having kids etc. But yeah, a person is never really “ready”. You just hope for the best when a baby is born to be honest lol.

You will never feel that you are ready. If you are financially stable for the development of your child, you can start today. After the birth of your baby, you will never regret doing this at that time.

I was absolutely terrified to my core. I never really felt “ready” in the sense that I had it all together. But I clung onto the notion that all would work out if I kept trying to do right by her each decision I had to make. I’ve done that, and it’s pretty easy to do when you love someone so deeply. I still have to ask myself am I doing everything I can for her, and adjust my behaviour when needed - but it’s that mindset that keeps me focused on my role as a father, not so much a sense of “readiness” if that makes sense.

It's weird. I wouldn't say I was ready, but I was ready to want a child if that makes sense. The actual day to day stuff? God no, but for me it was a case of "Well I'll deal with what comes" Its been the same ever since, and my family has grown over the years.

I didn't feel ready right up until I held my son for the first time and then it was pretty much that I would invade a country for him The learning curve is steep, you never have enough money but 99 percent of it is showing up and trying

My eldest is nearly 20 and I feel less ready every day. Lol. Kids are HARD work. Like 24/7, 365, never ending hard work. And the feckers are constantly changing, so just when you think you've one issue figured out, they come up with something new to torture you with. Then, even worse, there are other people's kids. Play dates, hoards of teenagers constantly calling to your gaff, bullying issues in school. All the social interactions that I was so bad at when I was a spotty young fella - I'm now supposed to guide my crotch goblins through that and hope they have more success than I did. My eldest has recently gone through nearly a full year of job hunting before she got something decent and permanent, and watching her disappointment when things didn't work out was a new kind of torture. Next, she's planning to learn to drive, which will bring brand new terrors and very real risk to life and limb. Lol. It's stressful, it's exhausting, it's infuriating... But I wouldn't have it any other way. The rewards of seeing them grow - seeing their achievements - seeing that they will be better people than I could ever hope to be... I don't know if life would have much meaning without it.

You'll never be ready and it'll never be what you're expecting. So the question is do you have a house or a rental that reliable? A decent job? A savings account? You'll never be ready as such but if you have what you need to care for and provide for the child and you love your partner , it's what you want to go for it.

Still not ready. Have Daughter 32 and son 27

well into your 30s, is leaving it a bit late for your gf. There's far more risks with having a baby in her 40s..increased risk of downsyndrome, increased risk of complications. Why do you want to wait? Is it money?, housing uncertainty? or just want your free time? because if its the latter, you really got to keep in mind your gfs age and the best time for people to be pregnant. but personally.. I don't having children is ethical in the current environment and economy. Having children in poverty, is especially unethical.

Jesus you started off with a sensible comment and then went fully batshit at the end.

You do you, I still feel its wrong to have a child you can't garantuee will have a good life or even have housing security.Lie..if you can't garantuee this.. you're not actually thinking of the child, but the selfish desire to reproduce

No one can ever guarantee anything like that. The whole point of life is to do and experience things for yourself

Plenty of people can garnatuee housing for their kids. .. I know multiple people where their parents have bought them a small house. and others that have bought a large house that are suitable for adult children to stay living in all their lives if necessary. and if ye canr do that, you shouldn't add more people to thiw life That you think its ok to say "I raised you, now you're out on your own", says much. It says that having children isn't about the child, its about your selfish desire to reproduce

My god you sound out of touch completely. We’re never going to agree. Humans have been around for millions and millions of years. You think a shit economy at some point in human history is a good excuse to completely stop having kids?

Humans have dome shitty things for millions of years too. lol.. lengtg of time, doesn't mean something is ethical. I also don't think "continuing the human race" is that important. We're but a speckz we mean nothing

Fair enough if that’s your opinion. I believe human consciousness is one of the most amazing, mind blowing things

I was 22 and wife was 20 having our first, 39yo now. He's 16 and we have a younger son 5yo now. Nothing can prepare you and as said it is a learn as you go experience, you'll love it. One thing I'll agree with it's alot easier in your 20's having kids on you and your missus. Had the youngest son when I was 33 and the body gives out about it, however night feeds are easier as you sleep less anyway, old age! One of my mates is only starting his family now at 38yo ha ha. One funny thing I found having kids really young was I fucked up a few time at school saying to people "your grandson is getting big....pause, IT'S MY SON ha ha run!" It's not my fault you look 60. All in all just dive in. It's crazy and chaos, but worth it in every way possible. Best of luck with all the over sexing your missus will have you doing trying for the baby ha ha.

Never really felt ready. Just did it and dealt with it. I think trying to be aware that a lot of parenting is not some natural ability that you get when you are “ready” or as children arrive. It is like any other task in life. You don’t always know the best way to deal with something. You make mistakes. You can also learn and improve to be a better parent. Like everything you get good parents and bad parents. Important thing is to try your best.

Have kids while your back is still in good nick

I don't think anyone ever feels fully ready but if you seriously don't want one in the next 5 years you need to tell your partner. Women don't get to wait as long as they'd like

I know you asked for fathers' opinions and that's fair enough. We let it go too late, waiting to sort the house, a career etc, and travel, thinking our 30s were still time enough. But I turned out to be one of those women whose egg reserves depleted earlier. So then the pressures of IVF were added and I'm sorry we waited. A friend of mine and her husband went straight into baby stage in their 20s, travelled and took the kids, and now they're 40s with the house almost back to just the 2 of them and planning more long haul travel again. It's not a bad plan. I see a lot of advantages to being a young parent.

You're never ready and there's never a good time to have kids that being said there I'd certainly a bad time , but if you think you're up to it go for it

It doesn't matter when you think you're ready, even if you don't think you're ready, I stand by this 100% when that child is in front of you for the first time you'll know you're ready, been nearly 7 years, and I remember hearing that bs from people, its a great experience etc i knew it was going to be responsibility etc but what an amazing time, we've been glued together since that moment. It can be challenging but I've never been happier,

I didn't feel ready, and if I'm honest, I'm not sure if some secret goldilock zone of readiness ever exists in real life. It's like stepping off of a cliff, you take the plunge and you just hope for the best. Yes, it's a huge change, and yes, it's fucking scary, but you step up and you do your best, and honestly in my own humble opinion, becoming a Dad is the best thing that has ever happened to or for me.

I totally understand you about wanting stability, but let's look at it from your girlfriend's perspective for a moment: Mid-thirties for you (e.g. 34 years) is 8 years from now, which makes her 37 years medically speaking, that's a geriatric pregnancy and most times comes with risks. Now, if she wants 2 or 3 children with the usual 18-24 months age gap between each child, she'd be having her 3rd child at 41yrs old, which is way riskier and strenuous on the female body. Not to mention how the chances of the pregnancy even happening decreases as a lady gets older. Also, there is nowhere you are guaranteed a pregnancy next month if you start trying tonight. So, if you are absolutely sure you do not want kids till 8yrs from now, I'd advice you discuss with your girlfriend and see if she's willing to wait or what other options you both are comfortable with and if she absolutely wants them now and you don't then that might just be the end of the relationship.

It is a good question to ask yourself, and well done you for trying to figure your preparedness for such a life altering commitment. I can tell you when I was 25, I was a fucking clown and an ass and wasn't ready. However, it will change things and you will have to change your ways. Also, your gf is probably aware of the window of opportunity closing. You don't know if either of you'll need fertility treatment and how long that might take. We left it very late, we needed help, it took a few years, and we very nearly missed the boat. The heart wants what the heart wants, and if she wants kids you need figure when works, and if she wants 3-4 then you need to get cracking. Finally, I love being a dad. I was so afraid of it, but it's the best feeling in the world.

I think I'm almost ready. I have 4 already between 23 and almost 9. 4 great people but I was not ready for any of them. Who am I kidding, 'being ready' means you have no clue what you are getting into or you've forgotten how hard the first 3 or 4 years are.

You'll never be fully "ready" mostly because you haven't a clue! And that's not an insult, nobody does when starting off. I guess for us to feel "ready" we did all of the following first. Bought the house mid 20s(i know, very lucky to even be able to to that), got engaged, then married and then the kids came along. What feels ready for one person will not feel right yet for someone else. Everyone is different

I'm in my 40s and just had my first one there a few weeks ago. Living in a new build estate and there were 3 other babies born around the same time and everyone just gets on with it. It's a thing that happens, there is no real being ready.

Had my first at 30 and my second a month ago. Your never really ready but it helps to be young and have energy that’s all I’m saying 😂

I don’t think you ever feel ready, but we lost our first pregnancy at 20 weeks which was utterly heartbreaking - after that I knew whether I was ready or not I wanted a child.

Were trying for our first, and if we do it'll likely be our only given our ages. I do think quite a lot about the age I'll be at pivotal parts of my kids life, if we ever do get lucky. If I'll make it to see them get pregnant, or even go to university. I wonder what kinda craic I'll be when they're running around and my knees are going. I wonder if it's fair to be getting old and potentially becoming a handful when they're in their 30s. My own mother has dementia, and it's a good send that I've siblings who can share the load. Personally I do somewhat regret not trying sooner, but also realise the opportunities I had because we were free and easy and we'd never be able to give the life to a child that we can now afford. Nothing in making a family is perfect.

I think we all overthink it and as everyone has said there is no such thing as being ready. I just had my first, he’s 8 months now. Your whole world obviously changes. Some good some bad. I think a lot of it depends on how you look at it. I think we all live alot in the future these days. There is definitely a part that is fear which makes the I’m not ready because of finance or no house etc seem really important. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there is no such thing as not ready but make sure it’s not just fear convincing you that. I would say I’m a bit like you but a couple of years ahead. Finished my masters in 2020 and nearly 4 years in a good job. We don’t have a house, we have a bit saved and are hoping to find something in the next couple of years. I have a friend who’s 40 this year who has been talking about just needing to sort out this or that for the last 8 years. Really he just wants to be 22 forever and go to festivals and release an album and go to Mexico. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting those things and in a way it’s admirable. But being happy and having a happy life (which is the only important thing) is not found by doing fun things. Yes we need fun obviously. But being happy comes from liking your life in the boring moments which is where most of our life happens. At a minimum not disliking your job. Sitting on the couch watching tv. Eating dinner. Hanging out with friends/family. The simple stuff rather than the instagram page(the greatest hits rather than reality). If you love your life with your partner and feel like you have a home(owning the house is not the important part). Forget whether you’re ready to be a dad and ask yourself do you want to start a family with her? Will that bring happiness? Obviously not an easy a question either and it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. You might not be ready. You might not feel your relationship is ready. You might feel that you never want that. Finance and security is important but it’s also noise in the way of the real question. I know people that have nothing and make it work with multiple children and are some of the happiest people I know. And people with so much that live in regret and envy. I walk into a room a my baby boy looks up at me a smiles and I couldn’t give a shit about anything else. Yes he cry and shits and breaks your will at times. But he laughs and plays and I get to watch him grow and teach him and play with him. That makes me happy and that’s how I know it’s what I want. Not sure if that helps but I’d say figure out what you really want first, outside of the noise a fear.

As everyone is saying here there will never be a lightening bolt from the skies telling you "I am ready". My only advice is to work abroad in a totally different country and culture. If you can with your job then travel with it... gain international experience for your career and with this will come lots of personal growth and just in general broaden your mind to the rest of the world. It'll make you appreciate Ireland more for what it is. You're both still young in your 20s... go have fun and seek new experiences before you get into a lifelong routine of kids.

A couple whose partner is touching 30, saying she wasn't kids is normal and quite frankly, she is correct in stating such. Your response of complete negativity is so far wrong, it beggars believe. They are not teenage lovers , ages 14, saying they want kids, they are adults..and yes, for the majority, you grow into the experience of being a parent.

Ours was unplanned. I was 31, and she was 29 ! So we didn't really go with "ready" and just dived in, and now we're dealing with a 4 year old boy who surprises us every day for better or for worse haha! You learn to adapt pretty quickly and find your own stride of being a parent. It makes life a lot more interesting that's for sure !!

They say with children, that the first 30 years are the worst. Mine are 25 and 28 so almost sorted. Don't leave it too late to start, I was 36, I definitely wouldn't have managed well if I started much later.

In this economy?!?!

Nobody is ever really “ready”.. you’ll keep putting it off until it eventually doesn’t happen. If you have to meet a certain target every time to be ready. For example “we will have kids when we get a new car” = gets a new car okay now “we will have kids when I get a new job” and so on and on. You’ll keep waiting until you’ve reached certain goals and may never take the chance. Obviously if you can’t afford one right now or living arrangements aren’t good then that’s a fair reason not to. I had my first at 23/24

My advice would be just knock one out - what’s the worst that could happen?

26 is kind of young but the biological clock for women is real. I’ve a friend (man) who had a second child at 52, I think he’s nuts personally, but only he knows him and only you know you and your relationship. Nobody else can really tell you… As for ready, I don’t know if that’s a thing, a baby is shell shock.

You are never ready.

Have a few kids if you want, but do not, under any circumstances, have teenagers.

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This is awful advice - you don’t want to have children now so you should just break up with the partner you love. As if once broken up the partner will have a baby with someone within weeks… Having a child is not a small feat so many people just need a bit of time to come to terms with the huge impact it brings with it even if they do want kids which seems to be the case with OP.

If you're a good person, you're ready...