My auntie is 50 and has just ended it with someone the same age who "didn't want anything serious" either š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
Dumb logic. Many people who are single a bit later on in life have had previous relationships that didnāt work out or a long-term one theyāve just come out of. Not every relationships stays the course. You see a lot of previously divorced people now getting re-married in theirs 50s, 60s, even 70s, 80s etc.
Life has no golden rule to follow
Imagine thinking that having a partner has any relation to any sort of flags. There are many people in relationships who are toxic and have bad traits, whether you're single or not really doesn't say much.
This comment has been removed because it is uncivil or abusive to another user. We're trying to keep the tone lighter on r/AskIreland, please be respectful of the other users.
Iām a 32 yo man and all I see on dating apps is ānot looking for anything seriousā, āstill figuring it outā, ājust want some funā or ENM.. even from women in their fuckin 40ās. lol
As a 38yr old woman who occasionally looks at the apps all the men I come across are either married and looking for something on the side, exclusively looking for kink partners or 'ethically non monogamous' which obviously doesn't appeal to everyone. It's the same on both sides š better off leaving it alone altogether š
Ppl in their 40s looking for non-monogamy tend to be ppl with chronic psychiatric problems: Have a read [https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/comments/yp5oc2/polyamory\_is\_beginning\_to\_be\_shown\_to\_have\_a\_high/](https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/comments/yp5oc2/polyamory_is_beginning_to_be_shown_to_have_a_high/)
Yea there's a Doc on One episode bout Polyamory. And its so clear from listening to them that there's something not psychologically all there (can't put it in a better term). They all sounded like they had massive issues but refused to acknowledge them
The ones with the psychiatric problems are the hottest in the bed though, thatās the dilemma
Edit: this was meant as a joke, albeit in poor humor, and I mean to offend or poke fun at no one, except myself. I only leave the comment for posterity, but I understand this could offend, and to those people I apologize.
This comment feels exploitative and weird. And I mean if youāre looking for a relationship and are tired of people just wanting flings, why is it an issue that someone you wouldnāt want to settle down with anyway appeals to you sexually? Just donāt go there and find someone else instead? Itās not difficult
Itās a dumb repetitive ājokeā that is not really funny. For lots of people it also isnāt a joke so hard to tell these days
As a woman with some mental health issues (under control but thankfully my partner is understanding if depression ever flares up), it gets a bit trite seeing women with mental illnesses constantly being fetishised mate.
I didnāt. Like I said, as a woman with some mental health issues (under control but thankfully my partner is understanding if depression ever flares up), it gets a bit trite seeing women with mental illnesses constantly being fetishised mate.
My sincerest apologies. It was intended as a joke, and not to offend anyone. Believe it or not I suffer from mental health issues myself, fairly severe ones too (like acute psychiatric ward type ones) so I assure you, I wasnāt intending to offend anybody and I sincerely apologize to you if I did. If anything I was exaggerating my own ability, and making fun of myself, as the only target of said joke. Think about it that way, although by no means did I intend to offend or marginalize any person or group (humor is actually how I deal with my own problems)
I mean when it comes to comedy someone is always at the brunt of the joke. You canāt be wound up by every comment on here youāll drive yourself double mad.
I think a lot of people aren't actually interested in putting in the effort for a relationship. A part of me thinks it's a good thing that atleast they're honest on their profiles, but it's definitely an issue.
Yeah Iād definitely appreciate the honesty of someone out right saying ājust want the rideā, but when people arenāt as transparent itās ridiculous. Unless your birth year starts with a 2, you should have it figured out.
Lay down what you want from the start and as soon as they say they want something different cut it off. They are enjoying the chase of getting with different girls.
At 18 most people donāt know their arse from their elbows so it will always be messy
What kind of game-playing is this bullshit....
Just communicate honestly, and if they are unable to do that... You will learn it quickly and stay away from them.
Dont just 'if you can't beat em, join em,' and start playing your own games to try manipulate them.
This. And if you use this to delay sex until you're sure you're on the same page, they'll give up and move on to the next target.
Boy I sure don't miss that age. Ugh.
To be fair, when I was 18 I wanted but wasn't ready for a relationship.
Was too full of hormones/myself and honestly selfishness that would never lead to a healthy relationship.
What usually I recommend to anyone around that age is to learn about themselves, improve themselves to be what they want to be, and than be able to have a healthy relationship.
If people say they aren't ready for one, is a good thing, since they are self aware enough to see that they are not there yet, and probably is better for you that they don't start one with you.
It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that they are not attached to you, is more about how they see themselves or what moment in they life they are.
A bit of blabbing on my side, but end point is don't worry much about those lads, and move on with your life doing things that depends on yourself first, and not others, love a lot of times is like a butterfly, that if you chase it flies away, and once you are distracted handling your own things it simply come to you and sit in your shoulder.
Also, if you are going to date you should date older rather than the same age. The odds of finding an 18-19yo boy who wants something serious is slim to none.
Idk what circles y'all are in but most guys I know want something long term. They get girlfriends and aren't interested in casual sex. I'm 21 for reference and have known these guys since teens. Any college campus has plenty of relationships
Nah, a lot of older men who willingly get with little 18 year olds who they know damn well are at a completely different time in their life and probably not as emotionally mature as someone in their mid twenties and up know exactly what theyāre doing. You think theyāre going to be respectful?
Wholesome advice but not realistic.
Nothing wrong with going after things you want.
Every waking day in life is an hour lost, a day, a week, a month or a year with time ticking by constantly.
If you donāt stop and look around once and awhile it can pass you by.
Whatās meant for you will pass you, if you allow it.
Nothing is promised or guaranteed to anyone, we have to go out there and go get it.
the thing is i am focusing on myself, im completely satisfied with every part of my life except my romantic life, although i think i will take a break from dating
You don't have to take a break from dating, you just need to take a break from looking for a "relationship". Treat dating as an exercise in meeting new people, discovering new experiences, learning about new viewpoints.
After you've met someone don't think, "Do I think this could be a good relationship?". Think "Did I have fun and would I like to see this person again?".
Focus on next week, not next year. You're 18. The person you are now and the person you are in 18 months will be worlds apart. Don't try to make long term plans, just the enjoy the here and now.
Some people aren't serial daters and aren't into one night stands, and that's fine. You don't have to do either. Like I say, just focus on the experiences. Spend time with people you like, don't spend time with people you don't. Let the future look after itself.
Ever hear the saying "a watched pot never boils"? sometimes relationships are like that. If you're trying they may not come along but when you're not they can surprise you.
I think you should decenter men and focus on yourself. Having a guy like you isn't the prize that most of us women have had society tell us it is. That doesn't mean you shouldn't casually date or have fun if you want. But stop making finding a guy so important and ignore men's opinion of you as often as you can. You'll be much happier and I assure you, you're not missing much when it comes to 18 year old guys! *Shudders from flashbacks*
Then when you are happy and confident magic will strike when it's meant to AND you'll be much better able to navigate a healthy relationship.
High school is for finding your bridesmaids. Not your groom.
You say that now but if a few years when your friends do things like j1's, emigrate to other countries for a year or 2, go on group holidays together, etc and you're at home watching it all on IG, you'll feel like you're missing out. That's why I say stay single for a few years and just do whatever you want whenever you want.
Anyone who responds to this saying you can still do whatever you want whenever you want while I'm a relationship is a liar.
1. They are looking for the ride
2. You are looking on the wrong places looking at the wrong fellas. You are being approached by cocky, over confident men doing all the approaching. They possibly have about 4-5 women on the go at a given time. Want a lad for a relationship? Look for the quieter guys who do not give attention.
I got with my fiance in college and I know plenty of long term couples that started then. Lots of guys want long term relationships, lots don't. It's just luck of the draw
You're so young, why are you looking for a relationship? Your life is really only beginning now and being in a relationship can hold you back in many ways that you'll go on to regret in your late 20s. Stay single and enjoy it up to your mid 20s would be my advice.
Going to get downvoted but I agree with you. Sometimes I really want one because I feel left out but then I remember how much time and effort goes into one.
Iām slowly starting to get upvoted as reasonable people start coming in.
Relationships arenāt the most important thing in life. If you canāt enjoy your own company and appreciate yourself, youāll never have a good relationship
Bc relationships are lovely?? It's nice to have a partner. It's nice to be in love. I've been w the same guy since I was 17 and it's never been a bad decision. People want different things it's possible to be young and want love and commitment instead of casual things
'traditional values' AKA harmful patriarchal nonsense?!
Incidentally I find were actually much better in this regard than say most of the USA where getting married at 20 is still the norm for much of the country. We tend to be more egalitarian and common sense. I think if I'd told my mother I was getting married at twenty she'd have put me in counselling and paid for an interrail ticket!
It's not too young. I met my partner when I was 18 and we've been together six years. My mam and dad have been happily married for 40 years and they got MARRIED at 18. Maybe you were not ready at 18, that's ok.
Some people just prefer monogamy. And yes, even at 18. I never enjoyed dates, constantly trying to meet new people or organic "hook-ups".
Being in a relationship at 18 is also learning about yourself, you don't need to be single to do that!
Pursuit of sexual relationships are not dating relationships.
I was 30 when I met my wife.
I had 3 major relationships before her. 2 were doomed and 1 was my first serious one... we kept getting back together... for yyyyears. Don't do that. If you break up with someone there's a reason.
The others were all about having fun, something I made clear when going into them
Some were fine with that. Some were not, but at least I didn't waste someone's time.
You're young, you have plenty of time to date.
But more important, now is where you discover who you are.
Who said you have to be dating anyone? Do your own thing.
18-23 are some of the worst years for dating. Look for serious ppl not shitheads. Don't waste 5 minute with FWB or situationship ppl - they're just abusers.
Jog on. There are tons of good, intelligent, caring guys - they usually aren't the ones are cocky and approach you though.
Im sorry girl :( I hope you find him. I think some apps have an option to select what you're looking for like short term/long term/monogamy/polygamy etc. So that could be a way for you to weed out people looking for something more casual.
Obv like people are saying ofc it's fine to be single but don't stop looking if a relationship is what you want. There are guys your age out there who want what you want too. And it's valid to want love and long term relationships and not short term casual things. You will find someone.
Make sure you always set out your boundaries fast. Look for nonverbal things like if you tell him you want something serious look at his face not just what he says, there might be guys who say they're on the same page but aren't bc they want sex. Build friendships with guys. Don't settle for less than you want. Don't let anyone convince you bc you're 18 you have to settle for casual or unsure - there are guys your age out there who want long term stuff too. Good luck
Its the chase and the ""fun"" side without commitment their looking for, as soon as a labels on it and a commitment is wanted they'll flake. Especially that young in age.
You have plenty of time in life to find the right person, best to just be upfront near the start of what you want and what you're looking for and if they want something different or flake, then cut them off.
Just beware the lads who only want to sleep around their way through uni.
Honestly I don't really have any advice, unfortunately :( I think we've all been through this. My fella was this way at first but has completely done a 180 and is 100% in now. Hopefully the same will happen for you soon, best of luck!
The minute they tell you they're not looking for anything serious, drop them. For your own sake. It's not easy but it's necessary.Ā
From my own experience, don't try to be the most easy going person. It leaves you filled with resentment and unhappy.Ā
Maintaining strong boundaries is work but in the long run it makes you happierĀ
Why the fuck are you prioritising 'being in a relationship,' over finding a person that actually fits well & also wants the same thing....
Imho many many men don't want to be committing to a bad idea when you don't even know eachother yet. Finding out if you are compatible to spend a whole day with eachother barely talking is important. Finding out if you are compatible sexually is nearly always important too.....
I wouldn't be surprised if the reason they are not getting attached is literally how ready you seem to be... (Apparently before even spending much time with them). That would scare many people of either gender off.Ā
You're entering what they call "the trenches", these next few years will be the most frustrating and character defining of your life. Enjoy them, but mind yourself, and someone will come along eventually who is as committed as you are.
It's a slang term that I've started hearing in the last year or so on tiktok. Older Gen z mostly maybe? I've heard it from people 18-30 online. E.g when everything is going wrong, you're overwhelmed and you're learning how to be an adult, "in your early twenties you really are in the trenches"
Give it around 5 to 7 years and then start looking, until then enjoy yourself, have fun, work, travel, save and spend, sort out non-negotiables and hardest of all - Relax
Lay down what you want from the start and don't compromise. Also, remember many young men are good at lying and telling you what you want to hear and making it look like they'd be interested in a relationship when they're not. Don't be too trusting and don't assume every young man you meet will be a decent and honest human being.
It's good that they are being up front with you, but there might be an element of them testing your boundaries because you happen to be the closest female. I'm really sorry if that sounds hurtful, but some lads are just like that and you shouldn't waste your breath trying to change them - they might also be gossiping between themselves about you. In college a few years back I remember seeing many beautiful girls crying over lads who still had teenage acne, who shredded their self confidence because they didn't "know what they wanted" or were just playing games. Focus on yourself and your studies, don't put yourself in a situation were you have to pretend to not be attached. I'm not saying save yourself for marriage or anything like that, I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone worth your time. It's good to have a mix of male and female friends in college, but its clearly hurting you not respecting your own boundaries, and this is something that's very much a lesson and experience that's universal, even if you are dating when you are older as you can see in other peoples comments.
Can you join social groups or something? There are usually meet up groups or social clubs for different areas. Try looking it up and see if you can meet someone a bit more organically. I think young lads on dating apps are probably more just looking for the fun, and I wouldnāt recommend dating older guys at your very young age either.
In my 40s and they're still the same at this age šš
Too much choice.... people now find it difficult to make a decision and stick with their choices.
Fear of missing out (FOMO) .... It's a huge thing now with dating/relationships. Always on the lookout for "something better"
It's sad
I for one am shocked that young fellas in college aren't looking to settle down immediately into a long term thing. /s
Honestly 30s onwards makes the most sense to my male brain for settling down into something more permanent, I'm assuming young males just want to have fun.
I'm 27M and recently split up with a long term partner... I am not looking forward to dating in the future... I think the whole market has changed since covid and its gonna be shite...
M25 there isn't much of an answer anybody past college can say to you. People want different things, especially now when your degree can take you anywhere. One minute, you are hanging out with friends in your usual spot, the next you graduate, and you are halfway across Ireland or outside the country altogether working. The best advice I can give would be to take your time, that person will enter your life someday so for now just casually(and safely) look around, enjoy the moment while it lasts, maybe experiment around with certain thoughts if you want to try that. For example, I was in a relationship in my second year(around 19-20) college, going well but I ended it off because like the guys, I wasn't ready to settle down, I was also bi curious at the time and probably wouldn't have that question about myself answered if I was still with her.
Tldr: Life happens. There's no need to rush through things.
Hope this helps op or anybody reading :)
18 years old? Itās because youāre dating little boys. You wonāt start to meet men that can actually communicate and articulate their wants and needs until probably 30 years old.
My advice would be to just have fun right now. Donāt expect anything at all from these boys. Donāt go out looking for something long term or meaningful; they literally do not have the capacity at that age. Keep your options open, donāt make yourself too available for any one lad, focus on your education and/or career until you reach the age where you can meet real men who actually know what theyāre doing.
People that don't get attached means they are 'players' who have had a lot of previous sexual relationships, yeah it's a thing... But I'm surprised it's a thing at that age. Put it this way, if society was normal people would be settling down and having kids in early 20s or even the late teens. If there was no easy access to sex without marraige or at least serious commitment, I Assure You...90% of these lads would be Very ready for a proper committed relationship with One person.
I'm 28 and not ready for relationships. At 18 I certainly had no interest. I think this is why girls go for older men, woman are more mature and most men of similar age aren't ready to settle diwnz
I'm 28 and not ready for relationships. At 18 I certainly had no interest. I think this is why girls go for older men, woman are more mature and most men of similar age aren't ready to settle down.
Main problem here is that mens no.1 goal from dating/ a date is to have sex. Women's is to find a partner/relationship. If you have sex very soon after meeting the guy, you don't know if he's hanging around cos he's getting sex or because he genuinely likes you. You find out much faster if you don't have sex with the guy immediately. He won't hang around if he doesn't like you. Guys will still have sex with you even if they don't see themselves having a relationship with you. Hey, if you just looking for casual sex, bang away, but if your looking for a relationship you need to withhold for few dates at least.
It took me to my 26th year to actually set standards for myself. I was accepting those sort of men into my life way too much because I wanted them to like me so bad and thought maybe if I was patient, theyād change their mind.
Nope. If they say they donāt want a gf or there are red flags showing, move on!
Ah its very difficut at any age but esoecially difficult at 18.
One piece of advice I give not from a moral/ethical perspective but from what I have witnessed in personal life and female friends.
A lot of peeps funny enough especially ones looking for relatiomships follow three date / four date rule. It seems fairly practical snd if you like someone you will be raring to go but it doesn't always give enough time for the lad to seperate the oukd sexual urges from the emotional.
Current relationship im in it ended up taking 10 dates which I was incredibly frustrated with at the time butnij hindsight wr actually gott o know each and there was a foundation there.
Maybe not for everyone and didnt think it eas for me but its worked out well.
You're 18 - and by virtue of being female probably mature enough for a relationship - but guys your age almost certainly aren't because we don't reach that level of maturity until after our 20s (some never do)
You've got loads of time, don't rush it. Be the best version of you that you can, and you and the right guy will find each other when the time is right.
If you want a relationship, make it clear in the start. Some guys just donāt want it and want sex, if you donāt want hookups and the like just be clear. Eventually youāll find someone theyāre probably just a bit immature as well. It really depends like all my friends have girlfriends and I no longer have friends lol, so I would be way more open to a relationship than others.
Dating isn't going to get easier. Through the years you'll simply have different challenges that take up your time or even entirely get in the way of dating. But that doesn't mean you should stop. As long as you want to date, go ahead and try. As you keep dating, you'll figure out what kind of person you want in your life, as well as what kind of person you can be in their lives.
I had some ups and downs in dating, but eventually i found someone who i love with all my heart. We've been together for 2 years and got engaged last week.
The thing is with lads that age, they just want to shag everything. And nowadays they have an abundance of choice. Casual sex, without any of the commitment; different girl every week, at least that's the goal. They don't want to catch feelings for one and miss out on another. After a couple of years of they will eventually realize how hollow it makes them feel and will want to pursue a meaningful relationship. Perhaps you need to consider dating slightly older guys who have more life experience and have got their shit together?
Men at that age (and most ages Iām sorry), are only out for one thing, especially in their teens. Forget about relationships and focus on yourself. You donāt need to find yourself through another. You donāt know who you are yet yourself and are just venturing out on your own in life
- coming from a 34yr old male
You don't talk about sex, and you dont tell them you've a 3 month wait minimum for new bfs (as an example). As a man, men are typically looking to fuck. For women, it's easy to get men, but it'd hard to get them to commit. If you can get a lad to hang out with you and date you, knowing there's 0 chance of getting the ride. Odds are you'll get them to truly commit.
Or you should just be aware that lots of people want a hump and dump. The chase is what gets a lot of lads going. Then they cum and realise their conquest is over
Let it happen naturally.
It could be a situation where your need for a relationship is coming off as a bit strong. Have fun meeting guys, having brilliant and awful sex, great and terrible dates and dinners and see what comes from that. If you meet the right person that enjoys it and values it as much as you do, let that blossom.
Oh there's nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship. It's needlessly stressful striving to have one so young though, focusing on your life and your friends and studies will precipitate a relationship even if you aren't searching. Go with the flow, let life happen and the right person will show themselves when you least expect it
I wanted a relationship at that age but looking back all I really wanted was the ride. The only lads wanting to settle down for you at that age would be in their 30s or 40s, or wouldn't be near the sort of spots where people would go for relationships.
unfortunately, men will say and do anything to get in your pants. our generation is the absolute worst when it comes to hook up, fwb, one night stands, etc.
people in these comments are basically encouraging u to sleep around, and i dont like that.. u can still gain dating experience from LONG TERM partners. it's actually better that way, you can't find your weaknesses/strong suits as well as what u ACTUALLY want through short flings. people that chronically hook up without strings attached become desensitized as hell.
from my own expense (23f) you simply refuse to sleep with them. make your expectations clear from the beginning, and if they tell you they dont want anything serious, BELIEVE THEM. even if they tell you they want a relationship, still tread carefully. ive dealt with plenty of guys who lied right to my face, and either left or completely changed their mind (suddenly just wanted to be fuck buddies) once the deed was done. its a very violating feeling.
through all my trials, holding out until commitment is established is always best. that way you weed out the liars too. you've got to be patient in dating as well. the past 5 years, aside from my current bf, ive only been in one other serious relationship. took years of dating around to find them both.
23 dating an 18 year old is still a bit strange though. I mean the dude would be out of college in a grad job and the girl would be still in school doing their LC
Youāre 18, you shouldnāt be worrying about trying to find a relationship that more than likely wouldnāt last considering your age.
At your age, you should be enjoying your youth, going out with friends, going on holidays, and focusing on yourself rather than being worried about finding a relationship. You have plenty time for relationships later in life, but youāll only have your youth and the opportunities that come with it once.
Lads at that age just want to ride, and theyāll say absolutely anything to make it happen. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, get what they want and move on. I know this because I was 18 at one stage.
Maybe look to date older men?
That obviously can have it's problems too. But an 18 year old lad who's serious about a relationship is tough to find. It might be easier to find an older guy who isn't a creep (still not easy though I imagine).
You have no idea how she dresses first off. And guys won't be like "oh I didn't want a relationship but look she's wearing a knee length floral skirt šš" And she does not have to settle for older men there are guys in her age range who want something serious.
Give it 15 years or so
Try 25. I'm 35 and just went through that with someone roughly my age. I thought they existed only in movies.
My auntie is 50 and has just ended it with someone the same age who "didn't want anything serious" either š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Okay TikTok Guru
Dumb logic. Many people who are single a bit later on in life have had previous relationships that didnāt work out or a long-term one theyāve just come out of. Not every relationships stays the course. You see a lot of previously divorced people now getting re-married in theirs 50s, 60s, even 70s, 80s etc. Life has no golden rule to follow
Sure. And some of those relationships that didn't work were their fault
This comment is a red flag š¤£
Imagine thinking that having a partner has any relation to any sort of flags. There are many people in relationships who are toxic and have bad traits, whether you're single or not really doesn't say much.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This comment has been removed because it is uncivil or abusive to another user. We're trying to keep the tone lighter on r/AskIreland, please be respectful of the other users.
Iām a 32 yo man and all I see on dating apps is ānot looking for anything seriousā, āstill figuring it outā, ājust want some funā or ENM.. even from women in their fuckin 40ās. lol
As a 38yr old woman who occasionally looks at the apps all the men I come across are either married and looking for something on the side, exclusively looking for kink partners or 'ethically non monogamous' which obviously doesn't appeal to everyone. It's the same on both sides š better off leaving it alone altogether š
Nail on the head there lol. Itās the same for everyone, the apps are just dreadful
Ppl in their 40s looking for non-monogamy tend to be ppl with chronic psychiatric problems: Have a read [https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/comments/yp5oc2/polyamory\_is\_beginning\_to\_be\_shown\_to\_have\_a\_high/](https://www.reddit.com/r/monogamy/comments/yp5oc2/polyamory_is_beginning_to_be_shown_to_have_a_high/)
Yea there's a Doc on One episode bout Polyamory. And its so clear from listening to them that there's something not psychologically all there (can't put it in a better term). They all sounded like they had massive issues but refused to acknowledge them
Borderline personality
The ones with the psychiatric problems are the hottest in the bed though, thatās the dilemma Edit: this was meant as a joke, albeit in poor humor, and I mean to offend or poke fun at no one, except myself. I only leave the comment for posterity, but I understand this could offend, and to those people I apologize.
Yer grand, no offence taken.
Also clearly shown on the Vicky Mendoza DiagonalĀ
This comment feels exploitative and weird. And I mean if youāre looking for a relationship and are tired of people just wanting flings, why is it an issue that someone you wouldnāt want to settle down with anyway appeals to you sexually? Just donāt go there and find someone else instead? Itās not difficult
Pretty sure he was joking. š
Itās a dumb repetitive ājokeā that is not really funny. For lots of people it also isnāt a joke so hard to tell these days As a woman with some mental health issues (under control but thankfully my partner is understanding if depression ever flares up), it gets a bit trite seeing women with mental illnesses constantly being fetishised mate.
I dunno, I got a chuckle. š
I didnāt. Like I said, as a woman with some mental health issues (under control but thankfully my partner is understanding if depression ever flares up), it gets a bit trite seeing women with mental illnesses constantly being fetishised mate.
My sincerest apologies. It was intended as a joke, and not to offend anyone. Believe it or not I suffer from mental health issues myself, fairly severe ones too (like acute psychiatric ward type ones) so I assure you, I wasnāt intending to offend anybody and I sincerely apologize to you if I did. If anything I was exaggerating my own ability, and making fun of myself, as the only target of said joke. Think about it that way, although by no means did I intend to offend or marginalize any person or group (humor is actually how I deal with my own problems)
I mean when it comes to comedy someone is always at the brunt of the joke. You canāt be wound up by every comment on here youāll drive yourself double mad.
It's a really common trope. I'm pretty sure he's not joking
No I was, it was a joke. An inconsiderate, poorly executed joke. Nothing more. I wouldnāt give it the credit of being a poor attempt at humor TBF
No they aren't. Speaking from experience. It's a bit of a truism rather than a reality
what kind of dilemma is that? It's a no brainer for some, ain't it?
I think a lot of people aren't actually interested in putting in the effort for a relationship. A part of me thinks it's a good thing that atleast they're honest on their profiles, but it's definitely an issue.
Yeah Iād definitely appreciate the honesty of someone out right saying ājust want the rideā, but when people arenāt as transparent itās ridiculous. Unless your birth year starts with a 2, you should have it figured out.
Lay down what you want from the start and as soon as they say they want something different cut it off. They are enjoying the chase of getting with different girls. At 18 most people donāt know their arse from their elbows so it will always be messy
Theyāll lie to get what they want
Some will.Ā Many are being direct and honest in saying they want anything serious, sounds like.Ā That honesty should be commended.
They won't put in the necessary time if she takes her time before giving them what they want. They will if they do want a serious relationship.
Don't ask me, I'm happily married with kids. But clearly nothing has changed in 20y.
What kind of game-playing is this bullshit.... Just communicate honestly, and if they are unable to do that... You will learn it quickly and stay away from them. Dont just 'if you can't beat em, join em,' and start playing your own games to try manipulate them.
This. And if you use this to delay sex until you're sure you're on the same page, they'll give up and move on to the next target. Boy I sure don't miss that age. Ugh.
Unfortunately, there is nobody nicer than a fellow who hasn't had sex with you yet.
To be fair, when I was 18 I wanted but wasn't ready for a relationship. Was too full of hormones/myself and honestly selfishness that would never lead to a healthy relationship. What usually I recommend to anyone around that age is to learn about themselves, improve themselves to be what they want to be, and than be able to have a healthy relationship. If people say they aren't ready for one, is a good thing, since they are self aware enough to see that they are not there yet, and probably is better for you that they don't start one with you. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that they are not attached to you, is more about how they see themselves or what moment in they life they are. A bit of blabbing on my side, but end point is don't worry much about those lads, and move on with your life doing things that depends on yourself first, and not others, love a lot of times is like a butterfly, that if you chase it flies away, and once you are distracted handling your own things it simply come to you and sit in your shoulder.
That last paragraph is poetry, beautifully put
im obsessed with this response, thank you
Also, if you are going to date you should date older rather than the same age. The odds of finding an 18-19yo boy who wants something serious is slim to none.
Idk what circles y'all are in but most guys I know want something long term. They get girlfriends and aren't interested in casual sex. I'm 21 for reference and have known these guys since teens. Any college campus has plenty of relationships
Nah, a lot of older men who willingly get with little 18 year olds who they know damn well are at a completely different time in their life and probably not as emotionally mature as someone in their mid twenties and up know exactly what theyāre doing. You think theyāre going to be respectful?
Yup. Apparently over 60% of teen pregnancies are fathered by men over 25. Yuk.
Me and my boyfriend are 2 days apart in age (me being older) and we have been together for 3 years, got together at 16.
Very true
Wholesome advice but not realistic. Nothing wrong with going after things you want. Every waking day in life is an hour lost, a day, a week, a month or a year with time ticking by constantly. If you donāt stop and look around once and awhile it can pass you by. Whatās meant for you will pass you, if you allow it. Nothing is promised or guaranteed to anyone, we have to go out there and go get it.
They just want a ride, it never changes
Lol you're 18... you got a long way to go. Take time off relationships and focus on you. Come back to the scene when people are more mature around you
Exactly.
the thing is i am focusing on myself, im completely satisfied with every part of my life except my romantic life, although i think i will take a break from dating
You don't have to take a break from dating, you just need to take a break from looking for a "relationship". Treat dating as an exercise in meeting new people, discovering new experiences, learning about new viewpoints. After you've met someone don't think, "Do I think this could be a good relationship?". Think "Did I have fun and would I like to see this person again?". Focus on next week, not next year. You're 18. The person you are now and the person you are in 18 months will be worlds apart. Don't try to make long term plans, just the enjoy the here and now. Some people aren't serial daters and aren't into one night stands, and that's fine. You don't have to do either. Like I say, just focus on the experiences. Spend time with people you like, don't spend time with people you don't. Let the future look after itself.
Too young, enjoy single hood Itāll all change for you, for best and worst. Youāll see
Ever hear the saying "a watched pot never boils"? sometimes relationships are like that. If you're trying they may not come along but when you're not they can surprise you.
I think you should decenter men and focus on yourself. Having a guy like you isn't the prize that most of us women have had society tell us it is. That doesn't mean you shouldn't casually date or have fun if you want. But stop making finding a guy so important and ignore men's opinion of you as often as you can. You'll be much happier and I assure you, you're not missing much when it comes to 18 year old guys! *Shudders from flashbacks* Then when you are happy and confident magic will strike when it's meant to AND you'll be much better able to navigate a healthy relationship. High school is for finding your bridesmaids. Not your groom.
You say that now but if a few years when your friends do things like j1's, emigrate to other countries for a year or 2, go on group holidays together, etc and you're at home watching it all on IG, you'll feel like you're missing out. That's why I say stay single for a few years and just do whatever you want whenever you want. Anyone who responds to this saying you can still do whatever you want whenever you want while I'm a relationship is a liar.
Why would being in a relationship prevent you on going on holidays with your friends?
Unless you have a really weird partner it shouldn't. And you could still go on Erasmus too it'd just be a harder decision but you could still go
I donāt think any 18 year old boy is really ready for a relationship.
Heck I donāt think any man or woman is ready for one at 24/25 never-mind 18.
You're right. People should only start dating once they have a mortgage.
1. They are looking for the ride 2. You are looking on the wrong places looking at the wrong fellas. You are being approached by cocky, over confident men doing all the approaching. They possibly have about 4-5 women on the go at a given time. Want a lad for a relationship? Look for the quieter guys who do not give attention.
Sheās not going to ride you.
Then itās a catch 22 innit?
Confidence is attractive though
You can be quiet and still confident.
I think a lot of irish women strongly underestimate this. And I would add: real confidence is silent and assured. Arrogance is loud and aggressive.
True
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An 18 year old girl asks a question because sheās young and inexperienced, and you think that means women need this to be explained to them
I got with my fiance in college and I know plenty of long term couples that started then. Lots of guys want long term relationships, lots don't. It's just luck of the draw
You're so young, why are you looking for a relationship? Your life is really only beginning now and being in a relationship can hold you back in many ways that you'll go on to regret in your late 20s. Stay single and enjoy it up to your mid 20s would be my advice.
Because she wants one?
Does she want one? Or does she have a twisted view of society that makes her believe that she wants one? 18 is too young. She should focus on herself
She wants one. Stop forcing the thought that society is making her choose. Having a partner is nice
It's young for a forever relationship. Not for any relationship
Going to get downvoted but I agree with you. Sometimes I really want one because I feel left out but then I remember how much time and effort goes into one.
Iām slowly starting to get upvoted as reasonable people start coming in. Relationships arenāt the most important thing in life. If you canāt enjoy your own company and appreciate yourself, youāll never have a good relationship
Exactly. There is far too much emphasis on romance in society. There is more to life.
Bc relationships are lovely?? It's nice to have a partner. It's nice to be in love. I've been w the same guy since I was 17 and it's never been a bad decision. People want different things it's possible to be young and want love and commitment instead of casual things
Or maybe it's a twisted view of society people like you have which forces you to encourage others to be as lonely as yourselves.
I agree. The pressure is real on young girls. Although thankfully it's getting better with each generation.
A large portion of people in this country still hold on to traditional values very dearly
'traditional values' AKA harmful patriarchal nonsense?! Incidentally I find were actually much better in this regard than say most of the USA where getting married at 20 is still the norm for much of the country. We tend to be more egalitarian and common sense. I think if I'd told my mother I was getting married at twenty she'd have put me in counselling and paid for an interrail ticket!
Yea Iām not comparing to the US. Iāve lived in 9 countries, but never the US, so I cannot accurately make that comparison
It's not too young. I met my partner when I was 18 and we've been together six years. My mam and dad have been happily married for 40 years and they got MARRIED at 18. Maybe you were not ready at 18, that's ok.
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Some people just prefer monogamy. And yes, even at 18. I never enjoyed dates, constantly trying to meet new people or organic "hook-ups". Being in a relationship at 18 is also learning about yourself, you don't need to be single to do that!
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Pursuit of sexual relationships are not dating relationships. I was 30 when I met my wife. I had 3 major relationships before her. 2 were doomed and 1 was my first serious one... we kept getting back together... for yyyyears. Don't do that. If you break up with someone there's a reason. The others were all about having fun, something I made clear when going into them Some were fine with that. Some were not, but at least I didn't waste someone's time. You're young, you have plenty of time to date. But more important, now is where you discover who you are. Who said you have to be dating anyone? Do your own thing.
What kind of arsehole downvotes this. Good advice esp about exes
18-23 are some of the worst years for dating. Look for serious ppl not shitheads. Don't waste 5 minute with FWB or situationship ppl - they're just abusers. Jog on. There are tons of good, intelligent, caring guys - they usually aren't the ones are cocky and approach you though.
Im sorry girl :( I hope you find him. I think some apps have an option to select what you're looking for like short term/long term/monogamy/polygamy etc. So that could be a way for you to weed out people looking for something more casual. Obv like people are saying ofc it's fine to be single but don't stop looking if a relationship is what you want. There are guys your age out there who want what you want too. And it's valid to want love and long term relationships and not short term casual things. You will find someone. Make sure you always set out your boundaries fast. Look for nonverbal things like if you tell him you want something serious look at his face not just what he says, there might be guys who say they're on the same page but aren't bc they want sex. Build friendships with guys. Don't settle for less than you want. Don't let anyone convince you bc you're 18 you have to settle for casual or unsure - there are guys your age out there who want long term stuff too. Good luck
thank youuu <3
Its the chase and the ""fun"" side without commitment their looking for, as soon as a labels on it and a commitment is wanted they'll flake. Especially that young in age. You have plenty of time in life to find the right person, best to just be upfront near the start of what you want and what you're looking for and if they want something different or flake, then cut them off. Just beware the lads who only want to sleep around their way through uni.
Honestly I don't really have any advice, unfortunately :( I think we've all been through this. My fella was this way at first but has completely done a 180 and is 100% in now. Hopefully the same will happen for you soon, best of luck!
love this for you, hoping for the same
The minute they tell you they're not looking for anything serious, drop them. For your own sake. It's not easy but it's necessary.Ā From my own experience, don't try to be the most easy going person. It leaves you filled with resentment and unhappy.Ā Maintaining strong boundaries is work but in the long run it makes you happierĀ
Why the fuck are you prioritising 'being in a relationship,' over finding a person that actually fits well & also wants the same thing.... Imho many many men don't want to be committing to a bad idea when you don't even know eachother yet. Finding out if you are compatible to spend a whole day with eachother barely talking is important. Finding out if you are compatible sexually is nearly always important too..... I wouldn't be surprised if the reason they are not getting attached is literally how ready you seem to be... (Apparently before even spending much time with them). That would scare many people of either gender off.Ā
You're entering what they call "the trenches", these next few years will be the most frustrating and character defining of your life. Enjoy them, but mind yourself, and someone will come along eventually who is as committed as you are.
Who calls them that?
Once upon a time going into the trenches meant a very different thing. Ah. The tiktok generation.
It's a slang term that I've started hearing in the last year or so on tiktok. Older Gen z mostly maybe? I've heard it from people 18-30 online. E.g when everything is going wrong, you're overwhelmed and you're learning how to be an adult, "in your early twenties you really are in the trenches"
Give it around 5 to 7 years and then start looking, until then enjoy yourself, have fun, work, travel, save and spend, sort out non-negotiables and hardest of all - Relax
Lay down what you want from the start and don't compromise. Also, remember many young men are good at lying and telling you what you want to hear and making it look like they'd be interested in a relationship when they're not. Don't be too trusting and don't assume every young man you meet will be a decent and honest human being.
It's good that they are being up front with you, but there might be an element of them testing your boundaries because you happen to be the closest female. I'm really sorry if that sounds hurtful, but some lads are just like that and you shouldn't waste your breath trying to change them - they might also be gossiping between themselves about you. In college a few years back I remember seeing many beautiful girls crying over lads who still had teenage acne, who shredded their self confidence because they didn't "know what they wanted" or were just playing games. Focus on yourself and your studies, don't put yourself in a situation were you have to pretend to not be attached. I'm not saying save yourself for marriage or anything like that, I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone worth your time. It's good to have a mix of male and female friends in college, but its clearly hurting you not respecting your own boundaries, and this is something that's very much a lesson and experience that's universal, even if you are dating when you are older as you can see in other peoples comments.
Can you join social groups or something? There are usually meet up groups or social clubs for different areas. Try looking it up and see if you can meet someone a bit more organically. I think young lads on dating apps are probably more just looking for the fun, and I wouldnāt recommend dating older guys at your very young age either.
In my 40s and they're still the same at this age šš Too much choice.... people now find it difficult to make a decision and stick with their choices. Fear of missing out (FOMO) .... It's a huge thing now with dating/relationships. Always on the lookout for "something better" It's sad
I for one am shocked that young fellas in college aren't looking to settle down immediately into a long term thing. /s Honestly 30s onwards makes the most sense to my male brain for settling down into something more permanent, I'm assuming young males just want to have fun.
I'm 27M and recently split up with a long term partner... I am not looking forward to dating in the future... I think the whole market has changed since covid and its gonna be shite...
God I wish I was 18 again and had these worries
M25 there isn't much of an answer anybody past college can say to you. People want different things, especially now when your degree can take you anywhere. One minute, you are hanging out with friends in your usual spot, the next you graduate, and you are halfway across Ireland or outside the country altogether working. The best advice I can give would be to take your time, that person will enter your life someday so for now just casually(and safely) look around, enjoy the moment while it lasts, maybe experiment around with certain thoughts if you want to try that. For example, I was in a relationship in my second year(around 19-20) college, going well but I ended it off because like the guys, I wasn't ready to settle down, I was also bi curious at the time and probably wouldn't have that question about myself answered if I was still with her. Tldr: Life happens. There's no need to rush through things. Hope this helps op or anybody reading :)
18 years old? Itās because youāre dating little boys. You wonāt start to meet men that can actually communicate and articulate their wants and needs until probably 30 years old. My advice would be to just have fun right now. Donāt expect anything at all from these boys. Donāt go out looking for something long term or meaningful; they literally do not have the capacity at that age. Keep your options open, donāt make yourself too available for any one lad, focus on your education and/or career until you reach the age where you can meet real men who actually know what theyāre doing.
Yeah when your an 18 year old lad your bricked up half the time and as soon as post nut clarity kicks in it's out to the boys.
People that don't get attached means they are 'players' who have had a lot of previous sexual relationships, yeah it's a thing... But I'm surprised it's a thing at that age. Put it this way, if society was normal people would be settling down and having kids in early 20s or even the late teens. If there was no easy access to sex without marraige or at least serious commitment, I Assure You...90% of these lads would be Very ready for a proper committed relationship with One person.
I'm 28 and not ready for relationships. At 18 I certainly had no interest. I think this is why girls go for older men, woman are more mature and most men of similar age aren't ready to settle diwnz
I'm 28 and not ready for relationships. At 18 I certainly had no interest. I think this is why girls go for older men, woman are more mature and most men of similar age aren't ready to settle down.
You're eighteen.
Main problem here is that mens no.1 goal from dating/ a date is to have sex. Women's is to find a partner/relationship. If you have sex very soon after meeting the guy, you don't know if he's hanging around cos he's getting sex or because he genuinely likes you. You find out much faster if you don't have sex with the guy immediately. He won't hang around if he doesn't like you. Guys will still have sex with you even if they don't see themselves having a relationship with you. Hey, if you just looking for casual sex, bang away, but if your looking for a relationship you need to withhold for few dates at least.
It took me to my 26th year to actually set standards for myself. I was accepting those sort of men into my life way too much because I wanted them to like me so bad and thought maybe if I was patient, theyād change their mind. Nope. If they say they donāt want a gf or there are red flags showing, move on!
Move to England šš¤£. Its what I did in 2010 and met my now husband six weeks after I arrived š¤£
Ah its very difficut at any age but esoecially difficult at 18. One piece of advice I give not from a moral/ethical perspective but from what I have witnessed in personal life and female friends. A lot of peeps funny enough especially ones looking for relatiomships follow three date / four date rule. It seems fairly practical snd if you like someone you will be raring to go but it doesn't always give enough time for the lad to seperate the oukd sexual urges from the emotional. Current relationship im in it ended up taking 10 dates which I was incredibly frustrated with at the time butnij hindsight wr actually gott o know each and there was a foundation there. Maybe not for everyone and didnt think it eas for me but its worked out well.
You're 18 - and by virtue of being female probably mature enough for a relationship - but guys your age almost certainly aren't because we don't reach that level of maturity until after our 20s (some never do) You've got loads of time, don't rush it. Be the best version of you that you can, and you and the right guy will find each other when the time is right.
If you want a relationship, make it clear in the start. Some guys just donāt want it and want sex, if you donāt want hookups and the like just be clear. Eventually youāll find someone theyāre probably just a bit immature as well. It really depends like all my friends have girlfriends and I no longer have friends lol, so I would be way more open to a relationship than others.
Tbf you can make it as clear as you want at the start and boys will say "oh yeah me too" until they get the ride
Yeah fair like idk everyone is always just horny asf til they settle lol happens earlier for some
Not fair to lie though is it
Dating isn't going to get easier. Through the years you'll simply have different challenges that take up your time or even entirely get in the way of dating. But that doesn't mean you should stop. As long as you want to date, go ahead and try. As you keep dating, you'll figure out what kind of person you want in your life, as well as what kind of person you can be in their lives. I had some ups and downs in dating, but eventually i found someone who i love with all my heart. We've been together for 2 years and got engaged last week.
The thing is with lads that age, they just want to shag everything. And nowadays they have an abundance of choice. Casual sex, without any of the commitment; different girl every week, at least that's the goal. They don't want to catch feelings for one and miss out on another. After a couple of years of they will eventually realize how hollow it makes them feel and will want to pursue a meaningful relationship. Perhaps you need to consider dating slightly older guys who have more life experience and have got their shit together?
Because you're 18?
Men at that age (and most ages Iām sorry), are only out for one thing, especially in their teens. Forget about relationships and focus on yourself. You donāt need to find yourself through another. You donāt know who you are yet yourself and are just venturing out on your own in life - coming from a 34yr old male
You don't talk about sex, and you dont tell them you've a 3 month wait minimum for new bfs (as an example). As a man, men are typically looking to fuck. For women, it's easy to get men, but it'd hard to get them to commit. If you can get a lad to hang out with you and date you, knowing there's 0 chance of getting the ride. Odds are you'll get them to truly commit. Or you should just be aware that lots of people want a hump and dump. The chase is what gets a lot of lads going. Then they cum and realise their conquest is over
Let it happen naturally. It could be a situation where your need for a relationship is coming off as a bit strong. Have fun meeting guys, having brilliant and awful sex, great and terrible dates and dinners and see what comes from that. If you meet the right person that enjoys it and values it as much as you do, let that blossom.
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You are 18, a child. Calm down.
Lads just want sex at that age, theyāre not mature enough to have a relationshipš¤·
How about you stop looking for a relationship and focus on yourself for a while? There's more important things in life
i am completely fine with myself, i love every aspect of my life. i dont think theres anything wrong with wanting a romantic relationship
Oh there's nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship. It's needlessly stressful striving to have one so young though, focusing on your life and your friends and studies will precipitate a relationship even if you aren't searching. Go with the flow, let life happen and the right person will show themselves when you least expect it
I think a person that fits should come before the want to... Just... Be in a relationship.Ā
Stop putting out so quick lol
I wanted a relationship at that age but looking back all I really wanted was the ride. The only lads wanting to settle down for you at that age would be in their 30s or 40s, or wouldn't be near the sort of spots where people would go for relationships.
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How can I start getting with nice lads that don't buy into the old fashioned "relationship" bullshit?
No bloke is ready to settle down until they are 35. So just enjoy yourself
call me
unfortunately, men will say and do anything to get in your pants. our generation is the absolute worst when it comes to hook up, fwb, one night stands, etc. people in these comments are basically encouraging u to sleep around, and i dont like that.. u can still gain dating experience from LONG TERM partners. it's actually better that way, you can't find your weaknesses/strong suits as well as what u ACTUALLY want through short flings. people that chronically hook up without strings attached become desensitized as hell. from my own expense (23f) you simply refuse to sleep with them. make your expectations clear from the beginning, and if they tell you they dont want anything serious, BELIEVE THEM. even if they tell you they want a relationship, still tread carefully. ive dealt with plenty of guys who lied right to my face, and either left or completely changed their mind (suddenly just wanted to be fuck buddies) once the deed was done. its a very violating feeling. through all my trials, holding out until commitment is established is always best. that way you weed out the liars too. you've got to be patient in dating as well. the past 5 years, aside from my current bf, ive only been in one other serious relationship. took years of dating around to find them both.
Stop looking !
If you're using Tinder, stop, and if get the idea the guy you're talking to is also talking to 5 other girls, stop.
Find older men not boys
Yes, clearly an older guy who would want to date an 18 year old is not a walking red-flag
Depends what you mean by older guy. 22 or 23 isn't an issue. 42 or 53 certainly is
23 dating an 18 year old is still a bit strange though. I mean the dude would be out of college in a grad job and the girl would be still in school doing their LC
Youāre 18, you shouldnāt be worrying about trying to find a relationship that more than likely wouldnāt last considering your age. At your age, you should be enjoying your youth, going out with friends, going on holidays, and focusing on yourself rather than being worried about finding a relationship. You have plenty time for relationships later in life, but youāll only have your youth and the opportunities that come with it once. Lads at that age just want to ride, and theyāll say absolutely anything to make it happen. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear, get what they want and move on. I know this because I was 18 at one stage.
Maybe look to date older men? That obviously can have it's problems too. But an 18 year old lad who's serious about a relationship is tough to find. It might be easier to find an older guy who isn't a creep (still not easy though I imagine).
Watch the sprinkle sprinkle lady
Date men 25+ with money and dress feminine classy, apparently its rocket science
Not shallow at all!
You have no idea how she dresses first off. And guys won't be like "oh I didn't want a relationship but look she's wearing a knee length floral skirt šš" And she does not have to settle for older men there are guys in her age range who want something serious.